I Married a Witch

And may this be the fate of all witches, warlocks and sorcerers

who attempt to work evil magic within the township limits of Roxford.

The book of exorcism, please.

Mayest thou and thy kind be condemned forever to eternal flames,

never to return to the neighbourhood of Roxford.

While we prepare for the extinction of the father of this witch,

the sorcerer who attempted to come to her aid, there will be a short intermission.

Popped maize!

Get your fresh, popped maize, tuppence a poke!

It's hot, it's fresh. An anti-witch charm in every poke!

Popped maize! Here we are! It's fresh!

Popped maize, Master Wooley?

-What has got into thee, Jonathan?

-What?

-Dost doubt she was a witch?

-I should never have accused her if I were not sure.

-AND her father.

-Unquestionably a sorcerer.

Mother, if thou hadst seen what I saw...

We both saw our cows turn pink and our sheep dance a minuet.

-Thou didst not see Jennifer.

-Jennifer?

-She told me her name when she chased me into the hay loft.

She was young and beautifully fair - fairer than all women that ever were.

-How didst not tell the judges?

-I could never describe her beauty.

-What happened in the hay loft?

She brought her golden tresses close to my face,

and whispered, "Jonathan Wooley, thou hast denounced me as a witch!

"For that, thou shall be accursed.

"Thou and thy children and thy children's children - all will be under the same curse."

-What was the curse?

-I and all my descendants will be unhappy in love.

-The marriages we make would be disastrous until...

-Yes?

-It is too wicked to tell thee!

-Rubbish!

-Thou art betrothed to Purity Sykes.

-I am, Mother.

-And Purity is a woman among thousands.

-Aye, Mother, she is that.

Wouldst leave thou future wife stood there all alone? ..What ails him?

Ah, Purity, he is a dreamer.

He needs only a firm hand. ..I must ask thee to be more attentive. In future...

Look!

The oak tree will be planted over their ashes.

-Why?

-To hold the evil spirits - shh! - prisoner in its roots,

thus keeping their wicked powers from surviving...

..I hope!

This is the tree which was planted over their ashes. The witches' spirits are imprisoned in its roots.

Imprisoned for ever!

Martha,

I have the honour to...

-to...

-Are you proposing to me?

-Yes, Martha.

-Oh, Nathaniel!

GIGGLING

What was that?

MAN: War is declared to free the state!

-That's it! That's it! Control yourself!

-Drop your hand - I wish to throw this vase!

-Master Wooley, there's war!

-Where is the nearest recruitment office?

Oh, running off to war like a coward!

ENGINE DROWNS OUT SPEECH

HE HONKS HORN

I'm not talking about the whole house. It's that living room!

THUNDER DROWNS OUT SPEECH

Estelle! ..Now, listen to me!

Estelle!

-Estelle! Estelle, please!

-What?

Miss Masterson? ..Hold it!

One more!

-Papa, I'm leaving.

-Smile!

Will you try to be more pleasant?

< Members of Roxford Country Club... Another toast!

I realise that lovebirds would like to be out on the veranda whispering sweet nothings!

After the ceremony tomorrow, they will have the rest of their lives for billing and cooing - mostly billing!

If the voters here have any sense, they will insist that the honeymoon is spent in the Governor's mansion!

Speech!

Go ahead! You might pick up a few more votes!

CROWD: We want Wooley! We want Wooley! We want Wooley!

CHANTING CONTINUES

I see getting married as well as trying to get elected calls for speeches!

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

I can truly say that a new life is beginning for me.

THUNDER All right, it's just a storm!

Ladies and gentlemen, while at the moment the future seems dark...

Well, you see? One never knows what the next moment will bring!

-Where am I? What's happened?

-A miracle! A miracle!

We're free again - free at last!

-Who's speaking?

-It is I, thy father, Daniel!

-But thou hast no substance!

Nor hast thou, Jennifer. We are smoke - witches' smoke. But our evil spirits have survived.

We'll plague the human race again.

First we'll visit the cornfield and ruin the crop - a good way to limber up!

Look, Father! The cornfield is no longer there.

Well, we must expect a few changes in 270 years.

-Were our spirits in the wood that long?

-Aye, I counted the tree rings.

See? They've built a new house. It seems all ablaze. Is it on fire?

-Not yet!

-HE CACKLES

Would you like to cut a rug? Let's go to heaven in your jalopy!

You're cooking on the front burner!

-What language is that, Father?

-I don't know, but we'll learn it.

-See how they dance today! They stand so close!

-Well, well, well! Things have changed!

-I never thought I'd see clothes like that here.

-These cannot be the descendants of the Puritans we knew!

-THERE'S something that hasn't changed in 270 years!

-Keep thy mind on our business!

It would be nice to have lips -

lips to whisper lies, lips to kiss a man and make him suffer.

-Father, why cannot I have lips and eyes and hair?

-Careful, someone's coming! Quick, do as I do!

These bottles - we'll hide in them. Quick, quick, quick!

Whee!

-Are you all right, Jennifer?

-('Tis full of bubbles in here. They tickle!)

-My bottle has the tang of rum!

-(Look, Father!)

(Come closer, man, so I can see thee better.)

Riddle-dee-dee! Riddle-dee-do!

Get thee hence and stub thy toe!

(He looked familiar. Could we follow him?)

-What'll it be, Mr Wooley?

-The same. Bourbon.

-Yes, sir, Mr Wooley.

(Wooley! I knew I recognised those features!)

Well, well, well! A descendant of the man who had us burned!

THEY LAUGH No wonder he looks so unhappy!

I put a curse upon his family!

Well, I thought lovebirds always flew around in pairs!

-Estelle's talking politics.

-What's wrong? Election jitters?

-No.

How can I lose? Masterson is backing me. My future father-in-law has never backed a loser.

-If he spoils his record this time, I'll have to hock my stethoscope.

-It's a sure thing. Look at that!

Posters at a private party. The marriage is just another campaign stunt to him,

insisting we hold it the day before the election for the publicity.

-I think you've had enough to drink.

-Estelle...

-I'd like to go home.

-Yes, dear. Can we drop you, Dudley?

-Yes, thanks.

JENNIFER GIGGLES The curse is working. She has the look of a shrew!

Here, Tom.

Jennifer, what's that curse thou wast chattering about?

-Each Wooley must marry the wrong woman.

-Ha! What a curse!

Every man who marries, marries the wrong woman!

True suffering cometh when a man is in love with the woman he CANNOT marry.

Father, suppose a man were in love with a witch - with me! I would not marry him.

-HICCUPS

-Ooh, pardon me!

I need air! # For, tonight, I merry, merry be Tomorrow I'll be sober! #

-SLURRED SPEECH:

-Let's get out of here. Let's go for a little ride.

-HE WHISTLES

-Broom!

Father, give me a body.

Oh, no! Thou didst get into enough trouble with thy last one.

-Thou canst not give me a body. Thou wouldst not even know how to begin!

-No? ..I'd merely make a little fire.

Thy last body was destroyed by flame. Thy new one would be born in flame!

-Prove it! Start that great house on fire!

-A hotel for pilgrims.

'Twould be a pleasure burning that. All right, I will!

Worra, worra, bizzle, dizzle Let the flames begin to sizzle!

P-I-L-G-R-I-M

H-O-T-E-L!

-Goodbye, father!

-Goodbye, Jennifer. Be a bad girl.

-That's the Pilgrim Hotel!

-It would be on our way home(!)

-We must stop.

You won't go through fire for your future wife?!

FIRE BELLS RING

Look! I never saw such a fire!

-Can we get through?

-Sorry, Mr Wooley. It's blocked off.

That firebug again! He did a good job!

This is the greatest fire I've ever seen!

Laps up water like a cat!

Did everyone get out? Yes. They're all accounted for.

It's OK. Everybody's safe.

-We're stuck here for a while.

-Tell them who you are!

-I'm sorry...

-Where are you going?

It's Mr Wooley!

Make way for Mr Wooley! Make way!

Mr Wooley!

-Would you like to go through?

-Yes, thank you.

-Let him get by! I'm voting for you!

Hello, Mr Wooley. Don't get too close. I got a bet riding on you!

-How did it happen?

-No-one knows.

There was an explosion on the roof. The top floor went, then the fifth and fourth. Now it's on the third!

-Soon it'll be on the second, then the first. Then it'll all cave in!

-What's so funny?

-It's fully insured.

-I love building new things. I want to build it in a gothic design! Don't you love gothic?

-Quite.

Did you hear that voice?!

-Somebody's inside!

-FAINT CRY

-I didn't hear anything!

-It was so clear! A woman's voice!

-There's nobody in there.

-Wait!

There it is again.

-Here I am, Mr Wooley! Over here!

-Where?! I-I can't see!

Just walk - you'll find me!

-Keep walking this way. ..THIS way!

-Are you all right?

I think so. Two legs, two arms, a face, hair. Yes, I seem to be complete.

-Why don't you come out?

-I've been waiting for YOU.

-Where are you?

-You're getting warmer.

-Here's my hand.

-How can I get you out of here? I can't see a thing.

-I can see you. How do you do?

-Never mind. Let's get out of here!

-Have you a gazing glass?

-A what?

-A mirror! I want to see what I look like.

-At a time like this?!

-I'm cold.

-Cold? In this furnace?!

-But I have no clothes.

-No clothes!

-Here, put this on.

-HE COUGHS

-How did you get here?

-From the top floor. ..Why do you look away? Am I not pretty?

-Who cares? Come on!

-Get up! Get up!

-I can't!

-Here, I'll carry you!

-Legs are funny when you're not used to them, aren't they?!

-Huh?

-What's the hurry?

-The whole building was on the third floor. Now it's fallen to the second.

-Soon we'll be buried alive!

-Nothing will happen to us.

-You don't know what you're talking about.

-I do!

Here's a door!

Here!

BELL RINGS

This way's blocked!

There are bars on the window!

Quick! ..Where are you?

I've found a better coat and a mirror! ..Ooh, not bad!

I'm a blonde. Would you rather I be a brunette?

If you don't get out of here, you'll be a redhead!

SOUND OF FALLING MASONRY

That was the second floor.

There's no way out.

-We're goners, little girl.

-Perhaps I should be little.

-I'm just as high as your heart!

-Did you hear what I said? We're trapped!

-Just we two!

Before I got here, what hit you on the head?

-I felt nothing until your hand touched mine.

-Oh, I see.

-It was nice meeting you.

-Oh, would you like to leave now?

It would be a pleasure, but that door is now a wall.

We can use the one behind the screen.

What...?

-Quick, it's our only chance!

-I want to fix my hair.

-Come on, while you still have a head!

Do you like blondes?

May I get a picture, please?

He saved somebody!

Stand back!

-Are you all right?

-I guess so.

-You gave me a scare!

-Wally, take me away from these people!

-Here, Dudley!

-She's suffering from shock.

-I'll take you to a hospital!

-I hope she's all right.

-It's only natural for you to be concerned(!)

I've told you a dozen times...!

-Well?

-Not a scratch on her. You must be relieved!

-Dudley...

-She's never met Wally. She has delusions.

-She has delusions.

-Well, I HAVEN'T!

-Estelle...

-Hey, listen to me!

I've never seen her before and I'll never see her again!

-You...

-It's too late for you to drive me home.

-But...

-You have to get used to pleasing ME sometimes.

-OK.

Oh, you still smell of smoke!

-Good night, darling.

-Good night.

CAT MEWS

Susie, you can't come in until breakfast.

-MEWING CONTINUES

-Scat! Scat!

Susie! Susie!

Susie?

-Where are you?

-Hello, darling!

-You got rid of that girl!

-What are YOU doing here?!

-Waiting for you.

-But the hospital...!

-I didn't like it there.

-How did you get here?

You wouldn't believe me if I told you!

-What will I do with you?

-Consider me an old friend of the family!

-But I've never met you.

-Come here!

-Am I not an attractive female?

-What's that got to do with your being here?

-Am I?

-Yes, you're very pretty.

-Take my hand again!

-I know you've had a bad experience...

-And now a pleasant one.

You...have a very nice hand.

Now it can shake mine good night.

-You hand is cold!

-So is yours.

-Good night!

-Let mine rest in yours a moment!

-See, it's growing warmer.

-Well, that's fine...

-Amusing-looking chap, isn't he?

-Yes.

-Ancestor of mine.

-I'm aware he is.

-Jonathan Wooley. He would have been more hospitable.

-I don't think so!

-I have a busy day tomorrow. Time for bed!

-Mmm, take my hand again!

-You're becoming a problem.

-Am I?

-Yes, and that is not the solution.

-It isn't respectable for you to be sitting in a stranger's house.

-I like your resisting me!

-Oh, you do?

-Do you know what I'm going to do with you now?

-Yes?

Get up, please.

-Where are you taking me, Wally?

-We're going out!

-'Night, Jonathan!

-I'm going to give you some money and then you can go back to where you came from.

-Not yet!

-Right now!

Ooh, this is a lovely sensation! Even nicer than flying!

-What's going on, Governor?

-Not governor yet!

-She was in a fire and lost her clothes!

-No, I didn't have any!

-Evening, sir.

-Have you any money, Joe?

-8.

-I only have 10, but here. Give it all to her and take her anyplace she wants. I'll pay you tomorrow.

-Yes.

-Now, for heaven's sake, be good.

-What'll I do with the coat?

-Send it to the police.

It didn't belong to her.

I hope that cab is heated!

Where to, lady? ..Where to?

DOORBELL RINGS

-Oh!

-Just wanted to make sure you're all right.

-You certainly earned a drink.

-I'll say I have.

-Go and get some sleep.

-She was here!

-Who was?

-The girl I saved in the fire!

-Impossible.

-When I left her in the hospital, she was sleeping like an angel.

-Some hospital!

-And some angel!

-Wait a minute.

-Tell me again slowly.

-Tomorrow! I've had enough for one day.

I've got 10,000 tied up in this election! If this gets out, you're a dead goose.

-Think of the scandal!

-That's it - the election! That girl was sent here by the opposition.

-Right!

That bunch wouldn't stop at anything! I'll say she's an amnesia case,

give the police a description... Was she wearing that fur coat?

Oh! ..Maybe you'd better not say anything to the police. Everything's all right now. I got rid of her.

-Well, try and forget her, then. You want a pill to make you sleep?

-No, thanks. I'm much calmer now.

-Make sure the door locks.

-OK.

< Relax now. Good night, Wally.

DOOR CLOSES Now, close THIS door, Wally.

I said, close this door, Wally.

-Now come here.

-I'm coming.

My pyjamas!

-I don't want to call the police, but I know your whole scheme.

-You do?

-And I know who's behind it all.

-You don't.

-Want me to mention names?

-What names?

-County Chairman Martin J Rainfogle!

-That's a nice name.

-Want another?

-Mm-hm.

State Senator Conrad O'Hara Jnr! Sheriff Peter L Glasshouser and all his war dealers!

-How much are they paying you?

-Nothing.

-You're doing it for love(?)

-Yes. Father thought it'd be a good idea.

-Who is he?!

-You've never met him.

-He doesn't want good administration for this state!

-Or any state.

-But he's out to get me in particular?!

-Yes.

I'm a pretty good judge of character and I don't think you're really a bad girl.

-Don't you?

-You're very young.

I'm older than you'd guess.

-I don't think you should go back to that father.

-I'd rather stay here.

You would? ..You really would, wouldn't you?

Now I understand. Just because I was of some slight help in getting you out of that blazing inferno,

perhaps you are, momentarily, infatuated with me. It isn't love. And I'm not in love with YOU.

This'll take longer than I planned.

I'm afraid you have rather a romantic mind.

You see, love isn't just a matter of two people meeting under romantic circumstances.

Love, that is love that is really worthwhile, grows slowly.

-Real love is...

-VOICE FADES

There have been thousands and thousands of couples just like us -

going their separate ways, never realising the other was waiting somewhere.

Romeo and Juliet knew right away.

That's what Shakespeare's trying to tell us.

The case of Dante and Beatrice is different. He saw her only once.

But in that moment, the whole world was bathed in a new light.

-It wasn't just a humdrum world any more where you had to get up...

-KNOCK ON DOOR

-Who's there?

-Eight o'clock, Mr Wooley. >

That's impossible!

But...it's true!

-Good morning, Wally.

-Good morning, Jennifer. It's fantastic.

-It just seems like a few minutes since I came in.

-Your breakfast.

You're as bad as when you were a little boy.

Even on a day like this, I have to call you half a dozen times.

And what a beautiful day it is, too.

Happy is the bride that the sun...

shines on...

Good morning. Mmm! That smells good!

You don't know how long it's been since I've eaten.

-Mr Wooley!

-I'll explain later.

-What can you possibly say?!

No, no, dear. Not like that. First you butter them and then a little syrup.

Mr Wooley, I've worked for your family for 30 years, been almost a mother to you and to think that...

Send evening gowns, too. Everything the young lady had was burned.

Send them up right away. Thank you.

You know, I think you've broken MY record for waffles. Margaret likes nothing better than to make them.

Those people are still downstairs, waiting.

These are a great hit with her. ..What did you say?

-Those people. I told you three batches of waffles ago.

-You did?

-People waiting? Who? Who are they?

-You'll find out.

-Excuse me.

More waffles? There's no more batter.

CHINA CRASHES

-Oh, I'm sorry, Margaret.

-Better be sorry for yourself. Miss Masterson is downstairs with her father.

-Who?

-Miss Masterson. The lady you're getting married to.

Good morning! I'd forgotten that you were going to drop in.

-We didn't say we were.

-Seen the papers? They've got you all over the front page.

-Great. ..Dear, hadn't you better go? It's bad luck for the groom to see the bride.

-Don't be ridiculous.

-Saving that girl was a lucky break. You don't know what that can do for you.

-I have a rough idea.

-I've arranged a special broadcast. I'll have you back by 11.00.

-Fine.

-Shall we go?

-No, I want to stay and see what I can do about brightening up this antique shop.

-There's no time for that.

-Run along.

-I'm a little on edge. I'd feel much better if you came along.

That's a good girl.

Excuse me. I'll get my hat.

-How did that happen?

-It just slammed shut!

I'm terribly sorry. There's a heavy draught blowing through the house.

What's he going out with her for?

Why shouldn't he? He's going to marry her in two hours.

And as for you... Oh, go to sleep!

After all my work...

No, I don't want to go.

Two hours. That doesn't give me much time. I wish Father were here.

What seems to be the trouble?

Good morning, Father. I need some advice. He's tougher than I thought. I can't seem to make him love me.

-Thou art a bungler! I must have been drunk to give thee a body!

-Oh, don't smoke so much, Father!

-Did something go wrong with thy philtre?

-My what?

-Thy love philtre! Thou gavest him one, I presume?

-No.

-I thought I could do it barehanded.

-Art thou a witch or a woman?

Prepare a love philtre. Dost thou recall the incantation? Listen.

SIMPLE TUNE PLAYS

# Kettle, kettle, on the hob

# Hurry up and do thy job

# Steam and hiss and while you do Cook an all-compelling brew

# So that he who sips will be

# Slave to love's captivity. #

-Now put in a cool place until ready.

-What will it taste like?

Like cooled water, but 'twill set Master Wooley's blood on fire.

-Then I'll treat him like a slave. I'll make him suffer body and soul.

-Speaking of bodies,

I have a notion to make an appearance. Of course, I'll have to burn a house down to do it.

-Not this one, Father. I've a better idea. The building he's in now. It will force him back to me.

-Excellent!

-Good hunting, Jennifer!

-'Tis growing cool! Now we shall see if thou canst resist me!

Get ready, Master Wooley!

-Not dressed yet?

-Dudley, I'm lucky to be alive!

-What's happened now?

-I was making a broadcast about the fire and suddenly, there was another one!

-Anybody hurt?

No. ..What's wrong with this door?

Margaret!

-What are you two doing in my bedroom?

-What happened?!

I must have dozed off.

-You go and get dressed. ..Where's the brandy?

-Did you get rid of that girl?

That girl...? Oh! She must still be here!

Well, she won't be here for long.

You listen to me, young lady.

-Come on, get up.

-I'm listening, Mr Wooley.

Why do you look at me that way?

Oh! My dress. Do you like it?

I...don't know. It's such a shock to see you dressed. I mean...you're beautiful.

-Enough to make a man fall in love?

-Physical beauty isn't everything.

-That's what I thought.

-Now, look here...

-I don't like the tone of your voice!

-I swallowed some smoke last night and I just swallowed some more now, but...

-Drink the nice, cool water.

-Thank you. All I have to say...

-Drink it, Wally. Then I'll be glad to hear anything you have to say.

You'll find out that no-one named Wooley is able to stay away from me.

Oh! I'm awfully sorry! This is terrible!

Jennifer! Jennifer! Can you hear me? ..Dudley! Come here!

Oh, you... Here! Drink this!

There. There, that's better.

How do you feel?

I feel strange. What happened?

The picture fell. Does your head hurt?

My head? ..No.

It's my heart.

-It feels so light.

-Try not to talk.

But I must! I must tell you how I feel!

-Oh, Wally, you're so beautiful!

-Dudley!

-Take my hand.

-Don't start that again!

-Let that man alone!

-Something really happened to her this time. That picture...

-It wasn't your fault.

-I'm so glad you drank it, Wally.

-I didn't drink anything.

-What does she mean?

-I gave her a drink of water.

-YOU gave it to...ME?!

Never force liquids on a person who's unconscious.

It may have serious consequences. ..Nervous reaction.

-What are we gonna do?

-Lock her in this room.

-But Dudley...!

Stop worrying. She can't get out. ..I'll drive. You're too nervous. Get rid of her after the wedding.

Poor little girl. All alone in the world except for a no-good father.

-Don't jam your brakes on like that!

-I didn't jam them! It just stopped!

-I can't figure it out.

-What's that smoke?!

What happened to him? Who? The fella we pulled out of the fire.

How do you like my body, Jennifer? Not too old, not too young.

I've forgotten the formula for clothing. I had to borrow a sheet.

-By the by, has the potion been administered?

-Yes.

Father, something went wrong with our plan.

But that love philtre never fails!

-It didn't. But...

-I

-drank it.

Nicodemus! Then YOU love HIM?!

Yes, Father. But he's about to marry someone else because of my ancient curse on the Wooleys.

-Do you think if I explained it all to him...?

-Telling a mortal you're a witch will only mean the end of you.

What shall I do? He MUST not marry her! You won't let him, will you?

-Let me think.

-You could make him love me. You can do anything.

Yes. This problem should be fairly simple.

-Just leave it all to me.

-Oh, thank you!

-Will you leave it to me?

-I promise.

-Splendid.

I'm still a little bit warm from the fire.

Fetch me a pair of Master Wooley's breeches. We're going to his wedding.

# I love you truly

# Truly, dear

# Life with its sorrows

# Life with its tears... #

Here, drink this.

-What is it?

-Novocaine. 120 proof. Down fast, brother.

-If that girl ever gets out of my house...

-Drink that.

-Suppose she comes here? It'll be terrible for Estelle!

-And we'll be sitting pretty(!)

There's your cue.

Just play I'm a seeing-eye dog now.

-Can't you smile?

-You KNOW I wanted a church wedding!

-You've had everything else your own way.

She's not here. Stop worrying. MUSIC: "Here Comes The Bride"

Smile.

Close that door! It's a hurricane!

-My veil is ruined!

-Go back and wait.

I'm terribly sorry. There will be a short delay.

< Music. Music. Sing something.

# I love you truly... #

-That's all I needed! A hurricane on my wedding day.

-Never mind about that! SHE'S just blown in.

-What?!

-What do I do?

-I'll think of something.

-Beloved, this is my father.

-Delighted, Master Wooley.

-This is a private room.

-It's rather crowded downstairs, and a bit windy.

Be seated, Master Wooley. I should like to have a little talk with you.

-I'm being married in two minutes...

-I understand those WERE your plans.

-Were?!

-Would you excuse us?

-Maybe you'd better.

-I'll stand guard.

Let me fix your pretty tie. You see? He's just like a Greek god.

I hear my little one was your overnight guest.

-NOT at my invitation!

-Oh, no. The poor sweet didn't want me to stay.

Were I an ordinary man, a horse-whipping would, no doubt, be in order.

But I am not an ordinary man.

-While examining your dwelling, I came upon...this.

-My revolver!

-You can't force me to marry her!

-What a banal mind you have! You may hold the weapon.

What is this?

It's very simple. Here is a bruised flower.

I am her father. That is your revolver.

You are going to shoot me.

I...am going to shoot you?

Will that be of help?

Now, now. Father knows best.

Warm, Master Wooley?

You don't know what warm is. I am told one of your forebears made a hobby of bonfires.

What a pity he cannot be here to see his descendant burn.

Yes, Master Wooley.

Burn. In the modern way.

Strapped in a chair heated by electricity.

I anticipated that. Pistol, pistol, let there be Murder in the first degree.

Thank you so much.

Amazing invention, the electric chair.

What will they think of next?

What's happened?

-It was an accident!

-It was no accident.

He killed me in cold blood. Kindly notify the authorities.

Oh, he's frightened you. He told me he'd help me.

-How is he?

-He's dead.

It doesn't matter.

Doesn't matter?! Her own father!

That's not my father. That's just a body he picked up.

-I didn't do it! You'll be my witness!

-But I wasn't here!

Oh-h!

He's as nervous as a bride. You'd think he was being hanged!

-It's up to you. Now, tell them.

-What have

-I

-got to do with it?

You're handling the...details of the wedding.

MUSIC: "Here Comes The Bride"

# I love you truly Truly... #

Empty! I thought I saw smoke come out! I know you're here somewhere!

How could you, Father?!

You KNOW I love him!

-That's exactly why I've disposed of him.

-Where are you?

-HE CACKLES

-# For tonight I'll merry, merry be

# For tonight I'll merry, merry be

# For tonight I'll merry, merry be Tomorrow, I'll be sober. #

Come out of that bottle.

-Come out!

-Oh, no.

-I could float here for ever.

-Well, you're not going to.

-Wally! Don't go upstairs!

-But maybe she killed herself!

-Wally...

-What's wrong with him? We'd better call the police.

-Why?

It's the other fellow... What other fellow?

Estelle!

# Ah, love, it's something To feel... #

-Get back in that body!

-No. I didn't like it. It's an old, fat body.

-Then I'll tell Wally what we are.

-Knowing what would then happen to you?

-Yes!

-You wouldn't dare.

Wouldn't I?!

You're all right?

Wally, darling, there's something I must tell you.

Oh...! LOOK! I thought you said he was dead!

-He is!

-A fine way to take advantage of a father's affection.

Now, harken to a father's curse.

I'm going to turn you into a frog.

Frog, frog, sitting on a log...

What's the next line?

You wait till I sober up. You'll be sorry.

# For tonight I'll merry, merry be

# For tonight I'll merry, merry be Tomorrow I'll be sober... #

Why do you want the police? He fell out the window. Not Wally. The other fellow.

-Unhand me, you foul minions!

-Take it easy, Pop.

I'm going to cast a spell on you. From now on, you're a rat! Rat, rat, fatter than a cat...

-How does the rest of it go?

-I'm a rat, huh? Call the wagon!

If I could only remember the words, I could turn you into kangaroos!

-They're taking him away!

-Why didn't I have them take you, too?

-Perhaps you're beginning to love me.

-Don't start that again!

-I thought Father would be friendly. I wouldn't let anyone harm you.

-I KNOW you wouldn't(!)

-It's true!

Last night, I was your enemy, but I've changed. I love you!

-If I could die, I would do that for you.

-Just be a sweet girl.

-Hey, they're ready!

-Goodbye.

-Where are you going?

-I told you.

-But I thought after all I've done for you...!

-You've been very obliging.

-But now I'm going to be married.

-That's what YOU think!

AA-II-EE! ..Wally!

I'll take care of it.

MUSIC: "Here Comes The Bride"

-Let's get this over with.

-He'll pay for this!

-Do I look all right?

-Who cares?!

What are you standing there for?

Dudley has the ring. I'll see what's keeping him.

-Wallace!

-You come back here! What's the matter with you?

-Did you ever have a day when nothing went right?

# I love you truly... #

-Got here too late.

-Dudley!

She really did love me.

-She said she'd die for me. ..Oh, my darling!

-At last!

I've had enough of this!

Er...

It's a big misunderstanding! If you'll give me a few minutes...

I'll give you ten seconds to get out of here!

-We won't be here that long.

-Estelle, I'm terribly...

-Get out!

-I can explain!

After the fire, she spent the night...

On second thoughts, maybe we'd better just go!

I'll expose you in every paper I own! This'll cost you the election!

The voters will tear you limb from limb. I'll head a tar-and-feather party!

You'll wish you'd never been born!

# I love you truly... # Will you shut up?!

# Our...! #

Extra! Read all about it! Big scandal! Extra! Read all about it!

Wallace Wooley exposed! Extra!

What does it say?

Just as I thought. He's finished! And I'm bankrupt!

Go and get her, I say!

-Bring my daughter to me. Bring her here or, by Jezebel...!

-Shut up!

Quiet! I wanna get some sleep! Hey! Toss him outta here!

For the last time, will you pipe down?!

-My daughter ran off with a bumpkin named Wallace Wooley!

-Sure she did.

-Just take it easy. You'll be outta her tomorrow.

-That may be too late!

-There's no telling what she'll do!

-I know a few ways to MAKE you shut up!

I know a hundred ways to silence you for ever!

But I don't remember them now. This is terrible! She'll marry him!

Wallace Wooley's gonna marry his daughter!

And then you'll see what'll happen to Master Wooley. I'll wreak my vengeance on them both!

She thinks she can run away from me, that I cannot see her because of the fog.

But I can see you, Jennifer.

She smiles. She presses closer to him.

-Darling?

-Yes, Wally?

You're guessing about those mileposts, aren't you?

-No, I can see them. I have rather unusual eyes.

-If we're really over the state line, I can relax.

Wally, what colour would those feathers be?

Feathers? Oh, I don't know.

-But the tar would be black.

-Let's stop, Wally.

I guess we'll have to. I can't even see the front of the car.

-Mighty nice scenery they have around here.

-Lovely, isn't it?

-We'd better walk to the next town.

-I thought we'd stay here.

-Here?! We're in the middle of nowhere!

-Are we?

Good evening. If you're looking for a place to stay, I have a lovely room.

Thank you. Do you have two rooms?

< No, I'm sorry. Aren't you married?

-You're dressed for a wedding.

-Where's the nearest justice of the peace?

He'll be down in a minute. ..Henry! Customers!

Let's see...

1 for waking up the county clerk and helping you get your licence.

2 for the ceremony.

1.50 for lodgings.

Rent of my pyjamas - 25 cents.

Rent of nightgown...

I'll have to charge you 50 cents for that. Sort of an heirloom.

There! Oh, what a perfect fit! My grandmother was just a little bit of a thing like you!

Shall I light the fire? Oh, no!

I'd like to try. I must start learning to be a good housewife.

Let's see. You...just go like that, don't you?

Of course. They're like any other matches.

Well, good night, my dear. I'm sure you'll be very happy. He's a fine young man.

I hope your boys take after him.

And I hope your girls take after you.

By Ramananthus - on, fire!

Oh!

-Wally?

-Yes, dear?

-Did you see the way that fire came on?

-What fire?

All I can see is you.

-Darling...

-Mmm?

-Do you want to have children?

-Of course! I'd like three little girls exactly like you.

-Ohh!

-I think I'd better tell you. You'd never forgive me if you found out later.

-A confession?!

-Yes, Wally.

-I haven't exactly been a saint myself. We'll compare notes in the morning.

-No! I must tell you now.

-I don't know how to begin.

-Then don't.

Wally, doesn't it seem strange to you the way we met?

-It's all been like a dream.

-It was witchcraft.

-Of course!

-You see, Wally...

It's getting late.

But I want you to know what I am.

All right, what are you?

I'm a witch.

-A witch?! I knew it all the time!

-You did?!

-Of course. I've been under your spell since I met you.

-It doesn't matter? You don't mind being married to a witch?

-I love it.

-I'll try SO hard to be a good wife and I'll only use witchcraft to help you.

-What could you do, for instance?

-I could make you win the election.

-It'd take witchcraft to do that.

-I think I can manage it.

-Fine.

-I'm not just an ordinary witch. My family dates back to the days of Pompeii.

-Were you mixed up in that(?)

My father was. The decline and fall of the Roman Empire was our crowd.

Seriously, which side do you like to sleep on?

You don't believe me. Wally, try to understand!

-270 years ago...

-That's too long a story. Can't it keep till tomorrow?

-Wally! 270 years ago...

-You're not listening to me.

-Yes, dear. Yes, I am.

270 years ago...

I'll tell you tomorrow.

Let me out! Let me out!

Oh, why can't I remember the formula for dissolving iron?

-Let me out!

-Quiet! Pipe down!

I couldn't get any shuteye! Throw him in the cellar!

Hey, that's Wallace Wooley! They tossing HIM in the clink?! They won't elect a con for governor!

Why couldn't you keep straight until AFTER you was elected, like everybody else.

-I'd like to talk to you about Jennifer. We were married last night.

-Yes, I know. Congratulations.

She's been saying the oddest things.

-Last night, and again this morning.

-What?

Silly things.

About living in Roxford 270 years ago and being a witch!

Beelzebub! Don't you think I know?!

-Then she's acted that way before? Well, maybe I can help her.

-Silence!

I must concentrate.

Iron, iron, melt away...

Oh...I can't remember a thing.

-What is the matter with me?

-I'm afraid you've got a hangover.

Don't tell me what I've got! I invented the hangover!

It was in 1892 BC.

Did you believe her? That's the important thing.

-The things she said didn't make any sense.

-Then there's still hope.

I thought she was joking. But she keeps talking about the election,

-saying she'll make me win by witchcraft, that that'll prove she's a witch.

-Master Wooley...

-if you can get me out of here, I know how to handle her.

-I'll do my best,

but I haven't much influence in this town any more.

-It'll be a Bensinger landslide!

-

-Quiet!

VOICE FROM OUTSIDE Three cheers for Wallace Wooley!

Hurray! Hurray! Hurray!

We want Wooley! We want Wooley! QUIET!

We want Wooley!

Hey! I thought you wanted Bensinger!

I changed my mind. You're betting on Bensinger! So I'll lose!

-We want Wooley! We want Wooley! We want Wooley! We want Wooley!

-Quiet!

-We want Wooley!

-We want Wooley! We want Wooley!

CHANTING: We want Wooley! We want Wooley!

Wallace Wooley is a fraud! An imposter!

A hypocritical demagogue! That's why I'm asking you to vote for...

Wallace Wooley!

(Mr Masterson.) One moment, please.

(You said vote for Wooley! Did I?!)

Correction, ladies and gentlemen. The man I am backing is Bensinger.

W-O-O-L-E-Y.

We want Wooley! We want Wooley! We want Wooley!

SQUAWKS: We want Wooley!

BABY VOICES: We want Wooley! We want Wooley! We want Wooley!

We want Wooley! We want Wooley! We want Wooley! We want Wooley!

'That includes every precinct in the county, folks! It looks like a landslide. More in a minute.'

-I can't believe it!

-That's just what she'd said she'd do.

-You mean, she's a...?

-If this ever gets out...!

Let's take a look at these. ..You can't be carrying Wapasaka County. That's Bensinger's home!

'Another bulletin. Returns for Wapasaka show the entire county has climbed on the Wooley bandwagon.'

-Well? Are you convinced?

-He must mean another county.

'Hold everything. Here's a flash. At 10.45 tonight, with only three precincts yet to be heard from,

'election returns were as follows. Wallace Wooley - 2,684,922.

'Elwood Bensinger - none.'

He didn't even vote for himself!

-Dudley! I've married a witch! What will I do?

-Let me look at you.

-Did you say she's 800,000 years old?

-No, that's her father. She's only 290.

-But you'd never think it.

-Well, marriage does a lot to people.

Well, Wally, this clears everything up.

All except one little point.

-How did she get out of the hospital that night?

-She used a broom!

Oh, of course! I must be getting stupid! A child would know that.

-What am I going to do?!

-How many people have you told?

-How can I tell anybody?

-People are so sceptical.

-It might be hard for them to grasp that the first lady of the state is a witch!

-I don't care about them!

Are you satisfied, darling? You're the new governor.

-What are you going to do now?

-Help you on with your slippers.

-Not yet.

-Then I'll warm them by the fire.

You know, I lighted it with a match, Wally. From now on, I'm going to be a simple, helpful wife.

I can't take it! A helpful wife! What if she runs me for president?

-CHANTING OUTSIDE

-What's that?

-People want you to make a speech.

Real people? Naturally. They voted for Wally.

-What will I say?

-I don't know.

-Good night, old man. ..Good night.

-Where are you going?

-Home.

-Would you like me to drive you?

-No, I'll call a broom...a taxi!

-Wally, darling.

-Yes, dear?

-You don't mind my being a witch, do you?

-Well, it's a little unusual.

-No-one need ever know.

-We'll talk about that later.

-It'll be our little secret.

-Our LITTLE secret?

Go out and make your speech.

Good evening, my dear.

Three cheers for Wallace Wooley! > Hurray! >

I must compliment you on the public confidence you have inspired for Master Wooley.

-You're not going to hurt him again?

-I will attend to him later. I am concerned with an erring daughter.

-I've done nothing but love him!

-You have informed him you are a witch. Need I remind you of the punishment?

At midnight, back to the tree! There to stay until the present race of men is extinguished.

A rather light sentence, considering the offence.

-But if I don't wish to go?

-There is nothing you can do about it.

-I am still a witch.

No. Your heart is so full of human love I can no longer trust you.

Until you resume a more spirit-like existence, you are a mere mortal!

I remember all the spells you taught me!

Out, fire, by Ramananthus!

Out!

You see? Your power is dead.

Mine remains. ..Out, fire.

Better get ready. Soonest done, soonest mended.

Midnight approaches.

May I...say goodbye?

Certainly, my dear.

I'll be around.

..endeavour to give this fair state an honest administration,

-as your former governor so aptly put it.

-Wally!

In conclusion, thank you all very much!

-What is it?

-You must help me!

-You want ME to help YOU?!

-Come on, darling, hurry!

-Where?

-Anywhere! Hurry up.

Any place, Joe. Just drive around.

Hey!

..That's my cab!

-What is all this?

-I had to get you away. Something might have happened to you.

-What?

-Something awful.

-Can't you tell me?

-Oh, Wally, I'm afraid.

-You ARE afraid.

-Why can't you use witchcraft?

-I've lost my power.

-What?

-I'm not a witch any longer. I'm like any other girl.

I wish we could go so fast no power on Earth could overtake us! ..Faster!

Nothing will happen to you while I'm around.

-You ARE like any other girl. Afraid of lightning!

-It isn't ordinary lightning.

-Can't he go any faster?

-Step on it.

Nobody could possibly catch us. Joe's a wonderful driver.

They've certainly improved this road.

-Is it midnight yet?

-No. Five minutes to twelve.

Don't look!

Back to the tree!

CACKLING

Don't worry about me, Master Wooley. I am accustomed to fire.

Come, Jennifer, I have decided to return with thee to the tree.

I am weary of mortals.

It's no use fighting. It has to be like this.

-What are you saying?

-Go, Wally. Please. CLOCK CHIMES

Midnight. Goodbye, my darling.

I want you to remember me as I was - just an ordinary girl.

He'll remember.

THAT will be his torture.

And I'll remember that I loved you.

Through all eternity...I'll remember.

Thou wilt remember nothing of this tender feeling. That will be the essence of thy punishment.

I'll never forget.

With all my strength, I'll fight.

Love is stronger than witchcraft.

I'll remember everything -

the sound of your voice, the worried looks...

the warmth of your arms around me, the touch of your lips.

Goodbye, Wally. Goodbye, my darling.

I'll remember. I'll always remember.

Always. ..Always.

-Look at him! Is it not good to see him suffer?

-Yes, Father.

-Is this not a perfect revenge on the Wooleys?

-Yes, Father.

-Could we follow him?

-And why?

To watch him suffer, of course.

Well said, Jennifer! Thou art a witch again!

-CACKLING

-She's dead, Master Woolley.

Thy marriage is a mortal memory.

Let's be gone, Jennifer.

Let me tarry but a moment at this window. I wish to see it all.

-Thou are enjoying it, eh?

-Oh, yes. And thou?

I cannot remember when I've had a better time. It's great in here.

I've called a doctor, Mr Wooley.

Jennifer?

The sound of his voice, it no longer thrills thee?

-No, Father.

-Good!

And his worried looks? And the warmth of his arms around thee?

These are things that have no meaning for me now.

And the touch of his lips?

Wally...

love IS stronger than witchcraft.

# For tonight I'll merry, merry be

# For tonight I'll merry, merry be

# For tonight I'll merry, merry be

-# Tomorrow I'll be sober... #

-Oh, no, you won't!

Wally, darling, all our troubles are over! ..At least, for the present.

VOICES ECHO OUTSIDE

Mr Wooley, I've been with your family for 37 years, but this is the end.

What is it? I can't handle your daughter!

Jennifer! I told you never to play with that broom!

-Why?

-I'm afraid we're going to have trouble with her some day.

Oh, that's impossible!

-I hope!

-CACKLING

# Good night, ladies Good night, ladies

# Good night, ladies

# We're going to leave you now! #