Stolen Summer

Children, experience tells me

that some of you will forget the lessons I have taught.

(No.)

-This summer, take time to reflect on your past year in the second grade.

-Yes!

-And how you can make third grade better?

-No!

Mr O'Malley, do you disagree with me?

No, Sister Leonora Mary, I agree.

< Pete, boys come on, let's go.

-Mom?

-Yes, honey?

-I told them to be ready by 9.20 but they just don't listen.

Another come back stomps.

Reg Jackson stinks.

-Boys!

-We gotta get going. Mom's going to freak.

-Get out here right now!

-Well, what shall we tell her?

You couldn't find your belt.

Hold on.

-Why aren't you going to church?

-What are you, a detective?

Why aren't you in the car?

Killing me that I can't be with them at church,

my most cherished moments have been with you kids at church -

screaming brats.

-Why are you late?

-He couldn't find his belt.

-Why are you late?

-Seamus lost my belt.

-BABY CRIES

-Hey.

-OK how many are you?

-Can't you guys make us late a little longer? You know how I hate being late for Mass.

Katie, your toys are everywhere.

You know what? God gives you 168 hours a week,

you think you'd give him one back, is that too much to ask?

I've been out here for three hours.

Ah, shut up, you kiss ass.

-Come here, come here.

-No.

I'm not going to hit you, just tell you, you shouldn't talk like that.

Oh! Ah!

-Maybe the teddy bear'll shut her up.

-I'll shut you up too you little jerk.

Growing up Irish Catholic,

heaven and hell are talked about as if they're my next door neighbours

and my Mom's job is to lovingly guide us toward the right path.

-Lord's name in vain, come here mister.

-Ah!

Don't you talk like that you little son of a bitch, we're on our way to church for Christ's sake.

OK, all right honey.

Happy Sunday everybody(!) CHILD SCREAMS

Get in there, you're going to confession.

Right here, right here.

Unfortunately nobody knows the exact path to heaven.

Mom says that's why we go to church, to pray to Jesus for answers

but He just hangs there silently looking down at me, seeing everything.

That can't be good.

-Mom?

-Yes, dear?

-Is doing my chores enough to keep me out of hell?

What'ya break?

Peter Edward O'Malley, look at me honey. What's going on?

I think that Sister Leonora Mary thinks that I'm going to hell.

And why do you think she thinks this?

Well, she sort of said it a lot this year.

Do something to prove to Sister Mary

that you're going straight to heaven, do something good. Hello?

-Hi, Jackie.

-But what can I do to prove it to her?

Be yourself, obey the nuns and you'll be fine.

You're a good boy. Hello?

You know, if you can't say something good

you don't say anything, but but she is kinda loose.

What do you think of Sister Leonora Mary?

Sister Big Bags!

She's all right, way easier than Sister Gloria. Why?

She keeps telling me I'm going to hell.

-She's good on hell.

-How can I prove I'm not?

-Don't worry, tomorrow's the last day of school.

-Let's say I wanted to.

How would I do that?

Well, in religion class I did this report on St Paul, he's this guy

that after Jesus died he kept going around trying to convert people to Christianity, he was on a quest.

Convert people that weren't Catholic?

Yeah, there were a lot back then, like the Jewish people and the Romans.

Jewish people?

Converting Jewish people was major.

The Romans, maybe even the Greeks.

Everyone.

-Did it work?

-They made him a saint.

Do you think they might make me a saint?

Yeah, that'd keep you out of hell,

but they already got a St Peter.

See you at church and next year, in the third grade. You may go.

Mr O'Malley, may I speak to you for a moment?

Yes, Sister Leonora Mary?

How many times have I had to pull you by your ears to the front and give you the ruler?

-A lot.

-Probably too many times, don't you think?

I don't enjoy having to do that, you know.

I think this is an important summer for you.

This is the summer where you can choose

to keep following the devil's way or create a new path towards Jesus.

Now, which path do you want to take?

The Jesus path.

Good. I expect to see a difference in you next year.

Oh, you will Sister Leonora Mary, I've got a plan, a quest.

Good. You may go.

Enjoy your summer, I know you will.

Oh - do you know where I can find a temple?

First game of the summer, Pete.

Come on Seamus, I'm starting my quest.

Hey, Kevin!

So you're actually going to the temple?

Yeah.

You know this whole thing's kinda weird, you going there, your quest.

Yeah!

Well, at least you know it's weird.

See ya!

Keep up the good work, Jason.

I will.

You're gonna make your parents very proud.

See you in a couple of days.

-How are you doing today?

-I'm great, thanks.

Good.

What's that thing that you have on top of your head?

Oh, it's called a yarmulke.

It doesn't block the sun, does it?

No, but it does block bald spots.

Woah, it can cover bald spots.

My old uncle Jim could have used that.

So you casing the joint for a heist?

What?

What can I do you for?

-Jewish people go here, right?

-Uh huh.

I'm trying to see if I can help Jewish people get to heaven.

Oh, what a noble endeavour.

A quest.

A noble quest.

How may I be of assistance?

I just want to check out the temple but there's no bike rack.

-Why don't you let me help you find a place for the bike and I'll show you around.

-Thanks.

That way, when you and the rest of the gang get together you'll know where the safe is.

What gang and what safe?

You know, for the heist.

-No cross?

-Er, no, no cross.

-I find the cross fun to look at.

Sometimes I think about climbing up the wall, unscrewing the screws and letting him go.

-Mass goes faster that way.

-Uh huh.

You should really think about putting one in here.

I will give that some thought.

-So what do you think?

-I'm thinking that this is where my quest starts.

OK, well, if I can be of any assistance don't hesitate.

My office is through those doors there.

I'd show you around a bit more but I've got to get back to my family, I have a...

-You have a family?

-Yeah.

Well, what do they call you?

Well, my son calls me Dad

and my congregation calls me Rabbi.

-Rabbi Jacobsen.

-Pete, Pete O'Malley.

Nice to meet you, Rabbi Jacobsen.

Nice to meet you, Pete O'Malley.

Stop making up those stories, you're lying through your teeth.

Don't listen to him.

-I was, "Hi, Julie" and she was, "Hi, Eddie".

-She did not.

-She said, "Hi Eddie."

-Hey!

Get your elbows off the table.

Hey, what's with your hair?

All my friends have it.

-You are going to the barber college.

-Can I have your attention?

-I've got something to say.

-Well, I guess so.

This better be good, Katie.

-What's your story?

-I pedalled my bike all the way to Carol's

then I pedalled back and it was sunny.

There you go. It was sunny.

-Speech therapy for this one.

-Honey!

That's great, make fun of her.

-Does anyone know what a yarmulke is?

-You mean a beanie?

It's not a beanie, Pop, Jewish people wear them, Pete.

It's religious, it's their traditional headwear.

-It's like feathers for Indians.

-Exactly.

-Well, what's it for?

-To hide their horns.

-They have horns?

Joseph! That's not right. Nobody repeats that out of this house, do you hear me?

Who wants ice cream?

-I do. Chocolate please.

-I need help.

-Vanilla.

Oh, you're requesting flavours? You'll get what we have.

I always do.

Your Uncle Charlie can get you an interview at the city planners' office.

Yeah, well, no, thanks.

-What about the Fire Department?

-Forget it, that's always there for him.

-So what are you going to do?

-What am I going to do?

Well, I'm still waiting for those scholarships to come through.

I'm life guarding, I'm making money and saving money.

Life guarding?!

I've raised a professional life guarder in Chicago,

works three months a year, right?

If you could see Sheila Moran in a bathing suit you'd be a lifeguarder too, I promise.

"Oh, Patrick, save me, help, save me, give me a little kiss on the cheek."

Patrick, Frances Temo told me Sheila likes you,

-you have to ask her out.

-Don't let her old man catch you.

No kidding.

Do we have to talk about my personal life every night?

I think you like her, son.

-Come in.

-Hey Rabbi Jacobsen, it's me, Pete O'Malley.

Oh, yes, Mr O'Malley. Have a seat, how are you?

I'm great, thanks.

I'm ready to start my quest but I thought I might need your permission.

Excellent idea, what are your plans?

I was thinking of setting up this lemonade, free trip to heaven stand.

Of course, the old lemonade, free trip to heaven stand.

Very enterprising.

Jewish people like lemonade?

Oh, sure. I think Moses had the first set up on Mount Sinai.

Erm, I'm just setting it up at the front door.

And I'm not going to charge.

Well, if you're not going to charge anything,

people won't take you seriously. How about a nickel?

All right, fine, don't charge anyone,

-I'm sure that'll work.

-I'll let you know how everything goes.

Appreciate it.

-Er, Pete?

-Yeah?

Jewish people do believe in heaven, just not the same way that Christians do.

Ours involves a little more waiting.

Maybe I could get those who don't want to wait.

OK.

Here you go.

Thanks, see you later.

Ah, Mr O'Malley,

just remember Rome wasn't built in a day.

How do you make any money here?

I'm free and I still have nobody.

I envy your youth, you'll do better tomorrow.

It's late today, so why don't I help you store your office?

We'll put it right inside the synagogue door, for free of course.

You know, you and I seem to be the only two on this block that care about free stuff.

Well, that's because we realise what we have to offer you can't buy.

Either that or your lemonade stinks. Is that a possibility?

-Don't tell Mom we charged candy at the pharmacy.

-OK, I won't.

-You want to play ball tomorrow?

-No, I don't think I can.

I'm going to the synagogue again.

Door to door service, it's a lot to ask from a part-time secretary.

Rabbi Jacobsen, you've received six messages.

Yeah? Listen, whatever we're paying you it's not enough,

not if you're going to insist on giving me kerbside service. What's this?!

The congregation doesn't think this lemonade stand is a laughing matter, it's against Judaism.

I'll tell you something about this congregation.

They barely notice this synagogue is here unless it's the high holidays.

All he's doing is asking people to think and you'll notice

when you ask people to think, that's when they start complaining.

He's advertising Christianity.

No - he's advertising thought.

He's asking people to have a free lemonade

and gain insight about how to get into heaven. If that goes against people's wishes, so be it.

You know what I wish? I wish there were 1,000 Petes setting up stands up and down the street.

You like stirring things up.

Yeah, my generation, they're crazy.

Luckily your lovely wife is raising Daniel.

That is a good thing, isn't it?

Seamus, get down here.

What are you doing out of the tub? Get back in there.

I don't think this quest thing's gonna work.

You're missing great baseball.

Mile Dewen says he'll trade me an Ernie Banks for a Pete Rose.

-Do it.

-Trade for a cop?

It's not about who you root for, it's a business.

Banks is going to be famous. Who knows about Pete Rose?

There's the Rabbi I was telling you about.

FIRE ENGINE SIRENS WAIL

I wonder where the fire is.

Let's go.

-That's my house!

-You can't go in there.

-My son's in there!

-Where's he at? Where's he at?

-At the back, upstairs at the back.

There's a woman too. Danny!

Come on, let's go.

Danny! Danny!

He's in the back, he's in the back.

He's at the back, you've got to do something.

They're gonna get him.

They're going to get him.

-Got the kid.

It's all right. OK? You're all right.

He's got him. Danny! Danny! He's all right, yeah?

Get some oxygen!

There's a woman inside, up there, same place, gotta be the same place.

No, go back.

-No, it's too hot.

-Let go of me.

-Get your hands off.

-You all right?

-Yeah, yeah, fine.

All right?

We're going to get this.

-There's still a lady in there, guys.

-No, it's too hot!

-How's the kid doing?

-He's good.

-Yeah?

-All right?

-Dad, Dad!

Seamus?

I've told you not to chase fire engines, and you brought your little brother?

How many times have I told you? Do you know what's going on here?

Get your can home right now and stay there until I get back.

I'm sorry, ma'am.

The fire was huge, real big.

Uh huh.

I wonder who that kid was.

How many have I told you boys, huh?

You don't chase fires, you run away from them.

-You know a lady died in that fire today?

-Who?

An older lady who was babysitting the Rabbi's kid, she died.

What were you doing in that neighbourhood anyway?

Huh?

What? Couple of mutes?

All right, fine. You're both grounded, you do not leave this block.

If I found out either one of you left this block,

you'll get a spanking you will still feel on your 16th birthday.

But the baseball field!

Hey, what are you doing up, huh?

I couldn't sleep.

Dad, Seamus was only in the area because he was checking up on me.

You see, I'm on my quest to meet a Jewish person and help them get to heaven.

What are you talking about?

I don't think Jewish people believe in heaven the way you and I do.

I asked Mom and she said they could be converted through Jesus.

Well, I also asked Father Kelly in religion class. He said it's the role of a good Christian.

-He said that?

-Uh huh.

-I've been going over to the synagogue on Greenwood.

-You've been going over there?

-I've been looking for Jewish people there.

-Any Jews over there?

Yeah, I met Rabbi Jacobsen, he's like a priest but not scary, he's really nice.

How old are you?

Eight and a half.

You should be worrying about baseball and going to the pool and being asleep at night.

That's all you should be worried about.

Don't go over to that synagogue any more.

Go to church, let Jewish people take care of themselves.

-But I'm on my quest.

-No, you're not.

Don't try to change the world at eight and a half, all right?

Hey, look at me.

Go to bed.

-Hey, Pete.

-Yeah?

Good night.

Good night, Dad.

You know, Joe, I can't raise these kids alone.

I've gained too much weight to find a new husband at this point, so you're my option.

You're more skinny than when we met and I sure as hell don't remember

in no way, I liked it,

I like something to hold on to.

Well, then, go hold onto something honey, because sex is not a conversation.

Do you know Pete is going over to a synagogue trying to convert Jewish people?

-Ha!

-What? I'm not finding that as funny.

Honey, a little boy searching for meaning in his life, whatever.

-Meaning?

-Uh huh.

Baseball should be the only meaning in an eight year old's life.

Some kids are just destined for greater things.

He's looking to get his ass kicked.

I told him not to go there and don't you let him go either.

Honey, I can't watch them all day long every one of them. Come on, Milly's a baby,

she needs my constant attention.

If Pete goes out in the morning, he comes back all clean,

no-one calls to say he's been in trouble, I'm doing all right.

That's parenting 101. He's claiming nobody says he's trouble.

What have I got to do, raise the kids and work?

Don't start, Joe, that is a territory you don't want to get into.

-Hey.

-Mmm?

Oh, no.

Hey, if we were to make a child,

let's say we were to bring another child into the world right now,

I promise you they'd be clean and he wouldn't be any trouble.

Honey, you can't just climb on top of me, for goodness sake.

-Hey, that's gin.

-What?

You should be a garbage man the way you pick up every card I throw down.

Ah, let's see, 500 to 220, add what - a nickel a point?

That's 14 books you owe me, Lieutenant O'Malley.

-Hey.

-Gentleman, my wife, son and I wanted to thank you for your bravery and kindness.

-Thank you.

-Hey, you're welcome Rabbi - Joe O'Malley.

On behalf of myself and the guys, we want to say sorry for your loss.

Thank you. Esther lived a very good life.

She ran my synagogue like an army battalion.

My wife believes the best way to thank someone is through their stomach

-she's made some lasagne for all of you.

-Ah!

-It's real good.

-I'll bet it is. She shouldn't have.

My guys they love good meal, especially that one, but we're just doing our job.

Well, it's a heroic job you're doing.

She wanted to thank you personally. I'm sure my synagogue's going to want to thank you formally.

Check this out, there's two guys that hold this thing to fire.

In the Jewish tradition we said shivah,

it's for the mourners of the deceased.

Yeah, we got something similar, it's called a wake.

Right, it's like a wake, sort of.

I know you're busy but I mentioned it as I'd be honoured if you'd stop by

and sit with my family and friends for a few minutes.

Sure, you let me know where it is and I'll try and stop by, yeah.

OK, now careful. Get that fire.

Esther had one living relative, from out of town, so we'll do it at my in-laws' place.

All right. You have to live with your in-laws?

-Dad, check me out!

-Here's trouble.

Good job, over there, over there.

-We're done now. Uh oh!

-Kids on fire trucks, huh?

They certainly understand that life is for living. Do you have children?

-Oh, yeah, I got eight.

-Eight?

-Yeah.

-You're a blessed man.

I don't know, maybe cursed. Bit of work.

A young, handsome redhead named Pete wouldn't be in the O'Malley clan of yours would he?

You should know your bravery's been passed on.

He's an earnest young man.

I've found out he's been a nuisance over there at your temple and I've talked to him

and reprimanded him, and believe me he's not going to be bothering you any more.

-I respect your wishes. You should know, though, he's welcome at my temple any time.

-Yeah?

Nice and short, the hair.

I got to battle with my kids to keep their hair short, that's the way kids' hair should be.

He's actually trying to grow his out.

-He underwent chemotherapy about six months ago, leukaemia.

-Leukaemia?

Yeah, he's in remission, we're all very hopeful.

God has a plan - albeit a mysterious one - for my family.

So when you get the time, come on by and bring Pete.

It would do everyone's spirits good to see a young man so full of life the way your son is.

Yeah, he's full of something!

-Hey, getting the mail's my job.

-It's your job?

You want the mail?

You want the mail?

You want the mail? Huh? Huh?

What are you looking for?

Bills, bills, bills. Nothing but bills.

Come on.

Hey, I didn't say you could go, what are you doing?

Peter, Seamus, now, let's go.

-Get in here.

-Honey, please can I be the yeller here?

OK, is that everything?

-Yes.

-Nothing under your beds, nothing in the closet?

-Didn't hide anything in your sister's room?

-It's all in there.

Nothing behind the doors? I'm washing everything.

-No.

-It's all in the sink?

-What...

-Nothing in your sister's room?

-No.

-What time does the boy's game start?

-Six, but it's a double header.

-Uh huh.

-Uncle Roger's coming, so's Billy and Robert Junior.

Yeah?

-You finished your chores?

-Yeah.

All right. You and I are invited to a shivah at the Rabbi's.

Shivers?

It's kinda like a wake, I told him we'd try and stop by.

-How's he doing?

-Well, I don't think he's too happy.

The lady that died was his secretary for 40 years. I don't think he's too happy.

He lost somebody he loves very much and I'm sure he'll be sad for a while.

His boy was saved and that's the good side.

Yep.

Anyway, what are you doing here, huh?

Tell Rabbi Jacobsen I'm sorry.

-Thank you Dad?

-Thank you Dad.

-There you go.

-We'll go and then catch the second game.

-OK.

-You know what?

The Rabbi's son is your age, so when you go, say to him how sorry you are, all right?

-OK, I will Mom.

-All right.

He's probably Jewish, right?

There's a high likelihood of that.

I need you to wash up. Wear this. Put those on.

Tuck the shirt in, wash your face.

-OK.

-Soap and water.

-I will, Mom.

OK. You do the same thing, go wash your face.

I love it when you talk to me like I'm nine.

Who else do I talk to all day but nine...

-Hey?

-What?

You wanna make out?

With you?

I don't wanna go to a Rabbi's or whatever this thing is.

Honey, you said you would and you're going to go.

Yeah, I can't say no to him right there.

Jeez, the guy loses the lady he's known all his life, his house is in ashes...

and besides that, his kid's got leukaemia.

-What?

-Yeah.

I mean, how am I going to say no to that?

Well, you don't.

It's that old electrical wiring.

-Hey Mom.

-Oh, hi, honey.

-How you doing?

Your dinner's warm, in the oven, use that towel, don't burn your hand.

Want something to drink with that?

-Er, no, I'm all right.

-Water?

-No.

-Hey, lifesaver?

Your Mom says you've got something to tell me?

I'm going to take a look at that job at the City Planners' Office.

It's a good job, it's got nice benefits.

I'll talk to Alderman McManus about it.

What? What's that look?

Don't even go there if you're going to go with that attitude, pal.

The Alderman's doing us a favour, OK?

Don't go there acting like a punk, a lot of kids your age don't have a chance like this.

No, actually a lot of kids my age go to college.

They're four years behind in the workforce and what have they learned?

How to smoke pot and how to sleep all day.

Do you understand that the good jobs require a college degree today?

A city job is a good job and all it requires is a little hard work and the right attitude.

That's my only choice then, the Irish way?

I got to get a city job, work my ass off, have 40 kids?

So I can retire on a crap pension and live in the same house I've lived my whole life?

Hey, you lower your voice. That's our life you're talking about.

You wanna be a hot shot doctor, have 1.2 kids and a big house in the suburbs

with enough love to fill a closet so you can finally retire to Florida and die like a raisin?

-Is that what you want?

-Maybe, why can't I just do that?

Then go ahead, be like the Jews.

Have no more than two kids cos it's not economical to have more.

Raise your kids to base their life on the size of their wallet.

Yeah, that's right Pop, yeah.

Why in the world should I raise my kids to base their worth on the size of their wallet? That's crazy.

-Should base it to see how much booze they can drink without puking, huh?

-Joe!

-Huh, huh?

-Ungrateful, smart-mouthed punk.

You got all the answers at 18, don't you?

-Huh?

-No, I don't.

Maybe if I go work at the City Planners' Office I'll get them by the time I turn 40 like you. Huh?

Let it go, Joe.

-Get out of here right now.

-I'm leaving.

Can you believe that kid?

I'm Jeffrey Jacobsen, Rabbi Kenny's brother.

Joe O'Malley and my son, Pete.

-Hi, hey Pete.

-This is for you.

I'll go put these in the kitchen. Thanks, Esther loved flowers.

-OK, good.

-Hey.

Hey, how you doing?

-Good. Wanna check out the room I'm staying in?

-Sure.

-Can I?

-Sure, yeah, go ahead.

Can I get you something to drink?

I'll have a scotch. You got it?

I'll have to check to see if I have any scotch, if not?

Oh, a beer'll be fine.

I'll have to check to see if I have any beer, if not?

-You know what? I'm fine.

-You sure?

No, I'm absolutely fine.

Ah, Mrs Jacobsen, how are you?

-Thanks for being here.

-I'm sorry about what happened.

-Your son looks good.

-Yeah, he does, doesn't he?

Rabbi, how are you?

-Good. Good to see you.

-My pleasure to be here.

-Appreciate it.

Well.

Can I get you anything?

-Water would be fine, if you've got water.

-OK.

Do you play on a team?

No, I couldn't this year. I got leukaemia, it's cancer.

I took this medicine that made me lose my hair but it's grown back.

Did it hurt?

No, just fell out.

I don't really feel it but it's been in remission for six months.

-Remission?

-Means it's still there but it's not really bothering me.

I swear my hair wasn't this light before.

Was the fire scary?

I don't know what happened.

I was upstairs playing in my room and then I saw a lot of smoke,

then your Dad came in and saved my life.

It's nothing like the fire drills we do in school.

Speaking of school, what grade are you in?

I'm going into second over at Briarwood.

I'm going into third over at Holy Cross.

What's it like to be Jewish?

I don't know, good.

I'm Catholic.

What's that like?

-Noisier.

-Things are usually noisier round here but it's been quieter cos of the shivah.

You should have been at my uncle Jim's funeral, you would have thought it was a party.

My Mom says everyone's sad because the person died

but then again they're happy because he gets to go to heaven.

Jewish people can't go to heaven.

-Why not?

-Because they're Jewish.

God doesn't let Jewish people into heaven

but if you're interested, maybe I could help you get to heaven.

-Yeah?

-Yep, all I have to do is convert you.

How do you do that?

I don't know, I've never actually converted anyone before.

So what can I do in heaven?

Anything you want, they call it paradise.

Sounds good.

So when can we start?

-Meet me at your synagogue tomorrow.

-All right.

We got a rain delay?

-Yeah, 15 minutes Joe.

-Oh, yeah?

All right, I'll stay here.

So, Danny's a good kid, huh?

Yeah, his hair fell out cos of the medicine but it's growing back.

You didn't try saying anything to him about what we talked about?

But Dad, Danny wants to do it also.

What did I say?

His family is Jewish, he's Jewish, they don't want to be Christian.

But it's a quest.

Your quest is called off, my friend.

-I promised Danny, we're meeting at the synagogue tomorrow.

-No, you're not!

You don't go trying to convert Jewish kids

and they don't try to convert us.

But he wants to do it.

I said no, and I don't want to hear another word from you!

You do not go to that temple, you do not bother Danny or his family any more.

So help me God if I find out you've been going over there.

You'll get the spanking of a lifetime and be grounded until you're 16, do you understand?

Yes, sir.

Mr O'Malley, you lost?

Hey, Father. I'm not lost, I just have more questions than answers.

-Where are you going?

-I'm going to check out what this place looks like from your seat.

Well, that's my chair - don't break it.

-Do you get the collection money?

-No. Why, did someone tell you I did?

No, but then how do you get paid?

Don't you need to get home, Mr O'Malley?

Your job is to help people get to heaven, right?

Yes.

But have you ever actually seen someone in heaven?

No.

Well, then, how do you know if they made it to heaven?

-Faith.

-Faith?

Yep, believing in something completely

without actually having any proof of it.

Faith - I don't have any proof of heaven but I have faith it exists.

What's the best way to get to heaven?

Believing in Jesus,

living the way he taught us to live.

Well, how do we know if we're doing that, is there some kind of test?

Well, your life is the test.

-So then you have to die to find out how you did on the test?

-I guess so.

Don't you just once want to know if one of the people you prayed for made it to heaven?

In due time.

What's the purpose of communion?

To make a part of Jesus a part of us.

Why do I have to wait till third grade? Wouldn't it help me now?

The Church believes that Catholics should fulfil a few requirements

before they earn the sacrament of communion.

-Like passing a few tests?

-Yes.

So if I pass all the tests I can get communion?

Yes.

Thanks, Father, you've cleared up quite a few things for me.

What are you doing?

-Our quest has to be done in secret, our mission is now undercover.

-Why?

Just follow me.

So this doesn't really look like it's undercover.

Why are we undercover?

Well, I, well, cos.

So what's our mission?

To get you to heaven.

-Right, so how am I going to get to heaven?

-I don't know.

You gotta have some ideas?

Well, we're going to have to set up some tests.

Have you taken any of these tests?

Next year I have to complete First Communion training.

What's communion?

This piece of bread that's Jesus.

And you eat it?

-Yeah.

-Gross.

So I should do the First Communion training, shouldn't I?

Well, I haven't done it yet so I don't know what it's like

but we can make up some tests of our own.

Something like Bruce Jenner.

Win the decathlon, go to heaven.

Yeah, something like that.

Then we should have a medal ceremony. Got to have a medal.

-Communion can be our medal.

-Right.

Hey, wait up!

Did you know that my Mom and Dad don't want me here without them?

Father Kelly at the Church, he always talks about this risk reward

so you'll be OK if your parents find out.

You'll just explain to them that the risk is worth the reward.

Listen, I heard Bruce Jenner say

that the key to winning the decathlon is to stay focused.

You stay focused on the decathlon, forget about everything else

and then, er, you can, er, get to the communion part of it.

# In the summertime when the weather is hot

# You can stretch right up and touch the sky

# When the weather's fine you got women, you got women on your mind. #

You see my sister, just start running.

How do I know it's your sister?

-I'll be running.

-Right.

You gotta watch where you're going! You OK?

They seem to be starting younger and younger these days.

Come on.

Listen, we have to get serious. Bruce Jenner is faster,

stronger and can jump higher than anyone else I know.

So I figure that that's how we should do the decathlon.

-OK, I'm fast.

-Well, first you have to be baptised.

Amen!

I think it would have been easier if you were a baby.

On your marks, get set, go!

-All right, good job.

-Thanks.

One, two, three,

four, five.

Try to throw it past that line.

Whoa! That was a good throw.

So what else can we do?

Well, in the Olympics I've seen them do hurdles.

Well, what can we hurdle?

THEY LAUGH Go for it.

Hey!

-Come here, kid!

-BOYS LAUGH

Oh, shoot!

Whoa! You really need the right rock to do this.

You want the surface to be flat, like this.

-Right.

-My record's like five skips.

OK, maybe that was a little too hard.

-This one?

-Yeah, you could try it.

Might not work, but you could try it.

That was a really good throw.

I could beat it. I just need a really good rock.

No, no, no.

That's no good.

Yeah, yeah.

No wonder people die trying to get to heaven.

-The last one's gotta be tough.

-I don't know.

-Because some of those were real tough.

-Yeah, but the last one's

gotta be really, really tough.

Something that takes strength, speed and courage.

I don't know.

-Swim out to the buoy.

-I can't even SEE the buoy.

I can't get there.

You're going to have to if you wanna win the decathlon.

Go ahead.

Help! I need help!

You passed nine out of ten tests.

God's gotta be happy with you.

Yeah, but I don't know if I'm going to pass the last one. That's tough.

I really wanna pass the decathlon. I wanna go to heaven.

Do kids die from what you have?

Well, I heard some adults whispering about it. Adults always get quiet when they talk about death.

Sometimes I hear my parents talk about it late at night.

Sometimes they start to cry. I don't want them to feel sad if I die.

-Well, there's our little man.

-Thanks for joining us.

HE SPEAKS HEBREW

-What are you doing?

-Thanking God for the food.

-Yeah,

-but what was that you did as I began the prayer?

-Oh, you mean this?

Yeah.

Well, it's like picking up a phone and calling God,

I just wanted to make sure he was there to hear you.

OK.

You know this quest for heaven, it's a good thing, of course,

but as Jewish people we have our own rituals and customs, different than Pete's.

Yeah, I know, I taught Pete some of them but I like this one.

I see.

HE SPEAKS HEBREW

But let's, er, let's maybe do this less,

as in not at all.

-OK.

-Thanks.

There you go.

Probably wouldn't be good for business if the Rabbi's son converts to Christianity.

I wouldn't think so.

-Kenny, maybe this is going too far.

-What would you have me do?

Tell our son he can't play with Pete, would that make you happy?

I think it's about you bending over backwards not to make waves with your son.

Make waves.

I thought we were going to let our children make choices,

be different than our parents were with us.

Leave my parents out of this.

Was I alone when we talked about this?

No, I don't think this is the time for our child to be making these choices.

-Or maybe it's the best time.

-Why?

So Danny can cover all of his bases?

It's not about covering bases.

When was the last time our son went out?

Enjoying himself, playing, like a boy,

not like a sick boy just...a boy?

-Good luck!

-Thanks, I'll need it.

Yeah, I know.

Help, Pete! Help!

I don't understand, you look like you're going to make it and then you don't.

I don't know.

But you make it back fine with me.

-I know.

-So then what's wrong?

Well, I look up to see where the buoy is and I can't see it,

and then I realise how far out I am and then, well...

-What if I go with you?

-Um, no, I gotta do it alone.

-What if you don't look up?

-But then I don't know where I am.

Don't worry, we'll figure this out.

I can see fine.

I can see it from here but when I get in the water I can't see it

and then everything starts getting really fast and I can't go any further.

Stay right here and watch me swim to the buoy, I'll be right back.

51, 52...

53, 54, 55.

Listen, all you have to do is count your strokes.

It took me 50 strokes there and 55 strokes back. You don't even have to look up.

Can you count to 50?

-Yeah.

-I'm a little bigger so it might take you

-a few more strokes. Can you count to 60?

-Yep.

Well, then just count to 60 strokes and then swim back.

OK, I can do that.

But let's do it tomorrow.

Meet me under the stairs at the synagogue.

Right. Tomorrow.

Tomorrow you complete the decathlon.

Danny said I might find you here.

Well, I don't know how he knew I would be here.

He said to tell you he couldn't complete the decathlon today.

Well, tell him I can meet him tomorrow.

Yeah, tomorrow's not good either. He's got to see the doctor about his cancer.

I think he's fine.

I think so too.

Are they going to give him any more of that medicine that makes him lose his hair?

I don't know.

-I'm not a doctor.

-My oldest brother wants to become a doctor.

Yeah? We could always use another good doctor.

My Dad says they play too much golf.

Tell me about your older brother - is he studying medicine in school?

No, he can't afford it.

Yes, it's very expensive.

Certainly worth it though, if you work hard.

Rabbi? When do you think Danny will be better?

I think that one's in God's hands.

Well, you're close to God. Hopefully that rubs off a little on Danny.

I really hope he gets better soon.

We've got some unfinished business to handle.

I certainly hope you get to take care of that business,

but now what Danny needs is our prayers.

-OK, I'll pray to Jesus and you pray to God and hopefully one of the two will answer.

-That's a deal.

See you later, Rabbi Jacobsen.

Oh, that was good!

You know the Rabbi called and said he wanted us to stop by for dinner and I said it was OK.

Ma'am, Jewish people go overboard with this gratitude stuff, don't they?

Honey, it's nothing to do with him being Jewish - he's just saying thank you.

-Where's Knucklehead?

-Mom, where's this dish go?

Oh! He called, he said he'd be late, he called, all right?

At least he called.

Probably sitting on his can in that lifeguard tower reading a book.

Dirty book.

KNOCK ON DOOR

-Come in.

-Don't yell.

-What?

-Oh, hi.

-Hi, Rabbi Jacobsen.

-Margaret O'Malley.

-Nice to meet you.

-Hey Rabbi, how are you? Good to see you.

-I'm sorry.

No, no, would you like something to eat? I can make you a plate.

No, my wife thinks if I eat another woman's cooking it's a

form of adultery. But I brought something for after the meal.

Oh, alrighty. Would you like some coffee?

That'd be great, that'd be great, yeah, thanks.

-Sit.

-OK. So how's your little boy?

-Oh, he's good, thanks.

We go tomorrow for the monthly check-up and hopefully it's six months remission.

Oh, good, good, we hope so.

Oh, thanks, thanks. Oh, great. Thank you very much.

I'll just grab this.

-So what's going on?

-Oh, well, you probably remember I mentioned to you

that the synagogue would like to formally thank you for your bravery.

Oh, no, no, no.

There's no need for that, I told you, we're just doing our job.

I have a standing order not to disagree with a man under his own roof but

you risked your life to save my son's life and if not for the

explosion you would have rushed back in to get Esther against the wishes of your partners I should add.

Oh, honey, excuse me Rabbi, this is our oldest boy, Patrick.

Patrick, it's nice to meet you.

-Yeah, it's nice to meet you, I heard about your loss, I'm very sorry.

-Oh, thanks, yeah.

I was just telling your father that, in fact you may want to join us if that's OK, Pete told me about

your interest in studying medicine in college and our synagogue gives scholarships every year

to a few students and this year in honour of Esther Simon,

we are going to give a full scholarship to one student.

I recommended to the board and they agreed that Patrick would be the recipient of the scholarship.

Thank you, Rabbi, honey?

Rabbi, that is an extremely kind offer but unfortunately one that we cannot accept.

Oh, well, I...

you helped my congregation and family, I certainly hope you can reconsider accepting it.

Other men risked their lives that day at your house, not just me.

Understood, it just seemed a bit more personal than offering up say a statue

-to the entire fire department. I spoke to your Chief, he approved it.

-You spoke to me Chief?

I had to make sure it was within the rules.

HE SIGHS

The board gives one scholarship, Pete mentioned Patrick's desire, and I recommended Patrick.

I imagine they wanna give it to him in a real public ceremony.

I imagine so.

Be good as a public show, yes.

-Free publicity for the temple no doubt?

-Joseph!

-What?

Well, that's totally inappropriate.

Mr O'Malley both of our religions are practised in public and yes, there are ceremonies and rituals.

Scholarship isn't about free publicity it's about doing good, honouring good, thanking good.

-I don't mean to disrespect you or your family or dishonour the memory of Esther Simon.

-Of course not.

Rabbi, thank you for stopping over, my son Pete has a big mouth and my family doesn't need your hand-outs.

-We thank you for kindness.

-Pop, you can't do that to me.

You will shut your mouth.

Hey, where the heck to you get off coming into my house like that, huh?

I got my son asking me, "Is Jesus really the son of God?"

-He's eight.

-Well, then it sounds like we're in this together.

My son's asking why he can't make the sign of the cross before he prays to God.

My congregation think I'm turning into a Rabbi for Jews for Jesus.

The irony is that I don't think Jesus WAS the son of God.

-You preach that to your people, keep it out of my house.

-Your son came to me, OK?

He came to me to ask if he could help Jews, help save Jews from going to hell. He came to me!

Hey! You, get back inside.

Someone comes to my house like that I politely throw him out on his ass, on his ass!

I'll remember that - disagree with me, you're out on your ass,

it's a good thing it didn't deter St Patrick in Ireland with the snakes.

Oh, don't start with that, throwing St Patrick back in my face.

This ain't a Bible study group, pal.

Pop, are you too proud to let me accept it?

First of all you haven't done anything to deserve it and secondly,

I am not getting involved in his publicity stunt.

I don't think it's a publicity stunt.

I think it's an act of kindness in return for an act of kindness.

I told you nothing good would come of him going over there. Pete!

Get in here right now.

Please don't start yelling at him.

What did you tell the Rabbi, that we don't have enough food to eat?

Maybe the Rabbi can start a food drive for this family, how about that?

What did I tell you about not going into that temple, huh?

I went across to get Danny to heaven and I'm almost there.

You're on the road to hell, my friend. Now go to your room.

-Joe.

-And don't come out until I tell you to. What?

Don't tell him things like that.

I just wanted to do the right thing.

The right thing. You know what the right thing is? It's when

your mother tells you something or when I tell you something.

You don't worry about Jews or Catholics, you worry about me.

Now go to your room and go there until I tell you to come out!

Pop, I'm going to go see that Rabbi myself and I'm going to work out a deal, OK?

Over my dead body.

This is not about you.

It's not about kindness.

It's about the Jews getting publicity for helping out some poor Irish Catholic family

so they can get on the news and everybody can say how nice it is of them

that they share their money with these poor slobs.

Why do you have to be so cynical about this, huh?

You have too much pride to let this man help me out, help your son out?

-Maybe if you had a little more pride.

-Pop, I've heard your speech before, OK.

I know what it is. You worked hard, your father worked hard and therefore I have to work hard. OK.

I want to work hard, Pop!

I want to work hard at school to get a good job.

Oi! I've had enough, right?

I didn't spend my day at the beach, all right?

I'm tired. I don't want to talk about this any more.

-You have no idea...

-What did I say?!

Mom, please say something to him.

Mom! Huh?

-Why don't we go discuss this in private?

-Just tell us.

His white blood count is high and most of the cells I can see in his blood are leukaemia cells.

I'm so sorry.

What's the prognosis?

Danny's been on Ara-C before, but this time we're giving him a much higher dosage.

It's going to allow us to have a fighting chance to get him back into remission.

But, I wouldn't be completely honest if I didn't tell you that his chances for survival are very low.

Another strike out for Simpson's team.

Pete's team trying to be the first team ever in the history of baseball to go undefeated

comes to bat with a 13-run lead.

Jack, they're not only undefeated, but they've ten-run ruled every single team they play.

Good point, Charlie.

What are you doing here?

We have to complete the decathlon.

We can't.

We have to, I know I can do it.

Listen, I'm grounded forever because of you.

If my dad saw me with you, I'd be grounded to infinity.

No, I'd be grounded to infinity if my parents knew I was here.

-They think I'm napping.

-Listen, I can't do it.

No, YOU listen. This might be my last chance for a while.

They might put me on Chemo right away.

The tests are bad.

I'm not going to disobey my dad again.

I got to be able to tell my parents that I'm going to heaven.

You can't go to heaven. It's out of bounds and off limits to Jews.

There's nothing that you or I could do about it.

You said that if I finished the decathlon, I'm going to heaven.

Well, I was wrong.

You've got to get out of here. I'm going to get in so much trouble because of you,

and then I'm going to hell for sure.

Get out of here.

That was a brief rain delay.

Pete's team comes to bat.

Honey.

I know what you're going to say and forget it.

My decision about this is final.

No, when Father Murphy married...

Oh, don't start with that crap.

-He said...

-Father Murphy was an idiot.

Can you stop talking for one second.

I've just got something to say and I don't want you to interrupt me, OK?

I'm not going to allow you to take away Patrick's chance.

He's going to pursue this dream, Joe.

Rabbi's being generous and I think that...

you think it reflects poorly on you.

No, no, no, no. It's not about that.

-Honey, yes, it is.

-It...

You can't afford to send your kids to college so it's a bad thing.

I'm not going to stand by and let you squash Patrick's dreams, it's just not going to happen.

It's not about the dreams.

-What's it about, Joe?

-It's about what's right.

Patrick knew that if he was going to go to college,

he was going to earn it by getting good grades and earning a scholarship.

-You wanted him to take school seriously?

-Yeah.

What are you talking about?

Oh, he's just going to go get a city job, what difference does college make,

but that wasn't good enough for him.

He woke up one day and said I have to be better than that.

You know, he's gotten straight A's ever since that day, because he's a chip off the old block,

and he wants to do his best at whatever he does,

and that's what he's going to do, and college, with the scholarship he accepts from Rabbi Jacobson.

That's right, Joe.

Or so help me God when you come home at night the only thing cooler than your food will be your bed.

Is Patrick getting a new job?

Always worried about everyone else's business.

You get that from my side of the family.

Yeah, Dad said I got a lot of things from your side of the family.

Oh, he did did he? You know what he means?

Your sweetness, your humour and definitely your nose.

Mum, do you think Dad will end my grounding soon?

Well, that depends. Are you truly sorry for disobeying him? Lying to me?

Mum, I was on a quest, and on quests you have to take risks.

You know that feeling you get in your heart, that little voice that talks to you?

You know why that's there?

Its because I can't always tell you what's right and what's wrong. That's your conscience.

What does your conscience say to you about your quest?

I think it says to do what you and Dad tell me to do.

Well, that and, you know what?

I believe your quest is good.

But Dad said.

Dad's don't always know everything all the time. Just sometimes.

That's easy for you to say, he can't ground you!

Well, don't give up your quest, honey.

KNOCKING

Come on in.

-Patrick!

-Hi.

-How you doing?

-I'm all right.

-Good, good. Where's your Dad?

He had to go run some errands.

He'll pick me up here in a few minutes.

OK, all right. Er...

Listen, since we spoke on the phone I've received a call from the hospital and I'm needed there.

My wife...uh...called.

Danny's got an infection from the chemotherapy

so I don't have as much time to talk about this as I...we had planned.

I, um...

I hope everything's OK.

Yeah, well, me too. I, er...I don't know.

He's had infections before, you know.

-I'm sorry.

-Thanks.

Regarding the scholarship, I hope you realise that this is going to open doors

that would never possibly be available to you without a degree.

Yeah, I know it will and, uh,

if the offer is still there I would absolutely love a chance...

Oh, no, no, Patrick, the scholarship is yours.

Absolutely. You're going to make us all proud.

-Thank you so much.

-You're going to make Esther Simon proud.

Wow.

As I said, I just wish I had more time. We'll work out all the details at another time.

Er...I will pray for Danny.

Thank you.

Thank you so much, Rabbi.

Congratulations, Patrick.

Don't take my son.

SPORTS COMMENTARY ON RADIO

Come on, come on, come on.

Oh, you spineless rooky bum!

-Hey, Pop.

-I can't believe it. Look at that!

-Pop.

-What?

If I'm going to go to college. I'm going to work my ass off.

I'm not going to be a pot-smoking, sleep-till-noon college hippy.

I'm going to do this college thing and I'm going to do it right.

I know.

I know you are.

RADIO: The White Socks' young nucleus of Chet Lemon, George Order...

Hey.

Don't be acting like this is your first time drinking.

Come on!

And I didn't give that to you.

KNOCKING

Hey! >

Hey, Dad.

Seamus says there's a big game over there at Holy Cross and they could probably use another player.

-So can I go?

-No, no, no.

You're grounded remember?! I'm going to go play.

I'm just letting you know where I'm at.

Oh, wait. You wanna play?

You want to play?

Can I?

Go on, get out of here.

Sorry, Dad, I won't disobey you again.

Oh, listen, Patrick saw Rabbi Jacobsen last night.

I guess Danny's back in the hospital.

Yeah, he said that he thought they might put him back there.

I hope he's OK.

Mmm.

You know it's tough what he's got?

It's tough on the kid and, er...

..its got to be tough on the parents too.

Well, I'll pray for him.

Oh, yeah, that's a nice idea.

Yeah, good. Oh, and he also told Patrick to tell you that, um,

Danny finished the decathlon.

71 strokes there, 86 back.

-No way!

-Yes, way.

I did it in 55 strokes.

-Oh, you did, huh?

-Yeah. But for his age and size 71 strokes is great!

I mean he finished the decathlon!

-I can give him his medal so he can go to heaven.

-Yeah.

Yeah. See you later Dad.

All right, see you Pete.

Mr O'Malley.

Stealing Communion?

Father Kelly.

What are you doing?

And don't tell me you're hungry.

No, Father. I'm not hungry.

I hear this stuff isn't good anyways.

I wish we could change bread distributors,

but that's neither here nor there. What are you doing Mr O'Malley?

I've got a friend who really needs a piece of Jesus.

He's really sick and he's in the hospital.

We have people who give Communion to the sick in the hospital.

But they can't give it to him.

-Why not?

-Because he's not Catholic and he's only seven.

-Is your friend - what's his name?

-Danny.

-Danny.

Well, that poses a bit of a problem, Mr O'Malley.

Communion is for Christians who have earned the right to receive Jesus and who are of age.

Oh, he's earned the right, he's passed all the tests.

Tests?! What tests?

The test we made up to see if he's worthy of Jesus.

And he's worthy all right. He's as worthy as any Catholic I know.

Well, I believe you, Mr O'Malley.

But we're Catholics.

-We...we have these traditions.

-Just because he's not old enough!

That tradition's not fair because he may not live long enough to be old enough, and if Jesus didn't want him

to have a part of him just because he's not old enough, well, that doesn't seem like the Jesus I know.

That bread, er, is unconsecrated. It's not the body of Christ.

Its just bread.

That doesn't matter.

Jesus won't mind.

Go ahead. Take the Host to your friend.

Go on.

Thanks, Father.

EXHALES

-Rabbi.

-Pete.

Rabbi, I need to see Danny.

Rabbi, I need to see him.

I've got his Communion right here.

See, he earned it.

-He passed the decathlon.

-Listen to me, Pete.

Danny's passed on, OK?

No!

No! He didn't get his medal.

-No!

-Pete.

I promised him.

I promised him.

I promised him.

I know, I know.

He told me.

The prize for finishing the decathlon was a piece of Jesus,

so he could go to heaven.

Danny told me to thank you for everything you did and to tell you he's going to see you.

But he can't go without eating this, Rabbi.

-(SOBS)

-He can't go.

(Oh, Pete.)

INAUDIBLE

-Hey, Pete.

-Yeah.

-Let's see that arm.

-Good throw.

-Thanks.

What's going on, Pete?

Nothing much.

I think I hurt the Rabbi's feelings.

How would you know that, smart guy?

It was the other day at the hospital.

I told him Danny wasn't in heaven.

So your brother Patrick's going to college, huh?

Yeah. He's so excited.

I never went to college.

Why not?

Because I couldn't afford it.

Got married, started a family, got a good job because I had to...

..take care of my family.

That sounds like a good reason.

It is.

-You know what I learned?

-What?

That you take care of your family.

No matter what your differences are.

A Dad's job is to take care of his family.

That's what I learned.

What I'm getting at, I'm just thinking aloud here, but if God is any kind of a father

you think he would turn his back on his own family and not let them back into his House.

No, of course he wouldn't, just like I wouldn't turn my back on you or your brothers or sisters.

What I'm saying is maybe Danny is in heaven even though he's Jewish, all right.

I mean an Eskimo at the North Pole never heard of Jesus, but if he's

been a good person all his life shouldn't he be allowed into heaven?

-Yeah, but...

-But what?

But then there's no reason for me to listen to the nuns at school any more.

Listen, my friend, you're not going to get out of

Catholic school that easily, you still got to listen to them.

OK.

Rabbi Jacobsen?

Do you have a moment to talk?

Sure.

You know how I had my quest to help a Jewish person get to heaven?

Oh, yes.

I learned something on my quest that might help you on your quest.

Really? What would that be?

That just saying you believe, or just praying to Jesus, well that's not how you get to heaven.

-No?

-No.

Jesus is only a symbol.

It doesn't matter whose name you use, you could use anyone's name,

just as long as their name symbolises being good.

That IS interesting.

I was thinking.

If the Jewish people don't want to copy the Christians by praying to Jesus just because

they don't like the name Jesus, well then they don't have to.

I mean they can make up their own name to pray to.

It's not that we don't like the name Jesus.

What name would you suggest we pray to?

Danny.

I thought it might help you in your job, on your quest.

Yeah, I think it probably will.

Thanks.

See you later Rabbi Jacobsen.

Take care, Pete O'Malley.

Oh, yeah, I almost forgot to tell you the most important thing.

-What's that?

-That Danny is in heaven.

Yeah? How do you know?

Faith.

Right.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media - 2007

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