The Gay Divorce


The Gay Divorce

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# Don't let it bother you When things go wrong

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# Some good luck will come along

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# Don't let it bother you If now and then

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# You may stumble, never grumble Count from one to ten!

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# A frown is a smile upside down So turn that frown upside down!

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# So smile and sing "Oooh-la-la-la-la!"

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# Don't let it bother you If skies are grey

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# Learn to grin, Take it on the chin, Everything will be OK. #

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MUSIC CONTINUES

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It's no use, Guy. Mine has housemaid's knee!

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I think you show tendencies towards Terpsichorean excellence!

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Well! My inner soul has always wanted to express itself in dance.

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-What should I do?

-Stick to Law!

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Garcon, l'addition, s'il vous plait.

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-Spoken like a real native! Recognise it?

-No!

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-Voila, monsieur.

-Oh, my!

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Guy, this is an expensive place.

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Guy, I must have left my wallet in that other suit.

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Egbert, what would you do without me?

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I mean...

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We're just passing through Paris on our way to London. We're taking the boat tomorrow.

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I am the proprietor.

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-We'll have to mail you the money.

-But I do not KNOW you.

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This man's father is Sir Frederick Fitzgerald, the lawyer.

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Yes. And I'm a lawyer too.

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YOU?!

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My friend here is Guy Holden, the American dancer. You must have heard of him.

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Yes. I've heard of Guy Holden. But have you any identification?

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Well, you see, we...eh...

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Left it in the other suit. Yes, yes...

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Well...I...

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I...I have it! Look here, if my friend DANCES like Holden, that proves he IS Holden. Right?

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Go on, Guy, dash them off a polka.

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-I'm on vacation. I'm not dancing!

-WAITERS DISCUSS THIS

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They'll make us wash dishes.

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There!

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-That means nothing.

-Then YOU try it!

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Suppose you do it over there...

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-With all these people around?

-If you ARE Guy Holden, people won't disturb you.

-No.

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-WAITERS BABBLE IN FRENCH

-The dishes will be difficult to wash!

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BAND STRIKES UP

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MUSIC STOPS

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MUSIC BEGINS AGAIN

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Guy!

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TELEGRAM BOY: Mr Fitzgerald! Mr Fitzgerald!

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Mr Fitzgerald! Mr Fitzgerald!

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-What do you want?

-Mr PINKIE Fitzgerald?

-Yes.

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Pinkie? THAT'S a new one!

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It must be from Father. He's called me "Pinkie" since I was a little tot.

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-Tip that boy, will you? Read that for me. I'm busy.

-Thank you, Captain.

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Your father says, "Leaving for Scotland.

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-"Take charge of office."

-He's leaving me in charge.

-I haven't finished.

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-"But don't DO anything. Just SIT."

-Let me see that.

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You've been in charge before!

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The lady in Section D... she's an American, and you know how THEY are!

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Can you help? Look after this man. Come with me.

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I'm the Chief Inspector. Anything I can do for you?

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Yes! This man wants to mess up my trunks after I've carefully packed them!

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Sorry. We must inspect all luggage.

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Ohhh! How much DID you pay for this?

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How much? It was an awful lot... Where did you buy it?

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Where did I buy it? Let me see... What's the name of that town?

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Paris?

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Paris? No. It wasn't Paris.

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< Lyons?

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No. But you're getting warmer!

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Nice?

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Yes! That's who I'm waiting for.

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What? My NIECE. She's to meet me here.

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Where IS she? I don't know.

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-This is the only other place she might be.

-Oh, there she is! Thank you.

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-Mimi, dear!

-Hortense! How are you?

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-You look marvellous!

-Don't I?

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This is my niece, Mimi. Her life's mixed up, but I've come over to straighten it out.

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Please straighten THIS matter out first.

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What do you want me to do? Come with me!

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-Put those things in while I lock this trunk.

-These?

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-Yes. Hold this for me.

-Did you have a nice trip?

-Yes.

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I enjoyed every minute of it!

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I won't be long dear. Come on!

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Porter! Porter!

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-Porter!

-Sorry, I'm busy, ma'am.

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Porter!

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Oh, porter! Porter!

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Porter!

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Porter!

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Porter!

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Can I be of any assistance?

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-My aunt is in the Inspector's office, would you call her?

-Yes.

-Thank you.

-With pleasure.

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You're an American, aren't you?

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-Yes.

-So am I.

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-So is my aunt. You know, the one you were going to call for me?

-Why, yes.

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Anything you want me to tell her?

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Tell her that my dress is caught.

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Oh, your dress is caught!

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Tch-tch! My, my!

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-Locked!

-Yes.

-You want me to call your aunt?

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Yes!

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A third party might spoil this!

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-Porter!

-Porter!

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Oh, porter!

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There's no reason why I can't handle this myself.

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-Let me see...

-R-R-I-I-I-P !

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Maybe I should have called your aunt.

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I'm awfully sorry. Please take this.

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-Please forgive me.

-Where can I return this to you?

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-May I save you the trouble and call for it?

-No.

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Oh.

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Well, eh...here's my address.

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I'll be waiting to hear from you.

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-Y-you didn't say goodbye.

-No.

-Wonderful. That means I'll see you again.

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-All right, I'll pay it.

-I've just had an embarrassing experience.

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-A man tore my dress.

-Anyone we know?

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-Ohh!

-Here you are, madam.

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Oh, for me? I DO adore fruit baskets!

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You shouldn't have! After all, we've just met.

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MAIL BOY WHISTLES

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EGBERT JOINS IN

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Not bad. Time for an encore?

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-My time's too valuable.

-Sorry!

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-Don't you want to know who sent that?

-All right. Tell me.

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The young lady asked me not to tell!

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Oh, oh, yes! I see!

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"Asked me not to tell".

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Guy! Package for you.

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Oh, that's my raincoat.

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-That must be her handwriting.

-I studied handwriting. Very neat.

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The "O"s and "A"s are open, that means extravagance.

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Little circles instead of dots, that's a sign of vanity.

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-Guy, what's the matter? You seem to be under a spell.

-I am. For the first time ever!

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-What are you looking for?

-Where's the note?

-Oh, NO note.

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-No note?!

-No note.

-Did you talk to the messenger?

-She told him not to tell where it came from.

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-I wonder if she resented my tearing her skirt?

-Probably. What did you do that for?

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-She couldn't move!

-Sounds unsporting of you, Guy.

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-It was an accident.

-It usually is!

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-What's her name?

-I don't know.

-Address?

-I don't know.

-Interesting romance(!)

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I hoped she'd send a note with her address.

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Well, I would hazard that she doesn't want to see you.

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Hmmm. Ha-aaaa. Yes.

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Well, I'm going to the office. What are you going to do?

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I'm going to look for her. I'll find her.

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Shouldn't be difficult. There are only 3 million women in London!

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# It's just like looking for a needle in a haystack

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# Searching for a moonbeam in the blue

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# Still, I've gotta find you

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# It's just like looking for a raindrop in the ocean

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# Searching for a dewdrop in the dew

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# Still, I've gotta find you

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# I'll roam the town in hope that we'll meet

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# Look at each face I'll pass on the street

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# Sometimes I hear the beat of your feet But it's just imagination

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# Oh, it's like looking for a needle in a haystack

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# Still, I'll follow every little clue

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# Cos I've gotta find you

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# It's just like looking for a needle in a haystack

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# Searching for a moonbeam in the blue

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# Still, I've got to find you

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# It's just like looking for a raindrop in the ocean

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# Searching for a dewdrop in the dew

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# Still, I've gotta find you

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# I'll roam the town in hope that we'll meet

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# Look at each face I pass on the street

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# Sometimes I hear the beat of your feet

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# But it's just imagination

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# Though it's like looking for a needle in a haystack

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# Still, I'll follow every little clue Cos I gotta find you! #

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HIS CAR HITS THE ONE IN FRONT

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Hello!

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I've been looking for you.

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Wait!

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Stop!

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-Isn't it peaceful here(?)

-Would you mind moving your car or don't you want it any more?

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"Yes, Guy, it IS peaceful."

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In a moment, the air will be full of fenders!

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-Hit it just about THERE, the cigarette lighter never did work.

-I warned you!

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Porter! Porter!

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Can't do it! Guess I'm too economical.

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Now, then, can I offer you something? Cointreau? Benedictine? Marriage?

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-What was that last?

-Benedictine.

-No. After THAT.

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-Marriage.

-Do you always propose marriage so casually?

-No. I've given it thought.

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-I've spent the last two weeks looking for you.

-Didn't you get your coat?

-Yes.

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But I'd hoped for a note.

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I've got to know something about you.

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What flowers you like, favourite books, music...

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Where can I get in touch with you?

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You can't.

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I'm staying with friends.

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I wouldn't know what you'd do next!

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Well, if you won't give me YOUR number, here's MINE.

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Just wasting paper!

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Ah! I thought you were economical!

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That's better.

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May I go now(?)

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All right. You WILL call me tomorrow?

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I'll be waiting. I'll rest at night so I can wait some more!

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I say! Let us through!

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Rath-er! Right you are! Cheerio!

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Right you are! Awfully sorry!

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I bought this in the sporting goods store.

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You didn't tell me your name!

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Mimi!

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Mimi?

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Mimi!

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I'll tell Mr Fitzgerald... Thank you.

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It's hopeless. I don't know why we're here.

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Egbert's an old friend. He doesn't know much about Law, it's his father who's the brains.

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Oh, dear Egbert! He was nearly my third husband.

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He would have been, but he left for India on an elephant hunt.

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He went off... when he could have married ME !

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Mrs Deluwelle, Mr Fitzgerald doesn't recall your name.

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What do you mean...?

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Of course! I've been married again. He wouldn't know that name.

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-What name DID Egbert know me by?

-Hortense, darling!

-I didn't marry in '29 or '30.

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That was the year of the crash, and men didn't know if they had money.

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I tell you! Just say "Peanuts". He'll know!

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Peanuts?!

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Yes! You know, the association of ideas.

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Peanuts - elephants - elephant hunt - ME ! "Peanuts", madam.

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Ahem!

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Yes, yes, yes?

0:27:490:27:53

She said to say "Peanuts".

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Tell her I don't want any.

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She also mentioned elephant hunting.

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That makes it peanuts, India, elephant hunting. That doesn't make sense. Horte...

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Oh, no! It couldn't be! Tell her I'm out of town!

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EGBERT!

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Don't mind him, he's so impetuous!

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You look just the same. That sweet smile and dear little eyes!

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Meet my niece, Mrs Glossip.

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-Mrs Glossip. How do you do?

-Glad to know you.

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-Sit down, sit down.

-Thank you.

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Mimi is unhappily married. Isn't that criminal?

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-It's no crime to be married.

-Egbert, are you proposing to me again?

-No!

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No! NO!

0:28:540:28:56

Mrs Glossip has a problem?

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Yes, I have. There are so many things... I don't know where to begin.

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-Well...

-Sit down. I'll tell you about it.

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She's been married two years. She never sees her husband unless he wants money.

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Tch-tch!

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-I met him at school.

-He's a geometrist.

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Oh!

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-No. A GEOLOGIST.

-Oh! Geologist!

0:29:270:29:30

What difference does it make? Same thing!

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-You know, rocks and things.

-Oh! He threw them?

-No! He digs them! He DIGS them!

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Have you asked your husband for a divorce?

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Yes. He refuses to discuss it.

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Well, obtaining a divorce in England is a difficult thing,

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unless the husband agrees to grant it.

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Ohh, Egbert! I didn't know you liked dolls!

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Mother instinct!

0:30:100:30:12

Ladies, as your legal adviser, I would suggest that we resort to...eh...

0:30:140:30:20

thingummyjig.

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-Flagrant!

-Why? Oh, yes!

-I had one in my second divorce.

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The details are simple... a seaside hotel...

0:30:280:30:33

I'll do anything you say.

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-I'll leave it to you two.

-It would be better for me if you remained.

-Run along, dear!

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-I'll fix everything!

-Thank you.

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-I feel comfortable in your hands.

-I'll work my brain to the bone!

-Goodbye!

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Goodbye.

0:30:540:30:55

Now, right down to business.

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Ohh! Oh, Egbert!

0:31:060:31:09

-I mean the hotel.

-Oh.

-I know a new one, the Hotel Bella Vista.

0:31:100:31:16

Easy to remember! I had a cook named Bella. Or was it a masseuse?

0:31:160:31:22

Anyway, I'll have my niece meet you at the Maryland Hotel. That wasn't it! A girl's name...

0:31:220:31:30

-Take this.

-Oh, "The Bella Vista". Of course! That's what I said in the first place.

0:31:300:31:39

Oh, goodbye, Egbert.

0:31:390:31:42

Divorces make me so sentimental.

0:31:420:31:45

Don't you wish it was ours?

0:31:450:31:48

Yes, miss. I understand, miss.

0:31:520:31:55

-Who was it?

-A lady, sir.

0:31:550:31:58

-Did she leave a message?

-Yes.

-Well...?

-It was the wrong number!

0:31:580:32:04

Get everything ready. Hurry! I'm leaving for the seashore.

0:32:040:32:11

-Did another woman propose to you?

-Yes. No! I've got a case!

-A case of what?

-A DIVORCE case!

0:32:110:32:20

-I'll handle it all myself.

-Oh!

0:32:200:32:23

-Hurry, man! Pack my things.

-Mr Guy's also?

0:32:230:32:27

Splendid idea! Guy, come along. The change will do you good.

0:32:270:32:33

-You look liverish.

-It isn't liver, it's LOVE, sir!

0:32:330:32:38

I can't leave London. I'm waiting for a call.

0:32:380:32:43

You're not pining for that girl?

0:32:430:32:46

Pining?! Men don't pine.

0:32:460:32:49

GIRLS pine. Men just...suffer!

0:32:490:32:55

Guy, she hasn't called you. She's not interested.

0:32:560:33:01

You pulled her gown... she pulled your leg!

0:33:010:33:06

-Maybe you're right.

-Of course.

-I've waited two weeks!

0:33:060:33:12

-Where are we going?

-Brighton. The Hotel Mabel...Margaret... Oh, confound that woman!

0:33:120:33:20

Come along! Sea air, sunshine, gaiety, girls!

0:33:200:33:25

# You're my type of a shy type

0:33:420:33:45

-# Of a beau, dear

-Pardon?

0:33:450:33:48

-# So let's do things I'll teach you a few things

-Me?!

0:33:480:33:54

-# For I know, dear

-I'm reading...

0:33:540:33:58

-# I'm not bashful I'm pash-ful !

-I sense that!

0:33:580:34:04

# When you're near I feel so... Let's play houses

0:34:040:34:07

-# Oh, you make me feel so Mickey Mouse-ish!

-What a place!

0:34:070:34:14

# You're sweet and so agreeable I feel so gosh-oh-gee-able!

0:34:140:34:19

# You warm me or I'll freeze and let's k-knock k-knees

0:34:190:34:24

# You are so bill and coo-able I'm so I-love-you-able

0:34:240:34:30

-# Come cuddle closer, please And let's k-knock k-knees

-Is it a game?

0:34:300:34:36

# They say make hay while the sun shines

0:34:360:34:40

# So let's make hey-hey-hey while the moon shines!

0:34:400:34:44

# My heart's so tick-tock-tickable

0:34:440:34:47

# Your lips are so lipstick-able!

0:34:470:34:50

# You know your A,B,Cs so let's k-knock k-knees!

0:34:500:34:55

# It's so incomprehensible It doesn't seem quite sensible

0:34:550:35:01

# And yet I like it, please Let's k-knock k-knees

0:35:010:35:07

# It's almost hoi polloi-able And yet it's quite enjoyable

0:35:070:35:12

# Oooh, I'm full of rhapsody... # (Not here!)

0:35:120:35:16

# Flipping, skipping Lightly bounding

0:35:160:35:21

-# Stop it! Knock it!

-Really, this is most astounding!

0:35:210:35:27

-# It makes one feel so thrill-able

-I've exhausted every syllable

0:35:270:35:32

-# I crave frivolity

-Let's k-knock...

-# Ouch!

0:35:320:35:37

# Let's k-knock k-knees! #

0:35:560:35:58

# Let's knock knees! #

0:37:320:37:34

Oh, hello!

0:37:340:37:37

Oh!

0:38:050:38:06

Thank you! Thank you!

0:38:070:38:10

I've been looking for you!

0:38:100:38:13

-Just dancing.

-Is THAT what it was?

0:38:130:38:17

This is a marvellous place, isn't it, Guy?

0:38:240:38:28

I think it's wonderful.

0:38:280:38:31

-Are you still moping over that girl? The world's FULL of girls.

-I know. But not like her.

0:38:320:38:40

She's music, the buzzing of the bees,

0:38:400:38:44

she's water lapping on the shore...

0:38:440:38:48

She sounds like a series of strange noises to me!

0:38:480:38:53

Well...cheer up, Guy, cheer up.

0:38:530:38:56

-You may chance across her again.

-I will.

0:38:560:39:00

And it won't be chance. Chance is the fool's name for fate.

0:39:000:39:06

What was that last? "The fool's name for fate"? Where did you get it?

0:39:060:39:13

A line from my last show.

0:39:130:39:17

It would make a good song!

0:39:170:39:20

# Chance is the fool's name for fate, my lad... #

0:39:200:39:25

Mind if I use it in conversation?

0:39:250:39:28

Spring it on your father!

0:39:280:39:31

"Chance is the fool's name..."

0:39:360:39:39

If father could only see me upholding the professional dignity of the firm.

0:39:420:39:50

-I'll wait for my client.

-I'll see you later.

-I'll be here.

0:39:500:39:56

Pardon, you rang, sir?

0:39:580:40:01

What is there to ring with?

0:40:010:40:04

Pardon, sir. It's just a figure of speech.

0:40:040:40:08

Oh. Oh. Uh-huh. Well, bring me a... Let me have a...

0:40:080:40:15

Your figure of speech has made me forget what I wanted!

0:40:150:40:20

Do you require crumpets?

0:40:210:40:24

No. I never ring for crumpets.

0:40:240:40:27

Would you ring for a toasted scone, sir?

0:40:300:40:34

Scone? Well, now, eh... No. No. Try me again.

0:40:340:40:41

-Can you imagine yourself with a hankering for a nice gooseberry tart?

-No!

0:40:410:40:49

No crumpets, no scones... gooseberry tarts...

0:40:500:40:54

That lands both of us in the cul-de-sac.

0:40:540:40:59

Of course.

0:40:590:41:01

I hate to leave you like this. You, torn with doubts, and me, with my duty undischarged.

0:41:010:41:09

Cheer up. It'll come to me.

0:41:090:41:13

Was it Animal or Vegetable, sir?

0:41:140:41:17

No.

0:41:170:41:19

That leaves Mineral, then.

0:41:190:41:22

Now, sir, was it a half 'n' half...

0:41:230:41:27

a noggin of ale, a pipkin of porter...

0:41:270:41:31

a stoup of stout... or a beaker of beer?

0:41:310:41:35

Tea.

0:41:380:41:40

Tea?!

0:41:400:41:42

Well, isn't it a small world?

0:41:420:41:45

-Hello, Mrs Glossip.

-Hello.

0:41:590:42:03

Ready for graduation day?

0:42:030:42:06

Egbert!

0:42:060:42:08

Oh, no, it... It IS!

0:42:080:42:11

-I came down to help you.

-So good of you(!)

0:42:110:42:16

-I'm anxious to have a few last words with you?

-LAST words?

-Yes.

0:42:160:42:23

If you don't mind.

0:42:230:42:26

-Now, eh...

-Oh, Egbert!

0:42:260:42:29

Now...

0:42:320:42:33

It will be necessary for someone to discover you with someone,

0:42:330:42:40

just as a matter of form.

0:42:400:42:43

I can't go through with it!

0:42:430:42:46

Don't be silly, get it over with. Think of Cyril Gotham. I knew that would do it!

0:42:460:42:53

The young man is on his way. It wouldn't be correct for me to introduce you.

0:42:530:43:02

-He will present himself.

-We need a password! Wonderful!

-I have the password.

0:43:020:43:09

-He will say, "Chance is the fool's name for fate."

-Shakespeare?

-It's my own!

0:43:090:43:16

-"Chance is the fool's name for fate."

-Good! Now, you must have a name.

0:43:160:43:25

Your name will be... eh...Mrs Green.

0:43:250:43:29

Green! I DO adore green! Very soothing to the eye.

0:43:290:43:34

-Are you coming with us?

-Hortense, you can't stay with her.

0:43:340:43:39

-You can't have a clandestine affair between three people!

-That's what YOU say!

0:43:390:43:46

MAN SINGS "SANTA LUCIA"

0:43:480:43:52

# La-la-la la-la-la... #

0:43:570:44:00

-By any chance, are you Mr Tornetti?

-Rudolfo Tornetti at your serveece!

0:44:080:44:15

Yes, well, I am Mr Fitzgerald.

0:44:150:44:18

Mr Feetzgerald? I am delightful.

0:44:180:44:22

I shouldn't doubt it, old man.

0:44:220:44:25

Don't you think a co-respondent should come to work quietly?

0:44:250:44:31

I will do a feerst-class job!

0:44:310:44:34

The lady is very sensitive, you must treat her accordingly.

0:44:340:44:39

-Whicheever way the wind blows, that's the way I sail.

-Sit down.

0:44:390:44:45

Tea.

0:44:450:44:47

-Your life, Mr Tornetti, must be full of excitement.

-And danger!

-From the husbands?

0:44:530:45:01

-No. From the ladies.

-Interesting!

0:45:010:45:04

But, Tornetti, he know what to do!

0:45:040:45:07

Sometimes the lady and I have conversation, sometimes I play concertina,

0:45:070:45:14

but mostly I seeeng.

0:45:140:45:17

My wife, he do not like me to seeeng.

0:45:170:45:20

A woman of great perspicacity.

0:45:200:45:23

Oh, signor, you bet!

0:45:230:45:26

You're sure, Mr Tornetti, that my client will be safe?

0:45:280:45:33

Oh, signor! With me, strictly beezness!

0:45:330:45:38

"Your wife is safe with Tornetti, he prefers spaghetti!"

0:45:380:45:44

Now, listen, I'll give you the password.

0:45:460:45:50

When you see the lady, you say, "Chance is the fool's name for fate."

0:45:500:45:57

-"Chance is the foolish name...."

-"The FOOL'S name for fate."

-What's eet mean?

0:45:570:46:05

You have to have some method...

0:46:050:46:08

Oh, never mind what it means! Just say it.

0:46:080:46:13

Now, remember, I want delicacy, tact, assurance, finesse.

0:46:130:46:18

I have brought everytheeeng.

0:46:180:46:21

And now I go inside to make call to tell my wife I am safely arrived.

0:46:220:46:29

Arrivederci.

0:46:290:46:32

"Fate is no fooling..." No, no.

0:46:320:46:35

"Chances are..." Scusi.

0:46:350:46:38

Madam, can I be of service to you?

0:46:430:46:47

I doubt it! Let me have the menu.

0:46:470:46:51

What have you?

0:46:510:46:54

Eh...crumpets! Does it run in the family?

0:46:540:46:59

That's very whumsical.

0:47:010:47:04

What? Very whumsical, ma'am.

0:47:040:47:07

Like Sir James Barrie.

0:47:070:47:10

You mean "whimsical" ? Well, yes, ma'am. Why not "whimsical", then?

0:47:100:47:17

"Whumsical" is much more whimsical than whamsical.

0:47:170:47:22

You're beginning to fascinate me, and I resent that in any man!

0:47:220:47:27

I was just going to order.

0:47:270:47:30

-I can't eat a thing.

-You must! You can't have a divorce on an empty stomach.

0:47:310:47:38

What's the matter? You look like you've seen your husband!

0:47:420:47:47

-It's the man I told you about!

-Did you send him an invitation?!

0:47:470:47:52

I didn't know he was here!

0:47:550:47:57

Mimi! MIMI!

0:47:570:48:00

Mimi!

0:48:020:48:04

-You mustn't run like that.

-Why not?

-It's bad for my health!

0:48:120:48:18

-What are you doing here?

-Same as you.

-What?!

0:48:180:48:23

I came here looking for pieces of my heart.

0:48:230:48:27

No! Know what I've been doing? Thinking of you. I haven't left my telephone.

0:48:270:48:34

You gave me a LONDON number.

0:48:340:48:37

Oh, ehm... well, I had to come here... a little business.

0:48:370:48:43

I saw a few of them in bathing suits.

0:48:430:48:47

Oh, no! Nothing like that.

0:48:470:48:50

-Why didn't you leave a message?

-I did.

-You did?!

0:48:500:48:55

-But they said that you'd left London.

-Mimi, you DID call.

0:48:550:49:00

-Wonderful.

-I'd better leave now.

0:49:000:49:03

Please don't go. There's a gala night...

0:49:030:49:08

-It's usually terrible!

-Well, it's worth staying here to miss it!

0:49:080:49:14

-Don't ask me to stay.

-I won't.

0:49:140:49:17

Don't go. I've so many things to say to you.

0:49:170:49:21

# Like the beat, beat, beat of the tom-tom When the jungle shadows fall

0:49:210:49:27

# Like the tick, tick, tock of the stately clock as it stands against the wall

0:49:270:49:32

# Like the drip, drip, drip of the raindrops when the summer shower is through

0:49:320:49:38

# So a voice within me keeps repeating you, you, you!

0:49:380:49:43

# Night and day, you are the one

0:49:430:49:48

# Only you beneath the moon and under the sun

0:49:480:49:54

# Whether near to me or far

0:49:550:49:58

# It's no matter, darling, where you are

0:49:580:50:02

# I think of you night and day

0:50:020:50:06

# Day and night why is it so?

0:50:070:50:12

# That this longing for you follows wherever I go?

0:50:120:50:18

# In the roaring traffic's boom

0:50:180:50:22

# In the silence of my lonely room

0:50:220:50:25

# I think of you night and day

0:50:250:50:30

# Night and day under the hide of me

0:50:300:50:35

# There's an oh, such a hungry yearning burning inside of me

0:50:350:50:42

# This torment won't be through Till you let me spend my life making love to you

0:50:420:50:49

# Day and night night and day! #

0:50:490:50:54

Cigarette?

0:53:430:53:45

I still don't know what you're doing here.

0:53:480:53:53

I came down with my aunt.

0:53:540:53:57

I'm here with MY aunt - Aunt Egbert.

0:53:570:54:02

Egbert?

0:54:030:54:05

Egbert Fitzgerald, a lawyer friend. We're here on a case.

0:54:050:54:11

When two people are destined to come together, as we are, there's no use in struggling.

0:54:110:54:19

-Do you believe in destiny?

-There's no such thing as chance.

0:54:190:54:25

Chance is the fool's name for fate!

0:54:250:54:29

YOU?!

0:54:330:54:35

YOU?!

0:54:350:54:37

Me?

0:54:420:54:44

Why, yes, of course it is.

0:54:440:54:47

-So, YOU'RE the man I've been waiting for!

-None other!

0:54:470:54:53

I'll be waiting for you in my room, 216, at midnight.

0:54:530:54:59

It's 12 o'clock! It feels like New Year's Eve!

0:55:210:55:27

-Good luck!

-Don't leave me.

0:55:270:55:30

He seemed so different!

0:55:300:55:33

There's nothing different about ANY of them, except their ties!

0:55:330:55:38

HIM, of all people! Aren't you astonished?

0:55:380:55:42

ME, astonished? I haven't been astonished since I was eight!

0:55:420:55:49

I'll give him the most miserable night of his business career!

0:55:490:55:56

You're going to a lot of trouble!

0:55:560:56:00

-It's so degrading!

-After all, a co-respondent must be something of an artiste.

0:56:000:56:07

He has to have a sense of balance. Like a mountain goat!

0:56:070:56:12

I'll get Egbert. He must be lost without me.

0:56:120:56:17

Don't run away. I knew you were coming here.

0:56:290:56:33

-You knew?

-Of course. I'm Mimi's aunt.

0:56:330:56:38

-I know, but I have relatives too. This isn't exactly old home week.

-Nothing is ever done without me.

0:56:380:56:46

-You're not planning to be there?

-Of course not!

-Just a moment...

0:56:460:56:52

-I don't know Mimi very well. Would you tell me about her?

-I'll let HER tell you.

0:56:520:57:00

-If she has to keep you here, she'll want something to talk about.

-Keep me here?

0:57:000:57:07

-She has to!

-Which one of us is crazy?

-It's not ME!

0:57:070:57:12

-This is a bit of a shock to me.

-Your being here is a shock to Mimi.

-But it's her own doing.

0:57:120:57:20

It's better to settle this now, then she can start a new life.

0:57:200:57:25

A...eh...new life?

0:57:250:57:28

BRAND new. She'll make a clean sweep.

0:57:280:57:32

-I see.

-Yes! You're the broom.

0:57:320:57:35

I'll be right out.

0:58:090:58:12

I'm sorry I've kept you waiting.

0:59:010:59:04

-Mimi. Mimi, there's something I want to get straight.

-Yes?

0:59:060:59:12

-At first you were so shy and reserved, then you were...

-What was I ?

0:59:120:59:20

-Lovely.

-Was I ?

-Yes. But that's not what I'm trying to say.

0:59:210:59:27

-What ARE you trying to say?

-I'm trying to describe the shock. You see, eh...

0:59:270:59:34

That negligee is charming. From Paris, isn't it?

0:59:340:59:39

You ought to know. You've seen plenty!

0:59:390:59:44

-Well...a few, of course.

-Of course(!)

0:59:440:59:48

Oh, but never one like that.

0:59:500:59:53

-Mimi...

-Stay where you are!

-What?

0:59:530:59:56

Keep your distance. I want you to sit THERE.

0:59:561:00:02

What's the matter with it?

1:00:051:00:08

We're going through with this in a dignified silence.

1:00:121:00:15

I'd prefer it.

1:00:151:00:19

It's warm, isn't it?

1:00:281:00:31

Do you mind if I recite capitals?

1:00:331:00:36

What?!

1:00:361:00:38

Capitals of States. North Dakota - Bismarck... I used to do it as a boy.

1:00:381:00:45

-I don't care what you did as a boy.

-Well, I did nothing as a girl.

1:00:451:00:52

-Oh, Mimi...

-Keep your place.

1:00:541:00:57

Geev me a name for chance, and I'm a fool. Captain! Captain!

1:01:021:01:09

Maybe I make meestake.

1:01:091:01:12

Fate is a foolish theeng to take chances with.

1:01:161:01:21

So are you!

1:01:211:01:23

Oh...scusi. You are not the lady.

1:01:241:01:28

-Stay where you are!

-I thought that after the few lovely moments we've had...

1:01:471:01:54

How can you have the impudence to speak of that now?

1:01:541:01:59

-I suppose it's the callousness of your kind.

-MY kind?

-You didn't fool me for a moment.

1:01:591:02:07

I know how you make a living.

1:02:071:02:10

-Well, it DOES bring in a decent income.

-Some people will do ANYTHING for money.

1:02:101:02:18

It's not that bad.

1:02:181:02:21

-I bring pleasure to thousands...

-THOUSANDS?!

-Tens of thousands.

1:02:211:02:26

-I bring romance to shopgirls, servants...

-Spare me, Bluebeard!

1:02:261:02:32

-Mimi...

-KNOCK ON DOOR

1:02:341:02:37

-Are you expecting someone?

-Of course. But not till morning.

1:02:381:02:44

Who is it?

1:02:441:02:47

I'd better get outta here!

1:02:471:02:50

I have something important to tell you! Now, what was it? It was something about that man.

1:02:541:03:02

-What man?

-Oh, yes! Have you got the right one?

-He gave me the password.

1:03:021:03:10

Well, a man downstairs said something about fate to me,

1:03:101:03:15

then he said, "You're not the lady."

1:03:151:03:19

-Now, I can't be sure...

-Wouldn't it be awful if I'd made a mistake?

-Go and ask him.

1:03:191:03:26

-But I'll have to confess why I'm here.

-Don't ask, then. But find out all you can!

1:03:261:03:34

-How shall I treat him?

-Be feminine and sweet.

1:03:341:03:39

I must go and find Egbert and tell him about this.

1:03:391:03:44

You don't think Egbert is hiding from me, do you?

1:03:461:03:50

May I...run along now?

1:03:581:04:01

Oh, must you go just yet?

1:04:011:04:04

Won't you come in and sit down for a while?

1:04:041:04:09

I didn't do so well in here.

1:04:091:04:12

Well, if you'd rather stay out there...

1:04:121:04:16

Guy, do you think it was fair NOT to tell me something of your work?

1:04:201:04:27

I've been trying to forget about it.

1:04:271:04:31

Well, er...how did you get started in your career?

1:04:311:04:37

Oh, I was started by a well-known actress.

1:04:371:04:41

Oh.

1:04:411:04:43

And the thousands and thousands came later!

1:04:431:04:47

She encouraged me from my first step.

1:04:471:04:51

-First step?

-Yes.

1:04:511:04:54

DANCE step. I'm a dancer. You knew that, of course.

1:04:541:04:59

-Do you mind?

-Ohh!

1:05:001:05:03

Oh, why, no... No, I'm GLAD!

1:05:031:05:06

I'm GLAD!

1:05:061:05:09

You're the most emotionally unstable girl I've ever met.

1:05:091:05:14

I am fate to take foolish chances weeth.

1:05:181:05:23

-MAN HITS MR TORNETTI!

-Tornetti!

1:05:231:05:25

Tornetti.

1:05:291:05:30

I cannot find the lady. I give everywhere the password. Everywhere I get the slaps.

1:05:331:05:41

I forgot to tell you her name! Mrs Green, room 216.

1:05:411:05:46

-Si, senor. Scusi.

-No more prowling round this hotel.

1:05:461:05:51

-Be sure the lady doesn't leave her room before morning.

-I stay till detectives arrive.

1:05:511:05:59

Right, and... Oh, my word!

1:05:591:06:02

I forgot about the detectives!

1:06:021:06:05

Detectives or no detectives, Tornetti he gets paid!

1:06:051:06:10

I'll rush to London and bring the detectives back!

1:06:101:06:15

-Egbert!

-Detectives...

1:06:171:06:20

-Where were you going?

-I...I was looking for YOU.

-I have something to tell you.

1:06:201:06:28

-I've got to go to London.

-I must tell you!

-What is it?

1:06:281:06:33

I can't remember what it is!

1:06:331:06:36

You drive everything out of my head.

1:06:361:06:40

-Well, I can't wait.

-I'll go to London with you.

1:06:401:06:45

-What?

-It'll come back to me. Besides, you mustn't ride alone at night.

1:06:451:06:51

-I bet you say that to every man you marry!

-Oh, Egbert!

-Come on!

1:06:511:06:57

-Aren't the shadows on the sand lovely?

-Yes.

-And the light on the water...and the moon...

1:07:161:07:25

Look, the moon's coming out. Look, Guy.

1:07:271:07:31

-It came out!

-Oh, isn't it BEAUTIFUL?

1:07:321:07:37

-I wonder what causes that peculiar effect?

-That's what I'M wondering.

1:07:411:07:48

-Mimi, who is that man who went into your room?

-Man?

1:07:481:07:53

-How many men did you invite here tonight?

-Oh...

-Mimi, are you married?

1:07:531:08:00

-Wh-what?

-Is it your husband?

-Husband?

-Yes.

1:08:001:08:04

Oh, scusi, please, scusi.

1:08:081:08:11

-What are you doing here?

-Chances are that fate is foolish!

1:08:111:08:16

Oh...oh...will you please stay here just a minute?

1:08:161:08:21

-It...it's no-one.

-No-one?!

1:08:241:08:27

-Mimi, what's he doing here?

-He's...he's here on business!

1:08:271:08:32

-Business?

-Mmm.

1:08:321:08:34

-Let's look at the moon.

-I'll throw him out.

-You can't!

-Who is he?

1:08:341:08:42

Well, he's...

1:08:421:08:44

-I AM married.

-You? Married?

1:08:451:08:48

To a geologist.

1:08:481:08:51

-Then it IS your husband!

-No! I won't be married for long.

1:08:511:08:56

I'm getting a divorce, and he's here to help me get it.

1:08:561:09:01

Wait a minute...

1:09:011:09:04

-Are you the woman whose divorce Egbert Fitzgerald is handling?

-Mmm.

-Oh-oh!

1:09:041:09:11

-And you thought

-I

-was your co-respondent? How could you?

1:09:111:09:18

-Well, you said the right words.

-What right words?

1:09:181:09:23

Oh, scusi, please, scusi.

1:09:251:09:28

Fate is the foolish thing! Take a chance!

1:09:281:09:33

-Are YOU the co-respondent?

-Rudolfo Tornetti at your serveece!

1:09:331:09:40

-You are no longer needed.

-What?

-I am taking your place.

-Are you a Union man?

1:09:421:09:50

Are you hired by Mr Egbert too?

1:09:541:09:57

Mr Tornetti, this gentleman isn't going to stay.

1:09:571:10:02

-Then you DO need me.

-No. Get out.

1:10:021:10:06

-But, Guy...

-He might be a tenor!

1:10:061:10:09

Si, si, senor! Leesten! HE SINGS LA DONNA E MOBILE

1:10:091:10:13

I was wrong(!)

1:10:131:10:16

-I'm gonna throw him out!

-Guy!

1:10:161:10:19

I have contract! I sue! First, for my ear...

1:10:191:10:24

-second, for my honour...

-I'm here for a divorce. Mr Tornetti must stay.

1:10:241:10:31

-If HE stays,

-I

-stay. I feel crowded, but that's life.

1:10:311:10:36

TELEPHONE RINGS At last, my call, she comes!

1:10:361:10:42

Hello.

1:10:441:10:46

Hello, Maria!

1:10:461:10:49

Six times I call you, and you are boozy.

1:10:491:10:54

Yes, the boozy signal.

1:10:541:10:57

Oh, si, I am all right. No. Blonde.

1:10:571:11:01

Just a blonde.

1:11:011:11:05

Excusez, I talk to zee wife. She want to know all about you.

1:11:051:11:10

Yes. Keeess the kiddies for me.

1:11:111:11:14

What? What? Maria!

1:11:151:11:20

Who is that a-speaking to you?

1:11:201:11:23

What?

1:11:231:11:25

No! No possible!

1:11:261:11:29

What do you theenk? My son, Rudolfo, heez voice is changing!

1:11:291:11:36

Goodnight, sweetheart.

1:11:411:11:44

You stay. Tornetti does not care. But no monkey beezness!

1:11:461:11:52

-The lady must not leave the room.

-We're prisoners?!

1:11:521:11:57

-I won't take the lady away.

-I will see that you don't.

-Thanks.

1:11:571:12:03

-Maybe you want to play breedge?

-No, thank you.

-No?

-Not a bit.

1:12:031:12:09

All right. I play solitaire. Remember not to leave. I watch.

1:12:091:12:15

I don't want to drag you into this.

1:12:151:12:19

But I WANT to be in it!

1:12:191:12:22

I don't think it'll be so bad being a prisoner here.

1:12:221:12:27

Hello, hello!

1:12:271:12:29

-MUSIC PLAYS

-Doesn't sound like a prisoner's song!

1:12:301:12:35

-Not a bad tune. What is it?

-It's the newest thing over here, "The Continental".

1:12:371:12:44

-"The Continental"?

-Mmm.

-Oh.

1:12:441:12:47

I like it.

1:12:471:12:49

That's another thing I'd like to take home with me!

1:12:501:12:55

-You know the words?

-Mmm.

1:12:551:12:58

# Beautiful music

1:12:581:13:01

# Dangerous rhythm

1:13:031:13:06

# It's something daring The Continental, a way of dancing that's really ultra-new

1:13:061:13:12

# It's subtle, The Continental It does what you want it to do

1:13:121:13:17

# It has passion, The Continental

1:13:191:13:22

# An invitation to moonlight and romance

1:13:221:13:26

# It's a fashion, The Continental Tell of your love as you dance

1:13:261:13:31

# Your lips whisper so tenderly

1:13:311:13:34

# Her eyes answer your song

1:13:361:13:39

# Two bodies swaying, The Continental

1:13:391:13:43

# Saying what you're dreaming of

1:13:431:13:46

# Keep on dancing, The Continental A song of romance and of love!

1:13:461:13:49

# Kiss while you're dancing... #

1:13:531:13:55

-Not a bad idea!

-# It's continental Mmmm! Continental!

1:13:551:14:02

# You sing while you're dancing

1:14:021:14:05

# Your voice is gentle and sentimental

1:14:051:14:10

# You stroll together arm-in-arm

1:14:101:14:14

# Nonchalantly glide along with grace and charm

1:14:141:14:19

# You will find while you're dancing

1:14:191:14:23

# There's a rhythm in your heart and soul Rhythm that you can't control

1:14:231:14:30

# You'll do The Continental all the time! #

1:14:301:14:34

Oh, can't we join the fun?

1:14:451:14:48

-What if our gaoler catches us?

-I forgot about him!

1:14:481:14:53

-What is it?

-An idea! An idea!

1:15:021:15:06

Is this one of those...?

1:15:081:15:11

I know how we can get out without our friend missing us!

1:15:131:15:19

This is something I used to do as a boy!

1:15:191:15:23

-BOTH: I don't care what you did as a boy!

-I know!

1:15:231:15:29

This might work, though.

1:15:291:15:32

-You've got me cutting out paper dolls!

-Oh, I see!

1:15:321:15:38

Well, I'll go change!

1:15:381:15:41

-That's cute!

-THAT'S beautiful! Come on!

1:16:301:16:35

BAND PLAYS THE CONTINENTAL

1:16:531:16:57

What's this? Stand back!

1:17:131:17:17

Look!

1:20:471:20:49

# Beautiful music

1:21:031:21:07

# Dangerous rhythm

1:21:071:21:11

# It's something daring, The Continental, a way of dancing That's really ultra-new

1:21:111:21:18

# It's subtle, The Continental It does what you want it to do

1:21:181:21:23

# It has passion, The Continental An invitation to romance

1:21:231:21:28

# It's in fashion, The Continental Tell of your love as you dance

1:21:281:21:34

# Your lips whisper so tenderly

1:21:341:21:39

# Her eyes answer your song

1:21:391:21:41

# Two bodies swaying, The Continental Saying what you're thinking of

1:21:411:21:47

# Keep on dancing The Continental

1:21:471:21:51

# It's a song of romance and love

1:21:511:21:54

# You kiss while you're dancing

1:21:551:21:59

# It's continental The Continental

1:21:591:22:03

# You sing while you're dancing

1:22:051:22:08

# Your voice is gentle so sentimental

1:22:081:22:12

# You know before the dance is through

1:22:121:22:16

# That you're in love with she and she's in love with you!

1:22:161:22:21

# You'll find while you're dancing

1:22:211:22:24

# There's a rhythm in your heart and soul

1:22:241:22:29

# You'll do The Continental all the time! #

1:22:291:22:33

# Dukes and lords of noble station love the new sophistication of The Continenta-a-a-a-l!

1:23:341:23:42

# In a Belgian hallroom In a Monte Carlo ballroom You will see The Continental!

1:23:421:23:50

# In a Paris bistro crowded with the pash

1:23:501:23:54

# You will see The Continental in the best French fashion

1:23:541:23:59

# Spain and Italy, Transylvannia, Norway, Sweden and Rumania do The Continental!

1:23:591:24:06

# On the dykes of the Zider Zee Wooden shoes have found the key To the Continenta-a-l!

1:24:061:24:14

# It's like a fever It's like a plague

1:24:151:24:20

# It's swept all Europe

1:24:201:24:23

# From Moscow to the Hague!

1:24:231:24:26

# You kiss while you're dancing

1:24:291:24:32

# The Continental drivin' you wild!

1:24:321:24:36

# The Continental it isn't so mild!

1:24:361:24:40

# You sing while you're dancing

1:24:401:24:44

# His voice is gentle The Continental A metre that you understand

1:24:441:24:51

# You know before the dance is through That you're in love with her

1:24:511:24:58

# And she's in love with you!

1:24:581:25:00

# You'll find while you're dancing

1:25:001:25:03

# There's a rhythm in your heart and soul A certain rhythm you can't control

1:25:031:25:08

# The Continental!

1:25:081:25:11

# The Continental!

1:25:111:25:13

# The Continenta-a-a-a-a-a-al! #

1:25:131:25:17

He's gone! Come on!

1:26:511:26:54

BIRDS SING

1:28:411:28:44

-Why did you do theese?

-To be sure of you.

-Oh, signor!

1:29:131:29:18

KNOCK ON DOOR

1:29:181:29:21

-Who is thees?

-I don't know! You've done this before.

1:29:211:29:26

-I know. But you upset my routine.

-Answer it!

1:29:261:29:30

Who ees it? < The waiter!

1:29:351:29:38

-The waiter.

-Ask him what he wants.

-What do you want?

1:29:381:29:43

-< Breakfast. What shall we do?

-Wait. Mimi!

1:29:431:29:47

-Yes?

-The waiter wants breakfast.

-What?

-The poor fella may be hungry.

1:29:471:29:54

It's OUR breakfast. I ordered it.

1:29:541:29:57

-It's our breakfast.

-I open.

-Good morning.

1:29:571:30:02

Good morning. Good morning.

1:30:021:30:04

-Were you comfortable?

-Oh, yes.

1:30:051:30:08

-Put that right here.

-May I...?

1:30:081:30:11

-Mr Tornetti, sit there. Guy, you sit there.

-You know...

1:30:111:30:18

-I'd like to have breakfast with you EVERY morning.

-Yes!

1:30:181:30:23

I hope you like what I ordered.

1:30:231:30:26

-I've never had breakfast with two men before.

-I have. It's no fun!

1:30:261:30:32

-When the detectives arrive, be careful.

-I hope they don't come soon. I've grown to like you both!

1:30:321:30:41

So sweet!

1:30:411:30:43

KNOCK ON DOOR

1:30:431:30:46

-Guy, you'd better hide.

-Let Tornetti hide.

-YOU hide!

1:30:461:30:51

-You want me to be free, don't you?

-Call if you need me.

1:30:511:30:56

Not over here! There! Anywhere!

1:30:581:31:01

Coffee, ma'am?

1:31:041:31:06

I've brought fresh coffee.

1:31:071:31:11

-Guy.

-Yes, dear?

1:31:111:31:13

It's just the waiter.

1:31:131:31:16

Next time, use a signal like this.

1:31:161:31:20

-I can't dash in and out all the time.

-All right, sir.

1:31:201:31:25

The gentleman in this case is a scientist?

1:31:271:31:31

-A distinguished scientist in his own field.

-A geologist.

1:31:311:31:37

-Did you mention geology?

-Oh-oh!

1:31:371:31:40

-I have an unnatural passion for rocks.

-You should be ashamed!

1:31:401:31:47

It's a wonderful thing, geology.

1:31:471:31:49

Geologically speaking, this island of Great Britain is 500,000,003½ years old!

1:31:491:31:57

How do you know it's that old?

1:31:571:32:00

Professor Brown told me it was 500,000,000 years old, 3½ years ago!

1:32:001:32:06

-Who was that?

-Professor Brown.

1:32:061:32:09

Him and his wife stopped at the last place I worked.

1:32:091:32:14

He told me that this sea coast is really an igneous intrusion.

1:32:141:32:20

-You know, you're somewhat of an igneous intrusion yourself.

-Thank you!

1:32:201:32:27

Now... KNOCK ON DOOR

1:32:341:32:37

-Is that the way I've to knock?

-Yes, thank you.

1:32:381:32:44

Thank you!

1:32:441:32:46

What a day this is going to be!

1:32:461:32:50

-Well, Mrs Glossip...

-Hello!

-Quiet, please! Oh, Guy!

1:32:501:32:55

-THAT'S what I was trying to remember!

-Was it?

-Yes!

1:32:551:33:01

This is my Mimi.

1:33:011:33:04

-Oh, really? Tornetti, if you have bungled this job...

-Scusi, signor!

1:33:041:33:11

-Guy, you're messing this up!

-The detectives...?

1:33:111:33:16

-Even better!

-This'll be good(!)

-I have brought Mr Glossip!

1:33:161:33:22

-My husband?

-Yes.

-The husband?!

1:33:221:33:25

-Guy, get out!

-No more hiding.

-Please, Guy.

1:33:251:33:30

All right, I'll hide. But call if you need me.

1:33:301:33:35

-Call anyhow.

-Yes, I will.

1:33:361:33:39

-It was MY idea to have your husband here.

-Hortense, why did you do that?

1:33:391:33:47

-Courage! He won't shoot.

-Let's wait for the shooting. Shoot?!

1:33:471:33:53

Never before have I met the husband!

1:33:531:33:57

-Where are the detectives?

-I can't do anything about that, he's on his way!

1:33:571:34:04

Do something! Look amorous!

1:34:041:34:07

Hortense...never mind. Come on!

1:34:071:34:10

This ees too much for Tornetti.

1:34:101:34:13

-KNOCK ON DOOR

-Oh, quick!

1:34:131:34:16

-What shall we do?

-Look amorous. Like thees!

-You look sick!

1:34:161:34:23

Try thees.

1:34:251:34:27

Come in!

1:34:291:34:32

I hope I knocked the right way.

1:34:321:34:35

You've a-spoiled everything.

1:34:371:34:40

-I came for the dishes.

-Leave them. Do something with him.

1:34:401:34:45

-Go quickly there.

-Yes. Hide him.

1:34:451:34:48

Hurry!

1:34:481:34:50

-Please, sir!

-Hi, waiter!

-Hello, sir.

-You hiding too?

-Yes, sir.

1:34:501:34:57

Now, once more.

1:34:571:34:59

KNOCK ON DOOR C-come in!

1:34:591:35:03

Cyril!

1:35:101:35:12

Who is this fellow?

1:35:151:35:18

-This is my husband.

-I'm so very please!

1:35:191:35:24

-You haven't answered!

-I must confess. He's my...

1:35:241:35:31

This object? Huh! I don't believe it.

1:35:311:35:35

He has all the ear-marks of a hired co-respondent.

1:35:351:35:41

That is not true. She love me and I love she!

1:35:411:35:46

Mimi, you amuse me. I'd never believe it with HIM, this hairdresser!

1:35:461:35:54

Guy! Guy!

1:35:561:35:58

I'm sorry to ask you to do this. Kiss me!

1:35:581:36:03

I'm not sorry!

1:36:031:36:06

Bravo!

1:36:061:36:08

And who, pray, is this?

1:36:081:36:11

After the divorce, we'll marry!

1:36:111:36:14

-WHAT divorce?

-Aren't you going to divorce me?!

1:36:141:36:19

No, my dear, I'm going to forgive you.

1:36:191:36:23

Forgeeve her! CURSES IN ITALIAN

1:36:231:36:27

Enough of this nonsense. Mimi, come home at once!

1:36:291:36:34

You're a lamb who has strayed.

1:36:341:36:37

And you are an ineffectual little puppy!

1:36:371:36:41

I'll throw him out.

1:36:441:36:47

No, Guy!

1:36:471:36:49

May I go? I've got work to do.

1:36:491:36:52

-Go ahead.

-Hello, Professor Brown.

1:36:521:36:56

-Professor Brown?!

-How are you, Professor?

1:36:571:37:02

-Is this your friend, the rock thrower?

-Yes.

1:37:021:37:07

He doesn't know what he's talking about. I don't know this man!

1:37:071:37:12

Remember the chats we had about rocks, you, me and your wife?

1:37:121:37:18

No. I do not.

1:37:191:37:22

-Would you know the Professor's wife?

-Yes.

1:37:221:37:27

-Mmm-hhh!

-Am

-I

-Mrs Brown?

1:37:271:37:31

-No. You're Mrs GREEN.

-Well, strike me pink!

1:37:311:37:37

Mrs Brown was French. She couldn't speak English.

1:37:371:37:42

Why, Buster Brown! Most unfossilish of you, sir!

1:37:431:37:48

-I've got to catch a train. Let me past.

-I will not.

1:37:481:37:54

Well?

1:38:011:38:03

-Did it work?

-Did it work? Meet the future Mrs Holden!

1:38:031:38:09

-Father will be proud of me!

-Egbert and I are to be married.

1:38:091:38:14

Darling, we WERE married last night!

1:38:141:38:18

Last night? Why, of course, so we were!

1:38:181:38:22

Let's all hurry back to London and have a big celebration!

1:38:221:38:28

Scusi! I'm very good at parties!

1:38:281:38:32

Subtitles by Janice Hamilton BBC - 1989

1:39:571:40:01

Guy Holden comes to the rescue of a trapped damsel in distress in a crowded customs shed. More frustrating encounters follow until Mimi mistakes Guy for a professional correspondent in a Brighton hotel.


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