The Stepford Wives


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The Stepford Wives

Remake of the 70s drama. A city couple look for a fresh start in handsome Stepford, but there is something eerie about the town's perfectly groomed wives.


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Transcript


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APPLAUSE

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Ladies and gentlemen, I would now like to introduce

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a legend in our industry.

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She's the most successful president in the history of our network

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and for the past five years has kept us at the top of the ratings.

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She's our maverick, our wild card,

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and today she's going to take us right to the edge.

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Please welcome a giant, a genius,

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and the hardest-working person in television, Joanna Eberhart!

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RAPTUROUS CHEERS AND APPLAUSE

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Thank you all so much!

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Thank you!

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That feels good!

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Especially coming from such a fantastic group of people

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from all across our great nation, our network affiliates!

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Give yourselves a great big hand!

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You deserve it!

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And I want a big, fat Christmas bonus!

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Just kidding. But not really, because...

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I am so excited, I am so on fire,

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I am so guts-and-glory passionate about what I am about to show you.

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On Monday nights the world will be watching a man, a woman and a buzzer!

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Are you ready for the final gender challenge?

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-Who makes more money?

-I do.

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-Who enters Ironman triathlons every year and wins?

-I do.

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Who secretly wishes they were married to a sexy lesbian?

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-I do.

-I do!

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It's Tara!

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And...

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on Thursdays...

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No, this is not just a TV show. No.

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This is a breakthrough, break-out, break-the-rules

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and bring-on-the-Emmys mega-smash!

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Yes!

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Can I present to you this planet's ultimate reality phenomenon?

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I Can Do Better!

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We will all be right there

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as happily married couples fly first class to a tropical island paradise,

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where they will be surrounded by professional prostitutes.

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And at the end of the week, well, let's take a peek.

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It's been a week!

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Hank, a personnel manager from Omaha, spent the week with Vanessa,

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a call girl and exotic dancer.

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Yeah, it's been amazing.

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And I'll admit we've had some fun in the hot tub, an' all.

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But you want to know something, Billy? All we did was talk.

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Because I love my wife.

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And the only place I want to be is back in Omaha with my Barbara.

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Tough break, Nessa.

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And, Barbara, you spent Monday with Rocky,

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a body builder and male escort,

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Tuesday through Thursday with the cast of the XXX film Hung Jury,

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and you spend the entire weekend with Tonkiro.

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It's time for the final decision. Barbara, it's yours to make.

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Is it gonna be Omaha...

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..or Oma-hugs?

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Well...before I came on this show,

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I only had sex with one man, and that was usually Hank.

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I love Hank deeply and forever with all my heart.

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I'd never do anything to hurt him.

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But I can do better!

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The battle of the sexes!

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As old as time, but as -

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-Why?!

-Er... Excuse me?

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-Why did you do it?!

-Oh, my God, it's Hank from I Can Do Better!

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Hank, everyone!

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No, stop it!

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I love Barbara! I had a family. I had a life.

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Hank... I know it hurts.

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Love isn't easy.

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Relationships aren't easy.

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Not for anyone. But...

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now you know the truth about Barbara,

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and you are going to move on with your life,

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and you're going to meet someone wonderful,

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and America is going to love you.

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APPLAUSE

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Yeah, I got a great idea... for another hot new show.

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-Well, tell it to us.

-It's called...

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Let's Kill All The Women.

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AUDIENCE SHRIEKS

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Oh!

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Joanna, are you all right?

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I am great. Raring to go. The police were sensational.

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And not a scratch!

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-You haven't heard?

-About what?

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-That man, Hank...

-SHE GROANS

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Right before he tried to kill you

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he went to see his ex-wife and five of her new boyfriends.

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-He did?

-He shot all of them.

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The wife is in critical condition. Four guys are on life support.

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-Tonkiro?

-He's fine.

-Thank God.

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-So you know what this means?

-Of course.

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We pay for all their medical treatment. Every penny.

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We get them the very best therapist, childcare, rehab, whatever they need.

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And then we fly them to New York first class for a prime-time special,

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Hank and Barbara: Let The Healing Begin.

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You're not listening.

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We can't wear this. The lawsuits alone may bankrupt the network.

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All your new shows, the affiliates won't touch them.

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We have shareholders.

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We can't let you sink the network.

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But we wish you only the best.

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SMALL GASP

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Of course.

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Thank you for being so classy and taking this so well.

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Joanna, we just wanted to say that this is so not fair.

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Goodbye, everybody!

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All the best!

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Arrghhhhhhhh!

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Jo?

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WHIMPERS

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Ah, Walter...

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What happened?

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Well, you've had a complete nervous collapse.

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Oh...

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The doctors say there's a lot of work to do, but you'll be just fine.

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Oh, and Pete...made this for you.

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Oh, that's so sweet!

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And I wanted you to know

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that the minute I heard the news, I called the network and I quit.

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-You did that for me?

-Of course.

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I know I was only a vice-president,

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but I could never work for those people,

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not after the way they treated you.

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Oh... Walter...

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Do you remember what today is? It's our anniversary.

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Oh... Walter...

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I'm so sorry.

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Maybe that man who tried to shoot me,

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maybe he was right. Maybe I've become the wrong kind of woman.

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Maybe I've made all the wrong decisions.

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Could...could we get away...

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and start over?

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And get it right, our marriage?

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-But why are we moving?

-To Connecticut?

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We're moving so we can all kick back and have a great new life

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in this beautiful new town.

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-Name?

-Kresby.

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-Welcome to Stepford.

-Thanks.

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-What do you think, guys?

-Cool.

-Good.

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Honey?

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Hello, everyone!

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I'm Mrs Wellington.

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Welcome to Stepford.

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I'm with Stepford Realty. We spoke on the phone.

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-You must be Walter.

-So nice to meet you in person.

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-And the little ones! I bet you're Pete.

-Duh!

-Pete!

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And he's every bit as handsome as his dad.

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Thank you.

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And, Kimberly, aren't you just the cutest little bug's ear?!

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-Bugs don't have ears.

-Isn't she sassy? And a little sad.

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And this must be Joanna.

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-Electro-shock?

-But she's doing great.

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Hello, little Energizer!

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The minute Walter called, I knew this was the perfect house for you.

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It's top of the line here at Stepford Estates

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and it's got everything an American family could ever need.

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And may I present to you...

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Look at this! This is amazing!

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..the Great Room?

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I call it cosy.

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And it's also a smart house. This controls the security system.

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DOORS LOCK

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COMPUTER: "All secure."

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It talks to the refrigerator.

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"We need juice, we need juice."

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"We need juice."

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The system also monitors all the commodes.

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Where it will test your urine for blood sugar, protein and body fat.

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"Flush toilets." TOILETS FLUSH

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-Isn't that great, kids?

-I'm gonna go check my room!

-Me too!

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-Now, Walter, will you be commuting?

-No.

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SIGHS

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Er, no. Joanna and I both left the network.

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-YAPS

-Oh, look, it's the puppy!

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Robo-Rover 3000! Come on, boy! Come on, come on!

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DOG YAPS

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CAR HORN

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Joanna!

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The town is over 200 years old.

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It was founded by George Washington and Martha just loved it.

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Stepford is Connecticut's family paradise.

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It has no crime, no poverty and no pushing.

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What is that? Up on the hill?

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Well, that's our Stepford Men's Association,

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where all our wonderful guys can get together and stay out of our hair.

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Am I right?

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-Where do the women go?

-To the Simply Stepford day spa.

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Good morning, ladies.

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-ALL:

-Good morning, Claire.

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I would like you all to welcome our newest citizen to Stepford,

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Joanna.

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-ALL:

-Good morning, Joanna.

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-Are we ready to work out?

-Oh, yes.

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Places and poles, please.

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You work out dressed like this?

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Well, of course.

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Whatever we do, we always want to look our very best.

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I mean, why, imagine, if our husbands saw us in...

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worn, dark, urban sweat clothes

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with stringy hair and almost no make-up.

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Now, today you are in for a special treat.

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We are working on a set of exercises which I've personally invented,

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based on simple household tasks.

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I call my programme Claireobics.

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Because her name is Claire.

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All right, now it's time to slim and scrub.

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-UP-BEAT MUSIC

-Let's all be...washing machines.

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And...chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga!

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Chugga-chugga-chugga- chugga-chugga-choo!

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Chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga chugga-chugga-choo!

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Come on, Joanna!

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Spin cycle, ladies!

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And whoosh!

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And whoosh!

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And whoosh!

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And whoosh!

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DOOR OPENS

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-Walter?

-Hey, how you doing?

-How are you?

-Walter Kresby!

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I'm Stan Peters. Come on in. Mike said you were coming.

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-Nice to see you.

-Come on in.

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BAND PLAYS

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TANNOY: "Happy Fourth of July!

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"At 1.30 will be the children's Stars and Stripes face-painting."

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Isn't this great?

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A real, old-fashioned town picnic. Can't get this in Manhattan.

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We'll stay exactly ten minutes.

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We'll make an appearance and get out of here.

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Kids, I'm sorry about all of this, but let's try and have fun.

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-Mom, it's a picnic.

-Chill.

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Go ahead, have fun.

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Ten minutes?

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You don't get it. These women are deranged, flight-attendant friendly.

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-They're going to be all over me.

-Joanna!

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Here we go.

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-Joanna.

-Joanna, hi.

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-Hi, Walter.

-Hi.

-You look great.

-I love you in khakis.

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They're new. A little experiment.

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Now I know why they call it Banana Republic.

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WOMEN GIGGLE

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Excuse me, excuse me!

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Excuse me, ladies. Excuse me.

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Excuse me! Excuse me!

0:21:070:21:09

Excuse me! Am I the only one who finds this a little disturbing?

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We are celebrating our nation's birthday,

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with almost no African-Americans, Native Americans, Asian Americans...

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Oh, my God. Hey!

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You're Joanna Eberhart. You got such a raw deal.

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Aren't you Bobbie Markowitz? I love your books, especially the last one.

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It was about your relationship with your mother.

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I Love You, But Please Die.

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Hey, baby! Look what I did!

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WHISTLES

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Happy Fourth of July, everybody.

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-Excuse me. Is he bothering you?

-Yes. He's my husband.

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-Hey, Kresbo-man!

-Hey, Dave.

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-How do you know each other?

-Men's Association.

-That place!

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-Did you finish the laundry?

-No, I finished a chapter.

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-Did you make the sandwiches?

-Did you?

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-Where are the kids?

-Kids?

-Our kids.

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-Are you two OK?

-We're fine.

-We're fine.

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-Come on, I need a cookie.

-See what I mean?

0:22:020:22:04

Jerry, it's a bake sale, an actual bake sale.

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It's like a heavenly diorama at the Smithsonian

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in the Hall of Homemakers.

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Oh, no... No, stop it.

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Stop it, stop it, stop it.

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-That is not a cobbler?!

-Can we reel it in a couple of hundred yards?

0:22:160:22:21

How do you ladies keep your figures?

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-Is there a huge vat of cobbler vomit somewhere?

-Roger...

-I'm sorry.

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That is...

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Jerry thinks that I overdo everything.

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-Excuse me. Aren't you Roger

-Bannister? The amazing architect?

0:22:320:22:37

-From The Times?

-Thanks. This is Jerry Harmon.

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-Hi.

-Corporate attorney.

-But he's getting help.

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-Stop it!

-You stop it.

-We're new.

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Oh, my God, Joanna Eberhart!

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-I love the shows.

-Oh, thank you.

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Bobbie Markowitz. Love the books.

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Jerry, how did this happen? Where did you come from?

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I mean, right here in Stepford - people!

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"Attention, attention, Fourth of July funsters!"

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"Grab your partners!"

0:23:010:23:04

"It's time for some sizzling Stepford square-dancing! Come on!"

0:23:040:23:09

-Square dance?

-Cow girls?

-We're in hell.

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Yee-ha! Come on, Bobbie.

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HOEDOWN MUSIC

0:23:150:23:17

Howdy!

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ALL: Howdy!

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Ready to kick up your heels for some barn-rustic high-stepping?

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-ALL:

-Yee-ha!

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Bow to your partners, low as you can!

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Bow.

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Stepford gals love their men!

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All the men left, all the men right!

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Rope that filly, she won't bite!

0:23:500:23:52

All join hands and circle sweet!

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Please your cowboy with your feet.

0:23:580:24:00

Nice shirt, Stan!

0:24:080:24:10

Yahoo!

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Yippy-ki-yay! Yippy-ki-yay! Yippy-ki-yay! Yippy-ki-yay!

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-Yippy-ki-yay!

-Honey?

-Yippy-ki-yay!

0:24:370:24:39

-Yippy-ki-yay! Yippy-ki-yay!

-Calm down, baby.

0:24:390:24:41

Do-si-do! Do-si-do! Do-si-do!

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-HIGH-PITCHED:

-Do-si-do! Do-si-do! Do-si-do!

0:24:440:24:46

SHOES SCREECH

0:24:460:24:48

Jesus...

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Do-do-si-do! Do-si-do!

0:24:500:24:52

-Excuse me!

-It's OK!

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Excuse me!

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All right, OK. Don't try to move her.

0:24:570:25:00

-She's drunk.

-She's blonde.

0:25:000:25:04

-Jo, you're not a doctor.

-Walter, I can take care of it. I ran a network.

0:25:040:25:08

-Somebody call 911.

-Mike's here.

-Mike...

0:25:080:25:10

Mike!

0:25:100:25:13

Do-si-do... Do-si-do... Do-si-do...

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-Mike...

-It's OK. I'm here.

0:25:170:25:19

-Walter, the Mrs.

-Jo!

0:25:190:25:22

-Walter, what is wrong?

-Excuse me.

-Stand right back.

0:25:220:25:26

Hey! Er, excuse...

0:25:260:25:29

I can't...

0:25:290:25:31

Exc...

0:25:310:25:33

ELECTRICAL SPARKING What was that?

0:25:330:25:35

Herb, Dave, give me a hand and we'll get Sarah right into my Hummer.

0:25:350:25:40

-Your Hummer?

-It's a sweet ride.

-It's roomy.

0:25:400:25:44

We need an ambulance. You shouldn't be moving her.

0:25:440:25:47

Sh-she might need oxygen. BAND STRIKES UP

0:25:470:25:50

-Everything isn't always about you.

-Walter...

0:25:500:25:53

She'll be fine. It's... It's too much sun. She's dehydrated.

0:25:540:25:58

Dehydrated? Are you crazy?

0:25:580:26:00

Jo! I'm sorry about this, Mike.

0:26:000:26:02

Joanna, Joanna!

0:26:020:26:05

This is a very special moment. I would like you to meet...

0:26:050:26:09

-Mike Wellington.

-My husband.

0:26:090:26:11

Oh.

0:26:110:26:12

The famous Joanna. You're even prettier than in the newspapers.

0:26:120:26:17

Excuse me. That woman is very sick. I should be going with her.

0:26:170:26:21

She'll get all the help she needs. Trust me, little lady.

0:26:210:26:24

That woman had a seizure and she was practically levitating.

0:26:300:26:34

I have told you five million times! I phoned Herb.

0:26:340:26:37

He said that Sarah is fine. She just needed some fluids, like Mike said.

0:26:370:26:42

-She was sparking, Walter.

-She was dancing.

0:26:420:26:46

Then why wasn't there a doctor anywhere? And why...

0:26:460:26:48

Grr!

0:26:480:26:51

Why...

0:26:510:26:53

Walter!

0:26:540:26:55

Why did everyone just automatically listen to that Mike person?

0:26:550:26:58

-Why did they just stand there?!

-You mean, why didn't they listen to you?

0:26:580:27:02

That's not what I'm saying!

0:27:020:27:04

-Jesus Christ, Joanna!

-What?

0:27:040:27:07

You were fired, the kids barely know you, our marriage is falling apart!

0:27:070:27:11

Shh!

0:27:110:27:12

Your attitude makes people want to kill you.

0:27:120:27:15

It makes people try to kill you.

0:27:150:27:17

That's why we're here.

0:27:170:27:18

The people in this town have been nothing but friendly and welcoming

0:27:180:27:22

and wonderful to you.

0:27:220:27:24

And you've been nothing but snide and suspicious.

0:27:240:27:27

And at the picnic, you humiliated me. I can't do it any more.

0:27:270:27:30

I can't keep fighting you for every inch of everything. Game over.

0:27:300:27:35

Marriage over.

0:27:350:27:37

No!

0:27:370:27:38

No...

0:27:380:27:39

-No what?

-Please don't go.

0:27:390:27:42

-Why not?

-Because you're right.

0:27:420:27:44

Wait, I'm sorry. I don't think I heard. What'd you just say?

0:27:470:27:50

I said you're right.

0:27:530:27:55

About?

0:27:550:27:57

About everything.

0:27:570:27:59

Oh... About me.

0:28:020:28:04

You know why I signed on at the network?

0:28:290:28:32

Cos I thought if I was around, I could help you lighten up.

0:28:340:28:37

-You did?

-Yeah, I did. What was that show called? I Can Do Everybody.

0:28:370:28:44

See, that's what I mean. I wanted to make you laugh.

0:28:440:28:47

That's so sweet, but I...

0:28:480:28:51

I was busy, I was... I was running a network, Walter.

0:28:530:28:57

-You were so busy that we haven't made love in over a year.

-I know.

0:28:590:29:03

Well, I miss you.

0:29:030:29:05

But I've always loved you... so much.

0:29:050:29:09

I... You know that.

0:29:090:29:12

Why?

0:29:130:29:16

Because.

0:29:160:29:17

Because...

0:29:170:29:20

you're goofy and you're...you're handsome,

0:29:200:29:23

and you're, you're... you're my Walter.

0:29:230:29:27

And because when you play computer chess,

0:29:300:29:32

you do that little victory dance.

0:29:320:29:36

-I do not!

-Yes, you do!

0:29:360:29:39

No, I don't.

0:29:390:29:41

Mm-hm.

0:29:410:29:43

Oh, but if I'm not the smartest

0:29:450:29:48

and the best of the best and the most successful,

0:29:480:29:51

then, I don't know, who am I?

0:29:510:29:54

You want to find out?

0:29:540:29:56

How?

0:29:580:29:59

First of all, we're in the country now, so no more black.

0:29:590:30:04

-No more black? Are you insane?

-You heard me.

0:30:040:30:06

Only high-powered, neurotic, castrating,

0:30:060:30:08

Manhattan career bitches wear black.

0:30:080:30:10

-Is that what you want to be?

-Ever since I was a little girl.

0:30:100:30:14

Do I really look OK?

0:30:180:30:22

-Can I be honest?

-Mm-hm.

0:30:240:30:26

-You look kinda like Betty Crocker.

-I know.

-At Betty Ford.

0:30:260:30:30

"We need milk, we need milk."

0:30:300:30:32

Thank you.

0:30:320:30:33

I'm trying to make an effort to change.

0:30:330:30:36

Last night my husband was a different person.

0:30:360:30:38

He was strong, he was forceful, he was commanding.

0:30:380:30:41

Like your refrigerator.

0:30:410:30:43

Nobody said it would be easy being a homemaker and a stay-at-home mom.

0:30:430:30:48

It's the toughest job in the world, right?

0:30:480:30:50

That may be, but these Stepford women are a whole other dimension.

0:30:500:30:54

Like yesterday, that poor lady, Sarah Sunderson.

0:30:540:30:57

Walter said she's fine.

0:30:570:30:59

-You said she was shooting off sparks from her ears.

-The first sign.

0:30:590:31:02

-Of what?

-Cheap jewellery.

0:31:020:31:05

-We should go see her.

-Why?

0:31:050:31:08

We need to be supportive. That's how people behave outside of Manhattan.

0:31:080:31:11

They care about each other.

0:31:110:31:13

In New York if one of your neighbours got sick, what would you do?

0:31:130:31:17

-We'd call her.

-To see if she was gonna die.

-To get the apartment.

0:31:170:31:20

Let's go. Up, up! Up!

0:31:200:31:23

Sarah!

0:31:250:31:27

Yoo-hoo!

0:31:270:31:29

Yoo-hoo?

0:31:290:31:31

-Is she in there?

-What are you doing?

-It's open.

0:31:310:31:33

-That's amazing. It's so sweet.

-And so trusting.

0:31:330:31:36

Roger... Look at this place.

0:31:420:31:45

Sarah!

0:31:470:31:48

Sarah?

0:31:480:31:51

LOVEMAKING UPSTAIRS

0:31:510:31:53

Roger!

0:31:540:31:56

-SARAH:

-Oh, Herb! Oh!

0:31:590:32:03

Oh! Oh, yes!

0:32:030:32:04

Oh, yes! Oh, make me...

0:32:040:32:07

SHRIEKS IN PLEASURE

0:32:070:32:10

I'm so lucky!

0:32:100:32:12

-Oh, my God.

-Is that a DVD?

0:32:120:32:14

No, it's them.

0:32:140:32:16

SHRIEKS CONTINUE

0:32:160:32:19

You're the king!

0:32:190:32:21

BEDSPRINGS POUND

0:32:210:32:23

Yes! Oh, oh! Oh!

0:32:230:32:25

LONG-DRAWN-OUT HOWL

0:32:250:32:34

Oh...

0:32:360:32:38

-I'm going up there.

-Why?

0:32:380:32:41

-Roger?

-I want some.

-Roger!

0:32:410:32:43

Roger...

0:32:430:32:45

Shh!

0:32:470:32:48

-HERB:

-Baby, grab me some nachos.

0:32:520:32:54

Yes, dear.

0:32:540:32:56

What's this?

0:33:000:33:03

-Roger, put it down.

-What? Oh, come on.

0:33:040:33:07

-Roger...

-Why does it say "Sarah?"

-Roger...

0:33:070:33:10

-Roger, put it down.

-This isn't our house.

-Would you just quit?

0:33:100:33:14

We're trespassing. We have to get out of here.

0:33:160:33:20

CLUNK

0:33:230:33:25

GIGGLING

0:33:290:33:31

I'm so embarrassed! Boy, am I famished!

0:33:410:33:44

-Bobbie...

-Yeah?

0:33:490:33:52

-Are you making anthrax?

-Excuse me? I've been busy. My new book.

0:33:520:33:56

Can't you hire someone to clean? Someone brave.

0:33:560:33:59

Dave says I gotta do it. Like Sarah Sunderson. Could you believe her?

0:33:590:34:03

But her home is spotless.

0:34:030:34:05

And she's having incredible sex in the day with her husband.

0:34:050:34:10

Well, my shrink says I need creative chaos.

0:34:100:34:12

My therapist says I need boundaries.

0:34:120:34:14

My doctor said I need enough electricity to jump-start Vegas.

0:34:140:34:17

-Ooh! You ever done Zoloft?

-Oh, kids' stuff.

0:34:170:34:20

Xanax. I worship Xanax. I'm old-fashioned.

0:34:200:34:23

I like Prozac with a Viagra chaser. You're up...and you're up!

0:34:230:34:27

Oh, Roger...

0:34:270:34:29

Viagra!

0:34:290:34:31

Hey, is there something that you need to tell us?

0:34:310:34:34

Well...

0:34:340:34:35

-Sharing...

-Mm-hm.

0:34:350:34:37

OK. OK.

0:34:370:34:39

Jerry and I have been in couples' counselling, for over a year.

0:34:420:34:46

And finally, finally I just couldn't take it any more.

0:34:460:34:49

I howled, "You've become a gay Republican!"

0:34:490:34:52

And he said, "What's wrong with that?"

0:34:520:34:55

I said, "What's wrong with it?"

0:34:550:34:57

-"It's like wanting to be gay with a bad haircut."

-Exactly.

0:34:570:35:01

So, the counsellor suggested we move to the 'burbs to find a balance.

0:35:010:35:05

We moved here as a last resort.

0:35:050:35:07

Court order. Don't ask.

0:35:070:35:10

OK.

0:35:100:35:11

I know this is unthinkable,

0:35:110:35:13

but what if we could actually learn how to be happy?

0:35:130:35:17

Without Paxil.

0:35:170:35:20

Or compulsive overeating.

0:35:200:35:21

What if we gave this whole thing a try for real? The Stepford thing.

0:35:210:35:26

MEN SHOUTING AND CHEERING

0:35:310:35:33

Hey, yeah!

0:35:440:35:45

Only one can survive!

0:35:450:35:48

-CHANTING:

-Zeus, Zeus, Zeus, Zeus, Zeus!

0:35:480:35:51

Zeus, Zeus, Zeus, Zeus, Zeus!

0:35:510:35:55

-Get that lady!

-Rip her bra off!

0:35:550:35:58

-Yeah!

-CHEERING

0:36:000:36:02

Zeus rules the universe!

0:36:020:36:05

And Ted owes Walter 20 big ones!

0:36:070:36:11

-Ah, to be a man!

-Whoo!

0:36:130:36:15

So, Walt, you and Stepford, it seems like a real match.

0:36:180:36:23

I'll say!

0:36:230:36:25

I mean, the town and the houses... and this place.

0:36:250:36:29

It's like a dream. It's like... Like the way life was meant to be.

0:36:290:36:34

And all of your wives... Oh, my God.

0:36:340:36:38

Oh, my God...

0:36:380:36:39

They're so...so, um...

0:36:390:36:42

Sweet?

0:36:420:36:44

Sizzling?

0:36:440:36:46

Superfine?

0:36:460:36:47

LAUGHTER

0:36:470:36:49

Well...

0:37:090:37:11

We are all so thrilled to be here

0:37:120:37:14

at the Stepford book club, I can't tell you.

0:37:140:37:16

Now, I have just finished the third volume

0:37:180:37:21

of Robert Caro's Life of Lyndon Johnson.

0:37:210:37:24

And I am dying for the next instalment.

0:37:240:37:27

Well...that's all marvellous.

0:37:290:37:33

But today we are going to discuss

0:37:330:37:35

probably THE most important book any of us will ever read.

0:37:350:37:40

Yes, it is provocative, but it is also inspiring.

0:37:400:37:43

The Heritage Hills special edition,

0:37:450:37:47

golden, deluxe Treasury of Christmas Keepsakes and Collectables.

0:37:470:37:50

WOMEN SHRIEK

0:37:500:37:53

This book said to me, "Celebrate the birth of our Lord Jesus with yarn."

0:38:010:38:07

ALL SIGH

0:38:070:38:08

Bobbie, we realise you're probably feeling uncomfortable

0:38:080:38:11

with this book because you're... What's the word I'm looking for?

0:38:110:38:16

-New?

-Scared?

-Cranky?

0:38:160:38:18

Jewish.

0:38:180:38:20

Same thing.

0:38:200:38:21

But the Heritage Hills series is very inclusive.

0:38:210:38:24

In fact, there is a whole chapter about Hanukkah.

0:38:240:38:28

WOMEN: Oh...

0:38:280:38:29

I love the chapter on pine cones. They're not just for centrepieces.

0:38:290:38:33

You can use pine cones to create a very special yuletide menorah.

0:38:330:38:37

Your pine cone snowman could be Jewish. Add one of those beanies.

0:38:370:38:41

Or maybe I could just use hundreds of pine cones

0:38:410:38:43

to spell out the words "Big Jew" in letters 15 feet tall

0:38:430:38:47

in the snow in my front yard.

0:38:470:38:50

That's a wonderful idea!

0:38:530:38:55

WOMEN LAUGH

0:38:550:38:57

I love the idea of creating a life-size Santa out of pine cones.

0:39:020:39:05

OK, I love that.

0:39:050:39:07

I'm going to use a pine cone in my nativity as the baby Jesus.

0:39:070:39:11

And I'm going to attach a pine cone to my vibrator and have a REALLY merry Christmas.

0:39:110:39:16

Oh.

0:39:170:39:18

# Here comes Santa Claus, here comes Santa Claus

0:39:200:39:22

# Right down Santa Claus Lane

0:39:220:39:24

# He's got a bag that is filled with toys for the boys and girls again

0:39:240:39:28

# Hear those sleigh bells jingle-jangle, what a beautiful sight

0:39:280:39:32

# So jump in bed, cover up your head cos Santa Claus comes tonight

0:39:320:39:36

# Santa Claus comes tonight! #

0:39:360:39:38

Joanna - how's she fitting in?

0:39:400:39:42

Well...

0:39:420:39:44

OK... I'm among friends, right?

0:39:450:39:49

Yeah.

0:39:490:39:50

So... Joanna and I had this big talk.

0:39:500:39:55

We were really open with each other. I mean, we really got it all out.

0:39:550:39:59

And I think from now on...she's going to be very, very different.

0:40:000:40:06

You think Joanna's really going to change?

0:40:100:40:14

Yes. I do. Absolutely.

0:40:140:40:17

-And how long have you been married?

-LAUGHTER

0:40:170:40:22

-Ted!

-Yes?

-Don't you owe Walter 20?

0:40:290:40:33

That's absolutely right. I do.

0:40:390:40:41

Babe!

0:40:410:40:43

FOOTSTEPS

0:40:440:40:46

Yes, darling?

0:40:520:40:53

Walt, sit down.

0:40:530:40:56

-I need 20. You know my PIN?

-Of course.

0:41:000:41:04

BEEP

0:41:070:41:08

BEEPS

0:41:080:41:11

WHIRRS

0:41:120:41:14

CLUNK

0:41:170:41:19

She gives singles!

0:41:520:41:54

LAUGHTER

0:41:580:42:00

BEEP

0:42:100:42:12

PING!

0:42:170:42:18

-Are these all for day camp tomorrow?

-I just want you to be proud of me.

0:42:250:42:29

ROBO-ROVER YAPS

0:42:290:42:31

Dad, watch this.

0:42:310:42:33

Ball!

0:42:330:42:35

SQUEAK, SQUEAK!

0:42:350:42:36

-Aren't robots cool?

-SQUEAK!

0:42:370:42:40

Oh, yeah.

0:42:400:42:41

May I speak to the man of the house?

0:42:410:42:44

Funkmaster Markowitz!

0:42:440:42:46

Stone-cold thriller-killer Kresbo!

0:42:460:42:48

Cupcakes, anyone?

0:42:480:42:50

Cupcakes? Right on time! Jo, these are smokin'.

0:42:500:42:54

-Why don't you make stuff?

-Why don't you?

-Because I have a penis.

0:42:540:42:59

-We should get moving.

-Yeah, we got a meeting. At the Men's Association.

0:42:590:43:04

When will you be home, honey?

0:43:040:43:06

When I'm home.

0:43:100:43:12

Call a sitter!

0:43:310:43:33

Bobbie, are you sure about this?

0:43:410:43:43

We're not spying. We're just visiting.

0:43:430:43:46

Fellas, I can't tell you how happy we are to welcome this new blood.

0:43:460:43:51

I love... LOVE this space.

0:43:530:43:55

It's very Ralph Lauren meets Sherlock Holmes.

0:43:550:43:58

-It says, "I have taste AND a scrotum."

-Roger, you promised!

0:43:580:44:01

-What?

-Whore!

-Bore!

0:44:010:44:03

Sorry.

0:44:030:44:04

Jerry, you're going to find that Stepford is very open-minded.

0:44:040:44:08

We welcome you and your partner just like any other couple.

0:44:080:44:12

-Absolutely!

-That's right.

0:44:120:44:14

Girlfriend!

0:44:140:44:15

Miss-Miss Thing!

0:44:170:44:19

-To Stepford!

-ALL: Stepford!

0:44:210:44:23

Damn! Come on, let's go.

0:44:330:44:35

You think this is all right, sneaking around?

0:44:350:44:38

All the women around here are perfect sex-kitten bimbos.

0:44:380:44:42

All the men are drooling nerds. Doesn't that seem strange?

0:44:420:44:47

-Not to me.

-Why not?

-I work in television.

-Oh, come on.

0:44:470:44:52

Walter, I think Joanna's right. Stepford is the answer.

0:44:520:44:56

-She's a great gal.

-Or she will be.

-THUD!

0:44:560:45:01

-Ow! Come on, help me up!

-We shouldn't be here.

0:45:020:45:07

Come on. Don't be such a chicken.

0:45:070:45:10

-I should be home with my cupcakes.

-Why?

0:45:100:45:14

-Because you only made 5,000 of them?

-We're trespassing.

0:45:140:45:18

Only if we get caught.

0:45:180:45:21

-Damn, I can't see a thing. There's the light there.

-No, Bobbie!

0:45:210:45:27

It's like some alien freak show.

0:45:420:45:45

-Why? They're just family portraits.

-Yeah, that's what I said.

0:45:450:45:50

FOOTSTEPS

0:45:500:45:52

The lights!

0:45:520:45:54

-We should get out of here.

-Ssh!

0:45:570:46:01

-Should we run?

-Ssh!

0:46:030:46:05

Oh, my God!

0:46:100:46:12

FLOORBOARDS SQUEAK

0:46:160:46:18

-AS HANNIBAL LECTER:

-Clarice?

0:46:440:46:47

-Hi, girls.

-Roger!

0:46:470:46:49

-You scared us.

-What are you doing here?

-What's going on?

0:46:490:46:53

Do they have hookers, or old Playboys, or cable porn?

0:46:530:46:56

Oh, please! They barely have throw pillows!

0:46:560:46:59

-FOOTSTEPS

-They're coming!

-The menfolk.

0:46:590:47:01

-Call us.

-OK.

0:47:020:47:05

Rog.

0:47:050:47:07

What was it? Did you see anyone?

0:47:080:47:11

Not a soul. But what's back here anyway, in all of these rooms?

0:47:110:47:16

Storage? Sweaters? Bodies?

0:47:160:47:19

-Tell him.

-D'you see that door on your left? Check it out.

0:47:190:47:25

Oh, boy!

0:47:250:47:26

-I can't see anything. It's dark.

-Use your flashlight.

0:47:300:47:34

Oh, I feel like Nancy Drew in the Mystery of the Midlife Crisis.

0:47:340:47:39

-Hm. What am I looking for?

-Look down.

0:47:440:47:48

MECHANICAL WHIRR

0:47:480:47:50

Oh...

0:47:570:47:59

Jerry?

0:48:010:48:03

Roger!

0:48:070:48:09

-Roger!

-Bobbie.

0:48:110:48:13

Roger!

0:48:130:48:15

-Bobbie!

-Roger!

0:48:150:48:17

Roger said there was nothing going on at the Men's Association.

0:48:180:48:23

-Then why doesn't he answer the phone?

-Bobbie?

-It's been two days.

0:48:230:48:25

Roger! Roger!

0:48:250:48:29

Isn't that his favourite shirt? The Dolce and Gabbana?

0:48:330:48:38

The Guccis. And the Versace.

0:48:420:48:45

-Maybe he's donating them?

-To what? The gay homeless?

0:48:450:48:48

-He loved this.

-His programme from Hairspray.

0:48:480:48:52

-Oh, my God!

-What is it?

0:48:550:48:58

Viggo.

0:48:580:49:01

MARCHING BAND PLAYS

0:49:020:49:04

APPLAUSE

0:49:140:49:16

Ladies and gentlemen, I'm Jerry Harmon.

0:49:160:49:19

I know I'm pretty new here but I feel so at home.

0:49:190:49:23

Why did Jerry ask us to meet him here?

0:49:230:49:26

..proud I can introduce Stepford's brand-new candidate for

0:49:260:49:31

state senate, ladies and gentlemen, I give you Mr Roger Bannister!

0:49:310:49:35

What? WILD CHEERING

0:49:350:49:37

Thank you. Thank you so much.

0:49:540:49:56

You may very well ask, what are my qualifications for higher office?

0:49:560:50:01

Well, I believe in Stepford, America, and the power of prayer.

0:50:010:50:06

Values I've discovered thanks to my partner, in life and in the Lord,

0:50:060:50:11

-Jerry Harmon.

-CHEERING

0:50:110:50:14

-Roger. Roger!

-Yes, is there a question? Mrs Markowitz?

0:50:170:50:20

So, you two are happy now?

0:50:200:50:24

More than ever. Because now I know that being gay doesn't mean a guy

0:50:240:50:28

has to be effeminate or flamboyant or sensitive. I'm no sissy.

0:50:280:50:32

I know!

0:50:320:50:33

-Roger!

-Yes, Mrs Walter Kresby?

0:50:350:50:38

Roger, I don't understand. You were out there, you were Roger,

0:50:380:50:42

and now you're different. Your hair, your clothes - like someone else.

0:50:420:50:45

People change.

0:50:450:50:47

You can't stop Stepford! You can't stop Stepford.

0:50:470:50:51

WILD APPLAUSE AND ALL CHANT

0:50:510:50:54

You can't stop Stepford! You can't stop Stepford!

0:50:590:51:03

So that's why we have to leave Stepford? I'm not following.

0:51:170:51:20

OK. Before, Roger was witty and stylish and ironic.

0:51:200:51:26

And I'm sure he still is.

0:51:260:51:28

Now he's making speeches in a Brooks Brothers' suit!

0:51:280:51:30

Hey, there's lots of ways to be gay.

0:51:300:51:32

-Don't try to make him into a stereotype.

-Ohh!

0:51:320:51:36

Bobbie is right, and she's leaving, too.

0:51:360:51:39

This place does something to people.

0:51:390:51:41

All of the women are busy and perfect and smiling,

0:51:410:51:46

-and all of the men are always happy.

-That's a problem, because...?

0:51:460:51:49

Because it's not normal, Walter!

0:51:490:51:53

It's... It's not the world, it's not us.

0:51:530:51:57

I'm picking up our kids from camp now and we're getting outta here.

0:51:570:52:03

With or without you.

0:52:030:52:05

-"Secure."

-Argh!

0:52:240:52:27

You'll never change, will you? Not really.

0:52:270:52:31

Open the door.

0:52:310:52:33

"Unlock front."

0:52:400:52:42

And you're right.

0:52:420:52:44

About what?

0:52:480:52:49

If you're that unhappy, then we should move.

0:52:500:52:55

Maybe head back to the city. We could leave tomorrow.

0:52:550:53:00

Thank you.

0:53:020:53:04

DEEP SIGH

0:53:050:53:07

Thank you.

0:53:070:53:09

Mm.

0:53:130:53:15

DOG WHINES

0:53:240:53:26

DOG WHIMPERS

0:53:300:53:32

What ya got there? Huh?

0:53:420:53:45

WHIMPERS

0:54:470:54:49

-Sweet cakes.

-GASPS

0:54:550:54:57

It's 4am. What are you up to?

0:54:570:55:00

-Just recipes for tomorrow. I like to get a head start.

-On what?

0:55:000:55:04

Apple pie. Bobbie recommended it. I'll be right up.

0:55:040:55:09

Walter?

0:55:110:55:13

Babe.

0:55:140:55:16

Bobbie!

0:55:380:55:40

Bobbie...!

0:55:400:55:42

Oh, my God!

0:55:440:55:46

Bobbie?

0:55:550:55:57

Good morning, Joanna.

0:56:110:56:13

Isn't it a lovely morning?

0:56:160:56:19

-That's a pretty colour.

-Argh!

0:56:200:56:23

Good morning, my precious ones.

0:56:230:56:26

Thank you for leaving your requests on my e-mail.

0:56:260:56:29

Adam, you wanted peanut butter and jelly, no crusts,

0:56:290:56:32

a Snickers bar and a Rolex.

0:56:320:56:35

Ben, here's a whole-wheat burrito, a soya protein shake

0:56:350:56:38

-and three pieces of German chocolate layer cake.

-From scratch?

-Of course.

0:56:380:56:42

Max, bacon, lettuce and tomato on a lightly toasted sesame seed bagel.

0:56:420:56:46

-But what about my action figures?

-There's Mace Windu and Amidala.

0:56:460:56:50

-Where's Boba Fett?

-They were out.

-Mom!

-Here's 500.

0:56:500:56:56

-All right!

-ALL: Bye, Mom.

0:56:560:56:58

They grow up so fast. I think I'll have three more.

0:57:000:57:03

Bobbie, listen. What have they done to you?

0:57:030:57:07

Is it drugs? Is it brainwashing?

0:57:070:57:10

-Come on. Talk to me!

-Of course, but only for a minute.

0:57:100:57:13

-Then I have to get to work on this pigsty. Coffee?

-No, no coffee.

0:57:130:57:18

Bobbie, last night I went online

0:57:180:57:20

and found out all of the women here used to be big deals.

0:57:200:57:23

I mean BIG deals.

0:57:230:57:25

CEOs, executives, judges. Sarah Sunderson used to run an airline.

0:57:250:57:29

-GASPS:

-With that perfect skin?

-No!

0:57:290:57:33

-She didn't used to look like that. None of the woman did.

-Coffee?

-No!

0:57:330:57:37

No coffee! Bobbie... Bobbie...

0:57:370:57:42

-This isn't you.

-That's right, Joanna, this isn't me. It's a whole new me.

0:57:420:57:49

I'm happy and I'm healthy

0:57:490:57:51

-because I understand what's important in life.

-Yes.

0:57:510:57:54

-Your new book.

-That's right, that's what's important. My new cookbook,

0:57:540:57:58

and my husband and family and making a perfect home.

0:57:580:58:01

It's a lesson every gal needs to learn, especially you.

0:58:010:58:05

I'm your friend, Joanna. I'm going to help you. You need me.

0:58:050:58:09

Stay away from me! GLASS SMASHES

0:58:090:58:11

-You're driven.

-Sometimes.

-You're selfish. You wanna rule the world.

0:58:110:58:15

No!

0:58:150:58:17

-I can fix you. I can change you.

-What...

0:58:170:58:22

have they done to you?

0:58:220:58:24

Let's get busy.

0:58:250:58:27

Answer the phone!

0:58:280:58:30

Hello. Is... Is this the day camp?

0:58:310:58:35

Oh, yes, this is Joanna Eberhart. I would like to speak to my children.

0:58:350:58:39

I'm coming to pick them up right now.

0:58:390:58:42

What?

0:58:440:58:46

Walter!

0:58:500:58:52

Walter, where are you? I know you've got the kids!

0:58:520:58:57

Pete! Kimberly!

0:58:570:58:58

TYRES SCREECH

0:59:050:59:07

THUNDERCLAP

0:59:540:59:56

Oh, boys!

0:59:591:00:01

-Welcome.

-THUNDERCLAP

1:00:031:00:06

-Where are my children?

-They're perfectly safe.

1:00:201:00:23

-Where are my children?!

-You'll see them soon.

1:00:231:00:27

Where's Walter?

1:00:271:00:29

Oh, how could you do this?

1:00:341:00:37

Ever since we met, you've beaten me at everything.

1:00:371:00:42

You're better educated, you're stronger, you're faster,

1:00:421:00:45

you're a better dancer, a better tennis player.

1:00:451:00:48

You've always earned six figures, more than I could ever dream of.

1:00:481:00:53

You're a better speaker, a better executive.

1:00:531:00:56

-You're even better at sex. Don't deny it.

-I wasn't going to.

1:00:561:01:02

-Don't I get anything?

-You got me.

1:01:021:01:05

No, I got to hold your purse.

1:01:051:01:08

I got to tell the kids you'd be late again.

1:01:081:01:11

I got to tell the press you had no comment. I got to work for you.

1:01:111:01:15

-WITH me.

-Under you! All of us -

1:01:151:01:19

we married wonder women! Supergirls!

1:01:191:01:23

-Amazon queens! D'you know what that makes us?

-Smart. Worthy. Lucky.

1:01:241:01:31

We're the wuss, the wind beneath your wings, your support system.

1:01:311:01:37

-We're the girl.

-And we don't like it.

-No, we don't!

-ALL: Yeah!

1:01:371:01:42

-Is this your answer? To kill us?

-No, nothing like that. We help you,

1:01:421:01:46

-we perfect you.

-By turning us into robots?

1:01:461:01:49

-Does any fraction of these women still exist?

-Of course.

1:01:491:01:53

-Almost everything. Show her.

-Show me what?

1:01:531:01:58

It's a promotional thing I've been working on for when we go global.

1:01:581:02:02

Walt, I don't think you've seen this.

1:02:041:02:06

Some guys ask, how do we do it?

1:02:181:02:22

In layman's terms, it's really pretty simple. Come on along.

1:02:221:02:26

First we take a gloomy, dissatisfied woman,

1:02:331:02:36

then, in a very private experience between husband and wife,

1:02:361:02:41

he gently places her in our Female Improvement System.

1:02:411:02:46

It's fully automated.

1:02:461:02:49

And then, abracadabra. The transformation begins.

1:02:491:02:53

First, we locate her brain.

1:02:531:02:56

We insert a few nano chips, then we programme them.

1:02:561:03:01

Also, we add some secret special ingredients.

1:03:011:03:06

To avoid any accidents, the husband is kept at a comfortable distance.

1:03:081:03:13

Safety first!

1:03:131:03:15

Finally, we enhance her to fit the ideal Stepford Wife specifications.

1:03:181:03:24

And...voila!

1:03:261:03:28

Everything is copasetic.

1:03:321:03:34

Welcome to the future.

1:03:371:03:39

-It's a painting again.

-What?

1:03:441:03:46

I should explain. You see, my real name isn't Mike.

1:03:481:03:52

-It's just a nickname from where I used to work.

-Where?

-Microsoft.

1:03:521:03:57

-NASA.

-Disney.

1:03:571:04:00

-AOL.

-Is that why the women are so slow?

-Joanna.

1:04:001:04:04

Is this what you really want? Women who behave like slaves?

1:04:041:04:10

Women who are obsessed with cleaning their kitchens and doing their hair?

1:04:101:04:16

Women who never challenge you in any way?

1:04:161:04:18

-Women who exist only to wait on you hand and foot? ALL:

-Yeah.

1:04:181:04:23

You're a brilliant woman. Surely you can appreciate, at the very least,

1:04:231:04:26

the genius of the concept? Picture it.

1:04:261:04:29

If you could streamline your spouse,

1:04:291:04:31

if you could overhaul every annoying habit, every physical flaw,

1:04:311:04:36

every moment of whining and nagging and farting in bed, imagine if you

1:04:361:04:42

could enjoy the person you love but only at their very best.

1:04:421:04:46

And the only reason for your anger, your resentment, your rage,

1:04:481:04:54

is really very simple.

1:04:541:04:55

You're furious because we thought of it first.

1:04:551:04:59

While you were trying to become men, we decided to become gods.

1:04:591:05:04

Let me ask you something. These machines, these Stepford Wives,

1:05:041:05:08

-can they say "I love you"?

-Mike?

-Of course. In 58 languages.

1:05:081:05:15

But do they mean it?

1:05:171:05:19

Enjoy.

1:05:471:05:49

GASPS

1:06:161:06:18

Walter?

1:06:241:06:26

Walt?

1:06:461:06:49

Joanna, over here.

1:06:591:07:01

MECHANICAL WHIRR

1:07:181:07:20

PIPED MUSIC PLAYS

1:07:401:07:42

-Sarah.

-Claire.

1:07:451:07:47

-Mary Ann.

-Charmaine.

1:07:551:07:57

-Roger.

-Roberta.

1:08:021:08:04

GENERAL CHATTER AND LAUGHTER

1:08:411:08:43

WHISTLING AND CHEERING

1:08:431:08:45

Good evening, everyone.

1:08:591:09:01

What a delight to see our wonderful wives and their happy husbands.

1:09:011:09:07

Tonight's truly the highlight of our year

1:09:071:09:10

because tonight we honour our very newest citizens of Stepford.

1:09:101:09:14

In my opinion, they are the cream of the crop.

1:09:141:09:18

A couple that proudly proclaims Stepford - the American way of love.

1:09:181:09:23

GENERAL APPLAUSE

1:09:231:09:25

Now,

1:09:501:09:53

I'd like to ask my wonderful woman, my lovely wife, bride, best friend,

1:09:531:09:57

-to join me in a glorious midsummer night's waltz.

-ALL: Ahh!

1:09:571:10:03

WALTZ PLAYS

1:10:151:10:17

-Is everything perfect?

-Everything.

1:10:511:10:54

-Mike.

-Walt.

-Darling.

1:10:561:10:59

-My pleasure.

-It's an honour.

1:11:001:11:03

-Champagne?

-Allow me.

1:11:061:11:08

ALARM SOUNDS

1:11:271:11:29

"Doors activate. Welcome, member 1956. Kresby, Walter."

1:11:291:11:34

BUZZER

1:11:351:11:37

"Entering secure area."

1:11:431:11:45

BUZZER

1:12:111:12:13

"Warning! Warning!"

1:12:331:12:35

"Initiating."

1:12:381:12:40

So, Joanna, are you enjoying Stepford?

1:12:521:12:55

Oh, yes. The town is so splendid. Everyone is so kind.

1:12:551:13:00

And then, of course, there's you.

1:13:021:13:05

Me?

1:13:071:13:09

THE CHA-CHA PLAYS

1:13:131:13:15

-It's simple, really. Honey, grab me another Scotch.

-Right away, dear.

1:13:171:13:22

"Begin nano reversal."

1:13:271:13:30

"Begin nano reversal."

1:13:301:13:32

"Nano reversal completed."

1:13:371:13:40

GASPS

1:13:411:13:43

"Deleting Stepford programme."

1:13:431:13:45

Argh!

1:13:451:13:47

COMPUTER WHIRRS AND STOPS

1:13:471:13:49

"Files corrupted."

1:13:561:13:58

"Deleting vacuuming functions."

1:13:581:14:00

-Honey?

-Oh, Herbert!

1:14:061:14:08

GLASS SHATTERS

1:14:121:14:14

What is this?

1:14:181:14:20

What am I wearing?

1:14:281:14:30

Mike! Mike! There's something...

1:14:431:14:45

..unspeakable going on in the ballroom.

1:14:471:14:50

You have to come right now! It's an apocalypse.

1:14:501:14:54

ALL SHOUT AT ONCE

1:15:001:15:03

-What did you do to us?!

-MEN: Mike! Mike!

1:15:031:15:07

Men, control your wives! Control your wives!

1:15:101:15:13

It's not working! It's not working!

1:15:151:15:18

This is not Stepford!

1:15:231:15:26

Mike.

1:15:261:15:28

Mike, what's happening?

1:15:281:15:31

I was in the garden, dreaming of your smile and your aftershave.

1:15:311:15:35

Then I realised, ohh...

1:15:351:15:38

I can do better.

1:15:381:15:41

-Walt.

-She's not a robot.

1:15:521:15:54

-What? She's not a robot?

-She never was.

1:15:541:15:59

Wait a second.

1:16:051:16:07

-I couldn't do it.

-What?

-Why not?

1:16:081:16:12

Because she's not a science project.

1:16:121:16:15

-Because I didn't marry something from Radio Shack.

-That's a shame.

1:16:151:16:20

No, that's a man.

1:16:201:16:24

I thought you were ready.

1:16:311:16:34

I thought you were ready! I thought I knew you!

1:16:341:16:37

-You're a disgrace!

-MEN: Yeah!

1:16:371:16:40

To everything this town stands for.

1:16:421:16:44

-To the future!

-That's right.

1:16:441:16:49

You're gonna have to pay for that!

1:16:491:16:53

Don't you touch him! AAARRRGH!

1:16:571:17:00

SIZZLES

1:17:041:17:06

FIZZLES AND POPS

1:17:141:17:16

CONTINUES SIZZLING

1:17:261:17:28

Ohh!

1:17:291:17:31

He's a Stepford husband?

1:17:341:17:37

An angel.

1:17:391:17:41

-SOBS

-Now he's just...

1:17:421:17:44

..spare parts, thanks to you!

1:17:451:17:49

-What are you? Are you a person or a machine?

-I'm a lady!

1:17:491:17:53

-A real...lady?

-Every inch!

-Wait, wait.

1:17:531:17:57

-A real, real lady? Are you human?

-Yes.

1:17:571:18:01

-And I may well be the only decent human being left!

-In Stepford?

1:18:011:18:04

-In the world!

-Oh, she's fabulous!

1:18:041:18:07

All of this - Mike, the wives, Stepford, this was all your idea?

1:18:071:18:12

Yes. All I wanted was a better world.

1:18:121:18:16

A world where men were men and women were cherished and lovely.

1:18:161:18:19

Does anyone have a screwdriver?!

1:18:191:18:22

She's nuts.

1:18:231:18:24

A world of romance and beauty, of tuxedos and chiffon.

1:18:331:18:38

A perfect world.

1:18:381:18:40

-But you were married to a robot.

-The perfect man.

1:18:401:18:45

And all I wanted was to make you, all of you, into perfect women.

1:18:451:18:50

We don't need to be perfect. How could you do this to us?

1:18:501:18:55

Because I was just like you.

1:18:551:18:57

Over-stressed, over-booked, under-loved.

1:18:571:18:59

I was the world's foremost brain surgeon and genetic engineer.

1:18:591:19:05

I had top-secret contracts with the Pentagon, Apple and Mattel.

1:19:051:19:11

I was driven, exhausted, until late one night I came home to find...

1:19:111:19:17

..Mike...

1:19:171:19:19

..with Patricia...

1:19:201:19:22

..my brilliant,

1:19:231:19:25

blonde...

1:19:251:19:27

..21-year-old research assistant.

1:19:281:19:31

It was all so...

1:19:321:19:34

..ugly.

1:19:371:19:39

Then, early the next morning, as I gazed across the breakfast table

1:19:401:19:45

at their lifeless bodies, I thought, "What have I done?"

1:19:451:19:50

But, more importantly,

1:19:511:19:53

what could I do to make the world more beautiful?

1:19:531:19:58

I had the skills, but I needed help to realise my larger vision.

1:19:581:20:02

And so I made...Mike.

1:20:021:20:05

Because he was someone other men would listen to.

1:20:071:20:09

And then I asked myself,

1:20:091:20:12

where would people never notice a town full of robots?

1:20:121:20:17

Connecticut.

1:20:171:20:20

So I decided to turn back the clock to a time before overtime,

1:20:201:20:26

before quality time,

1:20:261:20:29

before women were turning themselves into robots.

1:20:291:20:32

-SIZZLES

-Back off!!

-Sorry.

1:20:321:20:35

-Why didn't you change the men, too?

-That's next.

1:20:351:20:39

-You're insane.

-I'm in love with a waltz and a town.

1:20:391:20:44

And a man.

1:20:481:20:50

ALL GASP

1:20:531:20:55

So, Joanna, you produced the hard-hitting documentary

1:21:401:21:44

Stepford: The Secret of the Suburbs.

1:21:441:21:46

And won...five Emmys, was it?

1:21:461:21:49

-Oh, six.

-She's shy.

-And so humble.

1:21:491:21:52

And, Bobbie, your ordeal has led to a best-seller.

1:21:521:21:55

I can't hold a grudge, so I've written my first book of poetry.

1:21:551:22:00

It's all about hope and communication,

1:22:001:22:02

-and...the healing power of love.

-What's it called?

1:22:021:22:06

-Wait Until He's Asleep Then Cut It Off.

-It's a page-turner.

-I cried.

1:22:061:22:10

Roger, good news. You ran and won. You're in the state senate.

1:22:101:22:14

-Independent.

-Next stop, the White House.

1:22:141:22:16

-This country needs highlights.

-That's our hero.

1:22:161:22:19

Jo, Walter really came through for you, so how's your marriage now?

1:22:191:22:23

-Is everything just, er, perfect?

-No way.

1:22:231:22:27

But, um, we're doing just great

1:22:271:22:30

because now...now we know for sure it's not about perfection.

1:22:301:22:35

-Perfect doesn't work.

-What about all those other husbands?

1:22:351:22:39

Are they still angry? Do they still want all these women to be robots?

1:22:391:22:43

Of course. Men are pigs. They're disgusting.

1:22:431:22:45

They're frightened, repulsive little rodents.

1:22:451:22:48

-But we're trying to help them, right?

-Right.

1:22:481:22:50

-We're trying to re-educate them.

-Where are they?

1:22:501:22:53

-Oh. Oh, they're still in Stepford.

-Under house arrest.

1:22:531:22:58

Hey, guys, which aisle has quilted paper towels?

1:23:031:23:07

-If I don't get the right kind my wife's gonna kill me.

-Aisle three. And...

1:23:071:23:11

TANNOY: "No talking, keep shopping!"

1:23:111:23:13

Subtitles by IMS

1:23:231:23:25

Modern film adaptation of the 70s drama.

A former TV executive and her husband look for a fresh start in handsome Stepford, but there is something eerie about the town's perfectly groomed wives.