Millions


Millions

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The French have said au revoir to the Franc,

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the Germans have said auf wiedersehen to the Deutschmark,

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and the Portuguese have said...whatever to their thing.

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-Go!

-Now it's our turn to say goodbye to Sterling.

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This Christmas, we are going to get the euro.

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Goodbye, old pounds. Everyone says we'll miss you.

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Faster, faster! Come on!

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-I can't see you. Where are you?

-I'm over here!

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This is the main drag along here.

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That's Portland.

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Bisecting that at right angles, is Lundy on that side.

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On this side there's Fastnet.

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-What's yours?

-Cromarty.

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Cromarty and German Bight... Cul de sacs. Over here.

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-I've come through.

-Come on!

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Come on, Damian! There's a train coming!

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Keep pedalling. Come on!

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Faster!

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Beat ya!

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Come on!

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I'm gonna call it Serendipity.

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-What does that mean?

-I don't know.

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Anyway it's number twenty.

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Upstairs!

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-This is my room.

-And mine. Get your own room.

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The patron saint of house removals is Saint Anne. Did you know that?

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No, I didn't know that, no.

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Yeah, she lived in the desert, obviously.

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-And when she wanted to move house, Angels came, picked up her house and took it to Italy.

-Handy.

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She was Our Lady's mother.

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-What you on about, Damian?

-Saint Anne.

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-I've got a picture. Look.

-I don't care, just get in the car, will ya? We're going'. Go on! Get in the car!

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Was she in it at the time?

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-Who?

-Saint Anne.

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-When the angels did the... you know the airlift?

-I don't know.

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Start with the money. That's what our Anthony says.

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That's what people want to know about.

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Like if you're moving house...

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you don't say "we're moving house and the new one has got a green door."

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You say how much you're paying. How much you got for the old one.

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Mortgage. Interest rates. Stamp duty.

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Solicitor's fees.

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How much you'll get if the new one goes up in value.

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That's called equity.

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Personally, I think, "So what? Money's just a thing."

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And things change.

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One minute something's there and you can cuddle up to it.

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The next minute it's gone. Like a Malteser.

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That goes in the kitchen.

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Is this fantastic or what?

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Surprisingly spacious, with attractive views.

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And anyway, in the end, it turns out it wasn't about the money after all.

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Good lad.

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That's it, lads. Up to the main bedroom.

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Has anyone seen where the phone points are?

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Eh, where do I plug this in? Oh, right, yeah.

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Right this is what we're having' tonight, yeah?

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Before Countdown, put the oven on.

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-After Countdown, get a packet of these, put them in there with some oven chips, yeah?

-It's for mum.

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-The time is on here, yeah.

-Ok.

-That's how long they have to stay in.

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By the time they're ready, I'll be back.

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She may already have won ten thousand pounds.

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Her name has been entered in a draw. All she has to do is...

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Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Thank you.

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Hands? Other sides.

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Let's go. Come on!

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That's you.

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Get your bags.

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And your book bag, Damian. Keys!

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Now remember - it's no good being clever, you've got to be the cleverest, yeah?

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-All right. See ya Dad.

-Good luck lads.

-See ya.

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-Are you nervous?

-A bit.

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So everybody sitting up nicely? Excellent.

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Now we are talking, today, about people we admire. Dominic?

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-Roy Keane, Sir, Manchester United.

-Very good, Roy Keane.

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What about you, Barry?

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-Van Nistelrooy, sir.

-Anyone got any heroes who don't play for United?

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-Jack?

-Robbie Fowler, Sir, City.

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Alright, that's enough. Tricia?

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I don't know any footballers, sir.

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Well, it doesn't have to be a footballer, it could be...anyone.

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-Don't know sir.

-No? Damian?

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Saint Roch, sir.

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-Who's he play for?

-No-one sir, he's a Saint.

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Oh, that's better, go on.

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He was so worried that he might say something bad,

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that he said nothing at all for twenty years.

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We could do with a couple like him in this class. Thank you, Damian.

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I like a lot of virgin martyrs too. Like Saint Agatha.

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She ripped her own eyes out, so she wouldn't have to marry this man.

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Or Saint Katherine of Alexandria.

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They tried to kill her by crushing her to death on a wheel.

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But she made the wheel explode and all the splinters killed people in the crowd.

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The patron Saint of fireworks. That's where we get the Catherine wheel from.

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I did say thank you, Damian.

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I've brought in this picture.

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This is a hero of mine. Who knows who this is?

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-Nelson Mandela.

-Fantastic.

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VOICES FADE

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BELL RINGS

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You should be careful what you talk about.

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Try talking about football or something.

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Keep off the weird stuff.

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Just don't be conspicuous or you won't fit in.

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SCREAMING AND SHOUTING

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Aero and a Yorkie, please. And five juicy lips.

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-Haven't seen you two here, before.

-We just moved here. Our mam's dead.

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-Yeah, well, go on, you're all right.

-Thanks.

-God bless. Who's next?

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Works every time. Tell them your mam's dead and they give you stuff, every time.

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I'm your community Policeman.

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Obviously, there is no community here as yet,

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not to speak of, but you know...

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Anyway, the first thing to say is,

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these new houses and Christmas coming up,

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statistically, you're going to get burgled.

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Now, not all of you, but some of you, soon.

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Probably this week, next.

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When you are, call me.

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I'll give you a crime number, and then you can make a claim on your insurance.

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Building maintenance?

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Yeah, that's right, yeah.

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Yeah, I'm usually right, it's a knack.

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Do you mind me asking? Is the kettle actually on? I'm...

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Oh, sorry.

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-Yes?

-Isn't the problem here, that our houses are built on sand?

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Sand? No. They're not, are they?

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If you store up your treasure on earth, it will be stolen.

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But if you give it away, then it can't be stolen.

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Mormons?

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Well, Latter Day Saints.

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-Saints? I know all...

-Er, Damian, go and give Terry a hand in the kitchen, will you?

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You too, Anthony, off you go. Good lads.

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Now, some of you are going to be burgled.

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There are things I can tell you that will lower the odds of it being you personally.

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It's a bit anti-social, because if it isn't you, it'll be next door, but there you go!

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Our mam's dead.

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Here. Go on, help yourself.

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Take as many as you like, son.

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Result.

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Is it completely honest?

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Completely dead, isn't she?

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KNOCK AT DOOR

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What?

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What do you want?

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Can't you see I'm busy? Just go away.

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I don't like having my own room.

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UNFAMILIAR ECHOING VOICE

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VIBRATING TRAIN TRACKS

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RUMBLING

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Clare of Assisi, 1194 till 1253?

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That's right.

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I used to have a hermitage, myself, once.

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I used to go and hide up there.

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If anyone needed me, I'd send them a vision, sort them out.

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That's why I'm the patron saint of television.

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I was like...human television.

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-You're the patron saint of television?

-Keeps me busy. You know.

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-Are you allowed to smoke then?

-You can do what you like up there, son.

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It's down here, you have to make the effort.

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Do you ever come across a Saint Maureen?

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-She hasn't been there long.

-Don't ring a bell.

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Then again, it is infinite up there.

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Absolutely bloody infinite.

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Listen...

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Dad!

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What is it anyway? What are you doing with all these boxes?

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-What's that?

-Wait and see.

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-Where did you get that?

-You can see it too then?

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Well, you know, sometimes you see things, don't you, and other people can't see them.

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What?

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Well, you know, sometimes, but this is real though.

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This is real. This is real.

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Can't wait to tell Dad.

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-You can't tell Dad about this. You can't tell anyone about this.

-Why not?

-Tax.

-Oh.

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If the Government find out about this, they'll take 40% of it away.

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40%! Do you know how much that is?

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Nearly all of it.

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Shall we count it before we go?

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No, we can't, we're really late.

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-How much? How much?

-There's thousands.

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-Ten thousand.

-Fifty thousand.

-Seventy.

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-Two hundred thousand.

-Millions even.

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Patch. Jenga.

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Oink-oink! Oink-oink!

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Agh!

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-Promise not to tell anyone.

-What is it?

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-How much is it?

-Thousands.

-Hundreds. It's just hundreds.

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No-one else knows so if anyone finds out, we'll know it's you, OK?

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Come on.

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Anyone finds out, we'll know it's you.

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-No-one else knows, just me and you. Here you are.

-Thanks.

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Just keep it shut.

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£229,520 minus...

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£100 each spending money leaves...

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229,320.

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And we're going to give all that to the poor.

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-Where you going to find poor people?

-There's loads of poor people.

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Not round here. The house prices keep them out.

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Go on, go, go!

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Go on. Go. Go. Go on. Go. Go. Go. Go on.

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BELLS RING

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Francis of Assisi, 1181 till 1226?

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You did this didn't you?

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My first act as a Saint.

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What was your next one?

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-Washing a leper.

-A leper?

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You could just help the poor, Damian.

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Big Issue. Help the homeless.

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Big Issue anyone?

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-Oh, hello.

-And keep the change.

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Oh, thanks, mate, I've had nothing to eat all day.

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Oh, we're going to Pizza Hut - want to come?

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No! No, she doesn't. She just wants more money.

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-We haven't got any more.

-No, I fancy pizza, actually.

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Can I bring my friend?

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Meat feast, deep and juicy, stuffed crust, mate.

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-Two meat feast, thin and crispy.

-A big New Yorker.

-A combo platter.

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-Do us a farmhouse.

-I'll have some garlic bread, love.

-We'll all have garlic bread.

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And Dippin' Chicken. To share.

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This is great. Anthony thought there were no poor people round here because of the house prices.

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Well, they're not from round here. I come in on the bus.

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-I come in on the train.

-I couldn't afford to live here.

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-Who exactly is paying for all this?

-We are.

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-You must be minted!

-Yeah, we are.

-No! No, we're not.

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It's birthday money. His birthday money. He saved it.

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-Puddings?

-YES, PLEASE!

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£168. Know how many times we'd have to visit Pizza Hut to get rid of all the money?

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1,303.517 times. It's just not practical.

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We should buy property. See this house? We could buy two like that,

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if they knocked some off the asking price.

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If we did buy property, that'll go up in value so we'd have even more money. ..Damian?

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WHISTLING

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Excuse me?

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-Are you poor?

-Beg your pardon?

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-Are you poor?

-Are you asking for money?

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-Me? No.

-Because we don't have any.

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We live in a community, you know, it's very basic.

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We don't have a dishwasher for instance or a microwave.

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And there's no cash kept on the premises.

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So you are poor?

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In a sense, yes.

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Brilliant!

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St Nicholas of Myra?

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It won't all fit.

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Saint Nicholas? Do you ever come across a Saint Maureen?

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Saint Maureen. She's new.

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Skin care. She worked on the make-up counter at Selfridges.

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CHRISTMAS MUSAK PLAYS

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It's less than a fortnight to E-day when Britain completes transition to the European Monitory Union,

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the EMU.

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With twelve days left to E-day, my true love said to me.

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The transitional exchange rate is fixed at 67p.

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Oh! Well all I can say is... ding dong!

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After E-day your old money will no longer be legal tender.

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-Wish pounds goodbye and euros...

-Hello!

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GOSPEL-TINGED POP MUSIC PLAYS

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WHISTLE BLOWS

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We don't have to queue up.

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Here we go.

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-How much have you actually got?

-Plenty.

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-Anthony Cunningham.

-Where's your dad?

-My dad?

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-Well, he's not coming.

-Eh?

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-He's not coming yet. He said to start without him.

-Start what without him?

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-The job is to show him around the apartment. How can I, if he isn't here?

-He gave me this.

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Show me around and I'll fill him in afterwards. It's what we usually do.

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We're looking at this for our portfolio. Not as a residence.

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-Has it kept it's value?

-It's gone up 20% in the last two years. It's the schools.

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He does send you to school, or do you just look at photos of them?

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Flood lights. Scoreboards. Stadium.

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It's the dogs bollocks, this, family heirloom. 50 quid.

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50 quid? We could buy a proper football team for that.

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-I could buy Crewe Alexandra for that.

-Yeah, but this has managers.

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-Don Revie and Malcolm Allison.

-Never heard of him. Deal.

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SCREAMING AND SHOUTING

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-You said you would for five quid.

-I didn't know you were going to get five quid, did I?

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Ten quid then? Look, I've got a good body.

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Twenty quid, last offer.

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-Martyrs of Uganda, 1881?

-That's right.

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Oh, sorry about that.

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I was beheaded. See.

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Before that I was in construction.

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I don't know who built this, but they were a right cowboy.

0:26:030:26:07

I built it myself.

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-Well, you'll see what we can do. But I can't promise anything.

-Why not? There's plenty of you.

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Yes, come on, welcome.

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Hello.

0:26:260:26:27

WORKERS SING AFRICAN SONG

0:26:310:26:34

What are they singing?

0:26:340:26:36

They are praying for rain.

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Where I come from people have to pay a tenth of their daily income on water.

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It's so expensive that they can't afford to wash their hands so they get disease.

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You don't need fancy hospitals or medicines to make life better, just a well.

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And you can build a well for as little as £100.

0:27:020:27:07

That's fantastic. Thanks.

0:27:070:27:09

-I'm sorry, I don't know who you are.

-Mutual that, then.

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This yours?

0:27:300:27:31

Nice.

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Near the railway.

0:27:360:27:39

-What's in there?

-Nothing really.

0:27:480:27:51

-What's this?

-A dress. It was my mum's.

0:27:590:28:03

Oh.

0:28:030:28:05

What are you looking for?

0:28:130:28:16

Money.

0:28:200:28:22

Are you poor?

0:28:220:28:24

What?

0:28:240:28:25

Damian, come in. Anthony to Damian.

0:28:250:28:28

-Damian, where are you?

-What's that?

-My brother. I've got to go.

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I'll come back. I've got loads. Just wait there.

0:28:310:28:34

Loads of what?

0:28:340:28:36

Money. Just wait there.

0:28:360:28:38

-Who's that?

-A poor person and you said there weren't any.

-I know, but who is it?

0:28:420:28:47

-I don't know. Just someone.

-What do you mean "someone"?

0:28:470:28:52

-Did he do anything to you?

-What sort of things?

-Never mind.

0:28:520:28:57

Look, people are weird. You've got to be more careful.

0:28:570:29:01

-You shouldn't really talk to them.

-Anyway I've told him now.

0:29:010:29:04

-Told him what?

-That we have tons of money.

0:29:040:29:07

He's poor.

0:29:080:29:09

What?

0:29:100:29:11

Nothing. Nothing. Leave it to me.

0:29:150:29:18

-Where is he then?

-I don't know. He was here a minute ago.

0:29:260:29:30

See. Loads of money.

0:29:430:29:45

We've been saving it up for ages.

0:29:450:29:48

You can have it if you need it.

0:29:490:29:51

Come on, Damian.

0:29:530:29:55

You'll have to change it quickly.

0:29:550:29:58

-Do you think that was really enough?

-More than enough.

0:30:070:30:11

That's him completely sorted out.

0:30:110:30:14

Right. Have you given money to anyone else?

0:30:140:30:17

Not really.

0:30:170:30:19

-KNOCK AT DOOR

-What?

0:30:400:30:43

It wasn't that much. Just like a bagful.

0:30:450:30:49

-What's that?

-Scuba scooter.

0:30:530:30:56

It goes at ten mile an hour for up to five hours.

0:30:560:30:59

We could have one of them. We could have one each.

0:30:590:31:02

-We could have a whole fleet.

-She's nice.

0:31:020:31:06

Huh! I've seen better. Close the door.

0:31:060:31:09

Look, you can see it protruding.

0:31:180:31:20

-What is it?

-It's a nipple.

0:31:200:31:23

What's it for?

0:31:230:31:24

Well, it's for feeding babies.

0:31:250:31:28

-Did mum have one?

-Two. They've all got two.

0:31:290:31:32

-And did she feed us with them?

-Yeah, course she did. I remember.

0:31:320:31:36

You can't remember when you were a baby.

0:31:360:31:38

I don't remember her doing it to me. I remember her doing it to you.

0:31:380:31:42

-Anthony?

->

0:31:440:31:46

What?

0:31:490:31:50

-You've not done the washing up?

-I did it!

0:31:500:31:53

SCREAMING AND SHOUTING

0:32:080:32:11

HORN BEEPS

0:32:120:32:14

-Hello, what's your name?

-Keegan.

0:32:140:32:17

All right, K, what's happened to your finger?

0:32:170:32:20

That's quality. Pure scary, pure scary.

0:32:200:32:24

Hey, give me your money! Come on, empty your pockets!

0:32:240:32:28

Hey you! Excuse me, excuse me!

0:32:280:32:31

Give me all your money! Come on, every copper!

0:32:310:32:35

Who feels sorry for poor children? Correct answer.

0:32:380:32:42

Everybody sitting up nicely?

0:32:420:32:45

OK, so, as you know, we're going to have new money in the New Year.

0:32:470:32:51

Does anybody know how much a euro is worth in pounds?

0:32:510:32:55

-Yes.

-67p.

-Spot on.

0:32:560:33:00

Here, there's a little prize for you. It's your own euro converter.

0:33:000:33:03

Now! Who else wants one? Anybody?

0:33:030:33:06

ME! Oh! Everybody! OK.

0:33:060:33:08

So, who can tell me how much two pence is worth in euros?

0:33:080:33:12

Mmm. Well, I'll tell you.

0:33:140:33:17

It's worth...

0:33:170:33:20

not very much. Almost nothing. To you.

0:33:200:33:23

But if we all put our two pences together,

0:33:230:33:26

then we'll have a lot of two pences, won't we? YES.

0:33:260:33:30

How many people are there here? One...

0:33:300:33:33

ALL: ..Two, three, four,

0:33:330:33:37

five, six, seven, eight...

0:33:370:33:40

-250.

-Sorry?

0:33:400:33:43

-There's 250 in the school.

-Oh, clever clogs head master!

0:33:430:33:47

OK, 250,

0:33:470:33:48

so if you each gave me two pence, then I'd have five pounds.

0:33:480:33:54

It's not that much here, but in Ethiopia five pounds could feed a family for a week.

0:33:540:33:59

If you all gave me two two pences, then we'd have a tenner.

0:33:590:34:03

That's enough to provide that village with a source of clean water forever.

0:34:030:34:08

It's no good to you, so chuck it in the bin.

0:34:080:34:11

HORN BEEPS

0:34:110:34:13

Excuse me. Give me all your money! Come on, every copper!

0:34:130:34:16

Get out of my way. Hey you!

0:34:170:34:19

Hey, give me your money!

0:34:190:34:22

Come on. Empty your pockets.

0:34:220:34:25

-Hello, what's your name?

-Damian. Hi, Damian, I'm the Bin.

0:34:290:34:33

-Hello, Bin.

-Damian, you'll give me some money, won't you?

0:34:330:34:37

Yeah.

0:34:420:34:43

SHE MOUTHS

0:34:480:34:49

What did you do? You did it again, didn't you?

0:34:580:35:01

-What?

-I saw what you did. How much?

-Not much. She's nice.

0:35:010:35:06

I've been thinking. Why don't we give the money to her?

0:35:060:35:09

So, how did it go?

0:35:090:35:11

Well...

0:35:110:35:12

A thousand?! What did you bring a thousand to school for?

0:35:140:35:18

Can't you see that's suspicious?

0:35:180:35:20

It's not suspicious. It's unusual.

0:35:200:35:23

How can it be suspicious? It's our money.

0:35:230:35:26

Right, you lot, outside! Come on! >

0:35:260:35:29

-That's enough messing around.

-Do you know, in Africa, you can build a well for as little as £100?

0:35:290:35:35

Just listen.

0:35:350:35:38

It was the most daring, most brilliant,

0:35:430:35:46

cleverest and biggest robbery on record, ever. The train was here.

0:35:460:35:51

'The train, the one with the money. Used notes. Right?

0:35:530:35:57

'The van comes in onto the platform, here.

0:35:570:36:00

'It's a railway van so no-one takes any notice.

0:36:000:36:04

TYRES SQUEAL 'Until...

0:36:040:36:07

'..they jump out of this van and someone got hold of the driver.

0:36:160:36:20

'Some of them start shifting the money.'

0:36:200:36:22

By this time, Rapid Response has been mobilised.

0:36:220:36:25

SIREN BLARES

0:36:250:36:28

All right, let's go. Come on!

0:36:290:36:32

SHOUTING

0:36:320:36:35

The van drives off with a reckless disregard for life.

0:36:440:36:48

Rapid Response goes after it.

0:36:480:36:50

There's armed units, dog handlers. Helicopters.

0:36:500:36:53

'They throw everything at them. The train stays here.

0:36:530:36:56

'An ambulance comes, takes the driver to hospital. They get another driver.

0:36:560:37:01

'CID count the bags. There's only one missing.

0:37:010:37:05

'Then Rapid Response corner the van.

0:37:050:37:08

'Trapped.

0:37:150:37:16

'The robbers dropped the lot and they leg it!

0:37:160:37:19

'They've got no chance, except...

0:37:190:37:22

'Newcastle United versus Arsenal, at Highbury.

0:37:220:37:25

'1-1. Disappointing result for the Gunners.'

0:37:250:37:29

Please advise car, I think we've lost them.

0:37:290:37:32

'They don't catch the men, but that's all right

0:37:320:37:35

'because when they get back to the van...

0:37:350:37:39

'there's the missing bag.'

0:37:390:37:42

How do you know all that?

0:37:420:37:44

His uncle works for the police.

0:37:440:37:45

The van is gone, the train is in the station.

0:37:450:37:48

'And the cops are in the cop shop making tea. Where are the robbers?'

0:37:480:37:52

Where's the last place you're going to look?

0:37:520:37:56

-Our house?

-Maybe.

0:37:560:37:59

So the train moves off with a new driver and all the money.

0:37:590:38:03

On the train.

0:38:030:38:04

The money was on the train, and so was a robber?

0:38:040:38:07

Lateral thinking.

0:38:070:38:09

'The money stays on the train, and so does a robber.

0:38:120:38:15

'He sits tight.

0:38:350:38:37

'Every time the train comes to a slow bend, he chucks a sack of money out.

0:38:370:38:40

'They've got people waiting all over the country.'

0:38:400:38:44

It could be Stafford or Crewe. It could be Preston or Wigan.

0:38:440:38:48

Runcorn, it could be.

0:38:480:38:50

Or it could be here.

0:38:500:38:52

DOOR SLAMS

0:39:220:39:24

Damian! Damian, calm down. It'll be all right.

0:39:240:39:28

No-one knows it was us.

0:39:280:39:30

I don't care. Leave me alone. What you have to tell me for?

0:39:300:39:33

-Because I wanted you to know the truth.

-We have to give it back.

0:39:330:39:37

No... No, we can't do that. They were going to burn it.

0:39:370:39:41

Now, come on. It isn't the money's fault it got stolen.

0:39:410:39:44

I thought it was from God.

0:39:440:39:47

What?!

0:39:470:39:49

You know, sometimes you tell people about Mam

0:39:490:39:51

and they give you money or sweets? Well, I told God and...

0:39:510:39:55

-Well, who else would have that kind of money?

-Well...in a funny...

0:39:550:39:59

God doesn't rob banks, all right?! God does not rob banks.

0:39:590:40:04

DOOR OPENS

0:40:040:40:06

Office.

0:40:070:40:09

Now!

0:40:100:40:11

Your father's on his way.

0:40:110:40:14

KNOCK ON DOOR

0:40:200:40:22

'Come in.'

0:40:220:40:24

The Mormons?!

0:40:270:40:28

'You stole money from Mormons?!'

0:40:300:40:32

Would you like to tell us why you did it, Anthony?

0:40:320:40:35

Our mam's dead.

0:40:420:40:44

HE SOBS

0:40:440:40:46

Hey. Hey! Hey, Anthony, come here. Anthony, Damian, come here.

0:40:520:40:56

ANTHONY SOBS

0:40:560:40:58

OK.

0:40:580:41:00

Team talk.

0:41:000:41:02

Your mother...

0:41:040:41:05

Mm-hm.

0:41:050:41:06

She would not want you to stand around crying...or to steal things.

0:41:060:41:12

She wants you to get on with your lives

0:41:140:41:17

and do the best you can. Make her proud, son, eh?

0:41:170:41:20

And not, you know...

0:41:200:41:22

..cry.

0:41:240:41:26

OK. So let's stop crying, eh?

0:41:290:41:31

And stealing things. Let's stop that, too. Get in the car.

0:41:310:41:36

Don't ever do that to me again.

0:41:410:41:45

I'm really sorry it was me. I didn't mean to cause any trouble, or anything.

0:41:450:41:50

No, you did right. They stole it, what could you do?

0:41:500:41:53

They did give it to a good cause.

0:41:530:41:55

I wouldn't have done that at their age.

0:41:550:41:58

They must be...

0:41:580:42:00

You did a good job.

0:42:000:42:03

Thanks.

0:42:030:42:04

Are you from the social?

0:42:090:42:11

No. I'm just a visitor.

0:42:110:42:13

I go round the schools collecting for this water thing,

0:42:130:42:16

making sure the kids understand the changeover.

0:42:160:42:19

Does anyone understand it?

0:42:190:42:21

Sometimes they are a bit confused, until I talk to them.

0:42:210:42:24

And then...

0:42:240:42:26

BOTH: They're really confused.

0:42:260:42:28

I'm sorry. They're very sorry.

0:42:310:42:34

I've sent them to bed.

0:42:340:42:35

I want you to know that it won't happen again.

0:42:350:42:39

-Do you mind me asking how you had so much cash in the house?

-It was a donation, left here anonymously.

0:42:390:42:45

And you weren't suspicious about that?

0:42:450:42:49

No, we pray a lot,

0:42:490:42:50

and we thought it was the answer to our prayers.

0:42:500:42:53

Only it has been mentioned that you spent close to £5,000 in Comet a few days ago.

0:42:530:43:00

Digital television.

0:43:000:43:01

PING! >

0:43:010:43:03

Microwave oven. Dishwasher.

0:43:030:43:05

Foot spa.

0:43:080:43:10

Did you actually pray for all of these things?

0:43:100:43:13

We were praying for comfort and encouragement.

0:43:130:43:18

I think we felt comforted AND encouraged.

0:43:180:43:21

By the foot spa?

0:43:210:43:23

And the dishwasher.

0:43:230:43:25

Hmm-mm.

0:43:250:43:27

Samaritans...

0:43:270:43:30

Oxfam...Christian Aid...

0:43:300:43:33

For Christ's sake, don't tick them little boxes.

0:43:330:43:37

The ones about putting you in touch with like-minded organisations.

0:43:370:43:40

-You'd be besieged, man. I'm telling you!

-St Peter, died AD 64?

0:43:400:43:44

All right, don't remind us.

0:43:440:43:46

The money...it's robbed.

0:43:460:43:48

I know!

0:43:480:43:49

Patron saint of keys, locks and general security, man.

0:43:490:43:53

Including up there. I'm on the door.

0:43:530:43:57

Is it still all right, if it's robbed?

0:43:570:44:00

Can you still do good with it or should you give it back?

0:44:000:44:05

I thought it was a miracle, but it is just robbed.

0:44:050:44:09

Damian. Listen.

0:44:090:44:11

One day, I was with you know who - Jesus.

0:44:110:44:16

And he went up into the mountains and thousands of people followed him.

0:44:160:44:20

The police said 5,000.

0:44:200:44:22

5,000?!

0:44:220:44:23

Everybody knows this story.

0:44:230:44:25

Loaves and fishes.

0:44:250:44:28

See, I knew you'd say that. That's what everybody says.

0:44:280:44:31

This yours?

0:44:340:44:36

It's the key to the old house.

0:44:360:44:38

Jointed pin-tumbler. Engineering perfection.

0:44:380:44:43

Anyway, this kid comes up to us, about your size,

0:44:430:44:47

His name was... No, I have forgotten.

0:44:470:44:50

I still see him sometimes.

0:44:500:44:52

Anyway, he comes up with these loaves and fishes. Sardines.

0:44:520:44:57

And Jesus blesses them and passes the plate round.

0:44:570:45:01

Now, the first person he passes it to, passes it on.

0:45:010:45:04

He doesn't take anything. He just passes it on. Do you know why?

0:45:040:45:08

Because he had a piece of lamb hidden in his pocket.

0:45:080:45:12

And as he is passing the fish, he sneaks a bit of meat out

0:45:120:45:16

and pretends he's taken it off the plate. Do you see what I'm saying?

0:45:160:45:20

And the next person, exactly the same story.

0:45:200:45:23

Every single bastard one of them has their own food!

0:45:230:45:27

And every one of them is keeping it quiet.

0:45:270:45:30

Looking after number one.

0:45:300:45:32

But as that plate went round with the sardines on,

0:45:320:45:36

they all got their own food out and started to share.

0:45:360:45:39

And then that plate went all the way round and back to Jesus,

0:45:390:45:44

and it'd still got the fish and the loaves on it.

0:45:440:45:47

I think Jesus was a bit taken aback.

0:45:470:45:50

He says, "What happened?"

0:45:500:45:52

And I just said, "Miracle."

0:45:520:45:55

And at first I thought I'd fooled him.

0:45:550:45:58

But now I see it WAS a miracle, one of his best.

0:45:580:46:03

But this little kid had stood up and...

0:46:060:46:08

everybody there just got bigger.

0:46:080:46:11

Do you understand what I'm talking about?

0:46:150:46:18

Not really.

0:46:180:46:19

I'm talking about you.

0:46:190:46:22

Now I'm really lost.

0:46:220:46:24

You're trying too hard.

0:46:240:46:26

That kid, he wasn't planning on doing a miracle.

0:46:260:46:30

He wasn't planning anything... except lunch.

0:46:300:46:33

Something that looks like a miracle turns out to be dead simple.

0:46:330:46:37

But what am I going to do with all this?

0:46:370:46:40

I just want to be good.

0:46:420:46:45

Look, I can't say too much about this,

0:46:450:46:48

because of that whole free will thing. Right? But...

0:46:480:46:53

See this key?

0:46:560:46:57

Keep it safe. All right?

0:46:570:47:00

And I'll have a word upstairs...

0:47:040:47:06

see if I can get somebody on your case more permanent.

0:47:060:47:11

With three days left to e-day, my true love said to me...

0:47:130:47:18

Convert your change, or donate to charity.

0:47:180:47:22

Hmmm, marvellous.

0:47:220:47:25

'There are just three days left to e-day.

0:47:250:47:28

'Remember, the money in your bank account has already been converted.

0:47:280:47:31

'The easiest way to change any cash you have is to pay it into your account.

0:47:310:47:35

'Sterling becomes euros the moment it's paid in.

0:47:350:47:38

'If you don't have an account, why not open one today?'

0:47:380:47:41

-Can I help?

-We'd like to open an account.

-Is your mum and dad with you?

-No.

0:47:410:47:45

Well, I need an adult signature. I need proof of who you are.

0:47:450:47:48

Oh, we've got that. Leisure pass.

0:47:480:47:51

I'm afraid you're going to have to ask your mum to come in.

0:47:530:47:56

-This isn't enough. Just ask your mum to come in.

-We can't.

-Why not?

0:47:560:47:59

Our mam's dead.

0:48:010:48:03

There's two free euros in 'ere...

0:48:100:48:13

..and you can keep the rest of your money in it. It's the best I can do.

0:48:150:48:19

I told you we should have bought a house!

0:48:240:48:27

Right, if we can't hide it, at least we can spend it.

0:48:270:48:31

MOBILE PHONE RINGS

0:48:340:48:37

-Hello?

-Now, that is quality.

0:48:370:48:39

That is amazing. I can see you. Can you see me?

0:48:390:48:42

Yeah.

0:48:420:48:43

Not here, on there!

0:48:430:48:44

Not as well.

0:48:440:48:46

-I can see you in mine. This is fantastic.

-Anthony,

0:48:460:48:50

why don't we give the money to the lady with the bin?

0:48:500:48:53

It's not ours, and we're never going to spend it all. She could do good with it.

0:48:530:48:57

We just gave her a grand and look at the trouble it caused.

0:48:570:49:00

If we gave her 200, we'll end up in jail. We're on our own now, Damian.

0:49:000:49:04

Don't let me down.

0:49:040:49:07

Hello! The speaker went on my bin.

0:49:180:49:21

Your dad said he'd fix it, so I said I'd cook for him, so you get a decent meal for once.

0:49:210:49:26

I'm a fantastic cook. Aren't I a fantastic cook, Damian?

0:49:260:49:30

The size of that school bag. You'll get a hernia. Is that all homework?

0:49:300:49:34

-No!

-Yeah!

0:49:340:49:35

Um, costumes for the Nativity play. I suppose it IS homework, really.

0:49:350:49:40

I love a Nativity play. Can I see them?

0:49:400:49:43

-Yeah.

-No.

0:49:430:49:44

It's private. Private property... of the school.

0:49:440:49:48

-It will spoil the surprise.

-Am I going to go, too?

0:49:480:49:52

-Are you going to get me tickets?

-Well, I suppose so.

-I didn't even know they were in it.

0:49:520:49:56

I get told nothing, you know. Nothing.

0:49:560:49:59

Are you going to come and do some chopping?

0:49:590:50:02

It's lasagne, your favourite.

0:50:020:50:05

ON TV: 'Where was the highwayman Dick Turpin hanged in 1739?'

0:50:090:50:14

-York.

-How did you know that?

0:50:140:50:16

-It's York.

-'Glasgow...Carlisle...'

0:50:160:50:18

He knows everything, your dad. '..Norwich...York...'

0:50:180:50:21

Why don't you go on it? You'd be great. Wouldn't he?

0:50:210:50:24

-'50-50, please.'

-It's York!

0:50:240:50:27

You'd be a lot less frustrated if you went on yourself. Damian, tell him to go on.

0:50:270:50:31

You'd like to have a £1 million, wouldn't you?

0:50:310:50:33

It's not £1 million. It's 1 million euros. That's only about...

0:50:330:50:37

..623,100 at today's prices.

0:50:380:50:42

At least somebody has been listening.

0:50:420:50:45

Told you it was York.

0:50:450:50:47

'Jim, I'm so sorry. The answer is York.'

0:50:470:50:51

We're supposed to go to bed when this is finished.

0:50:510:50:54

Yeah, right, go to bed.

0:50:540:50:56

But you're supposed to read us a story.

0:50:560:50:59

-I'll get off.

-I'll see you out.

0:51:020:51:04

I'll see you out, too.

0:51:040:51:06

Come again soon!

0:51:150:51:16

-Sucker for women.

-Sucker for men.

0:51:160:51:19

-Don't forget, I want to see that Nativity play. Your dad'll forget.

-Go and get your pyjamas on.

0:51:220:51:27

They're good lads.

0:51:270:51:28

-Nice to have someone to talk to once in a while, though.

-Yeah.

0:51:300:51:34

Thanks. I had a great evening.

0:51:340:51:37

I know what she's after.

0:51:370:51:39

We can't leave it here. We're going to have to keep it with us...

0:51:390:51:43

all the time. Fill your school bag.

0:51:430:51:46

And don't let it out your sight.

0:51:460:51:49

-Guard it with your life, whatever happens. OK?

-OK.

0:51:490:51:52

Damian?

0:51:520:51:54

(Have you any room?)

0:51:540:51:56

-Have you any room?

-No, Damian. He's tired.

0:51:560:52:01

He's walked here all the way from Nazareth.

0:52:010:52:04

-He's tired. He's very, very tired.

-Well...

0:52:040:52:06

-Tired.

-The walk from Nazareth, people did that all the time.

0:52:060:52:10

And he was a carpenter. So he was very fit.

0:52:100:52:14

He wasn't tired. He was excited.

0:52:140:52:15

-His wife was going to have a baby. They weren't expecting to go to sleep.

-OK.

0:52:150:52:20

You say excited. I say tired. Let's try nervous.

0:52:200:52:24

OK? Shall we start again?

0:52:240:52:27

Joseph the Worker, first century, dates uncertain?

0:52:450:52:48

I wouldn't have said nervous. I would have said focused.

0:52:480:52:53

-Well, have you any room? >

-Hmm.

0:53:040:53:07

What did he want to bring HER for?

0:53:100:53:12

You invited her.

0:53:120:53:14

Beginners. Beginners positions. Damian, come on.

0:53:180:53:21

LOUDLY: The word went out from Julius Caesar...

0:53:300:53:33

Caesarus...

0:53:330:53:36

Caesar Augustus that everybody had to go to their home town to be taxed.

0:53:360:53:41

So Mary and Joseph set out for Bethlehem.

0:53:410:53:44

PIANO PLAYS

0:53:440:53:46

CHILDREN SING: # Little Donkey, Little Donkey

0:53:490:53:54

# On the dusty road... #

0:53:540:53:57

Do you know how much a piece of gold that big would be worth today?

0:53:570:54:02

A lot. An awful lot.

0:54:020:54:03

I wonder what happened to it? Cos he was poor after that.

0:54:030:54:07

-I wonder what he spent it on...

-Can we lose the anachronistic bag?

0:54:070:54:11

I don't think they had Adidas in the first century!

0:54:110:54:14

< Far away to the East, three wise men saw a star.

0:54:140:54:18

Thanks, girls.

0:54:180:54:20

Look a star! Let's follow it.

0:54:200:54:22

# Come, they told me Par um pa pa pa pum

0:54:240:54:29

# A new born King to see Par um pa pum pum... #

0:54:300:54:35

ECHOES OF CHILDREN SINGING

0:54:350:54:39

No, Saint Maureen. >

0:54:430:54:45

I don't think I have heard of her. Is she a virgin martyr?

0:54:450:54:49

I don't think so.

0:54:490:54:51

HE GASPS

0:54:510:54:53

MAN TUTS

0:54:530:54:55

Here he is. He's always got those bags with him.

0:54:570:55:00

# Pom pom pom... #

0:55:000:55:02

Do you remember me? Mm...?

0:55:040:55:08

I'm the poor man.

0:55:080:55:10

DOOR BANGS

0:55:100:55:11

Damian Cunningham, what are you doing there? Come on, where should you be?

0:55:130:55:17

Where should you be? You should be in Bethlehem, come on.

0:55:170:55:21

I can't believe you've got... No, go back, go back. As for these!

0:55:210:55:25

What have I told you about these? I've told you before - Sshh!

0:55:250:55:28

(Back out! Back out! Back out!

0:55:280:55:30

(Shhhhh! Back on! Back on!)

0:55:300:55:32

NARRATOR: They tried first at one inn.

0:55:320:55:35

Do you have any room at this inn?

0:55:350:55:37

No, sorry, we're fully booked.

0:55:370:55:39

Do you have any room at THIS inn?

0:55:390:55:42

We haven't any room, but we've got a stable.

0:55:420:55:44

So he took them to the stable... >

0:55:500:55:52

Oh, this is nice and cosy, Joseph.

0:55:520:55:56

Cosy, Joseph!

0:55:580:56:00

I said, "This is nice and cosy, Joseph."

0:56:030:56:08

(Damian? Damian?)

0:56:080:56:10

-FALSETTO:

-Yes, this is where our Lord Baby Jesus will be born.

0:56:120:56:16

And so our Saviour came, bringing peace to all the earth.

0:56:180:56:22

# Silent night, Holy... #

0:56:230:56:27

Quick, come on!

0:56:270:56:29

DISTANT APPLAUSE

0:56:290:56:31

KEYS JANGLE

0:57:310:57:33

You stay there.

0:57:440:57:45

DOORBELL RINGS INCESSANTLY

0:58:510:58:54

Oh, no! The keys!

0:58:560:58:57

DOOR CLOSES

0:59:200:59:22

MOBILE RINGS

0:59:480:59:50

Oh, no!

0:59:500:59:51

Aaaaaargh!

1:00:021:00:04

-Damian! What you doing?

-Dad!

1:00:051:00:07

Come here! Oh God! Come here!

1:00:071:00:09

Come here! It's all right.

1:00:091:00:11

Let's get you down. What were you doing?

1:00:111:00:13

-Is he all right, Dad?

-There we go.

-What's he doing?

1:00:131:00:17

Well, he found it!

1:00:241:00:26

It just fell out of the sky. Right in front of me.

1:00:261:00:30

I thought it was from God.

1:00:301:00:32

From God?

1:00:321:00:35

It's not really his thing is it, handing out cash?

1:00:351:00:39

Why would God hand out...

1:00:391:00:42

£229,320.

1:00:421:00:46

Blimey.

1:00:501:00:51

I was going to give it to the poor, but it was really hard.

1:00:511:00:56

Why didn't you tell me?

1:00:581:00:59

Anthony said not to because of the tax.

1:00:591:01:03

-We could keep some of it though couldn't we, like a reward?

-Get in.

1:01:031:01:08

Oh!

1:01:081:01:09

So what are we going to do with it then?

1:01:091:01:12

We're going to hand it in. All of it.

1:01:121:01:15

What else can we do? It's not ours, is it?

1:01:151:01:17

Hello?

1:01:561:01:57

I called round, the door was open. I've called the police.

1:01:571:02:02

I thought you might have come home.

1:02:021:02:04

Everyone gets burgled at Christmas, Dad.

1:02:191:02:23

PC: This will be your crime number.

1:02:231:02:26

So you can get on to your insurance company.

1:02:261:02:30

They can't really recompense you for this.

1:02:301:02:33

They can't give you your Christmas back, can they?

1:02:331:02:35

Be next Christmas by the time you get anything...back.

1:02:351:02:38

I don't suppose you've got any... serial numbers,

1:02:391:02:44

security codes, anything like that?

1:02:441:02:46

No? Well...

1:02:461:02:49

Wouldn't make any difference. It's very rare we get anything back.

1:02:491:02:52

Very rare.

1:02:521:02:54

'We know the stolen currency is around here somewhere.

1:02:571:03:00

'That's what this is all about, but they can't do anything about it.

1:03:001:03:03

'All the banks have been warned to look out for anyone making any large deposits.

1:03:031:03:08

'And, of course, it's only one day or two, before they realise that the money is worthless.'

1:03:081:03:14

PC LAUGHS

1:03:141:03:16

What's that?

1:03:481:03:50

It's nothing, it's nothing. It's just my stuff.

1:03:501:03:53

Oh, Dad, don't!

1:03:541:03:56

Oh, my God!

1:03:561:03:59

This is what they were after.

1:04:041:04:06

That's a lot of money. Where did it come from?

1:04:061:04:10

They took our Christmas. We'll take their cash.

1:04:101:04:13

-You can't keep it.

-You're going to keep it?

1:04:131:04:16

It belongs to the government!

1:04:161:04:18

They were going to burn all this money, that's a crime if you ask me.

1:04:181:04:22

-Definitely.

-But stealing's wrong.

1:04:221:04:24

You have to steal it FROM somebody.

1:04:241:04:26

-Who are we stealing it from?

-It's not right!

1:04:261:04:29

My house has just been ransacked! I work every second God sends just to give you a decent home.

1:04:291:04:35

And now it's been wrecked.

1:04:371:04:38

I am owed this.

1:04:381:04:41

-But...

-Go to bed.

1:04:411:04:44

Now.

1:04:441:04:46

HE EXHALES

1:04:551:04:57

Do you want a story?

1:05:151:05:16

It's wrong.

1:05:161:05:18

Who says?

1:05:181:05:19

God.

1:05:191:05:21

Yeah, well...

1:05:211:05:23

Yeah, well what?

1:05:251:05:28

-Don't you want to go to heaven?

-Look around you, Damian.

1:05:281:05:31

We're on our own. No-one is smiling down on us, Damian.

1:05:311:05:35

No-one is looking out for us. So we're looking out for ourselves.

1:05:351:05:39

But Mam...

1:05:391:05:40

..is dead.

1:05:401:05:43

She's dead, Damian.

1:05:431:05:46

You'll never see her again.

1:05:471:05:49

And neither will I.

1:05:491:05:52

And the money...is ours.

1:05:561:05:59

We'll take it to town tomorrow

1:05:591:06:01

and change it and spend it, do you hear me?

1:06:011:06:04

All of it, because it's ours.

1:06:041:06:07

THUDDING

1:06:231:06:25

HE GASPS

1:06:341:06:36

I know you've got it.

1:06:381:06:41

It's mine.

1:06:411:06:42

And you're going to change it tomorrow.

1:06:441:06:47

And that's a good thing.

1:06:471:06:50

OK?

1:06:511:06:52

HE DIALS

1:06:571:07:00

When you come back...

1:07:001:07:02

..I'm going to call you on this phone.

1:07:041:07:07

Open the front door.

1:07:071:07:09

Let me in.

1:07:091:07:12

And we'll take the money.

1:07:121:07:14

And you won't have to worry about it any more.

1:07:141:07:19

Understand?

1:07:221:07:23

You make sure your phone's switched on.

1:07:421:07:44

-You take one side and we'll take the other and then swap.

-All right.

1:07:511:07:55

OK, change what you can and what you can't change spend. Have a ball!

1:07:551:07:59

You do realise, you just kissed goodbye to the money.

1:07:591:08:03

Come on, let's get cracking.

1:08:031:08:05

She's going to run off with it, you must know that?

1:08:051:08:07

-Come on!

-How can she? She's got Damian.

1:08:071:08:09

She'll kidnap him, hold him to ransom for the rest of the money.

1:08:091:08:13

No, Anthony, that's what you'd do. Come on.

1:08:131:08:16

OK, you wait here, all right?

1:08:251:08:27

MAN: 'It's mine.'

1:08:341:08:36

-We'll have to change more than this.

-No!

1:08:421:08:44

-What?

-That's the whole point.

1:08:441:08:46

Do it in small amounts and no-one will be suspicious.

1:08:461:08:50

Look at the queue! We'll be lucky to get round three banks.

1:08:501:08:53

-You'll be lucky to stay out of jail. Go on!

-What?

1:08:531:08:57

It's quite a lot in the circumstances.

1:08:591:09:01

It's £5,000. It's the front half of a Ford Fiesta.

1:09:011:09:04

Is this a bank or a sweet shop?

1:09:041:09:06

-What?

-I need a wee.

1:09:091:09:11

Tell her that.

1:09:111:09:12

-Can we use your loo?

-Well, I'm not sure...

-I'm not queuing up again!

1:09:121:09:16

The poor kid's been in here half an hour. You must have a loo. What do you do when YOU need to go?

1:09:161:09:22

OK, just this once.

1:09:291:09:31

-You'll have to go here.

-I don't really need one.

1:09:381:09:41

You little belter.

1:09:431:09:45

I just can't see why it's so difficult.

1:09:481:09:50

I need a wee.

1:09:501:09:52

It's the front half of a Ford Fiesta! That's...

1:09:541:09:57

I need a wee. I need a wee!

1:09:571:09:59

NEWS: 'Today's the day that Britain enters a new currency era.

1:10:121:10:16

'You must spend or bank any remaining old money today.

1:10:161:10:19

'It's now or never. Use it or lose it.

1:10:191:10:22

'At midnight tonight, it's euros only for British business.

1:10:221:10:25

'Well, if you say so for business...

1:10:251:10:28

'Business is... What was your name?'

1:10:281:10:30

-What?

-I've got an idea.

-What?

1:10:321:10:34

Dollars.

1:10:341:10:36

Change it into dollars now and change it into euros whenever.

1:10:361:10:39

Once all the excitement's over, the euro will most likely drop in value.

1:10:391:10:43

So we'll probably get a better exchange rate this way, too.

1:10:431:10:46

What?

1:10:491:10:51

-Where did

-I

-get you?

1:10:511:10:54

They've got a bank in there. It stays open late.

1:10:581:11:01

You know everything, you do, don't you?

1:11:011:11:03

Yeah.

1:11:031:11:05

What's wrong?

1:11:081:11:10

How did you know about the bank?

1:11:131:11:16

Is this where your mum worked? In here?

1:11:191:11:23

Stay there then. You'll be all right, I'll come straight back for you. I'll do this one. OK?

1:11:261:11:32

Don't look.

1:11:471:11:50

This is where your mum used to work.

1:11:541:11:57

Nice...

1:12:001:12:02

Best get a move on, eh?

1:12:061:12:08

Go on...

1:12:121:12:14

Damian, what you doing?

1:12:391:12:41

Hey, what's up?

1:12:431:12:44

Did you think I'd run off and left you?

1:12:481:12:51

Did you? Well, I didn't, did I?

1:12:511:12:54

No, you didn't. The bank's upstairs.

1:12:541:12:59

It's closed.

1:12:591:13:02

And I've had a much better idea!

1:13:021:13:05

Come on, let's go and stuff our faces.

1:13:051:13:09

Ooh, could have had me eye out!

1:13:221:13:26

-Damian wants to give his to the poor!

-Do you?

1:13:261:13:29

They won't be poor any more once you've given it to them.

1:13:291:13:33

What'll you do then? Take it back?

1:13:331:13:35

Speaking of which... Right...

1:13:351:13:39

Mystery activity. Champagne...

1:13:391:13:42

Follow me.

1:13:421:13:44

She opened the door in her nightie and I thought, "Funny place to keep a door".

1:13:551:13:59

-This is your fault, this.

-What is?!

1:14:001:14:04

Don't even know, do you? You brought her and you don't even know.

1:14:041:14:08

-What are you on about?!

-Can you hear 'em laughing? Even he's laughing.

1:14:081:14:11

Listen.

1:14:111:14:12

Once she's got what she came for, she'll piss off again.

1:14:171:14:20

-Then he won't be laughing, will he? We'll start again, like when Mam died.

-Maybe she'll...stay?

1:14:201:14:27

Oh, great! Much better! Is that what you want?! Her in there with him instead of Mam?

1:14:271:14:32

-Why are you angry with me?

-You did it. You and your weird stuff.

1:14:321:14:36

Chucking money away, talking to yourself, seeing things.

1:14:361:14:39

I don't. Maybe I do, but...

1:14:391:14:43

And me sticking up for you, for what? Truth is, you're a loony.

1:14:431:14:47

-Don't say that, Anthony, please, don't say that.

-You're just a loony.

1:14:471:14:51

You should be locked up.

1:14:511:14:52

'Be at the front door with the money in 10 minutes.'

1:15:081:15:11

Damian! We were... I was just...

1:16:021:16:08

DOORBELL

1:16:211:16:24

Dad, don't answer it.

1:16:271:16:30

-Dad, don't!

-What is going on?

-Please!

1:16:301:16:33

See these little girls? My girls.

1:16:331:16:35

The girls Santa Claus forgot. You're our last hope.

1:16:351:16:39

-We haven't got our bus fare. There's no point going back if you don't help - he'll chuck us out.

-Just...

1:16:391:16:44

-Who is it?

-Excuse me. Hedgehogs like these need your help.

1:16:441:16:47

50% of families with a chronically ill child break up.

1:16:471:16:50

You're maybe asking yourself - why does Waterloo Station need friends?

1:16:501:16:54

-Well, let me explain.

-This is the middle of the night. This is a private house!

1:16:541:16:58

Who are you?! Get out, please. Do you mind just leaving?

1:16:581:17:01

Go on, you and your hedgehogs! Get out!

1:17:011:17:05

VOICES CLAMOUR

1:17:051:17:08

Just shut up, will you?

1:17:181:17:20

Damian? Damian?

1:17:411:17:43

This is the same donkey after just a few months in our sanctuary.

1:17:561:18:00

-I think you'll agree...

-All right, love. Put him down. Shall we?

1:18:001:18:03

You'd better tell me how this started.

1:18:171:18:19

-I've no idea.

-Someone must have said something strange.

1:18:191:18:23

-Digital?

-Yeah that's right, yeah.

1:18:231:18:26

How do you find it? I'm yet to be convinced.

1:18:261:18:30

-You can have a look, when you get rid of that lot.

-One step at a time, eh? Any chance of a bit of toast?

1:18:301:18:34

You do that, I'll have a look around.

1:18:341:18:37

Evening, lad.

1:18:431:18:44

You.

1:19:161:19:17

-Where is he?

-I don't know!

1:19:211:19:23

-Huh? Where is he?

-Upstairs.

1:19:231:19:26

Peaceful, isn't it?

1:20:111:20:14

Who are you?

1:20:141:20:17

Who am I?

1:20:171:20:19

Who are you?

1:20:231:20:24

We're the police.

1:20:241:20:26

Oh!

1:21:151:21:17

I know you're only a dream. But I don't care.

1:21:171:21:22

It's nice to see you. Even if you're just a dream.

1:21:221:21:25

The money just makes everything worse.

1:21:271:21:30

I've got something for you.

1:21:301:21:34

From Readers Digest. Here.

1:21:341:21:35

You may have already won £10,000.

1:21:381:21:41

Please will you talk to me?

1:21:441:21:46

Five minutes. OK?

1:21:491:21:50

Now, don't interrupt. I'm dead.

1:21:561:21:59

I know what I'm talking about, OK?

1:21:591:22:01

You need to use conditioner on your hair. Your dad won't think of that, but it makes all the difference.

1:22:011:22:05

Me?

1:22:071:22:09

You are not to worry about me.

1:22:091:22:12

You have been worrying about me, haven't you?

1:22:121:22:16

I'm fine.

1:22:171:22:19

Anthony, he seems to have taken it better than you.

1:22:211:22:25

But he hasn't. He's got a good heart, he just...

1:22:251:22:29

-he doesn't know where it is.

-Damian?

1:22:291:22:33

He's going to need you. Be good to him.

1:22:331:22:36

Dad doesn't believe.

1:22:361:22:37

-Doesn't believe what?

-Any of it. Anything. He mustn't do, or he wouldn't.

1:22:371:22:45

-Couldn't you talk to him?

-He can't see me.

-Oh.

1:22:451:22:49

-Is it because of the money?

-In a way. The money makes it harder to see what's what.

1:22:491:22:54

You know that already.

1:22:561:22:58

Never really win with those things anyway.

1:23:041:23:07

You just end up with books about the building of the American Railways.

1:23:071:23:10

It's her, isn't it?

1:23:131:23:15

Your dad and her?

1:23:171:23:19

Damian...

1:23:211:23:23

..you know how complicated the money was?

1:23:271:23:31

Well...people are even more complicated.

1:23:311:23:35

You need to remember that there is nearly always enough good around to be going on with.

1:23:371:23:41

You've just got to have a bit of faith, you know.

1:23:411:23:43

And if you've got faith in people, that makes them stronger.

1:23:431:23:46

And you, you've got enough to sort all three of you out.

1:23:461:23:50

Hey? That's why I'm counting on you.

1:23:521:23:56

I haven't really been worried about you.

1:23:581:24:00

I've just been missing you.

1:24:001:24:03

That's allowed.

1:24:031:24:05

Are you really a saint?

1:24:071:24:09

Well, the criteria's very strict.

1:24:091:24:15

It's not just a case of doing good and all that.

1:24:151:24:17

-You do have to do an actual miracle.

-So...

1:24:171:24:21

I'm in there. Course I am.

1:24:211:24:24

What was your miracle?

1:24:241:24:26

Don't you know?

1:24:261:24:29

It was you.

1:24:301:24:32

Hey!

1:24:441:24:46

Aren't you going to say goodbye?

1:24:461:24:48

Bye.

1:24:571:24:58

Did you see her?

1:25:431:25:45

What did she say?

1:25:451:25:47

She said to tell you not to worry. It's all going to be all right.

1:25:481:25:52

She's looking out for you.

1:25:541:25:56

Come on!

1:25:581:25:59

Well, it was fun while it lasted, eh?

1:26:111:26:15

Look, there's no easy way to say this, but I put a bit to one side, for me, to spend.

1:26:251:26:32

You can have it back.

1:26:321:26:34

'Dorothy, 6,310 euros.'

1:26:341:26:37

All for the best, eh?

1:26:371:26:38

Dollars. It's just a few grand.

1:26:411:26:45

'Dad.'

1:26:451:26:46

-Ten, really.

-'11,400.'

1:26:461:26:50

I was going to tell you. I sort of kept them by mistake.

1:26:501:26:53

'Anthony.'

1:26:551:26:56

I just enjoyed having a wedge. It wasn't really the money. I just liked having it.

1:26:561:27:02

'4,780 euros.'

1:27:021:27:05

'Dorothy wanted a holiday of a lifetime.

1:27:051:27:09

'Dad wanted to pay off all his credit cards.

1:27:091:27:13

'Anthony wanted one Gameboy Advance SP,

1:27:131:27:16

'one PlayStation 3, a Shogun new BMX bike,

1:27:161:27:19

'a Rekia 500 super quad bike,

1:27:191:27:22

'Nimbus 2000 electro-magnetic stair rider.

1:27:221:27:25

'a table-top candy floss maker. An iPod, obviously...

1:27:251:27:29

'An iBook, obviously.

1:27:291:27:31

'And a hydraulic rocket capable of attaining altitudes of over 100 metres.'

1:27:311:27:36

Three...two...one...

1:27:371:27:41

'That's how Anthony would want this story to end.

1:27:541:27:57

'With big piles of stuff. But it's not his story. It's mine.'

1:27:571:28:02

Oh, regarde ca! Qu'est-ce-que c'est?

1:28:021:28:05

'This is where I want it to end.'

1:28:051:28:07

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