The Weather Man


The Weather Man

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Transcript


LineFromTo

This programme contains very strong language

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RUNNING WATER

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TEETH BEING BRUSHED

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That was refreshing.

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I'm refreshed.

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I'm refreshing.

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-Welcome back. I'm Bryant Gumbel.

-And I'm Anne Howard.

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-Good stuff today.

-We're going to be busy.

-We've got pop superstar Elton John with us.

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And so will best-selling author Al Franken.

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Along with some super-smart fourth graders with a great idea for getting

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-schoolbooks to kids who really need them.

-But here's an idea whose time has come...

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-'And fill the tart shell. Bryant, you put some ice cream on our angel food cake.

-How much do you want?

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'As much as you like.'

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HE MUMBLES INAUDIBLY

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'What are you laughing about?

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-'This is Baked Alaska.

-This is supposed to be low-fat.

-It is!'

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Did they call? Someone from the show.

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The Gumbel show. They didn't call?

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Are you sure?

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-Once again, we're out of time.

-Thank you. Already?

-Lots more ahead this morning. We'll be back...

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-What's up, dude?

-What's up?

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Hey, can I get your autograph?

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-Next in line!

-Um.

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I'm not who you think I am, so...

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You're not the weather guy?

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-Dan Spritz?

-Dave Spritz. I'm not Dave Spritz, no.

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But I hear that a lot.

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You don't have to be a dick.

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Look, can you just...

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All right, I'm just waiting in line.

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Bro, I can read your vehicle registration form.

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So, whatever.

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Can you...

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All right, can you give me a break?

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I just wanted to wait in line.

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You're on TV, bro.

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You're on TV.

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-You're on TV, bro.

-So what? You keep saying that.

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-So you're on TV, bro. Go work in a bank or something if you don't wanna be cool to people.

-Whatever. Just...

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Can you get out of my face?

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Can you get out of my face?

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-Asshole.

-You want to say that to my face?!

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I thought you wanted me to get out of your face.

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'People recognize me sometimes.

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'Some are dicks.'

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This is the same system that created those strong snowfalls in Minnesota. It's meant warmer weather...

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'I should cool out a little, I guess.

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'I mean, I'm not just this two-dimensional guy they recognize. I do have a relationship to them.

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'I let them know what they have to deal with.'

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..But these warmer temperatures are not going to last.

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This wind system will keep pushing colder air across the Midwest...

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'I guess that's why they think they know me. But they don't, really.'

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..Our Spritz Nipper of the week,

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with a high of just 24.

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'I'm not a hill of beans.

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'I have a plan.'

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OK, see you then.

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-What's this afternoon?

-You're picking up Shelly.

-Where?

-Chicago Dance.

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-Then you're taking your dad to Northwestern.

-At three?

-Mm-hm.

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-Oh, do you have that Hello America stuff?

-The letter?

-Yeah.

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-You have Mike, too. 5.30 at the Norris house.

-OK.

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Do they have my cell phone?

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Well, they should have all the numbers in case.

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And am I supposed to call that guy, Dersen? Didn't he want me to call to touch base?

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OK.

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-Dad, can we stop here?

-What for?

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I need a notebook for school.

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I'll just walk home.

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OK.

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Can I have some money?

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-You don't have any?

-No.

-You're 12 years old.

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You shouldn't be walking around without money, OK, Shelly?

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-You're not a kid. How's your mom doing?

-She's good.

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-Can I have a pack of Lights?

-Regulars?

-The 100s.

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Strikes?

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-How's Shelly?

-She's doing great.

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-Little angel.

-Yeah. She's doing great.

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Who's an angel?

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Shelly.

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Shelly is grossly overweight and unhappy.

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I'm concerned about her, as I am Michael. ..David.

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Yeah, Dad.

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Robert Spritzel?

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Would you get me a paper for the way back, son?

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Yeah. 15 minutes?

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Yes. I'll see you then.

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Fuck.

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-Hey.

-Hey.

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-It's getting cold.

-Yeah.

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-What's the Nipper this week?

-Er, Thursday.

-Thursday's the Nipper?

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All right.

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Here.

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Um... Yeah, can I get some change?

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Not really.

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Can I just get some quarters? I just need a quarter for a paper.

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Not really.

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All right. I'll get something then.

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All right. Erm...

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Small coffee.

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-It's 80 cents.

-No, it says 72.

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After the whole everything, it's 80.

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-Hey.

-Hi.

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Where's the paper, David?

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I didn't have enough money.

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You bought a coffee.

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-What?

-You bought a coffee.

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-Yeah, that, and then I didn't have enough money...after.

-What?

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I didn't have enough money after I bought the coffee, so...

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You should carry more than a dollar, David. You're a grown man.

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Let me just move this letter from Hello America.

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'My father is Robert King Spritzel.

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'He won the National Book Award when he was 28.

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'And the Pulitzer when he was 33.

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'President Carter called him "a national treasure."

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'They played racquetball in a regular game.

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'He was a great writer.

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'But what was the cost?

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'Did he neglect his family?

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'No, he didn't.

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'He was a fine father.

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'More than that, really.'

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It's fruitless for Shelly to be dancing.

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She should find another interest that would be...

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more rewarding to her, that she can take more from, David.

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We've talked about that.

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Well, you should do something, son.

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-We've tried a couple things. We'll keep trying, so...

-How's Michael?

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I think that was an overreaction on Noreen's part.

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-I don't think he has a problem with pot.

-Let's hope.

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How's the weather business?

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HORNS BEEP

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'Last September, I had encouraged Shelly to explore some other activities and interests.

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'She picked archery.

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'So I took her to an archery range in Bolingbrook.

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'It was a 90-minute drive.

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'We purchased a junior bow-arrow kit and a leather wrist-forearm guard.'

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OK, we'll take that.

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'And private lessons.'

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All right, Shelly.

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You take that one...

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and go right ahead.

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Ow!

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All right.

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OK, just remember, pull it straight back, parallel to your ear, OK?

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You can do it, Shelly.

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Ow!

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'We purchased a five-pack lesson plan.

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'We haven't been back.'

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HORNS BEEP

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MOBILE PHONE RINGS

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Hello?

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-'Hey.'

-Hey.

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'Can you pick up Mike at the mall on North?'

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I thought he was at a friend's house. Paul Norris.

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'They went to the mall. He just called me.

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-'He finished his rehab.'

-OK.

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That's one of my counsellors.

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-In your programme?

-Don Boden. He's pretty nice.

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He swears all the time though.

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-Swears?

-Yeah. To relate, I guess. But he's pretty nice.

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# I am a passenger

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# And I ride and I ride

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# I ride through the city's... #

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-Hey.

-Hey, Don.

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-What are you guys doing?

-Looking for clothes.

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You're just looking for clothes?

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-Yeah.

-That's great.

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I'm looking for clothes.

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OK.

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-This is Paul.

-What's up?

-Hey.

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-It's cold today.

-Yeah.

-Yeah, no kidding.

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What is it, like 20 or something?

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Yeah, like 22.

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Yeah. Fuck.

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Yeah.

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Hey...

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-Yeah, I like this.

-It's good-looking.

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Yeah, I've been looking for something like this.

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Chuck it in here.

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-What?

-Chuck it in.

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I'm loading up. I got a discount card.

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-I'll get it for you.

-That's all right.

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-Mike, big deal.

-I can get it.

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Bro, I got a serious discount. It's gonna cost, like, 7.

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I'm gonna take off. Nice to meet you.

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You, too.

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CAR HORN BEEPS

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Oh. That's my dad. I'll see you later.

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Sure. I'll catch you later.

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-Hey.

-Hey.

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-Who's that?

-Don Boden.

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Who's Don Boden?

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-He's one of my counsellors.

-Oh.

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-That's a nice sweater.

-Thanks.

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I'll walk you up.

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Hi.

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Hi. Thanks for getting Mike.

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-Hey, how was your thing?

-It was good. I'll see you, Dad.

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OK, Mike.

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I think he's gonna be OK.

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Well, we'll see.

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What's new?

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Nothing much.

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I got a feeler from Hello America.

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-What?

-I got a feeler.

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Dales is leaving it. I might get called to audition.

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New York.

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-If I get called.

-That's good.

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-What about the kids?

-It's just a shot in the dark, that's all.

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Well, thanks for getting Mike.

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-I had to take my dad to Northwestern for a test, so I was right there, anyway.

-Oh, is he OK?

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I think so. It was just a test.

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Noreen!

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-Ow!

-Are you OK?

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Yeah. Fuck! What are you doing?

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I was just...

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You turned into it.

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I think you cracked the glass.

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-So, do you have everything you need?

-'Yeah, we got everything.

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'We'll pare it down to three applicants after we watch the tapes. We'll call if you're one, Dave.'

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-OK, Mark. It's nice to make your acquaintance.

-'You, too. Take care.'

-Hey, weatherman!

-Bye.

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-Fuck!

-LAUGHTER

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Fuck!

0:17:000:17:02

-David?

-Hey.

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-What happened?

-I got hit with a Frosty.

-Why?

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What?

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Why did you get hit with a Frosty? What is a Frosty?

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A Frosty is a shake from Wendy's.

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Why would someone throw a shake at you?

0:17:180:17:21

That happens sometimes.

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-People throw shakes at you?

-Stuff. People throw stuff at me sometimes,

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if they don't like me, or something.

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-They don't know you.

-From TV.

0:17:300:17:34

But you just read the weather.

0:17:340:17:35

-Well, I predict it.

-You don't have a degree in meteorology.

0:17:370:17:41

I make suppositions, or I...

0:17:410:17:44

-What are you doing?

-I walked over.

-You walked?

0:17:440:17:48

It's freezing.

0:17:480:17:49

I have lymphoma, David.

0:17:490:17:51

-What?

-I have lymphoma.

0:17:520:17:56

-Dr Pritch called.

-What?

0:17:560:18:00

I was having tremors. That's the reason that I went in.

0:18:000:18:04

Pritch read my scans.

0:18:040:18:06

-What's the prognosis?

-Well, it's...

0:18:060:18:09

it's not good.

0:18:090:18:11

-We'll talk about it this week. I wanted to tell you.

-Yeah.

0:18:110:18:17

I'll call you, after I've talked to Pritch again.

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I'll drive you home!

0:18:240:18:26

I like the fresh air.

0:18:260:18:28

-Well, I'll walk back with you.

-No, that's OK.

0:18:280:18:31

OK.

0:18:340:18:35

'Every couple of months, someone throws something at me. A shake.

0:18:550:19:00

'A burrito once.

0:19:000:19:01

'Why? My name, partly, I guess. I changed it for professional reasons.

0:19:010:19:08

'My first station manager suggested it.

0:19:080:19:10

'He said it sounded refreshing and that they wanted that quality.

0:19:100:19:14

'That may be true,

0:19:140:19:15

'but it's also annoying.

0:19:150:19:17

'I know that.'

0:19:170:19:18

What kind of name is Spritz?

0:19:180:19:21

It's a bullshit name.

0:19:210:19:23

It's a TV name.

0:19:230:19:25

-He's bullshit.

-Well, I like him. He's handsome.

0:19:250:19:29

He's an asshole.

0:19:290:19:31

I don't like his face.

0:19:310:19:33

His asshole face.

0:19:330:19:36

'The other thing,

0:19:380:19:39

'my job's very easy.

0:19:390:19:41

'Two hours a day, basically reading prompts.

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'I make 240,000 a year, plus appearances...

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'..which are, you know, not comfortable for me.

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'But lucrative.'

0:19:570:19:59

Four score and seven years ago,

0:19:590:20:02

our fathers brought forth, on this continent...

0:20:020:20:06

BAND STRIKES UP A TUNE

0:20:060:20:08

Also, it makes other things easy, being on TV.

0:20:130:20:16

Everything's easy.

0:20:180:20:20

Oh! Yeah!

0:20:200:20:23

Oh, oh, oh! Oh, oh!

0:20:230:20:28

Oh, oh!

0:20:280:20:30

'I receive a large reward for pretty much zero effort and contribution.

0:20:300:20:35

'The shakes and stuff are a reaction to that, I think.

0:20:350:20:37

'What must you think of me?

0:20:520:20:54

'Your family-leaver?

0:20:540:20:56

'Your non-meteorologist, yet weatherman, Frosty-taking, fuck-happy son?

0:20:560:21:01

'Don't die yet, Robert.

0:21:030:21:05

'Give me time to get it together.

0:21:050:21:06

'Give me a little while.

0:21:060:21:08

'Let me get the Hello America job.

0:21:080:21:10

'I can get it together.

0:21:100:21:12

-Two for High Water.

-I got mine, Don.

-No, it's cool. I got it.

-Thanks.

0:21:440:21:49

Tricia's a bitch.

0:22:090:22:10

She's a little cunt.

0:22:120:22:14

I hate that little cunt.

0:22:140:22:16

I'd like to burn her.

0:22:180:22:21

Hi.

0:22:300:22:32

Hi.

0:22:320:22:34

Today's the company party.

0:22:340:22:35

-I thought I'd take the kids.

-Oh.

0:22:350:22:39

Um... Well, Mike is out.

0:22:390:22:42

-Shelly's home?

-She's walking Jackson.

0:22:420:22:44

Where do you want to take them?

0:22:440:22:46

The rink. WCH.

0:22:460:22:48

Hey!

0:22:500:22:51

Hey.

0:22:530:22:55

What?

0:22:560:22:57

-Dave.

-Hey, Tim.

0:23:040:23:06

-I didn't know you were coming.

-I always come to these...when I can.

0:23:060:23:11

I have some time this week, if you want to go back up to Bolingbrook.

0:23:130:23:17

-What's in Bolingbrook?

-Sportsman's.

0:23:170:23:19

-The archery range.

-OK.

0:23:190:23:22

OK? You wanna go?

0:23:220:23:24

OK, I remember it.

0:23:240:23:26

Well, do you wanna go back up?

0:23:260:23:28

Sometimes.

0:23:280:23:30

-What's gonna happen?

-What?

0:23:410:23:44

What are we gonna do here?

0:23:440:23:47

Great stuff.

0:23:510:23:52

CHEERING

0:23:580:24:00

Ladies and gentlemen, on your marks...

0:24:000:24:03

Let's go, team Spritz!

0:24:030:24:06

-..get set... Go!

-STARTING SIREN WAILS

0:24:060:24:10

Go! Go!

0:24:100:24:13

-Just keep up, Shell. Come on.

-I'm trying to!

0:24:130:24:16

-Agh!

-Agh!

0:24:290:24:30

Oof!

0:24:300:24:32

We should finish.

0:24:350:24:37

We're last. We're way last!

0:24:370:24:40

There's a lesson here.

0:24:410:24:42

-Let's finish.

-I'm hurt.

0:24:420:24:45

Hon, you can do it. You can finish.

0:24:450:24:47

OK? I don't want you to quit.

0:24:470:24:49

It's gonna mean a lot to Dad. OK?

0:24:490:24:51

All right.

0:24:510:24:53

Let's go.

0:24:530:24:55

That's my girl.

0:24:550:24:56

That's it... Good. I'm proud of you.

0:24:560:25:00

OK?

0:25:000:25:01

Ow! Ow!

0:25:060:25:08

-Yay! That was great!

-Ow!

0:25:080:25:11

Hon. Hon, you OK?

0:25:110:25:14

You shouldn't have made me finish!

0:25:140:25:16

That was like a hundred yards you made me go.

0:25:160:25:20

I'm not a football-jocker.

0:25:200:25:22

-What happened?

-Just...

0:25:270:25:28

We got tangled up in a sack.

0:25:280:25:30

-What happened?!

-She tore her ACL.

0:25:300:25:32

These fucking crutches are too long!

0:25:320:25:34

-What did you say?

-Shelly!

0:25:340:25:37

-Well, what were you doing?

-It was a picnic.

0:25:380:25:41

And she tore something?

0:25:410:25:42

-ACL. MCL.

-Which?

0:25:420:25:46

-Both.

-Dave!

-Well, we didn't go bungee jumping!

0:25:460:25:49

It was a fucking potato-sack race!

0:25:490:25:51

-That's where she got it.

-What?

0:25:510:25:53

"Fucking" this. "Fucking" that.

0:25:530:25:55

No, I never said that around her.

0:25:550:25:57

You don't know you have, Dave, because you don't pay attention!

0:25:570:26:01

-Fuck that!

-What?

0:26:010:26:04

-Just fuck that, Noreen. You know...

-Dave.

-What?

-Step back.

0:26:040:26:09

-Step back?

-Step back.

0:26:090:26:12

What are you talking about, Russ?

0:26:120:26:13

-Russ.

-Step back right now.

0:26:130:26:16

Fuck you, right now.

0:26:160:26:18

Fuck you, Spritz!

0:26:180:26:20

Fuck you, fat asshole!

0:26:200:26:23

-Dildo!

-David...

0:26:230:26:25

-what are you doing?

-I'm talking to my wife!

0:26:250:26:27

I'm talking to Noreen, and this clown, whose business this isn't.

0:26:270:26:30

You call me a dildo, it is my business, Spritz.

0:26:300:26:33

You are a dildo...pork-fuck!

0:26:330:26:35

-You porker!

-Stop, son,

0:26:350:26:38

-would you?

-Why don't you go?

0:26:380:26:40

Why... Why are you here? Are you OK?

0:26:400:26:44

I came to talk to Noreen.

0:26:440:26:46

Dave, come on. I will talk to you later.

0:26:460:26:49

Dave, what's going on, son?

0:26:540:26:56

It's nothing. Just...

0:26:560:26:58

-Why are you here, anyway?

-I came to talk to Noreen about an issue concerning Shelly.

0:26:580:27:03

Well, you can talk to me. I'm her parent, too. So? What?

0:27:030:27:07

Shelly dresses in clothing not appropriate for her, clinging stuff.

0:27:070:27:13

All kids wear... Dad, it's a different generation.

0:27:130:27:16

They call her "camel toe."

0:27:160:27:19

-What?

-Are you aware of that?

0:27:200:27:23

-What?

-That her colleagues call her "camel toe."

0:27:230:27:26

What are you talking about?

0:27:260:27:28

It means the crease in her vagina that they can discern through her clothing.

0:27:280:27:32

-What?!

-Camel toe.

0:27:320:27:34

-Yeah, I heard you. I mean, how do you know they do that?

-I heard it.

0:27:340:27:38

I picked Shelly up on Wednesday, heard taunting, the older boys calling it.

0:27:380:27:43

-You might have heard wrong.

-No, I heard camel...

-OK, OK, look.

0:27:430:27:46

I'll deal. I want to get her through this ACL thing.

0:27:460:27:48

I'm gonna take her shooting, reapply her there, get her talking to me.

0:27:480:27:51

I'm gonna get to her. I'm gonna work it out.

0:27:510:27:54

'A camel toe is pretty much what Robert said it was.

0:28:100:28:14

'It's basically just when you can make out more than you should.'

0:28:170:28:20

HORNS BEEP

0:28:200:28:22

'But it's the kind of thing...

0:28:240:28:25

'She's 12, you know?

0:28:250:28:28

'If you're around and paying attention, you catch it.

0:28:280:28:30

'Then name-calling doesn't start, and maybe smoking doesn't start.

0:28:300:28:35

'And maybe she can just stay a happy kid for a couple more years.

0:28:350:28:39

'She shouldn't be unhappy. Fuck!

0:28:390:28:42

'What did she ever do to anybody?

0:28:420:28:44

'Shelly.'

0:28:440:28:46

PHONE RINGS

0:28:490:28:52

-Hello?

-'Hey.'

0:28:550:28:57

-Hey.

-'Listen...

0:28:580:29:00

'Noreen, I was thinking...'

0:29:000:29:02

This pushing and pulling.

0:29:020:29:05

The tug of war we do sometimes, it's not good for the kids.

0:29:050:29:09

-It's not.

-Noreen, let's see somebody.

0:29:090:29:14

Work it out. Let's... Fuck!

0:29:140:29:16

Asshole!

0:29:160:29:17

Are you OK?

0:29:170:29:19

I, I...I got hit with a pop!

0:29:190:29:22

What?

0:29:220:29:23

A fucking...

0:29:230:29:26

A Big Gulp.

0:29:260:29:28

-Man!

-Are you OK?

0:29:280:29:31

-Are you OK?

-Yeah, I'm OK. I'm OK.

0:29:310:29:33

So, er... I was saying...

0:29:330:29:37

See somebody?

0:29:370:29:39

We're going to begin with some trust-building exercises.

0:29:390:29:43

The Buddy Drop. Up on your feet. Let's go.

0:29:430:29:45

Um, Dave, Noreen. Centre circle.

0:29:470:29:50

OK.

0:29:530:29:54

Now, Noreen, you're just gonna let yourself go.

0:29:540:29:59

And Dave is gonna catch you.

0:29:590:30:01

-Just go back?

-Yeah. Cross your arms up front.

0:30:010:30:04

-Now?

-Whenever you're ready.

-OK.

0:30:050:30:08

Oh!

0:30:100:30:11

Good. Very good.

0:30:110:30:13

All right, Teresa, Mark. You're up. OK.

0:30:130:30:17

Now, I want you to name something

0:30:170:30:21

that you did that affected your partner,

0:30:210:30:25

and that you're not proud of.

0:30:250:30:27

I had this thing with porno on the computer, sort of. I got a little preoccupied and...

0:30:290:30:34

-Actually, I want you to write it down, not say it.

-OK.

0:30:340:30:38

-I want you to put it on the paper that you got for a reason.

-OK.

0:30:380:30:41

Now, make sure it's something the other person doesn't know about,

0:30:430:30:47

that they don't know.

0:30:470:30:50

All right.

0:30:580:31:00

Then you are going to give it to the other person,

0:31:000:31:04

and the other person is never going to look at it.

0:31:040:31:08

Ever.

0:31:090:31:11

That's trust.

0:31:110:31:12

What's up?

0:31:390:31:41

"I thought Dave's science-fiction novel, or whatever it was, was stupid and sucked, and was a waste of time.

0:31:510:31:57

"It was embarrassing.

0:31:570:31:59

"Four years?!"

0:31:590:32:01

Well, I thought that went pretty well.

0:32:180:32:21

Mm-hmm... Yeah.

0:32:210:32:23

It wasn't science fiction, just so you know.

0:32:330:32:37

-What?

-It wasn't science fiction.

-What are you talking about?

-Did you even read it?

0:32:370:32:42

-No. One of the side characters was a scientist, but that's not even important.

-Goddamnit!

-What?!

0:32:420:32:47

-I'm just asking, did you ever even read it?

-Oh, it was hard to read.

0:32:470:32:51

It was poorly written.

0:32:510:32:52

You're an asshole. God!

0:32:520:32:55

You are a champion asshole.

0:32:550:32:58

You're a real blue-ribbon fuck!

0:32:580:33:00

I just wanna make it work, Noreen.

0:33:030:33:05

I just want to know everything, so I can make it work. That's why I...

0:33:050:33:10

-I want to try again.

-I'm not going back. You fucked it up.

0:33:100:33:14

-I mean, our marriage.

-What?

0:33:140:33:17

I want to try again.

0:33:220:33:23

Fuck you.

0:33:250:33:27

You know, Dave, you can't even...

0:33:270:33:30

You looked at it.

0:33:300:33:32

That's dishonest. It's crappy.

0:33:320:33:35

-Noreen.

-Hey, should I look at yours?

0:33:350:33:36

That's all right. No. No, no, Noreen.

0:33:360:33:39

Throughout marriage, BJs lacked enthusiasm.

0:33:390:33:43

Had difference of opinion over how important that was. I thought very.

0:33:430:33:48

You know what, Dave?

0:33:500:33:51

You want to know why my BJs lacked enthusiasm?

0:33:530:33:58

I hated you.

0:33:580:34:00

I hated your hair. I hated your ugly legs, your forearms.

0:34:000:34:05

I hated kissing your lips, Dave. OK?

0:34:050:34:08

And that's why I lacked enthusiasm when your cock was in my mouth.

0:34:080:34:12

Hey, hon.

0:34:140:34:17

Shelly, it's cold.

0:34:170:34:19

Your father said it was going to be 65 degrees today, but...

0:34:190:34:22

Go ahead. I'll see you later.

0:34:260:34:28

-How did it go?

-Good.

0:34:280:34:32

I'll call you tomorrow. Go ahead in.

0:34:320:34:35

Did you start my novel yet?

0:34:500:34:53

What's that?

0:34:530:34:55

Breaking Point. Did you start that?

0:34:550:34:58

No, I haven't yet, son.

0:34:580:35:00

I've been preoccupied.

0:35:000:35:02

Well, that's good, actually.

0:35:050:35:07

I want to make some changes, so...

0:35:070:35:11

I'll give you the new one.

0:35:110:35:13

What did he say?

0:35:280:35:30

It's further bad news. The metastatic plane was too wide for radiation.

0:35:300:35:35

He suggested I see a Dr Frost in New York for clinical trials.

0:35:360:35:40

I got a feeler from Hello America.

0:35:520:35:55

National.

0:35:550:35:56

They're looking at 20 guys, but they'll be cutting down to three soon. It's a possibility.

0:35:560:36:01

The salary's great.

0:36:010:36:02

It's real strong.

0:36:020:36:04

It'd mean moving, but I'd like to move everybody, you know?

0:36:070:36:10

Renew things with Noreen.

0:36:100:36:12

We've been seeing somebody.

0:36:120:36:14

Let the kids start over in New York.

0:36:170:36:20

Keep them away from some of the bad influences here that...

0:36:200:36:24

Just get a fresh start.

0:36:240:36:26

I think that would be great.

0:36:270:36:30

That would be terrific.

0:36:300:36:32

-Yeah.

-You could rededicate yourselves,

0:36:320:36:36

knuckle down.

0:36:360:36:37

What's this?

0:36:460:36:47

It's a Big Gulp.

0:36:490:36:51

You should say, we might see some snow, that it might shift south, miss us.

0:37:000:37:04

I can say it, but I sort of wanna understand it. Why is it?

0:37:040:37:09

Well, it's Canadian trade winds.

0:37:090:37:12

-Behind all of them?

-Yeah, this will get pushed by wind out of Canada.

0:37:120:37:16

-So what's it gonna do?

-I don't know.

0:37:160:37:19

It's a guess.

0:37:190:37:21

It's wind, man.

0:37:210:37:22

Blows all over the place.

0:37:220:37:24

For some reason, I don't know, I went back to Bolingbrook.

0:37:260:37:32

I bought a three-month lesson plan.

0:37:340:37:35

Hang on. Before you do that, you know,

0:37:350:37:38

let's go out here and do a little stretching exercises. You got to rotate your...

0:37:380:37:42

We warm up.

0:37:420:37:43

Then do basic focus drills.

0:37:430:37:46

Stuff you never think about, like closing an eye without moving your

0:37:460:37:49

face, because your face is the anchor point for your hand that allows you to focus.

0:37:490:37:56

You have to keep your triangle against a lot of force.

0:37:590:38:03

We do draws for a half hour, then releases.

0:38:200:38:23

That's called "loosing", when you release.

0:38:230:38:27

Great shot! All right!

0:38:400:38:43

It's hard, but that one good shot leaves you thinking you might be catching on.

0:38:440:38:49

Do you lift weights?

0:38:510:38:53

-What's that?

-Do you lift weights?

0:38:530:38:55

Yeah.

0:38:550:38:57

-Cardio?

-Yeah, you have to do both.

0:38:570:39:00

Yeah. Are you...

0:39:000:39:03

on any kind of a program?

0:39:030:39:05

Yeah, our gym coach gave us a program.

0:39:050:39:07

-That should be good.

-Yeah.

0:39:090:39:11

Yeah.

0:39:110:39:13

Fuck.

0:39:130:39:15

Hey.

0:39:150:39:17

You know what would be interesting?

0:39:170:39:19

-What?

-We should take some pictures.

0:39:190:39:21

Some shots, like... Some now, some in a month or whatever, see if you're making gains.

0:39:210:39:27

-Yeah.

-I've got my mom's Nikon.

0:39:270:39:30

Whip your shirt off.

0:39:300:39:31

-Whip my shirt off?

-Yeah.

0:39:310:39:35

You're shredded!

0:39:500:39:52

This is great, man.

0:39:560:39:59

We can compare this shit.

0:39:590:40:01

That's a Nikon FM?

0:40:010:40:03

Well, yeah.

0:40:030:40:05

You know something about cameras?

0:40:050:40:07

Yeah. I took a class at Parker.

0:40:070:40:10

A couple more?

0:40:100:40:12

My dad's gonna get the F3 for me if I can finish the program and maintain a B average.

0:40:150:40:19

It's like a 600 camera. I'm psyched about it.

0:40:190:40:23

-I could loan that to you.

-Yeah?

0:40:230:40:26

I could loan that shit to you if...

0:40:260:40:29

you wanted it earlier.

0:40:290:40:32

OK.

0:40:320:40:34

This is gonna go a lot better.

0:40:420:40:45

-Why?

-Because I got you some bobtail arrows. They're easier.

0:40:450:40:50

-Why?

-Well, they're thicker at the ends.

0:40:500:40:53

See?

0:40:530:40:55

-They taper toward the nock.

-What's the nock?

0:40:550:40:57

The arrow end.

0:40:570:40:59

What was I using before?

0:40:590:41:01

Chested arrows.

0:41:010:41:03

That guy didn't know what he was doing.

0:41:030:41:06

OK.

0:41:110:41:12

-Fletch it.

-What?

0:41:120:41:15

Fix your arrow in.

0:41:150:41:17

That's the term.

0:41:170:41:19

Arrow makers were called fletchers.

0:41:190:41:21

That's where the last name came from. Here.

0:41:210:41:24

There's a little bit of a...

0:41:240:41:26

It takes a little while.

0:41:260:41:28

Right there, right below the nock.

0:41:280:41:29

There!

0:41:310:41:33

Awesome!

0:41:330:41:35

OK, let's loose a few.

0:41:350:41:37

Let's show our stuff.

0:41:370:41:39

Aim about a half-foot above.

0:41:410:41:43

-OK.

-You wait till you're steady.

0:41:430:41:46

-Are you aligned?

-Yeah.

0:41:460:41:48

OK. Let it go.

0:41:480:41:50

-Fuck!

-Come on, Shelly. Get your arrow.

0:41:510:41:54

We probably didn't home long enough.

0:41:540:41:57

That's the pause between drawing back and firing.

0:41:570:42:01

Let's pause a little longer.

0:42:010:42:03

-What?

-Nothing.

0:42:060:42:09

Are you just not interested?

0:42:090:42:12

Yeah.

0:42:120:42:13

Yeah, you're not interested? Or, yeah, you are interested?

0:42:130:42:16

Yeah, I'm not. Really.

0:42:160:42:19

What was it you liked?

0:42:230:42:25

-Let's think of it that way.

-What?

0:42:250:42:28

What interested you when you thought about archery?

0:42:280:42:32

When you wanted to do it.

0:42:320:42:35

I don't know. Going hunting or something.

0:42:350:42:39

Hunting?

0:42:390:42:40

Yeah.

0:42:400:42:43

-For animals?

-Yeah.

0:42:430:42:46

You wanna shoot animals with arrows?

0:42:460:42:49

-Yeah.

-You do?

-Yeah, to kill them.

0:42:490:42:53

But that's not archery.

0:42:540:42:56

That's hunting. That's called bowhunting.

0:42:560:42:58

That's what you wanted to do? Bowhunting?

0:42:580:43:00

Yeah, I saw it on TV.

0:43:000:43:02

Well, I don't really wanna kill animals with arrows, so that's not going to happen.

0:43:040:43:09

-We can target shoot, Shelly.

-It's not fun.

-It's a lot of fun.

0:43:090:43:12

-You have to apply yourself.

-Targets don't move.

0:43:120:43:15

Well, you know, Shelly...

0:43:150:43:17

-You haven't really hit one yet.

-You should support me.

0:43:170:43:20

I do support you.

0:43:200:43:22

I support.

0:43:220:43:23

All right, forget it. Take your bracer off.

0:43:270:43:30

We're not shooting any more.

0:43:300:43:32

OK.

0:43:320:43:33

There's a chance I might be going to New York.

0:43:510:43:54

A small chance.

0:43:540:43:56

You think you'd like to come, maybe, if I go?

0:43:560:43:59

-Yeah.

-We could maybe go with Pop Pop.

0:43:590:44:03

He's got some tests.

0:44:030:44:04

Yeah.

0:44:040:44:06

Hey.

0:44:500:44:52

Hey, Mike.

0:44:520:44:53

-You don't look real good, Dad. Are you OK?

-Yeah.

0:44:530:44:58

What are you doing out here?

0:44:580:44:59

Just sitting here.

0:44:590:45:01

Sometimes I just sit here and look at the house.

0:45:010:45:04

You park here sometimes?

0:45:040:45:06

Yeah. Sometimes.

0:45:060:45:09

I just like to see you guys. I see you playing guitar up there.

0:45:090:45:13

OK.

0:45:130:45:14

-Sounds good.

-Thanks.

0:45:140:45:18

-You know, Pop Pop...

-Yeah.

0:45:180:45:21

-He's sick.

-Mom said.

0:45:210:45:24

I was thinking about that, too.

0:45:240:45:26

-Why do you have a bow and arrow in there?

-Oh.

0:45:300:45:33

I was just out with Shelly. I'm not playing favourites.

0:45:330:45:36

I just think we need to be together for a while.

0:45:360:45:38

Yeah, that's OK.

0:45:380:45:41

-How's your program going?

-Great.

0:45:410:45:44

You're gonna get that camera if you keep it up!

0:45:510:45:53

Look at this house.

0:45:580:46:01

Someone should be happy here.

0:46:010:46:03

How did I fuck this up?

0:46:030:46:06

Seriously.

0:46:060:46:08

What if I remembered the tartar sauce?

0:46:080:46:10

Would things be different?

0:46:100:46:13

Would Robert die not thinking I'm a jerk-off, jerk-fuck?

0:46:130:46:18

Don't forget the tartar sauce!

0:46:180:46:20

Just call the order in, Noreen, and quit busting my you know what, OK?

0:46:200:46:24

You always half-listen to what I'm saying to you!

0:46:240:46:27

I heard you. Tartar sauce.

0:46:270:46:29

Tartar sauce. Tartar sauce. Tartar sauce.

0:46:310:46:35

Tartar sauce, tartar sauce, tartar sauce, tartar sauce.

0:46:360:46:39

Man, how I'd like to put my face in there.

0:46:420:46:45

Right in there.

0:46:450:46:46

Tartar sauce.

0:46:460:46:48

My hips are cold.

0:46:480:46:51

Tartar sauce. That's when you know it's cold.

0:46:510:46:53

I like eating pussy.

0:46:530:46:54

Tartar sauce. A lot of guys don't. Well, maybe they do.

0:46:540:46:56

Maybe that's just black guys. Tartar sauce.

0:46:560:46:59

What happened to the guy who was trying to go around the world in a balloon? Did he make it?

0:46:590:47:03

I should put some espionage or stolen plutonium in my novel.

0:47:030:47:05

Tartar sauce. Spice it up. Neil Young. Fuck, it's cold!

0:47:050:47:08

Neil Young? Why am I thinking about Neil Young?

0:47:090:47:12

Neil Diamond. Neil. There's not a lot of famous Neils.

0:47:120:47:14

Is this Wednesday? I wish I had two dicks.

0:47:140:47:16

I thought the whole family was going to learn Spanish together this year. That never happened.

0:47:160:47:21

I haven't had a Spanish omelette in a long time. Here we go.

0:47:210:47:24

-Anything else?

-No.

0:47:260:47:30

Where is the tartar sauce?

0:47:350:47:36

They were out. They apologized.

0:47:380:47:40

They were cool about it.

0:47:400:47:43

They were out?

0:47:430:47:44

-They were out.

-They were out of tartar sauce?

0:47:440:47:49

I'm calling them.

0:47:490:47:52

Fuck, Noreen.

0:47:520:47:54

It's not about the tartar sauce. It's about you. You don't care!

0:47:540:47:57

I don't care about tartar sauce!

0:47:570:47:59

I'm trying to make a living for this family.

0:47:590:48:01

I've got work things to think about. Tartar sauce?

0:48:010:48:04

-Fuck, Noreen, are you serious?

-You are so selfish!

0:48:040:48:07

SHOUTING

0:48:070:48:09

-I would do anything for you...

-Everything you say is right.

-...as if we're not happy....

0:48:090:48:14

-I'm trying to take care of the family.

-You come in here, look in my face, and lied to me, Dave.

0:48:180:48:23

Do you think I'm a moron? "They're out."

0:48:230:48:25

We both just think it's better for the kids.

0:48:270:48:30

David, sacrifice is...

0:48:300:48:33

To get anything of value,

0:48:360:48:39

-you have to sacrifice.

-I know that, Dad. But I think if we

0:48:390:48:42

continue down this road, it's going to be too detrimental for the kids. It's just too hard.

0:48:420:48:46

Do you know that the harder thing to do and the right thing to do

0:48:460:48:51

are usually the same thing?

0:48:510:48:54

Nothing that has meaning is easy.

0:48:540:48:58

Easy doesn't enter into grown-up life.

0:48:580:49:01

I'm not comfortable with an 18 degree variance. Why even forecast?

0:49:160:49:20

It's a technical art, not a science.

0:49:200:49:22

-People get that.

-Let's narrow it down, Tim.

0:49:220:49:25

Dave, it's random.

0:49:250:49:27

We do our best.

0:49:270:49:28

A day can have that variance.

0:49:280:49:31

-Dave, phone call.

-Tell him to take a message.

0:49:330:49:35

It's Hello America.

0:49:350:49:36

-Can we shop here?

-Sure.

0:49:580:50:01

-Where is that?

-Bendel.

-All right.

0:50:010:50:04

-Dad?

-You know what?

0:50:170:50:22

Let's go for a walk. Take a break.

0:50:220:50:24

You don't like it?

0:50:240:50:26

No, maybe we'll come back later. We'll just take a break.

0:50:260:50:29

So how's everything going?

0:50:320:50:35

-Good.

-How's school?

0:50:350:50:37

-Good.

-Dance school?

0:50:370:50:39

Good.

0:50:390:50:41

You know, when I was in school,

0:50:410:50:44

I guess the hardest thing was how other kids can be a little mean.

0:50:440:50:49

Names and stuff.

0:50:490:50:51

Do you ever get called names?

0:50:530:50:55

Like what?

0:50:550:50:57

I don't know, like "dummy"

0:50:570:50:59

if you miss a question.

0:50:590:51:01

-Or "camel toe."

-Yeah.

0:51:010:51:03

Camel toe.

0:51:030:51:05

Do you know why?

0:51:070:51:09

Why what?

0:51:090:51:11

Why you get called camel toe?

0:51:110:51:14

Yeah.

0:51:140:51:15

-Why, hon?

-Because camel toes are tough.

0:51:200:51:24

They can walk all over the desert and all the hot rocks. I'm tough.

0:51:240:51:29

That's right.

0:51:330:51:34

It's because they're tough. You ready to shop again?

0:51:340:51:39

I think they make car tyres out of camel toes.

0:51:450:51:48

Yeah, I think I heard that.

0:51:480:51:50

I just think you're more grown-up than that other stuff.

0:51:520:51:55

-I don't think I like it.

-But that was sort of kid stuff.

0:51:550:51:59

I like this dress. It's New York style.

0:51:590:52:02

Let me see.

0:52:020:52:04

Hey.

0:52:100:52:13

-You like it?

-I like it. Yeah.

0:52:130:52:15

Do you like it?

0:52:150:52:17

-Yeah, I think I do.

-Do you feel comfortable in it?

0:52:170:52:20

Because, you know, that's the thing.

0:52:200:52:22

Yeah, it's comfy.

0:52:220:52:24

You look great.

0:52:240:52:26

You look all grown-up.

0:52:260:52:29

OK, change. Let's get some more.

0:52:290:52:31

-Really?

-Sure, and then we'll go show Pop Pop some of this stuff.

0:52:310:52:34

-DOOR OPENS

-Pop Pop!

0:52:580:53:02

Pop Pop!

0:53:020:53:04

-Check this out.

-That's nice, hon.

0:53:040:53:07

I know. I got a lot more, too!

0:53:070:53:10

Dave.

0:53:110:53:13

-How are you feeling?

-I'm all right.

0:53:130:53:16

Mike got arrested.

0:53:160:53:19

What?

0:53:190:53:21

He fucked his drug counsellor's car up.

0:53:210:53:23

They were on their way to a movie.

0:53:230:53:25

A movie?

0:53:310:53:32

Mike said he was trying to suck him off.

0:53:360:53:41

Then Mike chucked a rock through his car's passenger window.

0:53:410:53:45

What is this sucking and chucking rocks? I mean, what is this?

0:53:460:53:52

What did the guy say?

0:53:520:53:54

He said Mike tried to jack his wallet.

0:53:540:53:58

What is this sucking and chucking and jacking and fucking up, son?

0:54:030:54:08

He's 15 years old!

0:54:080:54:10

What is this shit?

0:54:100:54:13

-Where is he?

-He's at home.

0:54:130:54:16

What is this?

0:54:160:54:18

Fuck.

0:54:180:54:20

Are you ready for the doctors?

0:54:250:54:30

Yeah.

0:54:320:54:33

-Pow! Pow! Got you! You're dead.

-I think just what he said happened, happened.

0:54:360:54:40

I think the guy was trying to make a move on him, and Mike got surprised and scared.

0:54:400:54:45

Hon, will you get me a pop from the pop machine?

0:54:450:54:48

Can you get your pop later?

0:54:480:54:50

I'm trying to send Shelly away so she doesn't have to hear this.

0:54:500:54:53

This guy says that Mike tried to steal his wallet, and that's why they were fighting when the police came.

0:54:530:55:00

How is he?

0:55:000:55:01

He's scared. I don't know.

0:55:010:55:03

I can come home.

0:55:050:55:06

No, stay there and do your Hello America thing.

0:55:060:55:10

-You act like...

-What?

0:55:100:55:13

Like Mike's in trouble cos I'm interviewing at Hello America.

0:55:130:55:16

-Give me a break!

-I don't have any money.

0:55:160:55:18

Russ is helping anyway.

0:55:220:55:24

-That dildo's what?

-He's been a big help, OK?

0:55:240:55:26

You can stay there.

0:55:260:55:28

Fine. I'll stay here with camel toe.

0:55:280:55:30

You take care of stuff! You take care of it!

0:55:300:55:32

Camel toe? What are you talking about?

0:55:320:55:34

I had to find out how kids taunt Shelly about that, you're let her get taunted.

0:55:340:55:37

You're not paying attention to her!

0:55:370:55:39

-I take care of everything around here.

-I bought her new stuff.

0:55:390:55:42

-I bought her brand new stuff, and she told me all kinds of stuff, so...

-Don't be such a dick.

0:55:420:55:46

You have her for one weekend.

0:55:460:55:48

You know what, Noreen? Just...

0:55:480:55:50

Fuck! Whatever.

0:55:500:55:52

-Let me talk to Mike.

-He's sleeping, and don't talk to me like that.

0:55:520:55:55

More dildo, more fucking...

0:55:550:55:58

Listen, I have to go, Noreen.

0:55:580:56:00

-I'll talk to you soon.

-Whatever.

0:56:000:56:02

I thought you were trying to improve matters with Noreen, if not reconcile.

0:56:040:56:08

I am. What did Frost say?

0:56:080:56:10

He wants to speak to me in about ten minutes.

0:56:100:56:13

It was cold in there.

0:56:130:56:15

Would you get me a coffee, Dave? So I can warm up.

0:56:150:56:18

Yeah, Dad.

0:56:180:56:20

Dildo.

0:56:200:56:22

Jacking.

0:56:220:56:24

-Hi.

-Hi. 65.

0:56:330:56:36

Fuck.

0:56:390:56:41

-Hey.

-Hi.

0:56:430:56:44

-Pop Pop went in?

-Yeah.

0:56:440:56:47

Great. Yeah. He wanted a coffee.

0:56:470:56:48

Do you have my wallet?

0:56:480:56:50

You only had a dollar.

0:56:530:56:56

You should carry more money than that.

0:56:560:56:59

I know.

0:56:590:57:00

Well, did he say whether any more therapy could...

0:57:110:57:15

No, he didn't have a different opinion than Pritch.

0:57:150:57:18

There's too large a plane.

0:57:200:57:22

It's a no-go.

0:57:240:57:26

-Well, did he say...

-He said months.

0:57:260:57:29

Did he say a lot of months?

0:57:310:57:34

Well, what's a lot?

0:57:340:57:36

I don't know, like 12.

0:57:360:57:39

Well, if he meant 12, he probably would've said a year, son.

0:57:390:57:44

I think he meant three or four.

0:57:440:57:47

Well, you have a big day tomorrow.

0:58:060:58:09

The Hello America show.

0:58:090:58:12

Yeah.

0:58:120:58:13

-And here comes the grand marshal, Dave Spritzel.

-Didn't his name used to be Spritz?

0:59:160:59:21

Yeah, it did. But he changed it back to the original Spritzel.

0:59:210:59:23

-Why the change, Ed?

-Well, when you're national, there's no more up.

0:59:230:59:27

So he changed it back. Like John Cougar Mellencamp.

0:59:270:59:30

-He's realer now and more authentic.

-Who's that with him?

0:59:300:59:32

Those are the wife and kids.

0:59:320:59:34

Didn't they used to have a real fucked-up relationship?

0:59:340:59:36

Not any more. That's something else that changed.

0:59:360:59:39

It seems Hello America with Bryant Gumbel gave them all a fresh start,

0:59:390:59:43

and an increase in salary to 980,000 outside promotional fees, which puts Dave well over 1 million a year.

0:59:430:59:51

That got his wife's ear, I bet.

0:59:510:59:53

You bet. That buys a lot of face time. Now everything's great.

0:59:530:59:57

-Did he say that?

-Yeah, he told me that.

0:59:571:00:00

Hello, America.

1:00:381:00:40

What are your hobbies?

1:00:441:00:46

Writing. Archery.

1:00:461:00:49

And you don't have a degree in meteorology?

1:00:531:00:57

Well, general communications.

1:00:571:00:59

Well, listen. We've seen a lot of your work in Chicago.

1:00:591:01:02

OK.

1:01:021:01:04

We think you're great. Refreshing.

1:01:041:01:07

-We love the Spritz Nipper.

-Great.

1:01:071:01:10

-Why don't we run some blue screen, and we'll do a walk-through on the set?

-Great.

1:01:101:01:15

Here's your station. We'll run some screen.

1:01:211:01:24

Give me a second to set it up.

1:01:241:01:26

Hi.

1:01:261:01:27

Hi.

1:01:521:01:54

I'm waiting for Mark. I'm running some screen.

1:01:541:01:56

-Dave.

-Bryant.

1:01:561:01:58

-Nervous?

-No.

1:01:581:02:00

-Sure?

-Yeah.

1:02:011:02:03

You look just a little bit nervous.

1:02:031:02:06

It's not nerves.

1:02:061:02:07

-Other shit?

-Yeah.

1:02:071:02:10

Mild in the northwest. As this high-pressure

1:02:121:02:16

system gives way we'll see warm temperatures in New Mexico...

1:02:161:02:19

'I know it's not neurosurgery, but green screen's the one part of my job that's not really easy.'

1:02:191:02:24

35 in New York with colder temperatures west to Michigan.

1:02:241:02:27

'You need a sense of where put-ons will come from and a pretty strong sense of scale.'

1:02:271:02:30

Travel advisories in New Orleans and Atlanta. It's pretty heavy weather...

1:02:301:02:35

'I've gotten real good at it. I thought everything went over pretty well.'

1:02:351:02:38

So, we'll let you know in a couple of days.

1:02:411:02:43

OK. This is my father, Robert Spritzel, and my daughter.

1:02:431:02:48

We're a little late for our plane so we thought we'd leave from here.

1:02:481:02:51

Yeah, I'm sorry. We kept you late.

1:02:511:02:52

-That's cool.

-So, you've got the numbers?

-Yes.

1:02:521:02:54

-There's a built-in with Purina I forgot. 42,000.

-OK.

1:02:541:02:57

-What's a built-in?

-It's a compulsory endorsement if I'm offered the job.

1:02:571:03:02

-Dog food?

-Yeah. Pet products.

1:03:021:03:04

Dave doesn't own a pet.

1:03:061:03:08

Well, I have Jackson.

1:03:081:03:10

Jackson lives with your wife and kids.

1:03:101:03:13

We'll let you know.

1:03:161:03:18

Russ is here.

1:03:341:03:36

OK. Where's Mike?

1:03:361:03:38

Inside.

1:03:381:03:40

-Dave.

-Hi, Russ.

1:03:461:03:49

He's upstairs.

1:03:491:03:50

He's still pretty upset about it.

1:03:501:03:52

-Did he talk about it?

-Yeah.

1:03:521:03:56

-To you?

-He's told us what happened.

1:03:561:03:59

He was with his counsellor, Don Boden. I guess he...

1:03:591:04:02

'I don't really know why what happened next happened.

1:04:021:04:05

'He was talking about my son, and I was taking my gloves off.'

1:04:051:04:10

..Apparently, they were going to a movie...

1:04:101:04:12

-What the fuck?

-Why are you here?

-What?

-Why are you here?

1:04:121:04:15

-I'm helping Noreen!

-Why are you helping?!

1:04:151:04:17

-Dave!

-Son, Jesus.

1:04:171:04:19

'Here's something that, if you want your father to think

1:04:261:04:29

'you're not a silly fuck, don't slap a guy across the face with a glove.

1:04:291:04:34

'Because if you do that, that's what he will think

1:04:341:04:36

'unless you're a nobleman or something in the 19th century.

1:04:361:04:40

'Which I'm not.'

1:04:401:04:41

You can get inside OK, Dad?

1:04:431:04:46

Yeah.

1:04:461:04:47

" 'When my back's against the wall, I order a chink call-girl or I box

1:05:171:05:21

" 'some rounds with Richie, the Puerto Rican southpaw, at Clancey's gym.

1:05:211:05:25

" 'But tonight,' Roy thought, 'Once I smuggle this fucking plutonium out,

1:05:251:05:29

" 'I'm just going to drink some Scotch and hit the sack.'

1:05:291:05:32

"Roy had picked up Oliver at his science lab, and there he snagged the vials.

1:05:321:05:36

"He stashed them in his computer case..."

1:05:361:05:37

My mom discovered an idea known as a living funeral

1:05:531:05:57

in a book she read to help her with Robert dying.

1:05:571:06:00

It's where someone's family and friends gather like they might at the person's funeral,

1:06:121:06:18

only, when the person's alive, so they can see everybody.

1:06:181:06:22

Hey, what's up?

1:06:441:06:46

-What's up?

-Hey, what's the Nipper?

1:06:461:06:48

-What's that?

-What's the Nipper this week?

1:06:481:06:50

-I don't know.

-You don't know yet?

1:06:501:06:53

-Come on, man.

-What? I just asked you about the Nipper.

1:06:531:06:57

Monday, OK? That's the... OK?

1:06:571:06:59

What's your problem?

1:06:591:07:01

It's February, man.

1:07:011:07:03

It's cold. ..Fuck!

1:07:031:07:06

Fuck you, then.

1:07:061:07:08

Fuck you! Do you know what variance is?

1:07:081:07:11

You think you could pick out a day a week ahead and give a realistic...

1:07:111:07:16

You know? Did you know that?

1:07:161:07:18

-Weatherman!

-God! Fuck!

1:07:181:07:20

DRIVER LAUGHS

1:07:201:07:22

I have kids!

1:07:291:07:31

I have to go see my kids!

1:07:311:07:33

You put fucking pie shit on my coat!

1:07:331:07:37

I have to see my kids with pie on me, man?

1:07:371:07:40

Go see your kids with shit on you!

1:07:401:07:42

Hey, calm down, man!

1:07:421:07:44

I have to see my family!

1:07:441:07:48

I have to see...

1:07:481:07:51

PHONE RINGS

1:07:511:07:53

Hello?

1:08:001:08:01

'Hello? Dave?'

1:08:011:08:02

-What?

-'It's Mark Dersen, from Hello America.'

1:08:021:08:07

-Take care.

-OK.

1:08:201:08:22

-Noreen.

-Hi.

1:08:231:08:26

Hi.

1:08:261:08:28

Shelly looks nice.

1:08:281:08:31

We bought that in New York.

1:08:311:08:33

Yeah, I know. That's why I said it.

1:08:331:08:35

It's very nice.

1:08:351:08:36

Noreen...I got offered the show.

1:08:361:08:40

Hello America, with Bryant Gumbel.

1:08:401:08:43

Well, that's great.

1:08:431:08:45

Are you gonna take it?

1:08:471:08:49

I'm thinking about it.

1:08:491:08:51

It's a pretty substantial salary. And, you know, the venue, it's big.

1:08:511:08:55

It's a pretty big salary jump, I guess.

1:08:551:08:58

1.2 million all in, Noreen.

1:08:591:09:03

Can we think about that?

1:09:041:09:07

-What?

-What that kind of change could be like for everybody.

1:09:071:09:14

Mike, Shelly, you know?

1:09:141:09:16

If we thought about...

1:09:181:09:20

trying again.

1:09:201:09:22

Dave, I'm marrying Russ.

1:09:261:09:28

CAR LOCK BLEEPS

1:09:511:09:54

'Accuracy equals focusing on a point.

1:11:131:11:17

'Gravity pulls an inch a yard.

1:11:191:11:21

'You point up.

1:11:211:11:23

'But you have to factor in wind, which is the most difficult part.'

1:11:271:11:31

Noreen.

1:11:391:11:41

'I had to go in, anyway.

1:11:471:11:50

'It was time for my speech.

1:11:501:11:52

And that's what I know about Robert Spritzel.

1:11:591:12:02

Forbearance, charity, wisdom.

1:12:021:12:07

There are too few like him.

1:12:071:12:10

And now Robert's son, David.

1:12:101:12:13

Good afternoon.

1:12:261:12:27

Many of you came from long distances

1:12:321:12:34

and I know I speak for my mom and Noreen and my family, Mike and Shelly, when I say thank you.

1:12:341:12:43

When I think of my dad,

1:12:461:12:48

I think of Bob Seger's Like A Rock.

1:12:481:12:51

'And then the power went out.'

1:12:551:12:57

'Then, when the lights came back on, in 40 minutes, everyone had pretty much forgotten that I was talking.

1:13:081:13:15

'We never finished that part of the thing.

1:13:171:13:19

'So my speech was, "When I think of my dad, I think of Bob Seger's Like A Rock."

1:13:211:13:27

'That's all I said at my dad's living funeral.

1:13:271:13:31

'Something about Bob Seger.'

1:13:311:13:33

'You've reached 2727638.

1:13:511:13:53

-'Please leave a message.'

-BEEP

1:13:531:13:56

'Dave, it's Mark Dersen from Hello America.

1:13:561:13:59

'Can you give me a call back?

1:13:591:14:02

'I called a couple of times Friday and I'm wondering why you haven't called me back.

1:14:021:14:07

'If I need to move down on my list, look, I need to know.

1:14:071:14:10

'OK? It's not "Hello, you know, whatever, Orlando." Look.

1:14:101:14:14

'I'm still jacked about you, Dave.

1:14:141:14:16

'I just need to hear from you. Give me a call.'

1:14:161:14:19

PHONE BUZZES

1:14:201:14:23

Your phone's ringing.

1:14:281:14:30

I know.

1:14:321:14:33

Why aren't you getting it?

1:14:361:14:39

It's the Bryant Gumbel thing.

1:14:401:14:42

So why aren't you getting it?

1:14:441:14:47

Did you bring that stuff?

1:14:471:14:49

It's by the door.

1:14:491:14:51

PHONE CONTINUES BUZZING

1:14:531:14:56

You should get it.

1:14:581:15:00

'Fuck.

1:15:111:15:14

'It was a McDonald's hot apple pie.

1:15:141:15:17

'They're not kidding.

1:15:171:15:19

'It was hot.'

1:15:191:15:20

'The other thing that gets to people,

1:15:441:15:46

'that leads to pies, I guess,

1:15:461:15:49

'are these catch phrases we're required to use to single the programme out.

1:15:491:15:54

'It gets under people's skin.

1:15:541:15:57

'Spritz Nipper.

1:15:571:15:59

'But the whole thing about all of it, all the getting hit with stuff,

1:16:021:16:07

'the whole thing is, who gets hit with a fucking pie, anyway?

1:16:071:16:10

'Did anyone ever throw a pie at Thomas Jefferson? Or Buzz Aldrin?

1:16:101:16:13

'I doubt it. But this is like the ninth time I got...

1:16:131:16:18

'Clowns get hit with pies.'

1:16:181:16:20

Hey!

1:16:311:16:33

-Fuck!

-I'm Mike's father! Here's your shit!

1:16:331:16:36

I saw you buy this at the mall on North Avenue!

1:16:451:16:47

I'm telling the cops, too!

1:16:471:16:49

So you can cut your crap about Mike jacking your wallet!

1:16:491:16:52

He's just a kid. See?

1:16:571:17:00

He looks grown, but he's just a kid.

1:17:001:17:04

You fucking asshole!

1:17:041:17:06

'I mean, I'll bet no-one ever threw a pie at, like, Harriet Tubman, the founder of the Underground Railroad.

1:17:111:17:18

'I'll bet you a million fucking dollars.'

1:17:181:17:20

'The first time I was struck with something,

1:17:491:17:53

'a chicken breast from Kenny Rogers, I was standing next to a garbage pail.

1:17:531:17:58

'I thought it might've been an accident, that they were throwing it out.

1:17:581:18:03

'The second time, it hit me square on the chin.

1:18:031:18:06

'A soft taco.

1:18:061:18:08

'Then pop.

1:18:081:18:10

'A falafel.

1:18:101:18:12

'McNuggets.

1:18:121:18:15

'Always fast food.

1:18:151:18:17

'Fast food.

1:18:191:18:21

'Shit people would rather throw out than finish.

1:18:211:18:24

'It's easy, it tastes all right, but it doesn't really provide you any nourishment.

1:18:241:18:29

'I'm fast food.'

1:18:311:18:33

Hey.

1:18:341:18:36

Hey.

1:18:361:18:38

-Did you see him?

-Yeah.

1:18:411:18:44

Am I gonna get in trouble?

1:18:461:18:48

I didn't do anything.

1:18:481:18:49

You're not in trouble. I took care of it.

1:18:511:18:53

I got on him.

1:18:561:18:58

I let him know we're not messing around.

1:18:581:19:00

I whaled on him.

1:19:001:19:02

What?

1:19:021:19:04

I caught him one clean one for sure, on the forehead and then I fucking whaled on him!

1:19:041:19:09

Seriously?

1:19:091:19:11

He's not going to say you stole anything, and you're not in trouble.

1:19:111:19:15

-What are you eating?

-Corn dog.

1:19:241:19:27

You're a kid, Mike. Fuck.

1:19:421:19:45

-I'm not a kid.

-You are a kid.

1:19:451:19:47

Don't put yourself in grown-up situations again until you're a grown-up.

1:19:471:19:51

-OK.

-OK?

-Yeah.

1:19:511:19:53

Do you want me to get you a corn dog?

1:19:551:19:57

What? No.

1:19:571:20:00

What do you want?

1:20:001:20:01

Nothing.

1:20:031:20:05

Weatherman!

1:20:201:20:22

-Hey.

-Hi.

1:20:301:20:32

Are you all right?

1:20:331:20:35

Yeah.

1:20:351:20:37

I just wanted you to...

1:20:371:20:40

What?

1:20:401:20:41

MUSIC PLAYS

1:20:411:20:43

# I was eighteen

1:20:431:20:45

# Didn't have a care

1:20:451:20:48

# Working for peanuts

1:20:481:20:51

# Not a dime to spare

1:20:511:20:53

# But I was lean

1:20:541:20:56

# And solid everywhere

1:20:561:20:58

# Like a rock... #

1:20:581:21:00

I don't really get it.

1:21:031:21:06

Am I following it?

1:21:061:21:08

It was just...

1:21:101:21:12

a lead up to other things I wanted to say.

1:21:121:21:14

Here's the part.

1:21:141:21:17

# ..And I held firm

1:21:171:21:19

# To what I felt was right

1:21:191:21:21

# Like a rock... #

1:21:211:21:24

I wanted to talk about that part,

1:21:241:21:26

about you.

1:21:261:21:28

It's like you.

1:21:281:21:30

# ..I was strong as I could be

1:21:301:21:33

# Like a rock

1:21:331:21:35

# Nothing ever got to me... #

1:21:351:21:37

I got the job.

1:21:371:21:40

New York?

1:21:401:21:42

That's terrific. That's a remarkable income.

1:21:421:21:45

That's more money than I ever made, that salary.

1:21:451:21:50

-Yeah.

-That's quite an American accomplishment.

1:21:501:21:54

Thanks.

1:21:541:21:55

Are you OK?

1:21:581:22:00

I...I can't knuckle down.

1:22:061:22:10

Noreen's marrying Russ. There's nothing to knuckle down on, so...

1:22:101:22:14

I can't fucking knuckle down.

1:22:141:22:16

Your hand...

1:22:191:22:21

I just saw Mike's counsellor.

1:22:231:22:27

Mike mentioned that you were gonna fix this business up.

1:22:271:22:30

He's in no trouble?

1:22:321:22:34

Good job.

1:22:361:22:37

Your hand OK?

1:22:431:22:45

It's OK.

1:22:451:22:47

-You certain?

-Don't worry.

1:22:471:22:50

You always worry about your kids,

1:22:501:22:54

no matter how old.

1:22:541:22:56

There's always looking after.

1:22:561:22:58

I read your book.

1:23:101:23:13

Fuck.

1:23:131:23:14

I was gonna do some more work on it, then I chucked it.

1:23:161:23:20

-You chucked it?

-Garbage.

1:23:201:23:23

It's just...what I do, David.

1:23:261:23:30

I've practised and I've gotten good.

1:23:301:23:33

Like you and the weather business.

1:23:331:23:35

But I DON'T predict it.

1:23:381:23:40

Nobody does, cos it's just wind.

1:23:401:23:42

It's wind. It blows all over the place! What the fuck!

1:23:421:23:46

I have to go to work.

1:23:541:23:56

David...

1:23:561:23:57

HE SWITCHES MUSIC OFF

1:23:591:24:02

This shit life...

1:24:031:24:06

..we must chuck some things.

1:24:081:24:11

We must chuck them

1:24:161:24:19

in this shit life.

1:24:191:24:20

There's always looking after.

1:24:281:24:30

You have time.

1:24:331:24:34

Thanks.

1:24:411:24:42

'Pretty soon after Robert's living funeral,

1:25:361:25:39

'we had his real one.'

1:25:391:25:42

I'm sorry for your loss.

1:26:371:26:39

That's a lovely thing to say to me.

1:26:411:26:43

Where'd you hear that?

1:26:451:26:47

His friends.

1:26:471:26:50

Hey.

1:26:531:26:55

I'm glad ONE of you brought an umbrella.

1:26:551:26:58

I had a feeling it was going to rain today.

1:26:581:27:01

You're not going to take my job, are you?

1:27:011:27:04

No. I'm gonna be a cameraman for Monday Night Football.

1:27:041:27:08

..Is that OK?

1:27:081:27:11

Yeah. That's good.

1:27:131:27:16

There are a great many of Robert's friends here, even in winter.

1:27:191:27:23

I think it's because Robert was unusual.

1:27:231:27:26

I think that's what brought so many of you out.

1:27:261:27:31

A loving husband and father for 40 years

1:27:311:27:34

and a good friend to some of you for longer.

1:27:341:27:38

I'm sure that's why we appreciated and loved Robert.

1:27:381:27:43

He was excellent.

1:27:431:27:45

Selfless.

1:27:451:27:47

Resolute.

1:27:471:27:49

'I remember once

1:27:491:27:52

'imagining what my life would be like, what I'd be like.

1:27:521:27:57

'I pictured having all these qualities.

1:27:571:28:01

'Strong, positive qualities that people could pick up on from across a room.

1:28:011:28:06

'But as time passed, few ever became any qualities I actually had.

1:28:091:28:14

'And all the possibilities I faced, and the sorts of people I could be,

1:28:151:28:20

'all of them got reduced every year to fewer and fewer,

1:28:201:28:24

'until finally they got reduced to one,

1:28:241:28:28

'to who I am.

1:28:281:28:30

'And that's who I am.

1:28:361:28:38

'The weatherman.'

1:28:411:28:43

But first, Dave Spritz has the check of our national weather.

1:29:331:29:36

Thanks, Bryant. It feels like spring if you're in the northeast. Is it gonna last?

1:29:361:29:40

Let's take a look. We've got a warm weather system to thank...

1:29:401:29:44

Mike, you ready for school?

1:29:441:29:46

-Russ?

-Let's go, guys.

1:29:461:29:48

Come on.

1:29:481:29:50

-You're gonna get it!

-Bye, Shelly.

-Bye, Mom.

1:29:521:29:55

..That's your national weather. I'll be back with your local focus at the bottom of the hour.

1:29:551:30:01

-Hey, are you Dave Spritz?

-Yeah.

1:30:191:30:22

-Can I get your autograph?

-Sure.

1:30:221:30:24

So, is it gonna rain today?

1:30:281:30:31

Who knows?

1:30:321:30:34

Hey. Hello, America!

1:30:381:30:41

'I've been doing the show for a few months.

1:30:411:30:44

'People don't throw things at me any more.

1:30:441:30:46

'Maybe because I carry a bow around.

1:30:461:30:49

'I don't know.'

1:30:491:30:51

'I go back to Chicago weekends, keep it steady with Mike and Shelly, come back, do the weather.'

1:30:561:31:01

'So... Forecast?

1:31:011:31:04

'Come on.

1:31:041:31:06

'Another man's with my family.

1:31:061:31:08

'Things didn't work out the way I predicted.

1:31:081:31:12

'Accepting that's not easy.

1:31:121:31:13

'But easy doesn't enter into grown-up life.

1:31:151:31:17

'I'll take this American accomplishment.

1:31:201:31:23

'That's where I live.

1:31:231:31:25

'Behind Fire Brigade 47, OK.

1:31:251:31:28

'But in front of SpongeBob.

1:31:281:31:31

'Hello, America.'

1:31:331:31:35

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1:31:561:31:59

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1:31:591:32:02

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