Adventure drama. A health scare prompts eccentric New Zealander Burt Monro to attempt to break the land speed record on his treasured Indian Scout motorcycle.
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WHIRRING AND RUMBLING
THEY BOTH GRUNT
Burt! Shut that bloody thing up!
Do you know what time it is? BURT!
What do you think you're doing?
-Sorry, George, what did you say?
-Do you know what time it is?
Sorry. I've got a heck of a lot to get done today, mate.
And you know what they say, the early bird catches the worm.
And if you do this again one more time, I'm calling the cops!
And how about mowing your lawn? It's a disgrace to the neighbourhood!
Er, all right.
Here we are, the perfect recipe.
Two of Chevy... one of Ford.
I think those, er... '36 Chevy pistons
much have a touch of titanium or something in them.
They come up real good, you know.
Hey, the kettle's boiling. Make yourself useful, make some tea.
-Can we have a biscuit, too?
-Can I have a ginger nut?
-Yeah, you know where they are.
Now, you stay over there. Stay there.
-What are you doing for Christmas, Burt?
-I don't know.
Why? You angling for a present or something?
-No, I wondered if you're going away.
-No, no time for Christmas, lad.
Got a lot of work to do.
I only managed 27 test runs this year.
24 on the beach and, er, three on the road.
All illegal, like.
I was going a bit over the speed limit, I have to admit.
-How fast were you going?
-Oh, I haven't a clue.
That's why I got to get it up to Bonneville,
find out how fast she will go.
Now, there you go.
Got to get the piston out of the mould...
Bob's your uncle.
Right, this is the last part of the operation.
Chill the metal.
It heat-treats it. Watch yourself.
-That's where I got the water for the kettle from!
-Yeah, well, er,
that gives the tea a nice tang of titanium, doesn't it?
This bloke, he once asked me, "How do you heat-treat your pistons, Burt?"
I said, "I don't, mate, I just bung 'em in cold water
"and Bob's your uncle." And he said, "Well, that's the heat treatment."
And he just laughed and shook his head and walked away, like...
Oh, well, this could be the perfect piston.
It bloomin' well ought to be! I've made hundreds of them.
Look at them all up there all blown to smithereens.
-You made all those?
-Yeah, I did. Look, perfect!
Beautiful, no inclusions. See?
Now, Tommy, does, er, your mother have a carving knife I could borrow?
-Carving knife, yeah.
-Yeah, I need a good, sharp knife.
Oh. Hang on.
-Thomas, what are you up to?
-Can I have some peanut butter?
-OK. But make sure you put it away.
-Don't forget the wood.
Right... I have to get as much... rubber off as possible.
It has to be perfectly bald. Like that, you see?
-Well, at high speed the, er, centrifugal force,
er, expands the tyre and, er, rubs against the frame of the bike.
You have to be careful not to cut through the cords though.
Why do you pee on your lemon tree?
-Why do you pee on your lemon tree?
-Who... Who says I do that?
-Mum says she sees you every morning.
-She goes on and on about it.
-Oh, does she?
Hm, oh, well. Well, it's a good fertiliser.
You know, you shouldn't waste anything in this world, sonny.
-Well, I'd better be off home.
-All right, then.
-Mum gets a bit cross if I stay over here too long.
-Are you finished with the knife?
-Er, not yet. I'll, er,
-I'll drop it by later.
-No, um, don't do that.
-I'll pick it up after school tomorrow.
-I believe you have my carving knife.
-And my sharpener.
Here we are.
Yeah, er... well, thanks a lot, love.
G'day, Frank, how are you?
Not bad. Could be better, could be worse.
I see your front tyre's goin' a bit flat on ya there, Burt.
Oh, yeah. Well, the good news is it's only flat on the bottom.
-I'll see you tomorrow night.
-Tomorrow night, it'll be a good one!
Hello, Fran. Er, give us the lot, will ya, the usual.
One pension cheque coming up.
Er, Fran, I, er, want to ask you a question,
the answer to which is, er... a definite yes.
Yes. What's the question, Burt?
Would you feel inclined to, er,
accompany an impeccable young gentlemen to a do tomorrow night?
Are you asking me on a date, Burt Munro?
Well, yeah, I suppose I am actually, aren't I?
Yeah! Isn't it?
Yeah...all dressed up for the do tonight
and I couldn't get my best shoes on
cos my toenails had grown like oyster shells.
Anyway...this should do the trick.
There, look at that. Little twinkle toes!
ROCK AND ROLL MUSIC
-This is Fran.
-All right, Fran.
-Thank you very much.
I'm just going to say hello to the lads. I'll be back in a second, love.
-Hello, Pete. Hello, Graham.
-Hey, Burt. Bike goin' well?
-Yeah, not bad.
-Happy birthday, Burt.
-Bit of a surprise, isn't it? Hello.
-Would you like to buy a raffle ticket or two?
-What's it for?
Porky the pig plus two dozen beers.
We're raising money to send Burt to the USA. Our mate, Burt.
Come on, Burt, come and dance! Whoo!
-What's this? The twist?
-This is the twist. You know the twist?
Come twist with me.
See? You can twist!
-That's it, that's it! Whooo!
-'This must be the atomic invasion.'
Then, the air clears and the dust settles down.
You look outside. Have they levelled the town?
But there in the yard so briskly alive
stands Burt Munro's trusty old Indian Scout 45!
That was a wonderful tribute to Burt.
-Now, come on, Burt, we want you up on stage.
-Oh, no, no!
Up ya come!
And I hope all of you have bought a raffle ticket tonight.
Because we believe Burt will put the Southland Motorcycle Club
on the map!
ENGINES RUMBLE What's going on out there?
-Just get outta here!
-Git outta here!
Er, well, folks, it, er, looks like I've cracked it.
-I've, um, you know...
-You Burt Munro?
-What did you say?
-I said, are you Burt Munro?
-You're looking for Burt?
I don't know. Have you seen Burt anywhere?
-Anyone seen Burt? Well, no, he's...
-You are! You're Burt Munro.
-You're the old codger that rides the Army Indian?
-Oh, that old joker!
Burt Munro, yeah. Yeah, that's me, I think. Yeah.
Now, young fella, the Army Indian is a real dog.
What I've got is the, er, er, genuine article,
-the, er, 1920 V-twin Scout.
-That's the one with the pedals, right?
Well, I don't know what sort of push bikes
you monkeys came into town on. But I know my old timer
would thrash the backsides off whatever they are!
-I don't think so, grandad.
Why don't you, er, chumps put your money where your mouth is, then?
You're on, you old coot.
-Looks like they've chickened out, Burt.
-Looks like they've chickened out.
It's nice of them to show up, isn't it?
-A hundred says the Indian comes last!
Good on ya! REVS ENGINE
-Go, Burt! Go-o-o-o!
READY... STEADY, GO!
Come on, give me a push!
-Come on, Burt!
-Give me a push! C'mon, push hard!
-Come on! Go!
-Nice bike, grandad!
-Well, thanks, fellas.
-Better luck next time.
-Bad luck, Burt.
-There you go. Oh, thanks, love.
-Careful, it's hot.
Well, at least I gave them a good run for their money.
On the downward leg anyway!
Burt, what's it going to cost to get over to America?
-Sorry, what did you say?
-How much will it cost to get over to America?
I don't know, about 2,000, I'm told.
-And how much money have you got now?
apart from today's disaster and the dough from last night
and the pension money I've been saving,
er, about 1275 dollars - United States Dollars - I reckon.
-Well, I could lend you some money.
-Oh, that's very kind of you, Fran.
But, no, I couldn't do that, love. No, thanks.
Well, there must be something you can do.
I haven't told anyone this, Fran.
But, er, I don't reckon I'll be going to Bonneville,
not this year anyway.
And, er,.. you know, 700 is a lot of money to find.
And, er, the boat leaves in five days.
But, er... Yeah.
Except I... I would like to see how fast she'll really go
before I fall off the perch as it were,
before I, er, you know, kick the old bucket!
-Shame about the fall.
-Yeah, well, I'm still in one piece, aren't I?
-Yeah! What are you having tonight?
-Speciality of the house,
-pea, pie and pud.
-That's five bob.
-Why don't you take out a mortgage on the house?
-Your property. I mean, it's worth something.
-Here you are.
-(Burt Munro, look at the colour of your hands!)
-What's the matter with them?
-You could have washed those mitts
-before you put them anywhere near me!
-There we are.
Time to rise and shine.
Oh, Burt, you're a sweetie.
Got to get outta here before the neighbours spot me.
Oh, Burt... this tastes a bit odd.
# You are my sunshine, my only sunshine... #
-Oooh, crikey! Oooh!
I've...got a pain my chest! Agh!
He's in the shed! Hurry!
Mum, Dad, something happened to Burt!
-Burt, what's wrong with you?
-I'll be all right, Tommy.
-Don't worry about me.
-Are you sure?
What are you all staring at? Dirty old men need love, too.
-So, what's the story, doc?
-I'm sorry, it's not good news.
Oh, yeah! Well, fire away.
-You've had an attack of angina.
-You have arteriosclerosis.
-It's a narrowing of the arteries from the heart.
-I'm afraid there's not too much we can do for you at your age,
-other than suggesting you take it easy.
If you have another attack, pop one of these under your tongue,
let it dissolve and then swallow the saliva.
-The pain should be gone in 30 seconds.
-What do you call these?
Trinitrate pills. Better known as nitro-glycerine.
-Oh, yeah, the stuff you blow things up with!
-But in smaller quantities.
Yeah, all right. Er... CLEARS THROAT
Will this have any effect on, er, me riding my bike?
Unfortunately I think your motorcycling days are over.
Like hell they are! HE CHUCKLES
It won't be much longer.
Springfield. That's, er, where the Indians come from.
-Yeah, the, er, Indians
from, er, Springfield, Massachusetts.
-Yeah, it's the world's greatest motorcycle.
-Oh! Is that so?
-You can come through now.
-All right, thank you.
'Yeah, the plan is for me to drive up to Timaru.'
And there me and my bike will catch a boat to the US-of-A,
to, er, Los Angeles. And the boat leaves on Saturday.
And I'll buy a car in Los Angeles and drive up to Utah,
-to the Bonneville Salt Flats.
-And it's important you do this trip?
Oh, sure is, mate. You know, ever since I was a lad
I've been interested in things that go fast, you know, things that go.
And, you know, at Bonneville things go real fast.
It's, er, this, er, giant, er, dried-up lake bed.
And it goes for miles and miles and it's dead flat
and you can drive a vehicle just as fast as it will go.
And it's one of the few places on Earth
where you can find out, er, just what your machine is capable of.
In fact, here I am on the, er... That's me on the front
-of the New Zealand Motorcyclist. That's the Indian there.
Yeah, a few years ago. So I'd best be off soon
-because I don't know how much longer I've got to live.
-I don't think I heard that.
-I said, I don't know how much long -
-Yeah, I heard you the first time.
-So, tell me, Burt,
-what are you offering as collateral for this loan?
-Well, my tools
and my bits and pieces and my trophies and A lot of things like that.
I don't think they'd be of much interest to the bank.
We need something substantial, like the deed of title to your property.
-Did you get the money?
-Yeah. Off on Thursday.
-I wish I could come, too.
-Well, maybe next time.
Thomas, it's dinner time. Come home now.
-Nearly finished, Mrs Jackson.
-Yeah, Mum, we're almost finished.
-See you after dinner, Burt.
-All right, mate.
HE MIMICS ENGINE ROAR
Hey, not so fast. I'm the record breaker.
Where you going?
And, er, that's the, er... before I put the, um,
the streamliner on it.
-What's that one?
-Yeah, that's a girlfriend of mine
when I first bought the bike. Long time ago, that is.
-Aren't you scared you'll kill yourself if you crash?
No, you, er... you live more in five minutes
on a bike like this, going flat out,
than some people live in a lifetime.
And, er... yeah, more in...five minutes...
That's my dad there. And my mum.
They're all gone.
Oh, it's gone by so fast.
No, danger is the spice of life.
You got to take a risk now and again, haven't you, son?
That's what makes life worthwhile.
And, you know, having some nice ladies around
can be a big help, mind you.
-You really don't get scared?
You know, when I was a boy about your age,
I, er, had a little twin brother. His name was Ernie.
And, er, one day our dad was out the back, er, cutting down a tree.
And, er, suddenly it got hung up -
the tree, that is, it got stuck on something -
and Ernie went to try to help
and all of a sudden the tree slipped and fell on him
and...killed him stone dead.
Yeah... I'll always remember that.
Anyway, since then I've always tried never to be scared of anything.
Though I must say before a big bike event I do sometimes get nervous.
You know, if the, if the butterflies in my stomach were, were cows,
I'd be able to start a dairy farm.
When they took you off in the ambulance to the hospital,
-I don't know, just a touch of indigestion, I think.
That's all it was. Nothing wrong with me. Don't you worry about me.
And anyway at my age any day above ground and vertical is a good day.
Listen, will you take care of this till I get back all right?
-What happens if you don't come back?
-We'll talk about it then, shan't we?
-Don't forget to mow your lawns, will you?
-Don't forget to mow your lawns. My dad goes on and on about it.
-Oh, he does, does he?
-Says it lowers property value in the neighbourhood.
Well...oh, dear, we can't have that, can we?
-What are you doing?
-Hello, son! Just getting rid of the grass.
BURT! What the hell are you doing this time?
Like you said, George, I'm getting rid of the grass!
-Being a good neighbour before I leave tomorrow.
Tom, get back inside, now! NOW!
-What are they doing here?
-It might be the fire, Burt!
All right, the tyre goes in first.
That's it. That's it, you got it.
Goes in here...
(Pills...permit and passport.)
Right, er... see if I've got everything.
My spectacles, testicles, watch and wallet.
What are you laughing at? I'm on my way.
-Dad says to call us collect.
-Dad says to call us collect.
-That's nice of him.
-Tell us how you get on.
-All right. Thank you.
That's our phone number. Do you think you'll break the record?
-Well, I hope so. Yeah.
-Dad doesn't think you can do it.
-Oh, is that what he said?
-He says everyone thinks that.
Ah, you're a good, good boy, Tom. Yeah.
I tell you something, son...if you don't follow through on your dreams,
-you might as well be a vegetable.
-What type of vegetable?
I don't know! A cabbage.
-Here you are. Don't lose it, will you?
-Promise I'll look after it.
Right, er...keep an eye on the place for me, won't you, Tom?
And, er... Yeah, er, don't forget to feed the fowls.
-That's my job.
-Yeah. And, er, you know,
you can give the eggs to Mum and, er, and what else is there?
Oh, yes, er, you can pee on my lemon tree for me
if you like, while I'm away. And, er...
Well, there's nothing wrong in peeing on your lemon tree.
Confucius used to say it's the best natural fertiliser in the world.
-A bloke who lives up in Dunedin.
-Well, thanks for your help, chaps.
-Good luck, Burt.
-You show 'em over there, Burt.
-Take it easy, Burt.
That's not one of the things I'm planning on doing. Cheerio, love.
-Cheerio, my friend. If you don't go when you wanna go,
-when you go, you'll find you've gone. I'll see ya.
-See ya, Burt.
-See ya, Burt!
Look at that!
Well, Fran, er, I'm finally on my way.
Yeah, I thought some more of the, er, blokes from the club
-would have dropped by to see me off.
-Well, they probably had to work.
Yeah, yeah, that's right.
Yeah, young Tom tells me, er...
..no-one thinks I can do it. Do you think I can do it, Fran?
Oh, I don't know, Burt.
-I don't think it really matters one way or the other.
I read something once, years ago, and I learned it off by heart.
It was, er, Theodore Roosevelt said it.
He said, "It's," um...
He said, "It's not the critic that counts,
"not the man who, er, points out how the strong man stumbles
"or where the doer of deeds, er, could have done them better,"
yeah, "the credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena."
-Wind your window down! Down!
-Some beer money.
-Some beer money!
-I don't drink!
-And good luck! You go well.
-You show 'em Kiwis can fly, huh?
Yeah, I'll bring you back the Statue of Liberty!
Good on ya, mate, thanks a lot.
CREAKS AND GROANS
Hey, not so fast!
Here, take it easy, mate!
I... I thought it was a goner.
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
-Better get going.
-Yeah, all right.
Well, take care of the old jalopy, won't you?
-You look after yourself.
-You got your pills and everything, right?
-Yeah, right as rain.
-You come back in one piece.
-I will. Cheerio.
-Er, where's the captain?
-Er, down below.
-Down that gangway there.
Here... I'm looking for the captain.
Well, my name's Burt Munro.
I'm supposed to do a job to work my passage to Los Angeles.
-Yeah, well, I hope you can cook.
-Well, I'll give it a go.
-There's the galley.
-Who does the dishes, mate?
-Mmmmm, smells good!
-What do you have for us today, Burt?
That's good Kiwi tucker!
-Don't let Burt see you doin' that.
-Don't spoil it with all that sauce!
-Stone the crows...!
-Are you going to watch the movie, Burt?
-Are you going to watch the movie?
-What's it called?
-Er, Broken Barrier.
-Yeah, it's supposed to be good.
-Is Jane Russell in it?
Spare seat over here, Burt.
-All right, Billy.
-Pull 'em up.
-No, not for me.
-Oh, you don't smoke, Burt?
No, I don't. People say to me, "How do you keep going at your age?"
And I say, "Well, cos I don't smoke." And I'm telling you young monkeys,
THEY ALL CHUCKLE Oh, you can laugh, but, er,
my Dad said, "Why contaminate your lungs with tobacco smoke?"
"The only thing you accomplish by smoking is destroying your lungs
-"and shortening your life."
-Kill the lights!
PROJECTOR WHIRS Is Jane Russell in this?
-Go well, Burt.
-Yeah, thanks, mate.
-All the best.
-Good luck to you, Burt.
-Thanks. And remember what I said,
-Cheerio, mates. See ya.
-Welcome to the United States. Customs to the left.
Good to be here. G'day.
-Please stand behind the yellow line until you are called.
-Behind the yellow line.
Yellow line. Oh, yeah.
-Passport and customs declaration, please.
All right...there you are.
And how long do you intend to stay in the United States?
Oh, however long it takes me to get to, er, Bonneville and back.
-And the purpose of your visit?
-Well, to set a land-speed record
-on, er, my Indian.
-Mr Munro, this is your first time in America?
You gave some rather odd answers to the officer.
-So we have a few further questions we'd like to ask.
Let's go over again what you said.
Now, what exactly do you intend to do here in the United States?
-Well, set a land-speed record.
-And how do you intend to do that, sir?
-On my motorcycle.
It's in the hold of the ship and they're going to unload it tomorrow.
It's an Indian, a 1920 Indian Scout.
Er, modified somewhat.
-You know what? I think I've read about your bike.
It was in, er, Popular Mechanics a couple of years ago.
That's right, that's me, yes!
Lesley Hobbs from Christchurch sent that story in.
-What was it? Fastest motorcycle in Australia?
-Yeah, and in New Zealand.
Well, I guess you're legitimate, Mr Munro.
-Sounds like we should be honoured to have you in America.
I'm going to give you six months. Time enough to get the job done.
-Welcome to the USA.
-Thank you very much.
-Good luck, sir.
-Gear's in the trunk.
-Bags in the back!
-Don't worry about me.
I'll do it myself. Strewth!
Get in the ba... In the back!
-You, in the back!
Tell you something, mate, you don't want to get old around here!
Er, Hollywood. I want to go to Hollywood.
-I want to see the film stars.
-OK, we go to Hollywood.
-Where in Hollywood?
-Er, a motel on, er, Sunset Boulevard.
Er, I hear that's a pretty great street.
I dunno who you talking to lately! Which motel?
-Well, recommend one.
-What do you think I am, encyclopaedia?
Well, drop me somewhere and I'll sort it out myself.
Must have a big electricity bill here.
It's all about cars, isn't it, now?
-Never seen so many cars.
-You say something, man?
I said, I've never seen so many cars.
-Got to get around somehow.
Oh, look, there's a bowling alley. Do you bowl?
What's he honking his horn about?
Jeez! Crikey! Did you see that?
Backed right back into that geezer's car!
He's crazy, he's nuts!
-He did it again!
-Don't stare. There's a lot of crazy people in this town.
I've never seen anything like that before!
-This should do.
-What's the damage?
-28 dollar plus bag, 29 dollar.
Did you just say what I, what I thought you said?
-Are you deaf?
-Are you deaf?
Yeah, I am a bit deaf but I'm not stupid. How much did you say it was?
-No, I don't wanna buy the cab, mate.
I just wanna pay the fare, that's all!
-Where you from?
-You are British?
-No! You must be joking!
I'm no pommie, I'm from New Zealand.
-Well, this is America.
-And the fare is right there on the meter.
-Open your wallet and let the moths out.
I'm doing it, I'm doing it. There you go.
-Don't forget the tip.
-Yes, we tip in America.
Oh, yeah? 10%. How much? 10%.
Oh, yeah. There you are, ten cents.
-Excuse me, sir?
-You look like a generous man.
-You look like a generous man.
-Oh, do I?
-Yes, you do.
-Would you like to buy a flower for someone special?
-I don't have any, er, cash.
-Don't worry, it goes to a good cause.
-It's for an organisation that helps needy people.
-Well, how much is it?
-Just give what you can afford.
-All right, well...
-They all look the same to me. They're all green.
-We call them greenbacks.
-This looks like a one.
-Oh! Look, there's one.
-No, that's -
-You have a good day.
-Hey, come on, miss... that's a ten!
I didn't wanna pay that much! Hey, come back!
-What do you want?
-You wanna go?
-I'm going inside.
I'll take you around the world.
-I've just come from halfway around the world.
-15 bucks, baby.
-No, sorry, go away.
Well, I need a room.
-Room'll cost you five bucks an hour.
-I'm staying a bit longer than that.
-I don't know. A couple of days I guess.
No, er, just me, myself and I.
Will it cost a lot? Because I can't afford a lot.
-You a member of Triple A?
-Are you a Triple A member?
-Never heard of 'em.
-Never heard of Triple A?
-No, Miss Brittle Britches,
-I have not heard of Triple A.
-OK, let's say you are a member, doll.
-That'll save you 10%. How does 22 bucks a night sound?
That much...? I-I-Is that cheap?
Honey, that's cheaper than cheap!
Oh, right, yeah.
-What's your name?
Well, Tina Washington, I want you to have this. Might cheer you up a bit.
-Get some of that muck off your pluck!
-Well, thank you!
-That's the first nice thing that's happened all week.
My name's Burt Munro, from New Zealand, from down under.
Well, hello, Burt Munro from New Zealand.
-I tell you, I've had a heck of a night.
-Oh, welcome to Hollyweird!
BED RUMBLES AND RATTLES
-Good morning, Burt.
-You still here?
Well, that's why you were so crabby last night. Don't you ever sleep?
Honey, I work the night shift. I'm outta here soon as James turns up.
-And he's late.
-Oh. Yeah, could you phone this number for me?
It's a shipping company and they got a big box of mine
and I want to know how I can arrange to get it.
No, you talk to them. They'll never get my accent.
OK, what do you want me to ask them? One moment, please.
Ask them when will Burt Munro's box containing the motorcycle,
-er, be ready for pick up?
-Hello, I'm calling for a Mr Burt Munro.
Yes. He'd like to know when the box containing his motorcycle
-will be available for pick up.
-Er, what ship?
-The Rangatira from New Zealand
-The Rangatira from New Zealand.
-So, he can claim it?
Tomorrow from the Long Beach Customs Holding Area.
-OK, thank you, I'll tell him. Bye-bye.
-That was pretty fast.
I can't stand another minute in this place! Lemme buy you breakfast.
Well, this is great.
I never seen a menu with photographs before.
-You ready to order, sir?
-Are you ready?
Oh, yes. Er, I think the, er, double delight.
-That's for me.
-How would you like your eggs?
-How would you like your eggs?
-Er, well, I'd like 'em cooked.
-Sunny side up, over easy...?
-I don't know.
-Whatever you recommend.
-Over easy's best.
-All right, eggs over easy.
-Make that two.
Over easy... I must remember that.
Yeah, I like this American, er, breakfast thing.
So, my girl, er, where is the best place for me to get a used car?
-After breakfast I could take you there.
Oh, well, thank you.
And I'm not a girl.
-I'm a boy.
Well... I thought there was something a little odd about you.
But, hey, you're still a sweetheart.
Well, thanks a million, Tina.
Hey, there are stacks of cars here.
-I'll be back at the motel later on.
-How may I help you, sir?
Yeah, I wanna buy a car. A cheap car, a very cheap car.
Well, you've come to the right place, amigo.
If you can find cars like these any cheaper, they're probably stolen.
My name's Burt, Burt Munro from New Zealand. Nice to meet you.
I'm Fernando from El Salvador. Nice to meet you, Mr Munro.
-You can call me Burt.
-OK, Mr Burt.
-So, how much were you looking to spend, Mr Burt?
-Not a lot, Fernando.
I haven't got much left after the cab ride I took yesterday.
ENGINE GROANS You want 399 for this?
-Huh, it sounds a bit sick.
-Well, what would you offer me?
Listen, I'll give you 200 if you do me a favour.
Er, throw in the use of your workshop
and some of that junk I see lying around....
I've gotta knock up a trailer to drag my bike over to Bonneville.
-That's not a favour. 325 is a favour.
-No. Er, 225?
-You're a tough customer, Mr Burt.
-But I like you.
I'm going to give it to you for 250. You can use the workshop at night.
-And keep the noise down.
-All right, what about tonight?
-Yeah, tonight's OK.
-All right, let's... stop the car.
Let's get this thing running properly.
RATTLES AND CLINKS
ENGINE RUMBLES AND ROARS
Yeah, that sounds better.
-Let me drive.
-OK, come on.
Yeah, she's singing like a bird now.
She's a good old girl, isn't she? Oh, here we are.
-Er, you, er, make a left here, Mr Burt.
HORNS HONK Crikey! They're on the wrong si...
YOU'RE ON THE WRONG...! Stop the car! Stop!
-All right, calm down!
-I know how to turn it.
Hey, keep your shirt on.
Back in New Zealand we drive on the other side of the road.
Yeah? You'll get us all killed!
-Well, you're not in New Zealand.
-You're in America.
-Yeah, I know.
-We drive on the right side.
-Now, Burt, let me give you some advice.
-When you're driving, not only here in America
-but anywhere around the world...
-The driver should always be
in the centre of the road. In the centre!
-If you're not in the centre, you're on the wrong side! OK?
-Well, you want this right here?
-Yeah, that's right.
Watch it. Yeah, good.
-Dios mio! It's three in the morning!
Yeah, well, time flies when you're having fun, doesn't it?
You know, when I told you you could use the workshop at night,
-I didn't mean all night.
-My wife's going to kill me.
You take yourself back home. I'll snooze in the back of the car.
And I'll lock up the place before I go to sleep.
Seems like a whole lotta effort to sell a lousy 250 motor car!
-OK, Mr Burt, you pull the, the door down. Have a good night.
Hey, Fernando! Er, where do I get, er...
Where do I take a leak around here?
-Yeah, a pee. Trouble with the old prostate, you know?
Yeah, straight through those doors there's a door says, "Caballero."
-OK. I'll see you in the morning.
-Yeah, goodnight. Where were we?
-Buenos dias, Mr Burt!
-So, did you get it all finished?
All I need to do is find a couple of wheels and I'll be ready to roll.
Well, hey, you know, I got some wheels in the back you could have
-if you do me a favour.
-Say the word.
Crank it now, Fernando!
-You're a goddamn genius!
Hey, listen, why you gotta go? Stick around here a while,
-I'll pay you well.
-Sorry, mate, I gotta get to Bonneville by the 23rd.
That's when Speed Week starts and, you know, I gotta hit the road.
-Well, you always got a job here.
-I'll see ya.
-Best of luck to you.
HE MUTTERS IN SPANISH
-I was worried about you.
-Housekeeping said you didn't sleep in your bed all night.
-do I get a discount for that?
-I doubt it.
I need you to show me how to get to Long Beach to pick up my bike.
I'm finished here in 15 minutes. I'll come with you.
Not a bad set of wheels for 250 bucks, eh?
-You sure it'll make it to Utah?
This old girl'd get to New Zealand and back.
-Here, hop in, my fair lady.
Bloke who sold me the car, he gave me a good tip.
He said, always remember that the driver, that's me,
-should be on the, er, centre of the road.
All right. In New Zealand we drive on the other side of the street!
-Yeah. Sorry about that.
HORNS HONK Yeah.
-Do you want me to drive?
-No, I've gotta get used to it, haven't I?
-This should be Customs right here.
-Can I help you, sir?
-Yeah, my name's Burt Munro.
I've come to pick up my motorcycle. I came into port two days ago
from New Zealand and, er... On a freighter called Rangatira.
I was told to come here to clear it through Customs.
-OK, er, Mr Munro...
-Yeah, Munro, M-U-N-R-O.
Munro... Wait here a minute, sir.
-Mr Munro is here for that damaged shipment.
-Come with me, please, to the storage area.
-Is there a problem?
-Your consignment has suffered some damage.
Why the heck did I bother to paint these arrows on the side of it?
That's the way it was delivered here unfortunately.
-What happened to it?
-My information is that ten tonnes of fertiliser
-was inadvertently loaded on top. I'd sue the shipping company.
I haven't got time to waste my bloomin' life suing anybody!
Get some of your blokes to pull this right side up
so I can get in to the motorcycle and see what damage has been done.
All right, fellas. Let's get it unwrapped.
Tail's all right.
No damage so far. No damage at all.
-Lucky it was packed so well.
-Yes, a bloomin' miracle!
Well, the, er, old Indian lives to fight another day!
Thanks a million, Tina. I don't know what I'd have done
without you today. You're the real salt of the Earth, you know that?
-You wouldn't like to come home to mi casa for dinner?
-No, I can't, love.
-I'll cook you a meal.
-No, gotta get out of Dodge, as they say.
-OK, my good friend from Kiwiland. Stay in touch, won't you?
-Here's my phone number.
-Call and tell me how you're doin'.
-Well, can I call collect?
-You can try.
-It's a good job I think you're a woman.
-I am a woman.
Yeah, right. Ta-ra, love. See ya.
Fill her up, will you, please?
-Regular or ethyl?
All right, er... I'll take ethyl.
-Hi, young fella.
-Hello. Is this a rocket ship?
-Is this a rocket ship?
I hope so.
RATTLES AND SQUEAKS
What's happened to you?
Let's have a look at you.
Hey, come on.
I thought we were going to make it, you and me.
And now look what's happened.
-Got a problem?
Yeah! Am I glad to see you. Yeah, I've, er, lost a wheel.
-Help me get my rig back on the road, will you?
-OK, let me see.
My name's Burt, Burt Munro.
Well, this here could be the world's fastest Indian.
Well, at least until just now. She's a bit heavy mind you.
So let's take it easy. One, two, three...
THEY BOTH GROAN
HE GASPS Do you live round here, Jake?
What do you wanna ride that contraption for?
That's a good question.
Er... I guess the reward is in the, er, doing of it, you know?
Jake, I'm dying for a pee. Where do I go?
That little building back there.
-I got a touch of prostate trouble, you know?
-I have similar problems.
I thought you blokes would have some magic cure for that sort of thing.
-Well, we have.
-One old remedy is ground-up dog balls.
-But I prefer prostate trouble.
-Yeah, I bet you do, mate.
Jake, gotta get going. Got to hit the road.
-Burt, I have something for you.
-What's that, then?
-For good luck.
Oh, yeah, piece of jewell... Never worn jewellery before.
Thanks, mate. Oh, I got something for you too. Hang about.
Right, er, let's see.
Yeah... I've got this.
-It's a spare one. I made it myself.
-What do I do with this?
-You got a hacksaw?
-Just slice the top off of it.
It'll make a great ashtray. Not that I approve of smoking mind you.
-Thank you very much.
-Thanks a lot, mate. So long.
-Sorry we couldn't fix your trailer.
-Oh, I'll get there somehow.
-For the prostate.
Use with water, plenty of water. Tastes bad, really bad!
Dogs' balls, huh?
Well, thanks a lot, mate. See ya. Ta-ra!
HE KNOCKS ON DOOR
Hello! Hello, there!
I've had a spot of bother with my trailer. I lost a wheel.
-You're not from around these parts.
-I'm from down there.
-I'm from down under, the other side of the world. New Zealand!
Southernmost city in the British empire, called Invercargill.
-One of the most beautiful cities on Earth.
-Name's Burt Munro.
-Here she is.
We got some problems here, yes, siree.
-I tell you what you need to do.
Cannibalise the stub axle off that old Ford right there.
-Lucky for you I got welding gear. We'll get a wheel on pronto.
Yeah, that's got it.
-When you've, er...finished there -
I got something that I wanna show you.
-Ohhhhh...never you mind.
-You just get that wheel on there right.
-Why did you bring me out here?
-I, er, I wanna show you this.
I laid my old boy to rest 12 years ago next week.
-And I sure do miss him.
-I sure do miss the old boy.
-"He did his level best."
-I always figured a man's like a blade of grass.
He grows up in the spring strong and healthy and green
and, er, and he reaches middle age and he ripens as it were
and then, er...in the autumn he, like a blade of grass,
he finishes, just fades away and he never comes back.
And just like a blade of grass,
I think when you're dead, you're dead.
I always thought that, since I grew up.
-Is that your philosophy?
-Well, I don't know. Yeah, I suppose it is.
When you get to my age these thoughts cross your mind sometimes, you know?
SNAKE HISSES AND RATTLES
-Agh! Agh! Agh!
-Jump! Oh! Jump!
Oh, sideways, you fool! Sideways!
Oh, my God, man! Haven't you seen a snake before?
-No, we don't get snakes in New Zealand.
-I ought to move there!
-Where's he going?
-Any more around here? Ooh, God!
You come all this way to bite the dust up at Boot Hill!
Yeah. Been a laugh, hasn't it?
Been a laugh...
Oh, my God!
Where you going to sleep tonight?
I dunno, no idea.
I don't know.
I had a strange dream last night.
I dreamt about my late...twin brother.
Yeah, I thought he was in the room here, looking down on us.
I guess it's all that, er, fun and games at the graveyard.
I suppose... Oh, well...
Getting old ain't for the faint of heart, I'll tell you that.
Oh, God! What you done to my back, Ada?
I am getting old.
Hey, come on, old girl, make me a cup of tea. I gotta hit the road.
Ada, come on! You haven't died in your sleep, have you, old girl?
-Make me a cup of tea!
-Hmm, come here, lover boy!
I'll make it myself, thanks.
Now, Burt, you promise me you going to pop in on your way back.
Because I can always use another little cuddle.
Yeah, that's what I said. That's what I intend to do.
There's many a good tune played on an old banjo, as they say!
-And what we don't use, we lose.
-Yeah, that's what they say.
See ya. Ta-ra, darling.
And, er, may you have good luck with your Indian.
Yeah, you should say, "Break a leg".
G'day. Boy, is it hot out there.
I bet birds fly backwards here to keep dust out of their eyes.
-What can I get ya?
-I'd like a cup of tea, please.
-Cup of tea?
-Yeah. Best drink for quenching the thirst
-when the weather's hot.
-We ain't seen a cup of tea in here ever!
We got Coors, we got Miller or Coke.
Well, I'll have Coke, then.
-You know, er, smoking's bad for you, don't you?
-Is that so?
Yeah. Personally I don't smoke and I don't drink.
I had the right education from my dad on that. He was like King James I,
a great anti-smoking man.
-Sounds like you're on a one-man crusade there, Grandpa.
You're born with one pair of lungs, so why destroy them with that muck?
Hm. Where you from? Where's your home town?
-Heavens, no! I'm no pommie.
-I'm from, er, Invercargill in New Zealand.
Invercargill. Er, I-N-V-E-R-C-A-R-G-I-L-L.
I spell it with one L sometimes to save ink.
-Got any of those critters over there?
Oh, yes. Much bigger, though. We breed them down there on big farms.
And, er, cut off their antlers and send them over to Hong Kong.
And they grind the antlers into dust and, er, they eat that stuff.
Um, it must be some sort of, er, aphrodisiac or something...
-Puts lead in your pencil!
-You could do with some of that, eh, Leroy?
Ohh! Oh, dear!
-You all right?
HE GASPS AND PANTS
HE GASPS AND GROANS
Did you decide to leave Jackie a tip after all?
Look, sir, if you're not feeling well,
-you should drop into the hospital in the next town.
-Pull down your window.
-What's the problem?
-You're parked illegally.
-You're a danger to passing traffic.
-Let's see your driver's licence.
Yeah, all right.
Here you are.
-Where are you from?
-I'm from New Zealand.
That's the Land of the Long White Cloud,
-Aotearoa, home of the Kiwi bird.
-I don't care if you're from Mars,
-you cannot stop here.
You cannot stop on the side of this road. You're parked illegally.
OK, well, I'm sorry. I, I was having a bit of a heart attack
and, er, well recovering from one, anyway...
-Yeah, well, next time how about we stop at a proper rest area?
-My name's Burt Munro.
-Sorry about that.
-That's all right, sir.
Excuse me? Hi there.
-Listen, I, er, I was wondering if I could catch a ride.
My car, she just broke down and I'm trying to get to Salt Lake City.
I'm only going as far as Wendover. That's where I'm stopping.
-Anything'd be better than nothing.
-Ain't that the truth. Hop in, mate.
I, er, I'm going to go see my girlfriend.
She just moved from LA to Salt Lake.
-I'm home on leave from Nam.
Hey, what is that you got strapped on back there?
Ah, that, young fellow, is a...an Indian.
So, what are you doing in Vietnam?
-I'm involved in Operation Ranch Hand.
-Farming or something?
-Oh, no, not exactly.
We just started this programme. We are spraying the jungle from the air
with herbicides so the Viet Cong don't have any place to hide. Right?
Agent Orange, we call this stuff. It comes in these big orange drums.
Oh, yeah? How is it working out?
Um... well, I'm home on two weeks' leave.
Then I gotta get back. We should have this war done in six months.
That's what they keep telling us. Can't wait to get my ass outta there
-to tell you the truth.
-Yeah, I remember the Great War of 1914.
I was about your age. That's what they kept telling everyone.
"Soon be over."
20 million dead and four years later it was still going on.
Not as bad as the big flu epidemic, though.
Killed 21 million that did, or maybe more.
Every day when I left to go to work
my mum would spray some formalin on my shirt...
And, er, maybe that's why I didn't catch it.
Or maybe I was just lucky. You never know.
-Knock on wood.
You know, life's a funny thing.
You never know what's round the corner, do you?
"Your shaving brush,
"let it stay."
BOTH: "Why not shave... the modern way."
BOTH: "If she doesn't kiss you... like she used to,
"perhaps she's seen some smoother rooster"!
"These signs we dedicate...
"..to men who've had no date of late"!
There, that's us. Or you anyway.
Look at that!
Oh, that's a cowboy and a half!
Thought I'd come up to the salt with you. I'd like to be there
-the first time you see it. It's only a couple of miles.
-All right, then.
-That sounds good.
-There's lot of people in town for Speed Week, huh?
Yeah, looks like it.
Oh, this is it, Burt. You can, er, take a left right up here.
I'm at Bonneville! Mate, I can't believe it!
I mean, I'm here, I've made it!
I've made it!
All my life I wanted to do something big.
Something bigger and better than all the other jokers.
And this is it, Bonneville.
This is the place where...big things happen.
Do you realise, Rusty, the fastest man has ever gone on land is here?
Right here where we are now?
Malcolm Campbell did it here with Bluebird.
First guy to go over 300mph.
And then later his son, Donald, was here with Proteus.
He crashed at 350mph and lived to tell the tale.
John Cobb was here...
First guy to go over 400mph.
All the great attempts...
George Eyston with Thunderbolt
and, er, Mickey Thompson with Challenger.
I'm telling you, Rusty, this place is holy ground, mate.
And I made it here.
Well, Burt, thanks a million. I'll look for you in the record books.
-You take care over there in Vietnam, won't you?
-I'll be trying.
-Going to be a great day.
-Lovely day for a run.
-Salt's in good shape.
-Yeah. Firm and dry.
Dead flat, no soft patches. Not like the beach.
Yeah, I can do it here.
-That's what we're here for.
-God, is that yours?
Oh, she's a beauty! I bet she goes fast.
-Yeah, it's an old Indian.
My name is Munro, Burt Munro, from down under - New Zealand.
-Long way from home.
-Jim Moffit, San Jose, California.
-Nice to meet you, Burt.
-Good to meet you, Jim.
'Driven by Jim Moffit of San Jose, California.'
Come on, let's go!
-Hello. Burt Munro.
-Are you checked in?
-No, not yet.
Well, you know, you gotta remove the shell before the tech inspection.
-Where do I check in?
-Oh, it's just over there.
I gotta see this.
Hello, I've, er, come to check in.
-Munro, Burt Munro.
-Registration number! I don't see your number here.
Oh, no, it's, er, number 35.
It's on the side of my motorcycle over there.
-And it's my lucky number.
-Have you registered?
No. That's what I've come for. These two blokes sent me over here -
-Mike and someone else.
-Sir, registration closed last month.
If you haven't registered, sorry, er, you just can't run.
I can't run? I mean, er... well, how was I supposed to know
I should have pre-registered? I've come a heck of a long way
to run my bike. I'm not going anywhere until I've done just that.
I've come all the way from New Zealand, you know? It's a long way.
-We don't make the rules.
-An event like this doesn't just happen!
-Rules are rules. Closed July 31st.
-But, crikey, I live in Invercargill!
It's halfway round the bloody Earth!
How was I to know these things? I don't know all this stuff!
-Sir, it's not our problem.
-I thought I could turn up, have my bike timed.
-You don't have to call me sir. My name's Munro.
-Sir, you thought wrong!
Here, Jim! Jim Moffit!
It's Burt Munro. Can you come over here, mate?
-Yeah, I'll be right back.
-Need a bit of help.
-Hey, Burt, what's up?
-Well, I need your help.
These blokes are telling me I can't run my bike
-because I'm not pre-registered.
-You didn't register?
-No, I didn't know anything about it.
-You know how it is, rules are rules!
-Burt, you should have registered months ago!
-I didn't know!
I'll have a talk with them later, see if I can change their minds.
-Blood's worth bottling.
-I don't know about that.
We can talk later. Maybe you can let him go through tech inspection,
get that outta the way just in case we can let him run.
You're askin' a lot.
-Make me proud!
Thanks a lot. You gave me a bit of a fright there!
You know, these don't look like high-speed tyres.
-Well, they are high-speed tyres.
-Look at these hairline cracks.
These tyres gotta be 25 years old. What happened to the tread?
-I said, what happened to the tread?
-Oh, I cut it off,
cut it off with a carving knife.
-Otherwise it wouldn't be a high-speed tyre!
-What are you talking about?
Well, you gotta keep the weight down, haven't you? Otherwise at high speed
the centrifugal force would throw the tread right off, wouldn't it?
That tyre's safe up to 300mph, I guarantee it.
-These are high-speed tyres and I made 'em.
-You'll have to replace them.
The suspension is a leaf spring. I mean, can we pass that?
Last leaf spring on a motorcycle must have been in the 1920s.
-It is 42 years old.
-These brakes are completely inadequate.
I'm planning on going, not stopping.
-The brakes were old-fashioned 40 years ago.
-Is-Is this a hinge of a fence post?!
-No, that's from an old kitchen door!
What... Let me just ask you, what-what is this?
It's a cork. What does it looks like? It's a cork from a brandy bottle.
Yeah, the thing is, it's, er, it's all about weight.
-The less weight, the faster you go.
-Where's your chute?
-Where's your parachute?
-Oh, I'm not planning on bailing out!
-No, you gotta have a safety chute.
-Well, I can't afford one.
These forks, if they give out, we got ourselves a real problem!
I think I'd have a bit of a problem that way, wouldn't I?
-Where's your fire suit?
-Good heavens, man!
I don't intend to burst into flames! Always wear my old suit pants,
er, for good luck. If they were good enough to get married in,
they're good enough to ride this old girl in! I tuck them in like this...
You know, stop them getting caught in the chain? And Bob's your uncle!
-OK, so you got your suit pants. What you going to wear on top?
-What do you intend to wear on top?
-Yes, a black woollen shirt -
New Zealand wool, water resistant, fire resistant - and my bash hat.
-Your...your bash hat?
You're crazy! You gotta wear at least a leather jacket on top!
If you put down on the salt, it's like coarse sandpaper.
-It's going to rub your head right off!
-I couldn't get into the shell
with anything bulkier than my shirt. I mean, it's a tight fit in there.
-Straight out of the ark!
-What did you say?
-Straight out of the ark!
Don't be so cheeky!
MAN CHUCKLES What's your name, young man?
-MacFarlane, Mike MacFarlane.
-Yeah, I knew a MacFarlane in Timaru.
You must be related to him cos he was a total prick!
Look, you don't even have a fire extinguisher installed!
MacFarlane used to give me milking machine parts to make sprockets with.
-Just, um, how old are you?
-I don't know, he's about 35 -
-No, no, how old are you?
-His brother owned a general store
down at a place called Bulls. That's a town in New Zealand.
-Sir, your machine is not safe.
-I've been doing this for 43 years
-and I'm still here to tell the tale.
-Well, you know, times change.
-We take planes, we don't ride horseback.
-Horseback, yeah, I got you, yeah.
-You're too old.
I may have saggy skin on the outside but inside I'm still 18 years old.
And I'd give you a run for your money, young fella!
-You need some help?
Rolly Free, Marty Dickerson, we're a couple of bike fans.
-Oh, Burt Munro from Kiwiland.
-THEY BOTH LAUGH
-You got me good there!
-Where are you staying?
-Well, that's my salubrious accommodation.
-I usually sleep at night on the
-back seat. Salubrious, you say, Munro?
We been hearing a lot about you.
Sounds like you're cutting your finances mighty fine.
-You can say that again.
-We're up at the Western Ridge.
Why don't you drive by? It looks as though you could use a good shower.
-And I bet that there's a spare bed there, too.
-Thanks a lot.
-You Yanks are classic, you know that?
-You don't catch me that easily!
The front forks could go at any time,
the suspension is right outta the 1920s.
He got hairline cracks all over his tyres.
-He's got no fire extinguisher, no safety chute...
-I told you,
if it's a time problem, I'll give you some of my time.
-It's not a time problem, it's a bike problem!
-We ought to let him run.
-He came from New Zealand to do this!
-Have you looked at his machine?
-The man's the genuine article.
-The bike is a genuine dinosaur!
Look, we carry the can for the decisions around here.
If the old fart kills himself, we'll have a helluva lot of trouble on our hands!
Yeah, sounds like we're a bunch of chickens if you want my opinion.
His bike didn't even come close to passing tech inspection, Jim!
-KNOCK AT DOOR
Hello, Jim, come in.
-Rolly Free said I could find you here.
-Yeah. He's the best.
He's a real gentlemen. He set me up in this place for nothing.
-What are you doing?
-Well, the soft shoe polish fills in the cracks,
makes the tyres look spick and span, good as new.
-Cheaper than new ones anyway.
-I didn't see that.
Well...? Can I run?
I'm sorry, Burt.
Ohhhh... Who the heck do they think they are?
Crikey, Jim, I'm, you know, I'm not trying to run a mile in four minutes.
All I gotta do is sit there and open up the throttle...
I mean, after all, it's my ruddy life, isn't it?
I mean, can't you do anything? I mean, er, I just want to
try and get it to go over 200. Just once, that's all.
Once I've cracked 200, I'll be happy to piss off back to New Zealand
and Bob's your uncle. You're a well-respected man round here.
-Couldn't you talk to them?
You've got as much chance of writing yourself off as I, you know that.
Just talk to them again. I know they'll listen to you, mate.
-OK, Burt, I'll try. See ya tomorrow.
I mean, I'm half the age of some of those characters out there.
HE GROANS AND GASPS
That's just indigestion.
Everyone wants us old buggers to curl up in some quiet corner and die.
Well, Burt Munro is not ready to finish yet, I'll tell ya that, mate.
I'll give it a shot but I'm not promising anything.
Thanks, mate. Thanks a lot.
-'The famous Mickey Thompson car, Challenger I.'
-Where's he going?
-Didn't Jim tell him?
-He says he did.
-Then, what's he doing here?
-Why won't ya let him run?
-Hey, he's too old. And his bike's too old.
From what I hear he's come halfway round the world to ride that cycle.
-Wendy, if he was to kill himself.
-So? It's his life!
-Keep an eye out for those officials.
-Are you sure you wanna do this?
-I don't think it's a good idea.
-If we're going to do this damn thing,
-we gotta hurry.
-All right, let's go. Here's your helmet.
Here's your goggles. Come on, Burt, we gotta go.
-Put 'em on, put 'em on, put 'em on!
Go, go, come on!
-OK, let's go. Push!
-Push! Go fast!
-Hey, you can't... Hey, you can't do that!
-C'mon, c'mon, c'mon!
-Who, whoa, whoa, hey! Hang on!
-Hey, where you going' with that?
Stop! Stop, stop, stop! What the hell are you doin', Burt?!
-What the hell are you doin'?!
-Just getting her warmed up.
Didn't look like you were warming it up! He was takin' it for a run!
Bob. Oh, boy!
-That is the most determined man I've ever seen in my life!
-I kind of feel sorry for the old coot!
Coming all this way, huh?
Isn't there a way we can accommodate him? There can't be much risk there.
His bike'd be lucky if it did 70!
What do you say, why don't we bend the rules this once, huh?
Bob and I had a little chat
and we're thinking we're going to organise a handling run for ya.
-A handling run. All the officials,
-we're going to get in our vehicles...
-You're joking, no?
-No, I'm not.
We're going to follow behind ya and see if you're OK to ride this beast.
-Course I'm OK to ride it!
-First thing tomorrow, bright and early.
-Well, thanks, fellas.
-Knock 'em dead.
-Oh, my luck's changed, then.
-Go get 'em, guys.
-You all right?
-Don't hurt yourself!
OK, everyone listen up! This is what we're going to do.
-Burt, you're going to get rolling.
-Ride slowly along.
-We'll jump in our vehicles, follow you down the track.
-See if you can handle this thing.
-I'll handle her all right!
-I got room for one.
-Let's get in the cars.
-Hope he doesn't make a fool of himself.
-Here we go.
-In there, OK...
-All right, I'm ready!
THEY ALL GRUNT Push it!
60... 65, 70.
There he goes up to 80! 80, 85...
95! Look at that man go!
ENGINE ROAR INTENSIFIES
-He's leaving 'em behind!
What the hell is he up to? Nobody said he could give it everything.
-I guess that solves the question of whether he can handle it.
-and he left us in the dust!
-Whooo! Look at him go!
ENGINE RUMBLES AND BOOMS
All right, grab hold of her! Hold her firm. Got it?
Don't let her go.
-Ah, that was a disaster!
-How'd it go?
-So, what's the verdict?
-When you opened up there in top gear,
-you sure left us in the dust.
-I couldn't get it out of second gear.
And the plugs were oiling up so I had to feed it some more juice,
-you know, up the revs a little.
-We'll see if you're telling us the truth.
Are you telling me I can officially run my bike and have it timed?
That's what I'm sayin', Burt.
You'll never know what this means to me.
25 years I've dreamed of this day, 25 years!
Sometimes you gotta bend the rules a little. Today's one of those days.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart, thank you!
-Hey, Burt! Burt!
-Look, what did they say?
-They said I could run.
-So why the long face, then?
Well, it's just starting to sink in and I got a big problem.
As soon as I go over 110, it starts to wobble like heck -
-and a bad speed wobble.
-Bike did look about as stable as my ex-wife!
I got a theory and I think I'm right.
-I need about 20 car batteries.
-Do you think it's OK to steal these batteries, Burt?
-We're not stealing,
-Be careful with that acid right there.
-Right, what do we do with them now?
-We gotta get a painter's blowtorch.
-What are we going to do with all this metal, Burt?
-When this cools down,
we'll have ourselves a lead brick.
What do you do with a lead brick?
-Place it in the front of the motorcycle.
-That's your plan?
Well, you must get the centre of pressure behind the centre of gravity
and if you don't get it right, then, she'll start to fishtail
-as soon as you get her wound up.
-What do you mean by fishtail?
Well, like a fish's behind, you know, it'll start doing that.
That's what happened today in the handling run. So in a panic
I lifted my head up from behind the, er, screen and suddenly
the bike started to go straight. And I knew somehow
that I'd solved the problem by sticking my head up into the wind.
-I don't get it.
-Well, I'll show you.
-Let me have that.
-Hey, hey, hey, hey! Gimme...!
-What are you doing?!
-Now, imagine this cigar is, er,
-Well, don't poke holes in the cigar!
Now, if I hold it in the middle and blow on it, like so...
See how unstable it is!
-Now, if I...shift the...
..centre of pressure here and blow on it...
You see, it's much more stable.
The centre of pressure is behind the centre of gravity.
-That's what I'm fixing with the lead brick.
-You're quite clever, Burt,
-you know that?
-Now, all I need to do is to test my theory
before I run on the salt. I was thinking of crossing over
the state line from here in Utah into Nevada, where there's no speed limit!
And, er, running the bike with a lead brick in the front of it.
-Know how fast you were going back there?
Yeah, about, er...150, 160mph.
-Yeah, that sounds about right.
How's he going to talk his way outta this one?
He's sure got his ass in a sling this time, don't he?
So, what's the situation with this? You don't have licence plates on it.
-Well, it's registered in New Zealand.
It's where I come from.
Right. You mean to tell me that this contraption of yours
-is registered for the road?
-Yeah, in New Zealand.
New Zealand, right. Well, how about takin' it easy here in Nevada?
Having no speed limit don't mean we want people killin' themselves.
Right. Sounds fair enough to me.
-All right, you have a good day.
-I will, thank you.
Burt, everything OK?
Well, fellas, er,
we're going to have to give the lead brick the old Spanish archer.
-Yeah, the big elbow, you know?
The lead brick has gotta go. Whose stupid idea was that anyway?!
-It was yours!
-Yeah... Well, I'm just going to have to,
-er, ride her the way she is.
-What about that speed wobble?
Well, I'll cross that bridge when I get there.
-I've got another problem, too.
-Yeah, what now?
-When I get her going,
er, there's an enormous amount of heat coming off the exhaust pipe.
And I hope it doesn't cook my leg.
Maybe you could wrap your leg in some, er, asbestos cloth.
-That should fix it, shouldn't it?
-Yeah, good idea.
So, you got any more problems you wanna tell us about? Oh, yes!
-It's my old ticker.
-You got a bad heart?!
Yeah, it's not that bad!
-I got a little surprise for you!
-Close your eyes and give me your hand.
-Just close your eyes! Come on.
Because I said so, mister, come on!
-Just keep walking.
-You're not going to make a fool out of an old man, now?
-I'd never do that!
Never, OK, OK, now turn around.
-Now, hold your hands out.
-Put that in your pocket.
-What you doing?
-OK, you can open 'em.
ALL WHOOP AND WHISTLE
What are you all staring at?
-What is this?
-Burt, we've unanimously voted you here on the salt flats
Sportsman Of The Year because we figured
nobody has ever travelled as far as you have to be here for Speed Week.
So, normally we would present a trophy or something like that.
But we thought a few extra dollars would be more appreciated
so we passed the hat around.
Oh, my goodness.
Oh, I've no words.
-We love you.
Well, thank you all.
I thank you all very much. I'm...
I'm sorry, I don't know what to...what to say. Erm...
Oh, dear. It's, er... quite overwhelming, you know?
It's a 25-years dream to come here.
Um... well, I shall try to, er...
..justify your respect.
You know, the original speed of my old bike was 54mph.
Now, today I'm hoping to, um, improve it a little.
ALL WHOOP AND WHISTLE
-'On the staring line now, car number 86, the Pumpkin Seed.
'Looks like it's ready to be pushed out.'
'The next competitor is Burt Munro,
'all the way from Invercargill, New Zealand.
'Burt Munro's entry was approved just yesterday.'
-No. Come on, tighten it up.
-Burt, where'd you get this stuff?
-Where'd you get this stuff?
I tore an old electric blanket apart and got the asbestos cloth out of it.
-Got those heart pills?
Better take one. Yeah.
Yeah, they're almost ready. Guys, come on, let's go.
Bottle says, "May cause drowsiness, do not operate machinery"!
-I know that.
-You're not supposed to take two of 'em anyway!
One for me, one for the old girl.
Nitro-glycerine, make her go faster!
Have some of this, love.
There ya go!
-Yeah, we're almost there.
-All right, here we go.
-Hold it still.
-Your goggles, huh?
-Put your goggles on.
I know. Calm down, for goodness' sake.
I can't... I can't get my leg in
because of, er, the asbestos cloth on it.
-Let me take it off.
-Well, what about your leg in the heat?
Screw it, I've got a spare one.
-All right, Burt.
-Get those goggles...
-You know the way.
-Course I know the way...
-Make sure you come back.
Come on, let's go! Right, push!
-All right, come on, fellas! Push faster!
-Go, Burt, light it up!
Keep running! ENGINE RUMBLES
-Keep it straight!
-Come on, go, go, go!
-Let's go, Burt!
-Come on, Burt!
-You can do it, Burt!
-He's got no parachute, he's got no brakes!
'Mile one, 158.647mph.'
Make us proud, honey!
RATTLING AND RUMBLING
-Mile two, 167.921mph.
-Crank it, Burt!
-Come on, go, go!
-Come on, Burt!
'Mile three, 171.371mph.'
Come on, come on, come on!
'Mile four, 172.485mph.'
-Great going, Burt!
-That's the one, c'mon!
'Mile five, 183.694mph.'
ALL SHRIEK AND CHEER
BIKE RATTLES AND WHINES
'Mile six, 193.728mph.'
-Yeah, that's it! Come on!
-Come on, Burt, you can do it!
-Six more, let's go!
-'Mile seven, 194.211mph.'
Come on, Burt!
-What is it?
'Mile eight, 201.851mph!'
'Ladies and gentlemen, a new record!
-'Burt, I hope you're stopping soon.'
-He's goin' back!
-To whatever planet he came from.
Cos he sure as hell ain't from this one!
BIKE RATTLES AND RUMBLES
ENGINE RATTLES AND CEASES
HE GROANS AND CHUCKLES
I really did toast my leg!
I did it!
I did it...!
Tom, can you get that? My hands are wet.
-'This is the United States calling.
'I have a collect call from Mr Burt Munro, will you accept the charge?'
-Mum, it's Burt calling collect!
-It is? Accept the call!
-My mum said we can accept the call.
-'Go ahead, sir.'
-'Hello, Tom, is that you?'
-'It's me, Burt!
-'I did it, Tom! She's the world's fastest Indian!'
Dad! Dad! Dad, he did it!
-Burt did it!
-He set a new record!
-Hello, Frank, how are ya?
-Ah, ya did it!
-Hello, Jeff, thanks a lot, mate.
-Welcome home, Burt.
-Hello, George! Oh, my goodness!
-You've made this place look spiffy, mate!
-You've done us proud.
-You put Invercargill on the map!
-I reckon so, yeah.
-So, what have you got planned now?
-I've got a lot of work to do
-if I'm to get back to Bonneville next year!
-So, more early mornings, then?
Yeah, more early mornings. Hello, love.
-Nice to be back.
-How are ya, son?
Good to see ya. You're growing up a bit, huh?
-I looked after your lemon tree just like you told me.
-You did, yeah!
It's looking good, too.
-Yeah, it's beautiful!
-I fed the chickens.
-And Mum cooked all the eggs.
-Oh, yeah? They taste good?
-Yeah, good. You got the key?
-Here it is.
-All right, thanks.
-I took care of it.
-I knew you would.
-How fast did you go?
-Well, mighty fast.
On one of my runs I did over 200mph.
Whoa! What would happen if you opened your mouth at that speed?
It'd blow the backside out of your pants, I reckon.
Right, let's see...
Ahhh, nice to be home,
back in my shed.
A health scare prompts eccentric New Zealander Burt Monro to finally pursue the dream of riding his treasured Indian Scout motorcycle on the salt flats of Utah, USA, in an attempt at breaking the land speed record. But first he has to get there.