Away from Her

This programme contains some strong language.

'She said, "Do you think it'd be fun if we got married?"'

'And what did you say?'

'I took her up on it. I never wanted to be away from her.'

'She had the spark of life.'

(MOUTHS)

Careful.

When did we last wash that sweater?

-Right after the war.

-(CHUCKLES)

-Christmas. In the '50s sometime or the '60s.

-Shut up!

I'll go make the fire.

' "You climbed the bank and said,

"This is how you touch other women,

"the grass-cutter's wife, the lime-burner's daughter.

"And you searched your arms for the missing perfume and knew..."

Don't worry, darling. I expect I'm just losing my mind.

(Ssh.)

"What good is it to be the lime-burner's daughter,

"left with no trace as if not spoken to in the act of love,

"as if wounded without the pleasure of a scar."

"You touched your belly to my hands in the dry air

"and said,

"I am the cinnamon-peeler's wife. Smell me."

When I look away, I forget what yellow means.

But I can look again.

Sometimes there's something delicious in oblivion.

I think you're supposed to be able to put your fingers

inside the curled petal and feel the heat.

Well?

I can't be sure.

I can't be sure if what I can feel is the heat or my imagination.

The heat attracts the bugs.

Nature never fools around just being decorative.

(KNOCKS ON DOOR)

-Yes?

-I don't quite know how to introduce myself.

I used to see your husband at Meadowlake.

I'm a regular visitor there myself.

Those are lovely flowers.

I've never seen those purple ones before.

Mm. The earth there must really appeal to them.

-(CHUCKLES)

-What?

You could just open the drawers. Remind yourself.

-What?

-Maybe all the labels and lists are defeating the purpose.

If you stop thinking about things the moment you write them down,

maybe that's the end of your need to recall.

I heard a story at a dinner party about the German soldiers

on border patrol in Czechoslovakia during the war.

I heard it from that Czech student of yours, Veronica.

We spoke once at a dinner party.

Don't be nervous. It's a good story.

She told me that each of the German patrol dogs

wore a sign saying "Hund". "Why?" said the Czechs.

And the Germans replied,... "Because that is a Hund."

It was one of those craft shows where you look around and wonder

that the laws of supply and demand can allow for the production

-of so many macrame ducks.

-Those things are everywhere.

-What do you do with them?

-Oh, come on, Phoebe, you've got one of those.

-You use it as a light-fixture holder or something.

-I do not.

-In the...

-Oh, yes, wait a second, I do. Fiona gave it to me.

-Oh, yes, I did.

-(ALL LAUGH)

-Would anybody like some more...?

-Mm.

Ween...

Wai... Wain...

No, but I'll have a touch of wine.

Yeah, Fiona, that'd be lovely, some more wain. (CHUCKLES)

The thing is...

..half the time I wander around

looking for something which I know is very pertinent.

I can't remember what it is.

Once the idea is gone, everything is gone.

I just wander around

trying to figure out what it was that was so important earlier.

I think I may be beginning to disappear.

-And what year is it?

-2003.

Fiona, if you found a letter on the street,

addressed, with a stamp on it, what would you do with it?

-I'd mail it.

-And where would you put it to mail it?

And if there was a fire in a movie theatre

and you were the first person to spot that fire,

what would you do?

Well, we don't go to the movies much any more, do we, Grant?

All those multiplexes showing the same American garbage.

-Have you seen my coat?

-There it is, dear. It's on your chair.

Oh, yes.

Fiona, would you mind if I asked you a few more questions?

Would you mind taking a seat?

I was just feeling a little cold, that's all.

(BABY CRIES)

What an ugly baby.

When did we move into this cottage?

Was it last year or the year before?

(SIGHS)

No, it was longer than that.

It was when I left the university, 20 years ago.

Hmm. Well, that's shocking.

(CHUCKLES)

Let's just see how it goes, shall we? Hm?

Hm?

How's your husband doing?

-OK.

-He and my wife struck up quite a close friendship.

I heard about that.

So, er, I'd like to speak to you about something.

If you have a minute.

My husband did not try to start anything with your wife,

if that's what you're getting at. He did not try to molest her,

he's incapable of it. And, anyway, he wouldn't.

From what I hear, it was the other way around.

No, er, that isn't it at all. I didn't come here with any complaints.

Oh. Oh, well, I'm sorry. I thought you did.

Maybe you should come in. It's not as warm a day as it looks.

"Never let a person make you feel guilty for your anger with God."

Hmm. Random.

I can't even see what the point is.

We can't be certain this is what... You're far too young.

"Should the patient afflicted with the disease remain at home,

"the caregiver will very often be the spouse.

"The caregiver must preside over the degeneration of someone

"he or she loves very much, must do this for years and years

"with the news always getting worse, not better,

"must put up sometimes with deranged but very personal insults

"and must somehow learn to smile through it all."'

"Caregivers must be able to diagnose

"a wide variety of ailments under extraordinary circumstances.

"Imagine the person you love the most upset about something

"but unable to communicate the problem

"or even to understand it himself."

-Sounds like a regular marriage.

-(CHUCKLES)

(SIGHS)

Hello, there!

Oh! Hello, there.

We are at that stage, Grant.

We are at that stage.

(SIGHS)

Well...

..if we do think of it... if we do...

..then...it must be as something that isn't permanent.

A kind of...experimental treatment or...

..a rest cure of sorts.

All right.

All right. We can think of it that way.

-(TV CHATTER)

-We have to sit in the kitchen where I can hear Aubrey.

-Well, you might as well have a cup of coffee.

-Thank you.

My son put him on the, er, Sports Channel a year ago Christmas.

I don't know what we'd do without it.

-Must be a struggle.

-Well, you know...

You know what struggle is by now.

-You're sure?

-I'm sure.

You don't want to just get a sense of the place?

I don't want to make this decision alone.

What place?

-Just kidding! (LAUGHS)

-Fuck off.

You're not making this decision alone, Grant.

I've already made up my mind.

OK.

-It's time to go home now.

-Mrs Taylor. Hi.

-Is this your son?

-Yeah.

-Hi, I'm Betty.

-It's time for your bath.

-Bath?

-Yeah.

-You have to have a bath now.

-Mom...

Mr Andersson? Madeleine Montpellier.

-I'm the supervisor here at Meadowlake.

-Hi, there.

I'm gonna take you on a tour of the facility

and then we can discuss Mrs Andersson's condition

and the appropriate time for admitting her.

-As you can see, we get a lot of natural light.

-Yes, I can see that.

This is my favourite room. Over there, they have a puzzle on the go.

They always have a puzzle on the go. It's real important to us here

that our residents maintain social function,

so a lot of our activities and our whole layout...

-Hello, there, Miss Madeleine.

-Hello, Michael.

We're coming into our common room. Again, we're really emphasising

everybody being social. So you can bring the family.

We have a state-of-the-art entertainment system,

-so the residents can watch together.

-Hi, Madeleine.

-Hello, ladies.

-Hello.

-I got a Christmas sweater.

Aren't you festive?!

This is our quiet corner for crafts and reading and reflection.

We have a lot of activities for physical activity -

balloon badminton and sit-and-fit.

And here we have our lovely new dining room.

We can accommodate any dietary preferences or restrictions.

We're serving up a little Christmas dinner early for the families.

The old Meadowlake is just next door and that's a day centre now

but, erm, this for the permanent residents,

this is brand-spanking new. Let's go upstairs, shall we?

Just taking my tea for a ride.

Oh, look at this one, Flo.

He's a real charmer, isn't he?

Would you say, are you a charmer?

-I think you could say I was kind of a charmer.

-(CHUCKLES)

-You're a rascal.

-Mr Andersson is here about his wife. Behave.

Ah, I should have known it! At this age, it's...

What do the kids call it, Flo? It's...

It's a real clusterfuck. All the charmers are taken.

Or dead. Mostly dead.

-You're kind of charming yourself, sweetheart.

-Shall we?

(POP MUSIC PLAYS ON STEREO)

This is the extended-care wing. The elevators, of course,

have the lockdown system. This is where the patients can move to

-once they become more progressed.

-Interesting choice of words.

Why don't I show you some of the rooms here?

Then we can go down and see where Mrs Andersson will be living.

No, that will not be necessary.

-My wife will not be progressing to this floor.

-All right.

-Who chooses the music?

-Sorry?

-I'm assuming it's not the residents.

-I don't see any of them singing along.

-Yeah, well...

The rooms on the regular floors have their own stereos,

-so the patients can listen to whatever they like.

-How kind.

Now, we don't admit anyone during the month of December,

so Mrs Andersson will have to wait till January to make the move.

Just December, Christmas, you know, too many emotional pitfalls.

-Right.

-Sorry to interrupt.

-I'm looking for those documents on Aubrey Burke.

-Sure. Go ahead.

Mr Andersson, this is Kristy, our new managing nurse.

-Against some people's better judgment.

-Now, now.

-Mr Andersson's wife will be joining us in January.

-Hi, there.

-Hi.

-Now, our new residents are not allowed visitors

or calls during the first 30 days,

-just to give them a chance to settle in.

-What sort of visitors?

-Everyone, even close relatives.

-I couldn't just leave her.

We understand, it is very difficult to leave a loved one

in a new environment for so long but most people

need that time to settle in. Before we had this rule in place,

residents would forget why they were being left here.

Whereas we find, you give them the month to settle in

and they're happy as clams. And after that,

a little visit home every now and then, perfectly fine.

We'll take good care of her, I promise.

-Knock-knock.

-Oh, no, not again!

-Knock-knock. Boo!

-(ALL LAUGH)

(ALL CHATTER)

Smells good.

I was gonna go for a ski but I thought I shouldn't chance it,

-what with the Alzheimer's and all.

-Why didn't you wake me?

What are these, Grant?

(SIGHS)

Those are the documents you are supposed to sign

if you decide to go to Meadowlake.

That is exactly what I have decided.

You were to go and sign these and leave them there.

I wouldn't be allowed to visit you for 30 days.

30 days isn't such a long time after 44 years.

I don't think I like the place.

I don't think we should be looking for something we like, Grant.

I don't think we'll ever find that.

I think all we can aspire to in this situation

is a little bit of grace.

(SIGHS)

MUSIC: "Harvest Moon" by Neil Young

I suppose I'll be dressed up all the time.

It will be sort of like...

..in a hotel.

-How do I look?

-Just like always.

-Just as you've always looked.

-And how does that look?

Direct and vague...

..sweet and ironic.

(SIGHS)

Is that how I look?

MUSIC: "Harvest Moon" by Neil Young

Oh. Remember?

-Surprised, Grant?

-No, I'm not surprised,

I'm just grateful you can remember that.

Oh, I'm not all gone, Grant, just... (SIGHS) ..going...

There are things I wish would go away...

..but won't.

You know, things we don't talk about.

You never left me.

You still made love to me, despite disturbing demands elsewhere.

But all those sandals, Grant.

All those bare female toes.

What could you do but be a part of the time you were a part of?

All those pretty girls.

Didn't seem like anyone was willing to be left out.

I think you did all right, compared to some of your colleagues.

Those who left their wives.

And the women who wouldn't put up with it.

I think people are too demanding.

People want to be in love every single day.

What a liability.

And then that silly girl. That silly girl, Veronica.

Girls that age are always going around

saying they're gonna kill themselves.

But that was that.

You promised me a new life.

We moved out here and that is exactly what you gave me.

How long ago was that?

-20 years.

-Oh! (CHUCKLES)

God, that's shocking.

So, you see, I'm going...

..but I'm not gone.

(SIGHS)

-Fiona.

-Grant?

Don't go.

That's what is happening, Grant. It's happening...right now.

(SIGHS)

Fiona.

Hello. I'm checking in today. My name is Fiona Andersson.

We have your room all ready for you.

-Perfect.

-We'll have our supervisor, Mrs Montpellier, show you.

-I'll go fetch her. She's expecting you.

-Thank you.

Fiona.

-Grant.

-I can't go away from you like this.

We had nothing to tie us down, Grant.

You could have just driven away and forsaken me.

But you didn't.

I thank you for that.

-Mrs Andersson.

-Oh, hello.

-I'm Madeleine.

-Hello.

-Should I give you a moment?

-No, thank you.

-Yes, please.

We'll get you settled in your room

-and then I'd like to give you a tour.

-Lovely. Thank you.

-Right this way.

-(SIGHS)

So, as you can see, we get a lot of natural light.

Here we go.

-Yes, this'll do just fine.

-Good.

I'm so glad you like it. Is this all you brought with you today?

-For now.

-We'll see how it goes.

Well, if you need any help arranging things, you just let me know.

Thank you, Mrs Montpellier.

Now, if you wouldn't mind, I'd like to say goodbye to my husband.

We haven't been apart for a month for the last 44 years.

-It could be quite something.

-OK.

(SIGHS) Please, Fiona.

-(SIGHS) Grant.

-Fiona...

You know what I'd like?

I'd like to make love and then I'd like you to go.

Because I need to stay here and if you make it hard for me,

I might cry so hard I'll never stop.

Go now. (SIGHS)

Go now. (SIGHS)

(SIGHS)

(SIGHS)

"All of the officers were from outside the local area

"and it probably had not entered their minds that almost all of us

"were named MacDonald. Nobody moved except for the shuffling..."

-Hey.

-Hello, there.

-Kristy. We met on your tour.

How's Mrs Andersson? Has she settled in?

-I'm wondering if I could have a moment of your time?

-Oh, sure.

Maybe when we're finished this chapter,

-I can come find you in the dining room?

-Sure. That's fine.

Er... "The red roof lights revolved in the afternoon sun

"and even the dogs were temporarily quiet."

Hi, there, Mr Andersson.

Now, how can I help you?

-(MUTTERS IN COMMENTARY STYLE)

-That's Frank.

-He used to be the play-by-play guy for the Winnipeg Jets.

-Really?

Yeah. He loved his job too much to retire.

Frank's on the second floor.

I just... (SIGHS)

My wife has always been a different sort of person.

I've been told that Alzheimer's can't be confirmed until after...

And on our way here today, we passed this conservation area

where we went for a walk last spring.

And there were these gorgeous flowers, the skunk lilies.

-Beautiful, aren't they?

-Yes, they really made an impression.

And even though the whole place was covered in snow,

she said, "Oh, remember?"

Now, that was... that was quite recently.

And isn't the short-term memory the thing that goes first?

Well, yeah, but not all at once. And what's comforting

is the long-term memory sometimes stays for quite a long time.

Yeah, her long-term memory seems quite intact.

But when she mentioned that, about the skunk lilies,

it was all I could do not to turn the truck around.

What if this is just her just being herself?

She's far too young to...

She is young.

And it is hard... no doubt about that.

A month is a real long time.

I mean, between you and me, I don't know about the policy myself.

I think it makes it easier for the staff is what I think.

Look... I'll give you my pager number.

Call me whenever you want. Call me every day if you feel like it.

I don't know what to do.

Mr Andersson... your wife wrote you this note

and she asked me to pass it along.

OK.

Thank you so much.

(DROWNED OUT BY INCIDENTAL MUSIC)

"Throughout much of the thinking brain,

"gooey plaques now crowd neurons from outside the cell membranes."

"And knotty tangles

"mangle microtubal transports from inside the cells."

"All told, tens of millions of synapses dissolve away

"because the structures and substructures of the brain

"are so highly specialised,

"the precise location of the neuronal loss

"determines what specific abilities will become impaired.

"It is like a series of circuit breakers

"in a large house, flipping off one by one."

That's a great-looking coffee maker.

I always meant to get one of those.

I saw they had them on sale at Canadian Tire.

They gave it to us, my son and his wife.

They live in Kamloops, BC.

They send us more stuff than we can handle.

Wouldn't hurt if they spent the money to come see us instead.

-I suppose they're busy with their own lives.

-Not so busy

they couldn't go to Hawaii last year. You could understand it

if there was someone in the family closer at hand but, er...

..he's the only one.

People do get lonely... (SIGHS)

..especially when they're deprived of seeing someone they care about.

Fiona, for instance.

-My wife.

-I thought you said you went and visited her.

I do. No, that's not it.

-'She's really settling in well.'

-Good, good.

'Looking forward to seeing you tomorrow.'

-Right. I'll see you tomorrow.

-'Now, remember,

'she may be a little surprised to see you.

'Don't be shaken by that.

'Just... She hasn't seen you in a while.

'She's sort of settled in here.'

'I understand.'

There you are. I'll walk you down to her.

Wow, narcissus this early. You must have spent a fortune.

Hi, Mr Andersson. It's great to see you.

Alright. Here we are. There is her room.

You remember from last time you were here, don't you?

Her nameplate's right on the door. I'll leave you to it.

There she is. Now, you just go over and say hello.

And try not to startle her. Remember, she may not...

Well, just go ahead.

(Bridge. Deadly serious. Quite rabid about it.)

I can remember being like that at college for a while.

My friends and I would cut class and sit in the common room

and smoke and play like cut-throats.

One's name was Phoebe. I don't remember the others.

-Phoebe Hart.

-Oh, you knew her, too.

Er, can I get you something? Er, a cup of tea?

-I'm afraid the coffee's not up to much here.

-I don't drink tea.

-Oh.

-I brought you some flowers.

I thought they might do to brighten up your room.

-I went to your room but you weren't there.

-Well, no, I'm here.

So you've made a new friend.

Oh, that's just Aubrey.

The funny thing is, I knew him years and years ago.

He used to work in the store, the hardware store

where my grandpa used to shop. He and I were always kidding around

but he never could get up the nerve to ask me out.

Until the very last weekend when he took me to a ball game.

But my grandpa showed up to drive us home.

I was up visiting for the summer. Visiting my grandparents.

They lived in a cottage on a lake.

Fiona, I know where your grandparents lived.

-It's where we lived. We live.

-Really?

I'd better go back.

He thinks he can't play without me sitting there.

It's silly. I hardly know the game any more. (CHUCKLES)

I'm afraid you'll have to excuse me.

-Will you be through soon?

-We should be.

If you ask that grim-looking lady over there nicely,

-she'll get you a cup of tea.

-No, I'm fine.

I can leave you, then? You can entertain yourself?

It must all seem strange to you but you'll get used to it.

You'll get to know who everybody is, except that some of them

are... pretty well off in the clouds, you know? Mmm.

Can't expect them all to get to know who you are.

Hey, I've been thinking of dyeing my hair. What do you think?

-Do you think I'd look good with red hair?

-(ALL CHATTER)

You caught her at a bad moment, involved in a game.

-She isn't even playing.

-Well, but her friend's playing, Aubrey.

-Now, who is Aubrey?

-That's who he is, Aubrey.

They get these attachments. That kinda takes over for a while.

Best buddy kinda thing. Sort of a phase.

Does she even know who I am?

No, she might not. Not today and then tomorrow you never know.

Things change back and forth all the time.

You'll see the way it is once you get used to coming.

You'll learn not to take it so personal.

(INAUDIBLE)

Oh, I'm sorry, I'll have to go and fix that now.

TV CHATTER

BOTH GASP

BOTH SIGH

Look at you, Mr Andersson.

I think you might be one of our most frequent visitors.

Hi, Fiona.

-You are persistent, aren't you?

-I brought you some books.

They don't seem to have an awful lot around here.

Letters From Iceland by Auden.

We always meant to read that together, didn't we?

-Do you think it'd be possible to talk alone?

-Well, I don't know.

Aubrey's card game starts in a few minutes,

then we usually go walking and then he does his drawing...

Or perhaps you can find a bit of time later on. Erm, I'll stay here.

-Or I'll come back in a few hours.

-You are persistent, aren't you?

Here we are at the Spectrum in Philadelphia.

It's sudden-death overtime. 2-2. Here's Andreychuk.

He carries it over the blue line, lines up a shot right on!

The rebound comes back behind the net.

It goes back on the left wing and here come the Flyers.

-Roenick and Mitchell, what a twosome. A shot! Oh, it went wide.

-TURNS VOLUME DOWN

-Go for it, Frank.

-Here's Sundin.

Can't get a shot away and it's cleared away...

I just came down to say Aubrey is having his nap

-if you'd like to, erm, talk.

-Oh, sure.

-Er, can we go somewhere a little more private?

-He shoots, he scores!

-If you'd like.

-Philly wins this series by a score of 3-2.

That's it this season for the Leafs.

Look at Hitchcock, is he a happy coach.

Philadelphia wins. The game is over in sudden-death overtime.

-You said you had some books for me?

-Yes.

-Letters From Iceland.

-Yes, yes, you said. By Auden.

Yes...that's right.

Now...where is Iceland?

Well, Iceland is in the middle of the Atlantic.

It's an island.

'Youngest country in the world. It's constantly erupting.

'Volcanoes, earthquakes.

'It's always shaking itself off.'

Wouldn't it be nice to come from a young country?

You do. That's where you're from. That's where your people are from.

They immigrated here in the late 1800s.

That's where you're from, Fiona. And I teach...

Well, I taught the myths from there - Norse mythology.

-I must have been there, then. Have I been there?

-No.

Oh.

-Why not? Wasn't I curious?

-You were very curious.

Very curious.

You always said there ought to be one place

that you knew about and you thought about and maybe even longed for

but you never did get to see.

Did I say that?

Yes, you said that.

I'd better go and see to Aubrey.

He'll be wanting a little walk around. It was nice chatting.

-You'll be back again tomorrow?

-Fiona, what are you doing?

What are you doing with Aubrey?

He doesn't confuse me.

He doesn't confuse me at all.

Well, it's been nice chatting.

I'll see you again tomorrow, I suppose.

'These affections between residents, do they ever go too far?

'Well, that depends on what you mean.'

The problem we have here, it's funny. It's often the ones

who haven't been friendly with each other at all.

They maybe don't even know each other beyond knowing, like,

is it a man or is it a woman. You'd think it'd be the old guys

trying to crawl in bed with the old ladies but half the time

it's the old ladies going after the old men.

It could be they aren't so worn out.

Now, don't get me wrong. I don't mean Fiona.

Fiona is a lady.

She's a real lady.

I sometimes wonder...

You wonder what?

I wonder if she isn't putting on some kind of...charade.

-A what?

-Some kind of act.

Maybe...it's a kind of punishment.

Why would she do that?

Oh.

ALL CHATTER

-Excuse me.

-Yes, Mr Andersson?

How can I help you?

Fiona's wearing someone else's sweater.

-Well, it's pretty, isn't it?

-No, it's not pretty, it's tacky.

-She would never wear it.

-Well, you can talk to the duty attendant

on Mrs Andersson's wing. Boy, it's a marvel, really,

the way she's getting him up and out of that chair.

Can you manage?

Will you be all right? I'll be back in a second.

Fiona...I'm your husband. Fiona, it's Grant.

We've been married for 45 years. Look at me, Fiona.

That is not your sweater. We had a good life together.

Those are your words, Fiona, not mine. That is not your sweater.

HE WHIMPERS

It's all right.

It's all right. It's all right. I'm coming straight back.

I'm coming straight back. It's going to be all right.

I'll see you again tomorrow, I suppose.

Please...

..don't.

Please, please, don't.

You're very persistent, aren't you?

I wish I...

I wish I knew what...

We'll see you again tomorrow, I suppose.

You're not doing too well, are you?

Well, no big surprise.

What we're handling isn't so easy.

I thought when I married,

I'd...be with someone to the final stretch.

I'm betting you thought the same.

Well, didn't work out.

So, I, er, think you're here for a reason.

I'm the kind of person you can say things flat out to, so shoot.

I wonder if you would consider taking Aubrey back to Meadowlake,

maybe just for a visit.

Or I suppose I could take Aubrey out there myself.

I wouldn't mind that at all.

SHE SIGHS

Home-made.

Really?

No. No, I can't do that. And the reason is

-I don't want to upset him.

-Wouldn't he understand it was just a visit?

He understands everything. If I go to all that trouble,

I'd prefer to take him someplace that'd be more fun, hm?

It would make more sense to take him to the mall

where there are kids and whatnot. And I'd have to get him ready,

manoeuvre him into the, er, car.

-He's big. He's not that easy to manage.

-Even if I agreed to do it?

You don't know him. You couldn't manage him.

And he wouldn't stand your doing for him. And after all that,

-what would he get out of it?

-Er...

-Hmnh.

-SHE SIGHS

-Smoke?

-No. No, thanks.

-What, did you never or did you quit?

-I quit.

-How long ago?

-Oh...30 years, maybe more.

-I quit quitting.

-SHE CHUCKLES

Just made a resolution to quit quitting, that's all.

So your wife's depressed, huh?

-What's her name again? I forget.

-Fiona.

-And how old were you when you met?

-She was 18.

Holy, that's pretty young to get married, eh?

HE CHUCKLES

-It wasn't my idea.

-You mean she proposed to you?

Well, that's lovely, that's what I think. How'd she do it?

She hadn't planned it, necessarily.

We were in Tobermory waiting for the ferry to Manitoulin

and it was miserable and rainy and she was in a good mood.

And she didn't want any part of my sour mood.

And what'd she do? What'd she say?

Well, she said, "Do you think it'd be fun...

-"Do you think it'd be fun if we got married?"

-And what did you say?

I took her up on it. I shouted, "Yes!"

I never wanted to be away from her.

She had the spark of life.

'You know, nothing can take away what's happened to you

'and what you've experienced. I don't think so, anyway.

'Even if it goes away somehow, it's still there.

'It's still what you are.'

-It's curious.

-What's curious?

All of that madly-in-love business. The beginning.

I hear myself tell the story and it all sounds so...crucial.

I suppose it is.

But compared to what we ended up with, until recently...

..all of that seems so superficial somehow.

CHATTERING

ROCK MUSIC PLAYS FROM HEADPHONES

Not such a fun place to visit, eh?

-Excuse me?

-Not such a fun place to visit.

Fucking depressing.

-No offence.

-None taken.

No-one came to visit you, huh? That must suck huge.

Well, it would suck huge but I don't live here.

-I'm just visiting someone.

-Who?

-Which one?

-Beautiful woman with the shock of hair.

-The one sitting with her husband?

-You might say that.

-Why wouldn't you?

-I wouldn't say that because I'm her husband.

So why aren't you sitting with her, then?

HE SIGHS

Just learned to give her some space.

She's in love with that man she's sitting with.

I don't like to disturb her. I just like to see her, I suppose.

Make sure she's doing well, you know?

I suppose that must seem rather pathetic.

I should be so lucky.

Come on.

She's not here. She's sick. He's not here, either.

KNOCKS ON DOOR

I brought you a book.

It's all about Iceland. Thought you might like to take a look at it.

Why, thank you.

HE SOBS

Oh, what is it, dear heart? What is it?

Oh, I see. Here, here, here.

HE SNIFFS

Here, here. Yes.

Do you by any chance have any influence around here?

I've seen you talking to them.

Oh.

We'll get to see each other. You'll see. We have to.

I'll come and see you... and you'll come and see me.

HE SIGHS

You know, I just wish his wife would hurry up and get here.

I wish she'd get him out of here and cut the agony short.

-Should I stay?

-What for? She's not sick, you know.

To keep her company.

They have to learn to get over these things by themselves.

They've got short memories and that's not always so bad.

OK?

'Fiona. Her name is Fiona. And what's yours?'

-I don't think I was ever told that.

-Oh, I'm sorry. It's Grant.

Hello, Grant. I'm Marian.

Well, now that we know each other's name,

I can tell you straight out what I'm thinking.

I don't know if he's still so stuck on seeing your...

..seeing Fiona. I don't ask him, he doesn't tell me.

But I don't feel like putting him back in there

in case it turns out to be more than that.

I don't want him getting hard to handle. I don't have any help,

-it's just me here. I'm it.

-It is very hard for you.

-Did you ever consider his going in there for good?

-No.

-I'm keeping him right here.

-Well, that's very good and noble of you.

Oh, you think so? Well...

-..noble is not what I'm thinking about.

-No, but it isn't easy.

It isn't, but I don't have a choice. If I pay to put him in there,

I won't hold on to the house

and the house is the only thing we own outright.

And it means a lot to me... this house does.

-It's very nice.

-Well, I guess it's all right.

I've done a lot on it, fixing it up, keeping it up.

-Yes, I can see that.

-I don't want to lose it.

-No.

-I'm not going to lose it.

-I see your point.

The company left us high and dry. In the end,

they...they said he owed them money.

What do I think? Well, he was pretty stupid.

But, erm, I'm not supposed to ask, so I shut up.

You've been married, huh? You are married.

You know what it's like.

And then, in the middle of all this,

he gets sick from this virus and he goes into a coma.

So that pretty much... takes him off the hook, hm?

It's bad luck.

No, just life.

Can't beat life.

No.

KNOCK AT DOOR

Oh. Hello.

SHE GASPS

Perhaps you'd like me to read to you.

I don't have any books.

Oh, there are some.

Letters From Iceland.

"Isn't it true, however far we've wandered

"into our provinces of persecution, where our regrets accuse,

"we keep returning back to the common faith

"from which we've all dissented,

"back to the hands, the feet, the faces?

"Children are always there and take the hands,

"even when they are most terrified."

"Those in love cannot make up their minds to go or stay.

"Artist and doctor return most often."

"Only the mad will never, never come back.

"For doctors keep on worrying while away,

"in case their skill is suffering and deserted.

"Lovers have lived so long with giants and elves,

"they want belief again in their own size.

"And the artist prays ever so gently,

"Let me find pure all that can happen.

"Only uniqueness is success.

"For instance, let me perceive the images of history.

"All that I push away with doubt and travel,

"today's and yesterday's, alike like bodies."

TELEVISION: 'To all the men and women of our armed forces in the Middle East,

'the peace of a troubled world and the hopes of an oppressed people

'now depend on you.'

How could they forget Vietnam?

TELEVISION CHATTER CONTINUES

Here you go.

Next time you do it, just go pick it up, OK?

SHE SIGHS

Her muscles are deteriorating. If she doesn't improve soon,

we're going to have to put her on a walker.

I keep trying to get her walking but she doesn't want to go anywhere.

But once they get on a walker, they start to depend on it

and then they don't want to walk much any more.

You're going to have to work at her harder. Try and encourage her.

Sorry.

Here you go.

Mrs Andersson, how would you like to go on a field trip?

They've kept it so like it was.

-Who has?

-The people who live here.

SHE SIGHS

Everything...

Everything just reminds me of him.

It wasn't enough, I suppose.

Who, Fiona?

Who does everything remind you of?

I'd like to go home now, if you don't mind.

Now, as you know, we don't do extended care on the first floor.

We do it temporarily if someone isn't feeling well

but if they progress too far...

..we have to consider... moving upstairs.

-Do you happen to have Aubrey's address?

-I'm sorry?

Aubrey and his wife.

Where do they live?

Well, it was probably a mistake putting him there in the first place

but, er, I wasn't going to get another chance to get away,

so I took it. Well, so...

Now I know better.

Did your husband ever work in a hardware store in the summers

when he was going to school?

No, I never heard about that. But I wasn't raised here.

No...I didn't think so.

Thank you very much for your time, Miriam.

It's Marian.

Sorry.

What a jerk.

Yeah, maybe someone could just drop in on her. All right.

I don't think there's much to it but call me back. OK.

Thanks a lot. Bye-bye.

-Hey.

-Hi.

Er...

I think I want to ask you about the second floor...

..just to know a little more about it.

Well, it's for people who've really lost it.

What do they do, then? What happens after that,

after they've...lost it?

You don't really want to know. But sometimes they get it back.

They go into their room for a year, they don't know you from Adam,

and then one day it's, "Oh, hi." All of a sudden,

they're back to normal. But it doesn't last for long.

You think, "Wow, back to normal," and then they're gone again.

I haven't even asked you about yourself. You married?

Well, technically, yeah, I guess.

I got three kids and their dad lives in Alberta, I think.

He's making it rich, maybe. I wouldn't know.

Must be quite a struggle.

It, er...knocks the wind out of you every now and then

but...you just pick yourself back up like everyone else.

I suppose our lives must seem easy to you.

We got through life without too much going wrong

and what we have to suffer now, when we're old,

hardly counts, I suppose. That's what you must think.

How would you know what I think? To tell you the truth,

I'd rather be the one that stayed than the one that left.

I'll bet you weren't always the devoted husband. Am I right?

I mean, you said that you...wondered

if maybe she was punishing you for something?

I'll bet you had something pretty specific in mind, didn't you?

You know...you see a lot of things in this job.

You see the end of things all day long

and at the end of things it's almost always the men that think

that not too much went wrong.

I wonder if your wife feels the same way.

I wonder that, too.

I bet you do.

PHONE RINGS

ANSWERPHONE BEEPS

'Hello, Grant. I hope I got the right person.

'I just thought of something.

'There is a dance in town at the Legion on Saturday night

'and I am on the supper committee,

'which means I can bring a free guest. So I wondered

'whether you would happen to be interested in that.

'Call me back when you get a chance, 555-3457.'

ANSWERPHONE BEEPS

'I just realised, I'd forgotten to say who it was.

'Well, you probably recognise the voice, the accent.

'It's Marian. I'm still not so used to these machines

'and I wanted to say I realise you're not single

'and I don't mean it that way. I'm not, either,

'but it doesn't hurt to get out once in a while.

'Anyway, now I've said all this,

'I really hope it's you I'm talking to.

'It did sound like your voice. If you're interested,

'you can call me and if you are not, you don't need to bother.

'I just thought you might like the chance to get out.

'It's Marian speaking.'

SHE CHUCKLES

'I guess I already said that.

'OK, then. Goodbye.'

"The desires of the heart are as crooked as corkscrews.

"Not to be born is the best for man.

"The second-best is a formal order.

"The dance's pattern, dance while you can."

SHE SIGHS

Fiona...

Is there any way to let this go... do you think?

If I let it go,

it'll only hit me harder when I bump into it again.

OK.

"Dance, dance, for the figure is easy.

"The tune is catching and will not stop.

"Dance till the stars come down from the rafters.

"Dance, dance, dance till you drop."

PHONE RINGS

-'Yes?'

-Hello, Marian.

So...

There you are.

Here I am.

Thank you.

SOFT JAZZ

What are you thinking?

Not an awful lot, really.

Skiing.

Downhill?

Cross-country.

I'm more of a thrill-seeker, I guess.

What are you thinking?

I'm thinking you never know how things are going to turn out.

You almost know... but you can never be...

..quite sure.

Mr Andersson?

Mr Andersson? Now, as you know, we're going to have to think about

moving Mrs Andersson upstairs fairly soon, I'm afraid.

She hasn't been out of that bed for two weeks now and...

I'm quite aware of your policies.

I'm more than aware of your fucking policies.

Nurse Kristy is taking me back to the second floor.

The area to my right are the elevators

and as we go on down the hall, there's a man with a broken heart.

Well, we'll go past the lunchroom. The cannelloni was cold yesterday

but let's see what it's doing today. I'm going to have some Cokes,

that's what I'm going to do.

Wouldn't it be better if...

..when we go out again...

..to put Aubrey back into Meadowlake? Just for a day?

What do you think?

I'm thinking that sometimes you...

..just have to make the decision to...be happy.

Just decide.

Things aren't ever what you hoped they'd be.

Not ever, for anybody.

The only thing that separates one kind of person from another

is there are some who stay angry about it

and there are some who...

accept what comes their way.

-And which kind of person are you?

-I was pretty mad about it.

But now...

..looking at what came my way...

SHE CHUCKLES

..I think I could be the other kind of person.

Quite the philosopher, huh?

Look, why don't you pull over here? Just pull over, could you?

I know what you're doing.

It would be easier for me... if you could pretend a little.

Do you think you could do that?

BOTH PANT

Now, what were we talking about?

BOTH CHUCKLE

She was the only one in her family

who bothered to learn sign language. Now she can't remember how

or maybe even who she is.

-Her daughter?

-Yeah.

It's left her pretty stranded. Marooned.

You know, I thought of you the other day.

You know that billboard in front of the United Church in Bradford,

they post all that biblical-type stuff?

The other day, it said,

"It's never too late to become what you might have been."

Doesn't sound all that biblical.

Maybe they're getting creative on us.

See you soon, Aubrey.

STAFF CHATTER

Thanks.

Would you mind if I had a moment alone before you come in?

To explain things to her?

I found this beautiful book about Iceland.

You wouldn't think they'd leave valuable books lying around.

The people who stay here aren't all necessarily honest.

And I think they got the clothes mixed up.

I never wear yellow.

I seem to remember you reading this to me.

You were trying to make me feel better.

You tried so hard.

You're a lovely man, you know? I'm a very lucky woman.

-Fiona?

-You've been gone a long time. Are we all checked out?

I have a surprise for you.

Do you remember Aubrey?

Names elude me.

I'm happy to see you.

You could have just driven away.

Just driven away without a care in the world...

..and forsook me.

Forsooken me.

Forsaken.

Not a chance.

MUSIC: "Helpless" by KD Lang

# Blue, blue windows

# Behind the stars

# Yellow moon

# On the rise

# And big birds flying

# Across the sky

# Throwing shadows

# In our eyes

# Leaves us

# Helpless, helpless

# Helpless... #