Don't Worry About Me

This programme contains strong language

So I'll give you my number, yeah?

Sure, write it down.

Call me, yeah?

Listen, David, I've got to rush. My train's in ten minutes.

It's fine, go.

Sarah!

Oh, God, I didn't think I'd make it.

Sorry, I got you a croissant. Those muffins were in plastic, they looked a bit sweaty.

Where's my fucking sock?

There you are, you little bastard.

What the fuck?

All right, mate.

When's the next train to Liverpool?

9:17, mate.

-How much is a single?

-£102.50, sir.

Shit.

-All right, thanks, mate.

-You're welcome. Take care.

Wait up!

-Is this the Liverpool bus?

-Yes, mate.

-Do you know what time it arrives?

-3:30.

-Cheers.

Hi, mate. Can you just do me a favour? Could you just tell Keith I'm not coming in today?

Look, I don't care, just do it, please.

Yeah, please.

All right, all right, I owe you one.

Cheers, fella. Just make something up, yeah?

Fuck! This is never going to work, I can't remember it all.

Look, just calm down, will you?

-We'll just have to wing it.

-What do you mean, fucking wing it?

-There's three months of work in that document!

-I'm not the one that doesn't back up.

I downloaded it onto a CD. It was on the memory stick. It was printed off, it was finished.

Well, where is it then?

Fuck off.

All right.

Maybe you left it on the train?

-No, I didn't look at it on the train, I was asleep, wasn't I?

-Would anybody like more coffee?

Shit! Shit, they're ready! What the fuck am I going to do?

-Are you ready, Karen?

-Yes, I'll be in in a second, Martin. Just give us a sec.

All right, but don't be too long. We're waiting.

Are you all right, Kaz?

Yeah, I'll be in in a minute, I'm just nervous.

You'll be fine. Just be yourself.

Maybe you should just tell them you lost it?

Don't be so fucking ridiculous.

-I'll look like a total spaz then, won't I?

-Fine.

Fuck.

< Hi, I'm looking for Karen.

Karen who?

Blonde hair, blue eyes.

You've got to be fucking kidding me.

-What?

-It's that lad from last night.

-What, not the one you...?!

-Shut up!

Fuck! What the fuck am I going to do?

If Michael sees him, he'll kill me.

-Oi, oi, all right?

-Oh, my God.

What the fuck are you doing here?

-Nice to see you, too.

-What are you doing here? How did you find me?

-You forgot something.

-Get off!

-Sorry. I thought you might need this.

-Oh, my God!

Oh, God! You've just saved my life!

Karen, are you ready?

-We're wait...

-Michael!

Who's this?

-It's...

-David, nice to meet you.

Right, come on, let's get in there.

So, er, I just wait for you here, then?

-Who is he again?

-He's just told you, hasn't he, soft arse? Now come on.

-We met in London.

-Oh, aye?

So what are you doing up here, then?

It's our David, he's like my cousin.

Yeah, sure.

I'm her cousin.

Oh, right.

Well what's her mother's name?

Auntie...

You fucking liar, he's not your fucking cousin.

There's no need for that, mate.

-Keep your hands off me, I'll put you through that fucking wall.

-Calm down.

Karen! Look, I think we should be making a start now.

And will you lot keep your voices down?

-And who the hell are you?

-I'm David.

Fuck off. We'll finish this afterwards, you understand?

Don't you dare talk to me like that, you fucking psycho.

-Let's get you out of here, come on, this way.

-Who the fuck do you think you are?

-You're no one!

-Oh yeah? And who the fuck's he?

-Some dickhead you shagged on your away day?

-And what if he is?

I'll fuck who I want. You don't own me, Michael.

-Oh, don't I now?

-You can talk...

They'll be all right, they're always like this. He's a big softie, really.

Oh, Jesus Christ, we've been through all that!

-Look, will you...

-BOTH: Fuck off!

Look, I just came up cos I thought we had something going, you know?

Ah, no, but thanks for the file.

Listen, love, she always makes sure she has a good time

when she goes down to London, do you know what I mean?

Fuck this.

Look, I don't know if you're interested or not, but your jobs are on the line right now.

You can stick your job up your arse, you speccy little twat.

CHEERING

Stella, please, mate.

I'll give you my number, shall I?

I could show you around.

Karen?

-Call me.

-Listen, David, my train's in ten minutes, I've got to rush.

It's fine, go.

Blonde hair, blue eyes, she's got a little mole just...

-Oh, she's down there on the left, mate.

-Right.

Fuck... My fucking wallet!

Fuck.

Shit.

'Racing up towards the first bend, 4 best away from 2, then comes 1, 3,

'5 and 6, they go round the bend and it's 4 by two lengths...

'Maintaining a lead of two lengths over 1 and 2, then comes 6 trying

'to improve on the outside, then 5 and 3 as they approach the second last bend.

'4 leading, 6 closing rapidly...'

£2 to win on Perfect Ten in the 10 o'clock at Romford, please.

-Trap five?

-Yeah.

-Fucking hell!

-It's that under there.

He takes him swimming in some dirty pond, then they come here and stink the place out.

We're not meant to let dogs in.

Only blind dogs, you know.

-What?

-You know, like guide dogs.

I think they're amazing, them.

Are you all right?

Yeah, I'm fine.

Hi, Bren.

Can I get a pound on Life's A Bitch, please?

-Heavy night last night, was it?

-Yeah, I was wrecked.

-So, do you work round here?

-No, I don't.

Look, I'm sorry, I just had a bit of a rough night.

I got robbed, just trying to get home.

-Are you all right?

-Yeah, they just took my wallet.

-Where've you got to get to?

-London.

Have you got any money left?

£2.80. I woke up to all these coins at my feet.

Generous lot, you northerners.

Yeah, great, rob your wallet then lob you the price of a cup of tea.

Thanks.

Listen, do you know much about the dogs?

Cos the one you've picked's shit.

-How do you know?

-I work in a bookie's six days a week, I've got the gist.

While you're standing there, just have a look at that floor.

Look, I shouldn't really say this, but if that was me I think Baltic Blue is a better bet.

If I lend you 20p, you could bet £3 on it to win. It's good odds.

But that would clean me out.

But it could get you home.

How sure are you?

You can't be sure, sometimes they have off days.

No, you're all right.

-What's your star sign?

-What?

Your star sign, what is it?

Gemini.

It says here Jupiter is in line with Saturn.

Stop being a twat,

take the 20p and put everything you've got on Baltic Blue.

OK, go on.

Better fucking win.

-'And they're off at Romford. Stanhope gets off to a flyer...'

-Shit!

Don't worry, he always takes the outside.

He's like Tom Cruise in Days Of Thunder.

Come on. Go on, fella.

-Come on.

-Come on, son. Go on!

MEN SHOUT

-Yes, come on, yes!

-Go on, lad, go on!

Go on! Go on, you bastard!

Go on, go on, go on!

-Yes!

-'Baltic Blue wins...'

I'm a fucking genius.

There you go.

How about I take you for a coffee with this then?

Oh, no, I'm not allowed.

-Yeah, you are, love.

-No, honest, I can't.

-Oh, go on.

-No, honest, I can't.

-I'm working, aren't I?

-Well, what time's your lunch break?

-In half an hour.

Well, I'll hang around and hopefully you'll change your mind.

Oh, and thanks.

-BRENDA:

-What are you waiting for? Enjoy yourself.

But he might be an axe murderer.

Oh, come on, he's no Hannibal Lecter.

He was a cannibal, not an axe murderer.

Anyway, I don't even know his name.

-What's your name, love?

-David.

Go on. I'll cover for you.

So what are you going to spend your money on?

I don't know, I might get a souvenir.

So what do you do then, normally?

A bit of this, a bit of that.

Building sites, mostly.

How do you mean? Don't you work full-time?

Not if I can help it.

-It's all right for some!

-What's the point if you don't have to?

So what, you sit on your arse all day watching telly? PHONE RINGS

I keep myself busy.

Signing on?

I'll tell you what, you Scousers can cook.

It's a sausage, even I can cook a sausage.

Actually, that's a lie. My nan's the cook in our house.

-She lives with you then?

-Yeah, me, my nan, and Danny.

-Is that your fella?

-Brother.

So you live at home then?

-Yeah.

-With your mum?

-No.

-Sounds cosy.

-I'm going to have to go.

-What?

-Can't you call in sick or something?

-You soft?!

-They've seen me all morning.

-Tell them your nan's sick.

-My nan's like an ox, she doesn't get sick.

-What about Danny?

-No-one's sick.

-Let's go shopping, I'll buy you a present.

-I don't want a present, I've got to go back to work, I need the money.

-You can have some of this money!

Sorry, I...

I'd just like to spend the afternoon with you. You could show me the sights.

I've got it. Diarrhoea.

That's what you can say, you've got diarrhoea.

It comes on really fast sometimes.

-Shut up.

-No, seriously, this'll work.

-Just say you ate something dodgy and it's just shooting out your arse.

-I'm not saying that to my boss.

You don't have to, just say you ate a funny sausage or something.

You're feeling a bit ill, your stomach's upset.

-If he gets suspicious, then you get more graphic.

-Oh, lovely(!)

-But he won't. Give me your phone, I'll do it for you.

-No!

I'll write you a note, like your mum used to when you were a kid.

"Dear...Mr Bookie,

"I'm...keeping Tina...

"at...home...this...

-"afternoon..."

-That's enough.

If he shouts at me, I'm going to kill you.

SOUNDTRACK PLAYS OVER SPEECH

-I told you.

-How do you know stuff like that?

It's just something people don't like about the shits.

SHE LAUGHS

Fucking hell, those girls are practically orange.

I've never seen so much WAG juice in my life.

WAG juice? Where did you get that?

Fake tan. Like the WAGs.

That's not fake, that's sunbeds.

-Sunbeds is fake.

-Yeah, but not like Piz Buin fake.

-What's the difference?

-You can tell sunbeds cos of the goggle marks round the eyes, like a panda.

And you get white lines where you've had your arms by your sides.

And if you go on one of them lie-down ones, you get white moons

where your bum's overlapped the top of your legs, unless you lie there like that, holding your arse up.

How do you know all this?

I used to work in Tanner Reef.

HE LAUGHS

-So where are you taking us?

-The cathedral.

-You what?

-You're taking us to fucking church?

-It's not a church, it's a cathedral.

-I thought you wanted to see the sights.

-I do.

Well, it's a sight.

# At times I dream of your stable door

# Cobbled yards

# Strewn with hay... #

That woman's crying.

-Do you think we should see if she's OK?

-No. Let's leave her, eh?

It's probably the only place she can get some peace.

Are we nearly there yet?

# Carry me

# From this old town

# To the sea... #

I told you it was worth it.

Look, you can see right down the river.

Yeah, it's like the London Eye.

Have you been on that?

Yeah, I had a girlfriend once who took us up there for our one-month anniversary.

Wow. That was quite an achievement, was it?

It was, as it happens.

I'd love to go on that.

I fucking hated it.

I haven't been up here for years.

They're Catholics, my family.

That's our cathedral there.

Are you OK?

Yeah, I'm fine. Why?

-You can't see from there. Come over here.

-I'm fine.

Are you scared?

What do you mean, am I scared?

-Of heights?

-No.

You're scared of heights, aren't you?

Come on, come here.

You'll be fine.

Just don't look down.

Come on, I can give you the whole guided tour from up here.

OK?

Look, there's Radio City.

Really? I'd never have guessed(!)

It wasn't always Radio City.

When I was a baby, it was a restaurant, and the top used to revolve.

So, er... Where do you live?

Erm...

Down there.

Look, there's Southport.

You can see the beach running along for miles.

You've got a beach in Liverpool?

-Yeah.

-Can you see Anfield from up here?

It's right over there.

I've got to sit down.

So...are you a red, then?

No. My blood runs blue.

Our Danny's a red. He loves them.

Isn't that against your religion, to have one red and one blue?

Nothing we could do about it.

He went to a game once and got to meet all the team.

He came back yabbering about Steven Gerrard.

-Wouldn't shut up about him.

-Fuck me, he met Steven Gerrard?

-He met them all.

-How come?

He gets to do loads of good stuff like that with the centre.

What's the centre?

He's got Down's.

Down's Syndrome.

That's where he goes.

Do you want to go back now?

Yeah. I'm freezing my nuts off up here.

So this centre, do you reckon your brother could get me Steven Gerrard's autograph?

-No!

-What do they do there?

He loves it. Does all sorts.

He's got NVQs coming out of his ears.

Dead smart. Sometimes he'll find some old woman in a shop to help with her bags,

just cos he likes the look of what she's bought

and wants inviting in for a Wagon Wheel.

You'd think we never fed him.

I'll have to remember that one.

My nan only buys broken biscuits from the Aldi,

so he thinks he's got to get the good stuff where he can.

Broken biscuits?

Yeah, you must have them.

Like normal biscuits, only they broke in the factory, so they have to sell them cheap.

She says they taste the same, but he's not convinced.

I don't blame him. I think I'd prefer a Wagon Wheel and all.

Here you are. Let me show you this.

SHE GIGGLES

HE LAUGHS

She's got a knob!

Hang on, isn't that her thingy?

I don't think it's actually meant to be a knob.

They didn't think "How can we pay our respects to Queen Victoria?

"I know, we'll give her a big dildo."

HE LAUGHS

-What?

-You.

You make me laugh.

I bet loads of people think they're drowning, don't they?

It's funny-looking when you see them all up to their waists,

and you see all these little heads bobbing in the waves.

How many are there?

About a hundred, I think.

Got big old nips on him, hasn't he?

They're not his nipples.

That's where they poured the iron in when they were making them.

-Who made 'em?

-Some fella.

Are they all the same?

Yeah. He made them all from his own body.

-He what?

-He made the cast of himself.

You're joking.

No, why?

He's given himself a massive cock, hasn't he?

He probably thought to himself, "How can I pull the birds?

"I know, I'll make 100 cast-iron models of myself,

"stick 'em on a beach and give them all a massive dick."

He's an artist, David.

It's art. He wasn't trying to pull.

I don't care who he is. He's a bloke.

This one's got a bit of knob-rot here.

-Looks painful, mate.

-Leave him alone.

They're barnacles. He can't help it.

Must be weird in the dark.

PHONE RINGS

-Don't you think you should get that?

-No.

RINGING CONTINUES

-Might be important.

-No.

-How do you know?

-It's never important.

Are you on the run?

-Shut up!

-You might be!

I'm not on the run.

Answer the phone, then.

-Don't want to.

-Then switch it off, cos it's doing my head in.

RINGING CONTINUES

It's my mum, OK?

Oh, right.

Why don't you talk to her?

Because I don't want to.

Well, there's no need to be funny about it.

Does your mum phone you all the time?

My mum's dead.

Sorry.

-When was that, then?

-I was 17.

She had breast cancer.

Shit.

It was a long time ago.

Let's go on a ferry.

What do you want to go on a ferry for?

Not for anything. It's what you do in Liverpool, isn't it?

Gondolas in Venice, ferries in Liverpool.

You just want to sail round and then come back?

-Where does it go?

-Over there, New Brighton and Wallasey.

Great. Let's go.

I might get off in a bit.

-Why?

-Our Danny'll be home.

Yeah, but your nan's at home, and you could ring her.

I know.

I should... Anyway, you'll have to get off.

I can't come all the way to Liverpool and not go on the ferry.

Wouldn't be right, would it?

-Is that right?

-Yeah.

Can I have a lolly ice first?

Yeah, sure.

I'll have an Orange Maid.

That is the most boring lolly ice there is.

-They're the best!

-What are you, 12?

HE LAUGHS

Can I have an Orange Maid and a 99, please?

SOUNDTRACK PLAYS OVER SPEECH

What about your old man? You ain't mentioned him.

Not much to say.

There's always something to say.

All right, he was a bastard.

-There you go.

-I don't remember much.

He left when I was six.

-Do you miss him?

-Miss what?

Miss him screaming at me mum every day?

No, I don't.

-I wish she'd never met him.

-Then you wouldn't be here.

But I wouldn't know I wasn't here, would I, so I wouldn't mind.

I'm glad you're here.

That's cos no-one else would talk to you.

Yes!

Here, down this end.

Look, these are ready to go.

The right one, yes.

Yeah!

COINS SPILL OUT

I don't want a bear.

-He's won a bear!

-I'll have the shark.

What am I going to do with a bear?

-You need a mate.

-Cheers!

But coming up here, doesn't that defeat the object of a one-night stand?

I just thought it'd be nice to see her again.

Why? Is she the one?

-Is she your soulmate?

-I hope not.

She was fucking mental.

SHE LAUGHS

But if you didn't really like her, what made you come all this way?

-I didn't have much on yesterday.

-You never have much on.

And I felt like an adventure.

Like Robinson Crusoe or something.

Did he come to Liverpool to shag a bird?

No!

But he always had a wank on Friday.

PHONE RINGS

Oh, it's my mate Jason.

-Do you mind?

-No, course not.

You might get more sense out of him, anyway.

Jase, how are you doing, mate? Nice one...

Mind if I sit down, love?

Oh, no. Go ahead.

-What a chip?

-No, thanks, I'm fine.

That your fella over there?

Ha ha, nice one, mate...

No. I hardly know him.

You want to get in there fast, my love.

It's always nice to have a fella when the sun shines.

-Do you think?

-I do, yeah.

Go on, have a chip.

Nobody wants to shag a bag of bones, do they?

THEY LAUGH

-See you.

-Bye.

It's all right. I've met this other bird. She seems well up for it.

No, she's Catholic.

They're the worst, aren't they? They're all desperate cos they've been deprived.

No, she hasn't had any cock for years. She's been locked up.

No, you idiot. She has to look after her brother. He's a mong.

No, a mong.

No, you dickhead, her brother's a mong.

I'll call you back, yeah?

Look, Tina.

Tina?

-Tina!

-Get lost!

-Wait up!

Hold up, Tina! Tina!

-MIMICS ACCENT:

-"Tina!" Cockney wanker.

Tina!

-Hold up.

-Who the fuck are you calling a mong?

Get away from me, David! Get away from me!

-What's the matter?

-You're pathetic!

How dare you call my brother a mong?

-GIRL:

-What's going on here?

ALL SHOUT AT ONCE

BABY CRIES

ALL SCREAM AT EACH OTHER

Get off her!

-I'm all right, thank you.

-We'll deal with him.

-..tell her I'm sorry!

-Fuck off, you big fucking bully!

Tina, where are you going? Fucking shut up!

-Tina! Fuck!

-You don't hit girls!

-Don't think you're getting past us.

-Go on! Fuck off!

-Fuck!

Ow! Fuck!

-Go on.

-I don't think so, mate.

Go on, fuck off.

-Don't think you can get away with that shit round here.

-Piss off.

-Yeah, go on, leg it.

-Fuck off!

Tina?

-You walk fast for someone with little legs.

-Get lost.

Look, just...let me apologise, and let's start again.

Don't be a an arrogant fucking dickhead.

Don't you think you're taking this a bit far?

-Piss off.

-This is a waste of time.

I thought you had loads of time to waste. You never go to bloody work.

I work when I want to work.

You're just a lazy bastard who still lives with his mum.

What's that got to do with anything?

Cooks for you, does she? Dinner on the table every night when you get in from work?

Oh no, that's right. You've got no work.

Yeah, she does cook for me, as it goes.

So what? It's none of your fucking business why I live at home.

-You're really starting to piss me off.

-Go on, then.

Why do you live with your mum? Look at the fucking size of you.

Apart from the fact that you pay no rent, and the washing, and the ironing?

-You don't know the first thing about me.

-No.

I don't want to, neither.

Look, she just...likes to have me there. That's why.

Oh, yeah. You're the life and soul, you, aren't you(?)

Bet it's a laugh a minute round yours.

Just shut up a minute and listen, will you?

My mum, she's been ill...

Like I'm interested in your stupid fucking mum, David.

I couldn't give a toss.

Tina?

Tina!

How the fuck do I get back?

There's that Cockney wanker.

Where did you get the fat pig?

It's a bear, you twat.

I was talking to the bear.

Just fuck off, right?

BOYS LAUGH

-BOYS:

-Wanker!

-Dickhead!

-Fuck!

-Fucking wanker!

-Fuck!

Hey, mate, give it a rest, will you? There's kids here.

Wanker! Dickhead! Wanker!

Dickhead! Yeah, wanker! Wanker!

Die!

BOYS LAUGH IN DISTANCE

Wanker!

Hey, mate.

Hey, mate?

PHONE RINGS

All right, Mum?

How are you? Look, slow down.

I know, I'm sorry. I got caught up.

Has Auntie Carol been round?

No, I haven't been drinking. It'll be all right.

You've got the telly...

Shit.

You all right, mate?

Yeah, thanks.

Is this going to the town centre?

-Yeah. All the way.

-Thanks.

Brenda!

-Have you seen Tina?

-Thought she was with you.

-She was.

We had a...misunderstanding.

I just need to find her.

Please?

Tina.

(Oh, for fuck's sake. What are you doing here? How did you find me?)

Brenda told me.

-I've been looking all over.

-I thought you were going home.

-I've come to say sorry.

-You said that, thanks.

-Lime Street's that way.

-Don't be like this.

Like what? I don't know you.

Stop following me round like a stalker. I'll call the police.

-What?

-You heard.

I was having a joke with my mate, and I took it too far.

I was an idiot. Honestly, I wish I'd never said it.

Thanks for the apology, but it's fine.

Now, if you don't mind...

So you're just going to sit here in the dark on your own?

-That's not good for you.

-How do you know what's good for me?

You're not the only one with problems.

He's not a problem, he's me brother.

I know.

Listen, I know what it's like.

-What what's like?

-Looking after someone.

I look after my mum.

I tried to tell you before, but you wouldn't listen.

I don't blame you.

I was out of order.

I'd be the same if someone said something about my mum.

She's got depression.

I'm not surprised. You'd make anyone depressed.

HE EXHALES

Sorry.

People think that she should just get herself together.

Meet a bloke, get a job and all that.

It's not like that for her.

She don't sleep.

She cries all the time.

She can't even tell you why she's crying.

I tried to move out when I was 19, but she didn't cope very well.

She had an accident with her pills.

I don't think she meant to,

but everyone thought it was an overdose, so I moved back home to look after her.

Well, shouldn't have you talked to her?

I'm trying to have a day off.

What did you do, ring her up and tell her you've got diarrhoea?

She can't be the only thing in my life.

I think I'd try and top myself.

So I go out to see my mates.

I meet girls. It keeps me sane.

It keeps me me.

It's how I live my life.

Well, this is my life. This is me.

-I feel sorry for you.

-Don't.

-I don't want no one feeling sorry for me.

-Except yourself.

I don't feel sorry for myself.

Look, when was the last time you went out, went dancing or something?

What decade are you living in?

-"Went dancing"?

-Dancing's good for the soul.

-You speak the most shit I've ever heard.

-Think what you like.

-You're unhappy.

-I'm not unhappy.

I'm pissed off.

Look, what do you want, from life?

-What do you want?

-What do you mean, from life?

It's not Netto. You don't pick out what you want each week.

What if it was?

What would you pick?

You should head off.

Right. OK.

Listen...I am sorry. About before.

You're all right.

You're forgiven.

Well...thanks.

For showing me around and that.

You're welcome.

I'll see you, David.

Yeah.

Bye.

Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.

It's me.

My God! What are you doing, David?

You can't be in here! That's where the priest sits!

Well, he's not coming.

There's a fellow in tears at the back,

and I don't think your Father's getting away any time soon.

I thought we could sack this off and go down the pub, but...

You're going to get me thrown out.

Are you eating again?

It's church, innit?

I always have sweets in church.

D'you want one?

So, tell me.

What is it that's bothering you?

You are such a tit.

I lied to get off work this afternoon

to spend it with this knobhead I met at the bookie's.

And I feel bad for making Brenda do all the work.

You're forgiven.

My mate up there tells me that your mate Brenda can look after herself.

Well, I suppose I feel a bit better.

That's what we like to hear.

I think I'm pretty good at this priest bit.

-You have to be celibate, you know.

-Oh.

Fuck that.

I've never done confessing. What do you say?

Confess your sins.

-How bad can they be?

-The worst.

The worst things you've ever done.

Hmm.

I bit my mum on the leg once when I was a kid.

Proper bled, it did.

I had right sharp little gnashers.

Is that it?

What are you, some sort of saint?

No, I've just...never done anything I'm that ashamed of.

You must have done some.

No.

Sorry.

Does it make you feel better?

Confessing your sins?

Yeah.

Do you tell your priest everything?

Like, I mean, everything?

Well...not like what I've had for my tea, but the big stuff, yeah.

What's the biggest thing you've ever confessed?

Nosy get, I'm not telling you that.

Go on.

I won't tell no-one, I promise.

Who am I going to tell?

It can't be that bad.

What, did you fucking murder someone?

I had an abortion.

And that's the big sin, isn't it?

Yeah.

Until it's one of your own and you change your mind, that's what my mum said.

I never even told her I was pregnant.

Threw up in the kitchen sink two mornings in a row, and she just knew.

It was me boyfriend's, the baby.

I don't know if that makes it better or worse.

Tony Ellis.

He thought the sun shone out of his arse, and he was a fucking knobhead.

He's married now.

Got two kids.

Me mum went out to buy a test.

Sat there on the bath while I weed on it. She wouldn't get out.

You get a line if you're not pregnant and a cross if you are.

Like you've been naughty at school.

And she just sat there, not saying anything.

And I went over and gave her a hug,

and we just stayed like that for ages on the bath.

Then she said that having a baby now would ruin my whole life.

Because she'd know.

He just called me a slag.

That the baby wasn't his, lying bastard.

He told me I'd better get rid of it, cos it'd probably end up being like Danny.

No-one wants a mong for a kid, do they?

That night,

I went into her room

and sat on the bed,

and I was like, "I'm not doing it, Mum.

"This is my baby.

"I want it."

And she said,

"Just trust me. Let me do this one thing for you."

What sort of person kills their baby?

She took me to the clinic.

And she held me hand till I went in,

and she was there when I woke up.

And it was all cos she loved me.

Cos she wanted the best for me.

I know it was.

She forgot everything she believed in, because she believed in me more.

Never mind what I believed in.

She did that one thing for me.

And then she died.

She fucking died and left me on my own.

And now I'm here, doing all the stuff she should be doing.

Do you fancy that drink now?

Yeah.

-Thanks for listening to me.

-You're welcome.

Didn't give you much choice, did I?

HE LAUGHS

You made me think about having a career in the clergy.

SHE LAUGHS

-Did I really?

-Yeah.

Well, we'll have a good night, yeah?

MUSIC THUDS IN DISTANCE

MUSIC CONTINUES

SOUNDTRACK PLAYS OVER SPEECH

FOOTSTEPS COME DOWNSTAIRS

Was there enough hot water?

Yeah, it was perfect, thanks.

Me nan likes a good soak of a night.

Where can I dry this?

Just stick it on there.

Do you want to lend one of our Danny's T-shirts?

That'd be great, thanks.

Here you are. Hope it fits.

Cheers.

Want a cup of tea?

That'd be lovely.

Nice house.

Thanks very much.

Never really notice your own house, do you?

No, I know what you mean.

Like, every house has its own smell, but you can't smell your own.

Are you saying my house smells?

No.

Well, yeah.

But it smells nice.

-What does it smell of?

-Fish fingers.

Lovely! Thanks very much(!) It doesn't always smell of fish fingers.

Me nan's done them for his tea.

Don't suppose there's any going spare?

They'll be cold by now.

Couple in a sarnie might be nice.

I'll see what I can do.

Do you want brown sauce?

No, thanks. If there's any ketchup, though, that'd be blinding, cheers.

Put some music on.

Quiet, though. Me nan's like a monster if she gets woken up.

HE LAUGHS

Are you laughing at my music?

Geri Halliwell?

It's cos I felt sorry for her when she was all skinny and miserable.

I'm sure she was grateful.

What the fuck is this?

That's me nan's. I'm not taking no responsibility there.

Thanks.

Let's have a bit of this.

Thanks.

MUSIC PLAYS FAINTLY

How many girlfriends have you had?

Why do you want to know that?

OK. Um... Well, there's Melissa.

Kissed her when I was 11 in the middle of maths

in exchange for a cigarette.

She used to nick her mum's B&H.

We went out for two weeks.

And you were 11? Bloody hell.

Then there was Natalie, Melissa's mate.

She used to come round everywhere with us.

Then I decided I liked Natalie better, so...Melissa weren't too happy.

Then there was... What was her name?

This is going to take a while, isn't it?

Oh. Thanks.

I meant, how many girls have you slept with?

You didn't sleep with THEM, did you?

No.

Not then, anyway.

I don't know how many people I've slept with.

What do you mean, you don't know?

Well, I do, but... I'd have to count them up.

-Are you joking?

-No!

OK. Shush.

Um...

41.

No, hang on. Karen, 42.

Oh, my God.

What? It's not that many.

-I've got a mate who's...

-I'm sure you have!

Come on, then.

What about you?

How many?

-One.

-What do you mean, one?

One person.

One boy.

Once.

Why?

Why what?

Why haven't you... ever had someone in your life?

I have got someone in me life.

You know what I mean.

Don't you ever get lonely?

You joking? I'm never fucking on me own.

Look...if I wasn't here now,

you'd be on your own, wouldn't you?

And I should be grateful for that?

Well, no.

What I'm trying to say is...that you don't have to be on your own.

I could be with you, you mean?

I'm not going anywhere.

David, don't say things you don't mean.

TV PLAYS LOUDLY IN ANOTHER ROOM

Nan'll go mad. She told you about

watching telly in the middle of the night...

Want a cup of tea?

I won't be a sec.

All right?

Mine.

My T-shirt.

-Yeah.

-My clothes.

# Across the evening sky

# All the birds are leaving

# But how can they know

# It's time for them to go?

# Before the winter fire

# I will still be here

# I have no thought of time... #

Tina, you're going to be late.

# ..So who knows

# Where the time goes?

# Who knows

# Where the time goes?

# Sad, deserted shore

# Your fickle friends are leaving

# Oh, but then you know

# It's time for them to go

# But I will still be here

# I have no thought of leaving

# I do not count the time... #

Hi, Mum.

-BRENDA:

-Where have you been?

# ..Who knows where the time goes?

# Who knows

# Where the time goes? #

# When all the lights go out for ever

# Somewhere near the end of time

# The noise will pass

# And the dust will settle

# And you'll be on my mind

# Now you won't find it hard to understand

# Though it's so hard to explain

# The who and what and how and why and wherefore

# You kept me sane, you kept me sane

# Cos you were there for me

# Oh, and you set me free

# To be what I want to be

# With dignity

# Heart as big as my hometown

# Lay me down by water cool

# Heart as big as the city

# Heart as big as Liverpool... #

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

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