An Education

Come on, girls!

Anybody?

Anybody else?

-Jenny, again.

-Isn't it because Mr Rochester's blind?

(TIREDLY) Yes, Jenny.

-I've got an English essay to do by tomorrow morning.

-Right!

So the only sound I want to hear coming through the ceiling

-is sweat dripping onto textbooks.

-Cello?

-Nn-nn. No cello.

I thought we agreed cello was my interest or hobby.

It already is your interest or hobby.

So when they ask, at the Oxford interview,

"What is your interest or hobby?" you can say the cello.

You don't have to practise a hobby. A hobby is a hobby.

-Can I stop going to the youth orchestra, then?

-No!

The youth orchestra's a good thing. That shows you're a joiner-inner.

Ah! Yes. But...I've already joined in.

So now I can stop.

No!

That just shows the opposite. Don't you see?

-That shows you're a rebel. They don't want that at Oxford.

-No.

-They don't want people who think for themselves.

-Of course not.

(BUZZ OF CONVERSATION) (ALL TUNE UP)

(BOTH GIGGLE)

-(TAPS ON MUSIC STAND)

-(ALL FALL SILENT)

(ALL STRIKE UP SLOW-PACED CLASSICAL PIECE)

(ALL CHATTER)

Jenny! Should I wear, like, er, Sunday best?

You'd better, I'm afraid.

Just to show my father you're un jeune homme serieux,

-not a teddy boy.

-Oh, God... Right.

(THUNDER RUMBLES)

I'm gonna go. It's gonna bucket down in a minute.

-Oh, OK. Right.

-See you at the weekend.

-Bye, then.

-Bye.

-S-Sorry!

-Sorry.

-(BOYS GIGGLE)

-"Goodbye, my love"!

Come on! Come on!

Stop it, now! That's enough.

Oh, now, look what you've done!

Come here. The nice man's waiting for us!

-It fell off!

-No, it didn't. You kicked it off.

My sock's all wet!

Hello! Look, if you had any sense,

you wouldn't take a lift from a strange man, but I'm a music lover,

and I'm worried about your cello. So I propose you put it in my car

and walk alongside me.

How do I know you won't drive off with it?

Good point. Um...

How much does a new cello cost? £10, £15? I dunno.

Let's say... 15.

-(LAUGHS)

-No? All right.

Up to you.

(THUNDER RUMBLES)

-And that.

-Right.

-I'm David, by the way.

-Jenny.

-Very good.

(LAUGHS)

-How did the concert go?

-It was a rehearsal.

-Concert's next Thursday.

-What are you playing?

-Elgar.

-Ah!

It's a shame he spent so much time in Worcester.

It's too near Birmingham. You can hear that in the music.

There's a terrible Brummie in there, if you listen hard enough.

(CHUCKLES) Anyway, Elgar and the Jews don't mix very well.

-I'm not a Jew.

-No. I am.

-Oh!

-I wasn't accusing you.

(THUNDER BOOMS) Can I sit in the car with my cello?

Jump in.

I've never seen a car like this before. C'est tres chic.

It's a Bristol. Not many of 'em made.

-Where to, madam?

-I only live round the corner.

-Worse luck.

-I'll see what I can do.

(HORN BEEPS)

(LAUGHS)

-I suppose a cellist must go to a lot of concerts.

-I don't go to any.

-We don't believe in them.

-Oh, they're real.

(LAUGHS) So people say.

-Smoke?

-I'd better not.

I live just up there.

-Why don't we believe in them?

-He'd say there's no point to them.

-Your father, this is?

-Oh, yes.

They're just for fun - apart from school concerts,

which are no fun at all, so we go to those!

They don't help you get on.

Which is what's so wonderful about them.

-Anyway, you'll go one day.

-I know. I will.

If I go to university, I'm going to read what I want,

and listen to what I want,

and I'm going to look at paintings and watch French films,

and I'm going to talk to people who know lots about lots.

-Good for you.

-(LAUGHS) Yes.

Which university?

Oxford, if I'm lucky.

-Did you go anywhere?

-I studied at what they call

the university of life. I didn't get a very good degree, though.

Well, thank you for driving me home.

# "Sous Le Ciel De Paris" - Juliette Greco

-You all right? You got it?

-Yes, it's fine.

-Thank you!

-My pleasure.

(SINGS ALONG WITH RECORD) # ..dans le coeur d'un garcon... #

(LIVELY ACCORDION MUSIC)

# Sous le ciel de Paris marchent des amoureux

# Hmm, hmm... #

(CONTINUES OVER RECORD WITH LA-LA REFRAIN)

# Sur le pont de Bercy

(SINGS ALONG) # Un philosophe assis

# Deux musiciens, quelque badauds

# Puis les gens par milliers... #

(BANGING ON CEILING FROM FLOOR BELOW)

'I don't wanna hear any French singing!'

'French singing wasn't on the syllabus last time I looked!'

Battenberg?

Thank you. Er, I like the crust.

-So, where are you applying, Graham?

-I'm not sure yet.

Well, when will you be sure?

You can't let the grass grow under your feet.

-I might take a year off.

-(LAUGHS) What for?

I don't know yet. Maybe do some travelling,

that sort of thing.

Travelling?

What are you - a teddy boy?

You know she's going to Oxford, don't you,

if we get her Latin up to scratch? So while she's studying English

at Oxford, you'll be the wandering Jew.

(LAUGHS UNEASILY) Mr Mellor, I'm not a teddy boy.

I'm... I'm an... un homme serieux jeune.

Er... No. Yes.

I'm a homme jeune serieux. Un h-homme...

-They're for me.

-Who are they from?

-Gosh! Him!

-What's this?!

-I'm afraid Jenny's been sent some flowers from a chap.

-What kind?

-He's wishing me luck for tonight.

-Is that all he's wishing you?

-Where'd he get the money?

-Earns it, I expect.

-Why isn't he at school?

-Can we go? Or the good-luck flowers will mean

I miss the concert. Which would be ironic, n'est-ce pas?

(GIGGLES)

-I... I don't like it.

-Objection noted.

-Jenny?

-Noted.

Well, there's got to be ten bob's worth of luck here!

That's a bit much for a schoolgirl. We can't leave it here!

Even I'd burgle a house with flowers left outside.

They'll think we're made of money. Thank you, Marjorie.

-'Camus doesn't

-want

-you to like him. Feeling is bourgeois.'

'Being engagedrgeois.'

He kills someone, and he doesn't feel anything.

His mother dies, and he doesn't feel anything.

I wouldn't feel anything if my mother died.

-Does that make me an existentialist?

-No. That makes you a cow.

-Une vache!

-(ALL LAUGH)

-Well, after I've been to university, I'm going to

-be

-French.

And I'm going to Paris,

and I'm going to smoke,

and wear black, and listen to Jacques Brel,

and I won't speak. Ever. C'est plus chic comme ca!

-(LAUGHS)

-Oh, crikey!

What?

Wait here.

Hello!

Hello!

Er, hello. Um...

Thank you!

-How did it go?

-Er...fine,

I think. I didn't mess my bit up.

Nobody got thrown out of the orchestra afterwards.

Always the mark of a cultural triumph.

-What are you doing on Friday?

-Going to school.

-I meant in the evening!

-Of course!

-Nothing.

-I'm going to listen to some Ravel in St John's, Smith Square.

My friends Danny and Helen are coming, too,

so it wouldn't be, um... I tell you what.

I'll come and pick you up. And if your parents disapprove,

-have the tickets and go with one of them. All right?

-Thank you.

-And... I'd like to go with you.

-Seven.

And, um... probably go for a spot of supper afterwards.

-Supper...

-Mm. If you want to.

Well, the thing is, is... we'll probably have eaten.

Well, if you'd like supper,

then, perhaps, on Friday, you could, er...not eat.

Yes! (LAUGHS) Of course.

-(GASPS) "A spot of supper"?!

-You've heard of supper.

-Yes, but we've never eaten it.

-You have to tell us everything,

otherwise it's not fair.

-I won't allow it!

-Fine! He's happy for you to take me.

-Fine. I will.

-Good!

-Where is it?

-Smith Square.

-Where's that?

-I don't know.

It's in Westminster, right next door to the abbey.

-How do you know that?

-I had a life before we were married.

-You soon put a stop to that.

-Well, there you are.

-Where?

Westminster. I'm not going all the way over there.

-But that's where the concert is.

-There must be something locally.

She wants to see someone who can play,

not Sheila Kirkham scratching away. I'll take her.

-How will

-you

-get there? RAF helicopter?

(DOORBELL) That's him.

-Oh, bloody hell!

-Jack...!

Oh, by the way, David's a Jew - a wandering Jew. So watch yourself.

What does she mean? I've never said anything like that!

It's just an expression. I've got nothing against the Jews...

-Glad to hear it. Hello.

-I didn't mean I've got nothing against you.

-I do mean that. I...

-Dad!

-Sorry.

It's just that...

You're not the sort of person that I would be against...

Well, I wouldn't, because I'm not the kind of person

who would be against...people.

I'm Jack. This is my wife Marjorie.

You didn't tell me you had a sister, Jenny.

(LAUGHS)

Please...

-You're a lucky man, Jack.

-Yes. I suppose I am.

-This is lovely.

-Thank you!

Oh! I'm sorry, David. Would you like a drink?

I'd love one, Jack, but we're running a little late.

Um, if Jenny's ready, perhaps we'll shoot off.

Actually, David, Dad has something he has to tell you.

Oh, no, really... Well, it was just a question.

A point of reference. What's the best way

to get to St John's, Smith Square from here?

It's a straight run. Hammersmith, A4 through Kensington, you're there.

-Simple as that?

-Simple as that.

-Shall I book us some tickets?

-No.

Well...have her back by ten, David.

I was hoping she might come for supper afterwards

-with my aunt Helen.

-Oh, well! Er...

No. No, no. I... (CHUCKLES)

She's usually in bed by then.

What if I promised to have her back by 11:30?

Well, it's Friday night.

And you are going all the way to the West End.

Thanks, Jack. I appreciate it.

All right.

-Bye.

-Bye bye.

Have a nice time.

(GIGGLES)

(RAIN PATTERS) (BOTH LAUGH)

-Hello, hello!

-Ah!

-Are we late?

-No. I thought we were going to miss the beginning,

and then it wouldn't be worth it, and we could go dancing.

-Helen is a reluctant audience.

-Hello.

Jenny, my friends Helen and Danny. Shall we?

Oh... (LAUGHS) Sorry!

-That's all right. It's lovely, isn't it?

-Beautiful.

-Where did you get it from?

-Oh, I don't know. Chelsea.

Oh, yours is... Well... good for this sort of concert, isn't it?

Thank you.

We should go shopping together, you and I.

That would be nice.

But Chelsea... C'est beaucoup trop cher pour moi!

Sorry?

I just said... it's too expensive for me.

No. You said something completely different.

No. Well... I said it in French.

-In French? Why?

-I don't know. (LAUGHS)

Well, Chelsea's too expensive for me, too, really,

but we don't have to worry about that. If you want something,

-get David to take you shopping.

-Why would David want to do that?

# "Introduction Et Allegro" - Maurice Ravel

I booked a table at Juliette's. Will that kill the mood?

Oh, I hope so. God, I always think I'm going to my own funeral

when I listen to classical music.

-That was classical, wasn't it?

-Yes. Very classical.

-As classical as it gets.

-Juliette's it is!

Let's not spend the evening reflecting on our own mortality.

(MID-TEMPO JAZZ INTRO)

# I want a Sunday...

# Kind of love

# A love to last

# Past Saturday night... #

(BUZZ OF CONVERSATION AND LAUGHTER)

Extraordinary woman, Greco. Just like you, Helen.

What about Chante Francoise Sagan? Have you heard that one?

-Wonderful.

-I've only got... It's just called Juliette Greco.

The one with the eyes on the sleeve. My French-conversation teacher

-brought it back for me.

-You've got a French-conversation teacher?

-Yes.

-Is that why you suddenly speak French for no reason?

Have you never heard her sing? You should see her in Paris, not here.

-David will take you.

-(LAUGHS)

-I'd love to. You'd fit right in.

-Better than here, really.

Isn't it wonderful to find a young person who wants to know things?

There's so much I want you to see.

Can you come and look at that Pembroke Villas place on Friday?

Oh, no, I can't. There's a Burne- Jones coming up at Christie's then.

-I'm desperate to get my hands on it.

-You're buying a Burne-Jones?!

-A real one?!

-I have a feeling the pre-Raphaelites are gonna take off.

-I love the pre-Raphaelites!

-Do you?

-Yes, of course!

Rossetti and Burne-Jones, anyway. Not Holman Hunt. He's so garish.

Oh, absolutely! Why don't we all go to the auction together?

-Auction! Gosh, how exciting!

-It's Friday morning.

Friday...

-Oh!

-You're busy.

-Well, yes.

-Tant pis!

Quel dommage! C'est pas de probleme.

-(LAUGHS)

-Are you sure you're busy?

-No.

I'm sure I could rearrange.

That would be lovely.

(ALL APPLAUD)

(BAND STRIKES UP SLOW, ROMANTIC INTRO)

# You got me wrapped around...

-(SINGS ALONG)

-# Your little finger

# If this is love

# It's everything I hoped it would be... #

(BOTH CHATTER AND LAUGH)

# When we kiss

# It's as if

# Our lips agree

# That we were meant to be... #

-What are you doing?

-I can't get this casserole dish clean.

-It's all burned around...

-It's 25 to 12.

-We finish tea at seven.

-I know what time it is.

How was your evening?

Best night of my life.

Night, Mum.

I think there were two violins, one cello, two violas,

-a harp...

-I don't wanna hear about Ravel!

-I wanna know what else was on the programme.

-Nothing like that.

-He was a perfect gentleman. He just wants to show me things.

-Things?!

Plural?! My God!

I knew that Jane Eyre would eventually work its magic on you.

I assume that's what you're so animated about.

-Jane Eyre and Jenny's new boyfriend.

-He's not my boyfriend.

-He's more of a man friend.

-He's got a sports car! It's maroon.

So, could we call him a Mr Rochester figure?

I think he must be as blind as Mr Rochester.

I'm trying to steer the subject away from Jenny's lurid love life

and into the matter in hand. It is clear from this evidence

that you know far too much about the former and nothing about the latter.

I have to admit that Jenny is an expert on both.

Excellent as always, Jenny.

-Hello.

-Hello.

-Hello.

-Hello.

(CHUCKLES)

Any further bids?

-Sold, then, for 60 guineas.

-(Hello.)

-(You're late.)

We now turn to lot 41,

"The Tree of Forgiveness" by Sir Edward Burne-Jones.

This is a rare opportunity to purchase a key work

of the Pre-Raphaelite movement. Who will start me off at 100 guineas?

-(Is it that one?)

-(Yes, that's the one.)

50 guineas?

20 guineas? Thank you.

40?

-Thank you. Do I hear 60?

-(WHISPERS)

80 guineas? Thank you, sir.

Another one, 100 guineas? 120?

-No further bids?

-(Your turn.)

-What?

-Any further bids?

-(Your turn.)

-Any more?

-(Quick!)

-120 guineas from the very eager new bidder.

140, madam? Thank you. 160?

180. Thank you.

200 guineas?

220?

Another one, madam?

Sold for 200 guineas. Thank you.

-Your name, please?

-Mellor!

-(CHUCKLES)

-Now we move on to lot 42.

-Thank you very much.

I couldn't have bought it without you.

A couple of years ago, you'd pick one of them up for 50 quid.

-No-one was interested.

-Oh, I'd have been so interested.

As you can see, I just love things.

-That's not a Lockey-Hill!

-There aren't many people

-who come in here and say that.

-Certainly not me.

-Oh, it's beautiful.

-Thank you.

-Do you play?

-I used to.

I vowed to myself that I'd own one, and now I do, I don't touch it.

It's vulgar really, putting it on display.

-Give it to Jenny.

-Huh?

-I think that would be even more vulgar.

-Play for us, Jenny.

-No, no. One day, when I'm good enough.

-Oh, she's good enough now.

-David, you've never seen me play.

I can come and hear you in Oxford, when you get there.

We should all go and spend a weekend in Oxford. Straw boaters...

-..punting, cream teas, anti...

-Boats?

-..quarian bookshops.

-Bit of business, if we can find it. What about next weekend?

-Hm.

-Yes.

-I wouldn't be allowed to do that.

-I'll talk to them.

-You're going to ask my father

-if you can take me away? He'd have you arrested.

-We'll see.

-I bet you can't.

-How much?

-I'd be careful, if I were you, Jenny.

-You don't know who you're dealing with.

-Half-a-crown.

You're on.

-How do you know Danny?

-Oh, you know.

We kept bumping into each other... and we became pals.

We've ended up doing business together when it suits us.

-What kind of business?

-Property. A bit of art dealing.

Some buying and selling, this and that.

-All right, just be two ticks.

-OK.

-(CHUCKLES)

-(MAN) Mr Goldman, good to see you!

-(CHATTER)

-Jolly good. Madam. All right.

-(CHILD GIGGLES)

-All right, I got this one. And, um...

-Put me down!

Go on, then.

-Sorry about that.

-(CLOSES GLOVEBOX)

-How do you know those Negro people?

-They're clients.

Clients?

Schwarzers have to live somewhere.

It's not as if they can rent off their own kind, is it?

Test results for the Virgil translation.

We'll start from the bottom. Patricia.

Absent. Margaret.

48 per cent. Jenny...

52 per cent.

That would just about scrape a pass in the exam proper.

Not good enough for Oxford candidates.

(SIGHS)

-It's her Latin, isn't it?

-Everyone's doing their best, Jack.

But what if everyone's best isn't good enough? What do we do then? Hm?

Perhaps the whole thing's been a waste of money anyway.

-You don't mean that.

-What's she going to do with an English degree?

If she's going to spend three years playing that bloody cello,

talking in French to a bunch of beatniks,

I'm just throwing good money after bad.

She might meet a nice lawyer, but she could do that

-at a dinner dance tomorrow.

-That's the point of an Oxford education(!)

It's the expensive alternative to a dinner dance.

-What about private tuition?

-Can anybody hear me?

-How much this is going to cost me?

-Five shillings an hour.

-Maybe a little more for A-level.

-Five bob!

Five bob here, five bob there. Next thing, that's our savings gone.

-What else are we spending five bob on?

-Oh, nothing? No, nothing!

All of this is free(!) This vase is free!

It was. It was a present from Auntie Vi.

That chair, this sofa, it's all free!

We don't have to pay for any of it. That's the beauty of life, Jenny.

You don't have to pay for anything.

There's a lovely Oxford tree growing in the garden.

Lucky for you, because that's Oxford taken care of.

And there's a whole orchard of school trees,

so that school is free. And I think there's even a private tuition tree.

-I'll go and check, shall I?

-Jack?

-It's all right,

I'll only be a second, because there's a clump of them

surrounding the pocket money tree!

I'll make sure they're all nice and safe.

You might be lucky. There might be a man with deep pockets

growing out there. Because God knows you're gonna need one!

(SLAMS DOOR)

-You can always go to secretarial college with Hattie.

-Oh, thanks.

Charming!

-Oh, God, no.

-Hello!

Hello...Graham.

(EXHALES) I haven't seen you in ages.

It went a bit wrong, didn't it? The, uh... The tea party, I mean.

(SNIGGERS)

-Was it because of the year-off thing? Because I...

-No.

I just have so much work to do if I'm gonna get the grades I need.

-Yeah. She doesn't have time for boys.

-(LAUGHS)

-Bye, Graham.

-Bye.

(CLEARS THROAT)

(CHATTING / LAUGHING)

-Oh, you can do all the Goons.

-No, my Eccles is no good.

-Oh, no, you've got him.

-No, no.

-(LAUGHTER)

-(IMPERSONATES CHARACTERS)

-Hello?

Oh, Jenny... (CHUCKLES)

..David does the most fantastic Bluebottle.

-You came to see my parents?

-Oh, why is that so hard to imagine?

Why are you drinking? It's not Christmas.

There's a lot you don't know about us.

-We had a life before you came along.

-That's true.

I'm only going on what I've seen for the last 16 years.

I'm trying to think what you missed. Nothing much comes to mind.

(ALL LAUGH)

Um, anyway, I've got a huge pile of Latin translation to do.

You didn't tell us David went to Oxford.

No...I didn't.

-For all the good it did me.

-Isn't that funny?

Extraordinary!

I was just telling Jack that I'm going back next weekend.

I visit my old English professor every now and again.

See, that's what you need, Jenny. Someone on the inside track.

-It's not always what you know, is it, David?

-Too true.

Have you ever come across Clive Lewis?

Dad's never come across anyone.

He wrote a children's book called, The Lion, The Witch And The Wardrobe

that did very well, I believe.

-CS Lewis?

-To us he was a codger who taught Medieval Literature,

but I came to know him very well.

We just...got along.

-Jenny used to devour those books.

-I'd love to meet him.

I'm sorry. Am I being slow on the uptake?

Would Jenny like to come at the weekend?

Oh, not this weekend, but sometime, perhaps. Yes.

How often do you see him?

Not very often. Every couple of years.

-Maybe next time.

-Oh.

Well, I suppose...

Would she have to stay the night?

I wouldn't recommend driving home after one of those Oxford dinners!

-(CHUCKLES)

-Clive could get her a room at the college.

That's easy enough.

Seems like too good an opportunity to pass up.

It wouldn't be a bother, would it, David?

(GRAMOPHONE) # We walk along hand in hand...

-Come on!

-Just putting a few things in a bag! Don't worry!

# Yeah, we both understand

# Mmmm, sweet nothings... #

-Come on!

-We're nearly ready!

-Be there in two ticks!

-(GIGGLES)

How can they only be nearly ready?

I wouldn't be surprised if three of them came out of there.

That's the only explanation, they're making themselves a friend.

Ladies, come on, let's go!

There. Have a look in the corner. Open the door.

You should keep that one if you want it.

-Well, I can only wear so many in one day.

-Thank you.

What about tonight? Have you got a pretty enough nightie?

Won't I be sharing a room with you?

Oh, you haven't slept with him?

-No.

-Good for you.

-Really? Do you think so?

-Yes. You're only 16. You don't want to get preggers, do you?

-No.

No, I wouldn't... I wouldn't let that happen.

-I want to wait till I'm 17. On my 17th birthday, hopefully.

-With David?

-Oh, golly, it will be with David, won't it?

-If that's what you want.

Anyway, I'll find you a nightie.

Ta-da!

(GIGGLES)

Should we make a move?

(ALL) # You got me wrapped around

# Your little finger

# If this is love

# It's everything I hoped it would be... #

-Can't we get out and have a look around?

-Later. If we have time.

-Imagine spending three years here.

-(SHUDDERS) I know!

(HUBBUB OF VOICES)

Why are university girls so strange looking?

Most girls aren't born ugly, but most girl students seems to be,

so there must be something about these places that make you fat,

-or spotty, or...short-sighted.

-Well, when you look at it like that,

that's proper scientific analysis. Can't argue with science.

(LAUGHS) I still don't quite understand

-what you want to do when you get here.

-I want to read English.

-Books?

-Sorry?

You want to read English books?

Reading English is just another way of saying...

You're wasting your breath.

-Tomorrow we'll get more of a feel for the place.

-Absolutely.

This place would be good for a business.

-All those old ladies wandering around.

-Old ladies?

-Bet the place is rife with stats.

-Please explain what stats are.

-You're always going on about them.

-It isn't very interesting.

-But you two are interested.

-Because we are not very interesting.

-They're not.

-That's why we need you here, to save us from ourselves.

-(GIGGLES)

-To put some intelligence and culture into our lives.

-Sing to us! Sing to us!

-Please don't make me sing to you.

Please don't make us talk about work.

So...now,

-is he Clive, do you think, or CS?

-I'm confused now.

-I thought you'd made him up.

-No, we...

Never mind.

(GIGGLES) "To dear Jenny. With the pleasure of meeting you."

"Come and see me again soon. Clive."

-(CHUCKLES)

-Dirty old man.

-Well?

-Mm.

We've got these exact same curtains at home.

Let's not talk about curtains.

You look...beautiful.

-David.

-Hm?

There's something you should know.

I'm a virgin.

And I want to stay that way until I'm 17.

I think that's good.

I think that's right.

We can still be romantic, though, can't we?

Yes, of course.

-As long as it's not actually...

-Minnie.

Is that me?

Yes. Er, you're my Minnie Mouse...

..and I'm your bubbalub.

OK... (CHUCKLES) ..if that's what you want to do.

-Minnie.

-Yes, David?

Bubbalub.

Bub-lub.

(CHUCKLES)

May I have a look?

Just a peek.

You just want to see them?

Thank you.

(BIRDSONG)

-I think there's a house for sale around here.

-Really?

-Might be worth a look.

-Mm-hm.

Here you are.

Jenny!

-Aren't you coming?

-We don't go in.

-What are you talking about?

Go and get a cup of tea somewhere. Helen will look after you.

I don't need looking after. David!

I'm not gonna tell you a second time. Run along.

(BELL TOLLS)

-Oh, they won't be long, either way.

-Either way?

Well, sometimes they find something and sometimes they don't.

When they do find something we often have to leave quite quickly.

They can be quite naughty sometimes.

-Thank you.

-Cheerio.

Careful, careful, careful.

Come on.

-Helen.

-Pass it back.

Good!

-Jenny!

-What?

You can stand there if you like, but I wouldn't recommend it.

(ENGINE STARTS / REVS)

Cooee! Jenny.

Sorry about being a little brisk back there, Jenny.

It's just the way we do things. Silly, really.

Here, don't forget your case.

-Who's coming up for a drink?

-Me.

No...you go. I'll make my own way home.

-Jenny.

-(HORN TOOTS)

Jenny!

It's an old map. A Speed.

Poor dear didn't even know what it was.

What a waste. It shouldn't spend its life on a wall

in...wherever the hell we were.

It should be with us. We know how to look after it properly.

-We...liberated it.

-Liberated?

-Yeah.

-That's one word for it.

Don't be bourgeois. You're better than that.

You drink everything I put in front of you down in one,

then you slam your glass down and ask for more. It's wonderful.

We're not clever like you, so we have to be clever in other ways

because if we weren't, there would be...no...fun.

We have to be clever with maps and... and...

You want to know what stats are? Stats are old ladies

who are scared of Coloured people. So we move the Coloureds in

and the old ladies move out and I buy their flats cheap.

That's what I do. So now you know.

And...if you don't like it...

..I'll understand, and you can go back to Twickenham

and listen to the Home Service...

..and do your Latin homework. (CHUCKLES)

But these weekends, the restaurants and the concerts,

they don't grow on trees.

This is who we are, Jenny.

(CHUCKLES)

-Oh!

-(GIGGLES)

-That's better.

(GIGGLES)

-Come on, you two!

-Come on up!

-(GIGGLES)

-You can have my olive!

Come on.

I suppose you have homework to do.

You have no idea how boring everything was before I met you.

"Action is character," our English teacher says.

I think it means that if we never did anything, we wouldn't be anybody.

And I never did anything before I met you.

And sometimes I think no-one's ever done anything

in this whole stupid country... apart from you.

(CHUCKLES)

-OK.

-All right.

There you are. Good night.

Marjorie, look at this.

"Clive."

-Oh, lucky girl!

-(CHUCKLES) Never a dull moment with David, eh?

Better than that young man you brought home for tea.

David's a lot older than Graham.

Graham could live to be 200, you'll never see him swanning around

-with famous authors.

-He might become a famous author, for all you know.

Becoming one isn't like knowing one. That shows you're well connected.

Very impressive young man, David.

Well, I must admit, life's a little brighter with him around.

(WHISTLE BLOWS) Come on, girls, get a move on!

(GIRLS SHOUT IN DISTANCE)

-What the hell are those?!

-Russian Sobranies.

-Where did they come from?

-She probably bought them from the Savoy,

or Claridges, or the opera, or some fancy nightclub.

-Who knows with Jenny?

-Paris. You can't buy them here.

-You never bought them yourself?

-No, I never.

-Oh, shut up, you stuck-up cow!

-(GIGGLES)

But I'll bring you some back, if you like.

-You are joking?

-Non.

-He's taking you to Paris?!

-Oui.

-This term?

-Peut-etre.

-(GIGGLES)

Wait. Isn't it your birthday next Thursday?

-Might be.

-Oh, my God.

-Your birthday?

-I would not like to be you.

All those suppers you've had off him. Ouch!

You've such a Victorian attitude to sex, you two.

-Your parents won't let you go, will they?

-We haven't told them yet.

But David will come up with some story, he usually does.

Yeah, I've noticed that.

Chanel perfume, Chanel perfume. Chanel lipstick, Chanel lipstick.

Those cigarettes, Sobranies, ten packets each.

Er... howmuch is the Chanel perfume?

Are you the girl going to Paris or not? Because...

Tina, top button.

Jenny...the headmistress wants a word with you.

The, erm, legend of Mr Rochester

may have travelled further than you intended.

Come.

Ah, Miss Mellor.

We're all very excited about your forthcoming trip to Paris.

Our excitement, indeed, knows no bounds.

Some of us can talk of little else.

An older man, I understand.

A word of warning, Miss Mellor.

There may well have been the odd... sixth-form girl

who has lost... an important part of herself,

perhaps the best part, while under our supervision.

If, however, we are made aware of that loss, the young lady

would have to continue her studies elsewhere,

if she still has any use for A levels. Do I make myself clear?

-Can I go now?

-If you would.

# (THEME FROM "A SUMMER PLACE")

What are you doing in there?!

-I imagine she's lighting the candles on my cake.

-You're 17, not 250!

-Thanks for inviting me.

-Oh, it was Marjorie's idea, not mine.

-Not even Jenny's, for that matter.

-Dad!

-Ta-daaa!

-Hey!

Well, blow them out before the house burns down.

-Make a wi...

-(BLOWS)

-OK, don't worry.

Bravo! (LAUGHS)

-Who'd like a piece?

-Oh, me, please.

-Come on, come on, presents!

-Whoops!

-It's a new Latin dictionary.

-(SIGHS)

Thank you. I needed a new one.

Oh, dear.

Snap!

(DOORBELL RINGS)

-Oh, good grief! Jenny, you should see this!

-It's a special day.

-She's a special girl.

-I know it.

-(GASPS)

-(LAUGHS)

-Bit of help.

-Makes your dictionary look a bit feeble, eh, Graham?

-(GRAHAM) Gosh!

-These are for you. Hello, young man.

-Oh, David!

-Would you like a drink?

I'd love one.

I best be going cos I've got... a stack of homework to do, so...

-Oh.

-Thank you.

-Bye.

-Cheers.

-Bye, Mr Mellor.

-Ah, cheerio, Graham.

-Thank you.

Wonderful to see you, Graham.

-Goodbye, Jenny.

-Bye, Graham.

-Little something warming?

-You know me so well.

-Can I open anything yet?

-Wait for me.

I've got a surprise. Next weekend,

-we're going to Cafe de Flore to celebrate Jenny's birthday.

-Lovely.

Cafe de Flore is in the Boulevard Saint Germain...in Paris.

-(GIGGLES)

-What do you mean, Paris?

-You know the one, Dad.

No, no. No, no, no. No, w-w-we don't have any French money.

A-A-And, besides, it's...

-I-I-I don't think it would agree with me.

-Dad!

The French don't like us, Jenny.

John Sutton from work, he went there. They were very rude to him.

I don't want to spoil anyone's fun,

but it's just not for me, Europe. You'll have to go another time.

You've just said you don't like Europe. So what's going to change?

-It'll have to be Europe. It certainly won't be you.

-I'll take her.

-To the Continent?!

-Why not?

-And leave me here on my own?!

Oh, for God's sake!

What do you think?

You know what Jenny's like about France, Jack. French films

-and books and music.

-Of course I do.

Sorry. Yes, goes without saying, she's your daughter.

Jenny likes to joke about how you're a stick-in-the-mud

and all the rest of it, but I know that's not who you are,

otherwise she wouldn't be who she is.

-No.

-But I can also see that I've acted out of turn

and...I'm sorry.

(SIGHS)

What about your Aunt Helen?

-An hour late.

-We'll make it, I promise.

-OK, there's a flight at eight in the morning.

-Good.

There's no bed!

-I pushed the boat out and got us a suite.

-A suite?

Yeah. If work stops us from getting to Paris until tomorrow,

then, work can buy us a nice hotel room.

Anyway, it's a special occasion, isn't it?

I'd have thought tonight of all nights we'd only need a bed.

(CHUCKLES)

Hold on, one second. I've got something.

I thought...I thought we might practise with this.

(CHUCKLES) With a banana?

I thought we might get the messy bit over with first.

(CHUCKLES) What?

David! I don't want to lose my virginity to a piece of fruit!

(CHUCKLES) I'm sorry.

(CHUCKLES) Hey...

Oh, I think the moment might have gone.

-I think we should wait until Paris.

-I'm sorry.

Erm...Minnie...

I'm an idiot. I'm sorry.

David... if tomorrow night does happen,

it's only ever going to happen once.

Why will it only ever happen once?

-Because the first time can only ever happen once.

-Oh.

So...no baby talk.

No Minnie.

Just...treat me like a grown-up.

OK?

I know. Let's go and sit in our sitting room.

All right.

I'll order up some champagne.

(CHUCKLES)

-Room service!

-(LAUGHS)

# Quand doucement tu te penches

# En murmurant

# C'est Dimanche

# Si nous allions en banlieue faire un tour

# Sous le ciel bleu des beaux jours?

# Mille projets nous attirent

# Mais, dans un meme sourire

# Nous refaisons le trajet simple et doux

# De nos premiers rendez-vous

# Sur les quais du vieux Paris

# Le long de la Seine

# Le bonheur sourit

# Sur les quais du vieux Paris

# L'amour se promene

# En cherchant un nid

# Vieux bouquiniste

# Belle fleuriste

# Comme on vous aime

# Vivant poeme

# Sur les quais du vieux Paris

# De l'amour boheme

# C'est le paradis. #

Do you still feel like a schoolgirl?

It wasn't too uncomfortable?

Not after the...first bit.

It's funny, though, isn't it?

All that poetry,

and all those songs,

about something that lasts no time at all?

Yeah.

(BELL RINGS)

All your exercise books on my desk in a pile, please.

I bought this for you.

That's very kind of you.

But I can't accept it.

Why not?

It's because of people like you that I plough through

illiterate essays by Sandra Lovell about her pony.

But I know where this came from, Jenny.

And if I took it,

I'll feel I would be betraying both of us.

Jenny...

You can do anything you want. You know that.

You're clever and you're pretty.

(SIGHS)

Is your boyfriend interested in clever, Jenny?

I'm not quite sure what you're trying to tell me.

I'm telling you to go to Oxford, no matter what.

Because if you don't, you'll break my heart.

Where did you go?

Cambridge.

You're clever and you're pretty. So presumably Clever Miss Stubbs won,

and here you are with your pony essays.

These last few months, I've eaten in wonderful restaurants,

and been to jazz clubs, and watched wonderful films.

Heard beautiful music.

-Jenny, are you taking precautions?

-It's nothing to do with that.

-Isn't it?

-Maybe all our lives are going to end up with pony essays.

Or housework.

Yes, maybe we'll go to Oxford, but if we die the moment we graduate,

isn't it what we do before that counts?

I'm sorry you think I'm dead.

-I don't think you're dead. I just...

-You'd better go to your next class.

-(SQUEALS EXCITEDLY)

-Well done, Jenny.

I've never won anything! Not even the Women's Institute raffle!

I always bet on the sweetest-looking one.

-Let's go.

-Can we do it again?

I don't want to miss him. Pick up your bob on your way out.

I won 10 shillings?!

-Who is this man, anyway?

-Peter Rachman.

-A complete bastard.

Why do we have to see him here?

Cos he's not a sort of chap with an office.

# "Tell The Truth" - Ray Charles

# Well, you know what you've done to me

# You made me fall for you

# Tell the truth

-# Tell the truth... #

-A bottle of your finest champagne.

There he is.

-Jenny, tell them your good news. Don't be bashful.

-No. Be Sneezy!

Jenny got two As and a B in her mock A levels.

-Like everyone in this sophisticated establishment.

-The B was in Latin.

Well, seriously, congratulations. Excuse us.

Don't worry too much.

About what?

Someone told me that in about 50 years, no-one will speak Latin.

Not even Latin people. So don't worry about your B.

-He's a bastard.

-You wouldn't want him to marry your sister.

Or talk to him in a club, come to that.

You do know what you're doing, old chap? With Jenny?

-This is the one, Danny.

-Right.

(GIRLS GIGGLE)

-You can see she's different.

-I just don't want to see her hurt.

# "Comin' Home" - Mel Torme (SWINGING, FUNKY JAZZ BEAT)

-# I'm comin' home now right away

-# Do, do, do

-# I'm comin' home baby now

-# Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do

-# I'm sorry now I ever went away

-# Do, do, do, do, do...

# Every night and day, I'm gon' stay

-# I'm comin' home, baby

-# Come on home... #

-Have you bought any more paintings recently?

-Have I?

Yes. Picked up a little Piper.

A good one, I think.

I'm still trying to work out what makes good things good.

Well, the thing is, Jenny, you know,

without necessarily being able to explain why.

See, you have taste.

That's not half the battle.

That's the whole war.

-# When I'm in your arms...

-# When you're in my arms

# I'll be fine

-# I'm comin' home

-# Come on home

-# I'm comin' home baby, now

-# You know I'm countin' every day

# I'm comin' home now yeah, yeah, yeah

-# You could phone

-# I'm comin' home, baby, now... #

-Jenny, we should go. It's late.

-Really?

-Yeah.

Alas, one day school will be over forever,

and we can talk about art all night.

-You're all right in a taxi, aren't you?

-Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine.

Let's go. Come on.

Good night.

Wait here.

-David, what are you looking for?

-Erm...I'm just...

(SIGHS) What are you doing?

Will you marry me?

-What were you looking for?

-I-I thought I had a ring.

It wouldn't have been the right one, but it would've done for tonight.

Oh, David!

I'm serious.

You're very sweet.

What do you think?

-Take me home.

-All right.

(RADIO) "They need looking after, but nothing that requires too much work."

"Leave them in your potting shed and they'll look after themselves."

Fine, the potting shed.

-Who does he think I am? Prince Rainier of Monaco?

-(GIGGLES)

What if I got married instead of going to college?

-Married?

-Married.

-Well, it would on depend who it was,

-Would it? That's interesting.

-Course! I wouldn't want you married off just for the sake of it.

-Thanks.

-Has somebody asked you?

-Yes.

Who?

-David?

-No. A man I just met walking his dog.

-What did you tell him?

-Nothing yet.

Do you have a choice? Or is it too late?

Of course she's got a choice! An interesting choice, too, eh?

This is where you're supposed to say, "But what about Oxford?"

Look at it another way,

you wouldn't really need to go now, would you?

I wouldn't need to go. Would you like to expand on that?

You'd be looked after.

All that Latin! All those essays!

What was the point? Why not send me prowling round nightclubs?

It would've been less trouble!

I don't know about nightclubs, I know about education.

-Anyway, looks like it might've turned out for the best.

-How?!

He wouldn't want you if you were thick, now, would he?

"May not an ass know when the cart draws the horse."

"Sings whoop, jug. I love thee."

Er, when it says "sings",

it means you sing the line.

-Never mind. Right.

-"Does any here know me?"

"This is not Lear. Does Lear walk thus?"

-"Speak thus? Where are his eyes?"

-(GIGGLES)

"Ha! W-Waking? Who is it that can tell me who I am?"

Ooh, miss! Me! I can!

(GIRLS SNIGGER)

-Oh, Jenny...

-What?

Take it off.

Oh, my God. Is that what I think it is?!

-I'm gonna be a bridesmaid?!

-(ALL CHATTER)

-You know the rule on jewellery.

-Half the girls are wearing it.

Yes, but none of it's gonna ruin their lives.

We have a difference of opinion about that.

How far advanced are these ridiculous plans?

Have you set a date? Have you decided on a church?

We won't be getting married in a church. David's Jewish.

Jewish?

He's a Jew?

You are aware, I take it, that the Jews killed Our Lord.

And you're aware, I suppose, that Our Lord was Jewish.

I suppose he told you that.

We're all very sorry about what happened during the war,

but that's absolutely no excuse for that sort of malicious

and untruthful propaganda. Anyway,

I can see you're far more in need of responsible advice than I realised.

Nobody does anything worth doing without a degree.

Nobody does anything worth doing with a degree. No woman, anyway.

So, what I do isn't worth doing? Or what Miss Stubbs does?

Or Mrs Wilson? Or any of us? None of us would be here without a degree.

-You do realise that. Yes, studying is hard and boring -

-Boring?!

-I'm sorry?

-Studying is hard and boring? Teaching is hard and boring?

So what you're telling me is to be bored and then bored

and finally bored again, this time for life?

This whole stupid country is bored.

There's no life in it, or colour, or fun.

It's just as well the Russians are gonna drop a nuclear bomb on us!

So my choice is to do something hard and boring

or to marry my...Jew,

and go to Paris and Rome and listen to jazz

and read and eat good food in nice restaurants and have fun.

It's not enough to educate us,

you've got to tell us why you're doing it!

It doesn't have to be teaching. There's the civil service.

I don't wish to be impertinent, Miss Walters,

but it is an argument worth rehearsing.

You never know, someone else might want to know the point of it one day.

-Where did you find him?

-I can't tell you.

I think he likes you. Do you like her?

You do? You don't remember? It's Jenny!

You remember her from last time. "I don't." You do!

-Naughty. Pardon? That's revolting!

-(GIGGLES)

Stick to your own species.

He wants to kiss you. I think.

-Is that naughty?

-(GIGGLES)

We're engaged.

-No! Really?

-Yeah.

-Engaged?

-Show her.

-Yes, look!

Gosh! That's fantastic news!

Thank you.

Congratulations.

I knew you'd see sense. You'll stay pretty now.

-Can I still read?

-Of course, but it doesn't have to be books now.

-Magazines will do. You learn more from them anyway.

-Oh, Helen.

Well you won't be laughing, David, when she gets speccy and spotty.

Danny didn't seem very pleased about our engagement.

I noticed that too. Thought he might be a bit jealous.

-Jealous?

-I'm going to keep him away from you.

-(GIGGLES)

I mean, what is one supposed to order as a starter anyway?

-How will I know what is a starter?

-We've been through this.

It'll be quite clearly marked on the menu. (DOORBELL RINGS)

Can't you just go on your own? I'll be happy with a tin of salmon.

-Hello.

-Hello.

-Oh.

-(GIGGLES)

Ready? I think you'll like this, Jack.

-The wine list is as good as any I've seen.

-Yes, someone told me that.

David, probably. Who else would it have been?

-Madam.

-I was hoping you'd take us in this.

You won't want to drive anything else.

Mind you, it drinks petrol.

Afraid we'll have to stop on the way into town.

-I feel like Eamonn Andrews.

-Is that good?

-Eamonn Andrews is the poshest person Jack can imagine.

-(ALL CHUCKLE)

-How are you tonight, sir?

-Very well.

Might as well fill her up.

I'm gonna make a quick call. I'll be two ticks.

Do you think I should offer to help pay for the petrol?

Would he be insulted, do you think?

I-I know he said tonight was his treat. Does that apply to petrol?

I'm sure it does, Jack.

-(HANDLES RATTLES)

-Oh, Jack!

Oh, God! It just came out.

Cheers.

-Jenny, Jenny. Um...

-Take us home.

-What's wrong?

-I'm afraid there's been... Jenny's had a shock.

-What's happened?

-It's just another one of David's muddles

and misunderstandings.

I don't want to hear another word from anybody. Take us home. Now.

-You can take care of this, can't you, David?

-Go inside, Dad.

"Mr and Mrs David Goldman... Mr and Mrs David Goldman..."

"Mr and Mrs David"... You're married!

Legally, yes, but...

-When were you going to tell me?

-Soon. I...

It's just never seemed like the right time.

-You seemed so happy and I was happy.

-You were living with your wife,

all this time?! Round the corner?!

Byron Avenue! It's no wonder we kept bumping into each other, is it?!

-What number?

-Thirty-four.

Don't be like this.

I have nothing. I didn't take my exams.

I d... I left school!

Where's it all gone now?

I can get a divorce.

Everything will turn out for the best.

Go and tell them.

Go and tell them and then go and tell your wife.

They won't listen now.

All right?

I'll come round tomorrow, when everyone's feeling a bit calmer.

Please don't make me... Please don't make me tell them on my own.

You owe me that much. You owe THEM that much.

I owe them much more than that.

Two minutes and then I'll come out and drag you in.

(SIGHS)

What's going on?

He's helping himself to some Dutch courage before facing you.

Stolen Dutch courage, from the look of it.

He has something he has to tell you.

(ENGINE REVS)

He just drove off.

Can you tell us?

Jenny, please?

I wouldn't worry about it too much.

-When I found out...

-Not now, Helen.

I tried to tell him.

I'm not speaking to him now.

If that's any consolation.

It's a funny world you people live in.

You both watched me carrying on with a married man and didn't say a thing.

Yes, well, if you want that conversation,

you watched David and I help ourselves to a map

and you didn't say much either.

Come on, you. Let's go. Good boy.

Oh.

Hello.

Hello. Sorry, I think I've got the wrong number. I was looking for my...

I wanted a number... For my cello lesson.

Oh, no. Don't tell me.

(SIGHS) Good God!

You're a child.

You didn't know about any of this, presumably.

No. They never do.

You're not in the family way, are you?

Because that's happened before.

Thank God for that.

No. No. You stay here.

(DOOR OPENS)

Did you see her?

Yes, I saw her. I didn't talk to her. There wasn't any need.

We have to have this out.

(SIGHS) If you won't do it, I will. I'm still your father.

You're my father again now?

What were you when you encouraged me to throw my life away?

Schoolgirls are always getting seduced by glamorous older men.

What about you two?

(SLAMS DOOR)

(SLAMS DOOR)

(TAP AT DOOR)

Jenny?

Jenny?

Jenny, I'm sorry.

I-I know I've made a mess of everything.

All my life I've been scared.

I didn't want you to be scared.

That's why I wanted you to go to Oxford.

And then along came David, and...

he knew famous writers, he knew how to get to classical music concerts.

But he wasn't who he said he was.

He wasn't who you said he was, either.

(CHUCKLES)

The other day, your mother and I were listening to a...

..a program on the radio about CS Lewis, and they said

that he moved to Cambridge in 1954... (VOICE FALTERS)

I-I said, "Well, they've got that wrong."

Our Jenny wouldn't have his name in her book...

..if he'd moved to Cambridge.

There's a cup of tea and some biscuits out here if...

How do you think we can help?

I want to repeat my last year at school and take my exams.

I got the impression last time we spoke

that you didn't see the point of school. Or of me, or any of us here.

I know. I was stupid.

The life I want... there's no shortcut.

I know now that I need to go to university.

It gives me absolutely no pleasure whatsoever

to see our young schoolgirls throwing their lives away.

Although, of course, you are not one of our schoolgirls.

Through your own volition.

-I suppose you think I'm a ruined woman.

-(SCOFFS)

You're not a woman!

I'm afraid the offer of a place at this school would be wasted on you.

(BELL RINGS)

Come in.

I didn't expect to see you again.

This is lovely.

All your books and pictures and...

(SIGHS WRYLY)

Paperbacks and postcards, Jenny.

That's all you need, isn't it?

Just somewhere to...

I'm sorry I said those silly things.