Browse content similar to Bye Bye Birdie. Check below for episodes and series from the same categories and more!
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# Bye, bye, Birdie | 0:00:19 | 0:00:24 | |
# I'm gonna miss you so | 0:00:24 | 0:00:27 | |
# Bye, bye, Birdie | 0:00:27 | 0:00:31 | |
# Why'd ya have to go? | 0:00:31 | 0:00:35 | |
# Bye, bye | 0:00:35 | 0:00:37 | |
-# No more sunshine -(Sunshine) | 0:00:37 | 0:00:42 | |
-# It's followed you away -(You away) | 0:00:42 | 0:00:45 | |
# I'll cry, Birdie | 0:00:45 | 0:00:49 | |
# Till you're home to stay | 0:00:49 | 0:00:53 | |
# I'll miss the way you smile as though it's just for me | 0:00:53 | 0:00:57 | |
# And each and every night | 0:00:57 | 0:00:59 | |
# I'll write you faithfully | 0:00:59 | 0:01:03 | |
# Bye, bye, Birdie | 0:01:03 | 0:01:07 | |
# It's awful hard to bear | 0:01:07 | 0:01:11 | |
# Bye, bye, Birdie | 0:01:11 | 0:01:15 | |
# Guess I'll always care | 0:01:15 | 0:01:19 | |
# Guess I'll always care | 0:01:19 | 0:01:23 | |
# Guess I'll always care. # | 0:01:23 | 0:01:28 | |
Look! Look! Hey! | 0:02:37 | 0:02:41 | |
# We love you, Conrad | 0:03:04 | 0:03:06 | |
# Oh, yes, we do | 0:03:06 | 0:03:08 | |
# We love you, Conrad | 0:03:08 | 0:03:10 | |
# And we'll be true | 0:03:10 | 0:03:13 | |
# When you're not near us | 0:03:13 | 0:03:16 | |
# We're blue | 0:03:16 | 0:03:19 | |
# Oh, Conrad, we love you... # | 0:03:19 | 0:03:23 | |
This is John Daly reporting with the CBS mobile unit | 0:03:26 | 0:03:29 | |
in front of the nation's capitol | 0:03:29 | 0:03:32 | |
bringing you on-the-spot coverage of our current teenage crisis | 0:03:32 | 0:03:36 | |
over the drafting of Conrad Birdie. | 0:03:36 | 0:03:39 | |
Sociologists agree that Birdie is a phenomenon. | 0:03:39 | 0:03:42 | |
For those few music lovers who have never attended one of his concerts | 0:03:42 | 0:03:46 | |
here are some news photos tracing his meteoric rise. | 0:03:46 | 0:03:50 | |
And that, that is our army's newest weapon. | 0:04:30 | 0:04:34 | |
Private Birdie reports for his induction in ten days. | 0:04:34 | 0:04:38 | |
His income drops from 2 million a year... | 0:04:38 | 0:04:42 | |
to 78 a month. | 0:04:42 | 0:04:44 | |
It could only happen in America. | 0:04:44 | 0:04:48 | |
Why? | 0:04:50 | 0:04:52 | |
Why did they have to draft him? | 0:04:52 | 0:04:55 | |
Just when I finally write a song he's gonna do. | 0:04:55 | 0:04:58 | |
The title song of his next picture. | 0:04:58 | 0:05:00 | |
"Mumbo Jumbo Gooey Gumbo." | 0:05:00 | 0:05:03 | |
Now there's no picture. There's nothing. | 0:05:03 | 0:05:07 | |
Albert, I have your financial statement, if you really want to hear it. | 0:05:11 | 0:05:16 | |
"Total assets: 312.08. | 0:05:16 | 0:05:20 | |
"Liabilities: 4,030." | 0:05:20 | 0:05:23 | |
You... | 0:05:23 | 0:05:25 | |
Confidentially, you're a fiscal fiasco. | 0:05:29 | 0:05:32 | |
Good-bye, Albert. It's a sad ending to a long association. | 0:05:32 | 0:05:36 | |
Yeah. Oh, don't you want to say good-bye to Pidge? | 0:05:36 | 0:05:39 | |
Almaelou's busted, Pidge. You better get yourself another meal ticket. | 0:05:45 | 0:05:49 | |
In six years I never sold one lousy song. | 0:05:51 | 0:05:54 | |
Maybe they weren't lousy enough. | 0:05:54 | 0:05:57 | |
I don't care so much about myself... | 0:06:00 | 0:06:02 | |
but I'm my mother's sole support. | 0:06:02 | 0:06:05 | |
I've wasted every cent my father left Mama... | 0:06:05 | 0:06:07 | |
It's not your fault. Your mother wants you to be a songwriter. | 0:06:07 | 0:06:10 | |
You can make a good living as a biochemist. | 0:06:10 | 0:06:13 | |
That's a wonderful profession, but Mama wants... | 0:06:14 | 0:06:18 | |
Just because she was once in vaudeville | 0:06:18 | 0:06:21 | |
doesn't mean you belong in show business. | 0:06:21 | 0:06:23 | |
Confidentially, I respect my mother, but I do what I want. | 0:06:23 | 0:06:27 | |
Well, Mama's sensitive. When I upset her, she faints. | 0:06:27 | 0:06:31 | |
Why, with your ideas, you can make a fortune in chemistry. | 0:06:31 | 0:06:35 | |
Chemistry. | 0:06:35 | 0:06:37 | |
Chemistry. Chemistry? You sound like Rosie. | 0:06:38 | 0:06:42 | |
- Where is she? Where's Rosie? - Oh, she phoned. | 0:06:42 | 0:06:44 | |
She heard about Birdie being drafted. She's going to see Ed Sullivan. | 0:06:44 | 0:06:46 | |
Sure, to get another job. Oh, a fine secretary! | 0:06:46 | 0:06:51 | |
Why, we have been practically engaged, just waiting for an OK from Mama. | 0:06:51 | 0:06:55 | |
Now when I hit bottom, Rosie deserts me. | 0:06:55 | 0:06:58 | |
Quits before my body's even warm. | 0:06:58 | 0:07:01 | |
Ed Sullivan! | 0:07:01 | 0:07:04 | |
Would you send in Rosie DeLeon, please? | 0:07:05 | 0:07:08 | |
Is it yes, Mr Sullivan? it's just got to be yes. | 0:07:10 | 0:07:13 | |
- Rosie, it is yes. - Oh, hallelujah! | 0:07:13 | 0:07:17 | |
I love you. Oh, that's marvellous. Oh, I love you too! I'm so glad! | 0:07:17 | 0:07:21 | |
Miss DeLeon, I'd like you to meet our producer, Bob Precht. | 0:07:22 | 0:07:24 | |
- Oh, hi. How are you? - Well, it's my pleasure. | 0:07:24 | 0:07:27 | |
If you can overcome your shyness, tell me... | 0:07:27 | 0:07:30 | |
what's our using Birdie on the show got to do with you? | 0:07:30 | 0:07:33 | |
Let's face it, I'm a scheming woman. | 0:07:33 | 0:07:34 | |
I have a promotion idea that'll knock you out. | 0:07:34 | 0:07:36 | |
If you buy it, I want a little favour. | 0:07:36 | 0:07:39 | |
All right. Let's try it on for size. | 0:07:39 | 0:07:41 | |
How'd you like a terrific build-up before the show... | 0:07:41 | 0:07:44 | |
that'll have every TV set tuned into you next Sunday? | 0:07:44 | 0:07:47 | |
We will have. After all, we've got the Moscow Ballet and Birdie. | 0:07:47 | 0:07:50 | |
- This is bigger. - Bigger? | 0:07:50 | 0:07:51 | |
Before Conrad Birdie goes into the army... | 0:07:51 | 0:07:54 | |
he bestows a farewell kiss on all the swooning girls... | 0:07:54 | 0:07:57 | |
who worship him on your TV show. | 0:07:57 | 0:07:58 | |
After all, it's only an hour show, and Birdie only gets four minutes. | 0:07:58 | 0:08:02 | |
He kisses them all symbolically. | 0:08:02 | 0:08:05 | |
- What'd you say? - Symbolically. | 0:08:05 | 0:08:07 | |
- He'll only kiss one girl. - He kisses only one girl? | 0:08:07 | 0:08:10 | |
Can't you see it? Birdie, their idol, their leader... | 0:08:10 | 0:08:13 | |
kissing one fabulously lucky teenage Tessie? | 0:08:13 | 0:08:16 | |
- Yeah! Yeah! - It'll melt every bobby pin in America. | 0:08:16 | 0:08:18 | |
It's gigantic. The newspapers will eat it up. Think of the advance publicity. | 0:08:18 | 0:08:21 | |
Get the Birdie's fan club file right away. | 0:08:21 | 0:08:23 | |
- Get us a girl from Ohio. - Gotcha! | 0:08:23 | 0:08:25 | |
We'll do it from the outdoor theatre, Columbus, Ohio, right after the ballet. | 0:08:25 | 0:08:29 | |
- I'll get the girl. - The network will handle the details. | 0:08:29 | 0:08:33 | |
And after the kiss, Birdie sings a big song. | 0:08:33 | 0:08:36 | |
- That's where Rosie gets her payoff. - I don't get it. | 0:08:36 | 0:08:39 | |
- The song is "One Last Kiss." - Never heard of it. | 0:08:39 | 0:08:42 | |
- Hasn't been written yet. - Who is going to write this classic? | 0:08:42 | 0:08:44 | |
Oh, who else, but my future husband, Mr Albert F. Peterson? | 0:08:44 | 0:08:49 | |
Birdie's been wanting to give Albert a break for six years. | 0:08:49 | 0:08:51 | |
I know he'll use the song, if you say so. | 0:08:51 | 0:08:53 | |
Any song will do even though it's written by your ever-lovin' Albert. | 0:08:53 | 0:08:59 | |
Thank you, Mr Sullivan. | 0:08:59 | 0:09:00 | |
With a plug like this, that song will sell a million records. | 0:09:00 | 0:09:03 | |
- Man, what royalties! - We can sure use the money. | 0:09:03 | 0:09:07 | |
Any day now Albert and I will have another mouth to teed. | 0:09:07 | 0:09:10 | |
Rosie, you're not even married yet. His mother! Bye. | 0:09:10 | 0:09:14 | |
Carmine, get me the publicity department right away. | 0:09:14 | 0:09:17 | |
This batch will do. Get them ready for mailing right away. | 0:09:17 | 0:09:21 | |
Oh, hi, Marge. I need one of your fans from Ohio. | 0:09:21 | 0:09:25 | |
You can have them all. Try file number six. | 0:09:25 | 0:09:28 | |
OK. Six, here we go. | 0:09:28 | 0:09:30 | |
I'm about to make some gaga little goof a queen. | 0:09:30 | 0:09:32 | |
Hey, cute. | 0:09:36 | 0:09:37 | |
Long distance? I want Miss Kim McAfee, Sweet Apple, 135, Sweet Apple, Ohio. | 0:09:39 | 0:09:44 | |
Marge, isn't it amazing what a woman has to do to get a man to marry her? | 0:09:44 | 0:09:48 | |
You mean you doped Albert's mother? | 0:09:48 | 0:09:50 | |
No, but if this doesn't work, that's my next move. | 0:09:50 | 0:09:53 | |
What, Operator? Oh, the line's busy. | 0:09:53 | 0:09:55 | |
Never mind. I'll try later. Thank you. | 0:09:55 | 0:09:58 | |
Oh, Marge, right now there's a kid named Kim McAfee in Sweet Apple, Ohio... | 0:09:58 | 0:10:03 | |
gabbing on the telephone. | 0:10:03 | 0:10:04 | |
Little does she realize I'm about to make her immortal. | 0:10:04 | 0:10:09 | |
- Hello? - Hello, Urse. This is Kim. | 0:10:13 | 0:10:16 | |
If I don't tell somebody, I'm just gonna burst. | 0:10:16 | 0:10:18 | |
So, Ursula, you are the very first to know. | 0:10:18 | 0:10:22 | |
I just got pinned by Hugo Peabody. | 0:10:22 | 0:10:25 | |
Oh, no! Kim McAfee, you didn't! You really got pinned? | 0:10:25 | 0:10:30 | |
You mean you and Hugo have a permanent understanding? | 0:10:30 | 0:10:34 | |
Uh-huh. Oh, it's Hugo and I forever. | 0:10:34 | 0:10:37 | |
Crazy! Crazy! | 0:10:37 | 0:10:40 | |
Tell me, Kim, how do you absolutely feel... | 0:10:40 | 0:10:43 | |
in your deepest secret soul? | 0:10:43 | 0:10:47 | |
It's like... It's like I've been reborn. | 0:10:47 | 0:10:51 | |
It's like all of my life until this very moment I was nothing. | 0:10:51 | 0:10:55 | |
Kim, I must use the phone. I've got to call Grandma. | 0:10:55 | 0:10:58 | |
In a second, Mom. Hey, listen, Ursula. | 0:10:58 | 0:11:00 | |
I'm gonna have to get off. Where was I? | 0:11:00 | 0:11:03 | |
- You were nothing. - Oh, yeah. | 0:11:03 | 0:11:04 | |
And now I'm alive, fulfilled. | 0:11:04 | 0:11:09 | |
Now I know what it means to be a woman. | 0:11:09 | 0:11:12 | |
It should only happen to me. | 0:11:12 | 0:11:14 | |
Kim, where did he pin you? | 0:11:14 | 0:11:17 | |
On the backseat. Oh, bless that lovely yellow school bus. | 0:11:17 | 0:11:21 | |
- Kim, hurry, please. - Hang up, so I can spread the word. | 0:11:21 | 0:11:24 | |
OK, bye, Urse. | 0:11:24 | 0:11:26 | |
# - Hi, Nancy - Hi, Ursula | 0:11:40 | 0:11:44 | |
# What's the story, morning glory What's the tale, nightingale | 0:11:44 | 0:11:47 | |
# Did you hear about Hugo and Kim | 0:11:47 | 0:11:49 | |
# - Hi, Margie - Hi, Alice | 0:11:49 | 0:11:52 | |
# - What's the story, morning glory - What's the word, hummingbird | 0:11:52 | 0:11:56 | |
# Have you heard about Hugo and Kim | 0:11:56 | 0:11:58 | |
# Did they really get pinned Did she kiss him and cry | 0:11:58 | 0:12:01 | |
# Did he pin the pin on or was he too shy | 0:12:01 | 0:12:05 | |
# - Well, I heard they got pinned - Yeah, yeah | 0:12:05 | 0:12:07 | |
# - I was hopin' they would - Uh-huh | 0:12:07 | 0:12:09 | |
# - They're livin' at last - He's gone | 0:12:09 | 0:12:11 | |
# Hello, Mr Henkel This is Harvey Johnson | 0:12:11 | 0:12:14 | |
# - Can I talk to Penelope Ann - Is it true about Kim | 0:12:14 | 0:12:19 | |
# - Penelope - I just knew it somehow | 0:12:19 | 0:12:21 | |
# - About the prom - I must call her right up | 0:12:21 | 0:12:22 | |
# - Saturday - I can't talk to you now | 0:12:22 | 0:12:24 | |
# - Goin' steady - You know it, man | 0:12:27 | 0:12:28 | |
# - Goin' steady - it's crazy, man | 0:12:28 | 0:12:30 | |
# - Goin' steady - You know it | 0:12:30 | 0:12:32 | |
# - It won't last - Not at all | 0:12:32 | 0:12:35 | |
# - He's too thin - She's too tall | 0:12:35 | 0:12:38 | |
# Hello, Mrs Miller This is Harvey Johnson | 0:12:38 | 0:12:42 | |
# Can I speak to Debra Sue | 0:12:42 | 0:12:46 | |
# Hiya, Hugo Hiya, stupid | 0:12:48 | 0:12:52 | |
# - What ya wanna go get pinned for - You don't know how to live | 0:12:52 | 0:12:55 | |
# - Oh, you meathead - You'd get pinned if you could | 0:12:55 | 0:12:57 | |
# - Lost your marbles - Kim and I are in love | 0:12:57 | 0:12:59 | |
# - Are you nutty - Goin' steady for | 0:12:59 | 0:13:00 | |
# Hello, Mrs Garfein Is Charity home from school yet? | 0:13:00 | 0:13:03 | |
# - Did they really get pinned - Goin' steady | 0:13:03 | 0:13:06 | |
# - I was hopin' they would - He's gone | 0:13:06 | 0:13:08 | |
# - Now they're livin' at last - She nailed him | 0:13:08 | 0:13:10 | |
# If ya gotta go that's the way to go | 0:13:10 | 0:13:13 | |
# When they got ya hooked then you're really cooked | 0:13:14 | 0:13:17 | |
# What ya gonna do What ya gonna do | 0:13:17 | 0:13:20 | |
# - Well, I heard they got pinned - Oh, man | 0:13:20 | 0:13:22 | |
# - I was thinkin' they would - Oh, man | 0:13:22 | 0:13:24 | |
# Now they're livin' at last Goin' steady for good | 0:13:24 | 0:13:26 | |
# Goin' steady, goin' steady Goin' steady, steady for good | 0:13:26 | 0:13:30 | |
# Goin' steady, goin' steady Goin' steady, steady for good | 0:13:30 | 0:13:33 | |
# He's in love with Kim Kim's in love with him | 0:13:33 | 0:13:36 | |
# Goin' steady, goin' steady Goin' steady, steady for good | 0:13:36 | 0:13:41 | |
# That's the way it should be | 0:13:42 | 0:13:44 | |
# - Oh, yeah - They'll be happy, I know | 0:13:44 | 0:13:46 | |
# - Oh, yeah - Goin' steady for me | 0:13:46 | 0:13:48 | |
# - Oh, yeah - That's the way it should go | 0:13:48 | 0:13:50 | |
# Goin' steady, goin' steady Goin' steady, steady for good | 0:13:50 | 0:13:53 | |
# Goin' steady, goin' steady Goin' steady, steady for good | 0:13:53 | 0:13:57 | |
# Goin' steady, goin' steady Goin' steady, steady for good | 0:13:57 | 0:14:00 | |
# Goin' steady, oh... | 0:14:00 | 0:14:05 | |
# Yeah! # | 0:14:05 | 0:14:06 | |
Poor Pidge. He'll starve. | 0:14:13 | 0:14:17 | |
Here, Pidge. Here, Pidgie. Here, boy. | 0:14:19 | 0:14:22 | |
Albert! | 0:14:25 | 0:14:27 | |
Albert, no! Honey, no! | 0:14:27 | 0:14:29 | |
Don't jump! Don't jump! Albert, it's all right! | 0:14:29 | 0:14:33 | |
Everything's all right! Come on back! Don't worry. | 0:14:33 | 0:14:36 | |
Honey, come on. | 0:14:36 | 0:14:38 | |
- Thank heavens I got here in time. - You almost pushed me out. | 0:14:40 | 0:14:44 | |
It's all right. I just came from Ed Sullivan's office. | 0:14:44 | 0:14:46 | |
- Sullivan? - Yes, Ed Sullivan. | 0:14:46 | 0:14:48 | |
Go to work for Sullivan. Leap from the sinking ship while the house is on fire. | 0:14:48 | 0:14:52 | |
But hear this, Miss DeLeon. I was loyal. | 0:14:52 | 0:14:55 | |
All the years I employed you, I never looked for a job behind your back. | 0:14:55 | 0:14:58 | |
- I went to Ed Sullivan's office... - Don't explain. | 0:14:58 | 0:15:00 | |
You owe me nothing, even though you were moulded by me. | 0:15:00 | 0:15:03 | |
- Moulded? - Like Eliza Doolittle from Pygmalion. | 0:15:03 | 0:15:07 | |
- I was moulded? - What were you when I found you? | 0:15:07 | 0:15:10 | |
Hostess at La Casa Enchilada Taco and Tamale Shop. | 0:15:10 | 0:15:15 | |
Well, sorry I interrupted you. | 0:15:15 | 0:15:20 | |
A man of my ilk does not commit suicide. | 0:15:20 | 0:15:22 | |
I've had just about enough of your kind of ilk too. | 0:15:22 | 0:15:26 | |
Suicide is for cowards. I don't desert the woman I love. | 0:15:27 | 0:15:32 | |
Oh, Albert, I'm sorry. | 0:15:37 | 0:15:40 | |
- I should have known. - Mama would never get over it. | 0:15:41 | 0:15:45 | |
Mama? | 0:15:45 | 0:15:47 | |
What's the matter? | 0:15:51 | 0:15:52 | |
I'm the prize dope of all time... | 0:15:52 | 0:15:54 | |
thinking I could pry you away from your mama's ever-lovin' tentacles. | 0:15:54 | 0:15:58 | |
I will thank you to leave my mother out of this. | 0:15:58 | 0:16:01 | |
- Maybe she does influence me slightly. - Slightly? | 0:16:01 | 0:16:04 | |
- She is old and frail. - Which I will be, too, at this rate. | 0:16:04 | 0:16:07 | |
I don't blame you. I was living in fantasy... | 0:16:07 | 0:16:10 | |
telling myself you were serious. | 0:16:10 | 0:16:13 | |
Oh, Rosie, I was. | 0:16:13 | 0:16:15 | |
I am. In here. | 0:16:15 | 0:16:18 | |
I've thought and thought about marrying you... | 0:16:18 | 0:16:20 | |
every day, a lot of nights too. | 0:16:20 | 0:16:24 | |
I've spent six years on Project Albert. | 0:16:24 | 0:16:27 | |
Well, now I haven't got the right. | 0:16:29 | 0:16:33 | |
I can't offer you security. | 0:16:33 | 0:16:36 | |
A wonderful girl like you... | 0:16:37 | 0:16:40 | |
You deserve more from a husband than just personality and good looks. | 0:16:43 | 0:16:47 | |
But I'll always love you, Rosie. | 0:16:53 | 0:16:56 | |
You'd better always love me, you nut... | 0:17:01 | 0:17:06 | |
because you're stuck with me. | 0:17:06 | 0:17:08 | |
Now, you've always worried about repaying your mother, right? | 0:17:11 | 0:17:15 | |
Well, from now on, she'll be set for life. | 0:17:15 | 0:17:18 | |
She can sit around on her big fat trust fund. We'll have our own little house... | 0:17:18 | 0:17:22 | |
I don't care what Sullivan pays you. No woman is supporting Albert Peterson. | 0:17:22 | 0:17:25 | |
- You're not listening, darling. - I am not a gigolo. | 0:17:25 | 0:17:28 | |
Will you get to that piano and start composing? | 0:17:28 | 0:17:32 | |
- Mary, I want Kim McAfee, Ohio. - I'm through composing. | 0:17:32 | 0:17:36 | |
I was always through, but now I know it. | 0:17:36 | 0:17:38 | |
That's right. You're a biochemist, but this is one song you can sell. | 0:17:38 | 0:17:41 | |
- Huh? - OK, call me back. | 0:17:41 | 0:17:43 | |
- As I was saying, huh? - Gee, you're slow today. | 0:17:43 | 0:17:45 | |
Now, you are going to write a song called "One Last Kiss." | 0:17:45 | 0:17:48 | |
Is this Albert's floor or is it the one below? | 0:17:48 | 0:17:52 | |
"One Last Kiss." Now. | 0:17:53 | 0:17:56 | |
# Oh, one last kiss There never was such bliss | 0:17:56 | 0:18:00 | |
# I love your dentifrice | 0:18:02 | 0:18:04 | |
- A little too clinical, I think. - Yeah, you're right, honey. Let's see. | 0:18:04 | 0:18:06 | |
AL-BERT! | 0:18:06 | 0:18:09 | |
Mama? She's never been to the office since she discovered canasta. | 0:18:09 | 0:18:12 | |
Well, now's the perfect time to tell her about dissolving Almaelou. | 0:18:12 | 0:18:16 | |
Yeah. | 0:18:16 | 0:18:18 | |
- And about us. - Yeah. | 0:18:18 | 0:18:20 | |
Albert? | 0:18:20 | 0:18:22 | |
Sonny! | 0:18:24 | 0:18:26 | |
- Mama! - Baby! | 0:18:26 | 0:18:28 | |
What a nice surprise, and you're just in time for some wonderful news. | 0:18:28 | 0:18:32 | |
- What's the matter? - Nothing, son. | 0:18:32 | 0:18:35 | |
I just fainted in the subway. That's all. | 0:18:35 | 0:18:37 | |
But I didn't fall down. It was too crowded. | 0:18:37 | 0:18:39 | |
- I keep tellin' ya, take a taxi. - Taxis? | 0:18:39 | 0:18:42 | |
Taxis are for my successful son. | 0:18:42 | 0:18:45 | |
A dirty crowded subway is good enough for a mother. | 0:18:45 | 0:18:48 | |
Mother's nothin' nowadays. | 0:18:48 | 0:18:50 | |
- Who's that? - Mommy, you know Rose DeLeon. | 0:18:50 | 0:18:53 | |
- And guess what. - This is that pretty Rose DeLeon? | 0:18:53 | 0:18:59 | |
Oh, I don't believe it. | 0:18:59 | 0:19:02 | |
Rose, what happened to ya? | 0:19:02 | 0:19:05 | |
You had a fatal sickness or somethin'? | 0:19:05 | 0:19:08 | |
It's nice to see you again. | 0:19:08 | 0:19:10 | |
Always on the job. She's a credit to the firm. | 0:19:11 | 0:19:14 | |
Look at her, son. | 0:19:14 | 0:19:16 | |
I wonder some older man hasn't snatched her away. | 0:19:16 | 0:19:19 | |
Personable matron. | 0:19:19 | 0:19:22 | |
- Speaking of marriage. - A wonderful institution. | 0:19:22 | 0:19:24 | |
Your poor father and I... That was a marriage. | 0:19:24 | 0:19:27 | |
May he rest in peace. | 0:19:27 | 0:19:30 | |
Don't worry, Lou. | 0:19:30 | 0:19:31 | |
- Our only child is taking care of me. | 0:19:31 | 0:19:34 | |
He'd never do anything to break my heart. What about marriage? | 0:19:34 | 0:19:38 | |
If it was good enough for you and Papa, it's good enough... | 0:19:38 | 0:19:40 | |
In time. You're just a baby. | 0:19:40 | 0:19:44 | |
PHONE RINGS | 0:19:44 | 0:19:46 | |
Hello. Yes, Operator. I'll hold on. | 0:19:48 | 0:19:51 | |
And another thing, Mama, I'm thinking of dissolving Almaelou. | 0:19:51 | 0:19:54 | |
Wait, Lou. I'm comin'. I'll be right up there. | 0:19:54 | 0:19:57 | |
We can play canasta again. | 0:19:57 | 0:19:59 | |
Mama? Mama, forget it. I'm sorry. | 0:19:59 | 0:20:02 | |
- You're sorry? - Good-bye, sonny. | 0:20:02 | 0:20:03 | |
Take care of yourself. Think of me on Mother's Day. | 0:20:03 | 0:20:06 | |
- Good-bye, Rosie. - Good-bye, Mae. | 0:20:06 | 0:20:08 | |
Call me Mrs Peterson. Wear your rubbers. | 0:20:08 | 0:20:11 | |
That's right, Operator. Miss Kim McAfee. | 0:20:11 | 0:20:14 | |
I'll tell her, Rosie, tonight. | 0:20:20 | 0:20:24 | |
It's entirely up to you, Albert. The line is still busy? | 0:20:24 | 0:20:26 | |
Yes, Hugo. | 0:20:26 | 0:20:29 | |
Well, of course I'll always wear it on everything. | 0:20:29 | 0:20:33 | |
Oh, except my gym blouse. Miss Turgnisht won't allow it. | 0:20:33 | 0:20:37 | |
Tonight? Well, I have no plans. | 0:20:37 | 0:20:40 | |
I think I can get out till about 10:00. | 0:20:40 | 0:20:42 | |
Oh, you have to be in by 9:00. | 0:20:43 | 0:20:46 | |
Well, c'est la vie. | 0:20:46 | 0:20:48 | |
Until tonight then, mon amour. | 0:20:48 | 0:20:49 | |
Bye. | 0:20:49 | 0:20:51 | |
# When you're a skinny child of 15 | 0:20:59 | 0:21:03 | |
# Wired with braces from ear to ear | 0:21:03 | 0:21:07 | |
# You doubt that you will ever be appealing | 0:21:07 | 0:21:12 | |
# Then, hallelujah, you are 16 and the braces disappear | 0:21:13 | 0:21:18 | |
# And your skin is smooth and clear | 0:21:18 | 0:21:21 | |
# And you have that happy grown-up | 0:21:21 | 0:21:25 | |
# Female feeling | 0:21:25 | 0:21:28 | |
# How lovely to be a woman | 0:21:35 | 0:21:38 | |
# The wait was well worthwhile | 0:21:38 | 0:21:41 | |
# How lovely to wear mascara | 0:21:41 | 0:21:44 | |
# And smile a woman's smile | 0:21:44 | 0:21:47 | |
# How lovely to have a figure | 0:21:47 | 0:21:51 | |
# That's round instead of flat | 0:21:51 | 0:21:54 | |
# Whenever you hear boys whistle | 0:21:54 | 0:21:57 | |
# You're what they're whistling at | 0:21:57 | 0:21:59 | |
# It's wonderful to feel | 0:21:59 | 0:22:03 | |
# The way a woman feels | 0:22:03 | 0:22:05 | |
# It gives you such a glow just to know | 0:22:05 | 0:22:09 | |
# You're wearing lipstick and heels | 0:22:09 | 0:22:12 | |
# How lovely to be a woman | 0:22:13 | 0:22:16 | |
# And have one job to do | 0:22:16 | 0:22:19 | |
# To pick out a boy and train him | 0:22:19 | 0:22:23 | |
# And then when you are through | 0:22:23 | 0:22:25 | |
# You've made him the man you want him | 0:22:25 | 0:22:28 | |
# To be | 0:22:28 | 0:22:31 | |
# How lovely to be a woman | 0:22:31 | 0:22:35 | |
# Like me | 0:22:35 | 0:22:37 | |
# How wonderful to know | 0:22:37 | 0:22:41 | |
# The things a woman knows | 0:22:41 | 0:22:44 | |
# How marvellous to wait for a date | 0:22:44 | 0:22:47 | |
# In simply beautiful clothes | 0:22:47 | 0:22:50 | |
# How lovely to be a woman | 0:22:50 | 0:22:53 | |
# And change from boys to men | 0:22:53 | 0:22:57 | |
# To go to a fancy nightclub | 0:22:57 | 0:23:00 | |
# And stay out after 10:00 | 0:23:00 | 0:23:03 | |
# How lovely to be so grown up | 0:23:03 | 0:23:07 | |
# And free | 0:23:07 | 0:23:10 | |
# Life's lovely when you're a woman | 0:23:12 | 0:23:19 | |
# Like me. # | 0:23:19 | 0:23:24 | |
PHONE RINGS | 0:23:36 | 0:23:38 | |
Hello? Oh? Well, hold on, Operator. | 0:23:38 | 0:23:42 | |
Kim, it's for you. She says it's long distance. | 0:23:42 | 0:23:44 | |
- Thank you, Doris. - Who could be calling Kim...? | 0:23:44 | 0:23:47 | |
- Did you say "Doris"? - It's the modern way, dear. | 0:23:47 | 0:23:49 | |
Makes mother and daughter more like friends. | 0:23:49 | 0:23:52 | |
Harry, I think you took the news about Hugo and I awfully well. Hello? | 0:23:52 | 0:23:56 | |
- She called you "Harry." - Yeah. | 0:23:56 | 0:23:57 | |
- Yes, this is Miss Kim McAfee. - Yesterday I was a mother. | 0:23:57 | 0:24:01 | |
- Today I'm a friend. - Yes, I'll hold on. | 0:24:01 | 0:24:03 | |
Well, maybe you could call me Mom. That's modern. | 0:24:04 | 0:24:07 | |
Times are changing. You go along or else you're out of it. | 0:24:08 | 0:24:13 | |
Harry, do you have a cigarette? I've run out. | 0:24:13 | 0:24:15 | |
Oh, so have I. How about my pipe? | 0:24:15 | 0:24:18 | |
- Hello? - Hello? | 0:24:18 | 0:24:19 | |
- 'Kim McAfee? I have a great prize.' - Harry? Kids. | 0:24:19 | 0:24:22 | |
'You have been selected from all the teenagers in the United States... | 0:24:22 | 0:24:25 | |
'to be kissed by Conrad Birdie on The Ed Sullivan Show this Sunday night.' | 0:24:25 | 0:24:29 | |
'We'll be in touch. Good-bye!' | 0:24:29 | 0:24:32 | |
Conrad Birdie? | 0:24:32 | 0:24:34 | |
To kiss me? | 0:24:36 | 0:24:39 | |
Oh... | 0:24:39 | 0:24:40 | |
Doris?! | 0:24:40 | 0:24:42 | |
Mother! | 0:24:44 | 0:24:46 | |
- Mommy! - Baby! What happened? | 0:24:46 | 0:24:49 | |
Conrad Birdie's coming here to kiss me! | 0:24:49 | 0:24:51 | |
- Isn't that nice? - You don't understand! | 0:24:51 | 0:24:54 | |
Conrad Birdie's coming to Sweet Apple to kiss me! | 0:24:54 | 0:24:57 | |
Oh, Mommy! | 0:24:57 | 0:25:00 | |
I never thought I'd say it, but God bless Conrad Birdie! | 0:25:00 | 0:25:05 | |
Conrad Birdie! | 0:25:05 | 0:25:08 | |
Conrad Birdie's coming here to kiss me! | 0:25:08 | 0:25:11 | |
Now, listen. Now, the absolute instant he appears... | 0:25:21 | 0:25:25 | |
now I'll introduce Kim to him. | 0:25:25 | 0:25:27 | |
Then we'll all recite our pledge of everlasting loyalty. | 0:25:28 | 0:25:31 | |
The plane! The plane's almost landed! | 0:25:31 | 0:25:33 | |
# We love you, Conrad Oh, yes, we do | 0:25:38 | 0:25:42 | |
# We love you, Conrad and we'll be true | 0:25:42 | 0:25:46 | |
# When you're not near us we're blue | 0:25:46 | 0:25:49 | |
# Oh, Conrad, we love you | 0:25:49 | 0:25:52 | |
# We hate you, Conrad Oh, yes, we do | 0:25:52 | 0:25:56 | |
# We don't hate anyone as much as you | 0:25:56 | 0:26:00 | |
# Your singing makes us say, P.U. | 0:26:00 | 0:26:03 | |
# Oh, Conrad, we hate you | 0:26:03 | 0:26:07 | |
# We love you, Conrad Oh, yes, we do | 0:26:07 | 0:26:11 | |
# We don't hate anyone as much as you | 0:26:11 | 0:26:14 | |
# When you're not near us we're blue | 0:26:14 | 0:26:18 | |
# Oh Conrad | 0:26:18 | 0:26:19 | |
# Oh Conrad | 0:26:19 | 0:26:21 | |
# - We love you - We hate you. # | 0:26:21 | 0:26:24 | |
Hugo wants to talk to Kim. | 0:26:26 | 0:26:28 | |
That's if it's OK with Kim. | 0:26:29 | 0:26:31 | |
- Certainly, Hugo. - Well, Kim... | 0:26:32 | 0:26:35 | |
Yes? | 0:26:36 | 0:26:37 | |
Hugo, what do you want? | 0:26:49 | 0:26:51 | |
Gee, Kim, the fellows are makin' me do this. | 0:26:53 | 0:26:57 | |
But just the same, they're right. | 0:26:57 | 0:26:59 | |
Kim, you can't go through with this. | 0:26:59 | 0:27:02 | |
Hugo, please be mature. | 0:27:02 | 0:27:03 | |
Doesn't gettin' pinned mean anything these days? | 0:27:03 | 0:27:06 | |
It means everything. it's sacred. | 0:27:06 | 0:27:11 | |
Well, then how can you let another man kiss you and in public? | 0:27:11 | 0:27:15 | |
- I assure you I won't even feel it. - Huh? | 0:27:15 | 0:27:19 | |
- I'm just a symbol. - A symbol? | 0:27:19 | 0:27:22 | |
Don't you see? This is bigger than us. | 0:27:23 | 0:27:26 | |
Why, all this publicity for Sweet Apple. | 0:27:26 | 0:27:30 | |
Thousands of people will move here. | 0:27:30 | 0:27:32 | |
We'll have a population explosion. | 0:27:32 | 0:27:36 | |
And just think what this will do for your father's undertaking business. | 0:27:37 | 0:27:42 | |
- Hey, yeah, you're right. - Yeah. | 0:27:42 | 0:27:46 | |
But you really don't go for that Birdie creep, do you? | 0:27:49 | 0:27:52 | |
What do my eyes tell you? | 0:27:53 | 0:27:56 | |
No, you don't. I can see you're all mine. | 0:28:04 | 0:28:06 | |
Forever... | 0:28:08 | 0:28:09 | |
starting right after The Ed Sullivan Show on Sunday night. | 0:28:09 | 0:28:11 | |
Right after The Ed Sullivan Show on Sunday night. | 0:28:13 | 0:28:17 | |
Hey, we'll be late! | 0:28:17 | 0:28:18 | |
# One, two, three! | 0:28:19 | 0:28:21 | |
# We love you, Conrad Oh, yes, we do | 0:28:21 | 0:28:24 | |
# We love you, Conrad and we'll be true | 0:28:24 | 0:28:28 | |
# When you're not near us we're blue... # | 0:28:28 | 0:28:31 | |
Well, I told her off, guys. | 0:28:38 | 0:28:40 | |
- She knows where I stand. - But she's leaving. | 0:28:40 | 0:28:42 | |
- That's to make the population explode. - Anyone for the reception? | 0:28:42 | 0:28:46 | |
Gee, Mr Paisley, we think you're OK even if you are the English teacher. | 0:28:46 | 0:28:50 | |
It should be a fascinating experience. | 0:28:50 | 0:28:52 | |
- Yeah, but are you with them? - "With them?" | 0:28:52 | 0:28:55 | |
Yeah, that Birdie creep... He's poisoned our women. | 0:28:55 | 0:28:57 | |
It's bad enough the mayor's a fink, but you, Mr Paisley... | 0:28:57 | 0:29:01 | |
Well, you see, fellows, as a teacher and a brand-new American citizen... | 0:29:01 | 0:29:03 | |
with an unquenchable thirst for knowledge... | 0:29:03 | 0:29:06 | |
I feel I should witness this unique sociological phenomenon, hm? | 0:29:06 | 0:29:10 | |
Yeah, guys, suppose I do let Kim kiss him? | 0:29:12 | 0:29:15 | |
I only want to see a unique soc... soc.. | 0:29:15 | 0:29:21 | |
phenomenon. | 0:29:21 | 0:29:23 | |
- Hugo, the fink! - So long, fink! | 0:29:23 | 0:29:26 | |
- Fink! - Oh, what a fink! | 0:29:26 | 0:29:30 | |
Here are the gentlemen from the press. I'll handle them. You go find the mayor. | 0:29:40 | 0:29:44 | |
We want him! We want him! | 0:29:44 | 0:29:49 | |
Here's your speech. Learn it and hurry! | 0:29:49 | 0:29:51 | |
We want him! We want him! | 0:29:51 | 0:29:55 | |
- Look this way, please. - What's your name? | 0:29:58 | 0:30:03 | |
- Conrad Birdie. - No, no, your name. | 0:30:03 | 0:30:05 | |
Oh, McAfee.. | 0:30:05 | 0:30:08 | |
Kim... | 0:30:08 | 0:30:10 | |
Kim McAfee. | 0:30:10 | 0:30:12 | |
She doesn't even know her name. | 0:30:12 | 0:30:14 | |
"We want him!" | 0:30:23 | 0:30:24 | |
I beg your pardon. May I add a welcome from Sweet Apple? | 0:30:30 | 0:30:34 | |
I'm Claude Paisley. Kim McAfee's my student in English. | 0:30:34 | 0:30:36 | |
- How do you do? I'm Rose DeLeon. - Nice to know you. | 0:30:36 | 0:30:39 | |
- And you're? - Hugo. | 0:30:39 | 0:30:42 | |
I'm sorry. I couldn't hear you. | 0:30:43 | 0:30:45 | |
- Hugo Fink. - Hello, Mr Fink. How are you? | 0:30:45 | 0:30:49 | |
Now, please don't think me forward. | 0:30:49 | 0:30:51 | |
But if you do have any spare time during your visit... | 0:30:51 | 0:30:54 | |
I'd appreciate discussing Mr Birdie with you. | 0:30:54 | 0:30:58 | |
Well, I'm afraid I'll be very busy... | 0:30:58 | 0:31:02 | |
but thank you. | 0:31:02 | 0:31:04 | |
Watch it, Rube. Don't bend the fur. | 0:31:08 | 0:31:11 | |
He's coming! Look, everybody! He's coming! Here he comes! | 0:31:11 | 0:31:16 | |
# We love you, Conrad Oh, yes, we do | 0:31:26 | 0:31:30 | |
# We love you, Conrad and we'll be true | 0:31:30 | 0:31:34 | |
# When you're not near us we're blue | 0:31:34 | 0:31:38 | |
# Oh, Conrad, we love you... # | 0:31:39 | 0:31:43 | |
Before you hear from the girl upon whom... | 0:32:20 | 0:32:23 | |
you have chosen to bestow your final kiss upon... | 0:32:23 | 0:32:26 | |
we will now recite the Conrad Birdie pledge. | 0:32:26 | 0:32:30 | |
ALL: I, being of sound mind and body | 0:32:32 | 0:32:35 | |
do hereby promise | 0:32:35 | 0:32:37 | |
to be loyal, courteous, steadfast and true | 0:32:37 | 0:32:42 | |
to Conrad Birdie and the United States of America | 0:32:42 | 0:32:46 | |
both indivisible, with liberty and justice for all. | 0:32:46 | 0:32:51 | |
CHEERING | 0:32:51 | 0:32:54 | |
As the fortunate girl whom you have selected | 0:32:55 | 0:32:59 | |
to represent all my fellow girls, I welcome you. | 0:32:59 | 0:33:03 | |
Now, Mayor, now. | 0:33:26 | 0:33:28 | |
Speech here. | 0:33:28 | 0:33:29 | |
And now I present this key to our city to our honoured guest | 0:33:29 | 0:33:34 | |
Conrad Birdie. | 0:33:34 | 0:33:36 | |
SHE SCREAMS | 0:33:36 | 0:33:38 | |
He said it! He said the name! | 0:33:38 | 0:33:41 | |
ALL SCREAM | 0:33:41 | 0:33:43 | |
What happened? All I said was Conrad Birdie. | 0:33:43 | 0:33:48 | |
Girls, you're going to have to stop that or I can't finish my speech. | 0:33:49 | 0:33:53 | |
Who cares about your speech? | 0:33:53 | 0:33:56 | |
We want to hear Conrad! | 0:33:56 | 0:33:59 | |
He's not so much. | 0:34:04 | 0:34:06 | |
# You gotta be sincere... # | 0:34:10 | 0:34:14 | |
Edna, what's wrong?! | 0:34:14 | 0:34:17 | |
# You gotta be sincere... # | 0:34:17 | 0:34:20 | |
Birdie, what are you doin'? | 0:34:20 | 0:34:22 | |
# You gotta feel it here | 0:34:22 | 0:34:25 | |
# Cos if you feel it here | 0:34:25 | 0:34:27 | |
# Well, then you're gonna be | 0:34:27 | 0:34:29 | |
# Honestly sincere | 0:34:29 | 0:34:34 | |
# If what you feel is true | 0:34:38 | 0:34:42 | |
# You really feel it You make them feel it too | 0:34:42 | 0:34:46 | |
# Write this down now You gotta be sincere | 0:34:46 | 0:34:51 | |
# Honestly sincere | 0:34:51 | 0:34:53 | |
# Man, you've gotta be | 0:34:53 | 0:34:56 | |
# Sincere | 0:34:56 | 0:35:01 | |
# If you're really sincere If you're really sincere | 0:35:02 | 0:35:06 | |
# If you feel it in here then it's gotta be right | 0:35:06 | 0:35:09 | |
# Oh, baby | 0:35:09 | 0:35:11 | |
# Oh, honey | 0:35:11 | 0:35:12 | |
# Hug me | 0:35:12 | 0:35:14 | |
# Ah, suffer | 0:35:14 | 0:35:17 | |
# In everything I do | 0:35:20 | 0:35:24 | |
# Why, my sincerity shows through | 0:35:24 | 0:35:27 | |
# Yeah, when I look you in the eye I don't even have to try | 0:35:27 | 0:35:32 | |
# It's automatic I'm sincere | 0:35:32 | 0:35:36 | |
# When I sing about a tree | 0:35:38 | 0:35:40 | |
# Listen, why I really feel that tree | 0:35:40 | 0:35:43 | |
# Yeah, when I sing about a girl | 0:35:44 | 0:35:47 | |
# I really feel that girl | 0:35:47 | 0:35:49 | |
# I mean, I really feel | 0:35:49 | 0:35:51 | |
# Sincere | 0:35:51 | 0:35:57 | |
# Why, if you're really sincere | 0:35:58 | 0:36:00 | |
# If you're really sincere | 0:36:00 | 0:36:02 | |
# If you feel it in here then it's gotta be right | 0:36:02 | 0:36:05 | |
# Oh, baby | 0:36:05 | 0:36:07 | |
# Oh, honey | 0:36:07 | 0:36:09 | |
# Hug me Ah, suffer | 0:36:09 | 0:36:11 | |
# Yeah, here we go now | 0:36:11 | 0:36:15 | |
# Why, you gotta be sincere | 0:36:15 | 0:36:18 | |
# Oh, you gotta feel it here | 0:36:18 | 0:36:22 | |
# Oh, my baby, oh, my baby | 0:36:22 | 0:36:25 | |
# Oh, yeah | 0:36:25 | 0:36:26 | |
# Oh, my baby, oh, yeah | 0:36:26 | 0:36:29 | |
# Go, girl, go... # | 0:36:29 | 0:36:31 | |
Ursula! What are you doing? | 0:36:31 | 0:36:33 | |
# Are you gonna be sincere Are you gonna be sincere | 0:36:36 | 0:36:39 | |
# Yeah | 0:36:39 | 0:36:40 | |
# Are you gonna be sincere Are you gonna be sincere | 0:36:40 | 0:36:42 | |
# Yeah | 0:36:42 | 0:36:44 | |
# Ah baby | 0:36:46 | 0:36:49 | |
# Ah baby, oh yeah... | 0:36:49 | 0:36:54 | |
# Are you going to be sincere? | 0:36:54 | 0:36:57 | |
# Ah baby, oh yeah... | 0:36:57 | 0:36:59 | |
# Ah baby, oh yeah... | 0:36:59 | 0:37:02 | |
# Ah baby, oh yeah... | 0:37:02 | 0:37:06 | |
# Ah my baby, oh yeah | 0:37:06 | 0:37:11 | |
# Yeah, yeah! | 0:37:11 | 0:37:15 | |
# Yeah! # | 0:37:15 | 0:37:16 | |
# We love you, Conrad | 0:37:51 | 0:37:56 | |
# Oh, yes, we do | 0:37:56 | 0:37:59 | |
# We love you, Conrad | 0:37:59 | 0:38:03 | |
# And we'll be true | 0:38:03 | 0:38:07 | |
# When you're not near us | 0:38:07 | 0:38:11 | |
# We're blue | 0:38:11 | 0:38:15 | |
# Oh, Conrad, we love you... # | 0:38:15 | 0:38:20 | |
Randolph, your father's warned you. | 0:38:20 | 0:38:23 | |
If you make another bomb, you'll get spanked. | 0:38:23 | 0:38:25 | |
- It was an accident, Mom. - Now, get this stuff out of here. | 0:38:25 | 0:38:31 | |
Doris! Doris! | 0:38:33 | 0:38:36 | |
Doris, what's going on here? | 0:38:39 | 0:38:42 | |
Harry, where have you been since supper? | 0:38:42 | 0:38:44 | |
In plenty of trouble, that's where. But I'm not now. No, sirree. | 0:38:44 | 0:38:46 | |
You kids go home before I sick the constable on ya! | 0:38:46 | 0:38:48 | |
Go on! Get that carnival oft my front lawn! | 0:38:48 | 0:38:51 | |
I'll show them who's boss. | 0:38:51 | 0:38:52 | |
Harry McAfee's not going to be pushed around by any roll and rocker. | 0:38:52 | 0:38:56 | |
- Harry, they'll hear you. - Let 'em hear me! | 0:38:56 | 0:38:59 | |
- Put those chemicals away and go to bed. - Yes, Papa. | 0:38:59 | 0:39:03 | |
We're in trouble. He can't stand Conrad living here. | 0:39:05 | 0:39:09 | |
Especially around his pretty young daughter. | 0:39:10 | 0:39:14 | |
She's still under the magic spell. | 0:39:18 | 0:39:20 | |
Dear little Conrad certainly has a devastating impact. | 0:39:24 | 0:39:27 | |
He might make a terrific soldier. | 0:39:27 | 0:39:29 | |
Turn him loose and the enemy will twitch itself to death. | 0:39:29 | 0:39:31 | |
I don't care. I've changed my mind. | 0:39:31 | 0:39:33 | |
My daughter is not going to be publicly kissed by that, that wiggler. | 0:39:33 | 0:39:37 | |
The deal is off. | 0:39:37 | 0:39:39 | |
But, dear, you know these adolescents. Kim will lose face. | 0:39:39 | 0:39:42 | |
It I don't get rid of that Birdie, that's not all she'll... | 0:39:42 | 0:39:45 | |
Hear this. I have decided that bunch of grafters is getting out of here. | 0:39:47 | 0:39:52 | |
That is the unshakable decree that I have made as head of this household. | 0:39:52 | 0:39:56 | |
- So you go upstairs and tell them. - Me? | 0:39:56 | 0:39:57 | |
How can I tell Mr Peterson and that nice Miss DeLeon? | 0:39:57 | 0:40:00 | |
Nice? I know that show business crowd, probably living in sin. | 0:40:00 | 0:40:04 | |
Harry Lionel McAfee! | 0:40:04 | 0:40:07 | |
I never told you, but one summer I worked for the circus. | 0:40:07 | 0:40:09 | |
- Oh, those midgets, wild. - Not another word. | 0:40:09 | 0:40:12 | |
She's been engaged to Peterson for six years. Don't tell me they... | 0:40:12 | 0:40:15 | |
- We were engaged for five years. - He's not as stupid as I was. | 0:40:15 | 0:40:19 | |
- Are you stupid, Pop? - Find out for yourself! | 0:40:19 | 0:40:20 | |
That's the trouble with kids today! Lazy! | 0:40:20 | 0:40:22 | |
Will you go up? Get up to bed! | 0:40:22 | 0:40:26 | |
Oh, Harry, they'll be gone day after tomorrow. | 0:40:26 | 0:40:30 | |
I'm a peace-loving man, a good father and husband. | 0:40:30 | 0:40:33 | |
And the result? | 0:40:33 | 0:40:36 | |
The home I hewed out of this wilderness with my bare hands is no longer mine. | 0:40:36 | 0:40:41 | |
Tonight I had to wait until 6:00 for my supper. | 0:40:41 | 0:40:43 | |
And that Peterson grafter, running up my phone bill with long-distance calls! | 0:40:43 | 0:40:47 | |
- He offered to reimburse you. - I don't take Diners Club cards! | 0:40:47 | 0:40:51 | |
Then that snake in a gold suit insists on parking in my beautiful living room. | 0:40:51 | 0:40:56 | |
- Do you know where I've just been? - No, dear. | 0:40:58 | 0:41:01 | |
To a meeting with the big boys, Kelsey, Judge Blanch, Joe Kipp. | 0:41:01 | 0:41:03 | |
My biggest customers. They don't approve of this kind of notorious goings-on. | 0:41:03 | 0:41:07 | |
Darling, they put pressure on you? | 0:41:07 | 0:41:09 | |
If I don't cancel this whole Birdie deal, they'll starve me out of business. | 0:41:09 | 0:41:14 | |
- Oh, my heavens! - It's them or us. | 0:41:14 | 0:41:18 | |
- What happened? - Are you all right? | 0:41:26 | 0:41:28 | |
- What's wrong? - It was just Randolph's chemicals. | 0:41:28 | 0:41:30 | |
No, a mixture of iron sulfide plus two parts H2SO4. | 0:41:30 | 0:41:33 | |
Smart boy you have there. It isn't every lad who can make a stench bomb. | 0:41:33 | 0:41:36 | |
- Which brings me to Mr Birdie. - Mr Peterson is really a biochemist. | 0:41:36 | 0:41:40 | |
- I couldn't care less. - I have one formula, a secret. | 0:41:40 | 0:41:43 | |
It's miraculous because it increases the work output of domestic animals. | 0:41:43 | 0:41:46 | |
- Now about this Birdie. - It speeds up the reflexes. | 0:41:46 | 0:41:49 | |
An ox, for instance, could outrun a racehorse. | 0:41:49 | 0:41:51 | |
By adding in his formula, a hen will lay three eggs a day. | 0:41:51 | 0:41:54 | |
Three eggs a day? It that's so, you could make a million times... | 0:41:54 | 0:41:56 | |
I've been nursing this compound for years. | 0:41:56 | 0:41:58 | |
- Still needs more tests, but it works. - Aren't you in farming? | 0:41:58 | 0:42:02 | |
- He's McAfee Fertilizer. - Oh, yes. | 0:42:02 | 0:42:04 | |
- Been in it for 20 years. - Really? | 0:42:04 | 0:42:06 | |
But I may be out if... | 0:42:06 | 0:42:08 | |
If you and Albert got together, you could revolutionize farm production. | 0:42:08 | 0:42:11 | |
Would you like a demonstration? Do you have a hen? | 0:42:11 | 0:42:14 | |
- How about trying it on that? - A tortoise? I don't know. | 0:42:14 | 0:42:17 | |
Sure! It won't bite. Here. Let me. | 0:42:17 | 0:42:19 | |
Of course, there isn't much demand for turtle eggs. | 0:42:23 | 0:42:26 | |
But if it really works on farm animals... | 0:42:26 | 0:42:30 | |
maybe you and me could do some business. | 0:42:30 | 0:42:33 | |
I'll sure need something if I let Kim go through with this Birdie stuff. | 0:42:34 | 0:42:38 | |
Some of Harry's customers are against it. | 0:42:38 | 0:42:40 | |
Yeah, and so I've decided it's absolutely out of the question. | 0:42:40 | 0:42:42 | |
Your neighbours are just going to be thrilled... | 0:42:42 | 0:42:44 | |
when they see the two of you on The Ed Sullivan Show. | 0:42:44 | 0:42:49 | |
The Ed Sullivan Show. | 0:42:49 | 0:42:51 | |
- We were saving that as a surprise. - Yes, a surprise. | 0:42:51 | 0:42:55 | |
Me on Ed Sullivan? | 0:42:55 | 0:42:57 | |
Oh, I'd die. What would I wear? | 0:42:57 | 0:42:59 | |
- We'll find something. - Gee, Ed Sullivan. | 0:42:59 | 0:43:01 | |
He's my favourite human. | 0:43:01 | 0:43:03 | |
That's why I decided to let Kim go on in the first place. | 0:43:03 | 0:43:05 | |
Me on The Ed Sullivan Show? | 0:43:06 | 0:43:08 | |
# Ed Sullivan | 0:43:09 | 0:43:11 | |
# Me, Harry McAfee appearing with | 0:43:13 | 0:43:16 | |
# Ed Sullivan | 0:43:16 | 0:43:19 | |
# Ed... | 0:43:19 | 0:43:21 | |
# Ed Sullivan | 0:43:21 | 0:43:23 | |
# Ed Sullivan | 0:43:23 | 0:43:30 | |
# Ed | 0:43:30 | 0:43:34 | |
# Ed Sullivan | 0:43:34 | 0:43:36 | |
# Ed, Ed Sullivan | 0:43:36 | 0:43:42 | |
# Ed Sullivan | 0:43:42 | 0:43:43 | |
# Ed Sullivan | 0:43:43 | 0:43:46 | |
# We're gonna be on Ed Sullivan | 0:43:46 | 0:43:50 | |
# How could any family be | 0:43:51 | 0:43:56 | |
# Half as fortunate as we | 0:43:56 | 0:44:01 | |
# We'll be coast to coast | 0:44:01 | 0:44:04 | |
# With our favourite host | 0:44:04 | 0:44:07 | |
# Ed Sullivan | 0:44:08 | 0:44:13 | |
# Ed Sullivan | 0:44:15 | 0:44:17 | |
# Ed Sullivan | 0:44:17 | 0:44:20 | |
# We're gonna be on Ed Sullivan | 0:44:20 | 0:44:26 | |
# I've got a wonderful wife | 0:44:30 | 0:44:32 | |
# Two swell kids a good business and now this | 0:44:32 | 0:44:37 | |
# Someday we'll recall | 0:44:37 | 0:44:39 | |
# The greatest day of all... # | 0:44:39 | 0:44:43 | |
Ed, I love you. | 0:44:43 | 0:44:45 | |
# Ed Sullivan... # | 0:44:45 | 0:44:52 | |
PHONE RINGS | 0:44:55 | 0:44:58 | |
Hello? | 0:45:02 | 0:45:04 | |
Oh, yes. Harry, it's the mayor. He sounds mad. | 0:45:04 | 0:45:09 | |
I'll handle this. | 0:45:09 | 0:45:12 | |
Yes? Yes, Mayor? | 0:45:12 | 0:45:15 | |
Yes, the boys talked to me. | 0:45:15 | 0:45:17 | |
Yep, I've decided. Birdie stays right here... | 0:45:17 | 0:45:20 | |
and Kim's on TV. | 0:45:20 | 0:45:23 | |
And what's more... | 0:45:23 | 0:45:24 | |
I'm gonna be on the show, too, with Eddy Sullivan. | 0:45:24 | 0:45:29 | |
Now, listen, Harry. You saw what that crazy galoot did at the reception. | 0:45:29 | 0:45:33 | |
It was a disgrace. | 0:45:35 | 0:45:37 | |
Look, Mayor, you're gonna be on TV too. | 0:45:37 | 0:45:42 | |
They want you to make a speech. | 0:45:42 | 0:45:45 | |
They want me on Ed Sullivan? | 0:45:45 | 0:45:49 | |
A short speech. Why, sure! | 0:45:51 | 0:45:54 | |
I could become a statewide face. | 0:45:56 | 0:45:59 | |
It's a deal, Mayor. | 0:45:59 | 0:46:01 | |
Sure I'll plug you up for governor. | 0:46:01 | 0:46:04 | |
Bye, Sam. | 0:46:04 | 0:46:06 | |
What a hambo. | 0:46:06 | 0:46:08 | |
Well, it's been a long day, so I think we'll.. | 0:46:09 | 0:46:12 | |
I'm thinking of calling them "Speed Up." You like it, Mr McAfee? | 0:46:22 | 0:46:24 | |
"Feed up with Speed Up." I love it, partner. | 0:46:24 | 0:46:27 | |
- How will Randolph catch his tortoise? - Just give him one of these. | 0:46:27 | 0:46:31 | |
Hi, Mr McAfee. Gee, I just wanted to thank you. | 0:46:31 | 0:46:34 | |
My dad said you're not letting Kim go on TV and kiss that, that... | 0:46:34 | 0:46:38 | |
It can't be true. You wouldn't destroy Kim, your own flesh and blood! | 0:46:38 | 0:46:44 | |
Sure he would. A father has a right, right? | 0:46:44 | 0:46:46 | |
Hugo, my daughter's old enough to make her own decisions... | 0:46:46 | 0:46:50 | |
so I've decided to let her do it. | 0:46:50 | 0:46:52 | |
Well, in that case, your daughter is the former future Mrs Hugo Peabody. | 0:46:53 | 0:46:57 | |
Oh, Hugo, stop acting like a child. | 0:46:57 | 0:46:59 | |
Kim! Where is he? Can I see him? | 0:46:59 | 0:47:02 | |
Conrad's asleep, poor dear. | 0:47:02 | 0:47:04 | |
You may peek through his keyhole while I... | 0:47:04 | 0:47:07 | |
while I discuss this tempest in a tea bag with Hugo. | 0:47:07 | 0:47:10 | |
You're lucky people. | 0:47:23 | 0:47:25 | |
What'd we ever do to deserve such a daughter? | 0:47:25 | 0:47:28 | |
We got married. | 0:47:28 | 0:47:30 | |
Marriage. | 0:47:32 | 0:47:33 | |
- But, Kim... - Hugo... | 0:47:33 | 0:47:35 | |
- Yeah, but, Kim... - I don't have time for a debate. | 0:47:35 | 0:47:37 | |
Ursula's waiting. I've got to learn my speech for tomorrow's rehearsal. | 0:47:37 | 0:47:39 | |
Wait a minute, Kim. Don't go yet, please. | 0:47:39 | 0:47:43 | |
You don't know what I've been through with all the guys buggin' me... | 0:47:45 | 0:47:47 | |
well, about you and that Birdie creep. | 0:47:47 | 0:47:49 | |
- Oh, that. - Yeah, that! | 0:47:49 | 0:47:52 | |
Why, that's silly. He means nothing to me. | 0:47:52 | 0:47:57 | |
# One boy | 0:48:01 | 0:48:03 | |
# One special boy | 0:48:04 | 0:48:08 | |
# One boy to go with | 0:48:08 | 0:48:10 | |
# To talk with and walk with | 0:48:10 | 0:48:14 | |
# One boy | 0:48:14 | 0:48:17 | |
# That's the way it should be... # | 0:48:17 | 0:48:22 | |
Yeah, yeah, that's the way it should be. | 0:48:22 | 0:48:26 | |
# One boy | 0:48:26 | 0:48:28 | |
# One certain boy | 0:48:28 | 0:48:30 | |
# One boy to laugh with | 0:48:31 | 0:48:32 | |
# To joke with, have Coke with | 0:48:32 | 0:48:36 | |
# One boy | 0:48:36 | 0:48:39 | |
# Not two or three | 0:48:39 | 0:48:45 | |
# One day | 0:48:47 | 0:48:50 | |
# You'll find out | 0:48:50 | 0:48:53 | |
# This is what life is all about | 0:48:53 | 0:48:57 | |
# You need | 0:48:58 | 0:49:00 | |
# Someone who | 0:49:00 | 0:49:04 | |
# Is living | 0:49:04 | 0:49:06 | |
# Just for you | 0:49:06 | 0:49:10 | |
# One boy | 0:49:10 | 0:49:13 | |
# One steady boy | 0:49:14 | 0:49:16 | |
# One boy to be with | 0:49:16 | 0:49:18 | |
# Forever and ever | 0:49:18 | 0:49:21 | |
# One boy | 0:49:21 | 0:49:24 | |
# That's the way it should be | 0:49:24 | 0:49:30 | |
# That's the way | 0:49:30 | 0:49:32 | |
# It should be. # | 0:49:32 | 0:49:37 | |
Now is that the kiss of a woman interested in any other man? | 0:49:43 | 0:49:47 | |
I don't know. How do I tell? | 0:49:50 | 0:49:53 | |
- Ah, but he made you faint. - Oh, he did not! | 0:49:57 | 0:50:01 | |
I was just exhausted, cramming for my English exam. | 0:50:01 | 0:50:05 | |
You've got to try to understand me as a woman. | 0:50:08 | 0:50:13 | |
Now, I might like Conrad as a friend... | 0:50:13 | 0:50:17 | |
but when it comes to the real thing... | 0:50:17 | 0:50:19 | |
..the grand passion... | 0:50:20 | 0:50:24 | |
..well, that's something special, Hugo. | 0:50:25 | 0:50:28 | |
That's you. | 0:50:28 | 0:50:30 | |
# One day you'll find out | 0:50:30 | 0:50:35 | |
# This is what life is all about | 0:50:35 | 0:50:38 | |
# You need someone who | 0:50:38 | 0:50:43 | |
# Is living just for you | 0:50:43 | 0:50:50 | |
# One boy, one steady boy | 0:50:50 | 0:50:53 | |
# One boy to be with | 0:50:53 | 0:50:56 | |
# Forever and ever | 0:50:56 | 0:50:58 | |
# One boy | 0:50:58 | 0:51:01 | |
# That's the way it should be | 0:51:01 | 0:51:06 | |
# That's the way | 0:51:08 | 0:51:11 | |
# It should be. # | 0:51:11 | 0:51:16 | |
Homework! Hey, I got homework to do. | 0:51:20 | 0:51:23 | |
# When will he find out | 0:51:36 | 0:51:41 | |
# This is what life is all about | 0:51:41 | 0:51:47 | |
# Will he ever see | 0:51:47 | 0:51:53 | |
# I need him | 0:51:53 | 0:51:57 | |
# And he | 0:51:57 | 0:51:59 | |
# Needs me | 0:51:59 | 0:52:03 | |
# - One boy - One special boy | 0:52:03 | 0:52:07 | |
# - One special boy - One boy to be with always | 0:52:07 | 0:52:11 | |
# One boy to be with | 0:52:11 | 0:52:13 | |
# - Forever and ever - Forever | 0:52:13 | 0:52:18 | |
# - I love him - One boy | 0:52:18 | 0:52:22 | |
# - Love him, I love - That's the way | 0:52:22 | 0:52:26 | |
# - Him so - It should be | 0:52:26 | 0:52:29 | |
# That's the way | 0:52:31 | 0:52:34 | |
# It should be | 0:52:34 | 0:52:38 | |
# That's the way | 0:52:42 | 0:52:47 | |
# It should be. # | 0:52:47 | 0:52:52 | |
Hello, Sweet Apple Drive-in? | 0:53:11 | 0:53:13 | |
I'm looking for my mother, Mrs Peterson. | 0:53:13 | 0:53:15 | |
Are you sure there's no-one left in your drive-in? OK, thank you. | 0:53:15 | 0:53:19 | |
Don't worry, partner. Your mother will get along tine. | 0:53:19 | 0:53:22 | |
Sweet Apple's full of friendly folk. | 0:53:22 | 0:53:24 | |
If anything happens to her, I'll never forgive myself. | 0:53:24 | 0:53:27 | |
- What kind of a dump is this? - "Dump"? | 0:53:27 | 0:53:29 | |
Conrad. Let's humour him, partner. | 0:53:30 | 0:53:32 | |
If he walks off the Sullivan show, we're sunk. | 0:53:32 | 0:53:36 | |
I can't find no church key in my room. | 0:53:37 | 0:53:40 | |
Church key? We've had a church here, but it's open. | 0:53:40 | 0:53:44 | |
A can opener, man. You're from nowherelike. | 0:53:44 | 0:53:49 | |
That's my favourite brand. | 0:53:59 | 0:54:01 | |
Well, it's bedtime, huh, Conrad? | 0:54:01 | 0:54:06 | |
OK for tonight, but tomorrow's Saturday... | 0:54:07 | 0:54:11 | |
and that's my real tense night. | 0:54:11 | 0:54:15 | |
Thanks, Mr McAfee. | 0:54:23 | 0:54:25 | |
The next time I have a daughter, I hope it's a boy. | 0:54:25 | 0:54:29 | |
I am a lucky man though, Albert. | 0:54:29 | 0:54:31 | |
Meeting up with a biochemical wizard. | 0:54:31 | 0:54:34 | |
Peterson and McAfee are going right to the moon. | 0:54:34 | 0:54:37 | |
I've got to, not just for my mother, for Rosie. | 0:54:37 | 0:54:41 | |
Well, I guess I'll get a little air and turn in. | 0:54:47 | 0:54:50 | |
Take all the air you want, chum. | 0:54:50 | 0:54:52 | |
Hi, Rosie. | 0:55:09 | 0:55:11 | |
Rosie, you don't have to worry about Mama. She'll show up. | 0:55:12 | 0:55:16 | |
- I'm certain she will. - Then you ought to be happy. | 0:55:16 | 0:55:19 | |
Kim's on the show. Conrad does my song... | 0:55:19 | 0:55:21 | |
and I promise I'll tell Mama about us. | 0:55:21 | 0:55:24 | |
Come on. | 0:55:26 | 0:55:28 | |
# Why look so awfully tragic | 0:55:39 | 0:55:42 | |
# Put on a happy face | 0:55:42 | 0:55:45 | |
# Smiling can work like magic | 0:55:45 | 0:55:47 | |
# Put on a happy face | 0:55:47 | 0:55:50 | |
# Take off the gloomy mask of tragedy | 0:55:50 | 0:55:53 | |
# It's not your style | 0:55:53 | 0:55:56 | |
# You look so good that you'll be glad ya decided to smile | 0:55:56 | 0:56:00 | |
# Pick out a pleasant outlook | 0:56:00 | 0:56:03 | |
# Stick out that noble chin | 0:56:03 | 0:56:05 | |
# Wipe off the full of doubt look | 0:56:05 | 0:56:08 | |
# Slap on a happy grin | 0:56:08 | 0:56:11 | |
# And spread sunshine all over the place | 0:56:11 | 0:56:16 | |
# Just put on a happy face... # | 0:56:16 | 0:56:20 | |
Flowers? | 0:56:24 | 0:56:26 | |
# Put on a happy face | 0:56:26 | 0:56:28 | |
# Put on a happy face | 0:56:31 | 0:56:33 | |
# Why do you mope around so sourly | 0:56:34 | 0:56:36 | |
# It's such a strain | 0:56:36 | 0:56:39 | |
# I always try to chuckle hourly | 0:56:39 | 0:56:42 | |
# It clears the brain | 0:56:42 | 0:56:44 | |
# I knew a girl so gloomy | 0:56:46 | 0:56:48 | |
# She'd never laugh or sing | 0:56:48 | 0:56:50 | |
# She wouldn't listen to me | 0:56:50 | 0:56:53 | |
# Now she's a mean old thing | 0:56:53 | 0:56:55 | |
# So spread sunshine | 0:56:55 | 0:56:59 | |
# All over the place | 0:56:59 | 0:57:01 | |
# Put on a happy | 0:57:01 | 0:57:04 | |
# So put on a happy | 0:58:14 | 0:58:16 | |
# Face... # | 0:58:16 | 0:58:21 | |
Well, like I said, you're a genius, Dr Peterson. | 0:58:37 | 0:58:41 | |
Oh, honey, you sure have put up with a lot. | 0:58:41 | 0:58:43 | |
But this time we're gonna make it! | 0:58:43 | 0:58:45 | |
Let's live in a small town like this. | 0:58:45 | 0:58:47 | |
- Anything you say, dear. - OK? | 0:58:47 | 0:58:50 | |
Wow, the last time we were alone together... | 0:58:50 | 0:58:53 | |
last summer at Palisades Park. | 0:58:53 | 0:58:55 | |
We went through the tunnel of love. | 0:58:55 | 0:58:56 | |
Your mother sat between us. | 0:58:56 | 0:58:58 | |
Oh, honey, I told you. From now on, things are gonna be different. | 0:58:58 | 0:59:01 | |
- Yoo-hoo! Albert! - It's Mama. | 0:59:01 | 0:59:05 | |
Mama? | 0:59:05 | 0:59:07 | |
Boy meets girl, boy loses girl... | 0:59:11 | 0:59:14 | |
boy gets mother. | 0:59:14 | 0:59:16 | |
- Mama, where have ya been? - Neglected! That's where I've been. | 0:59:21 | 0:59:25 | |
I tried to find ya. Have you had any dinner? | 0:59:25 | 0:59:27 | |
A mother doesn't need food. Besides, I'd rather be with my famous son. | 0:59:27 | 0:59:31 | |
Albert, what is it? Oh, it's your mother. | 0:59:31 | 0:59:34 | |
- Oh, good evening! - How are ya, ma'am? | 0:59:34 | 0:59:37 | |
How can I be? Ripped from my native land, alone in this jungle? | 0:59:37 | 0:59:42 | |
Gosh, Albert, I wish we had room to put up your mother. | 0:59:42 | 0:59:44 | |
Thanks. A motel mattress full of lumps is good enough for me. | 0:59:44 | 0:59:49 | |
Comfort is for my loving son. | 0:59:49 | 0:59:51 | |
I just came to tuck ya into bed. | 0:59:56 | 0:59:58 | |
See, Mama's got a condition. She won't tell me what it is. | 0:59:58 | 1:00:01 | |
Why worry a growing boy? | 1:00:01 | 1:00:04 | |
OK. You insist? | 1:00:04 | 1:00:07 | |
I got, maybe, one tenth a normal heart. | 1:00:08 | 1:00:11 | |
A mother doesn't need a heart. | 1:00:11 | 1:00:14 | |
Well, soon as Albert and I get our new deal a-rollin' | 1:00:14 | 1:00:15 | |
you'll have the finest doctors in the country. | 1:00:15 | 1:00:18 | |
Deal? What deal, Albert? | 1:00:18 | 1:00:22 | |
Well, Mama, I'm quitting the music business and goin' back to chemistry. | 1:00:22 | 1:00:27 | |
That Rosie! She's finally turned you against me! | 1:00:27 | 1:00:31 | |
Oh, please, Mama. She didn't. | 1:00:31 | 1:00:33 | |
Albert, go, desert me. | 1:00:33 | 1:00:35 | |
But when I was expecting him in the maternity ward... | 1:00:35 | 1:00:37 | |
three days I waited... did I desert him? | 1:00:37 | 1:00:39 | |
No. I stayed right there so he wouldn't be alone when he was born. | 1:00:39 | 1:00:44 | |
Mama, please don't excite yourself. Mama, you know I love ya. | 1:00:44 | 1:00:47 | |
- It's just Rosie and I have plans. - OK! | 1:00:47 | 1:00:50 | |
Lou, I'll be right up. | 1:00:50 | 1:00:54 | |
Start dealing. | 1:00:54 | 1:00:56 | |
Just bury me on your front lawn so Rosie can walk all over me! | 1:00:59 | 1:01:02 | |
Mama! Mama, please! | 1:01:05 | 1:01:08 | |
It's not gas. It's electric. | 1:01:08 | 1:01:10 | |
Doris! | 1:01:10 | 1:01:12 | |
Doris, how do you like it? isn't it exciting? | 1:01:15 | 1:01:19 | |
No! I told you not to dye your hair! | 1:01:19 | 1:01:23 | |
Oh, but I wanted to! Isn't it a gas? | 1:01:23 | 1:01:25 | |
- You dare defy your mother? - But it's my hair. | 1:01:25 | 1:01:29 | |
- Not till you're 21. - What's the matter, Papa? | 1:01:29 | 1:01:32 | |
Young lady, you stay in your room till it changes back! Do you hear? | 1:01:32 | 1:01:36 | |
- I won't! - I demand respect around here. | 1:01:36 | 1:01:39 | |
- It's my hair! - Respect. Do you hear? Respect. | 1:01:39 | 1:01:42 | |
- I respect you, Papa. - I don't want your respect. | 1:01:42 | 1:01:45 | |
Who wants respect from a ten-year-old kid? | 1:01:45 | 1:01:48 | |
# Kids, I don't know what's wrong with these kids today | 1:01:48 | 1:01:52 | |
# Kids, who can understand anything they say | 1:01:52 | 1:01:57 | |
# Kids, they are disobedient disrespectful oafs | 1:01:57 | 1:02:01 | |
# Noisy, crazy, sloppy, lazy loafers | 1:02:01 | 1:02:04 | |
# And while we're on the subject, kids | 1:02:04 | 1:02:06 | |
# You can talk and talk till your face is blue | 1:02:06 | 1:02:10 | |
# Kids, but they still do just what they want to do | 1:02:10 | 1:02:13 | |
# Why can't they be like we were | 1:02:13 | 1:02:15 | |
# Perfect in every way | 1:02:15 | 1:02:17 | |
# What's the matter with kids today | 1:02:18 | 1:02:22 | |
# Kids, I've tried to raise you the best I could | 1:02:22 | 1:02:26 | |
# Kids, all the things I've done were for your own good | 1:02:26 | 1:02:30 | |
# Kids, can't you once appreciate how I've sacrificed | 1:02:30 | 1:02:35 | |
# Working, slaving, scrimping saving pennies | 1:02:35 | 1:02:37 | |
# And livin' with your father, kids | 1:02:37 | 1:02:39 | |
# No-one knows the burdens I've had to bear, and in my condition | 1:02:39 | 1:02:43 | |
# Kids, I'm a poor, sick woman and does he care | 1:02:43 | 1:02:46 | |
# Ha! Go on, go on and kill me | 1:02:46 | 1:02:49 | |
# That's what it's coming to | 1:02:49 | 1:02:51 | |
# When a mother has kids like you | 1:02:51 | 1:02:54 | |
# - Kids - All the chicken soup I made for you | 1:02:56 | 1:02:58 | |
- Mama, take it easy. # - Kids | 1:02:58 | 1:03:00 | |
# Now you throw me out like a worn shoe | 1:03:00 | 1:03:02 | |
# Not in front of everybody | 1:03:02 | 1:03:03 | |
# Mom, after all, I haven't been such an awful son | 1:03:03 | 1:03:08 | |
# I never sass you back or leave a ring around the bathtub | 1:03:08 | 1:03:11 | |
# And don't I always phone you - Kids | 1:03:11 | 1:03:13 | |
# You can give your life to 'em night and day | 1:03:13 | 1:03:16 | |
# Kids, then they go get married - Married? | 1:03:16 | 1:03:19 | |
# And go away - Who's gettin' married? | 1:03:19 | 1:03:21 | |
# Why do we have these children | 1:03:21 | 1:03:22 | |
# Better to have a pet... # You know where you stand with a pet. | 1:03:22 | 1:03:26 | |
# I never asked for nothin' | 1:03:28 | 1:03:31 | |
# Nothin' is what you'll get | 1:03:31 | 1:03:33 | |
# What's the matter with kids to... # | 1:03:33 | 1:03:36 | |
I tried, Lou, but I failed. | 1:03:36 | 1:03:38 | |
Oh, ya didn't, Mama. Ya didn't. | 1:03:38 | 1:03:40 | |
Don't try to pay me back, sonny. I forgive you. | 1:03:40 | 1:03:42 | |
So what if you're an ingrate? So long as you're happy. | 1:03:42 | 1:03:45 | |
- I don't want to be happy. - Don't feel guilty. | 1:03:45 | 1:03:47 | |
Just make believe I'm an old used car. Junk me. Leave me in the gutter. | 1:03:47 | 1:03:51 | |
- I'll never leave ya. Never. - You heard him. | 1:03:51 | 1:03:53 | |
- You're a witness. - I promise, Mama. | 1:03:53 | 1:03:55 | |
- I never broke promise to my mama. - Good boy. | 1:03:55 | 1:03:58 | |
# Why can't they be like Albert | 1:03:58 | 1:04:00 | |
# Perfect in every way | 1:04:00 | 1:04:02 | |
# What's the matter with kids | 1:04:02 | 1:04:03 | |
# Yeah, what's the matter with kids | 1:04:03 | 1:04:06 | |
# Nothing's the matter with kids today. # | 1:04:06 | 1:04:09 | |
Mr Paisley, this is Rose DeLeon. | 1:04:12 | 1:04:15 | |
You asked me to call it I had any free time. | 1:04:15 | 1:04:17 | |
Well, I'm free. | 1:04:17 | 1:04:20 | |
- Very free. - Rosie! | 1:04:20 | 1:04:22 | |
Ten minutes? I'll be waiting for you. | 1:04:22 | 1:04:26 | |
Don't worry, sonny. You can always get another secretary. | 1:04:29 | 1:04:32 | |
Can you see him? | 1:04:39 | 1:04:40 | |
- No. Babette, can you see him? - I can't see him. | 1:04:40 | 1:04:44 | |
All I can see is the basketball hoop. Hey, Gretch, can you see him? | 1:04:44 | 1:04:47 | |
Conrad Birdie in our gym! | 1:04:47 | 1:04:50 | |
# Oh, oh, oh, give me one last kiss | 1:04:50 | 1:04:53 | |
# One last kiss | 1:04:55 | 1:04:57 | |
# Oh, one more time Mmm, baby, one more time | 1:04:57 | 1:05:00 | |
# It really is sublime Ah, baby, so sublime | 1:05:00 | 1:05:04 | |
# You know I need your love | 1:05:04 | 1:05:07 | |
# Oh, oh, oh, give me one last kiss | 1:05:07 | 1:05:11 | |
# One last kiss | 1:05:11 | 1:05:14 | |
# Baby | 1:05:14 | 1:05:17 | |
# Give me one last kiss | 1:05:17 | 1:05:21 | |
# Baby | 1:05:21 | 1:05:26 | |
# Give me one last kiss | 1:05:26 | 1:05:29 | |
# Oh, one last kiss | 1:05:29 | 1:05:36 | |
# Give me one last kiss | 1:05:36 | 1:05:37 | |
# It never felt like this | 1:05:37 | 1:05:39 | |
# Nah, baby, not like this | 1:05:39 | 1:05:41 | |
# You know I need your love | 1:05:41 | 1:05:43 | |
# - Oh, oh, oh... # - OK. Cut. | 1:05:43 | 1:05:45 | |
We'll rehearse the song later, Conrad. | 1:05:45 | 1:05:48 | |
- Al, what's the exact length? - Oh, uh, 1:20. | 1:05:48 | 1:05:53 | |
Check. That gives us 2:40 for Sullivan's intro to Kim... | 1:05:53 | 1:05:57 | |
Kim's good luck speech to Conrad. | 1:05:57 | 1:05:59 | |
Then Conrad socks over a plug for Army enlistments... | 1:05:59 | 1:06:01 | |
bangs into the song, and we top it off with the big kisseroo. | 1:06:01 | 1:06:05 | |
- Kim? - Yes, sir. | 1:06:05 | 1:06:06 | |
Beg pardon, but when do I make my speech? | 1:06:08 | 1:06:11 | |
Speech? What speech? | 1:06:11 | 1:06:13 | |
I promised Mr McAfee he could say a few words. After all, he's Kim's father. | 1:06:13 | 1:06:17 | |
- Yes, he is. - Kind of a hello from a proud parent. | 1:06:17 | 1:06:20 | |
All right, but ya can't have much time. | 1:06:20 | 1:06:22 | |
In fact, all you can have is 20 seconds on the nose. | 1:06:22 | 1:06:25 | |
Gotcha. I'll just say a few words, get some big laughs. | 1:06:25 | 1:06:28 | |
- And introduce the mayor. - The mayor? | 1:06:28 | 1:06:30 | |
- Ah, come on, Al. What is this? - I... We had a problem. | 1:06:30 | 1:06:34 | |
I had to give the mayor a spot to humour McAfee. | 1:06:34 | 1:06:37 | |
All right, but we'll have to take ten seconds away from McAfee. | 1:06:37 | 1:06:41 | |
I imagine songwriting must be quite a lucrative profession. | 1:06:41 | 1:06:44 | |
- Oh, yes it is. - How many records will they sell? | 1:06:44 | 1:06:48 | |
Oh, about one or two million. | 1:06:48 | 1:06:50 | |
You know, Claude, I had a perfectly wonderful time last night. | 1:06:50 | 1:06:52 | |
- You really are a wonderful dancer. - Oh, I don't know. | 1:06:52 | 1:06:55 | |
When one's heart sings, one's feet take wings. | 1:06:55 | 1:06:57 | |
Oh, how lyrical. Is that Shelley or Keats? | 1:06:57 | 1:07:00 | |
- That, my dear, is Paisley. - Really? | 1:07:00 | 1:07:02 | |
- Uh-huh. - Oh, that's wonderful. | 1:07:02 | 1:07:05 | |
- Shall we go? - Sure. | 1:07:05 | 1:07:07 | |
OK, everybody. Take your places. | 1:07:10 | 1:07:13 | |
Now come on, Kim. Just move right over there. | 1:07:13 | 1:07:15 | |
Just read it like you normally would. OK. | 1:07:15 | 1:07:17 | |
And we, your admirers, are proud that our military leaders have called upon... | 1:07:17 | 1:07:21 | |
- Conrad, honey! - Please, Mrs Peterson. | 1:07:21 | 1:07:23 | |
We're rehearsing. | 1:07:23 | 1:07:25 | |
All right now, Kim. | 1:07:25 | 1:07:27 | |
Could you move over one, please? | 1:07:27 | 1:07:29 | |
Kim, you're talking too fast. Now once more, dear, but slower. | 1:07:31 | 1:07:36 | |
- To express to you... - Tell me, Mrs Peterson. | 1:07:36 | 1:07:39 | |
- What does your husband do? - I don't know. He's dead. | 1:07:39 | 1:07:42 | |
And, and, and I want to say... | 1:07:42 | 1:07:46 | |
on behalf of all the girls who are your devoted admirers... | 1:07:46 | 1:07:51 | |
- Oh, I forgot what's next. - Come on, man. Let's go. | 1:07:51 | 1:07:54 | |
- Hi, Hugo. - They don't want all this jazz. | 1:07:54 | 1:07:56 | |
- Yeah. - They want Conrad. | 1:07:56 | 1:07:58 | |
Look. There's the camera. I bail in, I sing up a storm... | 1:07:58 | 1:08:02 | |
I give this chick the message... | 1:08:02 | 1:08:04 | |
This is my best side. | 1:08:07 | 1:08:09 | |
- Applause. - She's fainted. | 1:08:09 | 1:08:10 | |
- I'll dig you later. - Hey, enough! I'm puttin' my foot down! | 1:08:10 | 1:08:13 | |
My baby! | 1:08:13 | 1:08:14 | |
Now I'm puttin' my foot down. She's not goin' on that show! | 1:08:14 | 1:08:17 | |
Oh, yes, she is. You're not wreckin' my career. | 1:08:17 | 1:08:20 | |
- Oh, what happened? - Tell him you're through... | 1:08:20 | 1:08:23 | |
because you do not wish to humiliate your steady in this sordid fashion. | 1:08:23 | 1:08:26 | |
Hugo Peabody, you take that back! | 1:08:26 | 1:08:28 | |
I will not, but I will take my pin back. | 1:08:28 | 1:08:30 | |
Oh, with pleasure. | 1:08:30 | 1:08:33 | |
Conrad, I know you're tense, but we haven't finished. | 1:08:41 | 1:08:44 | |
- The number's not ready. - Conrad's a trooper, like I was. | 1:08:44 | 1:08:47 | |
- Us troopers get tense. - Yeah. Like she said, like. | 1:08:47 | 1:08:49 | |
Conrad, why don't you and I go for a nice ride in the country? | 1:08:49 | 1:08:52 | |
Uh-uh. Man, I hope I never get that tense. | 1:08:52 | 1:08:56 | |
I never should have said that to Rosie. | 1:08:59 | 1:09:02 | |
-Who does he think he is anyway? - Al, I got a wire here from Ed Sullivan. | 1:09:02 | 1:09:05 | |
"Russian Ballet switching to different dance requiring additional four minutes. | 1:09:05 | 1:09:08 | |
"Therefore, the entire Birdie spot must be cut to less than 30 seconds." | 1:09:08 | 1:09:12 | |
- Cut? - "Tell Peterson and Rosie... | 1:09:12 | 1:09:13 | |
"I'm sorry song is out, but no choice." | 1:09:13 | 1:09:16 | |
No. They can't do this. They can't cut the song. | 1:09:16 | 1:09:19 | |
They've already done it, kid. In 30 seconds all Birdie can do is take a bow. | 1:09:19 | 1:09:23 | |
I'm awfully sorry. | 1:09:23 | 1:09:26 | |
The Russians! | 1:09:26 | 1:09:28 | |
First they take Czechoslovakia, and now they take my four minutes. | 1:09:28 | 1:09:32 | |
- Oh, Mama. - Oh, baby! | 1:09:32 | 1:09:35 | |
Well, that's, that's show business. | 1:09:35 | 1:09:38 | |
# There are chicks just ripe for some kissin' | 1:10:04 | 1:10:08 | |
# And I mean to kiss me a few | 1:10:08 | 1:10:13 | |
# Man, those chicks don't know what they're missin' | 1:10:13 | 1:10:17 | |
# I got a lot of livin' to do | 1:10:17 | 1:10:21 | |
# Sizzlin' steaks all ready for tastin' | 1:10:21 | 1:10:25 | |
# And there's Cadillacs all shiny and new | 1:10:25 | 1:10:30 | |
# Gotta move cos time is a-wastin' | 1:10:30 | 1:10:34 | |
# I got a lot of livin' to do | 1:10:34 | 1:10:38 | |
# There's music to play places to go | 1:10:38 | 1:10:40 | |
# People to see | 1:10:40 | 1:10:43 | |
# Everything for you and me | 1:10:43 | 1:10:46 | |
# Life's a ball if only you know it | 1:10:46 | 1:10:50 | |
# And it's all just waitin' for you | 1:10:50 | 1:10:54 | |
# You're alive so come on and show it | 1:10:54 | 1:10:59 | |
# Yeah, we got a lot of livin' to do | 1:10:59 | 1:11:03 | |
# There are men | 1:11:03 | 1:11:06 | |
# With childhood behind them | 1:11:06 | 1:11:09 | |
# Handsome men | 1:11:09 | 1:11:12 | |
# From Yale or Purdue | 1:11:12 | 1:11:16 | |
# Older men | 1:11:16 | 1:11:19 | |
# And I'm gonna find 'em | 1:11:19 | 1:11:24 | |
# I got a lot of livin' | 1:11:24 | 1:11:28 | |
# To do | 1:11:28 | 1:11:31 | |
# I'm a-gonna have fun | 1:11:31 | 1:11:33 | |
# Gonna be wild | 1:11:33 | 1:11:35 | |
# Have my own way | 1:11:35 | 1:11:38 | |
# I may break | 1:11:38 | 1:11:41 | |
# A heart a day | 1:11:41 | 1:11:45 | |
# Drink champagne | 1:11:45 | 1:11:48 | |
# As if it were water | 1:11:48 | 1:11:52 | |
# Pink champagne | 1:11:52 | 1:11:56 | |
# And after a few | 1:11:56 | 1:11:59 | |
# Daddy dear | 1:11:59 | 1:12:02 | |
# You won't know your daughter | 1:12:02 | 1:12:07 | |
# She's got a lot of livin' | 1:12:07 | 1:12:11 | |
# To do | 1:12:11 | 1:12:12 | |
# Think I'll be | 1:12:18 | 1:12:20 | |
# A ring-a-ding drummer | 1:12:20 | 1:12:21 | |
# Make each week | 1:12:21 | 1:12:23 | |
# A thousand or two | 1:12:23 | 1:12:25 | |
# Gorgeous girls | 1:12:25 | 1:12:27 | |
# Will beg for my number | 1:12:27 | 1:12:29 | |
# Hey, I've got a lot of livin' to do | 1:12:29 | 1:12:34 | |
# Yes, I'm gonna break out Gonna take off | 1:12:34 | 1:12:37 | |
# Gonna be free | 1:12:37 | 1:12:39 | |
# This town is awfully square for a cat like me | 1:12:39 | 1:12:42 | |
# Or I'll be | 1:12:42 | 1:12:44 | |
# A super jet pilot | 1:12:44 | 1:12:46 | |
# Fly me high | 1:12:46 | 1:12:48 | |
# Way out in the blue | 1:12:48 | 1:12:51 | |
# And then they'll see | 1:12:51 | 1:12:53 | |
# I'm no shrinkin' violet | 1:12:53 | 1:12:55 | |
# Hey, I've got a lot of livin' to do | 1:12:55 | 1:12:58 | |
# I got a lot of livin' | 1:15:24 | 1:15:28 | |
# To do | 1:15:28 | 1:15:30 | |
# - There's music to play - Places to go | 1:15:49 | 1:15:52 | |
# People to see | 1:15:52 | 1:15:54 | |
# Ah, everything for you and me | 1:15:54 | 1:15:59 | |
# Life's a ball | 1:15:59 | 1:16:01 | |
# If only you know it | 1:16:01 | 1:16:03 | |
# Yeah, and it's all just waitin' for you | 1:16:03 | 1:16:07 | |
# Oh, you're alive | 1:16:07 | 1:16:10 | |
# So come on and show it | 1:16:10 | 1:16:12 | |
# Yeah, we got a lot of livin' | 1:16:12 | 1:16:14 | |
# Such a lot of livin' | 1:16:14 | 1:16:16 | |
# Tonight's the night we're gonna fly | 1:16:16 | 1:16:18 | |
# Let's kick this hick town into high | 1:16:18 | 1:16:21 | |
# I want a taste of everything | 1:16:25 | 1:16:27 | |
# Let's live it up and really swing | 1:16:27 | 1:16:30 | |
# Got a lot of livin', livin' | 1:16:30 | 1:16:33 | |
# Livin', livin' | 1:16:33 | 1:16:35 | |
# Livin' to do | 1:16:35 | 1:16:37 | |
# Live! # | 1:16:37 | 1:16:38 | |
But you needn't bite my head off. I only ask a civil question. | 1:17:25 | 1:17:28 | |
Ten times you've asked me. | 1:17:28 | 1:17:30 | |
I don't know why they've changed to this slow dance for the TV. | 1:17:30 | 1:17:33 | |
But if Albert can't get him to cut it shorter... | 1:17:33 | 1:17:35 | |
tomorrow night I won't be on Ed Sullivan. | 1:17:35 | 1:17:37 | |
Neither will Kim. You know how much it means to her. | 1:17:37 | 1:17:39 | |
- How about m... - Well, anyway... | 1:17:39 | 1:17:41 | |
Albert's still in with the managers, so that's a good sign. | 1:17:41 | 1:17:44 | |
If Eisenhower couldn't handle the Russians, how is Albert? | 1:17:44 | 1:17:47 | |
HE SPEAKS RUSSIAN | 1:17:48 | 1:17:51 | |
HE REPLIES IN RUSSIAN | 1:17:51 | 1:17:55 | |
Da zdravstvujet Jack Kennedy. | 1:17:57 | 1:17:59 | |
- Oh, long live Joseph Stalin. - Oh! | 1:17:59 | 1:18:02 | |
I mean, Stalin lived too long. | 1:18:02 | 1:18:04 | |
Long live Khrushchev. | 1:18:04 | 1:18:06 | |
HE SPEAKS RUSSIAN | 1:18:12 | 1:18:14 | |
HE READS RUSSIAN | 1:18:18 | 1:18:23 | |
Save your life? Me? | 1:18:23 | 1:18:26 | |
My friend, if you are sick, see a doctor. | 1:18:26 | 1:18:28 | |
If you're sick, see a doctor. You speak English? | 1:18:30 | 1:18:33 | |
It saves time. | 1:18:33 | 1:18:35 | |
What can I do for you, uh, Mr Peterson? | 1:18:35 | 1:18:39 | |
Sir, I have come to appeal to you. | 1:18:40 | 1:18:43 | |
That ballet, the one that you're doing on TV tomorrow night... | 1:18:43 | 1:18:46 | |
Da, for Mr Ed Sullivan. | 1:18:46 | 1:18:48 | |
Yeah. That's the one. Could you just cut that four minutes? | 1:18:48 | 1:18:52 | |
Well, it's beautiful. I love it, but my life depends on it. | 1:18:52 | 1:18:57 | |
Desecrate this classic? | 1:18:57 | 1:18:59 | |
I need the time for Conrad Birdie to sing my song. | 1:18:59 | 1:19:02 | |
Who sent you here? Senator Goldwater? | 1:19:03 | 1:19:06 | |
Will you cut three minutes? | 1:19:06 | 1:19:09 | |
Two minutes? | 1:19:09 | 1:19:11 | |
A minute and a halt. | 1:19:11 | 1:19:13 | |
To cut even ten seconds would be artistic sabotage. | 1:19:13 | 1:19:17 | |
This ballet has historic significance. | 1:19:17 | 1:19:20 | |
It was performed the same day as the funeral of the czar. | 1:19:20 | 1:19:23 | |
Lenin himself made the arrangement. | 1:19:23 | 1:19:25 | |
- Lenin arranged music? - No! Funerals! | 1:19:26 | 1:19:29 | |
- Hello, Rose. - Oh, hi, Kim. You still up? | 1:19:35 | 1:19:40 | |
Oh, I'm so miserable, Rose. | 1:19:40 | 1:19:43 | |
I've lost Hugo, and now I'm not even going to be on TV. | 1:19:43 | 1:19:46 | |
Why not? | 1:19:46 | 1:19:48 | |
The ballet's taking tour extra minutes, so Birdie's song and the kiss are out. | 1:19:48 | 1:19:53 | |
Oh, serves Albert right. | 1:19:53 | 1:19:56 | |
Oh, now come on. Relax. | 1:19:56 | 1:19:58 | |
Faithless men like Albert and Hugo... | 1:19:58 | 1:20:00 | |
they're all alike... from puberty to stupidity... | 1:20:00 | 1:20:03 | |
from Benedict Arnold to Mussolini. | 1:20:03 | 1:20:05 | |
Men. We laugh at them, right? | 1:20:05 | 1:20:09 | |
It's easy for you to pick up the pieces of your shattered dream. | 1:20:09 | 1:20:14 | |
You've found a compensation. | 1:20:14 | 1:20:17 | |
Ah, that Claude Paisley is just too much. | 1:20:17 | 1:20:21 | |
He's too much, all right. But I won't mention of what. | 1:20:23 | 1:20:27 | |
All that charm, so genteel, | 1:20:27 | 1:20:30 | |
so educated, so underhanded! | 1:20:30 | 1:20:33 | |
You mean Mr Paisley's like all the rest? | 1:20:35 | 1:20:38 | |
I thought he was the marrying type. | 1:20:38 | 1:20:40 | |
Oh, he is. | 1:20:40 | 1:20:42 | |
He wanted to elope tonight. | 1:20:42 | 1:20:44 | |
And you know what? He'd like to live in New York. | 1:20:44 | 1:20:47 | |
Uh, not to teach... to be a songwriter. | 1:20:47 | 1:20:49 | |
A songwriter? | 1:20:49 | 1:20:51 | |
He's all the things I want to get away from. | 1:20:52 | 1:20:55 | |
Oh, I'm sorry. | 1:20:55 | 1:20:56 | |
I never dreamed that Mr Paisley, of all men... | 1:20:56 | 1:21:00 | |
Oh, well. Men. They're only out to use us, Kim. | 1:21:00 | 1:21:04 | |
I know. Hugo's used me since we were freshman. | 1:21:04 | 1:21:07 | |
All those years I wasted on Albert. | 1:21:07 | 1:21:10 | |
Rosie the dependable one, Rosie the patient one... | 1:21:10 | 1:21:13 | |
Rosie the good girl. | 1:21:13 | 1:21:15 | |
I know it sounds fashioned, but I'm not ashamed to admit it. | 1:21:15 | 1:21:18 | |
- I'm still a good girl. - Rose? | 1:21:18 | 1:21:20 | |
- Hmm? - So am I. | 1:21:20 | 1:21:23 | |
No kidding? | 1:21:25 | 1:21:28 | |
Well, you won't be sorry. | 1:21:28 | 1:21:31 | |
- Are you going out so late? - Mm-hmm. | 1:21:35 | 1:21:37 | |
My farewell to Sweet Apple... a night to remember. I'm going to Maude's Cafe. | 1:21:37 | 1:21:41 | |
Maude's? That's a wild place. | 1:21:41 | 1:21:45 | |
You're not gonna do anything rash? | 1:21:45 | 1:21:48 | |
Whatever you hear about me, Kim... | 1:21:48 | 1:21:50 | |
just tell them that she loved not wisely, but too well. | 1:21:50 | 1:21:54 | |
This is the place, Albert... hottest spot in the county. | 1:22:05 | 1:22:08 | |
- How do you know? - Oh, I heard, only heard. | 1:22:08 | 1:22:11 | |
Albert, don't go in that place. | 1:22:11 | 1:22:14 | |
- I must. it's the only way. - But drinking won't solve anything. | 1:22:14 | 1:22:17 | |
He's frustrated. | 1:22:17 | 1:22:20 | |
Good-bye. | 1:22:20 | 1:22:23 | |
Thanks. | 1:22:24 | 1:22:25 | |
I'd go in there with ya it I weren't a happy family man | 1:22:25 | 1:22:27 | |
and not allowed to enjoy myself. | 1:22:27 | 1:22:29 | |
Oh, please, Mister, I... Oh, my arm! | 1:22:29 | 1:22:31 | |
- I just want to... - I'm telling you for the last time! | 1:22:31 | 1:22:34 | |
- All I want is a drink. - No drinks! Now get lost! | 1:22:34 | 1:22:37 | |
Well, just a pint of bourbon? Gin? Scotch? | 1:22:37 | 1:22:41 | |
Well, how about a malted with a little vodka? | 1:22:41 | 1:22:43 | |
Come back when you're 21. | 1:22:43 | 1:22:45 | |
Oh, well, I'm way over 21. I only look young from too much drinkin'. | 1:22:45 | 1:22:50 | |
Oh, look at me. Look at the shell of a human being... | 1:22:55 | 1:22:58 | |
the monster you've created. | 1:22:58 | 1:23:00 | |
Oh, I'm sorry about... Uh, Hugo, don't worry. You'll get Kim back. | 1:23:00 | 1:23:04 | |
No, thanks. The bloom is off the rose. | 1:23:04 | 1:23:08 | |
Rose. Little Rose... | 1:23:08 | 1:23:12 | |
a precious flower that I trampled on. | 1:23:12 | 1:23:15 | |
There you go. | 1:23:30 | 1:23:32 | |
A toast to Mae. She's OK. | 1:23:32 | 1:23:35 | |
I'm a songwriter too, huh? | 1:23:35 | 1:23:37 | |
Would you call the McAfee house again and see if my Al... Sonny! | 1:23:37 | 1:23:40 | |
Mama, what are you doin' in a place like this? | 1:23:40 | 1:23:42 | |
We're playin' canasta. I got lonesome. | 1:23:42 | 1:23:44 | |
- Did you cut the Russians? - And why are you consorting with him? | 1:23:44 | 1:23:47 | |
- Glad to meet you. - Now looks ain't everything. | 1:23:47 | 1:23:49 | |
Besides, Mr Maude is 100% gentlemen and a widower. | 1:23:49 | 1:23:52 | |
Three times. Sit down, Albert. | 1:23:52 | 1:23:54 | |
Any son of Mae Peterson is a friend of mine. Come. Sit down. Go on. | 1:23:54 | 1:23:58 | |
Mama, get your things. We're taking the bus to New York tonight. | 1:23:58 | 1:24:01 | |
Your song! it's all off? | 1:24:01 | 1:24:02 | |
- It's dead, like I am. Let's go. - You ain't going, Mae. Say you ain't! | 1:24:02 | 1:24:06 | |
- You unhand her. Come on, Mama. - OK, buster. Set 'em up! | 1:24:06 | 1:24:09 | |
Double scotch and gin on the side and, uh, a bourbon chaser. | 1:24:09 | 1:24:13 | |
Make that a triple chaser, and bring on the dancing boys! | 1:24:13 | 1:24:17 | |
Well, come on. Make me the drinks, Meyer. We gotta put out this fire. | 1:24:17 | 1:24:20 | |
# Everything is Rosie | 1:24:22 | 1:24:24 | |
# Cha, cha, cha | 1:24:24 | 1:24:25 | |
- 'Cause my name is Rosie - Oh, the poor thing. | 1:24:25 | 1:24:27 | |
- Fifi, huh - She can't get over me. | 1:24:27 | 1:24:30 | |
She's singing the song I wrote for her. | 1:24:30 | 1:24:32 | |
You wrote her a song? | 1:24:32 | 1:24:33 | |
Well, only eight bars, Mama. Somehow I never could finish it. | 1:24:33 | 1:24:36 | |
Hey, what's with the red cap? You got a train inside? | 1:24:36 | 1:24:41 | |
Where are you goin'? | 1:24:46 | 1:24:48 | |
I'm gonna go down and see what the boys in the back room will have. | 1:24:48 | 1:24:50 | |
Albert, where are you going? | 1:24:50 | 1:24:52 | |
To save her from herself... | 1:24:52 | 1:24:54 | |
To save her for me. She might get in trouble. | 1:24:54 | 1:24:57 | |
Report on the charity bazaar we ran for the benefit of the old folk home... | 1:24:57 | 1:25:01 | |
to wit net cash receipts, 840.06. | 1:25:01 | 1:25:07 | |
Valuable goods contributed, two milk cows, live... | 1:25:07 | 1:25:12 | |
80 lugs of fresh fruit... | 1:25:12 | 1:25:14 | |
45 young cumquat trees... | 1:25:14 | 1:25:17 | |
one ton of fertilizer... | 1:25:17 | 1:25:20 | |
And now, before the recording secretary | 1:25:33 | 1:25:36 | |
reads the minutes from last week's meeting | 1:25:36 | 1:25:38 | |
I wish to bring up a subject | 1:25:38 | 1:25:40 | |
that I know is on everybody's mind... | 1:25:40 | 1:25:44 | |
tonight. | 1:25:44 | 1:25:45 | |
As I was saying, gentlemen... | 1:26:45 | 1:26:47 | |
Yeah! | 1:27:17 | 1:27:18 | |
Yeah! | 1:27:49 | 1:27:50 | |
No. Listen, fellas... Watch out! | 1:28:43 | 1:28:45 | |
Rosie, baby. | 1:29:43 | 1:29:45 | |
Good morning, darling. | 1:29:51 | 1:29:53 | |
Way past noon. Sleep OK, honey? | 1:29:53 | 1:29:55 | |
Mm-hmm. I tried not to. | 1:29:55 | 1:29:58 | |
I wanted to keep reliving that wonderful moment... | 1:29:58 | 1:30:01 | |
When my shining knight | 1:30:03 | 1:30:06 | |
rushed into the sultan's cave | 1:30:06 | 1:30:08 | |
and carried me off. | 1:30:08 | 1:30:10 | |
Oh, that's just the beginning. | 1:30:12 | 1:30:14 | |
Pack. We're takin' the bus to Niagara Falls. | 1:30:14 | 1:30:18 | |
Oh, yes, dear. | 1:30:18 | 1:30:19 | |
You never saw me in pyjamas before. | 1:30:26 | 1:30:31 | |
You disappointed? | 1:30:31 | 1:30:32 | |
Mm-mm. | 1:30:32 | 1:30:34 | |
Are you? | 1:30:37 | 1:30:39 | |
Let's take a plane to Niagara Falls, a jet! | 1:30:47 | 1:30:52 | |
Albert, we came here to get your mother set financially... | 1:30:57 | 1:31:00 | |
and our marriage wouldn't have a chance... | 1:31:00 | 1:31:03 | |
if we started off feeling guilty about deserting her. | 1:31:03 | 1:31:05 | |
That's right. It may be a long time before I make any money. | 1:31:05 | 1:31:09 | |
Not if Birdie sang your song tonight. | 1:31:09 | 1:31:11 | |
No chance. I pleaded. | 1:31:11 | 1:31:14 | |
They won't shorten the ballet... not even ten seconds. | 1:31:14 | 1:31:17 | |
it's the slowest dance I ever saw. They move like turtles. | 1:31:17 | 1:31:20 | |
Albert! | 1:31:23 | 1:31:24 | |
- What? - Randolph! | 1:31:24 | 1:31:27 | |
Boys, those are really showstoppers. | 1:31:32 | 1:31:34 | |
Frank, Dean and Sammy, come on out here and take a bow. | 1:31:34 | 1:31:37 | |
Frank, Dean and Sammy McWilliams. Thank you, boys. | 1:31:39 | 1:31:44 | |
Right now, here on our stage, the magnificent orchestra... | 1:31:44 | 1:31:48 | |
of American composer-conductor Ray Block. | 1:31:48 | 1:31:50 | |
Now, really. Let's hear it. | 1:31:50 | 1:31:52 | |
Well, that ought to do it. Any questions? | 1:31:52 | 1:31:54 | |
- No, sir. Not at all. - OK. I'm going backstage. | 1:31:54 | 1:31:56 | |
Right. | 1:31:56 | 1:31:58 | |
Don't know why I let that Albert drag us here. | 1:32:02 | 1:32:04 | |
Rosie said she might have a big surprise for us. | 1:32:04 | 1:32:07 | |
Maybe they'll show us sitting here on TV. I bet that's it. | 1:32:07 | 1:32:10 | |
- Where did you get all that money? - I sold Mr Peterson my chemical set. | 1:32:10 | 1:32:14 | |
- Two minutes, maestro. - Borov will be there. | 1:32:16 | 1:32:21 | |
Have never been late for performance in whole career. | 1:32:21 | 1:32:24 | |
- You say you from magazine? - Uh, yes. American Ballet magazine. | 1:32:26 | 1:32:29 | |
We want a picture of the world's greatest conductor, Maestro Borov. | 1:32:29 | 1:32:33 | |
You flatter me. So, shoot me quick. | 1:32:33 | 1:32:37 | |
Uh, drinking this milk. | 1:32:37 | 1:32:40 | |
- Milk? - Yes. | 1:32:40 | 1:32:42 | |
We drink vodka, little flower. | 1:32:42 | 1:32:45 | |
Oh, well, no, thank you. Please, maestro. This milk. | 1:32:45 | 1:32:49 | |
You see, our president has asked us to drink more milk... | 1:32:49 | 1:32:51 | |
and it would be a goodwill gesture. | 1:32:51 | 1:32:53 | |
- President? - Yes. | 1:32:53 | 1:32:55 | |
Oh, won't you, please, maestro to improve our relations? | 1:32:55 | 1:32:59 | |
You are pretty enough to be un-American. | 1:33:01 | 1:33:03 | |
All right. Here we go. Drink up. That's it. | 1:33:05 | 1:33:08 | |
Now keep drinking until I frame you... Uh, frame you perfectly. All right. | 1:33:08 | 1:33:13 | |
Bottoms up. That's it. | 1:33:13 | 1:33:16 | |
Very good. | 1:33:20 | 1:33:22 | |
You've got it. I mean, gotcha! | 1:33:24 | 1:33:26 | |
See you after, could be? | 1:33:28 | 1:33:30 | |
- I'll catch up with ya. - And for you I do not go too fast. | 1:33:30 | 1:33:34 | |
We shall see. | 1:33:35 | 1:33:36 | |
Good-bye. Thank you. | 1:33:38 | 1:33:40 | |
Mission accomplished. | 1:33:50 | 1:33:52 | |
- He drank it? - Yeah. | 1:33:52 | 1:33:54 | |
My formula works on chickens and Randolph's turtle... | 1:33:54 | 1:33:56 | |
but I don't know about humans. | 1:33:56 | 1:33:58 | |
Well, if it doesn't, we're no worse off... | 1:33:58 | 1:34:00 | |
but if it does, this will be the shortest ballet in history. | 1:34:00 | 1:34:02 | |
And now, ready America and Canada? | 1:34:02 | 1:34:04 | |
Because here we go out to Columbus, Ohio... | 1:34:04 | 1:34:07 | |
where the Moscow Ballet dances "The Rose Adagio" | 1:34:07 | 1:34:11 | |
from Tchaikovsky's Sleeping Beauty | 1:34:11 | 1:34:13 | |
conducted by Maestro Borov. | 1:34:13 | 1:34:15 | |
Take it away, CBS Columbus, Ohio. | 1:34:15 | 1:34:18 | |
We're on. Up on one. | 1:34:18 | 1:34:20 | |
Lights. | 1:34:27 | 1:34:30 | |
Camera two, can you move to your right just a couple of feet? | 1:35:34 | 1:35:37 | |
Magnificent. | 1:36:07 | 1:36:08 | |
It's not gonna work. | 1:36:30 | 1:36:32 | |
MUSIC TURNS ERRATIC | 1:37:02 | 1:37:05 | |
This is crazy. That's not the way it was rehearsed. | 1:37:14 | 1:37:17 | |
What is it, sabotage? | 1:37:19 | 1:37:21 | |
LAUGHTER | 1:37:24 | 1:37:26 | |
LAUGHTER | 1:37:33 | 1:37:36 | |
Borov! | 1:37:38 | 1:37:41 | |
HE SPEAKS RUSSIAN | 1:37:52 | 1:37:55 | |
HE SPEAKS RUSSIAN | 1:37:57 | 1:38:00 | |
We'll have to fill some time. Put the Birdie song back in. | 1:38:17 | 1:38:20 | |
Gotcha, Ed. | 1:38:20 | 1:38:22 | |
Take over. Be prepared for the Birdie spot. | 1:38:22 | 1:38:25 | |
LAUGHTER | 1:38:25 | 1:38:27 | |
Albert, "One Last Kiss" is back in. Find Conrad. Rosie, get Kim. | 1:38:31 | 1:38:34 | |
- Right. - Put the Birdie spot on stage. Let's go! | 1:38:34 | 1:38:37 | |
McAfee, hurry up! Come on. Let's go. The song is back in! | 1:38:48 | 1:38:51 | |
- A miracle happened! Let's go! - What? Come on! | 1:38:51 | 1:38:53 | |
Are you crazy, Borov? | 1:39:16 | 1:39:18 | |
CHEERING AND ANGRY SHOUTS | 1:39:27 | 1:39:31 | |
Ay-yai-yai! | 1:39:35 | 1:39:36 | |
I've never seen such speedin' dancers. Thank you, Moscow Ballet... | 1:39:42 | 1:39:46 | |
for that brilliant and unexpected bit of burlesque. | 1:39:46 | 1:39:48 | |
And now, another great treat | 1:39:48 | 1:39:50 | |
Conrad Birdie. Ee-yo! | 1:39:50 | 1:39:52 | |
GIRLS SCREAM | 1:39:52 | 1:39:57 | |
On behalf of all the members | 1:40:21 | 1:40:24 | |
of the Sweet Apple chapter of the Conrad Birdie Fan Club... | 1:40:24 | 1:40:27 | |
GIRLS SCREAM | 1:40:27 | 1:40:29 | |
..we wish to express to you | 1:40:31 | 1:40:33 | |
our great pride in your brave deed. | 1:40:33 | 1:40:36 | |
- Hiya, Ed. - Oh, no. | 1:40:36 | 1:40:39 | |
Oh, hi. How are ya? | 1:40:42 | 1:40:44 | |
I wish to convey our deep pride | 1:40:50 | 1:40:52 | |
in your brave deed, namely... | 1:40:52 | 1:40:54 | |
As a citizen, I'm proud to have Conrad | 1:40:54 | 1:40:57 | |
defend my family and the McAfee Fertilizer Company. | 1:40:57 | 1:41:01 | |
Conrad, sing! | 1:41:02 | 1:41:04 | |
# Oh, one last kiss | 1:41:06 | 1:41:10 | |
# Give me one last kiss | 1:41:10 | 1:41:11 | |
# It never felt like this | 1:41:11 | 1:41:13 | |
# Nah, baby, not like this | 1:41:13 | 1:41:16 | |
# You know I need your love | 1:41:16 | 1:41:18 | |
# Give me one last kiss | 1:41:19 | 1:41:22 | |
# One last kiss | 1:41:22 | 1:41:25 | |
# Oh, one more time | 1:41:25 | 1:41:26 | |
# Mmm, baby, one more time | 1:41:26 | 1:41:28 | |
# It really is sublime | 1:41:28 | 1:41:31 | |
# Ah, honey, so sublime | 1:41:31 | 1:41:33 | |
# You know I need your love | 1:41:33 | 1:41:36 | |
# Give me one last kiss | 1:41:37 | 1:41:39 | |
# One last kiss | 1:41:39 | 1:41:42 | |
# Ba-a-a-aby | 1:41:43 | 1:41:47 | |
# Give me one last kiss | 1:41:47 | 1:41:50 | |
# Ba-a-a-aby | 1:41:50 | 1:41:56 | |
# Give me one la... # | 1:41:56 | 1:41:57 | |
Argh! | 1:41:57 | 1:41:59 | |
Yoo-hoo! Albert! | 1:42:06 | 1:42:09 | |
I saw it all on TV. "One Last Kiss" was a disaster. | 1:42:12 | 1:42:15 | |
Who wants to buy a record of a guy with a glass jaw? | 1:42:15 | 1:42:17 | |
Now will you take Mama's advice and get out of show business? | 1:42:17 | 1:42:20 | |
I am! My song may be dead, but my chemical formula works on people. | 1:42:20 | 1:42:24 | |
Shh. The Russians may have this place bugged. | 1:42:24 | 1:42:26 | |
It was Albert's formula that made the orchestra leader go that fast. | 1:42:26 | 1:42:30 | |
My genius! | 1:42:30 | 1:42:32 | |
You gotta work on my cleaning woman. She gets a dollar an hour. | 1:42:32 | 1:42:35 | |
Yeah. Mama... | 1:42:35 | 1:42:38 | |
Mama... | 1:42:39 | 1:42:40 | |
Rosie and I are going to Niagara Falls. | 1:42:40 | 1:42:43 | |
Well... | 1:42:44 | 1:42:46 | |
..it's about time. | 1:42:48 | 1:42:50 | |
Oh, Mae! You have to come with us! | 1:42:54 | 1:42:57 | |
No. I'm one mother, doesn't mix in. Maude! | 1:42:57 | 1:43:00 | |
Don't tall in the pit, Maude. | 1:43:00 | 1:43:03 | |
- Albert? - Yes. | 1:43:04 | 1:43:05 | |
I would like to do things proper. | 1:43:05 | 1:43:08 | |
So I would like the honour of becoming your stepfather. | 1:43:08 | 1:43:10 | |
Is it all right, Albert? | 1:43:12 | 1:43:14 | |
Mama, with my blessing! | 1:43:14 | 1:43:16 | |
I'm glad because we just got married. | 1:43:16 | 1:43:19 | |
Yes. | 1:43:19 | 1:43:20 | |
- What a surprise! - How exciting! It's beautiful! | 1:43:23 | 1:43:27 | |
- Congratulations! - Thank you very much. | 1:43:27 | 1:43:29 | |
Let's go, Maudie! We're leavin' for Akron. | 1:43:29 | 1:43:32 | |
Hubby has to open a new bar and he wants me to throw out the first beer can. | 1:43:32 | 1:43:34 | |
Yeah! Good-bye, son! | 1:43:34 | 1:43:36 | |
The falls are wet. Take your rubbers! | 1:43:36 | 1:43:38 | |
- Bye! - Yes, Mrs Maude. | 1:43:38 | 1:43:40 | |
How about that? Maude and Mrs Peterson. | 1:43:40 | 1:43:42 | |
- Oh, ready here, Albert. - Be right with you. | 1:43:42 | 1:43:44 | |
No hurry, partner. | 1:43:44 | 1:43:47 | |
I promise you one thing, snookums. | 1:43:47 | 1:43:49 | |
No matter how many millions I make sellin' Speed Up | 1:43:49 | 1:43:51 | |
I'll still be the same, humble, lovable guy. | 1:43:51 | 1:43:54 | |
And it any of those hicks try to push me around, I'll break 'em. | 1:43:54 | 1:43:58 | |
# Everything is Rosie | 1:44:01 | 1:44:04 | |
# Since I found my Rosie... # | 1:44:04 | 1:44:07 | |
Same old words. | 1:44:07 | 1:44:09 | |
# With a girl like Rosie | 1:44:09 | 1:44:13 | |
# How could I be blue... # | 1:44:13 | 1:44:15 | |
Same eight bars. Now what? | 1:44:15 | 1:44:17 | |
# Hand in hand, we'll mosey | 1:44:17 | 1:44:20 | |
# Me and little Rosie | 1:44:20 | 1:44:23 | |
# We will be so cosy | 1:44:23 | 1:44:26 | |
# By a fire built for two... # | 1:44:26 | 1:44:29 | |
Oh, Albert, you're too much. | 1:44:29 | 1:44:31 | |
# Oh, I once heard a poem that goes | 1:44:31 | 1:44:35 | |
# A rose is a rose is a rose | 1:44:35 | 1:44:39 | |
# But I don't agree | 1:44:39 | 1:44:41 | |
# Take it from me | 1:44:41 | 1:44:43 | |
# There's one rose sweeter than any that grows | 1:44:43 | 1:44:46 | |
# And that's my Rosie | 1:44:46 | 1:44:48 | |
# I'm so glad she chose me | 1:44:49 | 1:44:52 | |
# Life is one sweet | 1:44:52 | 1:44:55 | |
# Beautiful song to me | 1:44:55 | 1:44:58 | |
# Everything is Hugo | 1:44:58 | 1:45:02 | |
# I will go where you'll go | 1:45:02 | 1:45:06 | |
# With a boy like Hugo | 1:45:06 | 1:45:09 | |
# How could I be blue | 1:45:09 | 1:45:12 | |
# We will be so cosy | 1:45:12 | 1:45:17 | |
# Just like Al and Rosie | 1:45:17 | 1:45:21 | |
# But we're gonna mosey | 1:45:21 | 1:45:24 | |
# In a hot-rod built for two | 1:45:24 | 1:45:27 | |
# - And that's my Rosie - Gee, how delighted we'll be | 1:45:29 | 1:45:32 | |
# - I'm so glad she chose me - When you are cosy with me | 1:45:32 | 1:45:36 | |
# Life is one sweet beautiful song | 1:45:36 | 1:45:40 | |
# When love is right then what could be wrong | 1:45:40 | 1:45:43 | |
# Life is one sweet | 1:45:43 | 1:45:47 | |
# Beautiful song to me | 1:45:47 | 1:45:51 | |
# Bye, bye | 1:45:54 | 1:45:56 | |
# Birdie | 1:45:56 | 1:45:59 | |
# The army's got you now | 1:45:59 | 1:46:03 | |
# I'll try | 1:46:03 | 1:46:05 | |
# Birdie | 1:46:05 | 1:46:07 | |
# To forget somehow | 1:46:07 | 1:46:11 | |
# No more | 1:46:12 | 1:46:15 | |
# Sighing | 1:46:15 | 1:46:17 | |
# Each time you move those lips | 1:46:17 | 1:46:20 | |
# No more | 1:46:20 | 1:46:22 | |
# Dying | 1:46:22 | 1:46:25 | |
# When you twitch those hips | 1:46:25 | 1:46:28 | |
# Your swivel and your sway | 1:46:28 | 1:46:30 | |
# Your super-duper class | 1:46:30 | 1:46:32 | |
# There's nothing left to say | 1:46:32 | 1:46:34 | |
# But, Conrad, you're a gas | 1:46:34 | 1:46:38 | |
# Bye, bye | 1:46:39 | 1:46:40 | |
# Birdie | 1:46:40 | 1:46:43 | |
# Ta, ta, ol' sweetie pie | 1:46:43 | 1:46:47 | |
# Bye, bye | 1:46:47 | 1:46:49 | |
# Birdie | 1:46:49 | 1:46:51 | |
# Time for me to fly | 1:46:51 | 1:46:55 | |
# Time for me to fly | 1:46:55 | 1:47:00 | |
# Time to say good-bye. # | 1:47:00 | 1:47:04 | |
Bye, now. | 1:47:04 | 1:47:05 |