Loserville

Go on babes. Take a picture of Mammy with your new camera. Come on,

it's freezing. Make sure I don't look fat and get my head in this

time. Ok, I know what you're thinking. This is going to be one

of those really wet films, where everything is just too good to be

true. Well, bear with me, because it's about to get really nasty. How

do I know this? Because that's me as a kid with my Mam. Come on, it's

Mam? Mam? Mammy! Told you this After my Mother died, Dad tried his

best, but the truth was, he Which was where my evil stepmother

came onto the scene. Meet Susan Lewis, an undiagnosed psychopath

Dad met in work. Two trips to their favourite value seafood joint and a

weekend away and suddenly my Dad Maybe next time Dad'll think twice

about hiding the ring inside a To say me and my new step-mother

didn't hit it off was something of an understatement. When they got

back from honeymoon, I told my dad it was either me or her. He sent me

to my room and took her out for another slap-up meal. I got my own

back, though. Look, Auntie Susan, I After that, World War 3 broke out.

There you are, my precious. Your new mumm'y got a little something

extra for you. It actually tasted better than the usual swill she

After the incident with the hair, I had to see Dr Burgan, the child

psychologist, who seemed terribly interested in my paintings. But, I

think he missed what the real With my wicked stepmother came her

evil spawn, and light of her life, Nigel Lummox Lewis. For years name

calling and destroying my things. Then, when the Lummox hit teen-dom,

it was purvey letching after his step Sis'. You could be fit, if you

weren't such a skank. You'll always be an asshole. Mam! K's fallen

The day Lummox passed his driving test, they bought him a car.

Unfortunately, for him it happened to be on the same day as next door

was having three tons of bricks delivered for their planned

It was one of my proudest achievements. Unfortunately, Lummox

saw it as a cue to make my life even more of a living hell.

going to make you pay. And I know just how. This is the moment I

I knew if I stayed any longer, I'd eventually end up in the hospital

or loony bin. I don't know why I choose the window but next time,

I'll make sure I have a ladder on With nowhere to go, I ended up on

crashing on more mate's sofa's than DFS have had sales. It's a bit

difficult having you here. I don't want you to go but I need you to.

I'm really sorry, but you're going to have to go...tonight. Having

peed off all my friends and living relatives, I finally drew a blank

on the coldest night in the history of the world, ever. I have to

confess, I did think about going In the end, I crashed round the

back of the council offices. It was freezing and festering. When you

think of homelessness, this is the cliche image that probably pops

into your head. A messed up kid, sleeping on cardboard. How old are

you? 17. What's your name? Katherine, I'm Aled Daniels, I'm an

emergency housing officer for the Council. If as you say, you can't

return home tonight, I'm the person that's going to find you a place.

Are you sure I can't ring a family member? Then, you're going to have

to come with me. I'm afraid you're going to have to stay in a hotel.

They're full. Thank God, it looks bloody grim. It's all right,

Smells like someone's died in here. Don't think anyone's died in here.

It's going to be all right. Only Who's there? Only me. Who's me?

Laura. I have the room opposite. Hiya. Hiya. Why are you in my room?

I came to use your toilet. Alicja who had this room before you, she

used to let me. I did knock, but you were asleep. Why do you need to

use my toilet? Because, one, there is no toilet in my room, two, the

one in the hall doesn't have a seat. Three, I'm pregnant and need to

piss all the time. And, four... Sorry. I've haven't eaten properly

So what brings you to Loserville? just needed some space, you? I was

living with my boyfriend. When I got pregnant, he kicked me out. He

beat me with a golf club first, I nearly lost my baby. That and the

ambiance. You OK, now? Yeah, amazing. Best of all, I'm getting

out here, soon. My own flat, Private, not council grot stop.

Going to have soap and an en-suite. I've been saving for the deposit.

Nearly got enough. Why don't you ask the owners here to put a seat

on the one in the hall? Oh, they've got one. They just put it on when

the inspector come round. They take it off, say that it's our fault.

That's disgusting. Sorry, does it smell? Sorry. No, that they don't

supply toilet seats. You wait till breakfast? What happens then?

show you. It's almost amusing. Leave that a couple of minutes. Had

This is the all you can eat, breakfast bar. Box of cornflakes.

Take your order at the tables? This is it. A box of cornflakes.

But there's no milk or bowls. spoons, either if you wanna be

picky. I don't get it, how are you meant to eat? You don't. That's the

idea. But the management can claim they have laid on breakfast for

their beloved guests. That's a con. I think most people would prefer it

if we staved to death. C'mon, we better get going. Chuck us out 8.30,

won't let us back till 5pm. What are we supposed to do till 5? Get

you breakfast, of course. Over the next 24 hours, Laura gave me a

crash course on how to survive on �20 quid a week and the joys of an

extra value, own brand, pre-cooked, cold food diet. Mega-Value Chicken

Thumpers 4 for a quid. 543 grams. How do you know all this? You have

about �20 quid a week for food. �3.33 everyday? If you spend �3 a

day, that's �21. How do you spend �3.33 a day? You just don't eat for

one day. It's better than totally starving the rest. But, you're

pregnant. I know, but you have to make sacrifices. Is that good for

the baby? What do you think? But, who cares about scroungers kids'

kid. Hope you're not a veggie. Not that there's even much

mechanically reclaimed skull meat Yeah. What flavour? Cheese and

onion. I'm corned beef. You warming it on that lightbulb? Yeah. Need

any sauce with that? I wanted to make sure you were all right. My

name's Kelvin. Everybody calls me Jasper. Kelvin's a rubbish name. I

was visiting my buddy. Catherine. I just wanted to introduce myself to

and to say if ever you need anything give me a shout. I'm all

right. Give me a shout. She's OK, Jaspa! Oh, Hiya. I was just telling

Katherine here that I know what you were telling her. We're about to go

out. So, if you don't mind Up to you. See you later. Why were you so

horrible to him? Look, just stay away from him. Why? He's a Pred.

what? Predator. He sucks on people's desperation, he just uses

people. He seems an alright bloke. He's not. Trust me, he's the worst

news in the world. After a few days of eating light bulb warmed food, I

realised the importance of toilet seats. How is it now? A couple of

days and you'll grow taller, until you've the paprika mega-value

fingers. God, it is burning. Sounds like you are going to be a while.

Do you want some more tissue? For I felt. The bustard hurt. Do you

want a hand? What do you think? Is that your mom? Yes. How did you end

up here? I was with my mum and dad, but she's back in hospital again.

She's got cancer. I wanted to stay at home, but they said I couldn't

cope on my own, so here I am. long have you been here? Three

months. You? Just over a week. come I haven't seen you? I try to

stay out of sight, don't want many people to know I'm here. What do

you think of this place? It's like a living nightmare. I've had all my

stuff nicked by junkies, been offered drug, been offered to go on

the game, been threatened three times. It's been lovely. Hopefully

my mum will be out of hospital soon. Fancy a Pot Noodle? Warm food? I

thought cooking was banned. It is, but what are they going to do?

'Suddenly there were three of us against the world. Weirdly, for the

first time in years, I felt like I belonged somewhere. With my new

friends. Look at the size of you.

'But our happiness was to be short lived. As Laura predicted, my

promised couple of days at the Smell View Hotel soon stretched

into months. Waiting for my name to move up a list of urgent priority

housing cases that never seem to Jess, I'm afraid we've got really

bad news. It's about your mum. Can we have a chat, please? No!

Please, no. Not my mother! No! No! Not my mum, no!

JESS SOBS. Do you want anything like tea, coffee? Pot noodle?

be fine. I just want to sleep. you sure you are going to be all

right? Please, I need to sleep. If there is anything you need,

Apology for the loss of subtitles for 55 seconds

right, just holler, all right? Maybe she's better off than us.

what? Maybe she's better off then us now. How can you say that? She's

dead. At least she doesn't have to deal with this. Oh, being dead is

easier than this, is it? Probably easier. How can you say that?

Sometimes you think you know everything, right, but deep down,

you're just a stupid thick moron. The same stupid thick moron that

has had to deal with your naive ass for the past month. Get lost,

# The hurt I hurt... # The next two weeks were the longest of my time

at the Bellevue.' We got to go, the pigs are here, they're doing a

drugs raid. I haven't got any drugs! Doesn't matter, they'll find

some. I've got nothing to hide. Look, I know we're not seeing eye

to eye at the moment, but they are going to bust somebody, anybody,

you! That's not fair, though. Life's not fair, come on! Vamoosh!

Pigs are coming. Quick, come on, quick get in the car. SIRENS WAIL.

Come on, quick! You girls OK in the back? Yeah, fine thanks. 'Riding in

Admit, I found it hard to believe Are you OK in the back? Riding in

the back of the car, I've done it hard to admit this was the monster

Laura had told me about. The same guy that killed three junkies when

he tried to make his supply go further by cutting it would drain

cleaner. Who beats money out of Polish workers living in the

Bellevue. Listen, we are going to get something to eat, do you want

to come with us? He seemed like a Have you been here before? I know

the people that Owen this place. Are you OK? It's a bit noisy for me,

to be honest. Getting a bit cold now. I've got to go outside and

make some phone calls, recharge my earring aid. Do you want to go

outside and grab some fresh air? I won't try anything. If I do, you

can hit me with that. Go on, take I know what you're thinking, dumb

move, I thought it myself, but This is awkward. Nice, like, but

awkward. Can you do me a favour, can you

I only use the best stuff for myself. What's the matter? Don't

you trust me? It's not that, it's just...

don't you loosen up? Have a bit of fun? Ladies first, I insist. That's

my girl. Listen, if you came and worked for me, I could get you

anything. Many, below, upholder, it No? Don't play the innocent with me,

OK. We both know why we are here. You homeless mob, if you've had it

and you all need money. I'm just looking for a bit of fun. And I

will be very, very nice to you in return. I think I'd better go.

where? Where are you going to go? You're not going anywhere,

sweetheart. Please get off me. Please get off me. You're hurting

me. Look at me, look at me! You get in my car, you lead me on, who do

you think a ram? Shut up! You think you can come into my car? Get out

Apology for the loss of subtitles for 55 seconds

of the car now! She broke my nose! By dodging he was a complete

psychopath! He is going to kill us. What are we going to do when we are

up there? You think you can get away from me? Can you close the

Where are we going? I don't know All the way to the top, girls? Here

I come. I will kill yr! Are we going to die?

It's Me you're after, isn't it? Come on then! Would come and get me,

Are you alright? Yes, you? Your bleeding. I'm losing my baby. I'm

bleeding, I'm bleeding. I'm losing my baby. I'm losing my baby. I'm

bleeding. Turns out, all those meals that

Laura had missed had not just taken their toll on her. Running for just

a had been too much for her and her After she lost the baby, Laura

seemed to change. She had been robbed at the better future she was

dreaming of. She did not speak for days and I gradually saw less of

her and then one day she just disappeared. After a while, people

started saying she had overdosed or killed herself. I guess she

couldn't handle the thought that she had harmed the chances of her

own baby. # I wish I was with you. # Helicopter riding over my old

school where we were cool down the avenue...

Back at the Bellevue, nothing seemed to change. Within days of

Jasper's accident, his mate Big Dog was offering newcomers fake

The day I was supposed to leave the I'll be back now! Laura? Laura?

Where have you been? I thought you were dead. Me too. It turns out I

was in Newport. When did you get back? Last night. So are you going

then? Yep, looks like it. I got a place down Teequin. I wouldn't go

there, if I were you. Why not? is a bigger dump than this and if

you are going to be half starving half board to death, might as well

have some company. By company you mean...you? Pot Noodle? 'OK, sorry

this is getting a bit wet and I did promise at the start that it

wouldn't get too soppy so I'm just going to go now. Hope you enjoyed

my story and next time you're tempted to write off some homeless

kid as a waste of space, you might think twice. After all, you never

know when your luck might go bad.' # I have often walked on this

street before # But the pavement always stayed in