Dance, Girl, Dance

MUSIC: "Roll Out The Barrel"

Don't let anyone out.

Cops.

Take it easy, folks. Don't anyone leave.

Stand where you are. Don't touch a thing.

Joe, hold the sealers and housemen. Let the others go.

-OK.

-Come along.

Let's get out of here, quick.

All right, folks.

Please go home quickly and quietly.

Sorry to spoil your fun, but this place is closed.

OK, girls, you're through.

We're not leaving until we get paid.

You'll have a long wait. Your boss took a run-out powder.

-Go on, change your clothes.

-Take your big paws off me.

Then beat it or I'll throw you all in the tank.

You can't do that. We have nothing to do with the gambling.

You knew it was going on and didn't report it. You're accessories.

Come on.

We're not accessories any more than the people who come here.

We're just trying to earn our living, same as you are...

and we'd like to be paid before we leave.

LONE CLAPPING

Bravo.

The little lady's right, officer, and you know it.

How'd you like to dance your feet off for a jaded public

and not get paid?

Citizens of Akron, I appeal to your well-known generosity.

Let's take up a collection for these innocent victims of a man's avarice.

I'll start it with 14.

Now, who's next? Thanks, officer. That's the old spirit.

I never expected to find you here, Mr Harris.

Now, who else has some old spirit? Thank you, boys. Thank you.

How about the ladies? Thank you, too.

Thank you, everybody. This is the finest demonstration...

of something or other that I've ever seen.

Maybe there's lots of things you haven't seen.

Maybe.

Thank you.

Thank you all.

Thank you very much.

Come on, boys.

May I have this dance?

It's my favourite number.

HE WHISTLES A TUNE

SHE LAUGHS

Lose something, Bubbles, dear?

What's the big rush?

Of course, I could go on for ever, but the piccolo's a little dry.

You've got a funny face.

I mean, this is a funny place for your face.

-Seemed a grand place when we landed it.

-Irish?

Once removed.

You know...

you look like a star.

The one that keeps shining after all the others have quit.

You know, the morning star.

That's a very nice thing to say.

I'm a very nice fellow.

Well, then what are you doing in a place like this?

I'm having a swell time, and I'm going on having a swell time.

Miss Irish, this is a very special occasion. I'm celebrating something.

Something important.

I don't think you are.

What?

Having a good time, even if you are celebrating.

There are celebrations and celebrations.

You wouldn't understand.

You have blue eyes.

I don't like girls with blue eyes.

Mind if I take over?

Hello, handsome, what goes on under your hat?

It was just telling me to find that gorgeous blonde.

I always was a mind-reader.

-Good night, boys.

-Good night.

Good night.

Bubbles just burns me.

She's got all the men she wants.

She have to run off with the one you really like?

Oh, forget it.

Anyway...

the only thing I really care about is dancing.

Well, he can't be so much or he wouldn't fall for her.

He doesn't like Bubbles, not really.

Have it your own way.

Good night.

Sally's asleep.

So what?

Back kind of early, aren't you?

Oh, that guy.

He took me to the Ritz Bar. Everything was going along swell...

when all of a sudden, he spots this thing on the floor,

and he goes completely cuckoo.

He plants it on me and tells me to be good to it, and he walks out.

"Be good to Ferdinand," he says.

It's cute.

You can have it.

I'll say one thing for you, Pavlova.

You've certainly got ambition, even if it's dumb.

You know, I got ambition, too.

Only I don't have to crack my joints to get where I'm going.

I got brains.

Your brains told you how you'll get back to New York tomorrow?

Oh, yeah.

Gee, if only that guy tonight...

Oh, well. Let's see, there's Jerry.

Oh, no, Jerry's out. Found out he has a wife.

Stew Martin.

I'd rather walk.

Sam. That's the travelling salesman that's so sweet on me.

He's got a roadster. He's starting East tomorrow.

Wouldn't there be room for Sally?

He's a fur salesman, not a mother.

All right, she can go, but don't blame me.

That guy's got more arms than an octopus.

Nanette.

He's here. Mr Harris, your husband.

"Monsieur," I said, "consider Madame.

"She bought a ticket for Reno. You can't come here."

-Well, where is he?

-In there. In your boudoir, Madame.

Don't go in, Madame. Remember, the lawyer told you...

not to see him before the divorce.

Jimmy.

You know you have no right to come here.

We're not supposed to be friendly for six weeks and a day.

Who says we're friendly?

What were you doing in the Ritz Bar, Elinor?

You're going in for espionage.

You left Ferdinand on the floor, where he could be kicked around.

Oh, dear, did I? Where's he now? Did you bring him home?

No, I didn't. You don't deserve him, so I gave him away.

You didn't.

Oh, but, Jimmy, he was our...

Our Ferdinand.

-Do you remember the night we got him?

-Sure, the Club Ferdinand.

You insisted on wearing that silly little short jacket.

Snow makes the air warmer. Always told you that.

Anyway, it was a beautiful night.

Jimmy, I...

Well...

so long.

Have a good trip.

-Oh, won't you have a drink before you go?

-Certainly.

Nanette.

-Drinks, Nanette.

-The usual?

-Of course.

-Yes, sir.

Well, this is cosy.

Yes.

Elinor?

Yes, Jimmy?

Promise me you'll be careful out there.

-Those western horses are very dangerous.

-I promise.

Your eyes are extraordinarily blue tonight.

Harris Tyre heir, valve-and-bearing heiress. It ought to fit.

Maybe if we'd been plain Mr and Mrs Harris...

worrying about butcher's bills and... If Harold could see us now.

He made me promise not to see you until after the...

-You know what I mean.

-Puss in Boots? What is he anyway?

Your lawyer or a suitor?

Now, let's not quarrel about that again, please.

By the way...

who'd you say you gave my...? Gave Ferdinand to?

-Oh, some girl.

-I must mean an awful lot to you.

Who started this Reno business, anyway?

Who supplied me with the grounds?

Add insanity to the list. I was nuts to come up here.

-Where's my hat?

-Where it usually is, on the floor.

Goodbye. Have a nice six weeks with Puss in Boots.

He doesn't mean a thing. Don't call him that.

This is the happiest moment of my life.

Thanks for the hospitality.

But, Mr Faber, they got such beautiful notices,

such talent, such, how you say, snap.

Everywhere, my girls are the sensation.

I think you make big mistake.

Well, goodbye, Mr Faber.

I'm back.

So, you decided finally to come home again.

That's very nice of you. That's very lovely of you.

Now, Madame, hitchhiking from Akron in three days is pretty good.

I had to walk all the way from the Bronx.

I make you in charge of the troupe and what happens?

First one comes back, then a couple more. A flea circus I run?

Isn't everyone back?

-Now all but Bubbles.

-But Sally was with her.

Bubbles' boyfriend put her in a train at Ashtabula.

Now, who knows when Bubbles will be back?

Without her, we might as well try to sell apples.

"Where's the hot one?", they ask.

What a life for an artist.

You, I could maybe teach.

But, no, a flesh peddler I must be.

A jellyfish salesman.

Don't worry, Madame.

Someday, you'll be famous again.

And I'll be your discovery.

I got an idea for a dance in Akron.

All the way across Ohio, I've been working on it in my mind.

I never knew whether I was driving in a truck or a swell private car.

I could hear the music and my feet kept making up the steps.

It's called Morning Star.

You know, the last star before sunrise?

Watch me, Madame.

Stop, stop, stop. Where can I sell a Morning Star?

They want Bubbles, I tell you.

Over in Hoboken, there is a chance for a hula.

Good pay. Bubbles could do the solo.

But where is she?

I could do it for you.

-You know I'm good at learning new steps.

-A hula is not dancing.

It's nothing but oomph and you haven't got it.

I could learn it.

You don't learn oomph. You are born with it.

It's got to be done and we'll do it,

if we have to break every bone in my body.

HULA MUSIC

Very nice.

Neat, in fact. Classy.

What a great showman you are, Mr Kajoolian.

Very classy.

Too classy, in fact.

Look, I run a dance and drink place, not a kindergarten.

But, Mr Kajoolian, you do not understand.

She could do it different. She could do it how you want.

-What my customers go for, she ain't got.

-Wait a minute, Mr Hoboken.

-Bubbles.

-Hello, Madame.

Mr Kajoolian, now we got what your customers go for.

I ain't got an ounce of class, sugar. Honest.

-Can you dance?

-Well, it's been called that.

-Hi, kids!

-Hello, Bubbles.

Bubbles.

The landlady told me ma'am was having a hula audition,

-so here I am.

-Can she really dance?

Sit down, Mr Kajoolian.

Please don't mind.

OK. She's got what I want. You see what I mean?

25 a week from tonight. Come the way you are.

-Well, thanks, but what about the rest?

-Yes, for background.

Oh, she don't need no background. I'll be seeing you, honey.

But, Mr Kajoolian, girls would be such a wonderful background.

-Couldn't use them.

-I'm sorry. I was hoping he'd take all of us.

Congratulations, Bubbles. I'm glad one of us got a job.

-Imagine that, 25 a week.

-Gee, you're lucky.

Yeah, if you fell in a gutter, you'd come up with a diamond necklace.

Listen, squirt, I don't fall in gutters. I pick my spots.

-Nice fur. From Sam?

-Yeah. It's fox.

But there's a little skunk in Sam or I wouldn't be here.

Well, if it isn't my old friend Ferdinand.

Don't let it get you down, Judy. Come on, let's get dressed.

You run along, Sally. I'll be down later.

All right.

If you won't tell me where we're going,

why did I have to bring my ballet costume?

-You may have to dance, my dear.

-But what about the other girls?

Aren't you the best, now that Bubbles has gone?

We have arrived.

You look very, very smart in your new hat today.

We are but a few short steps from destiny, Judy.

There is where our fortune lies.

Never shall it be said...

that the great Basilova did not make the last sacrifice for art.

We are not too proud to beg favours.

-Wait. Wait!

-HORN HONKS

PEOPLE SCREAM

Get me an ambulance.

-Is she dead?

-Who is she?

All right, folks, stand back. Give her air. Come on.

Get away from there. Don't touch her. Stand back.

-Please let me through.

-Relative of yours, lady?

Madame.

I'll be all right, Judy.

-I'll be all right.

-Sure you will.

Don't forget...

Mr Adams.

It's a great chance.

-A great...

-Don't talk.

Judy...

don't forget...

Adams.

Steve Adams.

Dance...

Dance...

Dance.

Hold it. Hold it!

Very nice, Vivian. All right, take a rest.

-It still needs plenty of work.

-I know.

Some of the figures are slurred. Poses aren't quite definite.

-It needs more precision.

-Of course.

Will you type those notes, Olmy? I'll buzz you when I'm ready.

Frankly, Fitch,

I'm afraid your classical influence has been a little strong.

PHONE RINGS

-Yes?

-Honey, there's a Miss O'Brien here...

from a Madame Basil... Basil something.

But she claims she had an appointment,

or Madame Basil did, last Thursday.

Only she was killed on the way or something.

OK, darling.

Miss Olmstead will see you. Right through that door.

What a dreadful experience, Miss O'Brien.

You see, Madame Basilova was our teacher and manager.

She was bringing me here to try and place us.

-Us?

-Oh, I meant to say we're a troupe.

There are eight of us. Well, that is, there used to be...

but one of the girls got a job in a nightclub in Hoboken.

Miss O'Brien, I don't think you quite understand.

I mean, I think you've come to the wrong place.

You see, Mr Adams is...

Well, he's only interested in the very exceptional...

You've never seen us dance. You can't tell from just talking.

They work so hard, and they've has such rotten luck.

You've got to give us a chance.

-Well... Well, I'll see...

-Yeah, I know. All right, all right.

-Oh, Mr Fitch, this young lady...

-Have a seat, young lady.

I'll try to see you after.

Places!

Sit down, and if I get a chance, I'll ask Mr Adams to see you.

And your interpretation of a bluebird...

was lovely.

But who do you think cares?

Have you never hears of telephones, factories, cafeterias?

That'll never do. You write it, Olmy.

Your rejections are always so tactful.

Looks like it's going to rain.

Sometimes I think if I ever see another bird dancing, I'll shoot it.

Hey, I'm talking to you.

"What we're interested in, Miss Hemingway...

is not an interpretation of birdlife, however lovely,

but an interpretation of American life today.

Shopkeepers, mechanics, aviators..."

Why is it, Olmy, that you're the only woman who can ever understand me?

Now, that letter to Mexico City...

OK, OK.

You still need lots of work, though.

Take a rest. I'll be back in five minutes.

Well, young lady, what can I so for you?

Nothing, I...

I guess I made a mistake.

Oh, there's a girl waiting in my office.

She's awfully anxious to see you.

I told her you would.

She must have been awfully anxious.

Well, isn't that funny? Your umbrella.

Tell Fitch I'll be down at the music hall.

Going down.

Hey, Steve. I was just going up to see you.

You know that niece of mine?

I never saw a six-year-old who could tap like she can.

Bring her around when she's 16, Arthur.

I hope we get a taxi.

Yeah, so do I.

Taxi.

Taxi!

Can I help?

Have you got a fishing rod?

You're the same girl.

I beg your parson?

Well, I can see it wasn't mutual, but...

Did you lose something valuable?

Yes, a dime.

Oh, you've missed your bus. That's too bad.

There'll be another along presently.

You're very kind, but I like the rain.

That's no way to treat a good Samaritan.

Mind if I share my own umbrella?

Thank you very much. Goodbye.

That was your last dime, wasn't it?

You know, it's dangerous to turn up your nose on a day like this.

You might drown.

-When I first saw you in the elevator...

-So you followed me.

No, I didn't. But I wanted to. I wanted to speak to you.

Oh, not just because you happen to be beautiful...

but you looked unhappy, as if you were worried about something.

It was... Well, the sort of day when a fellow needs a friend.

You figured me out during that rise in the elevator?

Oh, when it reaches the ground floor, I felt as if I knew you very well.

Look here...

there's something awfully nice about a taxi on a rainy day.

Now, please, I like the rain, and I like walking alone.

Come on. Eat this while it's hot.

It's good soup stock and there's an onion in it.

Where on earth did you get an onion?

I borrowed it from Mrs Simpson.

Oh, go on. Eat that before it's too cold.

And the next time a fellow offers you his umbrella in a rainstorm,

take it.

Oh, go on, eat.

You know a dancer needs plenty of vitamins.

Don't talk to me about dancing again.

I'm through.

At that place today...

I saw what real dancing is.

I discovered I just don't know anything.

-Sally, what's the use of pretending?

-Oh, I know, Judy.

I wish I could help.

I feel like an awful dumbbell just hanging around.

Wait.

Bubbles. Miss Bubbles.

Yeah, it's me. Only it's Lily now, Lily White.

I always did think you were the smartest of the lot, Miss Bu...

Miss White.

Thank you.

That suite of mine is vacant, with half a private bath.

Thanks, but my new position demands a better address.

I'm living on the drive.

I like the view of the park, and Rollo just loves the trees.

-Are the girls in?

-Some of the girls left without paying their rent.

Miss Judy and Sally owe me back rent...

not counting the butter, eggs and sugar they've borrowed.

How much are they in hock for?

18.

Here's the money, but don't tell them I paid you.

I won't.

Hey.

-Bubbles.

-How's Pavlova and the dying swan?

Gosh.

I mean, Hoboken must be treating you pretty well.

That joint? Listen, baby, I've been discovered.

On my third night, by a great big capitalist, a Mr Humplewinger.

He's in the artificial limb business...

and owns half-interest in the Bailey Brothers' show.

No more hula for me, kids. I've been promoted.

-To a burlesque queen?

-Yeah.

They're going to feature me.

Say, getting down to brass tacks, Judy.

How'd you like a job doing your solo?

-You know, Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star?

-Oh, Judy.

But the Bailey Brothers is burlesque.

Well, what's wrong with that?

Say, you might be discovered yourself, like I was.

But would they want my kind of dancing?

Listen, me and Dwarfie -

that's what I call Mr Humplewinger - we put it over.

"What we need is a toney number," we said.

To go on right before my act.

You know, to sort of lead up to it. "Do you know anybody?" they said.

Well, right away, I said, "Sure, my girlfriend Judy O'Brien."

"If you pay her enough money," I said.

I laughed at them when they said 20. "Not a cent under 25," I said.

-25?

-Yeah.

Oh, Bubbles, you're an angel.

Save the mascara.

Step right in, the box office is open.

The Bailey Brothers' big extravaganza.

36 little ladies whose only wish is to entertain you.

Step right in. The show is going on now.

We are proud and fortunate to present to you...

in her daring novel speciality, Manhattan's Tiger Lily White.

-Give them all you got, baby.

-They couldn't take it.

# I am not a goody-goody

# Just a baby in the woody

# Love has got me worried and perplexed

Oh, yeah?

# Gosh, oh, gee, I want my mama

# Goodness me, I need my mama

# Maybe she could tell me What comes next

I'll tell you.

# My mother told me

# There'd be days like this

# When I wouldn't know what to do

# She told me what not to do

# She said some boy # Would take me in his arms

# And tell me, oh, what lies

# But did mother realise

# The boy would be you? #

-Or you.

-She means me.

-No, not you.

-Oh, me.

-Or you.

-It's a date, honey!

Or you. What boat you off, buddy?

LAUGHTER

# My mother told me

# Better count to ten

# Then if that doesn't do the trick

# Start counting again

# I counted up to ten a thousand times

# But I kissed him, anyhow

# Oh, mother, tell me

# What do I do now?

# My mother told me

# There'd be days like this

# When the wind would begin to blow

# And I wouldn't know where to go

# She said the night

# Would be so cold and dark

# And I'd be all alone

# And every dream I owned would blow away

# My mother told me

# Baby, you keep warm

# Keep your little self bundled up

# When you're caught in a storm

LAUGHTER

# She told me just exactly what to do

# But didn't tell me how

# Oh, mother, mother... #

LAUGHTER

Hey, Mom, what do I do now?

APPLAUSE

Hey, what is this?

Go home, little girl. Your mother wants you.

Go home, little girl. Go home.

What is this?

Yeah, beat it. We want Lily.

Yeah, we want Lily!

Yeah, we want Lily!

AUDIENCE JEERS

LAUGHTER

We want Lily back!

Yeah, bring back Lily.

Take it from the 2-4 again.

-AUDIENCE:

-We want Lily! We want Lily!

We want Lily!

We want Lily! We want Lily!

We want Lily!

We want Lily! We want Lily!

We want Lily!

We want Lily! We want Lily!

We want Lily! We want Lily! We want Lily!

We want Lily! We want Lily!

That was a riot.

-That's the way you're going to do this.

-Sensational.

That's all she's got to do, the same thing every show.

That's all you got to do. Listen to them yelling.

You'll get used to it, kid.

APPLAUSE

# I am just a sweet young thing of 22

LAUGHTER

# Or so

# I never think to smoke or drink

# My life is one long... #

What?

# No

# I finished at Miss Sniffing's school

# A model debutante

# I know each fork and spoon and rule

# I don't say "can't" but "ca-r-n't"

LAUGHTER

# My etiquette is ooh, mais, oui

# I pour a proper pot of tea

# And even when I need a nip

# I never, never, never slip. #

Well, almost never.

Oh, cut it out, fellows.

APPLAUSE

# Try to be a lady

# Morning, noon and night

# But when I hear music

# Get the jitterbug bite

# Over tea and crumpets

# Gee, but I'm polite

# But when I hear trumpets

# Get the jitterbug bite

# I'm quite the quiet type

# Poise in every move

# But, boy, do I get noisy

# When the boys get in the groove, yeah

# How can I be highbrow?

# What an awful plight

# Gotta say goodbye now

# You'll pardon me, I gotta blow

# I got a slight twitch in my toe

# My feet are just itching to go

# Got the jitterbug bite, ouch

# Got a jitterbug bite, yeah, yeah

# Got a jitterbug bite. #

Why didn't you tell me you wanted a stooge?

It's 25 bucks a week. That's twice what you could make anywhere else.

and twice as nice work, I suppose.

Listen. There's about 4,000 girls in this town...

who can fill that spot just as good as you can.

-I got you because I felt sorry for you.

-Thanks(!)

KNOCK ON DOOR What is it?

What a gag. What a gag. The best gag on Broadway.

Not bad, Miss O'Brien. Don't you think so, Larry?

-It was great.

-Well, I don't know.

Toe dancer, maybe for a few weeks. Might be OK, Harry.

For 25 bucks a week, we can take a chance.

-Yeah.

-Yeah.

You're wasting your time. We got to find another girl. She's quitting.

Who says I'm quitting?

'See the country's favourite, Tiger Lily! Just a few seats left!'

# My mother told me better count to ten

# And if that doesn't do the trick Start counting again. #

'Go home, little girl, your mother wants you.'

Something rather depraved about you, Steve.

Hiding a yen for burlesque under cover of the ballet.

Chasing after Tiger Lilies.

It's not the Tiger Lily we're after.

We're going to see her little stooge.

-Her footwork isn't bad, at all.

-Her eyes aren't, either.

We want Lily!

This is it, buddy.

Tiger Lily's just what you need.

How so you know what I need?

How would you like to be accused of mental cruelty at 9:00 this morning?

She's probably drinking mint juleps...

or whatever they drink in Reno, with a cowboy or a lawyer.

In there, if you got something to forget, you can forget it.

If you got something to remember, you can remember it.

-I can't change a 20.

-Keep it.

Thanks.

-You better let me have a dollar.

-Sure.

-Thanks.

-You're welcome.

Hey.

Better make it two.

-Thanks.

-OK.

AUDIENCE JEERS

Oh, give us a break!

AUDIENCE: We want Lily!

We want Lily!

Boo!

Boo!

I wouldn't so that. Give the little lady a break.

Send her back!

Come on, now, cut it out. She's trying to entertain you.

We want Lily! We want Lily!

Say, what's the matter with you guys? You're mixing her up.

It must be part of the act.

Boo!

Keep still and let her dance.

I didn't come here to see no fairytale.

-Then go someplace else.

-Oh, yeah?

We want Lily!

It's OK, I know him.

Boo! Get out of there!

Don't let them rattle you. You keep right on with your dance.

They've got no right to heckle you.

Don't let them get you down. You keep right on.

That's the ticket. Show them you can take it.

Hey, cut that out. Throwing things at a girl.

You keep right on there. Come back here, little girl.

Don't let them scare you. Come back and finish your dance.

Bring Lily back!

APPLAUSE

Hello, Akron. Dressing Room 4, honey. I'll be off in a minute.

Hey, you should have used the stage entrance.

-It's Dressing Room 4.

-Must be a well-beaten trail...

-but it's twinkle-toes I'm after.

-Same trail, Mr.

Come in.

Say, you were going on fine.

What's the matter with that gang out there?

You shouldn't have done that.

-They're supposed to laugh at me.

-Oh, I don't see why.

I thought your dance was very pretty.

I didn't think you'd remember me.

-Yeah, we so know each other, don't we?

-Do we?

Sure, it was at the Winter Garden, wasn't it?

No, it wasn't the Winter Garden. Well, it was some place.

-It was Akron, Ohio.

-Don't tell me we went to school together?

SHE LAUGHS

Where did you get this?

Think hard.

Palais Royale. Don't you remember?

The police closed it up and you kept it open.

-You said you were celebrating something.

-Celebrating?

Of course, how rude of me. I took you out.

-But didn't I leave you flat?

-No, no, that was Lily.

You gave her this little bull.

You're the girl with the blue eyes.

But you said you didn't like me because I has blue eyes.

That's a thing of the past.

Say, did you get me in a jam.

I tried to pass you off as Judy's boyfriend.

Dwarfie said, "You're going to sneak out with him."

So I said we're all going out together on a foursome.

We can start out with them, like you're for Judy.

I'd like to meet Dwarfie,

but perhaps the young lady in question...

Judy?! Well, she totes that bull around everywhere she goes.

I guess she won't mind.

-Come on.

-Give an encore.

-Tearing the house sown.

-Yeah.

-Yeah.

-OK, OK. One Tiger Lily coming up.

-Shake it up.

And remember, no walking out on me tonight.

Hurry up. We sneak out before Tiger Lily floats back.

But she expects you.

Oh, you wouldn't want to break Dwarfie's heart. Come on.

We'll have that date I thought we had.

All right, but I'll take Ferdinand.

Sure, but hurry up. I'll meet you outside.

-You were very amusing.

-Thanks.

Miss O'Brien?

Miss O'Brien has gone.

Would you mind giving her my card?

Thanks. Ask her to get in touch with me.

-Friend of yours?

-No.

-Night, Dad. Thanks.

-Good night, Dad.

-Well, next time. Yeah.

-Next time.

-Well, there goes our date.

-Never mind.

I know a nice lunch wagon halfway home and you helped me once.

You'll never regret this investment, Miss O'Brien.

I never saw New York on foot before. It's exciting.

Or is it you?

I could go on for ever.

Everything's so shiny.

Even the garbage cans.

Say, isn't it about time you were buying me another meal?

I'm afraid you'll have to go hungry. Here we are.

What, already?

-It was a lovely evening.

-It was.

-Well, good night.

-Good night.

Good morning.

-Well, good night.

-Good night.

Keep away from guys like me, Judy. We're rotten.

We make nice people like you unhappy.

We're unhappy ourselves. Everything we touch goes wrong.

It's bad for you to see me again. You're too sweet, too real.

and I've got just enough decency to keep away from you.

Goodbye.

I'll see you tonight, darling.

Irish, we met at just the right moment. Tonight, we'll celebrate.

I'll give you the history of Jimmy Harris and Ferdinand.

and if you're very good, I'll give you Jimmy Harris.

Good night. Good morning.

See you in about 16 hours.

# Star bright, star light

# The last star I see tonight

# I wish I may, I wish I might

# Have the wish I wish tonight. #

Please make me a dancer too.

Wah-wah-wah!

Oh, no.

I'm sorry, sir. I must have fell asleep, sir.

Oh!

She's in there. I couldn't stop her, sir.

She came in just after you went out last night, sir.

Elinor.

Oh...it's morning.

I must have fallen asleep.

What are you doing here?

I flew. What are you doing coming home at this hour?

I can't see it's any of your business.

You're right, it isn't.

Not any more.

Your freedom, Mr Harris. The final decree.

I had it tied in blue, your favourite colour.

It may not be a very gallant thing to say, Elinor, but I'm very happy.

Are you? Really?

Yes.

Well, in that case, I might as well be running along.

Aren't you going to offer me some breakfast?

I'm sorry. What'll it be?

-What have you been drinking?

-Nothing.

My...

she must be a lot more interesting than me.

Reno seems to have agreed with you, Elinor. You look fine.

Thank you. Oh, don't let's have a drink.

Such finality about it.

Well, there's no reason why we can't see each other...

occasionally.

Some of the past wasn't so bad, was it?

-Some of it was wonderful.

-Paris?

Havana, and that little balcony in Rome.

The Club Ferdinand.

That girl, you didn't take her there, did you?

Of course not.

-And don't you go there with Puss in Boots.

-Oh, of course not.

By the way...

we're getting married tomorrow, or rather today.

That's what I came to tell you.

-Elinor, you can't. You mustn't.

-Why?

Because he's a fool and a nincompoop.

You're another to think you could be happy.

-You're jealous.

-I'm not jealous!

-How could I be jealous of a puss in boots?

-Oh, don't call him that!

Marry him, Elinor. I hope you'll be happy. I know I will.

I was a fool to come here in the first place.

We're sailing for Bermuda tomorrow

and I wanted to say goodbye decently.

But you haven't changed.

You never will. You're a weak, silly adolescent

and I hope I never see you again in my life!

DOOR SLAMS

Bon voyage, Madame.

My pyjamas, Claude. I have to get a good say's sleep.

# Morning star, morning star

# Don't you know the night has ended?

# You and I flew too high

# Now it's time that we descended. #

-Good evening, Mr Harris.

-How do you so?

# The other stars have fled

# You're on your own now

Champagne, Mr Harris?

Champagne cocktails for Mr Harris.

# I'm all alone now

# Morning star, here we are

# This new dawn is far from bright

# So, morning star, good night. #

Did you see Ferdinand's father?

-All right, Mr, I want a nice one.

-Nice big smile.

Thank you.

Hello, Jim.

Everybody seems to know you.

Yes, well, that's part of what I have to tell you.

I'm dying of curiosity.

Well, I used to come here occasionally, before...

Before I met you in Akron.

-Oh, hello, Jim.

-Oh, hello.

-How are you?

-I'm fine. Glad to see you.

-Big doings, huh?

-Yes, big doings.

Oh, hello there.

Did you see what I saw?

-Is my petticoat showing or something?

-No, I guess it's mine.

Your cocktails, Mr Harris.

-To the end of something.

-The end?

And the beginning of something better, Irish.

Sometimes I wish your eyes were brown.

What is it you have to tell me, Jimmy?

Well, here goes.

To begin with, I'm disgustingly rich. I was born that way.

-Go on.

-I used to come here a lot.

-You said that before.

-Yes, but I uses to come here with someone.

I never thought I'd bring anyone else here.

It seemed to stand for something.

Something phoney, I guess.

I'm cured now. I must be, because here I am back at the old Ferdinand.

You're with me and I'm having the time of my life.

MUSIC: "Bridal Chorus"

APPLAUSE

You promised you would never come here again.

Well, you promised, too.

You've never been able to keep your word.

-Don't talk like that to my wife.

-Keep out of this.

I was his wife before I was yours.

-Please, Elinor, let's not have a scene.

-Why not?

Jimmy, you can't so that. Excuse me.

-Get this...

-I got it.

Attaboy.

-Pardon me, just a minute.

-Come, let's...

-Let's go someplace where it's quiet.

-Yes, and safe.

I want to go, please.

-Waiter.

-Yes, Mr Harris?

-Check, please.

-Right away.

Thank you.

-Meet you at Ciro's.

-That's fine, all right.

-I'm not coming.

-What?

But, darling, they're expecting us.

We're married.

Get it annulled. You're a smart lawyer.

Taxi!

-Good night, Jimmy.

-Judy, please, let me explain. L...

You're still in love with her. I knew as soon as I saw her blue eyes.

Thanks, folks. Now, stand a little closer.

Judy!

-Keep the change.

-Well, if it isn't the Tiger Lily.

Miss, have you seen the papers? Who'd ever think our Judy...?

Where is she?

Locked herself in her room. She refuses to see no-one.

-Get her to come out.

-Take your picture with her.

I don't need her to get me in the papers!

Let me in, it's Bubbles.

I don't feel like talking with anyone, Bubbles.

You're afraid to face me.

You never told me he has money.

After all I've done for you. If it wasn't for me,

you'd be starving in the gutters, where I found you.

Please, Bubbles, I'll see you later at the theatre.

Judy.

Judy!

Your rich fellow's here.

That Mr Harris, in a taxi.

He says he won't go away until he sees you.

I don't want to see anybody, Mrs Simpson.

He's sitting on the running board.

He won't move.

Says he's on a sit-down strike.

Judy, are you listening?

Judy.

Judy, honey, I'm sorry I lost my temper.

I know how you feel.

I'll go right down and get rid of him for you, Judy, honey.

-How are you, Jimmy?

-You sure pinned on a pip.

-How long have you known the lady?

-Look this way a moment.

Leave me alone.

I got squatters' rights on this step and I'm entitled to a little privacy.

Gentlemen, gentlemen, please.

There, there, lambie.

Oh, can't you see he's tired?

Lily's tired baby. There now, sweetie, chin up.

Light all right?

Smile, duckie.

-Thanks a lot.

-Thanks.

I won't forget that, kid.

Just call it "Playboy finds consolation in Tiger Lily."

OK, Tiger.

-Now what, Olmy?

-You could have knocked me over.

Such sweet, innocent look that girl has. Just look at that.

You remember that girl I told you wanted to see you?

-This girl came to see me?

-Yes.

-Why didn't you tell me?

-I did.

She was waiting for you, only she didn't wait.

The day it rained.

Oh, that's why we didn't hear from her.

The funny part is we took this fellow, Harris,

-to be part of her act.

-Yeah, I guess he is, too.

After all, she's a Gaiety Girl.

That's right. Condemn a girl because she has to earn her own living.

Why, she belongs in that place just about as much as I so.

Fitch, go and tell Helen she'll break her back if she doesn't relax more.

Got a heavy date tonight, Olmy?

Well, I...

You will come with me, won't you, Olmy?

I always wanted to see a burlesque show.

Lily come in yet?

Heard from her?

-Well?

-Same thing.

Ain't been home since morning. I can't reach Humplewinger either.

We're going to have to put Gracie on.

If you put a substitute on, they'll tear the house down.

They always tear it down anyhow.

-Yeah.

-Yeah.

-Where the devil you been?

-Yeah, where have you been?

-Why wasn't you at the matinee?

-You've got about three minutes.

Scram, and let a lady dress. Go on, get out.

Why...

Anything wrong?

Not a thing, sweetie pie.

This is my last performance.

I said this is my last performance.

I'm sorry. Did you get a better offer?

Yes.

I accepted it, too.

-I got married this afternoon.

-I hope you'll be very happy.

Where have you been? I've been looking for you.

What so you mean by busting in here?

Hey, wait a minute. I got something...

Come on, get going.

You mean it wasn't Dwarfie?

That sucker? Why, no, darling, I married a friend of yours.

A Mr James Harris, Jr.

-For the love of heaven, Lily.

-OK, OK, one Tiger Lily coming up.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

# She told me just exactly what to do

# But didn't tell me how Oh, Mother, Mother...

STEAM HISSING

-Step on it, Judy.

-Hey, ma, what do I do now?!

Come on, Judy.

-We didn't pay to see a tree.

-What's the matter back there?

Give us some action!

-Hurry up.

-You are fired.

-You...

-Get on.

-What's the matter, can't you take it?

-How could you do it to him?

-Go on, get out there.

LAUGHTER

Trying to steal Tiger Lily's stuff, little girl?

-Bring Lily back!

-We want Lily!

CATCALLING

We want Lily back!

LAUGHTER

Don't mind us, we can take it.

Oh, she's going home to mama.

What are you going to do now, cry?

Go ahead and stare. I'm not ashamed.

Go on, laugh, get your money's worth. Nobody's going to hurt you.

I know you want me to tear my clothes off,

so you can look your 50 cents' worth.

50 cents for the privilege of staring at a girl

the way your wives won't let you.

What do you suppose we think of you up here?

With your silly smirks your mothers would be ashamed of.

It's the thing of the moment for the dress suits to come and laugh at us.

We'd laugh right back at you, only we're paid to let you sit there

and roll your eyes and make your screamingly-clever remarks.

What's it for?

So you can go home when the show's over and strut before your wives

and sweethearts and play at being the stronger sex for a minute?

I'm sure they see through you, just like we do.

APPLAUSE GROWS

-Go on back.

-You're a sensation.

-They want you.

-Take another bow.

Come here. Crabbing my act, you jealous little pig.

BOOING

-Come on. Get her quick.

-Break it up. Break it up.

-I'll kill her!

-Come on, girls. Break it up. Come on!

PHONE RINGS

Hello.

What are you giving me, brother? I'm not married, I'm divorced.

But at 4:00 this afternoon, in Richmond, Virginia,

you and Tiger Lily White...

You mean, I married her?

I don't care if she's in a night court or a circus.

She can take care of herself.

Look, Mr Harris, she had a fight with your other girl,

her dancing partner, Judy O'Brien.

Judy?

Mr Harris' marriage has nothing to so with me.

They're in the night court. You want to make a statement?

I'm not interested. I don't care who's where

and I'm not making any statements.

Where in the blazes is the night court?

Judge, look at my eye, look at my leg.

Look where she slapped me on the back.

LAUGHTER

I must remind the complainant, as well as the spectators,

that this is a night court, not a burlesque.

The complaint states that you slapped her.

Oh, no, Your Honour. I punched her and then jumped on her

-and tried to strangle her.

-You mean, you happened to catch

your arms around your opponent's neck, in an act of self-defence?

Oh, no, Your Honour, I wanted to kill her.

LAUGHTER

Miss O'Brien, will you please sit up here?

I must warn you again, Miss O'Brien,

that whatever you say may be used as evidence against you.

You want me to tell the truth, don't you?

Yes, of course.

Well, let us proceed.

Now, about this temper of yours. You are Irish, aren't you?

Well, I have a habit of simmering, Your Honour,

but I usually keep myself from boiling over.

LAUGHTER

Miss O'Brien, you seem to be positively enjoying yourself.

Have you ever got a load off your mind?

Everything at once, after you've gone around for weeks holding it in?

You are the one on trial, Miss O'Brien, not I.

She's jealous because I'm the whole show.

She thinks she's a wonderful dancer, but she's just a little stooge.

-I won't warn you again, Miss. Quiet!

-Go on, Miss O'Brien.

I can't say being a stooge is fun, Your Honour,

but it was just like practise to me.

It isn't that I think I'm a great dancer, I know I'm not,

but dancing means everything to me

-I've never cared about anything else.

-She's lying, Judge!

She tries to steal my boyfriend and she got sore because he married me.

LAUGHTER

-I must ask the complainant to wait her turn.

-Just a minute, Your Honour.

I think I can explain.

-And who are you?

-He's my husband - James Harris, Jr.

-He'll tell you, Judge.

-Let the young man come in.

Everything's my fault. I feel responsible for all this.

He had nothing to do with this. He thinks he did and I thought he did.

Miss O'Brien, are you sure that jealousy

had nothing to do with your behaviour? After all,

the complainant is the wife of an admitted friend of yours.

You see, all of us have been kind of mixed up about each other.

Lots of times I've been mad at Bubbles, but I shouldn't have been.

She's just like a kid who can't stand if another kid has one marble,

even if she has 20.

And Mr Harris, he was wrong in his feelings for me.

He was running away from something,

when the best thing he could've done was run after it and face it

and struggle with it for the rest of his life, if he had to.

He was running away from a part of himself.

You can't separate a man from what really belongs to him.

I found that out and I'm afraid Bubbles will find it out, too.

Naturally, it was a little bit hard for me to face tonight,

but I discovered my mistake,

but I hadn't quite got around to facing things again and...

Well, I'm sorry, but I lost my head, that's all, Your Honour.

There are times when it seems hard

to punish human nature for just being human.

However...

-are you ready for the sentence, Miss O'Brien?

-Yes, Your Honour.

I know, in spirit, you will both bear Miss O'Brien's punishment with her,

knowing yourselves equally to blame.

Miss O'Brien, in view of your own admission,

I find you guilty of disorderly conduct.

Ten days or 50.

-I'll pay the fine.

-I'll take the ten days.

-Please. Where do I pay?

-I won't accept it.

-You've got to.

The young lady seems to mean it.

Judy?

It's all right, Bubbles.

You'd better put some raw meat on your eye.

Abraham Lincoln Johnson, Martha Washington Johnson.

Abraham Lincoln Johnson, Martha Washington Johnson.

It looks like our marriage was a mistake.

Well, you may be right, but desertion's rather expensive.

Oh, I have an excellent lawyer for annulments.

With two in the family, he might even make us a wholesale price.

-Put your arms around both of them.

-In a little closer, Mrs Harris.

And you, too, Mrs Harris.

Just call it, "Tiger Lily throws playboy back to mate...

"..for 50,000."

-Third door on your left.

-Thank you.

Miss O'Brien, go right in.

Oh, come in, my dear. He's expecting you.

It's all right, go on in.

You're not Mr Adams.

Not really. Are you?

Yes, I'm awfully sorry. I'd have bailed you out last night,

but the judge and I decided you weren't in a mood to accept favours.

-I'm still in no mood.

-Now, listen to me, you silly child.

I've encountered your temperament before.

There are times when it's distinctly out of place,

not to say downright idiotic.

You've had your own way long enough.

From now on, you're going to listen to me.

-Pardon me.

-I couldn't stop him.

Fitch, in this corner, we have Battling Judy O'Brien,

my latest discovery.

She was born with more than any dancer we've got. And she knows less.

It's our job to teach her what we know.

Glad to have met you, Miss O'Brien.

I hear you pack a mighty fine wallop.

HE CHUCKLES

SHE SOBS

Excuse me, but when I think of everything,

of how simple things could have been, I...

..I've just got to laugh!

Go ahead and laugh, Judy O'Brien.