Enchanted April

There - that's better.

Wretched weather we're having, Mrs Arbuthnot.

Yes.

Not so many members dropping into the club nowadays.

I expect it's the rain what keeps them at home.

Yes. It's very nice and cheerful when you get here, though.

That's what I was saying to a friend of mine only the other day. I said...

DOOR OPENS

Excuse me just a moment.

-Oh! My, what a day, Mrs Hawkins.

-Isn't it, though, Mrs Wilkins?

-Let me help you off with your things.

-Thank you.

Give me your coat. I'll hang it up.

Quite a complement,

your coming to the club on a day like this.

-Well, it's such a nice day.

-What?

I mean, it's such a nice day to be sociable in.

-Well, yes - oh, I'm sorry.

-Thank you, my shoe.

You're always so kind.

Running a club is a life's work, Mrs Wilkins.

I'm sure it is, Mrs Hawkins.

It's still here.

Oh, wouldn't it be wonderful, if one could?

Have you seen this?

"To those who are looking for wisteria and tranquillity,

"sunshine and content,

"small Italian castle on the shores of the Mediterranean to let,

"furnished, for the month of April.

"Eight beds, £60. Necessary servants remain.

"AG Barker, Agent, 4 Brunton Place."

Isn't it a miracle?

I mean, this advertisement about wisteria and sunshine,

on a day like this.

It's such a miserable day.

But there's no use wasting one's time

thinking about such things.

Oh, but there is!

Even considering them is worthwhile it itself,

and sometimes, I believe - I really do believe -

that when one considers hard enough, one gets things.

-Oh...why don't we try to get it?

-Get it?

-Yes.

-How do you mean, "get it"?

-Take it.

Take it?

Rent it, hire it, have it.

Do you mean you and I?

Between us - we could share,

then everything would only cost half as much.

You look so...

You look as if you wanted it just as much as I do.

As if you ought to have a rest

and have something happy happen to you.

But we don't know each other!

But think how well we would,

if we went away together for a month.

I've saved up for a rainy day and, I expect, so have you.

And this is the rainy day!

Tea is ready, ladies.

Oh, do you two ladies know each other?

-No.

-Mrs Wilkins, this is Mrs Arbuthnot.

Mrs Arbuthnot, Mrs Wilkins.

-How do you do?

-How do you do?

-Shall we have tea?

-Yes.

Wisteria. Sunshine.

After a bit, everyone needs a holiday -

needs to get away from problems and troubles.

Oh, yes, and husbands and habits and homes and dinners

and let them fend for themselves.

Even troubles will fend for themselves,

if you let them alone long enough.

But wouldn't it be wrong

to spend one's nest egg for one's own pleasures?

My husband often says...

You are very lucky to have a nest egg.

You never know when you'll need it.

Yes, dear. You're quite right.

Thrift - how many times have I told you

that thrift is the foundation of an honourable life?

Unless it gets into the food -

that's bad housekeeping.

And what Henry says about money is rather impressive.

Oh...but compared to what we'd get out of it,

the money's just a trifle.

Isn't it odd - what Henry says about trifles is impressive, too.

The matter of a pipe in its proper place

may seem a trifle,

but it's trifles that make or mar.

Our senior partner, Mr Ogilvy, said to me today,

"Arbuthnot, you've a natural flair for trifles."

It was in connection with an action for damages.

A dog belonging to one of our clients bit a man.

Our client was ready to settle.

"Ah, let's look for trifles", said I.

"Was the dog provoked? Was the bite instigated?"

It was - the victim, a boy,

had attempted to deprive the dog of his bone.

How wonderful, dear. And you won your case?

That's beside the point -

I didn't come home to discuss complicated points of law,

I was merely making an observation on the value of trifles.

You're good - you're too good, that's what's the matter.

I can see that you've been good for years and years.

That's why you look so unhappy.

I'm sure it's wrong to go on being good for so long

that one gets miserable.

But what would your husband say, if you went away?

Oh, er...he wouldn't know.

He, er...he wouldn't even know that I'd gone.

You mean he...? Oh, I'm sorry.

Oh, no, no, it isn't...

He...

My husband wrote that book.

Oh - but isn't you name Wilkins?

This is by Ferdinand Arundel.

-That's his pen name.

-Oh.

It's all my fault, really.

He was quite content, just where he was,

in the research department of the British Museum.

He'd been preparing a paper on French court life

for the ladies' fortnightly club,

and...and I suggested the most exciting idea to me.

I rushed right down to the British Museum, and...

But the museum wouldn't like my writing that sort of book.

The museum needn't know - you could use a pen name.

Writing memoirs about dead women isn't my forte.

I...

Pompadour and Du Barry aren't dead. They're daily influences.

Ask any woman.

BOOK THUDS ON FLOOR

HE TUTS

You see? The museum wouldn't like it.

But dear, I told you,

the museum needn't know anything about it.

I've thought about the most beautiful pen name for you -

-Ferdinand Arundel.

-What?

But I don't like writing anything

that I can't publish under my own name.

Mellersh Wilkins, that's a good name.

But dear, you'd be Mellersh Wilkins just the same.

He, um...he wasn't Mellersh Wilkins, though.

He had an enormous success.

He became Ferdinand Arundel in fact, as well as in fancy.

His books sold by the thousands - women, chiefly.

I didn't realise how quickly a man could take an adoring public

to his bosom.

You mean he changed?

Well, I...I've seen so little of him in the past six months.

At first, he'd forget to come home to dinner, occasionally.

After a bit, he even forgot to come home at night.

And then...one day, I came home,

and, um...found him packing his things.

Mellersh! Are you going away?

Oh, eh...why, no. Just some things that I've...

I haven't told you -

I've taken a studio near the museum, you know.

Just some work rooms where I can write

any hour of the day or night.

You never disturb me, and I'd love helping you.

But you see, it's simpler if I have my own place.

I do some of my best thinking at night.

But darling, everything is so much brighter here now -

the scarlet curtains, the new desk, the new sofa.

I know, but for the next few months,

I must give up everything to my work, I've...

I've become a martyr to my reputation.

That may be difficult for you to understand,

but I'm really doing it all for you.

Yes, dear, of course. You have work to do.

That's the trouble with me, I suppose -

you were my work.

Oh, but Lottie, it's only temporary -

I'm not going away, really.

I shan't even say goodbye, just...toodle-oo!

Toodle-oo.

I suppose everyone feels lost, some time or other.

You know, I think women keep on trying to face things

that don't get any better for being faced.

And when you try for too long to solve problems,

you get all knotted up with them.

Let's just untangle ourselves

and let our problems untangle themselves

and they will, if we just go away and let them alone.

Oh, it would be beautiful.

But...

Do you ever see things, in a kind of a flash,

before they happen?

Never.

I do - it's funny, but I see us both, you and me,

in April, in a medieval castle in Italy.

Oh, but mightn't it be too expensive?

With £60 for the castle and the cost of food and servants

and the railway fare and all...

The advertisement said eight beds - we can't lie in all of them, can we?

Let's advertise for two other women to share with us.

There must be thousands - oh, hundreds of thousands of women -

who need it just as much as we do.

A castle in Italy.

I was just wondering about Henry.

Oh, tell him...tell him you're going as my guest.

He can't help liking that, it's so thrifty.

I needn't tell Mellersh anything.

Oh, it's so wonderful and clear and accomplished already.

We just advertise for the women, see the agent,

and in a week, we're leaving this wretched, drab London

for our enchanted April in Italy.

HORN HONKS

I don't know exactly what will happen

if Henry finds out I've spent my nest egg.

He was so pleased when I told him I was going as your guest.

Just let him stay pleased, dear, until the proper time.

Besides, you won't have to spend all of your nest egg, now,

-with Mrs Fisher and Lady Caroline sharing with us.

-No.

-No.

It's going to be a real privilege to act as hostess at a castle.

After all, Mrs Brockwell Templeton Fisher

and Lady Caroline Dester...

Well, one wouldn't ordinarily run into them at Hampstead, would they?

Decidedly not.

It doesn't seem possible we're actually on our way.

That agent made everything so easy for us, didn't he?

It hardly seems necessary to stop off in Paris to buy clothes.

I somehow feel that in San Salvatore,

I shan't need any clothes.

Oh...

Really, I'm getting more frightened every moment.

I'm only frightened because I'm so happy.

Oh!

HE SPEAKS IN ITALIAN

Oh, this can't be the way to San Salvatore!

But the young man at the station took charge of us so confidently.

Yes, I know, but where is he taking us?

-Well...we're in God's hands.

-I'm afraid so.

San Salvatore?

Si, si, San Salvatore.

Well, keep your eye on the road!

LOTTIE YELLS

CROWD SHOUTS IN ITALIAN

LOTTIE SCREAMS

-No...

-No...

-San Salvatore.

Si, si, San Salvatore.

Oh, this can't be San Salvatore.

Si, si! San Salvatore.

Si, si, San Salvatore!

-San Salvatore?

-Si, si, San Salvatore!

Si, si, San Salvatore!

Rose, ought we to pay him?

Well, not if we're going to be robbed and murdered.

Robbed and...? Oh...!

LOUD CHATTER IN ITALIAN

Persino, signore, siamo a San Salvatore.

How do you do?

ALL: Benvenuti a San Salvatore!

-Benvenuti, signore.

-Per lei, signora.

Oh, the wisteria - Rose!

E un gran piacere e onore

di ricevere due tale bellissime signore a San Salvatore.

-Si, si, signore.

-Thank you.

Oh...

Grazie! Oh...

-Ha parlato italiano!

-Si! Andate!

CROWD CHATTER EXCITEDLY IN ITALIAN

-This is Francesca, the housekeeper.

-How do you do?

Piacere, signore.

My name is Domenico.

I'm the gardener and everything - I do everything!

I do everything to please the beautiful ladies.

Francesca, show the noble English ladies to their rooms.

Domenico, I shall be hostess here.

We're expecting two more ladies tomorrow.

In the morning, I'll go over the place

and select and arrange their rooms for them.

Ah, but they are here, the two signoras inglese.

-The two other ladies are here?

-Si, si, signore, si!

Si, they come today -

they are asleep this minute in the two biggest bedrooms

and they also take the big sitting room.

And for you two ladies,

they pick out two very nice, little, small bedrooms

and one very nice, little, small sitting room.

FRANCESCA SPEAKS IN ITALIAN

BIRDS CHIRP

Buongiorno, signora!

Oh!

Good morning, Domenico, Francesca!

Viva Italia! Viva San Salvatore!

THEY REPLY IN ITALIAN

Oh, thank you, thank you!

FRANCESCA SPEAKS IN ITALIAN

Lottie?

Good morning, dear.

Oh...

Lottie, what are you seeing now?

Were you ever in your life so hungry?

THEY LAUGH

I'm starved! Get dressed. Let's hurry.

I must get down and see that breakfast

is all ready for the others.

But darling,

isn't it going to be an awful bother for you, being hostess?

Oh, no - I'm going to love it.

-Would you like hot water in your coffee?

-No, thank you.

Robert Browning always took hot water in his coffee.

Why, it's like taking the bread out of one's mouth.

We all agreed that you were to be the hostess.

-Well, I...

-Sh...come on.

-Good morning!

-Good morning.

How do you do? I can't get up, on account of my stick.

It's so disappointing, finding you here.

Eh?

Oh, oh, I mean...no.

I meant we wanted to choose the nicest rooms for you

and give you such a welcome.

I chose the nicest room yesterday. At least, I think it was the nicest.

It looks two ways. I adore a room that looks two ways.

Well, we...we wanted to make it so pretty for you, with flowers.

Oh, Domenico did that - I told him directly when I got here.

Oh.

Well...

-Good morning, Francesca.

-Buongiorno, signora.

-Buongiorno, signora.

-Good morning.

-Will you have some coffee?

-Yes, thank you. Will you?

-No, thank you. I have some.

-Oh...

Well, won't you have some more?

No, thank you.

At the present moment, my cup is filled with coffee.

-Will you have an orange?

-No, thank you.

-Won't you?

-No.

I don't eat fruit at breakfast.

Alfred Tennyson did not eat fruit at breakfast,

nor did Thomas Carlyle.

I have had the honour of breakfasting with both -

that is why I am at San Salvatore.

Oh, I don't understand - they aren't buried here, are they?

Their place of interment is of no consequence whatever!

They are immortal.

I came down here to sit the sun and remember them...

as economically as possible.

Thomas Carlyle himself was a very thrifty man.

I came down to forget them.

Whom? Tennyson?

Men - living or dead.

Thomas Carlyle's remedy for adolescent philosophies

was invariably the same -

castor oil.

Did he die of it?

Cream?

Yes, thank you. Will you?

No, thank you!

There were two beds in my room, filling it up unnecessarily.

I had one taken out. It's very much more comfortable.

Oh, that's why there are two beds in my room.

I gave no directions as to its disposal -

I merely asked Francesca to remove it.

But I have two beds in my room as well.

I had an extra bed removed, too.

I think it's foolish to have more beds in a room

than there are occupiers.

But we haven't our husbands here, either -

can't we have them taken away?

Beds cannot be removed from one room after another.

They must remain somewhere.

I see him!

-See whom?

-Henry!

Lottie!

Oh, it's such a different Henry, Rose - it's amazing!

I see him in that other bed.

May I see whom you see so clearly

in the extra bed in Mrs Arbuthnot's room?

Why, her husband, of course - Henry Arbuthnot.

-Shall we go?

-Let me help you up...

No, no, thank you. I can manage very well myself,

it's only sometimes my stick prevents me.

That woman must be - she SHALL be - curbed!

-Lottie, do you really see Henry?

-Oh, I do see him.

I see him transformed and shining, just as you are now.

Look at yourself, Rose!

You're a different woman - it's like magic.

Look at Mrs Fisher.

Just now, I saw inside her.

She's going to be happy.

Well, Mrs Fisher doesn't seem very happy now.

Of course, when we decided to share the castle with them,

we wanted to save money,

and then we thought too we'd make them happy.

But if they're going to be happy by making it more difficult for us,

like...like being hostess and moving beds...

She'll change. I see her changing now.

She'll leave off being ossified and go all soft

and able to stretch - you'll see.

-Coffee, Lottie?

-Oh, yes - thank you.

Place it across the entrance, Domenico.

But then nobody can come in, signora.

That is precisely the purpose I wish to achieve!

But the ladies, they come to visit, they cannot push...

They will not wish to push, under the circumstances.

I did not come here to be gregarious

and I shall take the same protective measures in my sitting room.

Si, si, signora.

I came here to be alone and to remember.

Ah...in this very bay, Shelley was drowned.

Signora, drowned! Who?

There is no occasion for alarm - this happened a century ago.

Oh...this Shelley, he was friend of yours, signora?

That will do, Domenico!

Oh, si, si, signora.

I must let Henry know I got here safely.

Oh, this is lovely stationary.

Look, Lottie. It has a crest on it.

It's very Italian, isn't it?

What do you suppose it is?

I think it's a vulture.

Oh, there's a monogram under it - BTF?

No, it isn't an F.

No, I think it's another B.

Oh, of course, Briggs - that's the name of our landlord.

It's not a B - it is a decided F.

Oh, Mrs Fisher - do come in. Isn't this the loveliest room?

We've just discovered it.

I should have thought you could have seen this is MY sitting room.

That is MY notepaper with MY crest on it.

It is not a vulture - it is an eagle, flying into the sun.

Oh, I'm very sorry.

-And that pen...

-Is yours.

It was presented to me by Mr Gladstone.

-I'm really very sorry.

-It's quite natural, dear.

-I'm an old woman.

-Of course.

And I need a room for myself.

I cannot get about on account of my stick.

Since you get about, you have to sit.

And so why should I not sit quietly and undisturbed?

Oh, we hadn't the slightest wish to.

Oh, no - we're only too glad for you to have this room,

if it makes you happy.

I have already taken it and I am happy.

I intend to barricade it and I shall be happier.

We didn't know about it, that's all.

If we had, we wouldn't have come in...until you invited us.

I expect you will, soon. Come, Rose.

You may even go so far as to ask us to use your pen,

if you knew we didn't have one.

Ah!

Ah!

Good girl, good girl! Never thought it of her.

Really helping.

-Thalia.

-Yes, sir?

What would you say if I told you I was going south?

-Touch of gout, sir?

-Nothing of the sort!

Italy...

I need a rest - devilishly difficult things always popping up.

A man needs a holiday.

-Thalia, pack my bags.

-Yes, sir.

Lady Caroline!

This is more than a pleasure - it is a...

No, no, that won't do.

Lady Caroline, I need hardly say that this meeting, uh,

to, uh....between, uh...

Bah!

Lady Caroline.

To anyone in whose veins flows the blood of England...

..the name Dester...

This applies also to you, Mrs Fisher, of course.

Uh...

I need a rest.

I've been walking in the lower garden and watching the sea.

I feel quite heady from it,

as though I've been drinking some of that wine.

Oh, the beauty of this place!

And the thought that I'm away from...

Well, after all, one's whole idea in coming down here

was to get away from things, wasn't it?

And from people.

And from one's husbands.

-Husbands?

-Well, I really think of Mellersh as plural.

Mellersh?

That's my husband.

Of course, there was only one of him when I married him.

But then he became two, almost overnight.

There may be more of him by now.

But I can't bother about that here.

That's why I came away, really.

I should think you would.

I just couldn't stand his multiplying all by himself.

He sounds quite interesting.

I don't know...I can't quite see him as clearly as I see Henry.

Would you like a little wine?

Oh, no, thank you - oh, dear, no!

No, I feel just a little drunk as it is.

Drunk with freedom from...

Family affection?

The want of family affection.

That wouldn't be so bad. It would give one room.

Oh, no, it's quite dreadful.

It's like having no clothes on.

Oh, but I like that.

But in a bitter, cold wind? To have nothing on,

to know that there never will be anything?

You just get colder and colder until, finally, you...

Finally, you die of it.

That's what it's like to live with someone who doesn't love you.

But...didn't he?

I don't know - he showed no signs of it.

But then, he was just beginning to multiply.

Mrs Bristed-Lee,

I presume Lady Caroline will be here this afternoon?

I don't know. I sent her an invitation.

Oh. I telephoned two or three times, but I got no answer.

She's probably made one of her impulsive jaunts

into retirement.

Yes.

Oh, Mr Arundel?

I've often wondered what made you write about Du Barry

instead of, well, uh...

-Instead of the Duke of Wellington. LAUGHING:

-Yes.

-LAUGHING:

-Yes.

Well, it's...it's very difficult indeed to trace

the origin of an idea.

I...I well remember where I received my first command -

the command, it seemed,

to write the memoirs of that remarkable woman.

Oh, Mr Arundel, please go on.

I...uh? Oh...

Yes, it was a moonlit evening,

while walking in the gardens of Versailles,

the gardens where Du Barry walked.

Gazing up at the palace of the great French kings,

I realised, suddenly, how women inspire men -

not only ordinary men but kings.

Am I missing something?

I expected to see Lady Caroline with you.

You're almost inseparable.

Lady Caroline has disappeared completely, bag and baggage.

I understand she's going to be away for the entire month of April.

Oh...I see.

For the entire...month of April.

Oh, don't move! Hold it just a minute, will you, please?

Just like that, in that light. Yes...thank you.

Oh, that's charming. Charming.

Now, look up, will you?

Not at the ceiling, but through it - yes, that's right, that's right.

Oh, that's lovely. Thank you - thank you very much.

-My name's Briggs. I'm your landlord.

-Oh!

I was on my way to Rome and I thought that I'd stop in

just to see that your weren't walking on my lilies.

Oh...oh, how very nice of you.

Is it? Is it, really? Thank you, thank you.

Yes, I'm staying at the inn, you know.

But, oh...I do wish that...

Oh, but of course - you must stay right here.

No, no, I didn't mean that.

What I was going to say was I wish you'd let me paint you.

Paint me?

Yes, of course.

Oh...! Oh, but...nobody ever wanted to paint me before.

Haven't they? Haven't they, really? Well, I can't understand it.

Do you know, for the first time in months,

I feel the divine fire upon me.

Why, I'd even try to pain Smithers.

-Smithers?

-Yes - he's my butler. His father was with Browning.

Did I hear Robert Browning's name?

Oh, Mrs Fisher - this is Mr Briggs, our landlord.

Delighted - delighted, young man.

San Salvatore has done my rheumatism a great deal of good.

Naturally, any improvement in the body

communicates itself to the spirit.

Charmed, charmed.

I shall tell Francesca that you will be here for dinner

and to spend the night.

Why, you've burst your cocoon!

Oh...

Splendid, splendid!

You mean to say that you two ladies only met a week ago?

Well, it's most unusual.

I...I see nothing unusual about it.

Did you expect us to quarrel?

I'll tell Francesca.

SHE CLEARS HER THROAT

Oh, no, really - thank you.

But I couldn't dream of putting you to all that trouble.

I insist upon going back to the inn -

they expect it of me.

You know, it's so like coming home, to find you here.

But you're not accustomed to finding me here, are you?

No...no, unfortunately.

But it's always been my idea of really coming home.

Oh, my...it's so nice to be praised to one's face.

No, it isn't the castle at all - that's all poppycock.

It's Lottie.

Well, she swept me right out of the Hampstead Housewives' Club

and into San Salvatore.

Nobody ever did anything like that to me before.

That was long before she even saw the castle, wasn't it?

Mm, well - 'tis no castle that's ever got me into the mood

for trying to do this sort of thing.

Domenico! Domenico! Domenico!

THEY YELL IN ITALIAN

Benvenuti! Welcome to San Salvatore!

Presto, presto, presto!

Si, come...come.

Signor, they want money.

Oh, yes, of course.

Here you are - divide this among you.

Never mind all this fuss - show me to my room.

Si, signor.

Where is Mrs Arbuthnot?

This will be a pleasant surprise to her.

Oh, Henry! This is such a pleasant surprise!

I knew it would be - I was saying as much to the natives.

My dear, how charming you look! You've blossomed out!

Well, well, well...

Brava, brava!

You've evidently been telling them about me.

Thank you, my friends.

-Our room is on the next floor, dear.

-This way, please.

MAIDS SPEAK IN ITALIAN

I'd like a hot bath at once, my dear. Will you arrange for it?

Domenico will have to see to that, dear -

it's rather...elaborate.

Elaborate? What's elaborate about a bath?

Nothing, dear.

Domenico, Mr Arbuthnot wishes a hot bath, immediately.

A bath?

Yes, and plenty of hot water - I want to sit in it and soak.

HE LAUGHS

Signor wants a bath in the bathtub?

Where else would I want it?

Yes, Domenico - in the bath downstairs.

FRANCESCA WHISPERS

Signor, I recommend a sponge bath in the room, right here.

Sponge bath? Rubbish! I want a bath!

-An Englishman's bath, a bath in a bathtub!

-Yes, dear.

What's all this fuss about a man's having a bath in a bathtub?

-Si, si, signor.

-Si, si, signor.

THEY SPEAK IN ITALIAN

Lady Caroline Dester and Mrs Fisher are still here, I suppose?

Yes...oh, yes, dear.

Very good associations. Very good.

Naturally, I want to look my best.

One mustn't let an opportunity like this go by.

Never mind, my dear - this is a holiday.

Oh...are you going to be here long, dear?

I'm going to stay the rest of the month

-and accompany you all back to London, my dear.

-Oh...how nice.

Well, your bath will be ready,

as soon as they get the water hot, dear.

L'acqua, l'acqua , presto, presto!

THEY SHOUT IN ITALIAN

Presto, presto, presto!

-Domenico, Domenico!

-Si, si, si...

SHE SPEAKS IN ITALIAN

You must not turn off the water while the fires is burning,

or the boiler, she'll go...pfft!

Ah, capito!

THEY CHATTER IN ITALIAN

THEY OFFER ADVICE IN ITALIAN

E caldo!

DOMENICO KNOCKS ON THE DOOR

The hot bath is now ready in the bathtub, signor.

Very good!

FRANCESCA SPEAKS IN ITALIAN

Sh, sh...!

Is this a public ceremony of some sort?

I'm not laying a cornerstone, you know,

or christening a battleship - I'm taking a bath.

Si, si, signor.

Da qui. Da qui, signore.

Beastly-looking contrivance,

but I suppose it furnishes the hot water.

Well, my good woman, you may go now.

Non posso, signore. Devo guardare il rubinetto.

What?!

Look here, take her out with you, my good fellow.

No, signor - I must stay here and watch the gauge.

Watch?! You'll do nothing of the sort!

-Out you go!

-No, no, signore!

Get out!

FRANCESCA SHOUTS FRANTICALLY

Weird people, watching me take a bath...

Beastly inefficiency - left this running.

THEY CHATTER IN ITALIAN

Having a woman in the bathroom with you -

even if her back is turned!

Ah...

After hearing your translation of the word "pericoloso",

I've resolved on sponge baths for all of April.

Oh, I'm sure Domenico will explain everything to Henry.

I don't know why San Salvatore makes me so drowsy,

because I was drowsy in London, too.

I thought I was the traffic noises there.

Oh, everything is so quiet here, so tranquil.

THEY CHATTER IN ITALIAN

BOOM!

SCREAMING

BOILER HISSES

Signor!

What is this?!

HE COUGHS AND SPLUTTERS

Ah...Lady Caroline Dester, I presume.

Yes.

My name is Arbuthnot - Henry Arbuthnot.

The husband of Mrs Arbuthnot.

-How do you do?

-Charmed.

Lady Caroline,

to anyone in whose veins flows the blood of England,

the name Dester...

Oh! I may say that this applies to you also, Mrs Fisher.

You are Mrs Brockwell Templeton Fisher, I presume?

I am Henry Arbuthnot.

I was just saying to your charming companion here

that to anyone in whose blood flows the veins of England,

the name Dester...and Fisher...

Are you aware of the state of your apparel, sir?

Oh, I beg your pardon! I beg your pardon!

A trifling mishap in the bathroom.

Great pleasure, I assure you, great pleasure.

Pardon me. Pardon me...

Italy is not what it was in Browning's time.

Henry!

My dear, I am convinced that a bath in Italy

is somewhere between a public function

and an eruption of Vesuvius.

Domenico! Bring a sponge bath to my room.

-Oh, signor!

-Sono cosi contenta...

-Bene, bravo, bravo!

HORN HONKS

Oh - good evening, Mr Arundel. Lady Caroline isn't at home.

Yes, I know, Martha. I just came to get her address.

-Won't you come in, sir? The housekeeper has it.

-Thank you.

The first Sir Richard Dester, if I remember correctly,

was killed during the Second Crusade.

Then there was Sir Humphrey Dester in the reign of Henry VIII.

Sir Humphrey was in great peril of losing his estates

through the disfavour of his sovereign.

If I may be so bold to suggest, he was saved from that misfortune

through a member of my own profession -

a solicitor of great repute, Sir John Harrington.

HE CLEARS HIS THROAT

You will pardon me, Lady Caroline,

a little modest pride in what I may call a "colleague" of mine

who had the honour of being of service to one of the Desters.

HE BLOWS HIS NOSE LOUDLY

Ah...

And oh, Lottie - he took his explosion magnificently.

It just isn't the same Henry at all.

It's San Salvatore.

And he was so nice about it that I told him about the nest egg.

How did he take that explosion?

Beautifully.

You see?

I have now covered the first three centuries of the Desters,

which brings us up to the 18th century -

at that time,

there emerged in the illustrious annals of your family

Lord Oswald Dester,

Lord of the Privy Seal under James II.

At the expulsion of James

and on the ascension of William and Mary,

Lord Oswald found himself in considerable disfavour.

Again, a solicitor came to the rescue.

It may be more than a coincidence, my dear Lady Caroline,

that this gentleman's name was Arbuthnot -

the Northumberland Arbuthnots.

A distant branch of my family.

Lord Oswald found himself in the Tower of London.

One day, he walked to the window.

He was looking out of the window, precisely as I am now,

but on a scene, if I may say so, quite different.

Yes, quite different.

The scene which he witnessed and which I am about to describe

will hold you enthralled.

Sailing up the storied Thames was a barge,

with a canopy of peacock blue, something the colour of this -

what do you call this flower?

Oh, don't...don't move. Hold it, will you?

Would you mind standing there just for one minute in that light for me?

Oh, yes, it's lovely. It's charming.

Come a little nearer the edge for me?

That's charming - oh, yes. Now, look up, will you?

Or down - any way you like.

I take it you're one of my tenants? In that case, I'm your landlord.

My name is Briggs.

Yes, I know. You're on your way to Rome

and you stopped off to see if we weren't walking on your lilies.

Quite right. Were you? They'd adore it.

-Are you sure?

-Certain.

-Oh, I wish you'd let me paint you.

-Me?

-Yes, yes, of course.

You know, it's most unaccountable, but for the first time in months,

the divine fire is upon me.

-I'd even try to paint Smithers.

-Smithers?

-Yes, he's my butler.

His father was with Tennyson.

Haven't you made a mistake?

Oh, no doubt, but why do you say that?

You were painting Lottie Wilkins yesterday.

Amazing woman! You know, she asked me to dinner.

Unfortunately, I was compelled to decline

because they were waiting for me at the inn.

But...I'm free tonight,

if you've got any ideas on the subject.

Well, why don't you come for dinner? After all, it is your house.

Quite right. Yes - of course, you merely rent it.

I never would have thought of that myself.

Amazing!

Well, I've got to go back to the inn and dress.

See you tonight!

SHE LAUGHS

CROWD CHATTERS IN ITALIAN

Give me a push!

Paga, signore.

No, I refuse to pay for this outrage.

I mean, I could have walked the whole distance

and done it in much better time.

I practically walked the whole distance as it is.

CROWD SHOUT ANGRILY

What's that?

I presume another unfortunate has suggested a bath in the bathtub.

I'll pay you your money, but it's still an outrage.

Grazie! Grazie, signore, grazie!

Caroline, you know why I came.

I know how you came.

I hope you won't be too angry with me.

What are you doing here?

Why, I have absolutely no excuse - I couldn't help myself.

Help yourself? From what?

I was passing through on my way to Rome

and I got off at Missaglia to see how you were.

I had to come.

Didn't they tell you I was taking a rest cure?

I assumed as much...or, rather, I didn't assume anything.

I just came. I started out early this morning to come here,

but each time, I lost my courage.

So, eventually, you relied on the donkey.

I'm sorry, Ferdinand.

Dinner's at seven.

Come and sit down.

Tell me how everybody is.

You're really asking me to dine with you,

in these travelling clothes?

Of course.

I suppose you'll be going out to Missaglia to take the night train.

Well, I...I might wait over and go on tomorrow.

Or the next day.

But tell me about yourself. Let me look at you.

London's been beastly without you.

-Are you here alone?

-No. There are three other ladies.

Oh - friends of yours? People I know?

-Strangers. You'll like them. One of them in particular.

-Really?

Yes - I'm fonder of her than I've been of anyone in years.

Hm...I envy her.

You should guess which of them it is when you see them at dinner.

I'll tell Domenico you're staying.

-You can wait in the living room while I brush up.

-All right.

I'm really very proud of you, my dear.

You've been most helpful, most helpful.

Oh, I'm so glad, dear.

Thanks to you, I was able to convince Lady Caroline that I'm her man.

Oh, Henry - really?

I had the honour of pointing out to her this afternoon -

quite eloquently, if I may say so -

some of the glories of her family

with which she herself was not familiar.

She was deeply moved - so moved, in fact, that she withdrew abruptly

in order to conceal her emotion.

I was tactful enough not to try to detain her.

I flatter myself I have some understanding

of the sensibilities of women,

especially of women of the nobility.

Ah...thank you, my dear.

Mellersh, darling.

You remember, a long time ago, you used to tell me

that my hair was like acacia blossoms in the evening?

Mellersh!

Oh...!

Mellersh?

Mellersh...

Lottie!

Oh...!

I knew you'd come.

In my very heart, I always, always knew you'd come.

We're all here, now.

You and I and...

Oh, do you remember, Mellersh,

how, a long time ago, you used to say

that I had hair like acacia blossoms in the evening?

Of course. Of course, dear.

You must have flown to me

the very instant you got my telegram.

Telegram? Oh, yes...

-The very instant!

-Yes, the very instant.

How quickly it flew to you - almost as fast as my thoughts.

And how quickly you came - almost as fast as my heart beats.

Oh, hold me close, close as you can, for all the empty days.

There won't be any more of them, will there?

Tonight, we'll walk under the stars, among the acacias,

and you'll tell me again how like them my hair is, won't you?

-Of course...

-And then tomorrow, we'll walk by the sea,

where I've walked so often, remembering you as were,

and as I so wanted you to be again...and as you are now.

Yes, dear.

We'll have the whole month of April together,

and it will be really enchanted, won't it?

As I was saying to Mrs Fisher this afternoon,

there's no position in this world altogether immune

to the vicissitudes of fate.

Unfortunately, she was compelled to withdraw for her afternoon nap.

I was on the verge of explaining to her

that the only sure bulwark against misfortune

is the counsel and loyalty of a conscientious solicitor,

whose first duty, my dear, is to his clients.

She saw him here - oh, Lottie!

Rose, darling, he's here! This is Mellersh.

He came, he flew the very instant he got my telegram!

-This is Rose Arbuthnot.

-How do you do?

-How do you do?

Well, well! Let me congratulate you on this happy reunion.

Oh, thank you.

I am Henry Arbuthnot -

welcome to San Salvatore, Mr Mellersh.

You'll find the place perfectly charming,

perfectly charming people.

I don't suppose you, as yet, have had the pleasure

of meeting Mrs Brockwell Templeton Fisher?

-No...

-And Lady Caroline Dester, of whom, no doubt, you've heard.

- They'll be down directly. - Did someone mention my name?

Why, Lottie - who is this charming but bewildered young man

at your side?

Oh, Phoebe, this is Mellersh.

-Delighted, delighted, young man.

-Thank you.

Not unlike Darwin in appearance -

but, I hope, with none of his nonsense.

Where is that charming guest, our landlord?

Not guest tonight, but host.

I've just been talking over the wines with Francesca.

Young man, on this gala occasion, I must claim the privilege of age

and insist that this is my dinner.

Oh, Henry, how lovely, how thoughtful of you!

- Gala occasion? - Of course, of course.

By the way, you haven't met Mrs Wilkins' husband, Mr Mellersh.

- He's just arrived in San Salvatore. - Husband?

Oh...I didn't tell you about Mellersh, did I?

No, no...

Oh, charmed, charmed.

-I congratulate you, Mr Mellersh.

-Thank you.

Oh...oh, I shall paint you both.

I see no reason for excluding the rest of us?

Excellent idea, Mrs Fisher - excellent.

I've always had rather a special fondness

for the group paintings.

But we're not all here - Lady Caroline isn't down yet.

You know, I can't account for it,

but for the first time in months, I feel the divine fire upon me.

Shall I go up and call Lady Caroline?

Oh, no, no, I wouldn't.

I don't think that Mr Briggs could paint us, anyway.

I mean, before dinner.

Domenico, my paints, my canvas!

The subject of the celebrated painting I was referring to,

as I remember, was Abraham with his wives and his...

MELLERSH MURMURS SOMETHING

..his wives and his herds and flocks.

And whom do you suggest for the herds and the flocks

in the present case, Mr Arbuthnot?

-Ah...

-Yes, well, I'm really very hungry.

Could we postpone this till another time?

Yes, charming, a very good idea. I congratulate you, Mr Mellersh.

Il pranzo e pronto.

Dinner.

- Shall we go in? - But Lady Caroline isn't here yet.

Oh...

MRS FISHER: Oh, we never wait for her.

- She comes down when she pleases. - Oh, oh, I see...

-My dear?

-Oh, Henry.

My dear, as your husband is host, he will sit at the head of the table.

-Oh!

-Mr Arbuthnot.

Mr Briggs, there.

Lottie, would you mind sitting there?

Mr Wilkins here.

I shall sit on your right.

Oh, it's...it's so nice, being hostess.

I wish to propose a toast

to the happy reunion of the Wilkins family

we've all had the pleasure of witnessing in this enchanting place.

Here, here!

-Oh...oh! Thank you.

-Oh, yes, thank you.

Mr Wilkins, I believe a response is in order.

Oh...a response? Eh...

A whole speech is in order, if you are so inclined, Mr Mellersh.

I'm not averse to a bit of dinner oratory -

very good custom.

Darling, you might tell them about Du Barry.

Eh...oh. Du Barry...yes.

Ladies and gentlemen,

I...of course, I wrote the memoirs of Du Barry.

I mean, when I...when...my...

First, it came to me in the gardens of Versailles,

eh...when I was walking through the....we...I...

LADY CAROLINE: Domenico, have they all gone into dinner?

-DOMENICO:

-Si, si, signora.

Thank you.

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

There you all are, having a pleasant dinner without me.

Well, I see you've become acquainted with everybody

since I deposited you in the living room.

Yes, I...

Oh - then you...you knew that... that my husband was here.

Yes - I met your husband when he arrived,

at the end of the path.

You met him at the end of the path.

And I met him at the hearthside.

That's really the end of the path, isn't it?

Will you excuse me, please?

You know, as long as you invited me to dinner,

I do think you might have been down to meet me.

If you'll just excuse me, please.

Ah, well, speaking of oratory, I'm reminded, as I remember,

of an incident which will amuse you vastly when you hear it...

CHATTER AND LAUGHTER

Lottie...Lottie, listen to me.

Please don't be angry.

It's all been...I've been so...

I don't know what you're thinking,

but whatever you're thinking, it isn't true.

-Oh, but it is true.

-What do you mean?

That I love you.

Oh...you're lovely, darling. Lovelier than you've ever been.

And your hair is like acacia blossoms.

SHE GASPS

Do you know, Mr Arbuthnot,

in that light, for a moment, you looked like Robert Browning.

- I do? - You did...for a moment.

In that light.

THEY LAUGH

What's that?

-It's the Briggses.

-The Briggses?

I see them as the Briggses.

And I see us as the Arundels.