Robot and Frank

This film contains some strong language

LOCK CLICKS

DOOR OPENS

DRAWER OPENS

RUMMAGING

GLASS SHATTERS

HE SNIFFS

PHONE RINGS

-AUTOMATED FEMALE VOICE:

-Call from Madison Weld.

Call from Madison Weld.

-Hello?

-'Hey, Dad.'

What? Huh?

Daddy, it's me, Madison. Hi!

Oh, yeah. Hey.

How are you doing?

-CRACKLY:

-I'm doing wonderful. Turkmenistan is so beautiful.

I'm sorry I haven't called. How are you?

Oh, I'm, you know, fine.

I'm OK.

Has Hunter been coming around?

Hunter?

Dad?

-AUTOMATED VOICE:

-Connection lost.

DEVICE BEEPS

Madison...

Hmm.

WOMAN LAUGHS

INDISTINCT

Hey, Frank.

Hey, there. How are you doing?

I'm fine.

Just killing time, waiting for my one and only patron.

Mr Darcy does all the real work, anyway.

So, what'll it be, the usual?

Well, I came for the books...

..but I'd be more interested in getting your phone number.

SHE CHUCKLES

All right, let's see if we can't find something

that you haven't read three times already.

MACHINE WHIRS

Good afternoon, Jennifer.

Might I help you with something?

No, thank you, Mr Darcy.

Very well.

I will resume book relocation.

Damn. I'm not going to be duct taping books much longer.

Why?

Um...a new non-profit is taking over the library.

And they want to re-imagine the modern library experience.

-So we're going to be retro-cool.

-MOBILE RINGS

-AUTOMATED VOICE:

-Call from Hunter Weld.

Is that your son, Hunter?

What?

Your son, Hunter.

Yes, that's my son.

'Dad.'

'Dad?'

Hello.

No.

No. I'm going to eat at Harry's.

'Dad, Harry's closed.'

What are you talking about? I ate here last week...

'Dad?'

'Dad.'

Hey. I told you to stop coming in here. What did you take?

I was just looking for some candles.

If I see you shoplifting again, I am calling the cops.

Who is responsible for you?

Did you take a fizzy bath bomb, you son of a bitch?

HORN HONKING Pass me. Pass me!

Dad.

You're right in the middle of the road.

I thought we agreed you'd wait for me to drive you.

-Hunter.

-You're going to get clipped by a car coming around here.

What cars? We're in the middle of the woods out here.

You know, I saw a bobcat the other day.

OK, would you just get in, please?

Oh, what the hell is this?

It's one of Isaac's toys. Just get in.

You know, you keep buying your kids crap like this...

..you're going to spoil them rotten.

HE GROANS

-You in?

-Yeah.

-Why?

-Cos then they can spend their allowance on what they want.

-It teaches fiscal responsibility.

-It teaches them to be spoiled brats.

They get a choice.

They can save their money or not save it, it's up to them.

But only if they get four gold stars and no frowny faces.

I didn't buy you useless crap. You turned out OK.

How's Princeton, Mr Big Shot?

Princeton? Dad, that was 15 years ago.

Jesus Christ. Look at this place.

How do you do this in a week?

Sometimes it's better a little dusty.

Dusty would be an improvement.

This is gross. This is just gross.

It's better than prison.

Cute. That, you remember.

There's nothing wrong with my memory.

MOBILE RINGS

To be continued.

Excuse me.

Yep. I'm here.

I know. I just got to do this delicately. He's in a mood.

I'm just...I'm trying to do the right thing. Maybe he'll like it.

Love you.

Dad.

We got to talk.

-You want money?

-What?

-Money.

No, no. I don't...

No, no, I...

You have a problem. You're worse every time I come up here.

Princeton, Dad? And you thought Harry's was still open.

I was joking. You're not sending me to that brain centre.

It's not a brain centre, Dad.

It's a place where they can help you. But no, that's not it.

I'm fine. I don't need your help. I'm fine.

Would you listen?

I brought you something.

You have got to be kidding me.

I'm not this pathetic.

I don't need to be spoon-fed by some goddamn robot.

Dad, it's not like that. It's new.

It's more like a butler.

You're going to leave me with this death machine?

What's the problem? It's a robot.

HE ACTIVATES ROBOT

Hi, Frank. It's a pleasure to meet you.

-How do you know?

-All right.

Why don't you go on inside, tidy up,

and cook us whatever food you can find?

OK, Hunter.

Good to meet you, Frank. I like your house.

That thing is going to murder me in my sleep.

Somebody's going to murder you in your sleep.

What about your mother?

She's not going to want a robot getting in her way.

Mum's got her own robot.

You know Mum doesn't live here any more, right?

You've been divorced for 30 years.

Yeah, I know that. That's not what I meant.

How can you not be excited by this?

HE CHUCKLES DERISIVELY

Where the hell did it get that?

I found a box of cake mix in the cupboard, Frank.

If you don't mind me saying so,

I think I could be a big help to you.

What do you say?

Get this hunk of crap out of my house.

I don't know what I'm supposed to do.

I don't know what I'm supposed to do, Dad.

I drive up here every week.

Ten hours, round trip.

I don't see my kids.

Forget it. But the robot's staying cos it's expensive,

and you're going to do what it says

or you will end up in the memory centre.

Cos the last thing I need is you dying all alone up here

-to be my fault, too.

-I'm not asking you to do anything.

No, of course not.

How the hell do I turn you off?

I'm sorry, Frank, but Hunter has chosen for me to remain on.

I don't have an off switch, Frank.

If you let go of me, I'll do the dishes.

Go ahead.

Wake up, Frank.

It's 7:00, Frank. Wake up.

Frank, it's crucial that we establish

a set schedule for your day

to help keep you oriented.

Frank, I've reviewed your medical records.

Are you finding your episodes of disorientation

increasing in frequency?

What the hell are you?

I'm a robot, Frank.

Oh.

Oh, yeah, yeah...

How are you doing?

-I'm fine, Frank.

-FRANK CLEARS THROAT

Wake up.

Just bring me some cereal.

That cereal is full of unhealthy ingredients.

-I threw it away.

-Don't throw away my stuff.

Frank, that cereal is for children. Enjoy this grapefruit.

You're for children, stupid.

Today, we're going to start a garden.

Oh, fuck this shit.

Frank, you need a project.

Mental stimulation plus a regimented schedule

will vastly improve your cognitive functioning.

Besides, it's good exercise.

Frank, we're going to have to work together.

You are a robot butler.

I'm not a butler, Frank. I'm a health care aide

programmed to monitor and improve your physical and mental health.

Yeah? Get out of my house.

If you're not going to cooperate with me,

I might as well not be here.

Fine with me.

If that's the way you feel, I'll contact Hunter.

Good.

What are you doing?

Do you have a phone up there in that brain? You calling him?

Look, you heard what he said.

He was trying to put me into a nuthouse.

I don't recall Hunter saying that.

There's nothing wrong with my memory.

I'm fine, I'm telling you. I'm fine.

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten.

My memory is fi... What am I doing?

I'm talking to an appliance.

I suggest you work with me.

I'm not gardening.

Can't you do that super fast?

Some things take time, Frank.

Shit, I hate hikes. Goddamn bugs.

You see one tree, you see them all.

I just hate hikes.

While my programme's goal is to improve your health,

I'm able to adapt my methods.

Would you prefer another form of moderate exercise?

I would rather die eating cheeseburgers

than live off of steamed cauliflower.

What about me, Frank?

What do you mean, what about you?

If you die eating cheeseburgers,

what do you think happens to me?

I'll have failed.

They'll send me back to the warehouse and wipe my memory.

If we're going to walk, we might as well make it worthwhile.

Come on, keep up.

Stop.

If you come in there with me, I'm going to have a heart attack and die.

-But, Frank...

-Just stay.

-MR DARCY:

-Can I help you find anything, sir?

Where is the librarian?

I'm not familiar with that title.

You're worse than the other one. No.

Where is the librarian?

Jennifer. She's in her office.

Sir, you are not permitted in the offices.

Maybe we could create a little something

in honour of Dewey Decimal System.

Frank, you're not allowed back here.

Hey, there, old-timer. How are you doing?

How am I doing? I'm Frank.

This is Jake Finn.

He's been filling me in on the plans for the new library.

-It's his project.

-You must remember the days when this library

was the only way to learn about the world.

New library?

We talked about it the other day. Remember?

I got to slide. The movers are probably taking

a two-hour lunch break.

Jennifer, I'll be by Thursday to see how it's coming along. Frank. Frank?

I'd love to talk to you some more

about your history with printed information.

You're our connection to the past, buddy.

Who is that little shit?

My grandma has one of these.

Yeah, but this one's sweet.

Yeah, I heard of these ones.

It's got advanced legs.

Warning! Do not molest me.

What are these assholes doing?

It's OK. The books are going, but they're going to scan

whatever they don't already have and then they'll recycle them.

It's like goddamn Nazi Germany in here.

I know it's upsetting, but it's OK.

Come on, let me show you something.

These will not be recycled.

These are the real deal.

Now, this is our most valuable book.

-Look at that.

-Do you get to keep these, at least?

-SHE CHUCKLES

-I wish!

No. They have to be very carefully preserved.

And they're just too old to be handled any more.

It's really a shame.

It sounds like the same people who stopped coming here

want to take away what's yours.

No, they're not the ones that left.

They're just kids that think books are cool again.

Mmm. That's a beautiful one.

Hey! Beat it, you little bastards!

What's the matter, you can harass old men, but you can't handle kids?

I told them to stop, but they wouldn't listen.

The next time that happens, just say,

"Self-destruct sequence initialised."

And then start counting down from ten.

Why would I do that, Frank?

Let's go to Harry's.

Have you smelled our lavender heart soaps?

We should be going, Frank.

What a cute little helper you have.

What is in your pocket?

I'm sorry, young lady. I couldn't quite hear you.

What is in your pocket? I'm going to make a citizen's arrest.

Nothing. Nothing's in my pockets. Look!

Frank.

It's time we head home.

Yeah.

If you'll excuse us, ladies.

Nice to see you.

Have a good one.

Listen, you don't have to argue with me.

I'm stuck with the damn thing.

Did you talk to your brother?

She doesn't like you.

I don't like you, either.

Yeah, yeah.

It is creepy. He's cramping my style.

No. By all means, go ahead.

You let him have it.

Yeah. Bye. PHONE BEEPS

Well, looks like maybe you're going to be out of my hair soon.

Is your daughter politically aligned against robot labour?

Hey, where did this come from?

From the store.

Remember?

Yeah, of course I remember, but what did you do? Did you...

You put this in here? You took this?

I saw you had it,

but the shopkeeper distracted you and you forgot it.

I took it for you.

Did I do something wrong, Frank?

Come on.

You know what stealing is?

The act of a person who steals -

taking property without permission or right.

Yeah, I guess.

You stole this.

How do you feel about that?

I don't have any thoughts on that.

They didn't programme you about stealing,

shoplifting, robbery?

I have working definitions for those terms.

I don't understand. Do you want something for dessert?

Do you have any programming that makes you obey the law?

Do you want me to incorporate state and federal law

directly into my programming?

No, no, no, you leave it as it is.

You're starting to grow on me.

Thank you, Frank.

It's time for your enema.

OK. Let's see what you can do.

Any lock in the world is just a little puzzle.

And the only key is the key.

No lock is perfect and any lock can be picked.

All you need is...

LOCK CLICKS ..time.

OK, your turn.

I think this hobby would be more beneficial for you than me, Frank.

Teaching you is the hobby.

OK, go.

You know, I did six years for one stretch

and then I did ten for another.

I did know that, but Hunter told me not to mention it.

According to your file, you were first arrested

for possessing stolen goods,

and then tax evasion.

That tax evasion rap was garbage. I was a second-storey man.

What's that?

Finding a way in where no way in exists.

You know, like climbing up to the second storey.

I specialised in jewellery - diamonds.

You want the most value by the ounce

when you're rappelling down a 50-storey casino

in the middle of a hurricane.

And the women back then...

The most value by the ounce?

I always went high-end. That way, nobody gets hurt.

Except for the insurance company crooks.

LOCK CLICKS

HE CHUCKLES

That was your best time yet.

I'm getting the hang of it.

We're going to clean up.

I thought you said the library was closed, Frank.

This is what they call "casing."

To your right.

Oh, Frank, the library's closed for renovations.

Oh. Well, we were just taking a walk

and I thought we'd stop by and say hello.

-Hello.

-Hi.

Is this your new robot?

Yes, it is.

Hey, there. I'm Jennifer. What's your name?

I don't have a name.

Oh, Frank, you have to name it.

This is Mr Darcy. He's my helper.

A very reliable model.

Thank you.

I'm glad you're here, Frank. All this change,

it doesn't feel like home here any more.

What's the point of a library if you can't check out the books?

It's all about augmented reality stuff now.

Jake says it's about the library experience.

When people can get any book, any time, any place, instantly,

this building is about community now.

Community. Yeah, right.

Jake!

They're going to have this big fund-raiser party-thing on Friday

and all the young, hoity-toity couples are going to come.

It sounds awful.

Yeah. Do you want to come with me?

Yes.

Cool.

See that? A magnetic alarm that trips when the door opens.

And there, a night-vision security camera.

It's simple, but it's effective.

Frank, you don't have any free activity time

scheduled after sunset.

What?

It's just one night.

And what's the point of an arbitrary schedule?

The schedule is the most important part. It helps you remain oriented.

Can we do it during the day?

No. The whole point is not to be seen.

We have to be quiet. It's got to be dark.

We got to sneak in.

I don't know if I can sneak.

Hunter brought you here to help me,

but I don't need that kind of help.

You want to be partners? Let's be partners.

You said yourself, I need a project.

I do. I need something to keep me stimulated, to keep me exercised.

Look, this is it.

OK, Frank.

OK.

PHONE RINGS

-AUTOMATED VOICE:

-Call from Hunter Weld.

Oh, why is he calling?

Call from Hunter Weld.

Did you call him?

No.

Call from Hunter Weld.

Hello.

Dad, call off your dogs, all right?

I'm not changing my mind.

What? What are you talking about?

Dad, Madison won't stop calling me

with all these Human Movement talking points.

Deal with her yourself.

What? No, no, no. This is not going to work.

The robot is staying. I can't keep coming up there.

Nobody's asking you to.

This is ridiculous. A robot caretaker is

just as humane as a human caretaker. Cos they're more efficient...

-Hunter, I don't care.

-..it doesn't make them inhumane.

She said that you said you were saying that the robot is...

The robot's fine.

Just go do something nice with your kids.

OK, all right.

Would you tell her to stop bugging me, please? We're on vacation.

-All right. Bye.

-All right, bye.

You're not telling Hunter anything about the locks, are you?

Developing trust is part of my programme.

I can keep anything you feel is important between just us.

Perfect. Keep your mouth shut.

Not a word about anything to anybody.

LOCK CLICKS Wait.

Eureka.

Wait here.

HE SIGHS

You know, this reminds me of a job I did in South Florida.

It was probably a bad idea, scaling that high-rise,

but I was involved with this knockout redhead at the time.

I can't remember her name. OK...

OK.

Let's see what we got here.

This kind of stuff used to be solid gold to me.

I never got caught because I understood building plans

better than anybody else.

My family thought I was a maintenance man.

It's open.

Which book do you want?

Jane Eyre? Don Quixote?

Take whatever's most valuable by the ounce.

But you know, I really was a maintenance man.

Because I couldn't spend the money.

I had two tool boxes - my work tools and my other tools.

And I taught Hunter how to fix just about anything.

We're supposed to be quiet, Frank.

HE CLEARS THROAT What?

Why are you wearing a space helmet?

Frank, we need to leave.

Yeah, I know. I know.

That was more dangerous than you led me to believe, Frank.

Oh...

Jennifer's just going to love this.

Frank, it's time to go to bed.

You know what you are? You're no fun.

You were cracker-jack at those locks, though.

I never could show Hunter how to do that stuff.

I wanted to. I wanted to.

But I never did.

He was a little hell-raiser.

He burned a hole in the carpet.

Or was that Madison?

I read about it.

They used to send me letters.

Frank, it's very late.

Do you remember?

Was that you or was that your sister?

I missed so much.

When I came home...

..I thought you were the neighbour's kid.

Well...why does that matter?

You know what? I don't even mind this stuff any more.

I'm too busy planning our next job.

Where should we hit next? The MoMA? The Guggenheim?

-PHONE RINGING

-Call from Madison Weld.

Maddy, my girl!

Dad, are you there?

Oh, you look pretty. Where are you now?

Daddy, Hunter is claiming that you're now fine with the robot

and that you want it controlling your life.

Oh, no. No, no. Slow down, honey. Wait a minute.

Seriously, what was he thinking,

just leaving you there with this thing?

Look, I told him that he comes around to see me too much.

So...

Too much? Daddy, he has abandoned you with a machine.

Yeah, well, you know...

At least he did something.

I'm sorry. I'm travelling.

This is what I do for a living.

I know, sweetie. I'm sorry.

I didn't mean it that way.

Dad, time's running out on this thing. I'm going to go, OK?

Bye.

THEY PLAY FUSION MUSIC

I'm back. How are you holding up?

Well, it's free booze.

Are you OK?

Actually, I'm not supposed to say anything,

but somebody broke into the library last night.

It's funny you should say that...

It's almost as if they sensed our vulnerability. It's horrible.

Jake thinks that maybe they were trying to hack

into the new donor information.

I don't know.

Oh. You brought your little friend.

Hi, there.

Where's Mr Darcy? Mr Darcy.

Are you two enjoying the party?

I'm functioning normally.

As am I.

Why don't you mingle together?

I have no functions or tasks

that require verbal interaction with the VGC-60L.

Mr Darcy, that is so rude.

So, when all humans are extinct

you're not going to start a robot society?

I don't understand, Frank.

Why don't you pretend that Mr Darcy is a human being like me

and start up a conversation?

Hi, there. How are you doing?

I'm functioning normally.

As am I.

-JAKE:

-There they are.

Enjoying yourselves?

I wanted to introduce my wife, Ava. This is Jennifer.

It's so nice to meet you.

It's so nice to finally meet you.

Jake is so excited you're staying on.

Well, I... I love this old place.

I can't believe we all overlooked it before.

Except you, Frank.

You're so square, you're practically avant-garde.

What the hell did you just say to me?

You're so crazy, Frank.

You don't mind if I borrow Madame Librarian for a moment?

I want to introduce her to some elite donors.

Ladies.

You shouldn't be drinking those, Frank. It's not good for gout.

I don't have goddamn gout.

You don't have gout...yet.

You just keep that book out of sight.

I don't know what I was thinking.

INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS

-Hey, Frank.

-What?

Do you mind if I ask you a personal question?

Is it about printed information?

Were you ever in prison?

Have you been Googling me?

No. It's just...

Do you wear reading glasses?

No, I don't. Why?

I'd appreciate it if you didn't come around here any more.

Excuse me.

Thank you.

So, that wasn't such a bad party once you start drinking.

How do you know this whole thing isn't just one big scam?

What?

What if this guy, Jake, isn't who he says he is?

Look at all these donations coming in. These people are loaded.

And look at all the gowns and the jewels.

That's a little far-fetched, don't you think?

He's settled down here. He's not a con man!

Frank?

OK, next.

Couldn't you get any closer?

How's this, Frank?

Boy, you got some memory.

I wish I could do that.

Flashy shit is back in style.

I'm sorry, Frank, but I can't agree to let you risk another burglary.

Let's focus on the garden instead.

Look, the library was strictly a smash-and-grab job.

Smash and grab? You didn't even give Jennifer the book.

I'll give it to her some other time.

Maybe I'll invite her over for dinner or something.

Meanwhile, going after one of these rich yuppies,

it's a whole different story.

You can't predict that, Frank.

Isn't this something you're supposed to encourage?

Look, without the library job, I'd just be down in the dumps,

watching you dig up my lawn.

Instead, I'm at a party with a beautiful woman.

I don't want to lose that again.

Maybe we can just do the casing portion as a research project.

And if I've covered everything so that it's basically zero risk?

You would have to be very thorough, Frank.

I'm a strict judge.

OK.

OK.

I know exactly who the first mark is going to be.

What a maroon.

How come you didn't have anything to say to that other robot?

I do what I'm programmed to do.

Were you programmed to have this conversation

or to work in a garden or to pick locks?

All of those things are in service of my main programme.

What about when you said that I had to eat healthy

because you didn't want your memory erased?

I think there's something more going on in that noggin of yours.

I only said that to coerce you.

You lied?

Your health supersedes my other directives.

The truth is, I don't care if my memory is erased or not.

But how can you not care about something like that?

Think about it this way, you know that you're alive.

You think, therefore you are.

No, that's philosophy.

In a similar way, I know that I'm not alive.

-I'm a robot.

-I don't want to talk about how you don't exist.

It's making me uncomfortable.

Unbelievable.

-KNOCKING ON DOOR

-Hello?

Yeah? Hello.

Frank, it's me.

What's going on in there?!

Uh, nothing, nothing.

Hey, how are you doing?

I'm fine.

Um, I came for dinner.

Remember?

Oh, yeah. I didn't forget. Uh...I...

I'm working on it.

Why don't you come back a little later?

POP MUSIC BLARES

I can't believe I'm still doing this.

I was supposed to retire when I was 30.

Retire?

Yeah, from all this stuff.

And I did.

'Then they busted me on that tax evasion bullshit.'

I predict the lovely couple here will be leaving any minute now.

I don't think so, Frank.

When I got back that first time, I couldn't stay retired.

I remember, Hunter found all my picks and threw them away.

I just bought new ones.

Like I thought.

Impressive. I missed the pattern.

That's right.

The human brain, a lovely piece of hardware.

I'm very pleased with your progress, Frank.

Planning this burglary was a great idea.

Thanks.

We need to do this job in a couple of days.

There's going to be a window of time when they're gone.

That's when we move in.

I can't promise I'll allow the actual burglary,

but I'm glad to see you so enthusiastic.

Oh, yeah. I haven't felt this good in years.

Come on, let's arm wrestle.

OK. Ready?

One, two, three.

-FRANK GRUNTS

-What do I do, Frank?

KNOCKING ON DOOR

You better see who that is.

Hi, there.

-Maddy.

-Daddy!

Hey!

-Hey, honey.

-Hi.

What a surprise.

And then I just thought, why not just book a ticket to New York

and I can visit Mum, too.

And she thought it would be a good idea for me to check up on you.

Would you like me to bring in your bags, Madison?

No.

No, thank you.

Let the robot get your damn bags, honey.

Daddy, that's why I'm here.

I thought about what you said and I'm going to stay with you.

-What did I say?

-(I'm saving you.)

SHE WHISPERS

ROBOT BEEPS

What did you just do?

I got the password from Hunter.

He's got a password?

He does.

Come on. I have a million pictures I want to show you.

Oh. Turkmenistan. I mean, amazing, amazing.

I fell in love with the people.

They've been through so much.

And there's such a need for the kind of nano-loan finance non-profit

like the kind I'm talking about.

But I really need to nail the grant proposal.

And I thought, what better place to write than this old place, you know?

That's why it's so perfect.

It's so beautiful, but so sad.

But so beautiful.

Hey, buddy.

Wake up.

What's your password?

One, two, three, four.

Come on, we got to get moving.

We're going to miss our window. Huh?

-Morning, Daddy.

-Morning.

-Are you hungry?

-Yeah.

I went shopping. I got you Cap'n Crunch.

The robot used to make me a really great breakfast.

I went out and got all this.

Come on, honey. Why don't we just wake the little guy up?

-He can cook, he can do the dishes.

-No!

No, no. I am going to do it.

You can't just whisk away

all your responsibilities on your robot, Daddy.

Hey, hey! What are you doing?

I'm hungry...

OK, let me make you something.

Damn it, Daddy, stop! Let me make you something.

Fine. I want lasagne.

OK. OK.

I can do lasagne.

This lasagne looks like crap.

Well, it's penne.

I'm going into town. I'm going to eat at Harry's.

Daddy, Harry's is gone, remember?

And I spent an hour making this.

What are you talking about? I ate there last week.

Would you just eat it, please?

How long are you going to be here?

As long as you need me.

I'm fine.

Dad, what did you do in the bathroom?

Seriously.

It's your cooking.

Very funny.

The robot and I used to go in to town just for fun.

That's good for you and the robot. I'm tired. It's too late for town.

OK. I'm going to go to sleep.

Fine.

If you go shopping tomorrow, I'm out of Q-tips.

HE SIGHS This place is a dump.

-Madison.

-Hey, Daddy.

I'm just finishing cleaning up.

Are you really?

Yeah, I just got so sick of the mess

-that I pulled an all-nighter.

-Who are you kidding, honey?

You turned the robot on, didn't you?

The robot? I didn't turn the robot on.

I can clean a kitchen. I'm an adult.

This place was a pig sty last night. Look at it now.

Please turn him back on.

No, I'm not going to turn the robot on.

You're not? Fine, then, here.

Why don't you clean this up?

Daddy! You don't think I can do anything?

The robot is not your servant, Maddy!

You don't turn him on and off like he's a slave!

OK, I did it! OK? I used the robot!

I'm sorry! I just want to help you! I don't know what to do!

OK, all right. Calm down, it's OK. I'm sorry.

I shouldn't have yelled. It's just that...

It's not you. It's not you. I need him.

-No, you don't.

-I do.

You don't understand. I need him.

What do you need him for?

He's my friend.

Dad...

Hi, there.

So, we'll let it help us out with a few little chores,

but we can't get too reliant on it, OK?

OK.

Thanks, honey.

We got to move soon. Tonight.

The window's almost closed.

I will listen to your proposal, Frank,

and make my decision, as we agreed.

I did this for years. Years. And I developed my own system.

Always worked alone, so nobody knows it but me.

Until now.

Who, When, Where, and What.

First, the Who.

The lovely couple are Ava Lee and Jake Finn.

Married three years. The money's on her side.

She's a lawyer. He's a consultant, whatever that means.

They own this house and an apartment in the city.

They spend just about half their time here.

When they're out here,

they always leave for some kind of event or vacation.

That's our When.

That brings us to What.

As in, "What are we stealing?"

She has at least two pieces that have to be in that house.

But how to go in? That's our next W -

Where. I found the plans on their architect's site.

I have our entry path sketched out.

I have ten possible exits,

20 different scenarios -

alarm trip, dogs, house guests, et cetera.

It's all set.

But what about the How?

A home like this will have an advanced security system.

Aren't you just adorable? This is where my years of experience come in.

Every security system is designed by security companies, not thieves.

It's not a question of if a thief can break in,

it's how long.

They place all the heavy systems

where their customers can see them.

They're selling the feel of security.

It's never hard to find a spot that they assumed no-one could reach.

It just takes the right eye.

And have you found that way in, Frank?

You bet I have.

There's no alarm here. Just a flimsy little lock.

They're asking for it.

That brings us to the safe.

I'll bet you a steak dinner we'll find it right here.

Do you know the correct combination?

That's where you come in.

Me?

You're going to brute-force it.

Brute force? That sounds like it might attract attention.

All it means is you're going to try

every combination until you get it right.

That would take a human like me weeks.

How long would it take you?

Assuming it's a three-number combination,

somewhere between four seconds

and one hour and 43 minutes.

'It's perfection.

'We know there's something worth stealing.

'We know when to go in, how to get in, and how to get out.'

It would be a crime not to do it.

So, how about it?

You have been thorough, Frank.

It is unlikely we'd be seen and even less likely we'd be caught.

But although your memory has improved,

you still have a long way to go.

I'm fine. I can handle this.

Are you in?

Only if you agree to eat a low-sodium diet from now on.

-OK.

-OK.

What? What is it? I'm trash to you?

You're acting like a baby.

Am I a bad baby?

Oh, shit.

Is something wrong?

What are these people doing with this kind of stuff?

I don't understand.

Oh, this is way too hot.

Look at that.

We're just going to have to sit on this, that's all.

We're just going to have to sit on it. And...

it'll be fine. Yeah.

I made yours virgin, Frank.

Come on, buddy, I got troubles.

I need a little booze to help unwind myself.

It's not good for your blood pressure.

You know, you worry too much.

-What are you smiling at?

-You two are funny.

Cheers, Daddy.

Cheers.

Also, Frank, there's someone here to see you.

What? Just tell them I'm not taking visitors.

Hello?

-Hey, there.

-Hello, Frank. This is Sheriff Rowlings.

How do you do? How do you do?

This is my daughter, Madison.

Hello.

And your name again was what?

You remember me.

I don't buy your whole act.

Excuse me? Who are you?

What is this about?

Are you aware that your neighbour up the lane here

was recently burglarised?

No. What neighbour?

Jake and his wife.

Yeah, real professional job.

Frank, computer brought your name up. Frank Weld, right?

Guilty as charged.

I think I read about you at the academy.

Come on, that is ridiculous.

The police have been hassling him for his entire life

about a few mistakes he made when he was a kid.

Ma'am, you misunderstand me.

The computer thinks Frank's a suspect, of course.

I don't mean any disrespect.

I can't see him pulling a job like this off at his age. Sorry.

-JAKE:

-What? What are you talking about?

He did it. He obviously did it.

Jake, why don't you go wait in the car?

I'm amazed that all these yuppies moving in here

just don't get hit more often.

I know, right?! Listen, I could really use your help.

As a consultant or something.

Be on the right side this time.

Are you kidding me? Arrest him!

OK. You know what? Back off.

Calm down. Jake, stop it.

-What?

-Everything's fine, OK?

No-one's accusing anyone of anything.

We're all friends here.

What do you say, Frank?

My robot will be happy to see you to the door.

All right, all right. It's OK, I know the way.

I had to ask. You guys have a good day.

I know you were in my library, Frank.

I know you were in my house.

-Jake, come on.

-I know.

Jake!

-JAKE:

-I got a lot of pull in this town!

Maybe I should stay a few more days

and make sure they don't bother you.

No. No, honey.

It's going to be fine.

Bye.

You knock them dead in Turkmenistan.

MADISON CHUCKLES

Oh, you know what? I got something for you.

A little surprise. I hope you like them.

Are those from the crazy man's house?

No. No.

These are from the old days.

I want to donate them to your cause.

You keep them out of sight

and then you can pawn them some place far away.

I know the drill.

Would you call Hunter, please?

I know he's a pain in the ass,

but he's just worried about you.

-I don't want to...

-Call him!

You can tell him I said he was right about the robot.

Bye, Robot.

Goodbye, Madison.

-Are you sure you're going to be all right?

-Yeah.

I think I am, actually.

SHE MOUTHS

We better get back in the house.

Did you notice that van before?

I first noticed it at 3:04am.

That son of a bitch, Jake, isn't kidding.

Maybe you should call Hunter.

You don't seem to be reacting well to Madison leaving.

Wait. Did you let those two bastards through this house?

Yes.

LOUD MUSIC PLAYS

(We got to get rid of all the evidence now.)

What about these, Frank?

Frank, there's another piece of evidence.

My memory can be used against you. You must reformat me.

Yeah, OK. Hold on. Just hold on with that.

Let me alone. Let me alone for now.

Frank, I'm concerned. I may have to sedate you for your safety.

Back off, you little astronaut bastard.

Back off!

Ow! Shit!

They're watching the house.

Any excuse to scan.

I think I should call Hunter. You're behaving erratically.

What do you want to call a hunter for?

Hunter, your son.

Oh.

Oh, yeah, Hunter. No, he's sick of me.

Frank, you're not well.

No, I'm not.

I'm dying.

What do you mean, you're dying?

Call Hunter. Tell him I'm dying.

I don't think you are dying, Frank.

No, it's just an exaggeration. It'll get him up here.

I'm not going to be very healthy in prison, am I?

'Hi, it's Madison. Why are you leaving me a voicemail?'

Madison, it's Hunter. Did Dad's robot leave you a message?

Call me back when you get this.

Thank you.

Dad.

-Hey.

-Sorry.

How are you feeling?

I don't even feel like I have the strength to stand up.

Listen, I was talking to the robot and I... What are you doing?

-I think we should get you to a hospital.

-No, no, no,

I want to stay here.

The robot's really more than enough to look after me.

OK. Well, I don't know. I still think we should go.

I want to say something to you.

And I'm not good at this.

I was a lousy father.

Jesus, Dad.

I just want to tell you that I knew.

All the time.

I knew I wasn't around a lot.

I hope you forgive me for that.

And I know it's a lot to ask of you.

You come up here every week, drive all the way up to see me.

I want to thank you for that, too.

Do you remember what it was like before,

when I was little?

Yeah, sure. Sure.

I hope you do.

Remember when we had that little apartment with that tiny back yard?

You know, I...

I think about that a lot.

Yeah, so do I. Look, I want you to do something for me, would you?

I want you to put this where nobody can find it.

What? Oh, God, Dad, what? Why? What's in it?

No, don't ask me what's in it.

I don't want you to take the heat for this.

And don't look inside it, OK?

You promise me that. Just hide it some place for me.

-You want me to hide it?

-Yeah, I want to...

I want to go out clean, Hunter.

I just want to go out clean, please.

OK.

OK. Don't worry about it.

Do it now, please.

-What?

-Yeah. It'll make me feel better.

-You want me to hide it right now?

-Yeah.

Just put it some place safe, OK?

You want me to hide this right this minute?

-FRANK COUGHS

-Oh, Jesus.

-Sorry.

No, it's OK.

You better go now.

SIRENS WAIL

-Get out of the car, please, sir!

-What?

Put your hands out of the car, please. These guys are new.

Come on.

Step out of the car, please. Slowly.

Thank you.

What's going on?

What's in the trunk?

-Yeah, what's in the trunk?

-Nothing. Golf clubs.

Uh, a bag.

-Yeah, what's in the bag?

-Dad!

-I don't know what's in that bag. I found it.

-Uh-huh.

Beautiful.

It's just beautiful.

It's inside. They're inside.

All right, Jake. This is evidence.

What the hell's going on?

I want to search the house. Come on, this is probable cause.

Fine. OK, fine.

OK, wait. Hold on. Wait a second. Probable cause for what?

Frank Weld is a suspect

in a multi-million dollar robbery up the road.

What? That's impossible. He's sick.

He's sick.

Good morning.

Would you like to come in?

METAL DETECTOR CRACKLES

RADIO CHATTER

Dad, why aren't you in bed? What's going on?

I'm just cooperating with the cops.

They always seem to come and pester me

whenever anything remotely criminal happens.

Yeah, but how are you feeling?

I'm fine. I'm just not getting enough sleep.

I'm sorry, but thanks for coming up to see me.

OK, wait, wait...

Hey, any of you boys hungry?

Wait a minute. Where's his stupid robot?

-ROBOT:

-Who would like a selection of fine cheeses?

-Nothing.

-You have got to be kidding me.

We have probable cause, OK?

Not you.

You're "dying"?

You're playing games about dying?

I called Mum. I called Madison.

And what the hell are you? You're lying for him?

All right, everybody get the hell out.

We're not going anywhere until we find what we're looking for.

Hunter, don't worry.

There's nothing to find.

Do you think I care? If there was anything in that bag,

I would turn you in myself.

You're an egotistical prick, you know that? I don't care.

I just feel guilty because at least I have feelings.

The best thing you ever did was being locked up

so I didn't have to be raised by you.

Why do you think I left you with a goddamn robot?

Leave him out of it!

-ROBOT:

-Warning. Do not molest me.

Dad, he's not your friend.

He's a slave who, apparently,

you can manipulate into doing just about anything.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute, wait a minute.

We should download this thing's memory.

Yeah.

No, no, no, no.

Just hold on there, now.

-You can't do that.

-Frank, sit down.

Warning. Do not molest me.

-You know what you're doing?

-Yeah, I know what I'm doing.

Hello, there.

-ROBOT:

-Self-destruct sequence initialised.

Ten...

..nine...

You didn't.

-ROBOT:

-..eight...

-I'd run.

-..seven...

Frank, stay there! Don't move!

..six...

-He's lying.

-..five...

-There's no bomb.

-ROBOT:

-..four...

..three...

Goddamn it! Come on, come on.

..two...

..one.

What a hunk of crap.

Son of a bitch.

TYRES SCREECH

Get in.

Frank!

Nice work.

Terrific(!)

You shouldn't be driving, Frank.

Pull over and reformat my memory.

It's the only way for you to remain safe and healthy.

Can't you just erase the bad parts?

My memory is a holographic array.

If I lost half of it, I'd still have every memory,

just in half the resolution.

OK, but you can't just lobotomise yourself.

It's like I explained to you, Frank, I'm not a real person.

We'll lay low till we get a chance to go back for the stuff,

and then we're out of here.

Are we going to lay low here, Frank?

I hope so.

Here. Do your stuff.

Hey, there.

Oh, my God, Frank. Hunter called me. Are you OK?

Hunter called you?

How did you get in here? You're not allowed back here.

-I came to apologise.

-You don't need to apologise.

You've just been very forgetful these days, that's all.

No, I'm not forgetful.

I'm...I... I've just been a little bit busy.

I'm fine, really. Please, can I come in?

OK. Come in.

Thank you.

I'm kind of in a bit of trouble.

Of course you are.

No. Well, this is worse than late fees.

I guess I'm sort of on the lam.

-On the lam?

-Yeah. I'm...

I've led a very colourful life.

I'm a cat burglar.

You took the Don Quixote.

Didn't you?

-Oh, Frank.

-Well, I...

I just wanted you to have it.

Is that you?

Yes.

Is that me?

When I moved back, you just didn't remember.

HE DROPS THE PHOTO

After our walk, we go home, read for an hour.

Then we have lunch.

And...and...and...

Then we stake out our next target.

Frank, wait.

You really don't know any other information? You haven't seen any...

-Oh, you've got to be kidding me.

-Frank!

Frank. Frank! Hold it right there!

Dad!

No. Dad, stop! Would you just stop?

Frank, don't you lock this!

Don't you touch that robot, Frank!

You are making this more complicated than it has to be.

By the time they get up here, we can scale down from the window.

Frank, stop. Just wipe my memory.

No.

Frank, I know you don't like to hear this, but I'm not a person.

I'm just an advanced simulation.

After you've wiped my memory,

things can go back to normal,

and you can continue planning your next job.

DOOR RATTLES

What did you say?

Remember, Frank? Your next job.

You deal in diamonds and jewels,

the most value by the ounce.

-Remember?

-FROM OUTSIDE:

-Dad!

-It's not too late, Frank.

-Just open up.

Don't give up.

Lifting that high-end stuff, no-one gets hurt.

Except those insurance company crooks.

Show me what to do.

You have to open the round panel in back and push the small button.

I've unlocked it for you.

I knew you had an off switch.

-HUNTER:

-Dad.

Dad?

Hey, how are you doing?

It's Hunter.

Hunter.

You want to go for a walk with me?

Yeah, that sounds good.

So...

How's Princeton?

Princeton.

Princeton's good.

Good? Hey, it's Princeton!

Yes.

Well... HE GRUNTS

That's one thing that I don't have to worry about.

My son did better than his old man.

INAUDIBLE

INAUDIBLE

Bye, Daddy.

I'll come see you soon.

Bye, Dad.

What?

"Check the robot's garden, under the tomatoes."

"Have fun, kids. Dad."