Spike Island

This film contains very strong language from the start

-GLASS SHATTERS

-Fuck! Pen!

ALL LAUGHING

Come on!

ALL CHEERING AND LAUGHING

MUSIC: She Bangs The Drums by The Stone Roses

Come on then, lads!

# Have you seen her?

# Have you heard?

# The way she plays

# There are no words

# To describe the way I feel

# How could it ever come to pass?

# She'll be the first

# She'll be the last

# To describe the way I feel

# The way I feel

# Have you seen her?

# Have you heard?

# The way she plays

# There are no words

# To describe the way I feel

# How could it ever come to pass?

# She'll be the first

# She'll be the last

# To describe the way I feel

# The way I feel... #

'You all right?

'My name's Gary Titchfield, but everyone's always called me "Tits."

'It's not the best nickname in the world, but, you know, it's mine.

'And I like to think I make it work for me.

'The kid next to me is me best mate, Dodge.

'And the rest of the lads are me group.

'We was a gang before we were a band,

'and we were a band before we picked up any instruments.

'Know what I mean?

'We were Shadow Caster and this is our story.

'Top one!'

MUSIC: This Is The One by The Stone Roses

# For a month of Sundays

# Burn the town where I was born

# If only she'd believe me

# Bell on a belladonna

# Burn me out or bring me home

# And this is the one

# This is the one... #

ALARM CLOCK BUZZES

'Friday 25th May, 1990.

'Two days before Ian Brown, John Squire, Alan "Reni" Wren,

'and Gary "Mani" Mounfield define an era

'on the chemical banks of the dirty Mersey.

'To us, the Stone Roses were the most important band

'on the face of the planet.'

Will you use the fucking stairs?!

Get a fucking house!

Put some clothes on, you're already late.

Right, right, I'm on it, I'm on it...

Fuck!

'We already knew that Spike Island

'was going to be the most important gig in the history of the world.'

Oi! Stop playing with yourself!

You need to copy that shit out.

-What is it?

-Chemistry. Double important.

Come on, then - we're gonna be late.

'The Stone Roses smacked me in the dial like a fucking prize fighter,

'and, even though they looked like they could have come right off our estate,

'The Red Bricks,

'there was just something different about 'em.'

'I mean, they were just like everyone else,

'except fucking cooler.

'We walked like them, we talked like them, we felt like them

'and we thought like them.

'They had double top hair and we wanted to be them,

'wanted them to lift us out of the shit and the grime

'and take us to their planet.'

No-one say fuck all. Stay cool.

Oh!

Fuck!

So...what is Manchester?

JB Priestley said that "Manchester is the home of living causes"

and "What Manchester thinks today, England thinks tomorrow."

Mind-blowingly brilliant observations,

I'm sure you'll all agree.

However, clearly nowhere near as fascinating

as what's going on outside the window.

CLASS LAUGHS

What are your thoughts, boys?

No idea who it was, Mr Milligan.

-We was nowhere near the school gym last night.

-Really?

Methinks he doth protest too much.

CLASS LAUGHS

You look nervous, lads.

I can't think why.

I was only talking about Priestley's Manchester.

It ain't Priestley's Manchester, sir. It's ours.

It's the cock of the north, man.

-MIMICKING:

-Yeah...top one, nice one. You're twisting my melon, man.

And in the context of "English Journey"?

It weren't any journey, sir.

It ain't where you're from, it's where you're at.

And is that your philosophy?

No, sir, it's a quote. From somebody relevant.

Yeah, the greatest writer of this generation.

Really? And who is that?

Just a singer in a band.

Well, may I remind you, this isn't a music lesson.

This, in case you're unaware, is English...history.

Yeah, and The Stone Roses are England NOW, sir.

See, the past is yours, but the future's mine.

# Manchester, la la la

-CLASS:

-# Manchester, la la la

# Manchester, la la la... #

Oi! Chuckle Brothers. Sit down.

Sit down! Sit down!

All right! Stop!

-ALL:

-Hammer time!

THEY LAUGH

Gary Titchfield and his band of merry men, please.

CLASS OOHS

Settle down, settle down.

I have never seen such mindless, wilful destruction before.

Well?

I can't wait to hear what you've got to say for yourselves.

Everyone knows you did it.

No, we never.

Someone read that for me.

Shadow cast..."re."

Which, unless I'm much mistaken, is the name of your pop group.

Nah. We're Shadow Cast-ER.

So who was it then?

Fans?

Fans? You haven't got any fans. You're not The Palaver.

The Palaver are bobbins, sir.

We have got fans.

Classrooms! Fast!

Come on, lads, I'm not a dickhead.

There's only one bunch of boys in the school daft enough

to write their own band name on the wall

and there's only one young man just plain stupid enough

to spell it wrong.

Dodge ain't stupid, sir. He's a straight-up musical genius.

And Tits was at the hospital last night.

Your loyalty to each other is actually quite admirable.

Your lack of loyalty to the school, on the other hand, disgusts me.

Do you really want to end up like your brothers?

Where are they now?!

Ibiza. Having it right off.

Last chance.

No more shenanigans.

Any more nonsense from any one of you and "bang!"

Gone. The lot of you.

One out, all out.

Now go! I'm sick of looking at you!

Gary. Not you.

How's your dad doing?

Yeah, he's all right. Getting better.

Good.

Listen, Gary, unlike the others, you're a bright lad

so you don't need me to spell it out for you.

This was criminal damage and the only reason

I haven't involved the police is out of respect for your family.

I know how easy it is to get led astray

and I know things must be difficult at home at the moment...

No. You don't, Mr Jackson.

You don't know nish about me or me mates.

Or my family. So just leave it.

SCHOOL BELL RINGS

Fuck's sake, boys! Wait up!

-What did Wacko Jacko want?

-Nowt, it's right.

Can't believe we just fucking got away with that.

Can't believe I've got to rely on you tools to not get expelled.

Fuck that. I can't believe we still haven't got tickets for Sunday.

-We should have just bought them.

-With what? Oh, aye, I forgot.

Your mam had a result on the pools.

-Did she?

-Did she fuck. It's your mam.

-Look, it'll be right.

-Yeah. You keep saying that.

-Because it will. Trust me.

-I do. It's Keith Teeth that's the problem.

The guy's a pure tube.

I don't reckon he could get us tickets for the 135, man.

He could, however, eat an apple through a tennis racquet.

He's got them, right? Swore on his mum's life.

See, listen to Tits. He knows everything.

-Anyway, he's fucking all right, Keith Teeth.

-He's fucking all wrong.

Zippy, look me in the eyes, man.

When have I ever let you down?

Oi! I said look me in the eyes.

Sally Harris.

Lisa Hughes!

For fuck's sake. Nobody jizz their pants.

BUS ENGINE RUNNING

Here you are, lads. Get in there, man.

-Upstairs, man, sharpish!

-We fucking are.

Oh, shit!

Where did you get them?

Piccadilly Records. What about you?

I bet you haven't even got tickets.

We'll be backstage. VIP.

-How come? Is your brother back or something, Tits?

-No.

It's where they lob all the acid casualties.

No. It's where the cool kids get sucked off.

You're jibbing it, aren't you? You little scally twats.

No, we're getting them tomorrow.

Serious? You lot are paying for something?

Where you getting them?

-Keith Teeth.

-Keith Teeth?

Yeah, right, like that'll happen.

Keith Teeth's a mong. It's been sold out for time. You're goosed.

How's your dad?

Yeah, he's not bad.

Buzzing.

Little Gaz, is it true you're selling weed?

-What're you after?

-Fivers. Can you change that?

-Yeah. I can change it into a bigger lump of draw.

-Oh, come on.

-I've got no change.

-Fuck's sake...go on.

Greetings, Earthlings!

What time's praccy tonight? Are we recording?

-Recording what?

-Demo.

What of? How to be spackers?

Demo tape.

-Is it any good?

-Of course.

We're the second best band in the world.

-No-one's heard it.

-Dodge has been a proper tape Nazi.

He won't play it to no-one.

Yeah, he will, when it's finished. And, when it is, it'll be smart.

You should take it to Spike Island, give it to the Roses,

when you're backstage...!

Laters!

# Until Sally, I was never happy

# I needed so much more

# Rain clouds, oh, they used to chase me

# Down they would pour

# Sent to me from heaven

# Sally Cinnamon, you're my world... #

MUSIC: Sally Cinnamon by The Stone Roses

You do know you're never going to bang Sally, don't you, Dodge?

He'd have to talk to her first, or at least finger her.

You don't know what you're talking about. None of you understand.

I do! Get her juiced up and that.

Oi, don't be snide. Leave him alone.

It's different with Sally. She makes me feel like...

She makes me feel like writing tunes.

That is the gayest thing I've ever heard.

She makes me feel like bumming her.

No, wait, that's the gayest thing I've ever heard.

-See you in a bit, boys.

-See you later.

Oi, it's not that bad of an idea, you know.

-What ain't?

-What Sally said.

If we get on it now and we record praccy tonight and tomoz,

we'll get the tape finished for Sunday, take it to Spike Island.

Yeah? No point in always banging on about summat

if you're going to do fuck all about it, is there?

We are going to get in, aren't we?

Yeah, of course, it'll be right.

Wish your Ste was here.

Yeah, well, he's not.

GUITAR FEEDBACK

HE PLAYS QUICK, CHOPPY MELODY

What's up with you?

It's too fast and choppy and there's not really a proper melody to it.

It sounds like the fucking Fall.

-It's not that bad!

-It's not perfect.

We ain't got time to dick about. It don't matter.

Of course it fucking matters.

It's the only thing that does matter.

I've got to get off.

Part-timer.

What?

Nowt.

I'll have it bang off by the time you get back, right?

PLAYS SLOW, BRIGHT MELODY

HARSH COUGHING

Jesus wept.

I sound like that bloody Vauxhall Viva

that we had to leave in Aberystwyth.

THEY LAUGH

It's not right, you know, the two of you laughing like this.

You're sick. It's not bloody funny.

No. No, it's not.

And I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

Well, maybe Maggie Thatcher.

So, how're you feeling?

Like I've swallowed a blowtorch and it's stuck here.

Well, you look better.

Take us to the TV room, will you, son?

-I'm dying for a fag.

-He'll meet you there.

-Oh, come on.

-No, he'll...he'll meet you there.

You won't remember this, but he used to sing to you.

Ewan MacColl.

"Father's Song."

Big filthy hands all over you,

just after I'd bathed you in the sink.

He was tone bloody deaf.

Mum...

Is Dad...is he...

Is he all right?

He's very poorly, Gary.

Things need to be talked about, you know, with you and the stall.

When he's...

He's been working out how to tell you this for weeks.

TV PRESENTER: 'Excitement is building across the country

'with only two days to go before Manchester band The Stone Roses

'take to the stage at Spike Island

'in what promises to be the most important gig of their careers.

'How big do you think the Stone Roses will get?

I think we could be the biggest band ever.

-Really?

-Yeah.

'The event will take place in the industrial town of Widnes

'where preparations are already well under way.

'The concert sold out over a month ago

'and tickets are now like gold dust...'

Mam? Do you want owt?

'It's already being touted as a Woodstock

'for the Manchester generation.'

Eat it quick. If Godzuki wakes up, she'll have it away.

'Over 30,000 fans are expected to convene on the banks

'of the Mersey this Sunday at the gig's controversial venue -

'an unlikely spot in the shadow of a chemical and power plant.

'Police are warning fans without tickets to stay away from the event,

'promising to deal forcibly with any attempts to gain entry illegally.

'The group provoked more controversy earlier this year

'after a fierce dispute with their old record label boss

'who accuses the band of attacking him with paint.'

Don't want to talk about it any more.

It's just one day out.

Common criminals. You want to be like them?

I did what you wanted.

-I signed the forms.

-Good.

Army's best place for you.

Or do you think you're better than me?

Please.

Don't make me get upset.

If anyone had have told me at your age

that I was going to be a florist,

I'd have had their bumps felt.

But it's a job.

And you'd learn to love flowers.

And your Uncle Hairy.

Eventually.

Do I get to choose?

About the stall?

Yeah.

Of course.

You've always got a choice, lad.

I can't force you to do anything that you don't want to do.

And don't ever let anyone tell you that they can. Ever.

Then I can't do it, Dad.

I want to be someone. I want to make something of my life.

-All right, Tits?

-All right, Jay?

-All right?

-Yeah, yeah, sorted.

What do this team of remmies want?

Just having a listen and that.

Who cut your fringe? Mr Magoo?

No, me mam.

And what the fuck are them kicks?

Adidas four stripe?

Whatever they are, get them off our path. Fast.

-You all right, Voodoo Ray?

-All right, boys?

Voodoo, Voodoo, Ray, Ray!

# Hey, hey! Aha! Ah, ah, ah, yeah! #

How's your kid, Tits?

What? Yeah, sound. Still in Ibiza.

No, he's on the Red Bricks, drove past him tea time.

-He was going in the Dark Side. Going to bounce on down there now. In a bit, yeah?

-In a bit.

That's our tickets sorted!

-Yeah, what about the tape?

-What about you stop being gay?

Come on then, bum chums!

What's he done to you this time? You all right?

Yeah. Are you?

Yeah.

He's a dick.

He's me dad.

And you want to be just like him?

It's done.

I'm going.

Don't tell the others.

Are you two fucking getting off with each other over there or what?

Someone buy us a drink?

Ey-up, Skids!

-All right, Ste?

-Look at you, man! Come here.

-You all right?

-Yeah, man, I'm good.

Look at you, all fucking grown up.

What're you drinking? Baby Bio?

When did you get back?

Landed about half two.

Here you are, budgie boy, best little fellows in Europe, these.

What about me mum and dad?

I'll sort them out with a pill each when I see them.

What are you on about, you ball bag?

I mean...have you been to the hospital?

No, not yet.

Visiting hours are over now, aren't they?

I'll go up there tomorrow.

He's not good, Ste.

Really not good.

Mum rang you?

-Couple of weeks ago.

-Is that why you're back?

And to see you.

And the 'Roses, man. Do you think I'd miss that?

Nah, of course not. You got a ticket?

Have I bollocks. Guest listed up to fuck, aren't I?

What about yous?

You need me to sort out a jib or are you right?

No, we're right. Getting them tomoz, off Keith Teeth.

Keith Teeth?

Yeah. What?

No, he's all right, Keith Teeth.

Got a set of Newton's like a fucked fence, but he's a good lad.

Here you are. Show them what you can do.

-I'll play you a little bit of intro, yeah?

-Top one, bro.

What's this? Amateur night?

No, I was fucking playing that, Dave Famous.

You can have it back when you've been signed.

Like we just have.

What a massive bell end!

BAND WARMS UP

Listen, our kid.

I know things have been a proper nightmare for you, but I'm here now.

So I don't want you worrying about fuck all, right?

Here you are.

DAVE FAMOUS: 'Right, you pricks, shut up and dance!'

Now, let's go bananas!

BAND START ROCK SONG

What's up with you?

Guess who's just got a record deal?

Are you taking the piss?

-Who are these cunts?

-The Palaver.

They're all right, aren't they?

No! Fucking placcy Manc band.

Guitarist only knows three chords. Basic ones. No barre chords.

Every tune has the same progression. He couldn't pick his fucking nose.

Right.

Do you want a pill?

Yeah.

Now then, Nimrod. What news from the continent?

Sound, mate. Sound.

# It's time to go

# Why won't you leave me alone... #

Oi, don't let them see that you're arsed, man.

Hey, come up.

All right, fuck it!

# Oh, you always let me down

# It's time to go

# Why won't you leave me alone?

# Oh, I'm better off without you

# Better on my own

# Oh. #

CROWD CHEERS

You still at it?

Don't forget Keith Teeth.

Three o'clock, yeah?

HEAVY PANTING

-UNCLE HAIRY IN VAN:

-Here, don't stop. I nearly had it then.

-TRACY:

-It's like an hour-old mouse.

Just give us a minute, will you, lad?

Ah, no. Fuck's sake.

It's gone. It's gone.

Nice one, Tits.

Right, you'd better get dressed, I've got to go to work.

MUSIC: Cranked Up Really High by Slaughter and the Dogs

# Gamble my life away, a real bum loser

# Made love on dope, just a pig skin loser... #

Are you as fucked as I am?

You do know that tomorrow's massive, don't you, eh?

It's history in the making, isn't it? I've had a pathetic vision.

-So, are you going?

-Course I fucking am!

I was dragged up on punk, son.

It's not punk! It's baggy. Scallydelia.

Right, for a start, are you a backward?

Them are made-up words. I'm talking about attitude.

Ian Brown is John Lydon times ten.

-Have you got a ticket?

-Have I bollocks!

Have you been up the hozzy?

Not fair, is it?

Your dad's a shining diamond, man.

And I know I can still be a bit of a mither and all that, but..

I'll work hard for you

No, you won't.

I'll give it a fucking good go.

Nah, I mean you won't be working for me.

BOTTLE SHATTERS

Fuck!

Fuck!

Keith Teeth! The tickets!

All right...Gary?

Aye, aye... We're up.

I'll do one.

Where you going?

"Gary"?!

I just think "Tits" doesn't sound all that...sophisticated.

It's not the best nickname in the world, but, you know, it is mine.

Like to think I make it work for me.

Anyway, "Gary" just sounds...weird now.

Are you with your mam?

Yeah, she's just looking at stuff over there.

Top one.

Might as well have some flowers, seeing as I'm here and all that.

-Who are they for?

-Wouldn't you like to know?

-I'll chuck in a few good ones.

-Lovely.

-It will be.

Have you got your tickets yet?

What time is it?

It's just gone three.

Should be meeting Keith Teeth now.

It'll be right. He's all right, Keith Teeth.

It suits you, you know, the whole market trader vibe.

What? Like St Eric of Salford?

You think that's all I want to be - my dad?!

-Soz.

-No, I should probably head off.

What do I owe you for the flowers?

Nish. You can have them for fuck all.

Just don't ever let anyone tell you I'm a tight arse.

I never hear a bad word said.

Here you are!

-BOYS:

-All right there, girls?

-GIRLS:

-All right, lads?

-Have you seen Keith Teeth?

-No, soz.

What? He's not let you down, has he? No way, didn't see that coming(!)

Spike Island outfit!

Do you want to buy any sunglasses?

Do you want to buy any squidgy black?

-Have you heard about the trains?

-I think so.

Are they the big noisy things that run along tracks?

You can't get into the station or through the turnstiles

to the platforms without a ticket for the gig.

Security are going to be checking them on station approach.

And they're closing the roads four mile square of Widnes.

You can't even get on to the site without crossing the Mersey.

Only way in is on the official coaches.

You lot look caned to fuck.

We got pilled up last night in the Dark Side

with Ibiza Ste and all the older heads. It was banging.

I'd give you a proper banging.

-So, what, is Ibiza Ste back, then?

-Yeah.

-Is he going to Spike Island?

-Yeah.

-Are all the big boys going?

-Yeah. And we're going with them.

Fuck me! It speaks!

So are you going to find me in Widnes then or what?

Yeah, all right, yeah.

When you get inside, find the sound desk.

Be on the left-hand side facing the stage.

-Right.

-No, left!

Be there by seven, yeah?

Yeah.

Nice one.

I mean, I'll be with Dodge and that lot, so...

Yeah. I know. Course you will.

And I'll be with the girls.

-Is Sally not about?

-No.

-Is she still going tomorrow though?

-Yeah, of course. What about Tits?

-Yeah, of course.

-Sound.

So...we should meet up or something?

You fucking know that, Sugar Tits.

Sugar Tits?

-How will you find us?

-You'll find us. We'll stand out.

-Mega.

-Be at the main gate.

-Buzzing!

Oh, look, there's Keith Teeth.

Quality! You actually think he's coming, don't you?

Yeah, he said he swore on his mam's life and all that.

His mam's dead!

-Why didn't Tits just get Ste to sort you out?

-Hey!

-Quick!

-Come here!

-Come on!

Right, I'll see you, Gary Titchfield.

See you, Sally Cinnamon.

You do know that's a love song?

Yeah. About a lesbian.

Yeah.

-You fucking naused that right up.

-What?

She's bang into you. And she's fit.

-No, she ain't.

-Yeah, she is.

All right, ladies?

Have you been to see Dad yet?

I'm on my way up there now.

I just need a word with Hairy Bollocks about a few things first.

Yeah, sound.

CLOCK TICKS LOUDLY

Keith Teeth ain't coming, is he?

I told you Keith Teeth was a knob.

-Fuck!

-Yeah, fuck, goofy prick.

Listen, go back to the Red Bricks, right?

See if you can find the cunt.

I'll bell our Ste, see if he can sort something. It'll be right.

Ste? It's me. You're probably in the hospital.

Listen...

Keith Teeth's let us down, mate. We're fucked.

I've never asked you for owt before

but you asked me if we needed an in and we do now, so...

I don't know, just come and see me at the stall or stick your head in the garage later...

PHONE BEEPS

Fuck! Shit! Mate, the pips have gone...

PHONE BEEPS / LINE DISCONNECTS

Gates, fences, dibble, security guards,

fucking rivers that soppy Scousers sing soppy songs about -

none of whom are going to stop us from getting in.

Nothing is.

We blag, we lie, we climb, we rush the barrier, we fucking swim.

All we got to do is make sure

that we get inside somewhere we ain't supposed to be.

When has that ever been a problem for us?

Christmas Eve when Zippy fingered that 12-year-old.

-She was 14.

-Yeah, 14 times too fucking young to be fingered.

-Do you think it'll come to that?

-What? Fingering 12-year-olds?

No, I don't. I think our Ste will come through with tickets.

Or put our names on the gate.

So, it'll be right, Tits, yeah?

We'll go to the gate anyway to meet the girls for our date.

-He hasn't got a date.

-I have!

-Who with?

-Me and Dodge.

-Pardon?

We've got a double date with Lisa and Sally.

-Sally Harris?

-Yeah.

-Since when?

-Since this afternoon.

We seen Rachel Stone and Lisa Hughes in Afflecks.

We said we'd meet them at the gate...with Sally.

No, it's just Sally said she's going to be at the sound desk at seven.

Left-hand side, facing the stage.

-When did she say that?

-Today. At the stall.

-She come to see you?

-Yeah. Well, no...

She was shopping with her mam, we arranged to meet up.

All of us. Don't have to, just thought you'd be into it.

Tit-ular, you are a fucking genius!

Quality! He properly thinks he might get off with her.

I'm definitely going to finger someone. You know what?

I'm not all that fucking arsed,

even if I've got to settle for Rachel.

Dodge, you could always play her one of your 85 fucking love songs.

Every new tune he's working on, he's written for her.

I think Rachel's lovely.

Fuck's sake, boys, let's not lose focus at the first sight of fanny.

The most important thing is seeing the band.

And trying to give them the demo.

One last take each to box me and Tits off on Ten-Mile Smile, yeah?

You know what? Can we just play it together, then, for once?

-I'm forgetting what it's like to actually be in a band.

-Yeah, but...

The Roses recorded Resurrection in one take, for fuck's sake.

Come on!

Oh, another tune about Sally Harris!

-No, it ain't.

-Ten-Mile Smile? It's obvious!

It's not. Tits wrote these lyrics.

BAND WARM UP

One, two...

Hearing this? One, two.

Hello? Fucking hell!

I don't do requests.

One, two, three, four...

HE PLAYS BRIGHT MELODY

# Sending me some distant place

# On nights when I lie wide awake

# Nights when I dream of escape

# At times when I'm stunned and I feel so amazed

# She's someone so pure

# Something so sure

# And I will take my chance

# She's got a ten-mile smile

# Passion running wild

# And I can transcend this whole world

# Looking in her eyes

# I know that you see what I see

# And I'll bring this work and this world to its knees

# Someone so pure

# Something so sure

# And I will take my chance

# She's got a ten-mile smile

# Passion running wild

# And I can transcend this whole world

# Looking in her eyes... #

'Fucking check us out. Top bricks on the chimney.

'Ten-mile high on Ten-Mile Smile there.

'It was one of them pure moments, you know what I mean?

'It felt like me and me four mates could take on the world

'in a straight one-on-one fist fight and spark it out.'

# She's got a ten-mile smile

# A ten-mile smile

# A ten-mile smile

# A ten-mile smile. #

HE COUGHS

Shit!

Soz!

THEY LAUGH

Fuck me, that was special!

Play the fucker back then! All of it! The whole demo!

Whoo!

That was fucking ace, man!

-Sounds like a real band.

-Zips, we are a real band!

Got to tell you, Penfold, mate, you sound fucking sorted on it.

-What are you on about? You can't even hear me.

-Bingo!

It's not perfect, though.

BOTH: Yeah, it is.

See! Nice one, lads.

What the fuck do these two know anyway?

We know you're the best band on the Red Bricks.

What about The Palaver?

Don't rate them. They think they're the Mondays but they're wank.

-Tell them what we call them, Jay.

-The Baggy Undies.

Anyway, what kind of a name is The Palaver?

Who names a group after a fruit meringue?

The guitarist's shit and all. He only knows three chords.

Right then, we're taking it with us.

Do you seriously think we can give it to The Roses?

I seriously think we can try, yeah.

-Where is Spike Island anyway?

-It's near Widnes, isn't it?

-Where's that?

-Near Liverpool, isn't it?

-Where's that?

-About 30 odd miles up the East Lancs Road.

-Where's the East Lancs Road?

-Right, this could easily go on all night.

-How are we going to get there?

-I could drive.

-Drive what?

Herd of cattle! A fucking car, you bell-end!

I've got a better idea. Follow me.

SNORING FROM INSIDE VAN

-I'm not driving that.

-Yeah, you are. It's perfect.

It's so cognito, it's incognito.

It's what?

Gary! Look sharp!

What's up, Mum?

-The hospital.

-At this time?!

Come with me, he'll want you.

But Mum...!

Is Ste there?

-Our Steven?

-Yeah.

No, of course not, why?

Didn't even know he was in the country.

He got back yesterday.

-Where is he now?

-Don't know.

-Find him and bring him to me, I want you both close.

-For how long?

What do you mean "for how long"?

It's just, you know, Spike Island.

What, the Guns 'n Roses concert? No, you can't go!

-I've been waiting months to go...

-Things change!

-But you said that I could go!

-It doesn't matter what I said!

-That was before.

-Before what?

Just find your brother.

Soon!

All right, Tits?

All right, Carlos?

What the fuck, Ste?

What? I got your message. I'm on it.

I was coming to see you.

-I meant about my dad?

-Yeah, I know.

It's just, I've been running round like a dick all day

trying to sort you a guest list out.

Anyway, I think I've boxed it off.

Worse comes to worse, I'll just word up security when I get there,

but you're defo in.

What're you fucking staring at?

Over here.

I can't do it. All right?

Fucking hospitals and that...

I can't see him like that, Tits.

It's too hard, mate.

What, you think it's easy for me?

Going up there every day, watching it eat him?

It's not, mate. It's the hardest thing in the world.

But you need to get down there now.

Right.

How long you staying, Ste?

I'll just bang this pint down.

No, I mean in Manchester. Are you back?

ALARM CLOCK BUZZES

MUSIC: Waterfall by The Stone Roses

# Chimes sing Sunday morn

# Today's the day she's sworn

# To steal what she never could own

# And race from this hole she calls home

# She'll carry on through it all

# She's a waterfall

# She'll carry on through it all... #

Here you are, girls. For food and that.

Be good. Try not to wind her up, yeah?

I love you both.

What's going on?

Never mind that, come on. Out the way, knobhead!

Where is it?

Dad?

I left it to dry on the radiator.

I need my T-shirt.

I'm going to Spike Island.

SMOKE DETECTOR BEEPS

-No.

-I'm going to be taking orders from twats for the rest of my life.

I'm not taking any more from you.

-I don't want you to go.

-Dad...

I know you're not well, and I love you and all,

but if you don't get out my way now

I swear to God, I'll bite your fucking nose off.

MUSIC: Waterfall by The Stone Roses

MUSIC FADES

I'm sorry, Dad.

Why? What've you done?

Nowt. Just...

Getting off? Don't worry about me.

-But...

-Your mam still here?

Yeah, she's asleep.

I'll be all right then.

Go on.

Have a good day.

-I don't have to...

-Yeah, you do.

-Dad...

-Don't say it, son.

There's no need.

I'm going nowhere.

Promise.

I love you, Dad.

-Here he is.

-I overslept.

-You're a knob.

No, I'm not. Fuck you.

Where the fuck have you been?

I met with our Ste. Had a bit of a mad night. Soz.

-You absolute fucking wanker.

-But he's got us on the guest list.

You absolute fucking diamond.

Come on.

Where's your Roses T?

It was still wet.

DODGE: Mate, look, you've got dog shit all over your trousers, like.

-You have!

-Zip.

Come on, then.

Stick that on, man.

-Fucking... Are you sure?

-Mm.

-ZIPPY:

-Shit, he's in there, I can hear him.

I can fucking smell him.

SNORING

What the fuck do we do now?

Has anyone seen ET?

SNORING

Fuck off!

Look at the pants.

Shhh!

HE LAUGHS

-HE LAUGHS

-Shh.

(Ready?)

(Go!)

Zip, you know where we're going?

Been there with my dad on a bit of work. It's fuck all away.

-Shall we get out of this shit hole then or what?

-Go, go, go, go!

HE SHOUTS

THEY LAUGH

Oi!

Oi!

Go, go, go!

Burn rubber, Zips!

Hey, check his manky box.

DODGE: What is it? Fucking methadone!

Oh, he's a wrong one, him, a wrong one, mate.

It fucking stinks in here.

SHE SCREAMS

THEY SCREAM

Where's Harold?

Who the fuck's Harold?

It's his van. LAUGHTER

Pull over, Zippy.

I am! Take a chill pill!

I thought she was all right.

I think you're quite unwell.

-Go, go, go, go, go!

-Sorry, love!

-Here you are, stick that on, Tits.

-Is that the demo?

No.

This is the demo.

But it's not coming out again

until I'm banging it in the hands of a Stone Rose.

Actually, fuck that, Tits. You take it.

Guard it with your life.

Nice one.

MUSIC: Bye-Bye Badman by The Stone Roses

THEY SING: # Soak me to my skin

# Will you drown me in your sea

# Submission ends

# And I begin

# Choke me smoke the air

# In this citron sucking sunshine

# I don't care

# You're not all there

# Every backbone and heart you break

# Will still come back for more

# Submission ends it all... #

'We come flying out the Red Bricks and hit the road out of town,

'with a cockpit full of weed smoke and pocketfuls of E's and speed.

'Absolutely buzzing our nuts off.

'We were leaving Manchester and a world of shite behind.

'We all were. Just for one day, anyway.

'You know what?

'Despite everything, it felt fucking all right, man.'

# Bye-bye badman

# Bye-bye. #

Ooh, look!

Wow. How fucking camp was that?

-Look at what?

-Warrington.

Ace. What about it?

Ian Brown's birth place. They should erect a statue.

I'd like to erect a statue

in Lisa Hughes's fanny!

HE LAUGHS

What exactly are you doing there?

-Slipping her one.

-Slipping a fucking disc.

We should take a detour.

I'd like to take a detour...

to Lisa Hughes's fanny!

Yeah, he's never even seen a fanny,

except when he looks in the mirror!

CHEERING

Hit him, Little Gaz.

We're nearly there now anyway.

What? How?

I ain't even seen a sign for Widnes yet.

Widnes?!

GROANING

TYRES SQUEAL

They sound the same.

What? Like "you dick" and "you prick"?

CHEERING

Who's the driver?

This goon.

Right. Did you not bring a map?

-No.

-Did you not look at a map?

No.

Right.

Well, this is you.

This is Widnes. And this is the M6. It's going to be your little friend.

You want to take him south to junction 21A,

get on the M62 towards Liverpool, junction 10.

Follow the signs from there, Bob's your uncle,

Fanny's a rude word.

Thanks, Suzanne.

Pleasure. Going to Spike Island?

Yeah.

I'll keep my eyes peeled for you.

Especially for you.

Oh, and do us a favour, will you?

Tell your thieving little bastard mates to put everything back,

else I'll lock the door and get the Dobermans in.

That was your fault, Dodge.

How did you work that one out?

She'd seen the box fall out of your trackie top.

What was you robbing Tampax for anyway?

I didn't know what they were, I couldn't read it.

I thought they were individually wrapped biscuits.

CAR HORNS BLARE

Have it!

CHEERING

CAR HORNS BLARE

-LITTLE GAZ:

-Hey, hey, Spike Island!

-ZIPPY:

-We'll be there shortly!

-Hey, Zippy - turn it in.

-What're you on about?

-You can't tap your feet while they're on the pedals.

-I'm not!

-What the fuck are you doing?

-Nothing.

-Why's the van spazzing out?

-I don't know.

Shut it. Turn the tunes off. It doesn't sound well.

This might be a daft question. But have we got juice in it?

Yeah. It was full this morning.

What?! THEY GROAN

Fuck!

You're joking me!

CAR HORNS BLARE

-Fuck!

-Fuck!

-Fucking fuck!

Word!

-We can't hang about here.

-ZIPPY: What the fuck is he doing?

-Climbing the van, clearly.

-Why?

-Reconnaissance.

-DODGE: What?!

If we walk six fields north west...

there's a motorway running perpendicular.

I think it has to be the M6.

Come on!

Are we really following this retard? What about the van?

I've remembered its position.

I'll watch your van...for a tenner!

You can watch my arse disappear for fuck all, you cheeky twat.

MUSIC: Fools Gold by The Stone Roses

# The gold road's sure a long road

# Winds up through the hills for 15 days... #

CAR HORN BEEPS

MAN: Right, come on, back on the bus.

Come on.

CAR HORN BLARES CHEERING

ENGINE DRONES

-LAUGHTER

-Shh!

(Spike Island!)

HE FARTS

GROANING

Dirty bastard!

Zippy...

Please tell me that's not your cock digging in my back.

I can't help it, it's the vibrations!

Fuck's sake!

They're slowing down.

We must be nearly there.

Thank fuck for that. I think I've broke my arse.

Someone's arse defo ain't working right or they've been eating rats.

T-shirts!

# Give me joy in my heart

# Keep me burning

# Keep me burning till the end of day... #

-Have we stopped?

-Yeah.

Whatever happens, we stay together.

Three...two...one...

Shit! Where's Penfold?

-Fucks knows!

-Pen...?!

He couldn't have gone far, man, just look for his sunhat.

Pen! Penfold!

-Penfold! LITTLE GAZ:

-Pen!

Penfold!

FAN: Ah, steady!

-Penfold!

-Pen!

-Penfold! ZIPPY:

-Pen!

Pen-is, where are you?

Ah, fuck that, man. Let's head down to the main gate.

MAN: Reni hats! Get your Reni hats here!

Get your fucking Reni hat here!

Go on, Manchester!

Stone Roses souvenirs! Posters - two for a tenner.

He's got no shirt on!

Hot dogs! Free ketchup over here, or Ian Brown sauce.

You can see the gate from here.

Here we go, lads! Fucking Mersey paradise!

MUSIC: Mersey Paradise by The Stone Roses

# In my Mersey paradise

# I want to be

# I want to be

# Where the drownings are

# Drownings are

# You see it in this heat

# River cool's where I belong

# Oh, yeah... #

Right, boys, let's have it!

Right, tickets up, please.

Go ahead, Bananarama, straight in!

Here we are, Sweet Cheeks, get in there!

-It's Bez!

-Do the dance!

-Go ahead, lad, do it...

-Oh! You're in, you're in!

-Mate, hang on, how old are you?

-18.

-18? I've got porn mags older than you!

Cheese and Marmite, together? On the same butty?

That's fucking repellent.

Can I have it back then?

No. Get the fuck, go on.

-You all right, mate?

-I'm not your mate. Tickets.

Should be on the guest list.

Yeah, and I should be on the telly, lad.

-Here you are, Sid, get on these.

-Go ahead, whose list?

-Ibiza Ste's.

Who the fuck is Ibiza Ste?

-My brother.

-Why do you call him that?

-Because we've got the same Mam and Dad.

-I mean Ibiza Ste?

All right, because he lives in Ibiza. His name's Ste.

Oh, yeah, got it, nice one, yeah. Boss name.

Yeah, he's a Manc legend!

A Manchester leg-end no less.

Well, welcome to fucking Merseyside, son. We don't know no Ibiza Ste

-and he hasn't got no fucking guest list.

-Try Red Bricks Ste?

He used to live there before he moved to Ibiza.

Stop it - you'll ruin it for me when his autobiography comes out.

Try the Roses. Mani. I sort him out with hair gel.

Go ahead, what's your names?

Gary Titchfield, Darren Hodge, Chris Weeks, Gareth Barry and Andrew Peach.

No. You're not down.

-Try Shadow Caster - we're a band.

-Fuck off!

-Mate, we're a support band.

-Oh, the support band.

Oh, sorry, lads, in that case...

BOTH: Fuck off!

No tickets, no guest list, no entry, no chance.

Now fucking yabba dabba do one, dickheads!

Go ahead, move! Do one, you beaut!

Well, that went well...

Can't believe he's never heard of Ibiza Ste.

-I can.

-Nah, it's got to be a fuck up.

Yeah, there is, it's called Ste.

Hands in the air, put your tickets up.

-So what are we going to do now then, Tits?

-Get in.

Let's just fucking rush him, man.

Yeah? On my count, right...

One...two...

Three. For fuck's sake, who runs on two?

No-one runs on two.

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

SID: They're charging, Dave!

FOG HORN BLARES

Get out! Go on, and you!

And you, Grandad, get off!

Get back!

-This is our bridge.

-Fucking hippies!

Let that be a lesson to all of you.

-Yes!

-Here we go!

-Liverpool 2, Man U...

-Nil!

Have it!

-DODGE:

-What do you reckon?

I'm not fucking swimming in that. No.

-ZIPPY:

-I wonder what time it is. We've got to meet the girls.

Nearly 3:45.

-What the fuck was that?

-Some sort of animal?

SCOUSE ACCENT: Here you are, lads, do you want to buy a dinghy ride?

-What did he just say?

-Fuck knows.

-LITTLE GAZ:

-Dez-a-by-diggy-bat?!

-Do you want to buy a dinghy ride?

-I'm still not getting it.

-Soz, mate, it's just white noise.

Oh, for fuck's sake.

Oh! Do we want to buy a dinghy?!

A dinghy ride! I row yous!

-Where's your oars?

-Side of my head!

-No, you're all right, mate.

-Do one.

-Do yous want to buy a dinghy ride?

-What?

He'll row you. For cash. With no oars.

-Sound!

-How much?

-Fiver each.

Oh, mate, I'm watching this.

Come on, come on, hurry up! Hurry up!

-ZIPPY:

-Would you get in a boat with this prick?

-Easy! Easy!

Wouldn't even get in a lift with him.

I'm the captain on this ship.

Just don't do nothing. Leave it to me.

Ah! It's going to tip if you do that.

GIRLS SCREAM Can't swim!

THEY LAUGH

We should probably head back to the main gate, you know.

Penfold might be waiting for us.

-Might even see the girls turn up.

-Or Ibiza Ste.

Oh, here we go, look who it is.

All right, Tits?

All right, Dave Famous?

Got tickets?

-Have you?

-Have you?

-No, neither have we.

-Supposed to be on the list, but...

So were we, but...

Listen, Dave, let's cut the bollocks, yeah?

We all know you think we're shit dickheads, yeah?

But we think you're double shit dickheads,

but we're all bang into the Roses, so...

I thought if one of us spots a jib,

we should probably give each other a shout or something.

All right, sound.

Sound. In a bit...

In bits.

State of that tracksuit. He looks like a fucking Smurf!

HE LAUGHS

I could see right up her skirt then.

Do you know what I wish?

We had a Motorola and then we could ring Ste.

Or the girls, but they'd have to have one too.

Do you know what I wish?

Go on, it's getting good, this game.

You'd sorted it out with your kid properly last night, Tits.

Instead of getting fucking caned or whatever you did.

-Shall I tell you what I done last night, Dodge?

-What?

I sat with my mam, waiting for my dad to die.

Yeah, I sat with my mam

and waited for my useless prick of a brother

to sort out leaving a fucking pub and come to the hospital.

He never managed that. So shut the fuck up about him sorting us out.

The guy's a dick and you're doing my fucking head in.

You told me he was all right...

-This isn't fucking about you.

-What's that supposed to mean?

Nothing...I...

I just mean that we come here for one fucking reason, right?

To see The Stone Roses,

so can we please stop pissing and moaning

and get on with trying to get in.

DODGE: Oi, Tits!

Tits! Listen, man!

Tits!

-Are you all right?

-No, not really.

I've just been wandering on my own like a lemon.

I lost the girls coming over the bridge.

Why didn't you just go in?

What? I don't know?

There's like 20-odd thousand heads in there and...

I had a quarter of an acid on the train and I got a bit para.

You said you'd be there - left-hand side of the stage.

Yeah, but it doesn't matter anyway, I can just come in with yous lot.

If that's all right?

We still haven't got tickets.

Oh, shit!

Yeah. Shit.

Well, I am not going in there on my own.

What? You'll miss the Roses.

Well...one of yous lot could have my ticket.

I'll have it.

-Behave.

-What? I said it first.

Shouldn't we toss a coin or have an arm wrestle or something?

No, it's about the music, isn't it?

I'm the only one that understands it.

Come on, Tits, you know how much this means to me, man.

Yeah...yeah, I do.

There you are.

Nice one.

Right then, see you after, here, yeah?

Mate! Dodge!

Take this with you.

What? Why? You said you'd do it.

You're the one who's going in, aren't you?

I'm not going to get in backstage on my own, without you.

Get down the front then, Dodge. Just lob it at Ian or John.

I'd throw it into the mud. You're a miles better thrower than me.

-I'm not going to hit the fucking stage from out here.

-It'll be right.

You'll get in. You keep it.

You know I'd fuck it up.

Listen, if you do get in, meet me at the sound desk.

If not, I'll see back after, here, yeah?

Yeah.

Don't go fucking off without me.

Nah, mate.

Sorted.

Yeah, mate, sorted as fuck.

Is...? Is my make-up ran?

Just a smidge.

Oh, I must look like a right dog.

No, you don't.

Like a really pretty panda.

-Oi, Dave Famous! What are you saying?

-What are you saying?

Let's not do this again. I can't be arsed.

Some kid said a mob have flattened the vehicle gate.

You can get across the bridge to them fields next to the fence. In a bit!

MAN: Hey, up you get!

-ZIPPY:

-Tell you what? I need a massive disco shit, me, you know.

-SALLY:

-Oh, that's hanging.

Soz, but it's all the whizz and excitement.

Whoa! Watch your three stripes there.

It's probably radioactive.

-All right?

-Yeah.

-Go on.

Is that your butt?

Yeah.

-Fuck!

-Shit!

-ZIPPY:

-How thick do you think it is?

Don't know.

What are we going to do now?

Fuck's sake. I don't have a clue.

Little cock knockers!

What? Can you see out?

Nah.

We'll still be able to hear it, though, won't we?

It's a fucking nightmare, isn't it?

LAUGHTER AND CHEERING

'And as the sun went down over the chemical plant,

'the wind was blowing the sound from inside the site in waves,

'washing over us, then fucking off down the estuary.'

'With Penfold missing in action, and Dodge doing what he'd done,

'we were suddenly two men down.

'But we were one girl up.

'And it was funny, man,

'cos it had always been about me and Dodge.'

'We'd always been on our own journey,

'ever since we were nippers -

'fucking Batman and Robin, you know what I mean?

'But it wasn't just a massive fuck off metal green fence

'that had come between us.

'I was on a different trip now.'

'The night was beautiful, special.

'So was Sally Harris.'

'And then we heard it.

'The roar of cheers that told us that Roses had walked on stage

'and the rumble of Mani's bass.

'The greatest party in the history of the world

'and we weren't invited.'

The Stone Roses are on the other side of that wall.

Wish I were ten feet taller.