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This programme contains some strong language | 0:00:02 | 0:00:10 | |
BIRDS SINGING | 0:00:31 | 0:00:33 | |
VEHICLE APPROACHING | 0:00:39 | 0:00:40 | |
MAN SCREAMS TYRES SCREECHING | 0:00:49 | 0:00:51 | |
VEHICLE CRASHES WOMAN GASPS | 0:00:51 | 0:00:53 | |
THUDDING | 0:00:53 | 0:00:55 | |
POLICE BELL RINGING | 0:00:55 | 0:00:57 | |
BREATH TREMBLING | 0:01:11 | 0:01:13 | |
GASPING | 0:01:29 | 0:01:30 | |
SHE PLAYS: Piano Concerto No 1 by Chopin | 0:01:57 | 0:01:59 | |
ORCHESTRA PLAYING | 0:02:07 | 0:02:09 | |
TYPEWRITER CLACKING | 0:02:47 | 0:02:48 | |
-OLDER MAN'S VOICE: -"The smell is sweet, with urine only a minor component, | 0:02:48 | 0:02:52 | |
"the prevalent odour suggesting the inside of someone's ear. | 0:02:52 | 0:02:56 | |
"Dank clothes are there, too. | 0:02:56 | 0:02:58 | |
"Wet wool and onions, which she eats raw. | 0:02:58 | 0:03:02 | |
"Plus, what for me has always been the essence of poverty, | 0:03:02 | 0:03:05 | |
"damp newspaper. | 0:03:05 | 0:03:07 | |
"Miss Shepherd's multi-flavoured aroma | 0:03:12 | 0:03:15 | |
"is masked by a liberal application of various talcum powders, | 0:03:15 | 0:03:19 | |
"with Yardley's Lavender always a favourite. | 0:03:19 | 0:03:22 | |
"And currently it is this genteel fragrance | 0:03:22 | 0:03:25 | |
"that dominates the second subject, as it were, | 0:03:25 | 0:03:28 | |
"in her odoriferous concerto. | 0:03:28 | 0:03:31 | |
"But as she goes, the original theme returns, | 0:03:31 | 0:03:35 | |
"her own primary odour now triumphantly restated | 0:03:35 | 0:03:39 | |
"and left hanging in the house long after she has departed." | 0:03:39 | 0:03:44 | |
Tell her. | 0:03:44 | 0:03:45 | |
-FLIES BUZZING -Miss Shepherd? -Hmm? | 0:03:48 | 0:03:49 | |
In future, I would prefer if you didn't use my lavatory. | 0:03:49 | 0:03:52 | |
There are lavatories at the bottom of the high street. Use those. | 0:03:52 | 0:03:54 | |
They smell. And I'm by nature a very clean person. | 0:03:54 | 0:03:58 | |
I have a testimonial for a clean room, awarded me some years ago. | 0:03:58 | 0:04:01 | |
And, do you know, my aunt, herself spotless, | 0:04:01 | 0:04:05 | |
said I was the cleanest of all my mother's children, | 0:04:05 | 0:04:08 | |
particularly in the unseen places. | 0:04:08 | 0:04:12 | |
HE SIGHS | 0:04:12 | 0:04:13 | |
"The writer is double. | 0:04:19 | 0:04:21 | |
"There is the self who does the writing, | 0:04:23 | 0:04:25 | |
"and there is the self who does the living. | 0:04:25 | 0:04:27 | |
"And they talk. They argue. | 0:04:27 | 0:04:30 | |
"Writing is talking to oneself. | 0:04:30 | 0:04:33 | |
"And I've been doing it all my life, | 0:04:33 | 0:04:35 | |
"and long before I first saw this house, five years ago. | 0:04:35 | 0:04:40 | |
-15? -Number ten fetched 17. -Oh. | 0:04:40 | 0:04:44 | |
Come on. I thought you had a play on in the West End. | 0:04:44 | 0:04:47 | |
These houses have got so much potential, | 0:04:47 | 0:04:51 | |
once you get rid of the junk. | 0:04:51 | 0:04:53 | |
There you have it. Gloucester Crescent. | 0:04:53 | 0:04:55 | |
Good street. On the up and up. | 0:04:59 | 0:05:01 | |
Big motor, have you? Loads of room. | 0:05:06 | 0:05:08 | |
Watch out... | 0:05:16 | 0:05:17 | |
-Just be a few minutes. -All right, governor. | 0:05:20 | 0:05:24 | |
REVS ENGINE | 0:05:24 | 0:05:25 | |
ENGINE FAILS | 0:05:28 | 0:05:30 | |
BELLS RING | 0:05:40 | 0:05:42 | |
-You're not St John, are you? -St John who? | 0:05:43 | 0:05:46 | |
St John, the disciple whom Jesus loved. | 0:05:46 | 0:05:49 | |
No. The name's Bennett. | 0:05:49 | 0:05:50 | |
Oh, well, if you're not Saint John... I need a push for the van. | 0:05:50 | 0:05:54 | |
It's conked out. | 0:05:54 | 0:05:56 | |
The battery, possibly. I put some water in. Hasn't done the trick. | 0:05:56 | 0:05:59 | |
Well, was it distilled water? | 0:05:59 | 0:06:01 | |
It was holy water, so it doesn't matter if it's distilled or not. | 0:06:01 | 0:06:05 | |
'Course, the oil is another possibility. | 0:06:05 | 0:06:08 | |
That's not holy, too? | 0:06:08 | 0:06:09 | |
Holy oil? Well, in a van, it would be far too expensive. | 0:06:09 | 0:06:13 | |
Now, I want pushing around the corner. | 0:06:13 | 0:06:16 | |
So... BENNETT SIGHS | 0:06:16 | 0:06:18 | |
BENNETT GRUNTING | 0:06:20 | 0:06:22 | |
Are you wanting to go far? | 0:06:24 | 0:06:26 | |
Possibly. I'm in two minds. | 0:06:26 | 0:06:28 | |
I'm turning left! | 0:06:32 | 0:06:33 | |
BENNETT EXCLAIMS MISS SHEPHERD GASPS | 0:06:40 | 0:06:42 | |
SHE GASPS | 0:06:46 | 0:06:47 | |
Oh, is that it? | 0:06:47 | 0:06:49 | |
I need...I need the other end. | 0:06:49 | 0:06:51 | |
Well, that's half a mile away. | 0:06:51 | 0:06:54 | |
I'm in dire need of assistance. | 0:06:54 | 0:06:57 | |
I'm a sick woman. | 0:06:57 | 0:06:59 | |
Dying, possibly. | 0:06:59 | 0:07:00 | |
I'm just looking for a last resting place, | 0:07:00 | 0:07:03 | |
somewhere to lay my head. | 0:07:03 | 0:07:05 | |
HE SIGHS | 0:07:05 | 0:07:08 | |
Do you know of anyone? Hmm? | 0:07:08 | 0:07:11 | |
Bye-bye, madam. Mind how you go. | 0:07:11 | 0:07:14 | |
"A proper writer might welcome such an encounter | 0:07:15 | 0:07:18 | |
"as constituting experience. | 0:07:18 | 0:07:20 | |
"Me, I have to wait and mull it over." | 0:07:20 | 0:07:24 | |
She saw you coming. | 0:07:24 | 0:07:26 | |
She's old. | 0:07:26 | 0:07:28 | |
You wouldn't get Harold Pinter pushing a van down the street. | 0:07:28 | 0:07:30 | |
No, unlike me. But then I'm too busy not writing plays | 0:07:30 | 0:07:33 | |
and leading my mad, vigorous creative life. | 0:07:33 | 0:07:36 | |
Yeah, you live it, I write it. | 0:07:36 | 0:07:38 | |
-Welcome. -Hello. | 0:07:43 | 0:07:45 | |
-All moved in? -Hello. Yes. | 0:07:45 | 0:07:47 | |
-Was the move good? -Yes, thank you. -Well done. | 0:07:47 | 0:07:50 | |
It's a pretty house. | 0:07:53 | 0:07:55 | |
Not as big as ours, of course, but then you're unattached. | 0:07:55 | 0:07:58 | |
No, it's attached to the house behind. | 0:07:58 | 0:08:01 | |
Oh! I mean you. You're single. | 0:08:01 | 0:08:04 | |
Oh. | 0:08:04 | 0:08:05 | |
Sickert once lived in the street, apparently. | 0:08:06 | 0:08:09 | |
Dickens' abandoned wife. | 0:08:09 | 0:08:11 | |
Now it's the usual North London medley. | 0:08:11 | 0:08:13 | |
Advertising, journalism, TV. | 0:08:13 | 0:08:15 | |
People like you, writers, artists. | 0:08:15 | 0:08:19 | |
Anything in the pipeline? | 0:08:19 | 0:08:20 | |
Well, I have got a play on in the West End. | 0:08:20 | 0:08:23 | |
Of course you have, yeah. | 0:08:23 | 0:08:26 | |
Dare one ask? | 0:08:26 | 0:08:28 | |
Uh, 13 five. | 0:08:28 | 0:08:30 | |
-Oh, my God. -Yes, I know. | 0:08:30 | 0:08:32 | |
We're twice as big. So what does that make ours worth? | 0:08:32 | 0:08:36 | |
Mind you, our new neighbour won't help the prices. | 0:08:36 | 0:08:38 | |
Yes, we've met. | 0:08:38 | 0:08:39 | |
Last year she was in Gloucester Avenue. Now it's our turn. | 0:08:39 | 0:08:42 | |
She seems to have settled at 66. | 0:08:42 | 0:08:45 | |
-Will they mind? -I hope not. | 0:08:45 | 0:08:47 | |
We like to think we're a community. | 0:08:47 | 0:08:49 | |
Well, it's nice to talk to you. | 0:08:50 | 0:08:52 | |
So, what play has he got on? | 0:08:55 | 0:08:57 | |
We saw it. That domestic thing. | 0:08:57 | 0:09:00 | |
-Gone. -Mmm. | 0:09:02 | 0:09:04 | |
-That's litter, Mummy. -Those are her things. | 0:09:07 | 0:09:10 | |
We thought you might like some pears. | 0:09:11 | 0:09:13 | |
-They're from our garden in Suffolk. -Pears repeat on me. | 0:09:13 | 0:09:16 | |
Ah. | 0:09:16 | 0:09:18 | |
RECORDERS PLAYING IN HOUSE | 0:09:18 | 0:09:19 | |
Were you planning on staying long? | 0:09:20 | 0:09:22 | |
Not with that din going on. | 0:09:24 | 0:09:26 | |
-GILES SIGHS -I know what you're thinking. | 0:09:28 | 0:09:31 | |
Still, it's nice to feel we're doing our bit for the homeless. | 0:09:31 | 0:09:34 | |
I'd like to keep it like this. Simple. | 0:09:38 | 0:09:41 | |
-Monastic. -Quite. | 0:09:41 | 0:09:43 | |
-This is my bedroom. -Nice. | 0:09:44 | 0:09:47 | |
So, do you like being in the play? | 0:09:47 | 0:09:50 | |
Love it. Love it. | 0:09:50 | 0:09:52 | |
So English. Just what people want. | 0:09:52 | 0:09:55 | |
Bed looks comfortable. | 0:09:57 | 0:09:59 | |
Well, maybe you could come round | 0:09:59 | 0:10:01 | |
and give me a hand with the decorating. | 0:10:01 | 0:10:03 | |
Sure. My girlfriend's a dab hand at the painting. | 0:10:03 | 0:10:06 | |
Oh, hello, darling. You look a character. | 0:10:09 | 0:10:12 | |
Well, yes. This is Camden Town. | 0:10:15 | 0:10:18 | |
Oh, yes! I'm here most days. | 0:10:19 | 0:10:21 | |
I teach. And the pavement is my blackboard. | 0:10:21 | 0:10:25 | |
Now, I also sell pencils. | 0:10:25 | 0:10:29 | |
Yeah, a gentleman came by the other day. | 0:10:29 | 0:10:31 | |
He said the pencil he bought from me | 0:10:31 | 0:10:33 | |
was the best pencil on the market at the present time. | 0:10:33 | 0:10:37 | |
You're against the Common Market, I see. | 0:10:37 | 0:10:39 | |
Me? Who said it was me? | 0:10:39 | 0:10:42 | |
-Oh, you're not the writer? -Not necessarily. | 0:10:42 | 0:10:46 | |
But I'll go so far as to say this. | 0:10:46 | 0:10:49 | |
They're anonymous. | 0:10:49 | 0:10:51 | |
And they're a shilling! | 0:10:51 | 0:10:53 | |
You've only given me sixpence. | 0:10:53 | 0:10:55 | |
Well, it says there, "St Francis hurled money from him". | 0:10:55 | 0:10:59 | |
Well, yes, but he was a saint. | 0:10:59 | 0:11:02 | |
He could afford to. | 0:11:02 | 0:11:04 | |
Sodding beggars! | 0:11:04 | 0:11:07 | |
I'm not a beggar! | 0:11:07 | 0:11:08 | |
I'm self-employed, and this gentleman is my neighbour. | 0:11:08 | 0:11:12 | |
Oh! On the move again? You didn't stay long. | 0:11:27 | 0:11:30 | |
No. Because it was nonstop music. | 0:11:30 | 0:11:34 | |
Lucy's doing her O-levels. | 0:11:34 | 0:11:36 | |
It's the noise levels I'm worried about. | 0:11:36 | 0:11:39 | |
Wave, darling. | 0:11:43 | 0:11:44 | |
-Bye, darling. -Don't stay up too late. Bye, darling. | 0:11:46 | 0:11:49 | |
Sorry about all this. Glyndebourne. | 0:11:49 | 0:11:52 | |
-Cosi. -Oh, lucky you. Have fun. | 0:11:52 | 0:11:55 | |
Oh, Look out. Madam's on the move. | 0:11:55 | 0:11:57 | |
So, whose turn will it be now? | 0:12:02 | 0:12:05 | |
-Slow down. -I don't want to miss the curtain. | 0:12:05 | 0:12:08 | |
-Mrs Vaughan Williams? -No. The Birts. | 0:12:08 | 0:12:11 | |
No! | 0:12:11 | 0:12:13 | |
62. | 0:12:14 | 0:12:15 | |
No. Who? | 0:12:15 | 0:12:18 | |
No! No! | 0:12:18 | 0:12:19 | |
-No, darling, that's us! -Stop the cab! | 0:12:19 | 0:12:21 | |
Sorry! Sorry! | 0:12:23 | 0:12:26 | |
Sorry! | 0:12:26 | 0:12:28 | |
Sorry, you can't park here. | 0:12:28 | 0:12:30 | |
No, I've had guidance. This is where it should go. | 0:12:30 | 0:12:33 | |
-Guidance? Who from? -The Virgin Mary. I spoke to her yesterday. | 0:12:33 | 0:12:37 | |
She was outside the Post Office in Parkway. | 0:12:37 | 0:12:41 | |
What does she know about parking? | 0:12:41 | 0:12:42 | |
Rufus, tell her we're going to Glyndebourne! | 0:12:42 | 0:12:44 | |
I need a ruler. | 0:12:44 | 0:12:46 | |
I must measure the distance between the tyres and the kerb. | 0:12:46 | 0:12:49 | |
See, one and a half inches is the ideal gap. | 0:12:49 | 0:12:53 | |
I came across that in a Catholic motoring magazine, | 0:12:53 | 0:12:57 | |
under "Tips on Christian Parking". | 0:12:57 | 0:12:59 | |
This isn't Christian parking. It's a fucking liberty. | 0:12:59 | 0:13:02 | |
Rufus. | 0:13:02 | 0:13:03 | |
-You try to be nice, and where does it get you? -Darling! | 0:13:04 | 0:13:07 | |
Well, you didn't stay long outside 66. | 0:13:07 | 0:13:09 | |
Not with that din. | 0:13:09 | 0:13:12 | |
They're not musical, are they? | 0:13:12 | 0:13:14 | |
-Who? -You know, 61. | 0:13:14 | 0:13:18 | |
Uh, no. They go to the opera. Are you all right? | 0:13:18 | 0:13:21 | |
What with all this to-do, | 0:13:21 | 0:13:23 | |
I think I'm about to be taken short. | 0:13:23 | 0:13:26 | |
Can I use your lavatory? | 0:13:27 | 0:13:29 | |
No! The flush is on the blink. | 0:13:29 | 0:13:31 | |
I don't mind. | 0:13:31 | 0:13:34 | |
Where is it?! | 0:13:34 | 0:13:35 | |
SHOUTING: Where is it?! | 0:13:35 | 0:13:37 | |
TOILET FLUSHES | 0:13:39 | 0:13:41 | |
Thank you! | 0:13:42 | 0:13:44 | |
SHEEP BLEAT IN THE DISTANCE | 0:14:03 | 0:14:06 | |
-ON PHONE: -I've got a meeting at the BBC. | 0:14:06 | 0:14:09 | |
What about? | 0:14:09 | 0:14:11 | |
It's just something I'm writing. | 0:14:11 | 0:14:13 | |
I thought you were coming up. | 0:14:14 | 0:14:16 | |
In a week or two. | 0:14:16 | 0:14:18 | |
I'm on my own. | 0:14:18 | 0:14:21 | |
I know you're on your own. | 0:14:21 | 0:14:22 | |
We're all on our own. | 0:14:22 | 0:14:24 | |
Well, can I come down there for a bit? Is it a big house? | 0:14:24 | 0:14:29 | |
Not really. You wouldn't like it. It's too many stairs. | 0:14:29 | 0:14:33 | |
They have these chairlift things now. | 0:14:33 | 0:14:36 | |
Are you still there? | 0:14:41 | 0:14:44 | |
Yes. | 0:14:44 | 0:14:45 | |
Oh! | 0:14:46 | 0:14:48 | |
The foot fella came today. | 0:14:48 | 0:14:51 | |
-Who? -The foot fella! | 0:14:51 | 0:14:52 | |
Do you mean the chiropodist? | 0:14:54 | 0:14:56 | |
-You've written that down. -I haven't. | 0:14:56 | 0:14:59 | |
Hey, I've given you some script. | 0:14:59 | 0:15:02 | |
I'm just raw material. | 0:15:02 | 0:15:05 | |
-No, you're not. -Hmm. | 0:15:05 | 0:15:07 | |
Mam. | 0:15:07 | 0:15:08 | |
-Are you all right? -Oh! | 0:15:11 | 0:15:13 | |
Yeah. It's the van. | 0:15:13 | 0:15:15 | |
-It gets very close. -I imagine. | 0:15:15 | 0:15:18 | |
You're tall. | 0:15:18 | 0:15:19 | |
My husband was tall. I'm Mrs Vaughan Williams. | 0:15:19 | 0:15:23 | |
I won't shake hands. Gardening. | 0:15:24 | 0:15:26 | |
What, the composer? Greensleeves? | 0:15:26 | 0:15:29 | |
Among other things. | 0:15:29 | 0:15:30 | |
Why? Are you musical? I don't even know your name. | 0:15:30 | 0:15:34 | |
It's...it's Miss Shepherd. | 0:15:34 | 0:15:37 | |
But I wouldn't want it bandied about. | 0:15:37 | 0:15:40 | |
I'm in an incognito position, possibly. | 0:15:40 | 0:15:43 | |
Safe with me. | 0:15:43 | 0:15:45 | |
Shepherd. Drove ambulances in the war, apparently. | 0:15:45 | 0:15:49 | |
-Well, where did she spring from? -And a nun once. -A nun? | 0:15:49 | 0:15:52 | |
In the convent up the street. | 0:15:52 | 0:15:54 | |
Still, everybody's got something to hide. | 0:15:54 | 0:15:56 | |
My brother-in-law's a policeman. | 0:15:56 | 0:15:58 | |
That's Camden! People wash up here. Like me. | 0:15:58 | 0:16:01 | |
-Oh! -Oh! -She'd be a good subject. | 0:16:01 | 0:16:03 | |
What for? | 0:16:03 | 0:16:05 | |
You! One of your little plays. | 0:16:05 | 0:16:08 | |
Remember, I planted the seed! | 0:16:08 | 0:16:11 | |
No. No. | 0:16:11 | 0:16:14 | |
I'm writing about Mam half the time as it is. One old lady's enough. | 0:16:14 | 0:16:18 | |
I live, you write. That's how it works. | 0:16:18 | 0:16:21 | |
-Yeah, except you don't much. -Don't what? | 0:16:21 | 0:16:23 | |
Live. Put yourself into what you write. | 0:16:23 | 0:16:26 | |
How? We're both so fucking tame. | 0:16:26 | 0:16:28 | |
Miss Shepherd? I'm Lois. The social worker. | 0:16:34 | 0:16:38 | |
I don't want a social worker. | 0:16:38 | 0:16:39 | |
I'm about to listen to the repeat of Any Answers? | 0:16:39 | 0:16:42 | |
I brought you some clothes. You wrote asking for a coat. | 0:16:42 | 0:16:45 | |
Not during Any Answers? I'm a busy woman. | 0:16:45 | 0:16:48 | |
I only asked for one coat. | 0:16:48 | 0:16:51 | |
I brought three, in case you fancied a change. | 0:16:51 | 0:16:53 | |
Where am I supposed to put three coats? | 0:16:53 | 0:16:56 | |
Green is not my colour. | 0:16:56 | 0:16:58 | |
Have you got a stick? | 0:16:58 | 0:17:01 | |
The Council have that in hand. It's been precepted for. | 0:17:01 | 0:17:04 | |
Will it be long enough? | 0:17:04 | 0:17:06 | |
Yes. It's one of our special sticks. | 0:17:06 | 0:17:08 | |
I don't want a special stick. | 0:17:08 | 0:17:11 | |
I want an ordinary stick, only longer. Shut the door. | 0:17:11 | 0:17:14 | |
If I should want to get in touch with you, whom should I call? | 0:17:14 | 0:17:18 | |
Well, you can try Mr Bennett at 23. | 0:17:18 | 0:17:20 | |
Only don't take any notice of what he says. He's a communist, possibly. | 0:17:20 | 0:17:24 | |
Well, have you tried the people opposite? They're nearer. | 0:17:27 | 0:17:30 | |
Well, they said they don't relate to her. | 0:17:30 | 0:17:32 | |
You were the one she related to. | 0:17:32 | 0:17:34 | |
Is that what they said? "Related to"? | 0:17:34 | 0:17:37 | |
No, that's me. | 0:17:37 | 0:17:39 | |
They said you were her pal. | 0:17:39 | 0:17:40 | |
-She was your girlfriend. -Oh, Jesus. | 0:17:43 | 0:17:47 | |
Does she use your lavatory? | 0:17:47 | 0:17:49 | |
Well, only in an emergency. | 0:17:49 | 0:17:51 | |
That might give her squatter's rights. | 0:17:51 | 0:17:53 | |
We'd be much happier if she moved on. | 0:17:54 | 0:17:57 | |
"We"? | 0:17:57 | 0:17:58 | |
Camden. | 0:17:58 | 0:18:00 | |
All right, I've got everything. | 0:18:00 | 0:18:02 | |
The sherbet lemons, Cup-a-Soup, the miniature whisky. | 0:18:02 | 0:18:05 | |
Mmm. | 0:18:05 | 0:18:06 | |
That's medicinal. | 0:18:06 | 0:18:08 | |
Well, she seemed very understanding, the social worker. | 0:18:12 | 0:18:15 | |
Mmm-hmm. Not understanding enough. | 0:18:15 | 0:18:18 | |
I mean, I ask for a wheelchair, and what does she get me? | 0:18:18 | 0:18:22 | |
A walking stick. | 0:18:22 | 0:18:24 | |
And she says I don't get an allowance unless I get an address? | 0:18:24 | 0:18:27 | |
Look, "The Van, Gloucester Crescent". Isn't that an address? | 0:18:27 | 0:18:30 | |
No! It needs to be a house. | 0:18:30 | 0:18:33 | |
A residence. | 0:18:34 | 0:18:36 | |
Anyway, I might be going away soon, possibly. | 0:18:38 | 0:18:42 | |
Oh, how long for? | 0:18:42 | 0:18:44 | |
Broadstairs, possibly. | 0:18:44 | 0:18:46 | |
Why Broadstairs? Have you family there? | 0:18:46 | 0:18:49 | |
No. No! | 0:18:49 | 0:18:51 | |
Have you got any family? | 0:18:51 | 0:18:53 | |
I just need the air. | 0:18:53 | 0:18:56 | |
I saw a snake this morning. It was coming up Parkway. | 0:18:56 | 0:19:00 | |
A long grey snake. | 0:19:00 | 0:19:02 | |
-It was a boa constrictor, possibly. -Uh, no. | 0:19:02 | 0:19:05 | |
It looked poisonous. | 0:19:05 | 0:19:06 | |
It was keeping close to the wall, | 0:19:06 | 0:19:09 | |
and I have a feeling it was headed for the van. | 0:19:09 | 0:19:12 | |
No, Miss Shepherd... | 0:19:12 | 0:19:13 | |
I thought I'd better warn you, just to be on the safe side. | 0:19:13 | 0:19:16 | |
I've had some close shaves with snakes. | 0:19:16 | 0:19:19 | |
Listen to me, Miss Shepherd, | 0:19:19 | 0:19:20 | |
there are no boa constrictors in Camden Town. | 0:19:20 | 0:19:23 | |
What, are you calling me a liar? | 0:19:23 | 0:19:24 | |
I know a boa constrictor when I see one! | 0:19:24 | 0:19:27 | |
You all right, my love? Looking especially lovely today, sweetheart. | 0:19:27 | 0:19:32 | |
Don't "sweetheart" me. | 0:19:32 | 0:19:34 | |
I'm a sick woman! Dying, possibly. | 0:19:34 | 0:19:38 | |
Well, chin up, love, we all gotta go sometime. | 0:19:38 | 0:19:41 | |
Smells like you already have. | 0:19:42 | 0:19:44 | |
"I do not believe in the snake, | 0:19:46 | 0:19:48 | |
"still less that it was en route for the van." | 0:19:48 | 0:19:50 | |
CHILDREN SHOUTING | 0:19:50 | 0:19:51 | |
"Only next day, I find there has been a break-in | 0:19:51 | 0:19:54 | |
"at the local pet shop. | 0:19:54 | 0:19:56 | |
"So, there may have been a snake on the run." | 0:19:56 | 0:19:58 | |
Good God. | 0:19:58 | 0:19:59 | |
"So, of course, I feel guilty." | 0:19:59 | 0:20:01 | |
Giles! Giles! Giles! | 0:20:01 | 0:20:04 | |
"A real writer would have asked her | 0:20:04 | 0:20:06 | |
"about her close shaves with snakes, | 0:20:06 | 0:20:09 | |
"only she seems to have cleared off." | 0:20:09 | 0:20:11 | |
-Quick as you can, love. -I'm getting off. | 0:20:11 | 0:20:14 | |
You don't rush me! Don't rush me. | 0:20:14 | 0:20:16 | |
Nightie? | 0:20:32 | 0:20:34 | |
This is not a nightdress! | 0:20:34 | 0:20:36 | |
This style can't have got to Broadstairs yet. | 0:20:38 | 0:20:41 | |
And I know the law. You can't be arrested for wearing a nightie. | 0:20:41 | 0:20:45 | |
What're you doing in Broadstairs? | 0:20:45 | 0:20:47 | |
I am minding my own business! | 0:20:47 | 0:20:49 | |
DOORBELL RINGING | 0:20:59 | 0:21:01 | |
Alan! Come out here! | 0:21:23 | 0:21:25 | |
What for? | 0:21:25 | 0:21:27 | |
There's some massive birds on the wall. | 0:21:27 | 0:21:30 | |
There never are. There's nothing on the wall. | 0:21:30 | 0:21:32 | |
You're imagining things. | 0:21:32 | 0:21:34 | |
There are. | 0:21:34 | 0:21:36 | |
"And there were, lined up on the garden wall, | 0:21:36 | 0:21:39 | |
"four peacocks from the Hall. | 0:21:39 | 0:21:42 | |
"So, boa constrictors in the street, peacocks on the wall. | 0:21:42 | 0:21:45 | |
"It seems that both at the northern and southern gates of my life | 0:21:45 | 0:21:49 | |
"stands a deluded woman." | 0:21:49 | 0:21:51 | |
-Except you just said they aren't. -Aren't what? | 0:21:51 | 0:21:54 | |
-Deluded. -Well, not in this particular instance. | 0:21:54 | 0:21:56 | |
And they're not the same, Alan. Mam and Miss Shepherd. | 0:21:56 | 0:21:58 | |
No, Alan, they are not. But they are both old ladies. | 0:21:58 | 0:22:02 | |
That appears to be my niche, apparently. | 0:22:02 | 0:22:04 | |
Whereas my contemporaries lovingly chronicle | 0:22:04 | 0:22:06 | |
their first tentative investigations of the opposite sex, | 0:22:06 | 0:22:09 | |
or their adventures in the world of journalism, | 0:22:09 | 0:22:13 | |
I'm stuck with old ladies. | 0:22:13 | 0:22:15 | |
-HE SIGHS -All right. I'm keeping a sodding notebook. | 0:22:15 | 0:22:18 | |
But only on the off chance. | 0:22:18 | 0:22:19 | |
She's not a project. She's not in the pipeline. | 0:22:19 | 0:22:21 | |
I don't want to write about her. She's... | 0:22:21 | 0:22:25 | |
She's just something that's happening. | 0:22:25 | 0:22:27 | |
So, what do you want to write about? | 0:22:27 | 0:22:29 | |
I want to write about spies. | 0:22:29 | 0:22:31 | |
-Spies? -There you are, you see? | 0:22:31 | 0:22:33 | |
You think that's barmy. Spies, Russia. | 0:22:33 | 0:22:35 | |
I can't always be writing about the North. | 0:22:35 | 0:22:38 | |
"I was born and brought up in Leeds, where my father was a butcher. | 0:22:38 | 0:22:41 | |
"And as a boy, I would often go out on the bike with the orders." | 0:22:41 | 0:22:44 | |
DOOR CLOSES | 0:22:44 | 0:22:45 | |
It's not Proust. It's not even JB Priestley. | 0:22:45 | 0:22:48 | |
"The houses in the Crescent were built as villas | 0:22:53 | 0:22:56 | |
"for the Victorian middle class. | 0:22:56 | 0:22:58 | |
"And their basements are now being enlarged by couples | 0:22:58 | 0:23:01 | |
"who are liberal in outlook, | 0:23:01 | 0:23:03 | |
"but not easy with their new-found prosperity." | 0:23:03 | 0:23:06 | |
-MISS SHEPHERD GRUNTS -"Guilt, in a word. | 0:23:06 | 0:23:08 | |
"Which means that in varying degrees, | 0:23:10 | 0:23:12 | |
"they tolerate Miss Shepherd, | 0:23:12 | 0:23:15 | |
"their consciences absolved by her presence." | 0:23:15 | 0:23:18 | |
RUFUS GRUNTS | 0:23:18 | 0:23:19 | |
-ALL: -Merry Christmas! | 0:23:29 | 0:23:31 | |
MISS SHEPHERD MUMBLES | 0:23:31 | 0:23:33 | |
Shut the door! | 0:23:36 | 0:23:38 | |
Shut the door. I'm a busy woman. I'm a busy woman. | 0:23:38 | 0:23:40 | |
Creme brulee. | 0:23:49 | 0:23:50 | |
What was your first play about? | 0:23:58 | 0:24:00 | |
Public school. | 0:24:00 | 0:24:01 | |
Which, more accurately, is what you Americans call private school. | 0:24:01 | 0:24:06 | |
But you didn't go to public school. | 0:24:06 | 0:24:08 | |
No. But I read about it. | 0:24:08 | 0:24:10 | |
And what was your next play about? | 0:24:13 | 0:24:16 | |
Sex. | 0:24:16 | 0:24:17 | |
I read about that, too. | 0:24:17 | 0:24:19 | |
Very good. | 0:24:24 | 0:24:25 | |
Stop it! Stop it! Just... | 0:24:27 | 0:24:30 | |
Get away from us! It's her! | 0:24:30 | 0:24:32 | |
Do you have a problem? | 0:24:33 | 0:24:34 | |
-They were making the noise! -They're children! | 0:24:34 | 0:24:37 | |
I am a sick woman! | 0:24:37 | 0:24:39 | |
You certainly are! | 0:24:39 | 0:24:40 | |
-HORN HONKING -Oi, get off the road! | 0:24:40 | 0:24:42 | |
Go ahead! Road hog. | 0:24:42 | 0:24:44 | |
Mr Bennett. | 0:24:47 | 0:24:49 | |
I've worked out a way of getting on the wireless. | 0:24:49 | 0:24:52 | |
What? | 0:24:52 | 0:24:53 | |
I want to do one of those phone-in programmes. | 0:24:53 | 0:24:56 | |
Something someone like you could get put on in a jiffy. | 0:24:56 | 0:25:00 | |
You see, I could be called | 0:25:00 | 0:25:03 | |
the "Lady Behind the Curtain", | 0:25:03 | 0:25:06 | |
or "A Woman of Britain", you see. | 0:25:06 | 0:25:08 | |
You could take a nom de plume view of it. | 0:25:08 | 0:25:12 | |
And I see the curtain as being here. | 0:25:12 | 0:25:16 | |
You see, some greeny material would do. | 0:25:16 | 0:25:20 | |
I thought this was a phone-in. | 0:25:20 | 0:25:22 | |
Yeah, well? | 0:25:22 | 0:25:24 | |
Well, it's the radio. There's no need for a curtain at all. | 0:25:24 | 0:25:28 | |
Yes, we can iron out these hiccups when the time comes, you see. | 0:25:28 | 0:25:31 | |
And when I come in, I can catch up with some civilisation. | 0:25:31 | 0:25:35 | |
"Civilisation"? What, you mean the television? | 0:25:35 | 0:25:37 | |
Yeah, you know, wildlife. Famines, you know. | 0:25:37 | 0:25:40 | |
Sheepdog trials, possibly. I mean, I do watch. | 0:25:40 | 0:25:42 | |
I watch in Currys' window, but it's not ideal. | 0:25:42 | 0:25:47 | |
Oh. | 0:25:47 | 0:25:48 | |
Je crois que vous passez les vacances en France. | 0:25:49 | 0:25:51 | |
Yes. Uh, oui. | 0:25:52 | 0:25:54 | |
J'ai etudie en France, il y a trente-cinq ans. | 0:25:54 | 0:25:57 | |
Avant la guerre? | 0:26:00 | 0:26:01 | |
What guerre? | 0:26:01 | 0:26:04 | |
La Guerre Mondiale numero deux? | 0:26:04 | 0:26:06 | |
Oui. | 0:26:06 | 0:26:07 | |
La deuxieme guerre mondiale. | 0:26:07 | 0:26:10 | |
Qu'est-ce que vous etudie? | 0:26:10 | 0:26:12 | |
I was studying incognito a Paris. | 0:26:14 | 0:26:18 | |
But what, what were you studying? | 0:26:18 | 0:26:20 | |
Music. | 0:26:23 | 0:26:25 | |
The pianoforte, possibly. | 0:26:26 | 0:26:28 | |
Have you got an old pan scrub? I'm thinking of painting the van. | 0:26:28 | 0:26:33 | |
You know, one of those little mop things they use to wash dishes with would do. | 0:26:33 | 0:26:38 | |
-Well, how about a brush? -I've got a brush! | 0:26:38 | 0:26:40 | |
It's just for the first coat. | 0:26:40 | 0:26:43 | |
"OK, she's been a nun. | 0:26:43 | 0:26:45 | |
"Only now it turns out she's been a musician besides, | 0:26:45 | 0:26:48 | |
"and seemingly with fluent French. | 0:26:48 | 0:26:51 | |
"She's certainly no painter, | 0:26:51 | 0:26:53 | |
"because today, rain notwithstanding, | 0:26:53 | 0:26:56 | |
"she moves slowly around her mobile home, | 0:26:56 | 0:26:58 | |
"thoughtfully touching up the rust patches | 0:26:58 | 0:27:00 | |
"with Crushed Mimosa, always a favourite shade." | 0:27:00 | 0:27:04 | |
Morning. | 0:27:04 | 0:27:05 | |
She's using the wrong paint. Cars have special paint. | 0:27:07 | 0:27:10 | |
Not this one. It's Catholic paint. | 0:27:10 | 0:27:13 | |
-And she smells. -That's because she's poor. | 0:27:13 | 0:27:16 | |
You'd smell if we were poor. Oh. Morning, Ursula. | 0:27:16 | 0:27:20 | |
-Oh. Hello, love. -Hello, darling. | 0:27:20 | 0:27:23 | |
Oh! | 0:27:23 | 0:27:24 | |
Telling me about paint. | 0:27:24 | 0:27:26 | |
I was in infant school. I won a prize for painting! | 0:27:26 | 0:27:30 | |
-But it's all lumps. You have to mix it. -I have. | 0:27:30 | 0:27:32 | |
I have mixed it. Only I got some Madeira cake in it. | 0:27:32 | 0:27:36 | |
"Cake or no cake, | 0:27:36 | 0:27:38 | |
"all Miss Shepherd's vehicles ended up looking as if they'd been given | 0:27:38 | 0:27:41 | |
"a coat of badly made custard, or plastered with scrambled eggs." | 0:27:41 | 0:27:44 | |
Divine! | 0:27:44 | 0:27:46 | |
"Still, there were few occasions | 0:27:46 | 0:27:48 | |
"on which one saw her genuinely happy, | 0:27:48 | 0:27:50 | |
"and one of these was when she was putting paint on." | 0:27:50 | 0:27:53 | |
Jackson Pollock himself could not have done it better. | 0:27:53 | 0:27:57 | |
Even with a pan scrub. | 0:27:57 | 0:27:59 | |
What're you doing? Get off my van! | 0:28:06 | 0:28:09 | |
-Yellow lines. -Sorry? | 0:28:09 | 0:28:12 | |
Parking restrictions. | 0:28:12 | 0:28:14 | |
-Oh, what a bore. -She'll be illegally parked. | 0:28:14 | 0:28:17 | |
She'll have to move. | 0:28:17 | 0:28:19 | |
GASPS | 0:28:20 | 0:28:21 | |
Look! Look! | 0:28:24 | 0:28:26 | |
It's a removal order. | 0:28:26 | 0:28:27 | |
I know it's a removal order. | 0:28:27 | 0:28:29 | |
Well, it means you'll have to drive on somewhere else. | 0:28:29 | 0:28:31 | |
But I'm disabled! | 0:28:31 | 0:28:33 | |
I don't always use a walking stick. | 0:28:33 | 0:28:35 | |
That pulls the wool over people's eyes. | 0:28:35 | 0:28:37 | |
But I am a bona fide resident of Camden! | 0:28:37 | 0:28:40 | |
And I had rheumatic fever as a child, and mumps. | 0:28:40 | 0:28:43 | |
I still think you'll have to move on. Go somewhere else. | 0:28:43 | 0:28:46 | |
Well, it won't move. There's not enough juice. | 0:28:46 | 0:28:49 | |
-Well, I'll get you some up the road. -I don't like their petrol! | 0:28:49 | 0:28:52 | |
I don't know. It could be, it could go. | 0:28:52 | 0:28:54 | |
It just might need a bit of coaxing. | 0:28:54 | 0:28:56 | |
What I'm... | 0:28:56 | 0:28:58 | |
What I'm worried about particularly are the wheels. | 0:28:58 | 0:29:03 | |
They're under divine protection. | 0:29:03 | 0:29:06 | |
If I do get this other vehicle, I'd like the wheels transferred. | 0:29:06 | 0:29:09 | |
-What other vehicle? -They may be miraculous, the tyres. | 0:29:09 | 0:29:13 | |
They've only had to be pumped up once since 1964. | 0:29:13 | 0:29:16 | |
-What other vehicle? -They only cost me a fiver. | 0:29:16 | 0:29:18 | |
Miss Shepherd, you said about another vehicle? | 0:29:18 | 0:29:21 | |
Hmm? Yeah, a van. | 0:29:21 | 0:29:23 | |
Another van? | 0:29:23 | 0:29:25 | |
Mmm. | 0:29:25 | 0:29:27 | |
Well, a newer model. | 0:29:27 | 0:29:30 | |
A titled Catholic lady says she may get me one, | 0:29:30 | 0:29:33 | |
as an act of charity. | 0:29:33 | 0:29:35 | |
It's Lady Wiggin. | 0:29:35 | 0:29:37 | |
HE SIGHS Only she'd prefer to remain anonymous. | 0:29:37 | 0:29:40 | |
Yeah, I bet she would. So, why don't you park it outside her house? | 0:29:40 | 0:29:44 | |
-It's out of the question. -There's plenty of room. | 0:29:44 | 0:29:47 | |
-I have neighbours! -So have I. | 0:29:47 | 0:29:49 | |
So, should I not buy her another van? | 0:29:49 | 0:29:53 | |
-Please your fucking self. -What?! | 0:29:53 | 0:29:56 | |
Mr Bennett, I've worked it out. | 0:29:56 | 0:29:58 | |
Mr Bennett. | 0:30:00 | 0:30:01 | |
The ideal solution would be off-street parking. | 0:30:03 | 0:30:08 | |
You know, a driveway, possibly. | 0:30:09 | 0:30:12 | |
So, what are you going to do? | 0:30:14 | 0:30:16 | |
Well, I... | 0:30:16 | 0:30:17 | |
Play it by ear. | 0:30:19 | 0:30:21 | |
Oh... | 0:30:26 | 0:30:27 | |
Lady? | 0:30:40 | 0:30:41 | |
Are you there? | 0:30:42 | 0:30:44 | |
Is this a bad moment? | 0:30:46 | 0:30:48 | |
Have you got something for me? | 0:30:49 | 0:30:52 | |
-CLANK -Ow! | 0:30:52 | 0:30:53 | |
You bad bitch! | 0:30:53 | 0:30:56 | |
You dirty, lying bitch! | 0:30:56 | 0:30:57 | |
Can I help you? | 0:30:59 | 0:31:01 | |
Good evening to you, sir! | 0:31:03 | 0:31:05 | |
I'm finding myself in the vicinity. | 0:31:05 | 0:31:07 | |
I'm taking the opportunity to pay my compliments to Margaret. | 0:31:07 | 0:31:11 | |
-Margaret? -An old friend from way back. | 0:31:11 | 0:31:14 | |
You mean Miss Shepherd? | 0:31:14 | 0:31:16 | |
Shepherd, is it? Very good. | 0:31:16 | 0:31:18 | |
-Well, she'll be asleep. -Of course. | 0:31:18 | 0:31:21 | |
I'll bid you a goodnight, sir. | 0:31:21 | 0:31:23 | |
I'll call again when my schedule permits. | 0:31:23 | 0:31:26 | |
Thank you. | 0:31:47 | 0:31:49 | |
SNORING | 0:31:57 | 0:31:59 | |
ENGINE REVVING | 0:32:01 | 0:32:03 | |
MAN SCREAMS | 0:32:03 | 0:32:04 | |
CLATTERING | 0:32:04 | 0:32:06 | |
Are you in there? Rise and shine! | 0:32:07 | 0:32:09 | |
-Get out, you old witch! -What a smelly bitch! | 0:32:09 | 0:32:12 | |
Come on, darling! Come on! | 0:32:14 | 0:32:16 | |
WHOOPING | 0:32:20 | 0:32:22 | |
-Excuse me. Excuse me, lads. -Who the fuck are you? | 0:32:22 | 0:32:25 | |
Never mind who I am. I've got your number! | 0:32:25 | 0:32:28 | |
Just clear off! I live here, and I've got your number! | 0:32:28 | 0:32:30 | |
An old lady lives in there. Just sod off! | 0:32:30 | 0:32:33 | |
-Miss Shepherd? -KNOCKS ON DOOR | 0:32:35 | 0:32:37 | |
Miss Shepherd? | 0:32:39 | 0:32:41 | |
KNOCKS ON DOOR | 0:32:41 | 0:32:44 | |
Miss Shepherd, are you all right? | 0:32:44 | 0:32:46 | |
Yes. Yes, yes. I think so. | 0:32:46 | 0:32:49 | |
What was it about? It wasn't the police, was it? | 0:32:49 | 0:32:54 | |
No. They were louts, but if you choose to live like this, | 0:32:54 | 0:32:58 | |
it's what you must expect. | 0:32:58 | 0:32:59 | |
I didn't choose. I was chosen. | 0:33:01 | 0:33:06 | |
Well, that settles it. | 0:33:09 | 0:33:11 | |
Do you think? | 0:33:11 | 0:33:13 | |
I can't always be looking out for her. I'm not her keeper. | 0:33:13 | 0:33:16 | |
I mean, what happens to work? | 0:33:16 | 0:33:18 | |
-I think she should either go or... -Or what? | 0:33:20 | 0:33:23 | |
Or bring the van into the drive, where we can forget about her. | 0:33:26 | 0:33:30 | |
Actually, that's why some men marry. | 0:33:31 | 0:33:33 | |
So they don't have to think any more about their wives. | 0:33:33 | 0:33:36 | |
-That's not bad. -Yes, except it's Proust. | 0:33:36 | 0:33:38 | |
Oh, yes. | 0:33:38 | 0:33:40 | |
And it'll only be for a few months, until she decides where she's going. | 0:33:40 | 0:33:43 | |
It'll be easier, but it's not kindness. | 0:33:45 | 0:33:48 | |
No. | 0:33:48 | 0:33:49 | |
"Good nature, or what is often considered as such, | 0:33:49 | 0:33:53 | |
"is the most selfish of all virtues. | 0:33:53 | 0:33:55 | |
"It is nine times out of ten mere indolence of disposition." | 0:33:55 | 0:33:59 | |
That's not you? | 0:33:59 | 0:34:01 | |
Hazlitt. And it's will. Pure will. | 0:34:01 | 0:34:03 | |
She's known what she's wanted all along. | 0:34:03 | 0:34:07 | |
SHE CRIES SOFTLY | 0:34:11 | 0:34:13 | |
ENGINE REVVING MAN SCREAMS | 0:34:15 | 0:34:17 | |
The soul in question did confess, though in guarded terms | 0:34:34 | 0:34:40 | |
in Rome, in Holy Year, | 0:34:40 | 0:34:43 | |
though I'm not sure the priest understood English. | 0:34:43 | 0:34:46 | |
Do I look like a joy rider? | 0:34:47 | 0:34:50 | |
My child, | 0:34:52 | 0:34:54 | |
you have already been given absolution for this particular sin. | 0:34:54 | 0:34:58 | |
I have given you it myself on several occasions. | 0:34:59 | 0:35:04 | |
Have faith. Absolution is not like a bus pass. | 0:35:04 | 0:35:08 | |
It does not run out. | 0:35:08 | 0:35:11 | |
-HE EXHALES -Christ. | 0:35:22 | 0:35:24 | |
There's air freshener behind the Virgin. | 0:35:24 | 0:35:28 | |
I thought we'd finally got rid of her. | 0:35:34 | 0:35:38 | |
He's a saint. | 0:35:38 | 0:35:40 | |
-Ralph was the same. -Yes. -Some people are just kind. | 0:35:40 | 0:35:43 | |
-Kind? -This is London, Ursula. Nobody's kind. | 0:35:43 | 0:35:47 | |
Yeah, that's true. | 0:35:47 | 0:35:49 | |
And now the old cow's got a foot in the door. He's a fool. | 0:35:49 | 0:35:54 | |
-Who else would do it? -Yes. | 0:35:54 | 0:35:56 | |
We might. It's just the girls. | 0:35:56 | 0:36:00 | |
-Pauline. -I'm just an unemployed actor, and I don't know the lady, | 0:36:00 | 0:36:03 | |
but can I ask something? | 0:36:03 | 0:36:05 | |
-What makes her Alan's problem? -Quite. | 0:36:05 | 0:36:08 | |
Darling, she's a human being. | 0:36:08 | 0:36:12 | |
Only just. | 0:36:12 | 0:36:14 | |
Changing the subject. | 0:36:14 | 0:36:16 | |
When are we going to find Alan a girl? | 0:36:16 | 0:36:18 | |
SIGHS | 0:36:18 | 0:36:19 | |
Oh! Josephine's pregnant again. | 0:36:21 | 0:36:23 | |
Oh, no! Actually, I'm just trying to think who Josephine is. | 0:36:23 | 0:36:26 | |
-The hamster. -Jesus. -Here we are. -Ah! | 0:36:26 | 0:36:30 | |
We were just saying how grateful she'll be. | 0:36:30 | 0:36:34 | |
-ALL: -Yes. | 0:36:34 | 0:36:35 | |
Put the van in your drive? | 0:36:37 | 0:36:40 | |
That never occurred to me. | 0:36:40 | 0:36:43 | |
I don't know. I don't know. It might not be convenient. | 0:36:43 | 0:36:46 | |
No, I've thought it over. Believe me, Miss Shepherd, it's all right. | 0:36:46 | 0:36:49 | |
Just till you sort yourself out. | 0:36:49 | 0:36:52 | |
Well, not convenient for you! Convenient for me. | 0:36:52 | 0:36:56 | |
You're not doing me a favour, you know. I have got other fish to fry. | 0:36:56 | 0:36:59 | |
A man on the pavement told me | 0:36:59 | 0:37:02 | |
if I went south of the river, I'd be welcomed with open arms. | 0:37:02 | 0:37:06 | |
"I was about to do her a good turn, but, as ever, | 0:37:10 | 0:37:14 | |
"it was not without thoughts of strangulation. | 0:37:14 | 0:37:18 | |
"She would come into the garden, yes, | 0:37:19 | 0:37:22 | |
"but only as a favour to me." | 0:37:22 | 0:37:25 | |
That's it. | 0:37:45 | 0:37:46 | |
Have you put on the handbrake? | 0:38:07 | 0:38:09 | |
I am about to do so. | 0:38:09 | 0:38:11 | |
"Whereupon she applies the handbrake with such determination | 0:38:12 | 0:38:16 | |
"that, like Excalibur, it can never afterwards be released." | 0:38:16 | 0:38:20 | |
Are you all right? | 0:38:20 | 0:38:21 | |
"Now she is on the premises, | 0:38:22 | 0:38:24 | |
"I sometimes get a glimpse of Miss Shepherd praying, | 0:38:24 | 0:38:28 | |
"and it is seldom a tranquil or a meditative process..." | 0:38:28 | 0:38:31 | |
I hunger and thirst for the fulfilment... | 0:38:31 | 0:38:34 | |
"..the fervour of her intercessions rocking her to and fro." | 0:38:34 | 0:38:37 | |
..in possible light received. | 0:38:37 | 0:38:39 | |
"What is it she's wanting forgiveness for?" | 0:38:39 | 0:38:42 | |
MUTTERING | 0:38:42 | 0:38:43 | |
"I used to pray myself when I was young, but never like this. | 0:38:43 | 0:38:48 | |
"I'd never done anything, but what has she done?" | 0:38:49 | 0:38:54 | |
Who's the old bat? | 0:38:54 | 0:38:56 | |
Oh, she's, uh, a friend. | 0:38:56 | 0:38:58 | |
A friend? | 0:38:59 | 0:39:01 | |
Well, someone I know. | 0:39:01 | 0:39:03 | |
Weird. | 0:39:04 | 0:39:06 | |
Yeah, maybe. | 0:39:06 | 0:39:08 | |
Actually, I think I better be off. | 0:39:09 | 0:39:10 | |
You don't want to stay for coffee or anything? | 0:39:10 | 0:39:14 | |
No. | 0:39:14 | 0:39:15 | |
Bye. | 0:39:19 | 0:39:20 | |
Mr Bennett? | 0:39:31 | 0:39:33 | |
That young man, | 0:39:34 | 0:39:36 | |
-did he have an earring? -He did. | 0:39:36 | 0:39:38 | |
You want to be careful. | 0:39:40 | 0:39:42 | |
She'll be wanting to move in next. | 0:39:46 | 0:39:48 | |
"Said my mother, who's been in London on a state visit." | 0:39:48 | 0:39:52 | |
Why didn't you tell me she was in the drive? | 0:39:52 | 0:39:54 | |
I forgot. | 0:39:54 | 0:39:56 | |
I got a whiff of her when I first came. Whew. | 0:39:56 | 0:39:59 | |
Right nasty bad dishcloth smell. | 0:39:59 | 0:40:02 | |
Well, she's in the garden. | 0:40:03 | 0:40:05 | |
Next, it'll be the house. | 0:40:05 | 0:40:07 | |
What'll folks think? | 0:40:07 | 0:40:09 | |
This is London. Nobody thinks anything. | 0:40:09 | 0:40:12 | |
It's with her being a nun, not having got off. | 0:40:12 | 0:40:16 | |
They get thwarted. | 0:40:16 | 0:40:17 | |
An educated woman, and living like that. | 0:40:21 | 0:40:26 | |
Mind you, you're going down the same road. | 0:40:26 | 0:40:29 | |
Me? | 0:40:29 | 0:40:30 | |
No cloth on the table. | 0:40:30 | 0:40:32 | |
No holder for the toilet roll. | 0:40:32 | 0:40:35 | |
Given time, I could have this place spotless. | 0:40:35 | 0:40:38 | |
You've got a home. | 0:40:38 | 0:40:39 | |
You won't want to live here. | 0:40:42 | 0:40:45 | |
Where does she go to the lav? | 0:40:48 | 0:40:50 | |
Well, it's something to do with plastic bags. | 0:40:50 | 0:40:53 | |
What sort of plastic bags? | 0:40:53 | 0:40:55 | |
Stout ones, I hope. | 0:40:55 | 0:40:57 | |
-You've not met her. Do you want to? -Oh, no. | 0:40:57 | 0:41:01 | |
No. With her being educated, | 0:41:01 | 0:41:04 | |
-I wouldn't know what to say. -Oh. | 0:41:04 | 0:41:06 | |
-Oh, give us a kiss! -Oh. | 0:41:14 | 0:41:17 | |
-When will you be coming up next? -Soon. | 0:41:17 | 0:41:20 | |
The thing is... | 0:41:20 | 0:41:22 | |
..I keep seeing a car in the car park. | 0:41:23 | 0:41:26 | |
That's slightly to be expected, isn't it? | 0:41:26 | 0:41:28 | |
At night. Watching. | 0:41:28 | 0:41:31 | |
You taking your tablets? | 0:41:31 | 0:41:34 | |
When I remember. | 0:41:34 | 0:41:35 | |
She should be in a home. | 0:41:39 | 0:41:42 | |
-Where does she go to the lav? -I told you. | 0:41:42 | 0:41:44 | |
Looked after. | 0:41:44 | 0:41:46 | |
A place where they'd wash her and make her presentable. | 0:41:46 | 0:41:50 | |
I'm surprised they let her roam the streets. | 0:41:50 | 0:41:52 | |
"It's like a fairy story, a parable..." | 0:41:54 | 0:41:57 | |
Good morning. | 0:41:57 | 0:41:58 | |
"..in which the guilty is gulled into devising a sentence | 0:41:58 | 0:42:01 | |
-"for someone innocent..." -Hello. | 0:42:01 | 0:42:03 | |
"..only to find it is their own doom they have pronounced." | 0:42:03 | 0:42:06 | |
King's Cross, please. | 0:42:06 | 0:42:07 | |
"Because my mother is much closer to being put in a home..." | 0:42:07 | 0:42:09 | |
-Got your purse? -Yes. | 0:42:09 | 0:42:11 | |
"..than Miss Shepherd." | 0:42:11 | 0:42:13 | |
I do miss your dad. | 0:42:14 | 0:42:16 | |
Give me a kiss. | 0:42:16 | 0:42:18 | |
I asked our Gordon, | 0:42:20 | 0:42:22 | |
when he was a pilot, did he go behind the clouds? | 0:42:22 | 0:42:26 | |
-Did he? -I can't remember. | 0:42:26 | 0:42:28 | |
He's a love, though. I know that. | 0:42:30 | 0:42:34 | |
-Bye, Mam. -Bye. | 0:42:34 | 0:42:37 | |
Good afternoon. Does Jesus Christ dwell in this house? | 0:43:18 | 0:43:22 | |
No. Try the van. | 0:43:22 | 0:43:24 | |
Thanks. | 0:43:56 | 0:43:57 | |
NEWS PROGRAMME PLAYING ON TV | 0:43:57 | 0:43:59 | |
Clear off! | 0:44:01 | 0:44:03 | |
Mr Bennett? | 0:44:09 | 0:44:10 | |
These men who come late at night, | 0:44:12 | 0:44:14 | |
I know what they are. | 0:44:15 | 0:44:17 | |
Oh, Jesus. | 0:44:17 | 0:44:19 | |
They're communists. Else why would they come at night? | 0:44:19 | 0:44:22 | |
-WOMAN ON RADIO: -We constantly come back to the same point. | 0:44:24 | 0:44:27 | |
Argentina was the invader. | 0:44:27 | 0:44:30 | |
I like the new vehicle! | 0:44:30 | 0:44:32 | |
Not a mark on it. | 0:44:35 | 0:44:37 | |
Not a bloody scratch! | 0:44:41 | 0:44:42 | |
THUMPING SHE GASPS | 0:44:42 | 0:44:44 | |
What's your name now, Margaret? | 0:44:47 | 0:44:49 | |
My name's Mary! Go away! | 0:44:49 | 0:44:51 | |
Mary, is it now? Mary what? | 0:44:51 | 0:44:54 | |
Mary what? | 0:44:55 | 0:44:57 | |
THUMPING CONTINUES | 0:44:57 | 0:44:58 | |
-I'll call the police! -Call the police? | 0:44:58 | 0:45:01 | |
I don't think you will, you two-faced pisshole. | 0:45:01 | 0:45:05 | |
Cos calling the police is just what you didn't do. | 0:45:05 | 0:45:08 | |
Apropos of which, I think another contribution is due. | 0:45:08 | 0:45:11 | |
Can I help you? What's all this din? | 0:45:11 | 0:45:13 | |
No din, sir. | 0:45:14 | 0:45:16 | |
Margaret and I were just taking a stroll down memory lane. | 0:45:16 | 0:45:19 | |
No. Don't "Margaret" me. That name is buried to sin. | 0:45:19 | 0:45:24 | |
You came before. | 0:45:24 | 0:45:25 | |
Of course, this isn't THE van, is it? | 0:45:26 | 0:45:29 | |
She had another one. | 0:45:29 | 0:45:31 | |
Kind of you. | 0:45:31 | 0:45:32 | |
A homeless woman. | 0:45:33 | 0:45:34 | |
A thankless soul. | 0:45:36 | 0:45:38 | |
And not over-salubrious. | 0:45:38 | 0:45:40 | |
Goodbye, Margaret. | 0:45:40 | 0:45:42 | |
I thought you said your name was Mary. | 0:45:45 | 0:45:47 | |
-It is. -So why does he call you Margaret? | 0:45:47 | 0:45:49 | |
He's taken too much to drink on an empty stomach, possibly. | 0:45:50 | 0:45:55 | |
It is your name? Mary Shepherd? | 0:45:55 | 0:45:57 | |
Subject to the Roman Catholic Church in her rights to amendment. | 0:45:58 | 0:46:02 | |
"It's obviously not her name. | 0:46:08 | 0:46:10 | |
"But although years have passed | 0:46:10 | 0:46:12 | |
"since she drove her van into the garden, | 0:46:12 | 0:46:14 | |
"I'm still too polite to ask who she is, | 0:46:14 | 0:46:17 | |
"let alone what this fellow wants | 0:46:17 | 0:46:18 | |
"who materializes at regular intervals | 0:46:18 | 0:46:21 | |
"and comes braying on the side of the van. | 0:46:21 | 0:46:24 | |
"Music has something to do with it. | 0:46:25 | 0:46:28 | |
"But is it just the noise, or music itself?" | 0:46:28 | 0:46:32 | |
ORCHESTRAL MUSIC PLAYING LOUDLY | 0:46:32 | 0:46:34 | |
I can hear the music. | 0:46:43 | 0:46:46 | |
I can hear it! | 0:46:46 | 0:46:47 | |
Why must you play that? | 0:46:51 | 0:46:53 | |
I can hear it! | 0:46:53 | 0:46:56 | |
How can you dislike music? You used to play the piano. | 0:46:56 | 0:46:59 | |
How do you know that? | 0:46:59 | 0:47:00 | |
You told me. | 0:47:00 | 0:47:02 | |
I didn't say I didn't like it. I don't want to hear it, that's all! | 0:47:02 | 0:47:06 | |
Should she speak now? | 0:47:11 | 0:47:13 | |
Should she explain? | 0:47:13 | 0:47:15 | |
Well, she never lets on. Never explains. | 0:47:15 | 0:47:20 | |
Well, maybe she should. | 0:47:20 | 0:47:22 | |
Well, I... | 0:47:35 | 0:47:37 | |
..I was once left alone in a room in the convent. | 0:47:38 | 0:47:43 | |
They didn't leave novices alone normally. | 0:47:44 | 0:47:47 | |
And there was a piano there. | 0:47:49 | 0:47:51 | |
I tried it, and it was open. | 0:47:53 | 0:47:56 | |
It needed tuning. | 0:48:00 | 0:48:02 | |
Some of the notes were dead. | 0:48:03 | 0:48:05 | |
But it sounded more beautiful to me | 0:48:08 | 0:48:10 | |
than any of the pianos I'd ever played. | 0:48:10 | 0:48:13 | |
And then... | 0:48:31 | 0:48:32 | |
..suddenly, the mistress of the novices came in. | 0:48:34 | 0:48:37 | |
Crept in, possibly, cos I didn't hear her. She said... | 0:48:38 | 0:48:42 | |
It's God's will. | 0:48:42 | 0:48:43 | |
That was what God wanted. And that I'd been told before. | 0:48:43 | 0:48:47 | |
And don't argue. | 0:48:47 | 0:48:49 | |
I said, | 0:48:49 | 0:48:51 | |
couldn't I just play some hymns for us to sing to? | 0:48:51 | 0:48:55 | |
And she said that was arguing. | 0:48:55 | 0:48:59 | |
And I'd never make a nun if I argued. | 0:49:00 | 0:49:03 | |
"So, with painful symmetry, | 0:49:12 | 0:49:14 | |
"my mother ends up in a home in Weston-Super-Mare, | 0:49:14 | 0:49:18 | |
"while her derelict counterpart resides in my garden. | 0:49:18 | 0:49:22 | |
"Putting my mother in a home, I see as some sort of failure. | 0:49:23 | 0:49:28 | |
"And giving the other a home, that's a failure, too." | 0:49:28 | 0:49:33 | |
ENGINE SPUTTERING | 0:49:33 | 0:49:35 | |
Oh, Jesus. | 0:49:39 | 0:49:41 | |
She's got herself a three-wheeler. | 0:49:41 | 0:49:44 | |
Where will you park it? | 0:49:47 | 0:49:48 | |
In the residents' parking. | 0:49:48 | 0:49:50 | |
-You haven't got a permit. -Yeah, I have. Yes, I got one yesterday. | 0:49:50 | 0:49:53 | |
Well, you never told me. | 0:49:53 | 0:49:54 | |
Well, you'd only have raised objections if I had. | 0:49:54 | 0:49:56 | |
Have you insured it? | 0:49:56 | 0:49:58 | |
I don't need insuring. It's like the van, I'm insured in heaven. | 0:49:58 | 0:50:01 | |
So, who pays if you have an accident, the Pope? | 0:50:01 | 0:50:03 | |
-I shan't have an accident. -Well, what if you run into something? | 0:50:03 | 0:50:06 | |
I shan't run into anything. I'm an experienced driver. | 0:50:06 | 0:50:09 | |
I drove ambulances in the blackout. | 0:50:09 | 0:50:10 | |
Well, what if someone runs into you? | 0:50:10 | 0:50:13 | |
Miss Shepherd, what if someone runs into you? | 0:50:13 | 0:50:16 | |
You have no business saying that. | 0:50:16 | 0:50:18 | |
Why do you say that? No-one is going to run into me! | 0:50:18 | 0:50:20 | |
-Where's the key? -What key? -The car key. I put it down. | 0:50:21 | 0:50:24 | |
-Well, I haven't got it. -You have. You've taken it. -I have not. | 0:50:24 | 0:50:26 | |
You're lying! You don't want me to have the car, so you've taken | 0:50:26 | 0:50:29 | |
-the key. -Don't shout! -I have to shout because of your ignorance. | 0:50:29 | 0:50:32 | |
People coming and going all hours of the day and night. | 0:50:32 | 0:50:34 | |
I'd be better off in a ditch! Give me the key! | 0:50:34 | 0:50:37 | |
I haven't got your sodding key! What's that around your neck? | 0:50:37 | 0:50:40 | |
This is the key. The sodding key! | 0:50:40 | 0:50:42 | |
Having fun? | 0:50:42 | 0:50:43 | |
Shouldn't you say sorry? | 0:50:47 | 0:50:49 | |
I've no time for sorry. | 0:50:49 | 0:50:51 | |
Sorry is for God. | 0:50:51 | 0:50:52 | |
"This was the only time I ever touched her, | 0:50:54 | 0:50:57 | |
"and not because she was calling me a liar, | 0:50:57 | 0:51:00 | |
"but because she seemed mad. | 0:51:00 | 0:51:02 | |
"It was my mother." | 0:51:02 | 0:51:04 | |
It's always Mam you compare her with. They are not the same. | 0:51:09 | 0:51:12 | |
I don't like them even sharing the same sentence. | 0:51:12 | 0:51:15 | |
"These days, it's almost as if we're married. | 0:51:17 | 0:51:20 | |
"'How's your old lady?' They say. | 0:51:20 | 0:51:23 | |
"Which is what people call a wife. Your old lady." | 0:51:23 | 0:51:27 | |
How's your old lady? | 0:51:27 | 0:51:29 | |
Well, she's still there. I'm still here. | 0:51:29 | 0:51:32 | |
Your mother died, didn't she? | 0:51:32 | 0:51:34 | |
No, she's still here, too. | 0:51:34 | 0:51:36 | |
She's in a home. | 0:51:36 | 0:51:39 | |
Except she's not all there. She's not anywhere. | 0:51:39 | 0:51:43 | |
Shouldn't we make that plain in the play? | 0:51:43 | 0:51:45 | |
No. | 0:51:45 | 0:51:47 | |
It's classified information. | 0:51:47 | 0:51:49 | |
"Years ago, Mam wanted Miss Shepherd put in a home. | 0:51:49 | 0:51:52 | |
"But she's still on the loose. | 0:51:53 | 0:51:55 | |
"Of course, whether she's all there or not is anyone's guess." | 0:51:55 | 0:51:58 | |
Mr Bennett! | 0:51:58 | 0:51:59 | |
Mr Ben- you know, I don't like the three-wheeler | 0:52:00 | 0:52:04 | |
standing in the street. | 0:52:04 | 0:52:06 | |
You see, if you pushed the van in front of your window, | 0:52:06 | 0:52:09 | |
I could get the Reliant in there on the drive. | 0:52:09 | 0:52:12 | |
There's tonnes of room. | 0:52:12 | 0:52:13 | |
So, I have the van and the Reliant. | 0:52:13 | 0:52:16 | |
Yeah, I've had guidance that's where it should be. | 0:52:16 | 0:52:19 | |
You know, in terms of vandals. | 0:52:19 | 0:52:22 | |
Guidance from whom? | 0:52:22 | 0:52:24 | |
I'm not at liberty to speak. | 0:52:24 | 0:52:27 | |
I think I may contact my new social worker. | 0:52:27 | 0:52:30 | |
What for? You always say you don't want the social worker. | 0:52:30 | 0:52:32 | |
I've had guidance she might help. | 0:52:32 | 0:52:35 | |
I don't want a used car lot. | 0:52:35 | 0:52:37 | |
-Mary says... -Mary who? | 0:52:37 | 0:52:39 | |
Mary. Your Lady In The Van. | 0:52:40 | 0:52:43 | |
Didn't you know her name was Mary? | 0:52:44 | 0:52:47 | |
Well, I suppose I did. I always call her Miss Shepherd. | 0:52:47 | 0:52:49 | |
We all have names. | 0:52:49 | 0:52:51 | |
Perhaps if you called her by her name and she called you by yours. | 0:52:51 | 0:52:55 | |
Alan, Mary. You never know, it might be easier to talk things through. | 0:52:55 | 0:52:58 | |
Through? There is no through. | 0:52:58 | 0:53:00 | |
How do you talk things through with someone | 0:53:00 | 0:53:02 | |
who has conversations with the Virgin Mary? | 0:53:02 | 0:53:04 | |
You talk things through with Isaiah Berlin, maybe, | 0:53:04 | 0:53:07 | |
who, in comparison with Miss Shepherd, is a man of few words. | 0:53:07 | 0:53:09 | |
You do not talk things through with her because you don't get through. | 0:53:09 | 0:53:13 | |
Alan, I'm getting a bit of hostility here. | 0:53:13 | 0:53:16 | |
I realise for you this may be a steep learning curve. | 0:53:16 | 0:53:19 | |
No. It is not a steep learning curve. | 0:53:19 | 0:53:22 | |
I've never been on a so-called learning curve. | 0:53:22 | 0:53:25 | |
I'm about as likely to be found on a learning curve | 0:53:25 | 0:53:27 | |
as I am on the ski slopes at Zermatt. | 0:53:27 | 0:53:31 | |
And besides, her name isn't Mary. | 0:53:31 | 0:53:34 | |
-Oh? -Some people seem to think it's Margaret. | 0:53:36 | 0:53:39 | |
You know, it isn't even Shepherd. | 0:53:39 | 0:53:41 | |
Well, I have her down as Mary. | 0:53:42 | 0:53:45 | |
Yes, and you presumably have her down as a rational human being. | 0:53:45 | 0:53:49 | |
-FLIES BUZZING -Ugh. | 0:54:04 | 0:54:06 | |
Ugh. | 0:54:21 | 0:54:23 | |
-Hello! -Mummy! | 0:54:29 | 0:54:32 | |
CROWD APPLAUDING | 0:55:07 | 0:55:09 | |
PIANO PLAYING | 0:55:16 | 0:55:18 | |
Back in half an hour. | 0:56:34 | 0:56:36 | |
-HE SIGHS -Hello, Margaret. | 0:56:49 | 0:56:51 | |
'Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee. | 0:57:06 | 0:57:08 | |
'Blessed art thou among women and blessed is the fruit of thy womb.' | 0:57:08 | 0:57:12 | |
HORN HONKING | 0:57:15 | 0:57:16 | |
What are you doing there? Come on! | 0:57:16 | 0:57:19 | |
What's happened to Stirling Moss? | 0:57:19 | 0:57:21 | |
Haven't seen her at the wheel recently. | 0:57:21 | 0:57:23 | |
Taking a well-earned break, I imagine. The Dordogne, possibly. | 0:57:23 | 0:57:27 | |
-Really? -Pauline. | 0:57:27 | 0:57:29 | |
Her car's back. | 0:57:30 | 0:57:32 | |
But I haven't seen her around for a bit. I wonder if she's all right. | 0:57:32 | 0:57:36 | |
Am I right in thinking that large and many-contoured stain | 0:57:36 | 0:57:39 | |
at the back of her frock denotes incontinence? | 0:57:39 | 0:57:42 | |
I don't think it's a fashion statement. | 0:57:42 | 0:57:45 | |
Oh, darling. | 0:57:45 | 0:57:46 | |
What you must be hoping is that one of these days she'll just slip away. | 0:57:47 | 0:57:52 | |
Don't you believe it. That's what happens in plays. | 0:57:52 | 0:57:54 | |
In life, going downhill is an uphill job. | 0:57:54 | 0:57:57 | |
How's your mother? | 0:57:59 | 0:58:00 | |
Oh, same. Sits. Smiles. Sleeps. | 0:58:00 | 0:58:04 | |
Aww. | 0:58:07 | 0:58:08 | |
Are you all right? | 0:58:09 | 0:58:11 | |
Me? Yes, why? I'm just going to the theatre. | 0:58:12 | 0:58:15 | |
-Not upset about your play? -No. | 0:58:15 | 0:58:18 | |
I read a good review the other day. | 0:58:18 | 0:58:21 | |
-I was told they were all good. -Oh, they are, I'm sure. | 0:58:21 | 0:58:23 | |
We enjoyed it. | 0:58:23 | 0:58:24 | |
Though I hadn't realised it was just going to be you and nobody else. | 0:58:24 | 0:58:28 | |
Well, yes. It's a monologue. | 0:58:28 | 0:58:30 | |
Yes, I suppose. | 0:58:30 | 0:58:32 | |
I'm just amazed how you remember it all. | 0:58:32 | 0:58:34 | |
The review I read was particularly perceptive about you. | 0:58:34 | 0:58:37 | |
Really? Saying what? | 0:58:37 | 0:58:39 | |
Um, that you couldn't make your mind up. | 0:58:39 | 0:58:41 | |
-About what? -Anything, really. | 0:58:41 | 0:58:44 | |
It meant in a good way! | 0:58:44 | 0:58:46 | |
Thanks. | 0:58:46 | 0:58:48 | |
Actually, I couldn't make it out at all. What was it about? | 0:58:50 | 0:58:54 | |
Him, as usual. Not coming clean. | 0:58:54 | 0:58:56 | |
-What about? -What do you think? -Oh. | 0:58:56 | 0:59:00 | |
AUDIENCE LAUGHING | 0:59:00 | 0:59:02 | |
And when I came down again, | 0:59:02 | 0:59:04 | |
she's still sat there, hat and coat on. | 0:59:04 | 0:59:07 | |
She said, "Graham, my one aim in life is for you to be happy." | 0:59:07 | 0:59:12 | |
And execute 45. | 0:59:12 | 0:59:14 | |
"If I thought that by dying it would make you happy, I would." | 0:59:14 | 0:59:17 | |
-Go. -I said, "Mam", | 0:59:17 | 0:59:19 | |
"your dying wouldn't make me happy. In fact, the reverse. | 0:59:19 | 0:59:22 | |
"It would make me unhappy. Anyway, Mam, you're not going to die." | 0:59:22 | 0:59:26 | |
She said, "No, I'm not going to die. | 0:59:26 | 0:59:30 | |
"I'm going to get married. | 0:59:30 | 0:59:32 | |
-AUDIENCE LAUGHING -"The honeymoon is in Tenerife. | 0:59:32 | 0:59:35 | |
"Have one of your tablets." | 0:59:35 | 0:59:37 | |
AUDIENCE APPLAUDING | 0:59:37 | 0:59:39 | |
"So, for the umpteenth time, I biked back from the theatre, | 0:59:47 | 0:59:51 | |
"where I'd been talking about my mother. | 0:59:51 | 0:59:53 | |
"Well, at least I know where my mother is." | 0:59:54 | 0:59:57 | |
Miss Shepherd. KNOCKS ON WINDOW | 1:00:02 | 1:00:05 | |
Miss Shepherd? | 1:00:09 | 1:00:10 | |
I don't like it. | 1:00:15 | 1:00:18 | |
-So look in. -No! | 1:00:18 | 1:00:20 | |
-Are you scared? -No! | 1:00:20 | 1:00:22 | |
Not of the body. Scared this may be the end of the story, | 1:00:22 | 1:00:25 | |
and now I'm going to have to write it. | 1:00:25 | 1:00:27 | |
Still, now she's gone, | 1:00:29 | 1:00:30 | |
I can make it up. | 1:00:30 | 1:00:32 | |
Narrative freedom. Whoopee. | 1:00:32 | 1:00:35 | |
Miss Shepherd. | 1:00:38 | 1:00:40 | |
-Miss Shepherd? -Go on. | 1:00:42 | 1:00:44 | |
What are you doing looking at my things?! | 1:00:52 | 1:00:54 | |
I thought you might be ill, or dead. | 1:00:54 | 1:00:56 | |
-Dead? Me? -I was concerned! | 1:00:56 | 1:00:59 | |
You were nosy! | 1:00:59 | 1:01:00 | |
-I hadn't seen you. I'm sorry. -I'm not dead! | 1:01:00 | 1:01:02 | |
-You'll know when I'm dead. -I'm sorry. | 1:01:02 | 1:01:05 | |
Dead? Me? I shan't die in a hurry, I can tell you. | 1:01:05 | 1:01:08 | |
Dead?! | 1:01:08 | 1:01:10 | |
DOOR CLOSES | 1:01:10 | 1:01:11 | |
Don't make me laugh. | 1:01:11 | 1:01:13 | |
SCOFFS | 1:01:14 | 1:01:15 | |
"She didn't die then, and nor did my mother. | 1:01:15 | 1:01:19 | |
"But as the years passed, both of them were beginning to fade." | 1:01:19 | 1:01:23 | |
As you can appreciate, it's difficult to take a history. | 1:01:23 | 1:01:26 | |
But I'm right in thinking she hasn't been a smoker? | 1:01:26 | 1:01:28 | |
-No. -Not been a smoker, doesn't drink. | 1:01:28 | 1:01:31 | |
All things considered, a very healthy woman. | 1:01:32 | 1:01:35 | |
You think? | 1:01:35 | 1:01:37 | |
This is a woman who's broken her hip. | 1:01:46 | 1:01:49 | |
And of course, in someone younger and in better circumstances, | 1:01:49 | 1:01:52 | |
we'd give them antibiotics. | 1:01:52 | 1:01:54 | |
But at your mother's age, and in her state of mind, | 1:01:54 | 1:01:59 | |
one wonders if this is altogether kind. | 1:01:59 | 1:02:02 | |
And if you don't give her antibiotics, what will happen? | 1:02:03 | 1:02:06 | |
She may recover. | 1:02:06 | 1:02:08 | |
Or not. | 1:02:08 | 1:02:10 | |
She could just slip away. | 1:02:10 | 1:02:12 | |
You mustn't reproach yourself. | 1:02:14 | 1:02:16 | |
You've done...more than can be expected. | 1:02:17 | 1:02:21 | |
Thank you. | 1:02:28 | 1:02:30 | |
Oh. | 1:02:30 | 1:02:32 | |
Mr Bennett. | 1:02:32 | 1:02:34 | |
-Where have you been? -Seeing my mother. -Oh. How is she? | 1:02:34 | 1:02:38 | |
The same. She doesn't remember me now. | 1:02:39 | 1:02:41 | |
Well, I'm not surprised. She doesn't see you very often. | 1:02:41 | 1:02:44 | |
Will you write about me? | 1:02:44 | 1:02:46 | |
I don't know. | 1:02:48 | 1:02:49 | |
She never said this. | 1:02:49 | 1:02:51 | |
So? | 1:02:51 | 1:02:52 | |
MISS SHEPHERD CHUCKLES Oh, I've heard you. | 1:02:52 | 1:02:54 | |
On the wireless. | 1:02:54 | 1:02:56 | |
Does she know that? | 1:02:56 | 1:02:57 | |
Well, how can she? She doesn't know who she is. | 1:02:57 | 1:03:00 | |
Yeah, that's what you think. Using your mother. | 1:03:00 | 1:03:04 | |
You should be ashamed of yourself. | 1:03:04 | 1:03:07 | |
She didn't SAY this. | 1:03:07 | 1:03:09 | |
No. But why shouldn't she? | 1:03:09 | 1:03:12 | |
You write about her all the time, one way or another. | 1:03:12 | 1:03:16 | |
You use your mother. | 1:03:16 | 1:03:18 | |
That's what writers do. | 1:03:18 | 1:03:20 | |
Me next, I suppose. | 1:03:20 | 1:03:23 | |
Anyway, now you're here, I need some shopping done. | 1:03:23 | 1:03:28 | |
You ought to go yourself. You should try and walk more. | 1:03:28 | 1:03:31 | |
-I do walk. -I never see you. | 1:03:31 | 1:03:32 | |
Well, that's cos you're not around in the middle of the night. | 1:03:32 | 1:03:35 | |
I want some batteries. | 1:03:35 | 1:03:37 | |
And some sherbet lemons. | 1:03:37 | 1:03:38 | |
-Mr Bennett? -Yes? | 1:03:38 | 1:03:41 | |
Would you like to push me up the street? | 1:03:42 | 1:03:46 | |
Not particularly, no. | 1:03:47 | 1:03:49 | |
This'll do. Turn me round. Turn me round! | 1:04:06 | 1:04:09 | |
All right. | 1:04:09 | 1:04:11 | |
MISS SHEPHERD CHUCKLES | 1:04:11 | 1:04:12 | |
Whee! | 1:04:13 | 1:04:15 | |
LAUGHS | 1:04:15 | 1:04:17 | |
Careful! | 1:04:21 | 1:04:23 | |
MISS SHEPHERD COUGHS | 1:04:23 | 1:04:25 | |
MISS SHEPHERD COUGHS | 1:04:34 | 1:04:35 | |
CONTINUES COUGHING | 1:04:37 | 1:04:39 | |
Are you all right? | 1:04:39 | 1:04:41 | |
Yes, I...think so. | 1:04:41 | 1:04:45 | |
-Would you like me to make you a cup of coffee? -No. | 1:04:45 | 1:04:47 | |
No, I don't want you to go to all that trouble. | 1:04:47 | 1:04:50 | |
I'll just have half a cup. | 1:04:50 | 1:04:52 | |
Oh! | 1:04:57 | 1:05:00 | |
I have to go to Mass. | 1:05:00 | 1:05:01 | |
-Well, you're not fit. -Here. It's an anniversary | 1:05:01 | 1:05:05 | |
and a day of obligation. | 1:05:05 | 1:05:06 | |
Oh? Who for? A saint? | 1:05:06 | 1:05:08 | |
No. A young man. | 1:05:08 | 1:05:11 | |
Oh? Someone you loved? | 1:05:11 | 1:05:12 | |
No! Certainly not. Just someone I... | 1:05:12 | 1:05:14 | |
Someone who died. | 1:05:16 | 1:05:18 | |
He'd be in his 50s now. | 1:05:18 | 1:05:21 | |
-Was he a Catholic? -Possibly, possibly. | 1:05:21 | 1:05:24 | |
Only he's in purgatory. He needs my prayers. | 1:05:24 | 1:05:26 | |
-What was his name? -Oh, I never bother with names. | 1:05:26 | 1:05:30 | |
The body of Christ. | 1:05:32 | 1:05:34 | |
The body of Christ. | 1:05:40 | 1:05:41 | |
Yes? | 1:05:44 | 1:05:45 | |
I live down the street. | 1:05:45 | 1:05:47 | |
I've seen you. | 1:05:47 | 1:05:49 | |
It's you that has the van. | 1:05:53 | 1:05:54 | |
Yes. | 1:05:54 | 1:05:56 | |
Difficult woman. | 1:05:56 | 1:05:58 | |
A Catholic. | 1:05:58 | 1:05:59 | |
One of the sisters remembers her. | 1:06:00 | 1:06:02 | |
I've been told she was very argumentative. | 1:06:04 | 1:06:06 | |
Is that why she was made to leave? | 1:06:06 | 1:06:08 | |
Disputatious, she was. | 1:06:08 | 1:06:11 | |
I've had her pointed out to me on that account, | 1:06:11 | 1:06:13 | |
hankering after the piano. She always thought she was right. | 1:06:13 | 1:06:16 | |
She wasn't right. God is right. End of story. | 1:06:16 | 1:06:18 | |
Anyway, what do you want to know for? | 1:06:18 | 1:06:21 | |
-She's ill. -Who? | 1:06:21 | 1:06:23 | |
The woman? | 1:06:23 | 1:06:24 | |
I wondered if there was a nun available who could talk to her, | 1:06:24 | 1:06:26 | |
-do her some shopping. -We don't have shopping nuns. | 1:06:26 | 1:06:30 | |
It's a strict order. | 1:06:30 | 1:06:32 | |
I've seen them shopping. | 1:06:32 | 1:06:33 | |
I saw one yesterday in Marks & Spencer. She was buying meringues. | 1:06:33 | 1:06:36 | |
The Bishop may have been coming. | 1:06:37 | 1:06:39 | |
What, does he like meringues? | 1:06:39 | 1:06:41 | |
Who are you, coming round, | 1:06:41 | 1:06:43 | |
asking if the Bishop likes meringues? | 1:06:43 | 1:06:45 | |
Are you a communist? | 1:06:45 | 1:06:47 | |
She's ill, she's a Catholic, and I think she might be dying. | 1:06:47 | 1:06:51 | |
Well, they can pray for her, only you'll have to fill in a form. | 1:06:51 | 1:06:53 | |
She'll probably pull her socks up once your back is turned. | 1:06:53 | 1:06:56 | |
That's been my experience where invalids are concerned. | 1:06:56 | 1:06:59 | |
This way out! | 1:07:01 | 1:07:02 | |
I don't want you bumping into the sisters. | 1:07:03 | 1:07:05 | |
Oh! | 1:07:13 | 1:07:14 | |
Another parcel on the path. | 1:07:27 | 1:07:29 | |
If... WHEN I write about all this, | 1:07:29 | 1:07:33 | |
people will say there's too much about shit. | 1:07:33 | 1:07:36 | |
"But there was a lot about shit. Shit was in the forefront. | 1:07:37 | 1:07:41 | |
"Caring, which is not a word I like, | 1:07:41 | 1:07:44 | |
"caring is about shit." | 1:07:44 | 1:07:46 | |
INDISTINCT CONVERSATION | 1:07:48 | 1:07:51 | |
-MISS BRISCOE: -I've talked to Mary. -BENNETT: -Or Margaret. | 1:08:03 | 1:08:05 | |
Or Margaret. Miss Shepherd, anyway. | 1:08:05 | 1:08:08 | |
She tells me you don't encourage her | 1:08:08 | 1:08:10 | |
to get out and lead a more purposeful life, | 1:08:10 | 1:08:12 | |
and put obstacles in her way. | 1:08:12 | 1:08:13 | |
I don't encourage her to think she can become prime minister. | 1:08:13 | 1:08:16 | |
I do encourage her to try and get to the supermarket. | 1:08:16 | 1:08:18 | |
-Yes. A carer will often feel that... -Excuse me, may I stop you? | 1:08:18 | 1:08:23 | |
Do not call me the carer. I am not the carer. | 1:08:23 | 1:08:26 | |
I hate caring. I hate the thought. I hate the word. | 1:08:26 | 1:08:29 | |
I do not care, and I do not care for. | 1:08:29 | 1:08:31 | |
I am here, she is there. There is no caring. | 1:08:31 | 1:08:34 | |
Alan, I'm sensing hostility again. | 1:08:34 | 1:08:39 | |
You see, I'm wondering, whether having cared for Mary, | 1:08:40 | 1:08:44 | |
as it were, single-handed for all these years, | 1:08:44 | 1:08:47 | |
you don't understandably resent it when the professionals lend a hand. | 1:08:47 | 1:08:50 | |
No, though I resent it when the professionals | 1:08:50 | 1:08:52 | |
turn up every three months or so and try to tell me what this woman, | 1:08:52 | 1:08:56 | |
whom I have coped with on a daily basis for the past 15 years, | 1:08:56 | 1:08:58 | |
is like. | 1:08:58 | 1:09:00 | |
What is she like? | 1:09:00 | 1:09:02 | |
Mary, as you call her, | 1:09:02 | 1:09:04 | |
is a bigoted, blinkered, cantankerous, devious, | 1:09:04 | 1:09:07 | |
unforgiving, self-serving, rank, rude, car-mad cow. | 1:09:07 | 1:09:12 | |
Which is to say nothing of her flying faeces | 1:09:12 | 1:09:14 | |
and her ability to extrude from her withered buttocks | 1:09:14 | 1:09:17 | |
turds of such force that they land a yard from the back of the van | 1:09:17 | 1:09:20 | |
and their presumed point of exit. | 1:09:20 | 1:09:22 | |
Though, of course, you didn't say any of that. | 1:09:23 | 1:09:26 | |
People will think it's because you're too nice. | 1:09:30 | 1:09:33 | |
It's actually because you're too timid. | 1:09:33 | 1:09:35 | |
Yes. Though this being England, timid is good, too. | 1:09:35 | 1:09:38 | |
Well, this has been very helpful. | 1:09:40 | 1:09:43 | |
I'll see about getting her a doctor. | 1:09:43 | 1:09:45 | |
Is it a man doctor? | 1:09:47 | 1:09:49 | |
Yes. | 1:09:49 | 1:09:51 | |
I... | 1:09:51 | 1:09:53 | |
-I don't want a man doctor. Don't they have a woman? -Sorry. | 1:09:53 | 1:09:59 | |
Miss Shepherd, I only want to take your pulse. | 1:09:59 | 1:10:02 | |
-Which hand? Do you have a preference? -No. | 1:10:02 | 1:10:06 | |
Ah. | 1:10:09 | 1:10:10 | |
It's normally cleaner than that. | 1:10:11 | 1:10:13 | |
Miss Shepherd, I'd like to take you into hospital for a day or so, | 1:10:16 | 1:10:19 | |
just to run some tests. | 1:10:19 | 1:10:21 | |
No, I've always had great faith in onions. | 1:10:21 | 1:10:23 | |
Yes. | 1:10:23 | 1:10:25 | |
But onions can only take you so far, medically speaking. | 1:10:25 | 1:10:29 | |
She won't go to hospital. | 1:10:33 | 1:10:35 | |
-MISS BRISCOE: -'How do you know?' -Ask her. | 1:10:35 | 1:10:38 | |
'Would she go to the day centre? She could be looked at there. | 1:10:38 | 1:10:41 | |
'And she could stay for a few days.' | 1:10:41 | 1:10:43 | |
She won't go to the day centre. | 1:10:43 | 1:10:45 | |
'Are you sure?' | 1:10:45 | 1:10:47 | |
Have you asked her? | 1:10:47 | 1:10:49 | |
She will not go to the day centre. I know. | 1:10:49 | 1:10:52 | |
MISS SHEPHERD: Of course I'll go. | 1:10:52 | 1:10:54 | |
They won't make me stay in? | 1:10:55 | 1:10:57 | |
No, they're going to give you a bath and put you in some clean clothes | 1:10:57 | 1:11:00 | |
-and do some tests. -Will they leave me to it? | 1:11:00 | 1:11:03 | |
-Where? -In the bath. | 1:11:03 | 1:11:05 | |
I know how to bath myself. I've won awards for that. | 1:11:05 | 1:11:09 | |
Yes, I remember. | 1:11:09 | 1:11:11 | |
-Mr Bennett. -Yes? | 1:11:11 | 1:11:12 | |
It won't look as if I'm being taken away, will it? | 1:11:12 | 1:11:16 | |
Taken away where? | 1:11:16 | 1:11:17 | |
Where they take people because...they're not right. | 1:11:17 | 1:11:22 | |
Do they do that still? | 1:11:22 | 1:11:23 | |
Well, sometimes, but you need a lot of signatures. | 1:11:23 | 1:11:25 | |
But they pretend things to get you there, sometimes. | 1:11:25 | 1:11:28 | |
That's the danger with next of kin. It's one of their tricks. | 1:11:28 | 1:11:32 | |
They might be pretending it's a day centre. | 1:11:34 | 1:11:36 | |
-No! -Well, I... | 1:11:36 | 1:11:38 | |
I've been had like that once before. | 1:11:38 | 1:11:40 | |
Alan. | 1:11:40 | 1:11:41 | |
Miss Shepherd. | 1:11:45 | 1:11:47 | |
Now, I'm a bit behindhand with things, | 1:11:47 | 1:11:50 | |
so there may be a bit of a... | 1:11:50 | 1:11:51 | |
-Put your arm around my neck. -Oh! | 1:11:51 | 1:11:54 | |
There we go. | 1:11:55 | 1:11:57 | |
I've not gone in for this kind of thing much. | 1:11:57 | 1:12:00 | |
"I note how, with none of my own distaste, | 1:12:00 | 1:12:03 | |
"the ambulance driver does not hesitate to touch Miss Shepherd | 1:12:03 | 1:12:07 | |
"and even puts his arm around her as he lowers her into the chair." | 1:12:07 | 1:12:10 | |
There we are. | 1:12:12 | 1:12:13 | |
"I note, too, his careful rearrangement | 1:12:13 | 1:12:16 | |
"of her greasy clothing - | 1:12:16 | 1:12:18 | |
"pulling the skirt down over her knees | 1:12:18 | 1:12:20 | |
"in the interest of modesty." | 1:12:20 | 1:12:23 | |
I'm coming back, you know. | 1:12:26 | 1:12:28 | |
This isn't a toe-in-the-water job. | 1:12:28 | 1:12:30 | |
Is there anything you'd like us to take and have us wash? | 1:12:30 | 1:12:33 | |
Well, why? Most of my things are clean. | 1:12:33 | 1:12:37 | |
Not ill, your friend? | 1:12:37 | 1:12:39 | |
-No. -Not going? | 1:12:39 | 1:12:41 | |
-Only to the day centre, apparently. -Oh. | 1:12:41 | 1:12:44 | |
The children always ask after her. | 1:12:44 | 1:12:46 | |
They used to be so frightened of her when they were young. | 1:12:46 | 1:12:50 | |
One's in Washington now. The World Bank. | 1:12:50 | 1:12:53 | |
How long has it been? Ten years? | 1:12:53 | 1:12:57 | |
-More like 15. -A lifetime. | 1:12:57 | 1:12:59 | |
Mr Bennett. Mr Bennett. | 1:12:59 | 1:13:01 | |
That social worker wanted to know my next of kin. | 1:13:04 | 1:13:08 | |
I don't want my next of kin broadcast, | 1:13:08 | 1:13:11 | |
so I said I didn't have any. | 1:13:11 | 1:13:12 | |
Only, they're in this envelope. | 1:13:12 | 1:13:14 | |
And you keep it under your hat. | 1:13:15 | 1:13:17 | |
Do you know, I was an ambulance driver myself once. | 1:13:17 | 1:13:22 | |
During the war. | 1:13:22 | 1:13:24 | |
I knew Kensington in the blackout. | 1:13:24 | 1:13:27 | |
-Oh, really? -Mmm. | 1:13:27 | 1:13:29 | |
"The chair goes up on a lift. | 1:13:33 | 1:13:35 | |
"And in this small ascension, | 1:13:35 | 1:13:37 | |
"when she slowly rises above the level of the garden wall, | 1:13:37 | 1:13:41 | |
"there is a vagabond nobility about her. | 1:13:41 | 1:13:44 | |
"A derelict Nobel Prize winner, she looks, | 1:13:44 | 1:13:48 | |
"her grimy face set in a kind of resigned satisfaction." | 1:13:48 | 1:13:52 | |
Could we do that again? I'd like another go. | 1:13:52 | 1:13:56 | |
When you come back. | 1:13:56 | 1:13:58 | |
Ooh. | 1:13:58 | 1:13:59 | |
Here we go. | 1:14:24 | 1:14:26 | |
You smell lovely. | 1:14:36 | 1:14:38 | |
-You OK? -Yes. -Good. | 1:14:38 | 1:14:41 | |
There. Your MOT. | 1:14:46 | 1:14:49 | |
There you go. | 1:14:58 | 1:15:00 | |
Hello, Margaret. | 1:15:03 | 1:15:06 | |
14 years? You must be a saint. | 1:15:26 | 1:15:31 | |
She's a difficult woman, my sister. | 1:15:31 | 1:15:33 | |
Edith won't have her in the house. | 1:15:33 | 1:15:35 | |
I used to help her out when I could. | 1:15:35 | 1:15:38 | |
It's what Mother would have wanted. | 1:15:38 | 1:15:40 | |
I'm not a saint - just lazy. | 1:15:40 | 1:15:43 | |
-I know she was an ambulance driver. -Yes. | 1:15:43 | 1:15:45 | |
And she was a nun. Twice over. | 1:15:45 | 1:15:47 | |
-Till they got rid of her. -HE CHUCKLES | 1:15:47 | 1:15:50 | |
Tipped her over the edge. | 1:15:50 | 1:15:52 | |
She spent some time in an asylum. | 1:15:54 | 1:15:56 | |
Banstead. | 1:15:57 | 1:15:59 | |
Which was my fault. | 1:16:01 | 1:16:02 | |
No. | 1:16:02 | 1:16:04 | |
Mind you, she's a difficult woman. | 1:16:04 | 1:16:05 | |
Such a bully. | 1:16:05 | 1:16:07 | |
Did she bully you? She bullies me. | 1:16:07 | 1:16:10 | |
Well, I had her put away. | 1:16:10 | 1:16:12 | |
Incarcerated. | 1:16:12 | 1:16:14 | |
"Sectioned" is what you'd call it today. | 1:16:15 | 1:16:18 | |
-Mind you, she got away from them, too. -Oh! | 1:16:18 | 1:16:20 | |
-Gave them the slip, ended up in the van. -Oh... | 1:16:20 | 1:16:24 | |
Does she still play? | 1:16:24 | 1:16:26 | |
Piano? | 1:16:26 | 1:16:27 | |
No. | 1:16:27 | 1:16:30 | |
Oh. | 1:16:30 | 1:16:31 | |
That is sad. | 1:16:32 | 1:16:33 | |
Have you heard of Cortot? | 1:16:35 | 1:16:37 | |
Alfred Cortot, the virtuoso pianist? | 1:16:37 | 1:16:40 | |
Yes. | 1:16:42 | 1:16:43 | |
Margaret was his pupil. | 1:16:43 | 1:16:46 | |
Yeah, she had to go over to Paris for lessons. | 1:16:46 | 1:16:50 | |
It wasn't easy in those days. | 1:16:50 | 1:16:52 | |
And practice. Oh, my word, she used to practise all day long. | 1:16:52 | 1:16:56 | |
Well, the nuns put a stop to that. | 1:16:56 | 1:16:59 | |
Test of obedience. | 1:16:59 | 1:17:02 | |
I was a vet in Africa, and when I came back, the music was out. | 1:17:03 | 1:17:08 | |
Finished. | 1:17:08 | 1:17:09 | |
Practising had become praying. | 1:17:12 | 1:17:15 | |
Hmm. | 1:17:17 | 1:17:19 | |
PIANO PLAYING | 1:17:25 | 1:17:26 | |
Played at the Proms once. | 1:17:26 | 1:17:28 | |
BREATH TREMBLES | 1:18:45 | 1:18:47 | |
SHE PLAYS HALTINGLY | 1:19:29 | 1:19:32 | |
SHE PLAYS INCREASINGLY SMOOTHLY: Piano Concerto No 1 by Chopin | 1:19:40 | 1:19:43 | |
SHE RESTARTS THE PIECE | 1:19:56 | 1:19:58 | |
SHE STOPS | 1:20:03 | 1:20:05 | |
SHE PLAYS FLUIDLY | 1:20:17 | 1:20:20 | |
SHE CONTINUES PLAYING | 1:21:45 | 1:21:48 | |
Miss Shepherd? | 1:21:50 | 1:21:52 | |
KNOCKING ON WINDOW | 1:21:57 | 1:21:59 | |
Miss Shepherd? | 1:21:59 | 1:22:01 | |
VAN DOOR OPENS | 1:22:01 | 1:22:03 | |
I just tried to visit you. | 1:22:08 | 1:22:10 | |
I wasn't stopping there. | 1:22:14 | 1:22:16 | |
A woman said my face rang a bell. Was I ever in Banstead? | 1:22:16 | 1:22:21 | |
And she would not stop. | 1:22:21 | 1:22:23 | |
They gave me some mince and she said, | 1:22:23 | 1:22:26 | |
"You'll find the mince here | 1:22:26 | 1:22:27 | |
"a step up from the mince in Banstead." | 1:22:27 | 1:22:29 | |
I don't know about the... | 1:22:29 | 1:22:31 | |
The mince in Banstead, or anywhere else, for that matter. | 1:22:31 | 1:22:35 | |
That's where they put people when they're not right. | 1:22:35 | 1:22:38 | |
Well, you look nice and clean. | 1:22:38 | 1:22:40 | |
Yeah, well, that'll be the bath. | 1:22:40 | 1:22:43 | |
They let me do it myself. | 1:22:43 | 1:22:45 | |
The nurse came and gave me some finishing touches. | 1:22:45 | 1:22:49 | |
She said I'd come up a treat. | 1:22:49 | 1:22:51 | |
I bought you these. | 1:22:54 | 1:22:56 | |
Flowers? | 1:22:56 | 1:22:58 | |
What do I want with flowers? | 1:22:58 | 1:23:01 | |
They... They only die. | 1:23:01 | 1:23:03 | |
I've got enough on my plate without flowers. | 1:23:03 | 1:23:07 | |
Well, you won't often have been given flowers. | 1:23:08 | 1:23:10 | |
Who says? | 1:23:12 | 1:23:14 | |
I've had bigger flowers than these. | 1:23:17 | 1:23:21 | |
And with ribbons on. | 1:23:21 | 1:23:24 | |
These don't compare. | 1:23:24 | 1:23:26 | |
Music. | 1:23:30 | 1:23:31 | |
How...? | 1:23:35 | 1:23:37 | |
How are people supposed to avoid it? | 1:23:37 | 1:23:40 | |
You see, I had it at my fingertips. | 1:23:42 | 1:23:46 | |
I had it in my bones. | 1:23:47 | 1:23:50 | |
I could play in the dark. | 1:23:53 | 1:23:55 | |
Had to, sometimes. | 1:23:57 | 1:23:58 | |
And the keys were... | 1:24:00 | 1:24:01 | |
..like rooms. | 1:24:03 | 1:24:05 | |
C major and D minor. | 1:24:06 | 1:24:11 | |
Dark rooms and light rooms. | 1:24:11 | 1:24:15 | |
It's like a mansion to me, music. | 1:24:17 | 1:24:22 | |
Only it worried me | 1:24:25 | 1:24:27 | |
that playing came easier than praying. | 1:24:27 | 1:24:32 | |
And I... | 1:24:32 | 1:24:34 | |
I said this, which may have been an error. | 1:24:34 | 1:24:37 | |
Said it to whom? | 1:24:40 | 1:24:41 | |
My confessor. | 1:24:45 | 1:24:46 | |
He said... | 1:24:48 | 1:24:50 | |
that was another vent the devil could creep through. | 1:24:50 | 1:24:54 | |
So he outlawed the piano. | 1:24:56 | 1:24:59 | |
Put paid to music generally. | 1:24:59 | 1:25:01 | |
Said...dividends would accrue | 1:25:02 | 1:25:05 | |
in terms of growth of the spirit. | 1:25:05 | 1:25:10 | |
Which they did... | 1:25:12 | 1:25:14 | |
They did. | 1:25:16 | 1:25:17 | |
How's your mother? | 1:25:27 | 1:25:29 | |
Oh. The same. | 1:25:30 | 1:25:32 | |
Still in the coma? | 1:25:32 | 1:25:34 | |
No. | 1:25:34 | 1:25:36 | |
She's just getting a bit of shut-eye. | 1:25:37 | 1:25:39 | |
People do. | 1:25:39 | 1:25:40 | |
-Well, goodnight. -Mr Bennett? | 1:25:43 | 1:25:46 | |
Would you hold my hand? | 1:25:50 | 1:25:52 | |
It's clean. | 1:25:54 | 1:25:55 | |
"So much of what this woman's life had been, | 1:26:26 | 1:26:30 | |
"I found out only after her death. | 1:26:30 | 1:26:33 | |
"So, to tell her story, I have occasionally had to invent, | 1:26:33 | 1:26:36 | |
"though much of it one could not make up. | 1:26:36 | 1:26:39 | |
"And I do not make it up when | 1:26:39 | 1:26:42 | |
"I say that it was on the morning after this talk, | 1:26:42 | 1:26:45 | |
"when she lay in the van with her hair washed, | 1:26:45 | 1:26:47 | |
"that on that same morning | 1:26:47 | 1:26:49 | |
-"comes the social worker into the garden..." -Mary! | 1:26:49 | 1:26:51 | |
"..bearing clean clothes, linen and ointment | 1:26:51 | 1:26:54 | |
-"and knocks on the door of the van." -Mary? | 1:26:54 | 1:26:57 | |
"It is a van no longer. | 1:27:31 | 1:27:33 | |
"It is a sepulchre." | 1:27:33 | 1:27:35 | |
Can I use your phone? | 1:27:38 | 1:27:39 | |
Yes. Yes, of course. | 1:27:39 | 1:27:41 | |
"Even now, I do not venture into this evil-smelling tomb. | 1:27:51 | 1:27:55 | |
"But I feel cheated that the discovery of the body | 1:27:55 | 1:27:59 | |
"has not actually been mine | 1:27:59 | 1:28:01 | |
"and that having observed so much for so long, | 1:28:01 | 1:28:04 | |
"I am not the first to witness her death. | 1:28:04 | 1:28:07 | |
"Now, in quick succession, | 1:28:08 | 1:28:10 | |
"come the doctor, the priest, and men from the undertaker's, | 1:28:10 | 1:28:14 | |
"all of whom do what no-one else has done for 20 years. | 1:28:14 | 1:28:19 | |
"Namely, without pause and seemingly without distaste, | 1:28:19 | 1:28:25 | |
"step inside the van." | 1:28:25 | 1:28:27 | |
Lord grant her everlasting rest | 1:28:29 | 1:28:33 | |
and let perpetual light shine upon her. | 1:28:33 | 1:28:37 | |
Present her to God the Most High. | 1:28:37 | 1:28:40 | |
She's gone, then, the lady. | 1:28:47 | 1:28:49 | |
He'll know. She'll have told him. | 1:28:51 | 1:28:54 | |
Only they got to keep mum, vicars. | 1:28:55 | 1:28:57 | |
No helping the police with their enquiries. | 1:28:57 | 1:29:00 | |
Did you know she was on the run? | 1:29:02 | 1:29:03 | |
Miss Shepherd?! | 1:29:03 | 1:29:05 | |
Miss Whatever-you-call-her, yeah. | 1:29:05 | 1:29:07 | |
Stationary at a junction, | 1:29:07 | 1:29:10 | |
a young lad on a motorbike comes round a corner too fast... | 1:29:10 | 1:29:13 | |
CRASH | 1:29:13 | 1:29:14 | |
..and smashes into her vehicle. | 1:29:14 | 1:29:16 | |
Not her fault. | 1:29:16 | 1:29:18 | |
Only here's a dead boy on the road who she thinks she's killed. | 1:29:18 | 1:29:22 | |
Does she call the police? Flag down a fellow motorist? | 1:29:23 | 1:29:26 | |
Oh, no. She clears off pronto, | 1:29:26 | 1:29:28 | |
thereby putting herself on the wrong side of the law. | 1:29:28 | 1:29:32 | |
So you blackmailed her. | 1:29:32 | 1:29:34 | |
I'm a policeman, Mr Bennett. | 1:29:34 | 1:29:36 | |
Retired, of course. We don't do things like that. | 1:29:37 | 1:29:40 | |
Well, it's a cut above her previous vehicle. | 1:29:50 | 1:29:52 | |
"All those years, stood on my doorstep, | 1:29:54 | 1:29:57 | |
"she was outside the law. | 1:29:57 | 1:29:59 | |
'A life - this is what I keep thinking - | 1:30:01 | 1:30:04 | |
"a life beside which mine is just dull. | 1:30:04 | 1:30:08 | |
"Left to my own thoughts at the graveside, | 1:30:17 | 1:30:20 | |
"one of the undertaker's men takes the eye. | 1:30:20 | 1:30:23 | |
"Not an occupation one drifts into, I imagine, undertaking." | 1:30:23 | 1:30:27 | |
Mr Bennett. Excuse me. | 1:30:27 | 1:30:30 | |
I'm supposed to be the centrepiece here. | 1:30:30 | 1:30:33 | |
"But I'm forgetting that the dead know everything." | 1:30:33 | 1:30:36 | |
You should be fighting back the tears, | 1:30:36 | 1:30:39 | |
not eyeing up the talent. | 1:30:39 | 1:30:41 | |
Well, it's a thought. She's dead now. | 1:30:43 | 1:30:45 | |
I can do what I want with her. | 1:30:45 | 1:30:46 | |
Yes, you can. I'm dead. Feel free! | 1:30:46 | 1:30:49 | |
Oh, hello. | 1:30:49 | 1:30:51 | |
There are two of you now. Is that because you're in two minds? | 1:30:51 | 1:30:55 | |
-Yes. -No! | 1:30:55 | 1:30:56 | |
Where are you going, Miss Shepherd? | 1:30:56 | 1:30:58 | |
I was wondering, would either of you object | 1:30:58 | 1:31:01 | |
if the van became a place of pilgrimage? | 1:31:01 | 1:31:03 | |
-No. -I'm getting rid of the van. The van is going. | 1:31:03 | 1:31:06 | |
Healing could take place, and any proceeds could go towards the nuns. | 1:31:06 | 1:31:10 | |
The nuns? What did the nuns ever do for you? | 1:31:10 | 1:31:11 | |
Well, not much, but when the donations start rolling in | 1:31:11 | 1:31:14 | |
they'll realise what a catch I would have been. | 1:31:14 | 1:31:17 | |
It was the same with St Bernadette. | 1:31:17 | 1:31:19 | |
They didn't realise with her until it was too late. | 1:31:19 | 1:31:22 | |
This way! | 1:31:24 | 1:31:25 | |
There's someone I want you to meet. | 1:31:25 | 1:31:27 | |
That's something you could do. | 1:31:28 | 1:31:30 | |
This thing you're trying to write, well, you could pump it up a bit. | 1:31:30 | 1:31:35 | |
If it were on the lines of The Song of Bernadette, | 1:31:35 | 1:31:38 | |
it would make you a packet. | 1:31:38 | 1:31:40 | |
I mean, why? Why do you just let me die? | 1:31:40 | 1:31:43 | |
I'd like to go up into heaven. | 1:31:43 | 1:31:46 | |
An ascension, possibly. | 1:31:46 | 1:31:49 | |
A transfiguration. | 1:31:49 | 1:31:51 | |
-That's not really my kind of thing. -Oh, there you are. | 1:31:51 | 1:31:55 | |
-This is my new friend. -Hello. -Hello. | 1:31:55 | 1:31:58 | |
It's the young man who crashed into the van. | 1:31:58 | 1:32:00 | |
Hi. | 1:32:00 | 1:32:01 | |
I thought it was me that killed him. | 1:32:01 | 1:32:03 | |
Turns out it was his own fault! | 1:32:03 | 1:32:05 | |
So, one way and another, we've got heaps to talk about. | 1:32:05 | 1:32:09 | |
BELL TOLLS Goodbye. | 1:32:09 | 1:32:11 | |
-Mr Bennett? -Yes? | 1:32:12 | 1:32:15 | |
I came into your drive for three months... | 1:32:15 | 1:32:18 | |
SHE CHUCKLES | 1:32:18 | 1:32:19 | |
..and I stayed for 15 years! | 1:32:19 | 1:32:23 | |
-Mr Bennett? BOTH: -Yes? | 1:32:23 | 1:32:26 | |
-Do you know what that is? BOTH: -No. | 1:32:26 | 1:32:29 | |
It's the last laugh! | 1:32:29 | 1:32:32 | |
SHE CACKLES | 1:32:32 | 1:32:34 | |
Well, she wanted an ascension. | 1:32:38 | 1:32:41 | |
Let's answer her prayers. | 1:32:43 | 1:32:45 | |
Stand by, Miss Mary Teresa Shepherd, | 1:32:47 | 1:32:50 | |
late of 23 Gloucester Crescent. | 1:32:50 | 1:32:53 | |
Up you go! | 1:32:56 | 1:32:58 | |
"Starting out as someone incidental to my life, | 1:33:12 | 1:33:15 | |
"she remained on the edge of it so long, | 1:33:15 | 1:33:18 | |
"she became not incidental to it at all. | 1:33:18 | 1:33:22 | |
"As home-bound sons and daughters looking after their parents | 1:33:22 | 1:33:26 | |
"think of it as just marking time before their lives start, | 1:33:26 | 1:33:30 | |
"so, like them, I learned there is no such thing as marking time, | 1:33:30 | 1:33:36 | |
"and that time marks you. | 1:33:36 | 1:33:39 | |
"In accommodating her and accommodating to her, | 1:33:39 | 1:33:44 | |
"I find 20 years of my life has gone. | 1:33:44 | 1:33:48 | |
"This broken-down old woman, her delusions, | 1:33:50 | 1:33:53 | |
"and the slow abridgment of her life, | 1:33:53 | 1:33:56 | |
"with all its vehicular permutations, | 1:33:56 | 1:33:59 | |
"these have been given to me to record | 1:33:59 | 1:34:03 | |
"as others record journeys across Afghanistan, or Patagonia, | 1:34:03 | 1:34:08 | |
"or the thighs of a dozen women." | 1:34:08 | 1:34:10 | |
You wanted me to make things happen. | 1:34:11 | 1:34:13 | |
And I never have much, but... | 1:34:14 | 1:34:17 | |
it doesn't matter. | 1:34:17 | 1:34:19 | |
Because what I've learned, | 1:34:19 | 1:34:21 | |
and maybe she taught me, | 1:34:21 | 1:34:24 | |
is that you don't put yourself into what you write. | 1:34:24 | 1:34:27 | |
You find yourself there. | 1:34:28 | 1:34:30 | |
I never wanted to write about her. | 1:34:30 | 1:34:32 | |
If there'd been a bit more in your life, I wouldn't have had to. | 1:34:32 | 1:34:35 | |
DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES | 1:34:35 | 1:34:37 | |
Maybe I will now. | 1:34:37 | 1:34:39 | |
What? | 1:34:39 | 1:34:41 | |
Have a bit more in my life. | 1:34:42 | 1:34:43 | |
I might even start living. | 1:34:43 | 1:34:45 | |
Good day? | 1:34:45 | 1:34:47 | |
Not bad. You? | 1:34:47 | 1:34:48 | |
Oh, these came. | 1:34:49 | 1:34:51 | |
Hmm. Very good. | 1:34:52 | 1:34:54 | |
-Coming down? -All right. | 1:34:54 | 1:34:56 | |
That's the end of the story. | 1:34:58 | 1:34:59 | |
It might make a play. | 1:35:00 | 1:35:02 | |
What do you think? | 1:35:02 | 1:35:04 | |
Now I'm here, I think you should stop talking to yourself. | 1:35:04 | 1:35:08 | |
Hi. | 1:35:23 | 1:35:24 | |
Hi, Alan. | 1:35:24 | 1:35:26 | |
-DIRECTOR: -OK, nice and quiet, please. Here we go. | 1:35:26 | 1:35:29 | |
And let's turn over. | 1:35:29 | 1:35:30 | |
-B. -Mark it. | 1:35:30 | 1:35:33 | |
OK, take 14. | 1:35:33 | 1:35:34 | |
-DIRECTOR: -And action! | 1:35:36 | 1:35:39 | |
Gloucester Crescent has had many notable residents, | 1:35:39 | 1:35:43 | |
but none odder or more remarkable than Miss Mary Shepherd, | 1:35:43 | 1:35:48 | |
to whom we dedicate this blue plaque today. | 1:35:48 | 1:35:51 | |
APPLAUSE | 1:35:56 | 1:35:58 | |
SHE PLAYS PIANO | 1:36:10 | 1:36:13 | |
ORCHESTRA ACCOMPANY HER | 1:36:20 | 1:36:22 |