Daddy Long Legs

This is a Renoir. Actually it is a painting

of the daughter of the Marquis de Malineaux

and was said to have been done in 1894.

Renoir is famous for his paintings of children,

but this is one of his finest.

Here, we have a Corot.

In this painting the foliage, far more than any signature,

proclaims the painter.

Note the rich use of browns and yellows...

LOUD BLAST OF JAZZ MUSIC

..a truly fine example of Corot at his best.

And now, as is customary, we conclude the tour

with the Pendleton family portraits.

Here we have a portrait of the first Jervis Pendleton,

painted by James Abbott McNeill Whistler.

Jervis Pendleton II sat,

or STOOD, as you can see, for John Singer Sargent,

whose portraits hang world-wide.

Please, Madam!

I must INSIST that you stay with the group!

Oh, yes, of course.

But what IS in that room up there?

THAT, Madam, is Jervis Pendleton the Third,

who, as you can see,

has broken with the family tradition somewhat!

PHONE RINGS AS HE PLAYS A HOT JAZZ RIFF

-SHOUTS:

-Griggs speaking!

Ballman Brothers 99...

..Dexter Chemicals 35...

Just a moment...

-Good. Buy both.

-Both?

Mr Pendleton accepts both offers.

RINGS

Griggs speaking!

Native Boy, three eighths of a mile, 34

and two fifths seconds.

Just a moment...

Your horse.

YOUR HORSE!

Mr Pendleton wants 2 across the board!

RINGS

Griggs speaking?!

Oh, yes, that matter will be attended to immediately,

I'll call you right back!

What shall I tell the man...

TURNS OFF THE BACKING RECORD

Hey! Hey...Oh, no!

Griggs, you can't do that to me.

THE STATE DEPART...

The State Department has been trying to reach you.

I don't care who's been trying to reach me.

I was in right in the middle of a... Thing.

It's about the Economic Mission to France.

The secretary must know your decision about going.

I was going great! I was...

Jervis, it's beyond my understanding how a man

who rules the controlling interest in 34 separate corporations

can sit all by himself wasting his time beating these silly tom toms?!

All by myself?! Listen, I have one

of the finest record collections in the country!

I play with the very best bands!

My father used to get up at six o' clock every morning

to train carrier pigeons, most of whom never came back.

Did you consider that childish nonsense?

Of course not. That was his hobby.

Hobby my foot. That's the way he got his kicks!

Now, if you don't mind, flip that record.

-I beg your pardon?

-Flip it. Turn it. You know. Over.

Look, the Secretary must have your answer.

The Mission leaves tomorrow night from Idlewild Airport!

The seriousness of the problem...

I thoroughly understand the seriousness

of the French Economic situation.

Vital lag in industrial production,

coal-mining output can be stepped up,

electric Kilowatt hour consumption not up to its potential.

Even the agricultural programme,

of which France has always been the European leader, can be increased.

Now, flip that record.

Anything else?

Yes, just sit there and listen.

BIG BAND INTRO

# Griggs, because I hold you

# In affection and great esteem

# I shall now begin

# To instruct you in

# What the jazz elite

# Call the modern beat

# A complete anthology of "Well, all reet"

# And how I made the team!

SYNCOPATED DRUM BREAK

ARABIAN-STYLE BREAK

Well?

What shall I tell the State Department?

That we're going, of course!

Did you say "we"?

Certainly.

Everyone knows you make all my decisions for me.

DRUM STICKS HIT THE CYMBALS

Everybody but ME!

CAR HORN HONKS

CAR CONTINUES HONKING

SQUEAL OF BRAKES

-Now, a little more gravel under that wheel.

-That's it.

Bring the pole over here.

That's it. Now give me some of those branches!

-May I make a suggestion?

-Mr Pendleton, please!

Mr Bronson happens to be our expert on tractors and farm machinery!

And if he can't get us out of here, no-one can.

Thank you for that vote of confidence!

All ready, Sergeant.

Now, everybody get behind and push.

THEY MOUTH SILENTLY

Well, I think we've finally struck firm ground!

I think you've struck oil, but you can have my share!

Do you mind if I go up the road apiece to see

if I can find a farmhouse or a telephone or something?

Good, I knew you wouldn't.

Griggs, why don't you break out that last bottle of brandy.

Everybody could use a drink. Right, Mrs Carrington?

Well...

I don't know what the President could have been thinking of

when he appointed that man to this commission.

Oooh...

-Bonjour.

-Bonjour, monsieur.

Est-ce que vous avez un telephone?

Un telephone? Allo? Allo?

Allo, Monsieur.

Est-ce qu'il y a quelqu'un ici? Le maitre, ou la maitresse?

Oui, la maitresse.

-Entrez, monsieur.

-Merci.

-Attendez, Monsieur, s'il vous plait.

-Merci.

WHISTLING

Mademoiselle Julie, la soupe!

Heureusement! J'ai faim, moi! Et la table, elle est mise?

Oui, mademoiselle!

Bon! Je vais sonner!

Allez tout le monde. A table! Dejeuner!

CHILDREN ALL SHOUT

A table!

EXCITED CHATTER

Aujourd'hui seulement anglais.

Today we speak only English.

But as a reward, you may have whatever you want for lunch!

-Marie?

-Ice cream soda!

One ice cream soda. One.

-Paul?

-A "hambuerjer"!

"Bur-ger", Paul.

A hamburger with chocolate sauce!

-Paul!

-Please, Julie!

One hamburger...

..with chocolate sauce...

..and three onions!

Claudine, qu'est-ce que tu veux?

Bubble-gum!

BUBBLE-GUM. Bubble-gum.

Bubble-gum.

CHILDREN LAUGH

-Monsieur?

-Oh, bonjour, Madame.

Je m'appelle Pendleton.

Oh, an American. How do you do, Mr Pendleton? I am Mme Savanne.

Well, that takes the strain off my French!

I wonder, have you a telephone?

Telephone?

Oh, no, Monsieur.

Why do you need one?

I'm with a group of people and

our car skidded off the road into a ditch.

No!

No-one's hurt, it's just that we can't get the car out.

Is there a garage nearby?

For whom?

The only car around here for miles

is the one that have belongs to our gardener.

That's wonderful!

Oh, you should see it!

It was left here after the war.

-A jeep?

-No, not that war.

The one before it!

But still, it would be better than nothing.

I'd be very glad to pay for the use of it.

I think you'd better see it first.

-We'll push it round the front.

-Push it?

Oh, only to start it. After that...

..it marches!

Julie! Julie!

Oui, Madame?

-As-tu vu Emile?

-Il travaille dans les pommes de terre.

-Merci bien.

-I was watching that girl.

She seems quite unusual.

She has a wonderful with children.

Perhaps that is because she is one of them. I myself found her.

And named her.

-She has lived her whole 18 years here.

-Is that so?

But that is not getting your car out of the ditch.

I will fetch the gardener,

-he's working with the potatoes.

-Thank you.

CHILDREN SHOUT EXCITEDLY

Prenez vous places!

Tu es sage, hein? Tu tournes la mainvelle!

# C-A-T spells cat

# R-A-T spells rat

# Although the cat can catch the rat

# The rat can't catch the cat!

# H-E-R spells her

# F-U-R spells fur

# Just pat her fur and listen to her...

# P-U-R-R purr! #

Prrrrrt!

CHILDREN MEOW

# Do you see the cow?

# She is eating hay... #

-I have spoken to the gard...

-Sssh.

Oh, yes.

Every once in a while one meets a person

who has it in her to take life

and make something wonderful of it!

It seems a shame...

Oh, I don't mean that this

isn't a wonderful place or a good life.

Don't apologise. I do my job very well

and I know Julie will do it even better.

-Julie what?

-Julie Andre.

But for a young woman to spend her life here...!

-She's so attractive. Surely there must be some young man?

-Yes!

There is the widowed farmer who needs a wife.

He sells us our eggs every week.

Lately he gives us an extra dozen,

free of charge.

I am very, very nervous. You know,

we need eggs for the children, and yet...

Handkerchiefs too, eh?

Oh, you have noticed our gingham!

A little while back, we were notified we were going to receive

2,000 yards of cloth.

Oh, Monsieur, we were SO excited!

And then it came...

..ALL blue-and-white check!

Oh, sometimes I wish charity would

not be so mechanical, so cold, so...

..all blue-and-white?

Precisely! Oh, the car is waiting, Monsieur!

After all, that is what I came for, isn't it?

Yes, but this car is not very obedient.

You'd better think twice before you even get into it.

CAR SPLUTTERS AND POPS OMINOUSLY

CRASH!

THE CAR FINALLY GIVES UP THE GHOST AND DIES

Hi, Alec!

Stop making noises like an ambassador, Alec,

and answer the question.

How do I go about adopting a French orphan?

Now, look, Jerv. You stumbled into some orphanage, you're tired,

you've been cooped up with the same people for a couple of weeks now.

All of a sudden, you see the

bright, shining faces of these unwanted children

and you catch on fire!

Next thing I know, you arrive here

in a beat-up old jalopy,

you bang into my Cadillac...

That's the only way I could stop.

I told you that before, the car had no brakes.

Now, let's get to it. What red tape do we have to cut?

Jervis, even you can't go leaping about

from country to country adopting orphans.

I am not leaping about. It's only one country and one orphan!

Will you please stop stalling and get started?!

All right, Jervis. We can try.

Try?! Don't give me that. Any time the American Ambass...

OK, OK! What's the name of the orphanage?

Jeanne d'Arc, outside Soissons.

And the child's name?

Julie Andre, A-N-D-R-E.

Do you know how old she is?

Yes, 18.

Let's have another martini.

-Ohhh, Alec!

-Ohhhhh, Jervis!

-If you take that attitude, we won't get any place.

-Mmm-hmm.

Tell me, has she got a friend?

This girl has a gift for life.

I want to send her to America.

I want to educate her.

You can't adopt an 18-year-old girl!

You can't ask me...

They have a name for what you're asking me to do!

That is narrow-minded, bigoted and evil!

Jervis, have you any idea how easy it is to lose a job

at the State Department these days?

-But my motives are as pure as...

-Just a moment, Jervis.

..I think the Ambassador fears

that if the Press hear about this, they might conceivably place

a different interpretation upon your motives.

However pure in fact they may be!

Thank you, Griggs!

A fair point. Er...

I have it!

The entire thing can be done anonymously.

Like a scholarship fund.

There'll be absolutely no contact

between the girl and myself,

she won't even know who I am.

The Pendleton Foundation gives lots of scholarships

to American boys and girls, why not to this girl? Why not?

I don't know why not.

Well?

Of course, you're not really adopting her.

In this case you're merely just sponsoring her.

-Right!

-But you want to send her to college.

How do we know she'll qualify?

Qualify? Erm...

I'm on the Board of Trustees for some institution of

learning for young ladies. Which one is it, Griggs?

Walston College in Massachusetts.

What makes you think they'll take her?

What was our contribution last year?

Sizeable!

She is now an enrolled member of the freshman class

of Walston College in Massachusetts. Here, start writing.

Now, where were we?

18 years old...Ohhh!

Julie, everything is true!

Everything is happening.

Look, here is a letter from the American Ambassador.

Your name. Julie Andre.

You are going to America to college!

-How do I go?

-By aeroplane!

Everything has been arranged.

Travelling expenses, college, clothes to wear...

And the food too?

All that you desire!

-Hamburger?

-Hamburger!

-Ice cream?

-Three times a day!

I'll send some back for the children!

And pictures of Indians and cowboys!

Where you are going there won't be cowboys.

Indians, maybe, but no cowboys!

Oh, la-la.

Madame, is not possible, it is like a dream!

It is...it is too...

Who is it that would do that for me?

What's his name, where is he?

I cannot tell you his name. He does not wish you to know it.

But...I want to thank him!

He doesn't want any thanks. He doesn't want any gratitude.

His only wish is that you write him once a month,

just like he would be your father,

and tell him the progress you are making in school.

And this is the address...

Mr John Smith, Post Office Box 3642, New York City.

It is all written out here.

Of course, John Smith is not his real name.

Oh, la-la, Madame.

-It has really happened, huh?

-Uh-huh.

It is really true?

Everything is true.

Come on, Julie, you go to sleep

and say a nice prayer of thanks.

-Bless you, Madame!

-Il n'y a pas de quoi, ma choute!

-Bonsoir, Madame.

Oh, how beautiful it is!

It is American automobile.

No, no, it is Italian.

No, it is a Cadillac!

-I saw one in the cinema.

-What are you doing there?

An American car and a man. He has been talking to...

Where? Let me see!

Oh, zut!

Did you see him? Did you see his face?

-YES!

-You did? What did he look like?

Was he old?

Yes, very old!

How old?

Older than him!

Did you see his hair? What kind of hair did he have?

-He had no hair.

-Bald?

-He had a hat.

We saw only his shadow.

He was very tall with long legs...

..comme un faucheur.

-Un faucheur?

-Yes, a Daddy Longlegs.

Oh, a Daddy Longlegs!

Yes! A Daddy Longlegs!

Ssh! Now, off to bed, quickly.

Quiet, don't wake the others.

Daddy Longlegs!

Papa Faucheur!

# Daddy Longlegs... Longlegs...

# Daddy Longlegs... Longlegs...

# Please, please make one little dream come true

# If Cinderella's Godmama could make a coach-and-four

# I'm sure a real, live Godpapa

# Could do a whole lot more

# Make me pretty... pretty...

# Make me witty... witty...

# Make me just as nice as a girl can be

# I don't know how I'll find a way

# But I'll pay you back some day

# Daddy Longlegs

# Wait and see. #

Julie! Julie!

# Daddy Longlegs

-# Wait and see.

-#

That'll be a dollar and a half.

Keep the change, please.

Thank you.

-Hi!

-Hi!

Through those portals, sister!

-See ya!

-...See ya!

-Frosh?

-Pardon?

Are you a freshman?

Oui...yes, I'm a freshman.

Well, you must be our French girl, Julie Andre.

Oh, you know about me, huh?

Yes, I have a list of everybody.

I'm Pat Withers, Senior.

Welcome to Walston College.

Thank you!

You're in Room 205, with Linda Pendleton and Sally McBride.

Upstairs and down to your left.

Thank you, Miss Senior.

Egghead! Egghead! Egghead!

# Welcome, Egghead! Wipe that smile off your face!

# Never speak until you're spoken to!

# What an Egghead! You're an Egghead!

# But you're soon gonna be hard-boiled!

# Blow your nose! Dry your ears!

#Get up and salute when a senior appears!

# Move your feet! Get out the lead! Cover the point in your head!

# Tummy in! Sweater out! Eliminate that supercilious pout!

# But since you are a lady, dear, you are welcome here!

# Welcome Egghead! You're an Egghead!

# But you're soon gonna be hard-boiled! #

-Oh, pardon!

-Hi! I'm Sally McBride,

this is Linda Pendleton!

-Hi!

-Hi, Miss Pendleton, I am Julie Andre.

We've heard about you.

We've both signed up for French and expect to get A's!

I'd help you with English,

but I'm a total loss at it myself! I smell!

-You do?

-At English!

-Oh!

But I have got a brother at Harvard, who's real smooth,

so if I were you, I'd cultivate me!

Cultivate Linda, too.

Her folks are big muck around here!

Every time they need a new building or something,

her uncle coughs up for everything!

Pipe down, Sally. Have we said anything you understand yet?

The words, yes, but the meaning...

-I thought so!

-Don't worry, you'll get with it.

One of us has to sleep alone.

Would that bother you?

Alone? A room for myself?

-Oh, no, that would not bother me at all!

-Good! Then that's settled.

-Now. Where's your trunk?

-Er...I don't know.

What do you mean? Didn't you pack?

Oh, yes...but all I packed was...this!

She believes in travelling light!

But surely those aren't all the clothes you have for a whole year?!

I don't know.

-KNOCK

-Come in!

-Miss Julie Andre?

-Yes, that's me.

I have a couple of trunks for you.

Oh, look at the size of it!

Goodnight! Why, I've never seen anything so big!

-Miss Andre?

-Yes?

-Sign here, please.

And you were the girl who didn't have any trunks!

Yeah, she believes in travelling light!

And TWO of them, too!

Thank you.

Come on, aren't you gonna open them?!

-Oh...yes, yes...

-Hurry!

-Er...they are locked.

-Of course they are!

-Where are the keys?

-Oh...the keys...

Well, I am tired of saying, "I do not know" but...

I do not know!

Well, my nail file works on my sister's diary!

-Julie?

-Yes?

-This just arrived.

Special delivery and don't get used to this kind of service,

it's only the first day!

The keys! I think it's the keys!

-There they are!

-Hurry!

-I am!

I think I'm going to be the best-dressed girl on campus!

Heavens! LOOK at them!

-Oh, wow!

-Wow!

-...Wow!

Get a load of these labels!

It's from my guardian.

Are you sure he's your guardian?

Oh, yes, that I do know!

-There's so many of them!

-Oh, let me see!

-They're lovely!

-Oh, this is the one that I want!

-Here's a beauty!

I'll be right back!

If I lose about 5 pounds...

-I can step into this one now!

-Oh, that's beautiful.

How did he know my eyes were blue?!

Julie, I'll swap you a date with my brother

for a chance to wear this dress!

-Huh?

-Swell, it's a deal!

Heavens, LOOK at all this! I've never seen so many!

Sally, Sally. Think he's really her guardian?

I don't care what his intentions are. His taste is divine!

-Julie! Julie!

-Coming!

Hey! Behold...

An American freshman!

Look!

"Dear Daddy Longlegs, or perhaps I should say,

"'Dear kind person who sends orphans to college.'

"Yesterday morning...

"..I was in France...

"..and tonight... I am sleeping in...

"Massa-ch...

"..Walston."

"It is strange to be writing letters to someone you don't know.

"It's strange for me to write letters at all.

"Never before had I anyone to write to,

"but now I belong to somebody

"and it is a very comfortable sensation.

"I will try to make you proud of me.

"Yours very respectfully, Julie. "

Is Mr Pendleton to see this?

No, Miss Prichard, just start a new file. Andre, Julie Andre.

Yes, Mr Griggs.

"Dear Daddy Longlegs. I doubt that it will interest you,

"but this semester I have moved up two places.

"I am now 12th in my class. My average is just above a B..."

BUZZ

Griggs speaking...Yes...

Oh, she is? Er...just a moment.

PRESSES BUZZER

Yes, Griggs, old boy?

Jervis, your sister-in-law Gertrude is on the phone.

I just left for Alaska!

She's called 5 times.

It's about your house in Murray Bay.

She's decided to spend the summer there with Linda.

She wants you to have it redecorated.

French provincial.

She wants me to have my house redecorated

so she can use it for her vacation?!

For Gertrude, that's reasonable!

-Tell her to...

-CLICK

Tell Mrs Pendleton,

Jervis is happy for her to use the house.

He agrees with her that French provincial is most attractive.

He wonders why he didn't think of it himself!

Now, where was I ? "My average is just above a B..."

-What?

-The Andre letter.

Oh...er...file it!

You didn't finish reading it!

"It is very hard to go on writing to a...a thing!

"You never ask any questions.

"You never show the slightest interest in me or anything I do.

"You don't praise and you don't scold.

"It's like having a machine for a father.

"I love college and I love you for sending me here,

"but couldn't you write just one letter?!

"Not too respectfully yours,

-"Julie."

-File it, Miss Prichard.

Isn't somebody, someday going to answer that poor child?!

All right, all right.

"Dear Miss Andre, your letter of the 23rd received.

"I'm sure Mr Smith will be pleased with your progress."

That's a breezy, cheerful little note.

I'm sure that will warm her up!

What do I know about writing to a young girl?

All right! Destroy my letter, continue as before! File it!

Yes, Mr Griggs!

Mr Griggs, a person is not a corporation!

A person is flesh and...

..and blood...

..and feelings!

On slide three, I don't like the word "coach".

Pendleton Airways is selling something better than coach travel.

We must find a new phrase.

-Yes, Griggs?

-Jervis, a person is not a corporation!

Really? "Cabin Clipper" just occurred to me.

How does that strike you?

A person is flesh and blood and feelings!

And has to be treated as such!

I'll vote for that! Where do I register?

Your treatment of her has been absolutely shameful!

She's a monster! Sometimes I think my poor brother

gave up the ghost just to get away from her.

Not your sister-in-law.

I am referring to Miss Julie Andre!

-Miss Julie Andre?

-I'm not in the least surprised!

Yes, sir?

Miss Prichard bring in that file!

Which file, Mr Griggs?

The one you're crying over!

Crying in the file? Not only does it sound inefficient,

it sounds like a tune on the hit parade.

What's going on around here?

Nothing is going on around here and it's all your fault!

Over two years ago, you, impulsively, capriciously,

against the better judgment of the American Ambassador and myself,

picked a young girl out of a French orphanage

and deposited her in Walston College.

Oh, that Julie Andre.

Yes, THAT Julie Andre!

She's been kicked out! Griggs,

how could you let them do that after all we do for that college?!

She has not been kicked out!

She stands 12th in her class!

She's a lovely, sensitive, marvellous girl.

Any parent would be proud of her!

And yet, no-one pays the slightest bit of attention to her!

Thank you, Miss Prichard.

Thank you, Mr Griggs.

I was afraid there was going to be a baby in there!

What kind of performance was that?

For more than two years that poor girl has been pouring her heart

out to you in those letters, and you haven't answered one of them.

You haven't even bothered to read one!

Wait a minute, that was the arrangement,

it had to be done anonymously. Remember? Alec insisted on that.

At least you could've asked about her!

Shown some compassion, some humanity!

Oh, I see. I see.

You're in love with her.

No, Jervis, it's worse that that. She's in love with you!

-What?

-Although you don't know it,

you've been a thoughtful and considerate guardian.

She's spent the last two summers on your farm in Nova Scotia,

although she thinks Linda is responsible for that.

Linda?

Your niece. Gertrude's daughter.

The one you haven't seen since she was born.

Oh, yes. Horrible looking baby.

Well, she's no longer a horrible looking baby.

-She's Julie's roommate.

-Who put them together?

You did. It was the only way to arrange Miss Andre's vacations.

-You sent her a Christmas present.

-I did? What?

Three pairs of silk pyjamas.

-Griggs!

-It's OK, Miss Prichard selected them!

All in all, Miss Andre has a lot to thank you for

and is very devoted to you.

She calls you her 'Dear Daddy Longlegs'.

Dear Daddy WHAT-legs?

Well, it has something to do with

your shadow on the wall, or a spider...

Jervis, I think you should read these letters!

I think I'd better read them, too.

"Dear Daddy Longlegs..."

She's a prolific little thing, isn't she?

Griggs, would you tell Miss Prichard

to hold all my calls until she hears from me?

"Dear Daddy Longlegs,

"you never answered my questions, and they were important.

"Are you very bald?

"Or just a little bald?

"Are you very old...

"..or just a little old?

"On second thoughts, don't answer, not that you will!

"It is just as fun not knowing anything about you.

"It leaves me free to imagine whatever I want.

"You could be anything.

"Sometimes I think that you are a Texas millionaire!

"And you are so rich,

"there is a special department in the United States treasury

"which works only on your tax..."

# Down in Texas where the stars are bright

# Down in Texas where they treat you right

# Everybody sings this little song

# Daddy, daddy, why's your legs so long?

# Love your figure cos it's so corn fed

# Love that hair upon your pumpkin head

# Though you're richer than the Vanderbilts

# Daddy, daddy, where'd you get them stilts?

# Pick out your hen and pick out your rooster

# First prize, a block of stocks, 2nd prize, Fort Knox!

# It's long-leg Tex with the big fat wallet

# When he walks the dog, your eyes'll bug like a frog!

# Parlez-vous and Frere Jacques

# Big foot up and down, make a hole in the ground

# Grab your gal and swing her like thunder

# Kiss her and jump for joy

# Kiss again and promenade all! #

"Well, maybe not.

"You're probably an international playboy..."

"No, no, no! I don't like you like this.

"I prefer to think of you as my guardian angel..."

"Oh, it's very confusing! I wish I knew who you really are.

"I wish...I wish one day you would write and tell me.

"Your lonesome Julie."

Would you get my sister-in-law on the phone, please?

-Who, sir?

-My sister-in-law,

Gertrude Pendleton.

BUZZ

Hello? Hello, Gertrude.

Tell me, how's Linda?

Who is this?

Jervis?

I don't believe it! You've been drinking!

Not a drop. I merely phoned up to find out about my niece.

Tell me. How is she enjoying college?

Jervis, this is very peculiar!

Linda is 20 and you have not seen her for 19½ years!

Oh, you're so right! I've been the worst of uncles. I'm sorry.

Why don't we go up and see her?

This is insane. All I wanted was for you to write Julie a letter!

Keep quiet!

No, no...not you, Gertrude!

There's a mechanical device here producing strange noises.

The Spring Dance? Saturday? ..Sounds charming!

Fine, fine, we'll drive up together.

Wonderful...see you then! Goodbye!

You can't do this! You can't go to the school

and reveal yourself to Julie! It's violating your promise to Alec!

Griggs, how you do carry on.

I have no intention of revealing myself.

I am simply going up there to visit my niece and

while I'm there, I'll get a look at my orphan!

BUZZ

Mrs Gertrude Pendleton on the line. Put her on.

Yes, Gertie?

Yes, of course it was me you were talking to a moment ago!

Who else? Who else but Linda's Uncle Jervis?

BLUESY DANCE MUSIC

Excuse me.

Jervis, remember you're with me and don't leer!

I was just looking around!

I hope you remember, they are very young.

Time cannot wither, nor custom stale your charm, Gertrude!

I don't know what plans you have Jervis, but I don't propose to...

Oh, here's Linda!

Linda, darling, can you ever forgive your Uncle Jervis?

-For Heaven's sake, Jervis, that's not Linda!

-Oh, I am sorry!

What in the world are you doing here anyway?

Linda, I don't suppose you remember your Uncle Jervis,

but then he doesn't remember you either!

-Hello, Uncle Jervis.

-Linda, I've been foolish not coming to see you.

You're lovely!

-Thank you. Mmm...I guess I haven't made a mistake.

-What?

The girls insisted that I fill out a dance card for you.

Sounds charming.

Stand under your initial and you'll be claimed like lost luggage!

Well-travelled luggage!

Linda, dear, do I have a pleasure of a dance with your mother?

No, I didn't...

What a shame! Well, here I go!

Come off it, McBride!

No, I gave up one dance to someone's uncle, but that's it!

-Sorry, Professor!

-That's all right, but I'm not...

..Professor.

-Mr McBride?

-Yes, Miss Andre?

-I believe this is our dance!

-Pardon us, Professor.

I told you, I was not a...

-You must be Uncle Jervis.

-Yes.

-I'm Sally McBride, Linda's roommate.

But I thought...

Oh, the vision that just left with my brother?

That's Julie Andre, the 3rd cellmate.

-Oh, I see.

-Well, shall we have a go at it?

-If...

-If this is too bluesy, we could sit it out.

-I'll do my best.

-All right.

-I...I can do the box step.

-Oh.

One...two...one...two...

Well... You're quite good!

Thank you. I'm glad those lessons weren't wasted!

Last week I did Spanish rhythms.

Mr McBride seems taken with Miss Andre.

Taken? He's Georgia and she's Sherman marching through!

Is she the same way about him?

She'd be a darned fool if she weren't!

Am I leading?

Up to now I think it's a tie!

That's a fault of mine.

It comes of going to a girls' school!

-That's that!

-Thanks a lot.

Don't forget, tomorrow we play Vassar. Do come!

-I'm sure you can beat Yale.

-Thanks!

Mr Pendleton? I am Julie Andre.

-How do you do? Is this our dance?

-Yes.

If you'd rather not dance, we can talk.

I'd like that.

Isn't there some place we could go, in the garden perhaps?

Or maybe would that be bad for your reputation?

Er...it would.

Come on, let's destroy my reputation!

Spring is in the air, isn't it?

Yes, isn't it?

Where do you suggest we have our flirtation?

Well, one usually goes that way.

Haven't we met somewhere before?

No!

It sounds like what the boys say, but haven't we?

No, I'm sure I would've remembered.

I have the funniest feeling.

Of course! I know. Come on.

-Where?

-You'll see.

Oh, I'm sorry! I beg your pardon. I was just...

-Miss Andre, where are you taking me?

-You'll see!

There you are!

Grandfather!

What a wonderful way to end his days - in the middle of a girls' school!

Ah, did he have a weakness for ladies?

No, a great strength!

Did you inherit that tendency?

THAT is a very direct question.

I suppose it is, but, I've never talked to an uncle before.

How do I talk to an uncle?

Very respectfully. And you don't ask questions, you answer them!

Now, sit down and do just that!

-Yes, sir!

-Not quite that respectful.

-Yes, Uncle Jervis.

-That's better.

You have no uncles of your own?

No uncles, no aunts, no brothers, no sisters, no anything!

Isn't there anyone...?

It's a sad story.

My parents were a Duke and Duchess,

and they both died before I was born!

-Both?

-Yes.

Our yacht overturned in a typhoon in the Sargasso Sea.

I was the only survivor.

If you don't believe my story,

I have several others which are much more interesting!

I'm sure you have.

I only tell the stories because nobody believes the truth.

Would you like to dance now?

Er...yes, I...I would.

DREAMY ROMANTIC MUSIC

Er...would you tell me what the truth is?

-Yes. I have a guardian.

-I see.

-What sort of man is he?

-Oh, he's tall and very skinny.

He walks with a cane and he's bald up here.

-But he has a fringe of hair all around.

-All around?

Sounds perfectly stunning!

Don't make fun of him! I love him.

-When I finish college, I will live with him!

-You will?!

Yes, but it's a surprise and he doesn't know it yet!

I have it all planned.

I'll read to him, plump his pillows and warm up his slippers

and make him wear galoshes when he goes out!

From your description, he won't go out often!

-Well, he's not a boy any more.

-That's probably true!

Does he ever come to see you?

-No.

-Why not?

-Well, he doesn't care anything about me really.

Oh, now, I'm sure he does!

Oh, I just pretend.

One must have somebody to love, you know.

So I pretend that he really cares.

Maybe he cares more than you think.

Oh, he DOES, huh?!

I write all the time. He doesn't even READ my letters!

How do you know?

-He throws them away!

-He does no such thing!

I mean, I don't think he does.

Then why doesn't he answer?

...Dropsy! Probably can't hold a pencil!

Oh, la-la!

Hey, you!

Oh, it's you, Professor. I was going to punch somebody on the nose!

-We missed a dance.

-Sorry, Jimmy.

Jimmy, this is Mr Pendleton. Mr Pendleton Jimmy McBride.

-How do you do?

-How do you do, sir?

-Natural mistake, of course.

-Of course.

C'mon Julie, they're doing Sluefoot!

Good! Excuse us.

Thanks for keeping Red Riding Hood away from the wolves!

# Now hear this!

# Now hear this!

# Everybody, everybody, everybody, get ready for Sluefoot!

# GO!

# You want a dance that's easy to do?

# Then dig the one I'm hipping you to

# I'm going teach you what they're calling the Sluefoot!

# You make your right foot point to the north

# Make your left foot point to the south

# Then you stroll westerly, slow and siestally Sluefoot!

# Don't be an oddball and don't be a fig

# Try - why be shy?

# After all, it's even better if your feet's too big!

# You put the old posterior out

# Then manipulates it about!

# It's the most lack-a-daisiest, I mean the craziest - Sluefoot!

# You gotta rock like a rocking-chair

# The step is clock-like, but slightly square

# You count to one, two, three, four...

# And then you holler SLUEFOOT !

# You put your toe out and drag it back

# You really go out, you ball the jack

# Do what you done done before when you holler SLUEFOOT ! #

Well!

SLUEFOOT! LAUGHTER

STORM RAGES OUTSIDE

-Good morning, sir.

-'Morning.

RECORD PLAYS: # ..As they seem,

# So, dream, dream, dream...

# Dream when you're feeling blue

# Dream. That's the thing to do... #

Hello, Jervis!

Hello, Griggs.

Wonderful day, isn't it?

-Yes, the market opened strong.

-Get the mail?

-Did I ever FAIL to?

No.

My dear fellow, what are you in such a foul mood about?

-The first days of Spring always affect me this way!

-Oh.

-Griggs, please send this record to Miss Andre.

-Who's sending it?

I am, of course!

I know, but in which incarnation? Jekyll or Hyde?

Uncle Jervis or Daddy Longlegs?

Jervis Pendleton. Leave off the uncle, if you don't mind.

-What you're looking for is in the PERSONAL file.

-Thanks.

"Dear Daddy Longlegs...

"I met Linda's Uncle Jervis. He seemed very nice..."

He SEEMED very nice...

He seemed VERY NICE...

"But an awful thing has happened to Jimmy McBride.

"He was all set to go to South Africa as a mining engineer

"when the project blew up.

"Imagine, only a month before graduation

"and he considers himself a failure.

"I advised him to stay and work in his father's overalls factory.

"But he hates it.

"I feel so miserable for him!"

-Griggs, will you come here, please?

-I'll be right there.

"He was set to go to Africa when the project blew up..."

I'd like to do something for a young chap I know, McBride.

Brilliant young mining engineer.

Do we have an opening for him?

Our New Jersey lab can always use a bright young man.

No, not New Jersey.

He's the adventurous type.

He'd want to go far away.

Some place out of the country, eh?

-He'll sign a year's contract. He's highly recommended.

-By whom?

By me. I met him at that college dance. He's a friend of Linda's.

I was impressed.

I have an eye for young people who are going places.

Going places! How about our tin mines in Bolivia?

-Bolivia?

-Far enough away for you?

It's not for me, it's for him.

Of course! What WAS I thinking?

Our mines in Bolivia sound ideal.

They are! Take two days to reach after you get off a burro's back!

Fine. Send Miss Prichard in.

Miss Prichard?

I want to dictate a letter.

I thought perhaps you want to teach her the Sluefoot?

Hi, Jervis!

-Hello, Larry. How are you?

-Fine.

-Good, good.

-Meeting someone?

-My niece and her roommate from college.

I wish I knew she was on the plane.

-Jervis!

-Julie! How was the flight?

-Oh, just wonderful!

-Jervis...

-Sorry. Mr Hamilton Miss Andre.

-How do you do?

-Where's Linda?

-She couldn't come.

Well, Jervis, I'll buzz along. Three's a...you know what.

-Pleased to meet you.

-Goodbye.

-What happened to Linda?

-She woke up with the sniffles.

She said her colds always get worse, so I...

Shouldn't I have come alone?

Oh, yes...I'd have been upset if you hadn't.

-Are these your baggage checks?

-Yes.

-John, handle these.

This way, please, Mr Pendleton.

Oh, Jervis, you know it's... it's beautiful!

Count 4 towers over and 9 towers right.

There's a restaurant where we'll have dinner.

Why don't we have it here, so we can see the city?

Don't they teach you anything? You know what they'll be thinking?

-It's ridiculous! What time would you like to dine?

-Any time.

-I'll be back at 7. Black tie?

-But of course!

You know, Jervis, I've worked out your whole past.

That doesn't surprise me in the least!

There was someone years ago.

She was tall, slender, blonde, very beautiful...

..and you loved her madly.

-But she married someone else. She was foolish.

-Thank you.

And you never loved anyone else. Is that right?

No, there never was a tall, slender blonde

..but there was a short redhead.

Then there was a large brunette.

And then there was someone I met in Switzerland, and...

Oh, la, la! And you loved them all?

Madly.

They why did you never marry?

I didn't love them THAT madly!

I don't think you ever will.

Marry?

That all depends.

You know, there's an old theory.

I mean...

# When an irresistible force, such as you

# Meets an old immoveable object, like me

# You can bet, as sure as you live

# Something's gotta give,

# Something's gotta give, something's gotta give

# When an irrepressible smile, such as yours

# Warms an old implacable heart, such as mine

# Don't say no, because I insist

# Somewhere, somehow, someone's gonna be kissed

# So en garde who knows what the fates have in store

# From their vast, mysterious sky?

# I'll try hard, ignoring those lips I adore

# But how long can anyone try?

# Fight, fight, fight, fight it with all of our might

# Chances are, some heavenly star-spangled night

# We'll find out, as sure as we live

# Something's gotta give,

# Something's gotta give, something's gotta give. #

# When an irresistible force, such as you...

# Meets an old immoveable object, like you... #

Your morning paper.

Oh... Uh...did anything happen yesterday?

-A man got robbed.

-What a shame.

A girl got married.

That's nice. Whom did she marry?

-A man.

-Oh...

They've been in love for a long time.

Oh.

Anything else happen?

Yes, but it's not in the paper.

Goodnight, Julie.

Goodnight, Jervis.

Excuse me, Mr Ambassador.

Right this way, Mr Ambassador.

I think you'll like this. This wing is very quiet.

MUMBLES Did you say something, Griggs?

I was merely asking the price.

Mmm. Have you something simpler? Larger, but simpler?

Yes, I think we have the very thing.

I think that's kind of cute, don't you?

Very cute!

Oh, VERY cute!

I'm glad we all agree. Excuse me, I have a breakfast appointment. Bye!

-You understand that this is subject to the lady's approval?

-Of course.

But in our experience, Mr Griggs,

a diamond of that quality never comes back!

Never!

-Coffee, Jervis?

-Yes, please.

Last night was the best night in my life!

I'll drink to that!

And let's drink to today. Look how beautiful it is!

I ordered it especially for you!

I suppose if you're a Pendleton you can make anything happen?

No, some things are in the lap of the gods.

You know, when I arrived from college

and you looked so stern because I'd come alone?

Well, I have a confession to make.

I was really terribly afraid and unsure.

But it has been wonderful!

Last time I was at that airport

was when I arrived from France only 3 years ago!

Oh, it seems like forever!

Let's drink to France, for having sent you here!

To America, for letting me come!

LA MARSEILLAISE PLAYS

Connect me with 3203, please.

RING

-Hello?

-May I speak to Mr Pendleton?

Oh, just a minute... Jervis, it's for you.

-Hello?

-Jervis, you are the most contemptible, deceitful character

it's ever been my misfortune to know!

Who is this? ...WHO ?

Oh, er...yeah, I think so, Alec. Well, all right, I will...

Right away.

-Julie, I'll be back in a minute.

-Where are you going?

Some friend of mine wants to see me.

You finish breakfast, dear. I won't be long.

Hi.

-Well, I'm waiting, say something.

-All right. Why aren't you in France?

-I'm to see the Secretary of State.

-Then why aren't you in Washington?

I'll be there tonight. Now, answer MY questions!

What are you doing in that next suite?

Why you evil...

The last time you called me that was

when you wanted to bring that girl over here to "educate" her...

-Alec...

-Never mind what the papers would say,

or how you got Government help,

or the part I played in it...

The girl's here on a student's visa,

her behaviour is under scrutiny.

-She can be expelled...

-Wait, Alec! It is NOTHING like THAT!

I was on the terrace. I'd have to be

deaf not to hear your conversation over breakfast!

-Like what?

-"Jervis, last night was the best night of my life!"

Even the most generous interpretation

of that is horrifying.

And serving cocktails at this hour!

-Are you nuts?

-I heard the glasses clink.

It was orange juice.

Nobody toasts with juice! I haven't been away THAT long!

You're wrong. I'm in love with the girl.

-And she with you?

-I was about to ask that when YOU rang!

-What could she say but "Yes"?

-She could say "No"!

Don't be stupid!

You're older than her, you're rich, both attractions,

you've changed her life, for which she's grateful!

She doesn't know anything about that!

She doesn't know I'm Daddy...

Daddy what? Daddy SUGAR?

Shut up! She only knows me as the uncle of her roommate!

UNCLE of her roommate...

Doesn't THAT give you pause?

No. I'm not the only man she knows! There's also a Harvard graduate!

Can he afford to bring her to New York and entertain her like this?

-No...

-He's probably out looking for a job!

He is not! He's working in Bolivia, in a tin mine!

It wouldn't happen to be the Pendleton tin mine?

Well...er...he needed a job...

What's the matter with helping young people ?!

It's a hobby you seem to have embraced vigorously.

His project in Africa blew up and I had an opening in Bolivia.

King David.

-What?!

-David sent Uriah to battle because he coveted Bathsheba.

Oh, no! Oh, NO!

I've had enough! Listen, Alec, there's nothing deceitful in this!

It's true I sent that young man...

He was going away anyway...

He needed a job and I sent him.

Sure, the girl is much younger than me and I'm rich.

Certainly, I tried to sweep her off her feet,

but doesn't every man in love...

Oh, you're absolutely right. It's insane.

-What was I thinking of?

-I don't know.

-Have you got a cigarette here?

-Mmm.

-She must be very attractive, Jervis.

-Very.

I'll...er...I'll bring that boy back from Bolivia.

-Alec, have you any idea how many hotels there are in New York?

-No.

There are hundreds...THOUSANDS !

But, Jervis, I always stop here!

3203, please.

RING

Jervis, what are you doing?

I'm downstairs in the lobby.

Er...listen, something important has just come up.

I won't be able to get back there to see you.

I'm all right, it's just State Department business.

It's a bit hard to explain.

There are things I'm not at liberty to discuss.

Do you understand that?

Of course. When shall I see you?

Well...er...they may want me to go abroad.

In which case, I won't see you for quite some time.

Oh.

Oh.

-I...I see.

-I see.

Well...

No, I'm not upset... just disappointed.

I want you to see New York. I'll send you anything you want.

Thank you very much.

Did you say something?

Well... Bon voyage.

Thank you... Take care of yourself, Julie.

Goodbye.

Hey, Linda... Catch! Are you sure this is mine ?!

How did we ever accumulate so much junk in just 4 years ?!

-Linda, is this yours?

-No.

-Whose is it? Anyone own this?

-Hi.

-Hi.

-Last time anyone belong to this?

-Oh, Sally, it's mine.

-I never saw you wear it.

-I know, but it's mine.

Julie, aren't you going to pack?

Oh, we have time. There's a whole week until graduation.

Don't you want your things to get there before you do?

I guess so.

You know something, I don't think she knows where to send her trunks.

It's not that. It's Uncle Jervis!

They were having a wonderful time,

then he calls her up and says he has to go away.

-Last I heard, he was in Madrid.

-Not Calcutta?

-THAT was three cities ago! Last week he was in Hong Kong.

-The beast!

Still, look how nice he's been

to Jimmy brought him back, raised his salary.

And Jimmy's hardly been a success. He almost blew up the lab last week!

-I know. My Uncle Jervis is very strange.

-Very!

FAINT MUSIC

RECORD PLAYS: # Dream, while you're feeling blue.

# Dream. That's the thing to do

# Dream, while the smoke rings... #

Rio Jervis Pendleton in Rio.

"Personality of the Week... In India...

"..In Lisbon...

"..In Spain."

The Opera of Paris!

Oh, zut!

"Dear Daddy Longlegs...

"..May I please come to see you?

"I am desperately in need of advice...

"..and there is no-one I can turn to but you..."

# ..Things can be just as real as they seem

# So dream, dream, dream... #

-Julie! Julie!

-Uh? Oui?

-Oh, Linda!

-I'm going to the Post Office.

-Want me to mail that for you?

-Oh...

-Yes, please. Can you wait a minute?

-Sure, take your time.

-Mr Griggs, you are critically ill.

-I am?

-The doctors have no hope.

-We must cable Mr Pendleton to return.

-That girl again!

You can't hand someone the world and then take it away!

I'm about to draft her a letter.

I've been told she's soon to be married.

If she doesn't, a trust fund is being set up.

She'll have security all her life.

Security! I have security! It's NOTHING!

You've security, and a duller life nobody ever led!

You may be about to lose YOUR security!

I CAN'T, because I qualified for my pension last month.

If you won't co-operate with me, I'll send the cable myself!

Well, if you've qualified for your pension, how about a drink?

Bourbon on the rocks!

What do you plan to say in that cable?

"Griggs critically ill. Come home at once. Doctors have no hope."

Oh, that's fine. Thank you!

If I'd offered you a drink 25 years ago, you'd have slapped me.

How do you know? You never asked me.

Helen Adams.

Julie Andre.

ONE PERSON CLAPS

DEAN CONTINUES CALLING THE ROLL

KNOCK AT DOOR

Come in.

-Congratulations, my dear!

-Oh, thank you.

I had a lovely cry. This is my first graduation since my own!

I don't want to be impolite, but should I know you?

I don't see why? I'm Alicia Prichard.

I've come to take you to John Smith.

-Oh, John Smith?

-Daddy Longlegs!

-Oh! He wants to see me?

-Let's say, he's GOING to see you!

-Who is he?

-He should tell you that himself.

Now, hurry and change. We're going to New York!

-We go to New York today?

-Today!

-She's bringing her TODAY?!

-Shortly.

That cablegram was right.

You are sick sick in the head!

Don't you know about that girl and Jimmy McBride?

They'll get married, have kids.

If Julie learns I did everything

she'd fling herself at me out of gratitude.

THAT'S the reason I went away!

Jervis, if I were you, I'd pull yourself together.

Miss Andre will come through that door soon.

Know who she'll find here? You.

-ME?!

-Yes. You started all this. YOU are Daddy Longlegs.

You fit her description of me better than I do, fuddy duddy!

It's ridiculous! What will I say?

You can propose marriage for all I care!

Keep this robe round you. Look down.

You haven't the strength to keep your chin up. You've been ill!

That's good!

Ah, Whistler's Father!

You may accept my resignation! Effective as of this moment!

-It's too late now!

-Mr Pendleton?

-Fine! Have her come right up!

Jervis, don't be a fool!