Music Is a Weapon Keith Richards' Lost Weekend

This is a bootleg television wake-up call.

Do not adjust your set.

Repeat - do not adjust your set.

Normal service will not be resumed.

Welcome to the permanent night shift.

Keith Richards at the controls, calling all night owls and hipsters.

This is a reality hacking incident.

For the next nine hours you're invited to ride with me.

Through the night and out the other side.

A random night-flight across uncharted airwaves.

Fasten your safety belts, the weekend starts here.

Culture jamming in progress.

Good evening and welcome.

Later on we shall be talking with John Betjeman and Nicol Williamson

about a subject that concerns us all.

But first, a first.

The first performance of the Rolling Stones by the Rolling Stones

in a television studio for over a year.

The song is from their new LP Beggars Banquet

and it's called Sympathy For The Devil.

Will you welcome, please, Mr Mick Jagger, Mr Keith Richards,

Mr Brian Jones, Mr Charlie Watts and Mr Bill Wyman

or to give them their proper title,

the quiet young gentleman of the Rolling Stones.

# Yeah!

# Yeah!

# Uh

# Uh

# Please allow me to introduce myself

# I'm a man of wealth and taste

# I've been around for a long, long year

# Stole many a man's soul and faith

# I was round when Jesus Christ had his moment of doubt and pain

# Made damn sure that Pilate washed his hands and sealed his fate

# Pleased to meet you

# Hope you guess my name

# Hey

# But what's puzzling you is just the nature of my game

# Stuck around St Petersburg

# When I saw it was a time for a change

# Killed the Tsar and his ministers

# Anastasia screamed in vain

# I rode a tank

# Held a general's rank

# When the blitzkrieg raged and the bodies stank

# Pleased to meet you

# Hope you guess my name

# Yeah

# But what's puzzling you is just the nature of my game

# Watched with glee

# While your kings and queens fought for ten decades

# For the gods they made

# I shouted out, "Who killed the Kennedys?"

# And after all, it was you and me

# Let me, please, introduce myself

# I'm a man of wealth and taste

# I lay traps for troubadours

# Who get killed before they reached Bombay

# Pleased to meet you

# Hope you guess my name

# Oh, yeah

# But what's puzzling you is just the nature of my game

# Oh, yeah

# Get down with it, boy

# Pleased to meet you

# Hope you guess my name

# Oh, yeah

# But what's confusing you is just the nature of my game

# Oh, beat it

# Just as every cop is a criminal

# And all the sinners saints

# As heads is tails Just call me Lucifer

# Cos I'm in need of some restraint

# So if you meet me

# Have some courtesy

# Have some sympathy

# Have some taste

# Use all your well-learned politesse

# Or I'll lay your soul to waste

# Oh, yeah

# Pleased to meet you

# Hope you guess my name

# Ah, yeah

# But what's puzzling you is just the nature of my game

# All right

# Now get on down

# All right

# Oh, yeah

# Woohoo!

# All right

# Ooh-ooh-ooh

# Ooh

# All right

# Ooh-ooh-ooh

# Ooh-ooh

# Oooh, yeah

# Ooh

# Ooh-ooh

# Oh, yeah

# Oooh

# Woohoo

# Ah, woo

# Woohoo

# All right

# Woo-hoo-hoo. #

APPLAUSE

The Rolling Stones with Sympathy For The Devil.

The realisation, you know,

especially around the time the Stones were cutting Beggars Banquet,

The Street Fighting Man and stuff...

it became more apparent to me that this is an incredible weapon

if you want to use it as a weapon.

It's probably the most subversive, potentially,

and the most uplifting form of art there is, you know.

But it really all depends who's hands it's in.

Ask the bloke that blew down Jericho.

HE LAUGHS

Seven days on five trumpets, yeah.

Sound is a very powerful thing.

If you put some low hertz into something,

you could actually blow down The Dorchester, you know?

HE LAUGHS

If you did enough of it.

FREE-SYLE INTRO TO: Hey Joe by Jimi Hendrix

MUSIC: Hey Joe by Jimi Hendrix

# Hey, Joe

# I said where you goin' with that gun in your hand?

# Oh

# Hey, Joe

# I said where you goin' with that gun in your hand?

# I'm goin' way down south way down south

# You know I shot my old lady down

# I got to get outta here as fast as I can

# I put down... I shot my lady

# And I've forgotten the words

# But I got here as fast as I can

# Yeah! #

We'd like to stop playing this rubbish

and dedicate a song to the Cream

regardless of what kind of a group they might be.

We'd like to dedicate it to Eric Clapton,

Ginger Baker and Jack Bruce.

MUSIC: Sunshine Of Your Love

We're being put off the air.

APPLAUSE

Jimmy and I knew each other vaguely.

He was a kind of a mystery guy.

But from the odd times I spoke to him,

he'd always talk to me as if he was confused about what he was doing.

He felt like a prisoner,

he wanted out of there,

he felt that he'd created a monster.

And the last conversation I had with him,

he was intent on cutting that out

and starting a rhythm and blues band.

I do believe that there is some footage of what I'm talking about.

And then in a month or two, the horrible news arrived.

But at the same time, Jimmy and I knew that

we were both living basically on the edge of things.

You know what I mean?

Is this suicide or bravado?

HE LAUGHS

What's the key thing that sets music apart from other art forms?

That's a good'un.

If you're lucky, you can not have to use the mental part so much,

it's more from the body, more feel.

Whereas if you're painting something...

..or writing a book...

You see, everything else is in a frame, you know?

You know, Mona Lisa, it's in a frame.

You know what I mean? Or The Last Supper, it's in a frame.

And a book is always between two covers.

Music, there ain't no frame on it.

Probably is the freest form of expression...

..which is why millions of us love it.

Hey, you make a movie, right, you should know -

it's going to end up on a screen. Yeah.

You know, there's nowhere else you can show it. You know?

HE LAUGHS

But music, boom,

it's just out there in the airwaves.

MUSIC: Blues In The Night by Katie Melua

# My mamma done told me

# When I was in pigtails

# My mamma done told me

# "Hon

# "A man is a two-face

# "He'll give you the big eye

# "And when the sweet talking's done

# "A man is a two-face

# "A worrisome thing

# "Who'll leave you to sing the blues in the night"

# Now the rains are fallin'

# Hear the trains are callin'

# Whoo-ee

# Hear the lonesome whistle blowin' across the trestle

# Whoo-ee

# Ah-whoo-oo-whoo-ee

# Clickety-clack, an echoing back

# Blues in the night... #

Amy, I thought, had...

She had it all.

You know, all she had to do was stay alive.

It's another one of those, you know, ouch.

You know?

You know, all they had to... I told you not to do this at home.

Hmm.

Leonardo da Vinci as cartoons...

..they don't move and they're not particularly funny.

LAUGHTER

But check this one out, it's by Tex Avery.

LAUGHTER

Uh, howdy, folks, y'all.

I'm a-Little Red Riding Hood, you know,

and I'm a-taking a little nourishment to my poor old grandma.

She lives just down the road a pinch yonder.

Duh, folks, confidentially, I'm not the real grandma,

I'm the wolf, see?

Course, I'm supposed to eat Red Riding Hood all up

but I ain't going to do it.

All I'm going to do is chase her and catch her and kiss her and hug her

and love her and hug her and kiss her...

HE LAUGHS ..and hug her and love her

and kiss her and... HE LAUGHS, KNOCK AT DOOR

HE LAUGHS Howdy, Red.

How about a kiss for your poor old Grandma?

Mwah, mwah, mwah!

HE CHUCKLES Kissed a cow.

Telegram for Mr Wolf.

HORN HONKS

HE PANTS

Kiss me, my fool.

Well, Howdy doody, cousin. Glad to see you.

Hey, where's that pretty Red Riding Hood, huh?

Where is she, huh? Hey, Red Riding Hood. Red, Red!

Hey, Red! Hey, hey, Red. Red, where are you?

Hey, where's that good looking babe? HE CHUCKLES

HE WHISTLES Oh, boy, I want to hug her.

I want to hug her and kiss her, kiss her and hug her...

SUAVELY: Control yourself, cousin. Miss Riding Hood is not here.

You will meet her this evening at the club.

But remember, here in the city we do not shout and whistle

at the ladies.

Come, now, it's top hat and tails, you know.

Oh, boy! Girls, girls. Where's the girl?

I want to kiss a girl. I sure do love girls.

Girls, girls, I sure do love them.

HE LAUGHS Bring on the babe.

Where's the pretty girl? Where's the pretty girl?

APPLAUSE

Bring on the babe.

Where's the pretty...

# All the chicks are crazy for a certain burly wolf

# A real sharp curly, curly wolf

# Whose mind is oh so smooth when he spreads it on

# Sharp or smooth he's in the groove

# Where lovin' is his thing

# And all the babes in town trail him around

# Just to hold his paw and say...

# "Oh, Wolfie

# "Oh, Wolfie, ain't you the one?"

# "Oh, Wolfie, oh, Wolfie HE WHISTLES

# Ain't we got fun?

# You send the shivers up my spine

# And when you're near I just can't sit still a minute

# I'm so...

# Oh, Wolfie, oh, Wolfie, please tell me do

# What makes me love you so?

HE WHISTLES # You're not rugged, it's true

# But when I look at you I just...

# Oh, Wolfie, oh, Wolfie. # HE WHISTLES

Oh, I'm very sorry, cousin,

but I'm afraid this city life is a bit too much for you.

I shall motor you back to the country.

WHISTLING

Uh, howdy, boys.

HORN HONKS

Sorry, cousin, this country life's too much for you.

I'll have to take you back to the city.

I was always amazed at how it was done.

The guys actually drew every movement...

HE LAUGHS

..and that blew me away, the idea that every movement had to be drawn.

Meanwhile they've got Popeye moving around film.

# I'm Popeye the sailor man

# I'm off on a trip in me sturdy old ship

# I'm Popeye the sailor man. #

If you'd recommend a pirate movie to anyone, what would it be?

Well, I've been in a couple. HE LAUGHS

Hello, Jackie.

Ah-argh

I was always into stories of the sea

and the Red Rovers and treasure islands and stuff.

Hey, to a kid, it's fascinating.

They're outlaws

but, you know, they were doing, you know, something

that, you know, everybody else would love to do

if they could get away with it.

And when you realise that you can almost be one

without getting arrested...

HE LAUGHS

..you know, it adds to the flavour.

Being free of normal constraints

and accepting...

..every order you're given.

HE LAUGHS It's like, "Yes, sir." "No, sir."

Cos in a way you sort of rode it onto your own back

and said, yeah, you know...

"Either I bow or I take my chances," you know?

There's always been a bit of lawlessness about me.

I think it's really to do with getting expelled

and that experience of authority

and that either you're going to do as you're told

for the rest of your life

or you're going to break free of this, you know,

and get out of here.

And that... I invented this job.

HE LAUGHS

MUSIC: Captain Pugwash theme

It was a fine day

and a fair wind filled the sails of the Black Pig

as she rode merrily through the waves.

Just where she was sailing to, nobody knew...

..least of all Captain Pugwash,

who was far too busy taking a little snooze on the quarterdeck

even to care.

The wheel turned idly this way and that

and really the only person who knew what was happening

was Tom the cabin boy who was keeping watch in the crows nest.

Suddenly he spotted something.

"A sail! A sail!" He cried.

"A ship, a fine ship on the starboard bow."

Down on the deck, Captain Pugwash sat up and blinked,

then he seized his telescope...

..got up...

and rushed eagerly to the side of the deck.

"Hmm. Hmm, yes. Hmm," he thought.

"It's a ship all right, but it looks a funny sort of ship.

"There's...there's no-one aboard.

"No-one on the deck, no-one in the rigging.

"Strange.

"Can't see a soul in the cabin.

"Oh, dear. Hmm.

"No guns in the ports.

"But...but wait! What's that?

"A huge pile of treasure by the mast.

"Hey, Tom!" he cried.

"It's a treasure ship and there's no-one aboard.

"Get out the rowing boat and take me over at once."

By this time, the other ship was quite close.

Tom got the rowing boat ready

and although it was never easy

getting the captain out of a big boat into a little one...

"Ooh. Oh! Oh! Ooh. Ooh! Oh!"

..they managed it.

And soon Tom was rowing the captain away from the Black Pig.

Now, the other ship wasn't quite so harmless and deserted

as it looked.

It was Cut-throat Jake's ship

and Jake himself was hiding there, rubbing his hands and chortling

with wicked glee

as he and his terrible crew watched and waited

for Captain Pugwash to fall into the trap.

The captain was quite close to Jake's ship now.

Soon the bows rose high over them

as Tom brought the little rowing boat in and along

to where a rope ladder hung conveniently over the side.

Captain Pugwash wasn't usually much good at rope ladders,

but he was so excited that he managed this one quite easily.

He jumped onto the deck and there was the treasure,

even more splendid than he'd imagined.

For one brief moment, Pugwash gazed in happy delight at his prize.

And then... "Grab him, boys," shouted Cut-throat Jake.

"We've got him this time!" SHOUTING AND CHEERING

All the pirates rushed out of their hiding places.

THEY CONTINUE SHOUTING AND CHEERING

Captain Pugwash ran for it.

"Oh-ooh-oh!"

But they were too fast for him

and very soon he was well and truly caught.

"Got you!" Said Jake. "Now then, boys, what about that plank?"

"Argh."

HE CHUCKLES "Good. Good.

"Ever walked the plank, Captain?"

"No." "Well, you're going to now..."

"Ha-ha! ..for the last time.

HE LAUGHS

"It's easy.

"You starts at this end and you fall off at t'other.

"Now, these here is bags of gold.

"Seen as you're so fond of treasure, captain,

"we'll tie them round your wrist and ankles,

"it'll make you sink faster!"

So, heavily laden with useless gold, Pugwash sadly mounted the plank

and thought that his last "Argh!" had really arrived.

But he and Jake and all the pirates had forgotten Tom,

still waiting in the little boat below.

"Off you go, Captain," said Jake,

"we can't wait all day, you know."

Captain Pugwash started to walk very unsteadily along the plank.

If there was one thing he hated, it was cold water.

"Oh, oh, oh. Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh, dear! Oh! Oh!"

HE SCREAMS "Wait for it," yelled Jake.

WATER SPLASHES, THEY LAUGH

When the pirates heard the splash, they all roared with laughter

and rolled about the deck and made such a noise

that nobody noticed what was really happening -

Tom the cabin boy was fishing the captain out of the water

and into the rowing boat.

And although it was pretty hard work,

when Cut-throat Jake did take a look over the side,

this is what he saw -

Tom with the captain rowing like anything for the Black Pig.

"Curses!" Roared Cut-throat Jake.

"Fetch me a cannon. I'll smash them to smithereens, I will."

But all the cannons had been hidden to disguise the ship.

It was a long time before the pirates found one

and set it up and made it ready.

Shaking with rage, Jake lit the fuse.

The first shot missed.

LOUD BANG

And the second shot missed.

And by this time Jake was all but choking with fury

so he loaded the cannon with an extra big cannonball ball

to make sure of hitting the boat this time.

But it was too big,

it got stuck in the cannon and when they let it off...

..the whole thing exploded with a fearful roar...

..and knocked out Cut-throat Jake and all his wicked crew senseless.

Meanwhile, Tom was rowing hard and very nearly home.

And up on the deck of the Black Pig,

the mate, roused by the noise from his afternoon nap, sat up,

rubbed his eyes and cried, "Oh, it's the captain!

"Fetch me a boat hook, somebody."

So, they got him the boat hook

and the mate reached down and fished around

until he managed to hook the captain.

So Pugwash came back to his ship again.

"Oh! Uh-oh. Ooh! Oh. Ooh!"

And with him the bags of gold

which Jake had tied on to make him sink quickly.

HE LAUGHS "Smart work, hey?

Said the captain as he stood in triumph amid his admiring crew.

HE LAUGHS

"It'll take a cleverer villain than old ruffian Jake to catch me.

"Pugwash!"

Nobody noticed Tom as he slipped away to his hammock below.

"Oh, well," thought Tom, as he settled down to sleep,

"it's a good thing there was somebody there to catch him."

I always wanted to know where everything was on the globe

which I find in America is amazing -

they don't know where anywhere else in the world is

unless they're at war with it, you know?

HE LAUGHS Where's Iraq or Afghanistan?

Oh, and then suddenly they know.

They have a weird sense of thinking that they are the world

and that nowhere else is...

Which of course they eventually find out, to their detriment,

that there is a world out there

and they're going to give them a pain in the neck

if they don't find out.

I see another movie you've got up your sleeve

is The Man Who Would Be King? Yeah, I thought Connery

and...and Michael.

In there, they played off of each other so well,

and Huston wrote and directed it.

It's a great story. Kipling, originally, I believe.