Britain in a Day

I'm in the middle of Bramingham...

Birmingham. Birmingham.

HE LAUGHS

I get the feeling that somebody's going to come and do me in,

take this camera.

Like these dudes here, check this out.

-Hi.

-Hey.

-Why are you recording?

-It's Britain In A Day.

-Is it?

Oh, my God, are you doing that?

-It's Britain In A Day, have you heard of it?

-Yeah.

-Can we do it?

-Say hello to Britain In A Day.

Hello, Britain In A Day.

My name's Sarah, I'm 29 years old,

-and I'm out with the girls.

-Woo!

How important is this day to you?

Very important.

What, before I die, you mean?

Well, it's Saturday morning, 12th of November,

and it's absolutely perishing.

CHEERING

Pass my earplugs.

This is how the bus goes out, nice and clean every night.

And then when it comes back in the morning, it's going to be a mess

through where people have thrown their beer cans on here

and their food wrappers, etc.

We've even had people poo on here.

I need to do a piss.

-No, you don't.

-I do.

-You don't.

-I do.

You never do this at home,

it's only cos you're in a tent and you know you can't.

-All right, are we going to sleep?

-I've got to do a wee.

UNZIPS TENT

SHOUTING

Is there anybody there?

Show yourselves, or maybe tap one of us.

Come on, tap one of us, come on, little girl.

Try and tap one of us, maybe make a noise closer to us,

show us that you're really here.

Oh, I felt something touch my hair!

-Something touched me...

-Really?

Yeah, something just touched my hair.

Come on, fellas! Last stop!

Come on, mate, last stop.

I thought I was going to have some aggro then.

ALARM

BABY CRYING

Little one.

All right, hello, little one.

Always liked the outside country life.

I've got a great interest in breeding pedigree stock.

And, er, it's...

I suppose one would call it a way of life.

Not only do we look at the cows as being milk producers,

but they are very much part of the family

and we try and look at them and treat them as one of us.

This one is Aola Icefire Bountiful.

This cow's Fabulous Rosa.

This one, she's got a mind of her own.

Hey, come on.

Come on! Laziest cow ever.

This one is a dairy, dairy shorthorn.

In the past, she has been one of our show stars.

She won Best Calf in South Wales.

-'RADIO:

-On FM...

-AM...'

..and online.

One-two, one-two, one-two, one-two.

Radio Cumbria.

Good morning, it's six o'clock, I'm Dan Chisholm.

A leaked Army memo suggests

'that thousands of soldiers could lose their jobs much sooner than thought.

'The document, seen in the daily Telegraph,

'says 16,500 personnel could be made redundant by April 2015,

'including some wounded on the front line.

'Job cuts are expected to be completed by...'

'I like to find time in the day when I can meditate.'

Just relax, get away from everything.

Have a bit of time without my children around

and just time to myself, really.

It's something I really love,

something that really, really gets me through the day.

Well, we're nearly kitted up to go.

It's going to be quite a nice day, I think.

Quite mild for this time of year.

CRYING

Hello, who's this?

What are you doing up so early, spunky monkey?

Oh, crikey, what do you want to do?

You want to get breakfast, I suppose, do you? Do you, eh?

Do you have a little naughty sister up?

Oh, my God.

Urgh!

Oh, good morning, everybody.

Good morning to you. Saturday it is.

# If you change your mind

# On the breaking line

# Honey, I'm still free

# Take a chance on me

# If you need me, let me know

# Gonna be around

# If you got no place to go

# When you're feeling down

# If you're all alone

# When the pretty birds have flown

# Honey, I'm still free

# Take a chance on me

# Gonna I do my very best

# And it ain't no lie

# If you put me to the test

# And you let me try

# Take a chance on me... #

That's all I ask of you, honey.

# Take a chance on me... #

MUSIC BLARES

LAUGHING

-WHISPERS:

-Come on.

GROANING

BIRD CHEEPING

Oh, shut up!

BELL TOLLING

# Good morning, good morning... #

How are you?

Morning, Lola.

Hello, Lola.

What shall we do, then, today?

Barnsley.

Barnsley what?

Village pub in Barnsley.

Well, could do,

-but I think we should go somewhere...

-Different.

..different, maybe somewhere we could walk to.

Hey, come here.

Rise and shine.

SLEEPILY: It's too early...

-No, it's not.

-Yes, it is.

-No, it's not.

It's so early.

It's bright outside.

-It's bright outside?

-Yes.

-I work hard...

-So?

-I need to rest.

What do you mean, "So?"

You need to work hard again.

-No.

-Yes.

Absolutely not.

ROARING YAWN

I'm not very good at keeping things off my floor.

And this...

is my view.

'# What shall we do with...'

# Lola?

# What shall we do with...

# Hooray, and up she rises

# Hooray, up she rises

# Hooray, and up she rises

# Early in the morning. #

-Yay!

-Yay!

-Morning.

-Morning.

-Morning.

-Hiya.

It's so beautiful.

-Hello, guys.

-Morning.

-Morning.

-Oh, delicious. Surely you want some of this?

-No.

-Good morning.

-Morning.

Good morning, bull.

Right, grab my stick and off we jolly well go.

I'd like to start the day with one of mankind's greatest inventions...

..the tea machine.

Technology, eh? Don't we love it?

This is what I'll be doing a lot of today.

-RADIO:

-'It's a great start, a bit of drizzle,

'but that'll slowly clear, so by this afternoon spells of sunshine...'

Hello, funny face.

Uh-oh. Yeah, we're being sick.

And Britain's eldest Teddy Boy swings into action.

Got to get the hair right first off.

WOMAN: I will not stand that kind of behaviour,

I don't know who you think it is you're talking to.

You do not talk to your elders and your parents like that!

No! You should watch how you're talking, that is not acceptable!

At all!

Clear your room!

I'm just trying to make sure you're hair stays.

'She phoned me up in the night'

and said...

..Dad, I was so excited.

And coming from a 30-year-old, 31-year-old,

it's a very strange thing...

..to hear.

It's a huge day if you're really close to Emily, yeah?

'Yeah, slightly nervous, but it'll be nice.'

I think Dad's really sad, cos he said he wants to get strong

and walk me down the aisle.

It's not really an aisle, it's probably five steps.

-But there's no way he could do that.

-No.

But no-one's walking down the aisle, it's not that sort of wedding.

No, exactly. I think it's like his last wish.

Now on to clothes, on to clothes. Are you slim-fit?

Slim-fit, size small, OK.

OK, cool.

We can wear you.

Oh! Do I have some...

Yes, I have skinny jeans!

Oh, yes, waist 28!

And what do we have? Oh! We have some slim-fit hipsters!

Oh, they're awesome.

And then, oh! Random coloured socks, my favourites.

And if we put some pumps on top of there...

that would make an average outfit.

My grandparents and all my uncles and things are like,

"Robert, "eat more, you don't need to die, blah, blah, blah."

And I just say, "When I want to."

So, it's not your body, it's mine.

This is my breakfast of roughly 227 calories.

I've got to try and find some paracetamol. Very hung over.

I can't believe... my mum has to eat all these tablets.

Six, eight, nine, 10.

Um, I have...an anxiety disorder,

hence the agoraphobia.

And I just need to take medicine all the time...

..um, and that helps me survive, really.

And for me the most important thing is staying alive.

Because, a lot of the time, I feel like I don't want to.

These are my scars that I have, er...collected...

..over the years.

They are scars for...

coping.

Coping with not coping.

Why are we going to Edinburgh, Callum?

We're going to go and see my mum.

I haven't seen her in five years, so...

..it should be pretty interesting.

Quite nervous, actually.

What about, in particular?

Well, it's been about five years since I've seen her, you know.

We didnae part...

We didn't part on the best of terms, so, yeah.

I hope she's alive, for a start, that'd be nice.

And, um...

I don't know, I hope...

I hope she has some teeth.

She didn't have a lot of teeth last time I saw her.

-You know what this makes me want to say?

-What?

WELCOME TO SCOTLAND!

RADIO PLAYING

-It's beautiful!

-It's beautiful!

Ready!

LAUGHTER

SCREAMING

Saturday, 12 November...

..and instead of walking around town on a lovely day...

..I'm washing up, fish and chips.

That's what we had last night.

And if people think that fish and chips in England is cheap,

well let me just say that it would be cheaper to hire a boat

and go catch our own fish.

These are quite rare on the south coast, these ones.

They're probably worth, you know... Woah!

There we are, look at that.

The day's catch.

HE LAUGHS

PLAYS: "I Do Like To Be Beside The Seaside"

Woah!

Awooo!

# If you're...

# Happy and you know it clap your hands.

# If you're happy and you know it

# And you really want to show it

# If you're happy and you know it clap your hands. #

We're standing on what used to be my primary school.

Um...it was here last time I was here.

So, obviously it's been bulldozed since then.

When I'm at university, there's a lot of people there who are

very middle-class, who are very...

Who are like the people who I don't pretend to be

but who I've sort of aspired to become, um...

and they come from sort of very nice housing places, you know,

very nice bungalows, semi-detached stuff, and so forth.

Whereas I come from a place where, you know,

high-rises and stuff are much more common.

I'm quite proud to have come from this sort of place,

you know, cos I love it here.

Or at least, I would if it was still standing!

You know.

I may have quite a small little flat here,

but the view is kind of priceless.

When it's a nice day, usually.

And that football pitch, right there - covered in graffiti.

'I see all the people buzzing up and down, buzzing around.'

Whenever I wake up in the morning I come up here.

Just take a look down on the city, cloudy skies.

HE LAUGHS

And then I just step out into the city.

This is my family crest.

We had these pretentious chairs made with our family crest on it,

which looks scarily like a Nazi salute, but it's not.

Ah. This is my most incredible and beautiful sister, Camilla.

She's not here today, she's gone to Hampshire to visit some friends.

I think she's going shooting.

GUNSHOT

Well done.

CONTINUOUS GUNSHOTS

Bring it here! Tilly! Tilly!

Come on, Till!

Good grief, Dad.

Larch, here!

Larch. Larch! Larch! Drop!

'Well, this is great news, because'

I've managed to find one person

who's willing to be on the film today,

and that's my neighbour, Bailey.

Bailey is the daughter of a QC, just like me -

well, I'm the son of a QC -

'and she lives up the road and she's agreed to come down.'

So, Bailey, I actually remember where I was this time last year.

Where were you?

I was walking down the street to say goodbye

to a nice cockney girl I'd just had sex with!

THEY LAUGH

This is my flat in Canary Wharf.

Which may immediately make you think I'm rich,

but this is social housing.

I'll go on the balcony and show you the rich people.

That...

..is the millionaires' building.

So, yeah, you might be considerably higher above me,

but you are 20 feet away from me.

Me.

If I was a millionaire,

I would not want to live this close to the likes of me!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

-LOUDSPEAKER:

-Thank you.

OK, we are here today to show solidarity

with protests in London and Plymouth

against financial inequalities and for economic justice.

CROWD CHANTING: No ifs, no buts, no public sector cuts!

No ifs, no buts, no public sector cuts...

Here it is, Tent City.

They have endless committee meetings and so forth here,

and I think perhaps someone decided

that it wasn't the end of capitalism they wanted, but...

..accountability within the system.

And I think the reason a lot of people are here

is because that has broken down, this social contract where

if you want to exist in a society together

you have to behave, like...

in the best interests of that society, to a great extent.

People have gathered round the Cathedral over the last three weeks

expressing concern for the poor

and that there is a better distribution

of the wealth and the treasures of this world.

That is something that they share with the Church,

and I'm going to pray for all of those who are in need.

Let us pray.

O God, whose son, Jesus Christ,

'cared for the welfare of everyone...'

Why are we here?

-ALL:

-We are here because there is no refuge, finally, from ourselves.

Until we confront ourselves in the eyes and hearts of others, we are running.

'Until we suffer them to know our secrets...'

This is my daughter when she was little, she's nine now.

This is my whole family of years ago, that's me, there.

Good luck card off the bairn before I came.

It says, "To Mam, I will miss you shouting at me 24 hours a day,

"but I want us to be a family, like my friends have,

"so when you are better we will be able to go places, just me and you.

"PS. You will always be in my heart."

Oh, wow, that was a bit forceful, wasn't it?

I didn't ask you to have it, you don't have to have it.

What's the purpose of life?

Neil?

Oh, God, if I could answer that I'd be a millionaire!

If you could answer that...

LAUGHTER

-I'd sell the answer.

-You'd sell the answer?

So what do you think it is?

-Why are you here?

-Coffee.

Go in and get coffee.

Why are you on Earth?

Mum and Dad had sex about 31 years ago.

What's the purpose of you being here, though?

I'm a welder, I weld stuff.

Is there no reason that any human...

The first human being, all the way down to us.

It's evolution, isn't it?

No. Humans have been the same from the first one.

-No, they haven't.

-They have.

-No, no, no, they haven't.

OK, the first one was slightly taller than us.

-They were shorter.

-No, they were taller.

Homo erectus was around...

The first evidence was shown in Ethiopia years and years ago.

Men landed on Earth.

Men landed on Earth and then reproduced,

and the first man was a lot taller than us.

And he was from...he was from... he was from Paradise.

He was a man from Paradise.

He looked a lot like us, but he was very different from us.

And he was a lot taller.

We have got different views on it, obviously.

Different views, but I mean, I can prove mine.

LAUGHTER

OK!

BELLS RING

Mary Anastasia Ursula,

I baptise you in the name of the Father,

and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.

I'm terrified of death.

Maybe that's because I don't believe in God,

and I envy people who do.

Hi, I'm Aidan, and this is my house in the Northamptonshire countryside.

I live here with about 23 others, adults and kids.

We're an intentional Christian community.

SPEAKING HEBREW

This is my grandmother, and she is praying the God today.

God is everything for us.

This is Lord Krishna.

We call him Vishnu, as well, Vishnu Bhagwan.

So I decided today to take the cross for a walk

simply to remind people that Jesus died on it.

Well, not this one, another cross, obviously.

And to remind them that Jesus loves them.

You don't see many of them now. They're disappearing.

We're being overtaken.

But I'll just put it simply -

it's a lovely day, I'm taking my cross for a walk.

'People who have belief, people who have faith should look upon science'

as proof, if anything, that there's something divine at work,

because the universe is infinitely more complex

than anything you've ever been taught by religion.

'In these times of economic difficulties,

'almost 11 million people will be'

tuning in tonight for the escapist fun of Strictly Come Dancing.

Susan and I are big fans,

and we have our money on Russell Grant.

LAUGHTER

BELLS RINGING

We're doing the wedding here in the chapel...

..because I've got...

..brain tumour,

which I was told...

..my good time, the best they could see was four weeks.

That was six weeks ago.

Four weeks to live.

And here, luckily, I could...

..just get into a wheelchair and...

..go down the lift and straight into the chapel,

I don't have to get a special car.

So...

..it's very, um, exceptional for me.

# Going to the chapel and we're

# Gonna get married

# Going to the chapel and we're

# Gonna get married

# Gee, I really love you and we're

# Gonna to get married

# Going to the Chapel of Love... #

If you'd like to take your seats, please.

So, welcome to one and all who have travelled from farm and near.

It is all about a public declaration of your love for one another.

This is the most important part today,

and this is what we are going to do to celebrate it.

Thank you.

I'm going to put this down here.

Well, it's our wedding day, so here goes.

Carl, you make me so happy.

You're there for me 100%.

You're the kindest, most generous and thoughtful person I know.

Who would have guessed our futures would have entwined

from that very first moment we met outside Woolworths in 1996?

LAUGHTER

You are my best friend, as well as my partner,

and now you're my husband,

the perfect ingredient for our married life together.

Now let's grow old together.

Love you, always.

I got always!

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

Welcome the new Mr and Mrs McAllister!

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

I have skied every month for the last two years on Cairngorm.

24 months under the belt,

and this would be month 25, if I can find some snow today.

So today, month 25, I'm going to see if I can do it.

It's shrunk!

It's shrunk a lot.

Yay!

It is exactly 13.4 degrees.

November 12. I'm Fiona, this is Eileen.

-Hello!

-Hello, Eileen!

-Over here, the cameraman who's filming is Sebastian.

-Hello.

We live in a pretty ordinary three-bedroom house.

But where things are a little bit different are, over here,

all this is to do with my house being half-run by solar power.

Let's go and have a look outside in the garden.

So this is our garden.

Solar panel there, some up on the garage roof.

Ones I'm testing, some over the patio door,

and there are a load up here.

And still not making enough power.

THEY IMITATE BIRDS

QUACKING

This is Donald. Cheapest pet going - £3.50.

Marvellous.

Anyway, the big question is, how can you tell a man from a boy?

And the answer is...

men have bigger toys.

And here's my bigger toy.

My quarter-of-a-mile dragster in its storage trailer.

It's called Daddy Cool.

It can do 0-60 in just over a second.

It's a roll-off-roof affair, isn't it?

Here we are, just going inside the observatory.

Robin, if you could just describe your equipment to me.

This is my general set-up for photographing the universe.

SHE CHANTS

I am aware that like every being on this planet I am completely unique.

And...beyond that, I am also a bit weird.

SHE SINGS

My name's Edward Prynn. I live here on the North Cornwall coast.

And when I started out life,

I never dreamed for one minute that I would have all these lovely stones,

some of them from as far away as 8,000 miles.

I started with just humble beginnings,

but it led in to bigger things,

and that could be for anybody, maybe that watch this.

And while you're at it, why not hug a tree? Believe me, it's wonderful.

Come on, give it a try.

Ohh!

Oh.

Tree.

It's been a lovely day and it's about to get even better

because I am going badger-watching.

I'm going to put out some peanuts for them,

and then sit up in a high seat where I get a good view

and hopefully we're going to see some badgers.

When I'm bored I like to go cycling along the canal.

I love the canal, it's like this highway kind of corridor

that stretches from east to west across the entire country.

And I feel that I could just cycle in either direction for ever

and never reach the end.

I've never been here before. That's another thing I love about canals.

If you just keep going, you discover a brand-new place.

I haven't really got a clue actually where I am.

But it's OK, because I know if I just get back on the canal

and go back the way I came, I'll go back to where I was.

I think I'm really lucky to live in the UK because I feel safe.

There's no wars, there's no severe weather conditions,

there's no poisonous spiders.

And so I feel that I am able to relax, I don't have to live in fear.

Bloody hell, what's going on here?

Bloody hell!

Jesus Christ.

Bloody hell!

-Have the police been told about this?

-Yeah.

-Yeah.

Fucking hell.

You're all trespassing.

This is private property and there's no footpath here.

It's not here. Well, stick to the foot path.

Stay to the footpath, don't go off it.

At least we're not wearing balaclavas.

This footpath is fine, you can go on the footpath,

but you weren't on the footpath.

Do you know how wide the footpath is on the field?

Thanks. You appeared to be showing me a map.

Do you not know where you are?

-"Go away!"

-A similar sentiment!

OK, we'll do this then. Look at that. Isn't it amazing?

Actually, no.

Look at the doggies, they're so cute!

Just having some port.

Because this is what I do on Saturday 10th November.

There's a hunt happening.

I don't know if I agree, but the sausages have been lovely.

-It's Saturday 12th, dear.

-Saturday 12th of November. Sorry.

Clearly had one too many already. And there's a horse coming towards us now

with one of Her Majesty's servicemen.

Go for it, son.

They shall not grow old, as we that are left grow old.

Age shall not weary them, nor the years condemn.

At the going down of the sun and in the morning, we will remember them.

-Nice to meet you.

-And you.

-Take care.

-My son was killed in Afghanistan.

-Nice to meet you.

SHE SINGS

My grandma used to live in one of those houses over there.

And she used to look out of the window, look at the cemetery,

and see it slowly building up with all her children.

-This is baby Lucas.

-Oh, hello darling!

-And this is baby Emma.

-Hello, Emma!

They are gorgeous.

Pass them over! LAUGHTER

So it's November, and it's been seven months

since my Nana was diagnosed with cancer again.

She can't have any more treatment,

so I spend my time making sure that the time that she has left

is as special as possible.

-So do you fancy a push round the park?

-Oh, why not?

-Anything rather than lying here and doing bugger all.

-Yeah?

-Do you feel up to it, though?

-I feel up to anything.

-But it's not like it for me. You know me, I'm...

-Laugh a minute!

No, I like to be up and at 'em,

and I think, "All right, I'll do so-and-so and so-and-so,

-"and just get on and do it," and I can't do sod all.

-I know.

-And now you've got your granddaughter filming you doing sod all.

-Eh?

-Now you've got your granddaughter filming you doing sod all.

-I know!

-Good job she hasn't got... There's no noise on there, is there?

-Yeah!

-Oh, sugar me!

-Of course there is!

Oh, no. I'd better be quiet.

I keep saying in sickness and in health,

and now we're in sickness,

so I have to be the same as I was in health,

to support him and look after him.

HE PLAYS "We'll Meet Again"

Whee!

Oh, this park has been here for... It's a natural park, actually.

It's a very natural park.

Some more trees have been planted,

but it's been here for centuries, this park.

It's a natural park.

OK. Slowly. Slowly.

Slowly. Gently. That's it.

Good girl.

No! Slowly!

Slowly. That's a good girl.

Oh, ain't that nice? Isn't that lovely?

Oh, OK. LAUGHTER

Go for it big time.

Sophie! Sophie!

Come and say hello to my pigs.

That is a real crunch of satisfaction.

-Say hello, Cuddles.

-This is Cuddles.

He likes to have himself scratched.

Cuddles. Oh!

Evil Cuddles.

-That wasn't nice, was it?

-Hooty's just bit him.

You horrible, horrible little git. What was all that about?

The first job is just to take his jacket off.

Once the jacket's off and gutted it,

take it over to a bench or something.

Two lovely shoulders, lovely joints, and two lovely haunches.

Baxter. He was a border collie and he was five.

And two weeks ago he got out of our garden and was hit by a car

and he died.

And we miss him lots.

A stick for him to chew.

Sometimes you feel a bit stupid or silly...

crying about, you know, a dog,

but he's a part of your family.

We've just buried a bumblebee today,

and we've given it as much respect as we can.

Because it's the last of our bumblebees for this year.

It's always really emotional when we bury the bees.

Greased Lightning! Greased Lightning!

-Greased Lightning!

-Greased Lightning!

Here we are at the Pocket Farm pig race.

It's going to be a tense one.

We've got three favourites - Curly Sue, Bullet Babe

and...Greased Lightning.

CROWD SHOUTS

-Who's winning?

-Curly Sue!

-No!

-Are you looking forward to today?

-Yeah, fantastic.

MARCHING MUSIC PLAYS

It's so archaic.

Posh people just parade through the streets and wave

while the poor people cheer and clap and take photos.

Someone just came up to me and said, "If you don't like it,

"you can leave the country."

Which is a bit of an ignorant view. Anyway, but...

Thank God the heavy weaponry has arrived. That's what we need.

Applaud! Applaud the killers!

We don't want you here. Go away.

This is my home, thank you very much.

Wave to your royalty!

Hey, what are you doing? What are you doing?

Poor people, normal people, wave to your masters!

I didn't put it in his ear.

But if it's near someone's ear, that is quite loud.

1.5 million people dead in Iraq. Why? Why?

Have you fucking asked that question?

Just calm it down.

MAN SHOUTS

You're giving us a bad name, or what?

You are.

This is why we're here, to protest against this.

-But why?

-What do you mean, why?

If you understand the Corporation of London, you'll understand

why we're here. This is why we're here.

I'm just here to enjoy it, you know?

HE PLAYS

-What do you think of the protests?

-Appalling.

-Really?

-Yeah. Appalling.

Have you made your feelings clear to them?

Not to them individually, but in higher places we have.

And now off to the famous Wembley Stadium.

# We're on our way to Wembley Our legs have gone all trembly... #

-THEY LAUGH

-"This match is sold out."

Spain are going to whip us.

You can feel the atmosphere build as you get close to Griffin Park.

It's electric.

Not only has this ground got a pub on each corner,

it's got a fan on each corner as well.

Look at that. Do you get that at the Premier League? You fucking don't.

We're younger, we're fitter, we've got better technique.

Fucking use it!

WHISTLE BLOWS

-You're having a laugh, aren't you?

-Get off him!

Have you got out of nappies yet?

Get up, you daft twat!

-What have I just said?

-Sorry.

She's riding her bike.

-Mummy!

-SHE LAUGHS

I don't know how you change the gear.

Change the what?

Gear.

Oh!

Do you want me to try and teach you how to not go wobbly?

Saturday 12th November. I'm about to take my family out for a bike ride.

And a little picnic.

And...I'm about to do something

that absolutely scares the living daylights out of me.

Careful. Don't go too close. Don't go too close.

I found a nice spot for our picnic.

-Drop it!

-What are you eating?

Oops! Ham and cheese sandwich.

Daddy, look!

Everyone enjoy the ride?

I fell off.

It is 11 years and six months

since Daddy first kissed Mummy.

Yuck!

-Right, shall we go?

-You kiss,

-you kiss, you kiss, you kiss!

-HE MUMBLES

Will you marry me?

You kiss!

What?

Will you marry me?

I want a turn!

SQUEALING

SHE SQUEALS

CHILDREN LAUGH

CONTINUES SQUEALING

CHILDREN LAUGH

I can't believe it!

Don't cry!

Mummy! Mummy!

Better buy a bottle of Shloer or something.

What a smart little pageboy you're going to make. Aren't you?

Mummy!

-It's gorgeous.

-What are you doing?

-What am I doing?

I'm talking to Daddy about getting married.

I'm taking your picture!

-'Cheers.

-So we've been married now'

-for...

-Not quite five months.

-OK.

And already, a real indulgent thing for us is to not go out

-and just to have a bath.

-Yeah.

-I don't think it's going to last.

-We've been living together for just over a year.

-Yeah.

I don't know, I think it might last.

Er... We're having a baby.

-What?

-Are you?

Oh, isn't that lovely?

I'm so happy!

Happiness.

BABY MOANS

Look, it's Daddy!

Say hello to Daddy!

HE SQUEALS

Cor, that is hanging off.

Wahey! It came out!

Hold it in your hand. Let's have a look.

Can you do it?

Good boy. That is perfect.

That's the first time you've walked down the stairs on your own, isn't it?

You clever boy.

By the way, this is my teenage daughter.

She's... Are you a typical teenager?

You're so irritating!

Let's get her expression!

HE LAUGHS

Quick! Look into the camera, quick!

I'd like to have children but Claire doesn't want to.

I will just say that I've always been completely open with you

about the fact I've never wanted children.

And I've always been very open with the fact that I have wanted them.

This tattoo was done on the 10th October 2011,

the date Jessica should've been born.

These are her little feet.

Jessica was born prematurely. She lived for 28 minutes.

I love you, Jessica.

Cos we haven't been able to have kids,

friends have suggested that I needed to get a pet,

so that I would have something to mother, and this is Audrey.

It isn't the same as having a kid. It isn't the same.

30 years ago this evening, we were expecting the birth

of our first child, weren't we?

And we went in late evening,

and it was the early hours of the following morning

that our son Jonathan was born.

I've been a single mum for about three and a half years now.

I've been divorced for two years.

I have four children.

All from the same father. I always wonder when people see us

or I say I'm a single mother,

whether they think they're all different dads!

They're not. They're all the same dad.

The children see their dad probably about one day every week three weeks.

Not really as much as I'd like

and probably not really as much as he'd like, I suppose, if I'm honest.

I have to go and collect my daughter.

It's Saturday, 12th of November.

And this is my day to see her, my contact day,

because she lives with her mum.

We're split up about five years.

And...

Not the best situation, but we'll maybe have a good day.

Here we are, I'm about to Skype Tristan.

He's my son, who lives in Australia.

I get to see him once a week for an hour on Skype.

Yeah.

I'm not sure I want to do this actually.

She's got a new door, which is good.

Mum, it's me.

No.

This is my friend, Daniel.

-You look happy.

-I am happy.

Good. We've had a difficult year.

We've had a really difficult year!

A really tricky past few months, but...

It's going to get better.

-We're going to be OK.

-We're best friends.

We're best friends and we're going to be great.

-I love you lots.

-Love you lots!

-Got it.

-It's difficult being a teenager.

It's very difficult being a teenager! Sort it out!

Yeah, darn it!

Yeah.

-I love you.

-Love you too.

OK, we're about to sort of enter the area of love now.

I'm very new to cruising. It's a very new thing for me.

It keeps me around gay people, and gay people in a very different way

to the gay people on the scene,

because cruising isn't populated by scene people.

Not too many black or Asian or Chinese people go on the scene,

but cruising, it is like a league of nations.

Oh, my God! Are you joking?!

You...! You've had so much sex lately, it's unbelievable!

'Mmm.'

'Ooh. That's nice.'

'Nice touch.'

I am doing what I do almost every evening,

which is waiting for my husband to come on Skype so I can speak to him.

I live in rural Scotland and he's American and lives in Philadelphia.

We haven't seen each other in real life, face-to-face, since June.

I love Scotland and it will be hard for me to leave, but...

..it's so much harder to be apart from my husband.

LAUGHTER

I hate seeing people like that.

Holding hands, being all happy.

Dicks.

So much drama, being involved in a relationship.

I'm really sad because I feel really alone.

And I don't want to be on my own. But I feel like I'm on my own.

And I really want somebody in my life,

and I'm really worried that I'm not going to find that person.

DOG BARKS

I do feel frustrated that my body has developed this disease,

because I feel I have so much more to give in life.

Had I the chance.

And I, as I said, had my aspirations and dreams

about how my future might be, and I don't want to embarrass you,

but I was hoping at some point I might even find a nice partner.

That doesn't embarrass me, Mum!

And enjoy a nice later life.

With someone to share it with.

These are all doors that are closed.

Now there's an interesting thing.

I've just kind of had a brief encounter with a gentleman,

and it was...a strange moment,

in so much as though nothing was said, no-one speaks to each other.

There's a kind of cold, er... unloving, er...

kind of slightly predatory way of, sort of, vying each other out,

and then suddenly it just turned into a kind of...er...

a kind of beautiful, what I would describe almost as a loving moment,

cos I've tried cottaging and I don't like it.

I don't like the smell of toilets and the shit.

But the notion of being in a very beautiful area

on a very beautiful, warm day, November day,

is evocative and magical.

Woo-hoo! Do you like the park?

SINGLE THUD

GIGGLING

I'm going into the sea!

-Do you know what I love, Isa?

-What?

I love images like that.

What are images?

Pictures.

-I love you.

-I love you too.

Now, that is what I call a sunset.

Blooming 'eck. It's spectacular.

And now, this is the end of the day in Belfast.

Peaceful, untroubled Belfast.

It's an absolutely beautiful sunset.

In peaceful, untroubled Belfast.

SQUEALING

The reason why I was there is because I fled my country.

And, um, I fled for my life.

When you are in prison, you know that maybe I'm here for two years,

three years, four years, five years, and after that I'm going to be out,

but if you are in there, you don't know when you are going to come out,

and there are people who have been there

for two, three, four, five years

and they still do not know when they'll be out of that place.

Here we go inside now and...

HE WHISPERS

CROWDS CHEER

England! Spain!

They're what you call footballers, mate. Is that Villa?

Gordon Bennett.

Turn it up.

MUSIC: "God Save The Queen"

# Long live our noble Queen

# God save our Queen

# Send her victorious

# Happy and glorious

# Long to reign over us

# God save our Queen. #

APPLAUSE

OVER TANNOY: The referee will blow his whistle to indicate the start

and finish of the minute's silence.

WHISTLE BLOWS

WHISTLE BLOWS

CROWD ROAR AND CHEER

CROWD: England!

TRUMPETS AND DRUMS PLAY

TV: '...To give Scott Parker, Lampard...'

CROWD: England!

TV: 'Iniesta.

'Pass by Johnson...'

Do you still like Lampard, Granddad?

Well, let's put it like this.

Whenever he plays, I don't think we've got anybody better.

No. I agree.

WILD CHEERING

LAUGHTER

TV: 'He's always asking for space to reverse that back towards the goal.

'He has a look, he just can't quite tuck that back in after Jagielka,

'sprinting back behind his goalkeeper.'

FINAL WHISTLE BLOWS

England beat Spain!

Oh! Ha! The final whistle!

CHEERING

Well, I might as well watch the dancing then.

Live from Television Centre.

Please welcome your hosts, Sir Bruce Forsyth,

and Tess Daly!

MUSIC: "Strictly Come Dancing" theme

X-Factor's on tonight, you've got to watch that.

Oh, goody - X-Factor (!)

No, Strictly Come Dancing's so much better, cos of all the fit dancers.

MICROWAVE PINGS

Cor! Fantastic!

Maybe not Jamie Oliver, but it'll do this household.

Dinner is served.

That looks wonderful!

Daddy, Daddy.

(Thank you.)

One, two, three, four, five, six!

It's very late now. I don't want you to jump any more.

Look at your face, you're so tired.

Just a couple of dances. So quiet.

All right then.

HE READS ALOUD

Et voila!

-That's the end of the book.

-Again!

Hmm? Another one?

Ow!

Sorry! Sorry! Spit.

(Night-night, Lou.)

(Night-night, Isabella.)

(Love you.)

(Love you too.)

(Night-night, sweetheart.)

Isn't that brilliant! I reckon there were four badgers there.

They've all gone off across the woods now to forage,

so it's a good time to sneak away quietly.

What a brilliant evening though!

Sometimes I feel like 35, sometimes I feel like 103.

Trying to get things done in time,

try and finish before it's time to get up in the morning.

That's the job for tomorrow morning.

What we see mounting this morning they serve tonight

and what we see mounting tonight, they serve tomorrow.

I'll put a protective glove on to protect myself more than anything.

And some lubrication.

Now we go on with the job.

It all boils down to experience.

What we do, we insert my hand into the cow's anus.

And then clean out the passage...

Best I can.

I've just inserted the rod now

and I'm trying to feel my way for the cervix...

HE SPEAKS WELSH

She knows what's going on, to a certain extent.

Well, if she was a woman,

she'd be thinking about painting the ceiling or the bedroom.

HE LAUGHS

Right hand, left hook.

Extended kick.

Ladies and gentlemen, are you ready? It's time!

BELL RINGS

Gorgeous, isn't it?

Right, we're going out to this house party.

As much drugs

and drink as you will take!

This is ultimately

what we want.

The rich steal quietly. The poor do it loudly.

The schoolgirl challenger,

in the blue corner, it's Hayley!

CHEERING

You're a lot taller than your mum.

No, that's put you way out of focus.

Yeah, that's pretty good.

What makes you happiest?

Nice meeting you.

See you later.

-Bye!

-Love you.

-She's funny, isn't she?

-Isn't she!

I told you she was.

'The only thing that is important to me'

in this moment

is just enjoying being with my family,

my daughters, and my siblings, and...

Because it really is all we have in life

that's worth any value, is your family.

Everything else...is immaterial.

-'Lovely Daddy.'

-Lovely Tristan too.

You're beautiful, thank you, Karen.

Are you there?

SKYPE SHUTS DOWN

I think the most important thing to me at the moment

is to find a boyfriend, because I'm having a really great life.

I'm studying art and design at college, I go horse riding,

I'm learning to drive,

but I kind of feel, without somebody to share that life with,

without somebody to love,

I kind of feel like everything is just a meaningless drift

and there's no point to anything.

But I just know that once I find that person,

I'm just going to be so happy,

I'm probably going to be the happiest person in Britain.

In fairness, I've been very privileged, I've got...

..in my opinion, the best wife that anybody could have.

Because she works her socks off.

If anything, she works harder than me.

And the same as every other man, I don't appreciate her half enough.

'Our interest has to be heard,'

our voices have to be heard.

And at this particular point,

it doesn't really matter exactly what you're saying,

the most important thing is that you are here,

and you're goddamned staying here!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

So...here we are now.

Home.

Lola, it's time to go upstairs to your bedroom.

-Library.

-No, not library, it's bedtime!

So Tony, I just want to say thank you so much for sharing this day,

-it's been incredible.

-Pleasure.

-Incredible.

MACHINE BEEPS

-It's wonderful.

-Yeah.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd