The Hairy Bakers' Christmas Special

THEY WHISTLE "Sleigh Ride"

-Merry Christmas.

-It's Christmas. It's our Christmas Special!

-We've never had one before.

-I'm excited!

-We're doing everything in the spirit of Christmas.

We're in the frozen north to bring Christmas to your tellies.

-A bit of snow, a bit of sunshine.

-And a lot of baking.

-Loads!

-Dave, are you ready for this?

-What, our first ever Christmas caper? Yes!

It's brilliant, mate. We've got new bikes...

-Great food...

-And hundreds of little helpers.

-Because we're baking our way round Britain!

-If you're not feeling Christmassy yet...

-You will be by the time we've finished.

-Cos this is the one and only Hairy Christmas Party!

We've set ourselves a gargantuan, Everest fashion challenge.

We're on a mission. Christmas is about sharing. That's what we love.

It's about all sorts of lovely things like bad presents,

nativity plays, children's faces while they open their pressies.

A lot of people don't get to experience that because they've got to go to work.

This year, we'll give some of those hard-working people an early Christmas party.

I'm a paramedic. I'll be working on Christmas Day, my fourth on the trot.

I've worked Christmas Day in the past and I don't like it.

I'd rather be eating my turkey.

I'll be on duty this Christmas, so I'll be away from my family.

All those guys are working over this Christmas period.

We'll throw the mother of all Christmas parties to say thank you.

We've got to get the food, the presents, Santa, the snow.

-There's so much to do.

-Can we have camels?

-We're near the North Pole.

-We're looking for Santa. We're in Lapland.

-Dude, we're not in Lapland.

We're kind of north of Scotland...

Dude, we're in Manchester.

Manchester? I've been conned!

-This giant fridge is perfect for making two Christmas classics.

-Mince pies and Christmas pud.

-Done the Hairy Way!

-The mince pies are what we're here to bake, but let's sort the pudding first.

Oh, that's brilliant!

So here we're making the traditional Christmas pudding

for all the little tinkers at Christmas.

-Mr Grimsdale(!)

-I've gone all Dickensian.

-Have you?

-Yeah.

Our pudding is made from breadcrumbs, flour, sugar,

a good dose of dried fruit, spiced up with nutmeg and bound together with a good slug of stout.

-Right, my handsome.

-There we are, Rudolph.

-You tie it up for me.

Once you've steamed it for about six hours, it'll get better and better for anything up to six months.

Once a week, add a dribble of rum. On Christmas Day, steam it again

and it'll be this dark, rich, unctuous ball of nourishment.

The brother of the Christmas pudding is the mince pie.

-It's really easy to make your own mincemeat.

-It is.

To start with, I've got a lemon which has been boiled for an hour.

Now I'll cut into it and take the pips out because you don't want that in your mince pies.

Look at that for a lemon jelly!

While Dave takes those pips out, I peel and chop a Bramley apple.

Then in go the other dried fruits, candied mixed peel and the apple.

Puree this to sludge.

Oh, put me in a wardrobe and call me a pomander!

-What's that like?

-That's all right. Quite nice consistency.

-Lovely.

Now on to stage two...

-You know what Nurse says...

-Put that lovely, mulchy, sensuous, smelly thing into there.

To that, we add some suet. This is shredded beef suet.

-If you're a vegetarian, use shredded vegetable suet. That's the veggies catered for!

-There you are, lovely.

The little devils now - currants.

-Did you have dead fly pie when you were little?

-Yes.

Brown muscovado sugar, the real sticky, heavy one.

You can tell it's cold. One lump or two, missus?

Great quartet of Christmas spices - ginger, allspice, cinnamon...

And...some nutmeg!

These lot really are Christmas in powdered form.

Give that a good old mix.

Now, the good bit.

At the moment it's a bit dry,

-but this is soon to be rectified by the addition of...

-Some brandy.

Just put a glug in.

And the alcohol is going to preserve the mincemeat.

If you are off the drink, you could use fruit juices, but the mincemeat won't last for ever.

You should leave it for a day or two for the flavours to mature and develop then use it, but, hey,

we'll make one batch up from this, then save the rest for our party.

We've got the filling. What about the Christmas crust?

For the pastry, we're going to do something different.

For starters, it's like normal -

-flour, sugar, salt, baking powder and butter blitzed to crumbs.

-Then the magic starts.

For the flavour, the zest of two oranges.

Instead of water, we use orange juice.

So add until a ball of pastry is formed.

-You know what brings a tear to my eye at Christmas?

-Chopped onions.

Without the aid of a parachute,

a perfectly formed sausage of orange pastry.

-Let's make mince pies.

-Yes.

We'd put the pastry in the fridge for an hour before rolling it out.

But as we're in a massive fridge, not necessary.

So, roll out two thirds for the bases and get cooking.

-This has got to be the best environment known to mankind for making pastry.

-You're not wrong.

Now... This is where we have a difference of opinion.

I like mine like little pies, so I've made my lids to fit the bottoms.

So I'll do an eggy wash and stick the lids on.

I, however, have made mine not to fit, so they sit on,

then all of that lovely sweet mincemeat bubbles and caramelises around these corners.

I love that.

You see, I think a tidy mince pie is a happy mince pie.

These'll need about 20 minutes in a hot oven.

-Come on, then!

-It's like a really dodgy episode of Ski Sunday!

It's good, this, innit?

Don't let go!

LAUGHTER

-Now we think our mince pies are the business.

-But we're biased.

Bring on the focus group.

-Hey!

-Oh, here they come, look!

Hello. How are you doin'?

Right, these are proper, old-fashioned mince pies.

I recommend a dollop of cream on.

Pick your mince pie and I'll dollop your cream.

There's an offer you can't refuse.

-Can I have that one?

-Yes.

-Good old clotted cream!

-That's awesome.

-What do you reckon?

-The pastry's nice.

-Is it?

-I don't really like mince pies. Can I just eat the pastry?

-Eat the mince pie!

We've gone to trouble with that! Go on, have a nibble.

I don't normally eat them neither, but it's really tasty.

-Have a big bite.

-I like the cream.

-Shall I try it all in one?

-Yeah. Go on. All in one. Go on, go on.

-Yeah!

-Oh, my God! How big is your mouth?

That is remarkable for a little lass. Does anybody know the Heimlich Manoeuvre?

Bang on! That's a thumbs-up for the first recipe.

So those mince pies will definitely make an appearance at our Christmas bash.

-But we've got a long way to go before that.

-So it's onward to Cookham near Reading.

And an appointment with a Christmas icon.

Who? Perry Como? The Queen? Father Christmas?

-No, man, it's a cookery show!

-Oh, right!

# Well, I wish it could be Christmas every day

# When the kids start singing... #

Call me old-fashioned, but it's not Christmas without a turkey.

You're not wrong. They're a friendly lot!

This is a holiday camp for turkeys.

It's like Turkey Center Parcs! Is this for your feet or your head?

-'Three sisters - Sarah, Tanya...'

-'And Fenella, not pictured.'

'Took over running this turkey farm from their father a year ago.'

'They've got over 25,000 free-range turkeys here.

'We want to find out more about these festive feathered friends.'

Do you know what I'm really surprised at? How social they are.

-When you walk in, they gather round you. It's like Custer's Last Stand!

-They're very friendly.

The colours are fantastic. Is that different breeds?

It's an unusual flock. There are lots of different breeds.

The darker ones are the bronze turkey that you read about.

We've also got heritage breeds and rare breeds as well.

We'll be cooking a turkey, ham and cranberry pie from leftovers.

What will they be like on Boxing Day?

What makes it different is these guys grow to adult natural maturity.

Like adults, they get a bit of fat on them like we do.

-How dare you, madam(!)

-Sorry.

-Fat means flavour.

-Absolutely. It means that the flavour is a bit different.

-Wonderful.

-Do you miss them when they're gone?

-We do, yeah.

It's a bit eerie in January, but we get over it and start ordering more.

# I hear those sleigh bells jingling

# Ring-ting-tingling too

-# It's nearly Christmas... #

-CONTINUE HUMMING TUNE

Right...

We're cooking a turkey and ham pie, but it's got a cranberry, kumquat and port sauce on the top.

It's a big "put it on the sideboard" pie to impress the neighbours.

It's a "cut and come again" pie. Like a cake, but a pie.

It's a "two-for", a bit of a BOGOF.

If you make the sauce without the gelatine,

put it in a sauce boat, in a jar, have with your turkey and have with your turkey sandwiches.

-Ooh!

-Ooh! Step one.

-To the pan, add water.

-Yes.

-Step two.

-Cranberries.

-Good product, cranberries, aren't they?

-They are.

-They're great with turkey and it fixes your cystitis.

-Now, kumquats.

Kumquats are nice and sour. We'll put loads of sugar in to give us a sherbetty flavour.

Put the lid on, ten minutes, that'll have dropped.

# Jingle bells, jingle bells Jingle all the way... #

-Look at that - all the colours of Santa's sack!

-Fantastic.

It may look beautiful, but with just the fruit in at the moment, it's a right sour beast.

So in goes sugar and for that full-on festive flavour, a cinnamon stick broken in two.

These little lovelies are allspice berries and you put six of them

into said cornucopia of Christmas loveliness.

-That is Christmas!

-That's Santa Claus, carollers, Charles Dickens.

Last thing, pour in about three tablespoons or a big glug.

Let the alcohol cook off and you're left with the sauce you can have with turkey sandwiches

or your turkey on Christmas Day.

However, we want to make a jelly to go on top of our turkey and ham pie.

So I've got two leaves of gelatine...

Soak them in cold water and wait till they go flaccid.

-Right, turn the heat off.

-Just put it in there and Dave stirs it in.

When this goes cold, it's going to go to set jelly.

'For the filling, we're using some of Sarah's leftover roast turkey.'

'If you want to know how to roast one, I'm sure someone will be doing a recipe on telly this Christmas.'

'But we'll just crack on with our pie.'

'So for the filling, sweat off the onions, leeks and celery.'

Oh, look at this!

Now, the whole thing about this pie is that you want to keep it chunky.

So instead of carving the breast in slices,

I'm going to take the whole breast off this bird and then cut it, but real chunky.

We don't want the skin, unfortunately,

because that's going to go really soft and chewy in the pie.

I'll put that to one side, so we can eat it later on!

Then with very clean hands, just pare away the brown meat

from the thigh and leg bone.

But honestly, keep it chunky. Don't be frightened.

Keep it really in nice, lovely, big pieces.

What a sight is that! My leeks, my celery and my onion have sweated like a Geordie on Trisha!

Now it's time to thicken it up.

I want not a lot of sauce, it's a dry pie, but I do want some.

So, a good dessertspoonful of flour.

To that, some of that wonderful turkey stock.

And look, that's kind of got the onions and celery and leeks

and it's like thick ectoplasm. That's what you want.

Look at how I've sliced this breast. Look at the thickness.

-That's beautiful.

-Give over!

Because it's Christmas, a time of luxury, extravagance and happiness, we'll add some cream.

Stir that through. Because we made a sauce first, it shouldn't split.

Once that's combined, it's in with the mustard...

..and chopped parsley.

And finally, some cut gammon and the chunks of roast turkey.

I saved this bit, look.

Dip that in the kumquats. Go on.

Ha-ha! Ooh!

What we need to do is season to taste now.

With the peppermill worthy of Gino D'Acampo!

You could have that with buttery mashed potatoes and carrots and have a turkey and ham fricassee.

However, we're making a pie.

This is a simple, blind-baked pastry case.

The only difference is we've used half lard, half butter in this.

The lard gives it a nice, crumbly texture.

It needs ten more minutes in the oven for the flavours to combine.

Then it's time for the cranberry jelly topping.

Oh, man, Christmas on a plate!

-After you.

-After you.

-Thank you.

I'll get a bit of that.

Hmm!

-It's good turkey.

-It's great turkey.

-It's excellent turkey.

That's lovely. Really good flavours.

You could leave it till the next day.

It'd be really nice cos the meat would set.

-If you have a good product, the food will be good.

-Yeah.

Sun's going down, happy as Larry and we're eating their brother!

So that's another dish destined for our Christmas party.

# I saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus... #

But, dude, a Christmas party isn't just a treat for the taste buds.

Aye, you're right, mate. We need the place to look good, too.

So it's back up the motorway to the outskirts of Birmingham.

And a veritable forest of Christmas trees.

-Christmas trees!

-Hundreds of 'em!

Do you not fancy plastic this year cos they last for ever and don't drop their needles?

-It might be ecologically more sound.

-No, we're here for a Christmas tree!

-'There may be nearly a million Christmas trees growing here.'

-'But we need just one.'

-'Which one, dude?'

-'Christmas tree farmer Geoff is the fella to ask.'

# We're walking in the air... #

My favourite is the traditional Norway spruce. I really like the fragrance. You smell that.

-It's beginning to smell of Christmas.

-That's lovely.

That clears your sinuses.

-What's this one? It's got a silvery tinge to it.

-That's a noble fir.

-They have stronger branches and are layered, so you can hang decorations.

-A good stick to put your fairy on.

-'I know which one I like.'

-'Me too.'

'But before we're let loose with a saw, there's a little matter of...'

'Our fabuloso, gigantico cheese straws!'

'But first, a simple festive soup-a-roonie to go with them.'

-What do these say to you, Kingy?

-Chestnuts, fire, roastin'.

-It says "Christmas".

-It does.

But no fire will warm you as much as this soup.

It's a chestnut, butternut squash and Bramley apple soup.

-Pretty much all soups start out this way.

-Chopped onions and garlic get softened in olive oil.

Then in go potatoes and the first of the festive flavours - cooking apples.

-When the onion is translucent...

-Not brown, mind.

-Add some thyme and a couple of bay leaves.

-The stock.

Then pieces of butternut squash roasted off for half an hour.

-Finally, the crucial ingredient.

-Chestnut in two ways.

-Chestnut puree.

-And fabulous roasted chestnuts that have been peeled.

Once all those are in, season and simmer until the potato is soft.

Let's get on with our cheese straws.

As only a Hairy Baker would make them!

Our cheese straws are no longer that frugal dinner party offering

as seen from Solihull to Surbiton.

-They are big.

-One of the finest products of mankind.

-Ready-made puff pastry.

-Would you like flour on that?

Roll your rough puff out as thin as you can.

-Right, lay down some Parma ham.

-Some prosciutto.

Serrano.

-Call it what you will.

-Pig flesh.

-There we are.

-The Gorgonzola is crumbled over the top.

-I like this bit.

Gorgonzola, by the very nature of what it is, is quite sticky and creamy and lovely, which is great.

When you roll it out, it spreads across the whole pastry.

Fold this over like so, then make a sandwich.

Now get your rolling pin

and squitch it all together.

-You can be quite robust. If your cheese bursts through, you'll have a nice, burnt cheesy bit.

-Lovely.

Now, we've got a beaten egg here and we want to brush this lovely pastry with said egg.

-These would be nice with a glass of port.

-Oh, yes.

-Celery seeds are not just for a Bloody Mary.

-No. Poppy seeds is another good option.

Sesame seeds.

What we want you to take home from this is the method.

You can make your straws as big or little as you want.

Stuff them with what you like and use whatever seeds you like. We have opened up doors for you!

The final step is to cut the cheese straws into thinnish strips.

And then give them an attractive twist.

Right, while they're cooking, we can exercise our right as men.

# Hi-ho, hi-ho, it's off to work we go... #

To chop down a tree!

We've got it now, dude, we're off!

Timber!

Aagh!

Why is it always me?

'So with the tree sorted...'

'Time for the finishing touches to the soup.'

'After being pureed to a smooth consistency, in goes the cream.'

'And for that little touch of glamour, some truffle oil.'

Right, gang, grub's up!

'Giving us their verdict on the soup and the cheese straws are some of Geoff's lumberjacks and Jills!'

-Very nice.

-Lovely.

-Very nice. Good.

-Everybody happy?

-Yes!

-Merry Christmas!

-Merry Christmas!

-Merry Christmas!

'Before we head off...'

'The Christmas pudding we made at the ski centre needs a bit of a feed.'

'Yes, dude.

'And it's even worth doing this if you've bought one!'

'Once a week up until Christmas, just give it a dash of brandy.

'With that done, we end the day at Birmingham's Christmas Market.'

'But we're not just here to have fun.'

'No, mate, we're on a serious Christmas fact-finding mission.'

'And the first thing we need to learn is how to make the German Christmas cake, stollen.'

'Where better to do that than at the market's own German bakery?'

'And Petra's here to translate.'

'But it's Stefan, the star stollen stuffer that we're really here for.'

-We have all here what you need for a good stollen.

-Yes.

-We make first Mehl...

-Flour.

-That's our flour, yeah.

-Plain flour.

-Sugar.

-That's a lot of yeast.

-Yes.

We want to make a good stollen.

Then we need some warm milk. We need it for the yeast.

-It must go...

-Woomph, yeah.

-Yes.

-And then we have good butter.

-Oh!

-That's the good bit.

And when it's ready,

we need 20 minutes and she must stay here warm.

-Woomph!

-Yes. Then it takes...woomph!

-'So the 20 minutes it takes to make "woomph"...'

-'Rising to you and me!'

'..gives us a chance to explore the Christmas Market.'

-It's the Hairy Bikers!

-Hey!

-How are you doin'?

-There's quite a lot to see.

-I like your beret. It's nice, that.

-Hello.

-Hi.

-That is a perfect sausage, if ever I've seen one!

-I was like that once.

Yeah, I know, I know.

One Rotwurst.

Oh, hey!

'With the dough doubled in size, Stefan can get on with the next stage of the process.'

So next we take the almonds,

raisins, orange peels,

some vanilla flavour, and now a big shot of rum.

Good lad. Yeah!

-And now we mix it.

-It smells great.

-It does.

-It's Christmas!

'The dough just needs a second ten-minute rise.'

'So we have time for a bit more Christmas fun.'

'Dude, I'm feeling a bit sick now.'

'You shouldn't have had that extra sausage, should you?'

Now we make it ready for folding, yeah?

-Ah!

-And we want to fill it with marzipan.

-I think we'll have a big stollen.

-We're big lads, Petra.

Yeah.

So, Petra, how long does the stollen have to bake now?

-Now one hour.

-An hour?!

Yes, one hour.

-An hour?

-But I have baked one earlier for you.

Is that OK?

-Oh!

-Hey-hey!

-And now we can try all together.

-Oh, brilliant!

The very, very good stollen. OK?

-A big one for you.

-Thank you. What are you trying to say, madam?

-Enjoy it. And a big one for you.

-Thanks, Petra.

-Stefan, do you want a piece?

-Yes.

The marzipan just nestled in the middle. That is really good.

Stefan, you are indeed...

Stefan, the star stollen stuffer!

'No Christmas would be complete without a cup of mulled wine.'

'Normally, it's made from red wine simmered with Christmassy spices, oranges and lemons.'

Look at that!

'But here they use a cone of sugar soaked in rum to spice it up.'

'And the piece de resistance comes when they set fire to the rum and turn off the lights.'

'The sugar caramelises and slowly drips into the vat of mulled wine below. Magic!'

-Like a scene from Hellboy!

-I wouldn't mind a nibble of this.

Thank you. Salud!

# I wish it could be Christmas every day... #

It will be if we drink any more of this stuff!

'With a bellyful of Feuerzangenbowle...'

'That's what it's called!'

'I need a lie down, dude.'

Bright and early, it's time to continue our journey north.

We've got loads of food to sort out for our hard-working emergency services lads and lasses.

Having to work shouldn't mean they miss out on the festive fun.

The food we've got so far is going to be fantastic.

But we still need loads more tasty treats if they're going to fill up on top festive fare.

One of my favourites this time of year is smoked salmon

and I know exactly where to get it.

# Welcome to my Christmas song... #

'You know us. If we want smoked salmon, we go direct to the smokery.'

'The salmon in here must be good. Just look at the security!'

-How are you this morning?

-I must sample that.

'The smokery we've come to visit

'is inside one of Her Majesty's prisons.'

'Haverigg Prison, to be precise.

'Security cleared, it's time to get smoking.'

'With the prisoners out of the way...'

'We've come to meet Smokehouse Supervisor Morag

'who has worked here since it opened in April.'

-Hi.

-Hi, Morag. What are you in for?

-Good behaviour.

-It's Jack the Kipper!

If I caught a salmon or a trout, I could bring my fish to the prison and you'd smoke it for me?

Fetch it to us and we will smoke it.

If you carry this over to the side there, I'll show you how it's done.

Now, it's not what you would call small-scale, this, is it?

-That's a lot of fish.

-It's a factory.

If we didn't have the prisoners coming in to help us, there's no way we could do it.

-Prisoners work here?

-They're studying their NVQ Level 2.

So when they get out, they leave with a practical qualification.

They're not only leaving with a qualification, but with a skill.

Get the salt, right?

-This in the process is what you call brining.

-It's curing.

-Curing, yeah.

This is taking the moisture out of the salmon. Each customer is unique in how they want it smoked.

Some customers like it heavily smoked, some don't.

Some of our salmon has actually gone to some MPs.

-Really?

-Oh, yes.

-Oh, yeah.

-Excellent.

-Will you show us your smoker?

-Certainly.

-That's a bit personal!

-You canna bring him anywhere, can you?

-Oh, she's from Bootle.

I'll just turn it off here.

-It's lovely when it stops.

-Bliss!

-This is some salmon that has just gone in this morning.

-How long do you smoke it for?

-Depending on the size of the fillets, these'll take 14 to 18 hours.

-Right.

-Oh, my goodness!

-To tell whether it's actually ready or not,

you want to see oils coming out of the flesh of the salmon.

-You love it here, don't you?

-I get an absolute buzz off it.

I know this is just an acorn, just the start of big things.

Absolutely fantastic.

'I can't wait to give that smoked salmon a taste.'

'Me neither. I know how to serve it at our party.'

'Our home-made bagels will be perfect.'

-'While the rain beats down...'

-'The bakers get baking!'

Viewers, you are about to lose your bagel-ginity.

I've just realised I'm ever the optimist. I've got shades on.

-Ridiculous.

-He was born cool, Kingy.

-Anyway, one bowl. In said bowl there is some flour.

-Plain flour.

Then it's pretty much like a normal bread dough - dried yeast,

salt and a beaten egg.

And...some honey.

-About a tablespoon.

-A dessertspoon, isn't it?

-No, a tablespoon.

-No, it's not. I tell you what...

I hope they won't show this bit.

-And one tablespoon of honey.

-It's a dessertspoon!

Have a look, have a look.

"One dessertspoonful of runny honey..." That's enough honey.

That needs to be blended to a paste.

Then...some water.

300 millilitres to be added gradually.

# Keep your feet still, Geordie hinny, Let's be happy through the neet

# Though we may not be sae happy through the day... #

I'm living in a Catherine Cookson!

Right, the said dough needs turning out on to a table top and kneading.

That'll be me doing that again.

-D'you want me to do the kneading?

-No!

Exactly. I tried.

Now, you need to knead it for a good while because you need to get that gluten going in the flour

to make it all elastic and lovely. Oh, it smells great.

Put that in the bowl.

That needs to leaven in a warm place for about an hour. Remember the old shower cap?

Stealing from a hotel - nobody puts them on their heads! Put it on the bowl...

Warm place, one hour later, make the bagels.

# Could fill spoons full of coffee... #

-Right, shower cap...

-I need that on my head!

Look at that!

Oh, yes. That's risen very, very nicely.

What we'll do is take it out the bowl, knock it back.

Shouldn't be too much.

What we're going to do... This bagel mix makes about 12 small bagels.

So what you need to do...

..is knock it into 12 bits.

-I see.

-What we do...

Or else you make 17 assorted kind of weird-shaped round things.

Shut up! Here... Thank you.

This is great. You take a ball and on a wooden spoon, put it on there.

And this is how you get your hole in your bagel. Like the hole in your doughnut.

It really doesn't matter if they come out different sizes.

Right, now, these need to prove for another 45 minutes.

Which gives us time to get some smoked salmon from the smokery.

'Mike runs a smokehouse on the outside.'

'He's sharing skills with prisoners on the inside.'

-That's a lot of smoked salmon.

-The finest. It's come out the kilns.

How long's it been smoked for?

14 to 16 hours.

-Can we have some to go with our bagels?

-Certainly.

-Can you slice it on your machine?

-Yeah, on this super new machine.

You'll see the blade running through now.

That is the most important part of this machine.

That measures it and it'll give you about 10 to 12

even, thin slices the whole length of that side.

-Wahey!

-There you go.

-Wow!

That's it finished at the end.

We can average about 30 to 40 of these per hour.

They are all beautiful all the way through.

Put that on your bagels.

You just don't get better than that!

Look at that - a side of Her Majesty's finest!

Look at this -

proved bagels, bagels that have proved and been proving.

Aren't they lovely?

This is the good bit with bagels. It's the slightly mad bit.

Pick it up gently. Because we've got oil on the paper, it won't stick.

And you plunge it. 30 seconds on one side, then 30 seconds on the other.

It's the water that makes a bagel a bagel. It makes it chewy.

They're not like cardboard and you shouldn't have to toast these.

Before we did this recipe, I'd never made bagels and I'd always had the chewy, cardboard ones.

It's worth making them because they're brilliant.

I first made bagels at a New Year's Eve party in Nova Scotia.

You couldn't just have done it round the local council house? You had to go to Nova Scotia!

We're doing sesame seed and poppy seed bagels.

These are posh bagels.

It's not all porridge in prison!

And the seeds will stick to the hot water.

You just have to put these beauties into a hot oven about 200 degrees C

for about 15 minutes until they're cooked through and golden.

'Like we will at our Christmas party, we're serving our bagels with horseradish and creme fraiche.'

'Topped off with the fabulous prison smoked salmon.'

'And to taste them, we've got all the guards who have been looking after us today.'

-Do you reckon these are going to be good for breakfast on Christmas morning?

-We're all in here.

-Are you all working?

-Yeah.

# I've been on the inside for Christmas... #

That was something else, Dave.

And it's made me think again about our Christmas party.

Just like those prison officers, our guests will miss out on Christmas.

We need to make sure our pre-Christmas party is special.

So we're heading back round the coast to do just that.

I've got a question for you. Who out there really gets something from Christmas?

-Me!

-True, mate, true.

That's because you're a big kid!

Wow, hundreds of Santa's little helpers!

# Just hear those sleigh bells jingling... #

-Hey!

-Hello!

How are you doing?

CHEERING

'We're here to make some right festive biscuits.'

'I bet those kids are a dab hand at dough.'

-There we are, mate.

-They're fantastic kids, aren't they?

About a year ago, we came here and did a barbecue with the kids.

Just because they're nice kids and we were passing.

Yeah. They're a great bunch of kids. They're dead into their food.

We love children at Christmas. Children love Christmas.

We love children at Christmas, fried, boiled, poached, whatever.

-Hello, gang.

-Hello.

-Hello!

-And how are you all today?

-Fine!

'Before making our festive biscuits, we want to find out what it is these kids love about Christmas.'

-So what's your favourite bit about Christmas...?

-Go on.

Seeing all the lovely wrapping paper.

-Yes, my darling?

-Christmas pie.

-What sort of Christmas pie do you have?

-Apple.

Ooh!

-What's your favourite thing about Christmas?

-Being with all the family.

Picking up all the chocolate.

'I could stay here all day!'

'We'd better get some cooking done.'

Ho-ho!

-I'd be a good Santa, wouldn't I?

-No, you wouldn't.

-Yes, I would.

-Oh, no, you wouldn't!

-See you!

-Bye!

Thank you for your help!

WHISTLING: "Magic Moments"

Magic Moments, like our biscuits. They're Speculaas, Christmas biscuits from Holland and Belgium.

They're full of Christmas spices.

-It's not much fun without the "childebeests".

-What can I hear?

Oh, the patter of little childebeests.

-Hey!

-Hey!

It's the Christmas Biscuit Baking Gang.

-Who's going to be Si and who's going to be Dave? Are you Si?

-Yeah.

-Hello, Dave.

-Hi, Dave.

Are you all right, Dave?

SI AND DAVE LAUGH

'So with roles defined, it's on with the biscuit dough.'

'Dry ingredients first.'

'Flour, sugar, our classic Christmas spices and baking powder are given a good turn by our mini Si's.'

# I'm dreaming of a white Christmas... #

-How's yours doing?

-She's got it on the floor.

That normally happens to me.

This bowl is orange and lemon peel that's been soaked in sugar.

So put all that in as well.

Rhiannon doesn't have any half-measures.

Chuck the milk in. It's like chemistry, Becky.

Put all the butter in. Look at that.

This is where it gets complicated. Everything has to be beaten together to form a dough.

I'm used to this because I always make cakes at home.

Put your spoons down and get your hands in it.

-Make a dough with your hands.

-I love that.

Really squidge it, then the butter will get on with all the spices.

Have we got...? Hold it up in the air, look.

-Oh, look at that, man.

-Yes!

This is the fun bit. It's Christmas and it's snowing.

Now it's time to roll it out.

Sweetheart, that's fantastic.

Take a cutter. What do you fancy?

'To hang these on your tree, put a hole in them for the string before they're baked.'

'Otherwise, they'll shatter if you try once they're hard.'

'With all our dough used up, the biscuits get 15 minutes in the oven.'

'Which gives us time to try something completely different.'

'It's just a meat mincer with a special attachment.'

'It makes a classic Christmas biscuit.'

'With our biscuits baked, time to get decorating.'

This is all your work. How brilliant is that?

Christmas biscuits, just for decorating. We've got everything you need to decorate them.

All the icing in the tubes,

magic stuff, balls, trees, snowmen, everything. So let's get cracking!

Have you got Santa?

# Last Christmas, I gave you my heart

# But the very next day, you gave it away

# This year, to save me from tears

# I'll give it to someone special... #

I wake up in the morning and I run downstairs,

then my mum hears me and she comes running down, gets a camera,

-then me and Jen are opening the wrapping paper all over the place!

-Oh, brilliant!

-Look at that!

-Fabby!

# You gave it away

# This year, to save me from tears I'll give it to someone special... #

Don't they look fantastic?

With a warm glow in our hearts, it's onwards with our Christmas journey.

The party's getting closer and there's one big thing missing...

Chocolate in the form of a luscious yule log.

We're off to Harrogate to find out how to make one.

-Oh, marvellous!

-We're here.

Bettys, the St Paul's Cathedral of the yule log world!

We've got to get inspiration here.

There it is, the yule log - la Buche de Noel.

-That'll do.

-Yeah.

-We're just missing the methodology.

-Where do we get that?

-Bettys.

-What if she's called Sharon?

Who is Betty?

-Hello.

-How are you doing? I'm Si.

-I'm Sarah.

'With Betty unavailable, we come to meet master bakers Jo and Sarah.'

-We can show you how to make one.

-Can you?

-Yeah.

-Let's get on with it.

-We can't do it here. We've got to go to the bakery.

-What for?

To make it. We just sell things here.

'Fit for the operating theatre, we're ready to perform open-heart surgery!'

'Yule log making, you mean!'

-We need to whip our egg whites to a nice, stiff peak.

-Stiff peak.

-What am I doing?

-You've got an egg yolk. Whisk it together.

-Come on!

-A little bit more.

Right, we want the cocoa powder in.

-Just add our caster sugar.

-It's a bit of a meringue vibe?

Yeah.

-That's more like it.

-You've made it a bit thick.

That's a really bad thing to say.

-Shall I put the butter in?

-Yeah. Melted.

Come here, you! Honestly, stop messing about, will you?

It's a professional organisation you're working for. Honestly!

-What do I do now?

-Flour.

Just gently.

Just till it's all combined.

What's the next, Jo?

A handful at a time, just lightly, get to the bottom of the bowl.

It's amazing how the volume comes from just a few eggs.

Just bear in mind, Myers, cos I can see what's going through your head,

that if you do, this is stickier!

-You use your hands a lot for baking here.

-So why's that?

We've spent all that time whipping the air into the egg whites.

We don't want to knock it out by using a machine.

You tend to get a feel as well for what you're making and mixing

when you're using these ingredients by feeling it with your hands.

-It feels almost silky.

-It does.

Then they're ready to go in the oven.

'They'll take about 15 minutes to bake.'

'Once they've cooled down, the hard part comes.'

'We've got to decorate them.'

'This time it's with chocolate frosting.'

It's just a sweet chocolate filling. Icing sugar, butter, chocolate.

-I'll put you a blob on. A nice, even spread.

-Technical term, a blob!

Right, spreading... It's very unctuous, isn't it?

-I used to do this on bridge decks.

-It's like waterproofing.

-Lovely stuff.

-You never thought we could do it, did you not?

-No, you didn't.

-Of course we did.

-Look at that.

-We'll roll it next.

Nice, tight roll.

-That looks more like a Havana than a cake.

-Shut up! What do you mean?

Look at that! It's log-like!

Isn't it? What's the matter with that?

We'll trim the ends off and that'll be lovely.

-It'll be all right on the fire.

-Yeah.

-Listen to him!

Go on then. Go on.

Hey, man, give up!

A professional at work!

I wouldn't do it like that, Jo, would you?

Fold that edge of it over first.

-That's beautiful.

-It's cracking! Excellent!

-Beautiful.

-It's all right.

-Perfect.

-That's beautiful.

-It's perfect.

-Look at that!

Ho-ho-ho!

That's what you call a Buche de Noel.

'With our logs successfully cut and rolled...'

'Successfully? That?!'

'Shut up, you, Myers! Shut up!'

'..they can start resembling yule logs.'

'Pale orange buttercream and chocolate in a piping bag give the ends their loggy look.'

'And after a layer of apricot jam to keep the sponge moist, time to test our skills.'

'Chocolate decorating.'

'It's time to be deadly serious.'

-Right, so, piping next, isn't it?

-Yeah. Don't hold it...

Right, split your bag. You're squeezing with this.

Don't put too much on the bottom part of your hand cos you're squeezing with that. With this hand, you guide.

-Control, you see?

-That's right.

Machine-like. Got it.

You need mastics to fill those cracks!

-You're sticking your tongue out again, Dave.

-Sorry.

-That's all reet, that.

-Mm-hm.

Aye, it looks good from a distance!

THEY LAUGH

# In the bleak midwinter

-# Frosty winds may blow

-May blow

-# Earth stood hard as iron

-As iron

# Water like a stone Have a banana... #

LAUGHTER

-A special treat made for you guys.

-Thanks.

-Thanks, girls.

"Ey-up, Si, I'm proper confused."

"So am I. See you later. I'm going for me cake."

-"Ta-ra, mate. See you in the pub!"

-"Ta-ra."

Look at that! I'm sitting there lost in my own little forest!

ALL LAUGH

-Thanks very much.

-I'm proud of you.

-You're welcome.

'We're proper chocolatiers.'

'Yeah, we've made something chocolatey.

'It's delicious. And beautiful.'

'What a result!'

# Chestnuts roasting on an open fire... #

It's the final ride up north to Alnwick in Northumberland.

Home to the famous castle.

We're not having our fabulous pre-Christmas party IN the castle.

No, dude, we'll be doing it in the largest treehouse in the UK.

Just look at that, would you?

# Merry Christmas... #

There's just one more thing to cook.

Some fabulous Christmas Florentines we can give to everyone as presents when they leave the party.

# Step one in the creation of a Florentine

# Application of fire to butter... #

Anyway, sugar goes into the butter.

-Sugar, butter makes caramel.

-Theoretically.

To that, to give it substance, body and texture, we stir in some flour.

-Just a little, not a "lottle".

-This looks like it'll never melt.

Keep stirring. One day it will be liquid.

-We promise.

-Christmas is a time of excess. You don't care whether it's a Green Day or a Red Day.

-We've got friends that go to FatFighters.

-Have you?

Come round. Have this with a cup of tea.

Step into my world. They're going, "No, I'm getting weighed tomorrow! Oh, no, swine!" That's it.

What'll happen is the butter will come out of the mix here.

-Look at that, lovely.

-It's time for the scary bit.

-I hate this bit.

We stir in some creme fraiche. Keep stirring and hope it doesn't split.

Sti-i-ir!

-Very quickly to that we add...

-Dried sour cherries.

Oh, yes...

Flaked almonds.

Some candied peel.

-The Florentine is a bit like the burnt bits you get at the end of a cake tin.

-It is.

-Except with a Florentine...

-If you didn't get these ingredients in, that's what we'll be eating!

-Crystallised ginger, chopped.

-Shaken, not stirred!

All I do now is take a spoonful of it like so...

..and put it on to some silicone paper.

# God rest ye merry, gentlemen

# Let nothing you dismay

# Remember Christ our Saviour

# Was born on Christmas Day... #

'The Florentines need about ten minutes in the oven.'

'And then another ten minutes out to cool down and firm up.'

'Only then are they ready for their chocolate bath.'

'Oh, I wish I was a Florentine!'

Brilliant. Mr King, now charge...

-What we do...

-Double dip.

Double... Ohh! There we are.

Now we just put that back on the silicone paper.

It'll set and the chocolate won't stick to that paper.

# O tidings of comfort and joy Comfort and joy... #

-A tray of Florentinos!

-Look at that!

Florentinos, oh, sticking down... choccy in the throaty. Oh, lovely!

Well, the food's ready.

Yeah. Now we have to decorate this gorgeous room, put the food on the table.

We've got two hours to do it.

# Snow is falling all around... #

'As we've got so little time, the production team are helping out.'

ZZ Top meets Roy Wood!

Ow! No!

-It's on my foot! Get it off!

-I thought you were joking.

-No!

# Time for parties and celebration

# People dancing all night long

# Time for presents And exchanging kisses... #

-Look at those!

-That's a sideboard pie.

This table will bend under the weight of Christmas goodies.

# We're gonna have a party tonight

# I'm gonna find that girl underneath the mistletoe

# We'll kiss by candlelight

# The room is swaying, records playing... #

'And now the icing on the party's Christmas cake...'

'The reindeer!'

I can hear the reindeer!

-You know it's Christmas when you see reindeer.

-I'm excited. I've never met a reindeer before.

-Hello. Who's this?

-This is Buttons.

Hello, Buttons.

Well, I was just askin'! Come on.

You don't get this trouble with Santa!

'So this is it.'

'Even if our grafting guests are on call at the festive season...'

'Our early Christmas party goes some way to saying thank you.'

We've got the reindeer, the food, the tree, the party, the people.

-There's one thing missing.

-Ah!

Ah!

-Hey-hey!

-Hey-hey!

Now then, welcome to our treehouse.

-Christmas has come early for us and you too.

-So...

BOTH: Merry Christmas!

-ALL:

-Merry Christmas!

# O come all ye faithful... #

'For now, our hard-working nurses, firemen, paramedics and all

'can forget about working this Christmas.'

'And enjoy our early Christmas party with their families.'

Come on, folks! It's Christmas and we've got a feast. Come on!

CHEERING

What would you like, madam? You've got quite a lot! A piece of pie?

I reckon these are the best cheese straws you'll ever taste.

Who does this young man remind you of? This is that elf's youngest son.

'All the food we've prepared has been going down really well.'

'But now it's time to bring out the first thing we made for the party.'

'Our Christmas pudding!'

It's a flamin' puddin'! That's what you say at Christmas.

-"Oh, not a flamin' puddin'!"

-And I suggest not blowing it out!

# Santa Claus is comin' to town

# Santa Claus is comin' to town... #

'And with that going down a storm too, we've got a final treat for our special party guests.'

'Our patiently waiting reindeer.'

'And a Hairy Baker Florentine to take home.'

Si will do the same if you ask him!

-Merry Christmas.

-Merry Christmas.

Hello. You want to take our Christmas pudding home, don't you?

It was fabulous.

She's taking most of the Gluhwein home. It's in her belly!

Those people were absolutely superb. Weren't they?

They were fabulous. They're giving up their Christmas to make ours a safe, happy, peaceful one.

-There's one thing left to do.

-What's that? Oh!

-I've seen the light.

-Have you?

'So we've got a final journey to make.'

'Because we've been invited to turn on the Christmas lights in my home city of Newcastle.'

I hope somebody's put a 50 in the meter!

It's the Hairy Bikers! CHEERING

Five, four, three, two,

-one...

-Go!

# Don't shoot me, Santa Claus

# I've been a clean-living boy, I promise you

# Did every little thing you asked me to

# I can't believe the things I'm going through... #

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd