Episode 4 Christmas Kitchen with James Martin

If you want some festive food and fun, you're in the perfect place,

this is Christmas Kitchen. Hello and welcome to the show.

Coming up today, we have that dodgy music playing, it's Masterchef, John

Torode, he cooks us an exclusive festive feast, pork with Christmas

polenta. We crack open a Christmas treat from Nigella. With me is is

the head chef of one of London's finest restaurants Wolseley,

Lawrence Keogh. Next to him is the spirit of Christmas himself, Brian

Turner. Our special guest today is one of the most recognisable faces

on TV as part of the comedy duo Armstrong and Miller and the star of

Death in Paradise. It's Ben Miller. Christmas shopping, have you

started? I haven't started. I hope it will magically appear. It

doesn't. We will talk to you later as well. Lawrence, what are you

cooking? A flourless St Clements cake with a mulled wine syrup and

cranberries. Boiled orange cake? Glutton free. A nice cake. Lovely

cake to do. You looked at Brian when you said "not too bloated" that is a

bit unfair. You are on a quest to prove to me and to 25% of the nation

that turkey is tasty? It's perfect. Today's day is a classic. From

Frederick holstein. It's beautiful. It was really lovely in rehearsals.

He covered the turkey with a fried egg. That is what he has done. Over

here we have beef bourgignon, with I is perfect for Christmas as well.

You mentioned you in the West End. I am. Congratulations new play. The

Duck House. Opened two nights ago. We had our press night. BBC News

will be there. It will be on the news at 6.00pm because MPs have

awarded themselves a big pay rise, or about to. Yes. 11% pay rise. It's

topical, isn't it? It has suddenly become topical. You mention it's

about MPs. What is the storyline of it? You remember the expense scandal

in 2009. There were crazy claims, most famously Sir Peter Vickers

claimed for a duck house on expenses. I'm sure we are all very

glad he wasn't making do... Thank goodness he didn't claim for a

turkey house. It would need to be bigger than a duck house. A turkey

house we would have been happy with. We love turkey. A duck house we

aren't too sure about it. It's a farce really set against the back

drop of the expenses scandal. It uses it as a springboard to get into

the silly comedy really about claiming all kinds of ridiculous

things. Part do you play? A Labour MP who is about to lose his seat. He

will jump ship to the Tories. The expense scandal breaks and he

suddenly realises that he has claimed for all the things that the

other MPs have claimed for. He has a massage chair, a glittery loo seat.

There was a glittery loo seat? There absolutely was. He is trying to hide

all this from one of the Tory big wigs who is coming round to make

sure he is squeaky clean and ready to present to the public. He is

trying to hide all this stuff. In the second-half he has flipped

houses. Which was another part of the expenses scandal where MPs were

claiming that their second home was their main home so they could maybe

switch the expenses between two properties. It's very fast-paced.

It's ridiculously fast paced. I can eat as much as I want to do. I get

to run it off every night. Fantastic. You say it was a farce,

it sounds like a documentary? It was a farce to begin with. A reflection

of what is going on, isn't it? You are absolutely right. The situation

itself was so bizarre. Some of the claims were so strange. The Douglas

Hogg claiming for a moat, someone to clean his moat. We were relieved he

didn't have a dirty moat. The guys behind it are the guys who write

Mock the Week... Yes. It's never end jokes. It's very, very fast. The

first half of the play I guess is lots of jokes about the expense

scandal. The second-half becomes this kind of... It develops into a

crazy farce people are running in and out of bedroom doors and all

kinds of silly stuff. The theatre is not new to you. It's where you cut

your teeth as an actor? Alexander Armstrong our first shows, we do,

after the main show in a fringe theatre had finished, we would do a

late-night show on the same set. We used to do them at pub theatres

generally. Brilliant, brilliant fun. I would be performing on a

completely different set. Weren't you training for quantum physics?

Originally. That was what... I was doing a PhD in physics at

university. I kind of... I kind of left that by the way side fairly

quickly once I realised... This is beef bourgignon, really good wine,

obviously. That goes in there. Really good wine. Really good?

Burgundy in there. Burgundy. Brandy in there, in goes the chicken stock.

We have bouquet garny. We know you from Death in Paradise? Yes the TV

detective. Back in January? I'm leaving during this series. I have

had a good run, I have to say, James. I'm not surprised getting a

script like that. Why would you leave the Caribbean? How long did

you spend out there? Over 12 months, I suppose. I did three series. Each

series was six months. I went back for a month this year. I really,

really got to know and love that island. Very strange to know another

place that is really quite a rare place to travel to. Where was it?

Guadalupe. A string of Caribbean islands, in the middle, in the break

between the, you know, in the Antillies there. On the break

between the Windwood islands. It's in the shape of the butterfly. There

are five or six islands. The two main one that is form the wings of

the butterfly, there is a big city, and the other is volcanic Rain

Forest. We have a clip here. This chap Roberts, he arranged today's

meeting with his secretary, didn't he? That is right. Who rings up to

make an appointment to commit murder? Maybe when he came here he

didn't intend to kill him. They could have argued. Let's get the

paramedics in. I want everybody out of the house and sealed off. Sir,

looks like he was planning a trip. Maybe his secretary knows why.

APPLAUSE Life is busy for you at the moment?

It is. I love being in the theatre though. It's so much fun. The

wonderful thing about Death in Paradise, you get a lot of time to

work on scenes. It's a long process, you know, you have got the scripts,

then you have rehearsals and the actual shooting and the editing. It

take as long time. By the time it comes out... Really tough job?

Really tough. You are forced to stay there and work it all out and keep

it going. I'm on your side. Sealed off the beef, stock in there, red

wine, you cook that for an hour-and-a-half with the lid on.

Then you try off onions, mushrooms, they go in as well or the mushrooms

will end up as bullets. Cook it for another further half an hour. I'm

finishing it off. This lovely sauce to go with it. You can then take

this liquor. This is the secret, you seal it off in batches really. Just

a small amount of flour, often people put too much flour in and it

thickens it up too much. Finish it off with butter at the end, and

parsley. It's a great dish to cook in advance, it matures over night,

you just reheat it. It's one of those fantastic classic dishes that

shouldn't be messed around with. I was reading and it says nothing

about frozen onions. We had a chef who wanted frozen onions on another

programme I do on a Saturday. We now have kilos to use up. We have mash

potato with that. It sits in the fridge for quite a while this dish.

Death in Paradise back in the new year? Back in January. You are on

stage tonight, aren't you? I am. The With a theatre are we at? On the

Strand, opposite the Savoy Hotel. Beautiful theatre. 18th century

theatre. What is great about that theatre is that every seat has a

fantastic view of the stage, which is what you really, really need.

Remember that my family, when they bought me a ticket for Cats.

Typically as a Yorkshireman it was a cheep one. It was opposite a fire

exit. They got it for ?5. Finish with plenty of butter at the end of

it. It is running until the end of March. Dive in, you have turkey

next, fill yourself up. Throughout this series we've paid exclusive

visits to some of the BBC's best chefs to find out what they cook at

Christmas. Today, it's the turn of Masterchef's John Torode with a

delicious festive pork dish. For me, there is nothing more exciting than

actually cooking the food. It's what I love to do. It is what I will

always love to do. For me, Christmas is about staying behind that stove

and making something delicious. My gift to you is my very special

Christmas Kitchen roast loin of pork. The first thing to do is make

the filling. I believe at Christmas everybody needs a decent stuffing. A

really good flavoursome stuffing that goes with their meat, it makes

the meat go a long way, it absorbs the flavour of the meat. It means

the meat holds longer if you want to let it rest and you have other

things to do. Some oregano, parsley, some sage. You have about a third of

sage compared to every other herb you will use, it's so strong. Just

chop it. You get a whiff of fresh herbs up your nose, sage especially,

I think, reminds you of Christmas. Salt and then a good quantity of

pepper. This is the inside seasoning of the meat. Without seasoning

inside of the meat you don't have the full flavour of the stuffing. A

good couple of hand fulls of breadcrumbs, a swig of oil. Grate

the lemon rind over the top. Classic combination of lemon, parsley with

pork. Stir. The oil is enough to moisten it, it's dry as a stuffing

because that will take up the moisture of the pork. Let us take

our pork loin. Open it up. By taking a big slit down the centre of the

eye of the meat, it should be able to feed about 12 or 15 people. To

give it some shape, some texture and seasoning, I'm going to lay bacon

out on to my sheet of foil, just cross over the top with the bottom.

As the meat cooks this bacon will protect the delicate flesh. I will

have around the outside a wonderful crusting of bacon. No need to do

anything else. Lay my piece of pork on top of the bacon. Make sure it's

flat. Put your stuffing down the middle and around the top. All you

do, you roll the whole thing up, like this, squiggling back a little

bit, and then the bacon across the top. Do exactly the same, roll the

whole thing forward. You will not season the outside. I don't season

the outside at all. I wrap the whole thing up and turn it into the

biggest Christmas pork bonbon you have seen in your life. Give it a

really good turn. Don't go too tight. If you go too tight, then the

whole thing will explode. I will put the roasting tray on to the stove.

Make sure the stove is hot. Take the... This is weird, it works. You

now put oil on top of the foil. That is not a rhythm, I'm terrible at

rhythms. You roll the oil with the foil in the pan. Inside the foil,

what happens everything cooks, it keeps the moisture in and all the

flavour in. Every so often, for the next few minutes, you turn it a

little bit. You should start to smell the bacon cooking. Give it one

last roll. Into the oven she goes. It will go into an oven of 200 for

about 40 minutes. My roast loin of pork is roasting. I

will serve it with some polenta. It is cornmeal porridge, delicious with

pork. I am going to put a pot on the stove, and into that pot I will put

some milk and water, about 200 and 300 millilitres of each. You want to

put a big flavours into the milk so that when you cook the polenta in

the liquid, they get sucked up by the cornmeal. Sprinkle a good amount

of salt on your garlic, and then take that and drop it into the milk

and water mix. Some more salt and black pepper. Unlike children around

a Christmas tree, you need some patients. You have to wait for this

infusion to happen. There it is, the magic. Don't boil it, and then add

the polenta. The cream goes in, and then to make it richer and more

delicious, a glug of Moscow -- mascarpone lychees.

Then you will get this rich, white loveliness. Bring it back up to the

boil, and I am almost ready to serve this pork. Christmas is coming. So,

my roast loin of pork has been in the oven for 45 minutes is. Open up

in the centre. Keep the foil on, and there you have it. Take the foil off

the outside. Moist, delicious, flavoured with herbs and ready to be

served with my polenta. Look how shiny that piece of pork is. There

is my roast loin of pork with pancetta, herbs, lemon, parsley,

served on soft polenta. Happy Christmas.

Polenta, some people love it, some hate it. I am not a polenta fan, so

you need an alternative. I think so trade potatoes are better. Olive oil

drizzled through it, or chives and wild mushrooms. Polenta is like

porridge. Now, some of our favourite chefs, with their special festive

tips, are going to help you over this Christmas. My Christmas tip is

to mix up your stuffing mix with loads of dried fruit. Dried

cranberries are amazing. They taste like little sweets. They work well

with sage and onion. Dried apricots, sultanas, raisins, dried

apple, put all that in your stuffing. Helps the meat taste

amazing. My tip would be to add chestnuts and bacon through your

roasted vegetables. You can also add a bit of clove or cinnamon over the

top. Mix it through and get them roasting in the oven. One of my

favourite Christmas drinks is a bit like mulled wine. You make the

mulled wine and then serve with chopped pistachios and different

kinds of not, and add it to the wine. Delicious. Lawrence, what are

we going to make? We are going to make a flourless Clementine cake. We

are going to mix in sugar, almond and eggs. Then we will make a mulled

cranberry syrup. So you have just cooked those in water? Yes, they

cranberry syrup. So you have just take about an hour. They look soft

and mushy. They are going to fall apart.

Give it a good pulse. Take it down like a marmalade. This is where we

get the idea of this boiled orange cake. I have called it a St Clement

cake. I made it specially for the show. I put boiled lemon in it, and

it tasted ghastly! Really horrible. But I wanted to get the flavour, so

we will add the almonds, eggs and sugar. Then add the fresh lemon zest

to give it a nice perfume. It is nice to have some orange juice

reduced for the cake, for a glaze. It is a nice finish, but you don't

have to do it. You could serve it with sugar on top. Bags of sugar

there, chef? Lots of sugar, 400 grams. So that all pause in like a

batter. That will go in the oven at around 100 and 70 four about 55

minutes. I have put a glass of red wine in here. And sugar, to make a

mulled wine syrup. I must mind my jumper, or my mum will kill me. We

are getting screams of ecstasy around here. Then we will do some

mulled spices to go with this. This cake lasts for a good few days. If

you could cut those into three, I will make a spice bag to go inside.

The Wolseley must be busy at this time of year. Oh, God, yeah. They do

more traditional food, with a twist. It is like a French brasserie.

People ask what it is like a Christmas, but it is the same every

day. We are open on Christmas Day. He asked if you were working on

Christmas day, actually. I might have to go in. So this is a mulled

spices bagful. Just drop that in for me. So in their, we have cloves,

cinnamon, orange zest. And star anise. Towards the end, I cook the

cranberries out in a source. Around five minutes from the end, because I

don't like them to collapse too much. Then we finish with this. When

it down to a syrup first. You can make it the day before. And there is

our orange glaze. It can boil over quickly. Is good in rehearsal! -- it

did in rehearsal. The idea with this boiled orange cake is that it is

moist, but you don't want to put it in the fridge. No. It is quite

dense. If you like chocolate fudge brownies, it has the same

consistency. It is a nice elevenses cake in the morning on Boxing Day,

with coffee and yoghurt. If you don't keep it in the fridge, where

do you put it? A tin. You should not keep any cake in the fridge, really.

I find it affirms it up too much. You have lined that with

grease-proof paper. This is a nice finish. Mr Miller is salivating. Is

it St Clement because of oranges and lemons? Yes, that is why I called it

that, especially for Saturday Kitchen viewers. Which would be

great if it was a Saturday. It is a Christmas treat! Talk amongst

yourselves. So that is just orange juice and sugar. You crush the

pistachios. You want some zest? Yes. You guys had better have a taste.

What is this? Some creme fraiche. That is very classy. Like a little

oval ball. A blog. You have the lovely aroma of the mulled spices

here. The chopped pistachio. Then give it a bit of used with the

orange zest. You tuck in. Patron saint of hat makers, St Clement, did

you know that? I take my hat off to you. It is almost like marmalade.

Not sweet, quite tart. It is not too sweet. It is nice to have with honey

or yoghurt is a breakfast treat. Or you could serve it with ice cream.

And that will keep in a plastic tinder.

And that glaze really sharpens it. If anyone else wants a taste, but it

quickly, or Ben is going to finish it. Brian Turner will be putting his

twist on a turkey soon, but first, let's visit Christmas past with

Nigella. Christmas and chocolate, you know

they go together. I grant you my Christmas rocky road doesn't quite

has the sophistication of these French fancies, but flavour wise

it's right up there. Well, rocky road is a well travelled

terrain for me, I'm talking about the confectionery bar full of

crunch, goo and chew. I will start with butter, a promising start.

Next, chocolate. Dark. And milk. To help the butter and chocolate melt

together an amber swell of golden syrup. Look how beautiful. I love

this. So, heat on. While everything melts together in the pan over that

low heat, I can get on with heavy duty bashing. A usual rocky road has

digestive biscuits this Christmas version has am receipty. They often

come wrapped in those little almost rice paper wrappers that you can

light they will waft up to the ceiling, or so I'm told. Now, bash

them. You don't need to pulverise all of them, however stressed you

are feeling. The idea is to get flavoursome rubble with a bit of

sandy grit will help the chew factor as well. Now a rocky road crunch bar

doesn't normally have nuts in it, you have to have Brazils at

Christmas. Something about that waxy chew is just so familiar. It might

be more logical to chop these with a knife, or in a machine, but this is

just ease and more pleasurable. In the same way I could have chopped

the chocolate, but the buttons need nothing. I need some large pieces

and some smaller. Variety and texture makes this. Everything

should be just about melted together. That is perfect. I could

dive in right now, frankly. To welcome the rocky road you have to

add everything. First, my Christmas nuts. Then the special party

biscuits. In goes some cherries, as red as Rudolf's nose. You couldn't

have rocky road without marshmallows. In they go. Difficult

to stir everything together, but not impossible. It may feel and look as

if there is not enough chocolate to bind everything together, but there

is. Oh, I love this sound of the rocky road. The path to temptation.

That's it. It probably makes your life easier if you get a throwaway

foil tray to put it all in to. So clatter it down. Although I make a

perfectly respectable effort to smooth everything down, the real

truth is, the surface will be a bit bumpy, the point about this

Christmas Rocky Road, is that by the time it has had its thick blanket of

icing sugar snow on top, you won't notice, you won't care. This

probably needs about an hour or two in the fridge just to set. Then it

can be sliced, adorned and made festive.

I like to cut the cooled slab into squares before I dust with a snowy

flurry of icing sugar. I think the expression, "as camp as

Christmas" comes to mind. Thank you. Ben, there is a good

thing there isn't a pattern on that plate, he wiped that one clean as

well. This will be a different story. Brian, what will we do? We

are going to do the Turkey Challenge. Step up to the plate and

prove to me if turkey is worth eat in an idea we called Brian Turner's

Turkey Challenge. He even does the voice over for that bit as well.

What will we make? We will make a turkey holstein. You get a whole

breast here. I will take the skin off. You gets lots of portions out

of here. You decide what size. That looks appetising like that. What is

that? It's where they shot it. Like a wart. Nice pieces. We bash them

out nice and thinly. Use greaseproof, use a rolling pin. They

look like this. It makes far too much noise, I will get it out of the

way. That is a fine jumper you have on? A great jumper. I wouldn't

personally buy one, it's nice. This is a turkey getting ready to eat

turkey holstein. Getting ready. I want some egg wash in there. I want

breem crumbs, fresh white breadcrumbs, none of the dried

stuff. Lawrence uses the old dry breadcrumbs. When it was classically

made they never had the breadcrumbs, we didn't know about them. Used to

use veal for this? You are quite right. I have put into the flour,

paprika pepper and English mustard. It'sen addition, not in the

classical. It's to enhance the flavour. You go there. What am I

doing? You go there. You will take it out of the egg for me. Put it

into the flour. Get rid of the excess, mind your jumper. Then it

goes into the egg. If you now cover it over with egg and put it into the

breadcrumbs. How are you guys with turkey? Love turkey. Love turkey.

Yeah. Good start. Big chicken. It's not a big chicken. You don't get any

chickens bigger than that. It's nothing like a big chicken. I told

you before, never eat anything bigger than your head. When I was a

young man at the Savoy Hotel we used to serve lots of this. I know

Lawrence served lots of it too. We had wooden stoves. Mark it with a

knife. It helps to keep the breadcrumbs on here. I remember

showing my mother this at home and she was amazed how skilful a chef I

had become. Did you do it with turkey or veal? We did it with veal.

The key is not to get it too hospital Not too hot, you are

absolutely right. You can turn it down once that's there. Put the

presentation side, the marked side, in first. Tap the breadcrumbs to

make sure they stay on. I'm doing it with oil and ordinary butter. I will

do three. Very kind of you, chef. Ben is hungry, look. You are quite

right. I hadn't thought about that. Turn it up. Get a nice colour on

there. The thing about this, it now a vein estimatesel. This is not deep

fried, it's nicely coloured in oil and butter. What we will do is

upgrade it because Frederick Baron holstein, who was related... Did he

like turkey. Related to Brian von Turneroff. Have a quick look here.

That is looking lovely. You cannot fail but enjoy... When they used to

write the recipes on caves! You are so unkind. Look at the colours on

that. That is looking excellent. What we have to do is get our eggs

on. Like a turkey nugget. Not turkey eggs. I started off as an egg fryer

in my dad's transport cafe many moons ago. I used to be quite good

at this. You want to melt the butter. Not too hot. Get the old

eggs in there. I will cook two at times. I'm good

at doing omelettes, I'm consistent. He was good at Birmingham Food Show.

I have just burst the yolk in that one. After all I said! We take that

out. The nice thing about this dish is that it will sit there nicely. It

will keep it warm. It will actually be even better. You can actually

then use a clean pan and actually just start again. You don't want to

do too many at a time. What I want to do is keep this pan here, for all

the flavours I have in there. Into there I will put sherry vinegar.

Take it away from the stove before you put it in or it gets right up

your nose. You don't want that to happen. We will rinse out the

flavours in there. Is this the classic garnish with it or not? It

is a classic garnish. Bags of butter in there, chef. Can you cut that

lemon in half. I can do that. No, I can do it. No, I can do it. The

butter is turning that lovely colour, it known as nut-coloured

butter. It's one of Lawrence's favourite, that lovely smell. You

have is sherry vinegar? Yes, chef. I will put in anchovies and parsley

and mini capers. Do you like these? Yes, I like them, yes. You are a

caper man. They are fantastic. They are very delicate. Tiny. If I was

feeling really brave I would flip these over. I will leave them there.

I feel a bit that way at the moment. The nice thing is, it is's such a

simple dish. They are already cooked then? These are already cooked,

chef. If I call you chef one more time today I'm going to shoot my,

James. He doesn't even like turkey. Lemon juice, perfect. That will stop

it cooking and the colouring. Those are ready to go. We have got this.

The beauty of it is, it's a big family dish. We will put... Chef,

don't do that. You are so unkind. It's really chef's food is this,

which may say lots of things. I will let have you that one. Thank you so

much. James, you are so kind. I don't like fried egg either. Oh, no,

I could do it with boiled egg. The other show I do has put me off eggs

for life. What is this other show you do, I've never seen that. Lovely

colour over the top. Just smell that. To me, do you know what, I

think Lawrence got it right in rehearsal, with a big portion of

chips this is real man food. Are you going to have a taste then? I will

dive in first. Taste that turkey for us.

It's cooked. Look at that. Watch it disappear very quickly, I hope!

James, don't do that to me. You cannot, not like that. If you

haven't tuned in before, I have to decide if Brian's recipe is worth

keeping in our Christmas Kitchen book, or if it goes in the bin. This

is the recipe, what do you think, Ben? Stunning, I love that. You need

to get out more! Lawrence? It's an absolute classic, delicious. Got to

go in. I think it's tastes like a massive turkey twizzler. You have to

try harder. You covered it in egg, I don't like egg either. That is all

from us today on Christmas Kitchen. Thanks to the lovely Lawrence, Brian

and Ben, best of luck with the new play and John Torode. All of our

recipes are on bbc.co.uk/christmaskitchen. Goodbye

for now. I don't want any more, definitely don't want any more.