Somerset Floyd on Britain and Ireland

It's nearly midnight, March, and it's cold! I'm by the River Parrett, which is rising.

You can FEEL the ghosts of the Pitchfork Rebellion, from Sedgemoor.

This IS the kingdom of the eel. And THIS is an elver net.

Richard, observe it closely. Also, observe me, dressed traditionally,

in the fine gentleman's attire of an elver fisherman - the jacket, full-length waders, survival kit,

and this essential thing.

Back to the net. It's important. You can't just whop along and elver fish with a television crew!

It's something handed down - the noisy experience - from generation to generation.

So, although I plunge this in, be patient. You have to be strong!

GROANING

They've swum a long way to get onto "Floyd Over Britain".

I'm a straight guy. I DO tell the truth.

This is now one o'clock in the morning. It IS March and freezing!

We don't have a caravan full of home economists.

We could've used the pub's cooker, but we caught them so we cook them.

You beat up some eggs, like that.

I've already blanched these little elvers in boiling hot water.

So they go into the egg mixture as well.

I'm having to stand in this curious, cramped position, not because I've a bowel disorder,

but because I'm trying to stop the wind from blowing the gas out.

Anyway, you whisk those round, like that, season with a little pepper.

This is not a joke, at all! I've thrown it in the cameraman's eyes!

And a little bit of salt... Look, that is how the wind is. See?

Whisk that up a little bit...

and then, if this pan is hot enough, and... Up to me, Richard.

Bacon fat, traditionally, was best to fry these in. It should be piping hot, as they cook quickly.

Ah, they sizzle! THEY sizzle.

That will form a beautiful little elver omelette!

Many of you will be wondering, cos I spoke earlier about the elver fisherman's survival kit.

There it is. You see, out it comes.

That is the water, that is whisky, and that is the gin. Only for emergencies, I hasten to add!

What you really drink with elvers, at one o'clock in the morning, is a glass of cider.

Good Somerset cider!

Now, you also wondered... No, they're not quite ready yet.

So, hold on a second and I'll put a lid on those

and tell you something, and break from a kind of tradition.

I want to tell you that, on this river, there are 40-50 people fishing elvers -

all providing happy plates of food

for people in Spain, Holland, Germany, everywhere except Britain,

and they won't and can't appear in this film because they're afraid of the excise man.

You'd have thought they were smugglers, not fishermen!

There we are! A little dish of lovely elvers!

It looks like spaghetti and eggs. I'm going to eat it out of the pan.

What better on a cold, March morning?

Oh, boy! They are superb!

I don't paint myself with woad

and sit around on hills like some people

but there is a powerful serenity about this place.

In fact, Somerset, my boyhood stamping ground,

has a timeless attraction for me

and Brendan Sellick typifies the mood of the county.

This ancient fashion of fishing

with a sledge between the fierce tides of the Severn goes back centuries.

Notice the elegant way I skip across this thick mud

whilst poor old Brendan struggles manfully with his sledge.

He told me not to wear waders.

But the juxtaposition of Brendan

ploughing his ancient craft under the shadow of a nuclear power station is ironic -

in fact if I was the boss of Hinkley Point,

I'd leave the odd sack of silver coins outside his front door.

He is, after all, quite unwittingly,

giving them the best publicity they could have!

people think I'm a bit strange.

But, look...Gordon Bennett, it isn't easy!

What I am is a cook,

not a mud tobogganist or whatever.

It is horrible conditions

but there you are. It's all mudflat, 6,000 acres of it

and it's like this all over - right the way all over.

Why don't you have a boat like everybody else?

It would seem to be nice to have a boat

but the treacherous conditions here

with the tide ebb and flow as it does,

we found it doesn't work.

So this is the only answer?

It's very primitive but very effective.

How long have you been doing this? I've done it all my life.

My father did it all his life

and his father and the great-grandfather

and of course it was going on long before that.

As far as we can go back,

they've just used this same kind of implement.

It's extraordinary.

Listen, on the bottom line,

if this is fishing I'm a Dutchman but I am a cook.

Can we go and try and catch something? Yes.

What do you think we might get?

Well, we could have anything.

Cod, skate or bass or mullet.

Let's hope. We had a nice catch yesterday

but you know what fishing is...

let's hope we get something nice.

OK, let's go for it.

Are you all right? Of course, I'm all right.

I'll have to put you on and push you.

I think that would be the answer!

If I get back, I'll cook you something nice to eat.

Tell me, Brendan, how old are you?

Oh, 53.

53? Yeah. Ten years on me...

Never.

..and you're skipping across the thing like a Weston-Super-Mare donkey.

Ridiculous! Yeah, well, you drink too much.

Only when I'm with fishermen telling me tall stories. That's it.

Take it out of there, then, Keith.

He's a bit difficult to get out of there, I expect.

How does that work, then?

Right here, look. I'll take it out.

He went in there for a few shrimps.

Yeah.

Cos he was a greedy little monkey.

Yeah, that's it. He feels quite plump.

This is so fresh, it's unbelievable.

I'll cook you this one when we get back, if we get back.

There's a couple there, look.

Are you going to take a look there? All right, yeah.

The point is,

here we're actually not going to hang around too much.

We're helping this man - actually we're hindering him doing his job.

But the tide is going to come whizzing in in a minute.

And we have about 15 minutes to get...

to get out of it.

Oh, I see.

That was one of the most strenuous bits of filming

I have ever done.

It's OK for Brendan. He's been doing it every day for how many years?

Oh, 45.

45 years! Like a little fairy, he hops over the mud like a sandpiper...

I find it really heavy going.

Anyway, it does make you hungry, this fresh air,

and we could have gone into his little cottage

and done it all in a nice Creda oven and extractors and things like that

but we felt like a really good snack

and you couldn't have a fresher piece of cod than this.

You saw us pick it off the net, Brendan's filleted it.

So just fry that in a bit of butter.

Brendan, what about that huge monstrosity over there -

Hinkley Power Station?

Well, yes, we've got to live with that.

It would be better if it wasn't there

but it gives employment to several thousand people.

Has that taken away your living in any way at all?

It hasn't improved the fishing but we still get by, just about,

that's the main thing.

If you weren't this mud fisherman, this mud skater,

what would you do?

I know you've done this all your life,

and your father before you, but do you ever wish,

"Oh, I wish..."?

No, I don't think there is, really.

There's something about this fishing that kind of gets hold of you

and then it's the element of surprise

and what you're going to get on the next tide...

like you said, if you won half a million. We all wish that,

everybody on the land wishes that,

but I still think I would like to go out there

and see what was on the next tide, like.

Something about it. Maybe if you was working in a factory,

you'd run from the back door

and you wouldn't ever want to go back there again

but with the fishing, it's just one of those things

that gets hold of you.

My unceasing search for regional culinary excellence

has become almost like the search for the Holy Grail!

So I thought I'd come here and see if I'd get a little assistance.

But, as Richard Harris said, "There's not a lot in Camelot".

But could there not be, in this sombre castle, behind me, a culinary Merlin,

who could cook, for me, an oxtail you would like to see?

First order, five covers... one sardine, three cream, one broth.

Four liver, one veal for Mrs C of Five Edge.

'When I have my second million, or my palace,

'Gary Rhodes, chef at the castle in Taunton, can have my job.

'His skill and passion has put British food where it belongs!'

Gary was recently a finalist in an important gastronomic competition,

and it had a French name.

I think that's appalling for a British cook.

Why do we have to be called "Meuniers Ouvriers Gastronomiques de Grande Bretagne"

when we could be "a good British cook"?!

What I'm going to do is quickly prep this up.

I take off all the fat from the oxtail, and retain it,

as I believe in putting as much of the flavour into things as we can.

I've got some oxtail fat that's been rendered. Close up!

Oxtail fat. I cook that down to keep the maximum flavour, so we put oxtail flavour back into the oxtail.

If I stick a little fat in here, we can get these oxtails on. OK.

Notice, all trimmed of fat now, but the fat's been rendered down.

These have been seasoned with salt and pepper, and in they go.

And we just brown those off? Yes. Almost like roasting them on top of the stove.

Get a nice, good colour off those, seal the flavour in,

and, using that oxtail fat, keep as much flavour in there as possible.

What we need is some mirepoix of vegetables. Now, hold on! I'm going to take YOU to task now.

We're cooking a British meal, and you use... Oh, dear! French words like "mirepoix" for chopping veg!

Chopped root vegetables. We've some onions, celery, carrots, leek.

All that flavour that we're going to put into these braised oxtails. So we'll just quickly turn these.

We're getting a nice bit of brown colour onto these, sealing all that flavour inside.

Beautiful, meaty oxtails.

So, as soon as these are actually browned off, we'll put them into a colander to drain off excess fat.

One thing I don't want is to put the excess fat into the sauce.

I'm just going to turn those. You go ahead. You're the guv'nor!

Once these are just nicely sealed,

we'll get the vegetables in the pan to bring off any of the residue from the base of the pan,

putting that into the sauce itself. We strain the oxtail in here, then tip the fat back in there? Well...

There'll be enough fat to bake in the bottom of there. I may need a little bit. OK.

When we cook our vegetables... Sorry, Richard, were you asleep?

The point is, we're going to cook our vegetables in the oxtail fat.

At the same time, Gary's making the point, for those who are cholesterol-conscious,

that the fat's going to be drained away from the meat itself. The fat doesn't go into the ultimate sauce.

The fat is used for enhancing flavour. And, by God, it's hot in this kitchen!

I'll get enough vegetables to take the residue off the base.

We'll fry those for a couple of seconds,

then swill in a little white wine to lift everything off the base.

Do we want these to take colour?

Just a slight colour.

It's really just to moisten them.

The most important thing here. Cooking oxtails seems to be a three-day event.

It's not something you throw into a pan and neglect and leave. It has to be mothered.

So we start by making a good oxtail stock, which we have on here.

It will cook for at least a day, and then we'll reduce it down until we've a good shiny glace.

It's reduced down, like that.

For those of you who don't know what a three-day event is, don't go phoning up Princess Anne!

So, if we put those vegetables now... If we take them from the pan,

we can put them into here... On top? Yes, on top, draining off that fat.

And if we can just take a little more white wine. Oh, right.

And this is called rinsing out the pan with white wine, or as they say, "deglace la poele".

Just, pretty much now, draining off the base.

This makes sure, in our economical way, we're not losing one smidgeon of flavour.

We've had the fat and the wine to make sure it all comes out. It's all there. Economic and delicious.

Pull the pan off.

Now we've drained out... All the fat. All the fat's gone.

The fat is now drained from there into another pan, which is slightly warm. Don't use a cold pan.

And, in there, with our deglaced wine. That's enough.

Now...

what I actually need is...

Can you just see him there, on bass guitar, laying it down?!

What we've actually got here is some tomato.

Again, I only like to use the flesh of tomatoes, no puree. You could leave the skins on if you want to.

I just want to get the flesh flavour from the tomato into the sauce.

So we can add a little tomato now.

In terms of rock'n'roll, though,

is this "Maybelline"? I mean, where is this dish in your feelings?

Is that the heart of the British stomach, or is that em...?

Tell me about this dish. I really do believe that this IS the heart of British cooking.

I think this holds all the fundamental elements of good cooking.

Cooking things on the bone, particularly a thick bone like this,

there is far more skill in cooking this, than in cooking any duck or chicken breast you get in France.

With this, the degree of cooking has to be absolutely perfect.

It mustn't be too tender or too tough.

And all that takes three hours.

My director will dream up some little interlude, we'll have a glass and maybe even a cup of tea

and we'll be back when this is beautifully cooked.

Look in there, Richard.

Slow-cooking in the oven.

# Every morning, true as the clock

# Somebody hears the postman's knock

# Every morning, true as the clock

# Somebody hears the postman's knock!#

FRENCH COMMENTARY

Un, deux, trois!

Whack the thing on the plate! What have you done, in the meantime?

I've strained out the sauce into there, added a little diced

veg, nice and small and cooked in butter,

a little bit of onion and tomato, and also thrown some parsley in.

I think it's a nonsense to start sprinkling things with parsley.

So, here we have typical British cooking, very rustic on the plate,

full of colour, and a lovely shine to the sauce.

This is what oxtails can do for a sauce.

Here, I hope, we have Britain's signature dish...

Braised oxtails. Brilliant! Sniff! If only the camera could sniff!

Oh, boy! It smells SO good!

But, I tell you what, if food were paintings, this wouldn't be a Van Gogh, this would be a...

a Joshua Reynolds, wouldn't it?

Difficult to find, a bit in the attic, brilliant and truly British!

'In my Somerset jaunt, I couldn't resist visiting the old alma mater, Wellington School.

'I last came round here on a push-bike, and they gave me 50 lines!'

PUPILS SING: "Ye Holy Angels Bright"

Great, showing off! Of course, you've got to be in the sixth form before you can drive on the grass!

But actually I'm a bit nervous because I'm going to meet my old masters.

They'll probably be about 104 now.

# Ye blessed souls at rest

# Who ran this earthly race

# And now, from sin released

# Behold the Saviour's face

# His praises sound... #

You may think it's self-indulgent, nostalgic, or wet, but it's not.

This is where, 30 years ago,

I developed my first real, passionate interest in food.

After a hard day, the school dinner was what you looked forward to.

But, my God, times have changed!

We used to have a drum of baked beans, or butter beans, a vat of stew and that was it. But now look!

You can have baked gammon, roast chicken, smoked mackerel, tuna,

cheeses, coleslaw, potatoes, melon, roast beef, Yorkshire pudding,

chicken casserole, seafood au gratin, cheese and broccoli quiche,

beefburger and rolls, three veg, apple tart... Wine's extra!

'But I tell you one thing - never mind the vegetarian stews,

never mind the quiches. One thing hasn't changed. Yippee!

The steamed pud and chocolate sauce!

Now that is a part of a real school dinner! I'm going to have three bowls! So it's not all bad.

'I felt tearful after that morning, but I cheered up when I met my old baker chum, Margaret Vaughan.'

How have you been? I haven't seen you for, what, a year?

Too long, dear friend!

I've been very well, I've missed you. Have you been busy?

I've been absolutely frantic.

I've been really busy.

You've become very popular.

You are so smooth!

Be careful with this - you'll fall in it.

Isn't it pretty? Isn't it lovely?

Never dries up. Very cold.

The extraordinary thing is my bakery used to be a fishmonger

for about 180 years

and the fishmonger would come out and wash the fish in the stream.

But this isn't a history lesson.

This is not Look At Life, it's a cookery programme,

you silly old bat. So have your flowers cos I love you

and take me to your hot, steaming kitchen. I can't wait! That will fade on a flirt's bosom!

'An old Somerset dish is cod's cheeks and tongues.

'We British are so wasteful - all this wonderful flesh usually gets fed to the cat.

'But Margaret rolls them in fresh breadcrumbs and fries them

'in butter for a few moments.

'They taste as good as fresh scallops at a fraction of the price.'

He's nice, isn't he? He's lovely. You shouldn't shout at him so much!

You can come here. This is what he says. He says, "Down here, Richard."

I've seen him on some of those programmes. He's quite rude to you. Where are you, dear heart? I'm here.

You're meant to help. I know.

You're drinking all that cider behind my back. That is all going to fry gently away.

Only for, please, about a minute and a half. Right. Turn them over. I mean, really, hardly any at all.

They need very little. OK.

What is this lovely, green, onyx-looking liquid in here? Onyx?

It's gooseberry and tarragon sauce. Be careful, sweetheart, it's hot.

Isn't it lovely? It's beautiful!

And that goes with the... That is a lovely piquant sauce that we serve with these.

And, to go with it, because these are all very soft and gentle...

The housewife should buy these. They're SO inexpensive!

They needn't buy the whole head. Look at that lovely white flesh!

Doesn't it make your mouth water?

And they're almost done! Oh, I'm sorry, am I...? It's fine.

I recognise when I'm in front of a real trouper, you know(!) Listen.

I didn't mean to do this. She's going to do that.

We've got eight beautiful maidens upstairs, who work in this fine restaurant.

I've to cook the other half of their lunch - rabbit.

I don't want a little bunny-wunny in my wow-boat. Bunny?!

Anyway, it's back to the real business.

The imperial spin-round of the ingredients...

Fresh field mushrooms, chopped, parsley, root vegetables, in this case, onions and carrots,

fresh thyme, good bacon, tomato puree, garlic,

rabbit, dredged in seasoned flour.

The star of this little show is the sparkling gooseberry champagne.

Mushrooms, at this stage, can go into here, with the bacon...

..fat and the carrots and onions.

And they can all brown off quite nicely. No problems there.

FRYING NOISES

The sound man, in television programmes, doesn't like frying noises

A bottle of champagne should be opened so that it makes no noise.

Right. That's going well. Flip over here. These are browning nicely.

Free-range... Well, not free-range. Wild rabbit, doing very well.

Flip them over like that.

My little fingers... have to be used.

Turn these things over.

Those are browned, those are sealed. OK.

MUFFLED VOICE

Who's talking to me?

I'm back. I've brought a loving cup. You're not having it all your way! You've been to the junk shop!

I thought you'd gone to Marks Spencer's.

Ooh, I say! Keep an eye on them. Isn't this gorgeous! Can I help?

You can help by being quiet cos...

You always give me the difficult things to do! I'm busy, OK?

You don't want me to touch it? Stand here... Hold that.

And shut up.

SHE GIGGLES

What are you doing tonight? I'm cooking, Margaret... I know.

I'm not a TV presenter, I'm not an interviewer, I don't work on "Tomorrow's World"!

Actually, I'm a cook. It smells heavenly.

I wish you could have a smelling television. Smellyvision.

They used to have it in "1984". That's all our nice bits, in there.

A bit of thyme. I don't have enough of it, to be honest with you.

Get the dreadful pun, there?

Some parsley. Then we add our tomato puree, which we'll stir well in.

That'll all mix in, in a moment.

Like that.

And then...

Oh, no! English!

Goosegog sparkling wine. Isn't this lovely?!

What will have to happen now, you'll go walking round the Somerset Levels

or go combine harvesting or they'll play an Adge Cutler....

He's quite clever at filling up little interludes!

The next time you see this dish... It goes into the oven, covered with foil.

It'll be in there for about an hour and a half. Not much longer.

Look at that lovely fleshy piece! Nice. I bags that bit. 1? hours.

Amuse yourselves with whatever the director dreams up.

'I couldn't come to Somerset without telling you how Cheddar cheese is made.

'Are you sitting comfortably? I'll begin.

'After the milk has been heated and the rennet has been added, it goes all thick.

'It's paddled into curds and whey. The whey is drained off, leaving a crumbly curd.

'The curds are drained of moisture

'and then compressed and packed into these moulds, lined with cheesecloth.

'Hence the Monty Python line, "Blessed are the cheesemakers"!

'Finally, the moulds are stacked together, pressed again, to eliminate remaining moisture.

'Then they are turned out to be stored in the churn. Thank you, moo cows, for a fine cheese!'

What do you think of my "Somerset on a plate"? It reminds me of fields.

Ah! Somerset! You're brilliant! I'm not only brilliant about cooking,

I ought to be running business management programmes as well!

SHE'S taken my correspondence course!

She surrounds herself with caring, helpful staff. Absolutely.

And that's where it's at, isn't it? Especially caring. Let's serve. They're hungry.

They've deserved it.

MUSIC: "Peaches" by The Stranglers

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd