07/01/2018 Saturday Kitchen Best Bites

Good morning. What a line-up we've got for you today

from Michelin-starred chefs, to a legendary Osmond

and a whole host of mouthwatering dishes thrown in.

So, grab yourself a cuppa, put your feet up

and settle in for another helping of Saturday Kitchen Best Bites.

Welcome to the show. Now, we've been digging through the archives

to bring you some great moments from Saturday Kitchen over the years

and coming up,

Hugh Dennis enjoys pan-fried mullet, served with teriyaki risotto,

enoki mushrooms, dried seaweed and a kaffir lime foam.

Lawrence Keogh is here with a classic beef dish.

He makes a stroganoff with fillet of beef, paprika, mushrooms and cream

and serves alongside riz pilaff.

And it's dessert time as Monica Galetti serves a fancy fondant.

She makes a chocolate and peanut butter fondant

with cheat's banana ice cream and roasted peanuts.

It's Simon Hulstone's first attempt at the omelette challenge

as he takes on Adam Byatt and then it's over to Richard Corrigan

who's doing his take on surf and turf.

He roasts suckling pig before deep frying oysters

and serving with an apple cider dressing and crispy crackling.

And, finally, Jimmy Osmond is here to face his food heaven

or his food hell. Did he get his food heaven,

chicken Veronique with crispy braised potatoes

or his food hell, grilled and smoked mackerel with horseradish cream

and beetroot salad?

You're going to have to find out if he'll be singing with delight

at the end of the show.

But to kick us off this morning,

the excellent Shaun Rankin is here with a hearty winter soup.

It's Shaun Rankin. Good to have you on the show for the very first time,

and congratulations in the last series of the Great British Menu.

-Thanks.

-Everybody coming to your place for dessert, then?

-For treacle tart, yes.

-For treacle tart.

-People flying in from Whitby for treacle tart!

-What are we cooking?

Today, we're going to do something really simple,

-seeing as it's my first time on the show.

-Yeah.

But again, you know, emphasis is on combination of flavours like

-I do in the restaurant.

-OK.

Using local scallops - nice, big, sweet scallops and potatoes...

-Unfortunately, no Jersey Royals at the moment but...

-Coming in.

-We are going to do a potato and chicken soup.

-Sounds good to me.

With roasted scallops, chorizo sausage,

finished with a little bit of pousse and chicken scratchings.

There you go, chicken scratchings. We'll get onto that a bit later.

With the potato here, you want me to peel this and dice it all up?

If you peel that and just dice that quite small, that'll be brilliant.

Any particular potato people should be buying for this?

-Marfona. Marfona is better.

-Right.

Cos Marfona's great for mash, not like a King Edward, or something.

-That's all you're doing, you're making mashed potato...

-Right.

-..in stock.

-Right, OK.

-You'll get a really creamy...

..sort of end to your soup, really, if you know what I mean?

Now congratulations must go out, first of all for the restaurant

-but your Michelin star.

-Yes, thank you.

-You've kept it for, what, the fifth year running?

-Sixth.

-Sixth year running.

-Six years, yeah, yeah.

It's not an easy task, as...

..so many people can vouch for.

The guide's just come out... It's this month, isn't it?

Yeah, just come out last week. I was really happy to keep that.

-In here we're just going to roast the shallots quickly.

-Yeah.

-No colour, with some fresh thyme.

-Yep.

I'm going to cut the garlic in half

cos I don't want it to get too small and burn.

-OK.

-I'm just going to sweat that down.

And you've been busy not just in the restaurant as well,

but writing a cookbook, is that right?

Yeah, at the moment, writing a cookbook.

-So hopefully that's launching at the end of the year.

-Yeah.

Just waiting on the seasons in Jersey to get all

the really good photography,

so everyone can see what Jersey is all about, really.

Cos it's only a small island but it's just packed full of great food.

Aw, it's just... I call it... I know it sounds a little bit crass

but I call it my little kitchen garden, which it is, to be honest.

For people who don't know where it is,

-it is very, very close to France?

-It is, 14 miles, thereabouts.

-It's great for us because we can just hop over on the ferry.

-Yeah.

A day out, Rennes market, that kind of stuff. Brilliant.

OK, so onions...

-Sorry, shallots, I mean.

-Potatoes, water.

-Potatoes, water.

Just to get rid of any excess starch in there?

Yeah, that's right.

The potatoes can go in.

-If you could peel a chorizo...

-I can do that, yeah.

-We'll just warm that up in olive oil, it'll be brilliant.

-OK.

So the potatoes go in,

followed by the chicken stock.

Now this is cooking chorizo, this is not the normal stuff, the dried one.

-This is cooking.

-Soft.

-It's nice.

-The soft one.

I am going to use a little bit of potato water as well,

just to cover that.

That'll be nice.

You're saying people are flying in from all over the place

-to taste this treacle tart.

-Yeah.

Explain to us a little bit about the restaurant. Where is it?

What's the food all about and...you know?

-Have you got pepper there? Sorry.

-Whereabouts is it?

-It's in St Helier.

-Yep.

-Which is the main town in Jersey.

We've been opened...

Our seventh year now. Erm, 60 covers.

My style of food is again based on classic combinations

and flavours, just retwisted into, you know,

sort of new-style cooking, really,

using a lot of different cooking methods, water bath techniques,

you know, that keeps things now.

-Full of flavour.

-Local ingredients

-but with a modern cooking technique twist.

-Yeah.

-There you go.

All right. So the idea is we cook this for how long?

We just cook that until the potatoes fall apart.

Probably around 15 or 20 minutes.

-OK, then we end up with this one that we've got over here?

-Correct.

-And you want me to blitz that, don't you?

-You can do, yeah.

What I'll do is I'll just finish that with some milk.

-If you can blitz that, that will be brilliant.

-Blend that, OK.

I'll open the scallops.

Now, you're using a special tool for this.

Yeah, it's a bit of a putty knife, yeah, but it does the job.

-A DIY putty knife.

-Yeah.

It does the job, it's a bit, like, concaved on one side, which

-helps with the round at the bottom of the shell.

-Right.

And as you said, "putty", that's not a Jersey accent, is it?

No, it's not. That's a north-east accent.

How did you end up in Jersey, then?

I arrived there about 17 years ago now.

I did some stints in London and worked in Chicago.

I ended up in Jersey and fell in love with the place, really.

I fell in love with the lifestyle.

An amazing place to fall in love with as well?

-Yeah, absolutely brilliant.

-So the scallops, these are hand dived,

these are actually Jersey scallops as well?

Yeah, I brought them over.

These came first-class and I sat in the back.

You brought these over, are you allowed to bring food over?

-No comment.

-No, you'll probably get arrested on the way back!

ALL LAUGH

It's too late now, isn't it? OK.

All right, we've got our scallops. You just lightly wash those.

-The secret is don't use frozen ones.

-No.

That's the key to this one, all right?

I'll just leave them on the side there, just to heat.

We have just got all of our soup, which I'm going to pop in.

Everybody who comes on the show always gets somebody else to do

-this bit because it goes everywhere, occasionally.

-I'll stand over here.

The idea is, don't put the top in, because it creates a vacuum.

-Cloth over the top, slowly do it.

-Slowly do it.

MACHINE WHIRS

I'm just going to cut these scallops in half.

-Like so.

-Yeah.

And then we've got our soup here, which is nice and smooth.

To that we're going to add a little bit more thyme in there, just to

let it infuse once it cools down, so you get a nice, fresh thyme flavour.

That goes in there. Now explain to us about this chicken scratchings.

SHAUN CHUCKLES

-Well, when I was a kid, when your mum makes roast dinner...

-Yeah.

..pulls a chicken out of the oven, you're always there,

when the chicken comes out and you always steal the skin.

-You used to go nicking the skin, like I did.

-This is what this is.

It's a bit more texture

and it adds a nice, deep roast chicken flavour to the soup.

Chicken skin, you can get this off your butcher.

-I'm sure he'll give it to you, it's not worth anything.

-Right.

Two pieces of greaseproof.

A sheet pan underneath, a sheet pan on top.

-160 in the oven - 40 minutes.

-OK, straight in the oven?

-Yeah.

-40 minutes?

-40 minutes.

-Right, OK.

-What we're going to do is thinly slice our chorizo here.

-Yep.

Get this nice and thin.

Shaun, could you use another meat apart from chorizo in it?

I've gone for a kind of Spanish flavour combination here but,

yeah, pancetta would be nice, belly pork, that sort of thing.

Pork itself, I think, would be really, really good.

Also scallops, as well, you don't just have to use scallops,

you can use turbot, John Dorey, sea bass.

You really can make it a meal in itself, rather than just a soup.

Great for everybody apart from Laila, who doesn't eat pork.

-No.

-We'll keep one separate.

-We'll do two plates for you.

-Thank you.

A little bit of chorizo, you can see how much oil...

-It changes colour, that lovely...

-The paprika coming out of it.

-Great with scallops, of course.

-Yeah.

-There you go.

-I'll turn that heat up a bit for you.

-I'll season these scallops.

-Have you got any butter, James?

-Er... Have we got any butter?!

Don't you get this programme in Jersey?

ALL LAUGH

This'll upset that scientist or doctor that said this...

-I got told to say that.

-..we were banning butter.

We've got hundreds of it.

All right, so hot pan.

I'm going to sear the scallops off, finish with a little bit of butter

-and some lemon, if you just don't mind cutting that.

-I can do that.

Not on there cos that's got chorizo on.

Not on there, that's the one. Erm...

Right, that's that one.

-A nice hot pan.

-Really, this is last-minute, isn't it?

-Yeah.

-OK.

-Get that soup to the boil.

I might need a touch of water, I think, in that.

-OK. I'll get you that, no problem.

-Just in that soup.

Just whisk that in.

-So a nice hot pan.

-Yeah. Carry on.

A little bit of oil.

Scallops are going in.

-Just to thin the soup down a bit.

-Yeah.

-That's brilliant.

-There you go.

-Thanks.

That's that one.

So, what's next for you, then?

Are we going to see a restaurant over here,

-or have you made Jersey your home?

-Yeah, Jersey really is my home.

I've got...

Hopefully launching my own dessert range at the end

of this year, off the back of the success of the treacle tart.

JAMES LAUGHS

-Is that treacle tart in a box?

-Yeah.

-All right, OK.

Maybe another five sort of, five desserts to go with it.

-Don't forget that salt on the top.

-Yeah, sure.

-You know what I mean?

-There you go. We have got the chorizo there.

-Brilliant.

I haven't seasoned that soup.

You want a little bit of fresh thyme in there, don't you?

-Yeah, at the end.

-OK.

-Scallops, very, very quick and simple to cook.

-Yeah.

Speed is the key to this thing.

There you go. We've got our fresh thyme there.

-That's it.

-Right.

The soup can go on the plate?

Yeah, soup, you can ladle that...

-Say, one or two ladles of soup.

-OK.

Butter into the scallops.

A squeeze of lemon.

-Looks certainly a winter warm-y sort of soup.

-Absolutely.

Scallops can come out.

-Yeah.

-Just leave that there.

We've got our chicken...

-..pieces over here.

-Chicken scratchings.

So we're just going to put some...

-Do you want chicken scratchings?

-I'll give it a go.

-Yeah?

-We quite like chicken scratchings.

-Absolutely.

Spinach you're putting in there, raw spinach

-so it cooks at the same time.

-Yeah, raw spinach.

That's over here, sorry.

-Here you go. Only on one.

-Only on one.

Only on one.

-Have you used the oil from this?

-Yeah.

-That's the key to this one.

Some nice chorizo.

A little bit of the chorizo oil.

-Scallops.

-Scallops going on.

-Scallops on yours?

-Yes, please.

-It's like a restaurant, isn't it?

-I know, this is great!

-Scallops on that one, please.

-I'm loving it.

To be honest, you can add some Pecorino or some Parmesan cheese

to this as well, that'll be fantastic.

And then your chicken scratchings on top.

-Looks great. There you go.

-To finish off.

There you go. Remind us what that dish is again.

Chicken and potato soup, Jersey scallops, chicken scratchings

and chorizo sausage.

With chicken scratchings, now you know how to make it. There you go.

Have you ever had chicken scratchings before?

There will be people sat in bed watching this still with a hangover,

thinking, "Chicken scratchings! I quite fancy a bit of that."

-Get the right one. There you go, that's yours.

-Merci.

And, guys, you get to dive in. I'll put it in the middle.

-That's to share!

-Thank you.

Dive in, tell us what you think.

But the potato is the key. It's made it...

-Often it can be quite waxy as well, can't it?

-Yeah.

-If you use the wrong potatoes.

-Yeah.

-Can you taste the thyme in there?

-Yeah, I can taste...

-Chicken scratchings.

-..the chicken as well.

-Chicken scratchings?

-Mmm.

Mmm.

That's all we're getting.

A great start to the show,

there were plenty of oohs and mmms all-round for Shaun's dish.

Now, coming up, Hugh Dennis's treated to pan-fried mullet

with a teriyaki risotto but first up,

Rick Stein's in Cumbria in search of the perfect sausage.

I'm on my way to Cumbria, to see Austen Davies -

sausage maker extraordinaire.

It's a cheering sight to see free-range pigs

as part of the landscape these days.

And it's a sign that the enthusiasm for good-tasting meat

which inevitably comes from humanely reared animals is on the increase.

The thing is, when you actually meet free-range animals like that,

you can sort of see they've got personalities

and it makes you all the more depressed about battery farming,

because, you know, pigs or chickens or whatever

have got real characters, and they're very sort of endearing

and these pigs were, you know, just doing what pigs do -

rootling and tootling and having a good old time!

It seemed all right that Austen was turning them into sausages,

but he wasn't just using all their sort of bits that don't get used up

in prime cuts, he was using ALL the pig in the sausages

and the taste was there of course!

They're old slow-growing pigs, heavy boned -

they take longer to get to, um...

-..killing size.

-Don't like...?

Oh, no, sensitive animals, very intelligent.

And because of that they mature slower.

The meat is therefore more succulent, tastier, redder -

a little bit like pork used to be when we were younger.

The commercial pigs, I mean, they're fine, they do a job,

but it's factory stuff.

They're chucking them out 18 at a time.

They're killing them at 12 weeks old.

They're putting them on the counter with about that much fat on them.

Fat equals flavour, you know, you can't substitute it.

No fat - no flavour.

I'm sure that's why a lot of people are vegetarian

because of the thought of what happens to the poor animals in...

Oh, I'm sure it is.

Maybe if they could see them having a life before death,

that it might change their way of thinking things.

CHALKY HUFFS

Chalky, remember you're a prop dog!

The reason for a Cumberland sausage being that sort of shape, I think,

is quite interesting. We asked loads of butchers in Cumberland

and most of them hadn't a clue!

But it stems back from hundreds of years ago

when German lead workers came over to Cumbria

and southern Scotland to work in the mines

and they were homesick for their traditional coiled sausage

and that's how it happened. I find it very interesting

that if you look deep enough and hard enough as to the whys and

wherefores of food, there's always a reason.

Look at the fat coming out of that! That's because it's 100% pork.

Of course with our British sausages, there is cereal in a sausage,

which does absorb some of that fat.

But in the continental ones, it spills out.

But we don't want that in a sauce,

cos it'd make it too rich and overpowering.

And now to deglaze a pan with some red wine,

you just pour it in, and then just give a good old scrape

with a wooden spatula.

So I'm just reducing all this red wine

down to a couple of tablespoons, so it's really nice and concentrated.

I first had this dish in Umbria in Italy,

it's this place called Norcia and it's famed for its pork butchers.

And I went into a bar in Norcia and they had this dish.

It was made with these really nice little lentils,

which apparently come from a plain just beyond Norcia.

They're here actually. You can get them in England now.

But they're like those lentils du Puy,

but they've got a fantastic sort of earthy flavour.

And that's what the dish was - sausage, lentil, red wine,

and I had a glass of probably the same rough red wine with it

and jolly nice it was too.

There's nothing that beats going to somewhere, finding something local

and loving it. For me it just makes a holiday.

And now for the lentils -

some olive oil in the same pan, and finely chopped garlic and shallots.

Just sweat, as we say, that off in the oil

and add some good aromatic herbs - rosemary and sage.

Stir those in and then some chilli.

Even the Italians like a little bit of heat in their food

and it works a treat with the lentils.

Stir in the chilli and then sun-dried tomatoes, chopped up,

and I'm using those for the intensity,

the sweet intensity of the flavour.

Now the lentils, I've already cooked those in salted water

till they're soft - the red wine reduction, and some chicken stock.

Now, just leave that to simmer gently

until everything's reduced down

cos you don't want too much sauce at the end.

And, finally, some roughly chopped broadleaf parsley

and into a nice celebratory dish like a cazuela,

and put that lovely curled sausage on top.

What could be nicer?

I'm in the heart of Gloucestershire

and I'm going to Stroud Farmers' Market.

I'm SO pleased the way farmers' markets have grown.

I mean, most of the producers we've seen wouldn't be in business

if it weren't for them.

And I'm going to see the next food hero who's Matthew Fort,

the food editor of The Guardian, who's a great friend

and he's a man who adores food.

And I can't think of a nicer person to be with.

There's duck eggs, look. Lovely colour.

-There were some goose eggs there earlier...

-Yeah?

-..massive.

Oh, they're nice. They make very rich but very tasty omelettes.

-This is the best perry we've ever made.

-Well, let's try some perry.

-It is, the perry is fantastic.

-What pear?

-This is called Malvern Hills.

-Malvern Hills.

Which was said to be kind of the best perry pear...

-I went to school in the Malvern Hills.

-Did you really?

-You're a man with a mixed past!

-I know!

It's very good.

Unless I'm much mistaken, those are in fact cima di rapa.

-Cima di rapa.

-I suspect. It's a sort of broccoli,

and it has that sort of...

-Mustardy...

-..wild flavour - it's got an edge to it.

But...

If you fry that up with a bit chilli,

a bit of garlic, and just have it with pasta,

-that's what the Italians do.

-Like hedgerow food!

You couldn't find this in supermarkets,

fancy restaurants is where you'd get it

-and they'd charge you an arm and a leg...

-My sort of place!

-..as you would know!

-RICK LAUGHS

I mean, what does it mean to you, to be able to shop here?

Well, you've got a choice of two things.

You've either got the supermarkets or you've got here.

I just find it very exciting. It's as exciting to me to come here,

as it is to go to a market in Italy or France,

because it is distinctively English.

I mean, you can find Gloucester Old Spot, Tamworth pigs,

you find Aylesbury ducklings.

You find Clun sheep.

You find, you know, vegetables which, you know,

you find the English vegetables - the swedes, potatoes, onions...

..the less glamorous...cabbages, purple sprouting broccoli.

Hey, it's English food. It's here.

CHALKY BARKS Oi! Chalky!

LAUGHTER

I'll have some ducks, please.

In fact, I better have three, if you've got them, or two.

-Three? I've got two.

-OK, two. I'll have the two.

-Afraid we've already cleared out, nearly, this morning.

-Already?

-What time did you open at?

-We got here at 7.45.

-Yeah.

Normally, our first customers are with us

-before we've even finished setting up.

-Yeah.

We sell very well.

-I made some brawn.

-Right, I'm up for that.

-You're up for that?

And I think this is the best brawn I've ever made.

I'm actually quite proud of it, to be perfectly honest.

March on.

I love brawn. It's as good as any French pate.

Matthew was so excited, and I couldn't wait to have a taste.

And here...

-Well, that's it, then.

-Oh, Matty! What a disaster.

-That is an absolute catastrophe.

-LAUGHTER

It was so good!

-Dear, oh, dear.

-But as you can see, ooh, it's got a lovely fur, this.

-Look at that.

-There's a nice bloom on it.

Hmm. Well, that's the end of that, isn't it?

I mean, I was shocked cos it was, like, all hairy.

And he said something like, "Oh, God!" Like this.

But I felt sorry for him, and I said...

I sort of thought of saying, "Oh, look, I'll eat it.

"It'll be all right." And it was sort of blue!

HE LAUGHS But I just...

You know, I mean, he knew the game was up cos there's no way...

We're not going to use a piece like that.

But he took it so well,

and I think that's so typical of this nice man he is.

But he did make this very nice starter in place of the brawn,

which was called tonno di coniglio,

and it's rabbit made to taste like tuna.

He grilled some bread, rubbed it with garlic,

sprinkled with salt, put on some rocket from his garden,

and he'd cooked the rabbit till it fell off the bone

and marinated it for about a week, so it was lovely-flavoured.

He finished with some olive oil and balsamic vinegar,

and that was lunch.

After the rabbit, the finest Aylesbury ducks

from Madgett's Farm just outside Chepstow.

But the conversation was all about brawn.

-How could you not have lifted the lid before?

-There is a God up there.

LAUGHTER

The duck was cooked to perfection, and we had the young spring greens,

and potatoes roasted in duck fat, then tossed with wild garlic leaves.

I just remember, when I was little, and my dad used to...

We used to have lots of people coming to Sunday lunch,

and he used to say, "Everything comes from the garden or the farm."

We lived on a farm.

And I just always remembered that as being, you know, quite special.

And just thinking today,

everything came from that market here in Stroud,

and everything was bought,

came home, and cooked by this most excellent cook here.

THEY LAUGH

Now, whilst everybody else has been tucking into their turkey

this Christmas, I've been taking a break from the British weather -

apparently, it's been raining -

and I've been enjoying some incredible seafood.

And this week's masterclass, I thought I'd show you

one of the dishes that I've learned over there.

It's around Southern India. And this was just spectacular.

It was invented by a chef that trained at El Bulli

for seven years, and it's a risotto, right?

But, Theo, this is not an Italian risotto.

This is a teriyaki risotto.

-Oh-ho-ho!

-So, it's...

Honestly, it's ace. It's a weird mix.

And first of all, you take your teriyaki mixture,

which we're going to make in there, which is some...

There you go. ..Shaoxing wine. That goes in there, as well.

We've got some soy sauce here, we've got some mirin and some sugar.

First of all, we need to make this teriyaki-style.

So, we do that by adding all this liquor.

This is the mirin that's gone in here, as well.

And then we take some sugar, also in there.

So, we start that boiling, then this gets reduced down first.

So, we get that boiling away nicely.

Meanwhile, over here, we're going to get our risotto on,

which is a standard sort of risotto,

first of all, with shallots and garlic.

And cook this down with a little bit of stock, as well.

So, I mean, 2013 has been an incredibly busy year for you,

-as well.

-Yeah.

-2014's looking even busier.

-You're about to go on tour.

-Yeah.

So, tell us about the tour and what this involves.

Well, for years and years and years,

since I met him at university, actually,

I've worked with Steve Punt, and we had a series on BBC One

and we did a show on Radio 4 called The Now Show.

And we're just heading off on tour.

We do a tour about every sort of three or four years.

So, we're just going off to do, I think, 35, 40 dates, maybe...

-Yeah.

-..in a town near you. Well, not near you.

Actually, we are doing a town near you.

Yeah, I think you probably are. So, what's the ethos of the tour?

Well, it's just what we've always done.

-It's actually called Ploughing On Regardless...

-Right.

..which is not a bad title, actually,

-given the weather that you've missed.

-Yeah.

-I like your tan, by the way.

-No, this is not a tan.

I've been tea smoking in the restaurant.

-That's what I've been doing.

-Oh, yeah?

-Just got a bit close for the last two weeks.

-Yeah, yeah.

It's our double act that we've done for years, so it's, you know...

So, is it all new material, then?

-Is that something or...?

-Yeah, no, it's all new material.

I think there'll be a few bits from the radio show that we do,

-but you won't recognise them, hopefully.

-Right.

-But it's all...

No, it's all new, as it has to be, really, on tour.

Is it good to do stuff like that on radio first?

Cos that's where you started.

I mean, you started your career, first of all,

at Cambridge University, studying geography, really.

But how do you end up doing comedy? Why were you doing that?

Well, I had a really, really strange career progression, actually,

cos I went to...

I was at Cambridge, but I wasn't...

I hadn't ever done a school play.

I'd never done any drama or anything when I went there,

and I only did it in the third year and I joined...

They've got this comedy thing called Footlights.

-It's a very famous sort of comedy group...

-Yeah, yeah.

..that produced, you know, Michael Palin,

and the Pythons and stuff.

And I met Steve there.

But when we left, I'd only been doing it for a year,

so I decided that I would get a proper job.

He was going to go off and do comedy, but I, instead...

I had three choices, really.

I could have stayed on at university,

I could have done comedy, and the third one -

I could have gone into marketing.

-And, in fact, that's what I did.

-Right.

-And I joined a massive company called Unilever...

-Yeah.

..and I was in charge of UK deodorant...

-LAUGHTER

-..for...

-Slightly odd career choice.

-Yeah.

..for seven years.

-I was a brand manager of Lynx...

-Right.

-..which is the...

You know, the deodorant body spray thing.

But what we were doing there...

So, how on earth do you go from that to doing what...?

Because I did it at weekends.

So, on Monday to Friday, I was a brand manager,

and I was working, you know, making adverts and stuff.

And on Friday night, Saturday night, and Sunday night,

I was doing The Comedy Store and Jongleurs

and places like that with Steve.

And about a year out of university, maybe 18 months,

Jasper Carrott came down to The Comedy Store one night

and said, "Look, I've got this live show on BBC One.

"Do you want to...?

"Do you want to write a sketch for it?

-"And if I've got too much material, you won't be on."

-Right.

"But if I haven't got enough, you will be on."

And Steve, you know, knew what this meant, really.

It was an enormous break.

There was about 13 million viewers, I think, every Saturday night.

So, Steve went, "Oh, that's fantastic.

"13 million viewers. Saturday night."

And this is where my head was at.

I was thinking, "It's on a Saturday night.

"That's fantastic,

"because that means I can carry on working for Unilever"...

LAUGHTER

..which is what I did. And I carried on doing that for...

..I think another six years.

So, Monday to Friday, I was running brands,

and then, on Saturday nights, I was on BBC One doing sketches.

And it was only...

So, when was the decision to be made,

"Right, I should be doing something else"?

Well, we'd done the thing called

The Mary Whitehouse Experience on Radio 1,

and we'd done a year of it.

And we were then offered it as a BBC Two show,

but it was on a Wednesday rather than the Saturday,

and that threw my world into chaos

cos I couldn't take every Wednesday off.

-So, I just had to decide what to do.

-Yeah.

And I went to my boss and I said, "I really don't know what to do.

"I don't know whether I should do this show on BBC Two

"or I should carry on marketing deodorant."

And he, brilliantly, went,

"What do you mean you don't know what to do?

"Obviously, you should go off and do that."

And they gave me... They gave me a year off.

They held my job open for a year.

Now, of course, it's been unbelievable cos, I mean,

you've got Outnumbered, which is in its, what...?

-Fifth series about to start?

-Yeah, about to.

We've made the fifth series, so that's going out in January.

I mean, that's been a huge success because it allows you to do...

Is it sort of semi-scripted, as well, with that?

Well, it depends... Adult...

When an adult is talking to an adult,

it's generally scripted,

and it's pretty much like a normal kind of sitcom,

except we're told not to learn our lines very well,

which works perfectly for me, because I wouldn't have done anyway.

But if it's the kids with the kids, that's largely improvised, yeah.

And what's that like, as a comedian? Does that give you...?

Is it good cos it gives you the flexibility or...?

Oh, no, it's great, actually.

It's great because you just...

You know, when you're allowed just to say things

-that come into your head, you don't worry about it, do you?

-Yeah.

That's what you do on this show.

-I'm just making it up entirely as I go along.

-Yeah.

If you've not been able to follow this, it's all on Ceefax.

-What are you doing now?

-This is making a little foam.

This is what he showed me over there.

But, basically, just double cream and kaffir lime,

which is the lime leaf that we've got in front of us there.

OK, you're going to have to be a bit more specific about that.

-There are lots of leaves.

-It's basically lime.

-This stuff here?

-It's the dark green one that you've got there.

-That one?

-No, the other one. The dark green.

-That one?

-That's the one.

It's this dark green one. And you basically just mix...

-Yeah, it goes in Thai green curry, normally.

-It smells fantastic.

But you infuse that with the cream and everything else,

and you end up with this sort of foam, which is perfect for it.

The risotto is made sort of traditionally,

which we've got in here, but then what they do...

And Theo's going to sort of...

Turn away at this point, Theo.

As well as they've got the teriyaki in there,

they put this in there, which is seaweed.

And they put... This is just the dried seaweed.

It goes in there last minute.

And then you season it with salt and pepper.

It's a really peculiar flavour,

but the guy that I got this recipe from,

-he used to work in this amazing restaurant in Spain...

-Yeah.

..so he's got loads of sort of different ideas.

But it's just very, very different. Black pepper over there, as well.

-Just season this up, as well.

-Is the seaweed actually seaweed?

Cos when they say seaweed in Chinese restaurants,

-it's quite often cabbage, isn't it?

-Quite often cabbage.

-This is seaweed.

-That is actually seaweed?

-Yeah.

Check the seasoning of it. Bit more salt, as well.

-So, we've got the tour, Outnumbered...

-Yeah.

..and then, of course, you know, you're a prolific writer, as well.

Not just for comedy, but you've got...

You know, published your own book now, as well.

Yeah, I wrote a book last year,

which is called Britty Britty Bang Bang.

Right. What was that about?

One man's attempt to understand his country.

-Yeah.

-It was, well, basically that. It's just trying to, you know...

Trying to work out what is great about Britain, really,

which is a huge amount of stuff, including food, actually.

-It is, yeah.

-But we kind of got left behind.

-You know the sort of current revolution in food...

-Yeah.

-..it's very modern, isn't it?

-Well, it is modern.

The last 20 years, really.

It is modern, but it comes from all manner of different things.

And I think the great thing about living in this country -

we embrace all the ideas, and that, from everywhere else. Bit like Theo.

You know, he's going to be putting teriyaki risotto on an Italian menu.

-What's the difference between embracing and stealing?

-No chance!

Embracing and stealing?

But this is your little risotto. So, you've got...

These are just little leaves on the top, as well, but...

But the secret of this risotto...

So, the teriyaki gets put in there at the end.

I've got these lovely enoki mushrooms

that have gone in there, as well. The seaweed's gone in.

It's a really peculiar flavour, but the key to this is that foam.

It just works fantastically well together.

And to settle that, you can put this in.

This is lecithin,

which you can get from health food stores now, as well.

-It just stabilises...

-That reduces cholesterol, doesn't it?

Yeah, and it stabilises the foam, as well.

Keeps it sort of held up there.

Here we go. Try and get a bit of everything.

It's really strong in flavour, but it works really well with red mullet.

Apparently, the weather's been bad,

so you can't buy much fish nowadays anyway

for a couple of weeks till it gets better, but...

-That is lovely.

-It is really peculiar, but tastes nice.

I don't think that is that peculiar, actually.

Hugh Dennis taking the peculiar in his stride there.

Now, don't go anywhere just yet, as we've still got plenty more

to come on today's Saturday Kitchen Best Bites.

And next, it's over to Lawrence Keogh,

who's making beef stroganoff with riz pilaf.

-Great to have you back on the show.

-Hi, mate. Yeah, thanks.

-So, congratulations on your new job.

-Yeah.

-The Wolseley.

Tell us about The Wolseley, then, and the dishes you're going to cook.

Well, the dish we're going to cook is a fillet of beef stroganoff,

which has got paprika,

white wine vinegar, white wine, cream.

-Lashings of double cream. Very good for you this time of year.

-Sounds good to me.

-And mushrooms.

It's finished with gherkins and sour cream.

But this is a proper classic.

It was shown to me years ago by a very good friend of mine,

Mark Tazzioli, if he's watching. And it's a proper a la carte dish.

It really is a cooked-to-order dish.

We're going to do a pilaf to go with it.

-You'd normally do it with little straw fries, of course.

-Yeah.

So, what you do with the fillet - you lay it...

That's the tail end of the fillet.

Now, this is the tail. Just explain before you chop that up.

You have the middle bit where you'd have the fillet steaks,

-and the Chateaubriand...

-Up the end.

So, this is obviously not used a lot, but you cut down.

You can ask your butcher to do this.

If you want to, you can do this dish with chicken

if you're a bit sort of...

Don't really fancy some red meat this time of year.

But if you want, there are other pieces of meat.

-Sirloin - probably another one to go with.

-It's a bit cheaper.

There's a secret to this dish, which we'll show you.

There are some simple techniques to follow.

If you don't get it right, you can ruin the whole dish.

We're going to keep the beef quite rare when we sear it.

So, the stroganoff - often found on a lot of old, classic sort of menus.

Yeah, and it's... Well, the thing about it, I mean...

I was fortunate to be classically French trained

in the day at The Berkeley and the Ritz Casino in London,

and once you're classically French trained -

like you know, James - it's like being a musician, isn't it?

You can change your styles and move around.

We've got two types of paprika in here. We've got sweet and hot.

So, in goes the sweet and hot. Paprika is the dried bell peppers.

-Yeah.

-You know, it's dried out. Straight in with some vegetable oil.

This pan is going to be absolutely smoking.

Right, the onions have gone in there.

You don't want any colour on these onions.

No, just a little sweat. We're going to make a real pilaf.

You'll show people how to do a real pilaf.

Now, this beef - just give it a quick toss through the paprika.

-This pan is smoking.

-So, we've got the...

Onions have gone in, little bit of butter, some...

-That is hot, that, actually.

-That is really hot.

Now, this would be often done at the table, wouldn't it?

This would we done at the table by the maitre d'.

-I'd get a pair of tongs, Chef.

-Setting off the fire alarm.

-Health and safety.

-Evacuate! Evacuate!

-Taxi!

-LAUGHTER

-Be very quick, then, with that.

-I'm on it. I'm on it, Chef. There you go.

-Just show it the pan.

Now, tell us about The Wolseley, then,

because it's a famous old building.

Yeah, well, it originally was a car showroom back in the '20s.

Then it was a bank. I remember going and picking up

a pay cheque there when I was at The Ritz, you know.

And it's owned by Jeremy Corbin and Chris King and...

And, erm...

Sorry, guys. Chris Corbin, Jeremy King!

You start tomorrow. LAUGHTER

Sorry, boss. I will get it right!

-He WAS starting tomorrow.

-It's live TV!

-You think that's bad?

I asked him the address this morning -

he ain't got a clue where it is! LAUGHTER

-Take that out and strain it, OK?

-Right, OK.

-So, this is basically just seared.

-Yeah, Chris Corbin, Jeremy King.

I've been a long admirer of the pair of them,

and they started off at Le Caprice and The Ivy and Sheekey's, etc.

You're a big fan of them, as well.

-Right, in goes some butter.

-OK.

So, you've got to keep that beef as bleu as you can. That's the secret.

So, a little cartouche.

Just a piece of paper - greaseproof, of course.

Not a newspaper, but...

And you just...

-Right, in goes the shallots.

-..fold that over.

Place that over the top of the rice.

-That's it.

-That sits on there.

Right, then we're going to cut the mushrooms. That's it.

-Sweat them off.

-There you go.

No, but it's a very, very busy restaurant.

It does about 350, 380 for breakfast,

a good 250, 280 for lunch,

190 for afternoon tea, and a good 400 for dinner,

and it's open 364 days of the year.

And I've gone from looking after 30 chefs to looking after 60 chefs,

-so...

-Wow!

-It's quite a big job to take on.

Would it be right to say

it's definitely one of the busiest restaurants in London?

It is one of the busiest restaurants in London, in Piccadilly.

Yeah, at first, I wasn't too sure about taking the job on board,

but I met the team, I met the team of chefs in the kitchen.

I like the company. The company's moving in the right direction.

There's a lot of expansion, and, no, it's a nice change.

-And I think, this time...

-A favourite of actors.

Oh, it's a great place to eat.

-Yeah, it's very, very fashionable to eat there.

-Yeah.

Right, that's all... So, shallots...

-Yeah.

-OK? ..in there. This is the trick.

-Do you want that?

Oh, put tomato puree in there, Chef.

-That's why you're here, isn't it?

-Yeah, exactly.

LAUGHTER

By the way, I'm available to be the new head chef

of The Wolseley, if you want. LAUGHTER

-Rehearsals - it's always fine, isn't it?

-Yeah, it's always great.

In goes the vinegar. Go on.

The vinegar goes in, which is the secret.

-Vinegar - you can smell it.

-You must evaporate the vinegar.

If you don't evaporate the vinegar, you're going to taste that acidity,

-and it's not very nice.

-Yeah.

-So, you cook the vinegar out. Get rid of it.

-Yeah.

You've got the rice in the oven, haven't you, Chef?

Now, like I said, it's an old building, that place, as well,

but the kitchen's downstairs?

-The kitchen's downstairs.

-It's quite an odd layout for a...

Yeah, there's six lifts sending food up and down it. It's a busy site.

Right, next, once you evaporate the vinegar...

If you want to evaporate things quickly, make a well.

-Move it to the outside.

-Right.

Pour it in the middle, it evaporates. White wine.

-OK?

-Now, this is a classic dish

that would be found on a lot of restaurant menus.

-Traditionally Russian, of course, but...

-Absolutely classic, yeah.

It's a Russian dish. It was popular in a cookbook in the 1860s.

-Beef and sour cream and things like that.

-Your era, Sunday.

-Yeah. Yeah, thank you.

-LAUGHTER

I needed that.

And it was traditionally served with crispy fries, like straw potatoes.

-Yeah.

-Like matchstick fries.

Then it became popular in Hong Kong, and the Americans took it there,

and they started serving rice with it.

-So, it's very popular now with a side of rice.

-Right.

-OK? So, reduce that white wine.

-You need to get rid of the vinegar.

-That's the key to it.

-You must evaporate the vinegar

and keep the beef as bleu as possible.

And this is where... You know, if you were on a healthy kick...

Don't go any further.

-..just, you know...

-Yum!

You want to get all that in there. Let's get the sauce right first.

OK? Let's get the sauce right,

otherwise you're going to keep overcooking the beef.

-We just want to warm it through.

-So, the sauce goes...?

Sauce first, and then you put the beef back in to finish it off, yeah?

-Right.

-That's your little pilaf.

-Salt and pepper.

-Changing the spoon.

-Now, what rice have you used in this?

-Just long-grain rice?

-Yeah, long-grain rice.

Yeah, you can use an Uncle Ben's with it, something like that.

-There you go.

-Right, now...

-This is just warmed through the sauce now.

-Yeah.

And like I said, if you want to do this with chicken, you can.

-Yeah.

-OK?

Now, it's good for a dinner party, this,

cos it's all literally last-minute.

It's a proper, you know, 19 sort of...

The old '70s classic Cordon Bleu, isn't it?

-A dish that would be done...

-OK.

-That's delicious. OK, right, can I borrow your serving spoon?

-Yeah.

-That's ready?

-Yeah, yeah. Unbelievably quick.

You know, Lawrence, your leg was vibrating in time with the stirring.

LAUGHTER

That's cos it's the old dancing leg, isn't it?

LAUGHTER

-Henry, is yours shaking?

-LAUGHTER

Just watching you, Lawrence, it's a privilege.

Oh, it's a pleasure.

-What a nice bunch of guests you've got here today.

-Yeah.

I can't believe the speed you're working.

-Well, I've done half of it!

-Yeah, well, I know.

I can show you how to work more slowly later on.

-Can you? I look forward to it.

-So, julienne the gherkins on top.

-Julienne - nice, thin strips.

-Yeah.

-Nice spoonful of sour cream.

-Ah, see, you didn't get my spoons ready.

-Yeah.

So, sour cream on top. Have you got the chopped parsley done, Chef?

-Chopped parsley's there.

-Chopped parsley.

-Little bit of chopped parsley.

-Spoon with the paprika in it.

Thank you, Chef. Can you mind what that is, again?

So, there is your beef...

-Classic beef stroganoff...

-Wow.

-..paprika, cream and rice.

Easy as that.

-All right.

-It looks great. He's even applauding himself.

There you go. LAUGHTER

-Right, here we go.

-You get to dive into this.

-We do, do we?

-Wow.

-Is it unbelievably hot?

-It's not that spicy, is it?

-No, no, cos you can use...

-You know, there's a sweet paprika and a hot paprika.

-Yeah, I know.

You can blend your own if you don't like things too hot.

I was in Budapest this summer

where they had the sweet and the strong paprika.

-You know, it's fascinating.

-That's not the smoked one.

No, the smoked one has obviously

-been smoked over coals and stuff like that.

-Mm!

Used a lot in Spanish cookery.

-Oh, that's beautiful.

-But that is a lovely dish.

I think that's a cracking dish for...

Oh, you must taste that.

-Yeah, absolutely fantastic.

-That is wonderful.

-Wow.

-The secret is with that beef, you fry it off, drain it off...

-That's it.

Show it the pan, get it out, and then reduce the vinegar.

So, the important parts are searing the beef, and the vinegar.

If you don't get them right, you can ruin the dish.

-Just stick to them basic principles.

-If you used chicken,

would you tweak it at all, or just do it exactly the same?

Well, it's one of them dishes you can do after Christmas

for leftover turkey. Do it exactly the same.

-Bit late now, mate, aren't you?

-Bit late now.

A dish so good that Lawrence applauded himself there.

But rightly so, cos everyone loved it.

Now, next up, it's Keith Floyd, and he's starting his trip

around America, kicking off in New Orleans.

MUSIC: Green Onions by Booker T & the MG's

I am driving the ultimate dream machine -

a Corvette Stingray '67.

Seven litres under the bonnet.

In the U-Haul in the back, I've got my pots and pans,

my knives, because I'm on the BBC maxi-break of a lifetime.

I'm going to take you to Louisiana, to Memphis, to New Orleans,

to Florida, to California - from shining sea to shining sea -

to try the food, the music, the blues, the rock and roll,

the wop-bop-a-loo-bam of American gastronomy.

Let's go for it.

The bayou, Louisiana,

is the gastronomic heartland of the southern States.

Home of crawfish and file gumbo,

and lots of other dishes immortalised in rock and roll songs.

Amongst these stunted trees,

coincidentally destroyed by Hurricane Floyd -

no relation of course - you can feel the spirit of General Jackson,

who beat the living daylights out of the Brits

at the Battle of New Orleans in 1815.

That curious machine is a mudbug harvester.

Mudbugs are what the locals call crawfish -

an aggressive, lobster-like crustacean

that lives in the same swamps that produce the wild rice

they ultimately meet on a plate.

This symbol of Louisiana cuisine

is farmed in vast quantities here in the Mississippi Delta,

and those not eaten by these winged predators -

I'm sorry, I don't know what they're called -

end up in pots with Cajun spices and garlic,

spreading the gastronomic spirit of Louisiana right across the States,

as my Cajun chum explains so succinctly.

By the way, he was only scaring those birds,

although he does eat the occasional one.

Anyway, on to cooking sketch number one,

with a guy who irritated the hell out of me,

but he cooks a great jambalaya, so he can't be all bad.

I've got trouble on my hands here. This is Chris.

He knows everything about Cajun cooking,

and he's going to teach me how to make a jambalaya -

the classic dish of this Louisiana swamp region.

Chris, what are all these ingredients here?

Well, before we get started with ingredients,

I want to tell you something.

One thing about a man making jambalaya in South Louisiana -

it's an important part of our diet.

I want to tell you something right now before you go too far.

Told you I was going to have trouble with this guy.

If you mess up, I've got something to pound you.

-Is that fair enough?

-That's fair enough.

If you mess up my jambalaya for the people sitting out there,

we are going to settle the odds up.

That's all I wanted you to know right now.

We'll keep that down in the background.

Floyd, now we start talking about ingredients.

Let's talk about what we put in this pot.

-Remember what I dropped in here?

-Right.

-You thought that was lard, didn't you?

-I did.

-That's alligator fat.

-Alligator fat?

-That's all it was. Nothing much more than that.

But, really, it was lard, and I'm going to tell you why.

-Lard is a pork fat. Good, good flavour.

-SIZZLING

-Can you hear that pot sizzling?

-Yeah.

It's time to drop that sausage in, Floyd.

-Right. All of it?

-All of it.

I'm going to give you the spoon from here on out.

You can do all the work you want to do. How's that, huh?

This is good. I'll be eating a meal here today

that somebody else cooked for a change.

So, how long do we cook this in here for, then?

Well, we're going to cook this down

-until we get some of the oils out of the sausage.

-Right, right.

All we're trying to do right now... This is hot sausage.

-Do you like hot sausage?

-I like hot sausage.

-Good, good, good.

This flavour, this sausage, is going to carry

the pot of this jambalaya.

-Right.

-That's the flavour that's going to carry.

So, be careful with that. Don't break them all up.

Just hit them a little bit lightly. Don't disturb them. There you go.

Let it saute for a few minutes. All we're looking for right now

-is to get some of the oils out of the sausage.

-Right.

-By getting the oils out,

it lubricates something that you don't know nothing about.

While that's happening, what's in there?

-You really want to know what's in there?

-I do.

Let me tell you - Mississippi River water.

-Mississippi River water?

-Yeah, we get a lot...

-You know, we get a lot of good chemicals come down our river.

-Yeah!

This has very good flavour in it. That's all that is.

Is that a good shot? No, I'm telling you, look here.

Let me tell you what I really have. I've got chicken stock.

-Chicken stock.

-And a little kitchen bouquet.

-Kitchen bouquet. Right.

-I know you're very familiar with kitchen bouquet.

-Sure.

-It's a bouquet garni, OK?

-That's exactly right.

-I'm translating.

-It gives you a good colour and a great flavour.

What we're going to do, we're going to add a little trinity in here.

-The trinity?

-You know what trinity is.

-Well, I can see it now, yeah.

-OK, what is trinity, tell me?

It's green peppers, celery, and onions.

That's all that it is. That's exactly right.

-This is a basic seasoning group we use in South Louisiana.

-Right.

Whether we're making a jambalaya,

whether we're making a gumbo or Creole,

this is a basic seasoning group that we use.

We're just going to add this to the pot.

-Right.

-I tell you what else you can add to this dish right now.

-You can put a little bit of chicken in there if you'd like.

-Already?

Yeah, go ahead. Drop it in. Heat it up real good.

Does that look like chicken to you?

Well, I don't trust you any more, Chris.

What do you mean you don't trust me? Would I lie to you?

-I think you might.

-Let me show you what.

This is what we had the back part of.

That was a little bit we had left in the freezer.

-That's a big chicken.

-That's a big chicken, huh?

How do you like the looks of this baby, huh?

-Do you think you can open him up?

-I wouldn't think so.

-Go right ahead.

Oh, my life! HE LAUGHS

Floyd, I would not put alligator meat in this pot.

-You know why?

-Why?

-Alligator is 6.95 a pound.

-Right.

-Pretty expensive.

-We're using raccoon today.

-Raccoon?

-Yeah.

-Don't you prefer raccoon?

-Oh, dear. HE LAUGHS

-Rocky Raccoon.

-Rocky Raccoon.

-How is that looking? Pretty good?

-That's looking very good.

-Fantastic.

-Clive, if I can...

How about dropping a little garlic in there?

-A bit of garlic in there.

-Yeah.

See, this guy's learning how to cook right now.

He's finally learning real food. Real, real food.

That's what he is learning now.

-Hey, this stock's boiling up away here now.

-Yeah.

-You see how the chicken base has come to the surface?

-Sure.

Now it's time to pour it in that pot.

-Pour it in this pot?

-Yeah. Now, it's not hot.

-The handles aren't hot.

-Right, OK.

So, just to recap on this, Clive, up here, for second, if I may.

It's lard, OK? We fried, in the lard,

this spicy New Orleans sausage.

Then we added the trinity - not the Holy Trinity,

but the trinity - of celery, peppers and onions.

Then the chicken, or, in this case, the raccoon meat went in.

We could have used alligator meat, but that's too expensive.

And now in we go with the stock, OK?

-Do you know a Cajun philosophy for making a jambalaya?

-No.

Do you have any idea?

If it walks, crawls, swims or flies, and you can catch it,

you can put it in that pot.

-THEY LAUGH

-How's that, huh?

Right, what about the rice? When does that go into the whole thing?

We have to bring this to a boil, but we need to add a little salt.

-Salt. Which is where?

-Put about two teaspoons of salt in.

-Is this the salt?

-No, no, no. Leave that alone. Don't even touch that.

-This is called "Joe's stuff".

-No, it's salt.

-That's salt?

-Yeah.

I just use Joe's bottle.

Well, that's pretty close.

I'd put a little bit more in. You're cooking five cups of rice.

Right, OK. Oh, well, it needs a bit more, then, doesn't it?

That's what I'm getting at. OK, we'll sir this in. Now...

We bring that to the boil. Get back to the alligators cos...

Yeah, I'd love to get back.

They eat anything that gets in their way -

female alligators that have baby alligators.

That is probably the meanest creature

you'll ever run across in your whole life.

-Worse than the mother-in-law, in fact?

-Well, I don't know.

My mother-in-law... The first job I ever had was taming alligators.

Have you ever tried to tame an alligator?

I used to have to stand there

and run my hand through the mouth once I got it open.

-You know who got me that job? My mother-in-law.

-Yeah?

I quit that right quick. I realised what was going on.

-And then put the rice in?

-Yeah.

What we're going to do now, we're just going to put the lid on here.

We're going to lower the fire now. Lower it real low.

I am not looking to bring it...

You know, bring it back to a boil.

How are we coming here? Let's see what you've got here, Floyd.

-Very low. How about that?

-Yeah.

Oh, there you go. All I want is a simmer. That is perfect.

-I tell you what, have you cooked before?

-No.

Huh? Well, why do they call you Floyd of fish?

-THEY LAUGH

-I'm just curious, that's all.

-No.

OK, what we have to do now, Floyd,

we have to time this for ten minutes.

-Can you tell time?

-What, is it like...

-Can you tell time?

-..nine cans of that and that's ready?

-No, no, no. One can.

This is a quarter can. I need a whole can of Dixie.

-Right.

-Cos, I mean, I tell you...

How much do you have left in yours? Oh, yeah, we can time it.

By the time you finish that and I finish this - ten minutes of beer -

then we're going to turn our jambalaya off.

At that point right there,

we have to let this thing sit for about 20 minutes.

-This rice will cook itself.

-Right.

-Right in the pot, and that's what's nice about it.

-OK.

They call New Orleans The Big Easy.

It's a city that likes to sleep late and party hard.

Once extremely prosperous,

the failing oil and shipping industries have left their scars

on this most European of American cities.

It reminds me of a cross between Avignon, Seville, and Liverpool.

The streets rattle to streetcars and rock with the jazz

that fills the food-scented air in this humid city.

These flags flying for Mardi Gras - Fat Tuesday, as you know -

owe their colours to a British Victorian touring theatre group

playing Lear - dear, dear Lear - at the local theatre.

And the organisers of the first Carnival

borrowed their costumes for the Carnival King and Queen.

So, it's all down to Shakespeare, really.

Laissez les bons temps rouler - "let the good times roll"

is the motto of this naughty place, the home of Tennessee Williams,

A Streetcar Named Desire, Cat On A Hot Tin Roof, etc, etc.

I could go on, but I'm more into Faulkner,

another great Southern writer.

New Orleans is a superstitious city.

Palm readers, witches, diviners, and clairvoyants of all kinds

hang out on the streets and in dubious little studios.

But, with its Indian, French, Spanish and slave heritage,

it's not surprising.

# I love, I love you, baby

# And I want you to be my girl... #

Along with fortune-telling and music,

your Big Easy native is never happier than when eating beignets,

a French-style doughnut, in the Cafe Du Monde,

the hang-out of musicians, artists,

tourists and the potpourri of New Orleans' demimonde.

Ah, I hope you like these little jewels of commentary.

They're quite important, really.

Anyway, the central grocery store

at the turn of the century, or thereabouts,

created the famous muffuletta sandwich,

presumably by Senor Muffuletta.

They're slices of salami, ham and Swiss cheese

smothered in olive oil and pickle. Do you really like them?

# Yes, I do

# Yes, I do

# Yes, I do

# And I want you to be my girl. #

I'm not keen on being a tourist,

and wild horses wouldn't drag me onto anything called a Creole Queen.

I should be telling you all about the Mississippi,

but this isn't a look at life,

and all I know about it is that it's very long, very wide,

and the Americans like it very much.

And if it wasn't here, there wouldn't be jazz in the world.

In the French Quarter, you can't move two paces

without being tempted to eat something.

The Creole and Cajun dishes of this place

make it the mecca of American cuisine.

Louisiana is rich in produce of all kinds -

a bit like Provence, really -