Homemade Takeaways The Best Dishes Ever

Today, our talented line-up of chefs are making meals that you

normally turn to when you're craving a takeaway.

Everything on the menu ticks that takeaway box.

But you'll be amazed how much better they can be

when you make them yourself.

We're getting the ball rolling with a Chinese favourite

that first got big here in the 1970s as the Hairy Bikers take on pork chow mein.

In the 1970s, our palates were opened up

as the flavours of the East went mainstream.

And if chop suey was the Chinese food of the masses,

the chow mein was the choice of the gourmet.

Now, what we're doing's chow mein.

What we're going to do is a pork fillet.

I'm going to just trim that off and then

I'll show you what to do in a minute.

I have a pan of boiling water.

Into that, I'm going to put my egg noodles

and what you want to do is first read the packet,

because they vary.

These ones need boiling for two minutes. Some are four minutes.

If you boil these for four, they'd be wrecked.

We want 200g, which is half a packet.

These are the proper thing for your chow mein.

Two, three...

I love chow mein.

I think if you like noodles, it's brilliant.

-Here, Kingy.

-What, mate?

-What you call a fake noodle?

-I don't know.

An im-PASTA! Ha!

Two minutes.

Now just stir them until they break up and then run

them in cold water, flush them with sunflower oil and set them aside.

Great. Once you've trimmed this up, what we're we going to do,

we're going to cut it lengthways in half.

Mmm.

And then...

We're going to slice it. I'm going to slice it quite finely.

You know what, Kingy, chow mein, in Chinese, just means fried noodles.

And chop suey, the words means "miscellaneous bits"!

But ours is going to be a lot more than that.

Put two teaspoons of cornflour into a bowl

and add four tablespoons of dark soy sauce.

Two tablespoons of mirin or dry sherry and 100ml of water.

Give it a quick stir and set it aside for later.

Once your noodles are cooked, give them a good rinse under cold water.

I love Chinese food. I love Chinese cooking.

I've got a mate of mine who runs a Chinese restaurant

and I love going down there and he lets me help out at the wok range

and it is just like this mad labyrinth of woks

filled of fire and water,

and it's so immediate, and you get everything ready...

I think that's the nature of Chinese food.

And also, cooking your chow mein, you prepare all the different elements,

like the meat, the vegetables, the sauce, the noodles,

and at the last minute, you combine everything

and you have something really special.

Pour a tablespoon of sunflower oil over them

and make sure they're fully coated.

Now, to your chopped pork.

Add one teaspoon of five spice

and season generously with salt and pepper

before working it into the meat.

Heat a glug of oil in a non-stick pan or wok

and stir-fry the pork over a high heat.

Cut a carrot into long, thin strips and do the same to a red pepper.

Finely slice a 25-gram chunk of ginger, six spring onions

and three cloves of garlic.

You also want 50g of frozen peas,

and 200g of halved water chestnuts at the ready.

Once the pork is browned, set aside on a plate.

Add a dash more oil to the wok and fry off the peppers and carrots,

before adding the rest of your veg.

Keep frying for a couple of minutes until softened, but not soggy.

Oh!

-Shall I do the noodle garnish?

-Go on, mate. Get in.

-Little saute pan.

Thank you.

Now, this is a 15-second job, the garnish.

Now these are rice noodles.

The sort you'd have, say, for pad Thai.

Just snap up a load.

Separate them.

And if we put them into the hot fat,

-in 15 seconds we should have a wonderful bird's nest.

-Oh, yes.

They'll bubble up!

It'll expand, just like those polystyrene tiles we used to

-glue on the kitchen ceiling.

-Yeah, what was all that about?

That and woodchip?

-People didn't even know that their houses...

-But polystyrene tiles, you see...

The thing is, if your ceiling was falling down or a mess,

-you put those tiles up, looked immaculate.

-Did, like.

Kept the insulation, sound, everything.

-They just looked revolting.

-They did.

And gave 21st-century people something to moan about when you bought your new house.

It did. It's true.

-Beautiful. I think we're there.

-I think we're there.

Now empty veggies out of the wok onto a plate.

-These are quite good for the wok, aren't they?

-Yes.

-The more we build up...

-The more we build up,

the more ingredients that go in!

Another glug of oil and drop in your cold egg noodles.

Keep them moving around the wok for about 2-3 minutes,

until they're just beginning to go crisp and golden.

Once the pan is hot, drop in your broken rice ribbon noodles

and fry them until they puff up.

And now it all comes together in a flurry!

Veg and meat goes in now.

-Look at these, mate!

-Get in!

-Whoa!

Look at this.

Meat...

All right... Ahh! Watch this, it's hot.

Who cares! We're having such a good time!

It's good man! It's quick, it's instant, it's fast!

-I love it!

-Oh, it is!

And don't forget, preparation is in the art of enjoyment in the kitchen.

If you're too stressed to be able to do anything, what's the point?

Yeah, just get your mess on, that's sorted. Then go for it.

Worry about the washing-up after.

-Time for the sauce, Si.

-Get it in.

-Whoa-ho!

-Ah, man.

Hairy bikers' pork chow mein.

Our homage to a dish that shaped a nation.

-I think we're there, mate.

-We're there, mate, we are, deffo.

While it's steaming hot, get it into a bowl

and top it off with the fried noodles.

Right, come on.

Well, it looks the same. It's really good.

Here, Kingy, it's taken 40 years from that '70s box to come to this.

As they would've said in the '70s, that's dead ace!

The pork chow mein! An unbelievably tasty dish.

And a testament to the 1970s' spirit of culinary adventure.

Thanks boys. Well, that looks great.

And of course, the chow mein also works wonders

when cooked with chicken, beef, prawns or tofu.

Now for another version of a Chinese classic,

this time from Nigel Slater,

who we join as he's singing the praises of all things

sweet and sour.

The most famous example of opposites working together, I think,

is sour and sweet.

I knew it worked from a very early age,

when I used to go down to the bottom of the garden,

nick a stork of my dad's rhubarb and then stick it in the sugar bag.

So I got the sour and the sweet and I knew there was something very,

very interesting about it.

It works in so many ways.

I like to use it for a simple supper.

I make a sort of dressing, a sort of basting liquid, if you like,

with lemons, and I sweeten it,

either with honey or sometimes with maple syrup.

So for supper tonight, it's sticky sweet and sour chicken

with lemon and honey.

Squeeze the juice from about four lemons,

add a few crushed black peppercorns

and a healthy dollop of clear honey.

Runny honey works best for this.

What happens is that it caramelises in the heat of the roasting tin.

It goes all sticky.

You don't have to use mustard, but it gives an extra zing.

And if you like garlic, it's worth popping in a few crushed cloves.

Garlic drives me mad when I'm trying to crush it,

so I put salt on it to give it some grip.

I'm using thighs, because I like cooking chicken with the bone in.

You could use chicken breasts,

but I do think it works better with brown meat.

These are quite big flavours.

Pour the mixture over the chicken.

The longer you leave it to marinate, the better.

You can cook these on a barbecue, but for a quick supper,

add a sprinkle of salt and put into a hot oven for around 45 minutes.

It's worth turning the pieces halfway, so they go sticky all over.

I could put that on the table, I'd be very happy with it.

But there's another sort of lemon that I love using.

And it's preserved lemons.

They're little lemons that have been stored in brine.

And they're slightly more mellow than a fresh lemon.

But they still have a delightful sourness.

What you need with these is the outside skin.

You won't be needing the soggy bit in the middle.

I just tend to get rid of it.

Any Middle Eastern store will have these.

I want something salty with the sharpness of those lemons.

I could use some green olives.

There's certain foods that make your mouth tingle.

It truly makes you feel alive.

And very often, that's when something sour and salty gets into

your mouth at the same time and for me, lemons and olives do just that.

It's food that shakes the senses.

Fresh green herbs add a vibrant colour to the mix.

Wherever I use lemons, I tend to use parsley.

They are very happy bedmates.

I adore sticky food.

Food that makes you lick your lips and lick your fingers.

And it doesn't come stickier than this.

Pieces of chicken, just the right side of being toasted.

Your lemon, lots of honey...

And then a flash of bright olives, lemons and parsley.

You know, I'd be happy enough to eat this on a plate

with a knife and fork, but I'd be much, much happier

to eat it with my fingers.

Mmm.

It's sticky and it's hot and sour and it's sweet.

Just everything all happening together in the mouth.

By changing the amount of honey or lemon,

you can make this dish as sweet or sour as you like.

To be honest, I vary it every time I cook.

Thanks, Nigel.

Now, after those Chinese feasts,

we've got some Indian and British dishes on the way.

But, first, let's tackle the other takeaway staple - the pizza.

There are so many pizza recipes out there,

but this one really tickled me.

It's Keith Floyd in full swing

with assistance from a marvellous lady called Margaret.

You're going to have to talk me through all of this

because I've never done this before.

Oh, well, I'm sure you have. You've made pizzas, haven't you?

I've made pizzas, yes,

but not with an expert baker overseeing what I'm doing,

so I'm bound to roll it out the wrong way.

I never think I'm an expert when I have... I am an amateur.

-What do you mean, an amateur?

-I am, really. Doesn't it feel lovely?

-It's beautiful. Very sexy, isn't it?

-I always feel... I know!

-Yes!

-Very sensual...

-Later, dear, later.

-Is that a promise?

-Oh, no jokes about buns in the oven, OK?

-From anybody.

-Well, it is a very sensual thing, isn't it?

-Well, it's delightful, isn't it?

-You're teasing me now.

-Have you got a roller?

-Yes.

-Now, you really have to go at this.

It's not like pastry because, you know, it's just like most lovers.

It tries to get away from you to start with

and then you really get hold of it...

Stop, Margaret! I can't take any more!

SHE SHRIEKS WITH LAUGHTER

You passionate beast, you!

I've always said on this programme, we've never had anybody

on this programme that's never been full of love and happiness.

-Often wine as well, it's true to say.

-I haven't had any wine.

-Yes, you have.

-Have I?

-Yes, course you have.

-Did you pour me one?

-Of course I did, my darling.

-I was too busy getting the dough ready.

Now, how am I going to get this...?

I have been standing rather a long time. I've only got a wee one.

That's great. Because mine is going to go on a small plate.

Mine is shrinking back again. Help, Margaret!

Well, obviously, you're not a gentle enough lover.

-It has to be coaxed.

-How dare you cast aspersions upon my...

-You have to coax it down.

-Right.

Now then, you also...

That is coaxed. Goodness me.

Can you pass me the fork, please, Andy, from behind you there?

There is a thing called a docker. All the bakers that are watching

are going to be saying, "Oh, my goodness, there's a docking!"

Yes, but we're not all professionals at what we're doing.

Although it's nice to know the terminology, which is

-for pricking it, called docking...

-Yes, that's for pricking it.

-Yes, that's docking.

-This is very important.

We're putting these onto plates with a little bit of flour

-and lard underneath?

-Yes, yes.

And the vegetarians, of course, can do vegetable.

They can use vegetable oil.

But then they'll spoil the flavour of the thing, won't they?

Well, I think so.

You know, I used to make bread originally I used to use...

We used to get real, good dripping from the butcher.

Sorry to interrupt you, Margaret. For my little bit,

I hope it's self-explanatory what I'm doing here.

Tomato crushed up onto the bread.

Anchovy fillets.

Looks lovely.

And a simple pizza should have no more than things like this on it.

It's not meant to have artichoke hearts and sweetcorn

and all the junk.

Elizabeth David very correctly spoke of the wonderful quiche Lorraine

that in the '60s was degenerated into a culinary dustbin.

I regret to say the same applies for the pizza.

It's become a travesty of its original simple, delicate flavour.

And what's the bottom of them made of?

They're sort of hard, cardboardy things,

and you eat and get this lovely gooey stuff on the top.

Well, sometimes it's lovely.

I'm putting on this lovely Gruyere cheese.

-What cheese are you putting on?

-Oregano... This is grated Gruyere.

-Ah!

-OK. And a bit of olive oil to make that look...

for it to shine a little bit later.

-Fraction too much there, but never mind.

-Can I have the docker?

-You can have the docker. Can I be your docker?

-You can be my docker.

That's the final bit, you see.

Into your sexy dough, we'll make a few marks with this fork.

So, they're ready but they can't go into the oven for, what...?

Oh, I would say about ten minutes. They ought to prove.

-What does prove mean?

-Well, they have to...

You've still got this live yeast in there

and it has to come to its full maturity.

-It has to rise.

-It has to rise, yes.

-OK.

Now, there's a marvellous old test... Very quickly.

I think a lot of people who are making bread get really

worried about how long to prove it.

Tiny piece of dough, the same dough, pop it into tepid water.

It goes to the bottom.

When it comes to the top, it's ready to put in the oven. Simple as that.

Well, by the magic of television, that's come back to the top.

-No, not quite.

-I know it isn't, but by the magic of television it has.

And so, off this goes.

Bring the spatula in, bring our baker in. There we go.

-The peel, the peel!

-The peel?

-Yes!

-Right, run along with the peel and into the oven, please.

Thank you, Robin.

-Oh, that looks lovely.

-Looks all right, doesn't it?

-Yes.

-I think even my...

-Aren't you clever!

-Yeah!

Even my Italian friends, who make real pizzas, would approve of that.

Well, you've taught me something today. I've never made a pizza...

You know, I suppose we had the...

-It's just the same thing.

-Exactly the same thing. Of course they are.

-I think you're so clever.

-There's a little bit for you.

-See if you like that.

-Thank you. Ooh!

-Oh, is it too hot?

-Oh, it is terribly hot.

Have a quick swig of wine.

Cool your fingers down.

Here's a little tiny bit. See how that goes.

-I like your finish. Oh, I've missed my olive!

-Oh!

Oh, isn't... Now, that's a real crust. Can you tell the difference?

-It's real.

-And the middle is soft and gooey. Look at that.

Excellent, isn't it?

And, of course, it's doing exactly what it should.

-It's all soaking in, look, Keith!

-It's lovely.

Instead of it all sitting on top and you cut through

-and you get that hard piece of cardboard...

-That's right.

-Aren't you clever.

-Aren't I pleased!

Thank you, Keith. And, of course, Margaret.

Right, now time for an Indian recipe.

Here is Lorraine Pascale with a meal that was actually invented

here in Britain, and it's one of the most popular dishes -

the great British chicken tikka masala.

I know how tempting it is to call in a takeaway sometimes.

But I'm going to show you how easy

and speedy it is to make a curry classic at home.

Now, I am partial to a good chicken tikka masala.

You can try and palm me off with a dhansak or a korma,

but a chicken tikka masala gets my vote every time.

I know how easy it is to reach for a jar of the stuff,

but it's also really easy to make mine from scratch.

Start with 250g of basmati rice.

And then...boiling water on top.

Now, I use the absorption method, and with this, you don't

have to drain the rice afterwards.

You just pour in about a centimetre or two of water

above the level of the rice.

Like that.

Then turn on the heat to high.

Just going to add some curry powder.

Now, this is going to flavour the rice

and give it a lovely yellow colour.

Good drizzle of oil in the pan.

Got it on a lowish heat.

Now, I can hear this is boiling and the lid is rattling.

So I just turn that down to simmer

and let that cook gently away.

Meanwhile, chicken.

So, into the pan.

PAN SIZZLES

I love that sound.

Just going to leave that to colour for about four or five minutes.

And what I'm looking for is it to caramelise a little bit,

go nice and brown. It's going to add flavour to the dish.

Spring onions.

Need two cloves of garlic.

And then, 2cm piece of ginger.

Right, now, the chicken is just going brown on the outside,

so I'm going to add the rest of the ingredients now.

Mmm, the flavour is beginning to build.

Then you want 350ml of single cream.

Little bit naughty.

But it's worth it.

Then you want about 200g of tomato puree.

So that's all of this.

So, just stir it around like that on this low heat.

Now the spices.

Now, garam masala, really easy to find in the supermarket.

Four tablespoons of this.

This is a fragrant blend of ground spices, such as cumin,

coriander, cardamom and cloves, often used in Indian cooking.

And then one tablespoon of paprika.

It's going to add a little bit of heat.

And then mustard. A teaspoon.

Now, this just adds more heat, but just a little different kind.

And this is just the base for your tikka masala.

You can alter it however you want - adding more spice, less spice,

throw a bit of chilli powder in, a bit of curry powder,

and just really make it your own.

Those lovely colours combining. Can't wait to eat this.

And the thing is, all these ingredients you can have in your

cupboard, so you can just make tikka masala whenever you feel like it.

Salt and pepper.

Now, that is pretty much ready.

So, I'll just check my rice.

There. Now, that is beautiful. All the water's gone,

the rice is lovely and fluffy, and we're good to go.

With just a little know-how and a few store cupboard ingredients,

everyday cooking really can be as simple and as delicious as this.

Ah, chicken tikka masala.

Thanks very much for that, Lorraine.

Now, James Martin loves a curry as much as the next man,

and no doubt he'd go mad for that one.

But is it his top takeaway choice? Let's find out now.

Now, they say that Britain's most popular takeout meal is curry,

but I don't know what's going on with us all.

It's got to be fish and chips for me.

And that great British takeaway has to regain the top spot

with my take on this classic.

Beer-battered hake with all the trimmings -

crispy onion rings, home-made mushy peas and chunky tartare sauce.

First thing I'm going to do is get on and do our mushy peas.

Now, for these, you need these fellas over here.

Now, these little marrowfat, dried marrowfat peas.

What you do need to do before you start to cook them is soak them.

And, for that, just cold water,

sit them in cold water for about an hour, an hour and a half.

They'll just sit there nicely,

just gradually starting to expand while we can make our batter.

Now, the batter for this...

There's loads of different versions of batter nowadays,

but this one's mine. I use plain flour, but it's a beer batter.

Plain flour first of all.

A pinch of salt.

And a little pinch of sugar.

Sounds weird, but it's one of these sort of things that feeds

the yeast that I'm going to put in there as well.

And then this is the yeast.

Instead of using dried yeast, I always use fresh yeast.

It's quite... It's actually quite simple to get hold of.

If you're friendly with your supermarket bakers,

they will use this stuff.

They won't use the dried yeast, they'll use the fresh one.

And you just want a little bit in the mix.

Although it has less shelf life, fresh yeast, for me,

is always better than dried.

I keep mine stored in the fridge.

Little bit of vinegar. I'm going to use cider vinegar for this.

This helps crisp up the batter.

And then some proper beer.

And when I mean proper beer, I mean proper beer.

None of that fancy lager stuff.

It's got to be really good quality Yorkshire bitter.

And we mix this together.

One thing you do have to do with this is just put enough beer in it

so it's slightly loose.

You're almost looking, I suppose, like a pancake batter.

Cover it over.

And just leave it to one side.

And that'll just generally prove up.

Wants a good hour, something like that, just to gently...

As the yeast starts to work and warms up in the room,

it'll start to puff up the batter and create it nice and light.

And now for our peas. You want to drain these.

Little bit of water in here.

Now, you need some of this stuff - this is bicarb soda.

What'll happen is that as it cooks, it'll start to puff up and rise.

You need to keep your eye on it, keep stirring it.

And then after about a good 20, 30 minutes,

we end up with some mushy peas.

Gives us enough time to make our little tartare sauce.

Start your tartare sauce by making a classic mayonnaise.

First, blend together egg yolks and Dijon mustard.

Then slowly pour in your oil.

I like to use rapeseed oil, which gives it a great colour.

Once it begins to thicken, you can pour the oil in faster.

When you see how quickly it can be done like that,

and how lovely it is,

you should have a go.

To turn the mayonnaise into tartare sauce, add chopped shallots,

capers and gherkins.

Then add chopped parsley and dill, lemon juice, salt and pepper,

and finally mix together.

So it doesn't look anything like bought-in tartare sauce.

Look.

Believe me, it tastes a lot better. Look at that. Proper chunky.

That's how it should be.

Now, really, after about 20, 30 minutes,

you end up with the great mushy peas that we all know and love.

And then just to finish this off, of course,

just a little piece of butter.

Just let that sit there.

And our batter, you can see all these lovely little bubbles.

That's the yeast and the beer working together as it warms up.

And all those bubbles are going to be basically explode

when it hits the fryer and create this lovely crisp batter.

The secret of a great crispy batter

is to make sure your oil is hot enough.

And the best way to test it

also gives you another treat for the plate.

I know this is a bit weird, putting onion rings

in here to go with fish, but it's actually a good way to test the oil.

And, let's face it, who doesn't like onion rings?

But this beer batter seems to coat the onion rings really well

and get it nice and crisp.

While those onion rings are frying, we turn our attention to the fish.

Now, you can use a variety of different fish out there -

there's loads to choose from - but this is the one I'm going to use.

It's called hake and it's often...

Particularly in France, they use it a lot.

Now, I actually find it easier to do it out of the basket

because when you drop the fish in,

you have to do this quite carefully and always do this away from you.

A little bit at a time.

If you drop it in too soon, it'll stick to the bottom

and it certainly will stick to the basket.

So, if you actually go round the corner and watch the guy manning

the fryers in your local fish and chip shop, this is how he does it.

And right at the last minute, you just drop in the tail.

And this next bit really depends on where you come from, but...

..you've got to have scraps with it.

Now, scraps should be free.

For some reason, south of Watford, they're 49p a bag.

Which is a sin.

Then we take our fish.

Mmm-hmm!

Check that out!

Little sprinkle of the old salt.

Got to have a wedge of lemon. Cut the lemon.

Remove this part of the lemon there.

Cos when you squeeze the lemon, it comes out the bottom

and doesn't fly into the next person at the table's face.

There's a tip. We've got our mushy peas.

Sometimes, I love my job.

Bread and butter, deep-fried fish, mushy peas, tartare sauce,

wedge of lemon...

Proper grub.

With this dish, I think I've saved the best for last.

And it will definitely save you a trip to the fish and chip shop.

And our trip around the world of takeaway ends right here.

Thanks to all today's chefs

and see you for more of the best dishes ever next time. Bye-bye.