Episode 2 What to Eat Now


Episode 2

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My name is Valentine Warner, chef by trade, greedy by nature.

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I love food and I love eating it when it's absolutely at its best. Wow.

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Having grown up on a farm, I've learnt eating things in season means you get them at their most delicious.

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That's deep, man.

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Tonight, I'll be bagging the best from our autumn woodlands and hedgerows.

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You bugger!

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I'll be engaging in blackberry battle with the Women's Institute.

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-If you put Fairy Liquid in my mixture when I'm not looking...

-As if!

-..I'll change your timer settings.

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Got one.

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Taking a shot for the pot with a clay pigeon enthusiast.

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Melt butter and declare war.

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And getting deliciously hard core with signal crayfish.

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My goodness!

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Most ingredients can be bought in the shops

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but, for me, there's nothing better than grabbing them for free

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when they're in their seasonal prime.

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Today, I've come to the beautiful River Kennet in Berkshire to catch myself some crayfish.

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Our chalk streams are totally jammed with signal crayfish.

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They are delicious and, what's more, with a licence -

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very easily obtainable - you're actively encouraged to get them out.

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My trusty crayfish trap. All sorts of stuff are put in these things.

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Some people use meat but I like a good salmon head.

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Stake in the ground.

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In it goes. And before long, I guarantee lots of the little critters

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will be scuttling over the pebble bed towards that fat, juicy salmon head.

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And then I'm going to come and haul them out and do bad things to them with butter.

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At this time of year it's almost impossible for me

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to look at the countryside other than through culinary tinted spectacles.

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It's an environment on a plate.

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And a short stroll down the river, I find another ingredient available year round in the shops,

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but now it's thriving at the water's edge absolutely free.

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Wild watercress,

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just growing here, gently flowing in the current.

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Look, that's really, really good...

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tender,

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juicy and a lot of heat to it as well. It's punchy stuff.

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Although very delicious raw, it can harbour parasites,

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so harvest from fast-flowing water away from grazing livestock and cook thoroughly before you eat it.

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Just next door there is another seasonal goody to be much appreciated.

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This is the hazelnut tree, my favourite tree.

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Come late autumn,

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the nuts on this tree are going to be

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much darker with that very hazelnutty taste.

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Right now there is more of a delicate thing going on with the green nuts.

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I take its little hat off...

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and break it.

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There. Delicious. A milky nut.

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Peas. It tastes like peas.

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They're really yummy, totally different

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from the late autumn nut.

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These are going to go brilliantly with crayfish.

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So, like the little squirrels that also love them so much,

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I've come to collect them before they get their hairy little paws on them.

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What a great day out.

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Nuts on board, it's crayfish time.

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The trap's been in the water for just under two hours

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but I can't resist having a sneaky peak.

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Now, how easy is that?

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There's hundreds and hundreds of these things,

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they breed incredibly quickly.

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This is the signal crayfish. It's very, very distinctive.

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It's much larger than our tiny, little English white clawed crayfish.

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It's got these fabulous red mitts but also this incredible blue

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and this rich plum colour on the top. Whoa!

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These things can give you a seriously nasty bite.

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You want to be quite careful handling them, they are always on the defensive, quite rightly so.

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If only they knew where they were going!

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They are off!

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The trick is to get your hands right behind the claws so they can't put them back over their head to get you.

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You can see how aggressive these things are.

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There's a couple here still having a fight.

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Look - this guy hasn't finished. These are greedy things.

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In the 1970s, these delicious bullies were brought over from the US to be farmed.

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Since then, they have all but commandeered our waterways.

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As a result, our timid, polite, native crayfish have become so scarce

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they are now protected.

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Big, bright, fat, obviously American.

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Very destructive. What I would say to you is melt butter and declare war.

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But before you go running off to do your bit for Queen and country,

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get yourself a licence.

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And should you trap any of our rare, white clawed countrymen,

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throw them straight back in.

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They need all the help they can get.

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Fat, plump, autumn signal crayfish.

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Whether they are considered a pest or not,

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I think it only fair to kill them as quickly as possible,

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and a knife cut to the back of the head will finish them off quickly.

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A very nifty trick is here, this middle flap in the tail,

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twist it gently...

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and pull and it will pull out the intestine.

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The last thing to do, chop it straight through.

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If you get a little bit of movement still going on, that's only the nerves.

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Job done.

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Next, the hazelnut stuffing.

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This is very, very, very easy.

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You want a good

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amount of butter.

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A good, fat clove of garlic.

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Then some grated lemon zest, about half a lemon.

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Pastis, I love this stuff. Heavy aniseed.

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If you've never drunk this before, go and buy a bottle of it immediately.

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About two of those caps.

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Stale bread. I never throw bread away at home.

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I'm going to give this a preliminary whizz.

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Grab a handful of parsley and chop.

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I want it magnifying glass small.

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I feel sorry for ingredients. If I see tiny bits of parsley

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left on the corner of the board I kinda feel I might hurt their feelings if they don't get included.

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A million little voices are always pleading from the kitchen table.

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Don't leave me behind!

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A good pinch of salt and proper bombardment of black pepper.

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And of course, our fantastic green hazelnuts.

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Into the food processor they go with a squeeze of lemon juice.

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If you aren't able to forage any green nuts, shop-bought brown nuts will work equally well.

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Done.

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I'm squidging a small hazelnut patty

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onto each little crayfish body. It's going to be a winner.

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I love eating crayfish simply.

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Just like prawns they are great with a huge bowl of swirly mayonnaise.

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But this dish served with crusty bread is equally quick.

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That is it...

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Every little crayfish has been neatly dressed up for dinner.

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There's no better place for these fellows than under the grill,

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where in just four minutes the bluey plummy shells transform into a vivid coral red, just like mini lobsters.

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Crayfish with green hazelnuts and pastis. That is a very wonderful thing to look at.

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But I don't want to look at it for too long because they are hot.

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What I really want to do is eat them.

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And...

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My goodness!

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These things when they grow together, they work together in total harmony on this plate.

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It's all free and it's all there to be enjoyed.

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Fresh crayfish can be sourced from good fishmongers and crayfish tails are sold in many supermarkets.

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They are a great meaty alternative to prawns.

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I really love them with curried eggs mayonnaise.

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Or for a super quick crayfish supper, flash fry the pre-boiled crayfish tails in hot oil

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and stir in some finely chopped garlic.

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And now for the spice. Smoked, dried jalapeno chillies are guaranteed to give your crayfish a kick.

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Next, chop beef tomato and onion with oregano, cumin seeds and the juice of a small lime.

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Blend and add the mixture to a sizzlingly hot pan.

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Then add the cooked crayfish tails to the hot tomato sauce.

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Take your taco shells or warm tortilla and spoon over the crayfish and sauce.

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Add a decent blob of sour cream, top with a smooth slice of avocado

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and sprinkle with salt.

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A wonderfully spicy, simple snack for these cold autumn nights.

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That really is delicious.

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Year round, the British hedgerow is a unique micro culture full of life.

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And at this time of year, when we all start to sniffle and cough,

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its foraged autumn fruits can be wonderfully medicinal.

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Rosehips and elderberries bursting with vitamin C.

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And then there's this tiny bitter plum, the sloe.

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They pull your face inside out but mixed with sugar and steeped with gin

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it makes sloe gin my nip of choice when out in the field and I need a lot of warming up.

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Fill my boots.

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But one of the most generous hedgerow offerings is the bountiful and common wild blackberry.

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And, for me, there is nothing more autumnal than a steaming hot bramble pie.

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Cultivated blackberries can be shop-bought pretty much all year,

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but wild, plump, deep purple brambles

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can be picked absolutely free all over Britain from August

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to the end of September, and have a delicious tangy taste of their own.

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It's my passion for blackberries that's brought me to East Yorkshire.

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Tomorrow, it's the Ellerker WI's annual show and I'll be competing in the bramble pudding section.

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Can I just get involved with this...?

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'First - an opportunity to suss out the quality of the competition.'

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That is the best sponge cake I've ever eaten. Ever.

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'After 80 years of preserving and baking,

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'I'm left in no doubt these charming ladies will be fearsome adversaries.'

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I'm really full here. I've never eaten so much cake and it's beginning to make me feel a bit scared.

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So this is the stash.

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The famous stash over there.

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'WI veteran and fellow pudding entrant Margaret Brooker has agreed to take me brambling on her patch.

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'It feels only gentlemanly to make my intentions clear from the start.'

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We are heading for over there.

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-This big one here?

-Yeah.

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You bugger!

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I don't know what you are expecting but this is a competition.

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-My mother has always told me I'm highly competitive.

-It's quite sad really. As if I'M a threat.

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-Know your enemy.

-A self-taught little jam maker.

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'Blackberries picked later in the season may be smaller and tarter than these,

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'but they're still delicious when introduced to a little sugar in jams, which can then be stockpiled.'

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Ah, you've missed a few here.

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'With our punnets brimming, it's back to Margaret's spotless, well-ordered kitchen for all-out bramble warfare.

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'It's nice and cordial, but this is still a competition.'

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Spatulas at dawn, isn't it?

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-If you put Fairy Liquid in my mixture when I'm not looking...

-As if!

-..I'll change your timer settings.

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-Look, WI don't need to sabotage your cooking.

-I'll sink to any depths I need to go to.

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'For my competition pudding I'm making a bramble and sloe gin jelly.

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'Margaret has chosen a blackberry and chocolate brownie.

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'My tub of blackberries are going to be simmered with water.

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'If you're using sweet, shop-bought blackberries,

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'to give them that delicious wild, tarty taste, add a squeeze of lemon.'

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-This is where I start getting blackberry juice all over.

-I'm watching you.

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'To wow the WI I want a very refined jelly, so when the fruit is totally collapsed,

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'I'm straining it through two layers of muslin into five hefty tablespoons of caster sugar.

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'Finally, to the sweetened hedgerow blood I'm adding a generous glug of my very own 2006 vintage sloe gin.'

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Let's have a smell of that.

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Oh, that is wonderful!

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Shall we have a morning nip?

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Probably not, no.

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'If you can't wait to try some yourself, sloe gin can be bought ready-made in shops.

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'Now for judge-impressing wobble factor.'

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I want a jelly that if you tap it it kind of goes...

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I want a really wobbly jelly.

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'I'm taking a real risk by using only six sheets of gelatine dissolved in warm water.'

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Will a jelly of that consistency hold its shape?

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I'm hoping to God. I'm pushing it to the edge.

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'Once my boozy blackberry juice is cool,

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'I added my risky ration of gelatine.

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'I'm going with a rabbit mould because bouncing bunnies have somehow always bought me luck.'

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How am I meant to get in there?

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-Shall I put it in?

-Don't you...

-Do you trust me?

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'With the competition not until tomorrow, my jelly will have a whole night to perfect its wobble.

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'The next morning, it's straight back to Margaret's kitchen to resume bramble business.

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'Her blackberry brownie pudding is looking fantastic and now it's the moment of truth for my jelly.'

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Has it got the right amount of wobble?

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It's got some serious wobble going on. It's very wobbly.

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That's kind of what I wanted but I don't know if I've pushed it too far.

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-Go on then.

-Are you praying for me?

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Yes. I actually feel quite nervous for you.

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I feel really nervous for me.

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'To get the rabbit out of its hutch it needs a quick dip in warm water but timing is crucial.'

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-It's released.

-How did you know?

-Because I could feel it wobbling around.

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-OK, ready?

-Mmm...

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-SQUELCHING

-I heard it.

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It's come out. Can I have a piece of kitchen cloth. I want to mop these edges up.

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Oh dear! It hasn't...

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Oh my God, it's a fat rabbit.

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It looks a little bit like a road kill I have to say.

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But I'm sure that it will taste wonderful.

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I think he's gonna give me and my friends a run for our money.

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I don't think I have to tell them it's a rabbit, anyway. I'll just leave that out.

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'Thankfully Margaret couldn't live any closer to WI HQ, it's next door.

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'I just hope my wibbly wobbly rabbit gets a good reception.'

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Dear Lord, you're number two, I've written your name down.

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This lady just said, "Dear God" when she saw my jelly.

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Slated before it's even been put on the table.

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'As all the other bramble pudding entries arrive my little bunny is looking ever more deflated.'

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-He's relaxed.

-He's a relaxed rabbit.

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I feel a bit like a kind of tattered flag.

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There's nothing I can do about it any more. Judges will be judges and that's all there is to it.

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My professional reputation is now in the hands of judge, Judy,

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who I'm told is a strict but fair adjudicator.

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Mmm...that's lovely.

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With most marks awarded for taste in WI cooking competitions, I'm hopeful I'm still in with a chance.

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It's a lovely flavour

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but it's a bit too soft.

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Do you see how it moves.

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Normally a jelly would be a little stiffer than that.

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It's several nerve-wracking hours later before we're allowed back in for prize giving.

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Will my wobbly bunny have held its own against stiff competition?

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BELL RINGS

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Good evening, ladies. It's been a fun day. We had a variety of bramble puddings

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and the judge had an extremely hard job deciding who was going to win.

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The first prize, this little one here, is for Carol Parson. Come and get your certificate.

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The second prize, which was the autumn pudding I suppose you can call it, is to Linda Morris.

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And the third prize, which goes on flavour,

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not on appearance...

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was Valentine.

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I can't believe you let me have a prize at all.

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It's been really, really amazing and I've never won anything, really,

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other than a book I didn't want and a Fray Bentos pie in a tin, so this is really good.

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Could I just say three cheers to the WI for being guardians of British cooking and craft. Hip, hip...

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-Hurray!

-Hip, hip...

-Hurray!

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-Hip, hip...

-Hurray!

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Thank you very much.

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I have to say the ladies of the WI are nowhere near as scary as I thought.

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I'm leaving full of delicious cake with my pride pretty much intact.

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As one of the last soft fruits of the year, blackberries provide a great autumn alternative

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to relive summer favourites like Eton Mess,

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traditionally made with strawberries, but here made bramble style-y.

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First make the meringue.

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Whisk egg whites until they form stiff peaks that defy gravity.

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Slowly add the sieved caster sugar and whisk...

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until it's as thick and glossy as gentlemen's shaving foam.

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Arrange the mixture on a baking sheet like miniature meringue icebergs.

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Then bake.

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For the puree, add a big handful of blackberries to a bowl.

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Squeeze in the juice of half a lemon,

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spoon over caster sugar

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and blend.

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To make a mess, whisk double cream.

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Carefully crumble in the cooled meringue.

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Be gentle - you want decent sized pieces, not crushed to dust.

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Next add delicious and plump whole blackberries...

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..followed by the smooth puree and carefully mix together.

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Finally, splash with a drop more puree and it's ready to serve.

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A simple and sweet celebration of my favourite autumn berry.

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One of the best perks of autumn is the wickedly tasty wood pigeon.

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Not to be confused with their manky city cousins, these beautiful,

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clean, country birds are considered a pest by farmers.

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Every year they scavenge millions of pounds worth of crops, but there is an upside.

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Fat from a summer of excess, at this time of year, wood pigeons are rich for the taking.

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Handsome, plentiful, plump

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and utterly delicious, you don't have to go very far to find them. Getting hold of them is a trickier business.

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Pull...

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I've come to meet expert clay pigeon shot, Heather Tarbard.

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I want to see if I can turn her on to the real thing.

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Wow-ee... That's phenomenal shooting.

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Thank you, thank you so much.

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Have you ever hit anything live?

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I wouldn't even dream of shooting anything live. I mean, in my club we never shoot wildlife anyway,

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but it's never even occurred to me to do anything like that.

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'Growing up on a farm, shooting pigeon for the pot comes naturally to me.

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'It seems madness not to make more use of this bountiful, free meat.

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'I've invited Heather to come shooting with me to a popular Enfield pigeon hangout.'

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This is a rape field, a real favourite of the pigeons.

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A pigeon flying over a rape field would be like me walking past an ice-cream shop.

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'Wood pigeon has been part of the British diet for hundreds of years,

0:23:190:23:24

'so it's no wonder they keep a wary distance from humans. Without a hide we wouldn't get a look in.

0:23:240:23:31

'I'm using plastic decoy pigeons, a well known trick for luring them in.'

0:23:310:23:37

This really ups our game because they'll go, "What's that funny thing?"

0:23:370:23:42

but then when they see these they'll go, "This is a safe area."

0:23:420:23:46

Do you want to get your gun out? We'll make a start.

0:23:460:23:49

'Pigeon are a tricky bird to shoot. You have to know what you're doing,

0:23:490:23:53

'but with over 30 years' combined experience, Heather and I should be able to bag some supper.'

0:23:530:23:59

There's already birds coming in over there. Lock your gun.

0:23:590:24:03

Look, look, look. Take it, take it.

0:24:030:24:04

-I'm so sorry.

-Don't apologise - pick your birds. Don't wildly shoot into a group of birds, take your bird.

0:24:080:24:16

God, my heart's pumping.

0:24:160:24:17

'This is completely different from shooting clays.

0:24:170:24:20

'Pigeons are flying in at different speeds from all directions and it's much, much harder.'

0:24:200:24:26

I'm so sorry.

0:24:260:24:28

'Two hours in and Heather hasn't shot a thing. I'm hoping to inspire her with the prospect of dinner.'

0:24:280:24:35

Imagine it's surrounded by slices of pickled walnuts,

0:24:350:24:39

hazelnuts and delicious lettuce leaves and bits of roasted chicory.

0:24:390:24:42

OK, OK, OK, take it, take it...

0:24:420:24:45

'Still no luck and it's getting late.

0:24:480:24:50

'It's up to me to bag a few pigeons before they go to roost.'

0:24:500:24:55

Got one. Excellent.

0:25:000:25:03

'You can buy wood pigeon from good butchers and even some supermarkets.

0:25:030:25:07

'Cheap, lean and healthy, it's loved on the continent

0:25:070:25:12

'but getting it from field to plate in a matter of hours is my favourite way to eat it

0:25:120:25:17

'and I'm hoping I've got just the recipe to turn Heather into a permanent pigeon fancier.'

0:25:170:25:22

So, Enfield's pigeon breast salad with roasted chicory and pickled walnuts. Take the breasts off.

0:25:220:25:28

Are you just going down by the bone?

0:25:280:25:30

-You're going down by the bone. I'm surprised it's red meat.

-This is because pigeons are very active.

0:25:300:25:36

There's lots of blood pumping through them, coupled with the berries that they eat,

0:25:360:25:40

that keeps their meat rich and dark.

0:25:400:25:43

-There are our two prime breasts. This is chicory. Do you like chicory?

-Never tried it.

0:25:430:25:48

We split our chicory down the middle. I really like chicory. It's like bitter chocolate -

0:25:480:25:53

one of those very grown-up tastes. A little butter.

0:25:530:25:57

Sugar...which will sweeten it.

0:25:570:26:00

A little black pepper.

0:26:000:26:02

This is sherry vinegar.

0:26:020:26:04

In they go.

0:26:050:26:07

The object of those is to blast them.

0:26:070:26:10

Pickled walnuts. This is gonna be a real kooky salad.

0:26:100:26:14

Walnuts I've never tasted, chicory I've never tasted.

0:26:140:26:17

These are picked when they're young and soft.

0:26:170:26:21

They naturally go black the minute they're taken off the tree and they're put into vinegar.

0:26:210:26:25

-Right, just normal vinegar?

-Yeah.

0:26:250:26:27

Next up, oranges for colour and zing,

0:26:270:26:31

chopped toasted hazelnuts and a handful of oak leaf lettuce.

0:26:310:26:37

OK, so I think our chicory is sufficiently blasted.

0:26:370:26:42

Look at those, sticky and sugary there. Totally eatable.

0:26:420:26:47

We need a really hot pan here.

0:26:470:26:48

Butter. This is gonna frizzle around very quickly.

0:26:480:26:51

Now our star players...

0:26:510:26:53

I mean, look at that colour, it's pretty beautiful.

0:26:570:26:59

It's been called poor man's steak.

0:26:590:27:01

It does look like a lump of steak.

0:27:010:27:04

You wanna kind of feel that there's a little bit of give. Not completely soft, but a little give.

0:27:040:27:11

I'd say that these are kind of done.

0:27:110:27:13

I'm gonna take them out here.

0:27:130:27:15

Now for my favourite moment -

0:27:150:27:18

pigeon perfectly pink in the middle. A little treat.

0:27:180:27:22

That's it, you eat that little treat.

0:27:220:27:24

Then our sherry vinegar and mustard.

0:27:240:27:27

-That's all the autumn colours.

-A good, warm autumn salad.

-Yes.

0:27:270:27:32

All that remains is for you to get involved with your Enfield pigeon salad.

0:27:320:27:38

Yes.

0:27:380:27:39

That's nice, Val.

0:27:440:27:46

Very, very nice indeed. I think I'm hooked.

0:27:460:27:48

I think I'd like to eat pigeon again if I've shot it as well.

0:27:480:27:52

Spending the day with you and eating with you has been a total pleasure.

0:27:520:27:55

-Thank so much for being a great sport.

-We've had fun, haven't we?

0:27:550:27:58

Mmm. We really have.

0:27:580:28:00

Next week my definitive guide to the very best autumn veg you should be eating right now.

0:28:040:28:10

The plumpest of pumpkins...

0:28:100:28:12

I'm surprised you're not fatter.

0:28:120:28:15

Too much work to do!

0:28:150:28:18

This is an utterly delicious beetroot.

0:28:180:28:21

And I'll be discovering compost that's out of this world.

0:28:210:28:24

The cow's got a direct link through the horn right up into the cosmos.

0:28:240:28:28

Yeah...

0:28:280:28:30

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