Episode 2 What to Eat Now

My name is Valentine Warner, chef by trade, greedy by nature.

I love food and I love eating it when it's absolutely at its best. Wow.

Having grown up on a farm, I've learnt eating things in season means you get them at their most delicious.

That's deep, man.

Tonight, I'll be bagging the best from our autumn woodlands and hedgerows.

You bugger!

I'll be engaging in blackberry battle with the Women's Institute.

-If you put Fairy Liquid in my mixture when I'm not looking...

-As if!

-..I'll change your timer settings.

Got one.

Taking a shot for the pot with a clay pigeon enthusiast.

Melt butter and declare war.

And getting deliciously hard core with signal crayfish.

My goodness!

Most ingredients can be bought in the shops

but, for me, there's nothing better than grabbing them for free

when they're in their seasonal prime.

Today, I've come to the beautiful River Kennet in Berkshire to catch myself some crayfish.

Our chalk streams are totally jammed with signal crayfish.

They are delicious and, what's more, with a licence -

very easily obtainable - you're actively encouraged to get them out.

My trusty crayfish trap. All sorts of stuff are put in these things.

Some people use meat but I like a good salmon head.

Stake in the ground.

In it goes. And before long, I guarantee lots of the little critters

will be scuttling over the pebble bed towards that fat, juicy salmon head.

And then I'm going to come and haul them out and do bad things to them with butter.

At this time of year it's almost impossible for me

to look at the countryside other than through culinary tinted spectacles.

It's an environment on a plate.

And a short stroll down the river, I find another ingredient available year round in the shops,

but now it's thriving at the water's edge absolutely free.

Wild watercress,

just growing here, gently flowing in the current.

Look, that's really, really good...

tender,

juicy and a lot of heat to it as well. It's punchy stuff.

Although very delicious raw, it can harbour parasites,

so harvest from fast-flowing water away from grazing livestock and cook thoroughly before you eat it.

Just next door there is another seasonal goody to be much appreciated.

This is the hazelnut tree, my favourite tree.

Come late autumn,

the nuts on this tree are going to be

much darker with that very hazelnutty taste.

Right now there is more of a delicate thing going on with the green nuts.

I take its little hat off...

and break it.

There. Delicious. A milky nut.

Peas. It tastes like peas.

They're really yummy, totally different

from the late autumn nut.

These are going to go brilliantly with crayfish.

So, like the little squirrels that also love them so much,

I've come to collect them before they get their hairy little paws on them.

What a great day out.

Nuts on board, it's crayfish time.

The trap's been in the water for just under two hours

but I can't resist having a sneaky peak.

Now, how easy is that?

There's hundreds and hundreds of these things,

they breed incredibly quickly.

This is the signal crayfish. It's very, very distinctive.

It's much larger than our tiny, little English white clawed crayfish.

It's got these fabulous red mitts but also this incredible blue

and this rich plum colour on the top. Whoa!

These things can give you a seriously nasty bite.

You want to be quite careful handling them, they are always on the defensive, quite rightly so.

If only they knew where they were going!

They are off!

The trick is to get your hands right behind the claws so they can't put them back over their head to get you.

You can see how aggressive these things are.

There's a couple here still having a fight.

Look - this guy hasn't finished. These are greedy things.

In the 1970s, these delicious bullies were brought over from the US to be farmed.

Since then, they have all but commandeered our waterways.

As a result, our timid, polite, native crayfish have become so scarce

they are now protected.

Big, bright, fat, obviously American.

Very destructive. What I would say to you is melt butter and declare war.

But before you go running off to do your bit for Queen and country,

get yourself a licence.

And should you trap any of our rare, white clawed countrymen,

throw them straight back in.

They need all the help they can get.

Fat, plump, autumn signal crayfish.

Whether they are considered a pest or not,

I think it only fair to kill them as quickly as possible,

and a knife cut to the back of the head will finish them off quickly.

A very nifty trick is here, this middle flap in the tail,

twist it gently...

and pull and it will pull out the intestine.

The last thing to do, chop it straight through.

If you get a little bit of movement still going on, that's only the nerves.

Job done.

Next, the hazelnut stuffing.

This is very, very, very easy.

You want a good

amount of butter.

A good, fat clove of garlic.

Then some grated lemon zest, about half a lemon.

Pastis, I love this stuff. Heavy aniseed.

If you've never drunk this before, go and buy a bottle of it immediately.

About two of those caps.

Stale bread. I never throw bread away at home.

I'm going to give this a preliminary whizz.

Grab a handful of parsley and chop.

I want it magnifying glass small.

I feel sorry for ingredients. If I see tiny bits of parsley

left on the corner of the board I kinda feel I might hurt their feelings if they don't get included.

A million little voices are always pleading from the kitchen table.

Don't leave me behind!

A good pinch of salt and proper bombardment of black pepper.

And of course, our fantastic green hazelnuts.

Into the food processor they go with a squeeze of lemon juice.

If you aren't able to forage any green nuts, shop-bought brown nuts will work equally well.

Done.

I'm squidging a small hazelnut patty

onto each little crayfish body. It's going to be a winner.

I love eating crayfish simply.

Just like prawns they are great with a huge bowl of swirly mayonnaise.

But this dish served with crusty bread is equally quick.

That is it...

Every little crayfish has been neatly dressed up for dinner.

There's no better place for these fellows than under the grill,

where in just four minutes the bluey plummy shells transform into a vivid coral red, just like mini lobsters.

Crayfish with green hazelnuts and pastis. That is a very wonderful thing to look at.

But I don't want to look at it for too long because they are hot.

What I really want to do is eat them.

And...

My goodness!

These things when they grow together, they work together in total harmony on this plate.

It's all free and it's all there to be enjoyed.

Fresh crayfish can be sourced from good fishmongers and crayfish tails are sold in many supermarkets.

They are a great meaty alternative to prawns.

I really love them with curried eggs mayonnaise.

Or for a super quick crayfish supper, flash fry the pre-boiled crayfish tails in hot oil

and stir in some finely chopped garlic.

And now for the spice. Smoked, dried jalapeno chillies are guaranteed to give your crayfish a kick.

Next, chop beef tomato and onion with oregano, cumin seeds and the juice of a small lime.

Blend and add the mixture to a sizzlingly hot pan.

Then add the cooked crayfish tails to the hot tomato sauce.

Take your taco shells or warm tortilla and spoon over the crayfish and sauce.

Add a decent blob of sour cream, top with a smooth slice of avocado

and sprinkle with salt.

A wonderfully spicy, simple snack for these cold autumn nights.

That really is delicious.

Year round, the British hedgerow is a unique micro culture full of life.

And at this time of year, when we all start to sniffle and cough,

its foraged autumn fruits can be wonderfully medicinal.

Rosehips and elderberries bursting with vitamin C.

And then there's this tiny bitter plum, the sloe.

They pull your face inside out but mixed with sugar and steeped with gin

it makes sloe gin my nip of choice when out in the field and I need a lot of warming up.

Fill my boots.

But one of the most generous hedgerow offerings is the bountiful and common wild blackberry.

And, for me, there is nothing more autumnal than a steaming hot bramble pie.

Cultivated blackberries can be shop-bought pretty much all year,

but wild, plump, deep purple brambles

can be picked absolutely free all over Britain from August

to the end of September, and have a delicious tangy taste of their own.

It's my passion for blackberries that's brought me to East Yorkshire.

Tomorrow, it's the Ellerker WI's annual show and I'll be competing in the bramble pudding section.

Can I just get involved with this...?

'First - an opportunity to suss out the quality of the competition.'

That is the best sponge cake I've ever eaten. Ever.

'After 80 years of preserving and baking,

'I'm left in no doubt these charming ladies will be fearsome adversaries.'

I'm really full here. I've never eaten so much cake and it's beginning to make me feel a bit scared.

So this is the stash.

The famous stash over there.

'WI veteran and fellow pudding entrant Margaret Brooker has agreed to take me brambling on her patch.

'It feels only gentlemanly to make my intentions clear from the start.'

We are heading for over there.

-This big one here?

-Yeah.

You bugger!

I don't know what you are expecting but this is a competition.

-My mother has always told me I'm highly competitive.

-It's quite sad really. As if I'M a threat.

-Know your enemy.

-A self-taught little jam maker.

'Blackberries picked later in the season may be smaller and tarter than these,

'but they're still delicious when introduced to a little sugar in jams, which can then be stockpiled.'

Ah, you've missed a few here.

'With our punnets brimming, it's back to Margaret's spotless, well-ordered kitchen for all-out bramble warfare.

'It's nice and cordial, but this is still a competition.'

Spatulas at dawn, isn't it?

-If you put Fairy Liquid in my mixture when I'm not looking...

-As if!

-..I'll change your timer settings.

-Look, WI don't need to sabotage your cooking.

-I'll sink to any depths I need to go to.

'For my competition pudding I'm making a bramble and sloe gin jelly.

'Margaret has chosen a blackberry and chocolate brownie.

'My tub of blackberries are going to be simmered with water.

'If you're using sweet, shop-bought blackberries,

'to give them that delicious wild, tarty taste, add a squeeze of lemon.'

-This is where I start getting blackberry juice all over.

-I'm watching you.

'To wow the WI I want a very refined jelly, so when the fruit is totally collapsed,

'I'm straining it through two layers of muslin into five hefty tablespoons of caster sugar.

'Finally, to the sweetened hedgerow blood I'm adding a generous glug of my very own 2006 vintage sloe gin.'

Let's have a smell of that.

Oh, that is wonderful!

Shall we have a morning nip?

Probably not, no.

'If you can't wait to try some yourself, sloe gin can be bought ready-made in shops.

'Now for judge-impressing wobble factor.'

I want a jelly that if you tap it it kind of goes...

I want a really wobbly jelly.

'I'm taking a real risk by using only six sheets of gelatine dissolved in warm water.'

Will a jelly of that consistency hold its shape?

I'm hoping to God. I'm pushing it to the edge.

'Once my boozy blackberry juice is cool,

'I added my risky ration of gelatine.

'I'm going with a rabbit mould because bouncing bunnies have somehow always bought me luck.'

How am I meant to get in there?

-Shall I put it in?

-Don't you...

-Do you trust me?

'With the competition not until tomorrow, my jelly will have a whole night to perfect its wobble.

'The next morning, it's straight back to Margaret's kitchen to resume bramble business.

'Her blackberry brownie pudding is looking fantastic and now it's the moment of truth for my jelly.'

Has it got the right amount of wobble?

It's got some serious wobble going on. It's very wobbly.

That's kind of what I wanted but I don't know if I've pushed it too far.

-Go on then.

-Are you praying for me?

Yes. I actually feel quite nervous for you.

I feel really nervous for me.

'To get the rabbit out of its hutch it needs a quick dip in warm water but timing is crucial.'

-It's released.

-How did you know?

-Because I could feel it wobbling around.

-OK, ready?

-Mmm...

-SQUELCHING

-I heard it.

It's come out. Can I have a piece of kitchen cloth. I want to mop these edges up.

Oh dear! It hasn't...

Oh my God, it's a fat rabbit.

It looks a little bit like a road kill I have to say.

But I'm sure that it will taste wonderful.

I think he's gonna give me and my friends a run for our money.

I don't think I have to tell them it's a rabbit, anyway. I'll just leave that out.

'Thankfully Margaret couldn't live any closer to WI HQ, it's next door.

'I just hope my wibbly wobbly rabbit gets a good reception.'

Dear Lord, you're number two, I've written your name down.

This lady just said, "Dear God" when she saw my jelly.

Slated before it's even been put on the table.

'As all the other bramble pudding entries arrive my little bunny is looking ever more deflated.'

-He's relaxed.

-He's a relaxed rabbit.

I feel a bit like a kind of tattered flag.

There's nothing I can do about it any more. Judges will be judges and that's all there is to it.

My professional reputation is now in the hands of judge, Judy,

who I'm told is a strict but fair adjudicator.

Mmm...that's lovely.

With most marks awarded for taste in WI cooking competitions, I'm hopeful I'm still in with a chance.

It's a lovely flavour

but it's a bit too soft.

Do you see how it moves.

Normally a jelly would be a little stiffer than that.

It's several nerve-wracking hours later before we're allowed back in for prize giving.

Will my wobbly bunny have held its own against stiff competition?

BELL RINGS

Good evening, ladies. It's been a fun day. We had a variety of bramble puddings

and the judge had an extremely hard job deciding who was going to win.

The first prize, this little one here, is for Carol Parson. Come and get your certificate.

The second prize, which was the autumn pudding I suppose you can call it, is to Linda Morris.

And the third prize, which goes on flavour,

not on appearance...

was Valentine.

I can't believe you let me have a prize at all.

It's been really, really amazing and I've never won anything, really,

other than a book I didn't want and a Fray Bentos pie in a tin, so this is really good.

Could I just say three cheers to the WI for being guardians of British cooking and craft. Hip, hip...

-Hurray!

-Hip, hip...

-Hurray!

-Hip, hip...

-Hurray!

Thank you very much.

I have to say the ladies of the WI are nowhere near as scary as I thought.

I'm leaving full of delicious cake with my pride pretty much intact.

As one of the last soft fruits of the year, blackberries provide a great autumn alternative

to relive summer favourites like Eton Mess,

traditionally made with strawberries, but here made bramble style-y.

First make the meringue.

Whisk egg whites until they form stiff peaks that defy gravity.

Slowly add the sieved caster sugar and whisk...

until it's as thick and glossy as gentlemen's shaving foam.

Arrange the mixture on a baking sheet like miniature meringue icebergs.

Then bake.

For the puree, add a big handful of blackberries to a bowl.

Squeeze in the juice of half a lemon,

spoon over caster sugar

and blend.

To make a mess, whisk double cream.

Carefully crumble in the cooled meringue.

Be gentle - you want decent sized pieces, not crushed to dust.

Next add delicious and plump whole blackberries...

..followed by the smooth puree and carefully mix together.

Finally, splash with a drop more puree and it's ready to serve.

A simple and sweet celebration of my favourite autumn berry.

One of the best perks of autumn is the wickedly tasty wood pigeon.

Not to be confused with their manky city cousins, these beautiful,

clean, country birds are considered a pest by farmers.

Every year they scavenge millions of pounds worth of crops, but there is an upside.

Fat from a summer of excess, at this time of year, wood pigeons are rich for the taking.

Handsome, plentiful, plump

and utterly delicious, you don't have to go very far to find them. Getting hold of them is a trickier business.

Pull...

I've come to meet expert clay pigeon shot, Heather Tarbard.

I want to see if I can turn her on to the real thing.

Wow-ee... That's phenomenal shooting.

Thank you, thank you so much.

Have you ever hit anything live?

I wouldn't even dream of shooting anything live. I mean, in my club we never shoot wildlife anyway,

but it's never even occurred to me to do anything like that.

'Growing up on a farm, shooting pigeon for the pot comes naturally to me.

'It seems madness not to make more use of this bountiful, free meat.

'I've invited Heather to come shooting with me to a popular Enfield pigeon hangout.'

This is a rape field, a real favourite of the pigeons.

A pigeon flying over a rape field would be like me walking past an ice-cream shop.

'Wood pigeon has been part of the British diet for hundreds of years,

'so it's no wonder they keep a wary distance from humans. Without a hide we wouldn't get a look in.

'I'm using plastic decoy pigeons, a well known trick for luring them in.'

This really ups our game because they'll go, "What's that funny thing?"

but then when they see these they'll go, "This is a safe area."

Do you want to get your gun out? We'll make a start.

'Pigeon are a tricky bird to shoot. You have to know what you're doing,

'but with over 30 years' combined experience, Heather and I should be able to bag some supper.'

There's already birds coming in over there. Lock your gun.

Look, look, look. Take it, take it.

-I'm so sorry.

-Don't apologise - pick your birds. Don't wildly shoot into a group of birds, take your bird.

God, my heart's pumping.

'This is completely different from shooting clays.

'Pigeons are flying in at different speeds from all directions and it's much, much harder.'

I'm so sorry.

'Two hours in and Heather hasn't shot a thing. I'm hoping to inspire her with the prospect of dinner.'

Imagine it's surrounded by slices of pickled walnuts,

hazelnuts and delicious lettuce leaves and bits of roasted chicory.

OK, OK, OK, take it, take it...

'Still no luck and it's getting late.

'It's up to me to bag a few pigeons before they go to roost.'

Got one. Excellent.

'You can buy wood pigeon from good butchers and even some supermarkets.

'Cheap, lean and healthy, it's loved on the continent

'but getting it from field to plate in a matter of hours is my favourite way to eat it

'and I'm hoping I've got just the recipe to turn Heather into a permanent pigeon fancier.'

So, Enfield's pigeon breast salad with roasted chicory and pickled walnuts. Take the breasts off.

Are you just going down by the bone?

-You're going down by the bone. I'm surprised it's red meat.

-This is because pigeons are very active.

There's lots of blood pumping through them, coupled with the berries that they eat,

that keeps their meat rich and dark.

-There are our two prime breasts. This is chicory. Do you like chicory?

-Never tried it.

We split our chicory down the middle. I really like chicory. It's like bitter chocolate -

one of those very grown-up tastes. A little butter.

Sugar...which will sweeten it.

A little black pepper.

This is sherry vinegar.

In they go.

The object of those is to blast them.

Pickled walnuts. This is gonna be a real kooky salad.

Walnuts I've never tasted, chicory I've never tasted.

These are picked when they're young and soft.

They naturally go black the minute they're taken off the tree and they're put into vinegar.

-Right, just normal vinegar?

-Yeah.

Next up, oranges for colour and zing,

chopped toasted hazelnuts and a handful of oak leaf lettuce.

OK, so I think our chicory is sufficiently blasted.

Look at those, sticky and sugary there. Totally eatable.

We need a really hot pan here.

Butter. This is gonna frizzle around very quickly.

Now our star players...

I mean, look at that colour, it's pretty beautiful.

It's been called poor man's steak.

It does look like a lump of steak.

You wanna kind of feel that there's a little bit of give. Not completely soft, but a little give.

I'd say that these are kind of done.

I'm gonna take them out here.

Now for my favourite moment -

pigeon perfectly pink in the middle. A little treat.

That's it, you eat that little treat.

Then our sherry vinegar and mustard.

-That's all the autumn colours.

-A good, warm autumn salad.

-Yes.

All that remains is for you to get involved with your Enfield pigeon salad.

Yes.

That's nice, Val.

Very, very nice indeed. I think I'm hooked.

I think I'd like to eat pigeon again if I've shot it as well.

Spending the day with you and eating with you has been a total pleasure.

-Thank so much for being a great sport.

-We've had fun, haven't we?

Mmm. We really have.

Next week my definitive guide to the very best autumn veg you should be eating right now.

The plumpest of pumpkins...

I'm surprised you're not fatter.

Too much work to do!

This is an utterly delicious beetroot.

And I'll be discovering compost that's out of this world.

The cow's got a direct link through the horn right up into the cosmos.

Yeah...