Woking To Buy or Not to Buy

Hello and welcome to To Buy Or Not To Buy.

-What a pop-tastic property treat we've got.

-Because today, I believe in life after love.

And something's got me started.

What's that I hear you say? Mick Hucknall and Cher?

-House-hunting?

-Together?

-Unbelievable.

What a show. When I think about it, I just want to fall from the stars.

This is going to be amazing!

-There's something I've got...

-Cher and Mick Hucknall, moving to Woking. This is what I joined the BBC for.

-Jonny...

-It was like a new flame coming into my house-hunting heart.

-Jonny, listen. There's something I've got to tell you.

-What?

It's not the real Mick Hucknall and Cher.

-What do you mean?

-Their real names are Tania and Darren Alboni. They're impersonators.

But what about these "Jonny Benarr relocates the stars"

-business cards?

-Yeah, sorry about that.

Look, if I could turn back time, if I could find a way, I'd take back those words that...

-Oh, very funny. Very funny.

-..and I'd make you stay.

Jonny.

I'll explain further.

Darren and Tania Alboni travel up and down the country, gigging in bars and clubs.

Indeed they do. By day, they're just an ordinary couple from Croydon...

But by night, they take to the stage, impersonating anyone from Amy to Elvis.

-It's as Mick Hucknall and Cher, though, that they met and fell in love.

-What a combo.

Ten years on, their act is still a hit, but living in south London is giving them the blues.

They've had enough of the capital's traffic jams...

..so have called in the best property team this side of Vegas to get them on the move.

Thank you very much, ladies and gentlemen.

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

So, we have a surreptitious meeting at a hotel in Woking.

Why are we in Woking?

Because a lot of our work is northbound of the M25

and we very rarely do London or southbound of London, so every time

we go to a show, we have to go all the way round the motorway, so the petrol or the diesel we're using...

So really, it's for you guys to find us a place that would make it much more economical.

Also, we just want to get a bit more countryside and...

Ah, the rural calling, is it?

We were thinking of actually one day having sort of farmyardy

-in the garden, so we'd like a little bit of garden.

-"Farmyardy" - that's a new word.

-OK, we need a garden...

-That's what we'll call the house - Farmyardy.

Brilliant. The postman will have a lovely time.

Let's talk about your situation. Are you sold at the moment? Is your place on the market?

It's on the market - just, really.

They got us by saying they could sell it in a week, so we'll see how they go!

Good luck. I'm going to tell you this right now - estate agents - why say that?!

So, we know it's a location change for you,

you're coming away from Croydon, but what about the property change?

What are you coming from and what are you hoping to move to?

We've got a three bedroom at the moment, so it's sort of the same, really.

It's more of a location change than...a property upgrade.

Tania says that, but I believe you've got to do stepping-stones. I think if you take a move

you should move to move up - and I do want to move up.

He's not the one that has to pay the mortgage and think about it.

Everyone take a deep breath, relax. What style of properties?

Are you terraced? Detached? Semi-detached?

-Detached.

-So you are detached.

You want a minimum of three bedrooms, I expect?

We wouldn't mind two, if there was room and planning to extend bigger later on, because then it becomes

sort of like a project and I can see a bigger picture.

-So you're not scared of a bit of work?

-No, not at all.

That doesn't bother you, then, if we get you a... how do we put this?

A project? That wouldn't worry you?

Even if we didn't have to live there for a while to do the work, that wouldn't bother us.

-Yes, so if it's got a bit of potential...

-If we can see the potential and also it leaves us

-enough with our budget to put into the work, that's not a problem, either.

-I would rather do that.

Other things we need to bear in mind?

Living space, entertaining space - is that something that's more important to you?

-Yeah.

-I think, very much so.

Also, because we are musicians, I've got a recording studio,

so we want an outbuilding or some sort of garage or something,

or at least a decent-sized room, where it's not got traffic going by or aeroplanes, as such.

Whoa, hang on, hang on, whoa. Let's just rewind on that. That's a big ask.

-It is a big ask.

-Your moving to Woking, now let me think...

-In between two airports.

-Heathrow, Gatwick - flight paths all over the place.

-Yeah.

You tried to slip that one in there! You know the big question?

Here's the big question - budget. How much are you prepared to spend?

-Full budget, including any kind of changes.

-Anywhere from 250 to 425.

425, at a push. At a big push.

So that's the maximum, but you've already mentioned that you want to be sensible about this.

-So 425 is our maximum.

-To 350 would be nice.

-OK.

As soon as you say that magic figure, the high one, we go there.

-Do you?

-That's what we do.

-That's fair enough.

-Yes, because we want to find you the best possible properties.

-Anyone got a gag?

They've upset me now.

I'm taking my cappuccino and getting out of here.

Let's go. We'll see you later.

Excellent. All we've got to do is find a farmyardy, three-bedroom detached house that's not

too modern, with plenty of land, not near any flight paths, near the major commuter routes,

-that's got a recording studio and possibly an art studio - all for 425 grand.

-Yeah.

-See you later?

-Yeah.

We're focusing our search around Woking, just half an hour from the capital

and a stone's throw from both the M25 and the M3.

It's a world away from the grime and crime of the capital city.

But there are dangers here, namely aliens stalking the streets

with death, destruction and global domination on their minds.

Well, at least, that's the image HG Wells dreamt up, when the Woking-born sci-fi writer

set his hit novel, War Of The Worlds, on these mild-mannered streets.

Fortunately for Darren and Tania, Woking has also stirred the creative juices of musical genius,

giving us that The Jam, Status Quo guitarist Rick Parfitt and Matt Willis of Busted.

That legend(!) And if Darren's dreaming of penning his own number one hit,

maybe he'll find inspiration with some of Woking's other firsts.

Like the first purpose-built mosque in the UK.

And the country's first crematorium.

The property market here is heating up, too, with house prices running

at almost 30% above the national average.

But what could you get for 425 grand in other commuter hotspots around the country?

Well, in Hamilton, just 15 minutes outside Glasgow,

you could get this three floor, four-bedroom detached villa

with integrated sound system throughout. The price? Offers over...

In the Midlands village of Upper Broughton, there's this five-bedroom detached period property

right next to the motorway, making it perfect for trips to London and Leicester.

It's just...

And sticking with the period theme, if the North West's more your area,

this luxury house in Altrincham is just a tram ride away from Manchester city centre.

It's on at...

Now let's get right back to our property search in Woking.

OK, we've invaded Woking and, with HG Wells being from here, I think I've just the question.

If the Martians were going to land in Woking...

Best of luck to them!

-Jonny, hi.

-How's it going?

-Nice to meet you.

-You, too. You all right?

-Good, thank you.

-Millie, are you local?

No, I'm not. I'm actually from Wales, but I've been living down here for 11 years.

All right, OK, so you are the perfect person for me to come to?

-Definitely.

-The expert.

-The expert of Woking.

The bus isn't very good, we get one an hour.

-Nothing on a Sunday, you can't go anywhere...

-That's the trouble.

-That's OK for them. They've got flying saucers.

-Let the Martians come if they'll alter the buses.

A minimum of two or three bedrooms, definitely detached,

in the Woking surrounding area, kind of semi-rural. Does that sound reasonable?

Woking town centre, I'd probably say, that will be difficult.

-Why do we love Woking?

-I don't know.

It's nice and flat to do your shopping.

-That's a good reason.

-Yeah.

And we never get wet here, because it's all under cover.

So, we've got this very nice bungalow here, that's detached,

that's a contender, but already it's sneaking out of their budget. It's just tipped over.

Excellent - you get this whole book and you can pick out ones you like.

Excuse me, sir, we're just doing some...

-Phew.

-You OK? You look a bit pasty.

Let's put it this way. I found Woking to be out of this world.

-That's all I'm prepared to say. Shall we get on?

-OK, I'll bring you back down to Earth.

Today's buyers are both tribute acts, so with that in mind,

I thought we could use the houses to represent people within the world of showbiz.

OK, so my choice, property one, is Ingmar Bergman.

It's got a Swedish feel about it, it's kitsch, it's quirky,

and, despite its age, it's still very, very popular.

All right, then. In that case, I think mine would be Sammy Davis Jr.

That's it, Only small, but with a real stage presence and if it

opened up its potential, it will simply blow Darren and Tania away.

That is property two.

OK, now the wild card - stick with me once again - is Susan Boyle,

because let's just say it offers far more than first meets the eye.

-All right.

-That's all I want to say about this place.

-That's the wild card. Shall we start?

-Yeah, my choice, property one.

Right then, I'm backing this beauty.

It's a bit like a good cover song - a chance for Darren and Tania to transform a dated

-number into a contemporary classic.

-You mean it's old and tired?

No, it's nothing like you. It's bursting with potential. A real contender.

With three beds, outstanding grounds and a great garage or studio,

it really does tick all of their boxes.

OK, Darren and Tania, here we are with the first property of the day. My choice, number one.

Now, you two being entertainers, where better to bring you to than the West End?

Just outside of Chobham in Woking.

It's a property that I think you're going to love.

Before I get your first reactions to this, I'm going to give you a couple of facts.

Number one, the garden is about 420 feet long, it is huge.

Number two, approximately the plot this property sits on his 0.554 acres. That's approximate.

They don't want to be too specific(!)

But what do you think. Look at the place, what do you reckon to it?

It looks like a German chalet.

-It's nice.

-It's different.

You wanted something that had a bit of character, that was quirky,

and this house does tick those boxes. It's got that vibe, it really has.

-Are you saying that because you chose this one?

-That's what I have to do,

I've got to sell the pants off this place. But it's really kitsch inside.

It does need some work,

but certainly nothing that would put you off straight away.

It's fun and it's a musician's house. You'll really feel that as you wander through.

Beautiful, quiet place. And what Jonny hasn't mentioned is you're minutes from the motorways -

three miles from the M3, 10 minutes from the M25, so it's kind of the compromise

you wanted, really - easy access but a nice quiet street.

-See, that's how you do it, Jonny.

-Oh, sorry!

-All good with that?

-Yes.

-Right, off you go, get inside.

I've got a bone to pick with you.

You said the garden was 400 foot long or something. That is not...

-No, the back garden!

-Oh, right, shall we go, then?

Hmm.

Not too sure about these tiles, that's probably hiding some defect.

They normally whack them up.

-Mmm.

-Mmm, that's some record collection.

-I suppose this could be used as an office, couldn't it?

-Small, isn't it?

It's perfect for an office. Because we need that, obviously with our...

-Well, for you to do all the filing and stuff.

-Yeah.

Office or bedroom three, that downstairs room?

-Office.

-You think?

-Yeah, definitely.

-They don't need that third bedroom, they said earlier.

-OK.

-I'd have to open this up.

-Oh, yes.

It would have to be open, because it's very claustrophobic,

-but that would take no time to get that off.

-No.

-Put a handrail up the stairs there.

-Yeah, it's really squashed in.

It is quite small, but obviously knowing Johnny, he's got us something nice and cheap that we can work with.

I don't know what impression I give that he would think I would come up with the cheap option.

-This isn't too bad. It's quite nice. Nice light coming through.

-Yeah.

See, this could... I don't know if these...

This wall could even come out here, just open up the whole stair.

-That would be better.

-Yeah, open that whole thing up, wouldn't it?

Let's just knock all the walls down and start again.

Look, there's a bar... for entertaining.

I mean, it's going to need a proper lot of work, isn't it?

But it's definitely got potential.

Darren's saying a lot, but Tania is more or less silent. You know what that means in my book?

-They don't like the place.

-That's a nice garden. Cor.

-Yep.

-Look at that.

-That is good stuff.

-Beautiful.

I can see your chickens running around out there.

My chickensy - in my farmyardy?

-Farmyardy, isn't it?

-It's definitely farmyardy.

There's two pigs sitting in the garden out there.

Did he just say there were two pigs in the garden?

I think...us...

-Us two.

-Oh, the swine!

That's great, look at that tree. That's a beautiful tree.

-That makes up for anything else I'm going to see in this house.

-Do you think so?

-Good or bad.

-That garden's good.

-The garden's fantastic and there is room to extend out here.

-Now you're talking.

Because we might be able to come across later on, because that's what we need.

We probably will need to come out here.

Each actual room is so small.

It's finding out what walls you can just knock through, isn't it?

-We'd know which ones are structurally...

-You would.

Yeah, I can do all that, that's no worries.

Generally it's just rip it up and start again, isn't it, really?

-Yeah.

-There is potential. It's going to need a lot of work, but that's what we wanted.

That is the word, Darren, it has got potential.

A lot of work, yes, but nothing that you couldn't live with.

-Same again, this could all be one kitchen.

-It's got to be.

Yeah. So this could be the kitchen, which is great.

The living room goes through into the hall and if we can get an extension out the back.

The whole kitchen would have to be gutted out and redone.

It is difficult to try and see beyond the personal clutter and belongings that are there,

but the size is the space and the concept to make this into

-a fantastic home is within the shell.

-Yeah.

It's not too dingy, is it?

-That could be used for...

-Storage?

-Yeah.

-Oh, this is better, this is a bit more airy.

-Light.

-Yeah.

-Do you reckon this is the master bedroom?

But no, it's great. Look at that, looking into the garden, beautiful.

-That's good. Nice with the bigger window.

-Yeah.

If we could extend, you could have a little balcony.

-Open French doors.

-Breakfast on the balcony?

This is the bathroom.

-Oh, yeah.

-It's quite bigger than I thought it was.

-Really?

Yeah. At least you've got the shower and the bath.

Oh, yeah. It does the job.

Yeah, I think it more than does the job.

It's a separate shower, bath, toilet, sink - what more do you want?

-This is nice.

-Oh, so this is the master bedroom.

It's a nice room. Still got nice light.

Is it much bigger than the other one?

It's a very similar size, actually, very similar.

Because I wouldn't want to stay at the front of the house.

I think for the master one, you'd want it at the back,

-looking over this gorgeous garden?

-Yeah.

If it was on the cheaper end, then it would be worth looking at,

-but if it's at the higher end of the budget, I wouldn't be interested.

-No, I wouldn't.

Let's just go and find out, eh?

-It's a beautiful garden, isn't it?

-Beautiful, amazing.

-This is, as they say,

-the wow factor.

-It really is, yeah.

But before we talk about this space, when I was listening in, Darren,

you seemed to be very enthusiastic.

Tania, I don't know, you were just quiet. Talk to me.

Yeah, well, I think when I first saw it, it really threw me, and I

couldn't get my head around anything. All the rooms were really small and it just was completely

different to anything that I've actually been looking at, which is good, and it has been growing on me.

Right, OK.

As I've been thinking more and more about it, I've been thinking about

-what you could do with it.

-Yeah. So, changes to be made, perhaps?

-Definitely.

-And then, look at this.

-The garden's amazing.

-And it goes on again.

-Yeah, the garden doesn't stop at this fence here. The garden goes right on...

-Unbelievable.

-..down to those trees there.

-Could have a five-a-side pitch up there.

-This is one of the most farmyardy gardens I've ever seen.

-Definitely.

All right, so, you've got a property, needs a few changes to be made to make it your own.

You've got a beautiful piece of land with it, a very nice spot. What's that worth?

Who's going to go first?

-Tania can go first. She can set the precedent.

-I like it!

Erm, ooh, it's really hard, this one, do you think?

You go first.

-Right, I reckon 250.

-Oh, no way!

-I would go 365.

-Well, despite your deliberation, you're both miles out, but thanks for playing the game!

-Was I miles out?

-Yeah. It's actually on the market right at the top of your budget, for £425,000.

-Wow.

-But, bear this in mind - at the very back of this property, there is some free land that

the estate agents mentioned to us may be developed at some stage.

Those developers would be very interested in buying land off the various vendors on this street.

Though you may have to commit a fair amount to buy it,

you can then get some of that back, by selling off a portion of this vast plot.

Put that back in the coffers and that's a contribution towards the work.

I was thinking, maybe we could build our own plot at the back there. It's such a big, vast area.

Yeah, on top of 425, do the house up, build a property!

-Exactly, he doesn't live in the real world, him, does he?!

-I know!

Everyone loves a little bit of Walter Mitty.

-Do I hold the record for the worst-ever guess?

-Pretty much.

-Yeah, I think you do.

Anyway, you can still do better than that, mate, you can probably guess even worse on property two, which is

my choice - and it's all the way back up the garden, I'm afraid, folks.

My offering is set in the picturesque and award-winning village of Pirbright.

-And it totally ignores what Darren and Tania asked us for.

-Not true.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but I only see two bedrooms and it's a little, shall we say, compact.

At first glance it seems like an unusual option, but if they give it a chance

and a bit of imagination, I think it could be a fantastic family home - and a little gold mine to boot.

Property two today is my choice. I've got a story to tell you.

The mystery To Buy Or Not To Buy property team

couldn't decide quite which property to show you as property two.

I got involved and really stuck my neck out

and I went, "No, no, given the choice, I'm going for this one", which is this one.

So, in other words, if you like it, love me.

If you don't like it, I have nowhere to hide. What are we thinking?

-It looks nice.

-Gingerbread - that's exactly what I'm thinking.

I was going to say cottagey. But I'm putting a Y on everything again.

-More cottagey than farmyardy, you'd say?

-Yeah, cottagey.

I'll tell you what it is as well, it's very villagey. We are in the award-winning village of Pirbright.

Look, you've got the village green behind you, the local pub round the corner.

-Fabulous setting.

-Mmm.

-Taking away the cottagey

and the gingerbread element, what do you think?

Do you think, "OK, I can see why Simon has brought us here?" What are your initial thoughts?

-Small.

-No, I like the look of it. I've got a good feel about it.

-Have you?

-I'm excited to look at it.

I'm really glad you've got a good feel about this place,

because you are going to need so much imagination with this place.

-OK.

-You said you weren't scared of getting stuck in and a bit of work.

Project this is, as you will find out when you look around.

-OK.

-Get in there and enjoy.

We've had projects on this show before, but you seem to be raising the bar.

Yes, this is project, with a capital P-R-O-J-E-C-T.

Ah, that is the right spelling, sorry.

Wow, this is a gingerbread house.

Oh...straight in.

I wonder what sort of... This is a real fire. It would be real?

RATTLE OF FLIMSY WOOD

Wow!

-Well, laughed at it. Is that good?

-I don't know.

Showing people round houses - if people walk in and start laughing, I don't see it as a positive.

-Isn't it strange...?

-Oops. Oh, blimey.

-..stepping straight into the...

-Wow.

-..the front room, is it?

It's whatever you want it to be, really, isn't it? Just use your imagination.

Yeah, you really can define the rooms in this property however you like.

You do that in a bungalow as it is, because things can be shifted around.

But when it needs completely renovating, nothing is defined.

-I like these beams. They're very nice.

-Yeah.

-I wonder if it's a listed building.

-Character...

Actually, they're not even real beams. Look, it's just a box.

What a shame. It does look authentic.

-It looks nice, though.

-Yeah, and it's not too low, it's kind of...

-Ha-ha!

-Oh, is it too short for your head?

No, it's all right, it's only the doorway, we can, er...

This, erm, is strange, isn't it?

-Having a sink in the room.

-Yeah.

-This must have been the bedroom.

-Yeah, the bedroom.

Yes, Darren and Tania. You are right, that is a bedroom.

That's the master bedroom, at the moment.

-"At the moment" being the operative word.

-Mm-hmm.

Obviously we're going to have to do some extending here.

I don't know, being in such a quaint village and stuff.

-Let's see what other rooms they've got.

-Yeah.

But, you know, two square rooms. That's OK.

Here we go.

Wow! Hang on, this is, erm...strange, isn't it? Very strange.

It's like a doll's house.

It's weird. But you know, never say never, that's what I say.

We have to try and open walls somewhere along the line.

Kitchen didn't go down that well.

-There's not much to love in the kitchen.

-There's a sink.

It's like an adventure, isn't it, of the gingerbread house.

Oh, this is pink.

It's tiny!

-It's really small.

-Mmm.

I don't see... What would you fit in here? You couldn't fit a settee in here, you couldn't

fit a bed in here, you couldn't actually swing a cat in here.

I don't think you can in the garden, either.

Yeah, this is a strange one. Maybe we could build up

four storeys, and this could be one room, the whole bottom floor.

Weird choice, Simon.

You think I'm mad, don't you?

You all think I'm mad, they think I'm mad.

There is method in the madness.

Yeah? Time will tell.

Right, here we go. Mmm.

Well done, Simon!

I don't...my potential, er...

At least you can wash your hands while you're on the toilet, and have a bath and go...

I can't see any potential.

They're not happy with the sizes - with the bathroom here,

with the size at my place.

Do they live in castle Croydon? Do they live in opulence in the City that we don't know?

-I know, what do they want for nearly half-a-million pounds?

-Honestly.

This must be where they keep the horses?

It's the biggest conservatory I've ever been in in my life.

-This would be good for growing tomato plants, do you think?

-Ha-ha!

-Cor!

-I don't understand.

No, I don't. Right, let's go into this jungle.

Wow!

-Hmmm...!

-Do you know what?

That is actually...

Is that a model building of the house, is it, or something? And the conservatory there.

That's your studio!

That's my studio!

Actually, I'm quite speechless. I've never been so speechless.

See? I know what everyone's thinking - I've lost the plot.

-That's what everyone's thinking. You know what?

-You haven't lost the plot, the plot's fine.

It's just a bad choice.

Well, this is it, this sells it for me. It's big enough

to swing a cat, at least.

We've got an outbuilding which is the same size as the house.

Wow!

Well, it works as a recording studio.

-It's the tiniest house I've ever been in.

-Is it?

-Yeah.

-I suppose it is me.

I've been to the model village before, that was quite cool.

In comparison. But no, this is a... bad move, Si.

Do you get the feeling they're going to need a bit of persuading about this place?

-Just a bit, yeah.

-Ready to back me up, buddy?

Sure, no problem.

Jonnie!

-Jo... Hi, guys.

-Hi.

-You're looking at me like I'm insane.

I'm almost starting to believe it myself but I know

there is good reason why I chose this property, and I will explain myself.

-OK, if I turn the details over...

-Wow!

This place comes... I'm going to change your tune.

I'm certainly going to change Tania's tune, I guarantee it. Are you ready?

-Go on.

-This place comes with full planning permission to extend out sideways into that space behind you,

to put in another bedroom and en suite bathroom.

-That becomes your master bedroom.

-OK.

You can also extend out, with the planning permission that's there,

out back...

-You'd leave yourself no land.

-Let me finish.

You've got a lovely garden out front, and that lovely garden on the side.

If you did this to this property, in this gorgeous location,

in the award-winning village of Pirbright,

it would then be valued, we have good reason to believe, at around half a million pounds.

Wow.

Right, so, I want you to bear that in mind

as we start talking about trying to work out how much it would cost

to do that work, and guess the price.

Sorry, I just got a text message. Apparently you're struggling.

-Oh, did you? Thanks.

-You love this place.

-Have you come to save us or him?

-I'm not really sure!

-OK.

-All right.

-It could be the dream. It could be the one.

-Yeah.

-It could be.

-OK, right, so, it's 1-0.

Tania, do you want to go first, have a crack?

-OK, 300?

-Not too bad.

I reckon a little bit more than that. About 329.

Round about that sort of price.

-Well, it's 1-1.

-Get in.

Actually, you are bang on the money on this one.

You were a long way out on the last one, but you've got your act together.

-Have I?

-Yeah, you're just 950 quid out on this one.

-How much?

-950!

£329,950.

Now, then, I estimate, to implement this planning permission

-on this place, you would be looking at spending around £80,000.

-Wow!

-Do the maths.

MOBILE PHONE BEEPS

Sorry, hang on, I've just got a text. It's from the director.

"Simon is struggling, bail, go to the wild card now." Right...

Get your coat, mate.

If you don't want to make 90 grand, let's go.

Ah, yes, the wild card.

It's...a bungalow!

A bit tame, I hear you cry, but this bungalow in the suburb of Byfleet has bite.

It certainly does.

Once Darren and Tania discover what's behind the doors

of this one-level wonder, their lives may never be the same again.

OK, Darren, Tania, after the travesty that was property two...

Excuse me! If you don't want to make nearly 100 grand, that's up to you. Carry on.

It's the wild card, it's the final property.

It's everyone's favourite part of the show.

It's just a bungalow, really, that's all. There's not much to say.

It's just a bungalow.

-Yeah.

-You're spot on, aren't you?

You seem like the kind of couple that would like to live in a bungalow.

We do want to grow old together, don't we?

-Do we?

-But not just yet.

What are your thoughts, Tania?

Yeah, bungalow.

-Is it detached, is it?

-It is detached. The garage is.

-It's link-detached.

-OK, got you.

But none of the accommodations are joining, so you're fine.

Is that traffic?

Yeah, but no flight path, you see.

Ah, no flight path. I didn't say anything about the traffic.

I don't care what you say any more. You have a look.

-See you later.

-Go on, in you go.

-That's the gratitude we get. You bring them to a lovely property.

-They're becoming very troublesome.

-Shall we listen to them complain on the headphones?

-Yeah.

-Oh, that's better.

-I like the floor.

-Oak all the way through.

-Is that what it is?

A bathroom.

That's nice, I like that sink.

It's nice. Bath's nice, it's got a shower in the bath.

-I do like that.

-Yes, it's nice.

At long last we've found a property with a bathroom they actually like!

What's in this one? Aw, look at that, isn't that lovely?

Twins or something.

Don't you start getting broody.

-It could be for a dog.

-Does that sound like a good idea?

-Yeah.

-Yes.

-Sweet.

-It's done lovely, the decor is nice.

The bedrooms are light as well, I like that.

I like the space.

It's done nice.

Nice little... Yeah.

-Depends what you want use them for but yeah.

-Definitely.

Weird.

It's like a boudoir.

Dressing-room, wardrobe.

-Oh, yeah.

-I like this.

-It's weird, what is it?

-I think it's a wardrobe room.

It's quite a discovery, that wardrobe.

Absolutely ideal for this pair.

-Plenty of room for your Elvis costumes.

-Mick Hucknall.

-Amy Winehouse.

-Karen Carpenter.

Another bedroom.

Finally, a room with a bit of space.

Definitely fit our bed in this one.

Nice size. A lot of bedrooms.

It's nice. I like this mirror.

-They got good taste.

-We'd hope so.

-The vendor is in fact a professional interior designer...

-And I think it shows.

Nice wardrobes as well.

Big wardrobes.

Wow. Look.

-Wow.

-That is a surprise.

-That is nice.

-Isn't it?

-It is exactly the same things that we use in our spare room.

-Yeah.

They didn't tell us this was here.

It means that if the wardrobe's in here, we don't have to use one of the other bedrooms for a wardrobe.

The exciting thing about this tour is they have no idea what is coming.

You talk about wow factor, just wait.

-Ooh...

-Ooh!

-Wow.

I like that. Wow!

That's amazing.

This is super, isn't it?

-This one will be well above our budget.

-No, no way.

It will not be above our budget. There's no way it can be above our budget.

This is the great thing about the wild card.

You stand outside, think it's a bungalow, and it reveals itself

to be everything you want.

Wow, a playroom. It is perfect.

Perfect room for a dining room. Unless there is a dining room.

This is fantastic.

-It is a shame it is not detached.

-It is detached!

It's linked detached but all the accommodation is detached.

This is lovely.

I like step-down living areas as well.

It does have that sense of grandeur when you step down into a living area from the kitchen.

The separation is great and it is opulent.

It is because it defines the two spaces.

I'm just hating that Johnny and Simon have done something quite good for once.

This is beautiful isn't it?

They have got great taste.

-They have, yeah.

-Wow, look at that.

Mirrors in the garden.

Reflecting the light. That is mad.

It is very, very good.

Really different.

Wow, look at that.

It's like being in...somewhere in Switzerland

but with a big motorway on the side of it. Look at this.

-Oh, what a shame.

-Get over it!

Isn't it beautiful? You'd have to put a massive fence up there.

Look at these lorries.

THEY LAUGH

-What a shame, this is so lovely.

-Can't you put a massive big fence up there?

If they could let us, depending on the laws.

I can see that that is a major concern, the road. That is a shame because the property is fantastic.

It is worth investigating what you can do to insulate the sound.

For me, an evergreen hedge - not only does that cut down the sound but also the pollution.

-Recording studio.

-Isn't it just?

It's all dressmaking tools there. Or curtains.

This is a perfect size for a studio.

This is fantastic to be honest with you. I'd live in here.

-You don't want to admit it, to the boys. I

-will not

say it to them. Oh, they can hear me, can't they? Messes that one up.

Yes, we can hear everything, can't we, Jonny?

Just a bungalow, is it, Darren?

Yes, I think we should find out how much this is

because I think this sort of property should get snapped up.

They're obviously a design company, they have done the interior design fantastic.

That kitchen is marvellous. That would sell it to anyone.

The only reason it is not selling -

I don't know how long it's been on the market - is that traffic.

We might be able to overcome that.

You didn't seem to like that place much, just the standard bungalow!

Pandora's... That was unbelievable.

It opened up into everything we wanted.

I'll take back everything I said.

What's that? Another lorry.

OK, let's get into it.

We know that is the issue.

The property is sublime.

Fantastic, everything we want.

But you have got the road issue. I have spoken to the vendor.

What we do have already is extra height fencing to try and dampen the sound.

There is a line of trees.

They do grow up considerably.

The council cut them back and that does really dampen down the sound.

Also take it into your own hands.

Don't wait for the trees to grow back.

I would put in a green screen along here.

This tree here, copper beech, it keeps its leaves in winter.

It's a native tree.

It doesn't just dampen sound, it also cuts down pollution.

That is your advantage of having a green screen.

If you buy mature specimens, you'll soon get it covered.

That makes sense.

-Guess the price? It is one all.

-Yep.

All to play for.

She is gutted. You think it's going to be unaffordable.

I am containing my excitement.

I love it so much.

I figure it's going to be out of our budget.

You guess first.

Top end of what we said. 425.

-You think 425?

-More, actually. But I don't want it to be!

Won't change anything but I like it. Darren?

Woking is a more sought-after area, so it will be a bit cheaper round here.

Being on the motorway, it may devalue the property a bit.

I would have thought this would be snapped up because it is so beautiful...

Darren, it is a 45-minute show, mate! What do you reckon?!

430.

A bit more expensive than what Tania thought.

I don't want to think that but yeah...

-It is on the market for 499,950.

-Half a million?

-It is considerably over your budget.

-That's that then.

It is stunning. But I will add to this the following statement.

We were struggling to find detached houses near your budget.

A lot of bungalows on the market, which means that of all the properties selling on the market,

bungalows are the ones that seem to be struggling.

Because of that competition, you could look to get away with a cheeky offer.

We've shown you three very different properties. I think you'll agree.

-Yeah.

-You've got to decide which one you'd like to spend more time in.

That will be hard(!)

Take yourselves off, put your heads together and have a good think..

-While they do that...

-Here is a quick recap.

Will today's pop pickers plump for my choice - the semi-rural chalet in the West End of Woking

has a farmyard garden, three beds, potential for

great living space and a studio, and is at the top of their budget.

Is there any chance it will be my property with potential to extend.

It is in the village of Pirbright with permission to convert to a three-bed bungalow.

All that for 329.

Last but by no means least, the beautiful Byfleet bungalow that is the wild card.

It's got it all - four bedrooms, designer chic and a fantastic living space that blew their mind.

Sadly, it also blew their budget.

Darren, Tania, surprise, surprise -

you decided to test drive the wild card.

Yes!

It wasn't just a bungalow after all?

I love it. If it was in our price range, I'd snap your hand off.

Half-a-million for something like this...it is lovely but...

There is always room to negotiate.

We might be able to help you a bit.

Our eagle-eyed surveyor has given this place the once-over.

Always a real nit-picker. It is not legally binding, and if you went ahead with

this place or any other, you get all the right searches and surveys done.

He's come up with a couple of interesting points.

He has indeed. This place is very contemporary and trendy and like

most modern trendy properties, a lot of trendy lighting.

It means there is a lot of wiring going through the loft.

What he said was make sure all the wiring is up to standard.

It has also displaced some of the loft insulation which would need putting back.

It is a professional job. Get an expert in to sort that out.

He really is a nit-picker because there is nothing wrong

with the place but he did mention that the boiler, he couldn't quite get to it at the back of the garage.

It looked like it might need modernising and replacing.

-But that is it. It is a gorgeous property. We know that, don't we?

-Yeah.

-It is gorgeous.

There is nothing else to do, so you may as well give yourself a little chore.

We will try it out and see whether we get a taste for the high life.

-This is it. You can, right now, get in there and enjoy it. See you in a bit.

-See you.

I found this great property down the road. It is a bit derelict...

I'm not going anywhere with you, pal!

No sooner are Darren and Tania moving in than their celeb mates are popping round.

Who's this calling for a chat?

-It'll be a circus in there when she arrives.

-Is she a lion tamer?

No, she's Britney Spears.

Of course. They are basically twins.

She's popping in to catch up with the gossip, loves the hustle and bustle of Woking,

before going back to the quiet backwater of LA.

No sooner has she left and Tania has got the kettle on for the next arrival. Which is ...

Posh Spice. These guys really are well connected.

This is nice.

She'll tell them what she really, really wants in a house.

A cup of tea and a flapjack by the looks of it.

It's her favourite sweet treat, Jonny. Apart from old David of course!

What's new with you, Posh?

Not a lot, really.

Who's this, Lauren Bacall?

No, that's Tania's mum.

And she's got a surprise package.

Who let the dogs out?

-What?

-Who let the dogs out?

You know that song, Simon?

No, Jonny. Now they are trying out the luxurious living area

and it has struck a chord with Darren.

Excellent work and he has whipped out his guitar.

No test drive would be complete without a rousing finale.

Right, you lovely pair, you have now spent more time in this gorgeous property.

What are your feelings?

We still really love it, it is almost perfect.

But it is too much out of our price range unfortunately.

Question for you, has the road become less of an issue?

That seemed to be a big factor.

Pardon?

That's all that grey hair of yours blocking your ears...

Did he say great hair?!

Great hair, you have got great hair.

That was the issue you thought when you got outside that it would be a problem.

Fortunately, we have overcome that with the price issue.

-Yeah.

-Basically.

That is the only way you could get us, at the top price.

It feels right?

It has got a nice energy. Fantastic.

Right then. In that case, I will ask the question but I think I already know what the answer is.

To buy or not to buy?

-Not to buy.

-Not to buy.

It is the budget, isn't it?

Everything else is perfect. You've done a good job.

Maybe we should buy property two, make 90 grand on it, then buy this.

We have an answer!

Working the property ladder.

-We are not so daft, are we?

-Yeah.

Thank you very much(!)

On that note, we'll leave you. It's been an absolute pleasure. It really has. Good luck.

See you.

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