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My name is Sean Neilson, this time next week I will be achieving some

of my dreams, working with children in Thailand.

It came about by searching on the Internet. I was looking for

something I could make a difference in. One of the things that popped

up was working in Thailand, it was working with children, with

cerebral palsy, which I found quite spectacular, that the first search

I made, it was almost like a sign. My young brother, was called Ryan.

Very much my best friend, in the whole wide world. For quite a few

years I was a young carer for Ryan, and I helped to look after him with

my mum. Ryan suffers from cerebral palsy.

He was unfortunately in a wheelchair, he couldn't walk, talk,

sit up. He couldn't do the things that everybody takes for granted

every day. Like quite a few people, young

people in school, from primary school to secondary school, I was

bullied, a lot. All the way through. Although I wouldn't have wanted to

have been bullied like I was in school, it allowed me to become

closer to my brother. But unfortunately I lost my younger

brother. I lost my best friend, and it happened 11 years ago, and I

it happened 11 years ago, and I There is never a day I don't wake

up and think about Ryan, that he's not on my mind, and that I don't do

things that will make him proud of me. I need to challenge myself.

Ryan would be proud of me if I challenged myself, that is why I

picked the project. It came about research on the Internet, finding

it, applying to the Magnus Magnusson Trust, a very nerve

racking trust, they listened to my story, I didn't think I would get

it, I got the great news the following day, I just remember

saying to the lady he was part of the trust fund, who was there to

reassure me. I said I don't think I will get it, because I was a bit

upset when I came out. She said that is because you are speak beg

your brother, if you have showed them how much you love your brother

and how much you want to make a difference in somebody else's life

and there won't be a problem. She sent me the e-mail the next day,

telling me I had been accepted. This is my first video diary, it is

about four or five days until I leave to go to Thailand. I'm

extremely excited, extremely excited, I have never been to that

side of the world, I'm really looking forward to it. But I'm also

very nervous. I'm also, you know, just dying to get started. Dying to

get there, dying to make a difference, I will be keeping you

updated on some of the stuff that I am doing over in Thailand. So,

stick with me, and I will take you Hi, so this is my first video diary,

I'm acting rather quiet, because it has been a really, really busy day.

I have eventually arrived here in shaing my, in Thailand, -- shaing

my, in Thailand, after extremely long journey, it took me almost 20

hours to get here, I eventually got here. I have arrived in Shang Mai,

and into the volunteer house, it is just immense, the difference

So they did give me a few pointers when I first got there, of some of

the groups that I was going to be working, doing workshops with,

nothing prepares you for when you eventually start those workshops.

Today was just extremely emotional. I found today really, really hard,

really hard. I made a lesson plan to work with children at a home

called Met Mondek, it is a home for special needs children. One little

boy has ADHD, one little girl has cerebral palsy. And another baby

has foetal alcohol syndrome, and another little girl has autism.

There is a few with severe brain- damage as well. I wasn't going into

the whole I'm apprehensive, worrying, nothing like that,

whatsoever. The minute I walked in, I saw the little girl in the

wheelchair, I just wanted to get her out of the wheelchair and get

her free of the wheelchair. I noticed her hand was tied to the

side of the wheelchair, which I didn't agree with at all, I'm not

here to judge. When I eventually found out why her hands were bound

to the wheelchair, it was because she would bite her hands. When you

hear the whole story, and you don't judge, you understand that they

were doing that for a reason. They were doing it to protect her. But

it upset me. I just felt, you know, I need to

educate these people that is not the right thing to do. She needs to

be free, she needs to be just allow to explore, and I took her out of

the wheelchair, and got her on to the ground, and I made my lesson

all about bringing the outinside, and the kids got to feel leaves,

smell flowers, feel pebbles, they got to do all that today, and they

absolutely loved it. One of the people from the charity said that

they had been working with the children for five months, and they

don't know what to do with the children with special needs,

because they don't have any experience in that area, that is

why they were happy for me to be here. And they said they have never

been able to engage all the children at the one time, and in

the one project, and I done that today, they were extremely

overwhelmed. So I was really, really happy. I was happy that

happened, and I was happy that all the children were able to be

engaged. That is always they needed. They needed some close body contact.

They needed some love, some care, some attention, they just want to

be loved. That is literally it, they just want to be loved. I was

given Gig i, her snaim was, the little girl with -- name was, the

literal girl with Searle bral palsy, I was giving her loads of kisses

and hugs, she ponded well, a big massive smile. I sometimes wish it

was my wee brother, but it's not. I find it really, really hard.

So it is the end of another very emotional day today, I was working

with the, just absolutely beautiful children, of Hope Home, here in the

city. It is a gorgeous project, there is a foster home, which looks

after about five or six kids. It is really sad, I felt really emotional

today, as I always have when I have worked with these kids, it is so

difficult to see some of their stories, and some of the lifestyles

that some of their parents lead. Also how some parents just can't

help being poor. They can't look after their children, so their

children end up in Hope Home. I got to meet some gorgeous children,

Utina, he was a little boy I was working with today. He was just

absolutely beautiful. There ofn't a lot of expression and

that from them, I -- there wasn't a lot of expression from him, I

realised why, he suffered foetal alcohol syndrome, his mother had

been an alcoholic. It was so sad. That wee boy couldn't move, he

couldn't talk, couldn't walk, couldn't do anything, and his

mother abandoned him. The fact that this child has been

damaged by alcohol, that could have been fixed. That could have been

fixed, that could have been stopped at least, you see the effects that

alcohol has in places like Scotland. You see the effect it has on people

and families, when it effects children like that, and that child

will be damaged for the rest of their life, it is really sad.

It is really, really sad. I can't change it.

Then there was Bunrat, and he was a wee boy, or a big boy, he was

around about the same age of Ryan, I was very emotional with today,

because I got the chance to feed Bunrat, I got a chance to spend a

lot of time with him, he reminded me of Ryan, it was really hard. It

is hard because when I see these children, and I'm with them, it is

like I'm with Ryan, and I don't want to leave. I do not want to

leave. Because it's just emotional, and it's heart warming, and it is

just making me feel good. It makes me feel good that I feel as though

I'm making a difference. That I'm working with the kids as well, and

when I do work with them I just forget everything that I have

planned to do with them, and I just want to hug them and give them

kisses, and it is really hard. It is really, really hard, but Hope

Home was amazing today, I'm looking forward to the rest of the week as

well. Fingers crossed that everything

goes well, and that I will have a great time for the rest of the week.

So the time has eventually come when it was going to be my last day,

and it is today. I have had my last day with my last group, and it

couldn't have been more emotional. I couldn't have had a better day to

end my time here in Thailand. I was working with the children of

Metmondeck, I will never forget the children from there, I will never

forget every single one of the groups I worked with here in

Thailand, I will miss every single one of them. No words can totally

describe the effect that they had on me, and the hopeful effect that

I had on them. As people. Working with them just changed the way that

I think about things. The way that I deal with certain situations in

life. The way that I deal with people, as well. That I have

learned that you will never be able to live a positive life, or have a

happy life if you don't live it positively. So that means having a

good life, enjoying life, it doesn't mean being selfish, it

genuinely means giving back, and you just see opportunities, where

your life can be made so much better, just by giving yourself up

to something. I think that's where your life can change, and within

three weeks my life changed. My eyes were opened, and my heart of

opened to new experiences, and new people, and a new culture. I had to

go 4,000 miles away to be close to my brother, and I won't get that

feeling from anything else. It is amazing when you give something

back to people, you feel more of a whole person yourself. That is what

I will take away from Thailand. Thank you for being with me in my

journey, thank you for listening to me. Please, please, please, if you

get a chance, volunteer with any organisation across the world,

volunteering makes you feel alive, it makes you feel like you can make

a difference, and the most independent person in the world.

Volunteering is the way forward. Give yourself up to other people,

you will find the joy, the laughter and the smiles that you gain from

Apology for the loss of subtitles for 46 seconds

the people that you help. So, do it. I want to go to Malawi, it is

Africa, it is different, you know, you hear about everything that

happens in Africa, from poverty, I have always thought that I could go

have always thought that I could go over and I could help. The day I

got up to go to Malawi, my head was in a mess. We got up very early, I

have been so nervous for beaks building up to it, I -- weeks

building up to it, I couldn't contemplate I was going to Malawi

for a month. The morning was pretty emotional, we had to say all our

goodbyes at the bus. Once we were on the bus, and once we were off,

it was just heading straight on to what we were going to be doing, and

getting to Malawi, we had 24 hours My first impressions of Malawi was

just the warm heart, it just seemed really nice and calm, relaxing,

except when you travelled through the slum villages, that sort of, I

don't know how to describe it, it was very upsetting. You see lots of

people walking everywhere, there is not many cars, and houses are

rundown. The scaffolding is amazing, all the scaffolding is home made.

You can just see there all the bikes are home made, just there. It

is quite amazing and shocking some of the things you see. It was clear

you were not in Europe. Especially in Britain any more, you were in

Africa, and it was obvious when we were on our way to the campsite.

got there quite late in the evening, to the campsite, for the first time.

Everybody was quite tired and excited to be there. The first

thing we had to do was sort out getting our tents up and getting

food done. For me I was quiteer in shrous, we were tired and we were

here, you -- I was quite nervous, we were tired and we were here and

you didn't know what to make of it. Everyone was excited by morning to

There was four different projects to begin with, starting building

the toilet block, which our team was on to begin with, we had to dig

a trench for a new water supply to go down to the bottom of the hill.

Pretty much what we are doing is we are trying to move this massive log

out of the way of the track for the water pipe that goes to the

building. But we are trying to build a pully system, but the hole

we used to attach to the end of it has snapped, we have to work out a

new way of doing it. I loved doing sufficient like the

toilet block and French work, because it was clear that you are

you were making progress. One of the projects we really saw

something grow and build up from where it hadn't been before. That

was an eye-opening experience, at the end you achieved something, and

it was nice to say you had a part in it, and you achieved something

you didn't think you would be able On the second Sunday we went to

Dimasi mission church for the English service. The church was one

of the best experiences. Kieran, he pipeed us in, he Poor Roy had to

walk the ten-minute walk playing with us behind him. The church

itself was really quite interesting. It was not like a church here, it

is not like sit down, sing a song, or stand up and sing a song, and

stand down, listen to the priest, stand up and do something else. It

is more like stand up, sing a song, All the African singing, they are

amazing at singing, they would destroy any British choir, just a

group of Malawi women doing a wee sing-song during the service.

The feeling of community in this church, with all these people you

never met, it was a really lovely experience. When we came out, we

were introduced to the people who had been in the service, they were

students who had been studying there. We met everybody, it was

such a friendly warm environment, just the sort of thing you are not

used to at home at all. They were so natural there. The whole feeling

was not a pressure feeling, it was not like being in church, there

wasn't pressure, it was a feeling of community and celebration, it

was nice. We went to the safari, in the

National Park. Quite close to where we were. We spent one night there.

The The highlight of the trip must have been the safari, it had to be,

I had never seen an elephant in front of me before, I have never

seen a crocodile, I have never seen a hippo standing in my porch before.

That was just unbelievable. It was, you know, you have to do it, to

realise just how great it is. You see these elephants on TV, you see

all these animals on TV and you think it is an elephant. You are

there and properly studying it, thinking, asking questions, how it

lives, how the families stick together and stuff like that. There

is so much you can learn just from the safari itself. When you are

right up with nature and the animals, the experience is one

where you feel alive. It was an absolutely amazing thing on the

trip. It was quite distressing at point

to see the poverty that people were living in. We went down to Sang ani,

which is a village nearby us, one day, for a kind of big scout event,

there was games and things. Some smart fool decided to bring our

lunch down with us as well. We were sitting having to eat this lunch

next to this massive crowd of children, five or six years old,

who were just longingly looking at us eat this food, it was horrible.

But we couldn't give any food to them, because there was so many of

them, if you gave some to one you would have to give it to all of

them. We had spare fruit and we had three bananas left, one of the

leaders was saying we could give the bananas out to the kids, it

seemed like a good ideas, we are not going to throw it out. We will

give it to them. Before we had even said, they must have just heard the

word "kid" as they will give the bananas, out, there was three left

and 100 kid, there was a stampede, they charged and grabbed them, I'm

pretty sure they grabbed the basin they were in as well. I was taken

aback. It became clear that these people do not live in the best

circumstances. That just told the whole story itself.

That was probably the moment I realised how much poverty there was

in the country. Packing to come home was a bit of a

somber experience, nobody wanted to do it, we all postponed it to the

last minute. We were all told to get it done the day or two days

before we left. Everybody was doing it the afternoon, the morning we

were meant to be leaving. It was kind of sad thinking that

you are going to be leaving the next day, and that you are packing

to go, after being there for so long.

Seeing the way that people live in Malawi, it certainly made me

appreciate what we have in this country. You don't appreciate what

you have, running water in your house, or that you have all these

electrical appliances, constant intermittant -- constant, not

intermittant electricity, and even having enough room in your entire

house for your family, some people don't have that. It is eye-opening.

Whenever we travelled throughout Malawi, that was when we had the

opportunity to see the conditions and poverty that people were living

in. You hear about stuff all the time at home, although we were

staying near the city in Malawi, we weren't living in an area of utter

deprivation, but definite signs there. It didn't seem to be

affected the community too much, but it was quite striking seeing

conditions you just weren't used to seeing, to actually about there, it

was real, and it was quite shocking, the conditions, the houses, that

kind of thing. It was eye-opening, it was spectacular, difficult, but

completely worth it. I would definitely do something like it

again. I think you have changed within myself, I have gained

discipline and friends for life, definitely. I have changed in a few

ways, but I think I have changed in a way, as in my discipline has

changed. I'm much more disciplined, I'm well into following through

with things. I think one of the things I was really hoping would

happen before I came was that I would feel like I would be more

capable, coming home that is definitely it, I feel like I'm much

more capable, and I am able to go out and achieve these you unkinds

of things. It was more self- confidence, it was an eye-opening

experience. Commitment, I'm very committed to helping people now,

giving people assistance. Being in Malawi, seeing how much small

things can benefit people, as in a pipe to a maize mill, that will

secure their income to the campsite, because they will have wart Tory

use in the maize mill, that helps thom to a huge extent. You just

have to be committed and realise the small things can help. I would

say I feel much more confident now, especially to pursue these goals in

the future, somewhere that feels so alien, it can be nerve racking,

because there are no points of familiarity, it is just such a

surreal experience, really. Now I feel I have the confidence that I

can go and do this kind of thing. think I will just miss the