Tom Jones & Rob Brydon: One Big Night for Children in Need

'Coming up in tonight's show...'

"He's 22, he's single and he's a coal miner."

The words used to describe which married 24-year-old

who'd never been down a mine in his life?

-LAUGHING:

-Tom Jones.

Correct.

BIG BAND MUSIC PLAYS

Are you ready? BUZZER

The word is "shower"...

# Come along, little children, come along

# While the moon is shining bright... #

-# She says baby

-Baby

# Everything is all right

-# Uptight

-Uptight

# Outta sight... #

-# Sometimes

-Sometimes

-# I feel

-I feel

# Like I'm heaven bound... #

# Then he strikes...

# Like Thunderball...

# Ba-a-a-a-a-all! #

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

-Well, here we are. At the Jobcentre.

-Yes, here we are, yes.

Oh, dear.

-What?

-Oh, look at this.

-What is it?

We've got a 75-year-old male just made redundant.

Oh, no! 75!

-Yes. Oh, and Welsh!

-BOTH:

-Ooh!

-Oh! A double whammy.

-Mm.

What was his job?

Well, it doesn't sound difficult.

According to this form he's filled in,

he had to spin round in a chair...

..a couple of times a week, and press a button.

Press a button? At his age it's probably a panic alarm!

SHE CHUCKLES

-What...?

-Yes? Oh! It says here he's a bit of a singer.

-Well, aren't we all?! Let me see that.

-Yes, yeah, all right.

-Let me see...

-What else... What else is on his CV?

-It says he's from coal-mining stock.

-What's... What's a coal mine?

-Says he went to the top of the charts.

-What's... What's the charts?

-Has been...

-Well, that's obvious!

No, no, let me finish. LAUGHTER

Has been one of the highest earners in show business.

-AUDIENCE:

-Whoo!

-Friendly with Elvis, Sinatra and U2?!

-Is he deluded?

-Deluded?

He's away with the fairies. But it's what we're here for.

-Should we get him in?

-Well, all right. All right.

CHEERING

But you can deal with him because you seem to understand "the Welsh".

Yes, funny that.

CHEERING

MUSIC: Mama Told Me Not To Come

AUDIENCE CLAPS TO A BEAT

# Want some whisky in your water? Sugar in your tea?

# What's all these crazy questions they're asking me?

# This is the craziest party that could ever be

# Don't turn on the lights cos I don't wanna see

# Mama told me not to come

# Mama told me not to come

# She said

# "That ain't the way to have fun, son"

# Open up the window Let some air into this room

# I think I'm almost choking from the smell of stale perfume

# The cigarette you're smoking scares me half to death

# Open up your window and let me catch my breath!

-# Mama told me not to come

-Mama told me not to come

-# Mama told me not to come

-Mama told me, she said

# "That ain't the way to have fun, son"

# "That ain't the way to have fun, son, son, son"

# The radio is blasting Someone's knocking at the door

# Looking at my girlfriend She just passed out on the floor

# I've seen so many things I ain't never seen before

# Don't know what it is but I don't wanna see no more

-# Mama told me not to come

-Mama told me not to come

-# Mama told me not to come

-Mama told me, she said

# "That ain't the way to have fun, no"

# "That ain't the way to have fun..."

# "Son"

# Mama told me, Mama told me Mama told me, Mama told me

-# Mama told me not to come

-Mama told me not to come

# "That ain't the way to have fun, son"

# "That ain't the way to have fun"

# "That ain't the way to have fun, son"

# "Ah, that ain't the way to have fun"

# "That ain't the way to have fun, no"

# "That ain't the way to have fun"

# "That ain't the way to have fun, son"

# "That ain't the way to have it"

# Mama told me, Mama told me Mama told me, Mama told me

# Mama told me

# Mama told me not to come

# "That ain't the way to have fun, son"

# "Ah, that ain't the way to have fun"

# "That ain't the way to have fun, son"

# "That ain't the way to have fun"

# "That ain't the way to have fun"

# Oh, no, no, no... #

HE LAUGHS

# Maybe you should have listened. #

CHEERING

Yeah!

-Whoo! Thank you!

-CHEERING

Whoa!

-Whoa!

-Yes!

-How about that?

-How about that?

Whoa, hello, everybody!

Welcome to One Big Night For Children In Need!

CHEERING

It is a wonderful evening of music and comedy

and people are already calling it the Welsh Woodstock.

-I'm Rob Brydon...

-And I'm Tom Jones.

CHEERING

Now, the reason that we're all here tonight

is to support the incredible work of BBC Children In Need

and we have a deal for you.

We're going to lay on a feast of music and comedy

and all we ask is that you show your appreciation

by making a donation if you can.

You can choose to donate £5 or £10 tonight.

Or...

Texts will cost your donation plus the standard network message charge

and all of your donation will go to Children In Need.

So, it's One Big Night here at Wembley Arena

and I've always wanted to say this...

Hello, Arena!

CHEERING

And, wow, this is one big room,

-but, Tom, you've played here loads of times, haven't you?

-Yes, I have.

And I must say, it's great to be back.

-CHEERING

-Thank you.

You know, I've never played here before.

The last time I was in a room this size was in America.

I was at a huge sporting event.

-I tell you what they did there, Tom...

-Yeah.

They turned the camera on the crowd.

Oh, yeah. Like a kiss cam?

A kiss cam. Yes, a kiss cam.

Sounds like baby talk between the Prime Minister and his wife...

Ooh-uh-uww-uww! TOM LAUGHS

-But it's... It's a horrible thought, isn't it?

-Terrible.

-It's not.

It's just a way of breaking the ice at huge gatherings like this.

Quite simply, if the camera spots you -

cos, yes, we are going to do it -

and you see yourself up on the screen,

you have to kiss the person next to you.

OK?

Now then, Tom.

Is there anything in your huge repertoire that would suit

a kiss cam?

Uh, let me... Well, how about this?

MUSIC: Kiss

# You don't have to be beautiful

# To turn me on

# I just need your body, baby

# From dusk till dawn

# You don't need experience

# To turn me out

# You just leave it all up to me

# I'll show you what it's all about

# You don't have to be rich to be my girl

# You don't have to be cool to rule my world

# Ain't no particular sign I'm more compatible with

# I just want your extra time and your...

# Kiss!

# You gotta not talk dirty, baby

# If you wanna impress me

# You can't be too flirty, mama

# I know how to undress me

# Let me be your fantasy

# And maybe you could be mine

# You just leave it all up to me

# Girlfriend, you know that we could

# We could have a good time

# You don't have to be rich to be my girl

# You don't have to be cool to rule my world

# Ain't no particular sign I'm more compatible with

# I just want your extra time and your...

# Kiss!

# I think you'd better play now... #

Come on!

Whoo!

Yeah!

CHEERING

Huh!

Huh-huh.

# Women and girls rule my world

# I said they rule my world... #

LOUD CHEER

# Act your age, mama Not your shoe size

# And maybe we could do the twirl

# You don't have to watch Dynasty

# To have an attitude

# You gotta leave it all up to me

# My love will be your food

# You don't have to be rich to be my girl

# You don't have to be cool to rule my world

# Ain't no particular sign I'm more compatible with

# I just want your extra time and your...

# Kiss! #

CHEERING

Wow!

HE LAUGHS

Wow, David Walliams.

Not only a great kisser, but as I just found out,

able to squeeze the words "I love you" into a single burp.

Rob, wait a minute, wait a minute.

-I don't want to interrupt anything romantic...

-No.

..but, um...

Why don't we tell the good people why we're really here tonight?

Well, we've got to be somewhere, Tom.

-Please be serious, Rob.

-Sorry, Tom.

There is a fantastic reason that we're here with you all this evening

and it is to raise money,

as much money as we possibly can for children who really do need our help.

And we're going to start

by telling you about an incredibly brave little girl called Alana.

Hello, I'm Alana.

I like to dance, I like to do gymnastics.

Alana's always been this... This wee dynamo.

She loves being around people, full of energy.

I really love karate.

Hi-yah!

Growing up, Alana did have eczema.

Lots of people have it, you treat it,

and you just go on living your life quite happily.

Three, two, one...

But in 2014, Alana's eczema took a dramatic turn for the worse.

She woke up one day, pretty much her whole body was red.

Some parts of her skin looked like

they'd been scalded with boiling water.

It's a lot more serious than people might think it is.

But it was, it was eczema.

Alana's eczema was so severe she was admitted to hospital.

I was just, like, really itchy and I couldn't stop.

It felt like there wasn't any skin on my arm.

It's horrible. People should never experience that in their life,

that their child's in so much discomfort

that they're pleading with you to stop the pain.

She became quite self-conscious.

It's not just the skin that's affected, it's her self-esteem,

her self-image.

My eczema did make me cry.

I just wanted to have skin like other people.

HE EXHALES DEEPLY

It really is heartbreaking.

You want to take that pain away from them, but you just can't.

With Alana's skin condition being so extreme,

her family were introduced to Eczema Outreach Scotland,

a Children In Need supported charity who help families living with eczema.

It's quite hard to understate the importance of

Eczema Outreach Scotland

and the impact they've had on our family -

engaging with other parents

that understand our fears and our worries.

So, today, we're going to have a think about how our eczema makes us feel.

-I'm going to draw a hedgehog.

-A jaggy hedgehog?

Yeah.

'I'm not the only one that has eczema.'

There's other children that have it as well, it's not only me.

It just made me feel happy and excited.

She's got her confidence back.

She done a talk at school about eczema.

I got this certificate

for standing up and telling people about my eczema

and telling them that it's not catchable if I just touch you.

It was great. It's like seeing Alana as we know Alana to be.

At the moment, Alana's eczema, it's under control.

She will still have the occasional flare up,

the difference now is we know what to do.

I can pick up the phone,

I can contact someone who can provide that support.

Because if we hadn't become part of Eczema Outreach Scotland...

..I really don't know, I really don't know where I would be.

There are thousands more children just like Alana all across the UK

whose lives could be helped with a simple donation from you right now.

We've made it as easy as possible.

You can choose to donate £5 or £10.

Texts will cost your donation plus the standard network message charge

and all of your donation will go to Children In Need.

And please, don't wait to donate.

The sooner that you give,

the sooner we can help another child.

And if that wouldn't be reward enough for your donation,

we have something very special for you now,

as Tom is joined by the brilliant James Morrison!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

MUSIC: A Place In The Sun

# Like a long, lonely stream

# I keep runnin' towards a dream

# Movin' on

# Movin' on

# Like a branch on a tree

# I keep reachin' to be free

# Movin' on

# Movin' on

# Movin' on

# Bah-bah, bah-bah, bah, cos

# There's a place in the sun

# Where there's hope for everyone

# Where my poor restless heart's gotta run

# There's a place in the sun

# And before my life is done

# Gotta find me a place in the sun

-# Yeah

-Yeah

# Like this tired, troubled earth

# I've been rollin' since my birth

# Movin' on

# Movin' on

# Like an old dusty road

# I get weary from my load

# Movin' on

# Movin' on

# Movin' on

# Gotta keep movin'

# Cos there's a place in the sun

# Where there's hope for everyone

# Where my poor, restless heart

-# Gotta run

-I know

# There's a place in the sun

# And before my life is done

# Gotta find me a place

# In the sun

-# I said baby

-Baby

# Everything is all right

-# Uptight

-Uptight

# Outta sight

# Baby, everything is all right, uptight

# Clean outta sight, I'm a poor man's son

# From across the railroad track

# The only thing I own is hanging on my back

# But I'm the envy of every single guy

# Cos I'm the apple of my baby's eye

# When we go out stepping on the town for a while

# My money's low and my suit's out of style

-# But it's all right

-All right

# Cos my heart is true

# It's uptight, cos my heart is true

-# She says baby

-Baby

# Everything is all right

-# Uptight

-Uptight

# Clean out of sight

-# Baby

-Baby

# Everything is all right, uptight

-# Uptight

-Clean outta sight

# It's not unusual to be loved by anyone... #

Yeah!

# It's not unusual to have fun with anyone

# But when I see you hanging about with anyone... #

Yeah!

# It's not unusual to see me cry

# Oh, I wanna die

-# Nothing's too good for my baby

-Yeah!

-# Nothing's too good for my girl

-Uh-huh!

-# Nothing's too good for my baby

-Whoo!

# Nothing's too good for my girl

# She's a pearl of a girl, I guess that's what you might say

# Cos her folks brought her up that way

# On the right side of the tracks she was born and raised

# In a great big house full of butlers and maids

-# Baby

-Baby

# Everything is all right

-# Uptight

-Outta sight

-# Baby

-Baby

# Everything is all right, uptight

# Outta sight

# Baby

-# Baby, everything's all right

-Baby

-# Uptight

-Baby

# Outta sight

-# Baby

-Baby

-Baby

-Baby

-# Baby

-Baby

-Baby

-Baby

-Whoo! #

-James, how do you feel?

-Extraordinary.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Yeah!

Thank you so much.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Fantastic. How lovely to see two singers in total harmony.

-Well...

-All you need now is three more who can't hold a note,

you could start a boy band. LAUGHTER

Now, then, Tom, it's been a long career.

-Yes.

-Hasn't it?

It has.

A very long career, but I will say this - throughout it all,

you've not put a foot wrong.

-Oh!

-Not a foot wrong.

-Really?

Stylistically, with the clothes,

you've never worn clothing that would now be considered a bit silly,

-a bit foolish...

-No.

..a bit ill-advised.

You've never done dance moves that might look a bit silly,

-a bit foolish, a bit ill-advised.

-No.

And this is not just my opinion.

We asked some young people, some very young people

to check out your moves and your outfits through the years.

-Have a look at this.

-OK.

# Just help yourself to my lips

# To my arms, just say the word and they are yours... #

I think that picture in the background looks a bit like, um...

-I forgot.

-Michael Jackson or Bruno Mars.

-No!

Not a singer, someone's that very popular.

-He reminds me of Elvis Presley.

-OTHERS: Yeah!

-It's, um...

-I think it's Michael Jackson.

THEY LAUGH HYSTERICALLY

It looks like Simon Cowell.

It's David Cameron.

His hair doesn't look like David Cameron.

Yeah, I mean that picture in the background.

# Just help yourself to my lips

# To my arms, just say the word and they are yours... #

I think, um, he likes the girls.

"Oh, hello, love, how are you doing?"

He can only marry one of them.

-Yeah.

-You can't marry all of them. You can't marry a lot of them.

But King Henry did that because he's the king.

# Let me see what spring is like

-# On Jupiter and Mars... #

-LAUGHTER

# In other words... #

His clothes look a bit too tight

and he's probably trying not too wince that they're too tight.

# Darling

# Kiss me... #

ALL: Eurgh!

Whoo!

THEY GIGGLE

THEY HOOT WITH LAUGHTER

-Ooh...

-Wow.

Look at him dance around like a dog.

-Like a dog!

-A monkey! A monkey!

OTHERS: Yeah!

# I have always thought

# That it's a crime... #

He walks like a little old man

that cannot walk any more.

-He looks like...

-He looks like my dad with hair.

I have no idea who he is.

Yo!

Yo!

It's like he's hitting his head, like...

What kind of dance is that?

I think he's famous for doing whatever he's doing right now.

The way he's dancing, it looks like he doesn't know how to dance.

-And he looks like a dude.

-THEY CHORTLE

There, shaking bum, shaking bum!

# That's the way to do it

# Come on, woman! #

THEY GIGGLE

THEY GUFFAW

# Shake! #

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Yes, good evening, everybody,

and welcome to another edition of the BBC's longest-running quiz show,

Name That Tom.

DRAMATIC GAME SHOW MUSIC

Let's meet tonight's contestant. Your name, please.

-Uh, Tom Jones.

-And your specialist subject?

The music of Tom Jones from 1965 to 2015.

Tom Jones, you have two minutes

-on the music of Tom Jones from 1965 to 2015.

-Yes.

Your time starts now.

Which popular singer was born in Treforest, South Wales in 1940?

-Tom Jones.

-Correct.

"He's 22, he's single and he's a coal miner"

were words used to describe which married 24-year-old

who'd never been down a mine in his life?

-GUFFAWING:

-Tom Jones.

Correct.

Whose album, Reload, was reviewed as

"an old man showing off on karaoke night"?

Uh, Tom Jones?

Correct.

Whose album, Reload, has sold over six million copies?

-Tom Jones.

-CHEERING

Correct.

Who was described by one critic as "roaring around disastrously,

"like a three-legged ox in a blindfold"?

Well, Tom Jones.

-Still, three-legged.

-Well, there we are.

LAUGHTER What song is this?

HE SINGS: # It's not unusual... #

-It's Not Unusual.

-Correct.

What song is this?

HE SINGS: # Burning down the house... #

-Burning Down The House.

-Correct.

What song is this?

HE SINGS: # Whoo... #

Uh?

# Whoo... #

"Ooh"?

-I'm going to have to hurry you.

-"Ooh"?

# What's new, pussycat? #

-AUDIENCE:

-# Whoa-oh-oh-oh! #

-Too late, it was What's New, Pussycat?

-Oh, OK.

Which idiot turned down the opportunity to be the first person

to record The Beatles' classic The Long And Winding Road?

-Tom Jones.

-Correct.

Which popular... HE CLEARS THROAT

THEY BOTH CLEAR THROATS

Which popular singer speaks as though he's not sure

if English...is your first... language?

-IN HEAVY WELSH ACCENT:

-Tom Jones.

-Correct!

CHEERING

Which singer... BUZZER SOUNDS

-I've started, so I'll finish.

-Oh.

Which singer is about to go over there and sing Delilah?

-CHEERING

-Tom Jones.

# I saw the light

# On the night

# That I passed by your window

# I saw the flickering shadows

# Of love on her blind

# She was my woman

# As she deceived me, I watched

# And went out of my mind

# At break of day when the man drove away, I was waiting

# I crossed the street to her house and she opened the door

# She stood

# She stood there laughing

# I felt the knife in my hand

# And she laughed no more

# My, my, my

# Delilah... #

Altogether now!

-AUDIENCE SINGS ALONG

-# Why, why, why

# Delilah?

# I, I could see

# That that girl was no good for me

# But I was lost like a slave

# That no man could free... #

Hey!

# She stood

# She stood there laughing

# I felt the knife in my hand

# And she laughed no more

# My, my, my

# Delilah... #

Come on, then!

# Why, why, why

# Delilah?

# So, so before

# Before they come to break down that door

# Forgive me, Delilah

# I just couldn't take any more

# Forgive me, Delilah

# I just couldn't take

# Any mo-o-o-o-ore. #

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Thank you!

Thank you very much.

Thank you.

Last year, Children In Need changed the lives

of nearly half a million children and young people across the UK.

We want to show you a film now about two brothers.

It's a tough watch, but it does show

how even in the most unbearable of times,

music can help to ease the pain.

So let me please introduce you to a wonderful little boy.

His name is Dylan.

And if you just come over here, please.

This is my brother's pyjamas

and someone very clever knitted them all together into a monkey,

because Tyler had died by this point and we didn't need them any more.

-Mum!

-Ooh!

In January 2013, Dylan's brother Tyler was diagnosed

with a rare neurological disease,

infantile metachromatic leukodystrophy.

There is no cure.

Being told that actually he's going to die, that was quite a tough day.

-We were just in total shock, weren't we?

-Mm.

Over the following months,

Dylan and his parents could only watch

as Tyler's body began to shut down.

He couldn't walk and he was struggling to feed himself.

He wasn't able to sit up any more.

He was really in some pain.

That was really tough.

We needed to spend as much time with him

and make his life as happy as possible

-and make lots of lovely memories together.

-Mm.

-Hello, Andy!

-Hi, Dylan, how are you doing?

-I'm OK, thanks.

-This is Andy.

-Nice to see you again.

-I'm being filmed today, Andy.

-I know!

-I'm all hooked up.

-All hooked up?

Andy is a music therapist from a charity called Thomas's Fund.

He first visited the house 16 months ago,

when Tyler was still alive.

My memories of him are wonderful. Just such a precious, lovely boy.

Every time I come to visit Dylan,

Tyler's the reason, Tyler's picture comes out.

It's my brother. He's always in our music.

Tyler loved the chimes, so Andy would set up the chimes

and Tyler would be lying in my arms

and he'd move his arm and it'd brush across the chimes.

He went like this.

CHIMES JANGLE

ANDY: He did, didn't he? He used his hands.

I think he enjoyed his music.

He loved it. Those times I spent with Tyler on my lap

with Andy were just really, really special.

Just over a year ago,

Tyler finally lost his battle with the disease.

He was three.

The doctor came and shone a light into his eyes and said,

"I'm so sorry, he's not alive any more,"

and then my dad carried him out of the house.

He got put into this van

and was taken away.

After Tyler passed away, Andy got in touch and he just asked

if Dylan would like to have some music sessions with him.

-I'm laughing in there!

-ANDY: You're laughing?

When I see Dylan with Andy, I just see happiness.

He just enjoys it so much.

THEY GIGGLE

With your donations, we'd like to help more families like Dylan's

with music therapy.

It's only afterwards that you realise

just how important those times were

and why something like Thomas's Fund has such an important part to play

in the lives of terminally ill children.

-DYLAN:

-I like to think he's just moved countries.

He's still alive, he's just moved countries.

But that's not the case, cos he's really gone to heaven.

Now, a lot of us watch films like that and we want to donate,

but we tend to put it off and then never do anything about it,

so please don't be one of those people, please pick up the phone now.

You can choose to donate £5 or £10.

Now, then, another amazing organisation

supported by Children In Need

is the Chickenshed Theatre Company

and I am delighted to say

that a group of their young performers are here tonight

to perform with Tom and the UK's biggest country music act,

The Shires!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

One, two three...

# You are my sunshine

# My only sunshine

# You make me happy

# When skies are grey

# You'll never know, dear

# How much I love you

# Please don't take my sunshine away

# The other night, dear

# While I lay sleeping

# I dreamed I held you in my arms

# When I awoke, dear

# I was mistaken

# So I hung my head and cried

# You are my sunshine

# My only sunshine

# You make me happy

# When skies are grey

# You'll never know, dear

# How much I love you

# Please don't take my sunshine away

# You told me once, dear

# You really loved me

# And no-one else could come between

# But now you've left me and you love another

# You have shattered all my dreams

# You are my sunshine

# My only sunshine

# You make me happy

# When skies are grey

# You'll never know, dear

# How much I love you

# Please don't take my sunshine away

# Please don't take my sunshine away

# Please don't take my sunshine away. #

-Yeah!

-CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Wow!

I thought I was seeing double then.

You didn't tell me you had a sister.

OK, come along, children, come along.

The moon is shining bright,

so we've got to get on board, down the river float,

and raise a ruckus tonight.

MUSIC: Raise A Ruckus

# Come along, little children, come along

# While the moon is shining bright

# Get on board, down the river float

# Raise a ruckus tonight

# I love my wife, I love my baby

# I love my biscuits dipping in gravy

# Save me the ham and give me the gravy

# I love my biscuits sopped in gravy

# Come along, little children, come along

# While the moon is shining bright

# Get on board, down the river float

# Raise a ruckus tonight

# Now, when I die, won't you bury me deep?

# Put molasses on my head and my feet

# Put those flapjacks in my hand

# All the way to the Promised Land

# Come along, children, come along

# While the moon is shining bright

# Get on board, down the river float

# Raise a ruckus tonight... #

SOUSAPHONE SOLO

# Now some folk say that a preacher don't steal

# Well, I've caught one in my cornfield

# One had a bushel, the other had a peck

# One had a rooster round his neck

# Come along, little children, come along

# While the moon is shining bright

# Get on board, down the river float

# Raise a ruckus tonight

# Come along, little children, come along

# While the moon is shining bright

# Get on board, down the river float

# Raise a ruckus tonight

# Come along, little children, come along

# While the moon is shining bright

# Get on board, down the river float

# Raise a ruckus tonight

# Come along, little children, come along

# While the moon is shining bright

# Get on board, down the river float

# Raise a ruckus tonight

# Why don't we raise a ruckus tonight?

# Come on and raise a ruckus tonight. #

-CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

-Yeah!

How about this?

My new backing group!

There they are.

I am hosting Children In Need this year.

Right. Wh-why...? Why?

Cos they've asked me.

That's why I've lured you here, is to say to you,

"Will you come and be a part of it?"

I thought Terry Wogan did Children In Need.

Terry does the Friday night show. This is the sort of rock show.

This is a big concert.

So he's been relegated?

Cos I think if you play your cards right,

you could be the next Terry Wogan.

IN TERRY WOGAN'S VOICE: If I could inherit

that mantle of whimsy from old Tel...

-IN WOGAN'S VOICE:

-If Rob Brydon thinks

I'm going to pass on the mantle

of Woganville to that young Welsh whippersnapper,

he's got another think coming.

What old Tel doesn't realise is I may come in

and steal it from under his nose.

I shall be doing a much better impersonation of Terry Wogan

than that one that you just did there, Mr Rob Brydon.

So, Terry, he's on the main night. This one is me and Tom Jones.

Me and Tom.

# The old home town

# Looks the same... #

Why does he sing that in an American accent?

-IN TOM JONES'S VOICE:

-As I awake and look around me,

at these four grey walls that surround me

and I realise, yes, I was only dreaming...

You think it should be more Welsh?

IN HEAVY WELSH ACCENT: Then I awake, I look around me,

and I'm not going to lie to you, I realise, o-ho, I was only dreaming.

He doesn't have to do it like that. You're doing it in a silly voice.

You could just do it in a normal way.

-IN WELSH ACCENT:

-As I awake and look around me

-at these grey walls that surround me...

-That's Neil Kinnock!

IN KINNOCK'S VOICE: I awake and look around me...

-I can't do it.

-That's Frank Spencer.

-I know!

-IN FRANK SPENCER'S VOICE:

-As I awake and look around me,

at these four grey walls that surround me,

and I realise... Neil Kinnock would be...

-IN KINNOCK'S VOICE:

-As I awake and look around me,

at these four grey walls that surround me

and I realise I was only dreaming.

# He always runs

BOTH: # While others walk

# He acts

# While other men just talk

# He looks

# At this world and wants it a-a-all

# Then he strikes

# Like Thunderba-a-a-a-all. #

ROB GRUNTS

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

MUSIC: It's Not Unusual

# It's not unusual to be loved by anyone

# It's not unusual to have fun with anyone

# But when I see you hanging about with anyone

# It's not unusual to see me cry

# I wanna die... #

Yeah!

# It's not unusual to go out at any time

# But when I see you out and about, it's such a crime

# If you should ever want to be loved by anyone

# It's not unusual, it happens every day

# No matter what you say

# You'll find it happens all the ti-i-ime

# And love will never do

# What you want it to

# Why can't this crazy love

# Be mine?

# Yeah

# It's not unusual to be mad with anyone

# It's not unusual to be sad with anyone

# And if I ever find that you've changed at any time

# It's not unusual to find that I am in love with you, oh, yeah

# To find that I'm in love with you, oh

# To find that I'm in love with you, oh, yeah

# To find that I'm in love with you, oh, yeah

# I said it's not unusual

# It's not unusual

# It's not unusual

# It's not unusual

# It's not unusual

# It's not unusual

# It's not unusual

# It's not unusual. #

Yeah!

-CHEERING

-Whoo!

Thank you, Dame Evelyn Glennie.

When I was 14, I was really active -

outside all the time,

covered in mud and everything.

I loved to play netball.

I used to horse ride as well. Just loved the outdoors, basically.

She wasn't one to sit in front of the television at all.

She was always a busy teenager.

She helped to look after some ponies

and she did that for three months before we got her her own horse.

I would see her, like, every day

and I could call her and she'd recognise my voice.

You just, like, have a bond.

But one Saturday morning, something happened

that would change the lives of Ashleigh and her family forever.

PHONE RINGS

When I first got the call,

the lady said that Ashleigh had come off her horse...

and I never thought it was going to be that bad.

I just thought of a broken bone.

My life changed within three seconds.

One minute I'm able-bodied

and the next minute I'm on the floor with a broken back

and can't walk.

From here down, I'm, like, completely disabled, basically.

It's not until she came home that it really hit her

about what a life-changing thing she had.

I just wasn't in a good place.

I just was sick of being in a chair

and I was like, "I don't want this to be my life."

14 months after her accident,

she tried to commit suicide.

I'd just had enough.

I just wanted out, basically. I just wanted out.

That's the bit that breaks my heart.

When it's your child, you always want to put it right...

and I can't.

Three years on, Ashleigh's life is a lot brighter.

Things changed when she was contacted by Back-Up,

a Children In Need supported charity

that helps people affected by spinal cord injury.

They've really helped to rebuild her life

and put her back where she should be for a 17-year-old girl.

Back-Up helped me become the person that I was before.

Made me independent, and pushed me to doing stuff

that I never thought that I'd be able to do.

I genuinely don't think I'd be here

if it wasn't for the support that they gave me.

'In 2013 I joined a wheelchair basketball club

'where you can be completely yourself

'and you can have a laugh.'

Get up!

'Because of Back-Up, I've become so happy

'and my future seems really bright.'

Without Back-Up I don't think I'd have the aspirations that I do.

I'm studying law at college.

I want to travel, and I'm just so thankful.

ALL CHEER

Your money can do incredible things,

so please donate and help others be all that they can be -

just like Ashleigh.

You can choose to donate £5 or £10.

MUSIC: Smile

# Smile

# Though your heart is aching

# Smile

# Even though it's breaking

# When there are clouds in the sky

# You'll get by

# If you smile

# Through your fears and sorrow

# Smile and maybe tomorrow

# You'll see the sun come shining through

# For you

# Light up your face with gladness

# Hide every trace of sadness

# Although a tear

# May be ever so near

# That's the time

# You must keep on trying

# Smile, what's the use of crying?

# You'll see the sun

# Come shining through

# If you just smile

# That's the time you must keep on trying

# Smile

# What's the use of crying?

# You'll find that life is still worthwhile

-# If you just smile.

-#

APPLAUSE

-Thank you.

-Oh!

-Oh, what a lovely song.

-Yes.

Yes, a lovely song. And you know what, Tom?

-Charlie Chaplin wrote that song...

-I know.

..and I like to think he had my voice in mind when he did.

Oh! Of course, for one of his silent films?

Well, you'd remember.

HE CHUCKLES

-Speaking of age...

-Yeah.

-It's a big year for both of us -

we've had big birthdays.

-I was 50 this year.

-Wow.

-You were 100.

-Hey!

-75.

-Thank you.

-75, now... APPLAUSE

Yeah, how about that?

So, you're 75, Tom.

I have to ask,

is everything still working?

Yes.

I still have a wee-wee at six o'clock in the morning.

That's good.

Not really, because I don't get up till seven.

Do they still love you like they used to do?

-CROWD CHEERS

-Well...

-That's a question I often ask myself.

-Oh!

But why don't we find out right now?

MUSIC: Why Don't You Love Me?

# Why don't you love me like you used to do?

# How come you treat me like a worn-out shoe?

# My hair's still curly and my eyes are still blue

# So why don't you love me like you used to do?

# Ain't had no lovin' and a-huggin' and a-kissin' in a long, long while

# We don't get nearer, further, closer than a country mile

# Now why don't you spark me like you used to do?

# Say sweet nothings like you used to coo

# I'm the same old trouble you've always been through

# So why don't you love me like you used to do? #

CHEERING

# Ain't had no lovin' and a-huggin' and a-kissin' in a long, long while

# I don't believe you

# We don't get nearer, further, closer than a country mile

# Why don't you say the things you used to say?

# How come you treat me like a piece of clay?

# My hair's still curly and my eyes are still blue

# So why don't you love me like you used to do?

# Why don't you love me like you used to do?

# Why don't you love me like you used to do? #

APPLAUSE

-You liked that, didn't you?

-Lovely.

-I loved it.

Lovely!

Oh, my word.

-Whoa.

-Goodness me, Tom,

that was possibly one of the greatest duets you've ever done.

Possibly.

That's good enough for me.

Tom, over the years you have created wonderful, magical musical moments

with an astonishing array of huge names.

-Shall we have a look at some of your duets?

-Yeah, sure.

-Here we go.

# Good golly, Miss Molly

# Sure like to ball... #

# Every time I think about the bright lights

# I think about you, girl... #

# 16 tonnes

# What do you get?

# You get another day older and deeper in debt... #

# Appears to be a long, mmm

# Yes, it does, yes, it does... #

# The things you say

# You're unbelievable! #

# I'll tell it everywhere I go

# My love for you is true... #

# I saw Uncle John with bald-headed sally

# He saw Aunt Mary comin' and he ducked back in the alley... #

# Lord, but it's cold outside. #

# Na, na, na, na, na

# Na, na, na, na na, na, na, na, na, na

# Na, na, na, na... #

# Sonny

# Thank you for the truth you let me see... #

# You know I'm standing about

# I want you to give me all your love

# All right! #

# You know it's gonna be a good, good night

# I got a feeling... #

# What the world needs now

-# Yeah!

-Is love

-# Whoa!

-Sweet love. #

# Oh, you're mine Yes, you're mine

# Delta lady. #

# Mama told me not to come

# Mama told me not to come

# Do you need anybody?

# I need somebody to love... #

# God only knows what I'd be without you... #

-# Nothin's too good for my baby

-No, no, no

-# Nothin's too good for my girl

-Let me hear you say... #

# Your heart is like a see saw

# Your love is like a see saw... #

# Exactly like you

# Yeah, yeah, yeah. #

APPLAUSE

Well, there's only one way to follow that,

and that's with another duet.

So, please welcome Laura Mvula.

MUSIC: Sometimes I Feel Like A Motherless Child

# Sometimes I feel like

# A motherless child

# Sometimes I feel like

# A motherless child

# Sometimes I feel like

# A motherless child

# A long way

# From home

# A long, long way from home

# Sometimes I feel

# Like I'm almost gone

# Sometimes I feel

# Like I'm almost gone

# Sometimes I feel

# Like I'm almost gone

# And I know my time's not long

# I know my time, it's not long

# Sometimes I feel like

# I'm heaven bound

-# Sometimes I feel

-Sometimes

# Like I'm heaven bound

-# Sometimes

-Sometimes

-# I feel

-I feel

# Like I'm heaven bound

# And I wear a golden crown

-# I wear

-I wear

# A golden crown

# Yeah!

-# Yeah!

-Whoo!

-# Sometimes

-Sometimes

-# I feel

-I feel

# Like my soul is on fire

-# Sometimes

-Sometimes

-# I feel

-I feel

-# Like my soul

-My soul

# Is on fire

-# Sometimes I feel

-Sometimes I feel

-# Like my soul is on fire

-Like my soul is on fire

# And I'm about...

# I'm about to die

-# And I'm...

-I'm...

-# About

-About

# To die

# I'm about to die

# I'm about to die

# I'm about to die

# I'm about to die

# Ain't nobody to love me

# Ain't nobody to hold

# Ain't nobody to squeeze me

# Ain't nobody to stop me

# Ain't nobody to save me

# Ain't nobody to love me

# Ain't nobody to rescue me

# Oh, Laura!

# I'm just a motherless child

# I'm just a motherless child

# I'm just a motherless child

# You're the motherless child

# I'm just a motherless child

# Just a motherless child

# I'm just a motherless child

# Just a motherless... #

APPLAUSE

Whoo!

Wow, that was fantastic!

-Thank you.

-That was wonderful.

-Thank you.

Another excellent duet to add to the collection.

Quite right.

-Now, then, I've had an idea.

-Yeah.

-You and I both love telling stories.

-Yep.

-All right?

-Yeah.

-So, here's what I thought - we could have a story-off,

-a competition.

-Yeah?

-We both tell a story,

the audience has to vote on who tells the best one.

And here's how we do it. We use my random word generator.

-Oh!

-I'm going to hit this button,

-words are going to flash up on the screen.

-Yeah.

You hit the button, whatever word comes up,

we've got to tell a story related to that word.

-OK.

-We've no idea what the word is going to be.

-I'll hit it first...

-Yes.

-..then you hit it to stop it.

-Are you ready?

-I am.

May the best man win.

The word is shower.

-I'll take this one, Tom, I've got an excellent one.

-OK.

Mrs Brydon and I are having a new shower fitted in our home -

but here's the thing.

The fella from down the road who's doing the job -

-Peter Whitley, he's a lovely man.

-Oh.

He's retired now, but he was a plumber

-and a sort of interiors guy, so he can come up any time.

-I see.

He's coming this weekend to do it,

and he's taking out the old shower, and he's told us

-that he's going to be able to keep the glass panel and re-use that.

-Oh.

-So, that's knocking about £50 off our bill...

-Right.

..and he's said that he'll take away all the rubbish

-and dispose of it himself.

-OK.

So, this time next week we will have a new shower.

-Over to you.

-Is that it? OK.

Right...

I was in Caesars Palace in Las Vegas...

CHEERING

..and when I come off the stage, you know, I perspire a lot,

so I jump straight in the shower.

-AUDIENCE:

-Whoo!

So, I was in the shower this night, right?

And as I'm washing my hair with my eyes closed,

I hear, "Uh-huh-huh-huh... "Uh-huh-huh-huh..."

Was it the plumbing?

I thought it was the plumbing, but no.

And then I thought, "Wait a minute, who's this, now?"

So I opened my eyes and the shower head was there,

and the door was there, and right there was Elvis Presley,

-leaning over the shower door...

-CROWD CHEERS

..and he was singing to me in the shower.

-All right.

-So... Right?

-All right.

-OK.

-Is that...? That's your story.

-Yes, yes.

-So, two very good anecdotes.

Let's see which one gets the votes.

So, first of all, if you preferred my rather lovely story

about fitting in the new shower, cheer now.

SCATTERED CHEERS

Mm-hm. OK, good. And if you preferred Tom's, cheer now.

ENTHUSIASTIC CHEERS

-Well, it's 50/50, isn't it?

-It's close.

It's pretty.... We'll call that one a draw. Let's play again.

-Let's get another word.

-All right.

-Cat. I've got a great one. I've got a great one.

-Oh.

We've got a cat called Crumble. He's a little ginger tom...

-OK!

-..and he's a killer, Tom, he really is.

He brings in mice and squirrels.

-I mean, he's brought a parakeet in, Tom, he really has.

-Oh!

-So, this weekend, I'm going down to the pet store.

-OK.

I'm going to buy him an extra bell to put onto his collar

-so that he can warn the animals when they come.

-Wow.

And that is my story for "cat". Over to you.

OK, well, my first manager, Gordon Mills,

he had a zoo in his back garden on St George's Hill in Weybridge,

and he had these tigers

and he thought it was a good idea if I went into this tiger enclosure.

And the tiger would put its paws on my shoulders,

-and that would be a great picture.

-Sorry, we're running out of time.

-So Gordon said...

-I'm going to stop you there, Tom.

-Gordon said...

-So, let's see,

is it my story about Crumble and his new bell?

If you think it's that one, cheer now.

FAINT CHEERS

And if you preferred Tom's...

ENTHUSIASTIC CHEERS

All right, let's play again. Another word.

Hit the... Hit the thing.

-Er, doorbell. Well, our doorbell at home is a lovely doorbell.

-OK.

It goes throughout the house, but the electrical gubbins

-where you actually press it, they're hanging down.

-Oh.

AUDIENCE MEMBER HECKLES So, this weekend... Shut up.

So, this weekend, I am going to buy some duct tape,

-do you know what I mean?

-Yeah, duct tape, I know, yeah.

And I'm going to... All right, don't patronise me.

-All right.

-And I'm going to stick the gubbins back up.

-Our doorbell will be good as new.

-Wow.

-Beat that if you can.

OK.

Well, I was at my house in Bel Air, California...

and I was in the kitchen and my cook hadn't shown up,

so I was in the kitchen by myself.

So all of a sudden the doorbell rang,

and I put the camera on,

because we've got cameras over the gate, you see?

So I looked at the screen

and there in the screen was Michael Jackson's face.

-All right, let's stop there.

-So...

We'll go straight to the vote, we're going straight to the vote.

If you thought it was me... SCATTERED CHEERS

If you thought it was him... ENTHUSIASTIC CHEERS

Yeah, all right. One last one. Hit the thing, Tom.

Hat. Um, I've got a woolly hat, I wear it when it's cold.

Have you got anything for "hat"?

-Have I got anything for "hat"?

-Yeah.

I'll show you right now.

-You ready?

-I'm ready.

MUSIC: You Can Leave Your Hat On

# Baby, take off your coat

# Real slow

# Let me take off your shoes

# I'll help you take off your shoes

# Baby, take off your dress

# Yes, yes, yes

# You can leave your hat on

# You can leave your hat on

# You can leave your hat on

# Go over there and then just turn on the lights

# All the lights

# Come back here, baby

# Stand on the chair

# Ooh, that's right

# Put your arms in the air

# Now shake them

# You give me reason to live

# You give me reason to live

# You give me reason to live

# You give me reason to live

# Yeah, yeah, yeah

-# Ooh

-You can leave your hat on

# You can leave your hat on

# You can leave your hat on

# You can leave your hat on

# Suspicious minds are talking

# And they're gonna tear us apart

# They don't believe in this love of mine

# They don't know what love is

# They don't know what love is

# They don't know what love is

# They don't know what love is

# They don't know what love is

# They don't know what love is

# I know what love is

# Yeah, yeah, yeah

-# Ooh

-You can leave your hat on

# You can leave your hat on

# You can leave your hat on

# You can leave your hat on