Pennod 6 Anita


Pennod 6

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-Sometimes, the modern world

-takes over everything.

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-And top of that take over table

-is phones.

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-Today, none of our phones work.

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-Not one of them!

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-We should be focused on preparing

-Cledwyn Wok's wedding buffet.

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-He's marrying

-Dandan Williams from Llanfair PG.

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-Guess what? Dandan is fluent

-in Welsh and Cantonese.

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-Rather than get excited

-about the wedding...

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-..we were stressing

-about being cut off.

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-Hello?

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-I texted Melangell last night

-to invite her to Cledwyn's wedding.

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-How do I know if she's coming?

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-How do I know if she's coming?

-

-Ask her in real life.

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-No way! It makes me look too keen.

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-I'm trying to act cool.

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-Oh, come on!

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-I want to talk to Eirian Dolwen for

-once, but the phone's not working!

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-Why do you want to talk to Dolwen?

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-Why do you want to talk to Dolwen?

-

-She borrowed my pudding bowl.

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-Use something else.

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-Use something else.

-

-I've got nothing else.

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-I could use Bedwyr's old potty!

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-Better Beds's potty

-than Eirian's bowl.

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-As the proverb goes!

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-You may have noticed that the

-landline and the internet are down.

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-They'll send an engineer to fix it

-in the next 24 hours.

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-That means someone has to be home

-all the time, Dylan.

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-Arthur, I'm not available

-for our 9 o'clock slot tonight...

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-..because our communication

-is in serious meltdown.

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-Plus, Jools, me and Vivs

-are cooking for a wedding reception.

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-Bedwyr's a fast mover!

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-Don't be daft!

-Bedwyr hasn't popped the question.

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-Slowly, slowly catchy monkey

-and all that.

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-He's slow

-and I am one turbocharged monkey.

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-Remember who won the race

-between the tortoise and the hare.

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-Have you been on

-the vanilla Complan again, Winnie?

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-Bedwyr's on Cledwyn's stag do.

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-When he gets home,

-he'll be totally tortoised.

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-If you're not using the iPad tonight

-is it alright if I borrow it?

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-What do you want with my iPad?

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-You don't know how to turn it on.

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-OK.

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-Dyl, this message you sent Melangell

-is all in emojis.

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-You kind of asked her to marry you.

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-Boy+girl = man+bride.

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-What's that one?

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-Sushi.

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-Sushi.

-

-They look like slippers.

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-You asked her to marry you

-and settle down in slippers.

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-FYI, sushi comes from Japan,

-not Llanfair PG.

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-Flippin' heck!

-I've got to get a signal.

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-Whoa! You've got to be here

-for the phone man.

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-Nain will be here.

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-Nain will be here.

-

-No, I won't.

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-I'm going food shopping

-for Dandan and Cledwyn's spread.

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-Jools?

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-Jools?

-

-I'm going with Vivs.

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-Two hands are better than one!

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-Please, Dad!

-I'll end up as a child bride.

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-That's too bad. I can't leave

-Cled's stag arrangements to Dei.

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-Not after what happened

-to Dewi Silage.

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-I've never seen a pig run so fast!

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-Hold on!

-You can't marry when you're 16.

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-You can only join the army

-or buy a moped.

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-No. Little Mermaid and Mulan

-were 16.

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-Snow White was only 14.

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-She could marry Prince Charming

-but she couldn't buy a moped.

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-You put the apple in a sock.

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-You put the apple in a sock.

-

-Who wants a drink before we start?

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-Start? We've nearly finished.

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-I Facebooked, Tweeted,

-phoned, texted and Tindered you.

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-Our landline's down.

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-Never mind.

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-I've ordered the pig.

-A dead one this time.

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-I've booked a surprise for us.

-You'll never guess what it is.

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-It was tricky but

-trust Stan the man with the plan.

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-We'll dress like Boyzone

-and catch the ferry to Ireland.

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-I'm Ronan Keating. Stan, Clive

-and you are the other ones.

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-Cled's Louis Walsh.

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-Cled's Louis Walsh.

-

-Great.

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-When's the next ferry?

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-When's the next ferry?

-

-Tomorrow morning.

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-And when's the wedding?

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-Tomorrow afternoon.

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-Damn! I'm still coming

-as Ronan Keating.

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-Or maybe we go camping

-this afternoon.

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-Or orienteering. Maybe abseiling.

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-Paintballing?

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-Paintballing?

-

-No! My Ronan suit will be ruined.

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-Seven o'clock in here it is, then.

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-Pint?

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-Pint?

-

-Yes, please.

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-Come on, phone and internet fixer.

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-# Wedding.

-We may as well have a wedding

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-# Before the baby comes,

-Have a wedding... #

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-Ha! Yes.

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-One bar. No... yes!

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-Jools, hiya!

-Listen, Melangell texted me back.

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-She sent me a thumbs-up emoji.

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-Does that mean she'll be at the Ship

-or do I have to buy some slippers?

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-Hello?

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-No!

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-Poor Dyl has stayed in all day and

-there's no sign of the phone man.

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-He did call.

-There's a note in the hall.

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-The house was empty when he came

-so he said he'll call again.

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-That rhymed!

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-Ah! Well, the thing is...

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-..I was in the garden.

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-There was a magpie

-attacking a squirrel.

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-It was a red squirrel actually,

-which is a rare creature.

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-I camouflaged myself

-and painted my body black and white.

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-I looked like a massive magpie.

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-I looked like a massive magpie.

-

-Dylan!

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-If you're getting married, you've

-got to learn to be a better liar.

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-Next time, babes, hide the note.

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-How about you walk to the Ship

-to join Beds and help with the stag.

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-Alrigh'?

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-Hang on! If they're having a stag

-why aren't we having a hen night?

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-Because we don't know the bride.

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-Neither does Cledwyn!

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-Guys! I've had an awesome idea.

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-Let's have a brideless hen night.

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-We'll have a spa day,

-but at night...

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-..with treatments, facials,

-manicures and pedicures.

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-I'll fetch my stuff.

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-I can't remember

-when I went on a hen do last.

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-This will be my first

-but probably not my last.

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-How long's it been?

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-How long's what been?

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-How long's what been?

-

-Since you and Bedwyr got together.

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-Eight or nine months.

-Something like that.

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-Mm.

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-What? Stop it, Vivs!

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-Here's the itinerary.

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-We start here.

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-We start here.

-

-The surprise arrives at 9.

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-Who knows where we'll end up.

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-Who knows where we'll end up.

-

-We'll be like the Magnificent 7.

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-Clive, you can phone Cled.

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-Tell him

-to meet us here at 7, on the dot.

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-What time is it now?

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-What time is it now?

-

-Quarter to.

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-.

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-Subtitles

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-Subtitles

-

-Subtitles

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-GIGGLING

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-I turned to him and said...

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-.."Don't be daft, sergeant.

-It's nothing like my garibaldi!"

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-I don't get it.

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-A garibaldi would snap

-if you did that.

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-It goes like this.

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-Dear Melangell.

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-You're texting your girlfriend...

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-..not writing to The Herald

-to moan about Gaerwen bypass.

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-I don't want to sound lovey-dovey.

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-I don't want to sound lovey-dovey.

-

-I never text unless I have to.

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-I gets

-about four texts a day off Bedwyr.

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-Four texts a day?

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-I never knew

-he was such a Valentino.

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-Nothing like that.

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-It's stuff like 'Can you record

-Scrapheap Challenge for me?'...

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-..or 'Have you seen the Ralgex?'

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-He's always been like that.

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-He'd rather muck out a cowshed

-than show his feelings.

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-How do you text Anita?

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-How do you text Anita?

-

-'Hello, my turtledove'.

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-Do you text Anita like that?

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-Do you text Anita like that?

-

-Not Anita - Goodison.

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-Do you text Goodison?

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-Do you text Goodison?

-

-Yes. Hello, my turtledove.

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-Do you want some lovely sausages

-for supper?

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-What does she say back?

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-Nothing. She's a dog.

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-Anyway, she's got no phone.

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-Silly fool!

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-Beds, what do you call her?

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-We don't bother

-with that sort of rubbish.

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-He's nothing like his father.

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-He'd turn to me every morning

-and say...

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-.."Wow! I've woken up

-next to Gina Lollobrigida again."

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-Mike Ranieri

-had a thing about her an' all.

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-Her and Jan Leeming.

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-Mike, your dad, always said to me...

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-.."Amore mio."

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-Lush! What did you say back?

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-I can't remember.

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-Usually something like,

-"Alrigh' or wha'?"

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-He sounds romantic.

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-He sounds romantic.

-

-He was, Vivs.

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-He couldn't be more Italian

-if he was Julius cowin' Caesar.

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-And now you're with an Anglesey lad.

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-Give me Primin Mon

-over the Colosseum any day.

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-Bedwyr's more practical.

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-Julian Caesar

-couldn't fix my strappy wedges.

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-Cled!

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-Our little Cled is getting married.

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-You won't regret it.

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-It'll be the best thing you ever do.

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-Oh, I don't know.

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-I got married once,

-for ten minutes...

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-..at a festival

-in Frisby On The Wreake.

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-It was the worst

-ten minutes of my life.

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-The happiest day of my life was

-when that cow of a wife of mine...

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-..walked out of that door

-to shack up with Elwyn Fish.

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-I could kiss him...

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-..but he stinks of fish!

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-They're nothing but trouble,

-so I keep them at arm's length.

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-Hark at George Clooney!

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-It's better that way.

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-Vivs and I understand each other.

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-The chemistry's there

-but it'd be too complicated.

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-It would be awkward

-because I'd be Bedwyr's step-dad.

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-I'd tuck him in at night and

-take him swimming with his armbands.

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-Bless him.

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-I'd teach him to shave.

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-I'd teach him to shave.

-

-You've really thought about it, Dei.

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-PHONE

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-Hello?

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-Where have you been?

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-You should be in the car park

-by now.

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-Stuck where?

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-Which bridge?

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-There are two of them.

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-OK, I'll come and pick you up.

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-Drat!

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-Elwyn Fish.

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-Can you give me a lift to Borth?

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-I'll buy you another orange juice.

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-Ignore this lot, Dyl.

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-Being married is fluffing brilliant.

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-You'll find out next week,

-when you marry her.

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-Oh! Look at her.

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-She's beautiful.

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-Yes. She's happy, you see.

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-Happiness makes you beautiful.

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-Happiness makes you beautiful.

-

-She misses Mal like crazy though.

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-She loved him so much.

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-Yeah, she'd found

-the love of her life...

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-..and he'd found her.

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-And they did have, you know,

-many of wedded bliss.

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-But you could be with the love

-of your life for 100 years...

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-..and you'd still want

-an extra five minutes, wouldn't you?

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-She's lush, and so is

-our whole Moelfre family.

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-I'll miss them when we go back.

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-Go back?

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-Go back?

-

-Well, yeah.

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-No?

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-So we, like, live in Moelfre now?

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-It's not a suck it and see

-temporary thing any more?

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-Not even now Vivs is better?

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-We've been Gogged?

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-The thing is, I've been

-giving this a lot of thought.

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-When I came here

-I was suck it and seeing...

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-..but now?

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-Oh!

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-You want loads more

-extra five minutes with Beds.

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-He's the love of your life.

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-I thought your dad

-was the love of my life.

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-Then Bedwyr Aled Hughes comes along

-and I'm worried.

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-How many love of your lifes

-can you have in one lifetime?

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-Nine o'clock!

-It's time for Cled's big surprise.

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-Are you ready for her?

-She'll be here now.

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-# Dandan, Dandan, Dandan! #

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-The only thing that's making me

-a bit dubious about it...

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-..is the kind of stripper

-Stan would get his hands on.

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-Dandan's going to kill me!

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-Stan's got contacts.

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-He was in the Theatr Fach Llangefni

-panto one year.

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-He was the front end of the cow.

-Tony Ac Aloma were the back end.

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-Where is she?

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-Hiya, boys!

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-Yes! I got a text.

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-Yes! I got a text.

-

-Eirian's going to strip.

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-What?

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-What?

-

-The wedding's off.

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-Not yours! Mine.

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-Come on then, Eirian.

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-You have told him

-that you love him, haven't you?

0:16:400:16:44

-If he thinks you're not sure...

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-If he thinks you're not sure...

-

-He knows.

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-Bedwyr knows.

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-We're not like you youngsters...

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-..with your BFFs and

-'love you' every two minutes.

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-I don't want to put the horse before

-the cart, like I did with your dad.

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-I opened my heart with him

-and look where that got me.

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-Yeah, but Bedwyr's not like

-Mike Ranieri.

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-You can't compare everything with

-what happened between you and Dad.

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-You love Bedwyr. You said so.

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-Oh, I do. I do.

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-Bedwyr Aled Hughes is the best thing

-that ever happened to me.

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-Ever.

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-I don't want to drag him away from

-his family and friends in Moelfre.

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-But if he wants me

-as much as I want him...

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-..I'm more than happy to stay here.

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-You've really got to tell him then.

-Make it offish.

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-You know you said he was the best

-thing that ever happened to you?

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-That doesn't count me, right?

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-Obvs.

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-You're right though.

-Beds ain't your dad.

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-I will tell him,

-but not until the morning.

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-Not tonight. He'll be too tipsy.

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-Sorry, Eirian.

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-Dei said you were stripping.

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-We've been here all day.

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-I got confused.

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-You and your choir would

-make a killing if you did strip off.

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-Oh!

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-What can I get you?

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-Do I look like the stripping type?

0:18:350:18:37

-Do I look like the stripping type?

-

-No.

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-White wine and soda, please.

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-Dyl!

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-Sorry, Mr Being Married Is The Best

-Thing Ever but my wedding's off.

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-No way! Oh, flaming piddles.

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-And you two were so...

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-Weren't you?

0:18:590:19:00

-You don't know her, Dad.

0:19:010:19:03

-You don't know her, Dad.

-

-No, but it doesn't matter.

0:19:030:19:05

-You'll meet her tomorrow.

0:19:050:19:06

-You'll meet her tomorrow.

-

-Will I? Where?

0:19:060:19:08

-At Cled's wedding.

-That's why we're here.

0:19:090:19:11

-Oh, yes!

0:19:120:19:13

-You'd better get home to Anita.

0:19:140:19:16

-Oh, Anita!

0:19:170:19:19

-Oh! I love Anita.

0:19:200:19:21

-I'm lucky. Aren't I lucky, Dyl?

0:19:230:19:25

-She saved me.

0:19:260:19:28

-Do you like her?

-You do like her, don't you?

0:19:280:19:31

-She's awesome, Dad.

0:19:310:19:33

-I want to ask her...

0:19:350:19:37

-..to stay with me.

0:19:400:19:41

-You know?

0:19:420:19:44

-Stay with me.

0:19:450:19:47

-Have you asked her?

0:19:470:19:49

-Have you asked her?

-

-No.

0:19:490:19:50

-What if she...?

0:19:500:19:52

-Stuff it, I'm going to ask her.

0:19:550:19:57

-I really am going to ask her.

0:19:580:20:00

-In the morning, Dad.

0:20:010:20:04

-In the morning, Dad.

-

-Yes. In the morning.

0:20:040:20:05

-Eirian!

0:20:060:20:07

-Eirian's here! What can I get you?

0:20:090:20:11

-Bedwyr, what shall I do with you?

0:20:120:20:14

-Sit with me and clear your head.

0:20:140:20:17

-No, no.

0:20:170:20:19

-I'm going home to Anita like, innit?

0:20:190:20:22

-'Ow's it goin', brah?

0:20:220:20:24

-Ha, ha, ha! Ha, ha, ha, ha!

0:20:240:20:26

-She's amazing.

0:20:270:20:28

-Ta-ta, Eirian.

0:20:300:20:31

-Lads.

0:20:310:20:33

-Stanley!

0:20:330:20:35

-Elvis!

0:20:360:20:37

-Elvis Heart-breakdown Hotel Presley.

0:20:390:20:41

-Surprise, my eye.

0:20:420:20:43

-Bedwyr Aled Hughes

-is leaving the building.

0:20:440:20:48

-See you!

0:20:500:20:51

-HE GIGGLES

0:21:010:21:03

-It's weird.

0:21:030:21:05

-There are loads of ways

-to communicate these days.

0:21:050:21:09

-It's been a busy day here.

0:21:090:21:11

-The internet is awesome

-for long-distance stuff.

0:21:120:21:16

-But technology can be shambolic...

0:21:170:21:20

-..and make you

-have a nervous crisis.

0:21:210:21:23

-Word to the wise.

0:21:230:21:25

-If you use technology, spell it out.

0:21:260:21:29

-Some people don't need

-to communicate at all...

0:21:320:21:36

-..and others communicate too much.

0:21:360:21:38

-Ugh! Gross.

0:21:390:21:41

-People communicate

-in all sorts of languages.

0:21:430:21:46

-I love you, Dandan.

0:21:470:21:48

-Some people on your contact list

-will never be deleted.

0:21:500:21:54

-Basically, if you want to

-tell someone something...

0:21:580:22:01

-..and they're right there...

0:22:010:22:03

-..just tell them.

0:22:040:22:05

-Once you're conscious, obvs.

0:22:060:22:08

-Is Dandan a vegetarian?

0:22:160:22:19

-You'd better take these

-sausage rolls in your car, Bedwyr.

0:22:190:22:23

-Oh, Anita! You look beautiful.

0:22:250:22:27

-Lush, Mam.

0:22:290:22:30

-Lush, Mam.

-

-I'm not sure about these knickers.

0:22:300:22:33

-They're crawling

-up my Llanberis Pass.

0:22:330:22:36

-You look lovely.

0:22:360:22:38

-PHONES BEEP, RING AND BUZZ

0:22:440:22:46

-Finally!

0:22:460:22:47

-Finally!

-

-Hooray! It's back.

0:22:470:22:49

-Oh, 17 missed calls

-from Aunty Vicky. Standard.

0:22:500:22:53

-Me too. What does she want now?

0:22:530:22:55

-Can I have a quick word?

0:22:560:22:57

-KNOCK ON DOOR

0:22:580:22:59

-That'll be Dei

-with the buttonholes.

0:22:590:23:02

-Hello, Mr Buttonhole.

0:23:050:23:08

-Dei, did you remember

-that pudding bowl?

0:23:080:23:11

-Amore mio Anita.

0:23:140:23:15

-Mike.

0:23:170:23:19

-S4C subtitles by Eirlys A Jones

0:23:430:23:45

-.

0:23:450:23:46

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