Pennod 4 Caryl


Pennod 4

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-Are you ready, boys?

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-I'm going to talk to you now...

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-..but I'm not going to swear,

-like some captains.

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-We've got to f...

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-We've got to

-f-flipping go out there...

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-..and show

-the b-blinking opposition...

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-..just how...

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-..just how s-stupid they are.

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-Oh, ****!

-I didn't want to be captain anyway.

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-My granny treated me last night.

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-She took me to

-The Lloyd George Mahal for a curry.

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-I had chicken tikka masala

-and my gran had chicken and chips.

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-We both love foreign food.

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-How are you, lads and lasses?

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-Welcome back to my online course,

-Music-All.

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-I still can't believe

-I came up with such a superb title!

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-I hope you know what this course

-is about by now...

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-..but even if you're new,

-the title should give it away.

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-Yes, we're dipping a toe into

-the exciting waters of the musical.

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-I've been busy writing the script.

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-In fact, I've been as busy

-as a flea in Dirty Nelly's armpit...

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-..as Nain Rhech would say.

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-Yes, I've been busy day and night

-getting creative.

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-Then I had a brilliant idea.

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-I've asked an old friend to give me

-a helping hand with the lyrics.

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-Who could it be?

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-Can you guess?

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-Our series on Val and Jo Jo Eastman,

-who moved to Mid Wales, continues.

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-As birdsong heralds a new day...

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-..our immigrants from Leicester...

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-..greet the dawn every single day.

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-Yoga awakens the body

-and it calms our souls.

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-Oh, **** the bed!

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-My ******* back!

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-I can't go yoga any more.

-It's too dangerous.

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-What happened, Jo Jo?

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-Don't worry. I have some oil

-and I'll give you a back massage.

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-No, no, no ******* massages!

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-Everyone keeps asking me why

-I insist on wearing the old kit.

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-I have my reasons.

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-This is my lucky kit.

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-I was shown my first yellow card

-in this kit.

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-It's really nostalgic.

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-I love a bit of nostalgia.

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-Nostalgia is important to me,

-it's important to the boys...

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-..and it's important to Wales.

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-And Mam forgot to wash my other kit,

-so this is all I have.

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-Sorry.

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-Did you guess

-what lucky librettist...

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-..will write the lyrics

-for my musical?

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-Well, one of my best friends

-in the whole world...

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-..the double-chaired,

-crown-winning poet...

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-..Tudur Dylan.

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-How are you, Jonesey?

-As crazy as ever?

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-Hello, Sioned.

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-Dyl, I'm here to talk to you

-about my new musical...

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-..and to give you the opportunity

-to write the lyrics for it.

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-I'm a bit busy.

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-I must write an ode by Tuesday...

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-..and I must judge 200 poems

-for the Lampeter Eisteddfod.

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-It won't take you long to do that.

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-We poets work best

-when we're under pressure.

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-That's when the muse hits us...

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-..and we, the chosen ones,

-become its vessel.

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-And I've lost my lucky pen.

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-Write one verse.

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-Once you write it, the rest

-will flow like a referee's nose...

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-..in a game between Antarctic United

-and Liquid Nitrogen City...

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-..as Clever Stanley would say.

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-What's the theme then?

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-Oppression and violence,

-injustice and adversity.

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-The little man under the masters'

-iron fist, hopelessness...

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-..suffering

-and a touch of untimely death.

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-It's ideal, isn't it?

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-They'll be rolling in the aisles.

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-The past, Dylan.

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-Which indeed is our future.

-In the present.

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-Thank you.

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-Hello!

-Thank you for joining us again.

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-It's lovely to have your company.

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-I'm grateful for the happy childhood

-I had in Ffynnongroyw...

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-..and for having

-a brilliant musician as a father.

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-Dad came in handy

-when I wanted to put on concerts.

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-When I was three years old...

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-..I'd appear from behind the

-curtains, ready to headline the gig.

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-Dad was the compere

-and the accompanist.

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-He made Dacw Mam Yn Dwad

-sound like Rhapsody In Blue...

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-..crossed with

-a Rachmaninoff concerto!

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-My audience was made up of Mam,

-Nain and Emrys, my imaginary friend.

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-I'm glad to say

-Emrys is here tonight.

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-Give Emrys a warm welcome.

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-Next, I'll sing

-one of my father's songs.

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-It's one of my favourites too.

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-The 405s are here, to sing Geraint's

-arrangement of Hirddydd Haf.

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-# Ooh-ooh ooh-ooh ooh-ooh ooh

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-# Ooh-ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh

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-# Ooh

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-# Ooh

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-# Ooh-ooh

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-# At dusk on a long summer's day

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-# I go to sleep contentedly

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-# The mild evening air is sweet

-On my bed of roses

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-# At dusk on a long summer's day

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-# Ooh-ooh

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-# The music of birds in the bush

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-# Is my beautiful lullaby

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-# Such wonderful notes

-Before the stars appear

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-# A song of praise for the summer

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-# At dusk on a long summer's day

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-# I go to sleep contentedly

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-# The mild evening air is sweet

-On my bed of roses

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-# At dusk on a long summer's day

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-# Ooh-ooh

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-# Through the thin and clear air

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-# I can hear the leaves rustling

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-# And the babbling brook

-As it flows along

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-# Sounds just like a harp,

-yes indeed

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-# Yes indeed

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-# At dusk on a long summer's day

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-# I go to sleep contentedly

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-# The mild evening air is sweet

-On my bed of roses

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-# At dusk on a long summer's day #

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-There's basil, lavender

-and Roman camomile in this oil.

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-I'll rub it

-deep into Jo Jo's muscles.

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-Ah!

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-Ooh!

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-I can feel your tension, your knots

-and your pain.

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-**** Val!

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-Be gentle, Val! Be gentle!

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-In order to get rid of his tension

-and knots...

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-..I've carried out some research

-on Jo Jo's behalf.

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-I've discovered

-a different type of yoga.

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-Laughter yoga.

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-Have you heard of laughter yoga?

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-No?

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-It's good.

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-Come! Join us.

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-They've trained hard

-but we've trained harder, yeah?

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-Yeah!

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-First phase ball,

-then smash them in the rucks.

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-Yeah!

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-Win the scrum and score tries.

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-Win the scrum and score tries.

-

-Yeah!

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-Now then, a couple of things.

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-I'm not going to name names...

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-..but someone

-keeps stealing my deodorant.

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-That's fine, as long as

-you put it back in my bag, yeah?

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-I'll tell you who was sitting

-on the next table.

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-Maldwyn Roids, that hard man.

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-He was eating a vindaloo.

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-He gave me a forkful.

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-Hot or what!

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-It took the skin

-off the top of my mouth.

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-It's break time.

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-Let's have a cup of dandelion tea

-and sing an old folk song.

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-Oh, ****!

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-.

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-Subtitles

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-Subtitles

-

-Subtitles

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-Squeeze, after three!

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-One, two, three!

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-Squeeze!

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-A little something for you, Veloria.

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-A little something for you, Veloria.

-

-What is it?

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-A cabbage?

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-A cabbage?

-

-From my garden.

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-I know what you're going to say!

-Don't look at me like that!

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-Gardening isn't

-an old woman's hobby.

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-Rob and I love it and the veg

-tastes much better than shop stuff.

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-It takes me back to the old days.

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-Gardening keeps us fit and we're

-saving a fortune on our food bills.

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-We didn't care about the garden

-but we're hooked, Veloria.

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-Well, well, well!

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-You're right.

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-There's nothing better than a garden

-that's full of... stuff.

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-I was sitting on the patio recently

-looking at our garden.

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-I said, "Geoff! Look at this garden.

-It's a disgrace."

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-Geoff made a couple of phone calls.

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-One of his clients

-is a landscape gardener.

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-Geoff struck a deal

-with this designer chap.

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-He's going to do our garden,

-Annabel and Justin's garden...

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-..and Geoff's offices.

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-Geoff is also going to

-send him out to Gran Canaria...

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-..to do the garden at the villa.

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-He's only going to charge 50,000

-instead of 80,000!

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-That includes the water features,

-so we'd be mad not to go for it.

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-And I got a voucher

-at the supermarket the other day.

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-Two for one on the aubergines.

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-That's me all over -

-I'm a real bargain hunter.

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-Are you ready, Jo Jo?

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-Are you ready, Jo Jo?

-

-Not if it's going to hurt, Val.

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-Ha, ha! It won't hurt!

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-Oh, I've already broken

-one of the rules.

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-In laughter yoga,

-there's no motive for the laughter.

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-No jokes, no childish acts

-and certainly no humour.

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-Voluntary laughter...

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-..offers the same physical

-and psychological benefits...

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-..as involuntary laughter.

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-That's ******* hilarious!

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-Jo Jo, show some restraint

-and adopt a good attitude.

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-Now then, look me in the eye...

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-..and wait for the laughter to come.

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-Ready?

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-I can't feel the laughter.

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-But it will come to you, Jo Jo.

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-Laughter will come.

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-Laughter yoga allows more oxygen

-to flow to the brain...

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-..when you include

-yogic breathing...

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-..which produces deep breathing

-from the diaphragm.

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-This is getting to be

-a right side-splitter, isn't it?

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-What can't we watch Tommy Cooper

-on DVD or something, for **** sake?

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-Because we don't have

-a DVD player, Jo Jo!

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-Now then, let's try that again.

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-Ready?

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-DOOR CLOSES

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-Ta-ta, Brenda! I hope those boys

-behave themselves from now on.

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-Who are her boys?

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-You know who they are.

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-They're always in trouble.

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-They gamble, they get into fights

-and they steal money.

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-One of them was riding his bike

-through Rhos the other day...

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-..and some girl

-was sitting on his handlebars.

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-If there's any mischief afoot,

-they're always at the centre of it.

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-Who are they then?

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-You know.

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-Bobby and Billy Flipchart?

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-Bobby and Billy Flipchart?

-

-No, you fool!

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-Good-looking boys.

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-Oh, I know!

-Quentin and Tarquin ap Gorllewin.

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-They model for Hugo Boss.

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-No, you know! The two who jumped off

-the train in Shrewsbury.

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-Oh, I know! Butch Cassidy

-and the Sundance Kid.

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-That's them!

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-Ooh, they're naughty!

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-But they're not bad boys.

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-When it comes to breaking the law...

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-..they know their stuff.

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-DYLAN PLAYS A COMPUTER GAME

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-Robin the servant

-is led onto the ship in chains.

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-This ship will take him on a voyage

-to the other side of the world.

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-Leusa, our heroine...

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-..evades the clutches of the squire,

-Sir Quentin Blenkinsop-Smythe.

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-She throws herself at Robin

-and she dies there, in his arms.

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-But then she gets up to her feet

-to sing the finale.

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-And listen

-to the title of the show, Dylan.

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-You won't believe how clever it is!

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-O Walia I Awstralia.

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-Isn't it astonishing?

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-Listen, Sioned, here's something

-I've already written.

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-It will be fine for the first verse

-of your musical's finale.

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-You can adapt it to fit in

-with your... um, original story.

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-Here it is.

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-Today weeps

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-Tears fall like the rain

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-Weeping for a tomorrow

-Which will never come.

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-My brother went on holiday to India

-last year.

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-He fancied a curry, so he went to

-a place which claimed to serve...

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-..the hottest curry in town, no,

-the hottest curry in India...

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-..no, sorry,

-the hottest curry in the world.

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-He looked inside...

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-..and everyone was eating

-the hottest curry in the world.

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-People collapsed

-because it was too hot.

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-One bloke died!

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-I thought something like this

-would be more... fitting.

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-As you drag your body

-Wearily in chains

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-And the blisters of brutality

-Burst on your feet

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-And as the masters cruelly continue

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-I shall perish

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-In those droplets of your blood.

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-Do you know what, Sioned?

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-I think

-you've got something special there.

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-You should use it.

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-I'll never come close

-to writing something like that.

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-That's what I was thinking too,

-to be brutally honest.

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-And I know I can be honest with you.

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-Thank you for admitting it.

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-Only a real man can admit

-to being out of his depth.

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-DYLAN PLAYS A COMPUTER GAME

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-The secret of a long career

-is to take care of yourself.

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-We do that with protection.

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-Head guard, obviously.

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-Gumshield.

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-Pads. Padding.

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-Every rugby player's secret weapon

-is taping and strapping.

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-Use strapping everywhere.

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-Your wrists, your elbows...

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-..your knees and your ankles.

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-Everywhere.

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-The boys say, "Cams! Cams!

-You're going over the top again."

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-I say, "Boys!

-You can't be too careful."

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-At the end of the day,

-a fit Cameron is important for me...

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-..it's important to the boys

-and it's important to Wales.

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-My brother said to the waiter,

-"Come on! Let's have it!"

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-The waiter came

-with a plateful of curry.

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-"Not hot enough!" said my brother.

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-"Bring me a hotter one."

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-The waiter did that.

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-"Not hot enough! Bring me

-a hotter one," said my brother.

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-He did that.

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-"Not hot enough!

-Bring me a hotter one!"

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-The waiter said, "Sorry. We can't

-make a hotter curry. Try this."

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-He tried it.

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-"This one's OK," said my brother.

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-Do you know what it was?

0:20:300:20:32

-Lava!

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-Lava!

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-Lava! My brother actually ate lava!

0:20:380:20:41

-No way!

0:20:410:20:42

-Yes way.

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-I now know what I was doing wrong.

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-We need more people...

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-..so our friends and neighbours

-are here to join us.

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-Because of the dynamic

-within the group's behaviour...

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-..the laughter will increase

-in volume for no reason.

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-It's pure laughter.

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-Foot rot

-was more of a laugh than this.

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-Are you ready?

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-No humour. No jokes.

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-No childish behaviour.

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-Just pure laughter.

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-I'll begin.

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-JOJO BREAKS WIND

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-LOUD LAUGHTER

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-Keep going. You're fine.

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-You're not taking me anywhere nasty,

-are you?

0:22:110:22:15

-No, no! Left a touch.

0:22:150:22:16

-Alright. Ta.

0:22:170:22:19

-Straight! Keep going!

0:22:200:22:22

-Keep going!

0:22:220:22:23

-S4C subtitles by Eirlys A Jones

0:22:530:22:56

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