Pennod 3 Caryl


Pennod 3

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-I don't know if it's just me, Ffi,

-but this colour's so lush on you.

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-Yeah, it is. What's it called again?

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-Midnight Fumble.

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-Oh, yeah. That's my best colour.

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-Alright, byt?

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-Cameron Jenkins

-is in our spotlight this week.

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-He's a successful international

-though he's yet to play a game.

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-That's because he suffered a serious

-injury - a dislocated finger.

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-Not too heavy on the mascara!

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-Influences.

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-Ooh! Influences.

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-Sorry, what does influences mean?

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-Can I do superstitions instead?

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-Cameron, do you have

-any superstitions before a game?

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-Superstitions?

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-Yes, I've had a few superstitions.

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-At one time, I refused to play

-on a Saturday or a Sunday.

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-I sometimes refused to play

-on a Friday night too.

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-I felt that held my career back

-a little bit.

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-When I tell you the next rule

-is called Not A Chance Of A Dance...

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-..you'll know

-exactly what I'm about to say.

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-The truth is there's no need for

-dancing in a Welsh-language musical.

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-But, and this is

-a very important but...

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-..there are three moves

-which must be included at all costs.

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-Remember to warm those muscles

-and check with your doctor...

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-..before you attempt these moves.

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-The first move is called

-Appealing Arms.

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-Arms outstretched.

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-Move the hands up and down,

-whilst scrunching the face...

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-..as though you were

-about to break down and cry.

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-You usually perform this move...

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-..when you beg for fairness

-and justice from the squire.

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-DOOR CLOSES

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-Ta-ta, Duncan! I hope you're not

-in that surgical collar for long.

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-Remember Trevor Dollop?

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-He had to wear one of those.

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-The poor man was in agony for weeks.

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-What happened to him?

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-Do you remember when Trevor and I

-went to that lovely concert?

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-I must have told you about it.

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-Lovely costumes

-and everyone wore masks.

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-Cirque Du Soleil?

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-No, you fool!

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-These did music too.

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-I know! The masked ball, when you

-went to see Sleeping Beauty.

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-No, I didn't go there

-with Trevor Dollop!

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-I went there with Bernie Strimmer.

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-Do you remember?

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-Yes, I remember.

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-Ever since he saw that ballet, he

-comes here every week to buy tights.

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-American Tan, 20 denier.

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-So how's life for you

-since... you know.

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-Saunders.

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-I really miss him.

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-Weirdly, I don't.

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-His yapping

-literally sent me mental...

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-..and his breath was so stinky!

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-Mam is totally in mourning though.

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-She should see a counsellor.

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-It's really good to talk.

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-Counsellors are like awesome

-coz they speak like really clearly.

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-They like choose

-the right like word.

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-Your mother will literally

-be like a new woman.

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-Yeah, that's good

-but I had a total brainwave.

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-We're getting her a new pet.

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-Oh, cute!

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-Oh, cute!

-

-Not a dog. That would be too harsh.

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-A kitten. Dad's picking it up later.

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-What colour?

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-What colour?

-

-Grey.

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-Name?

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-Name?

-

-Nothing too obvious.

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-Rihanna?

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-Rihanna?

-

-No.

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-Cameron, what music do you listen to

-before a game?

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-I'll let you in on a little secret.

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-When you see the boys coming off

-the coach before a match...

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-..with headphones on their ears...

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-..they're not plugged in.

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-They're not listening to anything.

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-I listen to music.

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-It helps get me going.

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-I like things like...

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-..Amarillo.

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-# Is this the way to Amarillo?

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-# Dum-dee-dum doo-be-doo pillow #

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-Oh, I remember who was

-at the concert!

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-Slipknot.

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-Oh, they were lovely.

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-Trevor strained his neck

-in the mosh pit.

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-Slipknot know their stuff.

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-Yes.

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-It was a lovely concert.

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-I'll tell you

-who was supporting them.

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-Anthrax, Testament,

-Cannibal Corpse...

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-..and Iron Maiden.

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-Smashing!

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-Yes, they were lovely but

-they're not a patch on Megadeth.

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-You're right.

-Megadeth know their stuff.

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-Countdown To Extinction

-is a classic of our time.

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-MEGADETH - SYMPHONY OF DESTRUCTION

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-Eigra maybe.

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-Fluffy?

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-Fluffy?

-

-That's not obvious at all!

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-Something like Morfudd or Dyddgu.

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-Lady Furball!

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-Gwyneth.

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-Gwyneth.

-

-As in Paltrow?

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-No, as in Lewis or Glyn.

-It doesn't matter.

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-Jordan?

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-Jordan?

-

-Kate.

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-Jordan, Katie. Whatever.

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-Jordan, Katie. Whatever.

-

-No! Kate, as in Kate Roberts.

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-Oh!

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-I've got it!

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-Holly.

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-Or just Willoughby.

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-So cute for a grey kitten!

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-You're so obvious, Jools!

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-I think it will be something like

-Mererid Hopity Awesome, the kitten.

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-Really?

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-# Swaying to the symphony

-of destruction #

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-The Fist Of Victory.

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-When the peasants either plan a

-rebellion or defeat the landowner...

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-..or when they live in hope someone

-claims victory on their behalf...

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-..dawn follows dusk, the dream of

-a better tomorrow burns brightly...

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-..and freedom is at hand.

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-In these circumstances, you must be

-sure to master the Fist Of Victory.

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-Experienced performers like me

-know it as simply The Fist.

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-Look at your fellow peasants

-and then at the audience.

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-Punch the air...

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-..and smash

-the ceiling of your frustration.

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-Did you see that?

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-Did you feel the passion

-and the burning hope?

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-Watch that move again,

-in slow motion.

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-Isn't it amazing, lads and lasses?

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-Thank you.

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-When my son was little...

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-..he had an 18-month period

-where he didn't speak.

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-It was a sad time for my family

-and even sadder for him.

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-This song

-describes the sunny morning...

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-..when his voice

-and his smile came back.

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-He's more than made up for

-that period of silence.

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-He now sings and plays guitar

-in a heavy metal band!

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-The best words he ever uttered...

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-..were, "Good morning, Mam!"

-on that wonderful day.

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-This is Mor Dawel.

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-# His days were so long

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-# Although life was good

-For those who loved him dearly

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-# So sad in the silence

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-# No words to express his woes

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-# And as the world hurried ahead

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-# With no warning from ourselves

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-# A voice we could not hear

-was asking

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-# What about me?

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-# So quiet

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-# So quiet

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-# Mute minutes spent

-in his lonely world

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-# He was so quiet

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-# So quiet

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-# So loved since his birth

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-# But he was quiet still

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-# Then one morning

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-# Sunlight silently

-crept through the curtain

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-# He awoke from his daydream

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-# A long night ended then

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-# And here now, his sunny smile

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-# Thanks the two of us

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-# Tears of sadness now transformed

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-# Into tears of pure joy

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-# So quiet

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-# So quiet

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-# Mute minutes spent

-in his lonely world

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-# He was so quiet

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-# So quiet

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-# So loved since his birth

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-# He was quiet still

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-# But he was always here #

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-# Ugly ducking

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-# With feathers

-all stubby and brown #

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-See you later.

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-.

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-Subtitles

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-Subtitles

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-So my mother,

-Rhian Carlton Not Obvious Lewis...

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-..has finally chosen a name

-for her new kitten.

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-Her grey kitten.

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-What has she decided to call her?

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-Lleucu.

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-Lleucu Llwyd.

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-Not obvious at all!

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-She's so sad.

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-Veloria, truth be told,

-we'd both gained a few pounds.

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-That's why we decided to start

-walking into town rather than drive.

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-It's only about two miles away.

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-We lost a stone

-in the first month...

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-..and we saved a fortune on petrol.

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-We decided to buy a bike each

-with the money we saved on fuel.

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-That's what we did.

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-We now travel further, keep fit

-and save even more money on petrol.

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-Marvellous!

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-We must take care of ourselves

-at our age.

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-I'd do a lot more walking

-and cycling...

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-..if it weren't for my issues

-up top and down below.

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-I told Geoff the other day

-that I had to do something...

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-..when the zip burst open

-on my Betty Jackson trousers!

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-Geoff made a few calls.

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-One of his clients

-is a personal trainer...

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-..so he came to the house.

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-His name is Grant...

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-..and Pam, I've got to say,

-he's absolutely bloody gorgeous!

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-I keep telling him,

-"Grant, don't push me too hard!"

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-"Sweating is not flattering!"

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-He comes over three times a week

-and he only charges 40 an hour.

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-By the time you pay for petrol to go

-to the gym, you're saving money.

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-I'll use the money I'm saving

-to pay for a little tuck...

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-..as long as it doesn't interfere

-with my unmentionables.

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-Cameron, do you go through

-any rituals before a game?

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-Any rituals?

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-Back in the day, I self-tanned.

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-I waxed my legs and chest

-and shaved too.

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-The latest fashion is being sick.

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-Before a match, I'd be sick twice...

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-..both times in different sinks.

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-In a world where there is no world.

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-Where humanity is but a skeleton

-and the creation is pure poison...

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-..only the strong rise

-from the flames of the Apocalypse.

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-The future of the human race is

-in the hands of the indestructible.

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-The sole survivors

-are people who come from Rhyl.

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-Rosie O'Grady,

-the leader of the fairground people.

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-Marina Lake,

-a lifeguard at The Sun Centre.

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-Dixieland Hughes, trainee assistant

-deputy manager for a phone company.

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-Gaz Top as himself.

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-In a world with no possessions

-and no soul...

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-..only the wise have true vision.

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-Only the wily will prepare.

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-They tell me

-you can get hold of stuff.

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-Who told you?

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-They did.

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-Well, can you?

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-Anything.

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-Medical supplies?

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-Mmm... I 'aven't got

-medical supplies.

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-You got a generator?

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-Yep... no.

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-I 'aven't got one of those either.

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-I got everythin' other than

-medical supplies and a generator.

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-You got medical supplies?

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-We've just done that one.

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-Really? Wicked!

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-We also need to grow food and stuff.

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-Yep, OK!

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-It would be easier if I tell you

-exactly what I 'ave got.

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-A Forever Friends snow globe.

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-Wow!

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-To Be Continued...

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-Can we go back

-to the influences, Cameron?

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-Yes, alright.

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-What was the question?

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-What was the question?

-

-Influences.

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-One person who's had a massive

-influence on my career is my bamps.

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-Bampa Gerwyn.

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-He's my mother's father.

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-Mam couldn't play rugby

-because of the injury.

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-I was the injury.

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-Yes - 13lb 2oz and no gas and air!

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-Bamps lives rugby through me.

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-As Bamps says...

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-..anything I don't know about rugby

-isn't worth knowing.

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-He says that, not me.

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-It makes more sense when he says it.

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-The game is ****** ruined

-since it went professional.

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-It's absolutely ****!

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-These professional players

-are in the gym, lifting weights.

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-And then there's all this rubbish

-about nutrition!

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-All the nutrition those boys need

-is in a pint of Guinness.

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-Protein shakes? B***** ****!

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-Ceridwen, Cameron's grandmother...

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-..made dripping sandwiches for me

-before a match.

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-Plenty of protein!

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-Come on, come on, come on,

-come on, come on, come on, come on!

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-Come on, come on, come on,

-come on, come on, come on, come on!

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-Come on, come on, come on!

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-Alrigh', Ffi?

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-Alrigh', Ffi?

-

-Guess what!

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-What?

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-What?

-

-Mam took Lleucu the cat to the vet.

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-She needed injections and stuff but

-guess what the vet found in her fur!

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-Gooliegogs and a winkle-tinkle.

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-Gooliegogs and a winkle-tinkle.

-

-In your mam's fur?

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-Gross, Jules!

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-No, in Lleucu Llwyd's fur.

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-Lleucu Llwyd is a boy!

-That's funny, right?

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-Finally, The Reaching Arms.

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-At the end of the show, as you reach

-the final lah, te, doh...

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-..it's vital that every member

-of the cast...

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-..including

-the fat, English squire...

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-..stand in rows,

-breathing heavily...

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-..as they wait for the audience

-to give them a standing ovation.

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-The audience

-will get up in an instant...

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-..like a bull in a milking parlour,

-as David John Ear Hair would say.

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-Raise those arms high in the air

-on your final line.

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-# Our day will come #

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-Hold those arms in the air until

-your shoulders scream for mercy.

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-They won't hurt on the night.

-The adrenaline will take care of it.

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-Look to the sky.

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-In other words, look to the future.

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-Hold! Hold! Hold!

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-And down.

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-Bask in that glory!

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-APPLAUSE

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-Everyone will say you were superb...

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-..and they'll be flabbergasted

-there were no TV cameras there.

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-They'll tell you to take the show

-on tour across the globe...

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-..and teach Cameron Mackintosh

-and Lloyd Webber a thing or two.

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-Tip-top, lads and lasses!

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-The rules change every season.

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-That's ******* ****!

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-You can't even stamp on someone's

-head without getting into trouble.

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-When I played, if you didn't leave

-the field with an eye hanging out...

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-..it was a rubbish game!

0:21:360:21:38

-Citing Commissioner? ****!

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-We played an English team in 1953.

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-It was so rough, all we did

-at half-time was burying the dead.

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-I was disappointed

-because it ate into my fag break.

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-Anyway, Lleucu Llwyd

-needs a new name.

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-Lleucu

-is like totes wrong for a boy.

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-Obvs, we must keep the Llwyd...

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-..so our male kitten's new name

-is Alan.

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-Alan Llwyd.

0:22:080:22:09

-Alan Llwyd

-is Mam's favourite thing ever!

0:22:100:22:13

-Not so much me because this morning,

-Alan Llwyd pooed on the landing.

0:22:140:22:19

-He drank out of the toilet too.

-Gross!

0:22:200:22:23

-I told Cameron he should have

-a couple of Woodbines at half-time.

0:22:230:22:28

-They'd open up his tubes

-and help him play better.

0:22:280:22:31

-He said, "Bamps! I've got doctors

-and therapists looking after me."

0:22:320:22:36

-"They tell me what to eat."

0:22:370:22:39

-Therapists? ****!

0:22:400:22:41

-Who does he think he is - Napoleon?

0:22:410:22:44

-People say I must be

-really proud of Cameron...

0:22:440:22:48

-..with all his games for the region

-and for Wales...

0:22:480:22:52

-..and all this television

-and foreign tours...

0:22:520:22:55

-..but I say,

-"No! It's all ****** ****!"

0:22:550:22:58

-Oh, Bamps! Legend!

0:22:590:23:01

-S4C subtitles by Eirlys A Jones

0:23:180:23:21

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