Pennod 1 Hansh

-Subtitles

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-Subtitles

-What's been on Hansh?

-OK, all?

-Another vote. I vote more often

-than I clean the toilet these days.

-Everything's always the same

-after an election in Wales.

-That's why it's called

-a snap election.

-We're guaranteed to cock things up.

-Wales. We are shit.

-Actually, that gives me an idea.

-That's what we'll do this month.

-Fuck. I need this.

-Things That Piss Bry Off

-About Wales.

-Trains.

-Do you like this?

-It's just like the train uniforms.

-Free train travel!

-I need this outfit

-because trains cost a bomb.

-It's 50-50 if they turn up.

-It's 50-50 if they turn up.

-

-"Service cancelled, fault on train."

-They're ancient.

-The one I was on this morning

-took the Beatles to Bangor.

-"The next train was cancelled

-due to a lack of driver."

-Shit show.

-What's wrong?

-Is your tomato too small?

-What you need is Green Maxi Powder.

-Small becomes big

-with Green Maxi Powder.

-A sprinkle of Green Maxi Powder

-and everything becomes big!

-This is the life!

-Why not try it on a banana?

-Or a shoe?

-Or a ball? It works on everything.

-To order your Green Maxi Powder,

-send your coupon...

-..money and an envelope...

-..to Uncle Donald 390.

-Green Maxi Powder.

-A superb product.

-Nice!

-Hello.

-I'm in Llanber today

-to show you a bit of Llanber.

-Or Llanberis,

-as it says on the sign.

-Esyllt Ethni-Jones

-Presents Colon Wales.

-Llanberis is famous for its lake.

-Llyn Padran.

-People can hire a canoe

-or a boat on the lake.

-There's also a cruise ship,

-the Snowdon Star.

-That's where Jonesy works now...

-..as a DJ by night

-and a chef by day.

-The Snowdon Star has two pools,

-five restaurants and a casino.

-But it's expensive.

-60 a night.

-This is Pete's Eats,

-a famous cafe in Llanberis.

-Are you Pete?

-Are you Pete?

-

-Me? No.

-Do you work here?

-Do you work here?

-

-Yes.

-Who's Big Jim?

-Who's Big Jim?

-

-It's a big meal.

-What do I win if I finish it?

-What do I win if I finish it?

-

-Nothing much. A full belly.

-Is there a veggie option?

-Is there a veggie option?

-

-No.

-Thank you.

-This is Dolbadarn Castle

-in Llanberis.

-Who lived here?

-Nobody knows.

-Some say that Sir Bryn Terfel

-started to build it...

-..before giving up

-after the divorce.

-It's not much of a castle, really.

-I wouldn't like to live here.

-I'd prefer somewhere nice,

-like Betws-y-Coed or Ruthin.

-Up there, on top of the mountain,

-is Snowdon.

-It was built for English people.

-The only way up is to walk...

-..or to climb...

-..or by train.

-The mountain

-is one of the biggest in the area.

-On a clear day, you can see America

-from the cafe at the summit.

-Look closely and you could see

-a little American mowing his lawn.

-Who is he? Donald Trump?

-Who knows?

-This is the only theme park

-in Llanberis, the old quarry.

-Slates

-are the only entertainment here.

-If you like slates,

-you'll like the slate place.

-But don't slate it.

-So there it is, Llanberis.

-OK, yeah?

-Let us know

-if you've ever been to Llanberis.

-I'm going to skim this stone.

-Cook It Chris

-Today, I'm cooking beef brisket

-in wraps, with a simple salad...

-..with a life-changing

-chilli garlic sauce.

-With beef brisket, you need

-to put flavour into the meat.

-I use Christopher's Sexy Rub!

-I don't measure stuff,

-I just throw it in.

-Paprika, thyme, coriander, garlic

-powder, dried chillies and cumin.

-I get the rub to stick to the meat

-by using English mustard.

-When you cook it slowly

-for eight hours...

-..the mustard heat goes

-and you just get the taste.

-Just get in there, no messing.

-No spoons, no ladles,

-just get in there.

-You have to put some love

-into the cooking.

-To add more flavour,

-I use rosemary and chilli.

-Make some holes in the meat

-and stuff with rosemary and chilli.

-I add whole heads of garlic.

-I'll show you later

-why I don't peel them.

-Adding water

-helps to tenderize the meat.

-I cook it on a high heat,

-about 220-230 Celsius...

-..for about half an hour.

-The next step

-is to make the barbecue sauce.

-This is the easiest

-barbecue sauce ever.

-The main ingredient

-is tomato ketchup.

-Loads of tomato ketchup...

-..cider vinegar, Dijon mustard,

-Worcestershire sauce, soy sauce...

-..brown sugar, dried thyme

-and chilli flakes.

-Keep this in the fridge

-and the flavours intensify.

-Is that a camera?

-What are you filming?

-The Welsh flag emoji?

-I like emojis.

-They save time, especially for me.

-I'm always busy in this field.

-Ta-ra.

-Roads. We've all been there.

-North to south, in the back

-of a car with a hangover.

-Stop. Pull in.

-If you get stuck

-behind a caravan, well...

-..forget it.

-Pull over!

-Lay-by! You passed a lay-by!

-Fucking hell!

-He's braking now!

-I'll get right up behind him!

-I bet he's English,

-or worse, an eisteddfod-goer.

-Been on the TrawsCambria?

-Livestock goes to market

-in more comfort.

-Never drink on the bus,

-in case you have to use the toilet.

-I had to piss into a Thermos.

-Never again. I'll stick to this.

-Politics.

-Yes, depressing.

-Welsh politics? Words fail me,

-so I'll just act it out.

-Large chips, please.

-It's like Catchphrase.

-Say what you see.

-Yup.

-Cartune. Which song? Which band?

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-Subtitles

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-Subtitles

-Now for the serious business.

-The press.

-Oh! Golwg 360. Here we go.

-Simon Brooks got two tickets

-to a football game?

-For him and his son?

-Oh, well, fucking great!

-I've got two Coldplay tickets.

-Do I need to write a press release?

-And the English ones.

-Rugby, rugby, rugby.

-Rugby, Nigel Owens,

-rugby, Katherine Jenkins...

-That wasn't a tidy one, God, no.

-And the TV news?

-Jamie Owen mangling place-names.

-Llandudno, not Clandydnow.

-I love the new emoji.

-I've got pen pals everywhere.

-Mary from Argentina can't speak

-Welsh and I can't speak Spanish.

-I sent her the new emoji

-and she was disgusted.

-# A fine summer's day

-# Although it's winter in July

-# Red hair

-clashing with the golden sky

-# I loved you so much,

-it was childish

-# Laying awake again

-# Even though my body's tired

-# They say that this

-is the place to be

-# Sitting in the shade of the trees

-# Short shorts, long legs

-# A white T-shirt and a pure face

-# I text you to say goodbye

-# Sit and think about the dawn

-# Laying awake again

-# Even though my body's tired

-# They say that this

-is the place to be

-# Sitting in the shade of the trees

-# Oooh, sunset

-# Oooh, sunset

-# Laying awake again

-# Even though my body's tired

-# They say that this

-is the place to be

-# Sitting

-in the shade of the trees #

-Number five - shitholes.

-Yes, grim places.

-We must admit

-that we have our share of them.

-I'm talking about Llanelli,

-Briton Ferry, Rhyl, Port Talbot...

-..Corris, Cardigan

-and, of course, Bangor.

-Places where birds go to die.

-Eating out in Cardigan

-is using a food bank.

-Places that have given up

-and now only compete...

-..for the most town-centre

-tattoo parlours.

-Places where Greggs

-is the main attraction...

-..and the best place to eat.

-It fucking stinks here.

-Where all you can do at night

-is smoke weed in a bus shelter.

-Where McDonald's isn't an occasional

-treat but a way of life.

-RINGING PHONE

-Hello?

-Hello?

-

-# Richard, Richard

-# Richard Robat Jones

-# Richard, Richard

-# Richard Robat Jones #

-Thanks, Bryn.

-Cover with foil and cook

-for six hours at 130-140 Celsius.

-Six hours later...

-The smell is amazing.

-Six hours of slow cooking...

-..turns food into magic.

-I want to remove

-the chillies and garlic...

-..then I can add

-the sauce I made earlier.

-The force is with me,

-with the way I cook!

-The garlic has cooked

-until it's sweet and soft.

-The strength has gone,

-leaving the natural flavour.

-This now goes back into the oven

-without the foil..

-..again at 130-140 Celsius,

-for two hours...

-..and it'll be amazing.

-Wow!

-After eight hours' cooking,

-you have this.

-The best brisket in the world.

-I could flake this with two spoons.

-It's like butter.

-The outside is charred,

-the inside is so tender and nice.

-The outside is caramelized and hard,

-but that's the part I fight for.

-I'll eat it before serving the food,

-chef's perks.

-Wow!

-I like rugby, the actual game.

-But if you were an alien

-and landed in Wales...

-..you'd think we were...

-..mental.

-We seem to worship an oval object...

-..and spend ages trying to catch it

-while people in fancy dress watch.

-We specialize in tat.

-The news was drooling...

-..because Theresa May

-went for a walk in Dolgellau...

-..and bought coasters at a shop.

-Slate coasters, obviously.

-People won't be happy

-until there's a slate on the moon...

-..with an englyn on it.

-We're famous for some shit things.

-Musical instrument?

-The harp. Shite.

-Cerdd dant? Shite.

-DJ Bry's never had a request

-for Catrin Finch.

-Our most famous food? Laver bread.

-It's only fit for the toilet.

-Italians invented pizza

-and Indians invented curry.

-Us? Fucking seaweed!

-Don't get me started on cynghanedd!

-Today, I'm interviewing

-a proper A-lister.

-This man is an actor, a Welshman...

-..he's been in Pobol Y Cwm

-and in some big Hollywood films.

-Please welcome Mr Fantastic himself,

-Ioan Gruffudd.

-Clap.

-Oh, balls.

-Yws, what are you doing here?

-Yws, what are you doing here?

-

-Who told you it was Ioan Gruffudd?

-This is so disappointing.

-A serious let-down.

-I'd better introduce you, I suppose.

-If you like.

-I'm joined by Yws Gwynedd,

-a carpenter from Caernarfon.

-I thought you wanted

-to go for a pint, not this.

-You must have been the back-up.

-In case Ioan Gruffudd didn't come?

-OK, first question.

-What's Leonardo DiCaprio like?

-I won't lie, most of these questions

-are for Ioan Gruffudd.

-The first four were about Titanic.

-The first four were about Titanic.

-

-OK.

-OK, questions for Yws Gwynedd.

-Carpenter.

-Yws Gwynedd, Titanic.

-No, you weren't in Titanic,

-or The Fantastic Four.

-Yws Gwynedd, carpenter.

-OK, I've got one.

-A question about carpentry

-for Yws Gwynedd.

-Will a wooden door

-in freezing Atlantic conditions...

-..support Kate Winslet

-and Leonardo DiCaprio...

-..while they wait

-for Ioan Gruffudd to save them?

-It depends if it has a hollow core.

-Interesting.

-Interesting.

-

-A hollow core has more buoyancy.

-But the hole for the handle

-will let in water.

-Um...

-OK, we'll cross out carpentry.

-Titanic, tick.

-Are you in a band?

-Are you in a band?

-

-Yes.

-Oh, I forgot. What's it called?

-Oh, I forgot. What's it called?

-

-Yws Gwynedd.

-Where are the rest of Frizbee?

-I don't know!

-One lives in mid Wales,

-and the other one's in Dolwyddelan.

-If you didn't know,

-Yws was once in Frizbee.

-A band called Frizbee, yes.

-You were really popular,

-with a unique sound.

-Country rock with a trumpet.

-That's true.

-Then you played with wood

-for about twelve years.

-Making doors and skirtings.

-Then you heard Swnami on the radio,

-and thought, mmm, they're popular.

-So, you stole their producer,

-their sound and their frontman...

-..and now you're back

-in the big time, Yws Gwynedd.

-Exactly. That's what I did.

-You're a big fan of Bob Dylan.

-You're a big fan of Bob Dylan.

-

-Yes, I am.

-Then why do you sound like Swnami

-and not Bob Dylan?

-Because they're popular.

-Do you want to play a game?

-Do you want to play a game?

-

-OK.

-We'll play a game

-called What's Better, Gareth?

-Is there a jingle?

-No jingle?

-Can we create a jingle?

-# Boo-be-doo-wap-wap

-# Shoo-be-do-wap-wap

-# What's Better, Gareth? #

-Red sauce or brown sauce?

-Brown sauce.

-Wrestling or boxing?

-Wrestling.

-Cats or dogs?

-Dogs.

-Telly or radio?

-Radio.

-No, trick question. The Internet.

-Tea or coffee?

-Coffee.

-Chips or salad?

-Chips.

-Yes. Chips!

-Fantastic Four or Fantastic Four 2

-Rise Of The Silver Surfer?

-Silver Surfer.

-No. U2 or Celt?

-Celt.

-Trick question.

-They're both awesome.

-Y Bandana or Yr Ods?

-Y Bandana or Yr Ods?

-

-Y Bandana.

-Cake or biscuit?

-Cake.

-Cake.

-

-No. Curly hair or straight hair?

-Straight.

-No. Yr Eira or Swnami?

-Swnami.

-Swnami.

-

-Trick question. They're the same.

-That was What's Better, Gareth?

-I'm applying for German citizenship.

-Auf wiedersehen.

-Hopefully, I'll be

-in a better mood next month...

-..but probably not.

-Which Band? Candelas.

-Which Song? Anifail.

-S4C Subtitles by Testun Cyf.

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