Rhaglen Fri, 16 Mar 2018 22:15 Jonathan


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Rhaglen Fri, 16 Mar 2018 22:15

Ymunwch â Jonathan, Sarra a Nigel wrth i Gymru wynebu Ffrainc. Join Jonathan, Sarra and Nigel as the Wales teams take on opposition from France. The guests are Lloyd Macey and M...


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-Right, welcome to the show.

-Well done last Sunday, Wales.

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-For the first time ever,

-second is a tempting prospect.

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-We're playing France tomorrow.

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-Please give Sarra Elgan

-a mighty bonjour.

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-As we all know,

-he wants to make an entrance.

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-Nigel Owens, what are you tonight?

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-# Hush

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-# Hush

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-# Hush #

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-# Wake me up before you go-go

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-# Don't leave me hanging on

-like a yo-yo

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-# Wake me up before you go-go

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-# I don't want to miss it

-when you hit that high

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-# Wake me up before you go-go

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-# Cause I'm not planning

-on going solo

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-# Take me dancing tonight #

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-Alright, Jiff? OK?

-Today is National Sleep Day.

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-I needed sleep

-so I've been sleeping.

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-You're fast asleep every Saturday!

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-I am, listening to you

-on commentary!

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-Same old story every week. "Numbers,

-numbers, got to get it out."

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-Your PR machine has been in motion

-this week. It's gone up a few gears.

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-What PR machine?

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-What PR machine?

-

-Beer. You're doing beer.

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-I don't make beer, no.

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-What's that beer called?

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-What's that beer called?

-

-Rug Birra.

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-Birra is Italian for beer.

-Rug for rugby.

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-At the bottom, the name of the beer

-is Nigel. You can buy it in Italy.

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-Looks disgusting!

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-Rug Birra Nigel. Tins.

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-T-I-N-S. This Is Not Soccer.

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-It tastes

-in between Mackeson and mild.

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-Do you drink mild?

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-Do you drink mild?

-

-I used to, in Trimsaran.

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-Before he switched to Champagne.

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-A bit like you, flat.

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-Have you heard about Bagsy?

-Wales' answer to Banksy.

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-I'm glad to say

-that he's done some of us three.

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-You.

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-Nigel Owens.

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-You look like Ryan Giggs.

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-You look like Ryan Giggs.

-

-You do. Very flattering.

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-You, Jiffy!

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-Jiffy bags

-cost more than plastic bags.

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-You have the most wrinkles.

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-I'm older than you.

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-I'm older than you.

-

-It's past its sell-by-date. Old bag!

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-Here are tonight's guests.

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-# Can I lay by your side?

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-You've lost your fuckin' head!

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-# I can be your hero

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-What do you like?

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-What do you like?

-

-Rugby. Nigel Owens, butch!

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-# Woof-woof-woof-woof!

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-Goodness me! Honestly,

-it was like a draft excluder.

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-# Just a word from her mouth

-and I want to flee

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-# Think I want it to stay #

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-Please welcome singer Lloyd Macey

-and Salon Queen Maggi Noggi.

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-Welcome to the show.

-A warm welcome, Lloyd.

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-It's like a cross

-between a porcupine and a giraffe.

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-Which one would you prefer?

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-You look amazing.

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-You look amazing.

-

-I know!

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-It's obvious that we share

-the same catalogue, Sarra!

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-Yes indeed.

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-How tall are you?

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-How tall are you?

-

-Only seven foot two.

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-That's tall but he's a big lad too.

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-We're the same size lying down.

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-He described me as a porcupine

-and a giraffe.

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-He likes something

-with a long neck and a little prick.

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-For shame on you, Nigel! You're

-on Dechrau Canu Dechrau Canmol.

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-Lloyd, we know you like rugby.

-Did you play?

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-Yes, I played second row.

-I played when I was younger.

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-I watched Dad getting injured, his

-nose and ears. He's in the audience.

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-Dad played too?

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-He looks alright! He looks alright.

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-From a distance.

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-From a distance.

-

-You're handsome.

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-I turned to singing then.

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-How did your rugby-playing friends

-react to you on the X Factor?

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-At the start, they were like,

-"You're going to sing?"

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-I remember when I found out

-I was through to Live Shows.

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-Everything changed then. Girls

-were getting in touch, "Oh, my God."

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-Everything changed when I reached

-the Live Shows. They were so proud.

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-Women are playing a lot of rugby.

-Can you play in those heels?

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-You'd be surprised

-what I can do in these heels.

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-I played rugby years ago.

-I was a hooker.

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-Hooker? Six foot...

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-Don't go there!

-I've never charged for anything.

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-Seven foot two! Seven foot two

-hooker. How big were the props?

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-That's not the point.

-Hookers complain all the time.

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-We'll have a chat later. Here

-are the Italian game highlights.

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-This is a crucial game now.

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-New combinations.

-Will there be a new style?

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-Hadleigh Parkes.

-He bumps the tackle.

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-That was too easy. He's over.

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-Owen Watkin intercepts. George North

-is coming up on the outside.

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-Violi for the corner. Great feet

-from the full-back, Minozzi.

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-At the second time of asking.

-Cory Hill.

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-Patchell. The pass to George North.

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-Plenty of red shirts on the right.

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-Out on the wing is Justin Tipuric.

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-Federico Ruzza.

-Ruzza to Mattia Bellini.

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-Lloyd, where did you

-watch the game last Sunday?

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-I watched it at the stadium.

-It was a great game, wasn't it?

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-Have they asked you

-to sing the anthem?

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-I've spoken to a few people.

-I hope so. That would be an honour.

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-And you, Maggi,

-did you watch the game?

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-Oh, yes. Myself and Nani Noggi

-were at the farm.

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-Ani Noggi is...?

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-Ani Noggi is...?

-

-Nain!

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-She can't travel down to Cardiff,

-it's too far.

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-We were watching at home,

-Nain was so excited.

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-The polyester in her apron was

-all stiff watching the boys play.

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-Stiff polyester!

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-Stiff polyester!

-

-We did well. Isn't that right?

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-We did well, Lloyd bach and Jiffy!

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-Why are you winking?

-All you've done is wink.

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-You never wink at me like that.

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-It's a twitch.

-It's just started now.

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-He's twitching in fear!

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-Sarra, tonight's news.

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-Sarra, tonight's news.

-

-After being caught spitting...

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-..Jamie Carragher faces the press

-for the first time.

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-One mother was ecstatic...

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-..when she discovered

-where she'd spend Mothering Sunday.

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-Look at her face!

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-I saw her on Saturday.

-She didn't look happy all game.

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-After the success of Nigel's beer...

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-..Luke Charteris

-jumps on the bandwagon.

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-And that's the news.

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-That's all for this part.

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-Scott Quinnell scored a try

-against France in 1994.

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-Who scored the try

-that secured victory for Wales?

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-I'll give you the answer

-after the break.

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-.

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-Subtitles

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-Subtitles

-

-Subtitles

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-Right, welcome back.

-Nige, what was the answer?

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-It was a good question.

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-Scott Quinnell scored a try

-against France in 1994.

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-Who scored the try

-that secured victory for Wales?

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-The answer is...

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-Flash!

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-Nigel!

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-His nickname was Flash.

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-Because he was fast?

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-Because he was fast?

-

-Well done!

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-Right, after watching you

-on the X Factor, Lloyd...

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-..did you always want to sing?

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-You can sing, of course,

-but did you always want to do that?

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-I think so.

-I always competed in eisteddfodau.

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-I've always liked performing.

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-It runs in the family too.

-Mam-gu, my father, all the family.

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-Coming from the Rhondda

-with the choirs.

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-I always wanted to sing.

-It all changed in Year 1 at school.

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-My teacher, Mrs Millington,

-she was fantastic.

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-She said I had a loud voice

-for a boy.

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-I thought, "OK."

-She said I had a singing voice.

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-I thought, "OK." I was shy

-in school, believe it or not.

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-I didn't speak a lot.

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-She told me to stand on the table

-one Friday and sing Robin Goch.

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-Your big break came on the X Factor.

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-How did you end up there? Did anyone

-push you to do the auditions?

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-The crowds are massive.

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-To be honest, I didn't put

-too much pressure on myself.

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-I did a performance course.

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-During the course, we finished

-early one Friday morning.

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-I was walking around the city,

-in St David's.

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-I walked past Poundland.

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-I saw an empty shop

-with X on the door.

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-I had my earphones in

-and I was singing.

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-A girl came out and said, "Come

-and audition for the X Factor."

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-I thought, "Have a try."

-I went in and sang.

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-I didn't hear a thing until July.

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-What was it like singing

-in front of the judges?

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-It's different to an eisteddfod.

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-The room is massive.

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-You walk in and see

-Louis Walsh, Simon Cowell...

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-..Sharon Osbourne and Alesha Dixon.

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-It was just incredible to stand in

-front of these influential people.

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-Mam-gu was on the panel by then.

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-It made everything

-feel more comfortable.

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-I didn't sing for 10 minutes

-because she was talking to Simon.

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-It was great,

-the response was excellent.

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-You're not the only Welsh star

-who's appeared on the X Factor.

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-Do you remember this?

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-# Whoa-hoah-hoah-hoah

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-# Mysterious girl

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-# Move your body close to mine

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-# Move your body close to mine

-

-C'mon, move your body.

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-# I try to concentrate,

-my mind wants to explode

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-To explode.

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-# When I look at you,

-oh, I fall in love

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-# No doubt you look so fine

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-# I want to make you mine

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-Yeah, come on.

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-# Just let me be

-with the woman that I love #

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-The woman that I love.

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-When you watch TV, you think,

-"Here we go now."

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-Next you hear,

-"These are from Wales."

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-You think, "Oh, no."

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-From Barry. They were Seb and Ant.

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-The one singing was alright.

-What was the other one doing?

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-They didn't show this on telly...

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-..but the day I went in,

-no-one had gone through.

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-I was the first of the day.

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-After Bootcamp, you had the problem

-with the Wall of Song.

0:14:260:14:31

-What's the Wall of Song?

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-You had to run up to the wall

-and choose the song from the wall.

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-I ran up, someone bumped into me,

-my contacts fell out...

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-..and I couldn't see a thing.

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-My eyes are terrible!

0:14:450:14:46

-My eyes are terrible!

-

-You were a second row!

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-I never wore contacts during a game!

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-I ran to the wall and chose a song.

0:14:540:14:56

-I was walking round asking,

-"What song have I got?"

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-I didn't know what I was singing.

-I changed it and changed it again.

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-Thankfully,

-I chose a song that was alright.

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-Maggi, are you a fan?

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-I love it.

0:15:090:15:11

-If he hadn't gone through

-to the Live Shows...

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-..I'd have thrown myself like a

-whale at the bus with Louis Walsh.

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-He has a face like a fart!

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-He does, a face like a fart.

-He was very nice to you, though.

0:15:220:15:26

-He did so well, he made us proud.

0:15:260:15:28

-He claps in an odd way.

0:15:290:15:30

-Louis Walsh. He claps like a seal.

0:15:300:15:33

-After Bootcamp, you had the Six

-Chair Challenge. Was that difficult?

0:15:360:15:40

-It's worse than it looks.

-I was first to walk out and I won.

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-I sat there

-for three and a half hours.

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-You don't see it all on TV.

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-I remember, there were more

-male singers than they showed.

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-Someone sat next to me, then went.

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-All I wanted

-was to go to the toilet.

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-I'm so glad they didn't show this.

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-I remember the audience response.

-It was like being in the Coliseum.

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-Everyone was shouting.

-My family were screaming.

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-Tactically, I waved to everyone,

-I was there for three hours.

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-I was getting people on my side.

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-At the end, I thought I was safe.

0:16:200:16:22

-There was a sing-off

-between two of the singers.

0:16:220:16:26

-I was asked and I stood up

-and thought, "I have to do this."

0:16:260:16:30

-I've not been sitting here waiting

-for the toilet for three hours.

0:16:300:16:34

-I want to go through.

0:16:340:16:36

-We all want to know what Simon

-and Sharon are like off camera.

0:16:360:16:41

-They're so lovely.

-Simon's not as tall as you think.

0:16:410:16:45

-He wears Cuban heels.

0:16:450:16:48

-I still text Sharon

-and I text Ozzy Osbourne too.

0:16:520:16:55

-I speak to him sometimes.

0:16:550:16:57

-He's always in the dressing room

-having a cuppa.

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-It was so surreal to sit with him.

0:17:010:17:03

-I remember Stormzy walking past.

-I said, "Alright, butt."

0:17:030:17:07

-Then I realised I'd said

-"Alright, butt" to Stormzy.

0:17:070:17:10

-I said I'd just met Storm.

-"No, it's Stormzy."

0:17:100:17:14

-I'm not into grime!

0:17:140:17:15

-What stands out for you?

-That one moment.

0:17:180:17:21

-One moment? That's a good question.

0:17:210:17:23

-I think it's when I sang

-Different Corner by George Michael.

0:17:240:17:27

-Here's a clip.

0:17:280:17:29

-Here's a clip.

-

-# Take me back in time

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-# Baby, I can't forget

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-# Turn a different corner

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-# And we never would have met

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-# Would you care? #

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-What did that feel like?

0:17:500:17:51

-What did that feel like?

-

-I can't believe it happened.

0:17:510:17:53

-I forgot where I was,

-I was lost in the moment.

0:17:530:17:57

-Sharon was still crying

-in the dressing room.

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-She cried through that.

0:18:010:18:03

-Afterwards, she said,

-"I've never felt like that before."

0:18:030:18:07

-You were fourth and you were

-on the recent X Factor tour.

0:18:080:18:12

-What was it like

-being with the cast again?

0:18:120:18:15

-Incredible.

-Every venue was different.

0:18:150:18:18

-The crowd responded

-in different ways.

0:18:180:18:20

-Cardiff was the best night.

-I won the night!

0:18:200:18:24

-It was fantastic.

-I walked out with the Wales flag.

0:18:240:18:28

-Had I not won,

-it wouldn't have been great.

0:18:280:18:32

-Life changed for you

-after the X Factor.

0:18:320:18:35

-My life has changed completely. I'm

-grateful to everyone on the show.

0:18:350:18:40

-I walk down the street at home...

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-..and people walk up to me

-wanting selfies.

0:18:430:18:45

-The response is still there.

-The support was the main thing.

0:18:460:18:50

-Wales has always supported me.

0:18:500:18:52

-We get responses from The

-Philippines, Mexico and Australia.

0:18:520:18:56

-I hadn't realised

-how many people watch.

0:18:560:18:59

-One minute to go.

0:19:060:19:07

-One minute to go.

-

-Let's Hit the Bar.

0:19:070:19:09

-Who's on the bar tonight?

0:19:300:19:32

-Who's on the bar tonight?

-

-We did well to fit him on the bar.

0:19:320:19:34

-It's the big Bastareaud.

0:19:340:19:36

-Bastareaud.

0:19:390:19:41

-He can't fit between the posts!

0:19:410:19:43

-Who's holding the balls?

-What's your name?

0:19:430:19:47

-Elis. I'm from Bridgend.

0:19:470:19:49

-Oh, good, Bridgend.

0:19:490:19:51

-Well done, out you come.

0:19:520:19:53

-Up you come, Lloyd.

0:19:590:20:01

-I was a second row

-so don't expect a lot.

0:20:010:20:04

-You have 20 seconds. Hit Bastareaud

-and you'll score 10 points.

0:20:050:20:08

-Between the posts, five points.

-Hit him with the golden ball...

0:20:090:20:13

-..and we'll double the points.

0:20:160:20:18

-Ready? Your 20 seconds...

-Elis, ready?

0:20:180:20:22

-Your 20 seconds start now.

0:20:220:20:25

-Elis, hold the balls tighter!

0:20:360:20:38

-Three, two.

0:20:460:20:49

-What was his score?

0:20:590:21:01

-What was his score?

-

-Well done, Lloyd Macey!

0:21:010:21:03

-That's it for this part.

0:21:120:21:14

-Before we go, here's Ryan Jones

-to tell us why he loves Wales.

0:21:140:21:19

-Best Welsh memory.

0:21:270:21:28

-The stand-off against the Haka,

-once in a lifetime.

0:21:280:21:31

-The one I miss the most

-is walking down that tunnel...

0:21:320:21:35

-..with a full house

-at the Principality Stadium.

0:21:350:21:38

-First to the buffet

-would probably be me...

0:21:420:21:45

-..but closely followed

-by my cuddly mate Adam Jones.

0:21:450:21:48

-I wouldn't go on a round with

-Goughie, he never brings his wallet.

0:21:520:21:55

-The last person I wanted to

-sit next to was Gethin Jenkins.

0:21:580:22:03

-I had to listen to his banging

-beats, drum'n'bass and dance music.

0:22:030:22:09

-Worst roommate was Gavin Henson.

0:22:130:22:15

-He travelled with more accessories

-than my wife did.

0:22:150:22:19

-Favourite thing about match day.

0:22:230:22:26

-Representing that badge,

-pulling on that jersey.

0:22:270:22:30

-Post warm-up, walking in, the

-adrenaline pumping, heart pumping.

0:22:300:22:35

-Pulling that jersey on...

0:22:350:22:36

-..and preparing to play

-in front of all those people.

0:22:370:22:40

-.

0:22:400:22:40

-Subtitles

0:22:530:22:53

-Subtitles

-

-Subtitles

0:22:530:22:55

-Welcome back.

0:23:020:23:03

-Where do you come from, Maggi?

0:23:030:23:06

-I come from a village called

-Llanfair Mathafarn Eithaf.

0:23:070:23:10

-Try saying that after a gin.

0:23:110:23:12

-I'd struggle sober.

0:23:140:23:16

-I grew up on a farm.

-I'm a country girl.

0:23:170:23:19

-We've seen you on Y Salon.

-What else have you done?

0:23:200:23:23

-I'm a style and fashion consultant

-for Merched Y Wawr.

0:23:230:23:29

-I was a chapel-goer.

0:23:290:23:31

-You'd be proud, Nigel, presenter

-of Dechrau Canu Dechrau Canmol.

0:23:310:23:35

-Every Sunday I'd be at Blodwen's

-who is obsessed with and stalks you.

0:23:350:23:40

-She has your pictures

-all over her larder.

0:23:410:23:43

-We watch you until

-the seats were damp.

0:23:440:23:46

-Why has Y Salon been such a success?

0:23:510:23:54

-Why has Y Salon been such a success?

-

-Me.

0:23:540:23:55

-It's about normal people being

-allowed to give their opinion.

0:23:580:24:03

-Describe Y Salon to people.

0:24:040:24:06

-A Welsh language version of

-Gogglebox in a hair-dressing salon.

0:24:060:24:11

-Salons all over Wales with people

-chatting about what's on their mind.

0:24:130:24:18

-Donald Trump and

-that daft bird we have as PM.

0:24:190:24:22

-We get to hear what

-normal people think of them.

0:24:230:24:27

-I have lots of opinions.

0:24:270:24:29

-Nigel's face looks blank.

0:24:290:24:31

-I was watching you wave your

-fanny, sorry fan, in front of me.

0:24:320:24:36

-My fanny!

0:24:380:24:41

-What a waste,

-he's gay and I'm straight!

0:24:410:24:45

-You were given

-your own show at Christmas.

0:24:460:24:48

-Yes, one of my own.

-Salon Maggi Noggi.

0:24:500:24:52

-That was with Joyce,

-the 82 year old.

0:24:520:24:54

-She's found a reason to live,

-being on television.

0:24:550:24:58

-We found a few people in Bangor

-who thought they were celebs.

0:25:000:25:04

-We dragged in Dewi Pws

-and Yws Gwynedd off the street.

0:25:060:25:10

-Do you have a crush on him?

0:25:120:25:16

-Yes, but he's only little.

0:25:160:25:19

-These two aren't fucking listening.

0:25:200:25:22

-He doesn't understand

-a word you say.

0:25:230:25:26

-I was telling him about Yws Gwynedd.

0:25:300:25:33

-I was telling him about Yws Gwynedd.

-

-He's great on that guitar.

0:25:330:25:35

-He's a pretty little thing.

0:25:350:25:37

-He's a pretty little thing.

-

-He is pretty.

0:25:370:25:39

-But, he's quite short.

0:25:390:25:40

-But, he's quite short.

-

-He is short.

0:25:400:25:42

-He said my hair smelled gorgeous.

-He only comes up to here.

0:25:430:25:48

-You got that one!

0:25:530:25:55

-You got that one!

-

-A little Femfresh goes a long way.

0:25:550:25:58

-I need more than Femfresh.

-He's all of a quiver.

0:25:590:26:04

-Were you surprised by the reaction?

0:26:050:26:08

-Wales had just been waiting for me.

0:26:080:26:12

-Pardon me!

0:26:150:26:18

-You like being the star attraction?

0:26:190:26:20

-You like being the star attraction?

-

-No!

0:26:200:26:21

-Have you ever competed?

0:26:230:26:24

-I thought about competing

-in the Literature Tent.

0:26:250:26:28

-They didn't like my poetry.

0:26:280:26:33

-Tell us.

0:26:350:26:36

-I've forgotten it now.

-It was called Auntie Nell's Dildo.

0:26:360:26:39

-It was quite emotional but I was

-banned from the Literature Tent.

0:26:430:26:49

-So I just headed off

-for Caffi Maes B instead.

0:26:490:26:53

-We had a lot of fun. I hadn't

-been since I was a little girl.

0:26:560:26:59

-I've never been a little girl mind.

0:27:000:27:02

-You and I have something in common.

0:27:030:27:07

-I know what it is.

0:27:090:27:11

-I know what it is.

-

-We haven't been honoured.

0:27:110:27:14

-Don't start him off!

0:27:150:27:17

-Don't start him off!

-

-I sang at the Urdd.

0:27:170:27:18

-That's brilliant!

0:27:200:27:22

-You haven't been honoured

-by the Bardic Gorsedd.

0:27:270:27:29

-He's been honoured.

0:27:330:27:35

-I have a bardic name lined up.

0:27:370:27:39

-Hwch Mon - Anglesey Sow.

0:27:390:27:41

-You've got a better chance

-than this guy.

0:27:420:27:44

-Why do they call you Jiffy? Lloyd,

-love, you're too young to remember.

0:27:450:27:50

-There were condoms called Jiffy.

0:27:500:27:53

-They had the best advert ever.

0:27:550:27:57

-Real men come in a Jiffy.

0:27:580:27:59

-Is that true?

0:28:010:28:04

-Is that true?

-

-That's the story.

0:28:040:28:06

-I was out in France

-and I saw a banner.

0:28:090:28:13

-They had a player named Jean Condom.

0:28:140:28:17

-The banner read 'Our Jiffy

-is better than your Condom.'

0:28:170:28:20

-Do they like you on Anglesey?

0:28:230:28:25

-They love me.

0:28:250:28:26

-I represent and exemplify -

-fucking hell, what does that mean?

0:28:260:28:30

-I must have swallowed a dictionary.

0:28:310:28:35

-Exemplify or reflect.

0:28:360:28:38

-Exemplify or reflect.

-

-He gets that.

0:28:380:28:39

-I reflect the spirit of Wales.

0:28:410:28:44

-What do men think of you?

0:28:450:28:47

-Irresistible?

0:28:480:28:50

-I am single!

0:28:500:28:52

-I'd never think that.

0:28:540:28:55

-I'd never think that.

-

-It is hard to believe.

0:28:550:28:57

-He gets it.

0:28:570:28:59

-I'm single because why buy a book

-when you can go to the library.

0:29:010:29:05

-Nigel knows.

0:29:080:29:11

-Who is your perfect man?

0:29:140:29:17

-Who is your perfect man?

-

-Matthew Gravelle.

0:29:170:29:19

-Look at that.

-This seat is really damp now.

0:29:210:29:26

-Sorry, Lloyd. Slide over a bit.

0:29:260:29:29

-What do you like about him?

0:29:300:29:32

-I love a bald man.

0:29:330:29:36

-I love a bald man.

-

-You like Nigel too?

0:29:360:29:37

-Imagine, Nigel and Matthew.

0:29:390:29:40

-Look here, you needn't imagine.

0:29:420:29:45

-Oh, Nigel!

0:29:480:29:50

-I look like a boiled egg.

0:29:550:29:58

-I look like a boiled egg.

-

-You're so hot.

0:29:580:30:00

-On that subject, Lisa Angharad

-has been investigating...

0:30:010:30:04

-..the Welsh and

-French fans' attitude to love.

0:30:040:30:07

-Did you know French people can't

-count above seventy? Why is that?

0:30:120:30:15

-They find sixty-nine

-too much of a mouthful.

0:30:160:30:21

-I don't write the script.

0:30:220:30:25

-I'm here to find the

-best chat up lines of rugby fans.

0:30:260:30:30

-What are doing tonight?

-I've got a place for you to stay.

0:30:310:30:34

-Right, is that it?

0:30:360:30:36

-Right, is that it?

-

-It's enough.

0:30:360:30:37

-When someone asks for my

-phone number I normally say...

0:30:380:30:42

-..'Wait 'til you're asked

-and join the queue'.

0:30:420:30:45

-Me too.

0:30:460:30:47

-Me too.

-

-That's not what I've heard.

0:30:470:30:49

-Would anyone like to swallow...

0:30:510:30:52

-Would anyone like to swallow...

-

-Would anyone like to swallow...

0:30:520:30:54

-Do you have home insurance?

0:30:550:30:57

-Yes, why? Because I'm going

-to smash your back doors in.

0:30:570:31:01

-Did he smash them?

0:31:030:31:04

-Did he smash them?

-

-No.

0:31:040:31:06

-It didn't work.

0:31:060:31:07

-You have nice legs.

-When do they open?

0:31:080:31:12

-One thing invented in France

-was the French kiss.

0:31:160:31:19

-I think we've all

-had enough foreplay.

0:31:190:31:22

-Let's see how the Welsh kiss.

0:31:230:31:26

-Sloppy seconds.

0:31:310:31:33

-Caress!

0:31:360:31:37

-We're having a baguette caress.

0:31:370:31:39

-French kiss the baguette.

0:31:410:31:43

-If that doesn't help you pull

-on match day, try Tinder.

0:31:470:31:52

-Sacre bleu!

0:31:540:31:56

-You know Lisa Angharad.

0:32:000:32:01

-You know Lisa Angharad.

-

-What did you call her?

0:32:010:32:03

-Lisa Angharad.

0:32:030:32:05

-That's not her name,

-she's a drag queen.

0:32:050:32:07

-Is that true, Lisa?

0:32:090:32:11

-Sorry, Jiff.

-I didn't know how to tell you.

0:32:120:32:16

-I told you.

0:32:270:32:28

-I told you.

-

-Minute to go.

0:32:280:32:30

-Time to Hit the Bar.

0:32:310:32:32

-Come on, Maggi.

0:32:530:32:54

-Elis is crapping himself.

0:32:550:33:00

-Come here, Lloyd.

-I want more appropriate shoes.

0:33:050:33:07

-A bit better.

0:33:100:33:11

-Maggi, you have twenty seconds.

0:33:130:33:17

-Between the posts for five,

-ten for hitting Bastareaud.

0:33:170:33:21

-Double points for the golden ball.

0:33:220:33:25

-Twenty seconds starting now.

0:33:260:33:30

-Sorry, love.

0:33:450:33:46

-Three, two...

0:33:550:33:59

-Sarra Elgan, what was Maggi's score?

0:34:180:34:20

-Maggi Noggi scored 45.

0:34:210:34:23

-Well done.

0:34:300:34:32

-Are you debating my score?

0:34:330:34:34

-Are you debating my score?

-

-I wanted a 69.

0:34:340:34:36

-There's no 69 in this game.

0:34:360:34:38

-We all want a 69 but

-we can't always get what we want.

0:34:390:34:43

-See you after the break.

0:34:450:34:47

-.

0:34:470:34:48

-Subtitles

0:34:590:34:59

-Subtitles

-

-Subtitles

0:34:590:35:01

-Welcome back. Here's the bit

-of the show Nigel loves the most.

0:35:070:35:12

-The bit of the show

-everyone loves the most.

0:35:130:35:16

-Time for Nigel's Tricks.

0:35:160:35:18

-We need a member of the audience

-to take part.

0:35:290:35:34

-There is a golden whistle

-under one of your seats.

0:35:340:35:38

-Whoever finds the whistle,

-stand on your feet.

0:35:400:35:43

-Excellent.

0:35:450:35:47

-Hold that. What your name?

0:35:550:35:57

-Hold that. What your name?

-

-Debbie.

0:35:570:35:58

-Where are you from?

0:35:580:35:59

-Where are you from?

-

-Barry.

0:35:590:36:00

-Are you ready to play?

0:36:000:36:01

-Are you ready to play?

-

-Yes.

0:36:010:36:02

-Nigel has been taking charge

-of this section every week.

0:36:080:36:12

-As it's the final show, we thought

-he should compete this time.

0:36:120:36:17

-Jiff will be standing on that.

0:36:180:36:21

-You'll have ten seconds

-to answer a question.

0:36:220:36:26

-There are a lot of possible answers.

-Give as many as you can.

0:36:270:36:31

-If you get 25 correct answers

-between you, you win the boots.

0:36:320:36:36

-If not, it's one of these.

0:36:380:36:41

-Elis, out here.

0:36:410:36:45

-Care in the community.

-I'll be okay once I'm up.

0:36:460:36:51

-Ten seconds for

-as many answers as possible.

0:36:550:36:58

-It's balance.

0:36:590:37:01

-Name things you do with one hand.

0:37:020:37:05

-Brushing your teeth.

0:37:050:37:07

-Hair.

0:37:080:37:10

-Wipe your arse.

0:37:110:37:12

-Wipe your arse.

-

-Wipe your arse.

0:37:120:37:13

-Four scored.

0:37:130:37:17

-That was rubbish.

0:37:200:37:23

-Lloyd Macey.

0:37:250:37:28

-We'll never get 25.

0:37:320:37:34

-Core work, Lloyd.

0:37:360:37:39

-Start the clock.

0:37:450:37:46

-Name things associated with France.

0:37:460:37:49

-Frogs' legs, Eiffel Tower, Paris.

0:37:500:37:55

-Beret, baguette, onions.

0:37:550:38:01

-Better than Jiffy.

0:38:020:38:04

-You scored six to make it ten.

0:38:070:38:10

-We'll have Nigel next.

0:38:100:38:12

-Come on, Nige.

0:38:130:38:14

-You don't need help.

0:38:150:38:17

-Look at the smart Alec.

0:38:190:38:21

-What did you say?

0:38:220:38:24

-Stand there, Elis.

0:38:270:38:28

-Ten seconds on the clock.

0:38:320:38:34

-Name our guests this series.

0:38:360:38:40

-Maggi, Lloyd, Brynmor,

-you, me and Jonathan.

0:38:420:38:47

-You can't have us as guests.

0:38:480:38:50

-# It's all about you #

0:38:580:39:00

-Pathetic, pathetic.

0:39:030:39:04

-You scored three.

0:39:060:39:09

-Maggi, the pressure is on.

0:39:090:39:11

-The pressure is on.

0:39:130:39:14

-I need some help.

0:39:170:39:17

-I need some help.

-

-You need twelve.

0:39:170:39:19

-Are you joking?

0:39:190:39:20

-Talk fast.

0:39:210:39:22

-Talk fast.

-

-They don't ask for much!

0:39:220:39:23

-Spread your legs or

-you'll never balance.

0:39:310:39:34

-I've got into trouble with that!

0:39:340:39:36

-I'm ready to go for it.

0:39:370:39:39

-Ten seconds on the clock.

0:39:410:39:41

-Ten seconds on the clock.

-

-I'm Wonder Woman.

0:39:410:39:43

-Name things you put in your mouth.

0:39:440:39:46

-Toothbrush, Nigel Owens.

0:39:470:39:50

-Matthew Gravelle, Michael Portillo.

0:39:500:39:54

-KFC, Brains faggots.

0:39:550:39:57

-Paracetamol.

0:39:570:39:59

-This is lovely.

0:40:010:40:03

-Twenty of the required twenty-five.

0:40:150:40:19

-That's one boot.

0:40:190:40:21

-It's the last show of the series

-so you can have both.

0:40:220:40:26

-Well done.

0:40:280:40:30

-I enjoyed that. Time for

-some more of Andy's Memories next.

0:40:330:40:37

-ANDY'S MEMORIES

0:40:410:40:43

-How the Devil are you?

-Welcome to Atgofion Andy.

0:40:480:40:52

-So you're back for some vo...

0:40:530:40:56

-So you're back for

-some more Atgofion Andy.

0:40:570:41:00

-Let the show begin.

0:41:010:41:02

-2012, what a year. Shane Williams

-scoring against the Scots.

0:41:050:41:10

-Yes, we partied hard in the night.

0:41:110:41:13

-And it was Buggygate.

0:41:140:41:15

-I took it down the M4

-for a pack of fags.

0:41:160:41:20

-I was caught in the service station

-and they locked my friend up.

0:41:200:41:25

-They took me for a Sausage,

-Egg McMuffin meal in Cardiff.

0:41:260:41:29

-There was the legend,

-Shane Williams...

0:41:320:41:35

-..asleep in the doorway

-of the Walkabout.

0:41:350:41:38

-What a guy he was

-and what a day it was.

0:41:390:41:41

-I still cherish that moment.

0:41:420:41:44

-You've conquered TV, so what's next?

0:41:570:42:00

-I have a few stage shows coming up.

0:42:010:42:03

-That's with Lisa Angharad,

-as she calls herself.

0:42:030:42:06

-Cabarela at Theatr Felinfach,

-Aberaeron in April.

0:42:070:42:10

-Then on to the Millennium Centre

-also in April.

0:42:110:42:14

-After that, keep an eye on S4C.

0:42:150:42:20

-I'll be all over it like a rash.

0:42:210:42:23

-What's next, Lloyd?

0:42:250:42:27

-I'm recording an album

-in London and Cardiff.

0:42:280:42:32

-So, parts in London

-and parts in Wales.

0:42:320:42:36

-Yes, studios in London and Cardiff.

0:42:390:42:42

-I'm booked for a lot of concerts

-during the summer.

0:42:430:42:46

-I'm hoping to release

-a single soon too.

0:42:470:42:50

-I'll be doing something

-with Alun Wyn Jones.

0:42:500:42:53

-His testimonial year.

0:42:540:42:56

-His testimonial year.

-

-I'm looking forward to that.

0:42:560:42:58

-See if you can get a smile.

0:42:590:43:01

-See if you can get a smile.

-

-I hope so.

0:43:010:43:02

-Can Wales beat France?

0:43:030:43:06

-Can Wales beat France?

-

-Wales for me.

0:43:060:43:08

-England against Ireland?

0:43:090:43:13

-I'm hoping Ireland.

0:43:130:43:15

-Will they win?

0:43:160:43:17

-Will they win?

-

-I think Ireland, they've done well.

0:43:170:43:20

-France vs Wales?

0:43:210:43:22

-France vs Wales?

-

-We'll hammer them.

0:43:220:43:23

-Ireland vs England?

0:43:240:43:25

-Ireland vs England?

-

-Praying for Ireland.

0:43:250:43:27

-Sexy Sexton!

0:43:280:43:30

-As good Celts we want

-to hammer the English.

0:43:320:43:35

-A huge day. A grand slam

-on St Patrick's Day.

0:43:370:43:41

-A bonus for Simon if they win.

0:43:410:43:43

-A bonus for Simon if they win.

-

-Is he wildly excited?

0:43:430:43:44

-Looking forward, I think.

-Winning would be amazing for them.

0:43:450:43:49

-Wales vs France?

0:43:490:43:50

-Wales vs France?

-

-Wales.

0:43:500:43:51

-Ireland?

0:43:520:43:53

-Ireland?

-

-Yes, Ireland.

0:43:530:43:54

-No answer from you as usual.

0:43:560:43:58

-No answer from you as usual.

-

-No, what about Italy vs Scotland?

0:43:580:44:01

-Scotland, Wales and Ireland for me.

0:44:020:44:07

-Good boy, Jiff.

0:44:080:44:09

-Thanks to our guests,

-Maggi Noggi and Lloyd Macey.

0:44:100:44:14

-It's the end of the series. Here's

-Sion Tomos Owen with the highlights.

0:44:220:44:27

-# Wales off to a flying start

0:44:290:44:34

-# Nige serving up Mars bars

0:44:360:44:37

-# Jiff and Brynmor

-tanned from Barbados

0:44:400:44:44

-# Happy days with

-one win and no loss

0:44:460:44:48

-# Gwyneth from Game of Thrones

-talking about playing hooker

0:45:010:45:04

-# Everyone in Shane's panto and

-Sarra beating Jiff at Snooker

0:45:050:45:09

-# Andy Powell reminiscing

-like a drunken lunatic

0:45:090:45:12

-# Nige showing off,

-dressed up like a Dick - van Dyke

0:45:130:45:17

-# Emma from Eden

-with a bit of armless fun

0:45:210:45:25

-# Lisa baring all like

-the streaker from Twickenham

0:45:250:45:28

-# Steff ballet dancing in jeans

-that were far too tight

0:45:290:45:32

-# Pictionary images

-that were a horrible sight

0:45:330:45:38

-# Elin singing opera

-while the Paralympics were on

0:45:410:45:45

-# Lisa pissed on Guinness

-and Nige the Leprechaun

0:45:450:45:48

-# Nicky serenading us

-with a Take That song

0:45:490:45:53

-# While speakout

-made them all sound very wrong

0:45:530:45:57

-# Nick Knowles

-called Nigel a bloody cheat

0:46:050:46:08

-# But in Murrayfield

-they think he's pretty neat

0:46:100:46:13

-# Nick's been deleted,

-blocked and kicked to touch

0:46:130:46:17

-# By 3 million Welsh

-who don't like him very much

0:46:170:46:21

-# Welsh Whisperer sang

-with that moustache so beautiful

0:46:210:46:24

-# Gillian Elisa terrified us

-with tales so horrible

0:46:250:46:29

-# Nige and Sarra predicted

-many, many sunny days ahead

0:46:290:46:32

-# But the Beast from the East

-emptied the shops of milk and bread

0:46:330:46:37

-# Our fingers will

-be crossed tomorrow

0:46:410:46:44

-# Grand Slams for the Irish

-and those chariots not on show

0:46:450:46:48

-# All Welsh hopes

-now hanging on a lace

0:46:490:46:52

-# Let's whisper it, but we'd be

-fairly happy with second place #

0:46:530:47:01

-Thanks for viewing, good luck to

-Wales and see you later in the year.

0:47:210:47:26

-Goodnight.

0:47:260:47:27

-S4C Subtitles by Adnod Cyf.

0:48:020:48:03

Ymunwch â Jonathan, Sarra a Nigel wrth i Gymru wynebu Ffrainc. Join Jonathan, Sarra and Nigel as the Wales teams take on opposition from France. The guests are Lloyd Macey and Maggi Noggi.