School Days TOTP2

Right, settle down now and concentrate

or you'll all be kept in after the show.

My name's Mr Radcliffe, head of the pop department.

And this is the School Days module.

First though, here are The Jackson 5 in the school gymnasium

modelling the new uniform options.

# A-ba-ba-ba-ba bah!

# You went to school to learn, girl

# Things you never knew before

# Like I before E except after C

# And why two plus two make four Now, now, now

# I'm gonna teach you, Teach you, teach you

# All about love, yeah

# Sit yourself down, take a seat

# All you gotta do Is repeat after me

# A-B-C It's easy as 1-2-3

# As simple as do-re-mi

# A-B-C, 1-2-3 Baby, you and me, girl

# A-B-C, easy as 1-2-3

# As simple as do-re-mi

# A-B-C, that's how easy love can be

# Sit down, girl

# I think I love ya?

# No, get up, girl

# Show me what you can do

# Shake it, shake it, baby Come on now

# Shake it, shake it, baby, Oooh, oooh

# Shake it, shake it, baby, yeah

# 1-2-3, baby, oooh oooh

# A-B-C baby, ah, ah

# Do-re-mi, baby, ho

# That's how easy love can be

# A-B-C, it's easy

# It's like counting up to three

# Singing simple melodies

# That's how easy love can be

# Teacher's gonna teach you How to sing it out, sing it out

# Sing it out, baby

# A-B-C

# Counting up to three

# Simple melodies

# That's how easy love can be! #

The Jackson 5 with a rudimentary English language exercise.

And now here's some of those scary big boys from the rough school on the estate.

Keep your distance, girls.

I wouldn't dance as close as that if I were you.

That's not proper drumming, is it?

# Well, we got no choice

# All the girls and boys

# Makin' all that noise

# Cos they found new toys

# Yeah, we can't salute ya Can't find a flag

# If that don't suit ya That's a drag

# School's out for summer

# School's out for ever

# School's been blown to pieces

# No more pencils

# No more books

# No more teacher's

# Dirty looks

# Well, we got no class

# And we got no principles

# And we got no innocence

# We can't even think of a word that rhymes

# School's out for summer

# School's out for ever

# My school's been blown to pieces

# No more pencils

# No more books

# No more teacher's

# Dirty looks

# Out for summer

# Out till fall

# We might not go

# Back at all

# School's out for ever

# School's out for summer

# School's out completely... #

Alice Cooper and his band, who, by the looks of it,

have come straight from a production of The Mikado

and haven't had time to get changed.

Gritty inner-city realism with The Floyd now.

So, kids, you don't need no education, eh?

Well, have it your own way. But don't come crying to me

when your career options turn out to be very limited.

# We don't need no education

# We don't need no thought control

# No dark sarcasm in the classroom

# Teacher, leave them kids alone

# Hey! Teacher! Leave them kids alone!

# All in all, it's just Another brick in the wall

# All in all, you're just Another brick in the wall

CHILDREN: We don't need no education

# We don't need no thought control

# No dark sarcasm in the classroom

# Teachers leave them kids alone

# Hey! Teacher! Leave us kids alone!

# All in all you're just Another brick in the wall

# All in all you're just Another brick in the wall. #

Is David Gilmour the best lead guitarist ever? Discuss.

Essays in by next Monday, please.

Prize-giving now and here's our guest speaker, Mr Johnny Nash.

Ooh! He's made an effort, hasn't he? Very smart.

Pity they didn't have that suit in his size.

# Don't know much about history

# Don't know much about biology

# Don't know much About a science book

# Don't know much about The French I took

# But I do know that I love you

# And I know that if you love me too

# What a wonderful world This would be

# Don't know much about geography

# Don't know much trigonometry

# Don't know much about algebra

# Don't know what a slide rule is for

# But I do know one and one is two

# And if this one could be with you

# What a wonderful world This would be

# Now, I don't claim To be an A student

# But I'm trying to be

# Cos maybe By being an A student, baby

# I can win your love for me

# Don't know much about history

# Don't know much about biology

# Don't know much About the science book

# Don't know much about The French I took

# But I do know that I love you

# And I know that if you love me too

# What a wonderful world This would be

# Yes, it would!

# La-da-da-da-daa

# La-da la-daa

# Yeah

# But I do know that I love you

# And I know that if you love me too

# What a wonderful world This would be

# Oh, yeah

# Sing la-da-da-da

# La-da-la-daa!

# La-da

# La-daaa, yeah

# What a wonderful world

# What a wonderful world

# La-da la-da-da-da-da-daaaa

# Oh, la-da-da-da-da

# La-da-da-da-da-daaaa

# Yeah, yeah. #

APPLAUSE

Classic song written by the great Sam Cooke, Wonderful World.

OK, time to showcase some of our junior talent now.

Wow! That's a week's pocket money gone on hair gel alone.

# Her voice has echoed in my mind

# I count the days till she is mine

# I can't tell my friends Cos they will laugh

# I love a member of the staff

# And I fought my way To front of class

# To get the best view of her ass

# I drop a pencil on the floor

# She bends down and shows me more

ALL: # That's what I go to school for

# Even though it is a real bore

# You can call me crazy

# But I know that she craves me

# That's what I go to school for

# Even though it is a real bore

# Girlfriends, I've had plenty

# But none like Miss McKenzie

# That's what I go to school for

# That's what I go to school for

# So she may be 33

# But that doesn't bother me

# Her boyfriend's Working out of town

# I find a reason to go round

# I climb a tree outside her home

# To make sure that she's alone

# I see her in her underwear

# I can't help but stop and stare

# That's what I go to school for

# Even though it is a real bore

# You can call me crazy

# But I know that she craves me

# That's what I go to school for

# Even though it is a real bore

# Girlfriends, I've had plenty

# But none like Miss McKenzie

# That's what I go to school for

# That's what I go to school for

# Everyone that you teach all day

# But you're looking at me in a different way

# I guess, that's why My marks are getting so high

# I can see those tell-tale signs Telling me that I was on your mind

# I can see that you wanted more

# When you told me that I'm what you go to school for

# I'm what you go to school for

# She's packed her bag it's in the trunk

Looks like she picked herself a hunk

# Yeah, yeah

# We dropped by school to say goodbye

# My friends, they can't believe their eyes

# That's what I go to school for

# Even though it is a real bore

# You can call me crazy

# Cos I know that she craves me

# That's what I go to school for

# Even though it is a real bore

# Girlfriends, I've had plenty

# But none like Miss McKenzie

# That's what I go to school for

# That's what I go to school for. #

Eyebrow ring? Report to my study after class, laddie!

Just say no.

Public service announcement time now with the Grange Hill crew.

Just Say No. To drugs.

Although saying no to mullets might have been an idea as well.

# Say no

# No

# Just say no

-# Just say no

-No

# Just say no

# Don't act like a great big star

# You can be a hero

# Be who you are

# Say no

# No

# Just say no

# Just say no

# No

# Just say no

# Don't listen, don't listen To anyone else

# All you gotta do is be yourself

# Don't listen, don't listen To anyone else

# All you gotta do is be yourself

# You've got everything inside of you

# Have faith in yourself

# Your dreams will come true

-# Just say no

-No

# Just say no

-# Just say no

-No

# Just say no

# Just say no

# No

# Just say no

-# Just say no

-No

# Just say no

# So what was it made you do it?

# You had no need

# First a taste Then a craving

# Then it turned to greed

# Calling me your main man You didn't really understand

# After all you did to me

# You expected me to shake your hand No!

# Don't listen, don't listen To anyone else

# All you've got to do Is be yourself

# Don't listen, don't listen To anyone else

# All you've got to do Is be yourself

# You've got everything inside of you

# Have faith in yourself Your dreams will come true... #

Sixth form larks with Madness next,

who seem to have a very bad collective case of dandruff.

Can you all report to the nit nurse after this, you boys?

# Naughty boys in nasty schools Headmasters breaking all the rules

# Having fun and playing fools Smashing up the woodwork tools

# All the teachers in the pub Passing round the ready-rub

# Trying not to think of when The lunch-time bell will ring again

# Oh, what fun we had! But did it really turn out bad?

# All I learnt at school Was how to bend, not break the rules

# Oh, what fun we had! But at the time it seemed so bad

# Trying different ways To make a difference to the...

# Headmaster's had enough today All the kids have gone away

# Gone to fight with next-door's school

# Every term, that is the rule

# Sits alone and bends his cane Same old backsides again

# All the small ones tell tall tales

# Walking home and squashing snails

# Oh, what fun we had! But did it really turn out bad?

# All I learnt at school Was how to bend, not break the rules

# Oh, what fun we had! But at the time it seemed so bad

# Trying different ways To make a difference to the days... #

# ..Lots of girls and lots of boys Lots of smells and lots of noise

# Playing football in the park Kicking pushbikes after dark

# Baggy trousers, dirty shirt Pulling hair and eating dirt

# Teacher comes to break it up Back of the 'ead with a plastic cup

# Oh, what fun we had! But did it really turn out bad?

# All I learnt at school Was how to bend, not break the rules

# Oh, what fun we had! But at the time it seemed so bad

# Trying different ways To make a difference to the days... #

# Baggy trousers

# Baggy trousers

# Baggy trousers

# Baggy trousers

# Baggy trousers... #

From Baggy Trousers to... Well, no trousers.

Please welcome new girl, Britney Spears.

Looks keen and fresh-faced, but there's something about her

that makes me think she's going to be

a disruptive influence on the other girls.

SCHOOL BELL RINGS

# Oh baby, baby... #

And is that skirt regulation length(?)

# ..Oh baby, baby

# Oh baby, baby

# How was I supposed to know...

# ..That something wasn't right here?

# Oh baby, baby

# I shouldn't have let you go

# And now you're out of sight, yeah

# Show me how you want it to be

# Tell me, baby Cos I need to know now

# Because

# My loneliness is killing me And I

# I must confess I still believe Still believe

# When I'm not with you I lose my mind

# Give me a sign

# Hit me baby, one more time

# Oh baby, baby The reason I breathe is you

# Boy, you got me blinded

# Oh, pretty baby There's nothing that I wouldn't do

# It's not the way I planned it

# Show me how you want it to be

# Tell me, baby Cos I need to know now

# Oh, because

# My loneliness is killing me And I

# I must confess I still believe Still believe

# When I'm not with you I lose my mind

# Give me a sign

# Hit me baby, one more time

# Oh baby, baby

# Oh baby, baby

# Yeah, yeah

# Oh baby, baby How was I supposed to know?

# Oh pretty baby I shouldn't have let you go

# I must confess That my loneliness

# Is killing me now

# Don't you know, I still believe

# That you will be here And give me a sign

# Hit me baby, one more time

# My loneliness is killing me And I

# I must confess I still believe Still believe

# When I'm not with you I lose my mind

# Give me a sign Hit me baby, one more time

# I must confess that my loneliness My loneliness is killing me

# Is killing me now I must confess

# Don't you know, I still believe I still believe

# That you will be here

# And give me a sign

# Hit me baby, one more time. #

-SCHOOL BELL RINGS

-Very good, PE class. Now get changed. Latin in five minutes!

Now, this is what school uniforms should look like.

Though I'm not sure that's an official school hat the drummer is wearing.

And some of those haircuts look suspiciously close to being over the collar too.

# ..Can anybody play?

# When we were at school our games were simple

# I played a janitor

# You played a monitor

# Then you played with older boys and prefects

# What's the attraction in what they're doing?

# Hey, Carrie Anne

# What's your game now? Can anybody play?

# Hey, Carrie Anne

# What's your game now? Can anybody play?

# You were always something special to me

# Quite independent, never caring

# You lost your charm as you were ageing

# Where is your magic disappearing?

# Hey, Carrie Anne

# What's your game now? Can anybody play?

# Hey, Carrie Anne

# What's your game now? Can anybody play?

# You're so

# So like a woman to me

# So like a woman to me

# So

# So

# So like a woman to me

# Like a woman to me

# Hey, Carrie Anne

# What's your game now? Can anybody play?

# Hey, Carrie Anne

# What's your game now? Can anybody play?

# People live and learn but you're still learning

# You use your mind and I'll be your teacher

# When the lesson's over you'll be with me

# Then I'll hear the other people saying

# Hey, Carrie Anne

# What's your game now? Can anybody play?

# Hey, Carrie Anne

# What's your game now? Can anybody play?

-# Carrie Anne

-Carrie Anne

# Carrie Anne... #

APPLAUSE

School trip time now,

and here's Irene killing time before getting a hotdog,

even though her mum made her a lovely packed lunch.

Phew! Kids...

from Fame!

# Baby, look at me

# And tell me what you see

# You ain't seen the best of me yet

# Give me time I'll make you forget the rest

# I got more in me

# And you can set it free

# I can catch the moon in my hands

# Don't you know who I am?

# Remember my name

# Fame!

# I'm gonna live for ever

# I'm gonna learn how to fly

# High!

# I feel it coming together

# People will see me and cry

# Fame!

# I'm gonna make it to heaven

# Light up the sky like a flame

# Fame!

# I'm gonna live for ever

# Baby, remember my name

# Remember, remember

# Remember, remember Remember, remember

# Remember, remember

# Baby, hold me tight

# Cos you can make it right

# You can shoot me straight to the top

# Give me love and take all I got to give

# Baby, I'll return

# Too much is not enough

# I can ride your heart till it breaks

# Oh, I got what it takes

# Fame!

# I'm gonna live for ever... #

I'm going to live for ever.

Baby, remember my name.

Fame - by Irene What's-her-face.

Next, those nasty girls who were always smoking at the back of the school bus.

Just ignore them if they bother you.

# Used to be a troublemaker

# Hated home I was a sweet heart-breaker

# And now I have my dream

# I'm so rowdy for 18

# Never read a single book

# Hated home I'm done with dirty looks

# But now I wanna live my life

# There's a lot I've seen at 18

# Oh, yeah

# School days! School days!

# I'm older now and what will I find

# But my school days! School days!

# I'm starting to slip I'm losing my mind

# Used to be the wild one

# Hated class, only lived for fun

# Used to be the wild one

# It's the same when you're 18

# Never made the honour roll

# Hated rules that I was told

# Now I am almost free

# There's a lot I've seen at 18

# Oh, yeah

# School days! School days!

# I'm older now and what will I find

# But my school days! School days!

# I'm starting to slip I'm losing my mind

# School days! School days!

# I'm older now and what will I find?

# School days! School days!

# I'm starting to slip I'm losing my mind. #

-APPLAUSE

-All right. Don't encourage them. They've enough attitude as it is.

By way of contrast,

some of the spotty guys from the science labs next.

And the one with the pipe-cleaners for hair is HUGELY mistaken

if he thinks girls are going to be impressed with his tambourines and comedy percussive banana,

no matter how much effort he puts into shaking them.

# Her name is Noelle

# And I have a dream about her

# She rings my bell

# I got gym class in half an hour

# Oh, how she rocks

# In Keds and tube socks

# But she doesn't know who I am

# And she doesn't give a damn about me

# Cos I'm just a teenage dirt-bag, baby

# Yeah, I'm just a teenage dirt-bag, baby

# Listen to Iron Maiden, baby, with me

# Ooh-hoo

# Her boyfriend's a ...

# And he brings a ... to school

# And he'd simply kick my ass if he knew the truth

# He lives on my block

# And he drives an IROC

# But he doesn't know who I am

# And he doesn't give a damn about me

# Cos I'm just a teenage dirt-bag, baby

# Yeah, I'm just a teenage dirt-bag, baby

# Listen to Iron Maiden, baby, with me

# Ooh-hoo

# Oh, yeah, dirt-bag

# No, she doesn't know what she's missing

# Oh, yeah, dirt-bag

# No, she doesn't know what she's missing... #

OK, so listen up.

I need some frogs up here, please. Immediately.

Come on! Come on, let's go.

I think... Yeah, that's cool. That's cool.

OK. Good, good, good. Good.

OK. Are you ready to sing?

Wow!

You've brought your evening dress.

# ..Man, I feel like mould

# It's prom night and I am lonely Lo and behold

# She's walking over to me This must be fake

# My lip starts to shake

# And how does she know who I am?

# And why does she give a damn about me? #

Prom night with Wheatus,

complete with irritating comedy frog.

Rural Ireland is our next port of call,

and much angst in evidence in a poorly attended class in the village school room.

The bloke in the red suit now trains dogs, like that Toto on Over The Rainbow on telly, you know.

No, really, he does!

# The silicon chip inside her head gets switched to overload

# And nobody's gonna go to school today

# She's gonna make them stay at home

# And Daddy doesn't understand it

# He always said she was good as gold

# And he can see no reasons

# Cos there are no reasons

# What reason do you need to be sho-o-o-own?

-# Tell me why

-I don't like Mondays

-# Tell me why

-I don't like Mondays

-# Tell me why

-I don't like Mondays

# I wanna shoo-oo-oo-oo-oot the whole day down

# The Telex machine is kept so clean

# And it types to a waiting world

# And Mother feels so shocked

# Father's world is rocked

# And their thoughts turn to their own little girl

# Sweet 16, ain't that peachy keen?

# Now that ain't so neat To admit defeat

# They can see no reasons Cos there are no reasons

# What reasons do you need?

# Oh, oh, oh, oh

-# Tell me why

-I don't like Mondays

-# Tell me why

-I don't like Mondays

-# Tell me why

-I don't like Mondays

# I wanna shoo-oo-oo-oo-oot the whole day down

# Down, down Shoot it all down

# And all the playing's stopped in the playground now

# She wants to play with the toys a while

# And school's out early and soon we'll be learning

# And the lesson today is how to die!

# And then the bullhorn crackles And the captain tackles

# With the problems of the hows and whys

# And he can see no reasons Cos there are no reasons

# What reason do you need to die, die? Oh, oh, oh

-# Tell me why

-I don't like Mondays

-# Tell me why

-I don't like Mondays

-# Tell me why

-I don't like, I don't like

-# Tell me why

-I don't like Mondays

-# Tell me why

-I don't like, I don't like

-# Tell me why

-I don't like Mondays

-# Tell me why

-I don't like Mondays

# I wanna shoo-oo-oo-oo-oot the whole day down

# Ooh-ooh-ooh

# Ooh-ooh-ooh

# Ooh-oo-oo-ooh

# Ooh-ooh... #

I think someone had left the coat hanger in that blue jersey Bob was wearing back there.

Mick Jagger's got an awful lot to answer for, hasn't he?

More rough boys now. Keep your hands on your tuck shop money.

# Sup up your beer and collect your fags

# There's a row going on down near Slough

# Get out your mat and pray to the West

# I'll get out mine and pray for myself

# Thought you were smart when you took them on

# But you didn't take a peep in their artillery room

# All that rugby puts hairs on your chest

# What chance have you got against a tie and a crest?

# Hello, hooray, what a nice day for the Eton Rifles, Eton Rifles

# Hello, hooray I hope rain stops play

# For the Eton Rifles, Eton Rifles

# Thought you were clever when you lit the fuse

# Tore down the House of Commons in your brand-new shoes

# Composed a revolutionary symphony

# Then went to bed with a charming young thing

# Hello, hooray Cheers then, mate

# It's the Eton Rifles, Eton Rifles

# Hello, hooray, an extremist scrape

# With the Eton Rifles, Eton Rifles

# What a catalyst you turned out to be

# Loaded the guns then you run off home for your tea

# Left me standing like a guilty schoolboy

# What a catalyst you turned out to be

# Loaded the guns then you run off home for your tea

# Left me standing like a naughty schoolboy

# We came out of it naturally the worst

# Beaten and bloody and I was sick down my shirt

# We were no match for their untamed wit

# Though some of the lads said they'd be back next week... #

One of David Cameron's favourite records, that.

I'm sure Paul Weller was thrilled(!)

And if they restaged that today, defence cuts would mean

there'd only be two blokes in Guards' jackets, and not four.

Meanwhile, at an exclusive Swedish boarding school - with small class sizes, evidently...

# Everybody screamed

# When I kissed the teacher

# And they must have thought they dreamed

# When I kissed the teacher

# All my friends at school

# They had never seen the teacher blush - he looked like a fool

# Nearly petrified cos he was taken by surprise

# When I kissed the teacher

# Couldn't quite believe his eyes

# When I kissed the teacher

# My whole class went wild

# As I held my breath the world stood still

# But then he just smiled

# I was in the seventh heaven when I kissed the teacher

# One of these days

# Gonna tell him I dream of him every night

# One of these days

# Gonna show him I care gonna teach him a lesson all right

# I was in a trance

# When I kissed the teacher

# Suddenly I took the chance

# When I kissed the teacher

# Leaning over me

# He was trying to explain the laws of geometry

# And I couldn't help it

# I just had to kiss the teacher

# One of these days

# Gonna tell him I dream of him every night

# One of these days

# Gonna show him I care gonna teach him a lesson all right

# What a crazy day

# When I kissed the teacher

# All my sense had flown away

# When I kissed the teacher

# My whole class went wild

# As I held my breath the world stood still

# But then he just smiled

# I was in the seventh heaven when I kissed the teacher

# (I wanna hug, hug, hug him)

# When I kissed the teacher (I wanna hug, hug him)

# When I kissed the teacher (I wanna hug, hug...) #

Not obvious heartthrob material, this teacher!

But then she's always had unusual taste, the blonde one!

And how old were ABBA to still be at school?

Pop geniuses, for sure but apparently a bit thick academically.

Kindergarten concert time now. Tissues at the ready.

# Grandma, we love you

# Grandma we do

# Though you may be far away

# We think of you

# There's no one quite like Grandma

# And I know you will agree

# That she always is a friend to you

# And she's a friend to me

# There's no one quite like Grandma

# She's there in times of need

# Before it's bedtime on her knee

# To us a book she'll read

# Grandma, we love you

# Grandma we do

# Though you may be far away

# We think of you

# And one day when we're older

# We'll look back and say

# There's no one quite like Grandma

# She has helped us on our way

# Grandma, we love you

# Grandma we do

# Grandma, we love you

# Grandma, we do

# There's no one quite like Grandma

# A love we always share

# At party time and Christmas too

# We know that she'll be there

# There's no one quite like Grandma

# She always has a smile

# She never hurries us along

# But stays a little while

# Grandma, we love you

# Grandma, we do

# Though you may be far away

# We think of you

# And one day when we're older

# We'll look back and say

# There's no one quite like Grandma She has helped us on our way

# Grandma, we love you

# Grandma, we do

# Grandma we love you... #

Aw, bless. You wouldn't want to have to get a brush through that hair

before school every day though, would you?

There's no-one quite like grandma.

Well, except granddad who is broadly similar.

Here comes those cheeky chaps from the Fifth Form now.

He's cocky that Sharkey lad but there's something about him I like.

Could do with a decent school dinner inside him, mind.

# Now I've got a cousin called Kevin

# He's sure to go to heaven

# Always spotless clean and neat

# The smoothest you can get them

# He's got a fur lined sheepskin jacket

# My ma said they cost a packet

# She won't even let me explain

# That me and Kevin were just not the same

# Oh my perfect cousin

# What I like to do he doesn't

# He's his family's pride and joy

# His mother's little golden boy

# He's gotta degree in economics

# Maths, physics and bionics

# He thinks that I'm a cabbage

# Cos I hate University Challenge

# Even at the age of ten

# Smart boy Kevin was a smart boy then

# He always beat me at Subbuteo

# Cos he flicked the kick And I didn't know

# Oh my perfect cousin

# What I like to do he doesn't

# He's his family's pride and joy

# His mother's little golden boy

# His mother bought him a synthesizer

# Got the Human League in to advise her

# Now he's making lots of noise

# Playing along with the art school boys

# Girls try to attract his attention

# But what a shame it's in vain Total rejection

# He will never be left on the shelf

# Cos Kevin he's in love with himself

# Oh my perfect cousin

# What I like to do he doesn't

# He's his family's pride and joy

# His mother's little golden boy. #

Here's someone who's put more effort into her outfit than Feargal Sharkey.

We're on a cheerleading and marching band kick here.

You normally see them at big games of American football or, as we call it, catch.

# Uh huh, this is my shush

# All the girls stomp your feet like this

# A few times I've been around that track

# So it's not just gonna happen like that

# Because I ain't no hollaback girl

# I ain't no hollaback girl

# A few times I've been around that track

# So it's not just gonna happen like that

# Because I ain't no hollaback girl

# I ain't no hollaback girl

# Ooooh ooh, this my shush, this is my shush

# Ooooh ooh, this my shush, this is my shush

# I heard that you were talking

# And you didn't think that I would hear it

# People hear you talking like that

# Getting everybody fired up

# So I'm ready to attack gonna lead the pack

# Gonna get a touchdown gonna take you out

# That's right put your pom-poms down

# Getting everybody fired up

# A few times I've been around that track

# So it's not just gonna happen like that

# Because I ain't no hollaback girl

# I ain't no hollaback girl

# A few times I've been around that track

# So it's not just gonna happen like that

# Because I ain't no hollaback girl

# I ain't no hollaback girl

# Ooooh ooh, this is my shush this is my shush

# Ooooh ooh, this my ooh this is my ooh

# Ooooh ooh, this my oh this is my oh!

# Ooooh ooh, this my ah this is my ah!

# So that's right dude, meet me at the bleachers

# No principals, no student teachers

# Both of us want to be the winner

# But there can only be one

# So I'm gonna fight gonna give it my all

# Gonna make you fall gonna sock it to you

# That's right I'm the last one standing

# Another one bites the dust

# A few times I've been around that track

# So it's not just gonna happen like that

# Because I ain't no hollaback girl

# I ain't no hollaback girl

# A few times I've been around that track

# So it's not just gonna happen like that

# Because I ain't no hollaback girl

# I ain't no hollaback girl

# Ooooh ooh, this is my shush this is my shush

# Ooooh ooh, this is my shush Let me hear you say

# This is bananas

# B-A-N-A-N-A-S (is bananas)

# (B-A-N-A-N-A-S)

# Is bananas

# B-A-N-A-N-A-S (This shush is bananas)

# (B-A-N-A-N-A-S)

# A few times I've been around that track

# So it's not just gonna happen like that

# Because I ain't no hollaback girl

# I ain't no hollaback girl

# A few times I've been around that track

# So it's not just gonna happen like that

# Because I ain't no hollaback girl

# I ain't no hollaback girl

# Ooooh ooh, this is my shush this is my shush

# Ooooh ooh, this is my urgh this is my urgh!

# Ooooh ooh, this is my shush this is my shush

# # Ooooh ooh, this is my this is my... #

Right, very good. All back on the big yellow bus now, please!

And here's our trendy new teacher Mr Sting and his thoughts on

the teacher being the subject of schoolgirl fantasy.

# She wants him so badly

# Knows what she wants to be

# Inside her there's longing

# This girl's an open page

# Book marking - she's so close now This girl is half his age

# Don't stand, don't stand so Don't stand so close to me

# Don't stand, don't stand so Don't stand so close to me

# Her friends are so jealous You know how bad girls get

# Sometimes it's not so easy

# To be the teacher's pet

# Temptation, frustration So bad it makes him cry

# Wet bus stop, she's waiting

# His car is warm and dry

# Don't stand, don't stand so

# Don't stand so close to me

# Don't stand, don't stand so

# Don't stand so close to me

# Loose talk in the classroom

# To hurt they try and try

# Strong words in the staff room

# The accusations fly

# It's no use, he sees her

# He starts to shake and cough

# Just like the old man in

# That book by Nabokov

# Don't stand, don't stand so

# Don't stand so close to me

# Don't stand, don't stand so

# Don't stand so close to me. #

Ah, what the teachers get up to in the staff common room, eh?

Paul Simon now, still crazily wearing his school cap after all these years.

Thanks for making the effort to keep our theme going, Paul!

I'm not sure about the whistling in this one, if I'm honest.

# The mama pajama rolled out of bed and she ran to the police station

# When the papa found out he began to shout

# And he started the investigation

# It's against the law

# It was against the law

# What the mama saw

# It was against the law

# The mama looks down and spits on the ground ev'ry time my name gets mentioned

# The papa say, "Oy, if I get that boy I'm gonna stick him in the house of detention."

# I'm on my way

# I don't know where I'm goin'

# I'm on my way

# I'm takin' my time but I don't know where.

# Goodbye to Rosie, the Queen of Corona

# See you, me and Julio down by the schoolyard

# See you, me and Julio down by the schoolyard

# In a couple of days they come and take me away

# But the press let the story leak

# And when the radical priest come to get me released

# We's all on the cover of Newsweek

# Well, I'm on my way I don't know where I'm goin'

# I'm on my way, I'm takin' my time but I don't know where

# Goodbye to Rosie, the Queen of Corona

# See you, me and Julio down by the schoolyard

# See you, me and Julio down by the schoolyard

# See you, me and Julio down by the schoolyard. #

That was all very pleasant. Paul Simon getting the parents

nodding along at the annual PTA dinner/dance.

But look what was going on whilst mum and dad were out!

# You ask you mom, "Please?" but she still says, "No!"

# You missed two classes and no homework

# But your teacher preaches class like you're some kind of jerk

# You gotta fight

# For your right

# To party

# Your pop's caught you smoking and he said, "No way!"

# That hypocrite smokes two packs a day

# Man, living at home is such a drag

# Now your mom threw away your best porno mag

(Busted!)

# You gotta fight

# For your right

# To party

# You gotta fight

# Don't step out of this house if that's the clothes you're gonna wear

# I'll kick you out of my home if you don't cut that hair

# Your mom busted in and said, "What's that noise?"

# Aw, mom you're just jealous it's the Beastie Boys!

# You gotta fight

# For your right

# To party! #

Ah well, boys will be boys -

especially beastie ones!

Right, get this mess cleared up or you're all grounded for a month!

OK, that's it. Hope you enjoyed it. If not, well, Must Do Better, eh?