Pennod 5 Y Salon

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-Hello, John. It's December.

-Christmas is just around the corner.

-Sion Corn

-and Billy Connolly on drugs!

-My God.

-Ho, ho, ho.

-Ha, ha, ha, you mean!

-It's Christmas. How much good will

-is in the salon this week?

-Be nice or shut up.

-Are you a bottom sniffer?

-Disgusting.

-Disgusting.

-

-Totally, totally against it.

-There are a lot of big mouths.

-There are a lot of big mouths.

-

-You're right.

-'Tis the season to be jolly.

-It's time to look forward

-to eating and drinking...

-..as they prepare

-their perfect Christmas lunch.

-Christmas Day meat?

-Meat? Turkey.

-Turkey, yes.

-We usually have goose.

-What's goose? Is goose a big duck?

-Yes, yes. There's less meat on it.

-Do you know what I'm thinking of?

-I'm thinking of swan.

-I booked our meat

-about two months ago.

-Booked?

-From the butcher.

-Turkey, beef, pork, ham.

-There's a hamper for 100.

-100?

-12 from Aldi for us.

-We used to keep our own turkeys.

-Turkeys are odd.

-Every year,

-you think you have the same ones.

-They're just as stupid

-and just as friendly.

-They talk to you.

-I read on the internet

-that some people eat reindeer.

-I've eaten reindeer.

-It's handy.

-There's no fighting for a leg.

-There's two extra.

-Do you like the veg?

-Do you like the veg?

-

-Mashed and roast potatoes.

-I like the full works, full works.

-I like the full works, full works.

-

-I can't stand them.

-Sprouts?

-You like them, do you?

-You look like a little sprout.

-Don't be cheeky!

-Don't you like sprouts? I do.

-No, they give me wind!

-Oh, no. I don't eat any greens.

-I don't even eat green sweets.

-Cauliflower cheese.

-Cauliflower cheese? With gravy?

-Pig!

-What about the gravy?

-Does he make the gravy?

-Have I actually made proper gravy?

-I don't think I have.

-You don't make Bisto? You don't

-make Bisto? Oh, my God. Shameful.

-It's the same.

-It's the same.

-

-It's not!

-It's far from being the same.

-It's too much work.

-Christmas is meant to be a holiday.

-Holiday!

-When Nain was still alive,

-she made her own puddings.

-She'd use a sack cloth.

-It was a family tradition.

-It was nice, not like the stuff

-you buy in a shop.

-I make the trifle.

-Boozy trifle?

-Do you make a boozy one?

-Sherry trifle. Very nice.

-You can smell it.

-You can smell it.

-

-Beautiful.

-For the kids...

-For the kids...

-

-Small portion?

-Individual, without sherry.

-Where's the fun in that?

-Where's the fun in that?

-

-That's for the children!

-Custard or brandy cream?

-Custard.

-Custard.

-

-Custard for you.

-Hold on.

-No. No.

-Brandy cream.

-While you're out

-collecting the turkey...

-..be careful where you park

-in case you get stuffed too.

-In the run-up to Christmas,

-parking will be free.

-I see a serious difference.

-People travel to town,

-they spend a lot more time in town.

-They spend more,

-the shops are busier.

-Most of the time,

-you pop into town for this and that.

-Haircut, dentist, shop.

-If you have to pay, eurgh!

-If the sign says one hour,

-you're there an hour and a half...

-..and you get a ticket,

-it's your fault.

-You run a business.

-The more cars that park per hour,

-the more customers you can get.

-If someone parks there all day,

-no-one else can go shopping.

-Where have you parked the car?

-Did you buy a ticket?

-No.

-Are you in the car park?

-Are you in the car park?

-

-No. I parked on a yellow line.

-I couldn't park anywhere.

-Do you park in car parks?

-Do you park in car parks?

-

-I never park in car parks.

-They're so expensive.

-They're so expensive.

-

-There's a traffic warden outside.

-Oh, my God.

-Traffic wardens are like flies.

-It's so gutting when you see

-the ticket on the windscreen.

-It breaks your heart.

-I had a parking ticket.

-It was 38 if I paid it instantly.

-I couldn't afford it at the time

-and it went up to 600.

-I swear, 600 in the end.

-Oh, my God.

-Oh, my God.

-

-I had to pay it.

-If they told me, "Right, you pay

-an extra 2 a month Council Tax"...

-..you wouldn't really miss it.

-Then you can park for free

-in Caernarfon.

-I'd be happy with that.

-I'm not saying they're raking it in,

-but they are greedy.

-If you want value, buy the Cardiff

-University women's rugby calendar.

-The girls have stripped off

-to raise money for good causes.

-I take my hat off

-to everyone who does it.

-It shows self-confidence.

-It gives other women confidence.

-You'd be left wearing just a hat.

-Yeah. Yeah.

-Brave. Very brave.

-Won't catch me on that calendar.

-Won't catch me on that calendar.

-

-Nor me.

-They wouldn't want me

-but they wouldn't have me anyway.

-A Cardiff rugby team

-are doing a naked calendar.

-Men?

-Men?

-

-The women.

-I'll take one!

-One for every room.

-Would you do it?

-Would I do it? Are you mad?

-Kim Rees Hair Studio Boob Calendar.

-I'd do it. If it was for a good

-cause, for charity, I'd do it.

-Can you imagine photos of me

-up in the kitchen?

-The children walk in. "Mami,

-why aren't you wearing clothes?"

-Nude?

-A nude one, yeah.

-What do you think of that?

-Yuck!

-I wouldn't do it.

-There will be some

-strategically placed objects.

-Santa hats.

-Cupcakes?

-You'd need more than cupcakes.

-I'd need balloons.

-A couple of buckets. And a doily.

-Staying in the world of rugby...

-..Wales lost again over the weekend

-against the All Blacks.

-I listened to the first half.

-I watched most of the second half.

-I thought we were going to do it.

-Oh, no!

-Every time we were down

-in their 22...

-..we didn't move forward

-or score points.

-As soon as they were up our end,

-they scored points every time.

-That's the difference.

-1953 was the last time

-we beat the All Blacks.

-1953? That was ten years

-before I was born.

-They've beaten us 30 times.

-30 times.

-Something major needs to happen

-before we beat them again.

-I think mentality affects the team.

-If you're used to losing,

-you'll carry on losing.

-It's always

-in the back of your mind.

-If you think like that, you'll lose.

-If you think like that, you'll lose.

-

-What's his name, the manager?

-Gatland. That's him.

-Oh, no, he's like...

-He's just so dour.

-He never smiles.

-Wales should have their own Haka

-to scare the All Blacks.

-Folk dancing.

-They'd be playing rugby

-and the next minute...!

-From a black day

-on the rugby field...

-..to talk of a white Christmas

-this year.

-People put photos on Facebook -

-do you wish for a white Christmas?

-Photos of snow everywhere.

-Once it starts snowing,

-they all complain.

-It creates problems

-for people who need to travel.

-Say you want to visit your mother

-who lives far away...

-Their fault for living so far away.

-I visited New York four years ago.

-We landed in New Jersey

-in a snowdrift.

-We have a single snowflake in town

-and they close all the roads.

-I hope we do.

-It'll be great for kids.

-It'll be great for kids you say?

-95% will have had a bike

-and they won't be able to ride it!

-That's not great for kids.

-How many kids will get a sledge

-this Christmas? None!

-It's not great for kids.

-Forget about the kids' bikes.

-Are you buying Christmas presents

-for a dog or cat?

-Do you have any animals at home?

-Will you be buying them

-Christmas presents?

-The children want to buy them

-Christmas presents.

-I'll get them a stocking

-with treats in it.

-They're like one of the children.

-My daughter has a dog, a Dachshund.

-His name's Jack.

-She buys him all kinds of things.

-Hoodies and the like.

-The dog has a hoodie.

-Ours at Christmas time,

-have you seen the stuff you can get?

-Beer and special drinks for dogs.

-Pawsecco!

-Have you bought some for yours?

-I'll have to do some research

-into it first. A taste test!

-I'd rather buy Prosecco for myself.

-The cat can have water.

-There's a beer. Bottom Sniffer.

-Are you a bottom sniffer?

-Would you drink Bottom Sniffer?

-With all due respect to people

-who buy for their cats and dogs...

-..I wouldn't do it.

-You have a cat. Would you buy that?

-No.

-Do you buy it any gifts?

-No.

-He lives in my house, doesn't he?

-Warning - toilet humour.

-Let's listen to the response

-of the customers...

-..about the snake

-which lived in the sewer.

-Did you hear about the snake that

-lived in the sewers in Caernarfon?

-No.

-A pet snake

-had gone down the toilet.

-It lived in the sewers.

-They rescued it...

-They rescued it...

-

-Shut up!

-If that snake came into your house,

-what would you do?

-Scream!

-Imagine the shock

-if you saw one in the toilet.

-If you sat on it, it'd be a shock.

-You'd put the toilet seat down

-after you.

-And put a nail through it.

-Or stand up to wee!

-I'm surprised the snake survived.

-Are snakes... waterproof?

-Do they like water, you mean?

-Can they swim?

-Can they breathe underwater?

-Can they survive under water?

-Can they survive under water?

-

-I think so. I don't know.

-Imagine the shock you'd get.

-You'd be sat there...

-You'd be sat there...

-

-And it'd be...

-Anyway, no. You get the picture.

-That's probably the only time

-you'd see me running!

-Time for you to run to the toilet

-for two minutes.

-Put the seat down after you!

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-Remember when we used to go on trips

-when we were younger?

-We used to play dares

-and eat dog food.

-I loved it.

-Who sat at the table next to us

-with a mop of blancmange hair?

-Cliff Richard.

-Did you hear that I'd won

-the Lottery on Friday night? 2.4m.

-No, I didn't hear that news.

-Don't believe everything you hear

-in the salon.

-It's a similar situation

-with the news these days.

-It's difficult to work out

-what's true and what's fake.

-There was an instance of this

-in London at the end of last week.

-Olly Murs tweeted that he

-was near the station in London.

-He tweeted

-that he'd heard a gunshot.

-That tweet was retweeted

-and retweeted.

-More people were retweeting it.

-By the end, it was

-a full-scale terrorist attack.

-It was two men fighting in the end.

-I think it was two men fighting.

-It's an instant reaction.

-When people suspect something now,

-it's terrorism.

-It was Black Friday.

-Oxford Street was really busy.

-Why wouldn't you think

-it was a terrorist attack?

-If it's on the news,

-you'll think it's true.

-If you were

-in Olly Murs' situation...

-..and you were around the corner

-from something like that...

-..would you go on Facebook

-or tweet that you'd heard a shotgun?

-I'd be legging it away from there.

-I don't buy newspapers. Newspapers

-are always full of rubbish.

-You're younger than me. They say

-young people don't believe the news.

-I believe everything I hear.

-If it's on the internet,

-I believe it.

-Media, television,

-radio, everything.

-It's hard to believe

-anything you hear now.

-Everything's become fake news now.

-I think that's the worst thing

-that's happened.

-Twitter and Facebook. People bully

-each other and say nasty things.

-It's not right.

-Do you always believe

-what you hear on the news?

-No.

-Well, it's hard to believe

-some of the things you read.

-I think I'm too gullible sometimes.

-I'm 100% the same.

-When I realise someone's been

-lying or deceitful, I think why?

-Most of the time,

-I think ignorance is bliss.

-It's nicer not knowing

-about everything.

-Do you trust the news?

-Well, no, you don't have to...

-What about the Cambrian News?

-What about the Cambrian News?

-

-Yes, I read it...

-..to find out who's died.

-I believe a little of everything.

-You're a hairdresser.

-You hear a lot of gossip.

-One piece of news

-that was 100% true this week...

-..was the engagement of Prince Harry

-to American actress Meghan Markle.

-It's good news, isn't it?

-We hear enough bad news.

-Good luck to them.

-Is she related to that German woman?

-Is she related to that German woman?

-

-Angela?

-Angela Merkel.

-We haven't really heard

-about Meghan that much.

-Not really.

-He could have chosen

-someone prettier than that.

-D'you think so?

-D'you think so?

-

-Yes.

-I think she's quite attractive.

-I think she's quite ugly.

-She's older than him.

-She's older than him.

-

-He's 33, she's 36.

-No.

-How can she look like that

-and I look like this?

-I have no idea who she is.

-I have no interest.

-Guaranteed she doesn't know me.

-I wouldn't kick him out of bed.

-Oh, my God, no way.

-I think he's a bit

-of a rule breaker.

-They were talking

-about having children.

-They'd better hurry up - she's 36.

-Yes.

-Get on with it.

-Get on with it.

-Did you see her ring?

-Did you see her ring?

-

-I haven't seen it

-It's absolutely massive.

-They used diamonds from

-Diana's jewellery box to make it.

-It's lovely.

-It was too big for her.

-It was slipping down her finger.

-You'd think he'd get the size right,

-after all that effort.

-Can you imagine going back

-and saying, "I've lost the ring."

-Can you imagine?

-She's been married before.

-People are asking if it's right that

-they're getting married in church.

-After a divorce? Yeah, well....

-I think we should be moving on

-from that.

-I agree.

-If you didn't marry

-the right one the first time...

-..you shouldn't be chastised

-for that.

-You shouldn't be punished.

-It doesn't mean you're not Christian

-if you marry a second time.

-He proposed while they were making

-roast chicken.

-They were cooking roast chicken.

-We got engaged on Christmas Day.

-In bed. Christmas Day.

-I was barely awake.

-Bed hair.

-I'd set the clock for 5.00am

-to put the turkey in early.

-A little cwtsh.

-That's what you call it.

-A little cwtsh!

-Pete had a ring on the pillow.

-Pete had a ring on the pillow.

-

-Oh!

-Did you burn the turkey?

-I don't think I saw the turkey.

-I don't think I saw the turkey.

-

-After your bedroom celebrations.

-My wedding cost thirty-six quid.

-That's gospel.

-The registry licence and that's it.

-Reception in The Ship.

-Lena and Alf gave it to us for free.

-We had a reception

-in the football club.

-Mike Fish did the disco for nothing.

-The family made the buffet

-as a gift.

-Thirty-six quid.

-Sorry, I paid a fiver

-for a wedding night Viagra.

-Forty-one quid in all.

-I met him,

-I was madly in love with him.

-Love of my life.

-We got married.

-Lovely.

-Lovely.

-

-That's why I never remarried.

-He died 25 years ago.

-I never found another like him.

-Dad told me years ago that Mam

-was so pretty when she was young...

-..he could have eaten her.

-35 years later,

-he regretted not doing so.

-As the journey starts

-for Harry and Meghan...

-..it was the end of the line

-for Welshman Lloyd Macey...

-..as people decided

-that he didn't have the X Factor.

-Have you been watching the X Factor?

-Oh, yes.

-That Welsh lad was knocked out.

-He had a lovely voice.

-Was it an operatic voice?

-Was it an operatic voice?

-

-It was - a voice for the musicals.

-He sang ballads

-and songs from musicals.

-His voice was more suited

-to musicals.

-I voted for him.

-I don't watch it all the time but

-I like to know who's been voted off.

-What a pity.

-You were sad to see him go.

-He had a good run.

-That lad has a bright future.

-I'd say so.

-He has a great personality.

-He's very well-mannered.

-The grandmothers love him.

-The grandmothers are important.

-It's a strong competition this year.

-Did you see that Welsh singer,

-Lloyd Macey, leaving the X Factor?

-His grandmother gave Simon Cowell

-a fish finger sandwich.

-Fish finger sandwich.

-I like fish fingers.

-With brown sauce.

-With brown sauce.

-

-Fishcakes actually.

-What's your favourite sandwich?

-Cheese and chutney.

-I had chocolate once.

-In a sandwich?

-A chocolate sandwich.

-I've heard of crisp sandwiches.

-I put a Cadbury's bar in once.

-Cheese and marmalade.

-Cheese and ma... Together?

-My husband likes mushy peas sandwich

-or cold baked beans.

-Have you tried cheese with honey

-and salt and vinegar crisps?

-Vinegar sandwiches.

-What? Oh, my God.

-I ate them under a table

-because Mam was angry.

-I like a sandwich with a piece

-of fish from the chip shop.

-A fish sandwich.

-Oh, right.

-I call it the Jones sandwich.

-Turkey, stuffing, cranberry,

-bread sauce, mint jelly...

-Between two slices of bread? Yuck.

-Everything. Mint jelly is essential.

-I'd go to the kitchen,

-grab a slice of bread...

-..and after the missus had made

-cauliflower cheese sauce...

-You pig!

-Our Kenny works by the bakery.

-We regularly get a loaf from there.

-It's fresh.

-They also have nice pasties.

-You could do a pasty sandwich.

-Do you know what my

-great-grandmother used to do?

-She'd sprinkle sugar over lettuce.

-Syrup, tomato ketchup.

-Syrup and tomato ketchup.

-Together? Together?!

-No way. Sweet and sour.

-When your wife works nights,

-you come up with ideas.

-I like Nutella.

-I like ham and crisps.

-Ham and crisps?

-Together in a sandwich?

-Oh, you're strange.

-Who made these?

-Mince pie, Col?

-Go on then.

-Merry Christmas, everyone.

-Very nice. Mm, delicious.

-It's time to close the salon doors.

-Join us for more meat

-on the stories next week.

-S4C Subtitles by Adnod Cyf.

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