Pennod 5 Y Salon


Pennod 5

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-Hello, John. It's December.

-Christmas is just around the corner.

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-Sion Corn

-and Billy Connolly on drugs!

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-My God.

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-Ho, ho, ho.

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-Ha, ha, ha, you mean!

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-It's Christmas. How much good will

-is in the salon this week?

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-Be nice or shut up.

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-Are you a bottom sniffer?

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-Disgusting.

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-Disgusting.

-

-Totally, totally against it.

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-There are a lot of big mouths.

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-There are a lot of big mouths.

-

-You're right.

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-'Tis the season to be jolly.

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-It's time to look forward

-to eating and drinking...

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-..as they prepare

-their perfect Christmas lunch.

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-Christmas Day meat?

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-Meat? Turkey.

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-Turkey, yes.

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-We usually have goose.

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-What's goose? Is goose a big duck?

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-Yes, yes. There's less meat on it.

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-Do you know what I'm thinking of?

-I'm thinking of swan.

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-I booked our meat

-about two months ago.

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-Booked?

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-From the butcher.

-Turkey, beef, pork, ham.

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-There's a hamper for 100.

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-100?

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-12 from Aldi for us.

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-We used to keep our own turkeys.

-Turkeys are odd.

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-Every year,

-you think you have the same ones.

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-They're just as stupid

-and just as friendly.

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-They talk to you.

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-I read on the internet

-that some people eat reindeer.

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-I've eaten reindeer.

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-It's handy.

-There's no fighting for a leg.

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-There's two extra.

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-Do you like the veg?

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-Do you like the veg?

-

-Mashed and roast potatoes.

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-I like the full works, full works.

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-I like the full works, full works.

-

-I can't stand them.

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-Sprouts?

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-You like them, do you?

-You look like a little sprout.

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-Don't be cheeky!

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-Don't you like sprouts? I do.

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-No, they give me wind!

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-Oh, no. I don't eat any greens.

-I don't even eat green sweets.

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-Cauliflower cheese.

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-Cauliflower cheese? With gravy?

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-Pig!

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-What about the gravy?

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-Does he make the gravy?

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-Have I actually made proper gravy?

-I don't think I have.

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-You don't make Bisto? You don't

-make Bisto? Oh, my God. Shameful.

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-It's the same.

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-It's the same.

-

-It's not!

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-It's far from being the same.

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-It's too much work.

-Christmas is meant to be a holiday.

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-Holiday!

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-When Nain was still alive,

-she made her own puddings.

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-She'd use a sack cloth.

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-It was a family tradition.

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-It was nice, not like the stuff

-you buy in a shop.

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-I make the trifle.

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-Boozy trifle?

-Do you make a boozy one?

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-Sherry trifle. Very nice.

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-You can smell it.

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-You can smell it.

-

-Beautiful.

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-For the kids...

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-For the kids...

-

-Small portion?

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-Individual, without sherry.

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-Where's the fun in that?

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-Where's the fun in that?

-

-That's for the children!

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-Custard or brandy cream?

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-Custard.

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-Custard.

-

-Custard for you.

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-Hold on.

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-No. No.

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-Brandy cream.

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-While you're out

-collecting the turkey...

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-..be careful where you park

-in case you get stuffed too.

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-In the run-up to Christmas,

-parking will be free.

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-I see a serious difference.

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-People travel to town,

-they spend a lot more time in town.

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-They spend more,

-the shops are busier.

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-Most of the time,

-you pop into town for this and that.

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-Haircut, dentist, shop.

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-If you have to pay, eurgh!

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-If the sign says one hour,

-you're there an hour and a half...

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-..and you get a ticket,

-it's your fault.

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-You run a business.

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-The more cars that park per hour,

-the more customers you can get.

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-If someone parks there all day,

-no-one else can go shopping.

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-Where have you parked the car?

-Did you buy a ticket?

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-No.

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-Are you in the car park?

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-Are you in the car park?

-

-No. I parked on a yellow line.

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-I couldn't park anywhere.

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-Do you park in car parks?

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-Do you park in car parks?

-

-I never park in car parks.

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-They're so expensive.

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-They're so expensive.

-

-There's a traffic warden outside.

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-Oh, my God.

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-Traffic wardens are like flies.

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-It's so gutting when you see

-the ticket on the windscreen.

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-It breaks your heart.

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-I had a parking ticket.

-It was 38 if I paid it instantly.

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-I couldn't afford it at the time

-and it went up to 600.

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-I swear, 600 in the end.

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-Oh, my God.

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-Oh, my God.

-

-I had to pay it.

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-If they told me, "Right, you pay

-an extra 2 a month Council Tax"...

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-..you wouldn't really miss it.

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-Then you can park for free

-in Caernarfon.

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-I'd be happy with that.

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-I'm not saying they're raking it in,

-but they are greedy.

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-If you want value, buy the Cardiff

-University women's rugby calendar.

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-The girls have stripped off

-to raise money for good causes.

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-I take my hat off

-to everyone who does it.

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-It shows self-confidence.

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-It gives other women confidence.

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-You'd be left wearing just a hat.

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-Yeah. Yeah.

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-Brave. Very brave.

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-Won't catch me on that calendar.

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-Won't catch me on that calendar.

-

-Nor me.

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-They wouldn't want me

-but they wouldn't have me anyway.

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-A Cardiff rugby team

-are doing a naked calendar.

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-Men?

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-Men?

-

-The women.

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-I'll take one!

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-One for every room.

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-Would you do it?

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-Would I do it? Are you mad?

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-Kim Rees Hair Studio Boob Calendar.

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-I'd do it. If it was for a good

-cause, for charity, I'd do it.

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-Can you imagine photos of me

-up in the kitchen?

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-The children walk in. "Mami,

-why aren't you wearing clothes?"

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-Nude?

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-A nude one, yeah.

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-What do you think of that?

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-Yuck!

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-I wouldn't do it.

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-There will be some

-strategically placed objects.

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-Santa hats.

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-Cupcakes?

-You'd need more than cupcakes.

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-I'd need balloons.

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-A couple of buckets. And a doily.

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-Staying in the world of rugby...

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-..Wales lost again over the weekend

-against the All Blacks.

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-I listened to the first half.

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-I watched most of the second half.

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-I thought we were going to do it.

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-Oh, no!

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-Every time we were down

-in their 22...

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-..we didn't move forward

-or score points.

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-As soon as they were up our end,

-they scored points every time.

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-That's the difference.

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-1953 was the last time

-we beat the All Blacks.

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-1953? That was ten years

-before I was born.

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-They've beaten us 30 times.

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-30 times.

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-Something major needs to happen

-before we beat them again.

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-I think mentality affects the team.

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-If you're used to losing,

-you'll carry on losing.

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-It's always

-in the back of your mind.

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-If you think like that, you'll lose.

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-If you think like that, you'll lose.

-

-What's his name, the manager?

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-Gatland. That's him.

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-Oh, no, he's like...

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-He's just so dour.

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-He never smiles.

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-Wales should have their own Haka

-to scare the All Blacks.

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-Folk dancing.

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-They'd be playing rugby

-and the next minute...!

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-From a black day

-on the rugby field...

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-..to talk of a white Christmas

-this year.

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-People put photos on Facebook -

-do you wish for a white Christmas?

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-Photos of snow everywhere.

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-Once it starts snowing,

-they all complain.

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-It creates problems

-for people who need to travel.

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-Say you want to visit your mother

-who lives far away...

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-Their fault for living so far away.

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-I visited New York four years ago.

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-We landed in New Jersey

-in a snowdrift.

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-We have a single snowflake in town

-and they close all the roads.

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-I hope we do.

-It'll be great for kids.

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-It'll be great for kids you say?

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-95% will have had a bike

-and they won't be able to ride it!

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-That's not great for kids.

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-How many kids will get a sledge

-this Christmas? None!

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-It's not great for kids.

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-Forget about the kids' bikes.

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-Are you buying Christmas presents

-for a dog or cat?

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-Do you have any animals at home?

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-Will you be buying them

-Christmas presents?

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-The children want to buy them

-Christmas presents.

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-I'll get them a stocking

-with treats in it.

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-They're like one of the children.

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-My daughter has a dog, a Dachshund.

-His name's Jack.

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-She buys him all kinds of things.

-Hoodies and the like.

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-The dog has a hoodie.

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-Ours at Christmas time,

-have you seen the stuff you can get?

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-Beer and special drinks for dogs.

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-Pawsecco!

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-Have you bought some for yours?

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-I'll have to do some research

-into it first. A taste test!

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-I'd rather buy Prosecco for myself.

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-The cat can have water.

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-There's a beer. Bottom Sniffer.

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-Are you a bottom sniffer?

-Would you drink Bottom Sniffer?

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-With all due respect to people

-who buy for their cats and dogs...

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-..I wouldn't do it.

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-You have a cat. Would you buy that?

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-No.

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-Do you buy it any gifts?

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-No.

-He lives in my house, doesn't he?

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-Warning - toilet humour.

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-Let's listen to the response

-of the customers...

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-..about the snake

-which lived in the sewer.

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-Did you hear about the snake that

-lived in the sewers in Caernarfon?

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-No.

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-A pet snake

-had gone down the toilet.

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-It lived in the sewers.

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-They rescued it...

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-They rescued it...

-

-Shut up!

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-If that snake came into your house,

-what would you do?

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-Scream!

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-Imagine the shock

-if you saw one in the toilet.

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-If you sat on it, it'd be a shock.

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-You'd put the toilet seat down

-after you.

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-And put a nail through it.

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-Or stand up to wee!

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-I'm surprised the snake survived.

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-Are snakes... waterproof?

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-Do they like water, you mean?

-Can they swim?

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-Can they breathe underwater?

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-Can they survive under water?

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-Can they survive under water?

-

-I think so. I don't know.

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-Imagine the shock you'd get.

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-You'd be sat there...

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-You'd be sat there...

-

-And it'd be...

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-Anyway, no. You get the picture.

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-That's probably the only time

-you'd see me running!

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-Time for you to run to the toilet

-for two minutes.

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-Put the seat down after you!

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-.

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-Subtitles

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-Subtitles

-

-Subtitles

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-Remember when we used to go on trips

-when we were younger?

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-We used to play dares

-and eat dog food.

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-I loved it.

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-Who sat at the table next to us

-with a mop of blancmange hair?

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-Cliff Richard.

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-Did you hear that I'd won

-the Lottery on Friday night? 2.4m.

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-No, I didn't hear that news.

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-Don't believe everything you hear

-in the salon.

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-It's a similar situation

-with the news these days.

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-It's difficult to work out

-what's true and what's fake.

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-There was an instance of this

-in London at the end of last week.

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-Olly Murs tweeted that he

-was near the station in London.

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-He tweeted

-that he'd heard a gunshot.

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-That tweet was retweeted

-and retweeted.

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-More people were retweeting it.

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-By the end, it was

-a full-scale terrorist attack.

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-It was two men fighting in the end.

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-I think it was two men fighting.

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-It's an instant reaction.

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-When people suspect something now,

-it's terrorism.

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-It was Black Friday.

-Oxford Street was really busy.

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-Why wouldn't you think

-it was a terrorist attack?

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-If it's on the news,

-you'll think it's true.

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-If you were

-in Olly Murs' situation...

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-..and you were around the corner

-from something like that...

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-..would you go on Facebook

-or tweet that you'd heard a shotgun?

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-I'd be legging it away from there.

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-I don't buy newspapers. Newspapers

-are always full of rubbish.

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-You're younger than me. They say

-young people don't believe the news.

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-I believe everything I hear.

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-If it's on the internet,

-I believe it.

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-Media, television,

-radio, everything.

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-It's hard to believe

-anything you hear now.

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-Everything's become fake news now.

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-I think that's the worst thing

-that's happened.

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-Twitter and Facebook. People bully

-each other and say nasty things.

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-It's not right.

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-Do you always believe

-what you hear on the news?

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-No.

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-Well, it's hard to believe

-some of the things you read.

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-I think I'm too gullible sometimes.

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-I'm 100% the same.

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-When I realise someone's been

-lying or deceitful, I think why?

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-Most of the time,

-I think ignorance is bliss.

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-It's nicer not knowing

-about everything.

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-Do you trust the news?

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-Well, no, you don't have to...

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-What about the Cambrian News?

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-What about the Cambrian News?

-

-Yes, I read it...

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-..to find out who's died.

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-I believe a little of everything.

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-You're a hairdresser.

-You hear a lot of gossip.

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-One piece of news

-that was 100% true this week...

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-..was the engagement of Prince Harry

-to American actress Meghan Markle.

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-It's good news, isn't it?

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-We hear enough bad news.

-Good luck to them.

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-Is she related to that German woman?

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-Is she related to that German woman?

-

-Angela?

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-Angela Merkel.

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-We haven't really heard

-about Meghan that much.

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-Not really.

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-He could have chosen

-someone prettier than that.

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-D'you think so?

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-D'you think so?

-

-Yes.

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-I think she's quite attractive.

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-I think she's quite ugly.

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-She's older than him.

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-She's older than him.

-

-He's 33, she's 36.

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-No.

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-How can she look like that

-and I look like this?

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-I have no idea who she is.

-I have no interest.

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-Guaranteed she doesn't know me.

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-I wouldn't kick him out of bed.

-Oh, my God, no way.

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-I think he's a bit

-of a rule breaker.

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-They were talking

-about having children.

0:17:010:17:04

-They'd better hurry up - she's 36.

0:17:040:17:07

-Yes.

0:17:070:17:08

-Get on with it.

0:17:080:17:10

-Get on with it.

0:17:100:17:12

-Did you see her ring?

0:17:130:17:14

-Did you see her ring?

-

-I haven't seen it

0:17:140:17:16

-It's absolutely massive.

0:17:160:17:18

-They used diamonds from

-Diana's jewellery box to make it.

0:17:180:17:23

-It's lovely.

0:17:230:17:25

-It was too big for her.

-It was slipping down her finger.

0:17:250:17:29

-You'd think he'd get the size right,

-after all that effort.

0:17:300:17:34

-Can you imagine going back

-and saying, "I've lost the ring."

0:17:340:17:39

-Can you imagine?

0:17:390:17:40

-She's been married before.

0:17:410:17:44

-People are asking if it's right that

-they're getting married in church.

0:17:440:17:50

-After a divorce? Yeah, well....

0:17:500:17:53

-I think we should be moving on

-from that.

0:17:530:17:56

-I agree.

0:17:560:17:58

-If you didn't marry

-the right one the first time...

0:17:580:18:02

-..you shouldn't be chastised

-for that.

0:18:020:18:05

-You shouldn't be punished.

0:18:050:18:07

-It doesn't mean you're not Christian

-if you marry a second time.

0:18:080:18:12

-He proposed while they were making

-roast chicken.

0:18:120:18:15

-They were cooking roast chicken.

0:18:150:18:17

-We got engaged on Christmas Day.

0:18:170:18:21

-In bed. Christmas Day.

0:18:210:18:24

-I was barely awake.

0:18:250:18:27

-Bed hair.

0:18:270:18:29

-I'd set the clock for 5.00am

-to put the turkey in early.

0:18:290:18:33

-A little cwtsh.

0:18:340:18:36

-That's what you call it.

-A little cwtsh!

0:18:360:18:39

-Pete had a ring on the pillow.

0:18:390:18:41

-Pete had a ring on the pillow.

-

-Oh!

0:18:410:18:43

-Did you burn the turkey?

0:18:450:18:47

-I don't think I saw the turkey.

0:18:490:18:51

-I don't think I saw the turkey.

-

-After your bedroom celebrations.

0:18:510:18:53

-My wedding cost thirty-six quid.

0:18:530:18:57

-That's gospel.

0:18:570:18:59

-The registry licence and that's it.

0:18:590:19:03

-Reception in The Ship.

-Lena and Alf gave it to us for free.

0:19:030:19:06

-We had a reception

-in the football club.

0:19:070:19:10

-Mike Fish did the disco for nothing.

0:19:100:19:12

-The family made the buffet

-as a gift.

0:19:120:19:16

-Thirty-six quid.

0:19:170:19:19

-Sorry, I paid a fiver

-for a wedding night Viagra.

0:19:190:19:22

-Forty-one quid in all.

0:19:230:19:25

-I met him,

-I was madly in love with him.

0:19:260:19:29

-Love of my life.

0:19:290:19:31

-We got married.

0:19:310:19:33

-Lovely.

0:19:330:19:34

-Lovely.

-

-That's why I never remarried.

0:19:340:19:36

-He died 25 years ago.

0:19:360:19:39

-I never found another like him.

0:19:390:19:44

-Dad told me years ago that Mam

-was so pretty when she was young...

0:19:450:19:49

-..he could have eaten her.

0:19:490:19:51

-35 years later,

-he regretted not doing so.

0:19:510:19:53

-As the journey starts

-for Harry and Meghan...

0:19:550:19:59

-..it was the end of the line

-for Welshman Lloyd Macey...

0:19:590:20:03

-..as people decided

-that he didn't have the X Factor.

0:20:030:20:07

-Have you been watching the X Factor?

0:20:080:20:10

-Oh, yes.

0:20:100:20:12

-That Welsh lad was knocked out.

0:20:120:20:16

-He had a lovely voice.

0:20:160:20:18

-Was it an operatic voice?

0:20:190:20:20

-Was it an operatic voice?

-

-It was - a voice for the musicals.

0:20:200:20:22

-He sang ballads

-and songs from musicals.

0:20:220:20:26

-His voice was more suited

-to musicals.

0:20:280:20:31

-I voted for him.

0:20:310:20:33

-I don't watch it all the time but

-I like to know who's been voted off.

0:20:330:20:38

-What a pity.

0:20:390:20:41

-You were sad to see him go.

0:20:420:20:44

-He had a good run.

0:20:440:20:46

-That lad has a bright future.

0:20:460:20:49

-I'd say so.

0:20:490:20:50

-He has a great personality.

0:20:510:20:53

-He's very well-mannered.

0:20:530:20:55

-The grandmothers love him.

0:20:560:20:58

-The grandmothers are important.

0:20:580:21:01

-It's a strong competition this year.

0:21:010:21:05

-Did you see that Welsh singer,

-Lloyd Macey, leaving the X Factor?

0:21:060:21:10

-His grandmother gave Simon Cowell

-a fish finger sandwich.

0:21:110:21:15

-Fish finger sandwich.

-I like fish fingers.

0:21:160:21:19

-With brown sauce.

0:21:190:21:20

-With brown sauce.

-

-Fishcakes actually.

0:21:200:21:21

-What's your favourite sandwich?

0:21:220:21:24

-Cheese and chutney.

0:21:240:21:27

-I had chocolate once.

0:21:270:21:29

-In a sandwich?

0:21:290:21:31

-A chocolate sandwich.

0:21:310:21:34

-I've heard of crisp sandwiches.

0:21:340:21:36

-I put a Cadbury's bar in once.

0:21:360:21:38

-Cheese and marmalade.

0:21:390:21:41

-Cheese and ma... Together?

0:21:410:21:43

-My husband likes mushy peas sandwich

-or cold baked beans.

0:21:430:21:47

-Have you tried cheese with honey

-and salt and vinegar crisps?

0:21:470:21:52

-Vinegar sandwiches.

0:21:530:21:55

-What? Oh, my God.

0:21:550:21:57

-I ate them under a table

-because Mam was angry.

0:21:570:22:01

-I like a sandwich with a piece

-of fish from the chip shop.

0:22:010:22:06

-A fish sandwich.

0:22:060:22:08

-Oh, right.

0:22:080:22:10

-I call it the Jones sandwich.

0:22:110:22:13

-Turkey, stuffing, cranberry,

-bread sauce, mint jelly...

0:22:130:22:17

-Between two slices of bread? Yuck.

0:22:180:22:21

-Everything. Mint jelly is essential.

0:22:210:22:24

-I'd go to the kitchen,

-grab a slice of bread...

0:22:240:22:27

-..and after the missus had made

-cauliflower cheese sauce...

0:22:270:22:31

-You pig!

0:22:310:22:32

-Our Kenny works by the bakery.

0:22:330:22:35

-We regularly get a loaf from there.

0:22:350:22:38

-It's fresh.

0:22:390:22:41

-They also have nice pasties.

0:22:410:22:43

-You could do a pasty sandwich.

0:22:440:22:46

-Do you know what my

-great-grandmother used to do?

0:22:480:22:51

-She'd sprinkle sugar over lettuce.

0:22:510:22:54

-Syrup, tomato ketchup.

0:22:550:22:57

-Syrup and tomato ketchup.

-Together? Together?!

0:22:570:23:01

-No way. Sweet and sour.

0:23:010:23:04

-When your wife works nights,

-you come up with ideas.

0:23:040:23:08

-I like Nutella.

0:23:080:23:10

-I like ham and crisps.

0:23:110:23:14

-Ham and crisps?

0:23:140:23:16

-Together in a sandwich?

-Oh, you're strange.

0:23:160:23:20

-Who made these?

0:23:210:23:23

-Mince pie, Col?

0:23:230:23:25

-Go on then.

0:23:250:23:27

-Merry Christmas, everyone.

0:23:270:23:29

-Very nice. Mm, delicious.

0:23:290:23:33

-It's time to close the salon doors.

0:23:330:23:35

-Join us for more meat

-on the stories next week.

0:23:360:23:40

-S4C Subtitles by Adnod Cyf.

0:23:580:24:00

-.

0:24:000:24:01

Torri gwallt a thorri bol i rannu clecs yr wythnos. Pwy fyddai'n meddwl bod cymaint i'w drafod yn siopau trin gwallt Cymru fach? Cutting hair & having a gossip, it's time to visit the salon!


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