David Millar, cyclist HARDtalk

Now it is time for HARDtalk. Cycling is one of the most

physically demanding professional sports. It is also one of the most

tainted. In the last decade, a host of top riders have been exposed as

drugs cheats, including David Millar. Millar held the Tour de

France's yellow jersey and was a world champion before he was

exposed. Banned for two years, he then came back, committed, not just

to racing, but to cleaning up cycling. But is there room for

integrity in a world where winning is everything?

David Millar, welcome to Hardtalk. You are an elite professional

cyclist. You are now 34. You have put yourself through the Tour de

France again. Do you care about winning any more? I think that is a

natural state for any professional athlete, you care whether you win,

for your team for your team-mates. If we are not winning we are not

doing our job. So winning matters for you today as much as it ever

did? You when you were a young lad setting up a prodigious talent, it

is the same feeling? If I didn't have that ambition or decide to

achieve success, which is winning, I wouldn't be doing it and I would

love it so much. I wouldn't work so hard and I wouldn't go through the

suffering. Suffering is the key word that I hear from cyclists a

lot. When you say suffering, do you mean mental or physical anguish?

The two. It is an integral part of professional cycling - there is a

huge amount of physical suffering and there is obviously mental

suffering. A lot of the time you are hanging on for dear life

waiting for the guy in front of you to crack. Once he cracks the race

is on. We are all pushing each other and waiting for the guy next

to us to crack before you do. A lot of the time it doesn't happen.

have been through more than a decade of professional suffering as

a cyclist. I would like to go back to the beginning of your career as

a boy and a young man. He clearly had a talent for racing your

bicycle. What was it that pushed you towards the idea that you could

make a life after that, a career? Dreaming more than anything.

Watching the Tour de France and realising it was possible... That

the sport existed at that level we could go do it full-time and get

paid for it. When I was young I didn't have much to do with money

or glory - I wanted to do that would have France. I thought it was

an epic thing, something so magnificent and other-worldly. It

was idealistic and sort of, yeah, it was a dream. And this is a

loaded word, but were you arrogant enough, in the early years of your

career, but you could do your best? Push yourself all the way, win the

Tour de France? For sure, I think arrogance - you have to have an

element of arrogance to you as a young sportsman if you want to

achieve. If you want to become - if you want to get into the elite

level. Just to get in, let alone remain there. You have to go

against the grain in many ways. They were, a cocksure young man.

You were bored and you knew you were good and you believe you can

be at the top of this sport one day. -- you were good. At what time did

you realise that a lot of the riders around you were using

illegal drugs to enhance their performance? Almost immediately

when I turned professional. It was quite obvious that there was doping

going on. That was apparent immediately from seeing suspicious

behaviour - things being delivered to rooms - ice. Asking why ice was

being delivered to rooms. Asking, why does my room-mate need ice? And

they would just say, oh, it is to keep the E P O called. -- cool.

That was the drug of choice at the time. I didn't want to believe

there was any doping. At the time it wasn't in the media. There had

not been any real big drug scandals. This is before the scandal in 1998.

To come into this world and have all my dreams shattered and realise

that doping was prevalent was shocking. You have written about

this a lot. Orme one ride with a training team-mate you ask him what

sort of difference can be E P O make. He said it could turn a pony

in to a racecourse. That's the truth. -- racehorse. Doping is

abuse, but it was amazing there were different degrees of abuse.

Some guys would do with to just tweak a little bit, other guys

would literally take as much as they possibly could, risking their

health and pushing the limits of what was possible. Those guys were

the guys who were turning themselves... They became

racehorses. You were not a donkey - you were a thoroughbred. Very early

on, you lead the Tour de France. You had the yellow jersey. I am

trying to establish the kind of mindset that put you over the edge

from having consistently, for a number of years, saying you would

not take drugs because you believe you can win without them, to then

deciding - you know what, I will take the E P O. I will become a

cheat. This is what is so hard to explain and it is why I wrote the

book. I want people to understand the accumulation of factors that

kind of pushed me towards doping for the first time. In all honesty

there is not one thing I can pinpoint. Didn't you push yourself?

Oh, yes, I pushed myself - as I said, there was an accumulation of

factors. It was only ever me that made the decision. The buck stops

with me. In all honesty, I gave up. I stopped fighting being cleaned.

It's not like I was really standing my ground and being stubborn. It

almost felt like I was being idealistic for nothing. Nobody

cared if I was clean or not. Even your own team manager? At one point

that they used the phrase after you had a catastrophic 2001 talk, you

had to retire in the Alps - they told you to go off and "prepare

properly". And you said you knew what they meant. I completely new

what they meant. There was a lot of innuendo. To prepare properly at

that time meant to take drugs. To say that you may have well have

said - OK David, you're going to go and take E P O. Did you ever think

of saying no? I said No four years. What is interesting is that you

stop saying no after you had a reverse. You were one of the young

greats of the Tour de France and you had just had a serious setback.

Maybe your pride was injured - you wanted to get to the top. It was

hurt. I wanted to be what people expected me to be. I was aspiring

to expectations - there was a lot of ego involved. There was pride.

There was the desire for glory. Funnily enough, mummy didn't come

into it. It was an ego thing in many ways. -- money. To not let

down the people around me. There were many things involved. You won

as a cheat. You won a terrific World Championship time-trial in

2003, on drugs. Did you take... dominated it. During the race I

knew I had won it. It was just ticking boxes. It was business time

- there were none of the raw sensations that you were supposed

to get from the sport. It is supposed to be pure, existential

but as soon as I was taking drugs, especially to that degree - I was

firing on alring on als. It was too easy and I knew I was cheating. I

knew that all I was therefore was to win. When you stood on a podium,

you got the garlands and the big prize, what did you feel? Bow, not

much. Not much at all. Empty? was not much feeling. You were

always a smart young man, he had many options in your life. You

chose to go down the path of cycling because you could. Because

you were articulate and bright, white, at that point, did you not

decide, voluntarily, to confess? To stop going down that path that was

not satisfying? I couldn't.. I didn't have the courage to do it.

It was an endgame situation. If we are going back to the pride and ego

- I would be destroyed. This image that people have of me. I would be

disliked. That was something I was scared of going. It was almost a

self- sabotage, the fact that I kept those last two also whinges in

my bookshelf. -- bowled some whingers. I had to get caught. I

had to have them catch me. The big question for David Millar is - if

the French police had been busted due in 2004, partly because they

got information from your team-mate, if they hadn't asked to do, would

you ever have been almost? I can't - I don't know. There was a high

chance that, no, I wouldn't have been. I don't think I would have

been alive now, judging by what happened to some of the other guys.

I was on a downward spiral already, emotionally and I was tormenting

myself in many ways. I was a very unstable person. I think if I

hadn't - if the French police hadn't stepped in and the governors

had and taken control the situation I would have destroyed myself.

Although I wouldn't have admitted it, I would have burnt that flame a

little too long. It is one hell of a world, isn't it? Where the people

were managing you, supposed to be nurturing new and responsible for

you are watching you going down that spiral and, frankly, far from

preventing it - are encouraging you. That has been one of my biggest

things in regards to coming back into the sport and trying to be

proactive in educating people on my experiences. One of the things that

cut me up the most with what happened to me was that it was

preventable. It shouldn't have happened to me. That angered me so

much that the people who were supposed to look after me as a

young man didn't. They did the opposite - that is something that I

have always remembered. Is it personal? Are their particular

individuals who you feel would have been happy to watch you, in your

own words, come very close to, frankly, ending it all? Yeah. I

don't have any anger towards individuals, as such - I have anger

that it could have happened, that's all. This has happened to many

other guys with people around them, different personalities and

background. It is a generic thing, which is worse, almost. As I said -

you never confessed voluntarily. In the end it was forced out of you

and then you told all because the police got you. You only got eight

2-year ban. Some people think because you didn't confess

voluntarily you should have been banned forever. A very successful

rider who has always insisted that getting drugs after sport has to be

a priority says that cheats should be locked up - imprisoned. And that

happens now in Europe. It is criminal to dope in France, Spain,

Italy, Belgium. That is in the last few years that has happened. You

get locked up now, briefly. But I think it is easy to lose track of

the big picture. We are sportsmen. There is a certain vengeance to

this idea of a lifetime bans. I think every person has the right to

rehabilitation and a second chance. I know that his personal opinion

because of what happened to me - but I think other people can do it.

That might be naive of me, but I think everybody should be given a

You have told me that you care enormously about cleaning up the

sport. It can never be cleaned up as long as one shadow remains over

it - the shadow of a Lance Armstrong - around whom there is so

much speculation and controversy about his alleged use of drugs.

think that... This is what the US FDA investigation is about. He has

denied using drugs, says every single test he has taken has never,

ever proven that he took an illegal substance. It is a whole period in

the history of cycling that has a shadow cast over it. What we have

to do with that now is, at some point we have to give closure.

Maybe this investigation in the Un Uns will do that, one way

or another. I want us to move forward. That is what I do with my

team and with myself. I do not want to spend my entire career dwelling

on the last decade. This man is perhaps the one cyclist that

everyone in the world can names. He epitomises the strength and the...

He made the sport what it is. The fact that my team exists is because

of her Lance Armstrong. We are an American team, with American

sponsors. The negative effect of the allegations but at some point,

I have be will get pleasure on it. Otherwise we will go on about what

he did, did not do. I needed to be really honest about what you mean

by Cluj. -- I need you to be clear about closure. You said it is not

possible to complete the 1990s Tour de France without taking EPO.

believed that, that is why I don't, eventually. I gave in. You say a

generation of riders have the DEC as -- have to be seen as Rutten?

rotten. Although there was widespread doping there were guys

are achieving, and they were clean. It was rare but it was happening.

They will get tarnished. Look at the Science of this. I know you

have studied this very closely. There are two men who have studied

the physiology of cycling in great detail. They say the performances,

the top performances in the 1990s, they lead to thousands "Routinely

exceeded the physiological capacity of human beings." can make it is

nonsense to think we can do a three-week stage race clean. With

respect they are doing it saw it now. -- doing it clean now. You

have to ask Lance Armstrong. He can deny it. The bottom line is that it

is him, the only person who knows the truth. Leaving aside that

investigation, which have you saved his continuing from the US Federal

are authorities, you have, in 2007, had a long conversation with Lance

Armstrong about his commitment to cleaning up the sport. He told him

directly that you do not think he did enough. Why did you say that?

have got a lot of time for him. He is a pretty phenomenal human being.

What he can achieve, what he has achieved with his foundation. I

believe whatever he has, has not done, he has so much power and

influence. I know easily and idealistically believe that he

could change this sport for the better. -- I was naive to believe.

I wanted to make the sport a new sport. Do you think he has met that

obligation, that you see? In some ways, yes. He came back. He showed

his love for the sport. The bottom line is, he is a one-off. You raced

the Tour de France this year. that make you are a respected member of

the peloton. Do you believe that the professional racers are now

straight? Hand on heart, I can say that the majority are.

majority? There will be a minority that would news drugs. An Austrian

rider who was very good, third in the Tour de France three years ago

and said there are ways, sophisticated ways for riders to

dupe the authorities. Where there is a will, there will be a way.

They create profiles for each individual athlete. Instead of

looking for the cause, they are looking for the effect it has on

the body. For you, they would monitor your blood levels, or

hormones over at two years and get your line on the graph. See if

something is happening. That is the way the sport is going. It demands

a massive amount of money, skill and the bottom line is that it is

proper criminal activity now if you are doing that. The wire employee

in a group of people to cheat the system. -- you are employing.

EU actually love this sport? More than anything. When I retire I will

miss it so much. And the feeling of racing down a mountain and being at

my absolute limit and having to go further and getting back-up and...

It is a wonderful sport. I experience thing is that money

cannot buy, I get to do things, take myself to places that very few

people get to go and it is thanks to the sport. You say that you are

suffering - and you use that word - you were so far behind everyone

else in 2010 in the Alps and he refused to quit. Is it then a way

of seeking redemption from the past in the sport? I think so. I used to

think that the redemption was unachievable, a pipe dreams. I have

been very lucky and feel I am achieving it and it has involved me

perhaps doing things that I would not have done as a young man. I

think that day in 2010 in the Alps was a bit of an epiphany for me. I

realised I had to do that for myself. I find it fascinating. I

began by asking you about caring about winning but may be due care

more about restoring respect than winning. I would love to be

respected again. Do you think you are? I don't know. For some people.

If you are not, is there anything more you can do in the sport?

I think I have a responsibility and I live with the responsibility to

make a difference. I take pride in that. It is a duty, I think. If you

ever saw a young man going down the party went down all those years ago,

what would you say if he was trying to consider getting the edge by

doing something illegal? I would take him under my wing, make sure

he did not. It ruin is your life. David Millar, thank you for being

Low pressure is close by to the western side of the British Isles.

It is not all doom and gloom. There will be showers but at the same

time, there will be sunshine as well. There are one or two

exceptions to the rule and we will come to those in just a second.

This is how the big picture looks. The low pressure gets even closer

over the next couple of days. The showers will come in thanks to the

area of low pressure. A weather front and rain associated with that

will come through as showers. It will be a different story with no

sunshine across the Northern Isles. The rain on Tuesday will be quite

significant. Coming down the eastern side, sunshine and

sufficient cloud. Things will improve. Signs of improvement are

there through the Midlands, into central and southern England but

towards the south-west of England, Wales and the Isle of Man, showers

from the word go for some. There are plenty to go around as the day

goes on. Some of them will be quite heavy across the south-west,

western side of Wales. The chance of thunder in the west of Scotland.

Towards the east, some of the cloud will break-up. What a contrast in

temperatures - 22, 23 degrees is possible. Forget about showers as

they gang together during the course of Wednesday night into

Thursday. More persistent rain coming up through central, southern

England, the Midlands and the north-east of England. It will be

there as a feature on Thursday. The showers will get going again across

the western areas and temperatures will fall back by a degree or two.

That is the pattern for Friday with little overall change. Plenty of