20/12/2012 This Week

Tonight, This Week presents a Downturn Abbey Christmas special.

Hard times in Blighty, down stairs and down. Will it get p worse in

the new year? Tough economic conditions meanwhile our deficit is

forecast to fall, instead of taking three years to get our debt falling,

it will take four. It is a recession made in Downing Street.

Lord of the manor Quentin Lett, and Mr McGuire we view the year. The

year was not a total omnishambles, as the nation celebrated glorious

Olympics and a Diamond Jubilee. In the kitchen, Rosemary Shrager and

Paralympian Ade Adepitan. Stuff the turkey. We have a Christmas cracker

for you. Ho-ho-ho! This week serves you the

traditional down turn Turkey. No change. Even all, welcome to

This Week. With the ancient Mayan calendar about to run out of the

road and the end of the world moments away, where better place to

lose your will to live than with us? To think the British

Broadcasting Chaos & Confusion Corporation, the BBCCC has been so

cavalier in its responsibilities, it's got us to hold your trembling

hands. As you drain the dregs from your box of Blue Nun. Say your

goodbyes to your ger bill and stair doomsday in the face, who can argue

we've not been warned that the four horsemen of the apobg ka lis are

not already with us - war, famine, death. U I, 14 points in the --

UKIP, 14 points in the polls. I am joined on the sofa by proof

that three is not the magic number. The three Bee Gees of late-night

political chat. I speak of course of #manontheleft

Alan 'AJ' Johnson, #sadmanonatrain Michael 'choo choo' Portillo and in

the immortal words of Beyonce, "if you like it you better put a

#putamingonit Sir...Menzies...Campbell. Your

moment of the year? For me, it has to be the name that Daniel Craig

made his way into the study of Her Majesty the Queen. I was watching

and there was a figure seated at the desk. I said to myself - that

doesn't look anything like Her Majesty the Queen. She turned

around and I.... Well I let out a four-letter word! What, gosh?

could not believe Her Majesty was actually playing herself. It is a

moment of the year. It's been an amazing year for the Queen. That

was an amazing moment in her tef riffic year. In -- in her terrific

year. Your moment of the year? Mine is

Obama's re-election. I think electing a black President once was

extraordinary, for him to be re- elected - I think he may have

changed American politics as well. Republicans would have had to come

to terms with the electorate how it is now. If you think of it the

other way around - that would not have been good. As you know, I am

obsessed about sport and not about politics. That is whyvy been

invited on this evening! Olympics for me - wonderful performances. Mo

Farah, having won gold was asked if he would not rather run for Somalia,

the country he was born. In an impeccable English accent, he said

"why should I do that? This is my country." Last Christmas, you will

remember Lord Letts and McGuire were living in a council flat -

poor, but happych they are back in Downturn Abbey and back to old

fashioned ways. We cannot claim it makes any sense to us. We hope it

makes sense to you. With our Down Many -- Come on, Cleggy, time for

your morning walkys! Good, God, there's a man on the

roof! Maguire, Maguire? It's the filthy protestors pinching the lead.

SCREAM What have you done? You've hit

Santa. I don't believe! Neither do I. How did he get through customs?

I bet he didn't pay tax on half this lot. What you going to do?

Look on the bright side. No Santa means no presents, that means

spending on the economy faster than you can say, "Triple dip

recession." You have to put it right. I can not believe you are

making me do this. Have you got your list. Yes. Check it twice. For

Dave, an iPad, with fruit ninja. For Boris, Dave's iPad.

Relax for our friend in the north. You know, a chance, or take our

lives, but never take our freedom! Oh, brave heart DVD. Check!

Take me to Australia. And for little Lord Nick. A little toy

Maude. I am afraid we lost that one. Look mer, Maguire, before I leave I

have to tell you Downturn is in bad luck and we have to sack the staff.

A no faults dismissal. We will rehire them on January the 1st and

we don't have to pay them a Christmas bonus!

And a very happy Christmas! You're not going to sack them at

Christmas, are you Mr Miller. course not. I will not be pushed

around by a posh boy who did not know price of milk.

Well, that has blown the budget. It's the last time I take financial

advice from his butler. Have you seen the books? They are an

omnishambles. You may say that Mr Maguire. I tell you what - things

have never been the same since Mr Hilton quit as estate manager. You

need someone who knows how to take us into the modern era. Take your

eyes off my job, young Boris. may laugh, Mr Maguire, but I have

just the thing to turn around Downturn! It's called - the

wireless. What we do is we go around the house and we gather up

the four wirelesss. We then flog them off. I tell you what... It's

not the place of a fatman on how to lecture superiors on how to run

Downturn. Go off and... I wonder how his Lordship is getting on.

anyone tell me where I am. I am By now, I may be on a limb now, you

probably worked out you are not watching it. No, you are not. We

are joined by Gillian Tett from, the Financial Times. You were with

with Prime Minister in New York. How did it go? He was in New York

giving a speech about the British economy and he was keen to talk

about the unemployment rate. In fact what the Americans wanted to

ask him about was the Queen and Downton Abbey. Really? I wish we

could broadcast that in New York. On the serious note, people are

curry about how the Chancellor can bring any festive cheer to the

British economy, given the problems in Europe and given the big debt

burden and the fact, as we have seen, he's now predicting four more

years of pain. Michael, you began the year as a supporter of Mr

Osborne's plan A, are you a supporter of plan A at the end of

the year? Absolutely. There is as Margaret Thatcher used to say, no

alternative. Although it's not leading to growth, there is an

alternative, which is a great deal worse, which is a Government that

loses its commitment to austerity and therefore ends up with the

British Government having to pay more for its debt. That would move

us from the position of being the United Kingdom to being like Spain

or Italy, paying five percentage points. You say the choice at the

moment, at the end of 2012, is between being bad or being very

bad? I am saying exactly that. It's not even a choice. The Liberal

Democrats are alongside the Conservatives on this. I have not

heard any real provisions within the coalition on the austerity

programme. Although Ed Balls, while in opposition, is saying his

policy... I very much suspect if they were in power... If 2013 is a

repeat of 2012, which is a suggestion it will be by and large.

It may even be worse, that's got to put pressure, I would suggest, from

the grass roots and the backbenches of the Lib Dems on him? I go to a

certain amount with what he says about the alternative. Now we have

stability in the bond market, the Stock Market and the rest of it,

there is surely scope for a much greater emphasis in growth if you

remember n the Autumn Statement, really a mini-budget, �5 billion is

to be used for that purpose. It seems, if that works and confidence

can be maintained, then that could be the key to open the door to a

far greater emphasis. �5 billion in a �5 trillion economy is neither

here nor there. We looked at the announcements not in the 2012

Autumn Statement, but in the 201 Autumn Statement. Barely one of the

new road programmes has begun. They are not shovel-ready. That I have

lost the shovel! That does not mean to say that the principal is not

worth adopting. One other point, which is this, you have to get hold

of the banks, get them to start lending. I get people in my

quirbgtsy surgery every week, -- constituency surgery every week who

have paid their overdrafts and they cannot get a cent out of the banks

when they want to expand their businesses. There is Plan B, which

is to go slower. At least to think about the issue of how you balance

the need for some austerity w the need, as Ming says, some effort to

promote growth as well. I predict one of the key themes for 2013 is

going to be the question of fairness. At the moment, everyone

can see there needs to be some pulling in of the horns right now.

If people feel people are trying to pull together, that would be more

An element of plan B is in the new Governor of the Bank of England.

The interesting thing for Labour, Alan, the party's ahead in the

polls bay decent amount - not a huge amount but a respectable

amount - but when you come to economic competence, given the

state of the economy, given the huge squeeze on living standards,

it is remarkably how poorly Mr Miliband and Mr Balls do. I would

suggest if the economy were to get better Labour would be in trouble

on the economy. Maybe, after the budget the Tories had a decent 37%

until after the budget. That's when it reversd. I think what Michael

was doing is redefining failure as success. Industrial production, the

lowest level for 20 years. The trade gap on goods, is highest it's

been since records began. In terms of being below our pre-recession

peak, it is still the worse in a century. Our economies is 3%

smaller than it was in 2007. If you look at countries with control of

their own currency, including in Europe, they've all done much

better. They have so far. You say plan A or plan B, he is

implementing plan B. In 202010 he said he would borrow �350 billion.

He is now borrowing �520 billion. And still the economy is going

nowhere. It is not a question of a beauty contest. It's an ugly

contest, because almost every country in the western world is in

deep trouble on the debt problems. Partly because of that investors

are giving the UK a free pass. It does mean there is more wriggle

room for the Government right now. But there are more problems from

across the Channel. Alan is right to that until recently the European

economies were doing better than us, other than the peripheral ones.

Italy is in deep recession. Spain we all know about. France has moved

into recession. Germany is teetering on recession. Overall the

eurozone is now if recession and it is predicted to stay there for all

of 2013. That's another huge drag on us. As indeed the United States.

Except it's growing. But not all that quickly. The truth is that we

have, both the eurozone and the United States are immensely

important to us. Let's go back to the point about Budget. I don't

think it was the substance of the Budget so much that caused a shift

in opinion but the incompetence, the pasty tax, the caravans. That

just suggested that there was a lack of economic competence. If we

lost our AAA rating, which the Chancellor has put so much stock by.

He doesn't mention it so much now, because we probably are going lose

it. If GDP is down, how much will it matter in international markets?

If there was ever a good time to lose your AAA rating it is now. The

US has lost it, France has lost it. I'm sure the bond markets would be

relatively calm about it given what's happening elsewhere in the

world. As the argument of the economy has taken root, on the

Conservative side economic lack of success has been myrrh order by

huge rises in Tory euro scepticism. Would you agree that's one of the

hallmarks of 2012 politics? Yes, although it has been a long time in

gestation. It struck me the other day, when the Tories were last in

Government, the backbenchers were very anxious that John Major was to

take them into the euro and were rebel unions, including me, because

we might be going deeper into Europe. Now the backbenchers are

rebellious because the Prime Minister will not lead them out of

the European Union altogether that. Gives you a snapshot of how

radically the party has shifted in the Euro-sceptic direction.. In the

time you've just described there were 25 rebels. Now there are many

more on the Conservative backbench es who are sympathetic to the

notion of coming out altogether. On the eve of the Prime Minister's

visit to Europe, in order to discuss the Budget, they undermined

him to an extraordinary extent by supporting the opportunism of

Labour. And essentially giving him a mandate he couldn't fulfil.

Gillian? One of the questions the Prime Minister had thrown at him

this week is will Britain stay inside the European Union? It is

clear that it is going to be increasingly difficult to

accommodate a three-ped system with Britain on the outside. But the

eurozone leaders meet all the time to talk about this tirt union.

Meanwhile the eurozone is in massive relative economic decline.

They never talk about the things that are going reverse that

economic decline. The obsession with the currency, which will

probably be with us for five, ten or 20 years, stops Europe dealing

with its real problem - how to be competitive with China, India and

Brazil. In fact Europe is still moving in the wrong direction. The

French say as we go through these problems with the eurozone, we have

to compensate European citizens for what they are suffering by creating

a bigger social Europe, a bigger welfare state. But at the same time

the voice of Britain, not some player in Europe but Britain, is

harking on about repatriating employment law. Minuscule stuff.

Even if you agreed with it it is hardly agenda sect. While we should

be involved in this, the Common Agricultural Policy, making sure

our output rises. From Mr Major to Mr Blair they talked about taking

Britain into the heart of Europe. If you are not in the eurozone it

is a meaningless phrase now Alan. That is the essential difference.

We are not in the euro and neither were the Conservatives when they

were in office or Labour when in office took introduce the euro. I

say thank goodness and let's build a statue to Great Britain that we

were not in the euro. A small one or a big one? Will will it be, in

your garden? There is an important point here, people on the

Conservative backbenches say when they want to create a more

integrated system, that's the point we should say we'll only go along

with this if you let us repatriate some of our competencies. Would you

agree with this? No, the success of the eurozone is fund known the

economic success of the United Kingdom. What makes you feel that

the eurozone will be successful? Because it daren't be anything else.

So far it isn't. The 20-year-olds, 50% of whom are unemployed the

Spain, Greece and in Italy, they will be thrown over the fences to

try to keep this show on the road. How many more young lives are we

going to squander? It is not the problem of the eurozone that caused

these difficulties. It is problems of the Governments in the eurozone

who didn't fulfil their possibilities under the terms of

the treaty. I want simple answers to. This Mr Cameron, as we come to

the end of the year, is he stronger or weaker? Weaker. Weaker. Weaker.

I would say weaker too. 5-0 Mr Cameron. Our floor manager said he

was strong. 5-1. They wear funny sweaters and there

is no holder them back. Glad I'm not wearing one! Mr Miliband,

stronger or weaker? Stronger. change. Weaker. What was that?

Sounded like 3-2, but I can't remember which way. You give him

the responsibility and he shirks it. A shirk tore my strive. Mr Clegg,

stronger or weak snefrpblts stronger. You had to say that. If

you said weaker it will be in the papers tomorrow. Tell us what you

mean. You can trade if you like. Differentiation. Nobody knows what

that means. I'm going for no change. Strong than at the beginning of the

year but it is difficult to be weaker than he was then. That's too

complicated. We are halfway through this Parliament, assuming it's a

five-year term, give me the result of the next general election.

Labour. What else am I going to say? This isn't Question Time. We

expect people to break the party mould. You don't come back unless

you give honest answers. There we go. The honest answer is too close

to call. Too close to call! I've spent the last year trying to

predict the American election. was easy. Obama was always going

win. You are right about that. Hung. Oh, I see! I thought you were being

rude! The Tories won't win. In the sense that they won't get an

overall majority. Do you think they won't even be the largest snaert

think they won't be in Government but they might be the largest

economy. -- won't even be the largest party?

It is so late it's no longer funny. Indeed lit soon be time for

breakfast. If the norovirus isn't keeping you up, I'm sure we can

make you feel just as squeezey. Waiting in the wings and looking

back at a year of stomach-churning joy is Paralympics presenter Ade

Adepitan. If you want to see the online equivalent of the vomiting

bug, follow us on the fleece books and the Interweb. It is time to

return to Downturn to see what's become of Lord Letts, or should we

just call him Santa now. Our films can be confusing and I know it is

very late, dear viewers, but don't adjust your sets. A good deal of

Blue Nun eggnog was made during the making of this small screen epic.

Mr Maguire come upstairs quick, his Lordship's niece has returned from

My Lady, how was your holiday - I mean business trip? Dreadful. They

asked me to leave. My uncle doesn't know I was out there does he? He

will get awfully cross. I told him I was staying with my aunt Louise

in Corby, New York I mean. didn't you go to your uncle's

villa? Tricky really. He said he was hellbent on getting rid of the

place and then he changed his mind. He promised to sell it and now he's

putting off the decision until next year. He's trying to run the place

from here. Where is my uncle anyway? I don't know about this

thing but apparently my next delivery is over there. In the

river. Tell me Maguire, how is Downturn?

Not good my Lady? What about the hopscotch tournament? My uncle was

banking on that to raise his Unfortunately mam instead Parish

Councilor Johnson seems to have bun awfully well and is now popular

with the staff. Well, what about Her Majesty's Diamond Jubilee? That

was guaranteed to get the staff I don't think we'll be able to

afford a variety show this Christmas. It doesn't have to be

complicated. As my cousin, Pippa says, there's lots of top tips if

you are thinking of cooking, have a kitchen. If you roost a turkey,

have an oven. If you boil water, simply have a kettle. Simple things,

but so many overlook. You, over there, lend him a hand.

It's been a very unexpected journey. Hang on! Why there's only one of

you. Now the games are over, he has decided to scale down security.

Dreadful man. Letts, a dreadful man. What you call austerity, I Lord

Letts might call efficiency. There's a good fellow, open up the

gates. You have to go in through the tradesman entrance. I own this

place. I thought you lot were Merry Christmas. It is good to have

you back. Thank you, Maguire and happy Christmas to you and to you

my dear niece and to you thingys. This isn't so bad, is it? We only

have another five more years of this!

Wait! Come back! I thought we were all in this

together! Oh, well, at last, I have the place

to myself. Happy Christmas to all He wears that hat in bed. Our

thanks to the dancers and we are joined by star of I'm a celebrity,

Rosemary Shrager and Paralympics presenter, Ade Adepitan. We

depressed everybody in the first bit of the show by talking about

how bad the economy is. Cheer us up by reminding us what a triumph of

the Olympics and the Paralympics were. This is probably, this has

probably been the best year in the UK in my lifetime. It was just

unbelievable this year. The joy everyone felt. The changing

perceptions for sport and the change in people's perception of

disability. You think that has happened? I definitely do. I mean,

I get stopped in the streets now and people come up to me and they

talk about the paraoim ownerships and they want to talk about it.

Another thing they ask, is when can we get more? They want to get more

and they understand the sport more as well. We are so good at putting

ourselves down. You have been watching this show - week after

week, this man in a funny sweater, running it down - it will be a

disaster. Another omnishambles. And we shouldn't... We done well,

didn't we! I think what the Olympics did for

us was actually to cheer us up. I think they did something - they

brought something back tho this country, that is, it's

fundamentally us. We know how to put on a spectacle. We know how to

perform. We know how to give. We've got amazing athletes. We have shown

what we can do. I think we should be proud of what we've done W the

jubilee, with everything and I think we were all ready for this.

We had, as you say, a load of depression, there is nothing but

doom and gloom. Everybody out there is having terrible troubles and

we're all suffering. In fact, I say, put all the MPs in the jungle!

Having one was not enough for you? Exactly. I tell you what struck me

- I remember the opening of the Chinese, of the Beijing Olympics

and it was an enormous spectacle of regimentation. Everybody dressed

the same. Everybody doing the same beat. Ours was diverse. It was a

knees-up. It was a kind of party. To you think the head of State of

China would have jumped out of a helicopter? Not at all. I am not

entirely sure ours did, either! They would not be able to make a

joke about it. It is Britain. Boris n Beijing, said our opening

ceremony would be very different, that it would reflect a different

culture and he was right. We didn't try and compete on that kind of

regimented basis. But, wow, was it an opening ceremony! It was

probablery the best ever! It was breathtaking. That moment

where the GB team came out, I was there - it was just incredible. It

felt to me like it was a moment the country had been waiting for. You

know, there was like, yes, this is our time. It wasn't just the big

mopltd for the athletes, it was a big -- moment for the athletes, it

was a big moment for the UK. It was a great success. I don't think you

do remember, but in the run-up to the Olympics, we were told by the

authorities in London that the transport would be chaos, that the

public transport would be overcrowded. That you would not be

able to drive the car. Who said that? Well, I do remember - all the

authorities were saying that. To lower expectations and make us

feel better. Then we had this other remarblgable thing - when you think

-- remarkable thing - when you think of all the institutions going

through a tough time, think of the BBC, go on to newspapers, to the

Parliament and the police too, which is a developing story, as we

speak here tonight. Pleb-gate has become God-gate now. Is it called

gate-gate-gate. I knew we would get a gate-gate-gate one day! It is

part of the joy of the nation. is a "feel-good factor". That is it

- this moment we had with the Olympics, with the monarchy, two

lovely people getting married, but also, we're moving on to a

different generation. We're moving on to a slightly different monarchy

in the future. Very much so. That's what it is all about. It's almost,

it's hope. We have hope. And that's what we all want. What I thought, I

choose as my moment - the Queen getting into the hl and so on, the

point about the Queen is not only famously is she extraordinary

discrete, so after 60 years of being our Queen, she's not put a

foot wrong, what makes it more remarkable is she does have a very

great sense of humour. I would say, almost a wicked sense of humour.

Somehow she never lets it trip her up into an indiscretion, which is

quite remarkable. What you could say has happened to the monarchy

may give hope to institutions which are currently down because I

remember in the early 1990s, I remember because I played a role in

doing it - the monarchy was at its lowest ebb since Queen Victoria,

immediately after she became a widow. There was a rise of

republicannism. They have gone through some bad times. Maybe other

institutions - it was a terrible year, to take a leap out of the

monarchy. The late '90s, when Diana died too.

That continuity over that long period of time and as Michael says,

not putting a foot wrong. I think the Monarchy has no public support

to have anything oh than the Monarchy there. It's not a goodEr

To be a republican is it? Particularly in America.

The answer to all questions is leadership. She's been a great role

model for William and Kate and Charles as well. They are the

modern, cool monarchy. I would suggest that, in the history books,

the history won't be about this year being another miserable year

in the economy, because we've had plenty of miserable years since the

end of the Second World War. It will be about the Diamond Jubilee

and this incredible British success, probably, wouldn't you say, the

greatest year ever for British sport? Definitely. Easily the

greatest year ever. I think it's, we called it this year, the game-

changer. Certainly for Paralympic sport, in the way that people

looked at it, they took it seriously. So many people now now -

- now know our Paralympics. If you were to asked people to name three

people they would not know. Now they know. It came into the

Olympics and didn't take much notice in the old days. This

country made the Paralympics. Britain has been the biggest pusher.

It is the spiritual home since 1948. That was back at Stoke Mandeville.

What was it like being in the jungle? Interesting.

Come on, a little indiscretion at this time of night. Is that why you

got me on here. No-one's watching! The thing about it is she was quite

controlling. She realised she didn't want to embarrass

Westminster in anything she did. This is what it was all about and

so on and so forth. Didn't that defeat the object of

why she went in there. It was her choice, at the end of the day. For

me, she had her own reasons to go in. The only thing is I don't think

it was a political forum for her. So, I have to say I am sure it was

not my place, but in terms of why she did it, it was her decision.

She did it for her own reasons. Maybe that's where the Prime

Minister's Question Time should be held - in the jungle!

We've got a little quiz. I want you to stay and help me. Have we got

buzzers. Here's my advice... We like surprises here at this time of

year. That is why we have decided to give the BBC Trust a collective

Yuletide heart attack with a special Jimmy Savile quiz. Only

quizling! Just a joke! Yes, we bottled it, as usual. We don't want

to get moved side ways F that happens, you get a big -- if that

happens, you get a big pay- off. Which bell end gave the Government

a headache this year. Bell end? Was it Big Ben?

No. Run the take. Here it is. Oh, yes.

It was after that he was made minister of health!

Which A clanger! Which soul singer won the popular

vote this year? Soul singer? Barack Obama. Well done. Let's see

the tape. # And

# So in love with you # There you go - that was Al Greene

Obama! Which of Michael's, his political

heroes continue to have problems with his accident-prone zipper in

2012?Th I know it. You don't. Boris. Oh, yes. It is being ironic. I have

He wears his trousers well! At least he's not the Mayor of

London... Oh, sorry, he is the Mayor of London. Which stadium

performance at the Olympics truly drew the nation's breath away this

summer? You will not get this. Show us the tape.

Shami Chakarti. She was just carrying the flag behind Ban Ki-

Moon. I have always wanted to say that

name - Ban Ki-Moon. Do you want to say it? Ban Ki-Moon. That's your

lot. We return in January. We have more

pickled wisdom from the bottom of a late night wine glass. We are off

to Annabelle's club - it is too late to go to the real thing.

Nighty, night - don't let Mohammed # Very, very cheap

# One for fish # One pound each

# One pound Hsh one pound