28/11/2013 This Week

post-it note. Choose dirty politics. Choose fears,

smears and negative campaigning. Choose unrestricted immigration from

Bulgaria and Romania. Choose ad-man Martin Sorrell. Sadly, politicians

can't choose negativity as part of their little life.

Choose sitting on a couch watching mind-numbing, spirit-crushing

political shows, stuffing junk food in your mouth. Choose posh Scot Rory

Bremner. Choose your political future. Choose

Westminster life. But why would I do a thing like that? I chose not to

choose Westminster life. I chose something else. And the reasons? Who

needs a reason when you've got Blue Nun?

Evenin' all. Welcome to This Week. So what's it like living in the

nasty country? Once it was only Tories who were nasty, but it seems

they've infected the entire nation, according to Hungary's top

bureaucrat in Brussels, Commissioner Laszlo Andor. Now, there is

something unpleasant about our three major parties vying to keep out as

many fellow European citizens as they can, especially if they happen

to be Bulgarian or Romanian, though I yield to no one in my

determination to stop these Bulgars taking the jobs of our Poles! But

I'm not sure a Hungarian is best placed to lecture us. Not if you

hail from a country in which the local version of the BNP gets almost

one in five votes, where paramilitary gangs regularly attack

Roma villages. Where anti-Semitism is so rife Jews are fleeing to

Vienna because they fear for their safety. Now that's what I'd call

100% real McCoy nasty, compared to which we Brits are mere gifted

amateurs. Oh, did I mention they recently shot dead a Roma father and

his five-year-old son as they ran from their burning home? How remiss

of me. We can only stand in awe of what a truly nasty country looks

like, Mr Andor. Speaking of those who've sniffed too much Higella

goulash, I'm joined on the sofa tonight by two people who deny any

improper behaviour. Think of them as the Tony Blair and Wendi Deng of

late-night political chat. I speak, of course, of #sadmanonatrain

Michael "punch my ticket" Portillo, and back, by absolutely no public

demand whatsoever, #londonnightmayor Diane Abbott. Wellcome, to you both.

Your moment of the week. An interim agreement was made between Iran and

the US, allowing Iran to continue to produce uranium for its use for

nuclear programme, suspending some sanctions against Iran. It is a

eliminator in agreement, which might lead to a more substantial one --

preliminary agreement. I would normally be sceptical, but I have

suspended that, because I think the Iranians want to get rid of the

sanctions burden, see advantages in making this arrangement. The

Americans have also shown flexibility. It appears to be one of

these moments where the almost impossible happens, a bit like the

agreement between Richard Nixon and the People's Republic of China many

years ago. So I have my fingers crossed, and I'm holding my breath

and I think this could be significant. We will hold you to

account in six months. It has to be a complete deal in six months. Not a

view shared by Israel or the Gulf states, who are very worried about

this. They have their own taxes to grind. Who does not? There is

nothing but the sound of a grinding axe for miles around. My moment of

the week was Mark Carney announcing today that he is going to eventually

suspend one of these housing arrangements which has said what

appears, certainly if you live in London, to be a housing bubble. It

is important because if you look at the estate of the economy and the

extent to which this growth is real or not, it will determine the 2015

election and may have a bearing on what they decide in Scotland. Also

interesting that the Governor announces the policy, not the

government. That is the legacy of the Lair- Brownites reforms, the

governor has a lot of power. Now, this week Not-so-red Ed accused

Call-me-Dave of plotting "the dirtiest election campaign" in two

decades, putting "smear and character assassination" at the

heart of the Tory re-election strategy. Well, Ed knows a smear

when he sees one. He did work for Gordon Brown and his henchmen after

all. But is Westminster really turning ugly? Is it any worse than

usual? And does negative campaigning actually work? We turned to the

world's top ad man, Martin Sorrell. This is his take of the week.

Whether good or bad, negative advertising is a fact of life,

whether you are talking about politics or elsewhere. We will just

see whether the results justify the means. If you look through history,

on balance we might complain about negative advertising, we might say

it is dirty and in the gutter, but politics, in part, is about that. It

is a very tough, short-term business. If you ask a sample of

people as to whether they are affected by negative advertising,

whether they like it, they say, we are not affected by it and we don't

like it. But subconsciously, it clearly has some impact, and I think

that significant impact. It may be a sad truth that electorates

increasingly, particularly at times of recession and depression and

economic concern, worry about the fears. They worry about the things

that keep them awake at night. The Conservative Party, the most

significant part of the coalition, are concerned about the issue of

immigration and are concerned about how the electorate feels about it.

Given where my grandparents came from in 1899, not speaking a word of

English, on my father's side from the Ukraine and my mother's side

from Poland and Rumania, I find it, to be honest, a little bit

offensive. I don't think written is a nasty country. I don't think it is

getting nasty. -- Britain. But elections are getting nasty and

things said are getting nasty. Whether it will be the dirtiest

election ever, I do not know. But emphasising these negatives, trying

to solicit responses to be full's unconscious fears and concerns, is a

part of the electoral process. -- people's unconscious fears and

concerns. And from Martin's boardroom in

Mayfair, just round the corner from Annabel's, to our own little boring

room here in Westminster, welcome back, Martin. Welcome back to Diane.

We have done that. Let's not be Pope faced about this, the fact is,

particularly in America but also here, smears and negative

advertising work in politics. Yes. I doubt this election will be nasty

than most. Funnily enough, in February 19 704I remember people

saying it would be the nasty as to election ever. This is said every

single time. I will say that the Conservatives have a strategic

opportunity, which is that many people doubt whether the leader of

the is Prime Minister real. I doubt he can be Prime Minister. The

Conservatives have to destroy that reputation, to make sure people come

away with the impression that Ed Miliband will not be a good prime

minister. This is what happened with Neil Kinnock, and the other way

around with William Hague, with Michael Howard. My favourite story

about negative campaigning goes back to the 18th-century. Disraeli

discovered that his opponent, Palmerston, had fathered a child in

his 80s. Everyone said, we can use it against him and Disraeli said,

no, if it gets out he will sweep the country. On balance it works. The

Daily Mail did what I think can be described as a negative story about

Ed Miliband's father, and Ed Miliband's defence of his father won

him respect. The concern about that was whether it was an anti-Semitic

story. I know. Isn't it a bit rich for the party of Damian McBride and

Alastair Campbell to complain about smears? Far be it from me to say it

was ever farce. I think we will take that as yes! He is getting more

aggressive and personal about Mr Miliband. Do we put it down to his

Australian election guru? I think Lynton Crosby probably has a lot to

do with that. The Conservatives are caught between two positions. They

have a stronger economy this year, and next year it will get stronger,

going into 2015, a good background. Help to buy was not stopped today.

Mark Carney reversed the decision of a a few weeks ago, and there is a

question about whether the Treasury agrees with the Bank of England, or

whether there is conflict. That is all positive for the Conservative

Party. On the other hand, they are trying to deal with immigration and

taxation issues. And tax avoidance. Cost of living issues. They are

caught between two strategies. My view would be, focus on the growth

and the economy and strengthening the economy, rather than getting

sidelined. I rather agree. There has always been a danger with David

Cameron getting sidelined, that the strategy is interrupted by a series

of piecemeal decisions which are for today. Rationalising it, you can say

they are throwing a lot of baggage overboard that they do not want in

the way when they get near the election. So they realise that they

can be outmanoeuvred by Labour on cigarette packaging, payday loans,

and so a lot of this is being called overboard pretty quickly now. It is

one thing to talk about nasty campaigning, but if you sit in the

chamber at Prime Minister 's questions and look at David Cameron,

there is a nasty streak. You could be grinding an act is here. I could

be. It is not attractive. Part of this is because Ed Miliband landed a

very solid punch on energy prices. And now Cameron is getting his own

back, in relation to Reverend Flowers and the Co-op Bank. I think

Mr Cameron is being pulled into macro different ways in a different

way. There is an expectation that the Tories will fight the next

election as a presidential campaign, because the polls show that Mr

Cameron is regarded as more of a leader than Mr Miliband. But if you

are going to fight a presidential campaign, you are meant to be above

the mudslinging. You do not do the mudslinging. Others might, but you

are presidential. We cannot be like that and do what he's doing at

moment. I agree with that. I do not quite agree with what Diane said

before. Sit there and watch him go bright red and say something nasty.

I think there is a lack of self restraint. In order to do the job as

well as he possibly could, he would want to hold back some of the

aggression he is using at Prime Minister's Questions, because he

does not need to display it. Another reason it would be a presidential

election is that he has not been leading the Conservative Party, but

a coalition government. What he aspires to after the election is to

lead another coalition government. You do not think he wants an overall

majority? I think he doubts he will get one and I think even doubts if

it would be better than what he has at the moment, which is a government

that represents 60% of the people who voted at the last election,

which is given the opportunity to reform schools and welfare. It is

not true to his type at the end of the day. He may not be as tough. He

wants to get a balanced in his mind. I think David Cameron just likes to

be Prime Minister. He said he would be rather good at being Prime

Minister. Nothing out. Labour is not working. It did deal with the

unconscious concerns, or probably conscious concerns at the time.

Demonise was way off beam. Here is the issue. Is this negative

campaigning more suited to tough times? Labour isn't working is a

tough time and this is a tough time. Demon eyes was it have time.

When people are threatened or subconscious, it appeals to the

conscious and not the subconscious. It needs to be credible and

consistent. Nobody believed that Tony Blair was the devil in

disguise. He was the housewives favourite. Nobody found a way of

attacking Tony Blair. Are we not in danger, speaking of nasty nurse,

when it comes to immigration, are we not in danger of a race to the

bottom? I can see how it is good politics but you have all the

parties involved. They are looking for good political issues. Whatever

the rights and wrongs for the electricity industry investment

point of view, if you look at the Co-op, it is a very good political

issue and they will go full tilt. The real world situation, there has

been a vast increase in Spanish and Greek immigration. Everybody knows

there will be an enormous amount of European immigration and most of it

will be very welcome. There is a concern about the people coming from

Bulgaria and Romania who may not be seeking work. We are going to come

back to immigration, so hold that thought. Now it's late. Domestic

goddess late. So get your Blue Nun dealer round sharpish. It's going to

be a big one! Because waiting in the wings, James Bond impersonator Rory

Bremner is here, to talk about satire and the Saltire.

Salt tyre is the Scottish flag, don't you get it? And after our

triumphant/terrifying twelfie experiment last week, we know at

least a handful of you have access to a Vic-20 computer. So log on.

Follow us, tweet us, and like us, on the Interweb. Now, we know we're

prone to hyperbole here on This Week and we just can't stop bigging

ourselves up, especially as nobody else seems interested. But even we

can't match Alex Salmond aide Joan McAlpine, who hailed this week's

White Paper on Scottish independence as making America's Declaration of

Independence look like a Post-it note! Either she's been out on the

razz with the Reverend Flowers, or that Higella stuff has made it north

of the border. Anyway, we travelled to the world's newest nation state,

the People's Republic of Pienaar, to ask its Presidente for his round up

of the political week. Are we all agreed? What do we

think? We hold these truths to be self evident that all men are

created equal - citizens are created equal. I know I am no Alex Salmond.

What will those big Briton unionists, Cameron, Clegg and Miller

band make of the people to public of PNR? They have their hands full. --

People's Republic of Pienaar. I say, do not underestimate Alex

Salmond. There is only one like him. This White Paper is the most

detailed document that anyone in the world has been offered as basis of

becoming an independent country. Put like that, it is all pretty

convincing. My side are pretty loyal. Especially Teddy. I do not

have any oil to keep or missiles to kick out or spare room subsidies to

repeal. Scotland has all of them that is why they are busy of

accusing the Independent side of making it look far too easy. He says

there will be a currency union. He ignores the fact there would need to

be negotiation. It takes two. It is our currency. We are entitled to

share it. We argue that position for the best interests of Scotland and

the United Kingdom. In Downing Street, Cabinet ministers believe

their arguments about economic risk and ancient ties will win through.

The polls and the pundits favoured the union continuing. The SNP could

still end up claiming it is the natural party of government, a bit

like me. Now me, I want to run a nice open Republic. Some of my

people are worried about Bulgarians, Romanians and the like flooding in

and claiming this, stealing that. One or two of them, like Nigel in

there, are whispering about setting up their own republic Independence

party. I will have to take a leaf out of the book of David Cameron and

start talking tough. Thinking of coming to Britain because it is

easier to claim benefits, housing benefit or unemployment benefit, it

is important to send out a clear message that is not the case. I am

not going to be running a nasty country. Who did that European

Commissioner think he is? When the minister accuses Copts of making it

all up. Seven policemen are facing disciplinary hearings. It would not

happen inside my borders or in Britain. How much do you regret the

original altercation? I wish it had not happened. I left Downing Street

through the main gate, as I had done many times before and I made that

point. Things are getting nasty back in the old country. A bank like RBS

accused of letting perfectly viable businesses go under so it can profit

from the wreckage. The governor of the Bank of England called those

allegations shocking. The Mayor of London pointed out we are all equal

but some more equal than others. Whatever you may think of the value

of IQ tests, it is surely relevant that 16% of our species

have an IQ below 85 and some above 130. The harder you shake the pack,

the easier for some cornflakes to get to the top will stop this is the

PNR broadcasting Corporation. What it would be having own radio station

playing whatever you like. Ed Miliband admitted he was a bit of a

square in his youth. He his brother 's dreams and chose Je Ne Regrette

Rien. Can the Prime Minister explain why the government intervening to

cap the cost of credit is right but the government capping energy bills

is communism? I feel like a radio host. And your complaint is caller?

We are taking action when they did not take action. We are doing the

right thing. He should be standing up and congratulating us. No need

for egomania. We know who is in charge. I have two go. I am hosting

a state banquet in honour of me. Too kind.

He wears that outfit when he is on the radio as well. He likes to be

well-dressed on the radio. Let's go straight to immigration. It has been

such an important story of the week. When the European Union was

basically a club of the rich, of West European countries, then

freedom of movement of labour was workable. Hasn't it become more

problematic because the EU now includes a lot of poor countries?

Yes, it is highly problematic. I still say it has brought many

benefits. I think we do need to have people in our country who are young,

making money and paying taxes. There are populations in Romania and

Bulgaria that might well be moving not so much to seek work but to seek

benefits and that is a problem. It is quite interesting that the

bureaucrats of the EU at least have shut their minds to reconsidering

the position. What I would say is that economic and monetary union is

never supposed to involve those pool rather European countries. I can

remember asking what would be the economic and monetary area and he

said France, Germany and the Benelux countries. When you mentioned

Southern Europe, he went pale. That is the crucial economic point. On

the side of the Tories, they are driven by fear of UKIP. Miranda, it

is good to see you tonight. On the subject of immigration, the

government has announced tougher measures on welfare. You lose it

after a while. Are the Lib Dems happy that Clegg has gone along with

this? They have tried to say it is reasonable because it is adjusting

British rules to bring them in line with rules and elsewhere. I agree

with Diane about this race to the bottom and the rhetoric. Even the

Evening Standard said this week, it is getting a bit of a shabby debate

and they wanted to point out that immigration is very important for

the economy of London and indeed for other regions of the UK. I think it

is really important not to lose sight. The great irony is that the

Tory party wanted enlargement of the European Union and got it. Now they

must do a politically with the consequences. We must not all be

sucked in by the threat of UKIP. European monetary union means fast

as a people moving from the South of Europe to the north and vast amounts

of money moving from the north to the south. It is inevitable. They

are implying it should be tougher. I know. This is the subject of some

interesting discussions between me and my leader. It really was. My

view is that there are no votes for the Labour Party in moving right on

immigration. You would be thinking, maybe UKIP is right. You legitimise

the Aga meant and I think that is not something they should be doing.

-- the argument. Doesn't it leave Mr Cameron exposed to UKIP? Whether you

like what they say or not, they have a clear answer. We will leave the

union and we will not have to take these people.

I think Martin was right before. The leader of the Conservative Party is

always drawn into macro directions between those who try to convince

him you win elections on the centre ground, and those who say what

Lynton Crosby is saying, which is, you have to get the Daily Mail

onside, push UKIP to one side, reduce their percentage at the

general election. It is a very uncomfortable position for the

Conservative leader. It is never enough. It is like throwing red meat

off the back of the sledge to get rid of the wolves. Does no

politician have the courage to say, one way to judge a country, its

prosperity and values, is by the number of people queueing up to get

into it? And we have a lot of people queueing up. That is why I have

always admired America and so does most of the world. People are

queueing up to get into this country. Should that not make you

proud? Someone should say that. We should also point out that many

British people want the freedom of movement, because they want to live

elsewhere. There are many Brits in Spain, using the Spanish health

system, for example. The politician who came nearest to saying that

immigration is necessary and good is Boris Johnson. He is mayor of the

greatest immigrant city in the world. If we look at the Republicans

across the Atlantic, anti-immigrant rhetoric is going to consume them as

a party. Someone who takes the opposite line swept New Jersey, a

Democrat state. Since we are in agreement, I am moving on. Scotland,

back to that. This massive white paper was supposed to answer all of

the big questions but it seems to have left a few unanswered and

created more questions that it had not intended, particularly over the

currency. The question I have always had, since I knew Alex Salmon wanted

a 3-part question, not two parts. The third option he wanted to offer

was devolution max is, all the benefits of independence without any

of the risk. The question I have asked since then is, why would a man

really committed to independence want to offer the Scottish people

the benefits of independence without any of the risk? And that is what we

are getting, this is what the White Paper is. It is independence without

giving up the BBC, the Crown, the EU, the pound, NATO. It is

independence -light. The fact is that if you decide to share your

currency with another country, you do not have independence. Do you

think people in Athens or Madrid have any independence? All of their

decisions are made in Frankfurt. Is it sensible tactics rest room at

there was a time when the Nationalists had a clear-cut

proposition of independence, their own currency, the euro. There was

even a time when the notion of a republic was popular. That at least

was a clear difference. Has it been tactically sensible to muddy the

water? I do not think so. Michael's point is fascinating. It means that

the arch separatist might be scared of what a separate Scotland might

actually be like. You should never bet against Alex Salmond. He is the

dominant politician north of the border and a formidable campaigner

and strategist, and he will call the shots. Because your party did not

leave a major figure in the Labour Party in the Scottish Parliament

after Donald Ewert died. We will come back to Scotland in a minute,

and I want to ask you about one of your favourite politicians, Boris

Johnson. What did you make of his speech to the Centre for Policy

Studies, talking about inequality which was inevitable and maybe even

good. We got a Gordon gecko moment from him, and bringing back cramp --

grammar schools. It was on the one hand, and upon the other. He said,

you have to recognise the role of greed but I want people who make

money to go off and be very good. At one moment it showed an unusual

example of political courage, because even to risk saying that

greed is part of the capitalist system is quite a risky thing to

say. So actually, I gave the speech a few points. I thought I had not

often heard him willing to take any risk at all. How did you rate it?

Pretty disastrous, and he is lucky he is not standing again as London

mayor, because there is no way he could reach beyond Conservative

voters having made a speech like that, particularly the IQ section.

Disaster! He was a more liberal type of Tory to win London but he has now

shifted. How is the campaign for Mayor of London going? There is no

campaign, I am just happy to back on the sofa with Michael. I am

resigning from everything to be your manager. You did not even beat Tessa

Jowell, did you? That was it. Are you ruling it out tonight? I have no

plans to run for mayor. Michael Heseltine - I have no plans to run

against Margaret Thatcher. Now, for Michael and I, it's been a

long and winding dirt track from our humble origins to the giddy heights

of This Week. Diane's journey took a little longer of course. Black cabs

are still refusing to pick her up and the number 38 bus from Hackney

takes forever. But with a referendum less than a year away, it's touch

and go whether the Act of Union will outlast the Argos catalogue, and

many Scots are wondering where the road to independence might lead. One

of those reassessing long-held views is satirist Rory Bremner, and that's

why we've decided to put Rory Goes to Holyrood in this week's

Scot-light! That was me, Rory Bremner, about to

go onstage to do my first ever stand-up show about Scottish

politics. Having moved back home to Scotland and become fascinated by

the debate on independence, it is time I to get seriously and some

comedy about it. It is very unlikely you will get any answers tonight.

The idea is that we will at least raise a few questions. Some things

in life are too important to be taken seriously, and this is one of

them. In the run-up to the referendum, both sides will try to

win us over with appeals to the heart, slogans and smooth talking.

But the facts and counter facts remain. The most important question

of all, who gets custody of Andy Murray? I don't really know the

answer to that question. The outcome of the referendum raises many

questions, even the question of the question itself begs questions. The

wording of the question. Both sides wanted to get their favoured wording

on the ballot paper. The SNP originally wanted two questions.

One, are you in favour of an independent Scotland? Two, why not?

It is not just about an independent Scotland, but about they believe

that there must be a better way. No matter which way it goes, it feels

like the beginning of something in Scotland. Satire.

Rory Bremner joins us now. Well come back. Good of you to come from north

of the border. I hope you brought your passport! What will they have a

border controls? Is there much comedy in Scottish politics? I was

not sure, apart from the politicians, you mean, I assume.

Beyond the three or four that people recognise, Alex Salmond and Nicola

Sturgeon, very few of them are recognised. One of them set the

curtains alight, but he went to jail. There was surprisingly little.

That was why I wanted to do that programme. It went out in BBC

Scotland and was an attempt to open the door and say, this is going to

be an important debate. I wanted people to engage through comedy.

People have done jokes about independence, on both sides, and

found themselves getting a lot of abuse on the internet. Like, for

example, the comedian who does the News quiz a lot, she got a lot of

abuse just for making jokes. They were pretty fair-minded. I started

doing this programme and I said Alex Salmond would have an office at the

top of the Scottish monument with a 360 degrees view, like a Bond

villain, stroking a cat, or Nicola Sturgeon. And the stuff that I got.

I thought I did not want to be intimidated by that. They are pretty

extreme on both sides, those who do that sort of thing. Is there a

general appetite among the Scots for satire about the debate? I think so.

People enjoy the programme. The debate is reaching room temperature

now and people are starting, with the launch this week, although

Channel 4 News ran 15 minutes on Andrew Mitchell before going to the

Scottish referendum. It is a different country up there and I

wanted to find out what people were thinking. Three of the four top

politicians are women. Ruth Davidson, leader of the Tories, is a

lesbian kick boxer, which is fantastic. It makes Theresa May look

a bit dull. Great! I wanted to find out more about it. As John Pienaar

was saying, it has a long way to go, and Alex Salmond is very crafty.

Alex Salmond, north of the border, is the dominant politician, partly

because the big Labour ones never went back and stayed in Westminster.

For a satirist, the rule is that the bigger you are, the harder you fall.

The way spitting image went for Margaret Thatcher in the 1980s,

isn't Alex Salmond a perfect target? Many of the political heavyweights

went to Westminster to be heavyweights, or for Eric Joyce,

light heavyweights. He was the boxing one, wasn't it? He is waiting

outside. If you criticised Alex Salmond, people would say, I voted

for him, don't insult me. You do not get that if you do stuff about David

Cameron or Nick Clegg. Alex Salmond has a very good sense of humour and

can take it, but I want to make the point that it is not just about Alex

Salmond but about the other side of the argument as well, about Cameron

and the union side. But it is important to engage with the debate

through comedy and that it is not a comedy-free zone. But those saying

no to independence, their side does not crystallise around one large

character in the way that the yes to independence crystallises around

Alex Salmond. When you have Alex Salmond saying, keep the pound, and

Alistair Darling saying, we are not, we are back to the Scottish

stereotype of two Scotsman arguing over a pound. It really does divide

opinion. That and wind farms in Scotland. There are some parts of

Scotland where it is easier to come out as being gay than a unionist.

And I am not a unionist. If I am, I am a Scottish Unionist, rather likes

Robin Cook was a Presbyterian atheist. It is a bit later my tummy

to get that. Is Alex Salmond easy to satirise? -- it is a bit late at

night for me to get that. I do not think he is easy to satirise. He is

genial and engages with you. I cannot say I have ever heard him

tell a joke. He can be very funny in the chamber. He has great timing.

And he always held the chamber. He was a strong debater. I like the

fact that his slogan is yes, Scotland, which sounds like

something he would say at the moment of orgasm. Please! Is it a

disadvantage that the other big Scottish characters, Gordon Brown,

Ming Campbell, Alistair Darling, they are Westminster -based? I don't

know. I think their voices will count for a lot. It is a win-win for

Alex Salmond, because if they win the independence, they have

independence but if they lose many Scots will say, we are still part of

the United Kingdom and we want a very Scottish Government at

Holyrood. But what is to say if there was an independence vote,

would all bets be off? Would Gordon Brown, Alistair Darling and Ming

Campbell say, we have a few years left as politicians? The Labour

Party was dominated by Scots in the 1980s and they told English MPs, if

we give them devolution will skill -- it will kill the argument for

independence. That is what we were told. George Robertson is another

one. But Alex Salmond has come to dominate a system which was set up

keep the assembly out. There is also an argument that Alex Salmond can

only lose. One, he does not win the independence vote, which is a major

set back. The other is that he wins the independence vote and is saddled

with running an independent Scotland. That is the thing about

which I think he has lost his nerve. If the vote was held tomorrow, how

would you vote? Tomorrow? That is right on the spot. I am not going to

say. I have no plans. You are mixing too much with politicians. Great to

see you again. That's your lot for tonight folks,

and for us, because we're giving Lou Lou's a miss tonight, as it's

Marxist night and we don't want to belong to any club that will accept

people like us as members. So we leave you tonight with the gift that

just keeps giving, quite literally. Nighty-night. Don't let Michael's

Bavarian white sausage bite. So, I dip in the mustard, put it in the

mouth, squeeze my lips together, and the sausage pop into my mouth,

leaving the skin behind. It works really well. For the first time, you

do it really well. Thank you. You have taught me lots of interesting

things today.