14/12/2017 This Week

Tonight on the This Week Christmas

special, the kingdoms are at war.

So what's new?

Enemies to the east,

enemies to the west,

enemies to the south,

enemies to the north.

Whatever stands in our way,

we will defeat it.

Winter is coming.

Does that mean we get

a winter fell allowance?

Forget the stalking horse,

beware of the dragon.

My centrist eggs will hatch soon.

It has been prophesied.

The night watch begins,

like seat belts, I'm strapped in.

They said retreat, I scream attack.

That's why they call

me the mad king.

Give us that magic wand.

We shouldn't fight it out.

I've resurrected

the wrong John Snow.

Are we heading for a

cliff edge breakfast?

The great war is here, all tonight,

on Shame of Thrones.

Good evening all. Welcome to this

week and to our special end of the

year show to celebrate yet another

stellar 12 months for political

pundits and

stellar 12 months for political

pundits and commentators. We told

you there was no way Theresa May

would call a snap election, clearly

we were suptley hinting she'd

already pencilled in June 6th.

Didn't you see us winking? When you

heard us forecast with certainty

that the May bot would win by a

landslide, you simply misheard us,

we said it would end in a mudslide.

When we said dear old Jezza would

lead Labour to oblivion, you didn't

realise that oblivion is a really

nice place and puts you in shouting

distance of winning the next

election. When we bigged up Angela

Merkel as the new leader of the

western world, that didn't rule out

the German Chancellor crashing in

the German elections and almost

three months after polling still

struggling to form a new Government.

Can't believe you didn't real thigh.

-- realise that. When we were

adamant there would be no stage one

deal in the Brexit talks this year,

you knew that counting is not our

strong point and that what we meant

was stage two. But even we are

flummoxed by Parliament's decision

this week to have a meaningful vote

on the eventual Brexit deal.

Meaningful. Does that imply that all

the other Parliamentary votes are

meaningless? As you ponder that, my

viewers, have a listen to this

year's festive banger. Here to see

you all the way to 2018, our very

own barber shop quartet.

# Ding dong merrily on high

# Ding dong merrily on high

# Ding dong merrily on high

APPLAUSE.

How about that? More to come.

Now my unpaid work experience elves

tell me that some of you find me

a little Scrooge-like when it comes

to your comments on the Tweeter,

the Fleecebook, and the Snapnumpty.

Well Bah Bloody Humbug!

But since it is Wintervale

and the eggnog fumes

are intoxicating, I've decided

to relent just the once

and invite you to tweet

us your pathetic festive selfies,

showing you and yours,

huddled around the telly,

watching the programme,

adorned in your Yule-tide splendour.

Special points will be awarded

for bells, baubles and Blue Nun.

Silly hats and ridiculous tinsel

are positively encouraged.

Why are we doing this?!

Anyway the "This Week"

pixies will be on hand

to magic your heart-warming scenes

into our end-credits,

looking like the sentimental,

boozed-up Bob Cratchets you are.

Make sure you use

"#Twelfie" when you tweet.

Can you manage that?

No.

I thought not.

Speaking of those who can barely

write their own names,

I'm joined on the sofa tonight

by Westminster's equivalent of a

Morecambe and Wise Christmas re-run.

I refer of course to Michael

"Choo-Choo" Portillo and Liz

"Mrs Four Percent" Kendall.

And even though there's no earthly

political reason for having

them on the programme,

after their parties'

useless performances

in the general election,

we're also joined by

former SNP superstar,

John Nicolson and the lovely

Lib Dem-leaning Miranda Green for no

better reason that we like them.

Well, it is the season of good will.

Your moment of the year, Michael?

Well, when Betty of Bristol heard an

election had been called, she

commented by saying "what, another

one? ! "

What did she say?

"What,

another one? ! ". She put her finger

on the point that the election was

unnecessary. The Government had a

majority, it had things to do, there

was Brexit to be got on with. This

was one of the reasons, amongst

many, why Mrs May didn't pull off

the result she intended. Of course

the result she did not intend has

been the biggest political story in

Britain, transformed the position

both for the Conservatives and of

course for Jeremy Corbyn in hailing

distance of Downing Street.

Stop

gloating, it's Christmas. Liz, your

moment of the year?

Of the year is

that Time Magazine made its people

of the year the women who've spoken

out against sexual harassment and

abuse. So many of us have had that

experience from someone more senior

and powerful than us and I was very

proud of the women that spoke out

and I think probably every single

organisation in the land will have

looked very seriously at what they

are doing to tackle the problem. I

think it will lead to real change.

It was a strong magazine cover. I

was surprised it wasn't Donald

Trump... Again. John, your moment of

the week.

Of the year?

Of the year I

should say. You can make it week and

year if you want.

It's at Holyrood

when the First Minister stood up and

apologised to gay men for the way

that they'd been treated throughout

recent history. It's personal for me

because I introduced the touring

Bill at Westminster with the aim of

pardoning gay men found guilty of

gay crime.

Named after the great

mathematician.

Precisely. The Bill

was thrown out. The Scottish picked

it up and issued this apology. It

was very touching because there were

some older gay men sitting on the

balcony crying. I think it brought

closure to people.

Indeed. Three

excellent moments of the year. No

pressure, Miranda!

Mine is a gloomy

one. I live in West London and so

it's the Grenfell Tower. The trauma

for our part of London is ongoing

and it's certain think worst thing

that I've seen in my lifetime.

The

picture of that tower is the picture

with which I'm afraid this year will

always be synonymous with?

For sure.

I think being local, I think a lot

of the commentary's missed the right

tone but I think we really do have

to learn some serious lessons from

it and to have loss of life on that

scale that seems to have been

preventible is very difficult for us

to digest.

Gloomy but an excellent

fourth moment. Thank you all four of

you.

Huddle close dear viewer, because I

bring you a tale of ice and fire.

And much turmoil.

Yes when the chroniclers

write of these times,

they will relate stories of tribes

riven; friendships torn apart; and

leaders facing fiery destruction.

Less than a year ago,

Queen Theresa sat unchallenged

on the Iron Throne with a secret

plan to conquer all

who stood in her way.

But the stars did not align

for the House of May.

After the uncertain

outcome of the Battle

of the Unecessary Election -

which historians have come to refer

to as the greatest self-inflicted

political wound of modern times -

the House of May's defences

were reduced to a hobbit's codpiece.

Queen Theresa was forced to look

to the North and spend much treasure

on a troublesome tribal leader

called Arlene of Ulster

to preserve her precarious

position on the Iron Throne.

From which she watched

in trepidation the power

of the Zealot Red Prince,

once scorned as a loser,

grow stronger by the day,

especially among those too young

to have ever seen a British Rail

sandwich, much less eaten one.

Yes the House of Corbyn was

on the march banishing its enemies,

nationalising dragons and setting up

a trade union for goblet-washers

and sword-sharpeners.

Winter was coming.

Liz, I'm flipping freezing.

Winter is coming.

And, you know, you are on the roof.

I feel like throwing myself off.

The writing was on

the wall, I suppose.

House Corbyn leading

us into the electoral

wilderness.

Yes, we have lost a bit of momentum.

Wait a minute.

I've got an idea.

Liz?

SHE CACKLES

Liz!

Strong and stable.

Oh, Prime Minister.

Strong and stable.

I had David Davis on the phone.

There's been a hiccup

with the Brexit negotiations.

Brexit means Brexit.

Yes, quite so, Prime Minister.

But these judges, they've ruled that

all the banner men should

have a say in triggering Article 50.

Brexit means Brexit.

And we are going to

make a success of it.

Perhaps I'll come back

later, Prime Minister.

Excuse me.

Oh.

There are boy jobs

and girl jobs, you see.

CHANTING:

Oh, Jeremy Corbyn,

oh, Jeremy Corbyn.

Needs even more avocados.

Come on, millennials.

Hey, Kev, I mean, John Snow.

The post's arrived.

That looks a lot of ravens.

Good news?

This one says there's been

a rebellion on the Article 50 vote.

I told the banner

men to shut up about

Article 50.

I told them it was

a three-line whip.

Yeah, it looks like

the whips rebelled.

And what about banner man Abbott?

Was Diane loyal at least?

It says here she was struck

down by Brexit flu.

Winter must be coming.

By-elections are coming.

Oh, God!

Hang on, we won Stoke.

But we lost Copeland.

Where's Liz?

Yes, what is it?

I've got something on the hob.

Call yourself a red witch!

We lost Copeland, woman.

Patience, patience.

The night is dark

before the elections.

Tyrian, you can put

the bow down, old boy.

Spreadsheet Phil has

stopped all that nonsense

about national insurance

contributions.

Self-employed crossbow

men are perfectly safe.

And what's even better,

Hammond is out

and I am in.

The hand of the Prime Minister.

Now what she needs is a proper

mandate, a general election.

CHANTING:

Oh, Jeremy Corbyn,

oh, Jeremy Corbyn...

Oh, Jeremy Corbyn,

oh, Jeremy Corbyn.

The youth vote!

Not the majority!

No!

Thanks to Severndroog Castle

in south east London.

Theresa May ends the year much

weaker than when she started. But

she is still there. Why?

There is a

charismatic character who is Boris

and there are noncharismatic

characters and that is the rest of

them really. All the others are

either remain or leave, she at least

is ambiguous because she campaigned

for remain and now she leads us

towards Brexit. But as I said last

week, she seems to have acquired a

certain longevity. She is of course

much weaker than she was at the

beginning of the year but I suppose

much stronger than she was at the

beginning of the month.

Are you

surprised, Liz, that she's still

there after everything that's

happened?

No, because there isn't an

alternative and also because the

people who are rebelling now are

actually people who voted remain and

they think if they get rid of her,

they'll have someone who's far more

for a hard Brexit.

John, would you

have thought that given the election

result, all the setbacks that

Theresa May would survive through

Christmas?

I remember after the

election they said she's only got

weeks. She was considered incredibly

vulnerable. She's been tenacious,

hasn't she, in sticking there. I

think these guys are right. One of

the big problems is, who would you

replace her with. Michael Gove is on

manoeuvres and...

That worked well

last time.

Everybody is terrified

about Boris winning.

Terrified of Mr

Corbyn too if they provoke a general

election.

Exactly and of course the

Ulster Unionists, DUP are terrified

if there is a general election that

Corbyn will get there, so they are

propping her up. One thing about the

Tories, you never know who the next

Tory leader is going to be because

it's never the person you expect.

That was even true in 75 with

Thatcher as well or John Major in

1992. So she's there because they

can't agree an alternative?

Indeed

but this point of fear about an

election is probably one of the most

significant factors as well.

Fear on

the Tory back benches?

Absolutely. I

went to a focus group presentation a

while ago and when asked to think of

an image to sum up Theresa May and

her extraordinary longevity that

wasn't expected, they said, a

reliant robin because it keeps going

and you are not quite sure why. It's

fascinating.

Only got three wheels.

That is right, you wouldn't think it

would continue but it does and

actually she's slightly earning my

respect for keeping going. Nobody

really knows whether it's by

accident or design that she's been

able to play off these two sides,

leave and remain, against each other

and of course it could come crashing

down at any moment. She's still

very, very vulnerable.

Liz, Jeremy

Corbyn is a surprise breakthrough of

2017. But how much does he need a

quick election next year to

capitalise on his popularity?

I'm

sure she'd be very eager for an

election as soon as possible. We saw

a big surge amongst younger people.

That is still there. It wasn't just

the 18-25s, it was a 30 and

40-year-old surge, many of whom came

to us partly because they were

inspired by his message but because

they saw Labour as the anti-Brexit.

Can they hold on? If they are right

that there is a kind of Robin

Reliant feature to Mrs May, she

continues to trundle on, does he

still hold on to them? Really what

I'm asking is, is time on his side

or is it not?

To make improvements, we need to be

clear on our alternative on Brexit

and we have a lot of work to do to

persuade people who voted

Conservative.

Particularly in

smaller towns and coastal areas. Not

just people in big metropolitan,

diverse, socially Liberal cities.

Why has Mr Corbyn confounded the

consensus and become electable?

For

many reasons. One of the reasons is

that the press overplayed their

hand. They painted him as a monster.

And when people saw him out and

about, it was not the monster they

had read about.

The more out and

about he was, the better he got.

It

is not like Neil Kinnock. People

have access to the internet, they

have myriad different sources for

their news. People got to know him

and they liked the message. Liz has

touched on something important. They

have to tell us what their message

is on Europe. They say completely

different things and I am not sure

they can straddle all of these

positions for months, all years on

end. People want to know where they

stand on Brexit and a second

referendum, and they won't tell us.

That might not be the defining issue

for a lot of people. They seemed to

vote for him despite the lack of it.

I think it becomes more important as

time ticks over, the idea of which

way Labour will jump on Brexit. But

you are right, the moment when the

election campaign went disastrously

wrong for May and fabulously right

for the Labour leadership was the

manifesto week. It is that idea that

the country was looking for some

sort of alternative and was not

attracted to this unapologetic doom

and gloom message from the Tories

about the disastrous dementia tax,

etc. There is a first for something

else. I don't think we can quite say

that Corbyn has proved himself

electable yet.

More so than most

people thought.

We were wrong, I

admit that.

I am not sure if time is

on Jeremy Corbyn's side or not. Does

he need to capitalise quickly, or

even if there is not an election by

this time next year, does it matter?

You would think the sooner there was

an election, the greater his chance

of being elected. However, I do not

think he is keen to be Prime

Minister until Brexit is settled.

One reason why I think Brexit will

get through the House of Commons in

the end is that I think Labour is

going to make sure it goes through.

The last thing we want is the

British people, having voted for

Brexit, and the British Parliament

having voted against Brexit. A

constitutional model that would be

insoluble. Oh, yes, a general

election and almost certainly a

Corbyn government, but a Corbyn

government wrestling with a

nightmare even worse than the one at

the moment. Although he must be

tempted to have an early election,

he would be like to see Brexit

settled.

It is about how you get

there. There has to be a vote of no

confidence in the government first

of all, and for the reasons

discussed earlier, particularly

about the DUP, I don't see that

happening soon. But I would be a

full to predict it.

Because usually

the unlikely happens. Are the Labour

moderates reconcile that 2017 was

the EEA you lost your party perhaps

for a generation?

My bit of the

party is not flavour of the month. I

don't think that is news to anybody.

You have lost your party.

I wouldn't

say that. There are many from the

more moderate wing of the party who

support us. We have always been a

Broadchurch and that is how we have

to stay.

But the part of the church

running the Labour Party has never

done so before. And it looks like

continuing to run it for the

foreseeable future.

Jeremy is the

leader for as long as he once.

That

is my point, that you seem to have

lost your party for a generation,

and that is the significance of

2017.

I think the challenge for us

is to remain a Broadchurch. We have

seen some talk about deselection,

which I think would be a big

mistake. We should be focusing on

what the country once, turning our

fire on the Tories. It was

interesting after the vote in the

House of Commons yesterday on the

Conservative side that commentators

and some MPs started talking about

deselection, too. On the extremes of

both parties you see a clamping down

of discussion and debate, which has

been one of the big things of 2017.

Has any Tory had a good year?

Ruth

Davidson.

Of course!

You came to his

help.

You certainly did, spot on.

Ruth Davidson had an amazing year.

Other than Ruth Davidson, has any

Tory had a good year? No conferring.

Jacob Rees-Mogg has had a pretty

good year.

All right, I accept that,

a difficult question and with help

you got an answer. In Westminster

terms, the SNP and the Lib Dems, the

losers of the year. Discuss.

Well,

obviously the SNP lost seats, as I

know to my cost.

Did they really?

But they won more seats than the

other parties combined. The polls

show the Tories in third place again

in Scotland. And the polls also show

that if there is an election

tomorrow, the SNP would pick up ten

seats.

These are the reliable polls,

which predicted victory for Mrs May.

You are right and there are lots of

qualifications. I think we are past

peak roof. She is now talking about

running for a Westminster seat, she

has revealed.

If she does not get

Holyrood.

Which she won't. She was

originally a list MP in the west

coast of Scotland, then did the

chicken run to Edinburgh for a

constituency seat and is now

thinking of abandoning her

constituents again to go to

Westminster. There is a limit to how

many times personal ambition

expressed so nakedly works.

John has

put a fair amount of spin on the

position of the SNP. This was not a

good year for them. The problem for

the Lib Dems, to finish on this, is

that the other significance of 2017

is that this is the year England

returned to 2-party politics, and it

has remained that way, and the Lib

Dems remain marginalised.

That is

true, but Brexit has been this

massive destabilising force, so we

do not know where we are at the end

of it. I think the Lib Dems are in

serious trouble, because I think it

is the case that, as Liz described

eloquently, you have a push to the

extremes in the two main parties, a

gaping hole in the centre, and the

Lib Dems cannot seem to find a voice

to speak for that centre ground. If

they fail to do that, as Brexit

remodels things afterwards, they may

find themselves lost. But who knows?

It is very unpredictable.

Who knows,

that is the motif of 2017. Anyway...

Now can I get a beat, Porty My Bro?

Because it's late.

Beat-box, bad boy, grime-time late.

So listen to MC Andrew

and don't hesitate.

Pull out your Blue Nun.

'Cause we're gonna have some fun.

Forget about Newsnight

and the Dimbleby posses.

We make the others

look like big wossies.

We're bigger than Yentob,

we're the first and the last-ie

Cos comin' up next,

it's our favourite

rapper, Big Narstie!

Thirsty work. Before that, more

music.

# Mrs May, Mrs May

# Oh, calamities

# Oh, what fun to BPM with the help

of the DUP

# One day before the vote

# Mrs May thought she was sacked

# But then came polling day 's

# What did Theresa get?

# A grinning Labour bench

# A small minority

# What fun it is to be PM

# With the help of the DUP

# Oh, Mrs May, Mrs May

# Oh, calamities

# Oh, what fun to be PM

# With the help of the DUP. #

APPLAUSE

Very good.

Now for the Season Finale

of the never-needing

show of Ice and Fire

that is the Westminster

Palace of Varieties.

A gut-wrenching tale of solipsism

and stupidity in which a minor

character came from nowhere

to challenge the House of May.

Called Dominic of Grieve -

offspring of a long line

of weeping widows -

he led a brutal tribe

of blood-suckers called The Lawyers.

Infatuated by his self-importance -

a common characteristic of the tribe

- Dominic of Grieve led a mutiny

against Queen Theresa,

causing her to lose her

first Brexit battle.

"Treachery" cried a motley band

of Brexiteers, who fawned

round the House of May,

forgetting that for most

of their careers Treachery had

been their default position.

But the softly-spoken assassin

was unfazed and merely unfurled

in their faces his pro-Remain banner

- a lion running backwards.

Yes, dear viewer, the final Battle

of Brexit is coming.

What an unprecedented victory.

We didn't win.

King of the ballot box,

King of the youth vote, King of the

North.

Let's celebrate.

But we didn't win.

Oh, shut up.

Corbyn is coming.

Yeah, coming second.

CHANTING:

Shame,

shame, shame, shame...

I can't believe it.

What a result.

And now she wants us

to make an alliance

with the DUP.

Budge up, Theresa.

We paid a billion for this seat, so.

The party faithful

are incomplete dismay.

But the party conference is coming.

The greatest event in

the blue rinse calendar.

She'll triumph.

I know she will.

COUGHING

Excuse me.

Poor PM.

I almost feel sorry for her.

Another caper?

Don't mind if I do.

SOBBING

What's that?

No majority, no

stability, no strength.

No hope.

Cooee!

Cooee!

Oh, God.

What do you think, wildfire him?

No, the Lord of light

is feeling merciful.

Let him up.

Come on, let's go meet him then.

Hey, what's new?

SHE COUGHS

Don't worry, old chap,

have a lozenge.

Oh, grow up.

If you were in government

you'd realise

that she's got far more important

things to worry about than a cough.

The clock is ticking very fast.

Brexit is not a game.

Well, negotiations

have hit a brick wall.

The prospect of a no deal Brexit

cliff edge draws ever closer.

Oi, who are you?

Jon Snow, pleased to meet you.

No, no, no.

I'm John Snow.

Lord Commander of the

Knight's Watch, King

of the North, BA Hons, etc.

Give us that magic wand.

Hang on a minute.

No need to fight it out.

You go and sort it

out somewhere else.

Liz, are you expecting anybody?

No.

Don't answer it.

We can't ignore it.

ALL:

Brexit is coming!

Not Brexit, Brian Blessed.

I've come to join you.

Merry Christmas.

Thanks again to Severndroog Castle

in south east London.

We'll be round to collect

Brian in the morning.

How much progress has the Government

made this year on Brexit, Michael?

The interesting thing about last

week was that it was the European

Union that work so anxious to get a

deal and move on. That was something

entirely new. But I think entirely

logical because the money's very

important to the European Union and

I think actually a mar knownious

settlement with the United Kingdom

is important to the European Union

as well. The European Union's got a

long list of other problems.

Actually, it's to my mind completely

unthinkable that this will all end

up with the European Union imposing

tariffs on Britain and Britain

imposing tariffs on the European

Union. We are going to pay for a

free trade deal and I think that is

now the clear way forward.

Amanda,

for much of the year, the coverage

was gloomy of how the Brexit talks

were going and the media was

generally highly critical. But is

Michael right, was there a watershed

in the past month or so when it

looked like the commission and Mr

Macron in Paris, Mrs Merkel in

Berlin, for the reasons Michael

gives, that they now kind of want to

get on with it -- Miranda?

Clearly

there was a breakthrough which is,

you know, much to be commended and

actually, if this leads to sort of

goodwill on both sides for the next

stages, that is all to the good. We

all want a good outcome.

It will

need goodwill to get through stage

two.

It really will because it gets

much more complicated now. Agreeing

these three principles was the

simplest part, as Michael said. What

we move on to now, unfortunately,

will actually depend on the UK

knowing what it wants.

And we don't

know that yet?

No. That is the

really difficult thing. Now we are

about to have an argument that we

should have had during the Brexit

referendum which is what is our end

point relationship with the EU. And

we still don't know.

The Government

will have to make its mind up on

that. It hasn't yet, as I understand

it, and there will have to be

discussions in Cabinet. The

European's can't negotiate with us

unless they know what it is we want.

We are the ones that are leaving. If

the Government does come out and has

to come out and tell us what the end

game is to be, do you think a deal

will now be done?

I think there is

still a huge fudge. Yes, there was a

breakthrough. But when you lack at

it, particularly around the Northern

Ireland issue, actually it wasn't

the money, it wasn't EU citizens, it

was the Northern Ireland issue and I

think that's still fudged.

But they

said they couldn't do more on

Northern Ireland until they knew

what the end state would be for the

UK.

We have just kicked it down the

line.

That is inevitable.

No,

because either you say you don't

want a hard border so you have got

to be in the customs union and

because you don't want Northern

Ireland to be separate from the rest

of the UK, then all of the UK has to

be in the customs union. It either

is or it isn't. There is a choice

and at the moment...

Norway is in

the customs union and doesn't have a

hard border.

They are saying they

want us out and they won't be able

to resolve the border issue and it's

being pushed further down the line.

It is a fudge. Choices have to be

made and we are kidding ourselves if

we think they don't.

It's

interesting what Liz said. It's not

what the Brussels commission is

saying. The Brussels commission is

not saying that it's either a fudge

or that you cannot resolve Northern

Ireland unless you stay in the

customs union. The view in Brussels,

which I've been speaking to recently

is clear, they don't want us in the

single market, because that is

called having your cake and eating

it.

They made that clear from the

outset.

From day one.

The nature of

the Brexit negotiations which

Brexiteers haven't cottoned on to

yet is, they cannot allow us to have

a deal that is better than the deal

that we'd have.

By staying in.

Yes.

You get very little acknowledgement

of the reality of that. The other

thing I found interesting was the

ex-don't which the rest of the

European Union was united. He was

asked who his best friend was and he

said the 27. They stood behind us

over the course of this week, he

said. That shows how united they

are. The Brexiteers told us that as

soon as the Brexit process began,

the remaining members would begin to

fragment. I think one of the key

features of these negotiations thus

far is how united they've been.

It's

true. They are staying united too

but it's not quite as you say,

because when the money was agreed,

when the £39 billion was agreed, but

the British had to renegotiate

elements of the Northern Ireland

bit, the commission, Paris, Berlin,

told Dublin, you have to fall in

line. The pressure was there. They

were used by the commission to cause

the British problems, but the money

matters more to the commission than

Dublin does. So they had to fall in

line in the end.

To a certain extent

of course that's true. Dublin's a

small country. But nonetheless,

Dublin certainly punched above its

weight.

Of course because it's

pivotal.

It's amazing people haven't

been more bothered on the impact of

the Good Friday Agreement. This

isn't just about trade and money,

it's about peace.

How little did the

unionists think about the Irish

dimension when they pushed forward

with this.

I have a completely

different view. The European

Commission tried to get the Irish to

make trouble for the British. They

then found that the thing...

So

patronising.

They did not realise

how the DUP would react and then the

commission ran scared because they

then thought that the whole thing

was going to collapse, remember they

are worried Mrs May will go, they

are worried there'll be no deal and

they then, as Andrew said, put

pressure on Ireland.

I need to move

on. I want to ask a wider question

about Brexit. Is it sucking the life

out of British politics?

Yes.

Liz

said yes.

It's infusing the whole of

politics with some slightly sort of

ugly characteristics and drawing...

It's poisoning the lives of the

British public?

Yes and it's drawing

the oxygen away from other issues we

should be focussing on. Actually,

for me, the Brexit vote, had it gone

by this similar margin the other

way, would have been a very good

wake-up call for all the issues we

have been neglecting in this

country. As it is, we can't pay

proper attention to those.

Because

of Brexit?

Yes.

I find whole Brexit

process enormously depressing,

narrow minded.

That is because you

lost?

No. I've always thought that

about the anti-EU element within

this country and I think they'll be

given full reign. I think what the

papers are doing, the Daily Mail

headline, they went for the judges

and now they are going for

politicians. I thought this from the

Brexiteers' perspective was meant to

be about returning power to

Parliament. That's what yesterday's

vote was about.

Two years ago we sat

around here worrying about apathy.

We are not any more. People are

highly engaged.

Not much time. We

need to... We can't be too

parochial. I want to ask you this,

Liz. Trump one year on. Reassured or

even more scared?

Even more scared.

He is unleashing the demons. He

doesn't just thrive, he survives off

division. He's broken...

He

sometimes encourages it.

Absolutely.

He's broken the rule book. All the

people who said he'll be different

when he's President, he'll calm down

and will be more diplomatic. He's

doubled down and if we fear that

Britain is still divided after our

referendum, the United States is

still unbelievably divided. One of

the interesting things has been

how...

Not too much time. I need

other people to talk. He supported a

person in Alabama who said Muslims

shouldn't be allowed to be served in

the congress. There is no good

amendments to the constitution after

the tenth amendment. I would point

out the 14th abolished slavery, I

think it was the 16th that required

voting rights for people who weren't

white and the 18th or 17th, which

gave women the vote.

We don't have

much time, Andrew.

And he backed all

that! Rereassured or scared?

That

candidate lost in Alabama,

absolutely extraordinary that the

democrats won a seat in Alabama in

the senate. He shows no dignity.

Here we are a year on, the Secretary

of State 'tillerson is still in

position, he's saying that he's

going to talk to the North Koreans

or that that is an open option

Tillerson. The North Koreans seem to

have calmed down. No mayhem seems to

have come out of his new positions

on global warming or Iran. The

American ship of state continues to

sail its course despite the

President.

He has no legislative achievements

of any kind.

He has the tax reform.

He has failed on most of his

significant promises. Building a

wall, failed. Obama care, failed.

The result in Alabama was

encouraging.

Why did the Democrats

only win by 1.5 points?

It is

Alabama.

They have not won there

since 92, not the dark ages.

The

Democrats won the African-American

vote and also the young vote.

What

they did get was the suburban

Republican vote. They stayed at home

all voted for them. Reassured, or

scared?

I don't think you can count

on every Trump candidate being as

repellent as Roy Moore in Alabama.

For that reason, I am not as cheered

as the others by the result, but I

don't necessarily think Trump will

last the course. He will do great

damage to America and the world as

long as he is in power.

Let's get a bit more festive cheer

from our resident Barbershop boys.

Take it away lads.

# Michael, the Brexit reindeer

# Had a very shiny shirt

# And if you ever saw it

# It would make your eyeballs hurt

# All of the other reindeer

# Used to laugh and call him names

# They never let poor Michael

# Join in any Brexit games

# Then one Christmas Eve

# Santa came to say

# Michael, with your shirt so bright

# Might buy Brexit late tonight

# Then how the reindeer loved him

# As they shouted out with glee 's

# Michael the Brexit reindeer

# You will go down in history

# Michael the Brexit

# Michael the Brexit reindeer. #

Thank you, boys.

Your cheque's in the post.

And we hear you have

a Christmas album.

Good luck with that.

And back by popular

demand, Brixton's finest,

Big Narstie is here.

Hello.

Good to see you. Have you

missed us?

Hundred percent, man. How

are you doing? I feel overdressed

for the occasion.

Since it is

Christmas, I have presents for you

all. The first one is from -- it is

formally the dog. I will give that

to her for Christmas. Molly is

French and she is in France for

Christmas. Liz, Merry Christmas to

you. A big present for you, my man.

There you go.

I ain't got nothing

for you.

You being here is my

present. Michael, small but heavy.

What have we here? John, Merry

Christmas.

Can we unwrap them?

Of

course. Miranda Hart. There we go.

What could be down here? You see

this expensive bag?

Just what I have

always wanted.

Here is one for Iris

Bailey.

This is something I am

really going to use and get on

people's nerves with.

I can't

believe that. You got a megaphone.

Great. You got a book on Jeremy

Corbyn.

I've got a crystal ball.

We've known that for years.

House of

Lords shortbread.

Not bad. And a

European flag. Speak to me.

I'm on

some stuff right now. We are on BBC

right now. This is my Christmas

present. We are having it big right

now on the show. Sexy ladies inside.

Oh, my God, it's going down.

I was

going to ask what your moment of the

year was, but I think this has been

your moment of the year.

My moment

right now is my microphone.

Have you

had a good year?

Wonderful. My year

has been so epic. It's like...

Vibes.

Do you think the country has

had a good year? I will take that as

a no.

This is how I think our

country feels...

Is next year going

to be better than this year?

100%.

How do you know?

Because the future

is bright, the future is orange, and

I'm in the future.

The future is

orange? Good News for Arlene Foster.

So you are just going to build on

2017. You liked it?

2017 has been a

very good year. It's had its ups and

downs like everything, but so much

has changed. Obviously we've got

Brexit. We've had our catastrophes,

but so much good things as well. And

the snow was epic not long ago.

I

like this optimism because they are

all a bit miserable.

Not at all,

very optimistic.

You have got to be.

The only way we can make the world

and our country better is all of us

doing a bit ourselves, do you know

what time? If we see trash on the

floor, it is all good to say, look

at that, but if someone takes their

pride away and says, there is a bit

of trash and picks it up, you may

not have the whole clean street.

There is a bit of trash.

Already we

are learning from you. They are

quite a messy crowd.

My album is

coming out. BDL bipolar. Next year,

April. I have to watch my figure.

You have plenty of time to worry

about that. This lot are useless at

predictions so I will embarrass them

by asking for a prediction for next

year, starting with Liz.

On the 70th

anniversary of the NHS you will see

cross-party work to deliver a

sustainable funding system,

including social care.

You are

optimistic! Michael?

I foresee a

royal wedding.

We know that already!

You don't know it, I made a real

prediction.

We do know it's going to

happen.

All right, no state visit by

President Trump.

He is really out on

a limb there, isn't he?!

It is

tricky. We are so bad at these. I

predict that this time next year we

will be discussing the same

questions.

Stop trying to cheer me

up! You can feel people switching

off.

I think the noose might tighten

on trumpet in the States with the

special prosecutor and a lot more

detail about Russia and Russian

links. -- on Trump in the states.

We

will keep an eye on that. I will

make a prediction for you. Your

album will be a great success.

Yes,

and I will dedicate some money to

A&E, NHS. Ambulance gang.

Ambulance

gang, love it.

I love the Ambulance

Service.

You have got what they have

got on their car, too. Let's hear it

again.

Wait until I hit the streets

with this bad boy. Whoever sees me

at the traffic lights, I am going to

rock your world, I swear to God.

That is your lot for tonight, but

not for us. We are off to Lulu's for

panto. Phillip Hammond is playing

Baron hard up. Michael is pulling on

his tights to be widowed 20. Which I

am told is Cockney rhyming slang for

his nickname. Liz will be joining

him as Cinderella, reflecting her

current status in the Labour Party.

And after he said he did not need to

be clever, David Davis is making a

guest appearance as dopey. Don't let

the big nasty bite.

This Week, BBC One, big up.

All the people locked in.

Big up Mike delinquent.

Merry Christmas.

Big up the ravers locked

in on your telly box right now.

Bass.

Club with the Henny, it's on.

Lambrini girls want to have fun.

Jack Daniels popping on.

Two stepping, know that I'm gone.

We don't stop, blood,

till we see sun.

Hennessy drunk, vodka

and Red Bull drunk.

Bora Bora sun.

Man like A, Blue Nun.

Sexy, show me how you flex it.

Are you ready to buy Brexit?

What will you do for the breakfast?

Will you wear the pearl necklace?

Will you start going on reckless?

Text your friend and exes,

tell them I am the best.

I come through the walls like Nexus.

Mad!

Party time.

This is the Ibiza special.

Coming out next year.

Bass.

Yeah!

Big up Mike delinquent

on the buttons.

BBC This Week.

I need a holiday, I need a getaway,

I need to touch Stansted

on a runway, need to touch Gatwick

on a runway, on a one-way.

I need a break, I need a getaway,

I need a holiday, I need to hit

Stansted on a one-way,

need to touch Gatwick on a one-way.

On a one-way.

Hola, amigo, soy Big Narstie, amigo.

I'm MJ, never been Tito.

You're a soft drink.

You're a bloody mojito.

You suck, you bloody mosquito.

Hit the swag with

a splash of Moschino.

You know how we roll.

Big up This Week.

Shout.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You got the moves,

you got the vibes.

Yeah, baby.

Big up the sexy ladies

watching the TV.

We are here, flexing.

Rasta Boom.

Merry Christmas.

Flexing.