Labour Party 07/05/2014 Party Election Broadcasts for the European Parliament

'This is the story of Nick Clegg - a man entrusted by a nation

'to act upon the policies he proposed.

'But he soon became The Un-Credible Shrinking Man.'

So, first on the agenda, tuition fees.

Mr Cameron, I'm afraid

that my manifesto says that we would scrap them.

And so we will.

ALL: Hear, hear!

We shall abolish the ?3,000 tuition fees and make them ?9,000.

ALL: Hear, hear!

I-I'm just worried about the figures, sir.

You mean the huge amount of money the students will owe?

Oh, no. My ratings in the opinion polls.

One has one's image to consider.

Think like a Tory, Clagg.

Er, it's Clegg. Being ?30,000 in debt is an excellent incentive

for a life of jolly hard work.

25 years is not a long time to pay off a loan.

So, what you're saying is

that we'd be doing the graduates a favour.

You'd be a hero.

I would quite like that.

'It was then, as he desperately tried to impress his new friends,

'Mr Clegg noticed something most peculiar.'

'He, and everything he stood for, began to shrink.'

Now, tax cuts... Oh, good, that will be popular...

..for millionaires.

In these times of austerity,

I think we should spare a thought for the wealthy.

I have a friend who's down to his last two yachts.

Haven't our brave bankers suffered enough?

Er, sorry, I promised fair taxes, I don't want to look like a fibber.

No-one expects you to keep your promises, Claggy.

You're in the Tory party now.

Yeah, Tory party, Margaret Thatcher.

I'll only get away with that if there's something for everyone else.

There will be. We shall be raising VAT on all people's shopping bills.

?450 per year, per family. Jolly good. I'd get killed!

I campaigned against that!

Next, bedroom tax. Hm, isn't it going to look bad

that two-thirds of those affected are disabled?

Who cares? They can't fight back. Absolutely.

Now, shall we lay off some NHS nurses? Ooh, yes. NHS?

The National Health Service?

Oh, yes.

Um, Mr Cameron? Who said that?

Um, me!

My gosh. The man has shrunk.

He's actually shrunk.

What shall we do with him? Can we hunt him?

No, no, leave this to me.

Come on, Claggy. Up you pop.

It's CLEGG! Ha-ha-ha!

OK, little fellow.

Are you going to valiantly stand up for hard-working families

or are we going to be friends, hm?

Um... How about a crumb of custard cream?

You can't win me over with biscuits.

Choccy biccie? Oh, OK.

So, if I allow energy companies to raise their prices,

you'll defend me? Mm. Even if it's an extra ?300 per year, per family?

Yeah. And you will keep your mouth shut about their huge profits, yes?

Mm-hm. Jolly good, well done, you. Right, gentlemen.

I think it's time to adjourn. Excellent! What's next?

An afternoon nap, close a few A departments and then dinner.

Can I come? I can do tricks.

No, no. Don't worry, Claggy.

I've got a rather important job for you. Really? Great!

I would like you to look after Socks. Socks, come on.

MIAOW!

Argh! David!

Tatty poo!

Do you find it offensive?

It doesn't read that everybody

should find it offensive.

It's shocking it'd happen in a public place.

I don't find it funny, but I don't find it offensive.

It really is vile. Shock value sells.

Men are even less tolerant of women than they were before.