Captains' Challenge A Question of Sport

Hello, there and welcome to a very special

episode of A Question Of Sport where Tuffers

and I are going to be looking back at some of the weird and wonderful

things that we've got up to, all in the name of the Captain's Challenge.

In other words, it's just another chance for Daws to gloat,

cos he always ends up winning these challenges.

# Na na na na na na na na

# Na na na na na na na oh

# Na na na na na na na na

# Na na na na na na na oh

# Everybody, well, don't you know it's me now

# Yeah, who is it, who is it?

# Well, he's back with a brand-new beat now

# Yeah, you doin' it, doin' it

# Hey yeah, yeah, yeah

# Trying to doubt my style?

# Hey yeah, yeah, yeah

# How d'you like me now?

# I tried to have a little fun now

# I stay with me ear to the drum now

# Hey yeah, yeah, yeah

# Turn it up, turn it up now

# Hey, yeah, yeah, yeah, turn me up on the night

# And everybody goes Ooh-oo-oo-oo-oo-ooh... #

How do we get into all this business?

I remember when Question Of Sport was a lot more sedate.

You wouldn't get Bill Beaumont or Willie Carson strapped to a plane.

No, no, this is absolutely true but times have changed

-and we've got to move on with it.

-True, true. Fair enough.

And I suppose we've had a chance to do seem pretty amazing stuff

at some fantastic venues.

And you do know that I actually held the world record for the high

jump in the Olympic Stadium for a while?

Yes. That is only because no-one had actually been there or

done it before.

That may be true but don't shatter the dream, please.

I think you'd have to go back as far as 2004, 2005 - after Athens,

um, the Olympics in Athens, and the first challenge was on a bike,

a static bike in studio with Coisty.

I knew this was a mistake!

That's probably the most pain I've been in with a Captain's Challenge, that very first one.

Ten seconds to go. Five, four, three, two, one! Go!

79-80. Matt Dawson is the winner!

What a race!

LAUGHTER

-Did you enjoy that?

-Loved it.

'Coisty left shortly after that show.

'He said he went to Rangers but actually,

'it's because he couldn't handle the fitness.'

Maybe I've only got one regret and disappointment in my own performance

and that was the kayaking.

They are up and they are running and determination on the face of Phil there, leading his crew.

A little bit of a head start. I'm thinking, here we go,

no problem - I mean, what can go wrong?

All you're doing is that, I mean, really.

And then I saw this motorboat on my left-hand side with

Phil at the front, just absolutely flying by and I got a panic on.

A little bit of a bend here,

a hidden bend coming down towards the finishing line.

It's all about power, strength, and determination.

Up to the line, it's looking good for Phil, it's looking average for Matt

and that's what it means to be champion here at Salford.

Yay!

Surprise victory for Phil "The Cat" Tuffers.

I knew I was going to get beat from about 15-20 metres away.

So, I was just plotting the fact that when I go

and congratulate him, he is going to go in the water.

The customary show of sportsmanship.

CROWD GASPS

As they cool off in the tropical waters of Salford Quays.

-I was very ill after that, actually.

-Were you?

-Yeah.

-No, you weren't.

-I was, I had pneumonia for about a week.

-Give over.

-Whose fault was it you all went in the water? Who's to blame?

-Tuff...

-You've been given the nod.

-Silly boy here got us all in the water.

It's not too bad, though, it's all right.

Most distracting one, for me, was the BMX.

When they kept going... And I forgot...

-What was it, Wimbledon champions...?

-1980 to the present.

To the pres... To the present day.

McEnroe, Stich, Lendl, Sampras.

Wilander...

Erm, Arthur Ashe.

HE CHUCKLES

Oh, I can't think of any.

Me mind's gone blank.

WHISTLE BLOWS

Oh, no.

APPLAUSE

-Walk of shame, come on.

-"Walk of shame!"

Sorry, boys.

A bit more obvious might have been Federer, Nadal and Djokovic.

Oh, my God. I forgot Federer, Djokovic and Nadal!

DRAMATIC MUSIC

The Sprint Finishes - I mean they're great fun to do.

You can really throw yourself at them.

Especially when you get the props - the mannequins were just hysterical.

Loved doing it with them and the overtaking and throwing them around,

and wrestling and what have you.

-Waltz?

-No.

-Spin it?

-No.

-Viennese Waltz.

-What's he doing there?

-Torvill and Dean.

-Yes.

-Skating!

-Oh, sumo.

-Sumos.

AUDIENCE LAUGHS

Eh, rhythmic gymnastics, artistic gymnastics?

-Eh, forward somersault?

-Yes!

Rally driving?

AUDIENCE LAUGHS

INDISTINCT

The other day we got...a member of our team out - which is great -

to get them involved.

So they can feel a bit of the pressure

when you're out there in the middle.

Basketball? Dribble? Shoot? Point? Three-pointer?

One-pointer? Two-pointer?

Slam dunk?

Basketball pass?

-- Bobsled? TUFFERS:

-Yes!

Up. Go on.

-Handstand?

-Yes!

That is the best part of the show for me,

because, all of a sudden, you are throwing everything at it.

You can be as foolish as you like and by some miracle,

your team-mates manage to guess what you're doing. I have this...

It's like a little tick, unfortunately,

that when I'm acting - not that I'm an actor -

I have to run around the studio making, sort of...

..young, girly, "ooh-hoo-hoo" noises.

I don't know why I do it - it's like a tick, as I said.

I apologise but that's what I do.

Ooh, King... Not Everton but the other club.

-King...?

-Kenny!

-Yes!

HE MAKES KUNG-FU NOISES

Karate? Judo? Tae Kwon-Do?

-Martial arts?

-Yes.

Oh, snooker...

-Spider.

-Yes!

Oh, yes.

Big square jaw, drives a motor car.

-John Parrott?

-No.

-Scottish!

-David Coulthard!

-Yes.

I think why I'm quite good at that is just

years of charades at Christmas time.

And. It's. Driving. Me...

-Murray Walker!

-Yes.

That's the one.

-Oh, he's a bit boring, plays snooker.

-Steve Davis.

-Yes!

DRAMATIC MUSIC

The wingwalking caused a stir, though, didn't it?

And loads of people enjoyed that - I remember people

-stopping me in the street, saying "Are you mad?"

-Terrified.

Absolutely... I didn't enjoy it, if I'm completely honest.

-"Completely honest!"

-Whereas, I think you did enjoy it.

Well, I did a little bit, but it was scary, wasn't it?

It was freezing cold up there, for a start, wasn't it?

And then you go up,

you look down and you just do realise that you're on a wing.

I don't know what we've got ourselves into, Tuffers, I really don't.

No, I know.

Well, I'm going to pull rank, because I'm older.

-Slightly more senior.

-That's true, you are older.

More senior and I'm going to go first.

-Is that the wise decision?

-It's the wise decision - get it over with.

"Name as many winners

"of the Sports Personality of the Year Award as you can."

INDIE POP MUSIC

Ryan Giggs. AP McCoy.

Joe Calzaghe.

Steve Redgrave.

Mary Peters.

Uh, uh.

Steve Cram.

John Parrott.

Steve Davis. Damon Hill.

Nigel Mansell.

Barry McGuigan.

Steve Cram.

Mary Peters.

AUDIENCE LAUGHS

Paul Gascoigne.

Ian Botham.

Freddie Flintoff.

Stephen Hendry.

Phil Taylor.

Steve Backley.

Coe, Ovett.

Mary Peters.

AUDIENCE LAUGHS

Football, cricket.

Flintoff, Botham.

Rugby.

Martin Johnson. Jonny Wilkin...son.

Lawrence Dallaglio.

Swimming.

David Wilkie.

Duncan Goodhew. Sharron Davies.

It's freezing up here now.

AUDIENCE LAUGHS

Dennis Taylor.

Red Rum!

David Beckham.

Kelly Holmes.

Nick Faldo.

Uh, uh...

Sir Chris Hoy.

I did enjoy it but then I didn't like the loop-the-loop that it did.

You were going along...

It was just like...the most extreme rollercoaster you could ever be on in your life.

You're going along, and then, all of a sudden,

you just go straight for the ground.

And you're hurtling towards...

..you know, the grass and the fields are all coming up on your face.

I think I passed out.

Oh, I think I've passed out.

Quite scary - what an adrenaline rush, though.

I mean, just taking off... Taking off's bad enough.

AUDIENCE LAUGHS

-Be prepared, mate.

-Am I going to be all right?

That is the only time where I could have quite easily got in the car

and said, "Pfft, I'm going home" and throw a complete lovey tantrum

and get in the car and go.

It was... It was horrible.

INDIE POP MUSIC

-SHOUTS OVER NOISE OF ENGINE:

-David Beckham!

Lennox Lewis!

Steve Redgrave!

Paula Radcliffe.

Zara Phillips.

Ah.

Greg Rusedski.

Michael Owen.

Ian Botham.

Linford Christie.

Sally Gunnell.

Mark Cavendish. AP McCoy.

Nigel Mansell.

Damon Hill.

Sir Chris Hoy.

Mary Peters.

Stirling Moss.

Andrew Flintoff.

Virginia Wade.

Bobby Charlton.

Ryan Giggs!

Rugby. Jonny Wilkinson.

Gareth Edwards.

Eh, Will Carling.

Nick Faldo!

Brendan Foster.

Paula Radcliffe.

Tessa Sanderson.

Barry McGui...gan!

AUDIENCE LAUGHS

INDIE POP MUSIC

AUDIENCE LAUGHS

-TUFFERS:

-Do you feel a bit sick?

I think there might be a little bit of poo in my pants.

Great experience, though?

I mean, wow, that's something you remember, isn't it?

DRAMATIC MUSIC

I always like the challenges

that are meant to...showcase

our original sporting heritage.

I don't.

The Coconut Shy.

The Coconut Shy.

HE LAUGHS

-Bit high.

-Fielding practice, Phil, come on.

-Oh, he got it.

-How did he miss that?

Roll up, roll up!

Oh, it's too high.

-Come and watch a decrepit old cricketer!

-Yes!

-If anything, it was too close, I thought.

-What(?)

Now, because I used to field in the deep,

and you used to wang it over the top of the stumps.

Right over the bails and it was so close that I just couldn't hit a...

But hold on a minute, we're not talking about...

-This is like throwing in general.

-No, it's not.

-Coconut shy...

-I got nervous.

-The hula hoop...

Hoopla thingy.

AUDIENCE GASPS

-The shy!

-Oh, the underarm one.

-It was only from, like...

It was a couple of metres away!

You got the yips!

You couldn't do it.

You are under a little bit of pressure when you get up there.

So, when you are doing a sport that you're not supposed

to do very well at it, it takes the pressure off.

But when it's right up your street - throwing balls at things -

which I was meant to have done pretty well throughout my career

and you make a complete pig's ear out of it...

It's a bit embarrassing.

Oh, too short, Tuffers - he'll play that all day.

Got to be better than that, pal.

How many wickets did you get?

TUFFERS CHUCKLES

Not enough!

The Line-out Challenge was one that really shocked me.

For a starter, the lads...

There are some big lads there, you know what I mean?

They are 6'5", 6'6" and I've never really played rugby -

had a couple of games when I was a boy.

I never had, you know, been involved in a line-out either.

And they just popped you right up in the air.

I mean, we was up in the ceiling,

hitting the heads on the lights in the studio.

And when you're up there, you are a long way up.

But that was great fun as well.

I thought I was all right at it, once I got the hang of it.

But they kept grabbing me in some very strange places.

What are you doing? What are you doing?

What are you doing?

AUDIENCE LAUGHS

Why are you going down there?

What was that all about?

Don't know whether I like it down here.

Tuffers, I think, thought that...

I don't know, that I'd been in a line-out before -

I'd never been near a line-out, other than to pass the ball.

So, when these guys are grabbing hold of...

your knees and your quads and your thighs, and putting their thumbs

pretty close to places that are a little bit uncomfortable...

And they are throwing you eight feet in the air.

So, all of a sudden, you're 15, 20 feet...

I mean, you felt like you were on the ceiling.

It was very unnerving.

APPLAUSE

I went right up.

Great to get back into the swing of things with the cricket challenge.

Daws surprised me - he was really quite a good player.

That's a good shot there. My word, that's probably four runs.

But I managed to get him out a couple of times.

Still got it - you never lose it.

Oh, that was a nick, definitely a nick -

I heard it from here, it from here.

And Tuffers strikes - well bowled, Philip.

Could be a comeback for the Ashes.

Who knows? IPL - if the money's right.

DRAMATIC MUSIC

APPLAUSE

One of my favourites, for sure, was the Pit Stop.

MUSIC: "The Chain" by Fleetwood Mac

Get out of it.

All of a sudden, we are changing the tyre of a Formula 1 car.

Now, I'm no petrol head, but I was totally, totally buzzing doing that.

Come on!

Yeah!

Struggled with the Formula 1 pit stop.

Yeah. DIY, mending cars - not really for me.

Come on, Tuffers, go!

LAUGHTER

I haven't got me nuts.

Oh, that was rubbish.

I lost me nut - it just spun off.

That was the end of the game.

DRAMATIC MUSIC

They love to get you in an outfit, for the Captains' Challenges.

Which is always great fun.

The tennis - coming out as John McEnroe,

with the fuzzy hair and the headband.

The boxing one and everything. I do get into the part quite well.

I do look the part. All the gear - no idea.

LIGHT AND FUNKY MUSIC

Surfing.

-I liked the surfing.

-That was unbelievable.

Yeah, that was good fun.

-I was quite good at that, as well.

-You were. Again - style, technique.

HUMS HAWAII FIVE-0 THEME

-Is that Columbo?

-Did it sound like Columbo?

It was Hawaii Five-0 I was after.

I never tell Tuffers when I've got half an idea. Basketball...

CHEERING

I was under-16 basketball player for the county.

School archery champion.

Keepie uppie...

This is just a dream.

This has to be my favourite challenge ever.

Oh, hello!

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

High jump - I did the high jump at school as well.

Played a little bit of lacrosse.

I was half decent at cricket.

So, all of those sports I have play...

I haven't really, but he thinks that I'm some kind of...

I'm not, he's just rubbish.

Ooh!

Daws always seem to be good at all the challenges, you know.

The basketball. One, two, three - straight in.

All the ones he put in, he just seems to be able

to turn his hand to anything.

He's a very sporty kind of guy - good balance and he's strong

and what have you.

It does get a little bit frustrating, so when I do manage to

nick one off him and win one, it makes it even better.

You. Yeah.

Oh!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Pole vaulting disappointed me because I'd beaten him in training.

I was flying over the bar and then, all of a sudden,

the nerves got to me or something.

RHYTHMIC CLAPPING

CHEERING

CROWD: Oh!

Oh, bad luck, Tuffers.

Oh.

Sorry, feeling a bit deflated. What am I doing wrong?

-You're not vaulting.

-Oh.

And let's face it, I know Tuffers...

says that the age gap isn't too much and it doesn't affect him,

but the guy's nearly 50.

It makes a big difference.

Ten years is a big difference

and he knows he hasn't quite got the stamina.

The Arizona Diamondbacks won which major title in November?

The Amazonian what?!

Arizona Diamondbacks.

WHISTLE BLOWS

It's a racing track.

-Where they do it - F1.

-Monaco.

-Silverstone.

-Yes, Silverstone.

WHISTLE BLOWS

The whistle!

Sometimes, we do do exercises

and activities that are more for the elderly gentlemen, shall we say.

Now, Phil Tuffnell.

For the Masters.

That's snooker, isn't it? It's snooker.

DAWSON LAUGHS

Sorry.

Nice!

CHEERING

Boom shakalaka.

Get in!

Yeah, I mean, it is competitive. Course it is, we're both sportsmen.

We both want to...

I think it's not necessarily competitive,

we just don't want to make a complete...

banana of yourself. You know what I mean?

And over the last, Matt's in front round the elbow.

And Phil snatches it!

And Phil has got it.

-YOU take it seriously.

-Oh, you're joking, aren't you?

You're the most competitive man I've ever met in my life!

I'm so relaxed about winning and losing, what are you worried about?

TUFFERS LAUGHS

-Come on!

-Just slow it down here.

Back on your power.

Crack on, now.

INDISTINCT

Come on, baby.

Woo-hoo!

Go, go, go!

Off the power - stay wide, second gear.

Out to it. Good man!

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

-Oh, you've got fourth, Matt.

-Oh, no, I dropped into fourth.

Stay off the power.

Then we'll lift off the power there.

To get behind the wheel of a rally car and just floor it -

and have the confidence of the chap next to you helping you out a little bit

with the brake and stuff - was just a massive adrenaline rush.

Wheel straight, go.

TUFFERS PANTS AND LAUGHS

Second gear again, Phil, quickly. Right then left.

Round to the left and another chicane. Power. Go straight through.

I don't think either of us expected the car

-to be THAT quick and that mobile.

-No.

We could throw it around the corners and really go for it.

-And also, through the trees as well.

-Yeah.

-You don't usually get...

You know, you got to be pretty handy to be able

to be let through those trees and those woods.

Did you enjoy THAT bit, though?

Or the actual being a passenger and answering the questions?

I preferred doing the driving,

cos the bloke who was driving was an absolute lunatic.

OK, Man United, Man City,

Liverpool, Arsenal, West Ham,

Notts Forrest! Blimey!

Fulham, Chelsea, Aston Villa...

Aston Villa!

-REBECCA LAUGHS

-Oh, no.

I have been extremely fortunate to do some incredible things

on A Question of Sport.

DRAMATIC MUSIC

But...

to drive around Silverstone in an F1 car...

I mean, what can you say?

That was heart-pumping...

Right up there at the level where I used to love being,

but now and again, I'll do it for about a minute

and that's absolutely fine.

"Name as many Formula 1 World Champions as you can."

-SHOUTS OVER ENGINE:

-Damon Hill!

Graham Hill! Oh, my goodness.

Villeneuve.

Schumacher.

HE LAUGHS MANIACALLY

Vettel.

Hamilton.

Button.

Alonso.

Jackie Stewart.

Niki Lauda.

Vettel.

Stirling Moss.

Graham Hill.

Kimi Raikkonen!!!

Mika...

Hakkinen.

Jim Clark.

INDISTINCT

I hope you enjoyed that look back at the challenges as much as we did.

-Did we enjoy doing them?

-I think we did.

What do you reckon we'll do next?

What do you fancy? I quite like the sound of skydiving.

Sky..! I'm not doing skydiving!

"Skydiving" - you're joking me.

Anyway, we're going to be back in the studio soon.

-Sue will be asking the questions, though.

-Yeah.

-We'll see you then.

-Cheers. Skydiving?

-No.

-Yes.

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