Festive Fun A Question of Sport

Hello, and welcome to a look back at some of the festive fun that

we've had on A Question Of Sport over the past few years.

As you'll see, it is often chaotic,

the questions go out of the window, but mostly it's been a lot of fun.

Hope you enjoy it.

# The weather outside is frightful... #

It IS them.

APPLAUSE

-Hello.

-How are you?

-Did you have a lovely Christmas?

-Sorry we're late.

-Love the sweater.

-Yes. Sorry we're late.

-I've got you a little surprise, a little pressie.

-Oh, a hunk calendar.

-Yes, there you go.

-LAUGHTER

Who are they trying to kid?

Jumper again, is it?

Have you seen the Christmas jumper that's behind you?

CHEERING

There's no point competing, is there?

Absolutely no point.

-What have you got?

-Oh, Sue, you shouldn't have.

-Perfect for my little skiing holiday.

-There you go.

Thanks, lovely.

The question is, which two cities have a Major League Baseball

team with Sox in their name?

Baseball team.

White Sox, Boston.

-One point for each.

-You sure?

We're going to go Boston Red Sox and we think the Chicago White Sox.

You think right, it is.

Lovely.

-Right.

-WHOOPING

It's a beauty.

Oh, she's a ripper.

CHEERING

It's a jumper, it's a long jumper.

OK, American long jumper Mike Powell holds the current world record

distance of 8.95m.

This is further than two of the things

you are about to see on the board but which two?

Four Peter Crouches. Peter Crouch.

-TO THE TUNE OF THE 12 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS:

-# Four Peter Crouches Two McLaren cars

# Three French... #

LAUGHTER

# And the width of a singles tennis court. #

Oh, dear. Here we go again.

Right, what we've got here?

I reckon it's a tie.

-Oh, it is.

-It is.

-So we've got a tie.

Oh, musical tie.

Oh, press it, then.

TIE PLAYS WE WISH YOU A MERRY CHRISTMAS

Nice.

MUSIC CONTINUES LAUGHTER

You can take that home with you. Oh, it's flashing as well. Lovely.

I've just got a horrible feeling that's not the first time you've put

a whole turkey on your head.

You just look far too comfortable. It looks right.

It looks like one of those... Like that, doesn't it?

"OK, OK, brigadier."

-HE MIMICS SPEECH OVER WALKIE-TALKIE:

-We're going in. We're going in.

Honestly, I'm never going to get this opportunity again.

APPLAUSE

It's just not going to happen, is it? It's not going to happen.

Sorry, sorry.

And that's Tuffers' Christmas card for next year.

In my notepad, I've written at the top "Question Of Sport"

and underlined it.

-So that you can reference it at a later date?

-Well, I might forget.

I'm halfway through. I might answer a question on Russian literature.

Then Phil will have a seizure.

Which horse won the 1964 Epsom Derby?

Oh, yes.

Looking at your blank faces, we thought you could do with some help.

So please welcome world quizzing champion and Eggheads star

Kevin Ashman.

Can you ask Kevin if he's got trousers on?

LAUGHTER

-I'd just like to check.

-That's my business.

Don't worry, Phil, don't worry,

because we've not forgotten about your team.

You have the most recent addition to the Eggheads team,

it's Tremendous Knowledge Dave Rainford.

-Hello, Dave.

-Davey Rainford!

Hello. Hi, Phil. Hi, Suzi.

Dave, I know you've got no pants on. I can tell.

No likey, no lighty, Paddy.

Me and you all the way, come on.

So back to the question, Matt. Which horse won the 1964 Epsom Derby?

There are your three options.

-That's a good shout, buddy.

-I don't know the answer but I...

And you can ask Kevin for help.

There's no forfeit for asking?

I would have thought Santa Claus. Kevin?

-Kevin, do you know that?

-Yup, I'm pretty sure that's right.

I think it's Santa Claus.

Flying Reindeer. No, I'm joking. Santa Claus.

It's the right answer.

OK, Phil, this one's for your team.

Which team that played Spurs in Europe this year is less

than 600km away from Lapland?

Oh, OK.

Tromso's right at the top of Norway.

No, it's not, it's kind of in the middle. Isn't it - Tromso?

I would have gone Tromso myself.

But, as people know, my geography's not that great.

Well, thanks very much(!)

-LAUGHTER

-Cheers for that(!)

You're meant to be an Egghead!

Get Kevin on our team.

I know, you should do, really.

Lapland is like...erm...

Where is Lapland again?

Up north?

That's why I didn't think it was Tromso

because I didn't know Lapland was over that way.

Do you want to disagree with an Egghead?

Lapland is up... It's up near... Scandinavia.

I would certainly go Tromso out of those three options.

Just before we decide, what do you think, Kevin?

LAUGHTER

I couldn't possibly comment, Paddy, I'm afraid.

Hold on, have you heard of any of these names? Football teams.

I've heard of Tromso.

-Come on, let's go with the Egghead, then.

-Can we go with Tromso Il?

Well done. It is correct.

OK, Matt, back to your team.

Jack Frost played nearly 100 Minor League Baseball games

for the Sioux City Packers in 1906.

In which state were they based?

-I know this one. I actually do.

-Do you?

I was watching a video on Sioux City the other day

-and I'm pretty sure it's in Iowa.

-Oh.

-That's boss if you know that, mate.

-I think it's Iowa.

I would almost always go with one of Rizzle Kicks rather than

the world quiz champion but on this occasion...

LAUGHTER

..on this occasion, just for TV...

-We might as well. He's there.

-Let's check him out.

Kevin, has Harley got that right?

He has, yeah, you didn't need me at all for that.

Iowa.

-Is the right answer.

-Come on!

-Tuffers.

-Yes.

American Wilma Rudolph won three gold medals at the 1960 Olympics

in which city?

-1960 Olympics.

-Is it Melbourne?

Shall we go to our Egghead?

-Egghead?

-Yeah, why not?

Shall we confirm with Dave?

Dave, this is a year, so you guys are good at years.

Sometimes. Sometimes we're good at years.

Dave, do you know anything?!

Let me skip to the good bit here.

1956 was Melbourne.

1964 was Tokyo.

By deduction, I think 1960's Rome.

-Lovely.

-We are going to go, Sue, with Rome.

Well done, Dave, absolutely spot on. It is Rome.

LAUGHTER

Can I have a buzzer to put out, please?

Has he got any trousers on? Have a little look.

If we got the away question wrong,

then they would have a chance to steal a point if they got it right.

But look at them!

No offence, but it looks like some sort of internet dating gone

horribly wrong.

-Come on, let's have the away.

-Pull his cracker.

All right, here we go.

The special effects budget's not quite Doctor Who, is it?

-Is that how you do it?

-No. What is that?

Anchor.

-Anchor.

-Yes.

-Anchorman.

-No.

-Anchor...

-Anchor leg.

-Yes.

-Anchor leg.

What is anchor leg? What is that?

It's the last leg in the relay.

-Olympics.

-Yes.

-Olympic...

-Olympic...

-Lightning. Usain Bolt.

-Yes!

Oh, erm...

Bear with me, wait for it.

Is that some buttocks?

Wait for it.

Butterfly. Swimming.

-Yes! That'll do. That'll do.

-She said it!

-Swimming?

-Butterfly, butterfly.

-Er, er....

-Yeah.

-Er...

-Yeah.

It's a box, bin. Man in shorts. Shorts.

Shorts too big for the rest of his body.

Boxing, is it a boxer?

Boxers?

"WC" that says now.

-What are you doing?

-Boxing gloves, boxing glove.

-Low punch.

-Hitting below the belt.

-Yes, absolutely!

Can I say I've contributed nothing to...

-to any of our answers.

-Here's your chance.

I haven't even done the punctuation on our end.

But you've written the title of the programme on your pad.

Well, if you want to know what programme we're on, just ask me.

-We can work things out.

-But you can't, yes.

We can't just say anything.

I know the rules of charades.

LAUGHTER

OK, there's your first one, your time starts now.

Hold on, there it is there.

-Photo finish.

-Yes.

Go on.

Rowing.

That's that guy, what's his name?

-Redgrave and Pinsent.

-Yes.

-Boxing.

-A certain division.

-Heavyweight champion.

-Yes. Heavyweight, mouthguard.

And one more.

-The home of golf.

-St Andrews.

-Yes.

Pick up the bag, yes!

Oh, oh, you know. Like that.

-Netball.

-Yes. Put on the skirt.

Put on the skirt?!

A Swedish tennis player. Brilliant. McEnroe versus...

-Borg.

-Yes.

-Put on the headband.

-OK.

In cricket you hit on the pad.

-Shin. Stump.

-No.

-LBW.

-Yes.

-You've got to get the skirt on, otherwise it doesn't count.

-OK.

How do you get a skirt on?

I know how to get them off, I don't know how to get them on!

"Yes, I was manager of England for a little while."

-Eriksson.

-Yes.

Oh, my goodness me.

He just, he just...

-Eric Bristow?

-Yes.

-Oh, my God!

My Eric Bristow impression is legendary.

"I won Wimbledon for sure back in the '80s."

-Becker.

-Yeah, absolutely.

"Yeah, obviously I didn't get picked for team GB."

-Becks.

-Yes!

Er, oh, er,

cricketer who is named after some meat because he's very...

Lamb, Howard Lamb.

-No. Beefy.

-Botham.

-Yes.

-Botham.

-"Athletics commentator who used to run the 1,500 metres."

-Steve Cram.

-No. "Fantastic."

-Brendan Foster.

-Yes!

Surprised you got those two mixed up but there you go.

One's from the North, Newcastle, and one's from Sunderland.

"Match Of The Day this week, we've got a Christmas cracker of a show."

Gary Lineker.

Boy or girl? Boy?

-Yes.

-Yes. Single sport?

-No.

-Footballer?

-No.

-Cricketer?

-Yes.

-Still playing?

-No...

-Yeah... No.

No, he's not still playing? How old is he? Is he over 50?

-No.

-No. Under 50?

-Yes.

-Freddie Flintoff?

-No!

-Not playing? He's not playing?

Is he a big bloke?

Is he quite big?

Who's a big fat cricketer?

Who's a big fat cricketer?

-Nationality!

-Find out what country.

-What country does he play for?

No, you've got to ask the question!

-Does he play for the West Indies?

-No.

-England?

-No.

-Pakistan? India?

No.

Who else plays cricket?

-Who do we hate at cricket?

-Aussie.

-Yes.

-Gilchrist.

-No!

-Taylor?

-No!

Who?

-Ward? Shane Ward?

-Come on!

APPLAUSE

SUE LAUGHS

Shane Ward. He's been the pain in my arse all my life.

It is time now to return to our fancy dress party

and I can tell you that you are looking for the cowboy,

the pirate, the knight and Father Christmas himself.

MUSIC: Step Into Christmas by Elton John

# Welcome to my Christmas song

# I'd like to thank you for the year

# So I'm sending you this Christmas card

# To say it's nice to have you here

# I'd like to sing about all the things

# Your eyes and mind can see

# So hop aboard the turntable

# Oh...step into Christmas with me. #

And it goes a little something like this.

MUSIC: It's Like That by Run DMC vs Jason Nevins

# Unemployment at a record high

# People coming, people going, people born to die

# Don't ask me because I don't know why

# But it's like that and that's the way it is. #

THEY GROAN

Some are easier than others.

OK, teams, first up we're asking you if you got the cowboy.

You want to write down who you think it is.

OK.

-AS BARRY MCGUIGAN:

-We've had a look at the cowboy and, do you know,

we weren't sure about it to start, Sue.

Then we looked at him again

and then we saw the fist moving a tiny wee bit.

It's Frank Bruno.

LAUGHTER

Oh, hold on, hold on, hold on.

Hold on a minute.

You're not changing your answer on the basis...

We haven't revealed our answers yet, have we?

-Oh!

-Come on! Referee!

Please stop it!

You've gone with...

OK, hold them up. Barry McGuigan, Barry McGuigan. Let's have a look.

-# Snow is falling

-Snow is falling

# All around me... #

Course it is. The great Barry McGuigan.

APPLAUSE

OK, now to the pirate. Will you be walking the plank or not? The pirate.

THEY CONFER

Would you hold up your answers, please?

Denise Lewis. Both of you going for Denise. Is it the lovely Denise?

Yes, it is. Well done, teams.

APPLAUSE

Now, who was our knight in shining armour?

Was he tall? Was he very tall?

-He was big.

-What about that?

-Yeah?

-Yeah, I reckon. Yeah, yeah.

-Not a bad shout.

-That's not bad. Go on, then.

OK, are we ready, teams?

Your answer is Paul Sculthorpe

and you've gone for, Tuffers?

-Steve Redgrave.

-Steve Redgrave, ooh!

-That's a great shout.

-Difference of opinion.

-That is a great shout.

-Let's see who it is.

That is a fantastic shout.

It is the knight, it is himself, Sir Steve Redgrave.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Well done.

And finally, Father Christmas himself.

Father Christmas!

-OK, good.

-Are you ready?

OK, can you reveal your answers, please?

This could be embarrassing.

Dennis Taylor.

Oh, what another good shout. Tuffers, that is a blinding shout.

-Chris Hoy.

-Oh, no!

-Let's have a look. Who was it?

-It's Dennis Taylor.

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

Have you seen the size of Chris Hoy's thighs?!

LAUGHTER

-That's why I thought it was him.

-Dennis Taylor!

LAUGHTER

Sue, the brilliant thing was that I was going to suggest somebody else

and he said, "No, it's definitely fatter than that!"

LAUGHTER

Get the thing!

-Come on.

-Here, here, here.

Oh!

Synchronised swimming.

-Yes, yes!

-Come on, quick, quick.

Get it! Get it!

Oh, oh. Stand there like that.

Now jump up.

Rugby. Line-out, line-out!

-Yes.

-Come on, come on.

-I enjoyed that one!

Get it out. Quick, where is it?

Oh!

Bobsleigh.

-Yes.

-Come on! Come on!

-Pull it. Get it.

-Quick.

Get it. What is it? Oh.

-Ice-skating. Speed skating.

-No.

Who did it? Who did it?

Torvill and Dean! Torvill and Dean!

-Yes.

-Pull it with the elf, it's quicker!

LAUGHTER

Come on!

Badminton, tennis, table tennis.

Yes! Table tennis.

It's there, it's there!

Oh, rugby, rugby. Bof!

High tackle.

Yeah.

-Where did it go?

-Is it in there?

-Quick, quick, quick.

Oh, ten pin bowling.

-Oh, what's it called?

-Like hair if it's not straight.

-Curl, curling!

-Yes!

LAUGHTER

-Quick.

-Oh, yellow.

Red card.

Yes.

Come on, Rach.

-Pass?

-No.

-Volleyball.

-Yes.

-Good stuff.

Quick, quick, quick!

Oh, big guy.

-Quarterback.

-Rach, Rach, wait!

-I don't know.

-Quarterback.

-Yes!

LAUGHTER

I should have done it the other way!

-Oh.

-Hug, hug. Scrum, scrum, scrum!

Tackle.

Sumo wrestling!

Yes.

So what's this school thing, then?

You learn everything - Maths, English, French.

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

I deserved that, to be fair.

I deserved that.

I went to the same sixth form as Matt.

I was kind of the sporty one and he was the nerd.

LAUGHTER

-Sue, while I'm here, can I tell you a joke?

-Please do.

-You'll like this one, Paddy McGuinness.

-OK.

LAUGHTER

You can use this one.

How does Bob Marley like his doughnuts?

With some jam inside of the doughnuts.

LAUGHTER

That is deconstructive comedy.

Or, as the laymen call it, not very funny.

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

Which way to the bar?

-Anywhere.

-Cheers, Sue. I'll just take the lift.

LAUGHTER

And the term is Santa Claus.

OK, Amy, you're up first.

Ooh, yes, OK.

In biathlon events, competitors have support teams that follow them

over the course, similar to the Tour de France.

The support crew carry spare skis, rifles, clothing and refreshments

all in a big sack.

Because of this, they are known as Santa Claus.

Santa Claus or FC Santa Claus are a team who play...

Oh, shut up!

LAUGHTER

Shut up!

FC Santa Claus are a team

who play in the third tier of football in Finland.

-They play in red kit with white trim, obviously...

-Course they do!

And they've got bells on their boots(!)

..and their biggest success came in 1994,

when they won the Midnattsolscupen,

or the Cup Of The Midnight Sun.

They play their home games in the capital of Lapland.

OK, Santa Claus.

The Santa Clause is the nickname given to the

legislation in world speedway regarding

transfers between Scandinavian teams and those that are in the UK.

Riders were coming in on short-term loans for matches in bad weather.

Because of their experience they had riding in cold conditions,

this has since been blocked by the Santa Clause.

LAUGHTER

FC Santa Claus is so far-fetched, it's just ridiculous.

-FC Santa Claus.

-If it's in Lapland, that would be so cool.

That's why it's even more far-fetched.

-And Amy?

-Mine was the biathlon,

-where they put all the gear in Santa's sack.

-I like it.

So, in a biathlon there's one guy running behind everyone

with a massive sack full of skis and things?

They might have one each. I don't know, if he's got a sled...

-The more we take in these two, the more that one sounds real.

-Really?

-I think so.

-You like the speedway?

-I like the speedway idea.

It's the more sensible of the two. FC Santa Claus.

Who did you play for at the weekend?

Oh, yeah, I'm forward for FC Santa Claus.

LAUGHTER

There's only one Santa Claus!

LAUGHTER

One Santa Claus!

You're going home in a Santa sleigh.

LAUGHTER

Oh, I think I'm slightly...

-leaning this way.

-Go for it.

1-0 to the Santa Claus.

LAUGHTER

Get your beard out for the lads!

LAUGHTER

Oh, no, it's going to be Santa Claus FC now, isn't it?

It is, it is.

Don't be tight.

OK, we'll go with...

We'll go with the Santa Clause.

Speedway? You're going with Iwan. OK.

Who was telling the truth?

DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS

It CAN'T be the football. It CAN'T be the football.

It is!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

There's only one Santa Claus.

One Santa Claus!

There's only one Santa Claus.

We're ending the show on the buzzer, but this week

the rules are a little bit different.

Instead of buzzing in to tell me the answer,

you must buzz in and nominate a player from either side to answer,

so you could buzz in and pass it to someone on the opposing side

and hope that they get it wrong...

I reckon you're going to be answering a lot of these.

LAUGHTER

I'm not answering them. I'm going to be asked quite a lot.

..or buzz in and nominate someone on your team

if you think they know the answer.

-OK.

-That's a difficult last round.

-But I can buzz and say Tuffers.

-Yeah.

-Don't do that!

LAUGHTER

Don't do that.

And some are easier than others, so you might want to hear some of them.

Surely that's true of any collection of questions.

LAUGHTER

I don't want you to just buzz in and go for the opposing side

cos some of them are gimmes.

I think we'll do what we want.

Never been told how to buzz.

MUSIC: Santa Claus Is Coming To Town by The Crystals

LAUGHTER

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

A bit slippery.

As you have just found out, the set has been turned into an ice rink.

OK, here we go, time starts now.

Ka Mate, Ka Mate.

-Oh, the Haka.

-Yes.

-That's the one.

Ooh, um...

LAUGHTER

-Er, pit stop?

-Yes!

-Ooh.

-Speed skating.

Fishing. Fly fishing.

-Discus.

-No.

-Hammer?

-Yes.

Hammer time!

German, German, and he did this.

-Jurgen Klinsmann.

-Yes!

LAUGHTER

I'm not doing Dancing On Ice next year, I'll tell you!

LAUGHTER

Eight to win. Here we go.

-Ready?

-Yes.

-Here's your first one. Time starts now.

American football, you...

-Touchdown.

-Yes.

Boom. Athletics.

-Pole vault.

-Yes.

Yes. Eddie the Eagle.

-Ski jumping.

-Yes.

Footballer, Cameroon, run round the flag.

-Roger Milla.

-Yes.

-Yes.

Basketball.

-Slam dunk.

-Yes!

Boxing. Boom!

Knock-out.

I hope you enjoyed that look back.

From everyone here at A Question Of Sport, have a happy new year

and we'll see you in 2016.

MARIACHI BAND PLAY THEME SONG