...Goes Out of Bounds A Question of Sport


...Goes Out of Bounds

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Transcript


LineFromTo

This programme contains some strong language.

0:00:020:00:06

..Just to show A Question Of Sport doesn't always go according to plan.

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-LAUGHTER

-Was that it?

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-That's what I've got to do.

-Is that it?

-I've got to trip up.

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-That's embarrassing, innit?

-LAUGHTER

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That was a bit shit, wasn't it? Was that a bit shit?

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LAUGHTER

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Then I go, "I don't know what you're talking about, mate."

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I've got to trip, look back and go, "I don't know what you're talking about, mate."

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-Yeah. Maybe do the trip before...

-Who wrote this? Who wrote this?

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-Maybe do the trip before I finish, so it's not like...

-Oh, OK.

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LAUGHTER

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-"And cue Phil trip!"

-OK.

-Do you know what I mean?

-Oh, this is going to be...

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-This could take some time.

-This is going to be rubbish!

-LAUGHTER

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So I'll just trip just as I get there.

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-MATT MUTTERS

-Roll to record.

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THEY SNIGGER

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PHIL LAUGHS

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-Right, OK.

-Couple of steps, are we?

-Yeah.

-Yeah.

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And three, two, one...

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Hello and welcome to a very special episode of A Question Of Sport,

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just to show that it doesn't always go according to plan.

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Don't know what you're talking about, mate.

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-That was shocking!

-First time! Boom!

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APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

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APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

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Yes, come on, we know this. Come on, we'll know this.

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Other than Sydney...

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Ooh, yeah.

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..name the three Ss to have hosted the Summer Olympics.

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-Hoo!

-Hoo-hoo!

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-Come on, that's you, that's you!

-LAUGHTER

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-Right, Seoul.

-Ah, Seoul.

-Oh.

-Yeah, I was born that year.

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-LAUGHTER

-Wh... What did you just say?

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LAUGHTER

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Seoul. I said what you said.

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LAUGHTER

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"Ah, Seoul?"

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Did I hear that?

0:02:060:02:07

"Ah," and "Seoul."

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Oh!

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If I could go red, I would.

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The fact that you kept on saying it!

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I didn't realise.

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-That is three points. You're definitely going on?

-That's three.

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But we're going to go with Sam Tomkins.

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Correct again.

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Takes you to 4. APPLAUSE

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Cricket, football and snooker.

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Snooker...

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no.

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No?

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No.

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PHONE RINGS

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-Can you answer that?

-Is that me?

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Oh, don't say it's you.

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MATT SNIGGERS

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-It is you!

-No way!

-LAUGHTER

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APPLAUSE

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CHEERING

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Who is it? Get 'em on! Get 'em on!

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Phil, Phil!

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-Mate...

-'Hello!'

-Hello.

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Phil, we're just filming Question Of Sport at the moment.

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Hi, Phil!

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-There's Sue over there.

-Hi!

-There's Sue.

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Who's this?

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Yeah, he doesn't know who he's called.

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'It looks like Matt Dawson.'

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It is Matt Dawson, yeah, how are you doing?

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LAUGHTER

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You've sat on your phone and called me by mistake, haven't you?

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-'That's right.'

-Yeah.

-LAUGHTER

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-I'm going to have to love you and leave you.

-Bye, Phil!

-Very nice. Say goodbye to everyone.

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-Say "Bye, Phil".

-ALL:

-Bye!

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-Bye, Phil! See you later, mate.

-LAUGHTER

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-'Ta-da, mate.'

-Ta-da.

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His wife came in the back of the picture there as well.

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-LAUGHTER

-Sorry, sorry.

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OK, using the initials of the people you saw in action,

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you need to put them together to form a major sporting event.

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-Oh.

-It's two points without a clue,

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-one point if you need a clue.

-OK.

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Triathlon...

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-Something "road", is it?

-"Road"? Is there "road"?

-R-O-A-D.

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I just feel so sorry for the audience,

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cos we are going to be here a long time.

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You have no idea how long this is going to take.

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Sporting event, sporting event.

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THEY CONFER

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What, you mean, like...

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Like, like... Like Royal Ascot?

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Yes, a sporting event. LAUGHTER

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But not like a marathon or anything.

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-Oh, sorry. I'm so sorry!

-Yes, that's a sporting event.

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-So anything to do with sport, then?

-MATT LAUGHS

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LAUGHTER Any sporting event.

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-A sporting event.

-Yes.

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MATT LAUGHS

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What?

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What have you done?

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I just know you're not going to get it!

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THEY CONFER

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Oh! I'm so sorry.

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-LAUGHTER

-I've got it.

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Oh, you got it? Yeah, we got it!

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LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

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Tour de France?

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Oh, you've got it again.

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I tell you something, you can come back, young man.

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Come back?

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I've just been told I'm captain next week.

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LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

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-Tour de France. Ugo Ehiogu.

-Ugo Ehiogu.

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Oh, it was Ugo Ehiogu?

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You got it, again.

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Tour de France?

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Well done, Mark. It is Tour de France.

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APPLAUSE DROWNS SPEECH

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OK, Vernon, we're going to start with you.

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OK, here we go.

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The term is...

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Frostee Rucker.

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OK.

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Named after his father, DJ Frost,

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Frostee is a defensive end for the Arizona Cardinals

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in the National Football League, the NFL.

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He was once quoted as saying that he hated Christmas growing up

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because of the teasing about his name.

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But then he got big.

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Really, really big.

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And the jokes stopped.

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Frostee Rucker...

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..is a slang phrase in New Zealand provincial rugby for a player that

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consistently infringes at the breakdown.

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Yes.

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LAUGHTER

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The term is thought to be named after former international

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Harry Frost, who was a particularly Frostee Rucker.

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-Had to be very careful how I said that.

-Yes, thank you.

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Frostee Rucker is a term in curling, referring to the technique of

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powerfully sending a stone to clear all of the stones from the house.

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A stone used in this way is known as a Frostee Rucker

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and doesn't require the use of the curling brooms.

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I don't know, just look at...

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I think it's those bells. I can't take my eyes off his bells there.

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It's just luring me in.

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Right, what do you fancy?

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I'm going to go with the Frosty Christmas theme and go with Vernon.

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Vernon. What do you fancy?

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Well, I fancy Rachel,

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-but we'll go Vernon.

-LAUGHTER

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APPLAUSE

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So...

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-Sorry.

-LAUGHTER

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It's the BBC - you've got to be honest.

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-Dead so, mate.

-We'll go Vernon.

-Do you...?

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Well, I want it to be Vernon.

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Come on, then. Sue, we're going to go Vernon.

0:07:070:07:10

So let's see who it was.

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-Here we go.

-Ooh!

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It's not Daws.

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Please don't be Rachel.

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-Yes!

-LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

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Good work. Good work there.

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The roles are reversed now and the term is...

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Santa Claus.

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OK, Amy. You're up first.

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Ooh, yes, OK.

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In biathlon events,

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competitors have support teams that follow them over the course,

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similar to the Tour de France.

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The support group carry spare skis, rifles,

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clothing and refreshments all in a big sack.

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Because of this they are known as Santa Claus.

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Santa Claus. FC Santa Claus are a team who play...

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Oh, shut up!

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LAUGHTER

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Shut up!

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FC Santa Claus are a team who play

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in the third tier of football in Finland.

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MATT LAUGHS

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They play in red kit with white trim, obviously.

0:08:110:08:13

-Oh, of course they do!

-LAUGHTER

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And they've got bells on their boots!

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LAUGHTER

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And their biggest success came in 1994,

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when they won the Midnattsolscupen,

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or the Cup of the Midnight Sun.

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They play their home games in the capital...

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-of Lapland.

-Oh, jeez!

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OK, Santa Claus.

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The Santa Clause is the nickname given to the legislation

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in world speedway, regarding transfers between Scandinavian teams

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and those that are in the UK.

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Riders were coming in on short-term loans for matches in bad weather,

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because of their experience they had riding in cold conditions.

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This has since been blocked

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-by the Santa Clause.

-LAUGHTER

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So...

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So a bit like the Bosman ruling?

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Yeah, they just bring them in for bad weather,

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-they nail it, then they go back.

-It's a clause.

-The Santa Clause.

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-I like that one.

-Yeah.

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FC Santa Claus is so far-fetched it's just ridiculous.

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-FC Santa Claus.

-But if it's in Lapland,

0:09:150:09:17

-that would be so cool.

-That's why it's even more far-fetched!

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And... And, Amy?

0:09:200:09:21

-Mine was the biathlon event.

-The biathlon.

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-Where they put all the gear in Santa's sack.

-Ooh, yeah.

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I like that.

0:09:260:09:28

-RACHEL:

-I want to go with Amy.

-Do you?

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Well, I'd buy the video.

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LAUGHTER

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APPLAUSE

0:09:340:09:35

Sorry. Cut that.

0:09:390:09:41

Cut that, cut that.

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-Leave it in! Leave it in!

-Cut that! Cut that!

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-LAUGHTER

-Cut that!

0:09:460:09:48

-Sorry, sorry.

-It won't go out at 7:30pm, but it will go out.

-I made myself blush there!

0:09:500:09:55

Another one.

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Another one of Phil's amazing examples

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of having no inner monologue.

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LAUGHTER

0:10:000:10:02

Oh. Well, I think I'm...

0:10:020:10:04

slightly leaning this way.

0:10:040:10:08

Go for it.

0:10:080:10:09

# 1-0

0:10:090:10:10

# To the Santa Claus! #

0:10:100:10:11

# Get your beard out for the lads! #

0:10:130:10:15

Oh, no, it's going to be Santa Claus FC, now, innit?

0:10:180:10:20

It is, it is...

0:10:200:10:22

Don't be...

0:10:220:10:24

I've done 'em, done 'em easy.

0:10:240:10:25

Don't be. OK, we'll go with...

0:10:250:10:28

We'll go with the...

0:10:280:10:30

The Santa Clause.

0:10:300:10:32

Speedway? You're going with Iwan.

0:10:320:10:33

OK.

0:10:330:10:35

-Please.

-Who was telling the truth?

0:10:350:10:38

It can't be the football.

0:10:390:10:41

-It can't be.

-It can't be the football.

0:10:410:10:44

It is!

0:10:440:10:45

APPLAUSE DROWNS SPEECH

0:10:450:10:47

# There's only one Santa Claus!

0:10:470:10:50

# One Santa Claus!

0:10:500:10:53

# There's only one Santa Claus! #

0:10:530:10:55

-RACHEL:

-That's so good!

0:10:570:10:58

-I can't believe...

-No, they can't. No, no.

0:10:580:11:01

-Only two.

-Cycling, we're not sure.

0:11:010:11:03

I think she might be Austrian.

0:11:030:11:05

The athlete, the 400 metre runner?

0:11:070:11:09

No, Australian.

0:11:090:11:10

Australian, cos Whitlock is Australian, the darts player.

0:11:100:11:12

-Oh, we've got that!

-OK.

-Oh, shit, sorry!

0:11:120:11:15

LAUGHTER

0:11:150:11:16

That's all right. That's all right.

0:11:180:11:21

-Added time to my rehab - that's fine, that's fine.

-Sorry!

0:11:210:11:23

LAUGHTER

0:11:230:11:25

Should have put you on the other side, Anthony.

0:11:250:11:27

-What would you like, team?

-Extra point, extra point.

-Football.

0:11:270:11:30

Just simple extra point?

0:11:300:11:31

-So no question there, just extra point.

-Yes.

0:11:310:11:33

-Just get a point.

-Where is it, where is it?

0:11:330:11:35

-Here!

-Yeah.

-Here, OK.

0:11:350:11:37

Football, football, football...

0:11:430:11:45

Penalty!

0:11:460:11:48

-Yes!

-You lose a point.

0:11:480:11:49

-No!

-ALL:

-Oh!

0:11:490:11:51

APPLAUSE

0:11:510:11:53

No!

0:11:530:11:55

That is a disgrace!

0:11:590:12:01

That is a total disgrace!

0:12:030:12:05

-Didn't even get a go!

-What sort of shithouse show is this?

0:12:060:12:09

Didn't even get...even get a chance to hear a question!

0:12:120:12:16

Well, Tuffers, very confident about this. Confident about the answers.

0:12:160:12:19

-You're both locked in.

-Yeah.

-Are you, really?

0:12:190:12:21

-It's the only thing Ugo writ down.

-Yeah.

0:12:210:12:23

"The only thing he writ down?"

0:12:230:12:25

-Wrote.

-Wrote.

0:12:250:12:27

I was going to say...I was going to say, I wrote.

0:12:270:12:29

Sorry, can I just take that again?

0:12:290:12:30

It's the only thing he WROTE down.

0:12:300:12:33

Put that one in.

0:12:370:12:39

"Writ down."

0:12:390:12:40

Cor, me mother would be so embarrassed!

0:12:400:12:42

So, let's reveal the answers.

0:12:440:12:46

-SUE GASPS

-Oh!

0:12:460:12:48

-Matt's gone for an 8.

-You say 9!

0:12:480:12:50

-Tuffers has gone for 9.

-It's more than 8.

0:12:500:12:52

-Come on, come on.

-The answer is...

0:12:520:12:55

8!

0:12:550:12:56

-APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

-No!

0:12:560:12:58

SUE LAUGHS

0:13:030:13:04

APPLAUSE DROWNS SPEECH

0:13:040:13:06

-No way.

-Do you need the video ref, do you?

0:13:070:13:10

Whoa!

0:13:100:13:11

I've got 4...

0:13:110:13:13

You probably just writ it down wrong.

0:13:130:13:15

LAUGHTER

0:13:150:13:16

Here's another one to decide control.

0:13:200:13:21

Fingers on the buzzers.

0:13:210:13:23

In which golf's Majors do you win the Green Jacket?

0:13:230:13:25

BELL RINGS Matt?

0:13:250:13:27

-No...!

-LAUGHTER

0:13:270:13:28

BUZZER

0:13:280:13:29

-The Masters.

-Yes, the Masters!

0:13:290:13:31

Yes, the Masters!

0:13:310:13:33

Next up is women's football.

0:13:330:13:35

We could get a point here if we get this right,

0:13:380:13:40

if we get this right...

0:13:400:13:41

But we're going to pass it over.

0:13:410:13:44

Who did USA beat in the final of the 2015 Women's World Cup?

0:13:440:13:48

I watched it. I watched it.

0:13:480:13:50

Was it... Was it...? No, it wasn't Canada?

0:13:500:13:52

-We beat Canada.

-It was...

0:13:520:13:54

Was it China? Canada?

0:13:540:13:57

Oh, who was it? I saw it. The American girl scored three goals.

0:13:570:14:01

-I thought...

-Japan?

-Did we not lose to Canada?

0:14:010:14:03

Yes, it might have been Japan!

0:14:030:14:05

Japan, say it, I think you've got that right. Say it, say it!

0:14:050:14:08

LAUGHTER

0:14:080:14:10

Japan?

0:14:100:14:11

Is the right answer!

0:14:110:14:12

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

0:14:120:14:14

Here is your first question.

0:14:230:14:25

Which of these sporting events is the oldest?

0:14:250:14:29

And your time starts now.

0:14:350:14:37

Cheltenham favourite, is it, or...?

0:14:370:14:40

Snooker's been going a while.

0:14:400:14:42

-Ooh, better move them.

-THEY CONFER

0:14:420:14:44

What's your favourite, what's your favourite?

0:14:440:14:46

I would say the Tour de France.

0:14:460:14:47

-Tour de France.

-The oldest.

-What's your favourite

0:14:470:14:49

-as being the oldest? Tour de France?

-Five seconds.

0:14:490:14:52

-Tour de France.

-Tour de France.

-Tour de France?

-Yeah.

0:14:520:14:54

Tour de France...

0:14:540:14:55

-HORN BLARES

-Ooh!

0:14:550:14:57

That was a mistake right there.

0:14:590:15:02

Cheltenham Gold Cup...

0:15:030:15:04

1924.

0:15:040:15:07

-Oh, dear.

-World Snooker Championship..

0:15:070:15:09

1927.

0:15:090:15:10

Oh, come on! No chance. No chance.

0:15:100:15:12

Tour de France...

0:15:120:15:14

1903. You are right!

0:15:140:15:16

-APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

-Boom, boom, boom!

0:15:160:15:18

Leave them there. Don't worry, leave them there.

0:15:250:15:27

-They'll come and take them.

-Don't start moving them around.

0:15:270:15:30

I was, I was...

0:15:300:15:31

I was happily going to pass

0:15:310:15:33

-my balls to Sue.

-There's someone coming in to do it.

0:15:330:15:36

LAUGHTER

0:15:360:15:37

Can we have Len Ganley in, please?

0:15:370:15:39

Oh, there's the BBC.

0:15:410:15:42

There's the BBC for you.

0:15:420:15:44

MATT CLEARS HIS THROAT

0:15:470:15:49

A nice velvet bag

0:15:490:15:50

-for everyone to put their balls in.

-LAUGHTER

0:15:500:15:53

There we go.

0:15:530:15:54

Matt, you are going first for one point.

0:15:560:15:59

What film is this?

0:15:590:16:01

OK. They're the...Waughs.

0:16:030:16:05

-Waughs.

-Waughs.

0:16:050:16:06

Waughs.

0:16:080:16:09

-You did say film, didn't you?

-Yes. What film?

0:16:090:16:11

They have a little nickname for me, the Waugh twins.

0:16:110:16:14

They used to call me Vindaloo.

0:16:140:16:17

Cos every time I came on to bowl, I gave them the runs.

0:16:170:16:19

Oh!

0:16:270:16:28

-I know. Nasty pair, they were.

-How cruel!

0:16:280:16:30

-They were cruel, they were cruel.

-LAUGHTER

0:16:300:16:33

Bloody good, though, they were.

0:16:330:16:35

Phil, I'm going to ask Matt a question

0:16:350:16:37

-and he will write his answer down.

-Yep.

0:16:370:16:39

Your job is to try and guess what he's gone for.

0:16:390:16:42

Will he go to the obvious answer or will he try and double bluff you?

0:16:420:16:45

I have to guess what is in Tuffers's head?

0:16:450:16:47

LAUGHTER

0:16:470:16:48

-Yes. I didn't say it was easy.

-No.

0:16:490:16:52

We might be all right here, boys.

0:16:520:16:54

LAUGHTER

0:16:540:16:55

So, this is question one.

0:16:560:16:57

Matt, write down a team that Michael Owen has played for

0:16:570:17:01

in the Premier League.

0:17:010:17:03

That's that.

0:17:050:17:06

-What other ones are there?

-Is it...?

0:17:070:17:10

Ooh, I don't know.

0:17:100:17:11

Oh, here, there you go. That one.

0:17:110:17:13

Oh, yeah, of course.

0:17:130:17:14

Right, OK.

0:17:160:17:18

Well, we've only got three clubs.

0:17:180:17:19

-Yeah.

-Ooh.

-I don't think...

0:17:210:17:22

-One more.

-Er...

0:17:240:17:25

Newcastle.

0:17:260:17:28

Newcastle, Man United and Liverpool.

0:17:280:17:30

-Yeah.

-Oh, that's it!

0:17:300:17:31

LAUGHTER

0:17:310:17:33

Oh, come on!

0:17:340:17:36

-APPLAUSE

-Come on, come on!

0:17:360:17:38

I forgot about Man United.

0:17:400:17:42

LAUGHTER

0:17:420:17:44

Oh, it's started already. Look, I've done it already.

0:17:440:17:46

-I'm in his head!

-LAUGHTER

0:17:460:17:48

I'm in his head, creeping round in his head, like that.

0:17:480:17:51

No chance!

0:17:510:17:52

I'm in there, I'm in there, I'm in there.

0:17:520:17:54

-In there.

-OK, need an answer.

0:17:540:17:57

-Go on.

-Right, it's locked in. OK? OK.

0:17:570:18:01

Tuffers, what do you think he's written?

0:18:010:18:03

Erm, Newcastle.

0:18:030:18:04

Oh, bollocks!

0:18:040:18:06

-APPLAUSE

-Sorry!

0:18:070:18:09

Just to confirm it.

0:18:170:18:18

LAUGHTER

0:18:180:18:19

Yeah!

0:18:190:18:20

See, I was in there. I was in there. I was in there.

0:18:200:18:24

-Come on.

-Right, Phil, write down the team name

0:18:260:18:30

of one of the three major sports franchises based in Pittsburgh.

0:18:300:18:34

-OK, I've got this one.

-Yeah.

0:18:350:18:37

-Yeah.

-But this is ice hockey.

0:18:370:18:40

-Yeah?

-This is football, of course.

0:18:400:18:42

-Yeah?

-And I think this is baseball.

0:18:420:18:44

-Yeah.

-And there's no NBA.

0:18:440:18:46

-So, there's only...

-Yeah.

-Yeah, perfect.

0:18:460:18:48

-There's maybe a major league.

-Boom, boom, boom.

0:18:480:18:51

So, which one are you going to write down?

0:18:510:18:53

Yeah! Fancy that one?

0:18:530:18:54

-Yeah, yeah.

-Yeah?

-Totally, yeah.

-Why not?

0:18:540:18:57

Under the table.

0:18:570:18:58

LAUGHTER

0:18:580:18:59

Right, it's locked in. Daws, over to you.

0:19:030:19:05

There's going to be the Penguins, the Steelers,

0:19:050:19:08

or the baseball - we don't know.

0:19:080:19:10

Ooh.

0:19:100:19:12

-Ooh!

-Interesting.

-Aha.

0:19:120:19:14

What's the baseball team?

0:19:140:19:15

-Aha!

-Do you like that...?

0:19:150:19:16

-Aha!

-Pirates?

0:19:160:19:18

-Hm?

-Pittsburgh Pirates.

0:19:180:19:20

It could well be the Pittsburgh Pirates.

0:19:200:19:22

-However...

-LAUGHTER

0:19:220:19:25

Are we happy with Steelers or Penguins?

0:19:260:19:28

-PIRATE ACCENT:

-It's up to you, man. It's up to you.

0:19:280:19:31

LAUGHTER

0:19:310:19:32

-PIRATE ACCENT:

-You do what you want, mate. You do what you want.

0:19:360:19:38

LAUGHTER

0:19:380:19:39

He's actually gone pirate!

0:19:420:19:44

What's that?

0:19:470:19:48

Now he knows that I can't go pirate.

0:19:540:19:56

Because he keeps making more jokes, more jokes!

0:19:590:20:02

-Ugh!

-Maybe they don't exist.

0:20:020:20:04

-What are you going with?

-What do you want to go with, guys?

0:20:040:20:07

Go with one that we at least know exists.

0:20:070:20:09

-The Steelers.

-Yeah, let's go with that.

0:20:090:20:11

-OK, we'll go with Steelers.

-LAUGHTER

0:20:110:20:13

You're going with Steelers?

0:20:130:20:15

LAUGHTER

0:20:150:20:16

-Don't say pirates.

-And it is...

0:20:170:20:20

LAUGHTER

0:20:200:20:22

APPLAUSE DROWNS SPEECH

0:20:220:20:24

He's spelled "penguiens"!

0:20:320:20:34

LAUGHTER

0:20:340:20:36

Genius! You're such an idiot!

0:20:360:20:39

So, you've got two choices.

0:20:390:20:41

One last chance, Tuffers.

0:20:410:20:43

Now, it's the tennis player and the gymnast.

0:20:430:20:46

Is it... Not marzipan?

0:20:460:20:48

-LAUGHTER

-It's not marzipan.

0:20:480:20:49

Is it marzipan?

0:20:510:20:53

What's the name?

0:20:530:20:54

Frangipan? Frangipon? Frangipon?

0:20:540:20:56

-Frangipan?

-Something like that.

0:20:560:20:58

Frangipan? Frangipan?

0:20:580:20:59

Frangipan? Frangipan?

0:21:030:21:06

I know we don't have to spell it. Do we actually have to say it?

0:21:060:21:08

Well...yes. LAUGHTER

0:21:080:21:11

APPLAUSE

0:21:110:21:13

It's a bit tricky trying to come up

0:21:160:21:19

with another way of giving me the answer.

0:21:190:21:22

I hate crosswords. I never do crosswords!

0:21:220:21:24

-LAUGHTER

-They drive me mental!

0:21:240:21:27

Sudoku, I'm not bad.

0:21:280:21:30

All right, we're going to go... It's got to be the six across.

0:21:320:21:35

-Yes, Sue?

-Yep?

-Six across...

0:21:350:21:38

-Yeah?

-..is the gymnast.

0:21:380:21:40

Yes.

0:21:400:21:42

..who we are going to call...

0:21:450:21:47

We are going to call her...

0:21:470:21:49

-Franga-pengy.

-LAUGHTER

0:21:490:21:53

Well, let's have a look.

0:21:530:21:54

-And I think we'll give it to you.

-Yes!

0:21:540:21:57

It's Fragapane!

0:21:570:21:58

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

0:21:580:22:01

I'm going to go three.

0:22:030:22:05

-You're going three?

-Yeah.

0:22:050:22:07

Heptathlon and long jump, let's have a look.

0:22:070:22:09

-Oh, the long jump, just threw that in there.

-Oh, no!

0:22:090:22:12

-GROANING

-Threw that in there!

0:22:120:22:15

-Did the long jump as well.

-Three in the heptathlon,

0:22:150:22:17

two in the long jump.

0:22:170:22:19

-Ooh, so...

-Well done.

0:22:190:22:20

-Sneaky.

-SUE LAUGHS

0:22:200:22:22

-OK, Tuffers...

-Oh, shit!

0:22:220:22:24

He's fallen down a hole again.

0:22:260:22:28

-There's a hole there. There's a hole there.

-What have you...?

0:22:290:22:31

Sorry. Sorry, Sue.

0:22:340:22:37

I wondered what had happened there.

0:22:370:22:39

-I thought you'd broken the chair.

-No...the leg went down a hole.

0:22:390:22:43

There's a hole there. What did they put a hole there for?

0:22:440:22:47

Sorry.

0:22:470:22:48

Well recovered, Chris, anyway.

0:22:480:22:50

You did that well, you held him.

0:22:500:22:52

And now, all of a sudden, you need 8 to win.

0:22:520:22:55

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

0:22:550:22:58

Sorry.

0:22:590:23:00

Do you want to do that again?

0:23:010:23:03

Shall we do that again? Can we do that again? Let's do that again.

0:23:030:23:06

I can do it a lot slicker than that!

0:23:060:23:08

You know they're going to leave that one in, though, man.

0:23:080:23:11

A lot slicker than that!

0:23:110:23:13

-That doesn't bode well for what I'm about to do.

-No.

0:23:140:23:16

I was going to say, steeplechase!

0:23:170:23:19

APPLAUSE

0:23:210:23:23

Erm, oh...Leeds play there.

0:23:250:23:27

Elland Road?

0:23:270:23:28

-Yes.

-Correct!

0:23:280:23:30

Not your first one but your...

0:23:300:23:31

-Second serve?

-Correct.

-Yes.

0:23:310:23:32

-Oh, here we go.

-LAUGHTER

0:23:320:23:35

Winter Olympics. What am I in?

0:23:350:23:37

-Bobsleigh?

-Luge?

-No, what am I in?

0:23:370:23:40

-A bullet...

-Toboggan?

-They've said it. They said it, go.

0:23:400:23:43

Oh, OK. I'm going for the...

0:23:430:23:46

-The one...

-Snooker.

0:23:460:23:47

Snooker. What's that one?

0:23:470:23:49

-Triangle?

-Billiards?

-Yeah, no!

0:23:490:23:51

-Back pocket?

-Where the balls go in.

0:23:510:23:52

-Back pocket.

-Snooker pocket.

-Yes, but it's in the...

0:23:520:23:54

-Corner pocket!

-Yes!

0:23:540:23:56

LAUGHTER

0:23:560:23:57

Dame... Dame, the runner...

0:23:570:23:59

-Dame Edna?

-No!

0:23:590:24:00

1,500 metres!

0:24:030:24:04

-Kelly Holmes.

-Yes!

-Kelly Holmes, yes.

0:24:040:24:06

LAUGHTER

0:24:060:24:08

-I'm not...

-Cut!

0:24:100:24:12

LAUGHTER

0:24:120:24:14

-Move on, I don't know that one!

-LAUGHTER

0:24:140:24:16

OK, your time starts now.

0:24:160:24:19

Go, go, get the word.

0:24:190:24:21

Get the word. What is it? What is it?

0:24:210:24:23

-Tug of war.

-Oh!

0:24:230:24:24

LAUGHTER

0:24:240:24:27

Get the next one!

0:24:270:24:28

Next one, next one!

0:24:280:24:30

Get the thing!

0:24:300:24:31

-Come on!

-Here, here, here.

0:24:310:24:33

Ooh!

0:24:330:24:34

Synchronised swimming?

0:24:340:24:35

-Yes, yes!

-Come on, quick, quick!

-LAUGHTER

0:24:350:24:38

Get it, get it.

0:24:380:24:40

Oh, right. Stand there, like that.

0:24:400:24:42

-Now jump up.

-Rugby! Lineout, lineout!

0:24:420:24:44

Yes! Come on, come on!

0:24:440:24:46

-I enjoyed that one.

-LAUGHTER

0:24:460:24:48

Get it out. What is it?

0:24:480:24:51

-BOTH:

-Ooh!

0:24:510:24:53

Bobsleigh! Bobsleigh!

0:24:530:24:54

-BOTH:

-Yes!

-Come on, come on!

0:24:540:24:57

-Pull it! Get it, quick!

-SHE LAUGHS

0:24:570:24:58

Get it. What is it?

0:24:580:25:00

-BOTH:

-Oh!

0:25:000:25:01

Ice-skating, speed skating?

0:25:010:25:03

-No. Who did it?

-Torvill and Dean. Torvill and Dean!

0:25:030:25:06

-BOTH:

-Yes!

0:25:060:25:07

LAUGHTER

0:25:070:25:08

Get it! What is it?

0:25:090:25:11

-BOTH:

-Oh!

-You play football.

0:25:130:25:15

-I'm sitting here.

-And then I'm over here.

0:25:150:25:17

-Referee?

-No!

0:25:170:25:19

Sitting on a bench! Substitute, substitute!

0:25:190:25:20

Yes!

0:25:200:25:22

-Pull it with the elf, it's quicker!

-LAUGHTER

0:25:230:25:26

Come on! Quick!

0:25:260:25:28

Badminton, tennis, table tennis?

0:25:280:25:29

-Yes!

-Table tennis.

0:25:290:25:32

-Oh!

-It's there, it's there!

-LAUGHTER

0:25:320:25:35

Oh, rugby, rugby!

0:25:350:25:37

Boof!

0:25:370:25:38

High tackle, high tackle!

0:25:380:25:40

Yes!

0:25:400:25:42

Sorry! It's there.

0:25:420:25:45

-Quick!

-WHISTLE BLOWS

0:25:460:25:48

APPLAUSE

0:25:490:25:51

-Bobsleigh?

-LAUGHTER

0:25:510:25:53

Oh, panto horse!

0:25:560:25:57

On the bike!

0:25:590:26:00

Oh, tandem?

0:26:000:26:01

Tuffers, I was impressed.

0:26:040:26:05

I was so impressed that you managed to manipulate

0:26:050:26:08

-every single...

-LAUGHTER

0:26:080:26:10

..single sporting item into the fact

0:26:100:26:12

that you ended up behind Amy.

0:26:120:26:14

LAUGHTER

0:26:140:26:16

That was amazing.

0:26:170:26:19

-Where did it go?

-Quick, quick, quick!

0:26:210:26:23

-Oh!

-Ooh, the brooms.

-Ten pin bowling?

0:26:230:26:25

What's it called?!

0:26:250:26:26

-Yes!

-Your hair, if it's not straight...

0:26:260:26:28

Curl. Curling!

0:26:280:26:29

-BOTH:

-Yes!

0:26:290:26:31

-Quick, that one!

-Quick!

0:26:310:26:33

Not yellow!

0:26:330:26:35

-Red card!

-Yes!

0:26:350:26:37

Come on, Rach!

0:26:390:26:40

Er, oh...

0:26:400:26:41

Pass! Volleyball?

0:26:410:26:43

-BOTH:

-Yes!

0:26:430:26:44

Good stuff.

0:26:440:26:46

Quick, quick, quick!

0:26:460:26:47

-Erm...

-Here we go.

-A big one! A big guy!

0:26:470:26:50

-Quarterback!

-Rach, Rach!

0:26:500:26:52

-I don't know!

-Quarterback?

0:26:520:26:54

-Yes!

-LAUGHTER

0:26:540:26:57

I should've done it the other way!

0:26:570:26:58

Quick, quick!

0:26:580:27:00

-Erm, big fat guy.

-Hug, hug!

0:27:000:27:02

-Scrum, scrum!

-SHE SHOUTS

0:27:020:27:04

Tackle!

0:27:040:27:06

Sumo wrestling.

0:27:060:27:07

Yes! APPLAUSE

0:27:070:27:09

Come on!

0:27:090:27:10

Quick. Sumo wrestling!

0:27:120:27:13

LAUGHTER

0:27:130:27:15

-Oh!

-Badminton?

0:27:150:27:16

Yes!

0:27:160:27:18

-Come on.

-WHISTLE BLOWS

0:27:180:27:20

-ALL:

-Oh!

0:27:200:27:21

APPLAUSE Oh, very good.

0:27:210:27:23

Surely, surely.

0:27:240:27:26

-Well done, team.

-Very well done.

0:27:310:27:34

Can we just do the sumo wrestling again?

0:27:340:27:36

It's fun when things don't quite go as...

0:27:390:27:42

Oh, fuck it!

0:27:420:27:43

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

0:27:430:27:45

It's fun when things don't...

0:27:450:27:47

Give me the script.

0:27:470:27:49

"It's fun when things don't go...

0:27:520:27:55

"to plan."

0:27:550:27:56

"It's fun when things don't go quite to plan."

0:27:560:27:58

It's fun when things don't go quite to plan, isn't it?

0:27:580:28:01

It's fun when things don't go quite to plan, isn't it?

0:28:010:28:03

Right, OK.

0:28:030:28:04

It's fun when things don't go quite to plan, isn't it?

0:28:040:28:08

LAUGHTER

0:28:080:28:09

OK.

0:28:110:28:12

OK, it's fun when things don't go quite to plan, isn't it?

0:28:120:28:14

-Ready.

-Two, one...

0:28:140:28:16

It's fun when things don't go quite to plan, isn't it?

0:28:180:28:21

It never goes to plan with you, Phil, does it?

0:28:210:28:24

Listen, we'll be back with Sue very, very soon.

0:28:240:28:26

Hopefully, things will go a little bit more smoothly.

0:28:260:28:29

Until then...

0:28:290:28:31

LAUGHTER

0:28:310:28:33

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

0:28:330:28:35

Has anyone got 10p for the meter?

0:28:380:28:40

Now, that's comedy!

0:28:410:28:43

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