Episode 2 Howzat! Kerry Packer's War

This programme contains strong language.

Mr Packer.

1.5 million.

We have a long-standing relationship with the ABC, it's a

valuable partnership and we're not breaking it.

There's a little bit of the whore in all of us.

-We're sorry.

-You will be.

Dennis, I'm not pissing in your pocket, but what you got, that's unique.

The bloke who pushes the sight board,

Dennis makes about the same money as him.

They've got this great game in their hands, and these world champions.

They've got no idea what they've got.

How would you like some cricket on TV?

The best cricketers in Australia against the best in the world.

I got someone in Sydney wants to meet you.

We sign 'em all up and we have a competition.

Richie, this is John Cornell. Cornell, this is Richie Benaud.

You know the cricket board better than anyone.

This is going to be difficult.

What's going on?

The whole thing has to stay undercover.

I'm in.

It's about bloody time.

Something like this has been coming for a while.

No, no, no, no. Not like this, son.

It will be a fuckin' revolution.

Warner, this cricket thing's warming up.

I want you in to manage it.

Thanks, Kerry.

You'll be cursing me before this is over, son.

Are you declaring a cricket war?

If the cricket boards cooperate,

there's no reason why Test cricket will be affected at all.

If they don't cooperate they'll walk straight into a meat mangler.

I got a charming letter from Packer today.

He wants to meet up while we work something out.

Let's do it.

Would you like to outline your proposals?

I'm here looking for a compromise.

You think they bought it?

'Course they have. I've offered them a fuckin' gift.

It is the unanimous view of the International Cricket Council

that they cannot give any commitment to exclusive television rights.

Had I gotten those TV rights,

I was willing to leave the running of cricket to the board.

I will take no steps now to help anyone.

It's war, Douglas.

We'll drive a wedge between this man and his players.

Kerry. Night time cricket.

Why keep following old English traditions?

We should do it our own bloody way.

Yes, but a night game'd finish too late.

We'd have to do half day, half night.

Any match arranged by Mr Kerry Packer will be disapproved.

All players who sign with a private promoter will face a total ban.

I heard they sacked you as England captain this morning. I'm sorry.

That's it! We see them in court!

"This will be the beginning of an exodus from the Packer circus."

Packer fuckin' circus again!

Do ya fuckin' job, why don't ya?

Disapproved persons - what is this, the 19th century?

Hey, but it's illegal. Fully approved though, aren't you, mate?

You can keep playing, and bloody good for you.

They can sue me if I don't pull out.

Yeah, there's blokes running to their lawyers all over town.

It's our understanding the ICC is proposing a ban on some

cricket players.

Correct. So, who's the best QC in town?

Stop it now. We'll take the hit on six million.

I've come this far, Harry. I can't go back now.

You lose this court case, you'll be going out backwards.

These blokes are relying on me.

To the best cricketers in the world.

Playing the best cricket in the world with the best fuckin'

boss in the world.

To World Series Cricket.

-ALL:

-To World Series Cricket.

This game you've got at VFL Park...

It'll work, Harry.

It has to.

It's starting. Here they come.

Kerry, just got a call from London.

He's due to give his judgement Tuesday night our time.

The game is bigger than those who are trying to strangle it.

It's time to show all those bastards out there having a go at us

what we can do.

BOARD CREAKS AND CRASHES TO THE GROUND

MEN TALK QUIETLY IN THE DISTANCE

Well, they're showing their true colours.

So, everyone's copping it?

Yep, across the board.

Watch your bat. What's going on?

Brighty and Bookshelf have been sacked from playing for Victoria.

-Tangles too?

-Mm-hm.

Jeez, they're having a go at us.

Oh, we knew they were coming.

-They're sacking everyone.

-Yeah, but that's not the worst of it. Have you spoken to Chappelli?

He's not playing for any state. He's stopped playing for North Melbourne.

Yeah, but they got him. Won't even let him play for Glenelg.

I hear New South Wales blokes are getting the chop next.

Kerry better win this damn court case.

Well, if he doesn't, no-one's playing anywhere. It's over.

Yep.

What are you doing to do?

I dunno.

Nothing.

Baseball.

'The authorities believe they acted in the best interests of cricket,

'but that is not enough to justify the action they took.

'The authorities had an understandable desire to make

'things as difficult as possible for Mr Packer.

'Nevertheless, Mr Packer and World Series Cricket has offered secure'

remunerative employment to the cricketers at a time

when most have no guarantee of regular employment in the game.

I find that the authorities acted without proper

regard for the contractual rights of these players.

I find for the plaintiffs, with costs.

PHONE RINGS

Yes?

'Kerry, it's Gavin Warner. We blitzed him!'

HE EXHALES

All right, it's on.

MUSIC: "April Sun In Cuba" by Dragon

# I'm tired of the city life

# Summer's on the run

# People tell me I should stay

# But I got to get my fun

# So don't try to hold me back

# Ain't nothing you can say

# Snake eyes on the paradise

# And we got to go today

# Take me to the April sun in Cuba

# Oh, oh, oh

# Take me where the April sun gonna treat me

# So right, so right

# I can almost smell the perfumed night

# And see the starry sky

# I wish you comin' with me baby

# Cos right before my eye

# See Castro in the alley way

# Talkin' 'bout missile love. #

Yes, well I've always had a firm belief in the great traditions

of British justice.

And we got costs. 320,000 bucks.

KERRY PACKER CHUCKLES It serves 'em right.

They won't be too keen on another innings

if it costs 'em that much every time, will they, Cornell?

ALL CHUCKLE

Mr Packer, just one question.

Right, hurry up. I'm eating.

Do you think this'll force the ICC to reopen negotiations?

It'd be easier to get an audience with the Pope,

and I'm not a Catholic. Piss off.

-Just one more question.

-What?

The New South Wales Premier sacking the whole

board of the Sydney Cricket Ground Trust.

Just wondering if you're confident of playing at the SGC now?

I've always been confident of that, son.

Now if you don't mind, my bacon's getting cold

and that tie makes me want to throw up.

-Thank you, Mr Packer.

-Go and see my tailor, McFarlane.

-Thank you very much, Mr Packer.

-Bloody journos.

Still, this improves our position.

Maybe find a compromise with the board now, Kerry.

If we don't get the SCG, we've got just about no chance.

We've got bigger problems than that, son.

Please hold.

Mr Parish, there's another call from the Times in London.

Tell them we're making no comment.

And the Bulletin rang. Trevor Kennedy...

Did you hear what I said? No comment.

So, we were well stuffed.

It's a resounding victory for Mr Packer and I congratulate him.

Now, I'm happy to take your questions.

-JOURNALISTS SHOUT:

-Mr Webster! Mr Webster!

The £250,000 in court costs against you.

We'll of course be looking into how to fund this.

It's certainly a body blow.

Is a compromise now possible?

And will you appeal against the decision?

We'll see about that.

SHOUTING DROWNS OUT SPEECH

The Don called. He wants us to set up an emergency committee.

For us to take Packer on.

Yes.

Typical.

He loads the bullets but he never fires them.

'So you won a court case. So what?

'This just wins you the right to go bankrupt.'

I'm disappointed in you.

Warner.

Mr Packer? Mr Singleton called.

So?

Um, he said he'd call back.

About what?

He didn't say. He was...

Well, bloody well find out! And where were you on Tuesday night?

I thought I told you, you had to be here if I'm here.

Mr Packer, it was ten o'clock at night.

Did you hear what I just said?

It was my birthday. They were all waiting for me and...

Do you want this job or not?

Of course.

Warner! Get in here.

And where's my advertising on the grounds? What are you doing?

Kerry, I've got curators, I've got accountants.

-I've got players...

-I've got the fuckin' players!

And I have to deal with them.

Engineers, the press, I've got bureaucrats, bloody groundsmen, you.

I'm exhausted. I haven't seen my family in weeks.

Don't give me your fuckin' excuses, Warner.

I don't want to hear 'em.

And how come every time I turn around and there's a fuck up,

your name's on it some...

DISTANT: 'Do you even want this fucking job?

'Every time you put your foot in a bucket...'

Hey, Rosie.

'It costs me money! Greig and Cornell...'

Who's he got in there?

-Gavin Warner.

-Right.

He's in such a horrible mood. Mr Chester was here.

The company's financial situation is not very good.

And get me those numbers!

How the fuck am I meant to run an organisation

if I don't know what's going on?

That's it, I'm resigning. I can't take this shit anymore.

-You know, unless he's killing people he thinks he's getting nowhere.

-That's true.

Well, I wish him luck, cos he's going to need it.

I'm out of here.

Tell Kerry I'll see him later.

You know, he has to win every time.

Always. You know, he's got no idea how to take a punch.

Well, he's had to cop a few, Gav.

Yeah, from his father. I know. We all know about that.

God, what kind of father belts his kids at home and then insults

-and humiliates them in public?

-Yeah.

So he's traumatised. Boo hoo.

I'm the one that has to pay for it.

It's all he knows, Gav.

You're just going to have to wear it.

Well, that's all right for you to say.

He doesn't have a go at you.

He needs you, Gav.

He just doesn't know how to show it.

Yeah.

We're still very vulnerable, you know that.

This whole thing needs you where you are.

I'll see you in the office tomorrow?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Good. Good.

Knock his head off, Dennis!

You won't get a better opportunity tonight.

OK, Chappelli. Red ball.

Righto.

Ooh! Bloody hard to see.

-How was that, Warren?

-Go again.

Go again.

Oh, nuh. Lost that completely.

Try orange.

Maybe something a bit lighter.

Just like your mother's undies.

-Righto.

-Pink.

I don't know. Looks dumb, though.

Oh, it's a totally wrong colour anyway.

Here you go, try yellow. Yellow.

-Tony says, yellow.

-Righto.

-Beauty.

-Yeah, that's it.

No, sorry, blokes.

Piss off. That's bloody perfect.

No, hitting the lights.

It's flaring on screen. It looks shit.

What is this, cricket or TV?

Yeah, righto.

I don't know. What do you think?

-White!

-White, eh?

I like that.

Yeah?

-Good.

-Here we go.

-White, it is.

-White, it is.

All right.

We got ourselves a ball.

See that, Bacchus?

What is it, Rosie?

-What do you mean, Mr Packer?

-Come on.

You bully me.

I bully everyone. Haven't you noticed?

Yes, but I'm here with you all the time.

So am I. It's not easy.

It's tough times, Rosie. I need you here.

I forgot it was your birthday.

How old were you?

40.

Same as me.

Oh, Mr Packer.

Oh, it's beautiful.

I can't take this. It's... It's too...

Well, if you don't like it, return it and get me my money back.

Mr Packer, I didn't mean that.

Thank you. All right, we'll turn you around.

Magic.

This'll stop them treading on the bloody things.

They were doing it on purpose.

I know. OK, let's test it.

That wicket should have been in a week ago.

-Should have been in a month ago.

-Don't tell me that.

I repeat, the game this weekend. Will the damn thing be ready?

-It'll be ready.

-You can guarantee that?

Gavin, if it pisses down rain for the next three days,

-you can kiss your day-night game goodbye.

-That is not good enough!

I mean, for God's sake, where are the fucking covers?

Settle down. If it doesn't rain...

Jesus Christ, John, what do you mean, if it doesn't rain?

This is Melbourne.

What the fuck is going on with you two?

And where's my advertising?

The night cricket, it's scared every advertiser off.

They don't think it'll work.

So what are you standing around here?

Get out there and start selling?

Kerry, I've been trying...

Did you fuckin' hear me? Go and do it!

-How are you, John?

-Kerry.

Yeah, that's it. Nice. OK.

World famous cricketer, Tony Greig, talks about Kellogg's Nutri-Grain.

Have you tried Kellogg's Nutri-Grain yet?

It's even good straight out of the pack.

It looks like a tiny cricket bat with holes.

Nutri-Grain stays nice and crunchy in milk, too.

Mmm. Nutri-Grain is made from corn, oats and wheat

and it's got a lot of vitamins and protein.

Nutri-Grain's a beaut start if you need to eat and run.

Get 'em up!

-Hey, where's Greigy?

-Dunno.

Who does?

How's the ankle, Dennis?

Don't ask.

Oh, welcome, Greigy. Glad you could join us.

What, are you too busy for training these days, are ya?

What's wrong with you, Chappell?

What, you doing a photo of? Another ad?

What was it, Kellogg's, TAA, Walton's? Bloody Golden Books?

What I do with my time is my business.

It's not your time, mate. Kerry's paying for it.

And we're copping shit for not training hard enough

and you're swanning off doing other shit.

Hey listen, I train as hard as anyone.

And I'll arrange my life in my own bloody way, not the way you want it.

Hey guys, come on.

It'd be all right if he deserved his place in the team.

What was that? What'd you say?

Mate, there is no way in the wide world that you're good enough

to be in that team if the Windies blokes are there. Simple.

OK, Chappell.

We'll see tomorrow night who's good enough.

All right, let's play some cricket.

Come on, Chappelli.

We're going to bat first.

OK.

Are we shaking hands, gentlemen?

Oh, here we go.

What the fuck is that?

Bonedome, Bacchus.

How does he even see the ball?

I love it. Give me something to aim at.

Go get him, Fot.

Oh, you're joking. You see that?

Dennis Lillee pitching in very short, very, very short.

The crowd's a little disappointing on this historic occasion

of the first ever day-night match.

Oh, and there's a good cricket shot, a la Keith Stackpole.

And that's great batting. Richards in position quickly, the hammer.

Hey, Brighty?

Bring us out a long sleeve will ya, mate?

It's getting a bit chilly out here. Good on ya, pal.

Gentlemen.

What's the gate?

Not sure yet. More than 6,000.

The families are turning up.

Yes, but not enough of them.

Yeah!

I'll be whacking you all night if you keep putting up shit like that.

You prick.

This is an historic item.

So, what about the white ball?

Well it's perfect, Kerry. You can see it from the bowler's hand.

Yeah, even bounces.

It gets lost down low though, Kerry.

What do you mean?

Well everyone's wearing whites. Can't see it against their legs.

Right. What do we do about that?

I just had a call from Tagge Webster in London.

They've decided not to appeal.

Smart decision.

How are they going to pay the court bill?

They're still coming to terms with that.

Anyway, I've let The Don know.

How is he?

Happy about the Australia-India Test crowds.

We're killing World Series in numbers.

At least the public's got some brains.

He's still unhappy about losing Hookes. He doesn't like losing, Bob.

No, he doesn't.

No, two types of people spin. Politicians and bowlers.

And right now, we're politicians.

We can spin all we want, but the general public has to buy it.

They're starting to. We just need critical mass.

-Not only spin. We have to give them substance.

-We've got that.

-No-one's faking it out there.

-Give them time.

That crowd wasn't big enough. Look at the Test crowds against India.

If this keeps up, we'll be dead by the end of summer.

It's turned into bloody trench warfare.

-Yes, it is.

-And they're winning, Richie. Easily.

And we thought, what do you give a man that has so much?

There were a lot of suggestions, mostly bloody stupid.

But in the end, we thought,

what's our relationship to this guy, really?

You know, what's important between him and us?

So, we got you a chequebook.

No, no.

It's from the heart, boss.

We hope you like it.

It's, um...

Well, this has got to be the world's most expensive cricket bat.

I want to thank each and every one of you.

And I want you to know that the feelings are reciprocated.

In the...

In the short time that we've been together,

I've come to respect you all.

This might come as a shock, I know,

but I'm actually rather fond of you blokes.

Go on, KP!

This will never leave my side. Thank you.

We also had the same problem, Kerry.

What do you get The Man?

We know it's early days and there's tough times ahead,

so we thought, this man needs all the help he can get.

Thank you, Mr Lloyd. Thank you.

It's a bloody voodoo doll.

I tell you what, I'll probably need this more than the bloody bat.

Three cheers for Kerry. Hip hip!

Hooray! Hooray! Hooray!

Bowling to two slips and a gully.

Yep! Just the one.

Rodney Marsh through for a single.

-Jeez, Andy's fired up.

-That's OK.

I just heard Clive tell him he's only got three more overs.

-Three.

-That's all.

We just have to hang on.

Andy Roberts here, the most experienced of the West Indian

fast bowlers and a great fast bowler in his own right.

It's another one. It's a lovely shot.

They won't catch this one.

And the crowd is delirious.

Hit him.

-And he's in trouble.

-You all right, fella?

You right, mate?

Where'd he get you? In the face?

The jaw?

Wasn't quite inside it.

Come on mate, you're going off.

And he's retired hurt for the moment on 81.

-I'm sorry, Chappelli.

-How is it?

An ambulance is on its way.

Bugger the ambulance. Come on.

I can't move any faster.

Come on.

Get in. Come on, watch your head, watch your head.

OK, you right?

-Oh, bloody hell Kerry!

-You right? You OK?

Slow down. Slow down!

I'm just trying to take the attention off your jaw.

You're doing a bloody good job of it.

And we're back, with our usual guest Peter McFarlane of The Age,

joined tonight by English sports writer, Clive Bell, to give us

some insight into the present crisis in Australian cricket.

So back to you, Pete.

Now that the first full World Series Cricket season's drawing to a close,

what's the verdict?

I'd say it's a draw, Gary.

Packer and the ACB are locked in an arm wrestle

-and no-one's leaning over yet.

-Clive?

Well, I'm giving it to your Cricket Board.

The Indian tour is hugely successful.

Bobby Simpson's a very popular Australian Captain

and the crowds are turning up in their thousands.

But not in the numbers the board is expecting, and that's the trouble.

Well, exactly, there is only so many people go to the cricket

and what Packer has done, he's split cricket right down the middle.

And that's the tragedy of it, Gary.

I mean, blokes I know, cricketers who used to be mates

are now no longer talking to each other.

Like Bobby Simpson calling the World Series players slobs?

Exactly. Packer might think he's doing the right thing

by the cricketers but as history shows, you go into a war,

it's very difficult to get out of it.

Oh, we all know he's losing money hand over fist, as are the boards.

I don't think it's a draw, Gary. I think everyone's losing.

Yeah, it's a bloody mess.

What about their cricket, though? It's pretty riveting stuff.

The point is, they are just playing for money.

-I don't think the Australian public will wear it.

-Yeah, Gary.

-Not good enough.

-Well, we'll be back after a break.

Warner!

Where's Cornell?

Haven't seen him all night.

Tell him I want to see him in my office in the morning.

Right.

Wait!

Where'd you get this thing from?

The roulette table?

What do you reckon? I rented it.

Had to take a few doors off to get it in.

Buy it.

What the hell for?

I might want to put it in my pocket and take it home.

Where you blokes off to?

The movies, man. You want to come?

The movies? Now?

Deep Throat, man. Gavin Warner got it from somewhere.

Shit, yeah. Let's go.

Hookesy! Where you going?

Happy New Year.

Where were you last night?

Sorry I couldn't make it. I was...busy.

Doing fuckin' what?

Me and Dellie got married.

Don't invite a bloke, will you?

It was on the QT. We didn't invite anyone, except family.

Got married at midnight.

On New Year's Eve?

Easy to remember.

Well, you're a fuckin' romantic bastard, son, I'll give you that.

Who was your best man?

My eight-year-old nephew.

KERRY LAUGHS

Now what do you want for a present?

I want this to work, Kerry.

Yeah.

Oh! That'll do. No more.

Thanks, Dennis.

-Well done, David.

-Thanks, boss.

Hookesy, what's wrong?

I'm fair dinkum having flashbacks of that ball from Andy.

As soon as Dennis gets any speed up, I shit myself.

Oh, that's not good.

The bloke at the hospital said it'd take five years to get over.

You're selected for next week, mate.

-You're going to have to front up to Big Bird, Andy, Imran.

-I know.

I can do it, Chappelli. I just need to get one ball away.

As soon as I get off the mark, I'll be OK.

-Mate, they're not going to be doing you any favours.

-Just one ball.

I ordered those helmets from your blokes in Birmingham.

Don't want any more broken jaws.

We've been approached by another mob, Kerry.

-Coonan and Denlay out of Sydney.

-What do they make?

Horseriding helmets. They're really good, apparently.

What? We don't want to look like we're playing polo.

Doesn't matter what you look like,

as long as you get out with your brains intact.

G'day, guys. It's looking good, isn't it?

-What do you want, Pete?

-I just want to confirm something.

I hear there's dissention in the ranks. A bit of infighting going on.

Where'd you hear that?

It's understandable. The crowds aren't coming.

It's costing more than anyone thought, and so on.

Look around you, mate. The game's all here.

Well, no-one's buying any advertising.

You'll be lucky to last out the season.

I heard you've had a major resignation.

Just wondering who it was.

-No-one's leaving, mate.

-That's not what I heard.

I don't give a shit what you heard.

No-one's resigned, no-one's leaving. All right?

Yeah, look, we're sure it'll be a great contest.

Not a big crowd again, Ian.

Is this turning into a worry for World Series?

The crowds will come. We're confident of that.

They haven't come up until now.

The Aussie-India crowds have been much bigger.

What makes you think World Series will make the breakthrough?

The quality of cricket. And these are the best around.

Look at the guys we're playing today - The World.

They're the best bunch of cricketers I've ever seen,

with one exception.

COMMENTATOR: Lillee coming in again to Lloyd.

Beautiful shot. Attempted yorker.

Sent it up the line. The drive, square...

There it goes.

Beautiful square cut from Richards, short of a length.

Lloyd and Richards completely comfortable out there against Lillee

who is struggling with the ball.

He's showing none of his usual impact.

The World batsmen are relishing this uncharacteristic performance

from the great bowler. The Australians...

Well bowled out.

An edge, caught Marsh, bowled Walker.

Lillee back into the attack now.

Very unusual for this man to go wicketless for so long.

Oh, good shot.

This has produced a glorious shot.

Here he goes again. That's four runs

and the punishment continues for the Australians,

particularly for Lillee, who's really copping it this morning.

The World Team is 2 for 144 with Viv Richards on 78

and looking extremely comfortable.

The Australians are in all sorts of trouble,

Chappell's men not used to being handled in this cavalier fashion.

Lillee at none for 51 is struggling,

having none of his usual impact on the game.

I got them compiled.

Good, I'm going to have to run them for Kerry.

It's the northern end mic first.

-RECORDING: 'Oh, fucking hell!'

-'You fucking piece of shit!'

-'Call that a shot?'

-'Oh, fuck me drunk, mate, what are you doing?

'Oh, fuck me, I've seen better bowling from a girl, mate.'

And it's all going out to Mum and Dad and the kids.

-Well, get them onto the faders quicker, for God's sake.

-Right.

-Hey, boys?

-Hey, Fot.

You got any shots of me run-up?

Uh...

-It's a hard...

-Fuck off.

Don't reckon he's been told that too often.

I'll just whack that on.

So um, have you always been into cricketers?

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, they're not like footballers or rock stars, you know.

-They're gentlemen.

-I saw you with some of the West Indies blokes.

Oh, now they are gentlemen. I mean, they know how to treat you.

They treat you how? Like, buy you things?

Oh, no, no. They're just, um...

You know, they're nice. They're real nice guys.

-They're not up themselves.

-OK.

And have you, um, been with many of the West Indies guys?

Ah, well, um...

yeah, but not the married ones.

-I mean, the married ones are too hard to get.

-Oh.

-They're worried their wives will get pissed off.

-Oh, that's no good.

-No.

Yep, got it. Thanks, boys.

Right.

-COMMENTATOR:

-And you can see Dennis Lillee coming back into the attack

to replace Lennie Pascoe.

Yes, caught behind. That's Dennis Lillee's second wicket since lunch.

He's getting the ball off the pitch now.

His line and length are superb. I don't know what was on the lunch menu

but Lillee must have had a double helping. This is a different bowler.

The World are now in significant trouble.

There's the bounce to Greig, who sways out of trouble.

Lillee now enjoying his time out there.

This great fast bowler can't be kept down for too long.

Got him on the helmet, I think.

Could be the first strike, and Lillee, the man to do it.

Been watching it from the box, guys. Bloody well done.

-Yeah, it's looking good.

-Amazing what a difference five cameras make.

We've got seven.

I thought it was five.

Seven's better.

Lillee again.

And that's it. A tremendous comeback by the Australians,

and now they're right back into the game,

thanks, in large part, to Dennis Lillee, wicketless before lunch.

But something happened out there

and he's now walking off with a remarkable 5 for 82.

Roberts to McCosker.

And he's gone, caught behind.

And that's Ian Chappell out. That's a blow for Australia.

Very annoyed, Ian Chappell. A vital breakthrough for the World.

And he's bowled him. He's gone. A yorker again.

What a cricket match was this.

What must he be feeling now?

The first ball since his smashed jaw is critical.

This is it.

How are you, all right?

Not really.

-OK, well, ball at a time, yeah?

-Yep.

Let's go, David.

Garner delivers the ball from such a great height.

He gets enormous lift.

It's in the air. It's a chance could be six or out. It's six!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Thanks, Big Bird.

Welcome back, Hookesy.

That one was a great shot from the young man making a comeback.

Like I said.

Well, I'm going down the other end.

Anyone comin'?

LAUGHTER AND CHAT

You've been doing something.

-You have been doing something.

-Just stroking the ball.

Too much coffee.

Hey, you can piss off out of this dressing room, mate.

You're not wanted in here.

Well, if you want me out, how about you come and bloody get me out?

Hey, hey, hey, come on. Come on.

Cool it, man.

Well played, Big Bird.

Thanks, man.

-Nicely played, Clive.

-Thanks, man.

Viv.

-Magic.

-Thanks.

Andy.

Your team played well today.

ANDY LAUGHS

Excuse me, Mr Packer? Are you aware of the announcement by

the Australian Cricket Board that they're interested in night cricket?

No, I'll tell you what I am aware of.

I'm aware of them calling us a ridiculous fad and a circus act.

Mr Packer, the board's apparently arranging

to put on official cricket under lights. Bob Parish reckons

he's been planning night cricket for some time.

Well, that is complete bullshit, but I wish him luck with it.

Do you see this as a move towards reconciliation?

I don't see it as anything of the sort.

Maybe they're coming our way a little

but there's still a long way to go. Now excuse me.

They've been thinking about it for some time.

-Now that takes the cake.

-They're starting to fold.

No, they're not.

LOUD DISCO MUSIC PLAYS

Kerry?

Hey.

You are the hardest bloke to get along with that I've ever met.

What do you mean?

I knew you'd be cranky,

so I sat there for a long time trying to work out what to say.

I tried to say something...

..to make you feel better.

I tried to find the most inoffensive words to help you,

and you tell me to fuck off.

LAUGHTER

Christ, you blokes put it about a bit.

You couldn't slip one to Rose, could you?

Chappelli.

Fot.

Cheers, mate.

-How's that for a season?

-It was different.

Ankle's now completely buggered.

Mate, you took 5 for 82. Who gives a shit about your ankle?

Yeah, well I just want to say

it's been great with you and the guys the last couple of seasons.

Is that right?

I'm slowing down a bit.

Thanks for everything.

-You can bloody put that away.

-Shake my hand.

I don't shake medium pacers by the hand.

I only shake hands with fast bowlers...

-Shake my hand.

-You heard me.

LILLEE PUNCHES HIM

-Shake my hand.

-I told you.

I only shake hands with fast bowlers.

Fuck you.

I'll be back next season. I'll take more wickets than anyone.

-Good, Fot. That's what I wanted to hear.

-Fuck you.

# Got to get your groove on Baby... #

Well, another season like that and it's all over.

-No more muckin' about. Tickets?

-We're going ahead with the print of some mock-ups.

-They'll be ready for next meeting.

-Why aren't they ready now?

-We only put the order in last week. Remember you wanted them...

-Forget it. Programmes?

-Same.

Clothing? You got the colours right at least. What about the caps?

-The peaks are too short.

-They're the same length as the official ones.

Yeah, but they don't look right. Make 'em longer. Wickets?

-They're ahead of schedule, Kerry, as we discussed yesterday.

-Of course. Thank you, Richie.

Ah, Mr Hill. Coverage?

-Yeah, from the nine camera positions we've got we should be able to...

-I thought there were seven.

Nine's better. Also, the wicket mic problems are fixed.

We'll be training up the camera guys during the winter

and there'll be two full rehearsal days.

-The cherry picker camera?

-Yeah, it's still testing.

Well, get it right. It's a good idea, David.

What's the scheduled games cost?

1.4 million.

Well, we'd better draw a crowd.

-The press?

-Select journos have a draft programme for the season, Kerry,

just to give them an idea. Some of them are coming across much better.

-Good. Legals?

-We're still before the Federal Court

-on use of the words "Test" and "Australia".

-I know that, don't I?

I want an idea of when these bastards will make up their mind.

-It's hard to tell...

-What do you mean, hard to tell?

I'll talk to Turnbull and see if I can get a clearer idea...

-Why haven't you done this already?

-Kerry, there is no hurry.

-Either way, we have to go along with...

-There you FUCKIN' GO AGAIN!

-Rose.

-Ian. He's waiting for you.

Is he, er...still upset with me?

I don't think he could stay angry at any of you boys for too long.

Right.

-Is that right?

-Mmm.

Warner, get in here.

You're an Adelaide bloke, son. The Don. He's put out feelers.

What do we think about using the Adelaide Oval?

-Why would he do that? He hates us.

-He's got an angle, obviously.

-Yeah, he's sniffing the breeze. He's good at that.

-Mmm.

Well, it's good for us, Kerry. He never backs a loser.

-What is it? G'day, Chappelli.

-G'day, mate.

Don't sit. Tell him.

Had a few beers with Lennie Pascoe.

Jeff Thomson's not happy playing for Simmo.

He wants to come back to us.

Well, how the hell do we do that?

He's contracted to this bloody radio station,

plus he's got a binding contract to the board.

Thommo and Lillee back together's a gift for us. It'll get our crowds up.

If he wants back in, we'll have him. Find a way.

Find a way.

(Jesus.)

Just got final confirmation from London -

Mike Brearley's English team.

Six Ashes Tests this summer. That'll really stick it up Packer.

Have you read Brearley and the others have voted

to never allow Chappell, Greig and the others back in?

I saw it.

Bloody Packer. Now he's got the players at each other's throats.

Who's the old man?

That's Austin's dad. Fastest man in the world in his day.

-Fot's got his dander up, Ian.

-Mmm.

-He's pissed off at you.

-Yeah, good.

He just keeps getting better.

I got three in the guts for that.

Fuckin' worth it, though. Look at him go.

First problem fixes itself - the radio station's been bought by another group.

Thomson's contract's with the previous owners -

we can argue he doesn't have a contractual relationship with the new proprietors.

What do you mean, you can argue? Does he have a contract or not?

Maybe. Possibly not. It's a ground we can fight on.

In court. That'll cost.

Now, as to his contract with the Cricket Board. He retires.

We'll script the letter for him.

-They won't be happy.

-The Board won't force him to stay.

The cricket public would crucify them. "Poor Thommo, he's been great.

"If he wants to go, they should let him", et cetera, et cetera.

They nullify his contract.

-Thommo's officially retired on, say, Friday, OK?

-Mmm-hmm.

Monday morning, bang. What happens?

Thommo rediscovers the old fire, loves the game,

wants to play for Australia and... signs up for World Series Cricket.

Is it just me, or does that sound too easy?

It's just you.

Are you sure? I mean, I'm not a lawyer, but...

Kerry takes it all on himself.

I don't know how he does it. He must be feeling it somewhere.

He's such a lovely man.

Tell that to Gavin Warner.

So what are you going to do?

What do you mean?

Come on, I've seen you like this before.

You are far too quiet.

He's got the Sydney Cricket Ground,

he's got the lights being built, but it's the same problem as always.

"What if they don't come?"

Yeah. It should be working by now.

Hey, Strop!

Everyone's working their arses off.

We're paddling like buggery but we're getting nowhere.

So this first game at the Cricket Ground with the lights...

Well, if it's like VFL Park on that first day...

It won't be that bad. People have been coming.

I'm telling you, this whole thing could still turn to shit.

What do you do when someone's ignoring you?

Make a lot of noise right in front of them.

His name's Wessels. Kepler Wessels. He's just about to turn 21.

-He's a kid.

-But what a kid, Kerry. He's marvellous to watch.

Swimming champion, tennis champion, rugby.

He played schoolboy cricket, and can you believe this,

-he left one of his schools with a batting average of 270.

-Whoa.

Sign him. No, no, I want to see him first.

Here we go. How are you?

Excellent.

-Dim sims.

-Lovely.

-Spring rolls.

-Great.

Fried rice.

Beef in black bean sauce.

Chicken chop suey.

And sweet and sour pork with extra sweet and sour.

Thank you very much, my friend. Excellent.

He can't come straight from South Africa

and play the West Indians because of the agreement.

So we slip him into a game for Sussex or somewhere and then, bingo.

-He's in.

-Good. Have you seen Warner's ad campaign for the summer?

-Yeah.

-What do you think?

It's bloody ordinary, Kerry.

"Come and watch the white ball fly"? I mean, what kind of crap's that?

What the fuck are you doing? That's mine.

Er, it's Chinese food, Kerry. You share it.

No. I ordered it. It's mine. Put it back on the plate. Go on.

-There you go.

-Thank you.

TV ads, radio ads, print ads - all boring. We can do a lot better.

What are you going to do about it?

I was thinking, I could go and see this guy, Big Al.

-Big Al?

-Mmm-hmm. Writes songs.

This way please, Mr Cornell.

# I go hard, she go hard We both go hard together...

Thank you.

-G'day, Corny.

-G'day, Allan.

-How are ya?

-Good. The boys are getting vocal out there.

Oh, one of the blokes is on his way to New York,

so they're farewelling him.

They've been at it for quite a while.

Sounds like it.

So you and your mate Packer, you're creating quite a stir.

-That's your brief, Al. Create a stir.

-G'day, Strop.

-Alan.

-How are you, mate?

-Good.

-That's quite a brief. We've, er... We've been thinking about it.

-Good.

I need some of your magic.

-You say here, something patriotic.

-Yeah.

An anthem. We're up against the Ashes. 100 years of nostalgia.

We've got to invent a new history.

Mmm, invent history.

That's a nice brief, John. Thanks.

You want like a rugby song?

No. Bigger. Grander.

A war cry. A call to arms.

Something like that.

CHANTING CONTINUES

Hear that?

Limericks. That's it. That's it. That's what we need for the verse.

-You're kidding.

-No, no, no, the A-A-B-B-A rhyme.

-It's a much maligned rhyming form.

-For good reason.

No, no, no, no, that's just the lyrics. Don't worry about that.

We were thinking a chorus something along the lines of this.

# Come on Australia

# Show us what ya made-a

-# Come on Australia...

-Whoa.

-..come on... #

We just had the court decision come through -

we can't use the word 'Test' and we can't use 'Australia'.

-Bugger.

-But we can call ourselves Australians.

# Come on, Australians

# Come on, Australians

# No, that's awful... #

So, what have we got? What have we got? What do we need?

Erm...

# Marshy's taking wickets

# Hookesy's clearing pickets... #

And we need something that rhymes with green.

# The Chappellis' are catching it so clean... # No.

It's cricket like you've never seen?

Glean. Something glean.

-Gleam.

-Gleaned.

Gleam. Eyes have got the gleam... something.

Dougie's eyes have got the dreaded gleam. No, it's not quite right.

The Chappells. The... The Chappells' eyes have got the killer gleam.

Chappells. Chappells' eyes.

# Marshy's taking wickets

# Hookesy's clearing pickets

# And the Chappells' eyes have got that killer gleam. #

-I like it.

-Great.

-That's it?

-Great, yep.

-Well let's, erm... Shall we?

-Please.

Well we're thinking like, maybe starting with a montage,

a training montage or something.

And it's spoken word...

# You've been training all the winter

# There's not a team that's fitter

# And that's the way it's gotta be

# Cos you're up against the best, you know

# This is Supertest, you know

# And you've gotta beat the best The world has seen

# Lillee's pounding down like a machine

# Pascoe's making divots in the green

# Marshy's taking wickets

# Hookesy's clearing pickets... #

-Ah!

-Ah.

-Perfect timing. Here, you can drive.

So, do we have a song?

CHEERING AND LAUGHTER

-Hey, Tweetie!

-The sun is shining.

-Yeah, yeah.

-Is this Sesame Street?

-Have a go!

You are the ugliest model I've ever seen!

RAUCOUS LAUGHTER

Yeah, yeah. Up your bloody game.

MORE RAUCOUS LAUGHTER

I am not wearing this.

You'll be the only guy on the field who's not, Hubie.

We look ridiculous.

Looks like your mum's pyjamas, mate.

Yeah, yeah, you've got to bloody wear 'em, too. Bastards.

Take your pants off!

-What the fuck were you thinking with this Thomson bullshit?!

-What, what?

What's my job in this organisation, hmm?

Fixing problems of your fuckin' making.

I've got no idea what you're talking about!

Well, that's been obvious for quite a fuckin' while.

Why don't you go work for Murdoch?

You were laughed out of court with this stupid idea for Thomson.

-My idea?

-Now the Board get to keep him and you get to look like the fuckin' clown you are.

-It was not my idea.

-Is that right?

-It was the legal guy. He was convinced it would work.

-I was the one...

-How's the ad campaign?

-Honestly, it was not...

-Advertising!

Doesn't fuckin' matter. I'll talk with Cornell.

G'day, Strop. Hey, those cricket ads. That bloody song. Can't get it out of my head.

That's why I'm here. Kerry's not happy with how many times you're running them.

-How many times are they on between six and ten?

-Er, two.

Only two? Not enough. Kerry wants four. No, five.

Well, shit, who can I kick off?

Give us a look.

Claytons, three times, get rid of them.

Ansett, who fuckin' cares? Better drop one of them, too.

-Ruffles chips, piss that off.

-He wants us to cut five?

That's what he said. And he wants it done every night.

-Every night? How do I catch up?

-This is the cricket, mate.

Rose, what are you doing? Go home.

I can't.

Why? What's the problem?

Mr Packer likes me to be available as long as he's here.

You leave Mr Packer to me.

No, please don't say anything. I had all this work to do anyway.

12 million, Kerro.

It's coming together, Harry.

Yes, it is. What you've got now is a functioning organisation.

Congratulations.

But the role of that organisation is to lose the company's money.

We're getting too close to the edge.

Remember that conversation we had last year?

After you'd dumped 6 million?

Your father, Kerry, would have cut his losses by now.

-I know.

-He would have given himself an escape route. You don't have any.

It's not good business.

What are you doing? He had big plans for you.

Oh, no, he didn't!

Clyde was going to run everything, remember? I'm not Clyde.

And you're not the old man.

Still, you're in the shoes now.

So far, it's not a good fit.

Your father would never risk the lot, never.

I've got the Sydney Cricket Ground lights, and the game on Tuesday.

That's all you've got.

Listen, Kerro. It's one minute past midnight.

When you're way behind on the night,

a final roll of the dice is not a smart thing to do.

Mr Warner.

Rose.

Are you all right?

I've got an ulcer.

My wife hates me.

So do my kids.

-HE SOBS

-So... so do I.

He pushes a button and he whistles me like a dog.

I know.

How do you do it?

I just do it.

Tuesday night's make or break, Rosie. If it comes off, I'm alive.

If it doesn't, I'm going into the library.

Come on, Cornell.

Where are we going?

I've got something I want you to see.

What do you think, son?

-You see that one there?

-Yep.

That's yours. All these others are mine.

You ready?

-Let there be light.

-Yeah.

# You've been training all the winter

# And there's not a team that's fitter

# And that's the way it's gotta be

# Cos you're up against the best, you know

# This is Supertest, you know

# And you've gotta beat the best the world has seen

# Lillee's pounding down like a machine

# Pascoe's making divots in the green

# Marshy's taking wickets

# Hookesy's clearing pickets

# And the Chappells' eyes have got that killer gleam

# Mr Walker's playing havoc with the bat

# Redpath, it's good to see you back

# Laird is making runs

# Dougie's chewing gum

# And Gilmour's wielding willow like an axe

# Come on, Aussie, come on...

CROWD: Come on, Aussie, come on.

Come on, Aussie, come on.

-COMMENTATOR:

-Yes, it's a magnificent sight, Richie.

People are just waiting for the sun to go down

to really capture this atmosphere.

It certainly is an historical night here.

It really is a fantastic sight.

-RICHIE BENAUD:

-And people queuing up outside, trying to get into the ground.

You! You! What's your name?

-Tim, Mr Packer.

-Tim, why aren't you letting them in?

Well, the place is full. We got to capacity a while ago.

You can't keep 'em out there, son.

Mr Packer, there's 10,000 of them.

Just open the fuckin' gates, will you?

The ticketing booth's closed. We've got no staff.

Listen to me, son. That doesn't matter. Let them in anyway.

They want to see cricket. We'll let them see cricket.

Ma-a-a-a-ate!

OK boys, step aside, let 'em in.

CHEERING

Enjoy the game. Enjoy the game.

-COMMENTATOR:

-Laird's timed that beautifully.

Going way down the hill towards the fence...

Mr Packer. You've opened up the Members Stand to women.

I did. It's 1978, it's about time.

I can't tell you how this makes me feel.

-I've been coming here for 30 years with my husband.

-He's a member, is he?

He's down there right now, and we're about to join him.

Thank you.

-After you, ladies.

-Thank you, Mr Packer.

50,000 out there.

I'm watching this with the two million people at home, son.

'It's so big that they've thrown the gates open, not closed them.'

-CROWD: Come on, Aussie, Come on...

-You hear that? They know the words.

Yep.

Kerry, I've got a confession.

-This might be a good time to tell you.

-Tell me what?

I've been going in to Channel 9 and getting them to drop ads

and putting ours on instead.

-Jesus, son!

-You might be hearing from a few companies.

Bloody hell, Cornell.

CHATTERING

A beer, thank you.

This is it, Kerry.

Yeah...

..I think you're right.

-Morning, Rose.

-Good morning, Mr Warner.

Well? What do you think, huh?

I thought the party started a bit early.

Who the fuck organised that?

And we'd like to congratulate Kerry Packer and his organisation

-for the phenomenal crowd at the Sydney Cricket Ground last night...

-Phenomenal? That's going a bit far.

What do you want me to do, just thank him?

This sticks in my craw, it really does.

Bob, we have to offer an official response.

-I have never seen anything like it.

-As for that bloody song...

Yes, have you seen? It's number one from this morning.

On the pop charts.

Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha!

-Thommo.

-G'day.

You can bowl, son.

But you haven't got a fuckin' idea how to organise your life.

Ha, yeah.

Welcome back.

Thanks, boss.

Kerry...

I was... I was talking to Ray Steele after the board called me in.

He said he wouldn't mind seeing all this over.

Did he, now?

And that's it for another night with our guests, Peter McFarlane

and Clive Bell, asking the big questions on cricket.

There's a long way to go finessing this new version of the great old game.

How long can these players keep it up?

Lillee breaking down again, Thomson out with a back problem, Gilmour's done a hamstring.

Even Greg Chappell, for the first time, is in trouble.

These men who have given everything are now at breaking point.

Goodnight.

It's time to go home now, Rosie.

-COMMENTATOR:

-The Australians look absolutely fantastic on the field

in their gold coloured outfits.

Now, where were we?

Firstly, in principle, I'm happy for you to run the game.

My offer, which you fuckin' knocked back, was half a million a year

when the ABC contract expires, which is next month.

Accept that?

Yes.

'Out! Lloyd, gone. The West Indies, 3-15.

'The crowd goes absolutely mad.'

Totally exclusive TV rights.

Right.

I get exclusive promotional rights to the game in Australia...

Right.

..for ten years.

Right.

The coloured clothing...stays.

Yes.

'The ball hits the stumps, but well home...'

We work out the details later.

Erm...

..we'll take it to the Executive.

I'd appreciate it.

Hi, how are you. See you in a bit.

-Tony. Hey, where's Kerry?

-He's not in there?

-No.

-I haven't seen him. Are you coming back?

-Yeah, yeah.

No, you don't need any of that. You get a building with a great big bloody front door

and you light it up like a fuckin' Christmas tree.

The punters come in, empty their wallets

and you open the door for them on their way out. "See you next week."

It's got to be the world's easiest way of making money, son.

Nah, what's a couple of roulette wheels cost?

Yeah, right-o. Yeah, good-o.

Tell Jimmy I'll see him in London, Monday.

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