Full Version The Premier League's Most Amazing Moments

Oh, hello, I'm Donovan Daily and I like my beers cold,

my women hot and my football Premier League.

So when the BBC asked me to host

The Premier League's Most Amazing Moments show, I said, "Hell, yeah."

But I told them I'll need a sidekick, a yin to my yang,

a Tonto to my Lone Ranger for this amazing quest.

He had to be a Premier League legend.

So I made my pick.

"Who was it, Don?" I hear you cry.

"Was it Zola, Cantona, Beckham?"

Oh, no, this guy's far superior, he's a maverick.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you

Mr Robert Savage.

Don, you're two hours early and it's Robbie.

Robbie, really? You're still calling yourself that?

'Wow, what a goal!'

'Le Tissier!'

Fan-dabby-dozey.

Join us for a feast of fabulous football.

I've never missed a goal like that.

We've got tears and triumph and trauma and tantrums.

I remember thinking, "What's going on here?"

And goals. Lots of goals.

What do you expect me to do with a shot like that?

Plus comedy gold. Ha-ha.

Says it all. Pretty embarrassing.

A smorgasbord of 20 years of the best football on the planet,

served up in bitesize nuggets.

Welcome to the Premier League's 50 Most Amazing Moments.

Let's be having you!

'City are champions!'

Well, why don't you guys at home kick back, relax, chillax,

if you like, get the little lady to bring you an iced cold beer,

while me and Robbie make TV history.

Come on, let's go, get you some clothes on.

-Have you got any biscuits?

-Ginger nuts.

-Ginger nuts, mmm.

Paul Scholes, ha-ha-ha.

At number 50 is our first Premier League genius.

And when baby Wayne Rooney broke through in October 2002,

he didn't arrive, he exploded.

It was Everton V Arsenal at Goodison Park.

Arsenal were unbeaten for 30 games

and this little 16-year-old was ready and waiting.

A few years ago, I was at a match where Everton were playing Arsenal

and my little brother said,

"There's a great, young lad,

"there's a great lad called Wayne Rooney."

I was like, "Oh, what's his name?"

Wayne's the name and this £80-a-week teenager is having

the game of his life.

When Rooney breaks onto the scene,

first of all we want to see his passport and birth certificate

because he's not a 16-year-old at Everton.

There's one minute left of the game and this lad did the unthinkable.

Rooney picks up the ball, outside the box

and he puts it onto his right and does, like, a Beckham curl

into the top, left-hand corner.

'Wayne Rooney.

'Oh, he went for it. Oh! His first goal of the Premiership!

'Ladies and gentlemen, introducing 16-year-old Wayne Rooney.'

You're not supposed to do that against Arsenal.

You're playing against a great side, knocking people over,

you're scoring a goal against England goalkeeper David Seaman.

So you knew he was a special talent.

'What a special goal.'

30 games unbeaten, we were, at that time

and he picked up that ball, turned, shot and done Seaman.

'I think, here, you're seeing the start of something special.'

Yes, England, lock up your daughters, Rooney has arrived.

He rode his bike home from Goodison Park.

Imagine, you've just chipped the England goalkeeper

and you've rode your bike home. Mint.

Rooney's Everton career didn't start as a 16-year-old.

Oh, no, it was way before then.

When I was playing for Liverpool, I was the captain of Liverpool,

Dave Watson was Everton captain

and we both walked onto the field holding the little mascot's hand,

he was about eight years old, he was Wayne Rooney.

And he looked about 25 then.

And did this precious, little ten-year-old show due respect?

Rooney, kind of,

consistently and continually kept trying to chip Neville Southall,

which was quite embarrassing for, you know,

then the most capped Everton player of all time.

He turned round, apparently, and told Wayne Rooney to BLEEP off.

# It was a beautiful day... #

Celebrating a goal is the one of the most joyous moments

in any footballer's life. It's elation, it's bliss.

It's unrestrained, pure unadulterated ecstasy.

But there's always an exception to the rule

and this was truly exceptional.

Hello, Newcastle super sub Temuri Ketsbaia.

'Gets attacked by Ketsbaia.'

He walks over,

the shirt comes off, then he looks like he's going to do

a full-on strip.

I don't know what he was trying to do,

cos he tried to take his shoe off to kick the hoarding,

which would mean he'd probably break his foot.

'Extraordinary gestures from Temuri Ketsbaia.

'He's ripped off his shirt.'

So he just let's rip on the advertising boards

and just starts kicking hell out of them.

And you're watching him thinking, nutter.

He had a set plan after he scored a goal. It's like,

"I'm going to kick the fast food once,

"I'm going to kick the shoe manufacturer twice.

"Get away from me, I'm on a roll!

"I've got a plan!

"Don't mess with me!"

But after a while, everyone just kept away from him

cos they didn't know what he was going to do next.

# That boy needs therapy... #

Some say he was angry because he was sick of being a sub.

If you want to get picked, don't destroy the stadium.

If I want a promotion at work and go up to my boss and go,

"Yeah, I know I've been trying really hard,

"but, to make my point, I've thrown the fish tank out of the window.

"Let's talk about a raise." That's not how you do it, Temuri.

But only now has the truth come out.

When he was young, he was attacked in his sleep

by a burger

and a shoe!

It was terrible, OK?

He's not happy about it!

14 years later, Temuri finally calmed down

and, apparently, runs an anger management clinic

with Roy Keane and Joey Barton.

Or did I just make that up?

What number was my goal against QPR?

And you must have me when I played a goal against Reading.

I'm afraid, old boy, that neither of those cut the mustard.

Not like this one,

which is one of the most amazing moments of the Premier League ever.

Check it out.

You got any crisps?

In hindsight, yeah, you do regret your actions,

but, at the same time, it was done for the right reasons.

'Not spotted.

'Oh. He's got it!'

It was Boxing Day 2008 in Manchester.

City were full of festive cheer and Hull, it seemed,

were still full of festive beer.

'Robinho is arriving, if he can find him, and does!

'Manchester City just insatiable here.'

We had 5,500 travelling Hull City fans

that were packed in at the Etihad Stadium.

And I felt as if we'd really them down.

So they were four-nil down at half-time

and manager Phil Brown was about to do something

so extraordinary you'll need to sit down.

We all made a beeline for, in front of the supporters.

He decided he was going to give the team talk on the pitch.

Which is a bit like, a bit like that couple who have a row in local pub

on a Saturday and everyone has to watch them and it's like, come on.

# We don't need no education... #

I could've got them in the warmth of the changing room,

but I felt as if it was a Sunday league performance.

So I delivered it on the pitch.

He basically tells them off,

like a school teacher telling off some kids.

With 25 cameras at the stadium, it was prime time viewing.

# Hey, teacher, leave them kids alone... #

'Phil Brown venting his frustrations on the field

'to his team at half-time.'

But it gets better.

One year later, in exactly the same fixture,

at exactly the same end of the pitch,

those naughty, little boys go the chance to get their own back

on their own manager.

Paul McShane, the Irishman, he goes,

"I tell you what we should do, whoever scores, we should like,

"honestly, get all the boys round him and do the Phil Brown."

I said, "I guarantee I'll score now, I will guarantee you that."

Cos it's always me, you know what I mean.

'And Jimmy Bullard has the opportunity.

'And Hull City are level.'

I lost my head, fans just going mental.

The boys said, "Celebrate." I said, "I am celebrating,"

And they're like, "No, no, the Phil Brown." We sit down, we done it.

'Oh, look at the celebration, ha-ha! Jimmy Bullard!'

I didn't know if he was going to be fuming or if he'd be like,

"Oh, that's brilliant."

I just couldn't control myself, I was laughing beyond recognition,

it was unbelievable.

He sort of, sort of took it as to say,

"Yeah, good celebration, but don't push your mark."

Do you know what I mean? To be fair, it's a great celebration.

You know, year on, same place, that's just class as well.

Sporting events have had their fair share of invasions over the years.

From the athletic to the down right stupid. Is that Richard Hammond?

But none was more bizarre than the one that took place

at Blackburn in a crucial relegation battle at the end of last season.

I've got no idea how they got a chicken,

smuggled through the turnstiles.

I'd love to know where it was hidden.

Why did the chicken cross the pitch?

To protest the meat processors in India. Ha-ha-ha.

I just made that up.

This plucky demonstration was aimed at the new Indian owners,

the Venky's, the chicken meat processing tycoons.

'Here's a curious state of affairs.'

Probably jumped out of the processing line, about to become a bhuna

and made a last minute dash for freedom, didn't he?

# Ain't nobody here but us chickens... #

But what do we need most in an emergency like this?

Why, some truly awful chicken puns, of course.

I'd recognise a fowl when I see one, don't worry.

Who knows? Maybe he could've got them a better result

if he'd played on the wing.

'He should have the best hands of all, shouldn't he?'

Well, it didn't quite make the farm,

but it did end up starring in its own commercial.

'Blackburn Rovers proudly owned by Venky's.'

Poor chicken. Let's hope there wasn't a goal mass scramble

in the way and they didn't get a roasting at the end.

Actually, by the roasting, I mean cooked.

I shouldn't say that to do with football, should I? Ha-ha-ha.

To be able to go out in front of people

and play this beautiful game that we all love,

that's got to be really cool unless you're Emmanuel Eboue.

'And Emmanuel Eboue will play his first football

'in the first team since the four-all draw with Tottenham.'

When the Arsenal defender came on in the first half against Wigan,

it proved to be one of the most memorable substitutions

in Premier history,

for all the wrong reasons.

We've all been off sick from work, come back and gone, "What?

"What is it I do again?"

So maybe it was a bit of that.

But I think he might have thought he was playing for Wigan.

I think, cos he kept passing it to them.

-'Here's Emmanuel Eboue.'

-He did have a shocker, he really did.

He was tackling his own players.

'Goodness me, Eboue's having an absolute nightmare.'

He was playing greats on the through balls for Wigan's strikers.

'Eboue.

'Oh, terrible, it's killing us.'

In the end, Arsene Wenger had no choice

but to substitute one of his own substitutes.

'Emmanuel Eboue,

'who came on after 31 minutes for the injured Samir Nasri,

'is replaced.'

Football players call that a sub sub.

And that's the worst that can happen to you as a football player.

I know a lot of players will say, "Just leave me out there and I'll get through it."

But, in that particular situation,

it didn't look like he was going to get through it.

'The substitute is substituted

'and the Arsenal supporters get to their feet and applaud.'

The crowd were booing him so badly,

but he's such a positive guy,

he thought they were just shouting his name.

"Booo-e, E-booo-e. E-booo-e."

You know, for him, he still had a great game.

# It's a hard-knock life for us.

He's a good player, at the end of the day.

I think you see Arsene Wenger's managerial awareness, you know,

the nous that he's got to bring an individual back from the brink.

And put them back in and we've seen the benefit of that.

He is a great player.

'And in! And it's Emmanuel Eboue.'

Your second coming's always better

than your first, and I think that's definitely a story for Eboue.

You'll never guess. I've only gone and done a poll.

-Really? Who won?

-You did.

I asked the viewers at home

for their favourite ever Premiership moment.

-And they, lo and behold, chose you.

-I'm the winner?

Well, you could say that.

Or you could say that football and the viewers at home,

they're the real winners. Have a look at this.

Martin O'Neill once said to Robbie, "You lack only one thing."

And Robbie said, "Well, what is it?" And he said, "It's talent."

But that's him, innit? If everyone was the same in football, it'd be so boring, you know...

you have your good players, you have your bad players,

you have your Ronaldos, you have your Robbie Savages, don't you? It's just the way it is.

# If you're gonna be dumb You gotta be tough... #

Love him or loathe him,

Robbie Savage was a modern day pantomime villain

of the Premier League, and a master at winding up the opposition.

It was brilliant, I thrived off it, I loved being booed

when away from home and at home at times.

-But that was me.

-He was quite accident prone as well, wasn't he?

So he's a bit of a comedy character.

But against Newcastle United in 2003,

the joke was definitely on him.

There was an incident when Matt Messias actually awarded a free kick.

And, as his arm came out to give the signal,

he smacked Savage straight in the face.

# Boom, boom, boom Gotta get that boom, boom, boom... #

I like Savage, I think he's a bit of a character,

but I can see why, ref just thought, "Have a bit of that."

It just goes to show, he's not really hard man.

To get knocked out by a referee,

well, says it all, doesn't it? Pretty embarrassing.

'Jamie Clapham and the referee saw the funny side of it.'

Matt Messias giving me the forearm smash, I think every ref, really,

around the country, was celebrating with a glass of vino.

'Well, he's not every referee's cup of tea, Robbie Savage,

'but that's a new one on me.'

It's difficult to love Robbie,

but you don't need to love him

because he loves himself enough to make up for the rest of the world.

I'd describe myself as a very modest man. I'm insecure, quite quiet.

On the field, I was a bit of an egg, to be fair,

but, off it, I'm just a normal, down to earth guy.

So there you have it, Robbie Savage is just a normal,

down to earth type of guy.

And that's official.

CHEERING

Football loves to immortalise its greats.

At Man United you have the Holy Trinity, Charlton, Best and Law.

And at Arsenal you have the legends of Adams and Henry.

And at Fulham, well, the choice is endless.

OK, now we're going to see this spectacle, please.

But who could it be?

Jimmy Hill.

Rodney Marsh.

Bobby Robson. Yeah, you could've took your pick, couldn't you?

Not Michael Jackson.

Michael Jackson, that famous central midfield legend. # He-he. #

That guy is as synonymous with football as 50 Cent is with snooker.

Yup, on 3rd April 2011, Mohammed Al-Fayed, owner of Fulham,

had a massive erection of Michael Jackson unveiled at Craven Cottage.

But why?

"I've got that much money, I know what I'm going to do,

"I'm going to build a 30-foot statue of Michael Jackson."

Sound, mate, yeah.

It's so life-like too.

I thought he was there, I started to go, "Michael!"

And then I realised it's a BLEEP statue.

Michael Jackson's love affair with Fulham is legendary. Right?

# I just can't stop loving you... #

He only ever went there once.

I think it was, like, a Wigan game in 1999.

And he was so excited about it.

Who wouldn't be? It's Wigan.

He's walking round the pitch with his umbrella

and I think the majority of the fans who were there that day

didn't think it was really him.

He loved football.

And I have great admiration of him as an artist.

So of all the legends of Fulham, they erect a statue of a man

who spent a total of 28 seconds on the pitch.

I can't really work Mohammed Al-Fayed out

because he looks like an excited kid at the unveiling,

but, yet, he knew the reaction from the fans was complete outrage.

So the fans didn't like it, but they didn't blame on the sunshine.

They didn't blame it on the moonlight.

They didn't blame it on the good times.

They blamed it on the fogey.

What can I do?

Yeah, they go on to become the greatest club

in Premier League history,

but back in '92/'93, Man United hadn't won a sausage in 26 years.

'Manchester United are in trouble.'

They're a goal behind to Sheffield Wednesday at Old Trafford,

they basically need to win or the momentum's going out

of their title chase.

Second in the league with six games to go, time was running out.

'Bruce. It's in!'

Steve Bruce equalises, but, on the 90th minute,

the football world witnessed a brand new phenomena.

A pivotal moment that would change the face of the game for ever.

'Now, there can't be much more of this stoppage time left.'

Oh, yes, there can.

Cos this was the birth of...

-Fergie Time.

-Fergie Time.

-Fergie Time.

There's normal time and then there's Fergie Time.

Fergie Time which is just the time you have to add on

at Old Trafford to make sure they don't lose.

# We have all the time in the world... #

It's like the third parallel and it exists independently

of Greenwich Mean Time or Chico Time or tea time.

If it was three minutes, Sir Alex gets four.

If it's four minutes, Sir Alex gets five.

If it's seven minutes, Sir Alex gets eight.

The dawning of Fergie Time was upon us.

90 minutes was up and the game played on and on.

And on and on and on a bit more.

Time would just keep ticking on, ticking on, ticking on.

The fans would think, "Here we go again,

"we're going to get this close and blow it."

It was the 98th minute and Fergie Time was about to pay dividends.

'And Bruce!'

Bruce!

'Can you believe that?'

I know, eight minutes, huh?

Fergie's celebration, the last time I saw his legs move.

He had a go at me for my celebrations and then he goes

and does that. It's ridiculous.

We've all been excited. But they crossed the line when they turned it into Dirty Dancing.

MUSIC: "The Time of My Life" by Bill Medley & Jennifer Warnes

That was it. United went on to win their first of 12 Premier League titles.

Whilst Fergie is building a time machine to make sure that dance never happened.

Calm down, calm down!

Here's number 42.

Scousers are well-known for their sense of humour.

They love a good laugh.

He's hilarious!

They're great.

She's gorgeous.

I'm not sure about him.

But in April, 2000, half of the city were left feeling decidedly blue,

when they witnessed the most bizarre finish to a Merseyside Derby ever.

I was delighted. The game had gone extremely well.

It was nil-nil, and time was up. The goalkeeper, Westerveld, had the ball.

'This might just be it.'

And then it all came down to the very last kick of the match.

As I glanced at my watch,

just about to blow the whistle,

I looked back and the ball is going over Westerveld's head.

It's hit Don Hutchison and going into the net.

I panic and blow my whistle. Time's up.

'He's been surrounded by Everton players.'

They do blow the whistle as soon as the ball's been kicked sometimes.

It's a killer, innit?

'Whether the referee had blown the final whistle before the ball crossed the line, I don't know.

'He's the only man who knows that.'

I thought I'd blown the whistle before it entered the net.

The footage afterwards questioned that.

But did you get it wrong, Graham?

'So it ends with real controversy in the final second.'

What are you doing to me? Big Evertonian.

You ruin that for me. We hardly ever win derbies.

Do us a favour! At least say sorry.

Everton-Liverpool, the Don Hutchison goal.

All I can say is I got it wrong. Sorry, Don.

'But this isn't the worst decision you'll ever see.

'No. That one's coming up later.'

Of course your glory days were at Manchester United, right?

Not really. I wasn't good enough and they let me go.

Still, you were part of that team with Giggsy, Becks,

the Nevilles and Scholesy

and of course, the aptly-named Nicky Butt.

Were you ever at Tottenham?

No, but I could have been if I'd wanted to.

Yeah, well probably the only lucky break they had.

You not joining them.

Spurs were so far ahead of Arsenal.

They were nailed-on for third.

At one point during that season,

people were talking about them as potential Premier League champions.

It's 1.30pm on the 26th February, 2012.

Sitting third in the table, looking forward to Champions League football

next season, things couldn't have been much better for Tottenham.

Tottenham came into that game against Arsenal

ten points clear.

Then, at 1.34pm, it did get better.

'Saha with a deflected shot...

'..which creeps in and Spurs have a lead inside four minutes.'

And then at 2.04 pm, it got mental.

'It's Emmanuel Adebayor.

'That merely increases Arsenal's pain.'

I remember thinking, "What's goin' on here?

"We're two-nil down!"

Everything's cushti. Looks like it's going to be a 13-point

lead over Arsenal.

Game over, surely.

But, then again - if anyone can rip bizarre stuff from the jaws of triumph,

it's Spurs,

and what happened next was truly extraordinary.

'Bacary Sagna!

'Fantastic - curls one!'

'And Rosicky!

'And Walcott makes it 4-2!

'Here's Walcott again.

'There's no flag.

'And Walcott makes it five!

'Simply stunning!'

No, this is not a joke.

This really happened,

and it won't be the last time Spurs mess it up, either.

The whole season changed for Spurs

with that defeat.

Suddenly, the whole thing just fell apart.

From that game, Tottenham had a dreadful finish to the season.

So dreadful that arch enemies Arsenal caught then up and finished above them.

At least Spurs had a Champions League spot.

Oh, no - of course they.. erm, well at least Harry got the England job.

I'm going for the chance to the manager of England,

-and I'll be looking forward to it.

-Ouch, Harry. That's got to hurt.

At least you'll win the League next year with Spurs... Oh!

So from going possibly Champions League Football,

looked like they would finish third in the Premier League,

to him probably getting the England job

to having nothing just goes to show -

people say a week's a long time in football.

24 hours can be even longer sometimes.

Redknapp has since regretted having his

smash-the-mirrors-over-black-cats -under-ladders theme party

last Friday 13th.

Coming up, tragedy...

'My word! Oh, what an embarrassment!'

..Comedy...

It's like the footballing equivalent

to Del Boy falling through the bar.

'Dear, oh dear.'

..and pure fantasy.

'He's off his line! Oh!

'That was absolutely phenomenal!'

He was a top-drawer player, Ronnie,

but there's only one thing he'll ever be remembered for, I'm afraid.

September 19th, 1992.

The Premier League had only been alive one month,

and was about to witness a monstrosity

so grotesque it's still talked about

20 years later.

It was unbelievable.

'Liverpool must be missing the presence of people like Ian Rush.'

But at least they have Ronny Rosenthal.

He were like the best player ever. "Oh my God, who's this dude?"

Like God and he's really Pele,

until Aston Villa.

But if you are of a nervous disposition, look away now.

This is horrific.

He gets past the last defender and the keeper

and he's not even at the side of the goal,

he's right bang-on in the middle

of an open goal.

It was so wide-open.

I think it shocked him.

He was going, "Whoa! I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!"

'Rosenthal's going to score!'¬

Oh yes, he is...n't.

'Oh, he's hit the bar!'

'What a let-off for Villa, and what a miss by Rosenthal.'

I love re-runs of Rosenthal's miss more than anything else in the world.

It is harder to miss than to score it.

I've never missed a goal like that.

"Yeah - you are rubbish, after all."

But that could be stripey ball.

'Oh, hands on hips.'

That's probably how good a player he was. he could hit the bar from six yards

with a moving ball, whereas no-one else could do that.

If he had tried that shot 100,000 times,

he would probably only have made it, like, 3,000.

But that's still pretty good.

MUSIC: "Cannonball" by the Breeders

The funny thing about the miss is he thought he had scored.

He turned away to celebrate, which made it even worse.

Ronny Rosenthal scored one of the best hat-tricks I've ever seen,

and still we never talk about that.

We just talk about that goal, that miss.

Poor old Ronny.

For me it was also a big shock.

Don't worry, Ronny. Your miss was horrible, but watch out later.

There's one even worse!

Relegation. Football's own terminal illness.

Nothing can cure it, of course, apart from the sweet, sweet taste

of promotion.

Nothing's as bad as relegation.

I can think of something.

Being relegated three different times with three different clubs -

-Robbie Relegation.

-It was two, idiot.

"Idiot"? - there's no need for that, is there?

-Potty mouth.

-Goofy.

We've all tried to throw a sickie from work.

But not the entire office

on the same day.

But that's exactly what Middlesbrough tried

all the way back in 1996.

They were struck down by an illness in the middle of winter,

and the asked the Premier League if they could replay a league game.

But the Premier League weren't having any of it.

Middlesbrough had 23 sickies

on the eve of their fixture against Blackburn.

They took the unprecedented step

of pulling out.

I've done some blags in me time -

"Can't come to school, me grandad's ate the dog",

but you can't, two days before a match,

say, "We've got 23 injuries."

You can name three.

"I've hurt me ankle, I've twisted me knee,

"and me boots are broken."

They were docked three points

for not fielding a team.

Which Middlesbrough appealed.

'Bryan Robson, the manager, wants his club's three points back.'

But he didn't get 'em.

You've got reserves, youth team players.

Had they played the game and just lost,

it wouldn't have been a problem.

But to just call a game off,

straight, is unheard of.

Still, manager Bryan Robson was in good spirits, though.

No more, OK? No more.

I think we sort of felt the game would be replayed.

Middlesbrough would get a fine

and that would be it.

Fast-forward to the last game of the season, and the three point deduction

meant they needed to win against Leeds to stay up.

'That is it. Brian Deane scores for Leeds United.'

But despite them all turning up on the day,

all they could muster was a draw.

That sickie back in December had come back to haunt them.

'Robson must accept that

'is the end for his plucky side.'

Middlesbrough fans were as sick as... a Middlesbrough player.

Just look at their sad little faces.

She's distraught(!)

So next time you're thinking of throwing a sickie,

have a Lemsip and man-up.

What happened to me, I think brought the football world together.

On the 17th March, 2012,

Bolton's Fabrice Muamba brought football to a standstill.

I'd never seen CPR carried out on a football pitch before.

What happened to fabrice is one of the most shocking moments

in modern day football.

I realised this was a serious incident

and that point decided I should go and try and help.

For Andrew to come out the stand as a Tottenham supporter,

a senor cardiologist to be there

to help in that process,

it was amazing.

The 23-year-old had a cardiac arrest

on the pitch at White Hart Lane

in the game against Spurs.

From the moment he collapsed on the pitch to us finally

getting his heart to produce some output,

was 78 minutes in all.

He was rushed to hospital,

and over the course of the following days,

Fabrice did something remarkable. He brought football together in an unprecedented show of unity.

In true Bolton style, Fabrice is going to fight against the odds,

and come through, hopefully.

When we knew the amount of people that had Fabrice in their thoughts

that were praying globally,

there was a unity which was incredible.

You can completely understand why it did unite so many people.

Because it was a horrific event.

Nobody ever wants to see that.

Four days after he suffered a cardiac arrest,

Fabrice Muamba remains in intensive care.

But doctors say his progress

is remarkable.

In these circumstances,

a significant proportion of people

wouldn't make it,

but thank goodness Fabrice did.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Muamba made an incredible recovery,

and on May 2nd,

less than two months after the incident, he came back to Bolton,

for one of the most heartfelt moments in football history.

It was amazing to see him come back.

It was a moment I think the whole world was brought together.

Not just the football, but everybody was touched in different ways.

Ever since then, I'm just grateful.

Robbie, you know your old team, David Dunn,

from Blackburn and Birmingham?

How did he pronounce his name again?

Dunn. David Dunn.

That's a double N, but you only pronounce the first N.

It's like the second B in "Robbie".

So it's not David "Dumb", then?

No. Dunn like "nn, nn". "Dunn".

Robbie, it's a joke for this next link.

You've ruined it now.

-It's not "Dumb".

-That's dumb.

Dunn.

Well it's done and dumb. Here's David Dunn.

The rabona. Perhaps the most beautiful, yet gloriously-impossible move in football.

Executed by only the most skilled artistes of the game.

And this fella.

'Here's David Dunn.

'Ah. Dear, oh, dear.'

David Dunn, bless him.

He tries a messy-esque move, doesn't he?

But it's David Dunn and it doesn't work for him.

Not only does he miss the ball,

but to knock yourself down,

it's just brilliant!

It's like the footballing equivalent of Del Boy

falling through the bar.

What on earth was going through his mind?

"It's nice weather out there. Oh, look at that girl.

"Wow, a butterfly..

"WHOA! WHAT AM I DOING?!"

I think you can only ever try a piece of skill like that

if you're Brazilian.

Possibly Argentinian.

Not if you're David Dunn.

'Good job his manager's laughing.'

This is a lesson in how to reduce your transfer value

from five million to five pence in one second.

Could Dunn have been the English Ronaldo?

No.

At 36, we have the Toon Army,

hosting the Gunners for a traditional, straight-forward Arsenal victory. Right?

Walcott scored one of the fastest goals ever.

'Arsenal have scored after 40 seconds!'

After just three minutes, Arsenal score again!

'The header is in - it's two!'

'Walcott's pulled back. It's three - it's van Persie.

'We haven't played ten minutes yet.'

The game looked over before it had even begun.

I thought it was going to be double figures.

They were absolutely hammering us.

'Cross - it's four!"

t could have been six, even been eight.

The game was dead.

'Arsenal have probably spent more time celebrating goals in this game

'than Newcastle have had in possession.

'They're not going for a pie, I don't think - they're going home.

You don't expect things to go wrong from there.

Come on, wake up, Chipmunk.

Newcastle must have that awful feeling the heavens are about to open on them.

And the goals might pour in.

But the footballing Gods had other ideas

and early in the second half the Gunners went down to ten men.

I started to get a bit more confidence back after Diaby got sent off,

cos you thought, "At least we can make it respectable."

And a penalty in the 68th minute gave Newcastle the chance

to salvage a little bit of pride.

-'Not much of a run-up, but scores.'

-And then one quickly became two.

'Best at the back post. Best again...he's done it!'

Is two goals enough? This fella wants two more.

You actually sensed that once Newcastle got one and two

that this comeback could be on.

-'He's given a penalty!'

-You think if you get back to 4-3, it's a miracle.

'It's 3-4! Unbelievable!'

Come on, Toon! This cheeky chap wants another one, and as they say,

all good things come to good men... and Joey Barton.

'They've got seven minutes to score one more.'

With the end of the game in sight, Newcastle got a freekick on the edge of the box.

Joey Barton whipped in a freekick but it got cleared by an Arsenal defender.

It kind of looks like it's happening in slow motion.

'Tiote. Great strike... Goal! It's an absolutely fantastic goal!'

Newcastle and St James' Park went wild and, of course, Arsene Wenger never saw it.

So not only are you elated that you've got a point and a draw,

it was such a high to end on such a brilliant goal.

'This game is going down in premier League history.'

So what did Wenger make of it all?

-My opinion is not important.

-Come on, Arsene, what do you really think?

My opinion is not important.

Ah, fair enough.

In the game of Top Trumps - Football's Biggest Losers,

one name rules supreme.

-David Seaman?

-No.

-Shocking ponytail.

-Yeah, who'd have one of those?!

-Bernt Haas?

-No.

-John Terry?

-John Terry?

-Harry Kewell?

-Close but no cigar.

I'm talking, of course, of the idiot gift that kept on giving.

Ladies and gentlemen, Mr Peter Enckelman.

Now, that's what you call handling, Robbie.

It's time to head off to get another Brummie derby for more classic,

slapstick capers.

What have those funsters got in store for us this time?

Some of the most special games are derby games.

I was lucky enough to referee most of them

and Birmingham-Villa was another key game.

Birmingham were leading 1-0 after 30 minutes,

but then rather than equalise,

the Villa jokers decided to delight the crowd

with some classic comedy gold.

Peter Enckelman...

There was a throw-in taken back to him

and he appeared to just lift his foot.

'Oh, my word! Oh, what an embarrassment!

'I do not believe it.

'We have seen one the craziest goals ever!'

One half of Birmingham goes absolutely insane.

And Villa fans go home looking for the pillow to hide under.

It's pretty much what would happen if my mum was in goal.

-It's absolutely incredible.

-Peter Enckelman...

Well, probably as bad with his hands, never mind his feet!

David Elleray was refereeing and some how had seen this very slight touch.

'If it did come off the goalkeeper's foot, then obviously,

'the goal should stand,

'but if it didn't, it should have been disallowed.'

But with every comedy crowd, you'll always get the idiot hecklers.

'What the stewards were doing to allow those idiots on the pitch I'll never know.'

If that happened to me I'd have to rugby tackle that fan.

He's getting it. The fan's getting it.

I don't care how big he is, he's getting it.

This is a tale of one Russian, one Dane

and one goal worth one billion pounds.

The Chelsea-Liverpool game at the end of that season was a game

that changed the history of the Premiership.

Back in 2003, Chelsea weren't the team that most of us know and hate today.

They were in serious financial trouble.

What a lot of Chelsea fans don't know is that it was very possible

that Chelsea would have gone into administration.

On the last day of the season, Chelsea were playing Liverpool.

The final Champions League place would go to the winner, so the stakes couldn't be higher.

Trevor Birch, who was the chief executive,

went into the changing room before the game, and said to the players,

"If we don't get into the Champions League and get access to that big pot of gold,

"the club is in dire straits."

And hovering above London at that very moment was a rich Russian, on a mission to buy a football club.

Abramovich was looking around,

and he was either going to go for Spurs or Chelsea.

There were rumours that he'd looked at buying Tottenham Hotspur,

but Tottenham Hotspur weren't close to the Champions League at that point.

The game was at 1-1. With 26 minutes gone, up steps Danish maestro, Jesper Gronkjaer,

with a moment that changed Chelsea Football Club for ever.

'Gronkjaer, who's been peripheral so far, but not now!

'Oh! What about that! Jesper Gronkjaer! 2-1 Chelsea!

'Amazing moment at Stamford Bridge.'

It's impossible to overestimate the importance of that result,

and for that reason, Jesper Gronkjaer is a folk hero

within the history of Chelsea Football Club.

'Jesper Gronkjaer has Chelsea on their way to the Champions League.'

So, because of that goal, Roman Abramovich bought them for 140 million,

and Chelsea became for ever known as Chelksi.

That's why they call Jesper Gronkjaer's goal the one billion pound goal.

At number 33 is a tale of two Spurs players, who in 1997

were quite literally caught with their pants down at St James's Park.

You know, half time came and we went in, and, um,

manager gave his team talk and I went "I got to go to the toilet."

So I went off to the toilet.

I went to the toilet, Les went to the toilet,

cubicles next to each other.

I think we might have been talking,

I can't remember exactly what happened.

We were in the toilet, and we're discussing about what we needed to do.

Everyone does what they want to do, you know, you sit down, you relax a bit, you know.

# I fell in to a burning ring of fire... #

So we're talking, and we're talking ages, and I went,

"Foxy - sounds a bit quiet in the changing rooms."

He went... I can't say what he said, but he said,

"Yeah, it does sound a bit quiet."

Went down, as we're going down the tunnel we see the game going on, like.

'Newcastle kick off the second half, but I don't know if the players are aware...'

I said, "Les, I think they've kicked off."

So the walk turned into a jog, got to the edge of the pitch,

and we were standing there, saying, "Referee, we're two players short!"

But the referee was in a hurry to get the game started

so he could get back to his 1970s referee fancy dress party.

We come up the stairs onto the pitch, and obviously the supporters gave us a big cheer and stuff,

and it was just one of those mad, mad situations, like,

the referee had started the game with nine men.

I mean, I've never heard anything like it before or since.

To start a game with nine players because two of them are in the khazi,

um, it's not exactly professional, is it?

In the second half, Newcastle let rip.

-They won the game and Spurs were left down in the dumps(!)

-HE CHUCKLES

Hey Robbie, let's play a game of word association.

-Here's one for you -

-MAKES SEAGULL NOISES

Eric Cantona.

Well done. Good, good, good. OK - Va-va-voom!

-Thierry Henry.

-Well, there's no fooling you, mister. OK.

-COMEDY SOUND EFFECT:

-Wah-wah-wah...

Who's that?

Well, that is a sound that follows this buffoon around.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Mr OG himself, Michael Proctor.

'The supporters here have seen fewer goals this season than

'any other crowd in English league football.'

On the first of February 2003,

and with just 16 goals in 25 games, things were about to change

as Sunderland managed to score a unique hat-trick in one match.

But unfortunately, it wasn't quite as good as it sounds.

'Mark Fish...Deflected and in!'

As a defender, I can defend an own goal,

cos I've scored a couple in my time.

'And that sums up Sunderland's luck right now.'

It's hard enough to keep a clean sheets without banging in goals against yourselves.

You might think one own goal's funny,

but two is definitely no laughing matter.

'Oh! It's another own goal! Michael Proctor. Twice in three minutes.'

He actually looks like he shoots, as well. He picks his leg up and looks like he shoots.

So I don't know what he's doing, then.

'You're next-to-bottom in the league, you can't find a win or a goal,

'well, Sunderland have scored twice, both in their own net.'

What's the manager thinking? He must be just spewing.

BLEEP

Things got so bad that even the Charlton manager could hardly bear to watch.

'Four making the run.

'Oh! It's gone in again!'

Three own goals in one game? That's quite an achievement.

'A hat-trick of own goals in seven unbelievable minutes.

'Michael Procter turned his back, and it bounced off him into the net.'

Michael Procter. Gutted.

'It's the first time this season that Sunderland have scored three in a game.'

You know you're a bad team when you score three own goals in one game

and there's no question of match fixing whatsoever.

"Three own goals in eight minutes? Who was playing?" "Sunderland."

"Yep, that sounds about right."

It's hard to imagine a time before Premier League genius David Beckham,

but let's hear from the man who taught him everything he knows.

Becks was probably the hardest worker in training.

Would stay after training, practise free kicks, practise his passing.

A fantastic talent.

And at number 31 is the amazing moment

that thrust the 21-year-old onto the world stage.

It was kind of the arrival of David Beckham in the footballing world,

and from that point onwards, it was Beckham world, you know?

It was the opening game of the season at Wimbledon, in 1996,

and Manchester United were cruising at 2-nil,

when this happened.

'And Beckham saw Sullivan off his line...

'Oh!

'That is absolutely phenomenal!'

He obviously meant it. Saw the keeper off his line.

You know that the moment he saw that going in, in his head he was like,

"Oh! I want to have it off with a pop star!"

The keeper was like that, just looking, going, "Oh, that's nice.

"What's that? Oh, it's a football!"

And I think only after the ball had bounced in the keeper realised,

"Oh, yeah! That's my goal. I should've saved that."

'And that is truly outstanding.'

Imagine if he hadn't have scored, you know? What would've happened then?

Who would've married Posh? Robbie Fowler?

Who'd be doing all his endorsements?

Would you have Gary Neville selling Police sunglasses.

Phil Neville doing aftershave. "Smell like a Neville."

You know, who'd be mates with Tom Cruise and Gordon Ramsay?

Luke Chadwick? They wouldn't look right on photographs.

So, on behalf of Tom Cruise, Gordon Ramsay, Posh,

and all of those hard-working marketing executives,

we'd just like to say thanks for not screwing it up.

And David Beckham, we salute you.

Coming up, the controversial...

'The goal is given. What a bizarre incident, here.'

..The sublime...

-He was fantastic.

-..And the ridiculous.

That strip, it just blended in with the crowd. We couldn't see each other.

'Well, Manchester United will surely be heading for a roasting in the dressing room.'

To be honest, Don, this next player reminds me a lot of myself, you know.

Except, without my work rate, my drive,

and my understanding of the game.

Yeah, and his hair wasn't as good.

I mean, he looked like a binman, for Christ's sake.

But saying that, he did have actual talent.

He could play football, unlike yourself.

In terms of ability, he's one of the best players

this country's ever produced, ever seen.

-Riddled with a touch of genius, wasn't he?

-He was fantastic.

Ladies and gentlemen, Robbie Savage. Only kidding.

At number 30, we're of course talking Le Tissier,

perhaps the most naturally gifted of all of our Premier League genii.

This was the boy from Guernsey,

who hopped over the channel to play for his nearest club,

and became the godlike genius that never moved, literally.

'...From one of the great mystery talents in the English game.'

He was at this little club, Southampton,

and it was OK to like Matt Le Tissier, and it was OK

to openly say he was everything that was great about football.

Almost a modern-day Messi, if you like,

played the game in slow-motion in his head,

and saw things that, simply, other player didn't see.

Scorer of some of the best goals in Premier League history.

Flicking free kicks up and then volleying them.

You know, it's just something you didn't do, but he was happy to try it.

Anything he touched, it was like... In the back of the net.

'Danger not over. Le Tissier!'

Le Tissieeeer!

Could do anything with a football, but he was no fancy Dan prima donna.

No. He was just like you and me.

He didn't work hard. You know, he had no intention of chasing back.

He's the only player who can play football

without actually ever moving. Science fact.

The manager used to shout at him, "Matt, warm up, you're coming off."

You know, that's how much he used to run around.

I like the fact he just looked like a fan

who'd wandered down from the stands,

but was just the most beautifully talented player.

So, Le Tissier was perfect. Or was he?

Because I'm, I'm not so sure. Oh, yes. I know stuff...

-His penalty record - calmness under pressure.

-Or was it?

-He had a great strike, he could put the ball where he wanted to.

-Or could he?

-To score 47 out of 48 penalties...

-Sorry, say that again.

To score 47 out of 48 penalties is unbelievable.

Well, he missed one, then. And this is it,

the amazing moment that Matthew Le Tissier became a mere mortal.

Not so perfect, is he?

He must lie in bed at night thinking,

"I scored every single penalty I took in my career...

"..apart from one. Does that mean my career was a failure?"

I can't say. You'd have to ask him.

There are some things you should alway remember to take to a football match.

Players - check. Manager - check.

Team bus - check. Packed lunch - check.

Hair dryer - check. Kit - oh, no. Oops.

So Chelsea play Coventry, and somehow managed to forget their kits.

Yes, believe it or not, in 1997,

Premier League giants Chelsea forgot their shirts.

I think they should've been made to do it in their pants,

that's what we did in school. That's how you learn a lesson.

Forget your kit? Get your kit or play naked.

Not wishing to see Gianfranco Zola and Roberto Di Matteo's tackle,

Coventry kindly leant them some spares.

It became even harder to tell them apart,

as Chelsea began to play LIKE Coventry, too.

Reminded me of when you go round a friend's house and stay over,

and you'll go, "Have you got a top or something I can wear?"

And they'll go, "Oh..." They won't ever give you anything nice.

And that must've been how they all felt.

Still, at least one of the Coventrys won.

So everyone went home happy that day. Apart from the Chelsea kit man.

Rumour has it he was sent to Coventry. Again. Poor chap.

So Robbie,

what was the British transfer record before the Premier League began?

That'd be Gazza, 5.5 million, from Spurs to Lazio.

Cor! And how much did Ronaldo go for?

-80 million big ones.

-80 million big ones. Phew-ee!

80 million...

How many Robbie Savages could you buy for 80 million?

80, or even 800?

Seriously, I haven't agreed to do this to be the butt of your jokes.

-All right, I'm just saying. We're friends...

-Seriously.

All right. Just trying to have some fun.

-Stupid hair.

-All right.

-Quiff.

Here's Ronaldo.

Back to United, then.

Imagine you're the manager of the most successful team

in the Premier League, and Real Madrid want to buy your best player.

You'd be joyous, right?

Absolutely no chance. Jesus Christ. I wouldn't sell them a virus.

This man's not for turning. But doesn't every player have his price?

And when you're the world's second-best,

you know it's going to be high.

Apparently in an interview, Messi was asked,

"What do you think about Ronaldo saying he's sent from God?"

And Messi said, "I never sent him."

This semi-godlike footballer is apparently worth 80 million pounds.

I've never seen a more impressive male specimen in my life.

Steady on, Hobbit guy.

OK, admittedly he's a bit of a dish, but 80 million quid,

for a footballer?

How do you put a price like that on a footballer? It's ridiculous.

Ridiculous maybe, but in 2009, that's what Real Madrid coughed up

to snatch Ronaldo away from Manchester United.

Estoy muy feliz de estar aqui.

If I'm the manager of Real Madrid, I'd buy him for 80 million quid.

OK, so 80 million might seem a lot for one footballer,

but he did come with loads of accessories.

'Cristiano Ronaldo has scored yet again.'

His goal against Portsmouth, his free kick.

This technique where he can bring it up and down

in a really strange dipping motion.

He almost, like, stabs at the ball with so much power.

It's like a cannonball into the top right hand corner.

'It gets even better for Cristiano Ronaldo.'

The reaction from David James is amazing. He just goes...

"What am I going to do?

"What do you expect me to do with a shot like that?"

I'd spend 81 million on him,

like, cash out of my own pocket.

I do think he's worth 16 times more than me.

One, because of his looks, and two,

because of the way he plays football.

I was 900,000, round it out to a million.

He's not 80 times better than me.

Carlos Tevez, one of the best Argentinian gifts since Maradona and steak.

He was a full international at 19,

with an estimated transfer tag of a staggering 40 million pounds.

No wonder he signed for West Ham.

It was a big shock, West Ham signing these two major Argentine internationals.

Yes, it was a deal so shocking, even the manager was surprised.

Let's be honest, it is intriguing. It's intriguing to me.

But, to be honest, I don't care.

All right, Alan - keep your lovely, shiny, silver hair on.

Pardew's standing there thinking, "Wow, Christmas has come early."

And Tevez and Mascherano are thinking, "What the hell are we doing here?"

Carlos cemented himself into West Ham folklore

on the 14th of May 2007.

It was the last game of the season, and they went to Old Trafford,

desperately needing a win to stay up.

It was amazing. I was at Old Trafford,

and I think that was probably one of the best moments of my life.

'Tevez.

'In goes Tevez... Goal!

'For West Ham United! He's done it again, the little fella!'

This was the incredible moment that saved West Ham from relegation.

But this is Carlos Tevez.

Surely controversy was only round the corner.

And needless to say, it was.

There was a hullabaloo about Tevez's eligibility to play,

and relegated Sheffield United were up in arms.

It was some law about third party ownership, or something.

Anyone tried to ask me to explain that, I wouldn't have a clue.

Me neither, Liz.

It was a situation so complicated that no-one understood it.

Well, apart from one man - take it away, Jimmy.

End of the day, there's rules there.

If you've not broke them, you know, play. You know?

That's how I see it.

Thanks, Jimmy. Sums it up nicely, there. So it all got settled.

West Ham were ordered to compensate Sheffield United

a reported £20 million,

and Tevez vowed to live on the rest of his life free of controversy.

Yeah, I mean, Big Ron's a good friend of mine. Big Ron Atkinson.

What a great guy.

Taught me the ropes, when I was first coming up through the ranks.

A real straight shooter.

-What a top, top...

-Yeah, yeah, shall we move on?

Well, I'm just talking about Ron. I mean, you should've been at his 60th birthday party.

He had the works. Big, old hog roast.

I mean, there wasn't much of a turnout.

None of the old football gang were there.

-A real shame. What a real, real...

-Seriously! Let's move on.

All right. No problem.

Anyone fancy a game of tummy sticks?

In January 1999 Nottingham Forest were bottom of the league,

so turned to one of football's most flamboyant and perma-tanned characters,

who flew in from Barbados to save the day.

Here at number 26 is a man we all know and love as Big Ron Atkinson.

I see in the programme it says you wrote your notes

from the beach in the Caribbean.

I've got a long pen, yeah.

He were a bit of a geezer, weren't he? We loved him at Wednesday.

Well, he does look dodgy, doesn't he?

I mean, he looks like he's about to sell you a used car.

He totally does.

This was a man who had the press falling at his feet. Literally.

But his moment came as he took his place in the dugout

on his first game as manager of Nottingham Forest

when they played Arsenal.

His first game at Forest, walked out, got in the dugout,

looked round and thought,

"My God, we've got a good squad here, this can't be bad."

That's cos he was in the wrong dugout, Harry.

Looked around. "My players," sort of thing.

"What do I do? How do I get out of this gracefully?

-"Uh, hey, listen, I gotta take a

-BLEEP."

What made matters worse was this was his home debut.

It was his ground! That's bad, innit?

And you're kind of going, "We might be all right in Big Ron's hands,

"he's not the worst manager ever."

And then you turn around and watch him walk into the wrong dugout,

and think... HE GROANS

Like a British summer, Big Ron's comeback was a washout,

and Nottingham Forest were relegated.

I mean, there is literally nothing else you can do in your career

as bad as standing in the wrong dugout at the first home game.

Thank God he didn't do anything worse than that.

I can remember this game very well.

It was my last game in the season '95/'96, and I went down to the Dell

for a routine win for Man United, and unbelievably, they played dreadfully.

'It is Nielsen, and Shipperley!

They've only gone and scored a second.'

The idea you're losing to Southampton

because they're better than you is an impossible thing to comprehend.

It was 1996, and this was our old friends United.

There had to be some rational explanation.

It was as if Southampton were playing ghosts.

No, too rational. This is United.

Alex Ferguson comes out with the worst excuses.

They couldn't see each other.

I know people would laugh at that, but it was a problem.

That strip just blended into the crowd.

You couldn't see each other.

Why would you want to wear a grey kit?

Of course, the kit. It's like they were...what's that word?

MUSIC: "Invisible" by Alison Moyet

'And Southampton lead 3-0. Yes, 3-0.'

'I can scarcely believe this.

Manchester United will surely be heading for a roasting

in the dressing room.'

A roasting? Easy, fella, there's a time and a place.

We go to Southampton, we're getting beaten by three.

And the manager said right, get that kits off.

Oh, that'll be the roasting then.

But wait, who's this lot? Where have the grey lot gone?

'Here come Manchester United, and, yes, it is Manchester United,

in blue and white.'

The only time I've seen someone change their kit

midway through a game is when I was playing cricket when I was about 12

and my friend Matt pooed himself

after I made a catch that was so good that it shocked him.

The world's worst excuse meant bad news for one man in particular,

yes, you, kit manufacturer man.

That didn't do us a lot of favours at the time, bearing in mind

the huge financial loss we were about to incur.

Yes, yes, terrible shame that.

The problem is the players should want to have the best conditions

in which to win a game of football,

and they found it difficult picking each other out.

The blue kit made a world of difference.

Instead of losing 3-0, United lost 3-one.

'Well, they pulled one back.'

Every so often in football something happens that you have to see it

to believe it.

Well, exactly, and this one Robbie's seen,

but he still doesn't believe.

Robbie, are you a conspiracy theorist?

Do you believe in another life form? Who did shoot JFK?

Three times in four minutes 23 seconds, that is impressive.

There's not much you can do in four minutes and 33 seconds.

Watch a 10th of an episode of Magnum. Choose a nice hat to wear.

Start building a boat.

But in the time it takes you to do any of these things,

this 19-year-old Spice Boy, did something quite remarkable.

Robbie Fowler, I think, was the best striker of his generation.

One of the most naturally-gifted goalscorers of all time.

It was August 1994, Liverpool versus Arsenal, and Premier League legend

Fowler didn't just break a Premier League record, he annihilated it.

It didn't surprise me, the hat-trick, but the speed of it did.

MUSIC: "Can't Stop" - Red Hot Chilli Peppers.

He really announced himself with that four-minute, 33-second hat-trick,

which has never been beaten in Premier League history.

The reason he scored so quickly was because he wanted get off.

He was going down Ritzy's with the rest of the Spice Boys.

Arsenal, a team with the best defence in probably Premiership history.

And he absolutely single-handedly took them apart.

I created the third goal.

He had enough composure to control it on the by-line

and pop it in for the hat-trick.

He just wasn't scared of anyone,

because he wasn't old enough to be scared.

It's not often people have smiles on their faces and are pleased

when you say "three times in four minutes and 33 seconds."

Whatever do you mean, Charlotte?

At 23, it's Manchester United and a controversial moment.

Who'd have thunk it?

They are home, it's 2010,

and it is Hard-Luck Hotspurs on the receiving end.

'Nani trying to squeeze in behind Nani! Was he fouled?

Mark Clattenburg says no penalty.'

Nani thinks it's a penalty.

He's literally put his hand on the ball.

Gomes sees Nani putting a hand of the ball and goes, well clearly,

this is a free-kick and prepares to punt it up field.

At that point, Nani nicks the ball before Gomes gets to it,

and looks at the referee.

And the referee says, "Yes, it is fine."

Do what you wanna do, bruv.

He looked at Fergie. "Fergie? Yes? Are you ready?"

Great, and play, and they score.

-'The goal is given.'

-'What a bizarre incident here.'

' Gomes comes across and screams at the assistant here.'

The linesman actually flags for the original handball,

so there are about five different reasons

why the goal shouldn't have stood.

'This is Gomes, still carrying on the protest here.

Just have another look at this. Nani going through. His hand touches it.'

'Exactly. So Tottenham are assuming it's a free-kick.

Gomes puts it down on the floor, Nani realises it isn't a free-kick

and sticks it in the back of the net.'

'This is one of these where you really wish

you could ask the officials.'

Well, let's ask one.

For me, I think Martin got it wrong.

Thanks, Referee Graham Poll. There you go, Spurs. Consolation for you.

' Well, that is the most bizarre goal I think

I have ever seen in the Barclays Premier League.'

You have got some pretty cool tatts, my man,

that is some pretty heavy inkage.

Cheers, Dom. I got that one when I bought my first Ferrari.

I got that when I bought my house in the Bahamas

and I got that one when I made all my millions.

-Have you got any?

-Yeah, I have.

I've got a picture of Fergie on my heart,

an Arsenal crest on my right arm and a blue moon across my butt.

Tattoos, permanent homages to the things you love most in your life.

Those constants that never change, like your loved ones

and classic words of wisdom.

Take Robert Nesbitt here.

He loved Newcastle's Andy Cole so much

that he had him tattooed on his thigh.

It's a strange place to have a tattoo, as a man, on your thigh.

Hey, fellas, have you seen my tattoo?

Let me just take my entire bottom half off.

But the location of the tattoo was unfortunately

the least of his troubles.

Two days later, literally 48 hours,

Andy Cole moves to Manchester United.

I was devastated. I didn't believe it. He's a star, isn't he?

Tattoos are a risky business at the best of times.

To have any footballer who is currently still playing the game

is a bit silly.

Yes, this was the most amazingly ill-conceived tattoo

in the history of the Premier League.

I'd be distraught.

I probably wouldn't even go for laser, I'd want to scratch it off.

I wonder what he's done.

He could remove his upper leg, or, as a very last resort, change team.

Apparently he has had it covered over now with a tattoo of his own leg,

which I think works.

'Paolo Di Canio has scored a beauty here!

What a magnificent goal by the Italian.'

He was a bit like Eric Cantona, an Italian Cantona.

Another Premier League genius, Paolo Di Canio,

is capable of moments like that - when things are going his way.

If you upset Paulo, he's a nightmare.

And against Bradford in 2000, he got upset.

'Threads his way into the area, and goes down. No penalty.'

The ref was just not having a bit of Paolo.

He wasn't giving anything.

'What a piece of skill, and he's now through two of them.

It's a goal kick.

Past Lawrence. Onto the right foot. Onto the left. Pulled over!

That has to be a penalty!'

West Ham are 4-2 down, and after being denied

a penalty for the third time, Paolo Di got very upset.

De Canio turned round to Redknapp and said, "Take me off".

When the bench ignored him, he had a strop and sat down on the floor.

He's a baby. And with them, you have to encourage them.

So do Canio is having a sulk and doesn't want to play any more.

But what happened next was truly amazing.

You hear about people fans turning round games,

and they are the 12th man,

we felt like that because we started singing.

# Paolo Di Canio!

His ego rises from his waist up to his chest a little bit,

and starts filling his heart up again.

It was like Superman.

CROWD: # Paolo Di Canio! Paolo Di Canio!