Episode 11 Holiday of My Lifetime with Len Goodman

'Childhood holidays - oh, the anticipation seemed endless.

'The holiday itself, well, it was over too quickly.

'So, in this series, I'm going to be reliving those wonderful times

'with some much-loved famous faces.'

This is a memory I will treasure.

'Every day, I'll be arranging a few surprises to transport them

'back in time.'

Please. No?

-Come on, Len.

-Yeah.

'We'll relive the fun...'

THEY LAUGH Oh!

Ah! No! No!

'..the games... HE GROANS

'..and the food of years gone by...'

That's my boyhood in a bowl. Oh!

"My boyhood in a bowl." THEY LAUGH

'..to find out how those holidays around the UK helped shape

'the people we know so well today.'

Tap dancing!

LEN YELLS

'So buckle up for Holiday Of My Lifetime.'

-Close your eyes.

-Yep.

-And here we go.

Today's holiday guest is a man who's been entertaining us

on screen and off since the 1970s.

He was born in Birmingham in 1945.

Oh, here he is as a wee nipper!

Oh, he's got the face for entertainment.

He's one of Britain's funniest men.

And like me, he hasn't got a bad voice either.

You may remember him - oh, and his funky moped - on Top Of The Pops.

Vroom, vroom, go on. HE LAUGHS

And he's also turned his hand to acting,

starring onstage and in sitcoms.

Now, come on, you don't have to be a DETECTIVE

to know who we're talking about.

Have you got it yet? Of course you have.

Today's guest is top comedian, actor, one of me best mates

and one of your five a day, it's Jasper Carrott.

Hey, hey!

And I'm off to meet him in this vintage coach,

just like the one he would've gone on his holidays in all those years ago.

Jasper! Oh, Jasper, Lenny's coming for you!

Jasper Carrott grew up in Acocks Green, Birmingham,

where he lived with his older brother, Roy,

his dad, Alan, who was an electrical engineer,

and his mom, Claris,

who worked three different cleaning jobs just to make ends meet.

Today, Jasper has a career in comedy that spans five decades.

But his showbiz break came in 1969 as the compeer

of The Boggery Folk Club in Birmingham,

thanks of course to his flair for comedy,

which eventually led to his first TV special in 1976 -

A Half Hour Mislaid With Jasper Carrott.

Needless to say, it's been followed by countless others,

as well as five series of The Detectives,

a British Comedy award for lifetime achievement

and even an OBE from dear old Liz.

So, if anyone deserves a wee holiday, well, it's him.

I hope he has the exact change.

Ho-ho. Hey, hey! Jasper!

Things are so bad, you're down to...

-..coach driving. Good to see you.

-What do you reckon on this?

-It's a knockout, isn't it?

-A classic.

-A jet.

-Just like yourself - built for speed...

-And a classic.

..and still going strong.

So now, where are we off to?

-Are you ready for this?

-Yeah, I am.

-OK.

-Is it the Algarve?

-No.

-Right.

-Another guess?

-Benidorm.

-No!

Barry Island!

Oh, South Wales. Tada!

-And what's the year?

-1958.

-'58.

-Same time as this coach.

-Exactly, 1958.

And that was the same year that the first... Guess what - film.

-Carry On film.

-Really?

-Yes.

1958, first-ever Carry On film. Matron?

-Let's go.

-Thank you.

-LEN LAUGHS

Thanks to its beaches and fun fair, Barry Island has been

a popular tourist destination since the late 1890s.

And you'll find this gem, along with its population of 50,000 people,

in the Vale of Glamorgan, South Wales.

Recently made famous again by TV series Gavin & Stacey,

the island was originally named after a Welsh saint

who drowned in the nearby Bristol Channel.

Still, Jasper had a ball here back in '58.

So today, we're going to re-create that holiday.

We'll discover why it is fun to stay at the... # Y-M-C-A! #

-Everything you wanted was here.

-Yeah.

'We'll find out why dying is easy but comedy is hard.'

You suck!

'And we'll go head-to-head in everything from snooker...'

-Have you gone left-handed?

-It's no problem when you're a genius.

You're multilingual.

'..to the bumper cars...'

-Now I've got you!

-LEN LAUGHS

'..as us golden oldies enjoy the time-honoured tradition

'of a seaside holiday.'

Everyone a winner! Come on - hook the duck, win a prize.

MUSIC: The Entertainer by Scott Joplin

Every holiday begins with a journey.

But while Jasper's dad was fiercely proud of his Austin 7,

it really wouldn't have survived the drive to Barry,

which is why the Carrotts took the coach instead.

-As a kid, I only ever had three holidays.

-Right.

Two were here in Barry Island and one in Dawlish.

-My mum and dad weren't very rich, so a holiday was a real treat.

-Yeah.

You were a proper working-class family, I suppose.

Very much so, yeah.

But my dad had got some deal going,

-cos he was a wheeler-dealer, you know.

-Where was you coming from?

We came from Birmingham.

And then you go to Cheltenham, which is the big hub

where all the coaches met in the '50s.

-And then you changed coaches.

-Right.

-And hopefully you got the right one.

-Yeah.

-And then they take you down to Barry Island.

-Right.

-So how long...? It must've been a longish journey.

-About three days.

Yeah, at least!

-The holiday was virtually over!

-Yeah.

You got there and you had a night

and then you got back in the coach to get back to Cheltenham.

-So what did you get up to on the journey?

-Well, cos it was...

I mean, in those days, you didn't have, you know,

1pods and twitterfaces, so I was an avid reader.

-And I loved the Just William books.

-Oh, yeah!

-Yeah.

I used to go to the library and borrow about half a dozen, you know.

-Yeah.

-Well, nick them, really.

-Yeah.

-And then... I'd read on the bus, yeah.

-He was a boy, old Just William, wasn't he?

-Oh, fantastic.

In case you get bored with me chatting away...

-JASPER SNORES Yeah, exactly.

-What?

I thought you might be interested in a book.

JASPER LAUGHS

William's Television Show.

That is fantastic.

Where did you get that?

-I've got my sources.

-Hang on a moment.

-That's not yours.

This is a very wealthy book. This is very, very expensive.

-LEN LAUGHS

-Sorry.

I'll have that back, thank you.

You're not... Yeah, I know your game.

You can never trust the Brummies, I tell you. Ha-ha!

'While Jasper was busy pocketing Just William books,

'here is what else was going on in the world back in 1958.'

It was the year work began on the M1, Britain's first full-length motorway.

Meanwhile, on Grosvenor Square in Westminster,

Britain was introduced to its first-ever parking metre.

Cost per hour - sixpence. What a liberty!

We also saw the debuts of two classic telly shows -

Blue Peter and the legendary Grandstand.

But this was also the year we sadly mourned the death

of 23 people in the Munich air disaster,

among them members of Manchester United football team.

And as for music, well,

we were listening to the velvet tones of Perry Como.

# Magic moments

# When two hearts are caring

# Magic... #

Not only did Magic Moments spend eight weeks at number one,

it also became Perry's biggest and most successful UK hit of all time.

Oh, what a year!

Especially for young Jasper Carrott,

when he finally arrived in Barry.

Ho-ho!

Oh, yes!

I remember the view.

-This is all brand-new.

-Of course.

-But that is the beach that we were on.

-Yeah.

And just a short walk from here, the family's accommodation for the week.

-What was it called, Glan-y-Mor?

-Glan-y-Mor.

-Glan-y-Mor.

-It's Welsh, I don't know...

-I know the Y stands for and.

-Yeah.

-You work it out.

-Glen and moor.

Glen and moor.

-Glan... McGlanny... Glan could be Welsh for...

-Glen?

Glenn. And mor could be for Patrick.

-Yeah!

-Patrick Moore. Patrick for Irish.

-Yeah.

Yeah, Glenn and Irish.

There you are. We've sussed that out straightaway.

While the name sounds all windswept and interesting,

Glan-y-Mor was in actual fact a humble YMCA.

# It's fun to stay at the YMCA

-LEN HUMS ALONG

-# It's fun to stay at the YMCA... #

But 57 years on, well, the old girl's been demolished.

RECORD SCRATCHES, MUSIC STOPS Even so, the memories live on.

I've pulled a few strings for you

and if we hop back on the chair-a-bang...

-We call it the chair-a-bang, right?

-The Charabanc.

-Charabanc.

# Sharra, sharra, sharra Bang, bang, bang. #

-You remember?

-Yes, of course I do.

So we'll get back on the charabanc

and I'm going to take you to meet someone who knows all about you,

your table manners and the YMCA.

So let's jump on and we'll go and have a look.

It's an actor, isn't it? It's an actor.

You wait and see who it is.

'Oh, yes! Next up - cue the music - the YMCA.'

# Ooh, ah, ah!

# It's fun to stay at the YMCA

-# It's fun to stay at the YMCA

-Yeah, yeah, yeah... #

Glan-y-Mor first opened its doors in 1933.

And by the late '50s, the people running the show

were Cledwyn and Rose Gimblett.

And I've only gone and tracked down their daughter!

Ho-ho!

-You must be Sandra.

-Yes, I am. Hello.

-Len, nice to meet you.

-And you too.

-And Jasper.

-Hello, hello.

-Can I come under there?

-Yes, you can.

-Yes, you can.

-Not you.

-No, I'll stand in the rain, that's all right.

It's big enough for all of us.

-See, Sandra and I are old friends.

-Course you are.

-We go back 50-odd years.

-Yes. Very, very old friends, yes.

-Now, Sandra, as I understand it, your mum and dad...

-Yes.

-..ran the YMCA that Jasper went to in '58.

-Yes.

-Is that right?

-Yes.

-Yeah.

And what does Glan-y-Mor mean?

-Near the sea.

-We weren't far wrong.

-No.

-You'd look out, you'd have the beach and the lap pool.

-Yeah.

-The fun fair.

-The fun fair at Barry Island. Everything.

-Yeah.

-Everything you wanted was here.

-Yeah.

Demolished in 1980,

Glan-y-Mor has been replaced with residential properties.

But back in the day, it provided full board for more than 200 people.

A double room cost five pound, 17 shillings.

Woohoo! What a bargain.

Dad put good food on the table.

We had, like, breakfast, we had a three-course lunch

and we had an evening meal.

But you had to be on time for meals or else your dad...

-If you were late, you paid a fine.

-Yes.

And somebody would go round with a fine box

and you'd put a penny or two pence, or a tuppence, in there,

and that would be like our charity thing.

Blimey, that's a bit strict.

Still, there was plenty to smile about - snooker,

table tennis, even fancy dress competitions.

That's a little photograph of a fancy dress.

-That was in the ballroom, wasn't it?

-Yes.

-That's me, actually.

-Is that right?

Daddy's girl, rolling little cars along the floor.

Every child had a present on Friday evening.

If they entered the fancy dress, they all had a prize.

-Well, let me say, Sandra, it's been a joy to meet you.

-And you too.

-And thank you so much for your time.

-OK, thank you.

-Thank you.

-Thank you.

-I knew Jasper would do that.

-Nice to see you again.

He can't help himself. JASPER LAUGHS

-Every opportunity.

-I know!

-At our age, Len, every opportunity.

Let me tell you this, you think this is where the excitement ends,

kissing Sandra, but no, there's more.

-So, Sandra, we'll see you again.

-Yes, OK.

-Thank you once again.

-All right. Thank you.

-Bye.

-Bye-bye.

-Good to see you.

'I almost didn't give her the umbrella back!

'While Jasper and I hop aboard the fun bus,

'here's my seven top tips for a holiday in this part of Wales.'

Starting with a journey through time and space.

Oh, yes, it's the Doctor Who experience in Cardiff,

giving you the chance to meet the old dastardly baddy

and even have a looksy inside the TARDIS.

Meanwhile, back on Earth,

how about a tour of one of Wales' most important landmarks?

The Senedd, home to the National Assembly.

It's essentially the Welsh Parliament.

It's the place that people come to have a little moan.

It is the place that people

turn to if they need their problems solved

and it's the place that makes laws for Wales.

So whether you are a fan of cutting-edge architecture or

just watching politicians fight, this one is a must.

'As for me and Jasper, we're going to relive a few of those YMCA

'traditions, like playing snooker and competing for best fancy dress.'

I see you, especially like that with your jeans and that,

-I see you as a cowboy.

-Right.

-So if you come over here...

My reputation in this business is rapidly going downhill,

-you know that?

-Well, of course it is.

-Thank you(!)

-And what do we do with these?

-Well, you're a cowboy, you work it out.

Because I'm a Roman gladiator, of course.

'I reckon I'm going to be victorious. Oh, yes!

'Tell you what, play the music.'

MUSIC: Bad To The Bone by George Thorogood & The Destroyers

Oh, no! Oh! Oh!

-Have you gone left-handed?

-It's no problem when you're a genius.

You're multilingual.

I...I learned it off Cliff Thorburn.

When you were growing up, who were the people on TV or stage

or screen that inspired you?

I suppose all my influences were American.

I remember watching the Smothers Brothers on television.

And the BBC brought them over for 13 shows.

And they played twice, they did two shows.

And I thought they were hysterical.

Nobody else rated them at all and the BBC took it off.

And I realised then I'd got a sort of a, you know,

-a different way of looking at humour.

-Yeah.

And I think they inspired me to look at comedy in a different way.

-Yeah.

-And then that's when I got into Tom Lehrer.

Big time, big time.

Tom Lehrer was a pianist and a mathematician,

but what made him popular was his song parodies,

something a young Jasper took great inspiration from.

So I used to write funny songs and then do funny chat.

-Yeah.

-One of my first routines was about Butlins.

I used to do this thing about...

The guards used to come round the chalets every night, 12 midnight,

going, bang, bang, bang... "Hello, have you got a girl in there?

"No, no, honest, there's no girl in here."

-"Hang on, we'll get you one."

-LEN LAUGHS

And the whole routine on Butlins, yeah.

And that's where I learned to become a raconteur.

And five decades later, Jasper is still going strong,

though he's not much of a snooker player.

What's that over there on the window?

-What are you on about?

-No, look, in the corner there.

-Where?

-Just over there.

-Yeah?

Yeah.

-Oh, no, it's nothing. It was a shadow.

-Oh, OK.

What?!

That's eight. JASPER LAUGHS

'Now, what a lot of people don't know about my friend here is

'that as well as not being much of a snooker player...'

It takes a lot of skill to miss those.

'..he was also quite shocking at retail in his younger years, too.'

I went straight into a department store

called the Beehive.

And without a doubt,

Are You Being Served? was written about the Beehive.

I swear it. I was there for three years.

-Really?

-Yeah.

-What department were you in?

I had to work in all the departments.

Did you work in ladies' underwear?

We should form a comedy duo.

The only comedy duo with two straight men.

THEY LAUGH

-Right, now look, to finish this off...

-Yeah.

-If you get that into that middle hole, I'll give you the game.

-OK.

That's it.

-Yeah!

-Oh, get in there!

Yes. Thank you.

There was a time the population of Barry Island was a mere 85 people.

But after the railway arrived, eventually so did the fun fair,

attracting as many as 400,000 day trippers in just one weekend.

The island was noise, it was the smell of food,

it was the smell of chips. Wyn Thomas, a local writer,

described Barry Island as the kingdom of the chip.

But it was the kingdom of candy floss.

It was the kingdom of the toffee apple.

You know, it was the kingdom of the people screaming

on the Scenic Railway as they dived down a 72ft drop on this mile ride

they had on this magnificent piece of machinery.

Many residents saw it as a den of iniquity and so decided to

create a getaway of their own on a nearby beach called Cold Knap.

A huge boating lake was built. It was in the shape of a Welsh harp.

We were never aware of that. We couldn't see the shape.

And then next door to the boating lake, which is right

behind the pebbly beach, they built a magnificent swimming pool.

We youngsters in Barry spent the whole of the summer there.

But the locals didn't stop there.

Soon they added accomodation as well. Its name - the Glan-y-Mor,

as stayed in by one Jasper Carrott.

And later, a ballroom was built.

Bindles Ballroom, which became one of Barry's greatest features.

I always argued that Bindles represented

the 20th century in Barry. You know, it was...

It had the flashing lights, it had the jazz, it had the music,

it had the styles that we saw in the American films.

But above all, Barry was proud of Cold Knap.

This was a civilised retreat, unlike some they could mention.

It had its dignity, it had a bit of style,

it had a bit of class,

as compared to the island which belonged to the triplets.

Food is a big part of any holiday.

And in Jasper's case, every meal was courtesy of the YMCA.

And while the building is gone, here in Barry, the institution lives on.

We're here, we've just washed our hands,

I thought a little bit of cooking.

-Yeah. Follow me.

-Are you mad?

-No.

I've heard you're a fine cook. Ainsley Harriott told me...

JASPER LAUGHS ..you're a fine chef.

'Now, once Carrott works out how to use his apron...'

-No, I think your head goes through it.

-OK.

We're going to have trouble here, I can see that.

'..we're going to create some of that YMCA nosh

'he was so passionate about.'

-It was nirvana. It was heaven.

-So, you got your breakfast...

-Oh...

Well, and you had a choice!

You know, you could have scrambled egg or fried. Ooph!

It was...it was utopia.

And then beans and sausage... Black pudding!

-First time I'd ever had black pudding. It was awful.

-Yeah.

But, you know, what the heck.

And then you got, you know, a three-course lunch,

a three-course evening meal.

-And you got sweetsw after every course, apart for breakfast.

-Yeah.

Sweets, desserts, you know, puddings.

-Yeah?

-Oh, yes.

-Now what?

Pie. We're going to make ourselves a nice steak and potato pie.

-And you are in charge...

-Yes?

-..of the crust.

-OK.

-Isn't that what they call it?

Look at this, Len.

Not yet, not yet. See, you don't know how to cook.

-I don't know how to cook.

-No, you don't know how to cook.

You've got to get it all out.

-Now you put it on.

-A bit of that.

-Yeah.

Were you a bachelor at any time?

I make the best spaghetti Bolognese that's ever been made.

-What I'm not strong on...

-Is piecrust.

-..is pastry!

THEY LAUGH

-No.

-No, it's coming, it's coming. What we shouldve done...

Is sanded it.

-Look what I've done - no knife, nothing.

-Brilliant. Brilliant.

And then it goes on top of here.

-That way round?

-Yes, this way round. Look, see?

Now, what I need is your false teeth cos I want to crimp.

'Oi, cheeky!'

You're doing that wrong.

I know what my Nan did... Is you go round it like that.

You go around it like that, me ole sausage.

Then prod it with a fork... And Bob's your uncle!

My mum used everything that came out of the top.

It was like a blackbird whistling.

Yeah?

Was it a good home your mum was in?

LEN LAUGHS

Now...

Straight in the oven at gas mark four.

'Cook for about 40 minutes and, all going to plan,

'this will be just like taking a bite out of 1958.'

Say the magic words.

Alakazam!

Open Sesame!

Brilliant. Hang on a moment.

'OK, slight confession to make.'

This is one we made earlier...

LEN LAUGHS

Now, to be honest...

-OK, I know our one isn't fully baked.

-No.

-But it's there or thereabouts, isn't it?

-It's not far off.

'Even so, let's eat the one the professionals made.

'As I think Jasper is trying to tell me he's hungry.'

Aaah!

I'm trying to walk like a waitress.

Now, look... Eh?

-You do a good impression of Julie Walters.

-Oh, thank, yeah.

'Oh, yes, no end to my talents(!)'

-I tell you what, you make a good commis chef.

-Thank you very much.

-We're going to induct you into the pudding club.

-Oh, thank you!

Not a problem.

'Enough about yours truly, I want to know about Jasper's talents.

'After all, before he became known as a comedian,

'he was actually a folk singer.'

I never really got rid of the music. I still do...

On tour, I still do one-liners. You know...

Hello darkness my old friend I walked into this wall again.

-You can laugh there.

-I'm laughing!

-It's all right, good. And that...

I still keep that element in.

-Yes.

-So music was really a vehicle for the comedy.

Right. And what about...Top of the Pops?

-JASPER SIGHS

-This is really good pie.

Sorry, Jasper, as far as I'm concerned,

Funky Moped will NEVER be forgotten.

# ..my moped out on the road I'm going to ride

# Ride, ride, ride, ride

# Funky moped! #

Again, we had £1,000 to make a single.

And I had this single called Funky Moped

written by this American,

so I did that and I made it very much for a Birmingham audience.

And when I finished it, I'd got £300 left over

from the £1,000 they gave me, and I bought a guitar.

And then the record company came and said,

"What are you going to put on the B-side?"

And I'd spent the money.

Do you know what the Welsh for carot is?

JASPER LAUGHS

Yeah.

Moron.

-Moron.

-Moron.

-Jasper Moron.

-Yeah.

-# Move, move, move...

-#

Fortunately, Jasper was able to use

a track he'd already recorded himself -

a mickey take of The Magic Roundabout

which went on to become a hit in its own right.

It's the only other hit single with no musical content.

And yet, it was a disco hit.

It was a really weird single.

# Move, funky moped! #

It sold more than half a million copies. Take a bow, Jasper.

# Funky moped, yeah! #

What on earth?

This is 1958 in a bowl.

-1958.

-You haven't got the...?

Syrup pudding.

You haven't got...?

-Golden nectar.

-You have.

Oh!

JASPER GASPS

-I'm going to make it like an island.

-Ooooh...

-Look at that.

-I'm 13 again, Len.

-Yeah.

-Oh!

Mm!

Tell the truth.

Tell the truth.

-Nectar.

-It is nectar.

-Nectar.

-Food is like comedy - nostalgia is a massive element.

-Yeah.

That's philosophical, isn't it?

Yeah, it is, but I understand where you're coming from.

-This takes you back to your childhood.

-Yep, absolutely.

And it's wonderful. I'm going to have another go at it.

-You go back longer than me, of course.

-Only by a year.

JASPER LAUGHS

There's a nose growing, there's a nose growing!

-LEN LAUGHS

-Oh...

'Now, while we continue to eat 1958,

'time for a few more of my seven top tips.'

Kicking off with the stunning Cardiff Castle, which once

belonged to the Bute family, whose fortune was made from coal.

In fact, by the 1860s,

the Third Marquess Of Bute was reputed to be the richest man

in the world. That would explain all the gold.

And then there is the Welsh Hawking Centre

where you can get up close and personal

with more than 200 birds of prey.

Here at the centre, we pride ourselves on our breeding programme.

This year, we have bred in the region of 120 birds

from various different species - from eagles to vultures to falcons

to hawks, all manner of things.

We do daily flying displays.

We also have various animals from horses to meerkats to rabbits

to guinea pigs.

As for the most popular attraction, well, there's really no contest.

I must say, Buzz here is very popular.

Everybody has a soft spot for owls.

-BUZZ SQUAWKS

-See?

Or if you fancy getting your adrenaline pumping, you can

always roll on up to the Barry Island Pleasure Park.

This is the dodgems, not the bumpems.

-I am the friend of Lewis Hamilton.

-Oh, yes.

-Lewis Hamilton is my friend.

-John Surtees.

-Oh, well, it's about your age group.

-No bumping, right?

-No bumping.

'Offering everything from the carousel to the dodgems, there's

'no denying this fun fair brings out the big kid in us all.'

-Hey!

-I've got you now. Now I've got you.

-Oh, oh, oh!

'The park was established in 1929,

'and soon after, was wowing summer crowds

'of up to 250,000 people a day.

'No wonder that way back in 1958

'you couldn't keep a young Jasper Carrott away.'

I used to come up and spend hours here.

They used to have the shooting range.

I remember I had about 12 gos at about a tuppence a time.

And eventually, I won a toothbrush.

So I could've bought it for a tuppence.

-You won a toothbrush?!

-I won toothbrush, yeah.

I was that good(!)

-Now, there's a chap here that I wanted to meet...

-Yes.

-..who has, unlike ourselves, total recall.

-Right.

And he can give us the absolute lowdown on all things fun fair,

-Pleasure Park, 1958.

-Right.

Andrew. He's sitting there like the lonely goatherder.

Come on, we're going have a chat with him.

'Originally from Scotland but of Italian descent,

'Andrew's lived in Barry for more than 65 years.'

-Hello, hello.

-Good to see you.

-Good to see you.

-Nice to meet you.

Do you speak Welsh?

No, I don't!

I can't even speak Italian, and that's my parents' language.

I have difficulty with English, as you'll soon find out.

'Don't be fooled, at 90 years old, Andrew's still as sharp as a tack.'

One ride that used to always stick in my memory was the Caterpillar.

-Oh, yes.

-You remember?

-Yeah.

-And then the hood came over?

-Yeah.

And the lovely thing about that was the girls would be sitting there

quite innocently and it'd stop and they'd get up,

and as soon as they'd get up, whoosh, this rush of air,

and up came the skirts.

-Like Marilyn Monroe, you know?

-Oh, yeah.

And all the boys would go, "Oh, ah!"

Joy of joys!

'Mind you, the hanky-panky didn't end there. Oh, no!'

The boys would buy a blue ticket -

I think it was threepence in those days -

the girls would buy a pink ticket, and then you spent the day

going around the fairground looking for the corresponding number.

It was nice to chat up the girls.

It was just for a bit of banter and a bit of flirtation.

And then if you met the partner with the same number,

you're allowed one free ride on the ground.

'Now while I can't offer Jasper a shot at romance...'

-Andrew, lovely to talk to you.

-No, thank you.

Thank you for inviting me.

'..I can invite him to roll up, roll up and try

'if he's man enough to hook a duck.'

-Right. Now I've got my hat.

-Yes...

Come on, boys and girls, roll up.

Here we go. Everyone a winner.

Come on - hook a duck, win a prize.

Hey, you look a nice young lad, would you like to have a go?

Len, there's got to be better ways of earning a living.

THEY LAUGH

-Here we go. Now, look...

-I have to stick this...

-You've got to hook...

-Yeah?

-Oh, hold on. Hook a duck.

-Hook a duck.

'Trust me, it's a lot more complicated than it sounds.'

This could take a bit of time.

This time. No.

LEN LAUGHS

THEY CHEER

-Well done.

-Now, I don't want the duck.

No, no, no. But you've won a prize.

-What is it? I bet it's a Rubiks cube.

-No, it is not.

What did you win in '58?

A toothbrush.

Thank you.

THEY LAUGH

-Brilliant, you've done your research, hey?

-Oh, yes.

Good one. Good one.

Indeed I have, which is how I also know that Jasper's big,

big break in comedy finally came in 1978.

I was about six or seven years in the folk clubs, developing

loads and loads of material, about three hours of material.

And then Michael Grade discovered me.

-He came to see me work in Stratford Shakespeare theatre.

-Right.

-And the support act...

-Was?

-Victoria Wood.

-Oh, wonderful!

-Victoria Wood was the support act.

-Right.

And that's when he gave me

a chance to do a pilot for London Weekend,

which was successful.

-I did another five and it went out. And the rest...

-The rest is history.

-..is history, yeah.

-Well, talking of history,

-I've got to get my leg over here.

-Have you got the Zimmer for him?

Careful. Oh, no! Don't! Oh!

LEN LAUGHS

Let's see, how about a bit of shopping in Barry town?

After all, the reason Jasper was at the YMCA

was because his dad was always on the lookout for a bargain.

-Money and my dad were lethal.

-Right.

We never had it very long, but we had our hands full of junk.

Absolute junk.

Well, this is probably the type of shop that would have brought joy

to his heart.

-This Curiosity Shop.

-Absolutely!

Dad would be all, "I'll have that, I'll have that."

Being an engineer, Jasper's dad also had a particular passion

for anything electrical.

When I was a kid, when I was about four,

we had a television with two knobs. Two!

-An on and off, which was a volume switch, and a contrast knob.

-Yeah.

-We were...

-Yeah.

-We were there.

Kids used to come round just to stare at the second knob,

-it was unbelievable.

-LEN LAUGHS

But the front room in that house was absolutely solid with old

-valves and transistors and stuff.

-Right.

-And he was...he was...

He would repair people's stuff, but he wouldn't ever repair them,

he would just leave them cos he couldn't be bothered.

And constantly my mum was making excuses as to why the radio

wasn't fixed and the television wasn't there.

Talking of television, how did they react

when you decided to take up a career in entertainment?

Well, my mum, until she died - and she was 89 -

was always waiting for me to get a proper job. You know.

And a proper job was some job that you could wear a suit,

cos that was everything to my mum and dad.

If you wore a suit, you'd got a proper job.

And she never really got hold of it.

My dad, unfortunately, never saw any of my success.

I was doing folk clubs for a couple of years and then he passed away.

-But he would've been thrilled to bits, I know that.

-Yeah.

-I know you started out as a salesman.

-Yes.

So I wondered, if I were to wander in as a punter

-and this was your emporium...

-Yeah, yeah.

..of magical delights, you know, maybe you could try and...

-Sell you something?

-..sell me something.

-Have you got any money?

I'm loaded.

I'm loaded.

'Now, of the various objet d'art on offer,

'I'm thinking the hardest thing to sell me would probably be...

'this.'

I'm thinking of going to a wedding. I wondered...

You know, you haven't got a mirror, what do you think?

You don't need a mirror, sir, just believe me, you look sensational.

You're going to a wedding, you want to make an impact,

you want to impress people. You have the ideal hat.

This hat is a Ming hat.

It's from the third dynasty of a Chinese religion

that worshipped - believe it or not - badgers.

And so you weren't allowed to kill badgers.

But if it died naturally, you could skin it and then you could put it

through a process that ended up with material that looked just like this.

And then you'd fold it and constituted it

just like this is now.

And then they used to use these in these religious ceremonies.

So you're going back 3,000, 4,000 years, maybe.

And it needs somebody very special to wear it. In fact,

this hat has been waiting centuries for the right person to come along

where it would suit perfectly.

And today is the day, sir.

Do you know what? I'm going to buy it.

THEY LAUGH

Time for the final installment of my seven top tips,

starting with St Fagans - an exciting open-air museum,

which has moved and rebuilt more than 40

of Wales' historical buildings.

But equally as impressive are the views you'll get

if you walk or cycle the Cardiff Bay Barrage,

which can exit Queen Alexandra Dock in the north

to the Victorian town of Penarth,

which is sometimes called the Garden by the Sea.

Though, for me, top of the heap has to be biting into a freshly

baked Welsh cake, the perfect mix of dried fruit, sugar and fat. Ooh!

Lovely jubbly.

As for our next stop, the Memo Arts Centre,

which hosts everything from Shakespeare to comedy,

making it a good place to ask Jasper about his return to stand-up

after an absence of 13 years.

End of the '90s, early 2000, I gave it up cos I just was bored.

-Right.

-And I wasn't getting any satisfaction.

And I didn't see any rhyme or reason why I should go back on.

But my very best friend is Bev Bevan from Electric Light Orchestra,

he's a drummer, and he said,

"Come on, let's go and do a few shows. We've never toured

"in all the time we've been best friends.

"Let's go and do a few shows before we run out of time,"

really, you know.

So I said OK. So we did 20.

-Yeah.

-And it was really successful.

And I can't quite believe it still,

but suddenly, I got back all that enthusiasm for stand-up.

And I didn't have to do 2.5 hours, which is what I used to do,

I just had to do two half hours because we'd do it with the music.

-Yeah.

-And I was having the time of my life.

-Now listen...

-Mm-hm.

Shh.

I'm not sure how long Strictly will last, Holiday Of My Lifetime,

so on and so on.

-I'm going to need another iron in the fire.

-Yes.

So what I was hoping to do now was to do a little bit

of sort of stand-up...

-Yes.

-..comedic gags and stuff here.

-OK.

And then maybe, you know, you could critique it, tell me

if I'm going wrong. I'm sure you'll say I'm not.

-I think I've run out of time, Len.

-No, no, come on. Let me squeeze...

-One.

-Three.

-One. One. All right, two. Two maximum.

Three. JASPER LAUGHS

'Ladies and gentlemen, live from Barry's Memo Centre, it's the one,

'the only...Len Goodman.'

-Did you hear about the... YELLS:

-You suck!

LAUGHING: Too early, too early!

Think you're funny?!

Do you get that? Did you ever get all that?

That's what you've got to put up with, yeah.

Did you hear about the constipated bullfighter

who couldn't pass a dobly?

Mm-hm. Next.

-I've done...

-No, not another joke, next.

-Next act.

-I've got another joke coming.

Oh, I've...hurt me back carrying water.

JASPER LAUGHS It was Evian.

It was an 'eavy 'un.

Yeah, Evian.

-As in it was a heavy water.

-Evian.

-Yeah, OK.

-And 'eavy 'un. Yeah, Evian.

My third joke... I left the last one till the end.

If I go in any type of paint shop,

I just can't help crying, I get so emulsional.

Um...

Emulsional.

Len, this Strictly Come Dancing, it's not going to end soon,

-is it?

-I hope not!

On that reaction.

THEY LAUGH

'So the bad news - my career in comedy is over before began.

'But the good news - it's finally brightened up.'

-All the best, cheers.

-Lovely day. Thank you, Len.

-It's been a nice day.

-Super. And the weather's turned out great.

Look at it.

Now, I've got to ask you because I've been dying to ask you and I'm not...

The Detectives.

-Ah.

-Robert Powell.

-Yes.

How was that, acting with him and working with him?

We got on like a house on fire.

It was probably one of the most enjoyable times of my career.

-Really?

-Yeah.

And the wonderful George Sewell, who was the superintendent.

George was brilliant.

And we had a terrific crew.

Yeah, the thing is, when you look back over your career,

you have done so many different things.

Is there anything left that, you know, you think, "Do you know,

"I wouldn't mind doing...?"

-Honestly, truthfully?

-Honestly.

-Strictly Come Dancing.

-No! I know that's a lie.

I know that's a lie!

'While I won't be marking Jasper's dance card anytime soon,

'I've loved sharing his holiday here on Barry.

'Not only did we travel in style...'

It's knockout, isn't it?

Look at that, classic.

'..we really did discover it's fun to stay at the YMCA.'

-Sandra and I are old friends.

-Course you are.

-We go back 50-odd years.

Yes. Very, very old friends, yes.

'Here, you can absolutely have a good meal...'

-Nectar.

-It is nectar.

-Nectar.

'..and do whatever you feel.'

Oh, no! Oh! Oh!

'We've enjoyed the time-honoured traditions of the seaside holiday.'

Come on, boys and girls, roll up. Here we go.

'And we've ruled out comedy as my next career path.'

Think you're funny?!

'Oh, yes, what a holiday it's been!'

-Listen, it's been so nice.

-Yes.

-And I want you to remember it.

Cos, you know, once you get to a certain age,

-things do slip your mind.

-Such as?

Well, you could forget about our lovely time in Barry Island. Where?

-I've never been to Barry Island.

-Is that where we are?

-Yeah.

-So...

-So...

Just to keep your memories refreshed,

here's a scrapbook of our time together.

And you're on the front.

'Oh, yes, there's lots of photos of yours truly, plus a few of Jasper,

'so he can relive our special day any time he feels like a laugh.

'But that's not his only souvenir.'

-Glan-y-Mor.

-Oh, crikey!

-YMCA.

-Holiday centre.

-Thank you very much.

-And thank you very much.

I shall put it under my pillow.

-And every time I go to bed, I'll think of you.

-Thank you.

-It's all right.

-There you go.

Well, put them all back in their box. And once again...

-..I'm going to have a man hug because I've enjoyed it.

-Good man.

Good man I am.

'So as we run for our bus, it is tatty-bye from Barry.'