Essex & Norfolk Home Away from Home

Oh, this is amazing.

Families from across Britain are about to try home swapping.

-That's great. We can leave them with that.

-Who's going to drive?

They don't know each other and have no idea yet where they'll be

calling home for the next three days.

-This looks a nice village, doesn't it?

-Very quaint.

It's a home away from home.

Oh, are we really on here?

Each family will have to suggest local places for their home

swappers to visit, as well as a favourite restaurant.

This is divine.

-Cheers to the home swap.

-Cheers to home swapping.

And they'll be scoring each other on the location,

day out and their temporary home.

Very good.

Only on their return will they get to see who has been

living in their house.

The wife's written that.

"Girl's writing"!

And find out who's provided the best home-swapping experience.

I just... I'm so happy.

Today, we're starting in Tatterford Village in Norfolk...

All right, let's go and have a boat ride.

..with our first home swappers, husband and wife team,

Henry and Oxana.

Oh, a seal. Look, seals!

Norfolk-born Henry, met Russian-born Oxana,

on home turf nine years ago and they have three children.

So, where do they call home?

You'd think it could still be an agricultural barn

when you drive by and inside, you know, it's light

and it's modern and actually could be a warehouse or a flat in London.

I like that it's renovated,

it's new-build but it blends in with nature,

so I didn't like, too much, this is us, we're building here.

Nestled in the Norfolk countryside, they took an 18th century

dilapidated barn and transformed it in to a luxurious

spacious family home.

So, this is our main room.

We wanted just a nice large room where most of the family can spend

time together, reading, eating, whatever it may be.

If you look, all these books here, most of those are in Russian,

so this is Oxana's corner cos I won't understand any of them.

-You would.

-Some of them, cos she's teaching me Russian but...

-Children ones, you could.

-Yeah.

With Oxana being a Russian tutor, he's in safe hands.

As an ex-Marine and consultant, Henry's jobs have taken him

around the world.

I think it does reflect who we are, especially for myself, because

I travel a lot and I bring back all these bizarre items from abroad.

This table's made from teak in South Sudan.

I bought that in Pakistan and then it came up,

and then I shipped it up through the Kyber Pass to Kabul.

That's a wooden teapot I bought in, erm,

in Afghanistan, made in Nuristan.

This is another one of my favourites.

It's a camel's saddle that I bought in Darfur.

We've turned it into a little coffee table.

The extended barn boasts five bedrooms, four bathrooms,

a rotating wood burner and underfloor heating

and tucked away is Oxana's special native touch.

This is a sauna.

It's good, it's really... I like it, especially in the winter here,

Norfolk, you need it.

In here, you have to wear these hats.

Yes, you have to wear these hats.

Funnily enough, a wool hat keeps you cool.

In hot countries, you drink green tea, which is hot,

and wear woollen hats, because they know how to keep the heat away.

I'll take your word for it.

For every ornament of Henry's inside,

Oxana has matched with her plants outside.

This is one of Oxana's dreams, to have a kitchen garden.

So strawberries are good because children always eat them.

Onions, garlic, there are some carrots there

but marigolds have taken the space.

It's called complementary planting, by the way.

-This is good, I give you one, as well.

-Thank you. This is our catch.

Open-minded about where they stay,

they have only one stipulation for their home swap.

I don't like dark, stuffy rooms with a lot of collections.

To me, it's a bit dated.

Well, you'll find out where you're heading shortly.

Our next home swapper is author and sci-fi project manager, John,

who lives in Great Dunmow in Essex with his husband, Marcus.

When Marcus and I travel, we're always keen to go self-catering

so it forces you to go out

and I think that this is a, sort of, natural progression.

Marcus has work commitments,

so John's writer friend, Sarah, is joining him instead.

I was looking for a writing group to join

and then I saw the one that John had literally just set up.

I sort of turned up on day one of the writing groups and erm...

-Never left since.

-Never left, yeah.

Not literally, but Sarah does visit often,

so what kind of place does this creative call home?

25 years ago, John bought this ordinary three-bedroomed

ex-council house, and with the help of friends,

transformed it into the extraordinary.

As I was growing up, being a writer and being creative, I realised

that I was going and visiting houses and I'd love to own those houses

but I never could and then I thought, well,

why can't I create that?

And his vision? Talliston House

comprises 13 remarkable rooms

inspired by buildings from all around the world

set across more than 6,000 years of history.

So, this room is the Watch Tower, it's the living room

and dining room of the house and it's, erm,

13th-century tower taken over by the Victorians.

I wish we could be here when we see the people actually walk

through the door, because their faces are going to be a picture.

Hopefully, not like the one behind you.

With meticulous detail, each room is dressed authentically to its time.

This is my favourite room.

The kitchen was inspired by 1954 New Orleans,

having all of the 1950s gadgetry, as well.

This is where we hide the microwave.

Let's see if they find that.

Filled with stories and secrets,

this magical wonderland has a Norwegian boathouse bathroom,

a 1920s Manhattan office, a Cambodian attic treehouse

and something no house should be without.

This is, erm, known as the haunted bedroom.

It's an Edwardian room, it's 1911 and what isn't obvious,

is, actually, it's a child's bedroom.

The child's no longer with us.

You write sort of creep stories and stuff.

I mean, there's nothing more creepy than a dead child, is there?

Exactly.

These global travellers have clear thoughts

on their ideal home swap destination.

Tacky seaside towns just don't do it for me.

For me, I love history, so, anything ultra-modern, I think,

-will be terrible.

-No, no.

-No.

Well, you'll find out where you're heading soon enough.

True to form, our home swappers have trusted us

to decide where they're going.

Is the bathroom clean?

Of course it is, the entire house is clean.

So, with a final flourish of flowers and a plump of the cushions,

let's tell them where they're heading.

First up, Henry and Oxana are going to Essex.

-Essex.

-Essex.

OK, very good. It's a county we don't know particularly well.

-I don't know it well.

-Well, there you go.

-That's good.

And best buds, John and Sarah, are going to Norfolk.

-Norfolk?

-Norfolk?

-Do you know much about Norfolk?

I do. It's very flat.

Both our households are keen to leave their guests with a clean

and tidy home.

We hope you have an enjoyable lovely stay at our house.

-Don't mess it up.

-No. We can't put that.

Doors locked, it's time to hand over their keys and hit the road.

Henry and Oxana are making their way 89 miles south to

Great Dunmow in Essex.

This varied county is a mix of expansive farmland,

stunning coastal marshes and dramatic seascapes.

It's surprisingly rural with green spaces such as the ancient

woodland of Epping Forest holding back the sprawl of London.

With the exception of its major commuter towns, Colchester

and Chelmsford, this unexpected county is home to pretty

market towns and villages.

OK, so this must be it here.

Not quite what I expected, I must admit.

Arriving in Great Dunmow, Henry and Oxana set eyes

on their home away from home.

-OK.

-A semi.

-Yeah.

-Is it semi?

It's smaller than I thought.

The black on the windows, that would concern me a little bit.

Perhaps it's dark and sinister in there.

-Do you think?

-Ghosts!

-Well.

Meanwhile, friends, John and Sarah, are heading 89 miles north

to Tatterford in Norfolk.

This county is home to many Areas of Outstanding Natural Beauty with

big skies, tranquil countryside, even the odd windmill.

With an abundance of historic towns and villages, its capital,

Norwich, is famous for its 12th-century medieval cathedral.

For those seeking to dip their toe in the North Sea, it's a county with

a diverse coastline from sweeping shingle beaches to sandy dunes.

Inland, 30 miles north of Norwich, is the small village of Tatterford.

Oh, look at all this open space.

In Norfolk, no-one can hear you scream.

Now, John and Sarah can set eyes on their hidden rural escape.

-Oh.

-This looks very nice.

Is it a barn or a...?

Converted barn?

Wow, look at that view.

-This is wonderful.

-Wow.

-This is nice.

-Is this all theirs?

Look at that view. Wow.

You could sit here and look at it for hours.

As John and Sarah take in their new location...

..over in Essex, Henry and Oxana are bravely stepping over the threshold.

Crikey, this is going to be an unusual one, isn't it?

Listen to that creak!

Crikey.

Look straight ahead.

Mama! I'm really nervous.

It's so different.

You wonder what the people are like that live here.

-I don't know what they do, but they do something crazy.

-Yeah.

While Henry and Oxana absorb their eerie surroundings, in

Norfolk, Sarah and John are keen to see what treasures are held indoors.

Oh, I do like those chairs.

Oh, to our guests.

The guide.

Both households have left a manual packed with all

they need to know during their stay.

"Dear home swappers, we hope you will love staying in our home in Norfolk.

-"Explore, enjoy."

-"Endeavour."

-Endeavour.

-Endeavour.

-Endeavour!

I like that as a word.

In a spirit of endeavour, manuals in hand,

our swappers set out to explore their new dwellings.

Oh, my God. Oh, God, look at all that space.

"Open-plan sitting and dining room, generous and comfortable,"

it certainly is.

-And the zebra skin. I think they are going to get Talliston.

-THEY LAUGH

With a keen eye, John doesn't waste any time seeking out clues

on their hosts' identities.

They're definitely travellers, aren't they?

Because it says here, "matching armchairs which were

"acquired in Afghanistan" and you've got Russian dolls.

Let's have a look at the books. Africa, Central Asia, Turkey.

And on the door, you've got the children, look.

Boris, Vera, Sergei, Oxana and Henry.

Five, five children?

Ten points for effort, John, but I don't know many kids that tall!

Over in Essex, Henry and Oxana's nerves

are being tested at every turn.

So, this is the chapel, I guess.

What's that in the corner? Is that a raven?

-He's watching us.

-God, how many things are there?

Not quite what I expected.

Here we go the, "The voodoo altar,

"upon this candle covered ledge are such items as messenger dolls,

"hoodoo bottles and a black Madonna doll's head."

Yeah, that's... that's slightly unusual.

And it doesn't end there.

It's a library. No?

There you go.

So, do the spine-chilling surroundings offer any clues

to their host's identity?

There's a sorcerer living in here,

there's a horror movie about butterflies everywhere.

Well, you're in it now.

Comforting words, Henry.

Back in Norfolk, Sarah and John

are steadily making their way through the converted barn.

Are these all the bedrooms?

Cos I'm just thinking, don't say they turned up at Talliston

with five children.

Keen to see where they'll sleep tonight,

they check out the many bedrooms.

Oh, more animal skins. Bunk beds.

Two kids. Going to go top or bottom?

Is this our room? Look, artillery.

Definite military links. Hairdryer, not quite military.

Not quite military issue, is it?

Also on the search for sanctuary, over in Essex...

-Crikey, you wouldn't expect this in a semidetached, would you?

-No.

Henry and Oxana brave the stairs.

We're going into another world, aren't we? The haunted bedroom.

DOOR CREAKS

Oh, it squeaks.

It would have to be a squeaking door, wouldn't it?

It's not the only bedroom in the house, is it?

And what story has John conjured up for his guests?

"Jack, poor thing, always complained of noises, ah, in the night, but

"it was only after the boy's death that the first true hauntings began.

"If you're a naughty boy tonight, you sleeping here. Definitely."

Back in the seemingly endless Norfolk barn,

there's one door John and Sarah have yet to open.

What's through this door? Well, it says a "sauna".

It is a sauna.

Oh, what are these.

They're sauna hats. Are you supposed to wear them in a sauna?

I don't know.

Meanwhile, in Essex, Henry is dragging Oxana to new

terrifying heights.

Go on, take another step and then a hand up here, now put a knee there.

Well done, you're up.

We're in a treehouse, can you believe?

Well, I feel as if I've travelled around the world

-and not just around the world in time, as well.

-Time travel.

-Yep.

How do we get downstairs?

Now we can worry about that. That's it almost there.

Put your left hand there.

While Henry navigates Oxana to safety.

-You OK?

-No. I want to be OK when I'm on the floor.

Over in Norfolk, John and Sarah waste no time

getting relaxed in their new temporary home.

What a day.

Who'd have thought we'd end up in a sauna in Norfolk.

Indeed. And I think I've got an idea for another room at Talliston.

-Cheers.

-Cheers.

Not sure you should be drinking wine in a sauna, you two!

Back in Essex, Henry and Oxana have returned to the relative safety

of the kitchen.

-It's the most outrageous house.

-It's not outrageous.

-I've ever visited.

-It's a wonder box.

-It's overwhelming, isn't it?

-I am scared, but I'm with you.

Well, here's to a good night's sleep.

In Norfolk, refreshed from their first night's sleep,

Sarah and John are enjoying a taste of the good life

in their host's kitchen garden.

There's raspberries here.

Meanwhile, in Essex, Oxana reflects on a spooky late-night visitor.

You had a dream last night? What happened?

In my dreams, there was a boy walking in the bedroom

in white pyjamas, white Edwardian,

I think it was lacey things.

-No.

-As soon as I see freaky children wearing white, I'm done.

But Norfolk isn't entirely safe from John's sinister imagination.

Hopefully, there's nothing poisonous.

I'm sure it won't be.

Deadly nightshade.

Let's imagine, you're driving in Norfolk, 11 o'clock at night,

and there are two little girls in pristine white dresses

standing by the road holding hands with each other.

May have just come back from a fancy dress party and they're lost.

At 11 o'clock at night? Well, I think you'll freak out.

-May do, but I would at least stop.

-You'd never stop.

-No, I would stop.

-No, you wouldn't!

Keen to get to know their local areas,

both sets of swappers head out to explore.

-Look at the bell tower there.

-It's beautiful. It's nice.

That is a very, very old wisteria.

Henry and Oxana are staying in the market town of Great Dunmow

in North West Essex.

It's great to live in Dunmow.

My family have been here for many years.

It's really accessible to get into town, into London or Cambridge

with the M11 and Stansted Airport

is just round the corner, which is fab.

Just an hour's drive from the capital,

Great Dunmow is a mix of rural charm and medieval history,

with superb transport links.

From riverside to pond-side,

within easy reach of the bustling high street,

you can take your pick of some truly wonderful sightseeing spots.

Rich in heritage and local traditions, the town's close

community is proud to welcome visitors from near and far.

Everyone seems to know each other, the restaurants are great,

the hotels are lovely.

If I was to say for somebody to come and visit,

I would say come and see Dunmow.

Bring more people in.

Just off the high street, Henry and Oxana discover the Maltings Museum

where owner Steve Scorer is keen to explain a famous local custom.

Have you heard we're known as the flitch town?

I've read it, but I don't know what it means.

We keep asking each other, what is it? What is it? It's a big secret.

Well, we have a 900 year old custom in the town,

where couples that have been married for at least a year and a day

and never had an argument, can apply for the flitch.

In this four-yearly ritual,

a jury of 12 local bachelors and maidens need to be convinced

by the couple that they've never wished themselves unwed.

Pat and I were fortunate that in the last flitch trials in 2012,

we actually won the flitch.

We have a photograph on the wall...

-Ah...

-..where Pat and I are being carried.

-Right.

-Right.

The victorious, happily married couple

is paraded along the high street

and receive a flitch, or side of bacon.

And the couples that have failed it, how did they manage to fail?

One chap couldn't remember their wedding date.

-Oh!

-And that was it.

-Yes.

-Right.

That happens to somebody standing next to me.

LAUGHTER

While Henry fails the flitch at the first hurdle,

John and Sarah are exploring the barn's surrounding area.

Here in Norfolk, nestled in open countryside and rolling fields

is the small, picturesque village of Tatterford.

Mainly residential, with few nearby amenities,

Tatterford's rural setting is its main attraction to locals,

or those seeking an escape from the hustle and bustle.

There's always something to do and, erm, when the weather's nice,

you couldn't beat it, and I'm a Londoner.

If you fancy exploring the coastline and waterways,

you might consider taking a ride in a traditional Norfolk crab boat.

If you're going to come to Norfolk,

one of the places you simply must go is up to the coast.

There are wonderful beaches

and huge great salt marshes to wander around, brilliant wildlife.

Tatterford's nearest town is Fakenham,

just five miles away,

where artefact enthusiast John, and Sarah,

are checking out a museum housed in its former gasworks.

In this protected, ancient monument,

gas was produced from heating coal for 120 years

before its closure in 1965.

They've got gas meters over here. I'm going to find it

really difficult to get excited looking at gas meters.

-No. Gas, gas meters aren't doing it for me.

-Really?

THEY LAUGH

-Don't you want to create a new room for the gas meters?

-To put the gas meters in. Yeah.

This being the only surviving

complete collection of gasworks in the UK,

it doesn't take long to pique antique enthusiast John's interest.

I do love the fact that even the most...

ordinary things...

-All beautiful.

-..were all embellished and all beautiful.

-It's more like a piece of art...

-Yeah.

-..rather than a fire

and I think that's the thing that I really love about the past,

is everything has a story and it has a beauty,

like William Morris said about everything in your house

-should be either beautiful or functional.

-Mm.

Yeah, that's how I choose my friends, as well.

JOHN LAUGHS

-Mm!

-Now, what does that make me?

THEY LAUGH

Now, to add some fire to the proceedings,

our home swappers are going to score each other's areas.

Has this morning in Great Dunmow

been a marriage made in heaven for Henry and Oxana?

I like the area, it's traditional,

it's got some nice historical buildings,

but most importantly, it's got this heart to it on the main road,

it's got this soul because people come in,

it's got the nice tea rooms, there's a pub, which is the hotel,

-so, I think it's great.

-I really, really like it.

So, I think for those reasons, we're going to give it an eight.

And how do John and Sarah rate their time in Tatterford?

'The gas museum,

'that was unique and it was to the area.'

'And then, charming-looking town, but...

-'Once you've seen it...

-Once you've seen it, you've seen it.

-Yeah.'

So, um, overall...

-give it a seven.

-Seven.

So, Great Dunmow takes the lead.

To help boost our swappers' experiences of what's on offer

in each location, they're both given an afternoon activity to try.

So, what's in store for John and Sarah in Norfolk?

"We'd love you to say, tanks, tanks...

-Tanks.

-"..for the memory." Tanks.

-Oh, tanks!

"So, this afternoon, you'll be learning to drive

-"an armoured vehicle...

-Yes!

-"..at a local military museum."

-Oh, my God, you...

-Brilliant.

-You in a tank?

-Oh...

My God. Look out, Norfolk!

And what will Henry and Oxana be doing in Essex?

"With an international airport on your doorstep,

"the sky's the limit, so, today, it's chocks away,

"as you take off on your own private flying lesson."

-OXANA LAUGHS

-That's fantastic, that's good.

-This is cool.

-Yeah.

-This is really cool.

MUSIC: Millennium by Robbie Williams

Just half an hour from the house,

Henry and Oxana are joining instructor Matt Chapel

at an airfield in the heart of the Essex countryside.

After a quick safety briefing, they're preparing for takeoff.

-Ah, big ears. Do I look like an idiot?

-You look like a pilot,

a professional pilot, that's not going to make a mistake or crash.

During this one-hour flight,

pilot Matt will eventually let Oxana take control of the plane.

-Oxana's not involved in any of this, Matt, is she?

-No, I'm...

-No, no!

-MATT LAUGHS

Golf, Yankee, Kilo, ready for departure, runway 24.

-RADIO:

-'Golf, Yankee, Kilo, Roger.

'So, between two, four, zero, one, zero.'

OK, is everybody ready to go? Ready? OK.

This light aircraft reaches an altitude of 3,000 feet...

..giving an unbeatable view of the Essex landscape.

It feels amazing.

So much better than on a big plane,

-you're just suddenly up in the air straightaway.

-That's it.

Oh...

What a treat. So beautiful.

-Fantastic.

-I'm feeling a bit nervous when you take control.

-OK...

-My hands are sweating.

-Are they?

-They are.

They normally don't sweat, never.

Over in Norfolk,

John and Sarah

are at the UK's largest privately owned military museum,

where local enthusiasts Victor Farrow and Sir Michael Savoury

are keen to show them the ropes.

Very shortly, you'll be driving a...

fighting vehicle 432 armoured personnel carrier.

-Oh, looking forward to this.

-It requires a bit of muscle, but I'm sure you can cope.

-Oh, yes.

And, er, before we get on to driving it...

-Yes.

-..we've got to get you kitted up in uniform

-and we'll go in and get you changed. Go straight in.

-Thank you...

The museum hosts an extensive collection of real uniforms

and headwear from before World War I to the present day.

There's bound to be one that fits.

Oh, that's very small.

-Oh, is it?

-You've got a big head.

Thank you.

Don't tell him your name, Pike.

THEY LAUGH

-Try that.

-What, is it a bigger one?

Yeah, he's got a big head.

I've got a really big head and it looks really silly.

-That's even smaller.

-Oh, that's even smaller.

Oh, oh, look at that one.

That's a serious helmet.

Is that on back to front?

That all right?

It looks too small for you.

-That's it.

-That's got to be big enough.

-Yeah.

-Yeah?

-This will be yours.

-SARAH LAUGHS

-Exactly!

Back among the Essex clouds,

control of the flight is soon to be placed in Oxana's hands.

All right? Now, can you see where the horizon is in the windscreen?

-Where the sky meets the ground or the sea in this case?

-Yeah.

-OK?

So, what you want to do is try and keep that picture out the window.

If Oxana wishes, today's experience could be counted

towards gaining her own private pilot's licence.

-OK.

-I'm so nervous.

-So, when I give the controls to you...

-Oh, no.

OK? Put your hands, put your hands on the control wheel.

-Ah! What am I doing?

-So, you can see it's starting to go to the right.

Just put a little bit of the control column to the left.

-How does it feel, Oxana?

-I feel so scared.

-I feel...

-You are flying me now, are you?

-Da.

-Yes.

-Yes.

THEY LAUGH

Now, guided by Matt, some aerobatic turns.

-See the nose going above the horizon?

-Oh, yes.

So, just push the control column forward just a little bit.

-OXANA GASPS

-That's it.

-And then...

-Oi!

Oh...

Oh, don't take...don't, look, please, don't do it.

Put this better way, please.

-Just push me while I'm doing this.

-I'm going to do a scoring system...

What I'm doing now?!

How long this torture is for?

-Are you OK in the back?

-I'm OK.

OXANA HYPERVENTILATES

I'm forgetting what I'm doing.

So, if you just steer to the right for me.

I'll tell you when to level the wings.

-Oh...

-That's it, right, level the wings there.

That's it, get the wings nice and straight again.

OK, I'm going to take control,

but if you want to hold on to the control paddle, as well, you're welcome to, OK?

So, you're back in control, Matt?

-I'm back in control.

-OK.

-Oh, what a pressure. It was such pressure.

-INDISTINCT RADIO VOICE:

-'On runway, two, four.'

-You should be very pleased with what you managed to do.

-I'm very pleased.

Oh, I'm pleased to be up in the air.

Very smooth.

I've been practising.

THEY LAUGH

Back on the army camp in Norfolk,

John's learning how to control a multi-tonne military tank.

All you've got to worry about is your throttle on the right,

and the two sticks in front,

which are your brake and steering stick, all right?

Guided by Victor Farrow, John makes a move.

That's your driving position there, all right?

ENGINE WHINES

Going on the right when you can, slowly, all right?

'It was very noisy and uncomfortable.

It really was tough to pull all those things

'and try to remember and not to stall it and everything.'

I used to have the reputation of being a really bad driver,

'so I drove a Volkswagen Beetle'

'and they used to call it the "Death Watch Beetle".'

JOHN LAUGHS

Clear the roads, Norfolk!

Next, it's Sarah's turn at the controls.

MUSIC: Tank by The Stranglers

I really enjoyed it. Maybe I'm a tank person.

I mean, on that stretch,

you, all of sudden, you seemed to say, right,

I know what I'm doing and we went...vroom!

-Yes.

-INDISTINCT

I prefer driving to being in the back.

My inner control freak is coming out.

THEY LAUGH

-So...

-Yes...

-Finishing their activities, on the way back,

both sets of swappers can't resist taking a little peak

at how property prices here compare to those back at home.

That's a beautiful house. I guess that would probably be...

a million, two million?

Houses are dearer here, isn't it?

-I would've thought a bit more than Norfolk.

-One hour from London.

-One hour from London, 20 minutes from Stansted.

-Yeah.

To buy in Essex, a classic terrace goes for around £177,000.

You can buy a semi for around £218,000,

but for a detached, you're looking at around £348,000.

Here in Norfolk, the average house price is lower.

That looks like a very run down semidetached barn that needs...

-£70,000, so...

-Yeah, that needs a lot of work.

In Norfolk, a classic terrace costs around £121,000.

A semi goes for about £152,000,

and for a detached property, you're looking at around £238,000.

After an adrenaline-packed day,

our swappers need to refuel.

Both our hosts have suggested

a favourite restaurant for this evening.

Sarah and John's hosts

have recommended a charming pub just 15 minutes from the barn.

-The Dabbling Duck.

-Oh, they are dabbling.

-Yes, yes.

-There you go, they're dabbling.

-I said that's how you dabble.

-THEY LAUGH

-After you.

Reopened in 2006,

this historic pub was resurrected by eight local farmers

to prevent it being turned into housing.

We've got a couple of bits on the special boards this evening.

It's a local Cromer crab salad, with heritage potatoes and samphire.

I'll go for the crab.

-And the crab.

-And the samphire.

I'm going to have the chicken Caesar.

Are you not a crab person?

No, not fond of shellfish.

-But it's when in Rome.

-Hate to break it to you, we're in Norfolk.

THEY LAUGH

Henry and Oxana's hosts have also suggested a nearby pub,

set in a Grade II listed building.

-Looks inviting, doesn't it?

-It does. I feel really hungry.

-Come on, then.

This family-run business has a focus on regional ingredients,

direct-from-source, and their own dry-hung steaks.

And if we went for the two of the 7oz fillet steaks,

would that be a good choice?

-Good choice.

-Guess you can't go wrong here, can you?

-No, exactly.

There we are, mushroom sauce, yeah.

-Thank you very much.

-There we go.

Looks nice.

Tell you what, I'm surprised the home swappers,

-they recommended this place.

-I think it's a clue,

because it's very different from their house, it's modern,

it just goes in contrast with what their home is,

which is a magical retreat.

-Another side to their character, perhaps.

-Mm.

-Cheers.

-Cheers.

With satisfied tummies,

scoring is back on the agenda for both our swappers.

I really enjoyed the day with the tanks.

Yeah, I think I got more out of it than you did, somehow.

Yes, I did, but the restaurant, for me,

was the best thing out of the day.

We'll score it an eight.

And what about their guests in Great Dunmow?

Flying a plane was the most amazing and best ever experience I had.

And the food, I thought, was really good

and what I particularly liked was that

although we're in a fairly quiet town, the pub was really vibrant.

Oh, we'll definitely give 10 out of 10.

It's the best day out I have ever had.

Exactly. 10 out of 10.

With Great Dunmow in Essex taking the lead by three points,

it's still all to play for.

It's the final morning of the home-swap adventure

and both households are enjoying their last moments

in their temporary homes.

Right, let's get these open.

Whoa!

Let the outside in.

-Wish we'd discovered this yesterday.

-THEY LAUGH

The view, being out, the birds,

the space, it's been wonderful.

Really, really lovely.

Meanwhile, in Great Dunmow, Henry and Oxana are on a last-minute hunt

for a final room mentioned in their host's manual.

-You know what one thing we haven't done?

-No.

I realised we haven't found that mouse hole yet.

I'd imagine it might be behind the curtain.

Oh, God.

-There's nothing there.

-Oh.

Ah!

What?

-Found it.

-Is it?

It's a proper door with a door knocker and a handle.

There's a beautiful wooden bed...

-That is nice.

-..there's a rocking chair.

-Isn't that incredible?

-It is incredible.

That's a very nice touch, isn't it?

With the exchange now over,

our couples pack up and hand back their keys.

Thank you for a magical stay

-in your not-so-ordinary house.

-Mm-hm.

-Time to go home.

-Yes.

If you're seeking a holiday that's gentle on the pocket,

consider a home swap as a cheaper way to get away.

A decent B&B in this part of Essex

can cost about £150 for two nights,

whereas in Norfolk, it's about £210.

Our swappers have reached their home sweet homes.

Oh, good to be back.

After you.

Thank you very much. Ah, that means I'll have to take it in.

-Yes, you can carry the bag, that's great.

-Thank you very much!

THEY LAUGH

And they can finally find out who's been staying

and what they made of their home.

First up, Henry and Oxana.

-Shall we start?

-Come on, then.

-Oh, God.

It's all right.

-Hi, I'm John.

-And I'm Sarah.

And I celebrated my half century earlier this year.

Sarah and I are great friends and we're both writers.

Ah, very good. Interesting.

We really hope you've enjoyed your stay at Talliston

as much as we've enjoyed being here and enjoying your wonderful view.

That's fantastic.

-Wow.

-Yeah, this is nice.

-Is this all theirs?

THEY LAUGH

Look at that view. Wow.

You could sit here and look at it for hours.

It's fascinating seeing somebody else drive up your own drive

and look at your house for the first time.

Oh, my God.

Oh, God, look at all that space.

And on the door back here, you've got their children, look.

Boris,

Vera, Sergei, Oxana

-and Henry.

-Henry. Five kids.

-Five, five children.

-Five children! What a funny comment.

-Yes.

Because we do measure ourselves,

I'm a bit vain, and we like to measure ourselves to it!

-Who'd have thought we'd end up in a sauna in Norfolk.

-Indeed.

I was pleased that they actually made their way to sauna,

because I know it's not a very English thing,

but, yeah, it's cool to see, I like that.

Now, in Great Dunmow, it's John and Sarah's turn.

Hi, I'm Oxana, I'm 40 years old and this is my lovely husband.

Hi, my name is Henry, I'm 45 years old

and I've been married to Oxana for just over seven years.

I'm a humanitarian and I love exploring the North Norfolk coast

in my traditional wooden sailing boats.

We would like to thank you

for letting us stay in your fascinating home.

I hope that you won't find our house too dull in contrast.

-Aw...

-Oh, God, no!

-Their house wasn't dull at all.

-No, we had a wonderful time.

-Yeah.

The black on the windows, that would concern me a little bit.

Perhaps it's dark and sinister in there.

-OXANA GASPS

-Do you think?

-Ah, ghosts.

And that's just looking from outside.

-SARAH LAUGHS

-Crikey.

Look straight ahead.

Mama.

'I'm really nervous.'

You wonder what the people are like that live here.

-I don't know what they do, but they do something crazy.

-Yeah.

-That's true!

-THEY LAUGH

You've traumatised her.

What's that in the corner? Is that a raven?

-OXANA GASPS

-It's watching us.

-OXANA:

-How many things are there?

-I bet they left the house in an ambulance.

-Yeah!

Taken away to a psychiatry ward!

'The haunted bedroom.'

-DOOR CREAKS

-Oh, it squeaks!

It would have to be a squeaking door, wouldn't it?

It's not the only bedroom in the house, is it?

THEY LAUGH

-Oh, dear. Poor things.

-Oh, my God, that door creak.

And that is deliberate.

Oh, God, yeah. We sprayed, um,

we sprayed salt water on that for weeks to get that creak!

Having watched what their guests

having a good nose around their homes,

which house will be this week's winner?

First up, how did John and Sarah rate the village of Tatterford in Norfolk?

The gas museum,

'that was unique.'

And then, charming-looking town, but...

-Once you've seen...

-Once you've seen it, you've seen it.

So, um, overall...

-..give it a seven.

-Seven.

I think that's, that's fair enough, isn't it?

To give seven to Fakenham is good, yes.

And the score for their day out?

'I really enjoyed the day with the tanks.'

Yeah, I think I got more out of it than you did, somehow.

Yes, I did, but the restaurant, for me, was

the best thing out of the day.

We'll score it an eight.

If we knew what sort of character was coming to stay,

yes, you'd say go to Holkham Hall,

go to Houghton Hall and if he saw those,

I think he'd score it very differently, so, um, that's OK.

But it's a good first score.

And the ultimate score for the converted barn.

-We both love the house and our stay here.

-Absolutely.

We both said how much we'd like to spend more time here

in order to write.

Write, definitely. It's a great place for writing.

We will score the house an eight.

I like that comment about, um, great place to write.

It's good to be in their place

and come here to write, because it's a blank canvas.

Henry and Oxana have scored a respectable 23 out of 30.

Now, it's the moment of truth for John and Sarah.

How did their guests rate the town of Great Dunmow?

I like the area, it's traditional,

it's got some nice historical buildings,

but most importantly, it's got this heart to it on the main road,

it's got this soul because people come in,

it's got the nice tea rooms.

I really, really like it.

So, I think for those reasons, we're going to give it an eight.

-Mm.

-Mm.

-Oh, yeah.

-That's good.

-I was a bit worried after...

-JOHN LAUGHS

-..the initial comments on the house.

-Yes. Yes.

Yeah, the fact that down the road they're living in the psycho house!

And now for their day out?

Flying a plane was the most amazing and best ever experience I've had.

And the food, I thought, was really good.

Oh, we'll definitely give 10 out of 10.

It's the best day out I've ever had.

Exactly, 10 out of 10.

So, we've both had action experiences.

Yes, yes, very much so.

Absolutely brilliant. I'm so glad they liked it.

John and Sarah

have received a score of 18 for their area and day out,

but will the final score for their spooky wonderland

secure them the crown, or take them to Losersville?

We love Talliston. We think it's a fascinating house.

The one thing we would say though is that practically

-I think it would be quite hard to live in.

-Mm.

Um, it's quite dark, requires dusting on a regular basis,

because there's so many things in the house.

However, because of the intensity and the richness of the experience,

I think it justly deserves a 10.

THEY GASP

A 10.

I was expecting, like, a one,

-after all that reaction.

-Yes, after the first reaction.

With a stunning score of 28 out of 30,

they've pushed ahead of Henry and Oxana by five points.

Which means that time- and globe-travelling house

in Great Dunmow, Essex, is today's Home Away From Home winner.

No, I'm totally stunned.

Well, I think high-five.

-Hey.

-Yes!

-SARAH LAUGHS

-Job well done.

-Yes.

And would they home swap again?

We thoroughly enjoyed home swapping.

If we could do it again, any time, please, yes.

-I think both of us...

-Oh, yeah.

-..had such a great time.

-Yeah.

MUSIC: The Addams Family by Vic Mizzy

# They're creepy and they're kooky

# Mysterious and spooky

# They're all together ooky

# The Addams family

# Their house is a museum

# When people come to see 'em

# They really are a scream

# The Addams family. #