The Hissing of Summer Lawns Women's Institute

I thought I was joining something that was...

..not what I've probably joined.

The travelling was better than the arrival.

The WI is a bit middle-aged

and a bit boring, really, and they've all got stuck in this...

they're stuck in frump-land, actually.

And what it needs is people who are enthusiastic

to come into the organisation and push it forward,

and to say to some of these women, who are obviously stuck in some hideous time warp,

"Actually, move aside."

Yarmouth on the Isle of Wight is the second smallest town in Britain.

But it's home to a revolution in the Women's Institute.

OK, can you all hear me?

ALL: Yes!

-Amazingly enough.

-Of course.

Welcome, everybody, to our summer party.

Successful cookery writer and mother Amy Willcock has started a new branch of the WI,

which is fast on its way to becoming the biggest in the country.

We have a very special guest tonight.

We have Jean Worlidge.

Jean, come and take a bow.

Because Jean is our judge for the decorated picnic baskets.

-Bunny is the secretary.

-Yeah, I do all the work...

-Sshh!

Amy is the president,

who hands me pieces of paper.

-No-one wanted to be president, did they?

-No.

So I stood up and said, "My name is Amy Willcock.

"I'm...whatever...and I'm going to save the world, and I do want to be president."

And so I was elected president.

Someone had to be, and we started it, and that was it.

-And because I'm...

-Bossy!

-..a control freak!

Look at this one!

-Wow.

-Look at that one!

'I think the WI have to do more work dispelling the myth that all we do is sing Jerusalem and make jam.'

At 38, Amy is one of the youngest WI presidents in the country,

and she's wasted no time persuading all her friends to join her new group.

I never sort of thought about joining the WI, and then Amy suddenly, she was telling us about reopening it,

and would we be interested? Next thing we knew we were members.

Yes, and she said, "WI on Thursday", and I didn't know what she was talking about, so I turned up.

The next thing we are on the committee.

And we have never looked back.

-I don't know, but actually we enjoy it, don't we?

-Yes.

We don't remember life before it. Do we?

Amy keeps us busy the whole time.

Oh! Oh!

Look at it! Oh, that's fantastic!

I just think it has been so difficult, because your baskets are all amazing.

But...I have to say, I have to go for Michelle.

APPLAUSE

The winning basket.

Well done, so you get four points.

The Women's Institute may be 91 years old,

but Amy is determined to push the boundaries with her new WI,

even if it means ruffling the feathers of the more traditional members.

-Kathy...

-What?!

-Don't snap at me!

It's your president speaking.

Curtsy!

There are 40 WI groups on the Isle of Wight, the highest concentration per square mile in the country.

They are overseen by an executive committee of retired ladies, known as the Federation.

Chairman Joan Kirby is no pushover.

It's ideas and new life and inspiration we're looking for.

Not people who want to totally overturn the tables.

That's not what we need. She has got Yarmouth going, most definitely.

I imagine she really is the power behind the throne.

She is the throne, isn't she? She is the power.

But, of course, if you want to belong to the WI, there are certain parameters that you must fit within.

We still have a few rules that I think are very important.

But it's not long before the WI's arcane rules on flower arranging

and baking come under attack from Amy and her committee,

after they attend the Isle of Wight's annual spring show for the first time.

As you know, I was really keen that because we are new,

and we don't want to have them think we are fly-by-nights, I wanted us to enter.

So the easiest thing I thought we could enter was the flowers in a jam jar.

I know it sounds ridiculous, but we had to have a one-pound or 450g jam jar,

it had to be clear, and it couldn't be a honey jar, and we all said,

"How high can it be?" because the jam jars here had to be balanced,

it had to do that, the thing that won was just horrific.

-It was like a rocket.

-It was about that tall.

It had one huge leaf, and seven or nine puce carnations.

And actually, those are not the flowers that I would put in a jam jar.

Ours were all garden flowers.

Ours were all from the garden, they were all seasonal, they looked beautiful.

I left saying, "First, second, third, fourth,"

because the stuff that was there was just hideous.

-But you fell down on the rules?

-What was I told?

-Too many flowers.

There was no light or air in there. I had stuffed in every flower that was possible.

-But you'd been told to put as many flowers as possible.

-Yes!

The most disappointing element is the three jam tarts on a plate.

At which point I lost the will to live. I did this when I was six.

What about the lady that was disqualified for having three different types of jam?

She had three different types of jam.

-You didn't say you couldn't have different jams.

-She was mortified.

It was a bit sad, really.

There are all these cracking women on the Isle of Wight,

and they are brilliant, they are all fantastic.

-They're being embarrassed...

-Most people are fantastic cooks.

They're given no leeway for any originality at all in this.

One woman was in tears.

Why would anybody do it? It's supposed to be fun.

Exactly.

If it's not working, and the majority of members think the judging is crap,

get rid of the judges! And get rid of the judging system and change it.

-Start again.

-It's not as though they don't have the calibre of people to reorganise the system.

-Exactly.

-It's ludicrous.

Just because it's been in place for 1,000 years, doesn't mean it has to stay in place.

So that's why we've got to send this letter.

-In which case, I like the letter.

-Good.

I think the letter's a great idea.

"Following our first ever spring show,

"which quite a few of our members entered in various categories,

"we thought it would be a good occasion to give some feedback from a fresh point of view.

"Frankly, we were very disappointed with the judging process.

"We believe that all entrants are doing their very best

"and should be given constructive encouragement,

"regardless of the standard they have reached.

"We were dismayed by some of the judging comments,

"which seemed gratuitously caustic and humiliating."

I find that totally incredible, I really do. I do not believe that.

"If this aspect is left unchanged,

"then we fear that very soon there will be no entrants nor branches who are willing to participate.

"Our comments in this letter are given in a constructive spirit,

"hopefully for the benefit of all branches of the Isle of Wight WI.

"Yours sincerely, G Davies, pp Amy Willcock.

"President of Yarmouth WI."

The piece about the judges being caustic and humiliating... I really do take issue with that.

"WI spring show feedback.

"Dear Amy, thank you for your letter which was READ at the executive committee meeting.

"Your comments were noted."

I bet they were!

"We were concerned at the, in quotes, gratuitously caustic and humiliating, end of quotes, comments.

"As you say, that is not in the spirit of the WI.

"Criticism should be constructive, not destructive."

Those were the show comments that we were walking around and looking at.

I don't know, I think it's a bit of a nothing letter, really.

We'll see what Bunny says, see what she thinks about that.

What's the next stage? What will you do next?

Well, I think Bunny has actually put me forward for executive committee.

I think, you know, there's a "if you can't beat them, join them" sort of attitude.

I think that what we felt was as we have so many members,

we should probably be represented on the executive committee,

so, I don't know.

I think you have to be part of the executive to then be part of the show committee.

I did say that we'd be more than willing to put our money where our mouths were and help out with that.

So, you know, I think we're definitely not in it just for the short term.

We're in it to really make the whole thing fly.

It's taken over Mummy's life because it's always,

"Oh, no. The Women's Institute is on that day.

"Oh, I've got to do something for the Women's Institute."

And, "What?! I can't believe the judges did that to me."

You know, her flower arranging wasn't that good or something.

She told me...

that the person that won was just horrible.

"Floral art is a prickly area."

I think all you can do is keep banging away, really, in a positive way.

She's representing the WI, so she's not going to say anything contentious.

But I think the thing that they've got to take on board

is that fewer and fewer people are going in for it every year.

They didn't comment on that.

And the new ones are dissatisfied with what we're offering.

So, you know, what are they going to do about it?

The only way to do it is be on the executive committee or whatever and fight from inside.

The inner workings of the WI are laid bare at the annual general meeting in Cardiff.

It's Amy's first chance to size up the WI establishment.

There were probably a handful of people under 40 there,

bearing in mind there were 4,000 women there.

So I arrived at 9.30...

Beautifully dressed!

-What were you wearing?

-Crimplene!

-LAUGHTER

-Polyester!

-I was the only one not wearing Crimplene.

-No, stop it, Amy.

-Lycra?

-No, there was no Lycra.

No, I was wearing a thong and I want to know how many other people were wearing a thong. Not many!

And the interesting thing was, one lady said to me, "You will be me in 30 years' time."

I thought, "Yes..."

-She was lovely, actually.

-She's right.

-She's right.

But the WI does need younger members so that in 30 years' time, I WILL be the old one there.

I wrote this down because again I thought this was really good.

The Guardian voted the WI

one of the 10 world-changing organisations in the world.

One of the 10 in the world!

And just what we were saying, that the WI has for far too long been hiding their light under a bushel.

The WI were campaigning for school dinners and school food way before Jamie Oliver.

-But it needs the...

-It needs the stardust.

It needs the stardust and that's, I think, from my point of view,

and I think probably from all of us, they need stardust now.

PHONE IS DIALLED

-Hello, can you hear me?

-Yes, I can.

-Oh, fantastic.

I want to speak to somebody on the Isle of Wight, if that's possible?

Yarmouth or Freshwater Police Station would do.

My name is Amy Willcock, and I'm with the Yarmouth Women's Institute.

Tomorrow we have a packaging campaign day

and we wanted to know where we could stand

so that we were on public sort of highway or road to hand out a leaflet near the Co-op supermarket.

I mean, this is a national campaign that's happening.

There's a long tradition of direct action in the WI.

But it's new territory for the Yarmouth girls.

Yeah. Everywhere, apparently.

Hello.

I haven't been on a demo before.

I mean, I must admit I've been banging on about this for years,

saying if they gave us less packaging we wouldn't have to throw it away.

I mean, it's so obvious, isn't it?

-It is.

-You know.

Keep Britain Tidy is a slogan that we all know about.

And that was brought out in the '50s.

That was because of a WI campaign, to keep Britain tidy.

It's pretty big stuff. Now, look, there's not enough action this side.

It's when they put one piece of fish into a polythene bag and then they put it into another polythene bag.

It's madness.

So many things.

We haven't got many left, have we?

-I think that went really well.

-That was fun.

I think that the WI have to make sure people do take us seriously

and do understand that we have been campaigning for 91 years.

This isn't just a flash in the pan.

Amy's agenda to shake up the WI is gathering speed.

But the organisation is used to a different pace.

Just slow down a little bit, Amy.

Just a trifle!

One of Yarmouth WI's oldest members is 81-year-old Maureen Smith.

She's belonged to the WI for 52 years.

Until now a typical WI member has been somebody

who's probably retired, in this neck of the woods, anyway.

I know this doesn't apply in other parts of the country.

And who bakes the cakes and makes the jam

and I find it very hard to see some of them doing that in Yarmouth WI.

It's not a worry, but I suppose it is in a way, can they keep it up?

I mean, we're going at such an impetus, things are happening,

big things are happening and they've got such big ideas.

As if money is no object.

Amy and Bunny are embarking on a glamorous plan to raise money for their WI.

They've convinced the cream of Isle of Wight society to pay £35

for a lavish evening of entertainment.

But they are upholding at least one WI tradition.

I think this is a very typical WI activity, in fact I think this is a stereotypical WI activity.

But we thought it would be just slightly ironic. There's a bit of irony to our jam-making.

It's actually going in the goodie bags for our fundraiser

in September. So that's why we're making it.

We're not selling it, we're giving it away.

We're going to be giving out a WI magazine so that there's lots of WI awareness to the whole event.

People are arriving. They've got masses of champagne.

The speaker is David Howard and he's the head gardener to Their Royal Highnesses the Prince of Wales

and the Duchess of Cornwall, so we are very excited.

He's the head gardener at Highgrove.

We'll raise lots and lots of dosh, and that's great.

It's our only fundraiser for the year, so we've got to make our money

on this particular night so that we can then fund all our events throughout the year.

When I say events, our speakers, our travelling, our this, our that and the other.

We have to put everything into it.

Can you imagine in the war? This is what they did.

-Day after day, month after month.

-That's right.

What prompted me to think about all this was because I found

my mother-in-law's Christmas list from 1955 and, you know,

the children literally got a colouring book and some crayons.

And that was Christmas.

That sounds really pathetic, but that is how it should be.

What I'm saying is that every day is Christmas Day, isn't it? We can eat anything we want.

We can buy anything we want, even if we can't afford it because you can take a, what do they call them?

-A loan, if you need it.

-Or you can use plastic.

Or use the plastic. Everything's instant for people nowadays.

Actually, making strawberry jam in the summer is sort of,

a good thing to do.

I think that actually life has to go back to that.

Happiness isn't a thing, it's a state of mind.

Yarmouth WI is going from strength to strength.

Three months after launching, they move their monthly meetings

to the members-only Royal Solent Yacht Club.

And start looking for speakers.

This is the Speaker's list for the Isle of Wight County Federation of Women's Institute.

-And this is the Speaker's list for 2006.

-OK.

So, do people put themselves forward for this?

They do. You can contact these people, and also, if we have any good speakers, we can add to this.

-Pass them on.

-Yes, if they are prepared to do it. Absolutely.

Some of these are just ridiculous.

Rubbish! Are you honestly going to have Lynne Clarke to talk about rubbish?

-Well...

-Maybe they should call that recycling.

-Probably.

Because I would be interested in recycling and, you know, Eco...

-Compost...

-But, rubbish?

They need to rewrite this. My life as a chauffeur for Willie Whitelaw, MP.

That could be quite interesting.

-They always have had a speaker at WI meetings.

-Yes.

And that's it!

-Because one of the founding premises of the WI was information, wasn't it?

-Yes.

-It was learning, information...

-Education for women.

-Yeah.

-So, it's finding more about things.

-Yes.

-On specialist subjects.

You have to push the limits.

If you don't upset people, you're never going to get anywhere, I'm afraid.

Yarmouth's dynamic new ideas have not escaped the notice of other WI members on the island.

They certainly have a different programme from

the other WI that I have belong to.

The others seem to have similar talks and film shows.

Whereas, I think, these people are aiming for rather more lively speakers.

Their choice of speaker was bound to raise a few eyebrows.

We wrote up a list of issues, really, that we thought would be interesting to talk about. And then,

we happen to know somebody who is a QC who specialises in divorce.

I mean, I've been divorced.

They have access tonight to one of the top divorce lawyers in the country.

A lot of the husbands are saying, oh, you've got the divorce lawyer coming.

I think it is just something...

I think that's quite good, rattle their cages. We do use people that we know, don't we?

Like we're going to use my gynaecologist.

-That's right.

-Um...hopefully. She doesn't know that yet.

I had a really sexy gynaecologist when I had a hysterectomy.

Peter said to me, this is the oldest cliche in the book.

You are not allowed to fancy your gynaecologist. I've now got a woman.

-They're usually quite smooth, aren't they?

-He was so smooth.

He was then in Harpers and Queen as one of the top 10 gynaecologists in Britain.

Of course, years ago, it would have been complete heresy to have somebody talk about divorce.

I bet there isn't a woman in this group who hasn't either been divorced or is married to

someone who's been divorced or has a parent or a child or a sister a brother who has been divorced.

I should think, just about everybody here has that...

I can see people nodding, shaking their heads.

Well, I'm wrong, the Isle of Wight divorce rates are lower.

But I bet you have a friend who's divorced or married to someone who's divorced.

It's pretty common. The most common ground of divorce is unreasonable behaviour.

Unreasonable behaviour is the...which is the name of my boat, by the way.

LAUGHTER

I've done one where a Russian was worth more than the whole GDP of Luxembourg and Holland put together.

He was worth, we were counting his wealth in billions,

and he wanted to restrict the amount of money

-that his Thai wife would get if the marriage broke down.

-LAUGHTER

In fact, the negotiations over the prenuptial agreement broke down and they never got married.

I could tell you so much more but it is probably enough for one evening.

Tricia? My friend from across the road, yes.

Yes, she is coming over to gin-and-tonic corner.

We, um...

We enjoy our little G and Ts.

Oh, Gill, I should have my elegant dress on.

Well then, ladies, what lunch.

It's so brilliant this hat.

It's lovely, isn't it?

I mean, it wasn't a subject I would necessarily...

But he was very good, wasn't he? The man about divorce.

Divorce isn't in my agenda.

It's not in yours, now, is it?

No, but I think, you know, it's just the way that he...

The whole property thing...

You know, things you don't think about it unless you have to.

He put it over very well. I'm sure he helped some of the younger ones.

-Yes.

-I'm not sure that the menfolk liked it.

Perhaps they didn't. THEY LAUGH

I don't think the husbands were too keen. I heard various remarks being bandied around the club.

Yes, it was perhaps a bit unfortunate that was the very first one.

In the club.

Hang on, there were 65 women there who thoroughly enjoyed it

and said they all learnt something from it.

Because it wasn't just about divorce. It was about family law.

Divorce is now so prevalent that, you know, you have to get seriously organised.

We put on our programme, D I V O R C E.

And then, I think we put in brackets, don't worry, he's not singing. And it was funny!

Well... He didn't... He said, "I think this is ridiculous

"and inappropriate that women should be having this talk in the club."

And I just thought, well, I won't say what I thought.

-But, well, he was just a tosser.

-THEY LAUGH

Frankly.

Yarmouth WI's desire to be thoroughly modern knows no limits.

But Noreen has a foot in both camps.

She also belongs to one of the older WI groups on the island.

When I was talking with the Yarmouth girls,

I found they had never been to a traditional WI meeting.

So, I asked them if they'd like to come along to Heddon Hill.

I thought it would be quite nice if they saw another institute.

Well, I wore a skirt tonight, even though my legs are badly in need of a wax

because I rather suspect they'll all need glasses so they won't see the hairs on my legs.

Just gives you some idea of the sort of age group we might be walking into.

Noreen hopes Yarmouth WI can learn lessons from Heddon Hill.

These are my friends from Yarmouth.

-This is Iris, my president.

-Hello.

-Hello, Iris, Amy Willcock.

-Oh, Amy, we spoke this afternoon.

-And that's Cathy.

-Cathy's a very important person!

-Yes.

-Right.

-Hello, Cathy, I'm Iris.

-Hello, pleased to meet you.

Delighted to have you. Do come in.

-CHATTERING VOICES

-Raffle tickets, 50p a strip...

So, can I have four, please?

Two white and two pink.

It's a wonderful organisation.

And the shame of it is, when you do look around, they are older members.

It sounds as if they have much more money than the average WI.

Perhaps some of our members are a bit envious of the fact they are younger and able to do these things,

get better speakers and that sort of thing. But we do our best.

Now, I think we'll have the finance, please, Madam Treasurer.

I know you're all waiting on the edge of your seats to see how we did.

We actually took more proceeds than we've ever done before.

We took £628.26.

But unfortunately, our expenses were a bit high.

The deposit account, it's now got interest of £2. APPLAUSE

Right. Now, I think before we go on, you'd like to say a word, would you, Amy, about Yarmouth?

-Oh, yes, is that all right?

-Of course.

Thank you very much for making us feel very welcome.

It's our very first non-Yarmouth WI meeting. It's really interesting.

-We've never been to another WI before.

-I'm amazed.

-Well, apart from the AGM in Cardiff.

-Well, that's a little different.

-It's a little different.

We don't, sort of climb to those decisions.

I think you're doing very well.

Just to say that on Friday night, this Friday night, we're having our fundraiser.

We're having a lecture by David Howard, who's the head gardener from Highgrove.

He's the head gardener to their Royal Highnesses, the Prince of Wales and the Duchess of Cornwall.

And the tickets are £35 per person.

We have a few tickets left. The ticket price includes...

Actually, I should say Taittinger champagne reception.

There's also a goodie bag for which we've made 140 pots of jam to put in our goodie bags.

So we've been hard at work.

Thank you very much. It sounds very interesting.

I think people need to come in.

-Then they want their champagne out there.

-They will if it's nice.

After three months of planning, the big day has finally arrived.

They're expecting over 100 people to turn up for early evening drinks and a top drawer speaker.

It's lovely, it's September.

It looks fabulous. Don't trip over that.

I love organising things, so I'm in my element when I'm organising things.

So, um, good, absolutely. Absolutely.

How many were there the other night?

30?

I thought they were terribly nice and I liked Iris.

I thought she was pretty go-ahead.

But if you had walked into that WI...

..would you have stayed? Yeah, I did ask to open the door

but they said no because some of the older members don't like the draught.

What is this one?

Amy had planned to promote the WI to her guests by giving them copies of the latest WI magazine.

This is August. What date is that?

We have a selection.

How bizarre!

Oh, hello, Joanna Gray, please.

The stuff about the fucking magazines...

You should have 10 for each month, probably.

-I don't want May's.

-The reason I'm ringing,

I've got a selection of magazines rather than all September issue.

Is that right?

Well, I have to say I think it's a bit odd that we're giving them backdated magazines.

These women that were at Heddon Hill, a lot of them had been members since it started 45 years ago.

Therefore they were in their 20s and 30s when they started with it.

No, it doesn't have a bad image.

You're right, it doesn't have a bad image.

But the image the WI keeps on saying it doesn't want to portray is exactly...

That's a better image.

No, I think the need is there.

Especially in the cities.

Look how lonely some of these people say they are, these young girls.

..31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40...

'We've made our speaker aware that there will be a lot of traffic.'

So I was just on the phone to him saying,

"Look, just so you know, there's a lot of traffic.

"6.30 for 7 is the invitation for the event and we hope you're here."

..96, 97, 98, 99, 100.

We very much enjoyed going to Heddon Hill.

-That's great.

-Thank you for asking us.

They really enjoyed having you. They've been so anxious.

And I was really relieved that we get everything in at our meetings that we're supposed to get in.

-Yes, you did. Oh, yes.

-I said to Bunny, that's what I was... I was thinking...

No, we don't get a treasurer's report.

We don't, but then we don't have to do one.

We don't have to do a treasurer's report.

-I've never been in an institute where there hasn't been one every month.

-You're in one now!

That's brilliant.

No! You mean you're not going to?

Well, we will...

I think members are interested.

-<

-What do you mean by a treasurer's report?

What money's come in and what money's gone out.

"We've had X number of new members since the last meeting.

"Three full ones and one dual member, totalling X, Y, Z.

"We have had expenses for Amy and Bunny and Cathy to go to so-and-so..."

Paris, shopping!

Yes, yes.

We ordered three new Hermes handbags!

-Yes, yes.

-To be raffled.

No comment!

Otherwise I'll just have to eat it.

-OK, Edwina.

-Yes?

-You know what you're doing?

You are standing...

-That way.

-..on the terrace and directing people through to the lawn.

-OK. You know you're doing that.

-Yes.

You know you're doing that, you're OK doing that.

-I'm not allowed to talk to anybody as they come through the door.

-You can say the odd hello.

But I mustn't have them there for half an hour.

-Celia?

-I'm in the kitchen.

No, you're not in the kitchen.

But you are going to have the kitchen, you are KP.

-What's that?

-Kitchen porter.

-Oh, kitchen porter!

-Very glamorous.

I've been promoted!

Now, your job is to be a good guest.

-Being what?

-A good guest.

-Saying how wonderful we are.

-Saying, "Isn't this wonderful?"

"Can I get you a drink? Can I get you a canape?"

-Absolutely. You're another hostess. Is that all right?

-Fine.

I think you wore that jacket knowing you were going to wear a sash because it goes so beautifully.

Yes, of course I did. You're right.

You see, yours has gone round.

They are unattractive, aren't they? Don't you think? They're attractive?

-DOORBELL RINGS

-Oh, God!

In position!

-I'm putting you in charge of the water for our speaker.

-I can't do two things!

-When you've finished.

Yes, I can't, you know...

-Jug of water.

-Nice to see you.

Go through the gap, please. Thank you very much.

Hello. Nice to see you.

Come in.

How are you?

-Was it true that he's missed the ferry?

-Yes.

He has missed the ferry. I was just confirming it.

Hi, David, it's Amy Willcock.

..David, I think the best thing for you to do

would be to get the passenger ferry and get a taxi over here.

-The Red Jet.

-The Red Jet.

Oh, OK. Do you think you'll be on that 6 o'clock ferry?

Excellent. That's fine, then.

You will be here as soon as you can.

Excellent.

-They're on the 6 o'clock.

-Right.

They're just loading the 6 o'clock! He's going to be late.

-Actually, there are some shrimps.

-What are those?

-Prawns. Here we are.

Let's shove those on something.

They were meant to go on top.

Have we got any yoghurt?

-What about cream cheese? There must be something.

-There's nothing.

Ham?

I think we need to go to Harvey's.

Hi, David.

-Oh, you're joking.

-Are they not off the boat?

OK, I now feel officially sick.

It's the tides. ..It's just docking!

Oh, no!

-OK.

-Does he need a police escort?

-OK.

-I think

-I

-might!

He's just docking.

So he's not even physically off the boat yet.

I'm going to say... Where's Bunny?

I can't move without Bunny.

I think she's gone to lie down!

I'm going to do this, I'm going to say, "He's just docking.

"Let's be honest, guys, it's a good hour away.

-"If you can't stay, we're happy to refund your money."

-You'll have to say that.

HANDBELL RINGS Here I am, back with my bell!

-Back with my bell.

-Oh!

That's what I said, Bee. Oh, God.

Well, we could have a couple of hymns. Jerusalem, anyone?

I've just spoken to David Howard and his exact words were -

my heart just went went woomph -

"We're just docking now."

Oh, dear!

I said, "Great, fantastic.

"There's people lynching me!"

If anybody feels they've got to go and they can't stay,

would you please come and see either Bunny or I?

LOUD CHATTER

Well, some of them have made dinner reservations and some of them live the other side of the island,

so it's 45 minutes away and, you know, it's now five to eight, so they won't be back until nine.

We should have been over and done with by half past eight.

-Yes.

-He's not even here yet, so that means we haven't even started.

He was supposed to start to talk at 7, 7:15 at the latest.

-Some people are really angry about this.

-They're talking about refunds.

Yeah, I know.

-Are you going to refund them?

-We'll have to. We'll have to.

I'm going to make it up as I go along.

ON PA SYSTEM: Hello? Excellent. We're live.

We're live from Yarmouth!

We're in the Cove Garden and we're absolutely live!

-It's not very...

-I know. Well, thank you for being here.

I've said that.

Massive thanks. I've done that.

Now, I'm just getting through...

I'm just hearing from my producer that...

..that we may have, we may have somebody...

Am I hearing this correctly?

Is he actually here?

Elvis is in the building!

LAUGHTER

Without further ado, I don't think this man needs any introduction -

David Howard.

-APPLAUSE

-Whoo! Whoo!

Now...how did it go?

I thought it went really well.

LAUGHTER

I thought it was a great success.

-It was. It was super.

-It was fantastic.

So, how much money did we make?

In fact, we've made about £1,800.

-Fantastic! That's brilliant.

-Yeah.

The main thing is we've made a profit.

-Yeah, we have. It's brilliant.

-Which means we can have some spectacular speakers next year.

We need to keep that money for our speakers.

I've got to ring Richard.

-Who's Richard?

-The eye surgeon.

That's very tactful.

-What's Richard going to talk about?

-Eye lifts.

-Eye lifts?

-He does everything.

He's international. Very, very, very sort of eminent eye surgeon...

-OK.

-..who also happens to do...

-As a sideline...

-Nose, chin...?

No, he just does eyes.

-Can't we have one which does everything?

-I like your nose.

You don't have to wear it!

-I like your nose, too.

-Thank you, that's really kind. But I hate it.

After just eight months, Yarmouth WI is twice the size

of any WI on the island and Amy wants official recognition for the success of her recruitment drive.

Are we in the top five?

So, but we are officially 133.

So I just want to know where we stand in the national, um, stakes.

I can't believe... I'm sure we're not the biggest,

but I'd like to think we're in the top five.

And then they should capitalise on that.

And if we can do it in a little tiny hickville town like Yarmouth,

think of what everybody else can do.

Scenting victory, the irrepressible Amy now sets her sights

on a place on the federation's executive committee.

-We'll owe you...

-OK.

We're very pleased to have your application for the executive committee.

Well, we thought I'd better put my money where my mouth is.

Well, we look forward to having you.

-You may regret that.

-Yes...

No, we won't. It's what we need.

We need some new life.

I just hope you're going to have the time to give us all the commitment that we need.

-I hope so.

-Cos it's a surprise to anybody who's been in the WI for a bit exactly what's involved.

Mind you, it can't take up more time than this WI!

I mean, I'm very happy to do it, but time is limited cos obviously I work as well.

Right. If you do join in with us, we need your help at the Spring Show

and everything that we do, we participate.

Well, absolutely, you know. And if I can't go at some times, perhaps Bunny can step in?

-Um...

-Is that a possibility?

We're bending the rules again, but why not?

If it's possible to short of job-share it, in the sense that if I can't and she can...

It's a thought, yes.

I think it could work very well.

I would imagine you're a very busy lady

and I must admit I think you're very brave to put your name forward.

What I'm saying - if you can't do it, let's be honest about it,

because a floating person is no good.

I was assuming that, actually, you thought, "Oh, no, we can't be bothered - she's too rowdy for us."

Far from it!

And how did those questionnaires go for the Spring Show?

You'll hear about it this morning, but very interesting, yes.

-Good. And was it a big help?

-Sorry?

-Was it a big help to have those?

-It has been.

It's been an eye-opener. I've had a lot of criticism about judging.

-You haven't, have you?!

-Yes.

What a surprise(!)

With the marquee still in the garden, Amy seizes an opportunity

to make some more money

with a surprisingly traditional plant sale and coffee morning.

No, I think they can have their coffee and then they can pay at the end. That's all right.

But if people don't want anything, they'll walk over there with their coffee.

No, no.

No, they won't leave.

They won't leave, but they'll go over there and look and perhaps not come up here and pay.

-They will. They'll get them.

-Right.

I've done it all my life.

Queen of the fundraising. They didn't tell me to stand out here.

I've moved myself out here to try and attract people's attention!

We're not going to get many people.

No.

If you don't get them in, you don't get their money, do you?

-This is an annual event?

-No, we're a newly-formed group.

We formed at the beginning of the year. This is our first fundraising thing. Have a 50p cup of coffee.

-We probably will have to do that because we can't resist your request.

-You're charming!

-I talked you into it.

-You did!

Go through the door, turn left and then on the right.

Coffee's served in the marquee.

Technique all right?

But as Amy struggles to find customers, on the far side of the island, things are very different.

At the Isle of Wight's annual pop festival,

the WI Federation's unexpectedly upstaged Yarmouth with a cake stall.

Everybody for just coffee?

Well, last night we closed up the tent, unfortunately early because we sold out of cakes.

We went home, collected provisions for today, and then baked and baked.

We got to bed in the wee small hours. It's the new rock'n'roll!

Two here, if you just want coffee.

Not enough people.

A bit sparse inside, aren't they?

They've all gone in free,

and paying 50p for their coffee. Lots have walked out without having any coffee.

But they'll learn. It's their first one.

We must have sold well over 1,000 pieces of cake today.

We're just very popular.

All our WI members - I think, probably bar none -

in their time, have done their bit.

And when you're new, you have to be careful that you're not saying, "What you did was rubbish,"

because it wasn't. You must respect those who've gone before because the WI would not exist without them.

That's nice. There. OK.

Here we go. That's great.

OK, same again. Little bit that way.

You look divine.

News of Yarmouth's achievements has reached WI Head Office in London,

and Amy has been invited to appear on the front cover of the new WI magazine.

I want to have a genuine WI member on the cover of each issue

and I want to project an image of the WI that's similar to Amy.

And if you...sort of put your boobs out. Right.

THEY LAUGH

Great gynaecologist coming as one of our speakers to talk about vaginal weights.

-Vaginal weights?!

-Yeah!

Believe me,

some of us need them!

But, you know...

You do. And it strengthens your pelvic floor.

She's also a sex therapist as well.

-So we thought that would zhuzh our members up.

-It will.

In fact, in our third issue we've got a piece about vaginal health.

-Have you?

-Yes.

Sometimes you need to shake up the whole situation and make people stop,

listen, look around and say, "Maybe we do need a few changes, actually."

Let the new people come and share their expressions and tell it like it is.

Back in the real world, Amy needs to attend a Federation Christmas fair.

Yarmouth WI have the honour of manning the jam-jar tombola.

Roll up, roll up, to the jam-jar tombola!

Frankly, I'd like a few lights, a few flashing lights.

I'm not the president of this, Joan's the president of this.

I'm just president of the world!

It's a month since Amy suggested she and Bunny could job-share on the Executive Committee.

But it turns out the WI constitution won't allow it,

though Joan has her own reasons for vetoing it.

I don't think that's going to work.

I think it diminishes the role of an Executive member

because really you are there to give your time and your efforts to the Federation

and if you really can't do that,

you really need to think your position through again, really.

So, no, it's not really a job-share, we don't feel.

-Anyway, I wanted to say thank you very much for applying for the Executive Committee.

-Did I get in?

You will have a letter.

-You'll have a letter. You were interested in exactly what it involves, weren't you?

-Yes.

-Do you remember?

-Yes, and I did say, I don't think Bunny heard, but I did say if there was the odd meeting,

-to keep the continuity of a Yarmouth person, Bunny would probably pop in.

-Right, OK.

I've run that past the secretary,

-and we're not 100% happy with that.

-OK.

-We would accept both of you,

you know, as equal members.

-OK.

-Because we have the space.

-OK.

But not to exactly job-share.

-Right, OK.

-Whether that needs some rethinking or not on your part, I don't know.

-I think that's the fairest I can be.

-How many spaces do you have left?

We'll be eight and we usually have 12.

So you need a few more.

-Well, I might see what I can do then.

-Yes.

Massive success, as usual. As usual.

-Excuse me. We're off.

-Oh, right.

We did £54.

Well done, that's brilliant!

I don't know if that's good, bad or ugly.

-That's very good indeed.

-It's not too bad, is it?

That's brilliant. Thanks ever so much. Give me a kiss.

-Good to see you.

-Cheerio.

Happy Christmas, if we don't see you.

Absolutely, and you. All the best.

-On Monday, you know, we might not be a WI.

-Why's that?

Because we were so hacked off with that stupid fair,

we don't want to be associated with the WI, if THAT'S going to happen.

-What happened?

-Well, it was crap.

Yeah, it was crap. It was so tiny.

I thought I was going to walk into a huge fair.

It was stupid. It was crap, there weren't Christmas decorations.

There wasn't any Christmas music.

There weren't any mince pies. It was shit.

And I tell you what, we've had members that came up to us that came to that.

You know, "Everybody has to come to the Christmas fair."

They said, "We don't want to be associated with this."

Meanwhile, in the midst of all this dullness and dirge that was the Christmas fair -

I don't think so - Joan Kirby came over and said...

Cos you know they'd asked me to go on the committee?

And I said I would, so they said that's fine.

But I had said, "Look, I can do it, but there might be times when, say, Bunny will go in

"and we'll sort of job-share the committee position, the role."

She said, "We've had a chat about that, and we don't feel that will be acceptable."

I then said, "OK, well, have you filled all the spaces?"

And she then said, "No, we actually have four openings."

We have to have a revolution.

We have to have somebody from Yarmouth, we have to.

-But we need to have more than one person from Yarmouth.

-We need numbers.

It doesn't matter if actually they said, "You know what, you're so... YOU run it." Because we could.

And we could run it a damn sight easier and better.

And we could do the house.

It would be fantastic.

We could. We're the only ones...

that will actually do something. Let's make no mistake about it.

The email came through last night from the National Federation of Women's Institutes,

King's Road in London, saying,

"Congratulations, you must be very proud, you are the largest WI in the country."

-Yes, it's amazing.

-Hello, Yarmouth is the second smallest town in England.

Yes.

So if they don't listen to us, frankly, they do need their heads examined

because if we can do this here,

then, you know, we obviously have something very, very much to give.

The other thing is, if our Federation led, if we were the best Federation in the country

-and we shifted everything...

-Amy! She's power-crazed!

-Of course.

You know, we could get rid of this paperwork.

Yarmouth WI is less than a year old.

But with the prospect of four Yarmouth places on the Federation Executive Committee,

there's much to celebrate.

Now there's just the small matter of getting Amy re-elected as president of her own branch.

Hello and welcome to this,

our first Annual General Meeting of the Yarmouth WI.

This is very, very exciting.

Amy is our president.

She has agreed to have her name put forward this time.

All the committee endorse that and support her,

but all of you have to vote in the president, the membership.

So everybody has to vote.

Amy has talked about the Federation events, the spring show and the Christmas fair.

And as she said, we've made our feelings known about these - not in a negative way,

but in a way that maybe, hopefully, we can push them in the future to greater heights.

And everybody just needs a bit of new blood.

-Now we will go forward.

-Yeah.

We'll do the Executive, we'll give it a time limit.

We're very positive about our WI.

-It confirms that women still want the company of women.

-Oh, yes.

And still want to gather together en masse, and have a good laugh.

Yes, absolutely. We counted all the votes,

and overwhelmingly it's 48 votes for Amy.

Unanimous!

As you know, we are already the largest WI in the country.

THEY CHEER

Yes!

Because what we're looking for is someone who's got a nice, fresh smile

without being too overpowering.

She's a bit snarling and fierce there.

That's a bit shy looking.

Which she clearly isn't.

-Any of these?

-Not that one.

That's too "Cheshire Cat"!

-Too toothy.

-Yes.

A choice between those two, I think.

-Definitely that one.

-OK.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd 2007

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