03/05/2016 The One Show

Hello and welcome to The One Show with Alex Jones and Matt Baker.

Tonight's guest is an actress and author, probably best

known for playing TV's most vengeful ex-wife.

To make sure we started off on the right foot,

Alex popped down to the green room to see her before the show.

Joan, I am so excited to have you on the show and I have dressed for the

occasion. What do you want? I just popped down to make sure you got

everything you need, like cheese on toast. The caviar I'd trust is not

perfect? They told me you just wanted some crisps. I suggest you

tread very carefully. It is Dame Joan Collins.

What a surprise, you were Diane Carroll. To play opposite Alexis it

is such a treat. That was real caviar, but you were not having it.

We cannot afford it. We use real crisps. We

We cannot afford it. We use real character of Alexis on Donald Trump,

is that true? Partially, I wanted to have a businessman's approach to how

women would be have a businessman's approach to how

toughest businessman at that time was Donald Trump.

toughest businessman at that time early 80s. And that and the most

glamorous woman I know. But Donald did try to get into Dynasty. That

glamorous woman I know. But Donald true? He went to one of the casting

directors, one of the top man and he said I want to be in Dynasty,

directors, one of the top man and he was after three years. He said, I am

not an actor. He said, but I am Dynasty. I cannot remember his name,

Gary, he said, I am sorry, Donald, but we are cast. Six month later,

whenever, he but we are cast. Six month later,

If Gary had not filled the entire cast, we think this is the outcome

of what could have been. What is that? It is a bit creepy. He is

dressed as a me! That is horrible. That is disturbing.

dressed as a me! That is horrible. wanted to play the man, darling.

Here is a subject guaranteed to wipe the smile of even a Leicester City

fan today. The cost of insuring our cars has

accelerated in recent years with one group of motorists hit very hard.

The most senior drivers have seen their policies go up by an average

16% in the past year, in spite of the fact that we are some of the

safest motorists on the road. Research shows we do not suddenly

become more likely to have an accident when we pass 60. Compare to

other golden oldies, drivers in their 20s have more than twice as

many accidents. Why their 20s have more than twice as

companies charging so much for our car cover? Using the same address

and model of car, we searched online to see how much quotes can vary with

age. A 20-year-old with hardly any experience is looking at ?950. A

middle aged motorists came in at ?349. But a veteran driver who has

never made the claim could pay double that, and eye watering ?735.

The car insurance industry argues that elderly drivers cost more to

insure because they will cost more to fix if they have an accident.

Time for a little experiment. I have come to the Institute of Advanced

Motorists were our three volunteers are about to put their driving

abilities to the test. We are going to be tested against the advanced

driving test standard. It is a short assessment. It looks at the various

areas, but the most important thing is keeping it safe and legal at all

times. Let's get the show on the road. Here we go. Works, start

again. Sean is keeping his expert eye on everyone's driving. The

further back you stop from the vehicle, the wider the view around

it. That indicator did you need it or did you think you needed it? Then

it is back to base for the results. It is over, thank goodness. How did

we do? If you are asking me who is the safer driver, age counts for a

lot and our winner today would probably be Colin because his years

of experience behind the wheel was born today in our drive. Well done,

Colin. In what way was he fantastic and better than the rest of us?

Hazard planning, sometimes holding back before diving into getting on

with it. It is a lifetime of experience that counts. Our

83-year-old driver was judged safer on the road and the rest of us. I

wonder what the insurance industry has to say about that. I am eating a

director of the Association of British Insurers. A lot of older

drivers feel they are penalised purely on the basis of age. Why is

that? Age is one factor, but it is not the only one. The size of the

car, the engine, and where you live. Some people might look at the

insurance industry and save a few older people as cash cows. I do not

think it is something about the insurance industry penalising older

people. It is about giving you if you are older a policy that reflects

the risk that you post. If you are older and you are concerned your

premiums are going up, you should definitely shop around. So, I am

afraid it does not look as if the cost of car insurance for us oldies

is going to come down any time soon. Push is to fire and you might price

as off the road. Joan, we understand you are in the

middle of your own roadside drama at the moment. We have got some

pictures. Tell us what is happening. This is outside my flat in London

and it is a whole. We have been going on for about three months to

get filled. The council said they did make it, but now we have a

paddle. And you have taken action into your own hands. I have tweeted

a few pictures with my feet. If a taxi stops there, I cannot get out.

That is why I started wearing those sheepskin boots. You have taken

pictures of your feet. I am not going to go to the Wolseley

restaurant in that will stop your book, St Tropez Lonely Hearts Club,

it is out in paperback now. This is a brilliant read too hot things up

at the swimming pool in the summer. It is quite saucy. Certain parts

are. It is a romantic, murder mystery set in St Tropez, set in the

four months of the season and there are amazing characters in their

loosely based on some real people that I know. Yes, go on. There are

several murders and several romances and it is a great book to have by

the swimming pool or by the sea and it is coming out on Thursday. The

main character is stunningly beautiful and filthy rich. , is it

fair to say there is a bit of you in there? I wish! No, not at all.

Carlotta is one of the main characters. The other main character

who I really love is he is really bad, he is really naughty, but

lovable. He is called Fabrizio Zanotti and he is the local stars

and gets paid for doing things with certain people, ladies and gentlemen

sometimes. But he wants to be a singer and he wants to go on X

Factor in Kazakhstan. I don't know whether there is one in Kazakhstan,

but he is auditioning for it. He is having an affair with this mad

Russian woman who is divorced from a very rich oligarchs and he has to

moonlight to go and audition all the time because they do lots of

auditions. He is one of the characters. It is based on some of

the amazing parties and events that happen in St Tropez. They have the

most amazing parties. You live there part of the year? In the summer, I

spent quite a bit of time there. I love it, it is the most fabulous

place. One of the reasons there are these murders is because somebody is

trying to destroy St Tropez, destroy people going there. I do not want to

give too much away. When you are writing, could you set the scene? I

would like to imagine the scene, what are you wearing? Have you got a

cocktail, do you type all right longhand? I write longhand on yellow

pads or big exercise books. When I am really feeling it I will get up

in the morning and have a cup of coffee and start writing in bed in

my pyjamas or nightgown or sweater or shorts. In the South of France I

will write by the pool. I want your life! I have a desk, but I do not

like writing on a desk. I like to write on the sofa will stop I will

have a copy, I drink tonnes of coffee. I will usually have

something on television like MTV music. You have written 16 books.

Yes. You dedicate the book to your late sister, Jackie. Did you ever

swap notes and read each other's work? Did you correspond in that

way? It is interesting that you say that because Jackie and I used to

collaborate on books when we were very young, when we were teenagers.

She was a very young teenager and I was its teenager. Her nieces have

just found these books that are all about teenagers, written in her

handwriting and illustrated by me because I wanted to be a fashion

designer. Jackie would describe all of the characters and what they were

wearing and I would draw them. Then we would cut them out and stick them

in. It is fascinating. The girls found it about a month or so ago. It

would be great to publish that because it was a true collaboration.

Says something like the teenagers in France, England and America. She had

never been to France and America, but she wrote about them. She wrote

beautifully. Four at 12, 13 or 14-year-old she wrote beautifully. I

would love to see your drawings. Your book is out on Thursday. We

love a reunion and tonight we have got a real treat. Back together

after 45 years, three friends who met thanks to a truly magical film.

This met thanks to a truly magical film.

stellar cast, and met thanks to a truly magical film.

storyline. But has it been sidelined in Disney history?

storyline. But has it been sidelined one of the three

storyline. But has it been sidelined taken in by the witch, played by the

storyline. But has it been sidelined brilliant Angela Lansbury. They are

joined by David Tomlinson. brilliant Angela Lansbury. They are

to amuse and to even unlikely heroes search for the

missing components for a magic spell to

missing components for a magic spell Britain, aided by a magical bed.

missing components for a magic spell Walt Disney Studios in California,

the film remains quintessentially British, using the set to recreate

iconic London locations like Portobello Road. Portobello Road,

Portobello Road # Portobello Road, see where the riches of ages are

stowed. Comparisons to marry Poppins are more than just coincidental. The

films were set in the same location. are more than just coincidental. The

Julie Andrews was even considered for the main part. Because it

Julie Andrews was even considered well remembered. My co-stars are the

ones to refresh this in the mind of the public. Today we are being

reunited. And where else? In a bed shop. I am excited. My little Ron!

Finally, we have a chance to reminisce about how it all began. My

overriding memory is how well we got on. I do not remember any of us,

however young, being naughty. It was a professional engagement and Angela

set the tone and we upped our game because of her. She was very much an

inspiration. Like a mother. I had never sung before, I could not sing.

I was terrible then and I am terrible now.

Trying to get me just to do that was really difficult. I will always

remember the scene we did when we had no idea about the animation.

There's a fish over there, talk to the fish. Fish don't talk. Not too

bright, is he? He's me brother. Remember the one where we done that

scene and they put the bed nobody and it was brass and -- knob tanned

was brass and it changed to pink. We were finding out - how did that do

that? They wouldn't tell us. Disney magic. It was magic. Comparisons to

poppins aside, it was a success. Where better to bring you a special

one show screening, than where we had the premiere. Before the

screening, a message from New York comes as a complete surprise Hello

everyone, I'm so sorry I was unable to join you today to celebrate the

great film we made together. This film is enjoyed by children Britain

and the USA, in fact all over the world. I'm thrilled to have this

opportunity to celebrate this with you all today. You look great!

# Beautiful Bryony sea # -- briney. I'm thrilled to be

watching it together. We haven't watched it together for 45 years.

They're only animals. That's no excuse for dirty football. It's just

like we were there, back as kids again. We ain't going to have no fun

no more. Well, still got this, ain't I? It's been an extraordinary

reunion for the three of us. Lovely to see the film together. # it's

nice to think that the film, which had a huge impact on our childhood,

still has a place in the heart of the public. I loved that film. Heart

warming. Cup of tea on a Sunday and that, perfect.

Let's talk about child stars now. Your stage debut was in an Ibson

play a Doll's House. Did you know then that this world was for you?

Oh, no. I thought it wasn't for me. I was at a stage school because I

wanted to be an actress. I was picked to play a boy, because the

director wanted girls to play boys because boys were too ram burning

Saddam Hussein and you know what -- rambunctious, but after two weeks,

we got so board sitting back stage and -- border sitting back -- bored

sitting back stage, we were playing snakes and ladders and we missed our

cue. The director dragged us by the scruff of our neck. He took us to

the wings and threw us on. We tried to get through our lines. At the

end, he said, "Neither of you will ever become actresses. You have no

talent and you will never do it." And of course... How wrong was he. I

decided not to. I went back to ordinary school. We've got the child

stars from some of the most iconic films in British cinema.

We were wondering if you could recognise them. We start with loach

loach loach's -- Ken Loach's moving drama cause Kes. A film where Billy

Casper befriends a kestrel. Come on, Kes.

APPLAUSE Billy was played by an actor called

Dai Bradley. Can you spot Dai in the audience? Have a look. Is it this

gentleman? The cameraman is in the way.

I think it's the middle one. Will the real Dai Bradley please step

forward. Yes, it is. Come and have a seat next to Joan. You haven't

changed a bit. Hi, are you still an actor? Yes, I am. Good, good. Tough

job isn't it? It is when you get to my age. Hello. Listen, Dai, young

lad from Barnsley. Yes. This film was massive. It was huge. And in

1966, coming from a coal mining community and a working-class town,

those kind of opportunities didn't arrive. They didn't happen for you.

The closest I came to going to being a movie was Saturday morning

matinees at the age of 11 and watching the BFI films and things.

You weren't prepared then? No, not at all. I did a few school pantos,

we weren't a school that was renowned for doing drama. But we

were very lucky. The author of the film, who wrote the book, he taught

at the school that we see in the film and it was the school I

attended too and also was an 11-plus failure school. So all the kids that

you see in the film were 11-plus failures. Really? We're going to

move on now. Next up, from 1968, it's the hit musical Oliver.

It was nominated for 11 Oscars and won six of them

Please, Sir, I want some... More? MORE!

That was played by a boy called Mark Lester, but where is he hiding? Is

this Oliver? Or is this Oliver? Or... Is Dave Oliver? I think it's

the first one. Will the real Mark Lester, who played Oliver step

forward. APPLAUSE Come and have a seat. Hi

Mark. I think we've met before. Maybe once. Lovely to see you. I

loved that film. Brilliant. So good. We saw Harry Seacombe there as Mr

Bumble. The props department played a trick on him. Ti, was Harry's

birthday on that day. We were doing the "more" scene. Harry has to get

Oliver and drag him round the room by his ear. The prop department made

up a false ear that they put over the top of my ear. Harry was

terrified of touching me, I was some delicate thing, I don't know why. He

grabs my ear and make sure you firmly grab it. And marches me

around the room. He grabs the ear and the plastic thing comes off in

his hand and there was shock. Then "cut" everyone sang happy birthday.

Very quickly then. Finally 1963 is Day of theTriffids in which a meteor

shower blinds nearly everyone on earth and walking plants begin to

take over. Janina Faye played Susan who is

rescued by Bill Masen. What does he look like now? I didn't really see

what she looked like before. That one. Will the real Janina step

forward. APPLAUSE I never got a chance to

look at the picture. Nice to see you. Nice to meet you. Incredibly,

you've been in one of Joan's films. I have. I was very fortunate to be

in a film with you called the Sea Wife. Prior to my being cast in

various other roles, we were all sent out on little extra jobs. I was

an extra. I didn't really have a feature part with you, but nice to

work with you. Were you on the boat? I think I was on the boat. I was the

nun rescuing you from the boat... I believe so. Such a long time ago. We

said you love a reunion and there it is. This is perfect. Maybe you can

swap photos. Dai, Mark, Janina thank you.

Later this summer, the Pakistan cricket team will return

for their first Test series in the UK since the match

If you are going to make a film about cricket, you need

an all-rounder who knows his gully from his googlies.

Adil Ray would have been the perfect man for the job,

This film contains flash photography.

Hello. This is Mr Khan, let me tell you, it's all kicking off. I'm not

just talking about my Citizen Khan tour, no Pakistan are coming this

summer to beat the demrish at their own game -- the English at their own

game - cricket. I've come to my local club, just down the road from

Sparkhill to see if the players and fans are looking forted to it. --

forward to it. If they're lucky they might get to see my googlies. Ah,

shot! I taught him that. Have you heard, the Pakistan team are looking

for a new coach. Yeah, I think they should get one of those 52 seaters

with a TV in front. Very nice. Yeah. I could be the Pakistani coach.

After we Pakistanis became independent in 1947, we showed the

world how good we were at cricket. Look, I need you to be more serious.

Your posture's not right. Your attitude, it's all wrong. On July

28, 1952, it was here in England that Pakistan was first given Test

Match status. Come here. Wasim Khan everybody. All Khans are related.

Imran, Wasim... Chakakhan. Are you looking forward to Pakistan coming

here? Yeah, first time in six years. How important is the

Pakistan-England tour then? Massively important for them,

because financially as well Massively important for them,

cricket credibility. Pakistani always thinking of money, very good.

A very big rivalry between Pakistan and England. Always. Why? Because

A very big rivalry between Pakistan the big population of Pakistanis in

this country. Who's going to win? We are. Who's we? Pakistan! Are they

this country. Who's going to win? We going to win, England are a good

side at the moment. The England Pakistani series has never been

short of a bit of controversy, whether it's ball tampering

accusations, forfeiting a Test Match or a bit of spot-fixing. With

Pakistan you can't have a tour without controversy. It's all part

and parcel of life, like a Pakistani marriage. Where are they? All right

boys, OK, ready for a good game today? Remember the rules. Hit the

ball to the boundary four runs. Hit the ball to the boundary no

bouncing, six runs. No ball, you get a Rolex watch. Good. What is the

real thing we'll be looking forward to, who are the players we should be

watching out for? The fact that Amir is back now. He will be a big one.

He's been accepted back into international cricket. Now he has

his four bedroom house. Five bedrooms. The England-Pakistan

series is all set to be very exciting this summer and for the

Pakistan cricket team it will feel extra special, as they can't play

their matches at home any more. So England will feel like home.

Birmingham especially, because Birmingham is just like Pakistan,

but with one tiny difference - we've got more Pakistanis.

APPLAUSE Any complaints, please send them

directly to Citizen Khan care If you want to see more

of Adil's comic creation, he is on tour with the show

Citizen Khan, They All Know Me Birmingham and Manchester

later in the week. We presume that you like cricket

because we found this photo. We think this is Bing Crosby. Yes and

Bob Hope. They were playing cricket and I went along and said, can I

have the bat, I can hit somebody over the head as they try to break

into my dressing room. That's all we have time for.

Thanks so much to Dame Joan danger Collins, the St Tropez Lonely

We will be back tomorrow with Louis Theroux, Lianne La Havas

and The Saint himself, Ian Ogilvy.